Original subtitles

[SIXPACK ANNIEPLAYING]

♪ If you're tired of lemonade ♪

ANNIE: Come on, Mary Lou! Move your ass!

♪ Poured by milkmaids spillin' in a cup

♪ You'll get it up You'll see Sixpack Annie

♪ Step right up and join the crowd

♪ You'll lose your pride when Annie starts shaking

♪ Don't be surprised if it's hot enough to fry your bacons ♪

[YELLING]

♪ She rides through town on a fuckin' horse

♪ They don't all fit in the saddle, of course

♪ When she does her stuff with smiles and beers

♪ Her kisses butter your ears

♪ Everybody now, bang, bang, a good time clang

♪ When Annie comes banging around

♪ Bang, bang, bang...

Morning, Sixpack.

Who in the hell taught you how to drive, Bustis?

Same woman who taught me to screw.

You nearly killed us both.

That's what she said.

Get out of my way!

I'll race you to the diner.

Dollar says I beat the pants off of you. [LAUGHS]

Oh, who says we're wearing any pants?

♪ If you're tires of crashing bores

♪ Hold them doors and paying the full price

♪ Take my advice go see Sick Pack Annie

♪ Toss your hat and spend your spurs ♪

[EXCLAIMS] We gotta beat that Bustis!

[EXCLAIMS]

[LAUGHING]

♪ She rides through town on a fuckin' horse

♪ They don't all get in the saddle, of course

♪ When she does her stuff with smiles and beers

♪ Her kisses butter your ears

♪ Everybody now, bang, bang, a good time clang

♪ When Annie comes banging around ♪

I'm in her pants! I got her now!

[EXCLAIMING]

Mary Lou, we're not gonna let that damn Bustis beat us.

We're gonna take a shortcut.

MARY LOU: All right!

Go right along! Faster!

Where did all these fucking cows come from?

[HORN HONKING]

Annie! No, stop!

Stop!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

Look at him. What's wrong with your truck, Bustis?

Yay!

[GIRLS LAUGHING]

Did you see Sheriff Waters' face?

[CONTINUES LAUGHING]

All right!

Don't complain and don't explain.

I'll tell you what, instead of the dollar

why don't I take you to the Hayloft tonight

and buy you a couple of beers?

Thanks, but I'll take the dollar.Ooh.

Hank, I bought my girlfriend a new car yesterday.

Chevrolet?

About twice a week.

Mornin', Sixpack.

I've been waiting on you.

I couldn't help it.

Boy, you're gonna lose me my job.

Shit will keep, Bobby Joe.

Annie!

Well, it ain't shit I shovel.

It's manure.

Good mornin', Annie.Good mornin', Annie.

You're late.You're late.

Oh, you boys ready to order?

I'm sorry we're late, Aunt Tess.

How are you feeling this morning?

Ah, lumbago's acting up again,

arthritis is still hitting my joints

and I'm coming down with a touch of the colic.

Other than that, I'm fit as a fiddle.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Here's your eggs, Bobby Joe.

What was that with Bustis?

None of your business.

No, it is too my business 'cause I love you.

Bobby Joe, "love" is a four-letter word.

And when a boy starts talking about love,

girl's about to get laid.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

You eat your eggs.

Yes.

Mary Lou, this is getting pretty full.

Would you mind taking it outside?

Yes, ma'am.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[SIREN WAILING]

Yeah, it looks like it's gonna be a hot one today.

[EXHALES]

How about a skinny dip?

Is that all you ever think about, Bobby Joe, is sex?

Mmm-hmm. That and the heat.

[GIGGLES]

Well, all right.

You bring the blanket, and don't forget to bring a sixpack.

Annie Bodine, I've had enough!

[GRUNTS]

Mornin', Sheriff.

[SIGHS]

Lordy, Lordy!

Boy, it's hot! [SIGHS]

I don't think hell could be hotter than this.

You look like you swallowed a worm, Aunt Tess.

It's a letter from Mr. Piker at the bank, darlin'.

If we don't make those payments we're gonna lose the diner.

Those sons-of-bitches!

Now, don't you swear honey.

It ain't lady-like.

Well, they know you're working yourself to the bone.

People just ain't eating out anymore.

I suppose so.

But Mr. Piker's got his own problems.

What with times being what they are.

I wish we had that damn Piker's problems.

Everybody in the county owes him money.

I know. Maybe we can borrow the money

from Flora till things get better.

No.

Don't you go bothering your sister with our problems.

Why not? She struck it rich in Miami.

Yeah.

Well, we only heard from her once in three years, Annie.

You know how these city folk are.

She's probably living high on the hog.

She probably don't have one red cent to spare.

You know what we need, Aunt Tess?

Yeah.

We need the money to make the payments and fix up the diner.

Nope. A sugar daddy.

That's what we need.

Someone to take care of us.

Set us up in style, buy us some new clothes,

and a new car. Maybe two new cars.

You got somebody in mind?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

That Bobby Joe Jameson?

He don't have enough money in his raggedy jeans

to pay for a stamp on a postcard.

Well, there's gotta be someone, Aunt Tess.

All we got to do is find him.

[EXCLAIMS]

[LAUGHING]

Why, you...

Go get a tree limb!

Okay, let's...

[EXCLAIMS]

SHERIFF: Well, well, mighty warm night, ain't it?

Shit!

Come on out of there!

All right, come on, just unscrew yourselves.

Get on out of there.

Who is it?

You know who it is, Bobby Joe, it's your friendly sheriff.

And you're both under arrest.

For what?

I don't want no sass! Just get on out of there!

Oh, a girl can't have any fun without risking getting her tits blown off.

Annie, this is the last time. Now, get on out of there!

Oh!

Oh, shit, Sheriff!

You know I can't come out like this.

[LAUGHS]

What's the matter, boy? Catfish got your tootsie roll?

Tootsie roll?

Oh, you know why I can't come out now.

Come on out of there, boy. It's the last time I'm telling you.

All right! I'm coming.

I'm coming out backwards.

Now!

Coming.Move it, boy!

Come on, now get yourself over there next to the squad car

and get in the back there and don't let me hear a word out of you.

And don't fool with my radio.

Annie! Annie!

Annie Bodine!

Now you've just run me off my limits.

Where are you? Annie!

Annie Bodine! Come on out of there!

You are the most aggravatin', exasperatin'... [GRUNTS]

[POLICE RADIO CHATTERING]

[EXCLAIMS]

Damn!

[POP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

[EXCLAIMS]

[EXCLAIMING IN FRUSTRATION]

[COW MOOING]

[ANNIE LAUGHING]

[GRUNTS]

You looking for me, Sheriff Waters?

Annie Bodine, you're the most aggravatin'...

Breaking the law, obstructing justice,

impeding a law officer doin' his duty.

You, foolin' with my radio.

And look what you did to my boots.

This ain't no laughin' matter.

We're going off to my jail now.

[ENGINE STARTING]

[SIREN WAILING]

All right, Bobby Joe, Annie, come on, in you go.

Bobby Joe, you know where the cell is.

I want to hear that door clink good.

Sit yourself down right there, young lady.

Hey, Tess, this is Marlin Waters.

