Original subtitles

Princess

Love-A-Corn says...

Buy my 42 accessories.

I know that laugh.

Show yourself.

Well, well, well,

well, well, well, well,

well, well, well, well.

Aren't you a sight

for sore eye.

Stanford Filbrick Pines,

my old pal.

Bill Cipher.

What do you want

from me?

Oh, quit playing dumb IQ.

You knew I'd be back.

You think shutting down

that portal

can stop

what I have planned?

I've been making deals,

chatting with old friends,

preparing for the big day.

You can't keep

that rift safe forever.

You'll slip up,

and when you do...

Get out of here!

You have no dominion

in our world.

Maybe not right now, but things

change, Stanford Pines

Things change.

I have to warn them.

He's coming.

All right, Grunkle Stan's gotta have

some decent board games.

Let's see, Battle Chutes

and Ladder Ships,

Necronomicopoly,

Don't Wake Stalin.

What's this? "What Could

Go Wrong, the board game.

The last players

who opened this box

never made it out alive."

Well, I guess I know

what we're...

This should take up

the next 21 minutes.

Family meeting.

- All right, Santiago.

You have 24 hours to get these

pugs across the U.S. border.

Family meeting,

family meeting!

No te preocupas.

Vamos, vamos.

Ah, children.

Come in, come in.

Ooh, mysterious

scrolls and potions.

Are you going to tell us

we're finally of age

to go to

wizard school?

Is there an owl

in this bag?

No. I can assure you,

if there's an owl in this bag,

he's long dead.

Now tell me, children,

- do either of you recognize this symbol?

- Bill.

- You know him?

Know him? He's been

terrorizing us all summer.

I have so many questions

and theories.

Dipper's been

pretty paranoid

since Bill turned him

into a living sock puppet.

The important thing is,

we defeated him twice.

Once with kittens,

and once with tickles.

It was a lot more heroic

than it sounds.

The fact that you've

dealt with Bill

is gravely serious.

So how do you

know Bill?

I have encountered many dark

beings in my time, Dipper.

What matters is, his powers

are growing stronger,

and if he pulls off

his plans,

- no one in this family will be safe.

Fortunately, there should be

a way to shield us

from his mental tricks.

A way to Bill-proof the shack.

All I have to do is place

moonstones here, here and here,

sprinkle some mercury,

and let's see,

I always forget

the last ingredient.

Ugh.

Unicorn hair.

That's not, like,

rare, is it?

It's hopeless.

Unicorns reside deep

within an enchanted glade,

and their hairs

can only be obtained

by a pure, good-hearted

person who goes on

a magical quest

to find them.

Grunkle Ford, can I please

go on this quest?

I am literally

obsessed with unicorns.

My first word

was unicorn,

I once made my own unicorn

by taping a traffic cone

to a horse's head.

Are you even looking

at the sweater I'm wearing right now?

Not to mention that I'm probably

the most pure-of-heart person

in this room.

- That's true. She has a point.

- Can't argue there.

So can I go on a mission

to get that hair?

Please, please, please.

I'll give you my blood!

Very well,

but it won't be easy.

- Take this, and this.

- Ooh.

I haven't been in

this dimension for a while.

It's okay to give

children weapons, right?

Come on, dawg.

It's the cops. Gun it!

Candy, Grenda, Wendy,

clear the afternoon.

So what are the odds

she gets that hair?

Unlikely. I've dealt with

unicorns before,

and if I had to describe

them in one word,

it would be "frustrating."

- So what are we gonna do about Bill?

- Follow me.

Welcome to

my private study.

The place where I keep my most

ancient and secret knowledge.

Even your Uncle Stan

doesn't know about this place.

Dipper, come along.

If we can't

Bill-proof the shack,

we're gonna have to do

the next best thing.

We're gonna have to

Bill-proof our minds.

It's nice to finally

be out on a mission.

Just us gals.

Forget the gal talk.

I'm here to meet, touch,

and/or become a unicorn.

I hear, if you lick

a unicorn's neck,

it tastes like your favorite

flavor in the world.

