Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

- Just back from the hunt? - Just bringing home the bacon.

The boars don't stand a chance with him on the job!

By the way, we were ambushed by a platoon of Romans.

Those Romans are crazy!

Hail Centurion! The platoon has returned to report to you, sir.

Mamma mia!

What is a going on here?

- We were ambushed by two Gauls. - But they also had a very vicious dog.

One dog and two Gauls.

They seemed like two hundred, and they surprised us.

These Gauls are making us the laughing stock of all of Rome.

It's their secret vitamin potion that is making them so strong.

There must be a way to get rid of the potion!

- What? - We could just get rid of their wizard!

That's it! We get rid of the wizard and no more vitamin potion!

Capture the wizard! Dead or alive. Don't just stand here.

Don't just stand there he says.

And who are you?

Fantastic!

Let's see!

Hey!

We got you!

- They got Panoramix! - It was the Romans!

No!

Hurry!

- Oh great, just great Obelix! - I scared off the Romans didn't I?

- But what do we do with wizard now? - Let's inflate him!

Perhaps I could wake him with my music?

I swear chief it was just a tiny little rocket, just nicked him too.

- Hey everybody he's waking up - See?

- How are you feeling Panoramix? - Oh just fine!

Who are you, monsieur?

Asterix, you know me, Asterix!

Please to meet you.

Asterix? What a funny name!

I'm so glad to see you well again Panoramix.

It was just a little rocket!

He didn't even noticed it.

- Oh the fat guy! It's too much! - Fat guy?

Panoramix snap out of it, it's you chief you must remember me.

- He's lost his memory. - Then let me sing for him!

He's bound to remember my talent!

- Obelix we had better take him home. - Yes!

- Beautiful! I want more! - The wizard gone mad!

- He's crazy! - He's really crazy!

- The wizard? Where is he? - But general we don't know!

- What? - There was another ambush again!

- This time they had superior numbers! - All right, how many?

Two. But they also had a big rocket launcher!

- A rocket? - Those Gauls are crazy!

We'll never get rid of them!

The sky is falling on our heads!

- Is he any better? - No not one bit.

Let him get some rest, lets go see the chief.

What do we do now?

If Panoramix had not gone deaf I know he could save us.

Friends the sky is not falling, it's only a little storm.

That's it, I'll sing us a little song and give us some courage.

- The God of thunder is upset with us! - Don't panic!

The Gods of our village will protect us!

Have you seen?

Excuse me brave chief, invite the stranger in.

Yes, yes sure... Let me out.

- Who are you? - I am a lost and weary traveller.

I was caught in this storm, I beg you give me shelter...

from this weather. Until it shall pass. I mean you no harm.

Yeah, of course, my hut is your hut, anything I can do...

- to make you more comfortable! - I bet he must be really hungry.

I think I have a little goats milk and a some wild boar.

Gee I don't mind if I do.

- What's your name traveller? - My name is Prolix.

I knew I would be caught in this storm and I knew you would welcome me...

into your hut and I knew I could count on your hospitality though...

I must say that your friend has a unusual way of sharing food with a hungry guest.

But still I knew this was how it would be!

- But how could you see that? - Because I see the future.

The future?

Someone here does not believe me!

I fear that he's only going to make things worse for you.

- Are you the one who doesn't believe? - It wasn't me!

Mr. Prolix, you must excuse my men, they love to fight.

I know.

Excuse me Mr. fortune teller, is the sky going to fall on our heads?

If I look at the insides of an animal I could tell you for sure.

- You could read the inside of this boar. - There is nothing left to read!

But the insides of this dog could tell the future.

I'm a very good dog reader.

If you touch my little Idefix, you'll be taking an early retirement.

Be careful Mr. Fortune-teller, Obelix's predictions are usually correct.

Too bad, I guess you will never know if the sky is going to fall on your heads.

- Wait, will a fish do? - A fish? Well I suppose...

I could read the future in a fish.

Fishso and suchiraw tell the future through my jaw now despite the...

unbelief I sense among you, I see, the sky will not fall upon your heads.

