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Administering test of compound VC-42C, trial 100 of 100.

This never gets old.

And subject's exposed.

Start the timer.

Here we go.

Amazing.

Seriously?

What?

What?

I'm not dead.

Can you hear us now?

Yeah, honey.

Now we're cooking with gas.

Great job, Andrea.

Thank you.

Thank you, Bobby Lee.

Well, Marty, we got some good news for you.

VC-42 is a big success.

Now you can start shopping for that bigger yacht.

All right.

All right, Bobby Lee.

Don't exaggerate.

How about some facts first?

OK, OK.

Come on, Marty.

You know me, huh?

I'm the salesman.

But seriously, this has been Judy's project

from the beginning, so why don't I stop flapping my gums,

and I'll let Judy do the talking?

Thank you, Bobby Lee.

Actually, Mr. Monroe, this is one of the only times

that Bobby Lee isn't full of you know what.

Hey, now.

Come on, Judy.

I'm sorry, Bobby Lee.

I'm just really caught up in this news.

Our lab testing for VC-42 has far exceeded our expectations.

Not only do we have over 82% effectiveness,

but the times are off the charts.

Catherine?

Yes.

The time from exposure to full infection is within minutes.

Now, not all of our test subjects

responded in this fashion, and a handful of our subjects

were completely immune to VC-42.

But the overall net result has far

exceeded my initial estimates.

In fact, we have exceeded government requirements

for first round testing by 30%.

30%?

Holy cow.

Bobby Lee, if she's right, this really is the first time

you aren't full of crap.

Hey, now.

Just kidding, Bobby Lee.

Great job, all of you.

I'm going to be short with y'all.

News like this is hot, so I'm going to try to get a call

in to my buddy at the Pentagon.

Hopefully, he's burning the midnight

oil like y'all down there.

It's going to be a great year, people.

Take care, Marty.

Well, that couldn't have gone better.

But then again, I had a hunch.

Andrea, darling, would you do us the honors?

Champagne, anyone?

That's what I'm talking about.

That's a great idea.

I have to apologize for having you all stay here

after closing, but I thought you all want to hear the good news.

Plus, I wanted to give credit to where credit is due.

Judy, this was your baby from the start.

Congratulations, darling.

Thank you.

I'll say.

A product like this is going to make us a fortune.

Not to mention save a lot of soldiers' lives.

To all of our soldiers in harm's way.

May they come home safely.

Here, here.

Cheers.

We did it, my love.

Couldn't save you, but this new weapon will save your brothers.

Let those bastards kill each other.

I got half a bottle of campaign left.

Any ideas?

Well, hey now, little lady.

When this old cowboy brings in the herd, he gets real ornery.

Yee-haw.

See you later.

Jesus, Darren.

This isn't a kegger.

Champagne is meant to be sipped.

Screw that.

It's time to celebrate.

I can finally afford that new Beemer.

I'm gonna go cruising down the strip picking up chicks.

I'm gonna have to beat them off with a stick.

You are such a tool.

Hey, you know what?

I bet your precious Joseph did plenty of muff-diving

in his day before he met you, OK,

little miss Mary Sandra lgnatius of the School of Eternal Agony.

Look, I know that you're just jealous of what

my fiance Joseph and I have.

And with the money I make on this job,

I can pay for the wedding and afford

a down payment on a house.

A moment of silence.

For what?

Another of my bachelor brethren has fallen victim

to the old ball and chain.

May God have pity on his soul.

Asshole.

Oh, yeah.

Uh-huh.

Oh, that's what I like.

Oh, yeah, baby.

Come on.

Oh, yeah.

Mmm.

You know what I like.

Oh, I know what you like.

Yes, you do.

Oh, you are one naughty cowgirl.

Am I?

Mm-hmm.

You wanna spank the naughty cowgirl?

Oh, well, take that, you naughty cowgirl.

Oh, maybe you need to teach me a lesson.

