All language subtitles for Six-Pack Annie cc

[SIXPACK ANNIEPLAYING]

♪ If you're
tired of lemonade ♪

ANNIE: Come on, Mary Lou!
Move your ass!

♪ Poured by milkmaids spillin' in a cup

♪ You'll get it up
You'll see Sixpack Annie

♪ Step right up
and join the crowd

♪ You'll lose your pride
when Annie starts shaking

♪ Don't be
surprised if it's hot enough
to fry your bacons ♪

[YELLING]

♪ She rides through town
on a fuckin' horse

♪ They don't all
fit in the saddle,
of course

♪ When she does her stuff
with smiles and beers

♪ Her kisses butter your ears

♪ Everybody now, bang, bang,
a good time clang

♪ When Annie
comes banging around

♪ Bang, bang, bang...

Morning, Sixpack.

Who in the hell taught you
how to drive, Bustis?

Same woman who
taught me to screw.

You nearly killed us both.

That's what she said.

Get out of my way!

I'll race you to the diner.

Dollar says I beat
the pants off of you.
[LAUGHS]

Oh, who says we're
wearing any pants?

♪ If you're tires
of crashing bores

♪ Hold them doors
and paying the full price

♪ Take my advice
go see Sick Pack Annie

♪ Toss your hat
and spend your spurs ♪

[EXCLAIMS] We gotta
beat that Bustis!

[EXCLAIMS]

[LAUGHING]

♪ She rides through town
on a fuckin' horse

♪ They don't all
get in the saddle,
of course

♪ When she does her stuff
with smiles and beers

♪ Her kisses butter your ears

♪ Everybody now, bang, bang,
a good time clang

♪ When Annie
comes banging around ♪

I'm in her pants!
I got her now!

[EXCLAIMING]

Mary Lou, we're not gonna let
that damn Bustis beat us.

We're gonna take a shortcut.

MARY LOU: All right!

Go right along! Faster!

Where did all
these fucking cows
come from?

[HORN HONKING]

Annie! No, stop!

Stop!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

Look at him.
What's wrong with
your truck, Bustis?

Yay!

[GIRLS LAUGHING]

Did you see
Sheriff Waters' face?

[CONTINUES LAUGHING]

All right!

Don't complain
and don't explain.

I'll tell you what,
instead of the dollar

why don't I take you to
the Hayloft tonight

and buy you a couple of beers?

Thanks,
but I'll take the dollar.Ooh.

Hank, I bought my girlfriend
a new car yesterday.

Chevrolet?

About twice a week.

Mornin', Sixpack.

I've been waiting on you.

I couldn't help it.

Boy,
you're gonna lose me my job.

Shit will keep, Bobby Joe.

Annie!

Well, it ain't shit I shovel.

It's manure.

Good mornin', Annie.Good mornin', Annie.

You're late.You're late.

Oh, you boys ready to order?

I'm sorry we're late,
Aunt Tess.

How are you
feeling this morning?

Ah, lumbago's acting up again,

arthritis is still
hitting my joints

and I'm coming
down with a touch
of the colic.

Other than that,
I'm fit as a fiddle.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Here's your eggs, Bobby Joe.

What was that with Bustis?

None of your business.

No, it is too my business
'cause I love you.

Bobby Joe,
"love" is a four-letter word.

And when a boy
starts talking about love,

girl's about to get laid.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

You eat your eggs.

Yes.

Mary Lou,
this is getting pretty full.

Would you mind
taking it outside?

Yes, ma'am.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[SIREN WAILING]

Yeah,
it looks like it's gonna be
a hot one today.

[EXHALES]

How about a skinny dip?

Is that all you
ever think about,
Bobby Joe, is sex?

Mmm-hmm. That and the heat.

[GIGGLES]

Well, all right.

You bring the blanket,
and don't forget
to bring a sixpack.

Annie Bodine, I've had enough!

[GRUNTS]

Mornin', Sheriff.

[SIGHS]

Lordy, Lordy!

Boy, it's hot! [SIGHS]

I don't think hell
could be hotter than this.

You look like you swallowed
a worm, Aunt Tess.

It's a letter from Mr. Piker
at the bank, darlin'.

If we don't
make those payments
we're gonna lose the diner.

Those sons-of-bitches!

Now, don't you swear honey.

It ain't lady-like.

Well, they know you're
working yourself to the bone.

People just ain't
eating out anymore.

I suppose so.

But Mr.
Piker's got his own problems.

What with times
being what they are.

I wish we had that
damn Piker's problems.

Everybody in the county
owes him money.

I know.
Maybe we can borrow the money

from Flora till
things get better.

No.

Don't you go
bothering your sister
with our problems.

Why not?
She struck it rich in Miami.

Yeah.

Well,
we only heard from her once
in three years, Annie.

You know how
these city folk are.

She's probably
living high on the hog.

She probably don't have
one red cent to spare.

You know what we need,
Aunt Tess?

Yeah.

We need the money
to make the payments
and fix up the diner.

Nope. A sugar daddy.

That's what we need.

Someone to take care of us.

Set us up in style,
buy us some new clothes,

and a new car.
Maybe two new cars.

You got somebody in mind?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

That Bobby Joe Jameson?

He don't have enough money
in his raggedy jeans

to pay for
a stamp on a postcard.

Well,
there's gotta be someone,
Aunt Tess.

All we got to do is find him.

[EXCLAIMS]

[LAUGHING]

Why, you...

Go get a tree limb!

Okay, let's...

[EXCLAIMS]

SHERIFF: Well, well,
mighty warm night, ain't it?

Shit!

Come on out of there!

All right, come on,
just unscrew yourselves.

Get on out of there.

Who is it?

You know who it is, Bobby Joe,
it's your friendly sheriff.

And you're both under arrest.

For what?

I don't want no sass!
Just get on out of there!

Oh, a girl can't have any fun
without risking
getting her tits blown off.

Annie, this is the last time.
Now, get on out of there!

Oh!

Oh, shit, Sheriff!

You know I can't
come out like this.

[LAUGHS]

What's the matter, boy?
Catfish got your tootsie roll?

Tootsie roll?

Oh, you know why
I can't come out now.

Come on out of there, boy.
It's the last
time I'm telling you.

All right! I'm coming.

I'm coming out backwards.

Now!

Coming.Move it, boy!

Come on,
now get yourself over there
next to the squad car

and get in the back there
and don't let me
hear a word out of you.

And don't fool with my radio.

Annie! Annie!

Annie Bodine!

Now you've just
run me off my limits.

Where are you? Annie!

Annie Bodine!
Come on out of there!

You are the most aggravatin',
exasperatin'... [GRUNTS]

[POLICE RADIO CHATTERING]

[EXCLAIMS]

Damn!

[POP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

[EXCLAIMS]

[EXCLAIMING IN FRUSTRATION]

[COW MOOING]

[ANNIE LAUGHING]

[GRUNTS]

You looking for me,
Sheriff Waters?

Annie Bodine,
you're the most aggravatin'...

Breaking the law,
obstructing justice,

impeding a law
officer doin' his duty.

You, foolin' with my radio.

And look what you
did to my boots.

This ain't no laughin' matter.

We're going off
to my jail now.

[ENGINE STARTING]

[SIREN WAILING]

All right, Bobby Joe, Annie,
come on, in you go.

Bobby Joe,
you know where the cell is.

I want to hear
that door clink good.

Sit yourself down
right there, young lady.

Hey,
Tess, this is Marlin Waters.

