Original subtitles

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES)

- Good morning. - Good morning, Sergeant.

Can I put these under the tree for the party?

Maybe, better. We keep them in the radio room.

- I'll put 'em out later on. - KATHY: Okay.

The children are so excited. (CHUCKLES)

- Look what we got for 'em. - (GASPS)

A replacement rabbit. (CHUCKLES)

It looks exactly like the one they reported stolen. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah, we gave the pet shop guys the description.

- Oh, well, this is wonderful, Sergeant. - (PHONE RINGING)

We got some other presents for 'em too.

We're gonna have Saint Nick here, and everything.

Well, he's got some very kind elves working for him.

- Yeah, and there goes Santa now. - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- (GROANS) - OFFICER: Detective Miguel.

Anything with a little tear, or a stain that...

Anything you couldn't sell, or got returned.

Oh, that... that's great. Great. Thanks a lot, Mr. Peters.

I... I'll send a car over.

I just got two dozen Deadly Space Assassins dolls,

- for four-year-olds. - FEMALE VOICE 1: Great.

- (PHONE RINGING) - GREG: Yeah, Detective Medavoy.

Le... let me call you back.

FEMALE VOICE 2: Hi, Detective.

Hey, uh, Andy, did you pickup

- the Santa suit yet? - (ANDY SIGHS)

- Not yet, Medavoy. - Oh.

Uh, 'cause... 'cause I took it to the dry cleaners.

Uh, I... I told 'em you'd pick it up today.

- Well, I didn't yet. - GREG: The party's this afternoon, Andy.

Hey... Hey, Medavoy.

How come I gotta be Santa Claus?

Well, uh, Stillwell psychoed out,

and... and Walker's got jaundice, uh.

(SIGHS)

Uh, no offense, but you're the fattest guy in the squad.

- Hi. - Andy.

- Hey... - (DOOR CLOSING)

...what's Haverill doing here?

Uh, I guess he's waitin' for the Lieutenant.

Now, you see, that much I figured on my own, Medavoy,

on account of he's standin' in Fancy's office.

I was more wonderin', do we know what he wants?

All's I know is he's gonna be a regular.

Haverill's gonna need a camping permit, huh?

I can't make these numbers work.

I don't see the caseload to... to warrant the overtime you're putting through.

- Obviously, I disagree. - You wouldn't be buying your squad's

loyalty at time, and a half, now would you, Lieutenant?

Captain, the last time, it was my clearance rate.

The time before that, it was case management.

And both those conversations were as bogus as this one.

In other words, you think I'm secretly pleased,

with the job you're doing, and I just don't realize it?

I think all your cards aren't face up.

I think, you want a command slot to open, and I'm the candidate to get moved along.

If you feel we've got a personality conflict.

Maybe, you should put in for transfer.

Uh-uh, Captain. You think I authorize, too much overtime?

You don't like my clearance rate? Go on record at the borough

'cause I stand by how I command.

You don't want to do this the easy way, huh, Arthur?

Move along on your own steam.

Don't put this on stage. Don't you undermine me in front of my people.

Trust me. If I want you gone, you're gone.

Yeah, well, I didn't get here easy, and I won't be going easy either.

- (SCOFFS) - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- HAVERILL: What do you know, Andy? - How's it goin'?

- Merry Christmas. - Yeah, same to you.

- (DOOR CLOSING) - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Either I, or Detective Sipowicz will pick it up.

Did you get the spot out of the fuzzy collar? Oh, that's great.

That hypocrite bastard Haverill knows Fancy's doin' the job.

He just wants to move his own man in there.

Probably that ass-kisser Murphy.

How come he's got such a big smile for you?

Who knows? Screw him anyway.

Maybe he likes your sunny disposition.

Now, you got a problem with my disposition?

Yeah.

(INHALES DEEPLY) I'm just wonderin' where the big mistake's

gonna happen this year, you know?

Where I'm gonna create a disaster area for the holidays.

- Who says there's gotta be a disaster? - (SIGHS)

Come on, John. They set clocks off of me.

(SIGHS) Last year... Today's probably the anniversary, you know?

I was lookin' to bang my good friend, Lois the whore.

I go over to her room, I push open the door,

I take down my pants. Of course, it turns out not to be Lois.

So, I was in the wrong room.

Oh, correct me if I'm wrong,

but wasn't there some alcoholic involvement in that incident?

(PHONE RINGING)

Lucky, the hotel was all hookers, huh? Lucky I had the 20 bucks.

No, all I'm sayin' is that it could be different

with you being off the booze, that's all.

Yeah, yeah, maybe you're right. You know I mean,

I get to play Santa Claus this year. You know?

Hand out the precious gift of merchandise, to all these deprived kids.