Candy, I will make sure

you lick that unicorn's neck,

because I care about

my friends.

Honestly, I stopped

believing in unicorns

when I was, like,

five years old.

I'm just coming along

to keep you kids

from walking into

a bear trap.

Stop! This is

the magic part of the forest.

Let's see, the gnome tavern

is over there.

The fairy nail salon

is over there.

It says to summon

the unicorn,

one must bellow

this ancient chant,

droned only by the

deepest-voiced druids of old.

On it.

I bet you ten bucks

nothing happens.

- I'll take that bet.

The paintings airbrushed

on the sides of vans were true.

Mother of mothers!

- Dream of dreams!

- No way!

- Eh, eh.

Hark. Visitors to

my room of enchantment.

- Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh. What's your name?

I am Celestabellabethabelle,

last of my kind.

Come in, come in.

Just take off your shoes.

I have a whole thing

about shoes.

Uh-uh, I'm talking to

all of you.

Celestabellabethabelle,

we have journeyed far and wide.

About an hour.

On a mission to protect

our family

with your magical hair.

This is your chance, Candy.

Lick the neck.

Lick it.

Very well. To receive

a lock of my enchanted hair,

step forth, girl of

pure, perfect heart.

Presenting...

Mabel!

What?! You?

A unicorn can see

deep inside your heart, child.

Ugh.

And you have done wrong.

Wrong, I say.

I guess I do make fun

of Dipper a lot.

And I did just shatter

a window with a crossbow.

Your bad deeds

make me cry.

Come back when you're

pure of heart.

The exit is that way.

Shoes, shoes,

take your shoes.

This isn't some... some...

shoe store.

Hey, Mabel, don't

let her get to you.

Yeah, I wouldn't trust

a horse that wears makeup.

No, girls, she's right.

I used to be one of

the sweetest people I knew,

but recently, I've been

slacking

in the whole

goodness department.

Well, today, we're

gonna fix it.

From this moment forth,

I'm gonna do

so many good deeds,

I'll have the purest heart

in Gravity Falls.

That... that bird is fine.

So what is Bill exactly?

No one knows for sure.

Accounts differ of his

true motivations and origins.

I know he's older

than our galaxy,

and far more twisted.

Not a physical form,

he can only project himself

into our thoughts

through the mindscape.

That's why he wants this.

I dismantled the portal,

but with this tear,

Bill still has a way

into our reality.

To get his hands

on this rift,

he would trick

or possess anyone.

So how do we keep Bill

out of our minds?

There's a number of ways.

I personally had a metal plate

installed in my head.

Good one.

But this machine is safer.

It will scan your mind,

bio-electrically

encrypting your thoughts

so Bill can't read them.

Now say hello

to your thoughts.

Oh, man, I can't believe

I'm with the author.

Is my fly down?

♪ Disco girl,

coming through ♪

Wendy, Wendy, Wendy,

Wendy.

You might wanna

ignore that last one.

By the way, you never told me

what your history with Bill was.

Dipper, do you trust me?

- Well, yeah, but...

- Then you'll trust that that's not important.

Now focus. It's time to

strengthen your mind.

All right, Mabel, it's time

to strengthen your heart.

♪ Share a smile ♪

♪ Dream a dream ♪

♪ Doin' some good deed ♪

♪♪

Boom!

1,000 good deeds.

When that unicorn

scans my heart,

she's gonna say I'm absolutely,

100%, bona fide...

Not pure of heart.

Boo-ya! Wait, what?

How is that

even possible?

Mabel's a straight-up

saint, you judgmental hoof bag.

Please tell me

what I'm doing wrong.

Doing good days

to make yourself look better

isn't good at all.

Not to mention you're crushing,

like, ten dandelions right now.

Those are basically

children's dreams.

I'm sorry, Mabel. It's not my fault

you're a bad person.

- Mabel, wait. Come back.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have a 3:00 posing

in front of a rainbow.

Come on, Mabel. Don't beat

yourself up over this.

Let's forget about getting

that dumb unicorn hair.

It's not about the hair

anymore, guys.