Come on over to the jail
and get your property.

No, she's all right.

Just in
a little trouble again.

Sheriff, can I have a Dr.
Pepper?

You got wax in your ears, boy?

I told you to get in that cell

and I don't wanna
hear another word
out of you.

Good night, Annie.

Good night, Bobby Joe.

Well, Annie...

Here you are in trouble
with the law again.

You know,
if you don't straighten out,

you're gonna
flat turn out to be
a genuine juvenile delinquent.

You know something, Sheriff?

What, Annie?

What, Annie?

Between you and me, Marlin,
you are purely disgusting.

Well, now ain't that fine talk
coming from you?

Look at you
sittin' there half naked,

and had your butt
slung clean over
the County line.

Yeah, well, this is
gonna be the high point
of your career.

catchin' Bonnie and
Clyde skinny dippin'.

They're gonna
sing songs about you.

Oh, Annie, I've been meaning
to talk to you for some time.

You know, there's two roads
in life folks can follow.

What are they?

Well, there's a high
road and the low road.

Now the high road,
that's the good road.

And the low road,
that's the bad road.

And you've got to
be settling down,
making up your mind

which one you gonna follow.

'Cause you're flat
at the crossroads.

What are you
drivin' at, Sheriff?

Well, what I'm
trying to say, Annie,

it's time for you
to be settlin' down.

And you need
a strong man to help you
down that road.

Yes, Sheriff.

Bobby Joe ain't that man.

He ain't? Well, who is?

I am.

Aw, now, wait a minute.

You mean, you and me?

The two of us?

Uh-huh.

Oh, I get it.

You followed Bobby
Joe and me tonight,
didn't ya?

And out of the goodness of
your little ol' heart,

you hauled us in
to keep up law and order.

That's right, isn't it?

Well, you're about as charming
as an ol' water moccasin.

TESS: Oh, Annie!

Oh, Tess. Here she is,
I'm sorry to say.

Oh, Annie!

Get in the car.

Yes, Aunt Tess.

Thank you, Sheriff Waters.

Well, it's all right, Tess.

Oh, oh, could I talk to you
for a minute, Tess?

Now,
I know Annie is a good girl.

Well,
I hope you understand, but...

See, I got to uphold the law
no matter who's breaking it.

I understand.

I knew you would.

And that's why I figured,
what if

somebody put Annie
on the right track.

Put his foot down.
Keep her out of trouble.

Well, why, she'd be
a fine upstandin' citizen.

I got my hands full
with the diner, Sheriff.

Don't have time to watch Annie
every minute.

Well, that's my point.
You see, Tess.

She needs a man
to look after her.

Not a snot-nosed
boy like Bobby Joe.

I heard about
the trouble you was having
over at the bank.

Well,
Tess, I carry a little weight
in this town

and I might even
be able to get Piker
to ease up on ya.

That way,
it will give you more time

to get Annie on
the right road.

All I ask is,
you...you tell her

to spend a little
more time with me.

Maybe I can help
straighten her out.

Now you think on it, Tess.

'Cause Lord knows,
I know how worrisome it is

trying to make ends meet.

Thank you very much, Marlin.

I'll think it over.

Good night.

Good night, Tess.

[CHUCKLES]

[GRUNTS]

Enjoy your meal.

Anything to drink?

A glass of
buttermilk if you please.

Say,
that's a mighty fine looking
brooch, lady.

You ever think of selling it.

That was my grandma's, mister.

Don't reckon I'd
like to part with it.

I'll give you a good price.

Bates is the name,
trading's my game.

I'll buy,
sell and trade anything,
anywhere, anytime.

My, my, I bet you move about.

Lots of places, lots of faces.

Like to take
a look at what I got?

I'll get you that
glass of buttermilk.

I have the secret of
longevity, buttermilk.

Yes, sir, never drink less
than a quart a day myself.

Good for the heart,
good for the mind,
and good for the soul.

My Uncle Tector lived to be 93
on a quart of moonshine a day.

Ah, he must have
taken the formula with it.

What formula?

Glad you asked
and pleased to show.

Bates' patented
Time O' Life formula.

Guaranteed to cure the gout,
dissolve corns,

and bring life back to
those weary bones.

Mr. Bates,
that ain't the half of it.

I got the pain of rheumatism,
the headiness of the vapors,

the swellin' of the bunions,
the colic cough

and a touch of the...
[COUGHING] asthma.

And on top of all that,
the old ticker.

She ain't what she used to be.
[COUGHING]

Lordy, I reckon I'll
be lucky if I live out
the rest of the year.

My, oh, my, you certainly are
a measure of misery.

Oh, you could say that again.

Look, lady,
I got to be honest with you.

There's only one
way to beat a rug.

This is your time of life
for Time O' Life.

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh, thank you kindly.

ANNIE: Hello?

Aunt Tess? Oh, it's Mr. Piker
at the bank.

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Bates.

Hello?

PIKER OVER PHONE:
How do, Mrs. Barnes?

I reckon you
have a few minutes
to see me?

Oh, yes, Mr. Piker.

I reckon I can
come over right now.

The morning
rush is about over.

All right,
I'll be waiting for you
in my office. Bye.

What did that
ol' vulture want?

Oh, now, Annie...
Mr. Piker's a good man.

He's just
trying to do his job.

Well, he's doing
a job on this town,
I'll tell ya.

I'm going with ya.

All right, Annie,
but you mind your mouth.

You hold the fort, Mary Lou.
We'll be back in
a little while.

MARY LOU: Okay.

Excuse me, Mr. Bates.

I got to go, sorry.

Oh, that's all right.
No trouble at all.

My time is your time, lady.
See you real soon.

Bye.Bye.

I'll leave my card
with the girl here.

Oh, miss, may I have
some ketchup please?

MARY LOU: Sure.

You know,
I ain't seen you much here
in these parts, Mr. bates.

Well,
I'm new to the territory.
Pardon me.

How's business?

Well, bad for some,
good for others.
Depends on the line.

You gotta be there
at the right place
at the right time.

What do you sell?

Well, I got some combs.

I got beautiful
tortoise shell.
pearlescent plastic combs.

No.

Pens,
Leak-proof fountain pens,

and a new line
of ball-point pens

guaranteed to write
150 feet under water

or at 30,000
feet up in the air.

Mmm, no.

Watches.
I got your gold-filled,

your silver-filled,
your-platinum filled,

plain dial and
your radiant dial.

I got the plastic strap,
the leather strap,

tooled or plain,
and I got your
expandable strap.

Mmm, no.

No, thank you.Bracelets?

Toupees?

Earrings,
necklaces, costume jewelry?

Mighty fine earring.

That is a genuine, handmade,
seashell earring

with gold-filled backing.

And an adjustable tension
for the spring clamp.

[EXCLAIMS] No, no.

Art over the heart!

Blue Boy,
Venus De Milo, David,

The Resurrection,
and The Rape of Sabine Women.

Rape?

A beautiful,
high quality lithograph
of that famous painting,

and only $1.95.

And I can get you the frame
in gold or silver.

No, thanks.

Something
a little saucy perhaps.
French art.

[LAUGHS] You got
a mighty fine collection
there, mister.

But I don't think so.

What else you got?

Well, how about this.

Hold on there, Mr. Bates!

It's a new line of hardware.

Hard or soft,
I ain't got a thin dime,
Mr. Bates.

Maybe some other time.

Oh, ain't you got
a lot of stuff there.

Well,
my father always told me,

"You can't sell
off an empty cart."