Maybe some of 'em actually didn't try

to break into my car on their way to school.

Then maybe there's somebody you can talk to about it.

You know, somebody professional.

- I'm sure you mean well by that question. - ARTHUR: Hey, Kelly?

- Think about it. - ARTHUR: We've got a kidnapping.

- Go in soft clothes. - Okay.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES)

What time did you get the ransom call?

Right after I got here at 9:00 this morning.

- (PHONE RINGING) - You recognize the voice?

It was male. He sounded pretty young. Said he'd call back in two hours.

I canceled all your appointments, spoke to Leonard at the bank.

He can have the money ready in a couple of hours.

You wanna tell us what that's about, Doctor?

They've asked for a 100,000-dollars ransom.

Uh, I'll pay anything.

Okay, we can't tell you not to do that,

but we would like a chance to record, and mark some of those bills.

Look, Detective.

These people are gonna get their money whenever, and wherever they want it.

Now, I... I don't care if it's recovered,

or if they're even caught. All I want is my little girl back.

What time you drop her off at school this morning?

FEMALE VOICE: I did that.

I pick, Tina up at 7:30, and drop her at school by 8:00.

Dr. Sachs, goes the opposite way to the hospital.

- You do that every day? - For the last couple of years.

- Uh, is that telling you something? - It just means that it was,

uh, it was an easy job. Look, at that we're gonna need

some pictures, and a description of what she was wearin'.

Okay, Doctor, we're gonna leave here now,

and work out of the station. in case anybody's watching the office.

We don't want them aware of our comings and goings.

The phone company will put a trap

on the phone here to monitor the location of any calls.

One of our people will come out, and put a recorder on the line.

- so we can monitor, the time of the calls. - I don't want my daughter put at risk.

This won't put her at risk. If we can put a trace on the call,

then we can put surveillance on the location of the call.

I am gonna pay this money,

and I am gonna get my daughter back, and I don't want you to interfere.

- Doctor, is this your first kidnapping? - Andy.

You really think that sarcasm is appropriate here, Detective?

Nobody's bein' sarcastic.

Me and my partner got more experience at this than you do.

Now sometimes, people pay the money, and they don't get their child back.

I've worked those cases, lookin' for a child from a cold start.

- Okay, Andy... - ANDY: I don't like findin'

- some of those kids. - What do you mean?

What do you think I mean?

JOHN: Doctor, you're gonna have to trust us.

We'll work with you. Let us do our job.

And hopefully, something will come out of this.

Do what you have to do.

- (PHONE RINGING) - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Lieutenant, we're all setup for the call in the doctor's office.

- Did he cooperate on the ransom? - The bank xeroxed all the bills.

The FBI's been notified. They want us to keep 'em informed.

They said they'd monitor the situation.

Good. Just what the world needs.

- more monitors, - Kidnappers said... (CLEARS THROAT)

...they want a quick score in, and out. That's good news for the kid.

- Put the guy in the cage. - Yeah.

Put the lady and the kid in Interview One.

- (PHONE RINGING) - We made a pickup on that

North Carolina teletype request, Lieutenant.

- You, got armed robbery? - Mm-hmm.

We can charge the guy here too. He had a gun in the car.

Everything else falls in. The description on the driver, the license plate.

He had a woman with him, which the North Carolina want

said, "A woman was seen in the car."

(SIGHS) Let North Carolina know what we got.

Work the interrogation with Medavoy.

FEMALE VOICE: (OVER RADIO) Nest to Base K.

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - (PHONE RINGING)

- Base standing by. - (RADIO STATIC)

FEMALE VOICE: (OVER RADIO) We've got an incoming call.

- Ten-four. - We got an incoming call.

FEMALE VOICE: (OVER RADIO) Nest to Base.

The subjects are on the phone.

These are the subjects. Trap the call.

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - (PHONE RINGING)

Got it. Pay phone, northeast corner Water, and Broad.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIREN BLARES)

- (TIRES SCREECH) - Oh!

- (UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES) - (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

ANDY: You okay? (GRUNTS)

- You okay? - JOHN: Yeah.

How am I?

- (GROANS) - (GROANS, PANTS)

ANDY: Look at this, Kelly. Not a scratch, huh?

'Cause he's totally loaded, and he didn't get all tensed up.

Hey, what's goin' on?

What's goin' on is you just hit us, you asshole.

Yeah? Well, why don't we let the cops figure out who figure out

who the asshole is, huh?

And you're an asshole!

(BREATHES DEEPLY) What... I'm an asshole.

- I'm... I'm an asshole, huh? Huh? - Hey!

ANDY: I'm the asshole, huh?