It's about me.

Being kind and sweet

is what makes me who I am.

If I'm not a good person,

who am I?

I'm not leaving this spot

until I think of a deed

that makes me as good as

Celestabellabethabelle.

But Mabel...

Just leave me be.

Psst.

Guys, if you ask me,

this whole thing is a serious load.

Mabel's, like, the best

person I've ever met.

We tried getting

that hair the good way.

Now it's time

we try the Wendy way.

Are you suggesting violence?

Sabotage?

Mabel's not going

to like that.

Mabel doesn't

need to know.

Look, it's time we stopped

trying to be so "perfect,"

and be who we really are.

We're crazed, angry,

sweaty animals.

We're not unicorns.

We're women!

And we take

what we want.

- Yeah!

- Yes!

Too much?

Here's what

we're gonna do.

Get me a flagon of your

daintiest honeysuckle, please.

I'm gonna need

to see some I.D.

The cops.

Hit the deck.

I'm lookin' for someone who knows

how to take down a unicorn.

No tricks or games.

We are human.

We take what we want.

- Yeah!

- Fairy dust.

A whole magic bag's

enough to put

a unicorn out cold,

but if I

do you a favor,

you gotta do

something for me.

Just spill it, half-pint.

Butterfly trafficking is illegal

in this part of the forest.

But I like butterflies.

They tickle my face

and make me laugh.

Bring me a bag of butterflies,

and we got a deal.

Two bags of fairy dust,

just like we agreed.

Where do you get this stuff?

Everyone likes sausage, but no

one likes to know how it's made.

You disgust me.

You've got your poison,

I've got mine.

We made a deal.

Yeah, well,

the deal is off.

Freeze. You're under arrest.

Get down, get down.

These butterflies

aren't mine.

I swear.

I've been framed.

Tell it to the adorable owl

we've dressed as a judge.

My cut.

Good deeds,

good deeds.

Oh, that's not good enough.

Come on, Mabel, you can do

better than that.

Oh, sure, sure.

I wish I could travel,

but it's just not feasible

in this economy.

What the hay?

Sleep now. Sleep.

No, wait!

Stop!

Mabel, sh!

You'll wake her up.

But this is wrong, guys.

But protecting

the shack is good.

What?

Doth my eyes

deceive me?

You shall never be

pure of heart.

No, you don't understand.

I just wanna be

good like you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

you gotta be kiddin' me.

Huh?

Yo, C-Beth, are you

seriously pullin'

this "pure of heart"

scam again?

That is

messed up, man.

Wait. Scam?

Kid, unicorns can't

see into your heart.

All our dumb horns can do is glow,

point toward the nearest rainbow,

and play rave music.

Yeah, the whole

"pure of heart" racket

is just a line we use to get

humans to leave us alone.

Guys, shut up.

All this time.

All this time, I thought

I was a bad person.

- But you're even worse than I am!

Okay, fine, so you

learned our secret.

We're jerks, okay.

We have more hair

than we know what to do with,

and we keep it

to ourselves

just to tick

humans off.

What are you gonna

do about it, huh? Huh?

What are you gonna do?

Whoo!

Go, Mabel.

Join the dark side.

Fight, fight, fight!

So it's a fight you want.

Well, then it's

a fight you're gonna get.

Uh, this is taking forever.

How long have I been

doing this for?

Why does he have to be

so mysterious about Bill?

I can handle the truth.

I wonder what

Great-uncle Ford is thinking.

Use the machine.

It'll show you his thoughts.

I shouldn't.

He won't know.

He's going to tell you

eventually.

The more you know

about Bill,

the more you can help.

Man, I am really good

at rationalizing.

Yes, you are.

Just a little peek.

What are you hiding

about Bill?

Where are these ideas

comin' from?

Who are you working with?

My brother's

a dangerous know-it-all.

He would trick or possess

anyone.

Then it's a deal.

From now until the end of time.

Just plug me into

your mind, Stanford.

Please, call me

a friend.

Ford and Bill?

You shouldn't

have done that.

Why were you

shaking hands with Bill?