And after the storm will follow sunny days!

Oh thank you what a relief!

Also I see there is going to be a fight!

If Panoramix was here he would tell you that this man is a fake.

It's safer to believe the fortune teller.

But Asterix you heard the fish spoke.

There is only one thing you can tell by looking at this fish.

- You gonna tell us? - Whoever eats it is going to get sick.

- And why, may I ask, is that? - Cause your fish are not very fresh!

- What do you mean they are not fresh? - They stink!

Well luckily the future is better than it smells.

Sorry my friend but Asterix is right!

Take your fish out of here!

Hey friends and neighbours!

After the storm, sunny days.

But now I must go. Other villages will be needing my services.

- Thanks for your hospitality! - Oh Mr. Prolix, don't go!

- Well... I could stay... - Well good riddance!

If there's one thing I can't stand it's a fishy fortune teller.

- But he predicted the sun after the storm. - And he predicted the fight as well.

The chief told him we fight all the time and when we talk...

- about your fish we fight more. - What do you mean?!

That your fishes stink as much as you!!

Chief, hold on to your temper, we've still got to find a cure for our wizard!

Oh gosh I completely forgot about him in the excitement.

Asterix what are we going to do to cure him?

I don't know, If he was well he could cure himself with the potion, oh, hey!

Panoramix, can't you remember the formulas of your magic potions?

The potion? What the heck is a potion little Gaul?

Panoramix, you have to understand, we must have the magic potion...

to defend against the Romans.

Yes, but who is this Panoramix you keep talking about?

I don't know him!

Don't worry about who that is, just try to make the magic potion!

Yes, but what is this big pot! What shall I do?

- Just put the proper ingredients in it. - What is this fat guy carrying?

Asterix tell him not to call me fat wizard or no wizard,...

- I'll put this pot right on his head. - Stop Obelix, I you tried that already.

It's funny!

- Yes, sure! - He seems to remember the formulae.

Shall I put this in?

If you think is the right thing to do...

What was that? What was that? What are they doing?

Hey!

Hey!

- What is this? - Let's go back to the camp!

Mr. Fortune teller? Mr. Fortune teller?

Mr. Fortune teller?

Prolix, wait for me!

Oh wait for me Prolix!

God are upset with you! It is bad luck not to respect the fortune teller.

No don't go, I respect you!

What do you see in the future for me?

- Please come back! - There are two in the village who don't...

respect me, the man with moustache and the guy who didn't let me read his dog.

But they are barbarians, don't let them bother you!

If you had them thrown out then I could stay, what do you say?

Oh, but they protect our village, we need them. It's not possible!

Then again with a little help I suppose I could settle in this clearing.

Oh yes, and I will make sure Asterix and Obelix never come out here.

And I can bring you everything you need to eat and drink.

No, we fortune tellers lead a lonely life of quiet meditation.

Just bring me a few things to read, wild boar, chicken, turkey, and a beer.

- Even with beer you can read the future? - If it's not the first draught.

I will bring you everything, butt tell me what does the future hold for me?

I read in the flight of this little birdy,...

that you will not need to spend the rest of your life in this little village.

- Oh but my husband is chief! - He's called to a more important destiny.

Perhaps my rich brother will make us partners with him in Lutezia.

Absolutely. I was just going to say that now leave me while I meditate.

- Why doesn't it go boom? - Perhaps it's going to work.

And I am the Easter bunny. We better taste it, make sure there is no danger.

I should taste it! It's my fault the wizard forgot how to make it.

Obelix as the village chief its my responsibility.

No it's too dangerous! We could offer it to a Roman for a taste test.

- Where are you going? - We're looking for Romans.

And maybe a few wild boars for a light snack in the woods.

Obelix if you are hungry! I'll invite you to my house for a great big lunch.

- Thank you madam but there isn't time. - I'm sure, but there is always...

- time for roast boar, isn't there Obelix? - Oh I think so madam.

- But Obelix what about the Romans?! - Are you refusing an invitation...

- from the chief's wife? - No madam...