Come on over to the jail and get your property.

No, she's all right.

Just in a little trouble again.

Sheriff, can I have a Dr. Pepper?

You got wax in your ears, boy?

I told you to get in that cell

and I don't wanna hear another word out of you.

Good night, Annie.

Good night, Bobby Joe.

Well, Annie...

Here you are in trouble with the law again.

You know, if you don't straighten out,

you're gonna flat turn out to be a genuine juvenile delinquent.

You know something, Sheriff?

What, Annie?

What, Annie?

Between you and me, Marlin, you are purely disgusting.

Well, now ain't that fine talk coming from you?

Look at you sittin' there half naked,

and had your butt slung clean over the County line.

Yeah, well, this is gonna be the high point of your career.

catchin' Bonnie and Clyde skinny dippin'.

They're gonna sing songs about you.

Oh, Annie, I've been meaning to talk to you for some time.

You know, there's two roads in life folks can follow.

What are they?

Well, there's a high road and the low road.

Now the high road, that's the good road.

And the low road, that's the bad road.

And you've got to be settling down, making up your mind

which one you gonna follow.

'Cause you're flat at the crossroads.

What are you drivin' at, Sheriff?

Well, what I'm trying to say, Annie,

it's time for you to be settlin' down.

And you need a strong man to help you down that road.

Yes, Sheriff.

Bobby Joe ain't that man.

He ain't? Well, who is?

I am.

Aw, now, wait a minute.

You mean, you and me?

The two of us?

Uh-huh.

Oh, I get it.

You followed Bobby Joe and me tonight, didn't ya?

And out of the goodness of your little ol' heart,

you hauled us in to keep up law and order.

That's right, isn't it?

Well, you're about as charming as an ol' water moccasin.

TESS: Oh, Annie!

Oh, Tess. Here she is, I'm sorry to say.

Oh, Annie!

Get in the car.

Yes, Aunt Tess.

Thank you, Sheriff Waters.

Well, it's all right, Tess.

Oh, oh, could I talk to you for a minute, Tess?

Now, I know Annie is a good girl.

Well, I hope you understand, but...

See, I got to uphold the law no matter who's breaking it.

I understand.

I knew you would.

And that's why I figured, what if

somebody put Annie on the right track.

Put his foot down. Keep her out of trouble.

Well, why, she'd be a fine upstandin' citizen.

I got my hands full with the diner, Sheriff.

Don't have time to watch Annie every minute.

Well, that's my point. You see, Tess.

She needs a man to look after her.

Not a snot-nosed boy like Bobby Joe.

I heard about the trouble you was having over at the bank.

Well, Tess, I carry a little weight in this town

and I might even be able to get Piker to ease up on ya.

That way, it will give you more time

to get Annie on the right road.

All I ask is, you...you tell her

to spend a little more time with me.

Maybe I can help straighten her out.

Now you think on it, Tess.

'Cause Lord knows, I know how worrisome it is

trying to make ends meet.

Thank you very much, Marlin.

I'll think it over.

Good night.

Good night, Tess.

[CHUCKLES]

[GRUNTS]

Enjoy your meal.

Anything to drink?

A glass of buttermilk if you please.

Say, that's a mighty fine looking brooch, lady.

You ever think of selling it.

That was my grandma's, mister.

Don't reckon I'd like to part with it.

I'll give you a good price.

Bates is the name, trading's my game.

I'll buy, sell and trade anything, anywhere, anytime.

My, my, I bet you move about.

Lots of places, lots of faces.

Like to take a look at what I got?

I'll get you that glass of buttermilk.

I have the secret of longevity, buttermilk.

Yes, sir, never drink less than a quart a day myself.

Good for the heart, good for the mind, and good for the soul.

My Uncle Tector lived to be 93 on a quart of moonshine a day.

Ah, he must have taken the formula with it.

What formula?

Glad you asked and pleased to show.

Bates' patented Time O' Life formula.

Guaranteed to cure the gout, dissolve corns,

and bring life back to those weary bones.

Mr. Bates, that ain't the half of it.

I got the pain of rheumatism, the headiness of the vapors,

the swellin' of the bunions, the colic cough

and a touch of the... [COUGHING] asthma.

And on top of all that, the old ticker.

She ain't what she used to be. [COUGHING]

Lordy, I reckon I'll be lucky if I live out the rest of the year.

My, oh, my, you certainly are a measure of misery.

Oh, you could say that again.

Look, lady, I got to be honest with you.

There's only one way to beat a rug.

This is your time of life for Time O' Life.

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh, thank you kindly.

ANNIE: Hello?

Aunt Tess? Oh, it's Mr. Piker at the bank.

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Bates.

Hello?

PIKER OVER PHONE: How do, Mrs. Barnes?

I reckon you have a few minutes to see me?

Oh, yes, Mr. Piker.

I reckon I can come over right now.

The morning rush is about over.

All right, I'll be waiting for you in my office. Bye.

What did that ol' vulture want?

Oh, now, Annie... Mr. Piker's a good man.

He's just trying to do his job.

Well, he's doing a job on this town, I'll tell ya.

I'm going with ya.

All right, Annie, but you mind your mouth.

You hold the fort, Mary Lou. We'll be back in a little while.

MARY LOU: Okay.

Excuse me, Mr. Bates.

I got to go, sorry.

Oh, that's all right. No trouble at all.

My time is your time, lady. See you real soon.

Bye.Bye.

I'll leave my card with the girl here.

Oh, miss, may I have some ketchup please?

MARY LOU: Sure.

You know, I ain't seen you much here in these parts, Mr. bates.

Well, I'm new to the territory. Pardon me.

How's business?

Well, bad for some, good for others. Depends on the line.

You gotta be there at the right place at the right time.

What do you sell?

Well, I got some combs.

I got beautiful tortoise shell. pearlescent plastic combs.

No.

Pens, Leak-proof fountain pens,

and a new line of ball-point pens

guaranteed to write 150 feet under water

or at 30,000 feet up in the air.

Mmm, no.

Watches. I got your gold-filled,

your silver-filled, your-platinum filled,

plain dial and your radiant dial.

I got the plastic strap, the leather strap,

tooled or plain, and I got your expandable strap.

Mmm, no.

No, thank you.Bracelets?

Toupees?

Earrings, necklaces, costume jewelry?

Mighty fine earring.

That is a genuine, handmade, seashell earring

with gold-filled backing.

And an adjustable tension for the spring clamp.

[EXCLAIMS] No, no.

Art over the heart!

Blue Boy, Venus De Milo, David,

The Resurrection, and The Rape of Sabine Women.

Rape?

A beautiful, high quality lithograph of that famous painting,

and only $1.95.

And I can get you the frame in gold or silver.

No, thanks.

Something a little saucy perhaps. French art.

[LAUGHS] You got a mighty fine collection there, mister.

But I don't think so.

What else you got?

Well, how about this.

Hold on there, Mr. Bates!

It's a new line of hardware.

Hard or soft, I ain't got a thin dime, Mr. Bates.

Maybe some other time.

Oh, ain't you got a lot of stuff there.

Well, my father always told me,

"You can't sell off an empty cart."

Anybody here order a stud to go?