You said Bill could possess

anyone so he could get this.

Careful!

Hand me the rift.

Now, boy.

Why were you really

scanning my thoughts?

Are you Bill right now?

Now just calm down.

Pine Tree. Is that what

you were going to call me?

I was gonna say

please, kid.

Great-uncle Ford told me

to protect the rift.

Get one step closer

and I'll shoot.

I'll erase you right out

of Ford's head.

It's me, Dipper.

It's your uncle.

Trust no one,

trust no one.

- Trust...

- Hand it to me.

Let go of me.

Now just calm down.

Calm down.

Look into my eyes.

Look at my pupils.

It's me, Dipper.

It's me.

I tried to erase your mind.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay, Dipper.

Besides, my mind can't be erased

anyway, remember?

If that really was

Bill, though,

you would've done great.

I should've been more like you

when I was young.

Dipper, I was a fool

to try to hide all this.

The reason I've been

trying to prepare you

for Bill's tricks

is because Bill tricked me.

It's the biggest

regret of my life.

Bill wasn't always

my enemy, Dipper.

I used to think

he was my friend,

long, long ago.

I had hit a roadblock

in my investigation

of Gravity Falls,

until I found

some mysterious writing

in a cave.

Ancient incantations

about a being with answers.

I t warned me

not to read them,

but I was desperate.

I read the inscription

aloud, but nothing happened,

until later that afternoon,

when I had

the most peculiar dream.

Hiya, smart guy.

Whoa, don't have

a heart attack.

You're not 92 yet.

Who are you?

Name's Bill, and your name's

Stanford Pines,

the man who

changed the world.

But I'm getting ahead

of ourselves.

Let's relax. Care for a game of

interdimensional chess?

Have a cup of tea.

He told me

he was a muse,

that he chose one brilliant

mind a century to inspire.

What a fool I was.

Blinded by his flattery

and games.

He became

my research assistant.

He was free to move

in and out of my mind

as he pleased;

we were partners.

When he told me that I could

complete my research

by building a gateway

to other worlds,

I trusted him.

He said this was

the way genius happened--

with a little help

from a friend.

It seemed that I was

on the verge

of my greatest

achievement.

Until my partner

got a glimpse

of Bill's true plans.

Bill, you lied to me!

Where does that portal

really lead?

Looks like Mr. Brainiac

finally got smart.

Let's just say that

when that portal finishes

charging up,

your dimension is gonna learn

how to party,

right, guys?

No. I'll stop you.

I'll shut it down!

A deal's a deal, sixer.

You can't stop the bridge

between our world from coming.

But it would be fun

to watch you try.

Cute even.

I'd been betrayed.

I shut the portal down,

severing the link

between Bill's world and ours.

I had to hide

my instructions

so no one could ever

finish Bill's work.

Bill's been waiting

for the gateway

to reopen ever since.

All he needs to do is get

his hands on this rift.

To Bill, it's just a game.

But to us, it would mean

the end of our world.

Oh, man.

"Oh, man" indeed.

I'm so embarrassed

about earlier.

I'm such an idiot.

From now on,

no more secrets between us.

We're not the first two idiots

to be tricked by Bill, boy,

but if we work together,

we could be the last.

But what about Bill?

I broke the machine.

Now we have no way

to protect the shack.

Did someone say

unicorn hair?

Uh, no, actually.

Oh. That would've

been perfect.

Either way, we got

some unicorn hair.

Also some unicorn tears,

unicorn eyelashes.

They finally gave us

this treasure chest

to get rid of us.

It can't be.

This is

a great day, girls.

With this unicorn hair,

we'll be able to

completely shield the shack

from Bill's

mind-reading tricks.

- Is it okay?

- Better than okay. It's perfect.

You've protected

your family.

You're a good

person, Mabel.

Thanks, Grunkle Ford,

but today I learned that

morality is relative.

Money!

Perfect.

This will protect us

from Bill.

As long as

we're inside,

our minds are safe.

I guess I can't possess

anyone inside the shack,

so I 'II just have to find

my next pawn

on the outside.