Anybody here
order a stud to go?

Studs? I got 'em.

Mr. Bates,
why don't you just sit down
and enjoy your lunch?

Glad to oblige.

Mary Lou,
can we get a couple of
Mr. Peppers over here?

MARY LOU: Okay.

If you don't want
that stud to go,
you can always eat it here.

[LAUGHS]

Well, howdy, Mary Lou.

Uh-uh.You know John here?

John's a friend of mine
from over in Purville.

How'd you do, John?

Boy, you sure got big muscles.

You wanna feel, Mary Lou?

Mmm.

John can slice
a pie all night long,

if you know what I mean.

All night long?

My goodness.

Mary Lou, John
here's looking for someone
to take to the dance.

You know anyone
that might go with him.

I might.

Over in Purville,
John here is known

as "Long John.
The All Night Wonder."

You know why?

No, Bustis. Why?

Well, whoever goes
to the dance with him

will get to find
out why first hand,
so as to speak.

My, my. What a coincidence.

I had other plans,
but they just got changed.

No kidding.

You hear that, Long John,
come Saturday night

Mary Lou is gonna be free.

Certainly not free, Bustis.

But definitely not expensive.

Now that leaves one
knot left to be tied,
Mary Lou.

What's that?

I figure in return
for me fixing you up
with Long John here,

you can fix me up with Annie.

Bustis,
I don't think I can do that.

That's gonna be
a hard one to pull off.

Then the deal's off.

Come on, Long John, pull out.

No, Long John.
I mean let's go.

Bustis,
is he always that willing?

Mmm-hmm.

All right.
I'll see if I can get Annie
to go to the dance.

Well, it ain't that
we're not trying, Mr. Piker.

It just seems that
business is off all over.

Oh, believe me, Mrs. Barnes.
I am profoundly sorry,

but we simply can't extend
your commitments any further.

[SOBBING] Lordy, Lordy.

The truth of
the matter is, Mrs. Barnes,

that, well,
we should have foreclosed
three months ago.

And after all, I haven't
charged you
interest for three months.

How much do you want, Mr.
Piker?

[CLEARING THROAT] Well,
let's see.

[TYPING CONTINUES]

$5,641.87 would
wipe the slate clean.

[GASPS] Lordy, Lordy.

$5,641?

And 87 cents.

I'll get it.

Now, don't you worry none, Mr.
Piker.

I'll get every cent of it.

You've only got
seven days, Annie,
remember.

Come on, Aunt Tess.

Oh, and Mrs. Barnes...

If I can be of
any further
assistance to you...

Well, thank you, Mr. Piker.

My goodness, Annie,
why'd you go and sat that for?

Where are we
gonna get $5,641.87.

He ain't gonna take away
our living from us, Aunt Tess.

It's ours!

Now, I'll get it.

Luke,
I've been married 19 years

and I got 19 children.

But I'm not
gonna have anymore.

My wife bought a hearing aid.

A hearing aid?
I don't see the connection.

Well, you see,
for 19 years she was deaf.

And every night
I'd say, "Shall we go
to sleep or what?"

And she'd say, "What?"

Annie, I gotta talk to you.

I gotta talk to you, too.

Boy, you ain't kiddin'.This is an emergency.

We got a big problem.

I sure do!

This is our
biggest problem ever.

This could really
set us on our ass.

I sure hope so.

Do you know how much
this could mean to us?

I'd say about
eight or nine inches.

Mary Lou, who's
the richest man in town?

Who's the richest man in town?What?

I don't know.
This town's so poor,
it ain't got a rich man.

Oh, you're right.
Well, who's the next richest?

The only rich
person I know is Flora.

Yeah.Flora?

But she lives in Miami
and she ain't even a man.

Well, we'll go to Miami
and we'll talk to Flora.

I'm sure she'll give us money,
her being rich and all.

Wow! That will solve
all of our problems.

Now we can even
go to the dance.

Yeah.
That solves my problem, too.

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]

Boy,
oh, boy, we are gonna have

a hot ol' time tonight,
Long John.

I tell you, I feel so good.

Tonight is the night.

Miss Annie Sixpack Bodine
is gonna meet her maker.

Did you get it, Ace? Make-her.

[ALL JEERING]

Say, why is love like a roll
of toilet paper?

I don't know.

because once you tear
off the first piece,
the rest comes easy.

[ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST][LAUGHS]

That stinks.

Now,
what's the difference between
a sin and a shame?

What is the difference between
a sin and a shame?

It's a sin to put it in
and a shame to take it out.

[ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST]

Mary Lou,
come over here, honeybun.

Hi, y'all.

Mary Lou,
what's the difference between

a circus and Las
Vegas chorus line?

Oh, Ace, everybody knows that.

A circus is
an array of cunning stunts.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Now, I just delivered
my part of the deal,
Mary Lou. Where's Annie?

Oh, Bustis,
if you'll excuse me a minute.
I gotta go to the girls' room.

Mary Lou said she'd be here.

Well,
why don't you go find her

and I'll get us
a pitcher of beer, huh?

Well, there you are.
I looked all over for you.

Bobby Joe just went
to get some Sands.

I gotta talk to
you real quick.

About what?

Well, Bustis came
into the diner today

and he had a friend of his,
John from Purville with him,

but john didin't have a date
for the dance tonight.

But by
coincidence I didn't either,

so I said I'd be
John's date if only you'd...

Where you been,
you little bucket of honey?

You'd be his date tonight.

Oh, thanks, Mary Lou.

You're late, sweet thing.

Fuck off, Bustis.
You let go of me.

Hey, just what
the hell are you doing
with Sixpack?

Well, she ain't your gal.

She sure as hell is.

She came with me.

She is staying with me.

Annie, you better
come with me. Come on!

[ANNIE EXCLAIMS]

Well, you're in about a foot
of hog slop right now, boy.

If I'm in a foot,
you're in about
three feet of hog slop.

Well, if I'm in
three feet then you're
up to your neck in hog slop.

You boys better not
make waves now.

[PIANO PLAYING]

♪ I saw him at the ball game
yelling, "Peanuts here"

♪ He was so good-looking
that to keep him near

♪ I kept buying peanuts
till I had a ten-foot stack

♪ And by the seventh inning
I was sellin' 'em back

♪ I tell you

♪ Every time I see them nuts

♪ My heart leaps to the sky

♪ I know without
them red hot nuts

♪ I would surely die

♪ He gave me such a kiss
right through a double play

♪ Shacked up
with me that night
Married me next day

♪ One romantic thing we have
which never disappears

♪ We've been eating peanuts
for six long years

♪ I tell you

♪ Every time I see them nuts

♪ My heart leaps to the sky

♪ I know without
them red hot nuts ♪

Now I think you'd
better find yourself
another table, Bustis.

Glad to, Bobby Joe.
But I'm taking
Sixpack with me.

Is that a fact?

It surely is.

♪ I'm so glad the peanut man
made me his wife ♪

So is this...

♪ I tell you

♪ Every time I see them nuts

♪ My heart leaps to the sky

♪ I know without
them red hot nuts

♪ I will surely die

♪ Yes,
without them red hot nuts ♪

[WOMEN SCREAMING]

ACE: God damn it!
Knock it off!

Goddamn bullshit!

God damn it,
you're ruining my place.

Knock it off!

What the hell are you doing?

[YELLING]

ACE: God damn it!

Hit him in the nose! Kick him!

Hit him, hit him, hit him!

What is this?

[WOMEN SCREAMING]

ACE: Knock it off!