Studs? I got 'em.

Mr. Bates, why don't you just sit down and enjoy your lunch?

Glad to oblige.

Mary Lou, can we get a couple of Mr. Peppers over here?

MARY LOU: Okay.

If you don't want that stud to go, you can always eat it here.

[LAUGHS]

Well, howdy, Mary Lou.

Uh-uh.You know John here?

John's a friend of mine from over in Purville.

How'd you do, John?

Boy, you sure got big muscles.

You wanna feel, Mary Lou?

Mmm.

John can slice a pie all night long,

if you know what I mean.

All night long?

My goodness.

Mary Lou, John here's looking for someone to take to the dance.

You know anyone that might go with him.

I might.

Over in Purville, John here is known

as "Long John. The All Night Wonder."

You know why?

No, Bustis. Why?

Well, whoever goes to the dance with him

will get to find out why first hand, so as to speak.

My, my. What a coincidence.

I had other plans, but they just got changed.

No kidding.

You hear that, Long John, come Saturday night

Mary Lou is gonna be free.

Certainly not free, Bustis.

But definitely not expensive.

Now that leaves one knot left to be tied, Mary Lou.

What's that?

I figure in return for me fixing you up with Long John here,

you can fix me up with Annie.

Bustis, I don't think I can do that.

That's gonna be a hard one to pull off.

Then the deal's off.

Come on, Long John, pull out.

No, Long John. I mean let's go.

Bustis, is he always that willing?

Mmm-hmm.

All right. I'll see if I can get Annie to go to the dance.

Well, it ain't that we're not trying, Mr. Piker.

It just seems that business is off all over.

Oh, believe me, Mrs. Barnes. I am profoundly sorry,

but we simply can't extend your commitments any further.

[SOBBING] Lordy, Lordy.

The truth of the matter is, Mrs. Barnes,

that, well, we should have foreclosed three months ago.

And after all, I haven't charged you interest for three months.

How much do you want, Mr. Piker?

[CLEARING THROAT] Well, let's see.

[TYPING CONTINUES]

$5,641.87 would wipe the slate clean.

[GASPS] Lordy, Lordy.

$5,641?

And 87 cents.

I'll get it.

Now, don't you worry none, Mr. Piker.

I'll get every cent of it.

You've only got seven days, Annie, remember.

Come on, Aunt Tess.

Oh, and Mrs. Barnes...

If I can be of any further assistance to you...

Well, thank you, Mr. Piker.

My goodness, Annie, why'd you go and sat that for?

Where are we gonna get $5,641.87.

He ain't gonna take away our living from us, Aunt Tess.

It's ours!

Now, I'll get it.

Luke, I've been married 19 years

and I got 19 children.

But I'm not gonna have anymore.

My wife bought a hearing aid.

A hearing aid? I don't see the connection.

Well, you see, for 19 years she was deaf.

And every night I'd say, "Shall we go to sleep or what?"

And she'd say, "What?"

Annie, I gotta talk to you.

I gotta talk to you, too.

Boy, you ain't kiddin'.This is an emergency.

We got a big problem.

I sure do!

This is our biggest problem ever.

This could really set us on our ass.

I sure hope so.

Do you know how much this could mean to us?

I'd say about eight or nine inches.

Mary Lou, who's the richest man in town?

Who's the richest man in town?What?

I don't know. This town's so poor, it ain't got a rich man.

Oh, you're right. Well, who's the next richest?

The only rich person I know is Flora.

Yeah.Flora?

But she lives in Miami and she ain't even a man.

Well, we'll go to Miami and we'll talk to Flora.

I'm sure she'll give us money, her being rich and all.

Wow! That will solve all of our problems.

Now we can even go to the dance.

Yeah. That solves my problem, too.

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]

Boy, oh, boy, we are gonna have

a hot ol' time tonight, Long John.

I tell you, I feel so good.

Tonight is the night.

Miss Annie Sixpack Bodine is gonna meet her maker.

Did you get it, Ace? Make-her.

[ALL JEERING]

Say, why is love like a roll of toilet paper?

I don't know.

because once you tear off the first piece, the rest comes easy.

[ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST][LAUGHS]

That stinks.

Now, what's the difference between a sin and a shame?

What is the difference between a sin and a shame?

It's a sin to put it in and a shame to take it out.

[ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST]

Mary Lou, come over here, honeybun.

Hi, y'all.

Mary Lou, what's the difference between

a circus and Las Vegas chorus line?

Oh, Ace, everybody knows that.

A circus is an array of cunning stunts.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Now, I just delivered my part of the deal, Mary Lou. Where's Annie?

Oh, Bustis, if you'll excuse me a minute. I gotta go to the girls' room.

Mary Lou said she'd be here.

Well, why don't you go find her

and I'll get us a pitcher of beer, huh?

Well, there you are. I looked all over for you.

Bobby Joe just went to get some Sands.

I gotta talk to you real quick.

About what?

Well, Bustis came into the diner today

and he had a friend of his, John from Purville with him,

but john didin't have a date for the dance tonight.

But by coincidence I didn't either,

so I said I'd be John's date if only you'd...

Where you been, you little bucket of honey?

You'd be his date tonight.

Oh, thanks, Mary Lou.

You're late, sweet thing.

Fuck off, Bustis. You let go of me.

Hey, just what the hell are you doing with Sixpack?

Well, she ain't your gal.

She sure as hell is.

She came with me.

She is staying with me.

Annie, you better come with me. Come on!

[ANNIE EXCLAIMS]

Well, you're in about a foot of hog slop right now, boy.

If I'm in a foot, you're in about three feet of hog slop.

Well, if I'm in three feet then you're up to your neck in hog slop.

You boys better not make waves now.

[PIANO PLAYING]

♪ I saw him at the ball game yelling, "Peanuts here"

♪ He was so good-looking that to keep him near

♪ I kept buying peanuts till I had a ten-foot stack

♪ And by the seventh inning I was sellin' 'em back

♪ I tell you

♪ Every time I see them nuts

♪ My heart leaps to the sky

♪ I know without them red hot nuts

♪ I would surely die

♪ He gave me such a kiss right through a double play

♪ Shacked up with me that night Married me next day

♪ One romantic thing we have which never disappears

♪ We've been eating peanuts for six long years

♪ I tell you

♪ Every time I see them nuts

♪ My heart leaps to the sky

♪ I know without them red hot nuts ♪

Now I think you'd better find yourself another table, Bustis.

Glad to, Bobby Joe. But I'm taking Sixpack with me.

Is that a fact?

It surely is.

♪ I'm so glad the peanut man made me his wife ♪

So is this...

♪ I tell you

♪ Every time I see them nuts

♪ My heart leaps to the sky

♪ I know without them red hot nuts

♪ I will surely die

♪ Yes, without them red hot nuts ♪

[WOMEN SCREAMING]

ACE: God damn it! Knock it off!

Goddamn bullshit!

God damn it, you're ruining my place.

Knock it off!

What the hell are you doing?

[YELLING]

ACE: God damn it!

Hit him in the nose! Kick him!

Hit him, hit him, hit him!

What is this?

[WOMEN SCREAMING]

ACE: Knock it off!

