Original subtitles

[Korvo] Jesse, Yumyulack, let's go.

We're gonna be late for the grand opening of the new Arby's Water Park:

Aquarby's.

I can't wait to float in that Horsey Sauce River.

Time to get wet and wild, baby.

Man, oh, man, have I been looking forward--

- You aren't coming. - What? Bitch, how come not?

Because this trip to Aquarby's is a reward for those of us

who actually did our chores.

Chow-was? Okay.

What, we're just making up words now?

Each of us did stuff around the house to make it a better place to live.

I, for instance, jackhammered the driveway

and re-poured the concrete.

I sump-pumped the basement and set up mesh WiFi.

I switched all our light bulbs to woke LEDs

that are softer on our alien skin.

You were supposed to clean the house.

I like it like this.

It's not neglect. it's a choice.

Ah! The Pupa's got a rat on him.

- [Pupa screaming] - Okay, fine.

Maybe the walls could use a wipedown.

But you can't make me clean by myself.

I'm alone. I'm scared. I'm just a kid.

This exact scenario is in the prenup we signed.

You know I can't read. I'm a dumb kid.

That's no excuse. Let's roll, everyone, except Terry.

I wanna be first in line for the premium Nine Piece Chicken Nugget Splash Pad.

- [JK Sevens beeping] - The robot guy gets to go?

Leave JK Sevens alone. He pulls his weight.

The whole house had better be clean by the time we return

or you can't go to any of the other

fast food theme parks we are visiting this summer.

That includes the Chipotle Indoor Ski Lodge.

[gasps] Korvo!

This is the worst thing you've ever done to me!

[Korvo] And don't forget to clean the goddamn backyard.

Oh, God!

[♪ dramatic Western music playing]

♪

[Cherie] It turns out the guns, germs, and the steal

were in our hearts the whole time. [chuckles]

You know, the people in the wall who rewrite the books

they miss when they were big?

I think they run out of steam and just wing it.

- Germs! - Oh, that's right.

[Pezlie giggling]

Hey. Who wants paella?

Is that chunks of worm, I smell?

Surprise.

I found two by the fence.

[contented sigh]

[Cherie] You know, Montez,

this life we've built here by the puddle,

it's the first time since getting shrunk down

that I've truly been happy.

This place is special,

safe and hidden away,

all the water we need.

But it's also so removed from society.

Everybody I trust or care about is right here.

I just wonder, what if people out there are suffering?

You're a good man.

But protecting Pezlie is what's important now.

Fuck everybody else.

Totally.

Fucking fuck them right in their fucking faces.

Anyway, I'm gonna forage for some ingredients.

We're having foie grass tonight.

Can you say "terrible pun"?

Tewible pwun.

[Cherie] That's my girl.

[Pezlie giggling]

[sighs] No one's coming. Let's get outta here.

- [Hedgey chitters] - [Gavin grunting]

Come on. I liked Sofia too,

but she's in Basketballburgh.

- That's where we gotta go. - [Hedgey screeches]

I'm not just saying that because it's Saturday

and there's a juicy blackjack tournament.

You know I wanna avoid that place like the plague.

- [Montez] Hello? - [gasps]

Would you ever put the cart

before the horse?

What are you... Was that code?

Oscar didn't give us a code.

You know Oscar?

- How is the old son of a bitch? - He's dead.

Oh, man, that sucks.

Oscar was a real one.

Wish I hadn't called him a son of a bitch just now.

So, uh, where's the, uh, cart with the, uh, food or--

I know the food was a cover. The spigot's gone.

The bounty hunter on the lizard took it, with Oscar's niece.

Damn it. I needed that spigot.

I don't give a shit.

He could be torturing Sofia right now.

Getting the spigot and using it to turn the water back on in the yard

will save hundreds of lives.

Look, I get that's important and we can find the spigot,

but you gotta help me rescue the girl.

Fine. But if Albert has them, he's going to move fast.

We need somewhere we can come up with a plan.

[sighs] Yeah, we can use my house.

We have to be quick.

[♪ upbeat festive music playing]

[rattling]

- [slot machines beeping] - [coins clinking]

[Sofia] Help!

Help!

Let me out!

Stop. Just leave, okay?

Tell your terrorist friends we treated you well.

But by God, don't hurt anyone.

What? You're the violent one.

Basketballburghians don't resort to violence.

Your bounty hunter killed my uncle.

He chased us across the yard and tried to kill me too.

What? He would never.

Guards, bring me Little Richard.

- We call him that on account of-- - His tiny dick. Yes, I remember.

You guys talking about my dick?

