Original subtitles

End times

are here, folks.

Only way to salvation

is to embrace

the triangular ways

of our overlord.

Any object with more than

three sides is sinful.

That's it. That's probably

what Bill wants.

(screaming )

I reckon I've been

living a lie.

Ladies, gentlemen,

that creature with, like,

87 different faces.

Eighty-eight

different faces.

Oh, sorry.

Touchy subject.

Anyways, it's been fun

turning Gravity Falls

inside out, rounding up

all its terrified citizens

and then stacking them

into this massive

throne of frozen

human agony.

(voice echoes )

Don't worry, they're not

conscious anymore.

Probably.

My omelets... they have

friendly faces.

Whoops.

Back you go there.

But Gravity Falls

is just the beginning.

It's time to take

our chaos worldwide!

All right, boys,

to the corners of the earth.

Set the world aflame

with your weirdness.

This dimension is ours!

Ah, global domination.

I could get used to...

What?!

Hm, this might be

more complicated than I thought.

I think

I broke something.

Walk it off!

Mabel. Mabel!

Okay, guys, Bill has

taken over the town,

and if

this weirdness spreads,

he's gonna take over

the whole world.

Our first step to

stopping him is rescuing Mabel,

but he's got her trapped in

this strange prison bubble.

What is this place

anyway?

Guys, if I die,

I wanna die hugging.

Soos, you're choking me.

Let my body

be your shield.

(all yelling)

Is the entire ground

a bouncy castle?

Do you hear

'80s music?

And does the air smell

like childlike wonder?

ALL: Whoa!

DIPPER:

This is Mabel's prison?

Yes. Definitely.

Absolutely.

(bell tolls )

MAN:

It's fun o'clock, everyone.

Today's weather calls for

rainbows

with a chance of

dance parties.

If you're the owner of

a unicorn with a top hat,

please come to

the ice cream beach.

Your unicorn

is being towed.

What is this new world?

Shining, shimmering,

splendid.

Welcome to Mabeland.

♪ Mabeland ♪

And this is worse than

the apocalypse.

Dude, this place

hurts my eyes.

Oh, that's normal.

Mabeland's rainbows

have colors

only bees and art students

can see.

Now who wants to go

on the grand tour?

- Do we have a choice?

- BOTH: No!

Mabeland is the ultimate

paradise,

and the only rule--

there are no rules!

Except for one rule,

which is very serious.

But no one would

ever break it,

so it's not

worth mentioning.

BOTH: Yeah!

Listen, creepy dream guys,

we're not here to party, okay?

We just need to find Mabel

and get her out of here.

Where is she?

Our home girl Mabel

lives at our next stop.

That rules!

Now come have

rad snacks

served by

awesome penguins.

Oh, score.

I'm so hungry.

Yeah. I haven't eaten

anything

except for part of my hat

for the last three days.

Can you guys

just hold on a second?

Do you see

what's happening here?

Don't forget, this world

was created by Bill.

That punch

is probably blood.

And that glitter rain is probably

ground-up bones or babies or something.

Bill's using Mabel's

own fantasies

as some sick trap.

We need to grab Mabel

and get the heck outta here.

Oh, Mabel? She's at

the top of the tallest tower,

guarded by those

big, buff waffle guards.

There's no way

to get past them.

Someone hand me

some syrup.

(screaming )

It's happening.

The moment we trained for.

Don't worry, man.

I gotcha.

(screams )

It's now or never, guys.

This is a rescue.

Everyone hit the deck.

SOOS:

Hang in there, Mabel!

There she is.

Soos, grab her.

Wendy, barricade

the door.

Up you go,

little lady.

Soos? Wendy?

Dipper?

The waffles

are coming back.

- We gotta hurry!

- Uh, guys.

Don't worry, Mabel.

We'll get you out of this.

But Dipper...

Mabel, what are

you doing?

We're trying to save you

from this prison.

This isn't a prison.

I made this world.

Well, I sorta woke up here.

- It's complicated.

- What are you saying?

I'm saying this is

my home now,

and I don't wanna

be saved.

- Sorry, Mabel.

- No worries, bubble bear.