[ALL YELLING]

[SIREN WAILING]

Is that you, Gardner?

Get the hell off my hood!

All righty!

[EXCLAIMING]

Everybody...

Hank, how is your wife?

Compared to what?

ANNIE: Oh, no, here comes trouble.

Mornin', ladies. Annie, could I talk to you private for a minute?

Mornin', Sheriff. How's your head?

You watch your tongue, young lady?

Yes, sir.

What do you want, Sheriff Waters?

Now... Now look, Annie.

It's like I told your Aunt Tess over at the office the other night.

See, I know about the problem you'll been having

with Mr. Piker over at the bank.

What's that got to do with you?

I can help you.

How?

Lend you the money.

Where did you get any money?

Oh, now, Annie, you know I ain't ever married.

And I'm a frugal man.

I've been scrimpin' and savin' for years.

And I'd be mighty proud to give you the lend of the money.

What do you want, Marlin?

You, Annie.

I want you so awful much I can taste.

Oh, God, Marlin.

I can't help myself, Annie.

I know you don't like me much, but I got all the money you need.

You're shamin' yourself, Marlin.

No, I ain't.

You meet me out on Mooners Road by 4:00 this afternoon,

and we'll go into it further.

And you have all the money?

That's right.

You better not be trying to trick me.

Annie, you know I'm as upright as a tombstone.

Okay, Marlin, you got yourself a date.

Shake.

Oh.

Put that on your bill.

[GRUNTS]

What did that ol' Marlin want?

He looked about as happy as a pig in shit when he left.

He says he's got the money.

Wants me to him out on Mooners Road and he'll give it to me.

The money?

That and other things.

[POLICE RADIO CHATTERING]

Good afternoon, Annie.

My, it sure is warm, ain't it?

Uh-huh.

You got the money, Marlin?

Got it right here.

Lord, I can't get over how beautiful you always look.

Well, thank you.

Let me see the money, Marlin.

Oh, Annie, let's just sit here on the tailgate and relax

and talk about the future.

Marlin, the money.

Well, I got it right here in this cigar box!

Well, come on. Open it up.

[LAUGHS] Okay.

Here's my bank book.

Got $193 in change in there. That's cash money.

Yeah, what else?

Well, I got these redeemable mercantile savings stamps.

They'll bring some cash.

Savings stamps?

Well, I got my life insurance policy.

Look at that. I can cash in the annuity over $400.

Ooh! Hot damn, Marlin!

Keep on going. What else you got?

Oh, well, that's it.

That's it? That's all you got, Marlin?

On me.

But I got me a surefire plan that's going to make us rich, Annie.

Yeah, what is it?

Parking tickets.

Parking tickets?

I'm gonna splice me parking tickets

all over this whole damn county!

I get 2% of everything I bring in.

Marlin, you idiot!

There ain't but 1047 people in the whole damn county!

I know it, Annie. And I ain't gonna miss one of them.

Oh, Marlin!

That's the stupidest plan I ever heard of in my whole life.

It's dumb.

No, it ain't Annie.

It won't work.

Yes, it will.

Annie, don't go!

Wait, Annie! I know we can work it out.

Annie, I know it will work.

Goodbye, Marlin.

Annie! Annie!

Marlin.

Annie, don't leave, I know we can work it out.

Marlin, it won't.

Annie.

It's going to work.

Annie!

Luke, that wife of mine is a liar.

How do you know?

Well, she didn't come home all last night.

I asked her she was, she said she spent

the night with her sister Shirley.

So?

I spent the night with her sister Shirley.

We'll get packed this afternoon.

First thing in the morning we're leaving for Miami.

Yeah.

[BOTH SLURPING]

Hot damn Miami Beach, here we come!

I figure it shouldn't take more than a day to get the money from Flora.

And if we like it there, we could spend another day or two

lying on the beach.

Yeah.

Don't suppose Aunt Tess will be mad at us

leavin' and not sayin' goodbye?

No, I explained everything in a note.

I told her as soon as we got the $5,641,

we'd hightail it back to Titwillow.

Lordy, Lordy.

That must be that damn Long John.

Some company. Pull over, let's pick them up.

Well, hell, why not.

Hey, you boys want a ride?

Yeah.[YAWNING]

My name is Mary Lou Carter, and this here is Annie Bodine

Nice to meet you.

Miami. You?Where are you going?

[YAWNING] Same place.

Y'all are yawning a lot. Are you tired?

Been up all night. Waited two hours for a ride.

Oh, Annie, if they don't get a rest,

they ain't gonna be worth nothing'.

Y'all want some shut-eye?

Sure would help.

Why don't you jump in the back of the truck,

and you rest up now, you hear?

Boy, Annie, they sure are cute.

I'll take the one with the short shorts,

and you take the one that looks like Warren Beatty.

Looks ain't everything.[LAUGHS]

I know. But they sure do help, don't it?

Oh!

Besides, they need their strength for later, right?

Oh!

Hey, maybe we can get a little action out of those two.

Oh, come on, Annie, have some fun.

Well, look in the back and see how they're doing.

Oh, my God, Annie, look!

They're kissin' and huggin'.

Oh, shit!What are we gonna do?

Everybody out!

Truck's on fire!

What the hell goes on around here?

My truck's on fire! Get out!

[SCREAMING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

God damn it! That proves that the whole world sucks!

Don't you wish.

Oh!

I was never so surprised in all my life.

Two handsome boys like that, kissing.

What a waste!

They must have had some Yankee blood in 'em.

I can't imagine a couple of real southern boys carrying on that way.

That's the truth.

What?Annie, pull over quick!

Look over yonder.

Well, I don't know about Miami,

but the boys back home, they don't need a special place.

They can have an erection anywhere.

[LAUGHING]You're terrible.

Oh, Mary Lou.

Well, here we are.

Miami. Oh, I can't believe it. I'm so excited.

Look at all those palm trees. I'll be damned.

Hey, look over here.

Wow, look at that building.

There's only one thing missing.

A sixpack!

Right.

We'll just pop it here and grab ourselves a couple of beers,

and call Flora and tell her we're in town.

[EXCLAIMS]

You know, SenorJack, $1 million, that's all I need.

That's all you need, huh?

Well, that's what you said before the Bay of Pigs,

and look how that turned out.

SenorJack, but that was a small tomato.

You know, I got 10,000 men in Miami

just waiting for a signal.

You know, Castro will never know what hit him.

I got everything all ready, Senor.

The only thing I need is the boats and the guns and the money

and the ammunition and the gasoline. That's all!

That's all?

Well, it'll take a hell of a lot more than that

to get that bearded hippie outta there,

and you know it.

You know, I could arrange for you to be the Vicepresidente!

Think it over.Oh.

MAN: Hey, how about another drink over here?

Hold your tamales, Senor.

I'm a little short-handed today.

Well, howdy do, little lady.

Howdy do, cowboy.

What do you got to do to get some service around this place?

Oh, just holler out!

How about a sixpack over here!

[LOUDLY] Yeah!

Your friend's got a mighty fine pair of lungs.

They get us around okay.

I bet they do.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

To go?I want a sixpack.

No, we'll just drink it here, little fella.