Did you kill anyone getting the spigot back?

Hmm. That's against policy.

- He's lying. - Little Richard?

It's possible that someone might have died.

You decapitated my uncle!

Damn, you saw that?

I'm deeply disappointed in you, Little Richard.

Killing folks might be what the thugs in the so-called Resistance do

but here in Basketballburgh,

we hold ourselves to a higher standard.

I'm sorry.

- [swords clanking] - [slap smacks]

- Ah. - You swore that you changed.

This time, you must suffer the consequences.

- Take him to holding! - Get away from me.

Don't take me. Please. No, please!

- What are you gonna do to him? - He'll stand trial.

Will you stay and testify?

I'm getting the hell outta here.

The only way the justice system works

is if we participate in it.

But I understand.

I am so sorry for your loss.

If I could, I'd give you a million uncles.

Uh, thanks. I only needed one.

Of course. Let me walk you out.

I know it's not quite like Omaha

or the other modern cities of the before-fore,

but it's pretty damn close.

We've even got a Nashville Hot Chicken place.

Is that a coffee shop?

Brewed from single-source coffee grounds

from one trash can.

See the lights?

We're lighting them for the first time tonight

as the grand opening of the Fair.

- The what? - The Yard's Fair.

- You haven't heard? - Mm.

I was too busy getting chased by your murderous bounty hunter.

Touché. I know this all seems superficial

when you've suffered such a loss.

But Basketballburgh is more than just a city.

It's a symbol, the dawning of a new era for all of us.

What does all this have to do with stealing the water spigots?

No, I didn't steal them.

I hid them from the warlords

and psychos who want to control the water.

It could get Mad Max: Fury Road

back here real fast if we aren't careful.

See there? That's the First Bank of the Yard.

Starting today, everyone will be able

to trade Yardbucks for water.

So this is all about Yardbucks?

Yes. Creating demand for Yardbucks is how I'll jumpstart an economy.

The barter system must die so civilization can grow.

I wanna create a system

that negates the need for some tiny despot.

I don't know. It's just my dream.

My passion project.

When this sweet lady rises into the sky,

you'll be able to see the whole yard.

Albert, I have some re-stitching to do on the basket,

but we should be able to launch on schedule.

Ah, Sofia, this is Mia.

She organized the balloon's restoration.

Hi, you probably don't remember, but you greeted me

when I first came into The Wall.

Of course, I do.

Size two bottle cap hat, right?

I always remember the people who had a sparkle.

Excuse me, I see the band setting up

and need to go make sure they don't play Hey Ya!

Hey No! is more like it.

I should go.

You're leaving before the fair starts?

I just... Do you... Do you think Albert's a good guy?

Yeah! I've seen everyone come through this Wall over the years.

Albert's the real deal.

So the band is very limited in what they can play.

Hey Ya! it is.

Sofia, still want me to get you a cart to take you out of town?

I think I'll stay for the fair.

Hey ya!

Damn it, that's how long it takes to get it stuck in your head.

[Hedgey chittering] [Gavin] Come on, Hedge,

folks are looking for a degenerate gambler with a hedgehog,

not a degenerate gambler with a mouse.

This is taking too long. She's going to be back soon.

Can we talk through the plan one more time?

Are you sure we need the ears?

The ears have to look right or we won't get past the guards.

Who is this? What's going on?

- Crap. - Hey, you're Cherie.

Oh, my God. Cherie's alive.

You're part of the Resistance?

You've been lying to me this whole time.

I'm not built like you, Cherie.

I can't stand by while those Basketballburgh bastards

cause pain and suffering.

If you came with us, nobody would stand in our way.

In the way of what? Ah! Mm.

No, I don't even wanna know.

Albert controls all the water spigots now.

But if we can liberate just one,

we can spray free water to the whole yard.

Come with us.

The Yard is worse than I've ever seen.

Grass is dead, people are desperate.

It's The Wall all over again.

I don't care. The only thing that matters is keeping my daughter safe.

I am done with politics.

Protecting Pezlie means protecting the world we leave for her.

I've saved The Wall over and over again. It never works.

Well, you might be at peace, but I'm not.

I did bad things. I put people's heads on spikes.

I need to balance the scale and do something good.

Pezlie, say goodbye to Uncle Monte.

He's gonna get himself killed.

Bye-bye. [giggles]

Hey. Are you two a thing?

Nah. Just roommates who smash.

A lot. I don't know. It's confusing. Let's just go.

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[grunting]

What are you doing?

I'm stealing this spigot.

[gasps] That's why you stayed.

Yeah. Albert's a liar.