- MALE VOICE: Get off my car! - ANDY: I'm the asshole?

- (ANDY GRUNTS) - Hey!

Look what you did, huh? I'm an asshole?

(♪♪♪)

- (KEYS CLACKING) - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- (PHONE RINGING) - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- You all right? - JOHN: Yeah. What'd we get off the call?

It's a zip. The phone booth turned up empty.

No prints, no one in the area saw anything.

- They tell Sachs where to make the drop? - The deal changed.

The same ransom, but they added narcotics.

The doctor bought a couple hours to put it together.

(SIGHS) We ought to work up his patient files for addicts.

The nurse is bringing them over.

- You sure you're okay? - Yeah, I'll be all right.

Hey, uh, Lieutenant. Listen, uh... (EXHALES DEEPLY)

...don't do anything rash on that Haverill situation.

- What Haverill situation? - I'm just saying,

give it time to play out.

I don't know what you're talking about, Andy.

And if I did, I'd tell you it's none of your business.

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - (PHONE RINGING)

So, how long you been drivin' your uncle's car, Calvin?

- I got nothin' to say. - That car looked like you were on a trip.

- Full ashtray, a lot of litter in the car. - Like I said before...

There was a couple who ran a liquor store in North Carolina.

They got, uh... (HESITATES) ...pistol-whipped

during a robbery down there.

The woman lost an eye. The owner got a New York plate number.

- It was the car you were driving. - Screw 'em.

And screw you people too.

What's your relationship to the woman, and the kid we picked you up with?

- Nothin'. I gave 'em a ride. - Where'd you pick 'em up?

Alabama somewhere.

Come on, Calvin. You've been around. You know how this works.

You're lookin' at... at armed robbery,

and... and felony assault in North Carolina...

and... and felony weapons charges here.

Why don't you help yourself out a little?

Well, I... (HESITATES) ...want a lawyer.

Do that again. Come on. Imitate me again.

I want a lawyer.

Well, the season bein' what it is, asshole,

it's gonna take a while for us to get one here for ya.

So I lie in my cell, and hope Santee, don't forget me?

Yeah.

You think about how we're gonna give you special treatment.

How we're gonna do our best to make everything turn out lousy for you.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to announce,

that the main, and basement levels of the precinct house, have been

- cleared of rodents. - (CAT GROWLS)

- (CROWD APPLAUDING) - Thank you.

I can now offer the services of Big Bad Bert

to the investigative level of this building.

The rats only ate lunches. That panther in your arms looks like he eats the cops.

- (CAT GROWLS) - Uh, not if you're my size.

You Martinez, could be in danger.

So stay alert, be careful...

- (PHONE RINGING) - ...and wear a name tag at all times.

If there are no further comments...

- let the hunt begin. - (HISSES)

KATHY: What... What are you doin' with Kyle?

Uh, he's gonna be right outside with, uh, Ms. Abandando.

Oh... oh, could he be in here with me?

He's real good with my face. Real quiet.

It's better not for now, ma'am.

That's, um, finger... finger... (SIGHS)

...where you fingerprint people who are going to jail.

- Am I going to jail? - (CHUCKLES)

Well, uh, you're gonna have a lot to do with that.

Uh, why don't you tell us what happened?

How did you, uh, meet, Mr. James?

Well, Kyle, and me were hitchin' at a truck stop

near Gadsden.

We had a sign that said, you know, "New York City."

And Calvin, he saw our sign and he picked us up.

Why'd you decide to come to New York?

Well, it's such a big place,

I just figured I could get some kind of work.

I know how to waitress.

And there's another reason, which I'm not so proud to tell you,

but I've heard that the, uh,

welfare system is better here than in Georgia.

I don't wanna be on welfare. I wanna work,

but I just want it there, you know, 'cause of Kyle.

Did you ever see, Calvin before he gave you a ride?

No. N...

This... this has somethin' to do with him, doesn't it?

We think so. It's...

it's about something that happened in, uh, uh, North Carolina.

What?

Do you recall stopping anywhere there?

Uh, yeah. We stopped at one place, at a...

at a store, a package store.

Calvin, he just went in, and he got himself a beer,

and he brought out a Moon Pie for Kyle.

- You waited in the car? - Yeah.

(CHUCKLES) Did somethin' happen in that store?

Lord. Did... (SOBS)

...did he commit some kind of crime in that store?

JAMES: We think he did.

We think he committed a violent armed robbery in that store.

(SOBS) Well... well, I don't know nothin' about it.

I didn't even know it happened.

If I had known he had a weapon, Kyle and me would've been out of that car.

You can place him at the scene.

Now, that makes you a witness. Would you be willing to testify?

Yeah, I guess I would.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

Oh, Lord, this isn't how I wanted to come to New York City.