Mary Lou, I'm going to go call Flora.

Okay.

Hey, mister, what in tarnation are you drinking?

What are you drinking there?Mmm?

Carmello, what the hell you call this here thing?

A Coco Loco.

What the hell's that?

Oh?A crazy coconut.

You have a couple of those and you just go right through the floor.

Oh, my God, how many have you drunk?

Five, heading for six.

[CHUCKLING] Well, how do you feel?

A little numb.

I'll bet.

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh-five-three-two.

Oh-five-three-two?

Howdy do? Is Flora there?

This is Flora.

ANNIE OVER PHONE: Hi, Flora, this is Annie.

Baby Annie! Where are you?

Me and Mary Lou is here in Miami.

Oh, my God.

I've really got to talk to you. What are you doing?

Uh, would you believe, working.

We gotta see you. When can we come over?

Uh, well, um...

Well, how about in half an hour?

Uh...

What's going on?

My baby sister will be coming in 30 minutes.

Well, I'll be coming in five, if we ever get to it.

Okay Annie, 30 minutes.

That'll be... [EXCLAIMS]

Wonderful.

Okay, we'll be right over.

Goodbye.Goodbye.

You tell 'em.

How'd Flora sound?

She sounded real thrill.

Say, what you little heffers doin'over here? You all on vacation?

No, we're working girls.

Do you need a job? I could use somebody with, uh, your talent.

No thanks, little fellow. We got our work all cut out for us.

We've come a door-knockin'.

They certainly got the knockers for it.

Knockers! I'll drink to knockers. Crack another nut, Carmello.

Round 'em up.

Real nice meetin' you fellows, but we gotta get on goin'.

You all come back now, do you hear?

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

What the hell's the matter with you boy?

Didn't you learn how to speak the English language?

Didn't you ever go to school?

Oh, Senor Jack, sure I went to school. I went to school three days.

Three days?

Si, Senor the first day I went to school.

Second day, I didn't went to school.

Third day, I went to school.

And the teacher told me, "Eh Carmello, what's the matter with you?

"You didn't come to school yesterday."

And I said teacher, "I'm very sorry,

but I have to take the bull to the cow."

And she said, "Can your father do that?"

And I said, "Sure he can do it. But not as good as the bull."

[GROANING]

You sure this is Flora's place?

Yes. Number 69, Cherry Lane. Let's go.

Well, now we gotta find number 45.

[KNOCKING]

Right on time. [WHISTLING]

Annie! Oh baby!

Oh, Flora.

Hi. It's so good to see you. Mary Lou!

My, you girls got so big.

ANNIE: Well, we've grown up.

How long has it been?

Just a little over five years.

My, you look terrific.

So, uh, this is what you've been writin' us about, huh Flora?

Boy, uh, you sure are livin' in style.

Well, don't just stand there. Come on in.

Make yourselves at home.

Why, you sure have a pretty view.

Yeah.

You gals look at the view while I clean up.

ANNIE: [LAUGHS]

How's Aunt Tess?

ANNIE: Oh, she's...she's fine.

Well, boy his place sure gets messy. Thank you, honey.

Well, sit down, sit down.

Let's hear it. Tell me all about.

Well, there ain't much to tell.

Me and Mary Lou's on a mission of mercy.

You don't say. What's wrong?

Well, I ain't gonna mince words, Flora.

That damn Piker is fixin to sell the diner

out from under Aunt Tess in six days and...

Well, we'd be beholdin' if you'd give us $5641.87,

and we'll be on our way back to Titwillow.

Now hold on there, just a minute, baby sister.

I'd like to help you out, but uh... I'm sort of

between sugar daddies at the moment.

And I, I ain't got $5600.

Well, Flora, darling, I don't mean to pry into your private matters and all,

but, wasn't that your sugar daddy we met comin' in here?

Annie, honey, he weren't my sugar daddy.

He's just a good gentleman friend.

As a matter of fact, I'm sort of waitin'

around to find a new, rich sugar daddy.

Well, Flora sweetheart, you just

better get your precious ass, in gear.

Annie baby, I'm gonna have to be flat out with you.

If you need that kind of money,

you're dippin' in the wrong well.

ANNIE: Well, don't that beat all!

Damn, Annie. What are we gonna do?

Have a beer.

Well, it looks like there's only one thing to do, Mary Lou.

What's that?

We're gonna have to find us our own sugar daddy.

Flora, honey, you're gonna have to help us out.

Well, honey, if that's what you want, I'll do my best.

Well, we gotta find us a sugar daddy that has lots of money.

You just tell us where to go, darlin'

and, uh... We'll take it from there.

Well, first thing you gotta do,

is you gotta get yourself some clothes.

I got clothes.

Honey, you need some hustlin' clothes.

Something that'll knock their eyes out.

I'll tell you the name of a place to get it and a place to use them.

Yes siree, this is the one.

Lets 'em know what I've got but tells them they ain't gettin' it cheap.

Honey, you look good enough to eat.

I sure hope he likes southern fruit.

Well, what do you think, lady? No hurry now.

Well... No, I don't like the color. Kind of like a shit brown.

Oh.

Would you happen to have, uh...some white,

like uh...majorette kind of boots?

Major, oh yeah.

Something like this?

Yeah! Let's see 'em.

Genuine cowhide.

Oh, now those are real comfortable.

Real nice.

Hmm...nice pussy... nice pussy.

It sure is, lady.

Can I try the other one on?

Oh, sure.

Oh, Annie, I don't, I don't think I ought to be goin' in there.

I ain't dressed for a place like this, okay?

Well, you... I am and you promised

to be my manager. Now, come on.

Yes? Bonjour!

Mr. Danton, please? I am Louis Danton.

You are of course, Miss Bodine.

Your sister told me to expect you.

You are Miss Bodine. Oh, how completely sensational.

Would you come in, please.

I don't mind if we do.

Ah, thank you...

Ah, this is Mary Lou Carter, she's my business manager.

How intriguing.

I handle all Annie's affairs.

How doubly intriguing!

Would you follow me, please.

[EXCLAIMS]

Holy shit.

Boy, this place takes my breath away!

So far, so rich!

Won't you sit down, please?

Would you care for a black ruffian?

No sir, I'm a good girl. I don't...

Hush Annie. That's a sugar daddy's drink.

Oh.

No thank you, Mr. Danton, we can drink later.

Now I think we ought to get down to business.

Business?

Well, we have to make sure that you meet our qualifications.

Just sit yourself down, Mr. Danton, and we'll get on with this.

Yes of course, but isn't this, uh... rather unique?

Now, Mr. Danton,

are you married?

Not at the moment.

Good, I ain't no prude but I ain't a home wrecker either.

Quiet, Annie.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a communist or an atheist?

No, I'm a hedonist and libertarian.

Fuck that one. Go on to the next one.

Do you have, or have you ever had a social disease?

Social disease? Uh... What is that?

Specks on the pecker.

Specks on the pecker... No.

A freckle or two, but not specks.

Now, has there...

You can skip the rest of those questions

and get down to brass tacks.

Well, I guess you qualify.

Now, I think we ought to discuss the business of payment.

Payment? Of course.