- You did what?!

- Look, after you said

you wouldn't come back home with

me at the end of the summer

for your "apprenticeship,"

I wanted to hide

in my sweater forever.

But then I woke up

in a place that gives me

exactly what I wanted--

an endless summer where

we'll never have to grow up.

Here, the sun shines all day,

the party never ends,

and now that you guys are here,

it's finally perfect.

Listen, Mabel,

we're not here to party.

All of this is crazy.

Ugh! I figured you might say

something like that, Dipper.

That's why I've prepared

a backup Dipper

with a more supportive

attitude.

Whoa!

Uh, yeah!

Wiggity-wiggity

what's up, dude bros?

I'm Dippy Fresh.

I like skateboarding,

supporting my sister,

and punctuating every

third sentence with a high five.

Oh, don't mind if I...

Ahem!

I'm sorry. I can't

leave him hanging.

- Yes.

- You're dead to me, Soos.

Trust me. You guys

are gonna love it here.

This world always

knows what you want,

sometimes even

before you do.

Apparently I wanted

a chinchilla.

Right again, Mabeland.

Mabel, listen to yourself.

This is crazy.

I'm sorry about our fight,

and I'm sorry

things aren't great right now,

but that doesn't mean

you can just stay in here forever.

Hey, take a chill pill.

Those grow on trees here.

You stay out of this,

Dippy Fresh!

Dude, calm down.

Dippy Fresh didn't do

anything to you, dawg.

(growling )

I know it seems

too good to be true,

but just give

this place a chance.

Mabeland knows

just what you want,

and always provides.

Pudding center.

Nice.

Actually, Mabel,

I'm with Dipper on this.

Gravity Falls is in trouble,

and I really think--

(horn honking )

ALL: Wendy!

Guys? You're safe.

We've got a monster truck

full of fireworks, fake ID's,

and pranking supplies.

Wanna drive this truck

to the high school

and glue this plunger

to the principal's head?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Sorry, guys. I've always

wanted to do that.

I'll be back

in just a few minutes.

ALL: Whoo-hoo!

- Wendy?

- Don't worry, dude.

There's nothing in this world

that could break me

from our mission.

Soos mi hijo.

I have returned.

Holy... whoa, whoa.

Dad?

You don't remember

what I look like,

so I have the body

of a pro wrestler,

and a face you once saw

on a hot sauce bottle.

I was never there for you,

but in this world, I can be.

- You're perfect.

- It's a trap.

Don't go with him, Soos,

no matter what he offers you.

Want to play catch?

I'm sorry, dude.

Even if it is

all a dream,

I've gotta play

just one game.

Come on, Dad.

Okay, this has

gone too far.

You can't honestly think these

fantasies are good for anyone.

You can't argue with

the results.

People are happy here.

Does it really matter

if it's real or not?

For once, stop listening

to your head,

and listen to your heart.

Mabeland has something

for everyone, even you.

In fact...

Nope. Not looking.

Not looking.

(all groaning)

All right, can anybody

explain to me why,

even with our newfound

infinite power...

none of us can escape

the borders

of this stupid

hick town?!

There's some kind of

force field keeping us in.

But who would know

how to fix it?

Hmm. Maybe someone needs

to come out of retirement.

Bill. Sorry, boss,

but Gideon let

the Pines family escape.

They're inside Mabel's

bubble as we speak.

(evil laughter)

Mabel's bubble is

the most diabolical trap

I've ever created.

It would take

a will of titanium

not to give into

its temptations.

Fetch me Gideon, and take

the rest of the day off.

Things just got

a little more interesting.

♪ Bo-ba-do-do,

I'm a stuffed animal tree ♪

♪ He's a stuffed

animal tree ♪

(all giggling )

Even my stone skips

are perfect.

Who am I kidding?

Maybe Mabel's right.

It's a horror show

out there.

At least the air here

is breathable.

Dude, you're talking

to a river.

Oh, hey, Wendy.

What's up?

I thought you were busy

wrecking the school or whatever.

Yeah, that got

old quick.

And this music is really starting

to get on my nerves.

I think that stuff you said about

this place is right.