John Evans. Doctor noted drug-seeking behavior.

- Wouldn't be him. - You're sure?

I'm sure. He enrolled in a rehab program.

He works as a counselor now. He's very proud of being in recovery.

How long ago did you speak with him?

Three days ago. I'm telling you, it's not him.

- I know you're upset about this. - Yes, I am.

You dropped Tina off every day. You must've been close with her.

I can't stand to think of anything happening to her.

Larry Ashman. Doctor noted drug-seeking behavior.

Would Tina have known him, trusted him enough to get in the car?

No. She wouldn't have known him.

- You sure about him too? - It isn't him,

I'm telling you. It isn't him.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

Who is it, Mrs. Bowman?

I think it's my son.

- (PHONE RINGING) - FEMALE VOICE: Nest to Base K.

- Base standing by. - (RADIO STATIC)

FEMALE VOICE: (OVER RADIO) Subjects are calling.

Doctor's receiving his instructions, K.

Incoming call. Make the trap.

FEMALE VOICE: (OVER RADIO) He's to drive uptown on Amsterdam Avenue.

Uh, son of a bitch. They're callin' on a cellular phone.

FEMALE VOICE: (OVER RADIO) They're gonna call him

on his car phone, K.

Base to Nest. I wanna talk to the doctor when he's through.

- FEMALE VOICE: He's off the line K. - Put him on.

I tell you, whoever invented cellular phones

should be hung by his nuts.

RONALD: (OVER RADIO) Detective Kelly, I'm gonna do what they want.

Doctor, we want a chance to follow you. This way,

we can follow them off the pickup straight to your daughter, okay?

RONALD: (OVER RADIO) Would you, just let me do this.

Doctor, nobody's gonna know we're following you.

Now, you head up Amsterdam Avenue. We'll pick you up. We know your car.

We're gonna be a in a taxi,

number one, T as in, Thomas, five, three, all right?

- (RADIO STATIC) - RONALD: (OVER RADIO) Yes, all right.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay, here we go, pal.

JOHN: Thanks a lot, all right? Have a nice holiday.

ANDY: Yeah, you too.

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES)

(CAR HORN HONKING)

(CAR DOOR CLOSING)

- (CAR DOOR CLOSING) - He made the drop, Andy.

Parked car right where you left me.

(CLEARS THROAT) I'm on it. You got a phone?

MALE VOICE: What you want, man? Hey, what do you need?

A phone. Phone.

- MALE VOICE Over there. Yeah. - It's inside?

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Andy? He's got it, Andy.

JOHN: (OVER RADIO) Come on, Andy.

Andy? He's got it, Andy. Come, and pick me up. He's headin' north.

- Pick me up! - ANDY: Come on! Come on! Let's go!

Come on! Son of a bitch!

Andy!

JOHN: Let's go. Go!

You see him?

JOHN: That's him.

- There! There! - (TIRES SCREECH)

JOHN: There he is.

ANDY: I'll stay back here.

- (UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES) - Come on, you asshole. Take us to the kid.

- Come on, come on. - What the hell is he doin'?

He's gonna get high, John. That piece of garbage is gonna fix right here.

Andy, that junk is pure. He OD's we got nothin'. Let's go.

(TIRES SCREECH)

(CAR DOOR CLOSING)

- JOHN: Hey, get out of the car. - Hey! Hey! What'd I do?

- Get out of the car! - What'd I do?

- What I'd do. (GROANS) - JOHN: Shut up!

Now, you listen careful now. You got nothin'.

You got no family, you got no friends, and you got no rights.

All you got left is your life,

and I'll take that from you right here on this spot.

Now, you got one shot. You tell us where that kid is.

- You better tell us. - MALE VOICE: (GROANS) I'll tell you.

- I'll tell you. (GROANS) - Get up.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi. My name is Laura Michaels. I'm an assistant district attorney.

Am... am I gonna be arrested, and...

and fingerprinted, and go to jail?

LAUREN: North Carolina has issued what is called

a Jane Doe warrant in the liquor store robberies.

That the detectives talked to you about.

They've asked me to conduct an interview to determine whether you should be tried

in that case, or held as a material witness.

- Do you understand? - Yes, ma'am, I understand.

But... but I got a little boy out there, and... and neither one of us

done anything wrong.

LAUREN: Would you like to have an attorney with you?

(PANTS)

No, thank you.

LAUREN: According to the statement you gave to Detective Medavoy,

and Officer Martinez, you waited in the car.

outside the liquor store while Calvin James was inside?

Yes, ma'am.

You have no idea what transpired in the store?

N... no, ma'am. Only what they told me.