But how do I know how much to pay, before I know what I'm buying.

Never thought of that.

I suppose you'd sort of like to sample the milk

before you buy the cow so's to speak?

Well, I could be induced to pull on a tit or two.

I don't suppose you'll be needin' me here anymore.

I'll see you out in the truck, Annie.

It's been a pleasure doin' business with you, Mr. Danton.

The rest is up to you.

[MURMURS]

Shall we go to the boudoir?

What's that?

That's french for workshop.

Oh.

Uh huh.

[EXCLAIMS] This sure is some stable you've got, Mr. Danton.

Oh, I'm sure you will find everything you need in here, Annie.

I'll just slip into something more comfortable.

If you don't mind.

[CHUCKLES]

You hurry on back, Mr. Danton.

Oh you may call me Louis...

DANTON: [EVIL CHUCKLE]

ANNIE: Oh, Louis.

[CHUCKLING]

I am the Emperor Napoleon.

Charge!

Vive La France!

[MIMICKING A HORSE NEIGHING]

I came!

I saw!

I conquered!

[GASPS] Kiss my foot!

I'm coming!

Kiss my ass... I'm going!

Josephine... Kiss my Bonaparte!

Lordy, Lordy!

[KNOCKING AT THE DOOR]

Yes.

Yes?

[CLEARS THROAT] Flora?

This is Flora. You are late. Come on in.

Uh, my...my name Is Angelo. Uh, Harry sent me.

You remember Harry, from the uh... long

distance trucker's convention last month?

Oh, yeah, Harry. He's a big driver.

I used to shift his stick quite a lot.

Is, Is, is, is this place okay? Okay? It always has been.

Well, uh, yes...uh, this is my first time.

It is? Congratulations!

Oh, thank you.

I was...No, no, I mean my first time with a...

Well, you see, I'm a married man.

Aren't you all? Come on, take your clothes off.

Uh, well, I gotta be extra careful, you see...

Because I... I... I gotta wife.

Oh, well, just relax. Let me handle it.

Take your clothes off.Well, I'm a little.

I know, but I'm a little nervous.

I, I've never done anything like this.

It's always hard the first time.

Well I've never done anything like this before.

You've gotta be kiddin' what did you do on your honeymoon?

Play backgammon?

How did you know?

Women's intuition.

Come on, take your clothes off.

[STAMMERING] Uh... Well, look, tell me,

have you had a medical examination recently?

Would you like your family doctor to examine me?

Do we have time?

Time is money.

If you want to pay for it, I'll go for it.

Take your clothes off.Huh, what?

Yeah but honey, what I'm tryin... What I'm tryin to say is...

I won't bring anything home to my wife, will I?

Sure. I give green stamps.

What?

Move over.

Uh-huh. Oh.

Oh.

A little lower.

[KNOCKING AT THE DOOR]

Oh, my God!

I don't know. Who's there? Nobody can see me here.

Who's there?

Sixpack, Flora. Open up!

I gotta get out of here!

You goddamn right! I can't have sixpack see you.

Uh, quick, quick, jump in this.

This here...

[SPUTTERS]

Oh, what's... what's the... What the hell's the matter with you?

Every time I get nervous, I sneeze.

You're lucky, every time I get nervous, I fuck.

Now, get in, hold your nose and be quiet!

[ANGELO SNEEZES]

I didn't expect you back so soon.

Neither did we.

But you didn't tell us that, that

Mr. Louis Danton was nuttier than a fruitcake.

Well, honey, them are the tricks of the trade.

Well, no thank you, Flora... I got better things to do

than to mess around with foreign weirdoes.

[ANGELO SNIFFING]

[STAMMERING] Well, what are you'll planning to do now?

Louie's the richest man I know.

So it's gotta be down hill from here on in.

Well that does sort of put a monkey wrench into our plans, all right.

[ANGELO SNEEZING]

[BUZZING SOUND]

What was that?

It must have been something I ate.

You got any money?

[SIGH] This dress and boots kinda wiped us out.

Well, I'd like to help you out, honey bunch

but my ship hasn't come in yet.

Maybe you'd best think about getting a job while you're lookin'.

Well, if we're workin' we can't be lookin'!

One of you can be lookin' while the other's workin'!

[FLATULATING]

Well, Flora, you got any ideas where we might go lookin'?

Well, I used to pick up a trick or two... Uh, a lot of rich men,

hang around the bar of the International hotel.

Think we can do all right there?

Don't see how you can miss.

You'd better get yourselves right over there.

[ANGELO SPUTTERING]

Well I think we, uh...best be going.

Uh, let me know how you make out.

Oh, you'll be the first to know.

[SPUTTERING SOUND] Bye, now.

[ANGELO COUGHING]

[ANGELO SNEEZING]

[COUGHING]

Could you do me a favor and change the green stamps?

You see, my wife saves Blue Chips.

[SPUTTERING]

Hey, Carmello.

Dry up here, boy.

Hi, you all!

Well, look what just bounced in.

The Boobsey twins! Ha!

Crack another nut, Carmello!

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

You just saddle right on up there, little darlin'!

How many of them things have you drunk now?

Oh, bout 14 or 15.

How you feelin'?

Startin' to get a little buzz on.

You just tell Carmello what the most

beautiful girl in this world wants to drink.

Cock an ear over here, Carmello.

Gimme a beer!

Gimme a job!

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Do you want to work? I'll give you a job.What?

Come on, I show you where to dress. Come on here... Come on.

Now you're talking!

Hey! What about the other one, Carmello?

Ain't you gonna take her on, too?

Nice of you to think about me, Cowboy.

But I already got all my work lined up.

Oh, call me Jack, little darling.

You know, you are just about the cutest

little filly, I ever laid my eyes on.

I'll bet you and me could set the world on fire!

I never take up with married men.

Ain't that a coincidence. Neither do I.

Why, ain't that a wedding ring on your finger?

Well, It's better than having it

around my neck and that's the truth.

I gotta tell you somethin' little darlin'.

When women gets old,

they sometimes gets mean, ornery and ugly.

And my wife was all of 'em right from the start.

Well, why did you marry her then?

Oh, as a matter of survival.

We was havin' Injun Wars then...

...and she could drop a Shoshone at a thousand yards.

Sounds like a fine woman to me.

Oh, she's gettin' much better since we got twin beds.

Twin beds! How does that help?

Well, her bed's in Dallas and mine's in Miami Beach!

Well, that's a mighty tall story, cowboy.

You're damn right!

Well, I'd like to stick around and jaw, but I gotta get going...

Oh, honey, I've upset you!

Here, let me make it up to you. I got somethin' for you here.

JACK: I put the damn thing I had. Had it right here.

Oh, you know what that is?

That is a genuine, Russian birth control pill.

Oh, oh, it is... It is right here.

Look at that.

That's for you, little darlin'. Lucky stone.

Why, it matches the sparkle in your eyes

and the bigness of your... Heart.

There... Now don't that look pretty?

Oh, I can't take that...

It's just a lucky stone.

I'd be mighty hurt if you didn't, honey bunch. Mighty hurt.

Besides, you never know when you might need a little luck.

[EXCLAIMS] You got rats, Carmello!