Really? Well, now

we just need a plan.

Don't worry. You always

think of something.

(giggling )

You know, you're so much

smarter than, like, everyone else.

(chuckles)

It's kinda funny.

If you were older,

you'd be, like, my dream guy.

Wait. Do you

really mean that?

Wait a minute.

In this place, you can be

any age you want.

If we were the same age,

maybe you and me could...

I don't know...

actually be together.

Wait. Really?

I bet if we asked Mabel,

she could do it right now.

In this place, it could finally

be just you and me.

Come on, man.

Just take my hand.

Wait. (screams)

This isn't real!

(shrieks)

You shouldn't have

done that, Dipper!

We're watching you.

TOYS: There are

eyes everywhere.

- Hi, Dipper.

- Hey, Dipper.

- Hey, Dipper.

♪ Bo-ba-do-do,

I'm a stuffed animal tree ♪

Oh, my gosh.

This is crazy.

I'm losing my mind.

We have to get

out of here.

We have to go back...

to the real world!

(voice echoing )

Hey!

Under Article Smiley Face

of Exhibit Squeaky Duck,

you are hereby accused of

breaking our one rule--

mentioning reality.

(all exclaiming )

Prepare to be banished

from this land forever!

Mabel, you're

smarter than this.

Bill has you hypnotized

or something.

Are you really gonna

let them banish me?

No. Of course not.

That's my brother, guys.

There's gotta be

another way.

Very well.

If Dipper wishes to stay,

he must plead his case

in the ultimate trial

of Fantasy vs. Reality.

Hey. Seriously?

(muffled chewing)

It was him.

Oh!

(quacking)

Seriously, Mabel?

You're letting them

take our argument to court?

Hey, I didn't make

the rules of Mabeland.

Yes, you did. There's a tapestry

of you making the rules.

All rise for the Honorable Judge Kitty

Kitty Meow Meow Face Schwartzstein.

- Order, order.

- (gavel squeaking )

This trial begins

right meow.

Oh! Ha ha!

Ahem. Judge?

Sorry, sorry.

( clears throat)

We are here to try

Dipper Pines

in the case of

Fantasy vs. Reality.

If Dipper wins,

Mabel will return with him

to the real world.

But if he loses,

he will be banished forever,

and replaced with

town darling Dippy Fresh.

Dippy, come on out.

Flip-a-dip-dip.

I hate him so much.

The final decision

will be made by

a jury of your peers.

Hi there.

I love your headband.

Shut your mouth.

I love your headband.

We're all wearing

the same headband.

ALL: Ha ha!

Headband!

Look, Mabel, this whole thing

is ridiculous.

But if winning a trial is what it takes

to get you to come home with us,

then so be it.

I'm sorry, Dipper, but I can only

speak through my legal team now.

We have a doctorate degree

in hunkiness.

Also criminal

and international law.

Let's hear

opening statements.

Your Honor,

townsfolk,

lovely ladies

of the jury.

Oh, he's talking

about us.

That's lovely.

My case is simple.

This very unrighteous dude thinks

that reality is better than fantasy.

But reality is bogus,

lame, and whack.

Objection, Your Honor.

That's conjecture.

Meow-verruled!

I'd like to show you

this "reality"

that Dipper loves so much.

Show you how it has

wronged my client, and Dipper,

their entire lives.

Exhibit "A."

Mabel's scrapbook.

Second grade,

October 10.

Photo day.

(sniffling )

Darn allergies.

Boom! A million

slap bracelets.

I'm gonna have

the best photo ever.

And how do you like

my new pigtails?

Have fun, brat.

(gasps )

You ruined my hair!

Dipper, what do I do?

Um, I... well...

I don't...

- (sobbing )

- Mabel!

Mabel's fantasy was

having a great school photo,

but reality

had other plans.

Look, that was

one bad day.

One of many. February 14,

fourth grade.

- Valentine's Day.

- Oh, come on, man. You can't...

How many Valentines

did you get, Dipper?

Oh, hey,

Dipper didn't get any.

Oh, man, I thought

I was the class loser.

Hey, everyone,

Dipstick didn't get any.