[ALL YELLING]

[SIREN WAILING]

Is that you, Gardner?

Get the hell off my hood!

All righty!

[EXCLAIMING]

Everybody...

Hank, how is your wife?

Compared to what?

ANNIE:
Oh, no, here comes trouble.

Mornin', ladies.
Annie, could I talk
to you private for a minute?

Mornin', Sheriff.
How's your head?

You watch your tongue,
young lady?

Yes, sir.

What do you want,
Sheriff Waters?

Now... Now look, Annie.

It's like I told
your Aunt Tess over
at the office the other night.

See, I know about the problem
you'll been having

with Mr.
Piker over at the bank.

What's that got
to do with you?

I can help you.

How?

Lend you the money.

Where did you get any money?

Oh, now, Annie,
you know I ain't ever married.

And I'm a frugal man.

I've been scrimpin' and savin'
for years.

And I'd be mighty proud
to give you
the lend of the money.

What do you want, Marlin?

You, Annie.

I want you so
awful much I can taste.

Oh, God, Marlin.

I can't help myself, Annie.

I know you don't like me much,
but I got all
the money you need.

You're shamin' yourself,
Marlin.

No, I ain't.

You meet me out
on Mooners Road
by 4:00 this afternoon,

and we'll go into it further.

And you have all the money?

That's right.

You better not be
trying to trick me.

Annie, you know I'm as upright
as a tombstone.

Okay, Marlin,
you got yourself a date.

Shake.

Oh.

Put that on your bill.

[GRUNTS]

What did that ol' Marlin want?

He looked about as happy
as a pig in shit when he left.

He says he's got the money.

Wants me to him
out on Mooners Road
and he'll give it to me.

The money?

That and other things.

[POLICE RADIO CHATTERING]

Good afternoon, Annie.

My, it sure is warm, ain't it?

Uh-huh.

You got the money, Marlin?

Got it right here.

Lord, I can't get over
how beautiful you always look.

Well, thank you.

Let me see the money, Marlin.

Oh, Annie, let's just sit here
on the tailgate and relax

and talk about the future.

Marlin, the money.

Well, I got it right
here in this cigar box!

Well, come on. Open it up.

[LAUGHS] Okay.

Here's my bank book.

Got $193 in change in there.
That's cash money.

Yeah, what else?

Well, I got these redeemable
mercantile savings stamps.

They'll bring some cash.

Savings stamps?

Well, I got my
life insurance policy.

Look at that.
I can cash in
the annuity over $400.

Ooh! Hot damn, Marlin!

Keep on going.
What else you got?

Oh, well, that's it.

That's it?
That's all you got, Marlin?

On me.

But I got me a surefire plan
that's going to
make us rich, Annie.

Yeah, what is it?

Parking tickets.

Parking tickets?

I'm gonna splice
me parking tickets

all over this
whole damn county!

I get 2% of
everything I bring in.

Marlin, you idiot!

There ain't but 1047 people
in the whole damn county!

I know it, Annie.
And I ain't gonna
miss one of them.

Oh, Marlin!

That's the stupidest plan
I ever heard of
in my whole life.

It's dumb.

No, it ain't Annie.

It won't work.

Yes, it will.

Annie, don't go!

Wait, Annie!
I know we can work it out.

Annie, I know it will work.

Goodbye, Marlin.

Annie! Annie!

Marlin.

Annie, don't leave,
I know we can work it out.

Marlin, it won't.

Annie.

It's going to work.

Annie!

Luke,
that wife of mine is a liar.

How do you know?

Well, she didn't come home
all last night.

I asked her she was,
she said she spent

the night with
her sister Shirley.

So?

I spent the night
with her sister Shirley.

We'll get packed
this afternoon.

First thing in the morning
we're leaving for Miami.

Yeah.

[BOTH SLURPING]

Hot damn Miami Beach,
here we come!

I figure it shouldn't
take more than a day
to get the money from Flora.

And if we like it there,
we could spend
another day or two

lying on the beach.

Yeah.

Don't suppose Aunt
Tess will be mad at us

leavin' and not
sayin' goodbye?

No, I explained everything
in a note.

I told her as soon
as we got the $5,641,

we'd hightail it
back to Titwillow.

Lordy, Lordy.

That must be
that damn Long John.

Some company.
Pull over, let's pick them up.

Well, hell, why not.

Hey, you boys want a ride?

Yeah.[YAWNING]

My name is Mary Lou Carter,
and this here is Annie Bodine

Nice to meet you.

Miami. You?Where are you going?

[YAWNING] Same place.

Y'all are yawning a lot.
Are you tired?

Been up all night.
Waited two hours for a ride.

Oh, Annie,
if they don't get a rest,

they ain't gonna
be worth nothing'.

Y'all want some shut-eye?

Sure would help.

Why don't you jump
in the back of the truck,

and you rest up now, you hear?

Boy,
Annie, they sure are cute.

I'll take the one
with the short shorts,

and you take the one that
looks like Warren Beatty.

Looks ain't everything.[LAUGHS]

I know. But they
sure do help, don't it?

Oh!

Besides,
they need their strength
for later, right?

Oh!

Hey, maybe we can
get a little action
out of those two.

Oh, come on,
Annie, have some fun.

Well, look in the back
and see how they're doing.

Oh, my God, Annie, look!

They're kissin' and huggin'.

Oh, shit!What are we gonna do?

Everybody out!

Truck's on fire!

What the hell
goes on around here?

My truck's on fire! Get out!

[SCREAMING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

God damn it! That proves that
the whole world sucks!

Don't you wish.

Oh!

I was never so
surprised in all my life.

Two handsome boys
like that, kissing.

What a waste!

They must have had
some Yankee blood in 'em.

I can't imagine a couple of
real southern boys
carrying on that way.

That's the truth.

What?Annie, pull over quick!

Look over yonder.

Well,
I don't know about Miami,

but the boys back home,
they don't need
a special place.

They can have
an erection anywhere.

[LAUGHING]You're terrible.

Oh, Mary Lou.

Well, here we are.

Miami. Oh, I can't believe it.
I'm so excited.

Look at all those palm trees.
I'll be damned.

Hey, look over here.

Wow, look at that building.

There's only
one thing missing.

A sixpack!

Right.

We'll just pop it here
and grab ourselves
a couple of beers,

and call Flora and
tell her we're in town.

[EXCLAIMS]

You know, SenorJack,
$1 million, that's all I need.

That's all you need, huh?

Well,
that's what you said before
the Bay of Pigs,

and look how that turned out.

SenorJack, but that was
a small tomato.

You know,
I got 10,000 men in Miami

just waiting for a signal.

You know,
Castro will never know
what hit him.

I got everything
all ready, Senor.

The only thing I
need is the boats
and the guns and the money

and the ammunition
and the gasoline.
That's all!

That's all?

Well, it'll take a hell
of a lot more than that

to get that bearded
hippie outta there,

and you know it.

You know,
I could arrange for you
to be the Vicepresidente!

Think it over.Oh.

MAN: Hey, how about
another drink over here?

Hold your tamales, Senor.

I'm a little
short-handed today.

Well, howdy do, little lady.

Howdy do, cowboy.

What do you got to do
to get some service
around this place?

Oh, just holler out!

How about a sixpack over here!

[LOUDLY] Yeah!

Your friend's got
a mighty fine pair
of lungs.

They get us around okay.

I bet they do.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

To go?I want a sixpack.

No, we'll just drink
it here, little fella.