How do you like that, Senor Jack?

I got the idea from the Playboy Club.

Damn, I like her tail.

Annie, you better get yourself a sugar daddy quick,

'cause I don't know how much of this I can take.

What'll it be miss?

Gimme a beer in the can.

I can't take it to you in the can. You'll have to drink It here.

Oh, all right.

Are you waiting for someone in particular?

Sure am. I'm here to find me a sugar daddy.

And I'd be most appreciative if you'd point out the richest one.

Well, I'll just keep my eyes open and

point out the first one that comes in.

You'd do that for me?

I sure will.

Are uh... Are you new in town? I haven't seen you here before.

Oh, I just got in a couple of days ago.

You plannin' to stay here long, Miss, uh... Miss, uh...

...Bodine, Annie Bodine.

Naw, just till I find me a rich man.

Well, you shouldn't have any trouble there...

there's loads of them around here.

Really?

Are you rich?

I'm as rich as Rockefeller.

Rockefeller? Say, that is rich all right!

What's your name?

My name is Mr. O'Meyer.

Oh, Meyer, huh? What's the "O" stand for?

Oscar.

Oh, what do you do, Oscar?

Oh, nothing... Nothing.

Nothing? Well the rich don't have to work, you see.

Well, that figures.

Would you uh, mind excusing me, Miss Bodine.

Even the rich have to, uh, use the men's room from time to time.

Well, you come on back, Oscar, d'ya hear?

Oh, which is Miss Bodine's suite, please?

Uh, pardon, uh, Bodine? I am sorry, sir

we have no guest here by that name.

Do you mean to say you have screwed up my reservation?

My secretary called here last night from Nashville.

Miss Bodine is flying in on a private plane at this very moment.

She will be here in five minutes

and she expects to find her suite ready.

Uh, um, what did you say her name was again, sir?

You mean to say you have never heard of Annie Bodine?

The biggest name in country western singing?

My God, man, she's a superstar!

Uh, just a moment, please.

Uh, we have the Bimini Suite available.

O'MEYER: Is that the best you have?

I'm sorry, Sir, the presidential suite is occupied.

And by whom, may I ask?

By a very important Texan.

All right, all right the Bimini Suite will

have to do. But make sure that it's ready.

And no publicity. She's uh... ducking a date in Vegas.

Oh, I see. Now would you sign this please, Mr...

...Meyer. Oscar Meyer.

Not the Oscar Meyer?

Please, I'm just here as her manager.

And send up a magnum of champagne and a large bowl of fruit.

Oh, you can count on me, Mr. Meyer.

Good.

Yes, Sir.

I'd like to see those rings in there, please.

Oh, we've got some beautiful turquoise...

No, I'd like to see something more like this.

Now, uh, how much is this one, here?

That's 495.

[STAMMERING] 495... I'm getting this for my little girl, you see.

And I'm not quite sure of the size. So uh...

if it doesn't fit, could I have my money back?

Thank you, very much.Well, certainly.

Oh, that's 495.

Oh, 495... I have a little spare change here.

I'll see it, I've got a hundred or so,

here's a... Five. You can keep the change.

Well, I'm glad you're still here.

Of course, I'm still here.

You think I'd run out on a hot prospect?

Hotter than you think.

[GASPS]

Let me slip this on your beautiful finger, huh?

[EXCLAIMS] That' s sure pretty!

Is that a diamond?

Of course it's a diamond.

That's really something.

Does that mean you're gonna take care of me?

I'd certainly like to. Whenever you want to start.

Hot damn! Oscar. You got yourself a deal.

How do you like that... I've got me the jackpot.

Say, you don't go in for any of that, uh weird stuff, do you?

Like, funny outfits or swords or anything like that?

Annie, what do you take me for?

ANNIE: [LAUGHS] Rich.

Shall we go?

Does a duck fuck?

[ANNIE EXCLAIMS]

Oh, oh my god.

Do I get to live in a place like this all the time?

Well, of course you do, my darling.

[EXCLAIMS]

Annie.

Oh, Oscar, I should have come to Miami, years ago.

I wish you had...

Can we go swimming in the pool, later?

Oh, Oscar, the bed.

Woops.

Oh, look at all the fruit.

Uh-huh.

It even has my name on it.

Really?

Yeah. "Miss Bodine, enjoy your stay, the management."

How'd they know my name?

Because I told them.

Oh, this is terrific.

Look at all this fruit.

Mhm-hmm.

Look, There's apples and oranges and cherries and bananas.

I certainly do.Want a piece?

Okay.

Here's a banana for you...

And I'll take a big red juicy cherry.

But I don't want a banana.

Oh, well, I'll eat your banana and you can take my cherry.

That felt real good. Which one of you did it?

Well you know I have something real luscious

for the guy who's man enough to admit it.

Well...

It was me.It was he.

Are you sure? I wouldn't want to make a mistake.

Well, sure I'm sure. I mean It was me wasn't it?

Are you sure?Yeah

Well, certainly, I'm sure.

Good.

Thank you and fuck you.

[PHONE RINGING]

Uh, Miss Bodine?Yeah?

Yes.

Oh, this is the desk.

Uh, your luggage hasn't arrived as yet, and we've been wondering,

is there some problem?

No problem, I ain't expecting any.

But, but your manager said that you were expecting luggage and

are ducking a date in Las Vegas.

Mary Lou? How did you find out about Mary Lou?

Mary Lou?

Who's Mary Lou?

CLERK ON PHONE: Mr. Meyer said that...

Oh, Oh, Oscar... No, uh... he, he ain't my manager,

he's my sugar daddy. Ain't you Oscar? Oscar?

CLERK ON PHONE: Miss Bodine.

Uh, Miss Bodine.

Miss Bodine?

Oh, my God!

Son of a bitch!

My ring!

[GASPS]

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh...

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Yes?

Oh, thank you.

Deaf and dumb. Aw. Here.

Sounds good.

So do you buddy.

Oh, you're cute.

I got screwed.

I knew you could do it.

I gotta talk to you.

Oh, don't mind him.

He's deaf and dumb.

But, why is it that I'm meeting up with

all the crooks and the weirdoes and the slickers?

It seems like that's all there is in this here city.

You're lucky. You found that out in two days.

Took me eight years.

Well, I ain't givin' up, Flora.

I know there's a sugar daddy waitin' for me out there somewhere.

You got anymore advice?

Honey, get your ass back to Titville before it's too late.

And you all come back and see us again, d'ya hear?

[ALARM CLOCK RINGING]

[GLASS CLINKING]

[SCREAMING]

[VOCALIZING]

[SINGING]

Well, if it ain't my little filly.

Whoa, Jack!

Jack are you, Okay?

Sure, I'm okay.

Somebody just moved the God damn bar, that's all.

Well, what happened?

Yeah, did you come up with anything?

Shit no. For two days I searched high and low

to find me a good, honest, upright, church -goin',

God damn, God-fearin' sugar daddy!

[EXCLAIMING]

Do you hear that, Carmello?

That's truth, boy! That's the American truth you're hearing

straight from the mouth of a southern woman!

The eyes of Texas are upon us!

Crack another nut, Carmello!