Then shut up and lets move!

- What do you want? - The platoon has returned.

Get me out of here!

- The Gauls are making a lot of noise. - And they are taking pot shots at us!

Pot-shots? They are taking pot shots at my legionaries?

- That is not fair! - Nobody fights with cooking pots.

- The Gauls must be making a plan. - Lets leave them live in peace!

Take this fool out of there, he just volunteered to spy on the Gauls.

- Come out of there now! - No!

I then order you to be cooked alive into that pot.

- You wouldn't do that! - Guess again!

Soldier are you coming out!

Piggy wiggie? We have guests for lunch.

Piggy Wiggie? You haven't called me that since the beginning of our marriage!

I know I misjudged you piggy wiggie.

Piggy wiggie?

Offer your friends a drink while I cook lunch Piggy Wiggie.

Piggy wiggie?

- What is it with you two? - We're sorry Piggy Wiggie, I mean chief.

Would you knock it off? Why did you invite these two dummies?

Because they are the two best warriors I the village, Piggy Wiggie!

The wizard is sick so the Romans could attack us, Piggy Wiggie.

- The Romans are too afraid to bother us! - But we haven't got any potion!

Asterix & Obelix should stay in the village and not go in the forest!

- No! - Don't you agree, Piggy Wiggie?

You think it 's funny do you? Then you can stay in the village and guard the wizard!

- Perfect piggy Wiggie! - Eh?

You're going to blow my cover, go away!

You still here?

Oh Prolix, I brought you a little something to read my future with.

- It's stuffed, there is nothing inside! - Give it to me!

I read stuffing as well.

Oh oh oh! Your future looks grand.!

- Mimmina? - Yes?

- What are you doing here Mimmina? - Well I was just picking mushrooms.

- Yes, I was just picking mushrooms. - You haven't been very lucky!

- Do you want some of mine? - Well oh can you keep a secret?

The fortune teller is in the woods and he read my future!

But you mustn't tell anyone!

And Diperdix is going to be very rich and he is going to give me lots of jewels.

- It's incredible! - Right!

- Oh I have a secret to tell you. - But you mustn't tell anyone!

The fortune teller is in the woods!

I know, I'm bringing him some heavy reading.

Enough with dead animals from now on I'll read in the gold!

Go home nice dog!

Go away nice dog! Go away!

Look who we have here!

What do you know Asterix, these crazy Romans are branching out all over the place.

Stop!

Please don't cook me again!

Don't worry, we just want you to taste the soup.

I think it needs a little work.

Ah don't worry there Mr. Roman, were still working on the recipe.

Oh no!

I got him! I got him!

- I got him! I got him! - No!

I got you!

I made it! I made it!

- How do you feel? - Better!

Light headed, really light headed.

I'm too light headed! Somebody catch me!

- Hey! It's me! - Who?

Don't even ask just give me rope.

- Centurion! - Where is he and what is with this rope?

Have a look for yourself.

- What are you doing? Get down! - But there's no way!

I'm as light as a butterfly in the wind.

Lower that butterfly!

The wizard is experimenting with a new potion and he won't stop laughing.

Why did you drink? Idiot!

Take a platoon, find out what they are doing in their village.

- What we need is another Roman. - You're right!

- Matusalemmix, where are you going? - I'm having a beer in the forest...

What?

Something very strange is happening around here.

They're all going into the forest while we are stuck here doing nothing.

Hey chief!

What is going on in that forest? Obelix you guard the wizard

I'll be back as soon as I can.

Anyone here?

You chased him out, the chief told... you not to come into the forest!

- Chased who? - The fortune teller!

Great disaster will befall us! Asterix has chased the fortune teller!

- Ave centurion! - Ave, what have you got?

I was leading the platoon to the Gaulish village and we discovered this intruder...

in the forest and his story is very interesting, so I brought him to you sir.

Let's see him!

A prisoner from Gaul? Why did you take him here?

Excuse me mister Gaul, you are one of these super strong Gauls, the enemy?

Me, oh no, I am a peaceful man, I am against no one at all.