Well, I am one hell of a professor.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Well, well, well, Dr. Katherine.

Doing a little experimenting this evening?

You need a test subject.

No.

I'm just sharing the wealth of my fellow lab rats.

You just be careful on your drive home.

Don't worry.

We're going to be working late again.

Good enough.

Hey, Norton.

Oh, I'm glad you're here.

Listen, I left my card key up in the office.

Could you let me out?

Yeah, but then how are you going

to get back in in the morning?

I'm sorry, buddy, old pal.

Are you kidding me?

Who gave you those theater tickets

on your 15th wedding anniversary--orchestra seats,

I might add? - Thank you.

I'm very grateful.

It was amazing, but come on.

You know how tight security is here.

If I use my card to let you out, it'll register

that you were here all night. - I know.

Listen, don't worry about it.

I'll deal with security.

I'll tell them I pulled rank on you, all right?

I'll deal with it.

I got your back.

All right, but this is the last time, tickets or no tickets.

Thanks, bud.

Take it easy.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Oh, yeah.

Whoo-hoo!

Who's your daddy?

Oh, you're my daddy.

Hey, darling, that makes me sound old.

But you are old.

I'm not that old, baby.

Well, then don't say, "who's your daddy?"

Say something like, "all aboard!"

All aboard?

It's a train reference.

You know, a train in a tunnel?

Darling, I hate to say this, but when you say all aboard,

it makes it sound like a gang bang or something.

I don't know.

You started it.

Oh, OK, OK, OK, OK.

Reset button, huh?

Let's start over.

Whatever.

Hey, hey, you lab rats.

Want some cheese?

Now you're talking.

I guess it was a hit, huh?

Huge hit.

Bobby Lee conferenced us with corporate.

He flipped over the results.

Science don't lie.

How about better living through chemistry?

This VC-42C might do a lot of things,

but better living ain't one of them.

Will you two nerds stop yapping and finish up in there?

This bottle's getting cold.

You mean warm.

Warm?

You said cold.

What you meant was warm.

Does it matter?

You knew what she meant.

Why do you always have to be so anal?

Anal?

Me?

You were the one who just checked

your hair in that beaker.

That's not anal.

That's just vain.

There's a difference.

Well, I don't know what that is.

Both of you, shut up, or I'm going to finish

this entire bottle by myself.

She said cold.

Come on, darling.

Mount up.

Ride me, cowgirl!

Oh, are you my wild mustang?

I'm a stallion.

I'm a mustang, baby.

Come on.

Oh, a stallion.

Oh, why don't you give me a wild ride?

Oh, that's the stud stallion.

Oh, yeah.

Ride me, cowgirl.

I'm a bucking bronco, baby.

Break me, baby, come on.

Beat me like a bad stepchild.

You know you want some.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

Oh, big boy, give it to me.

Oh, girl, make me write bad checks, come on now.

That's what I'm talking about.

Come on, girl.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you're killing me.

You're--I love it like-- darling, like that.

I'm killing you, Bobby Lee?

Oh, yeah.

I'm killing you?

Girl, you're killing me like there's no tomorrow.

Shit!

What's going on?

The hell is that?

Dammit.

Get dressed, darling.

Shit.

What the hell happened?

There was a spill in lab four.

VC-42?

Shit.

Is it contained?

I don't know.

Hold on.

Did you spill any of the agent?

I don't know.

Count the vials.

Stop.

Take a breath, and go slow.

They're checking now.

God help us.

VC, VC, VC.

We're good.

I only had three.

Thank God.

We're good.

It was only control vials, no agent.

Judy, do you hear me?

Yes, I--I'm here.

We are OK.

False alarm.

Are you 100% positive?

I love you, man.

I love you too, in a completely heterosexual way, of course.

Oh, yeah, football.

Sports.

Yes, we're clear.

What's the word?

False alarm.

Thank Christ.

I almost shit myself.

I was right in the middle of--uh, never mind.

We still on lockdown?