He's just as obsessed with power as Tim or Sisto or anyone else.

No way. Albert's an honorable man.

Tell it to my uncle Oscar, who he had killed.

Help me get this spigot out of here.

You can trust me.

You just don't know the truth.

- What are you doing? Mia! - [lock clicks]

- [grunting] - [Mia] I'm sorry.

And therefore, today I declare the dangers of the frontier are no more.

Tighter. [groans]

The Yard will rise to meet the occasion.

[knocking on door]

Hey, boss. Ooh, nice girdle.

Damn straight. It's a big day.

Gotta look like I don't eat and drink more than everyone else.

You weren't seen, were you?

Nah, I was careful.

It sucks having to hide during the fair, though.

I wanted to ride the rides.

You will, but first I need that little bitch...

- [gasps] - [Albert] ...to think you're on trial.

[Little Richard] I know, but they have fried bugs.

Soon, Sofia will tell me everything her uncle knew

and I can wipe out the last of the Resistance.

Then control of the water, and the yard, will be mine.

- That'd be huge, bro. - Right?

And I didn't need to raise an army or start a cult to do it.

I just had to lean on good old-fashioned greed.

Could I just torture the girl and get the info fast?

Oh, that's such a Little Richard thing to say.

You and your torture.

I do love it.

Let's see how today goes.

If she doesn't come around, you can cut off some of her fingers.

- Yes! - [Mia gasps softly]

- Did you hear something? - Sorry.

I thought it'd be silent.

It might smell like fried bug,

but I swear I didn't have any.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

[gasps] You were right.

Little Richard is free,

and Albert wants to find out what you know.

They're gonna torture you.

I knew it. I told you he was a piece of shit.

I know. I'm so sorry. How can I help?

If you can figure out how to get this spigot

out of Basketballburgh without anyone seeing,

that would be really, really cool.

- [crowd cheering] - [♪ marching band music playing]

When I say, "and will rise to meet the occasion,"

that's when you launch the balloon with our two guests of honor.

They'll be the first to see the grand view.

Thank you, Albert. You really are a great guy.

- Yay, Albert. - Woo-hoo-hoo! Speech time.

Welcome, tiny people,

to the first-ever Yard's Fair.

[crowd applauding]

God, I wish I was down there.

Ooh, is that a sword swallower?

Damn it!

[Albert] Today, we find ourselves at the threshold of a bright future.

The frontier days are over.

And the barter economy must end with them.

Where are you guys from?

Thespians from the amphitheater

in the Frisbee, by the dog poo.

We're doing Of Mice and Men in the fall.

This is the mouse.

Cool. That dog poop's huge. Have fun.

[Albert] Yardbucks are the key to economic change.

My intelligence says that's where Albert keeps the spigots.

[Gavin] And my intelligence says

that roulette wheel is beatable.

Look. It's on a slant!

[Montez] Stay focused. We've gotta get to that wine glass.

Wait a minute. Is that a milk mouse?

I haven't had mouse milk since The Wall.

Hey. Mouse Man, wait up.

Oh, shit. Uh, we don't have any milk.

Your voice sounds familiar.

Dad? No, wait.

Shitbird.

You think you could sneak back in here without me finding out?

Where's my money?

We don't want any trouble.

[all grunting]

[Albert] As of today, the First Bank of the Yard

will accept Yardbuck payments for water.

And to celebrate, the bank will give out five free Yardbucks

to everyone here.

- [McManus] Son of a bitch. - The, uh...

- [McManus groaning] - Uh, the... The great drought is over.

[horn blowing]

Boss, it's the Resistance.

- They're here. - Arrest them!

Well, this went to shit fast.

- Goddammit, it's Gavin. - You know that guy?

He probably thought I needed rescuing.

Instead, he's ruining my plan.

Gah. Fucking men.

His mouse is pretty cute.

[Mia giggles]

Get them. Kill them. Either!

Hyah! You little bitches are lucky.

The old me would be cutting off heads.

We gotta go now.

Uh...

Stop that balloon!

The spigot's too heavy.

It's weighing us down.

Hmm. Get this thing where it needs to go.

- Okay? - Mia, no!

- [thuds] - [Mia groans]

Woo, she's lucky that roulette wheel was at such a winnable angle.

Where's my money?

Sofia.

Gavin, I've got the spigot.

And I dunno, maybe try to fight back a little.

- [punches thudding] - [grunting]

[snarls]

[McManus screaming]

Whoa. Ew. Ha, ha!

Thanks, Hedgey. Extra grubs for you tonight. Now, h'yah.

[Sofia] Yes. We're winning.