(laughter)

I can't believe

that kid's your brother.

Hey, what's the point

of all this?

That was in the past.

Is your life

any better now, bro?

Heartbreak, disaster,

broken promises.

That's reality for you.

Out there,

it's nothing but heartbreak.

But in here,

who wants pug sundaes?

Hand me a microphone,

Xyler.

Totally

righteous, bro.

- Are we brothers?

- I don't know.

I think we're ready

for a verdict.

Wait! I haven't even

presented my case.

Do you even

have a case?

Yes, I do,

Your Honor.

I call as a witness

Mabel Pines.

(all gasping )

Uh, objection?

I'll allow it.

Us cats are famously

curious, meow meow.

(spectators murmuring )

Mabel, listen.

I might not have

all the answers.

I'm not stylish,

and I'm not cool,

and I can't make

pugs appear out of thin air.

- Boo!

- Guilty!

But I know one thing well,

and that's you,

and I know that even though

you might act like it,

you don't wanna be

in this fantasy world.

Uh... pssshh!

Yeah, right.

You're scared

of growing up.

And who could

blame you?

I'm scared, too.

Uh... la la la la la la la!

I'm not listening.

Guards, the fingers.

Look, real life

stinks sometimes, okay?

I'm not gonna lie.

There's a better way

to get through it than denial,

and that's with help from

people who care about you.

It's how we've gotten

through our whole lives.

Just look.

Mabel, I figured out a way

to fix your photo.

What? You have a wig?

No, but I have a razor.

(laughs )

You're crazy.

We've always been there

for each other.

Mabel, I thought you were

living a fantasy,

but look at me.

I actually thought I was

gonna stay here

and be Ford's apprentice.

Spend my entire teens

cooped up in a basement

with a lab coat.

How ridiculous is that?

I don't know what's

gonna happen in the future,

but whatever it is,

you don't have to fear,

because we'll

do it together.

I'm not taking

Ford's apprenticeship.

We've traveled

to heck and back to get you,

and we're going back

together.

Leave this fantasy world.

Let's beat Bill

and grow up together.

Order. Order in the court!

Dang it, why is this hammer

squeaking?!

You mean it?

You're really

coming home with me?

Yes. Definitely.

Absolutely.

Awkward sibling hug?

- (frightened exclamations )

- Don't do it!

You do this,

and it's all over.

Sincere sibling hug.

Don't do the pats!

Pat, pat.

Oh, man.

I never noticed

how bright this place is.

Ugh! Have I actually been

listening to the same song

- for an entire week?

- (anguished yowl)

Whoa, time to calm you down.

Uh, why isn't

this working?

Because your reign over

this land is over!

We gotta get outta here.

Soos, Wendy,

Paradise is cancelled.

Everyone get on.

Take us to freedom,

Giant Waddles. Yeah!

All right, guys,

are you ready for this?

Sorry, Mabeland.

It's time to burst

your bubble.

Whoa.

You all good?

Everyone good?

- (all laughing )

- We've missed you, Mabel.

Hey, Dipper, I appreciate

what you said back there.

But if you wanna take

Ford's apprenticeship,

I won't get

in your way.

Pfft. Miss out on

your awkward teen years?

You wish.

Man, I went nuts

back there.

I mean, come on, the real

world can't be that bad, right?

Oh, boy.

Where is everyone?

The town's deserted.

Did Bill already win?

Come on, guys. Let's see if we can

go hide out in the shack.

Yes! It's in shambles

just like we left it.

Oh, man, this is the first time I've

ever felt happy going to work.

Hello, house.

Hello, porch.

Hello, wads of gum

I left stuck to the couch.

(muffled noises )

Wait. What was that?

Sh!

Let's get 'em, dudes.

ALL: Yah!!

(screaming )

- Stan?

- Kids?

(toilet flushes)

Just so everyone knows,

we're out of toilet paper.

Did I miss something?

Whoa, we survived.

But where are we?

Are we real?

Is this reality?

Jean-Paul Sartre

postulated that

every existing thing

is born without reason,

prolongs itself

out of weakness,

and dies by chance.

Totally righteous,

bro.

I know!