The system needs to reboot before the locks will reset.

Well, I can handle that.

You wanna calm the troops?

Yes.

Imagine if this had happened during normal business hours.

Well, that's why we paid so much for the security system.

The system can only be reset with this key.

And on that note, I'm off.

Hey, be careful.

Don't electrocute yourself.

You guys gave me a scare.

April fool's.

Listen, boss, we can clean up this mess.

It's our fuck-up.

This lab and everything and it is my responsibility.

Besides, the quicker we clean up,

the sooner we can drink some of our warm champagne.

Touche.

Attention, everyone.

This is Judy Miller.

The alarm you just heard was for a non-toxic spill.

As a result, we will be resetting our security system.

The power will go out.

This is normal.

Once the power comes back on, the system will need

25 minutes to fully reboot.

At that point, the locks will work, and you can all go home.

And one more thing-- I need to remind you

we are a high-security facility.

No matter how big of a scare we've had here today,

your security clearance forbids you

from telling your friends, your family, or even your spouse

what's happened here today.

Remember, what we do is for our men

and women in the military thousands of miles

away in harm's way.

We need to be strong for them.

Thank you.

Guess the party's over.

Jesus fucking Christ, I hate this job.

Dammit.

The phone system's locked down.

Security protocol.

You're the company's bitch now.

That ain't gonna work, either.

We're in a complete lockdown here, OK?

Magnetic door locks, bulletproof glass,

radio jamming--if there's a breach

or a lab spill or something, they don't

want anybody knowing about it.

Like I said, the money's good.

We're just whores taking it up the ass here.

Fuck.

Exactly.

Uh, where's the cat?

He's in the cage.

No, he's not.

What?

Guys.

Guys!

Shh!

Aw, shit.

Security, this is Norton.

I thought lockdown was over.

Norton, Norton.

That ain't gonna open until I reset the system downstairs.

Shall I go with you?

No, no.

Why don't you check all the other exits, make sure

nobody's stranded in the stairwells or the causeways.

Roger that.

Goddamn security system.

Pain in my ass.

Now that is one angry pussy.

Not funny.

Shit.

Catherine!

Is she breathing?

Catherine!

I can hear her breathing.

Thank God.

For a minute there, I thought we went from the frying pan

to the fire.

She's bleeding.

Shit, her arm is cut.

She must have cut it on the broken glass or the--no.

The cat?

Don't fuck around!

Check it!

I can't tell!

There's too much blood, and the tie back is covered!

We gotta hit the alarm!

Twice in one day?

They're gonna fire us.

We gotta be sure.

OK, I'm sure.

No, northeast entrance is locked too.

Well, according to the manual, you gotta check every exit.

Any chance you can get off your fat ass and help me with this?

Hey, man, you got your job, and I got mine, OK?

And besides, it says right here in the manual,

"One lockdown is initiated, security personnel

must manually confirm that each entrance

is sealed in the event a door was opened

during initial lockdown."

Yeah, but nowhere in the manual does

it say that you have to sit on your ass

while I do all the heavy lifting.

Come on, give me a hand.

Dude, I'm on station duty.

You're on patrol duty.

Right, but if we both work together on this,

we could be done in half the time,

and you can return to your coveted newspaper.

Think about it.

I'm not paid to think.

I'm paid to sit here and read the stupid manual.

Besides, if they actually trusted us,

they'd have us reset the security system.

Yeah.

You know, I was a little pissed off

that I couldn't go with Bobby Lee

to reset the security system.

That's what I'm talking about.

We're only walking furniture here.

Mr. Bobby Lee is the only person with access to the key,

and he won't even let us assist.

As far as I'm concerned, they don't

pay me enough to get off my fat ass,

leave my coveted newspaper, and walk the halls,

and check doors that I can see clearly

on the monitor in front of me that they're already locked.

So you do your job, and I'll do mine, all right?

Right.

I'll do all the heavy lifting, and you eat a bag of dicks.