Miss Cahill, you have no relationship to Mr. James,

other than having been a hitchhiker with your child in his car?

(SIGHS) Well... (SIGHS)

LAUREN: Go ahead.

...he wanted to know if I would have sex,

with him.

He said I didn't have to, if I didn't want to, but that if I did,

he would give me a 100 dollars.

I was grateful to him, and I kinda liked him.

And the money'd sure be a big help... (SIGHS) ...so I did it.

But that prostituting... (SOBS)

...was the only crime I've ever done in my whole life.

And I wouldn't have taken the money if it weren't for Kyle.

I bought myself some shoes and a... and a dress with it.

to go look for work in 'cause you gotta have a good appearance,

you know, for a job.

Would you be willing to testify against Mr. James,

if this matter were to come to trial?

KATHY: (SIGHS) No.

I'd fe... I'd feel real bad about it,

but I don't wanna go to jail, and be away from my boy.

So you would?

Yes, ma'am, I would.

(SIGHS)

Kathy, there's some steps we have to take now,

on deciding how to proceed on your case. It might take some time.

Oh, I'd be grateful for anything you can do for us.

- Hi, Mommy. - Uh, there's a party for little kids

downstairs it might be nice for Kyle.

- Oh. - LAUREN: Do you have an idea for a present

- he might like? - Oh, there...

there's a toy he'd just die for. It's, um, it's called a Power Ranger.

Uh, yeah, I've... I've seen that.

You know, I... I'd like to say that you are

are one of the nicest people I've ever met.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

- I'm gonna go call my boss. - (PHONE RINGING)

Excuse me.

JAMES: Go ahead.

Hey, baby. So, was he any trouble?

Oh, none at all. We made snowmen.

(KATHY CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS) We believe this woman, Lieutenant.

Uh, she said the guy picked her up in, uh, Alabama.

That she was coming north with her kid, which the guy also says.

Um, on the robbery in North Carolina,

she saw the guy go into the store for some beer,

and, uh, he came out with it.

Uh, she didn't know what he did inside.

- She's willing to testify? - Yeah.

We'll get her prints. If she's clean, we'll see what we can do for her.

- Uh... (CLEARS THROAT) - She's got hands and fingers, doesn't she?

Yeah, She's scared to death as it is, Lieutenant.

I want her run through BCI, Medavoy.

Yeah, yeah. We... we were just thinkin', uh, we could, uh, lift the prints

from the glass she drank from.

Any other special handling you got in mind?

Do you think she could stay in a motel with her kid

instead of in the civil jail?

Get her prints first, Medavoy.

(EXHALES DEEPLY) Yeah.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Happy holidays.

- (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONCLUDES) - (SIGHS) I'm meeting Richie at 6:00.

He's taking me to Linardi's party.

Do you have the sector patrol assignments?

You sure it's okay for me to give 'em to Linardi?

This is cleared at command level, Officer.

Inspector... (CHUCKLES) ...does it bother you

that this stuff is kind of low-rent?

I mean, Linardi's supposed to be the new boss,

and he's setting up a truck heist.

Al Capone was the biggest mobster of his time.

He went away for being a tax cheat.

Thomas Dewey, popped Lucky Luciano for being a pimp.

And Dewey got to run for president, didn't he?

Of course, he did get beat.

I just wanna tell you, Officer.

I think you're doin' terrific work.

And I appreciate the pressure that you're living with.

That's as close as I can come to holiday sentiments

without sounding like a phony.

The only sentiments I wanna hear from you are telling me that I'm done.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, don't make a move till you hear from me.

The guy we grabbed said they got the little girl

in a closet in the back room. Now, you got three assholes in the front room,

and the junkie girlfriend watching the kid in the back.

You guys go in the front. We'll crash through the back, and grab the kid.

Hold on a second here. You guys ever hear of a warrant, for crying out loud?

I can hear somebody callin' for help in that back room.

Now, if I can hear it, we got grounds to hit it, don't we?

Come on, sarge. I sure as hell can hear her cryin'.

Yeah, I guess I can hear it too. All right, you guys,

- go when you hear the crash. - Okay, thanks, Sarge

Yeah, Merry Christmas. Come on. Let's go.

- (OFFICERS CLAMOR) - Get on the floor! Down on the floor!

OFFICER 1: He's going out the window!

OFFICER 2: He's going through the window.

(CLAMORS)

- (SCREAMS) - Out the window! Check the window!

- Get down! Shut up! Shut up! - OFFICER 3: Get down on the floor.

ANDY: Check the kitchen.

Shut up! Don't say anything!

OFFICER 4: Put your hands back behind your back!

- Hi. - Can I come out now?

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - ANDY: Now, don't move!

Come on.

That a girl. You're safe. You're goin' home now.