Mary Lou,
I'm going to go call Flora.

Okay.

Hey, mister, what in tarnation
are you drinking?

What are you drinking there?Mmm?

Carmello,
what the hell you call this
here thing?

A Coco Loco.

What the hell's that?

Oh?A crazy coconut.

You have a couple of those
and you just go
right through the floor.

Oh, my God,
how many have you drunk?

Five, heading for six.

[CHUCKLING] Well,
how do you feel?

A little numb.

I'll bet.

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh-five-three-two.

Oh-five-three-two?

Howdy do? Is Flora there?

This is Flora.

ANNIE OVER PHONE:
Hi, Flora, this is Annie.

Baby Annie! Where are you?

Me and Mary Lou
is here in Miami.

Oh, my God.

I've really got
to talk to you.
What are you doing?

Uh,
would you believe, working.

We gotta see you.
When can we come over?

Uh, well, um...

Well,
how about in half an hour?

Uh...

What's going on?

My baby sister will be coming
in 30 minutes.

Well, I'll be coming in five,
if we ever get to it.

Okay Annie,
30 minutes.

That'll be...
[EXCLAIMS]

Wonderful.

Okay, we'll be right over.

Goodbye.Goodbye.

You tell 'em.

How'd Flora sound?

She sounded real thrill.

Say, what you little
heffers doin'over here?
You all on vacation?

No, we're working girls.

Do you need a job?
I could use somebody with,
uh, your talent.

No thanks, little fellow.
We got our work
all cut out for us.

We've come a door-knockin'.

They certainly got
the knockers for it.

Knockers!
I'll drink to knockers.
Crack another nut, Carmello.

Round 'em up.

Real nice meetin' you fellows,
but we gotta get on goin'.

You all come back now,
do you hear?

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

What the hell's the matter
with you boy?

Didn't you learn how
to speak the English language?

Didn't you ever go to school?

Oh, Senor Jack,
sure I went to school.
I went to school three days.

Three days?

Si, Senor the first
day I went to school.

Second day,
I didn't went to school.

Third day, I went to school.

And the teacher told me,
"Eh Carmello,
what's the matter with you?

"You didn't come to
school yesterday."

And I said teacher,
"I'm very sorry,

but I have to take
the bull to the cow."

And she said,
"Can your father do that?"

And I said,
"Sure he can do it.
But not as good as the bull."

[GROANING]

You sure this
is Flora's place?

Yes. Number 69, Cherry Lane.
Let's go.

Well,
now we gotta find number 45.

[KNOCKING]

Right on time.
[WHISTLING]

Annie! Oh baby!

Oh, Flora.

Hi. It's so good to see you.
Mary Lou!

My, you girls got so big.

ANNIE: Well, we've grown up.

How long has it been?

Just a little over five years.

My, you look terrific.

So,
uh, this is what you've been
writin' us about, huh Flora?

Boy, uh,
you sure are livin' in style.

Well, don't just stand there.
Come on in.

Make yourselves at home.

Why,
you sure have a pretty view.

Yeah.

You gals look at the view
while I clean up.

ANNIE: [LAUGHS]

How's Aunt Tess?

ANNIE: Oh, she's...she's fine.

Well, boy his
place sure gets messy.
Thank you, honey.

Well, sit down, sit down.

Let's hear it.
Tell me all about.

Well,
there ain't much to tell.

Me and Mary Lou's on
a mission of mercy.

You don't say.
What's wrong?

Well, I ain't gonna
mince words, Flora.

That damn Piker is
fixin to sell the diner

out from under Aunt
Tess in six days and...

Well, we'd be
beholdin' if you'd give us
$5641.87,

and we'll be on our way back
to Titwillow.

Now hold on there,
just a minute, baby sister.

I'd like to help you out,
but uh... I'm sort of

between sugar
daddies at the moment.

And I, I ain't got $5600.

Well, Flora, darling,
I don't mean to pry into
your private matters and all,

but,
wasn't that your sugar daddy
we met comin' in here?

Annie, honey,
he weren't my sugar daddy.

He's just a good
gentleman friend.

As a matter of fact,
I'm sort of waitin'

around to find a new,
rich sugar daddy.

Well,
Flora sweetheart, you just

better get your
precious ass, in gear.

Annie baby,
I'm gonna have to be
flat out with you.

If you need
that kind of money,

you're dippin'
in the wrong well.

ANNIE:
Well, don't that beat all!

Damn, Annie.
What are we gonna do?

Have a beer.

Well, it looks like
there's only one
thing to do, Mary Lou.

What's that?

We're gonna have to find us
our own sugar daddy.

Flora,
honey, you're gonna have to
help us out.

Well, honey,
if that's what you want,
I'll do my best.

Well, we gotta
find us a sugar daddy
that has lots of money.

You just tell us
where to go, darlin'

and, uh...
We'll take it from there.

Well,
first thing you gotta do,

is you gotta get
yourself some clothes.

I got clothes.

Honey, you need
some hustlin' clothes.

Something that'll
knock their eyes out.

I'll tell you
the name of a place to get it
and a place to use them.

Yes siree, this is the one.

Lets 'em know what I've got
but tells them they
ain't gettin' it cheap.

Honey,
you look good enough to eat.

I sure hope he
likes southern fruit.

Well, what do you think, lady?
No hurry now.

Well...
No, I don't like the color.
Kind of like a shit brown.

Oh.

Would you happen to have,
uh...some white,

like
uh...majorette kind of boots?

Major, oh yeah.

Something like this?

Yeah! Let's see 'em.

Genuine cowhide.

Oh, now those are
real comfortable.

Real nice.

Hmm...nice pussy...
nice pussy.

It sure is, lady.

Can I try the other one on?

Oh, sure.

Oh, Annie, I don't,
I don't think I ought to
be goin' in there.

I ain't dressed for
a place like this, okay?

Well, you...
I am and you promised

to be my manager.
Now, come on.

Yes? Bonjour!

Mr. Danton, please?
I am Louis Danton.

You are of course,
Miss Bodine.

Your sister told
me to expect you.

You are Miss Bodine.
Oh,
how completely sensational.

Would you come in, please.

I don't mind if we do.

Ah, thank you...

Ah, this is Mary Lou Carter,
she's my business manager.

How intriguing.

I handle all Annie's affairs.

How doubly intriguing!

Would you follow me, please.

[EXCLAIMS]

Holy shit.

Boy, this place
takes my breath away!

So far, so rich!

Won't you sit down, please?

Would you care
for a black ruffian?

No sir, I'm a good girl.
I don't...

Hush Annie.
That's a sugar daddy's drink.

Oh.

No thank you, Mr. Danton,
we can drink later.

Now I think we ought to
get down to business.

Business?

Well, we have to make sure
that you meet
our qualifications.

Just sit yourself down, Mr.
Danton,
and we'll get on with this.

Yes of course,
but isn't this, uh...
rather unique?

Now, Mr. Danton,

are you married?

Not at the moment.

Good, I ain't no prude
but I ain't
a home wrecker either.

Quiet, Annie.

Are you now,
or have you ever been,
a communist or an atheist?

No, I'm
a hedonist and libertarian.

Fuck that one.
Go on to the next one.

Do you have,
or have you ever had
a social disease?

Social disease?
Uh... What is that?

Specks on the pecker.

Specks on the pecker... No.

A freckle or two,
but not specks.

Now, has there...

You can skip
the rest of those questions

and get down to brass tacks.

Well, I guess you qualify.

Now,
I think we ought to discuss
the business of payment.