That is nice.

Voila, my name is Prolix. I travel about in search of a patron.

Yes I knew that here I would find a soldiers that was strong and generous,...

even if some of his less sensible troupes didn't show me...

the respect that they should.

What then, I knew all this before!

Well done, so tell me how you are knowing all that?

- Well I'm a fortune teller. - A fortune teller?

So you are a fortune teller of the Gauls of the near village?

Yes sir, for example I foresee that you will be promoted and achieve great plans.

- So am I going to conquer the Gauls? - You guess well!

Magnifico, unfortunately for you we are under orders to arrest fortune tellers.

What, what well I, in that case no more joking, I mean I am not a fortune teller!

That was just a little joke! In fact I am a bit of a rascal.

- Come here! - No please, don't arrest me!

I'm not a real fortune teller!

But you were saying that I am going to get a promotion?

- It's a joke! That is absolutely absurd! - Well that makes sense.

What do you mean by that? Hold your tongue!

I'm going to give you a little test. Heads or tails?

Neither, neither one.

Bingo! You predicted right!

Than you must be a real fortune teller!

But it's not true! It's very easy for a coin to fell like that!

Put this man in chains.

But I'm not a fortune teller! I'm a fake! I flatter the people of the village!

I tell them what they want to hear so they believe me, anything, anything I say!

- So the Gauls believe anything you say? - Yes! Yes!

So may be you can be useful than!

Yes sir!

Your actions have been unworthy! It's dangerous to anger a fortune teller!

He is an impostor, he takes all your money to make himself fat!

He's out there right now looking for a whole new bunch of suckers!

I don't think he was an impostor, he said all the right things.

- Please Mrs. Chief, open your eyes! - Open your eyes? Open your eyes!

He was a wise man!

Oh my gosh, it is Prolix, the fortune teller! He is back.

Yes people of Gaul!

I have returned, to tell you that Gods are very upset with you!

Yes your village is doomed!

Even your air will be poisonous soon!

lt'll become revolting! Poison! Your faces will turn pale!

You will loose the colour of life!

Please get away before it is too late!

I tell you it is your only hope! Now everyone has been warned!

Did you hear him?

I will not stay another minute in this doomed village, lets go to Lutezia!

Have you gone nuts, you are not going to abandon our village on account of fur face!

But if on the off chance he might be right, we would all be doomed.

I think we should move to the little island that is right off the coast.

- But Piggy Wiggie it's in Lutezia that... - Don't be silly, when the danger...

is clear we will come back.

Asterix, shall we go?

No, I stay!

Everybody else get to the boats!

- May be I should sing for you! - Shut up!

Obelix are you leaving?

Well...no I'll stay!

All aboard who is going aboard!

The Romans can attack whenever they like now.

I guess we should hide.

That is it, mission accomplished! the Gauls have left their village.

I am not surprised, I knew all along that all along you were a real fortune teller.

- Arrest him now? - You promised you would let me go!

No! I am first going to check to make sure that the Gaul village is clear.

- I knew it! - I'll bet!

No, no that is not what I meant, I didn't know at all, I am not a fortune teller!

It was just a haunch! That's all, that's all!

Look the fortune teller is leading the Romans right into our village.

The fortune teller and the Romans, of course the are in this together.

- We can't let them take our village! - No Obelix!

It's too dangerous!. We haven't got any magic potion!

All we can do is sit here and keep an eye on Panoramix.

This place is deserted, completely deserted, Sir.

Go to Rome and carry this message to Caesar: you tell him: all of Gaul...

is occupied! Then he will ask: ''Totally?'' And you will say to him: ''Totally!''.

He will understand.

As Caesar would say, gentlemen we came, we saw and we won them.

Bravo Prolix you are really good!

So Should I arrest him now, since he is a real fortune teller.

But, but, it is not true! I told you it's not true!

- Are you saying I would not be promoted? - But I could not know that.

- What do you see? - I told you I don't make predictions!

The truth, or I will read my future on your own insides!

- Oh, yes you will get a promotion! - So we arrest him?