- ANDY: Easy now. - She's okay.

- We didn't hurt her! You can see that! - Let's go!

We just wanted something for the holidays!

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - (HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

- Hey, you okay? - Yeah, yeah.

- We got the little girl. How about you? - We got three male suspects.

- Slightly damaged due to necessary falls. - Yeah.

- They'll live. - (INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER RADIO)

Hi-ya, Tina. It's nice to see you.

- TINA: Thanks. - This is John Kelly.

- Yeah, hold on a minute. - (INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER RADIO)

Hold on a second. Go ahead, honey. Wish your dad a Merry Christmas.

Hello, Daddy.

- It's me. - (INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER RADIO)

- TINA: Merry Christmas. - (CAR DOOR CLOSING)

- All right, come on. Get in the car now. - (INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER RADIO)

OFFICER: Get in.

Watch your head. Let's go.

- ANDY: Yeah, you got my radio? - Hey, I know a shortcut.

- I'll lead you guys out of here. - Okay.

John, I got a stop to make. I'll see you back at the squad.

- All right, buddy. - Bye-bye, honey.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(SIREN BLARES)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

- (UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES) - (EXHALES DEEPLY)

Something on your mind, Andy? Or are you moonlighting?

If you got no objection, Captain,

let's skip the foreplay, and get right to the screwing.

What screwing is that?

The one you're trying to give to Lieutenant Fancy.

- Did he send you? - No.

Because promotions, and transfers of senior officers in this department,

detectives, they don't get a voice in that.

I didn't come here to vote.

- Then what's your stake here? - Never mind that.

Let's talk about famous meals from the past.

Remember the Disico hit, Captain?

Carmine goes face down in his clams?

I was tryin' to work him.

I didn't see the shooter. I was clean, and you know it.

No, I don't. Look I took your word for it.

I buried you havin' lunch with this guy, so you wouldn't look bad for your bosses.

Nineteenth squad's still tryin' to find that mystery diner,

whose salad got dressed with Disico's front brains.

I don't get it.

Before you got shot, Fancy was ready to dump you.

Look, all you need to know, Captain,

I think I owe the Lieutenant enough,

to put some wood up your ass if anything bad happens.

HAVERILL: How's it work, Sipowicz?

He let you drink in the john?

Let's not quarrel, huh? It's the holidays.

- (PHONE RINGING) - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

John, where's Andy? He had to make a stop.

At the dry cleaner's? I already picked up the Santa outfit.

He didn't say where he was goin'. What's goin' on?

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. The kids are comin'.

John, you wanna be Santa?

- I... - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

...I don't... I don't think I would... I would pass, do you?

Well, you think I look like Santa?

Because I'm gonna have to be Santa now.

- Just tell 'em that the party's started. - Okay.

- Hey, John. Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.

- Did you hurt yourself? - Yeah, I just got a little banged up.

I'm all right.

- So, you gonna go to the party later on? - Yeah. Maybe I'll see you there.

- Okay. - (CHUCKLES)

Miss Abandando will take Kyle down to the party.

Will he go with me?

Oh, sure he's used to doin' things with different people. We've stayed

in so many different places.

Sweetheart, you wanna go to a Christmas party?

- (PHONE RINGING) - Okay.

I can't believe it.

- I can't believe it. - DONNA: What?

I took the rabbit out of the cage to put a ribbon on it.

I... I come outside to find Andy.

I... I go back in.

- The rabbit's missing? - The rabbit's dead.

- Lucas' cat ate it. - (GROANS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- Okay, let's go. - KATHY: All right. Be good, baby.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(DOOR CLOSING)

Your wet-brained errand boy came to see me.

- What are you talking about? - Deaf and dumb, huh, Lieutenant?

(CHUCKLES)

You didn't send Sipowicz stumbling my way?

No, I didn't.

Well, unpack your bags. He did his job.

Listen to me, Captain. I don't know what you're talkin' about.

And I never had my bags packed.

(SCOFFS)

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - (SIGHS)

(WINCES)

- (PHONE RINGING) - (EXHALES DEEPLY)

Andy, change into this. And stall on the rabbit.

What are you talkin' about, Medavoy?

Lucas' cat had rabbit stew for Christmas.

So when you give out the presents, just... just stall till I get back.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

Your little boy's just fine.

- Great. - (PHONE RINGING)

You got a minute? I gotta talk to you. Um...

Hey, when are you taking Kathy to the motel?

We're not. That perp's prints came back. He's not Calvin James.

He's Carl Shivers. He busted his wife out of jail in Florida,

a week ago at gunpoint.

And the wife's been ID'd from those prints off the glass.

Kathy?