Payment? Of course.

But how do I know
how much to pay,
before I know what I'm buying.

Never thought of that.

I suppose you'd sort of like
to sample the milk

before you buy the cow
so's to speak?

Well, I could be induced
to pull on a tit or two.

I don't suppose
you'll be needin'
me here anymore.

I'll see you out
in the truck, Annie.

It's been a pleasure
doin' business with you,
Mr. Danton.

The rest is up to you.

[MURMURS]

Shall we go to the boudoir?

What's that?

That's french for workshop.

Oh.

Uh huh.

[EXCLAIMS] This
sure is some stable
you've got, Mr. Danton.

Oh, I'm sure you will find
everything you
need in here, Annie.

I'll just slip into something
more comfortable.

If you don't mind.

[CHUCKLES]

You hurry on back, Mr. Danton.

Oh you may call me Louis...

DANTON: [EVIL CHUCKLE]

ANNIE: Oh, Louis.

[CHUCKLING]

I am the Emperor Napoleon.

Charge!

Vive La France!

[MIMICKING A HORSE NEIGHING]

I came!

I saw!

I conquered!

[GASPS] Kiss my foot!

I'm coming!

Kiss my ass... I'm going!

Josephine...
Kiss my Bonaparte!

Lordy, Lordy!

[KNOCKING AT THE DOOR]

Yes.

Yes?

[CLEARS THROAT] Flora?

This is Flora. You are late.
Come on in.

Uh, my...my name Is Angelo.
Uh, Harry sent me.

You remember Harry,
from the uh... long

distance trucker's
convention last month?

Oh, yeah, Harry.
He's a big driver.

I used to shift his
stick quite a lot.

Is,
Is, is, is this place okay?
Okay? It always has been.

Well, uh, yes...uh, this is
my first time.

It is? Congratulations!

Oh, thank you.

I was...No, no, I mean
my first time with a...

Well,
you see, I'm a married man.

Aren't you all?
Come on,
take your clothes off.

Uh, well, I gotta be
extra careful, you see...

Because I...
I... I gotta wife.

Oh, well, just relax.
Let me handle it.

Take your clothes off.Well, I'm a little.

I know,
but I'm a little nervous.

I, I've never done
anything like this.

It's always hard
the first time.

Well I've never done
anything like this before.

You've gotta be kiddin'
what did you do
on your honeymoon?

Play backgammon?

How did you know?

Women's intuition.

Come on,
take your clothes off.

[STAMMERING] Uh...
Well, look, tell me,

have you had
a medical
examination recently?

Would you like
your family doctor
to examine me?

Do we have time?

Time is money.

If you want to pay for it,
I'll go for it.

Take your clothes off.Huh, what?

Yeah but honey,
what I'm tryin...
What I'm tryin to say is...

I won't bring anything
home to my wife, will I?

Sure. I give green stamps.

What?

Move over.

Uh-huh. Oh.

Oh.

A little lower.

[KNOCKING AT THE DOOR]

Oh, my God!

I don't know.
Who's there?
Nobody can see me here.

Who's there?

Sixpack, Flora. Open up!

I gotta get out of here!

You goddamn right!
I can't have sixpack see you.

Uh,
quick, quick, jump in this.

This here...

[SPUTTERS]

Oh, what's... what's the...
What the hell's
the matter with you?

Every time I get nervous,
I sneeze.

You're lucky,
every time I get nervous,
I fuck.

Now, get in, hold your nose
and be quiet!

[ANGELO SNEEZES]

I didn't expect you
back so soon.

Neither did we.

But you didn't
tell us that, that

Mr. Louis Danton was nuttier
than a fruitcake.

Well, honey, them are
the tricks of the trade.

Well, no thank you, Flora...
I got better things to do

than to mess around
with foreign weirdoes.

[ANGELO SNIFFING]

[STAMMERING] Well,
what are you'll
planning to do now?

Louie's
the richest man I know.

So it's gotta be down hill
from here on in.

Well that does sort of put a
monkey wrench into
our plans, all right.

[ANGELO SNEEZING]

[BUZZING SOUND]

What was that?

It must have been
something I ate.

You got any money?

[SIGH] This dress and boots
kinda wiped us out.

Well, I'd like to
help you out, honey bunch

but my ship
hasn't come in yet.

Maybe you'd best
think about getting a job
while you're lookin'.

Well, if we're
workin' we can't be lookin'!

One of you can be lookin'
while the other's workin'!

[FLATULATING]

Well, Flora, you got any ideas
where we might go lookin'?

Well, I used to pick
up a trick or two...
Uh, a lot of rich men,

hang around the bar
of the International hotel.

Think we can do
all right there?

Don't see how you can miss.

You'd better get yourselves
right over there.

[ANGELO SPUTTERING]

Well I think we,
uh...best be going.

Uh, let me know
how you make out.

Oh,
you'll be the first to know.

[SPUTTERING SOUND] Bye, now.

[ANGELO COUGHING]

[ANGELO SNEEZING]

[COUGHING]

Could you do me a favor
and change the green stamps?

You see,
my wife saves Blue Chips.

[SPUTTERING]

Hey, Carmello.

Dry up here, boy.

Hi, you all!

Well,
look what just bounced in.

The Boobsey twins! Ha!

Crack another nut, Carmello!

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

You just saddle
right on up there,
little darlin'!

How many of them things
have you drunk now?

Oh, bout 14 or 15.

How you feelin'?

Startin' to get
a little buzz on.

You just tell
Carmello what the most

beautiful girl in this
world wants to drink.

Cock an ear over here,
Carmello.

Gimme a beer!

Gimme a job!

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Do you want to work?
I'll give you a job.What?

Come on,
I show you where to dress.
Come on here... Come on.

Now you're talking!

Hey! What about
the other one, Carmello?

Ain't you gonna
take her on, too?

Nice of you to
think about me, Cowboy.

But I already got
all my work lined up.

Oh,
call me Jack, little darling.

You know,
you are just about the cutest

little filly,
I ever laid my eyes on.

I'll bet you and me could
set the world on fire!

I never take up
with married men.

Ain't that a coincidence.
Neither do I.

Why, ain't that a wedding ring
on your finger?

Well,
It's better than having it

around my neck and
that's the truth.

I gotta tell you somethin'
little darlin'.

When women gets old,

they sometimes gets mean,
ornery and ugly.

And my wife was all of 'em
right from the start.

Well,
why did you marry her then?

Oh, as a matter of survival.

We was havin'
Injun Wars then...

...and she could drop
a Shoshone at
a thousand yards.

Sounds like
a fine woman to me.

Oh, she's gettin' much better
since we got twin beds.

Twin beds! How does that help?

Well, her bed's in Dallas and
mine's in Miami Beach!

Well, that's
a mighty tall story, cowboy.

You're damn right!

Well, I'd like to
stick around and jaw,
but I gotta get going...

Oh, honey, I've upset you!

Here,
let me make it up to you.
I got somethin' for you here.

JACK:
I put the damn thing I had.
Had it right here.

Oh, you know what that is?

That is a genuine,
Russian birth control pill.

Oh, oh, it is...
It is right here.

Look at that.

That's for you,
little darlin'.
Lucky stone.

Why, it matches the sparkle
in your eyes

and the bigness of your...
Heart.

There...
Now don't that look pretty?

Oh, I can't take that...

It's just a lucky stone.

I'd be mighty hurt
if you didn't, honey bunch.
Mighty hurt.

Besides, you never
know when you might
need a little luck.