Kiss my ass, Albert.

Damn it, Sofia. This is why you don't talk trash.

If she gets that spigot, my entire plan will be ruined.

Which means you don't get paid, idiots.

[Sofia gasps, grunts]

I wish we'd had a better plan.

I wish you were less of a degenerate gambler.

But you gotta dance with the one that brought you.

- [lizard snarls] - [both gasp]

Time to die for ruining the fair.

[Little Richard laughing]

[gasps]

Was that a rubber band?

I'm rubber and glue.

What blasts out of me makes mush out of you.

[Cherie screaming]

Cherie, you're here to rescue us.

- And you found a sitter? - Shh, shh, shh.

I gave her some cough syrup.

Lizard attack.

[Sofia] Help!

That's it, fellas!

I'm paying double overtime tonight.

- [gun clicks] - [grunts] Shit, I'm out of bands.

Hey! Look up here.

Free Yardbucks.

[people cheering]

[guard] Free Yardbucks.

I could buy water with that.

Stop taking the money.

I-I-I'll pay you just to not take the money.

Nice try, loser.

That's what happens when you rely on stupid Yardbucks.

[growling]

- [♪ suspenseful music playing] - [Sofia yelps]

[both grunting]

- [explosion booms] - [Albert and Sofia screaming]

[people screaming]

Give me what I want or I'll throw her off.

It's over. Your city's burning.

[Albert struggling]

Help me, please.

[Montez] Guys, we gotta get off of here.

- What about Albert? - We let him die.

No! He's gotta face justice

for what he's done and who he's hurt.

- [♪ dramatic music playing] - [Sofia grunting]

[Albert crying]

[Albert] Basketballburgh!

Basketballburgh is burnt.

[crying]

[popcorn crunching]

Fire.

Thanks for coming back for me.

It was a nice gesture, even though I already had it handled.

Yeah, well, you're welcome.

Thanks for reminding me what it feels like to care about people.

[Mia] Sofia!

Did you see me throw the money?

I was, like, "Come get your Yardbucks, bitches."

[both moaning]

[Sofia] Mm. I want you.

Whoa, hey, look at that rock over there.

That might be the coolest rock I've ever seen.

Nice job, you little shits.

The whole backyard is burned to a crisp.

I hope it was worth it.

Maybe we should have stayed out of this.

No, you were right.

I've been running away from my destiny for too long.

I don't wanna raise Pezlie to cower and hide.

She needs to see that we shape our own world.

[Little Richard] Die!

[Little Richard screaming]

Aah! No, lizard! [groans]

Man, lizards'll just eat your ass first chance they get, huh?

I guess it makes sense.

[laughs] Don't get any ideas.

[Terry grunting]

Finally, the stupid house is stupid clean.

- And not a moment too soon. - [text notification chimes]

The fam is moments away.

[gasps] No. No, no, no, no!

What the fuck?

Pupa? Dirty rat?

You burned the yard.

It looks like shit.

I trusted you, dirty rat.

Little Fair, little people.

Stop saying nonsense words.

Don't you know that Korvo's gonna blame me for what you did?

[gasps] Wait. We have alien stuff.

The Make Alive Ray.

A ray we weirdly don't use very often.

[ray zapping]

Why does this ray take so long to make stuff alive?

[car honking]

Oh, hey, guys. How was Aquarby's?

[Yumyulack] It was amazing!

[Jesse] Yeah! I still smell like sweet heat beef.

[Korvo] You better have cleaned the house.

[Terry] I am just so happy to see you.

Let me kiss your fingers.

Mwah. Mwah. Mwah, mwah, mwah.

- [Korvo] Why are you distracting us? - [Terry] I'm not.

[woman] Is that Cherie? She'll tell us what to do.

Lead us, Cherie.

These poor people lost everything.

Who knows what maniac is going to try to become their leader now.

[sighs]

I fought against the Duke in the Great Wall War.

I was betrayed by Tim.

I went into the lower levels and destroyed the mosquitoes,

and I faced Sister Sisto to save my child.

Never once did I try to take power.

But I was wrong.

You don't need a hero.

What The Wall needs is a queen.

Cherie, what are you doing?

I will finally take the seat of power.

You want my help?

Then bow.

[crowd gasping]

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[rat squeaking]

The house looked good, but the yard.

Hmm. The yard looks great.

You surprised me, Terry. Good work.

Hell yeah. Gimme that praise. I deserve it.

[JK Sevens beeping]

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[gasping]

I'm alive?

But who the fuck am I?

[♪ dramatic theme playing]

♪

[mimicking laser fire]

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