- She's married to that guy? - JAMES: Yeah.

She's got 11 armed robberies, and two assaults on her sheet.

- (PHONE RINGING) - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

You stay back now.

- (SCREAMS, GROANS) - You give me Carl, and my little boy.

- Drop the scissors. - No, you listen to me.

- I will cut her throat. - You're not goin' anywhere!

Drop the scissors!

Now, you clear me a path to the stairs, now!

You're only makin' things worse.

- Please don't hurt me. - Shut up!

You do it now! Clear me a p...

- Drop it, or I'll blow your face off! - KATHY: Go ahead.

You miss, she dies. Go ahead!

- Grab the scissors! Grab the scissors! - GREG: Let go!

Grab the arm! Grab her arm! Get her up here.

- Give me the hand. Give me the hand. - JAMES: Give me some cuffs.

- Are you all right? - She would've killed me.

Take it easy. You're okay.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- ANDY: Just settle down! Take it easy! - You saved me, Gregory.

Let's move her out of here. Take her to Booking.

I gotta go to a pet shop.

Get yourself a drink of water.

I'm gonna get myself... (CHUCKLES) ...some spiked eggnog.

(GASPS)

ANDY: Okay, Merry Christmas, Daniel. Ho, ho, ho.

Merry Christmas. Ho, ho, ho.

All right. Who's next? There you go.

Merry Christmas. Ho, ho, ho.

- So, what's your name? - Ben.

- JOHN: Hey. - ANDY: Oh, yeah.

- Punch? - JOHN: Yeah.

Big change from last year, huh?

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

You seem happy here.

- I like the work. - JOHN: Yeah.

(CHUCKLES) Look at Andy.

Yeah. It's a tough time of the year for him, you know.

So, I... I guess you're gonna go over to your mother's later?

Yeah. In fact, I was headin' over there, yeah.

- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas, Laurie.

ANDY: Okay, merry Christmas, Ben. Ho, ho, ho.

Can I talk to Santa for just a minute?

ANDY: How ya doin'?

I put it in my letter. I've been a good girl all year.

(ANDY CHUCKLES)

Do you have plans later?

No, I think I'm gonna head out.

Yeah?

ANDY: Yeah. I wouldn't make very good company.

- Merry Christmas, Andy. - ANDY: Merry Christmas.

- Okay, who's next? - Elizabeth.

- JOHN: Hey. - Hi-ya, Johnny.

- How's it goin'? - Okay.

- That's, uh, that's just conversation. - (JANICE CHUCKLES)

I know.

I'm not pryin'.

- Oh, I know. - JOHN: Okay.

I gotta go, uh, Lieutenant wants to see me.

- JANICE: Oh. - Yeah.

All right. I'll... I'll talk to you later.

- Nice seein' you. Yeah. - Merry Christmas.

ANDY: Merry Christmas. Ho, ho, ho.

All right, up. (GRUNTS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- James. This is for you. - JAMES: Hey, Lieutenant.

For me? I'm a little embarrassed. I didn't get you anything.

- Open it. - (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm a detective?

Don't ask me how I finagled gettin' the badge early.

Just show up at one Police Plaza, Wednesday at 10:00 for the ceremony.

Thanks.

I got my gold shield.

Flyin' James, you're a detective, you son of a bitch.

Way to go.

- Thank you. - Congratulations, Detective.

- All right, Sarge. - Hey, way to go, Detective.

Hey, thank you.

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - ANDY: Next.

- Lucas, that animal... - (GROWLS)

- ...that animal is a killer. - Medavoy, rabbits are rodents.

That's how he makes his living.

- (CHUCKLES) - (GROWLS)

ANDY: Merry Christmas, Evelyn. Ho, ho, ho.

FEMALE VOICE: Oh, look at this...

ANDY: Well, look what Santa's helper brought.

I thought maybe you crashed the sleigh, Medavoy.

OFFICER 1: Okay, this way.

Mommy! Look what I got!

- OFFICER 2: Come on. - (CHUCKLES)

- (PHONE RINGING) - What was Haverill talkin' about?

(SIGHS) Who?

Cut it out, Sipowicz. Haverill said you came to see him.

Now, look, Lieutenant, you know... (SNIFFS)

...I had a long day.

I got a long night ahead of me goin' up, and down all those chimneys.

I don't know what kind of leverage you had, Andy,

- but I wish you hadn't used it. - (SIGHS, SNIFFS)

That's a funny way to say thank you, huh, Lieutenant?

I fight my own battles.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

You know, maybe I did make a mistake.

Maybe, Dunphy, or O'Bannon, or whichever other

chowder-society turd Haverill had cued up

for your job would've been easier to work with.

- Why did you do it? - I don't know, Lieutenant.