[EXCLAIMS] You
got rats, Carmello!

How do you like that,
Senor Jack?

I got the idea
from the Playboy Club.

Damn, I like her tail.

Annie, you better get yourself
a sugar daddy quick,

'cause I don't
know how much of this
I can take.

What'll it be miss?

Gimme a beer in the can.

I can't take it
to you in the can.
You'll have to drink It here.

Oh, all right.

Are you waiting for someone
in particular?

Sure am. I'm here to find me
a sugar daddy.

And I'd be most appreciative
if you'd point
out the richest one.

Well, I'll just
keep my eyes open and

point out the first
one that comes in.

You'd do that for me?

I sure will.

Are uh... Are you new in town?
I haven't seen
you here before.

Oh, I just got in a couple
of days ago.

You plannin' to stay
here long, Miss, uh...
Miss, uh...

...Bodine, Annie Bodine.

Naw, just till I
find me a rich man.

Well, you shouldn't
have any trouble there...

there's loads of
them around here.

Really?

Are you rich?

I'm as rich as Rockefeller.

Rockefeller?
Say, that is rich all right!

What's your name?

My name is Mr. O'Meyer.

Oh, Meyer, huh?
What's the "O" stand for?

Oscar.

Oh, what do you do, Oscar?

Oh, nothing... Nothing.

Nothing?
Well the rich don't
have to work, you see.

Well, that figures.

Would you uh,
mind excusing me,
Miss Bodine.

Even the rich have to,
uh, use the men's
room from time to time.

Well, you come on back, Oscar,
d'ya hear?

Oh, which is Miss
Bodine's suite, please?

Uh, pardon, uh, Bodine?
I am sorry, sir

we have no guest
here by that name.

Do you mean to say
you have screwed
up my reservation?

My secretary
called here last night
from Nashville.

Miss Bodine is flying
in on a private plane
at this very moment.

She will be here
in five minutes

and she expects to
find her suite ready.

Uh, um, what did you say
her name was again, sir?

You mean to say
you have never heard
of Annie Bodine?

The biggest name
in country western singing?

My God,
man, she's a superstar!

Uh, just a moment, please.

Uh, we have
the Bimini Suite available.

O'MEYER:
Is that the best you have?

I'm sorry,
Sir, the presidential suite
is occupied.

And by whom, may I ask?

By a very important Texan.

All right, all right
the Bimini Suite will

have to do. But make
sure that it's ready.

And no publicity. She's uh...
ducking a date in Vegas.

Oh, I see. Now would you
sign this please, Mr...

...Meyer. Oscar Meyer.

Not the Oscar Meyer?

Please,
I'm just here as her manager.

And send up
a magnum of champagne
and a large bowl of fruit.

Oh, you can count on me, Mr.
Meyer.

Good.

Yes, Sir.

I'd like to see those
rings in there, please.

Oh, we've got some
beautiful turquoise...

No, I'd like to see
something more like this.

Now, uh,
how much is this one, here?

That's 495.

[STAMMERING] 495...
I'm getting this for
my little girl, you see.

And I'm not quite sure
of the size. So uh...

if it doesn't fit,
could I have my money back?

Thank you, very much.Well, certainly.

Oh, that's 495.

Oh, 495... I have
a little spare change here.

I'll see it,
I've got a hundred or so,

here's a... Five.
You can keep the change.

Well,
I'm glad you're still here.

Of course, I'm still here.

You think I'd run out
on a hot prospect?

Hotter than you think.

[GASPS]

Let me slip this on your
beautiful finger, huh?

[EXCLAIMS]
That' s sure pretty!

Is that a diamond?

Of course it's a diamond.

That's really something.

Does that mean you're gonna
take care of me?

I'd certainly like to.
Whenever you want to start.

Hot damn! Oscar.
You got yourself a deal.

How do you like that...
I've got me the jackpot.

Say, you don't go in for any
of that,
uh weird stuff, do you?

Like, funny outfits or swords
or anything like that?

Annie,
what do you take me for?

ANNIE: [LAUGHS] Rich.

Shall we go?

Does a duck fuck?

[ANNIE EXCLAIMS]

Oh, oh my god.

Do I get to live
in a place like this
all the time?

Well, of course you do,
my darling.

[EXCLAIMS]

Annie.

Oh, Oscar, I should have
come to Miami, years ago.

I wish you had...

Can we go swimming
in the pool, later?

Oh, Oscar, the bed.

Woops.

Oh, look at all the fruit.

Uh-huh.

It even has my name on it.

Really?

Yeah. "Miss Bodine,
enjoy your stay,
the management."

How'd they know my name?

Because I told them.

Oh, this is terrific.

Look at all this fruit.

Mhm-hmm.

Look,
There's apples and oranges
and cherries and bananas.

I certainly do.Want a piece?

Okay.

Here's a banana for you...

And I'll take
a big red juicy cherry.

But I don't want a banana.

Oh, well,
I'll eat your banana and
you can take my cherry.

That felt real good.
Which one of you did it?

Well you know I have
something real luscious

for the guy who's
man enough to admit it.

Well...

It was me.It was he.

Are you sure?
I wouldn't want
to make a mistake.

Well, sure I'm sure.
I mean It was me wasn't it?

Are you sure?Yeah

Well, certainly, I'm sure.

Good.

Thank you and fuck you.

[PHONE RINGING]

Uh, Miss Bodine?Yeah?

Yes.

Oh, this is the desk.

Uh, your luggage
hasn't arrived as yet,
and we've been wondering,

is there some problem?

No problem,
I ain't expecting any.

But,
but your manager said that
you were expecting luggage and

are ducking
a date in Las Vegas.

Mary Lou?
How did you find
out about Mary Lou?

Mary Lou?

Who's Mary Lou?

CLERK ON PHONE: Mr.
Meyer said that...

Oh, Oh, Oscar... No, uh... he,
he ain't my manager,

he's my sugar daddy.
Ain't you Oscar? Oscar?

CLERK ON PHONE:
Miss Bodine.

Uh, Miss Bodine.

Miss Bodine?

Oh, my God!

Son of a bitch!

My ring!

[GASPS]

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh...

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Yes?

Oh, thank you.

Deaf and dumb. Aw. Here.

Sounds good.

So do you buddy.

Oh, you're cute.

I got screwed.

I knew you could do it.

I gotta talk to you.

Oh, don't mind him.

He's deaf and dumb.

But, why is it that
I'm meeting up with

all the crooks and the
weirdoes and the slickers?

It seems like that's all
there is in this here city.

You're lucky.
You found that out
in two days.

Took me eight years.

Well,
I ain't givin' up, Flora.

I know there's a sugar daddy
waitin' for me
out there somewhere.

You got anymore advice?

Honey,
get your ass back to Titville
before it's too late.

And you all come
back and see us again,
d'ya hear?

[ALARM CLOCK RINGING]

[GLASS CLINKING]

[SCREAMING]

[VOCALIZING]

[SINGING]

Well,
if it ain't my little filly.

Whoa, Jack!

Jack are you, Okay?

Sure, I'm okay.

Somebody just
moved the God damn bar,
that's all.

Well, what happened?

Yeah, did you come
up with anything?

Shit no.
For two days I searched high
and low

to find me a good, honest,
upright, church -goin',

God damn,
God-fearin' sugar daddy!

[EXCLAIMING]

Do you hear that, Carmello?

That's truth, boy!
That's the American
truth you're hearing

straight from the mouth
of a southern woman!

The eyes of Texas are upon us!