I didn't know Texas was in the South.

Oh, my God, can't you see he's in terrible shape?

Why don't you take him home!

Well, I can't leave the bar all alone.

Well, where does he live?

At the International Hotel.

The International?

Do you know where that is?

Oh, I sure do.

Come on, cowboy.

[JACK SPEAKING SPANISH]

[CARMELLO SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

[JACK SHOUTING INCOHERENTLY]

[JACK SINGING INCOHERENTLY]

That's it! Right there.

Well, reach in his pockets and see if there is a key.

I think I've found somethin' but it ain't a key.

I got it. That ain't it.

[EXCLAIMING]

Here it is.

Get him in there.

Jack.

Oh my god. Take a look at this.

You sure we got the right place? Well we got in, didn't we?

We sure did.

Oh, come on in, come on in,

how about a little drink?

I think maybe it's time you went to sleep, Jack.

Sleep? Hell, I don't want to go to sleep. You go to sleep

[SCREAMING]

Jack! You turkey!

Come on. Get up!

You come on, ol' buffalo.

ANNIE: Come on! Come on!

Come on! Pick him up.

Hey, come on, you all, let's play leap frog!

BOTH: No, Jack..

Hey, where In the hell you girls goin'.

Where we goin'?

This is ridiculous.

[INDISTINCT YELLING]

He's too drunk to sleep.

Oh, I'll go get some coffee.

I'm okay.

Oh, Coffee...

[EXCLAIMING]

Oh, here... Let's just get this.

JACK: Oh, boy.ANNIE: [EXCLAIMING LOUDLY]

All right, here we go.

...Look at that...

[INDISTINCT YELLING]

She's winkin' at me.

Cut that out, Jack. You're more trouble then you're worth, Oh.

Oh, I'm worth a lot more trouble than you think.

Not unless you find me a sugar daddy. You, wait... [EXCLAIMS]

JACK: Well...

Now, get your ass over here.

What the hell's so all-fired important about a sugar daddy?

Well, it ain't so much the daddy as it's the sugar.

Sugar, you mean money?

Yeah.

Hell, money ain't no problem. What you need it for?

Well, the bank is gonna pull out the rug from under my Aunt Tess

and I swore I'd bring back the money.

You poor little critter!

How much them damn varmints want?

$5600.

[EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST] Chicken feed!

Where's my money?

Them, I'll show them who can pull that rug out from underneath

a fine, upstandin' southern lady.

Here you go, one, two, three, four, five, six thousand dollars.

I ain't got no change.

[EXCLAIMS] $6000?

Oh, oh, Jack!

EDNA: Jack Whittlestone, you son of a bitch!

Open this door!

Who's that?

Oh, I reckon it's the little woman!

There you are... you worn-out piece of rawhide!

Aw, Edna. How many times I told you to knock first?

I leave you alone for a minute and you're out whorin' and drinking'.

Put those hands upYeah...

where I can see 'em, you old galoot!

How much were you gonna give her?

Well, hell, Edna...it was only six thousand.

It ain't what it seems, Mrs. Whittlestone...

We ain't got time for this jawin'!

There's trouble-a-brewin'. Slap leather, Jack.

Them damn Shoshones is liquored up.

Liquored up?

Who gave fire-water to the fuckin' Shoshones?

Goddamn, Edna... Where's my boots?

Here they are, by George!

What's goin' on, Jack? Where're you going?

Sorry, little lady... Shoshones.

Come on, Jack...you Just get warmed up and the boys are standing by.

[SHOUTING INCOHERENTLY]

Come on, Edna. Move your goddamned ass.

Hey, Annie, what happened? Are you all right? Where's Jack?

Shoshones.

What?

I don't understand.

Neither do I, Mary Lou.

What?But, we're goin' home.

We'll just have to get the money some other way.

But I thought that...

Hey, how come your dress is unzipped?

I finally got rid of the rats around this place.

LUKE: How'd you do that, Hank?

Well, I went down to the- cellar

and I put one trap by the apple barrel.

And I put one trap by the nut barrel.

Where'd you catch 'em? By the apples?

Nope, I caught 'em by the nuts.

[TESS GASPS]

TESS: Lordy, Lordy!

Have faith, Aunt Tess. We'll get the money somehow.

But we're gonna need more than faith, honey.

We're gonna nee a miracle.

Here you are, Mr. Bates.

Thank you, very much, Annie.

Say, that's a mighty pretty stone!

May I see it?

Why, surely.

Thank you.

MARY LOU: Hey, Annie, here comes Piker and the Sheriff!

Mary Lou, can I have some buttermilk, please.

Good afternoon, Tess.MARY LOU: Sure, Mr. Bates.

Mary Lou, Annie.

Well, I guess you know why I'm here.

TESS: Ahhh, get on with it, Mr. Piker.

Now, Tess, you know how I hate to do this, but...

well, business Is business.

Yeah, the oldest profession in the world.

Now, it's all legal, Annie, there ain't no cause to talk that way.

The hell there ain't.

The color is flawless!

You come over here and try

to take everything Aunt Tess has worked for her whole life.

Now I said it's all legal and you can't stop him.

Well, you can serve as many papers as you like, Mr. Piker,

'cause you're gonna have one hell of a fight

when you try to get us outta here.

Right!

Annie, can I see you a minute?

Mr. Bates, will you please keep outta this?

I'm sorry, Annie, but I haven't seen

a stone like this In twenty years.

I'll give you 5000 for it, cash.

What!

All right, seven.

ALL: What!

ANNIE: Seven thousand dollars for that stone?

Now, if you'll just sign a bill of sale,

I'll get you the seven thousand from the bank.

Why, Mr. Bates, I just purely don't understand it.

Ha.

You got yourself a deal. Shake.

[GASPS]

Lordie, Lordie.

[LAUGHS] Well, I guess that does it.

We got the money.

If you got the cash in that puny

little bank of yours, Mr. Piker!

Cash? Seven thousand dollars, cash?

Why, I don't know...

You'll have to give me a couple of days.

Well, you just get on over there and start counting it.

Mr. Bates here has got to finish his lunch.

Well, well, I... [CHUCKLES]

Well, you enjoy your lunch and...

I'll see you all later.

Uh.

I surely am glad that.

No!

One of these days!

[LAUGHS]

Wait little fella, let me help you.

I'm awful sorry.

Eh, here, oh, oh, and here's another one.

[LAUGHS]

♪ If you're tired of crashing bores

♪ Hold them doors and paying the full price

♪ Take my advice go see Sick Pack Annie

♪ Toss your hat and spend your spurs

♪ You might be the one when Annie stops flirtin'

♪ She'll grab your hat but you'll love the way it's hurting

♪ She rides through town on a fucking horse

♪ They don't all get in the saddle, of course

♪ When she does her stuff with smiles and beers

♪ Her kisses butter your ears

♪ Everybody, now, bang, bang a good time clang

♪ When Annie come banging around

♪ Bang, bang, bang, a good time clang

♪ We hope to bang Annie down

♪ Bang, bang, bang, a good time clang

♪ We hope to bang Annie down

♪ We'd love to bang Annie down

♪ We'd love to bang Annie down ♪