Fuck.

This is taking too long.

Listen, you two.

I need you to stay put until the power comes back

on, no matter what happens.

Understand?

Is that a gun?

Precaution.

Just stay in our area.

Yes, ma'am.

Precaution, my ass.

Why does she have a fucking gun?

I thought you said it was a high-security building?

High security, yeah.

Wild West, nah.

Fuck me.

This is fucking bullshit.

Hang on.

I have an idea.

Wait!

Oh, fuck.

Stupid bitches.

One's running around packing heat,

and the other one's a nut case.

Check this out.

What the hell?

They're Bobby Lee's.

Bobby Lee's?

Why--why would you--how would you--where would--

what the fuck is--what?

Oh, yeah.

Bobby Lee and me used to--this was

long before I met my fiance.

It was a long time ago.

So anyway, since I heard them on the PA,

I know he still played this little game,

so I knew he still had the guns.

You and Bobby Lee?

Are you serious?

Oh, yeah, Bobby Lee!

Snap out of it.

What?

Ma'am, your badge won't work.

The door is locked.

Ma'am!

The door is locked.

Ma'am, please stop pounding on the door.

You're gonna hurt--

Bobby Lee, huh?

What's his deal, anyway?

I mean, I figured Andrea was just a gold digger,

but you, Little Miss Romance?

What has he got, like, a 12-inch penis?

Well, since you ask, actually--

Ah, la, la, la.

No.

My day's already been shitty enough, thanks.

Sounds like you're jealous.

Oh, son of a bitch.

This is a fake bullet.

This gun says "replica" on it.

You dumb bitch.

I'm getting the fuck out of here.

Wait!

Judy said we had to stay put.

Yeah, well, MILF or not, she doesn't

have my balls in a handbag.

Fuck that, and fuck you.

I'm out.

Wait.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Hello?

Is anyone there?

No.

Please, please--

It's happening.

What have I done?

Hey!

I'm so sorry.

Attention, everyone.

The lockdown is still under effect.

Please stay in your rooms and keep the doors locked.

I will be calling in a security team to assist.

Once again, we have a serious breach.

Do not move around the building.

You will receive further instructions once our security

team has arrived.

See?

I knew it.

We have to go back.

Go ahead.

I'm gonna find something I can use as a weapon.

I'm getting out of here.

But she said the security team was on their way.

How stupid can you be?

The phones are cut off.

She couldn't call for help if she wanted to.

We're rats in a cage, just like the ones in this lab.

There are no rats in here.

I was speaking rhetorically.

Rhetorical, huh?

Didn't know you could read.

Someone buy you a gift certificate

to a bookstore or something?

Shut up.

Hello?

May I help you?

Uh, yes.

I'm a temp here, and the announcement

said that I should, uh, go to my office, but I don't have one.

OK.

What am I supposed to do about that?

Can I come in?

I'm not sure I'm allowed to do that.

Let me check the manual.

The manual?

What--what are you--what are you talking about?

There's something really bad happening here.

I'm aware of that.

That's why I'm in here and not out there.

How do I know you're not going to hurt me?

Hurt--hurt you?

What are you talking--I have a broken foot, for God's sake.

Oh, really?

How did you break it?

Why do you care?

Oh, no, this is not funny anymore.

Something's--I'm hearing screams.

It's getting closer.

Please, let me in!

But you could be infected too.

Turn to the camera behind you.

Are you serious?

Hey, my room, my rules.

Hi, here I am.

Oh, no.

It's getting closer.

There's no manual for this.

I was going to take the day off too.

OK.

OK, I'll be right there.

Oh, thank you.

Hi, miss.

I--listen, I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to let anybody

in the security control room.

I'm pretty sure about that rule.

Why'd you open the door?

Well, I wanted to make sure you're OK,

and it seems like there's nobody here.

Plus, you asked me too.

No, but I'm asking you if I can come in, please.

About that--

You're a security guard.

What good is your point, if not to help the people

in the building?

I'm pretty confident that I'm only

here to protect the building, and not the people in it.

I'm sorry, but--

Are you fucking kidding me?

Listen, miss, if you're gonna get belligerent,

you can just leave--

Get in here.

Thanks.

I'm not paid for this.

I'm a freaking rent-a-cop.

I sit here, look at the monitors, look at my paper,

and go home.

That's it.

Great.

My knight in shining armor.

Oh, God, it's you.

What are you doing in here?

I told everyone to stay in their offices.

I was in the bathroom when the lights went out,

so I got scared, so I--I hid in here,

and I heard your second page, and I didn't know what to do--

Got it. Got it, got it.

Jesus, I'd rather be with the mutants.

What?

Why do you hate me?

What did I ever do to you?

I do my job better than most people expect me to.

I come to work every day, and I'm on time.

Yeah, you're on something these days, that's right.

Oh, so this is about me and Bobby Lee.

You think?

My personal life is none of your goddamn business.

Bobby makes me happy, and if you can't deal with that,

then that's your problem.

Andrea, I don't hate you.

I just hate what you're doing to yourself.

You and Bobby might be having fun,

maybe you're really happy right now,

and maybe you'll even fall in love and get married.

I don't know.

But I have known Bobby Lee for over 20 years.

That man has had three marriages.

Do you really want to be just another one

of his used-up ex-wives collecting alimony?

Is that what you really want for yourself, really?

I have watched you work, and you're right.

You are smarter than a lot of the people here.

So why the hell are you wasting the prime of your life,

acting like you need some sugar daddy to make it?

You need to be guiding your own destiny,

not waiting for some man to bring it to you.

Men don't like smart women.

OK, that is a load of crap.

A real man will love you for being smart, for being strong,

for being independent.

A real man will love you for who you are.

Like your husband?

Yes, like my husband.

God, I miss him.

So what are you gonna do?

I'm not quite sure yet.

I was in the middle of reading the manual when you showed up.

The manual?

Yep.

687 glorious pages of procedure.

For your sake, I hope there's nothing in here

about temporary employees allowed in the command

and control room.

By the way, where's your badge?

Badge?

Yeah.

You're supposed to have a temporary badge.

Uh, the guy at the--the front said

the printer was out of ink.

He didn't give me one.

Didn't he hand-write one?

No.

My God.

Doesn't anybody follow rules around here?

Seriously You're going to use some goddamn procedure

as your fucking excuse?

You know, I'm not sexist or anything,

but a cute girl like you shouldn't swear so much.

It doesn't work.

You know, fuck you.

See what I mean?

Oh, my fucking God.

You're the biggest fucking pussy I've ever met.

All right, now you're getting mean.

I could've left you in that hallway.

Don't forget that.

Yeah.

You should have gotten a medal for that one.

OK, what do you want me to do?

I'm gonna go in the back closet, grab an AK-47,

and just go postal on every infected person

in this building?

You have an AK-47?

My God, are you nuts?

You know, I was supposed to take the day off today.

I'm not even supposed to be here.

Well, you are here.

This is it.

It's time to stand up and prove your worth.

You probably just sit on your ass

and look at those monitors all day.

Exactly!

All I've ever done is watch these monitors.

That's my job, $17.85 an hour, eight hours a day,

five days a week.

If they want me to risk my life, I'm certainly

not going to do it for $17.85.

You have a duty.

You have a moral responsibility.

It's an unwritten code.

It--it comes with the badge.

It's implied.

You wear a uniform--not any uniform, that uniform.

I'm a rent-a-cop!

I did four days of training.

Exactly!

You're a trained professional.

You have a moral obligation and a duty to do what is right.

You want to see what duty looks like?

That is Norton White, married 15 years, 2 kids.

He did his duty, and now look at him.

Dead.

Oh!

Oh, God.

Shit!

Now what?

Now, that's what I'm talking about.

Fool me once, shame on me.

Fool me twice, shame on you.

OK.

Yeah!

Take that, zombie bitch!

But how can you be sure?

I can't, but why wouldn't Bobby Lee have turned on the power

by now?

I'm sorry, honey, but he's either dead, or he's hurt.

Well, I'm going to stay positive about this one.

Do you even know what the VC-42C is?

Do you know what it does?

Yeah, it's a vaccine or medicine for our troops, right?

No, it isn't.

I'm violating my security clearance to tell you this,

but since your life is at stake right now--what are you doing?

Get in here.

Shut the door.

You wanna get killed?

What are you guys doing in here?

Wait, what are you two doing in here?

Oh, my God.

Thank God you're here.

I've been thinking about you all day.

Oh, Judy, I didn't know you felt this way about me.

I've wanted time with you since I saw you.

You're so sexy.

You are hot.

Take me, Judy.

Kiss me.

Kiss me.

Oh, Judy.

Hey!

Snap out of it!

What?

I can't stand this.

If you're not going to do anything, then I will.

What are you gonna do?

You're five foot nothing, and you have a broken foot.

I think you're losing your mind.

No, I'm not.

I'm gonna rise up.

This is the moment for a hero to rise up and take action.

Are you on crack or something?

You know what?

I'm fucking sick of your bullshit.

Whoa!

Why do you--why do you have a gun?

I knew I shouldn't have let you in here.

Don't worry, princess.

Your reputation's safe with me.

What reputation?

I have no need for the spotlight.

I work in a dark room by myself.

As far as I'm concerned, everything is just

gonna blow over, and it'll be back to normal

by tomorrow morning.

What about your co-workers?

I had one friend here, and his name was Norton.

What do you even care?

Aren't you a temp or something?

They are human beings!

What the fuck is wrong with society these days?

Does anybody have any common decency anymore?

I have common decency.

Yeah?

Why don't you prove it?

Get off your fucking ass, and let's go

kill some zombie motherfuckers.

Man, that mouth on you!

Seriously?

I should just shoot you right now.

Don't fuck with me, bitch.

See?

It's not that hard.

Now let's go.

Fine.

I can't believe this.

I'm getting strong-armed by freaking Annie Oakley.

Yeah, let's do this.

Are you sure you want to do this?

Yeah.

Let's kick some zombie motherfucking ass.

Good luck with that.

You fucking son of a bitch, asswipe coward!

Get your fucking ass out here, you coward!

Man, the mouth on that girl.

Son of a bitch!

Get out here!

You're such a tool.

Now, that's something I can agree with you on.

Hey, back off, man.

Can't a man dream?

Can't he have a fantasy once in a while?

Not at my expense.

OK, girl, that's what I'm talking about.

- Excuse me. - What?

You mind telling me why there's flesh-eating zombies

roaming the halls of this supposedly secure building?

Well, what I was about to tell you before pencil dick barged

in was that, first of all, what you're seeing are not zombies.

This is the result of five years of hard science.

Yeah, and time well spent too.

Quiet!

Go on.

Well, it all started when my husband

and I were serving in the engineering

corps in Afghanistan.

We were rebuilding a school that had

been destroyed in the fighting.

We felt like we were really making a difference,

until one day, out of the blue, one

of the children from the school that we were rebuilding

walked in with an AK-47 and shot my husband.

Killed him.

Just killed him dead.

He was an engineer, for God's sake.

Jesus.

I mean, I know you had lost your husband in the war,

but I--I don't know what to say.

Well, needless to say, it changed me.

I realized that war is different now.

There are no rules.

There are no sides.

You can even tell who's good and who's bad.

Then one day, it came to me.

What?

What came to you?

I thought to myself one day, what

if we could engineer a weapon that would

get them to kill each other?

A sort of blood lust that would compel

the enemy to kill their own?

Blood lust?

How is that possible?

We've engineered a chemical that

specifically targets the brain.

It shrinks the cerebral cortex, making logical thought

impossible, then inflames the primitive brain

and thus magnifies the primal impulses of fear,

and hate, and lust.

And then, the brain starts to swell,

and it becomes excruciatingly painful.

And then, the subject becomes extremely violent,

and then the unaffected become like calves to the slaughter.

Basically, they kill each other.

That's insane.

When did being patriotic get so fucked up?

No.

Sending our best and brightest 5,000 miles away only

to be stabbed in the back by the very people

they're trying to help--that is inane.

That is fucked up.

Oh, my God.

God has nothing to do with this.

He didn't save my husband, and he sure as hell

isn't going to save us.

What about the people here?

You said the spill was nontoxic.

Yes, it was.

I don't know what the hell is going on.

Evidently, there is some sort of mutation or transmission

through some other form of contact,

something we've overlooked.

The situation's fluid.

Fluid?

Yeah, well, I'm still breathing, and I'm gonna keep it that way.

Where are you going?

What are you doing?

Getting the hell out of here.

Shit!

OK, look.

You stay here.

You lock this door, and you don't

let anyone or anything in here.

You got it?

You hear me?

No on.

I made this mess.

It's my responsibility.

Be careful.

What the hell are you thinking?

Who said I was thinking?

I'm going to find a window, or an air

vent, or a fucking mouse hole, and I'm getting out of here.

And when I do, I'm not coming back.

You should go back to your office

and wait until the security team arrives.

Oh, liar.

You didn't call a security team.

The phones don't work when we're on lockdown.

You think I didn't know that?

This building is like Fort Kn--

This building is like Fort Knox.

They're not gonna know anything went wrong until the morning,

when people start showing up.

And by then, your little science experiment

is going to have killed everybody inside.

I'm going to fix this.

If it's the last night I do, I'm gonna fix it.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Coward.

There's nothing wrong with being a coward.

It's called protecting your ass.

Screw it.

I watch monitors.

I report what I see.

That's it.

They want me to be Rambo, they better pay me a lot more money.

But then again, I did not have to kick her out.

That was uncool.

Damn.

I do have four days training.

Stupid.

But if she gets hurt, it's going to be my fault.

I'm gonna lose my fricking job.

I wasn't even supposed to come in today.

Screw it.

If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it right.

I gotta get the fuck outta here.

Shit!

Since when did zombies start packing heat?

Die, you motherfucking mutant motherfucker!

I'm not a mutant!

What?

Prove it!

What the hell?

How am I supposed to prove it if you keep shooting at me?

Sorry!

I'm excited!

How excited?

What?

Well, like, are you excited, or excited?

You're a fucking pig!

I can do this all day, baby cakes.

Baby cakes?

Seriously?

What the fuck?

Who are you?

Well, who are you?

I asked you first.

Are all women psychotic?

OK, OK, OK!

Uh, my name is Darren.

I work on the fifth floor.

Uh, I'm in sales slash customer service.

I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and I'm a sexy beast.

I go all night.

So who are you, then, my little desert rose?

You don't have to be sarcastic.

I--I'm just being cautious.

You shot first, remember?

Yeah, sorry.

It's been a shitty day, all right?

Tell me about it.

No key.

Great.

I worked at a--at a pharmaceutical company

for, like, two years, and I don't know,

I was just bored with it.

So, uh, so then I got a job here, like, three days ago.

Shut the fuck up.

What?

Nothing, nothing.

So are you hot?

What kind of question is that?

Well, what are you wearing?

Are you serious trying to get your dick in my pants?

OK, so you're wearing pants?

No.

No pants.

Nice.

All right, I like that.

Shut up.

God, all guys are such cocks.

Isn't that what you're looking for?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Well, uh, come on over here, then.

I got something for you.

I am not coming over there.

You're gonna fucking shoot me again.

All right, all right.

Let--let's get past that.

Hey, what do you look like?

Um, six foot five.

I've got a six-pack abs.

Um, devastatingly handsome.

Nah, I don't believe you.

I peg you as the nerdy kind.

Am I right?

Yeah, well, uh, I peg you as a fat chick, maybe.

Fuck you.

If you play your cards right.

Funny, aren't you?

Listen.

You send me a picture of you, and then

I'll send you a picture of me.

I don't have a phone on me.

Slide yours over.

Fine.

Don't go snooping.

What kind of a throw was that?

Reach, pussy!

Reach!

Fine.

Don't shoot me.

Yeah, I won't shoot you.

What the fuck was that bullshit?

Not fucking funny!

Do any of the guys in this office have balls?

You know, that's two limp-dick pussies I've seen today.

Limp dicks, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well, you know what?

I'll show you what a real man looks like.

I'm waiting.

OK, here you go.

Oh, can't wait for this.

Oh, man.

You are such a fucking piece of shit.

What?

I thought you were into it. Come on!

Asshole!

Oh, don't get your panties in a knot.

I'm not wearing any.

God, you're a motherfucking cocksucker asswipe!

I hope those mutant fucking zombies take your balls

with their teeth, rip them off, and spit them back

into your mouth like you like it.

I think I'm in love.

Oh, yeah, motherfucking zombies!

Let's go!

Over here!

Turn around, you dumb fucks!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Take it, bitch!

This is bullshit.

I'm not gonna die today.

Not today.

OK, random naked woman walking towards me

for no apparent reason.

Are you out of your mind?

She's a chemically-infected mutant hell-bent

on killing you.

Shoot!

Shoot her now, you horny asshole!

Dude, who cares if she's a mutant?

Naked boobies!

I'm OK with it.

Sweet.

Hey.

Boobies!

Usually, I have to pay $5.99 for that.

Come on.

Kind of a butterface, but that's OK.

I'll paper bag it.

OK.

Oh, hoo, hello.

Like, they're winking at me.

Come to daddy, both of you.

What's going on with your leg?

I don't care.

I'm just up in here.

This is all what I really need.

Bitch!

Fuck.

Sheesh.

OK, here we go.

Oh.

That was a dumb idea.

Are you OK?

Oh, my God, no.

Oh, shit.

Fuck.

Ah!

Bitch!

Fuck it.

Shit.

Fucking piece of shit.

You gotta be kidding me.

Take that, you cunt.

OK, girl.

You can do this.

If it's gotta be the farm girl from Texas

against the zombie mutant motherfuckers, so be it,

but I'm not going down without a fight.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, please!

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

I don't wanna die!

Oh, my God, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, God.

I promise--I promise, I will never

treat a woman poorly again.

Just don't let me die.

I--I--no more internet porn, and--and I'll go to church,

and I won't ever go to a strip club again!

I'm sorry!

Jesus!

You've got to be kidding me.

Well, that's obvious.

Come out, you zombies!

I'm not afraid of you anymore, you mutants!

Come out and show your face!

Bobby Lee!

Are you OK?

Oh, my God.

Bobby, are you OK?

Don't do this to me, Bobby.

Bobby, I'm sorry.

OK.

Let's do this.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

What have I done?

It won't come off of me!

It won't come off of me!

Get it off!

Just get it off!

I need--I need more.

Get it off of me.

Get off of me.

Get it off of me.

I just want it off--off of me.

I don't want it on anymore.

I just want it to go away.

I just want it to go away.

I just want it to go away.

I just want it to go away.

I'm so sorry, love.

I tried.

I can do this.

I can do this.

There's still time.

I can do this.

Just clean up.

Get out of here.

I can do this.

I wanna go home and myself,

and I'm gonna get out of here.

Attention, all employees.

The security system is fully restored,

and the lockdown is over.

We apologize for any inconvenience

this may have cause.

Inconvenience?

Get off of me!

Oh.

Hi, kitty.

What are you doing in here?

Are you lonely?

Oh, shit.

A random chick.

Score.