Crack another nut, Carmello!

I didn't know
Texas was in the South.

Oh, my God, can't you see
he's in terrible shape?

Why don't you take him home!

Well, I can't leave
the bar all alone.

Well, where does he live?

At the International Hotel.

The International?

Do you know where that is?

Oh, I sure do.

Come on, cowboy.

[JACK SPEAKING SPANISH]

[CARMELLO SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

[JACK SHOUTING INCOHERENTLY]

[JACK SINGING INCOHERENTLY]

That's it! Right there.

Well, reach in his pockets
and see if there is a key.

I think I've found
somethin' but it ain't a key.

I got it. That ain't it.

[EXCLAIMING]

Here it is.

Get him in there.

Jack.

Oh my god.
Take a look at this.

You sure we got
the right place?
Well we got in, didn't we?

We sure did.

Oh, come on in, come on in,

how about a little drink?

I think maybe
it's time you
went to sleep, Jack.

Sleep? Hell, I don't want
to go to sleep.
You go to sleep

[SCREAMING]

Jack! You turkey!

Come on. Get up!

You come on, ol' buffalo.

ANNIE: Come on! Come on!

Come on! Pick him up.

Hey, come on, you all,
let's play leap frog!

BOTH: No, Jack..

Hey, where In the
hell you girls goin'.

Where we goin'?

This is ridiculous.

[INDISTINCT YELLING]

He's too drunk to sleep.

Oh, I'll go get some coffee.

I'm okay.

Oh, Coffee...

[EXCLAIMING]

Oh, here...
Let's just get this.

JACK: Oh, boy.ANNIE: [EXCLAIMING LOUDLY]

All right, here we go.

...Look at that...

[INDISTINCT YELLING]

She's winkin' at me.

Cut that out, Jack.
You're more trouble
then you're worth, Oh.

Oh, I'm worth a lot
more trouble than you think.

Not unless you
find me a sugar daddy.
You, wait... [EXCLAIMS]

JACK: Well...

Now, get your ass over here.

What the hell's so all-fired
important about a sugar daddy?

Well, it ain't so much the
daddy as it's the sugar.

Sugar, you mean money?

Yeah.

Hell, money ain't no problem.
What you need it for?

Well, the bank is
gonna pull out the rug
from under my Aunt Tess

and I swore I'd
bring back the money.

You poor little critter!

How much them
damn varmints want?

$5600.

[EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST]
Chicken feed!

Where's my money?

Them,
I'll show them who can pull
that rug out from underneath

a fine,
upstandin' southern lady.

Here you go, one,
two, three, four, five, six
thousand dollars.

I ain't got no change.

[EXCLAIMS] $6000?

Oh, oh, Jack!

EDNA: Jack Whittlestone,
you son of a bitch!

Open this door!

Who's that?

Oh, I reckon it's
the little woman!

There you are...
you worn-out piece of rawhide!

Aw, Edna. How many times
I told you to knock first?

I leave you alone for a minute
and you're out
whorin' and drinking'.

Put those hands upYeah...

where I can see 'em,
you old galoot!

How much were
you gonna give her?

Well, hell, Edna...it
was only six thousand.

It ain't what it seems, Mrs.
Whittlestone...

We ain't got time
for this jawin'!

There's trouble-a-brewin'.
Slap leather, Jack.

Them damn
Shoshones is liquored up.

Liquored up?

Who gave fire-water
to the fuckin' Shoshones?

Goddamn, Edna...
Where's my boots?

Here they are, by George!

What's goin' on, Jack?
Where're you going?

Sorry, little lady...
Shoshones.

Come on,
Jack...you Just get warmed up
and the boys are standing by.

[SHOUTING INCOHERENTLY]

Come on, Edna.
Move your goddamned ass.

Hey, Annie, what happened?
Are you all right?
Where's Jack?

Shoshones.

What?

I don't understand.

Neither do I, Mary Lou.

What?But, we're goin' home.

We'll just have
to get the money
some other way.

But I thought that...

Hey, how come your
dress is unzipped?

I finally got rid of the rats
around this place.

LUKE: How'd you do that,
Hank?

Well,
I went down to the- cellar

and I put one trap
by the apple barrel.

And I put one trap
by the nut barrel.

Where'd you catch 'em?
By the apples?

Nope, I caught 'em
by the nuts.

[TESS GASPS]

TESS: Lordy, Lordy!

Have faith, Aunt Tess.
We'll get the money somehow.

But we're gonna need more
than faith, honey.

We're gonna nee a miracle.

Here you are,
Mr. Bates.

Thank you, very much, Annie.

Say, that's a
mighty pretty stone!

May I see it?

Why, surely.

Thank you.

MARY LOU:
Hey, Annie, here comes
Piker and the Sheriff!

Mary Lou, can I have some
buttermilk, please.

Good afternoon, Tess.MARY LOU: Sure, Mr. Bates.

Mary Lou, Annie.

Well, I guess you know
why I'm here.

TESS: Ahhh, get on with it,
Mr. Piker.

Now, Tess, you know how
I hate to do this, but...

well, business Is business.

Yeah, the oldest profession
in the world.

Now, it's all legal, Annie,
there ain't no
cause to talk that way.

The hell there ain't.

The color is flawless!

You come over here and try

to take everything Aunt Tess
has worked for her whole life.

Now I said it's all legal
and you can't stop him.

Well, you can serve as many
papers as you like, Mr. Piker,

'cause you're gonna have
one hell of a fight

when you try to get us
outta here.

Right!

Annie, can I see you a minute?

Mr. Bates, will you please
keep outta this?

I'm sorry,
Annie, but I haven't seen

a stone like this
In twenty years.

I'll give you 5000 for it,
cash.

What!

All right, seven.

ALL: What!

ANNIE: Seven thousand dollars
for that stone?

Now, if you'll just sign
a bill of sale,

I'll get you
the seven thousand
from the bank.

Why, Mr. Bates, I just
purely don't understand it.

Ha.

You got yourself a deal.
Shake.

[GASPS]

Lordie, Lordie.

[LAUGHS]
Well, I guess that does it.

We got the money.

If you got
the cash in that puny

little bank of yours, Mr.
Piker!

Cash?
Seven thousand dollars, cash?

Why, I don't know...

You'll have to give me
a couple of days.

Well, you just get on over
there and start counting it.

Mr. Bates here has got
to finish his lunch.

Well, well, I...
[CHUCKLES]

Well, you enjoy
your lunch and...

I'll see you all later.

Uh.

I surely am glad that.

No!

One of these days!

[LAUGHS]

Wait little fella,
let me help you.

I'm awful sorry.

Eh, here, oh, oh,
and here's another one.

[LAUGHS]

♪ If you're tired of
crashing bores

♪ Hold them doors
and paying the full price

♪ Take my advice
go see Sick Pack Annie

♪ Toss your hat
and spend your spurs

♪ You might be the one
when Annie stops flirtin'

♪ She'll grab your hat
but you'll love
the way it's hurting

♪ She rides through town
on a fucking horse

♪ They don't all get
in the saddle, of course

♪ When she does her stuff
with smiles and beers

♪ Her kisses butter your ears

♪ Everybody, now, bang, bang
a good time clang

♪ When Annie
come banging around

♪ Bang, bang, bang,
a good time clang

♪ We hope to bang
Annie down

♪ Bang, bang, bang,
a good time clang

♪ We hope to bang Annie down

♪ We'd love to bang Annie down

♪ We'd love to
bang Annie down ♪