- No! A fortune teller could be useful. - But sir orders are orders!

I say if he is a real fortune teller we arrest him!

But I am not! Remember I predicted a curse on the air of the village?

Hey wait a minute!

Don't you think there is a strange odour here?

- A strange odour? - It's true!

I haven't asked for your opinion!

Centurion, the air is unbreathable in the village. It stinked!

Stinks? What do you mean by that?

- Great, Gods are with you Prolix! - It's not possible!

It's not possible! No!

It's not possible! It's not possible!

It's not possible!

It's not possible! It's not possible! It's not possible!

Trumpeter, sound the evacuation of this place on the double!

I made it! I made it once again!

Obelix!

This is all my fault!

And to think it is all because I threw that stupid little rocket!

I was out of my mind! Completely out of my mind!

Asterix?

Asterix!

- You called me Asterix! - Asterix!

Panoramix you are cured!

Obelix! Did you throw this rock on Panoramix?

Absolutely to try and cure the wizard. Don't tell me I did the wrong thing!

This is great, I can't believe it, our wizard is still safe.

- Good boy! - What do you mean still? I just cured...

But baby as soon as everything settles down we will go back to the village.

- On this island I'll never get my jewels. - You're right!.

If only our wizard was here, hey little fishy when he had his marbles

You are scaring the fish, cut it out.

him with my own delicate treatment.

At ease.

This is much better.

What, But we had to retreat from the village we just conquered.

So, thanks to the fortune teller we have no more Gauls, that is the main thing.

- Good so now I can arrest him. - Absolutely not!

Excuse me, a beg your pardon, I don't think I quiet understand.

That is why I am a Centurion and you are just a soldier!

Come along, I want to talk with you.

Bighead!.

You predict our fates, you are a true fortune teller!

You knew there would be a disaster and it came.

- Then I must be a real fortune teller. - You should be placed under arrest.

- I am sure I must be a fake! - But you could be useful to me.

- I am not a fake! - With your predictions and advice...

- I am a fortune teller! -... I could go very far!

Maybe I will even replace Caesar.

Of course I would be very generous.

I'm a fortune teller! I'm a fortune teller!

Make up your mind because if you're not real, we'll tear you apart!

Please sit down and tell me a little bit more about my future.

But I already told you that the Gods will give you protection!

- And you will be promoted! - I know that!

- Tell me how it will be when I am Caesar! - Well you will be real powerful!

- The Romans will fear you! - Very good!

- Very good and Cleopatra? - What is Cleopatra?

- You never heard of Cleopatra? - Oh yes,Cleopatra silly me, Cleopatra!

She will be crazy for you she will be head over heels for you and after...

Fortune-teller!

- Who are you? - You mean you don't know?

- What do you want? - You are the lucky winner Prolix!

- Winner? Winner of what? - It is a surprise!

- Surprise, what kind of a surprise? - Can't you guess fortune teller?

Well yes of course, I was only asking. A surprise. Wait it is coming to me.

Fortune teller, tell the man your surprise.

- What is that noise? - How would I know?

- The Gauls and you didn't let me know. - How was I supposed to know?

Leave him to me!

So you couldn't guess we were here eh fortune teller? And Lutezia?

Piggy Wiggie partners with my brother? it was all a lie, shame on you!

- You're just a cheat! - Bravo Madam!! Very good!

Go girls!

- Hey who are you? - I am Caius Blocus!

Special envoy to Caesar.

Hey Dog beater!

Hello everybody! How are you! At your orders centurion!

Julius Caesar asked me to come and see if you really and truly had conquered...

these fearsome and rebellioushed Gauls.

You are an embarrassment! They conquered you.

Come on everybody lets go home!

But it is not my fault! Shut up, you have been demoted!

You are a legionnaire and even that is too generous!

Back to Rome!

So I am going to be promoted am I? Centurion Arrest this impostor!

I will not take order from some low ranking legionaire!

You'll clean up this entire mess alone and speak properly to your superior!

Oh go on, get out, I don't want civilians in my camp!