Yeah, all day long, I knew I was gonna make a mistake.

I guess this is just the one I got to first, all right?

I don't owe you.

- Nobody said you did. - I don't owe you.

You don't owe me dick, all right?

Merry Christmas, Lieutenant!

- (PHONE RINGING) - (DOOR CLOSING)

Look.

Look. Look, when you, and I talk,

it's always a train wreck.

I mean to say one thing, and we wind up in each other's faces.

- I got your drift. - ARTHUR: No, you didn't, Andy.

I'm not easy with people doin' for me,

but I shouldn't have sounded so ungrateful.

I appreciate your tryin' to help.

No problem. I owed you one.

Merry Christmas, Andy.

- Merry Christmas. - (DOOR CLOSING)

Christmas bonus time, Ms. Janice.

Tommy's handin' out the goodies.

MALE VOICE: Here's a toast, Tommy. Salute.

Who's that guy he's talkin' to?

Fellow from out of town. Did some special work for Tommy.

So, are you gonna get rewarded for all your good deeds, Richie?

We'll see.

Between me, you and the lamp post, I wish, Tommy,

had a little more old-timer in him.

You wish he had a big mustache?

He doesn't appreciate the tradition like the other guy did.

Marino?

Besides, sometimes he's a little short-arm.

Oh, he's cheap, huh?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- Richie. - My turn at the trough.

- How you doin', Tommy? - Hey, Richie.

- Janice, Tommy Linardi. - How you doin'?

Yeah. Have a seat.

You did good for us.

Well, if you say so, Tommy.

I don't know what a couple of sector designations,

and personnel assignments can do for you.

Yeah, well, maybe that's why you're walkin' the beat.

- (ALL CHUCKLE) - TOMMY: Hey.

Hey, here's a little, uh, a little boost.

I think I did the right thing for you too, Richie. Enjoy a healthy holiday.

- RICHIE: Thanks, Tom. - I wasn't expectin' this.

You must have something very special planned for those schedules.

Hey, spend the money. Don't worry about my plans.

- RICHIE: Tommy, Happy New Year. - Yeah.

See you later, huh?

Angelo, come here.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Do you believe this cheap son of a bitch? Huh?

I'll admit to being a little disappointed.

Yeah, well I don't roll over, and spread wide.

You wanna get treated like a punk, that's up to you.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(SIGHS) Where's Justice, huh, Richie?

Why don't you take your smart mouth someplace else?

Okay.

Merry Christmas.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER TV)

There she is.

- Hi. - FEMALE VOICE: Oh!

Hi, Johnny. Oh!

I'm so glad to see you.

Oh, here you are.

Mrs. Hanson says you're eatin' better.

Mrs. Gallaway died Thursday.

- Yeah. She died a long time ago, Mom. - (FEMALE VOICE CHUCKLING)

She did everything gracefully.

- Even her passing was that way. - Can you turn that off?

There's a controller around someplace.

- Here. - FEMALE VOICE: It doesn't work anyway.

There's something I talk.. talk...

I want to talk to you about.

- JOHN: Okay. - But you have to help me

- keep my mind on it. - You got a deal.

I mean, with one thing, and another you working night duty.

Well, it just never seemed the right time, you know?

I don't want you to take this the wrong way.

Okay.

It's about John jr.

Mm-hmm.

When you come home late,

and you're so quiet so as not to wake me, I hear you.

And I know you go into his room.

I've watched you a few times.

Sitting by the side of the bed, I've seen you stroke his hair,

and kiss him good night.

I know you love him...

- and John Jr. knows it too. - That's right.

And John Jr. knows I love him.

He does. He does.

But you need to spend more time with him.

Okay, I will spend more time with him.

I mean he's young. He's young, and he's just starting to form himself

to be the kind of man he'll be.

And he has to spend more time with you

to be able to do all that, and still be the little guy he is.

You understand?

Yeah.

Have I hurt you?

No. I'm okay.

(INHALES DEEPLY) All right.

That's what I wanted to say.

(POLICE SIREN BLARING)

- I got it out, didn't I? (CHUCKLES) - Yeah.

- Yeah, you did. - Hmm.

You want some water? Something to drink?

Now, I wanna be sure you're gonna spend more time with your son.

- You promise me? - I promise.

I'm gonna get you that water.

(MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Johnny?

Oh, you didn't have to drive all that distance tonight.

It's Christmas Eve, Ma.

Do you have to go back, son, or can you stay a while?

Yeah, I'll stay till you fall asleep. How about that?

- Okay. - JOHN: Go to sleep.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Merry Christmas, Ma.

Merry Christmas.

(MELANCHOLIC MUSIC CONCLUDES)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES)