All language subtitles for Van.Wilder.2002.720p.BluRay.999MB.HQ.x265.10bit-GalaxyRG_Legendas01.ENG

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino Download
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal) Download
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:42,052 --> 00:00:46,265 Coolidge College was established in 18... 2 00:00:46,348 --> 00:00:48,767 Who knows this? It was in your freshman facts. 3 00:00:48,851 --> 00:00:52,688 The first day of spring semester. 4 00:00:52,771 --> 00:00:54,773 A time to say goodbye to the parents once again, 5 00:00:54,857 --> 00:00:57,276 and say hello to a few new student bodies. 6 00:01:00,821 --> 00:01:03,407 As for me, well, 7 00:01:03,490 --> 00:01:07,745 I like to start off each semester with a certain time-honored tradition. 8 00:01:07,828 --> 00:01:09,079 A ritual, if you will, 9 00:01:09,163 --> 00:01:11,790 that allows me to get my head in the right place. 10 00:01:18,088 --> 00:01:22,426 Okay, so Suk Mae's a little old, 11 00:01:22,509 --> 00:01:25,262 but she is just so damn good. 12 00:01:27,264 --> 00:01:28,724 She's great with these quick jobs, 13 00:01:28,807 --> 00:01:33,062 plus there is no substitute for decades of experience. 14 00:01:33,145 --> 00:01:35,898 That looks amazing. 15 00:01:37,816 --> 00:01:40,527 That is perfect. You're a pro. A pro. 16 00:01:41,654 --> 00:01:43,364 Hey, look at me. 17 00:01:43,447 --> 00:01:44,782 Pro. 18 00:01:46,617 --> 00:01:51,121 Well, gosh, that was great. Thanks for the quick job there, Suk Mee. 19 00:01:53,165 --> 00:01:54,500 I need these in 20 minutes. 20 00:01:56,043 --> 00:01:57,336 Super. 21 00:02:14,895 --> 00:02:17,523 We've got a jumper! 22 00:02:31,829 --> 00:02:34,540 Hold on, son. You don't want to do this. 23 00:02:34,623 --> 00:02:36,166 I didn't want to come here, either. 24 00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:38,168 They made me come! 25 00:02:38,252 --> 00:02:39,795 They made me! 26 00:02:42,339 --> 00:02:44,925 First year can be kind of scary, can't it, Timmy? 27 00:02:45,008 --> 00:02:46,468 My... My name's not... 28 00:02:47,469 --> 00:02:52,307 But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge, Timmy? 29 00:02:52,391 --> 00:02:55,644 I've learned that you can't treat every situation as a life-and-death matter, 30 00:02:55,728 --> 00:02:57,604 because you'll die a lot of times. 31 00:02:58,605 --> 00:03:00,733 Write that down. 32 00:03:00,816 --> 00:03:03,277 - I don't have a pen, sir. - Well, remember that then. 33 00:03:04,737 --> 00:03:06,155 And you know something, Timmy? 34 00:03:08,782 --> 00:03:11,493 I think you've got the balls to make it here. 35 00:03:11,577 --> 00:03:15,956 Call me nuts... but I believe in you. 36 00:03:18,751 --> 00:03:22,755 You see, Timmy, you can't let this lead you all the time. 37 00:03:22,838 --> 00:03:25,299 Sometimes you've gotta heed this. 38 00:03:25,382 --> 00:03:28,927 And I think that you've got a lot of heart in there, mister, don't you? 39 00:03:30,053 --> 00:03:32,473 Don't you? I mean, look around you. 40 00:03:37,269 --> 00:03:38,270 Timmy? 41 00:03:39,438 --> 00:03:40,481 Timmy? 42 00:03:41,690 --> 00:03:43,734 Great work, Van. Thanks. 43 00:03:43,817 --> 00:03:45,986 Remember my credo, Timmy! 44 00:03:46,069 --> 00:03:49,156 Don't be a fool. Stay in school! 45 00:03:52,743 --> 00:03:55,704 God, I love this place. 46 00:03:56,830 --> 00:03:58,665 - Hey, Van. - Hey, Van the man. 47 00:03:58,749 --> 00:04:00,918 I called you last night, Van. 48 00:04:05,172 --> 00:04:08,175 My name is Van Wilder, and this is my home. 49 00:04:08,258 --> 00:04:09,676 Coolidge College. 50 00:04:19,686 --> 00:04:23,232 The last, well, seven years have gone by way too fast. 51 00:04:23,315 --> 00:04:26,860 This school's given me so much, I just can't seem to give enough back. 52 00:04:26,944 --> 00:04:27,945 That's Van. 53 00:04:29,071 --> 00:04:30,322 That's him. 54 00:04:31,323 --> 00:04:32,574 Oh, my God. 55 00:04:33,575 --> 00:04:34,660 Wow. 56 00:04:34,743 --> 00:04:36,119 Yeah. Wow. 57 00:04:43,794 --> 00:04:46,547 I was the first ever male cheerleader at Huntington High. 58 00:04:46,630 --> 00:04:48,465 The first ever! 59 00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:52,052 Give me a "V"! Give me an "A"! 60 00:04:52,135 --> 00:04:55,389 Give me an "N"! What does it spell? 61 00:04:55,472 --> 00:04:56,890 I see a rabbi, 62 00:04:56,974 --> 00:05:00,227 and he's performing a circumcision, on himself though. 63 00:05:02,187 --> 00:05:03,730 You'll become disciplined. 64 00:05:03,814 --> 00:05:05,315 Your mind will become a weapon. 65 00:05:18,161 --> 00:05:20,581 I'm sorry. You really just don't fit the profile. 66 00:05:24,001 --> 00:05:25,836 We're just gonna do a little bit of word association. 67 00:05:25,919 --> 00:05:26,920 Cookies! 68 00:05:30,215 --> 00:05:31,842 Hi. My name is Van. 69 00:05:31,925 --> 00:05:33,176 Hi, my name is Terry. 70 00:05:37,514 --> 00:05:39,224 Let's get it started then, shall we? 71 00:05:54,197 --> 00:05:55,407 Big finish. 72 00:05:59,036 --> 00:06:00,329 Medic. 73 00:06:00,412 --> 00:06:02,456 Having us both at the same time... 74 00:06:02,539 --> 00:06:03,957 ...will definitely lighten your load. 75 00:06:04,041 --> 00:06:05,792 We will bend over backwards for you. 76 00:06:05,876 --> 00:06:07,502 There's nothing too big we can't handle. 77 00:06:07,586 --> 00:06:09,129 We mean nothing. 78 00:06:09,212 --> 00:06:10,422 We'll stay on top of you... 79 00:06:10,505 --> 00:06:12,174 ...and ride you all semester. 80 00:06:12,257 --> 00:06:15,010 Basically, we're saying we won't blow the job, man. 81 00:06:19,264 --> 00:06:23,393 By the way, can you tell me if there'll be any international travel, huh? 82 00:06:23,477 --> 00:06:24,478 Huh? Huh? 83 00:06:24,561 --> 00:06:26,647 Seriously, now, I swear to God, 84 00:06:26,730 --> 00:06:28,649 I'm really uncomfortable now. It's time you should go. 85 00:06:35,822 --> 00:06:38,283 Not one acceptable candidate. 86 00:06:38,367 --> 00:06:40,202 What is wrong with the youth of today? 87 00:06:42,704 --> 00:06:44,331 The Internet, dude. 88 00:06:44,414 --> 00:06:47,000 Fries their brain cells, man. 89 00:06:48,418 --> 00:06:50,337 It's cool, Colossus. We'll find somebody. 90 00:06:50,420 --> 00:06:52,381 C-los, get your ass off my shirt. 91 00:06:57,928 --> 00:06:59,638 Yo, you really should have him neutered, man. 92 00:07:00,639 --> 00:07:01,932 That's up to him. 93 00:07:02,933 --> 00:07:04,768 They are getting bigger, aren't they? 94 00:07:05,936 --> 00:07:07,646 I'll get that. 95 00:07:13,068 --> 00:07:14,319 Looks like we got one more. 96 00:07:21,743 --> 00:07:22,744 What's your name? 97 00:07:24,162 --> 00:07:27,624 I'm Taj Mahal Badalandabad. 98 00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:29,501 Where are you from, Taj? 99 00:07:30,627 --> 00:07:33,338 I'm an exchange student from Banglapur, India. 100 00:07:33,422 --> 00:07:36,049 Welcome. What can we do for you? 101 00:07:37,551 --> 00:07:40,554 My exchange program culminates at the end of this school year, 102 00:07:40,637 --> 00:07:43,390 at which time I must return to my home country 103 00:07:43,473 --> 00:07:46,184 where I do not have many friends. 104 00:07:46,268 --> 00:07:49,146 I would like very much to spend my remaining days here, 105 00:07:49,229 --> 00:07:50,897 - serving as your assistant. - Okay. 106 00:07:50,981 --> 00:07:52,482 We're just gonna do a little word association. 107 00:07:52,566 --> 00:07:54,401 Say the first thing that comes to your mind. 108 00:07:54,484 --> 00:07:55,485 - Milk. - Tit. 109 00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:58,405 Oh, Mommy. 110 00:07:58,488 --> 00:08:00,574 Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred, 111 00:08:00,657 --> 00:08:03,702 but I hear "milk," I... I think giant jugs. 112 00:08:03,785 --> 00:08:06,747 You see, I cannot go home a virgin. 113 00:08:06,830 --> 00:08:10,667 I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. 114 00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:13,837 To smack clam, munch rug, 115 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,715 dine at just one American pink taco stand. 116 00:08:16,798 --> 00:08:19,926 You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. 117 00:08:20,010 --> 00:08:22,929 You know, I want to take it through the car wash, baby. 118 00:08:23,013 --> 00:08:26,433 You know, and get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it. 119 00:08:26,516 --> 00:08:28,727 You know, and air dry. 120 00:08:28,810 --> 00:08:32,189 You know, air dry that shit, yeah. Yeah, air... 121 00:08:32,272 --> 00:08:36,693 And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder. 122 00:08:37,694 --> 00:08:39,696 You'll need a copy of my class schedule so you can take notes. 123 00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,281 You'll also handle my finances. 124 00:08:41,364 --> 00:08:43,283 I lecture at the freshman crisis group every other Monday. 125 00:08:43,366 --> 00:08:45,118 I'm spearheading the Save the Swim Team Speedo Spectacular, 126 00:08:45,202 --> 00:08:47,621 and the Bloated Belly Beer Bash to Battle Bulimia this semester. 127 00:08:47,704 --> 00:08:49,289 This is Sick Boy's room. Not a week's gone by 128 00:08:49,372 --> 00:08:50,832 he hasn't come down with some sort of ailment. 129 00:08:50,916 --> 00:08:53,335 Shingles, hepatitis, crabs. That was his fault. 130 00:08:53,418 --> 00:08:55,504 - Matzo ball soup. Jewish penicillin. - Thanks, Van. 131 00:08:55,587 --> 00:08:57,589 Don't pick at it. Moving on. 132 00:08:57,672 --> 00:09:00,634 You'll need to move my 7:15 to 8:15, my 8:15 to 9:45, 133 00:09:00,717 --> 00:09:02,803 and my 9:45 to Wednesday. 134 00:09:02,886 --> 00:09:04,638 You owe $75,000 for the speed boat. 135 00:09:04,721 --> 00:09:06,556 Cancel my guest lecture at the Wharton School next week. 136 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,392 I feel like going somewhere tropical. Tahiti. Are you writing this down? 137 00:09:09,476 --> 00:09:10,644 Yes, sir. 138 00:09:10,727 --> 00:09:12,437 You owe $200,000 for the thoroughbred. 139 00:09:12,521 --> 00:09:15,440 Oh, and schedule a massage after my golf game tomorrow afternoon. 140 00:09:15,524 --> 00:09:17,484 - With a happy ending? - Uh, yes. 141 00:09:17,567 --> 00:09:21,738 And another $39,000 for your son's tuition and housing this semester. 142 00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:24,533 Tuition? Van is still in school? 143 00:09:24,616 --> 00:09:26,409 For the better part of a decade. 144 00:09:31,248 --> 00:09:33,625 "Depression: ls Prozac really the answer?" 145 00:09:33,708 --> 00:09:35,877 "Famine. Crisis in Rwanda." 146 00:09:35,961 --> 00:09:37,796 "Tracking Tuition: Where does our money really go?" 147 00:09:37,879 --> 00:09:41,591 Each article well-written and extensively researched by our own Gwen Pearson, 148 00:09:41,675 --> 00:09:45,971 and each article skipped over by the majority of the student body. 149 00:09:46,054 --> 00:09:49,141 I don't care. I won't pander to them. 150 00:09:53,019 --> 00:09:55,772 "Lite Beer vs. Dark. The Showdown" by Darius Grayson. 151 00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:57,816 Is that the same... 152 00:09:57,899 --> 00:09:59,818 Pulitzer-prize winning Darius Grayson. 153 00:09:59,901 --> 00:10:01,403 He's an alumnus of our journalism staff. 154 00:10:01,486 --> 00:10:05,323 He wrote his best stuff in detox. Still does, I'm told. 155 00:10:05,407 --> 00:10:08,702 I have got a very challenging assignment for you. 156 00:10:08,785 --> 00:10:10,704 A story that nobody's been able to get. 157 00:10:10,787 --> 00:10:12,080 - About what? - No, no, no. 158 00:10:12,164 --> 00:10:13,665 It's about whom. 159 00:10:31,057 --> 00:10:32,517 It does not look good. 160 00:10:32,601 --> 00:10:34,436 That's the end of the first half 161 00:10:34,519 --> 00:10:37,480 and the Chickadees will need a miracle to come back and score. 162 00:10:47,866 --> 00:10:50,202 Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step away from Van's vehicle. 163 00:10:50,285 --> 00:10:51,453 Wilder! 164 00:10:51,536 --> 00:10:53,914 He's got no business parking there. That's my spot. 165 00:10:55,624 --> 00:10:57,626 They need me, Ted. 166 00:11:00,629 --> 00:11:04,424 This is the first time in my life I'm glad I'm deaf. 167 00:11:04,507 --> 00:11:08,011 I can't hear the boos. Now, listen up. 168 00:11:08,094 --> 00:11:10,847 I'm only gonna go over this one more time. 169 00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:13,892 In the event they switch to a zone defense, 170 00:11:13,975 --> 00:11:17,646 we must swing the ball around the perimeter. 171 00:11:17,729 --> 00:11:20,815 This ball club is the heart of this institution. 172 00:11:20,899 --> 00:11:23,860 You win, it beats. You lose, it breaks. 173 00:11:23,944 --> 00:11:26,571 You're not boxing out, Big Papa! You're my Windex man. 174 00:11:26,655 --> 00:11:27,822 I want you shining glass. 175 00:11:27,906 --> 00:11:29,282 Quentin, we gotta D Up out there. 176 00:11:29,366 --> 00:11:33,078 Darius. I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake. 177 00:11:33,161 --> 00:11:35,705 What are you looking at, Suzy? Your mom called, said you left your legs at home. 178 00:11:35,789 --> 00:11:38,041 For God's sake! 179 00:11:38,124 --> 00:11:41,044 I'd do anything for you guys, 180 00:11:41,127 --> 00:11:43,213 which is why I'm throwing you a little soiree tomorrow night 181 00:11:43,296 --> 00:11:45,465 but not without a W tonight. You want to know why? 182 00:11:45,548 --> 00:11:48,093 'Cause nobody wants to celebrate a loss, guys. 183 00:11:48,176 --> 00:11:50,762 Hey, man, you gonna invite those freak honeys from Mount Holyoke? 184 00:11:50,845 --> 00:11:53,014 I already did. 185 00:11:53,098 --> 00:11:55,684 They said they'd try to make it if they weren't humping the Matadors. 186 00:11:55,767 --> 00:11:57,644 The Matadors? 187 00:11:57,727 --> 00:11:59,145 What? 188 00:12:00,855 --> 00:12:02,649 Come on, fellas. We got a ball game to win. 189 00:12:06,486 --> 00:12:08,989 Let's go kick some Matador tail... 190 00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:36,641 How bad do you wanna be a Delta? 191 00:12:36,725 --> 00:12:39,185 Would you walk on broken glass? 192 00:12:40,186 --> 00:12:42,314 Let the shards tear into your Achilles tendon, 193 00:12:42,397 --> 00:12:44,190 causing acute achondroplasia 194 00:12:44,274 --> 00:12:48,611 which could lead to non-congenital dwarfism as you got older? 195 00:12:48,695 --> 00:12:51,906 Just ease up on the medical terms. Just keep it simple and terrifying. 196 00:12:51,990 --> 00:12:53,825 Gordon, there are very few things more terrifying 197 00:12:53,908 --> 00:12:56,369 than non-congenital dwarfism, okay? 198 00:12:56,453 --> 00:12:59,748 Hey, Richard. Ready to study? 199 00:12:59,831 --> 00:13:03,001 Gwenny, I said 9:30. It's 9:20. 200 00:13:03,084 --> 00:13:05,503 I'm in the middle of an 80-year tradition here. 201 00:13:08,089 --> 00:13:10,884 I will be up when I'm done with my presidential responsibilities. 202 00:13:10,967 --> 00:13:13,261 - All right? - Okay, I'll wait for you upstairs. 203 00:13:14,387 --> 00:13:17,307 Who's my alabaster princess? Mm? 204 00:13:18,433 --> 00:13:21,770 You are. You are. 205 00:13:21,853 --> 00:13:23,646 You... 206 00:13:23,730 --> 00:13:26,274 Relax, guys. They're just Doritos. 207 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,444 Listen to me, you little fuck stains! 208 00:13:29,527 --> 00:13:31,654 When I count to three, you will jump 209 00:13:31,738 --> 00:13:33,448 or else be banished from this house forever! 210 00:13:33,531 --> 00:13:36,034 One, two... 211 00:13:40,747 --> 00:13:42,165 Fuck! 212 00:14:04,437 --> 00:14:07,607 Excuse me. Where can I find Van Wilder? 213 00:14:07,690 --> 00:14:10,527 In the Guinness Book of World-fucking-Records, man, 214 00:14:10,610 --> 00:14:13,154 under "Raddest fucking dude alive." 215 00:14:13,238 --> 00:14:14,989 Okay. Thanks. 216 00:14:15,073 --> 00:14:17,826 In any one of these three rooms, Gramps. 217 00:14:23,623 --> 00:14:24,874 Van Wilder. 218 00:14:24,958 --> 00:14:26,292 Van? 219 00:14:30,422 --> 00:14:33,299 Sweet Joseph, my son's a fairy. 220 00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:37,095 Dad, what are you doing here? 221 00:14:37,178 --> 00:14:39,180 Oh, thank God. 222 00:14:39,264 --> 00:14:40,515 No jammies. 223 00:14:40,598 --> 00:14:41,766 - Party foul. - No, no, hey... 224 00:14:41,850 --> 00:14:43,560 Don't... Oh, dear God. 225 00:14:43,643 --> 00:14:45,728 Next time you'll know better. 226 00:14:52,110 --> 00:14:55,405 Seven years, and no degree. You should have graduated twice by now. 227 00:14:55,488 --> 00:14:56,739 I've done a lot in seven years. 228 00:14:56,823 --> 00:14:58,867 If you don't have your doctorate, you haven't done enough. 229 00:14:58,950 --> 00:15:01,995 But you have wasted enough of your time and my money. 230 00:15:02,078 --> 00:15:04,914 So pack up your panties, son, because we are heading home. 231 00:15:06,082 --> 00:15:07,083 No. 232 00:15:09,836 --> 00:15:11,963 I'm staying here with my friends. 233 00:15:12,046 --> 00:15:15,842 Fine. Maybe your friends can pay your tuition, 234 00:15:15,925 --> 00:15:19,637 because this morning I placed a stop payment on this semester's check. 235 00:15:19,721 --> 00:15:20,889 I'm sorry, son. 236 00:15:20,972 --> 00:15:24,017 Sometimes in life you have to realize a poor investment 237 00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:26,102 and simply cut your losses. 238 00:15:28,021 --> 00:15:30,273 Write that down. 239 00:15:42,827 --> 00:15:44,496 I need more time. 240 00:15:44,579 --> 00:15:46,623 There's got to be something that we can work out. 241 00:15:47,957 --> 00:15:50,627 What is that intoxicating scent you're wearing, Doris? 242 00:15:50,710 --> 00:15:52,378 I have cats. 243 00:15:52,462 --> 00:15:54,631 Meow. 244 00:15:58,593 --> 00:16:04,474 Maybe you could put me on some sort of, uh, extension program? 245 00:16:04,557 --> 00:16:06,351 A little, uh, pay-as-you-go? 246 00:16:06,434 --> 00:16:08,353 Mr. Wilder, are you trying to seduce me? 247 00:16:08,436 --> 00:16:12,273 Who, me? No. 248 00:16:15,026 --> 00:16:18,404 Hey, hey! 249 00:16:19,405 --> 00:16:22,033 You know, may-may-maybe this isn't such a good idea. 250 00:16:22,116 --> 00:16:24,953 Being bad seldom is. 251 00:16:34,504 --> 00:16:37,173 Oh, yeah. That's the shit. 252 00:16:37,257 --> 00:16:41,844 Hey. Guess what. I'm feeling a little cold sore coming on. 253 00:16:41,928 --> 00:16:44,931 Maybe we shouldn't do this for three to six weeks. 254 00:16:45,014 --> 00:16:49,269 Shut up, bitch, and give me some sugar. 255 00:17:00,071 --> 00:17:03,825 Fill this out. It's a standard payment plan extension form. 256 00:17:04,951 --> 00:17:08,997 You mean, we didn't have to... 257 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,332 But aren't you glad we did? 258 00:17:24,887 --> 00:17:26,723 You can either mail this in or drop it off. 259 00:17:26,806 --> 00:17:28,057 Go, baby, 90! 260 00:17:29,559 --> 00:17:30,893 Mail it in! 261 00:17:31,894 --> 00:17:34,689 Mail it in! Mail it in. 262 00:17:34,772 --> 00:17:38,067 Van, you must make four monthly payments of $5,000 each. 263 00:17:38,151 --> 00:17:40,153 I'm sorry, Taj. I'm gonna have to let you go. 264 00:17:40,236 --> 00:17:44,282 I... I don't have the resources to pay for your services anymore. 265 00:17:44,365 --> 00:17:46,451 A good soldier does not leave his commander 266 00:17:46,534 --> 00:17:49,370 just because he lies wounded, arms torn off at the sockets, 267 00:17:49,454 --> 00:17:52,457 intestines spilling out onto the mud, picked at by the birds. 268 00:17:52,540 --> 00:17:54,542 I will stay on at no charge. 269 00:17:54,626 --> 00:17:56,252 Okay. 270 00:17:56,336 --> 00:17:57,879 Exactly how much money do you have'? 271 00:17:57,962 --> 00:17:59,839 He has only $34. 272 00:17:59,922 --> 00:18:04,218 Damn, Van! What the hell you gonna do with $34, man? 273 00:18:33,956 --> 00:18:35,833 Whoo! 274 00:18:35,917 --> 00:18:39,796 Congratulations, Taj. Your first blow job. 275 00:18:39,879 --> 00:18:43,007 In my country, a woman's mastery of her gastronomical releases 276 00:18:43,091 --> 00:18:44,967 is the ultimate aphrodisiac. 277 00:18:45,051 --> 00:18:48,012 Well, Desiree is the foremost connoisseur of chili con carne 278 00:18:48,096 --> 00:18:49,305 and a TA at Coolidge. 279 00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:51,265 I wish I had teachers like that. 280 00:18:51,349 --> 00:18:55,937 And just like that, Topless Tutors was born. 281 00:18:56,145 --> 00:18:57,939 X 282 00:18:58,022 --> 00:19:01,567 equals... six? 283 00:19:04,237 --> 00:19:05,905 We knew you could do it. 284 00:19:05,988 --> 00:19:07,740 Desi told me how she and a few of her grad school pals 285 00:19:07,824 --> 00:19:09,992 could use some extra income. 286 00:19:10,076 --> 00:19:12,495 Taj proved to be an excellent company accountant, 287 00:19:12,578 --> 00:19:14,664 as well as our most valued client. 288 00:19:25,425 --> 00:19:27,093 Excuse me. 289 00:19:28,219 --> 00:19:32,557 Hi. I'm looking for information on a current student here, Van Wilder. 290 00:19:38,730 --> 00:19:40,940 Freshman year. I'll get the others. 291 00:19:41,023 --> 00:19:42,775 Wait, wait. There are more of these? 292 00:19:42,859 --> 00:19:44,652 Actually, there are many more. 293 00:19:44,736 --> 00:19:47,947 It seems Mr. Wilder didn't quite come out of his shell 294 00:19:48,030 --> 00:19:50,158 until mid-sophomore year. 295 00:19:50,241 --> 00:19:52,410 Thanks. 296 00:19:56,414 --> 00:19:58,624 It's like this itchy, rashy burning sensation. 297 00:19:58,708 --> 00:20:00,126 And it hurts when I... 298 00:20:03,004 --> 00:20:04,130 Dance? 299 00:20:04,213 --> 00:20:06,174 When I pee! 300 00:20:06,257 --> 00:20:08,092 - You hooked up with a burner, didn't you? - Yeah. 301 00:20:08,176 --> 00:20:10,303 She seemed like a nice girl, said it was her first time? 302 00:20:10,386 --> 00:20:12,346 You know, you should always check the quality of the turf 303 00:20:12,430 --> 00:20:13,598 before you step onto the field. 304 00:20:13,681 --> 00:20:16,517 Listen, go to the campus hospital, see Stu. 305 00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:18,770 Tell him Van sent you, and remember... 306 00:20:18,853 --> 00:20:20,438 Don't be a fool. Wrap your tool. 307 00:20:20,521 --> 00:20:22,148 Thanks, Van. Thanks a lot. 308 00:20:22,231 --> 00:20:23,858 Don't thank me. Thank penicillin. 309 00:20:25,818 --> 00:20:29,113 Crazy kids with their crazy VD. 310 00:20:30,907 --> 00:20:32,033 You must be Van. 311 00:20:32,116 --> 00:20:33,284 Hi. 312 00:20:33,367 --> 00:20:36,746 I'm Gwen Pearson, staff writer for The Liberator. 313 00:20:36,829 --> 00:20:39,457 Hey. Oh! 314 00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:42,835 Okay, look, that old bag is stronger than she looks, all right? 315 00:20:42,919 --> 00:20:45,880 I'm doing a human interest piece on you. 316 00:20:45,963 --> 00:20:48,966 Well, I'm flattered. I'd love for your piece to be on me. 317 00:20:51,260 --> 00:20:53,012 But sadly I don't do interviews. I never have, I never will. 318 00:20:53,095 --> 00:20:54,096 I do lunch, though. 319 00:20:54,180 --> 00:20:56,390 My editor did say this would be a challenge. 320 00:20:56,474 --> 00:20:58,518 - Van, second date with Emily. Red? Blue? - Blue. 321 00:20:58,601 --> 00:21:01,479 Blue. Brings out your eyes. Kid's got killer eyes, not unlike yourself. 322 00:21:01,562 --> 00:21:02,563 Has anyone ever told you that before? 323 00:21:02,647 --> 00:21:04,524 - Yes, my boyfriend. - Oh. 324 00:21:04,607 --> 00:21:06,567 Is it true that this is your seventh year at Coolidge? 325 00:21:06,651 --> 00:21:09,070 Carry the two...Yes, that's correct. 326 00:21:09,153 --> 00:21:11,197 So what's your boyfriend's name? Does he go to school here? 327 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:12,281 Does he appreciate you? 328 00:21:12,365 --> 00:21:14,367 - That's none of your business. - You know what? 329 00:21:14,450 --> 00:21:15,743 You're right. 330 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:21,123 His name's Richard. He's premed. 331 00:21:21,207 --> 00:21:23,167 Van, you have a 1:30 with the swim team. 332 00:21:23,251 --> 00:21:24,585 On it. 333 00:21:24,669 --> 00:21:26,587 - You have an assistant? - Yes, I do. 334 00:21:29,090 --> 00:21:31,592 Is there anything you can tell me about yourself 335 00:21:31,676 --> 00:21:33,427 that I haven't already found out from your public records? 336 00:21:33,511 --> 00:21:35,680 Uh-huh. I'll be at the quad tomorrow night at 10:00. Sound good? 337 00:21:35,763 --> 00:21:37,390 - Yes. - It's a date. 338 00:21:37,473 --> 00:21:39,684 It's an interview, not a date. 339 00:21:42,311 --> 00:21:44,981 Gwen, first dates are interviews. 340 00:21:47,233 --> 00:21:49,193 - You going out tonight? - Mm-hmm. 341 00:21:49,277 --> 00:21:52,572 Rob's coming over. I'm closing in on that diamond, Gwen. 342 00:21:52,655 --> 00:21:55,741 The dynamic duo will seal the deal tonight. 343 00:21:55,825 --> 00:21:57,201 Good luck, ladies. 344 00:22:00,246 --> 00:22:03,833 Somebody got awfully dressed up to quiz me on my first Anatomy midterm. 345 00:22:03,916 --> 00:22:06,544 I'm so sorry, baby, I totally forgot. 346 00:22:06,627 --> 00:22:09,046 - I have an interview for the paper. - At 10:00 at night? 347 00:22:09,130 --> 00:22:12,425 Can't you postpone it? Gwen, first exam, most crucial. 348 00:22:12,508 --> 00:22:14,468 It's not like you're on a deadline for The Boston Globe. 349 00:22:16,304 --> 00:22:17,763 It's the only time he had available. 350 00:22:17,847 --> 00:22:19,390 I'll call you as soon as I get back, okay? Bye. 351 00:22:22,018 --> 00:22:23,185 He? 352 00:22:28,566 --> 00:22:31,360 All right. Hey, Gwen, all right! You're just in time. 353 00:22:31,444 --> 00:22:33,738 - Take your clothes off. - I'm not taking off my clothes. 354 00:22:33,821 --> 00:22:38,200 Oh, well, it is the Naked Mile Run. Everybody else is in their birthday suit. 355 00:22:40,077 --> 00:22:41,120 Except that guy. 356 00:22:42,496 --> 00:22:45,750 - Um, I have a few questions for you. - In time. This is gonna be fun. 357 00:22:45,833 --> 00:22:48,044 You know, that three-letter word, starts with F? 358 00:22:48,127 --> 00:22:51,213 So you're quite the campus man, heading events like the Jéger Olympics. 359 00:22:51,297 --> 00:22:53,966 Oh, yes, well, you know, you haven't lived 360 00:22:54,050 --> 00:22:57,011 until you've shot putted blitzed on Jéger. Heinie? 361 00:22:57,094 --> 00:22:59,931 This was a really bad idea. I'm leaving. 362 00:23:00,014 --> 00:23:02,975 Hey! Are we gonna reschedule or what? 363 00:23:13,194 --> 00:23:15,071 Who's a big boy? 364 00:23:15,154 --> 00:23:16,447 Who's a big-- 365 00:23:16,530 --> 00:23:18,532 Oh, God! 366 00:23:18,616 --> 00:23:21,077 Those things could raise the Titanic. 367 00:23:22,787 --> 00:23:24,080 You Van Wilder? 368 00:23:24,163 --> 00:23:26,582 The strip club owner got tired of using his B squad, 369 00:23:26,666 --> 00:23:28,250 so he came back for the starting lineup. 370 00:23:29,543 --> 00:23:31,462 Topless Tutors was dead. 371 00:23:33,089 --> 00:23:35,466 We are truly up the Ganga river without a bamboo oar. 372 00:23:35,549 --> 00:23:38,386 We're still $1,200 short of your next tuition payment. 373 00:23:38,469 --> 00:23:42,431 Taj, I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. 374 00:23:42,515 --> 00:23:44,725 It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. 375 00:23:44,809 --> 00:23:46,394 Write that down. 376 00:23:46,477 --> 00:23:48,771 Don't even sweat it, Taj. I think I've got a plan. 377 00:23:50,189 --> 00:23:51,941 - Let's go get fucked up. - Sounds good. 378 00:23:52,024 --> 00:23:53,526 Is that all you people think about? 379 00:23:53,609 --> 00:23:55,403 Now, I admit I applied for this job 380 00:23:55,486 --> 00:23:58,072 because I wanted to cut loose and shake my rump, 381 00:23:58,155 --> 00:24:01,075 but I do not believe that this dilemma will be solved by partying. 382 00:24:05,246 --> 00:24:06,664 Can I help you, son? 383 00:24:06,747 --> 00:24:11,419 I certainly hope so, Mr. Wilder. I come to you in desperation. 384 00:24:11,502 --> 00:24:15,631 I'm Panos Patakos, president of the Lambda Omega Omega fraternity. 385 00:24:15,715 --> 00:24:19,301 I'm sure you're aware of our... stigma. 386 00:24:19,385 --> 00:24:22,304 Yeah, you guys have had best GPA the last 50 years. 387 00:24:22,388 --> 00:24:27,643 Indeed, but believe it or not, the best GPA doesn't get you laid. 388 00:24:27,727 --> 00:24:30,563 - Damn well should. - Amen. 389 00:24:30,646 --> 00:24:33,858 This month marks our 75th anniversary. 390 00:24:33,941 --> 00:24:37,486 I am here to ask you to aid us in throwing a party, 391 00:24:37,570 --> 00:24:39,113 a party we can be proud of, 392 00:24:39,196 --> 00:24:42,533 a party people will actually show up to. 393 00:24:42,616 --> 00:24:44,285 Gosh, Panos, I'd really love to help you out, 394 00:24:44,368 --> 00:24:46,287 but I have a bamboo oar stuck up my Ganges. 395 00:24:46,370 --> 00:24:49,373 It's very scary stuff. And I just don't have the time. 396 00:24:50,791 --> 00:24:52,501 How much is your time worth? 397 00:24:55,337 --> 00:24:59,383 Panes reminded me that I had one very valuable skill I'd yet to tap: 398 00:24:59,467 --> 00:25:03,054 My undeniable ability to throw one hell of a party. 399 00:25:08,350 --> 00:25:11,270 I was hanging on by a thread, but I was still making tuition. 400 00:25:14,774 --> 00:25:17,234 The strawberry! Eat the strawberry! It's worth 250! 401 00:25:17,318 --> 00:25:20,029 Don't you think I know that? 402 00:25:20,112 --> 00:25:22,239 - You treat me like a child. - I don't like the way you condescend me. 403 00:25:22,323 --> 00:25:24,575 - Don't do that! - Frankly, you're juvenile. 404 00:25:24,658 --> 00:25:26,535 Guys. 405 00:25:26,619 --> 00:25:28,245 I know Ms. Pac-Man's special. 406 00:25:28,329 --> 00:25:31,499 She's fun. She's cute. She swallows. 407 00:25:31,582 --> 00:25:33,709 But we gotta talk, guys. 408 00:25:33,793 --> 00:25:36,754 Huddle up. Come on. Team meeting here. 409 00:25:36,837 --> 00:25:38,839 Cowboy. All right. 410 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,592 I look at you guys, and you know what I see? 411 00:25:41,675 --> 00:25:44,261 A collective GPA of 52,000? 412 00:25:44,345 --> 00:25:45,679 Yeah! No! 413 00:25:45,763 --> 00:25:49,517 I see a bunch of party animals crouched in attack position, 414 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:51,602 ready to strike. Am I right? 415 00:25:52,645 --> 00:25:54,522 No one even knows we're here. 416 00:25:54,605 --> 00:25:58,275 Au contraire, mon frére. Girls! 417 00:25:58,359 --> 00:25:59,777 Hi. 418 00:25:59,860 --> 00:26:02,279 I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. 419 00:26:02,363 --> 00:26:04,907 Two girls utterly infatuated 420 00:26:04,990 --> 00:26:09,912 with men who have larger than normal medulla oblongatas. 421 00:26:15,209 --> 00:26:16,794 Pearson. 422 00:26:16,877 --> 00:26:18,087 I got a hot news tip for you. 423 00:26:18,170 --> 00:26:19,588 It's Friday night. Get the hell out of here. 424 00:26:19,672 --> 00:26:23,008 I know. I'm just doing some final revisions to this piece on euthanasia. 425 00:26:23,092 --> 00:26:25,511 Oh, I read that. Made me want to kill myself. 426 00:26:25,594 --> 00:26:27,847 I'm kidding. Where's my Wilder story? 427 00:26:27,930 --> 00:26:29,056 There is no story, Elliot. 428 00:26:29,140 --> 00:26:32,560 The guy's a joke. I mean, he tries to turn every interview into a date. 429 00:26:32,643 --> 00:26:34,562 A good writer gets her story no matter what. 430 00:26:34,645 --> 00:26:37,982 Now please get me the Wilder piece. 431 00:26:38,065 --> 00:26:41,068 He's throwing a big party tonight. You should be there. 432 00:26:48,909 --> 00:26:51,287 - Hey. - This is really a pimping good time. 433 00:26:51,370 --> 00:26:52,413 Yes, it is. 434 00:26:53,414 --> 00:26:54,790 Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, oh! 435 00:26:54,874 --> 00:26:58,627 Look who's checking out the Badalandabad. Her name's Naomi. 436 00:26:58,711 --> 00:27:01,130 That's "I moan" backwards. 437 00:27:02,882 --> 00:27:04,425 I put in a good word for you. 438 00:27:06,093 --> 00:27:08,596 Hey, Tajy. Let's boogie. 439 00:27:29,074 --> 00:27:31,243 These are the most pathetic bunch of pledges. 440 00:27:31,327 --> 00:27:32,953 - You picked 'em. - What? 441 00:27:35,039 --> 00:27:36,624 - Hey, babe. - Gwen. 442 00:27:36,707 --> 00:27:38,167 Why aren't you in costume? 443 00:27:38,250 --> 00:27:39,668 I can't stay. I have to work tonight. 444 00:27:39,752 --> 00:27:41,462 But you're gonna miss the biggest party of the year. 445 00:27:43,005 --> 00:27:46,091 Well, um, I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow. 446 00:27:46,175 --> 00:27:47,676 What? 447 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:49,803 This party so rocks, Richard. 448 00:27:49,887 --> 00:27:52,932 - This party sucks rectum, Jeannie. - Okay. 449 00:27:55,476 --> 00:27:56,644 Where the hell is everyone? 450 00:27:56,727 --> 00:27:59,813 Mad props for this pimping good time 451 00:27:59,897 --> 00:28:01,941 go out to those hung and handsome bad boys 452 00:28:02,024 --> 00:28:04,985 of Lambda Omega Omega. 453 00:28:05,069 --> 00:28:07,571 Thanks for the good time, fellas. 454 00:28:17,748 --> 00:28:19,166 Gwen! Hey! 455 00:28:19,250 --> 00:28:21,418 - Let's get you some skates. - I'm not here to skate. 456 00:28:21,502 --> 00:28:23,671 Look, for some reason, my editor thinks you're a story. 457 00:28:23,754 --> 00:28:25,339 Well, what do you think? 458 00:28:25,422 --> 00:28:29,677 As a story, I think... You're a little soft. 459 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:33,681 Uh, wow, all this time I thought I was more to you than just some flaccid story. 460 00:28:34,765 --> 00:28:36,558 A dilemma has arose up front. 461 00:28:36,642 --> 00:28:37,935 I don't really know if we got our point across. 462 00:28:38,018 --> 00:28:39,478 - Crystal clear, guys. - This is incredible. 463 00:28:39,561 --> 00:28:42,022 100%. Don't go anywhere, okay? 464 00:28:43,774 --> 00:28:44,775 Seriously, Van is a Godsend. 465 00:28:44,858 --> 00:28:47,486 I would have paid him way more than a grand for this party. 466 00:28:47,569 --> 00:28:49,738 I would have cashed in my Israel bonds. 467 00:28:49,822 --> 00:28:52,908 - How do you put a price on dignity? - How do you put a price on poonani? 468 00:28:52,992 --> 00:28:53,993 - Yes! - Oh, God! 469 00:28:56,453 --> 00:28:58,247 Oh, my God. Feel it! 470 00:29:03,585 --> 00:29:05,379 Whoa. Trick or treat. What's going on? 471 00:29:05,462 --> 00:29:09,174 This vaginal discharge won't let us partake in the party. 472 00:29:09,258 --> 00:29:10,592 Graphic. 473 00:29:10,676 --> 00:29:12,678 I'm sure that we can accommodate a few more, yeah? 474 00:29:12,761 --> 00:29:16,390 No can do. We're at maximum capacity. 475 00:29:19,101 --> 00:29:21,895 - Gwen, what are you doing here? - You two know each other? 476 00:29:21,979 --> 00:29:23,230 That's my girlfriend, gluteus erecti. 477 00:29:23,314 --> 00:29:26,442 - You must be premed Dick. - Yeah, that's right. 478 00:29:26,525 --> 00:29:28,110 What's it to you? 479 00:29:28,193 --> 00:29:29,778 Thanks for the story. 480 00:29:29,862 --> 00:29:30,946 What story? 481 00:29:31,030 --> 00:29:32,990 Brilliant, Pearson. 482 00:29:33,073 --> 00:29:35,326 I have been inundated with people telling me 483 00:29:35,409 --> 00:29:37,077 how much they enjoy reading about this guy. 484 00:29:37,161 --> 00:29:40,414 They want more, and so do I. I want you to do a follow-up. 485 00:29:40,497 --> 00:29:42,875 I did your story, Elliot. I'm not doing another one. 486 00:29:42,958 --> 00:29:44,251 Even if I tell you it's gonna be on the front page 487 00:29:44,335 --> 00:29:46,587 of the graduation issue in two months? 488 00:29:48,881 --> 00:29:51,967 And I quote, "Van Wilder is a party pimp." 489 00:29:52,051 --> 00:29:54,678 Sick Boy! Can you believe she wrote that? 490 00:29:54,762 --> 00:29:56,013 Van Wilder's phone. 491 00:29:56,096 --> 00:29:58,223 I do not foresee that to be a problem. 492 00:29:58,307 --> 00:30:00,559 And that guy she's with... All kinds of wrong for her. 493 00:30:00,642 --> 00:30:04,396 - Sick Boy, how are you doing? - Van, the shingles are all gone. 494 00:30:05,564 --> 00:30:06,815 That ointment really worked. 495 00:30:06,899 --> 00:30:08,317 Thanks. 496 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,110 Looking good there, buddy. 497 00:30:15,741 --> 00:30:17,076 He'll call you back. 498 00:30:17,159 --> 00:30:18,619 Unbelievable. 499 00:30:18,702 --> 00:30:20,954 Van Wilder's phone. 500 00:30:21,038 --> 00:30:22,706 - Terrible. - I think so. 501 00:30:22,790 --> 00:30:24,416 Uh, yeah. 502 00:30:24,500 --> 00:30:26,251 - Hang on. - Unbelievable. 503 00:30:26,335 --> 00:30:28,879 Van's room. Saturday night, yeah. 504 00:30:28,962 --> 00:30:30,923 That's... How did you... From the paper? 505 00:30:31,006 --> 00:30:34,176 Yeah, that's fine. Okay, thanks. 506 00:30:34,259 --> 00:30:37,346 - Yeah. No problem, confirming. Bye. - This writing, it's just... 507 00:30:37,429 --> 00:30:38,514 - Hi, I was just wondering... - No! 508 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:40,933 ...if you could slam the door in my face. 509 00:30:41,016 --> 00:30:43,685 Van, Van, you must listen to me. Because of her article, 510 00:30:43,769 --> 00:30:46,605 practically everybody wants to have a party thrown by Van Wilder, 511 00:30:46,688 --> 00:30:48,357 the party liaison. 512 00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:49,858 Your cash camel has arrived. 513 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:56,532 We need to talk. 514 00:30:59,410 --> 00:31:01,829 This is why I don't do interviews. You totally slammed me. 515 00:31:01,912 --> 00:31:04,456 You journalists and your irresponsible reporting. 516 00:31:04,540 --> 00:31:07,543 I recorded quotes that you received money from the Lambdas to throw them a party. 517 00:31:07,626 --> 00:31:10,462 Recorded? What are you, bugged? Do I need to frisk you? 518 00:31:10,546 --> 00:31:12,381 Why is my story such a big deal to you? 519 00:31:12,464 --> 00:31:15,300 Because I didn't want students to know that I threw the party. 520 00:31:15,384 --> 00:31:18,929 Yeah, they paid me, but that's not the only reason I did it. 521 00:31:19,012 --> 00:31:22,015 Those Lambdas are cool in their own right. People just needed to realize it. 522 00:31:22,099 --> 00:31:25,561 I'm sorry. I didn't know, you know, you had a benevolent agenda. 523 00:31:25,644 --> 00:31:27,980 There's two sides to every story, Gwen. 524 00:31:28,063 --> 00:31:30,524 Look, I have a chance to make front page of the graduation issue, 525 00:31:30,607 --> 00:31:32,860 which is a huge deal to me. Please. 526 00:31:32,943 --> 00:31:35,737 - Let me get the other side. - All right. 527 00:31:35,821 --> 00:31:37,698 There's this function I'm hosting tomorrow night. 528 00:31:37,781 --> 00:31:40,826 If you want, you could tag along. 529 00:31:40,909 --> 00:31:43,162 - I'll be there. - It's a date. 530 00:31:43,245 --> 00:31:45,706 It's an interview. 531 00:31:45,789 --> 00:31:47,958 Remember, today's assignment is about shadow. 532 00:31:48,041 --> 00:31:50,210 So don't get too hung up on detail. 533 00:31:50,294 --> 00:31:52,421 All right, everybody? 534 00:31:52,504 --> 00:31:55,466 Oh, Lord. 535 00:31:56,467 --> 00:31:59,511 So much sinew, I need a bigger pencil. 536 00:31:59,595 --> 00:32:02,723 8:30 p.m. Yeah, that's fine. Hello, hello? Yeah... 537 00:32:02,806 --> 00:32:04,099 Word spread around campus. 538 00:32:04,183 --> 00:32:07,186 My calendar was filled with parties to plan. 539 00:32:07,269 --> 00:32:10,689 Van Wilder, party liaison, was born. 540 00:32:12,024 --> 00:32:14,776 At the Hillel House, I broke bread. 541 00:32:14,860 --> 00:32:16,612 And then I broke the boredom. 542 00:32:21,366 --> 00:32:22,910 They said I did them a mitzvah. 543 00:32:22,993 --> 00:32:24,453 That's Yiddish for "good deed." 544 00:32:24,536 --> 00:32:26,955 Write that down. 545 00:32:27,039 --> 00:32:29,541 Oh, yeah, she came, too. 546 00:32:34,046 --> 00:32:36,006 This is the second party of his she's gone to. 547 00:32:36,089 --> 00:32:37,633 Sounds serious. Threatened? 548 00:32:39,051 --> 00:32:41,678 Threatened? Please. 549 00:32:43,639 --> 00:32:46,934 I'm president of both my fraternity and the student government. 550 00:32:47,017 --> 00:32:50,395 He's nothing more than a mild rectal itch. 551 00:32:52,022 --> 00:32:53,690 You know what you do about a mild rectal itch, Gordo? 552 00:32:53,774 --> 00:32:55,901 - What's that, Richard? - You scratch it. 553 00:32:55,984 --> 00:32:57,945 And then you scratch it some more. 554 00:32:58,028 --> 00:33:01,490 The more you scratch at it, the worse it gets until finally you have nothing left 555 00:33:01,573 --> 00:33:06,578 but a raw, chafed, possibly infected anal cavity. 556 00:33:06,662 --> 00:33:08,455 And then it's won. 557 00:33:09,581 --> 00:33:12,543 When all you had to do from the start was take a medicated pad... 558 00:33:14,878 --> 00:33:16,171 and smother it. 559 00:33:21,218 --> 00:33:23,679 All right, people, midterm is next week. 560 00:33:25,389 --> 00:33:27,140 Here you have your five categories. 561 00:33:27,224 --> 00:33:30,352 Commerce and trade, so forth and so on. 562 00:33:30,435 --> 00:33:32,104 What you doing? 563 00:33:32,187 --> 00:33:34,773 I'm in the middle of class. 564 00:33:34,856 --> 00:33:36,483 You know, that five-letter word. 565 00:33:36,567 --> 00:33:40,195 I thought we could spend some time together for the story. 566 00:33:41,572 --> 00:33:42,864 H9)'- 567 00:33:42,948 --> 00:33:45,075 I want you to have this. 568 00:33:46,618 --> 00:33:49,079 - Yeah. - And thank you. 569 00:33:49,162 --> 00:33:50,414 All right, things to remember. 570 00:33:50,497 --> 00:33:52,541 Commerce and trade... 571 00:33:52,624 --> 00:33:55,460 Everybody just file out in an orderly fashion. 572 00:34:04,469 --> 00:34:07,222 What? Wha-- Oh, come on. Hop in. 573 00:34:07,306 --> 00:34:08,765 I am not getting in that thing with you. 574 00:34:08,849 --> 00:34:11,059 If you want the story, you'll get in this thing with me. 575 00:34:14,104 --> 00:34:15,772 What happened? ls everyone okay? 576 00:34:20,819 --> 00:34:21,987 Wilder. 577 00:34:24,489 --> 00:34:26,199 Are we gonna get in trouble for being in here? 578 00:34:26,283 --> 00:34:28,035 No, no, it's cool. The equipment manager owes me a favor. 579 00:34:28,118 --> 00:34:29,661 I introduced him to his wife. 580 00:34:29,745 --> 00:34:31,997 Life is all about developing relationships, Gwen. 581 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:33,582 I hope you can skate. 582 00:34:35,917 --> 00:34:38,545 So the deal is, I score, 583 00:34:38,629 --> 00:34:41,214 you cooperate and answer all my questions? 584 00:34:41,298 --> 00:34:43,759 - I miss... - Dinner for two, me and you. 585 00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:46,345 Clothing optional. 586 00:35:01,818 --> 00:35:03,779 Ow. 587 00:35:09,743 --> 00:35:10,744 Come on! 588 00:35:18,085 --> 00:35:19,169 Holy crap. 589 00:35:38,980 --> 00:35:40,107 My brothers play hockey... 590 00:35:41,900 --> 00:35:43,485 ...for the Rangers. 591 00:35:44,820 --> 00:35:47,406 My dad just didn't see me as a sound investment anymore. 592 00:35:47,489 --> 00:35:53,453 But he gave up on me and my morn long before I ever came here. 593 00:35:53,537 --> 00:35:55,664 Maybe seven years of tuition 594 00:35:55,747 --> 00:35:58,333 is a good way to remind him that you're still angry. 595 00:36:00,085 --> 00:36:03,839 So how long have you and premed Richard been together? 596 00:36:03,922 --> 00:36:05,632 Since my freshman year. 597 00:36:05,716 --> 00:36:07,134 I bet he's a tighty whitey guy. 598 00:36:07,217 --> 00:36:10,178 - Excuse me? - White, elastic band, constrictive. 599 00:36:10,262 --> 00:36:12,514 You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of drawers they wear. 600 00:36:12,597 --> 00:36:14,224 Like you. Granny panties, I bet. 601 00:36:14,307 --> 00:36:16,852 Does that allude to me being the plain, boring type? 602 00:36:16,935 --> 00:36:20,355 No, I just wanted a visual. 603 00:36:20,439 --> 00:36:23,692 Well, I think it takes a lot more than the kind of underwear one wears 604 00:36:23,775 --> 00:36:25,068 to define them as a person. 605 00:36:25,152 --> 00:36:27,446 Like what? 606 00:36:27,529 --> 00:36:29,656 Like their actions. 607 00:36:29,740 --> 00:36:31,575 For instance, 608 00:36:31,658 --> 00:36:34,536 most people want to get out of school so they can make money. 609 00:36:34,619 --> 00:36:39,040 You're trying to make money to stay in school. Why? 610 00:36:39,124 --> 00:36:42,878 I like it here. 611 00:36:42,961 --> 00:36:45,380 What about your future? 612 00:36:45,464 --> 00:36:47,340 You take life way too seriously. 613 00:36:47,424 --> 00:36:49,885 Life is serious. 614 00:36:49,968 --> 00:36:52,804 You know, I used to party with this guy who once told me, 615 00:36:52,888 --> 00:36:55,682 "Van, don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive." 616 00:36:58,685 --> 00:37:00,854 He used to write for the school paper. 617 00:37:00,937 --> 00:37:03,607 He kept babbling about the differences between light and dark beer. 618 00:37:06,735 --> 00:37:08,904 Very strange, but good advice. 619 00:37:08,987 --> 00:37:10,906 You think about the future too much, 620 00:37:10,989 --> 00:37:14,034 you know, you kinda forget about the present, obviously. 621 00:37:15,285 --> 00:37:18,663 And I am really enjoying the present right now, 622 00:37:18,747 --> 00:37:21,583 sharing a penalty box and a tri-latte with Gwen Pearson, 623 00:37:21,666 --> 00:37:25,587 who believes censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself. 624 00:37:25,670 --> 00:37:27,589 You actually read that article? 625 00:37:27,672 --> 00:37:30,050 Okay, look, I read the damn article, all right? 626 00:37:30,133 --> 00:37:32,552 But don't tell anyone, because if word gets out that I read, 627 00:37:32,636 --> 00:37:35,472 my reputation? Shot to hell. 628 00:37:40,185 --> 00:37:43,814 She's smart, she's beautiful, 629 00:37:43,897 --> 00:37:45,816 she can skate. 630 00:37:45,899 --> 00:37:49,945 She's not for you, dude. She's too high-strung. 631 00:37:50,028 --> 00:37:51,530 Besides, babes that fine? 632 00:37:51,613 --> 00:37:54,491 They're way into themselves and shit. 633 00:37:54,574 --> 00:37:56,034 Van. 634 00:37:57,285 --> 00:37:58,286 After this weekend, 635 00:37:58,370 --> 00:38:01,331 we should have sufficient funds to cover your next two payments. 636 00:38:01,414 --> 00:38:03,625 I mean, this girl is dynamite. 637 00:38:05,210 --> 00:38:07,629 Too bad she's dating Strapper John, MD. 638 00:38:11,842 --> 00:38:14,010 Where did you find that? 639 00:38:14,094 --> 00:38:15,720 In your room a few days ago. 640 00:38:15,804 --> 00:38:19,182 I'm trying to spark this bong, but this damn thing won't light. 641 00:38:19,266 --> 00:38:21,893 That's no bong. It's for my schlong. 642 00:38:27,524 --> 00:38:29,109 Hold on. 643 00:38:29,192 --> 00:38:31,361 You mean I put my mouth on your cock pump? 644 00:38:33,196 --> 00:38:34,823 Oh, damn. 645 00:38:38,910 --> 00:38:41,121 I have a date with Naomi tomorrow night, 646 00:38:41,204 --> 00:38:43,331 and I just wanted to bring my A game. 647 00:38:44,791 --> 00:38:48,962 Taj, come on. That's what I'm here for, all right? 648 00:38:49,045 --> 00:38:51,381 Now, follow my foolproof plan, 649 00:38:51,464 --> 00:38:54,175 and I'm gonna help you put the bang in Banglapur. 650 00:38:54,259 --> 00:38:57,095 All you need are the three fundamentals: scented candles, 651 00:38:57,178 --> 00:39:00,682 massage oil, 652 00:39:00,765 --> 00:39:02,309 and Barry White. 653 00:39:02,392 --> 00:39:03,894 Write that down. 654 00:39:04,895 --> 00:39:07,939 - Hey, no cock pump. - No cock pump. 655 00:39:08,023 --> 00:39:10,317 Barry White. 656 00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:12,861 I'm gonna go wash my hands now. 657 00:39:12,944 --> 00:39:17,324 Oh, Gwen. Your labia feels so good around my swollen phallus. 658 00:39:19,743 --> 00:39:21,494 Oh, I'm fairly confident I'm going to ejaculate. 659 00:39:21,578 --> 00:39:24,998 I'm releasing my seminal fluids inside of you now. 660 00:39:38,261 --> 00:39:39,679 Are you okay? 661 00:39:41,932 --> 00:39:43,934 Yeah. Why? 662 00:39:45,352 --> 00:39:47,604 Well, didn't you... 663 00:39:47,687 --> 00:39:49,481 Well, it's kind of hard in 15 seconds. 664 00:39:50,482 --> 00:39:51,775 Damn it, Gwen. 665 00:39:54,319 --> 00:39:56,529 You know the kind of pressure I'm under with my exams. 666 00:39:58,990 --> 00:40:00,742 - I'm sorry. - No, look, I'm sorry. 667 00:40:00,825 --> 00:40:02,410 This semester's marks could very well determine 668 00:40:02,494 --> 00:40:04,996 the next 10 years of our life together. Do you realize that? 669 00:40:07,666 --> 00:40:09,292 You know, 670 00:40:09,376 --> 00:40:12,587 you shouldn't take life too seriously. 671 00:40:12,671 --> 00:40:15,006 You'll never get out alive. 672 00:40:18,969 --> 00:40:20,971 What the hell is that supposed to mean? 673 00:40:24,474 --> 00:40:26,977 I'm late for my study group. 674 00:40:36,361 --> 00:40:38,780 She was getting awfully chummy with the rectal itch. 675 00:40:38,863 --> 00:40:41,408 Son of a bitch. Disappear! 676 00:40:41,491 --> 00:40:43,034 Yes, superior leader, sir. 677 00:40:47,205 --> 00:40:49,416 It's time to excise that cancerous lump. 678 00:40:49,499 --> 00:40:51,209 Forget him tonight. Let's crap in the chapter room 679 00:40:51,292 --> 00:40:53,962 and make the pledges clean it up. It'll be fun. 680 00:40:54,045 --> 00:40:57,090 I wish I could, Gordo. I got dinner at Gwen's parents' house. 681 00:40:58,091 --> 00:41:00,010 Sounds special. ls Wilder gonna be there? 682 00:41:01,011 --> 00:41:03,680 Hey, guys. Hey, Richard. 683 00:41:03,763 --> 00:41:05,682 Is there anything I can do for you today? 684 00:41:11,521 --> 00:41:13,023 Dear Van... 685 00:41:18,528 --> 00:41:20,530 Here you go, Ta} Get your rave on, man. 686 00:41:20,613 --> 00:41:22,115 Thanks. You got it. 687 00:41:22,198 --> 00:41:25,118 "See you tonight. Gwen. " The invite to the parents' house. 688 00:41:25,201 --> 00:41:29,164 This is-- this is big. This is very, very big. 689 00:41:29,247 --> 00:41:31,166 - Doesn't she have a boyfriend? - Details. 690 00:41:31,249 --> 00:41:33,585 - I'm off. Taj, you're in charge. - No, no, no. 691 00:41:33,668 --> 00:41:35,837 No, I do not think I'm capable of handling such a responsibility. 692 00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:39,716 Hey, hey! Listen to me. Do you know why I chose you as my assistant? 693 00:41:39,799 --> 00:41:42,260 - So you could teach me how to muff dive? - No. 694 00:41:42,343 --> 00:41:47,807 Well, yeah, but also, because you have the potential to be great. 695 00:42:04,574 --> 00:42:06,367 - Hello. - Hi. 696 00:42:06,451 --> 00:42:08,703 - May I help you? - Yeah, I'm Van... 697 00:42:08,787 --> 00:42:11,331 Van, you made it. 698 00:42:11,414 --> 00:42:14,209 Evelyn, this is one of your daughter's acquaintances from school. 699 00:42:14,292 --> 00:42:15,960 There's room for one more, isn't there? 700 00:42:16,044 --> 00:42:18,088 By all means. Come in, please. 701 00:42:21,883 --> 00:42:25,553 Definitely be out of the question unless, of course, they all agreed with us 702 00:42:25,637 --> 00:42:27,847 and we talked it over. 703 00:42:30,266 --> 00:42:31,351 Excuse me, gentlemen. 704 00:42:32,435 --> 00:42:35,021 Excuse me, gentlemen. 705 00:42:35,105 --> 00:42:38,066 Van, this is Dr. Henke, proctologist. 706 00:42:38,149 --> 00:42:43,029 Oh, well, holy crap. I hope you're not on call tonight, huh? 707 00:42:43,113 --> 00:42:45,281 - Dr. Beeverman, OB-GYN. - Oh. 708 00:42:45,365 --> 00:42:47,617 Van Wilder. G-L-A-D to meet you. 709 00:42:49,244 --> 00:42:50,912 And of course, Gwen's father. 710 00:42:50,995 --> 00:42:54,624 Oh, you know, I'm gonna go out on a limb here. Uh, Dr. Pearson? 711 00:42:54,707 --> 00:42:57,168 - Indeed. -lndeed.Supen 712 00:42:57,252 --> 00:43:01,131 All right. So am I here for a physical? 713 00:43:01,214 --> 00:43:05,426 'Cause I'm gonna need a few cocktails before I start coughing for you fellas. 714 00:43:12,517 --> 00:43:13,726 What are you doing here? 715 00:43:13,810 --> 00:43:15,436 I don't know. 716 00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:17,313 No, thank you. 717 00:43:17,397 --> 00:43:20,150 Mr. Wilder here is quite the collegian. 718 00:43:20,233 --> 00:43:22,735 He's in his, what, sixth year? 719 00:43:22,819 --> 00:43:24,487 Mm. Lucky number seven, actually. 720 00:43:25,572 --> 00:43:26,906 What are you studying, son? 721 00:43:26,990 --> 00:43:28,408 Well, I dabble in a little bit of everything. 722 00:43:28,491 --> 00:43:31,411 I've tried to experience all that Coolidge has to offer. 723 00:43:31,494 --> 00:43:33,580 Well, surely you have a career in mind. 724 00:43:33,663 --> 00:43:36,249 No, not really. 725 00:43:36,332 --> 00:43:38,418 I'm still looking for that dare-to-be-great situation. 726 00:43:38,501 --> 00:43:41,880 Maybe you should start looking for that dare-to-be-employed situation. 727 00:43:41,963 --> 00:43:44,215 The student body finds Van so intriguing 728 00:43:44,299 --> 00:43:46,593 that my editor has asked me to do an expose on him 729 00:43:46,676 --> 00:43:48,052 for the school newspaper. 730 00:43:48,136 --> 00:43:50,138 Well, isn't that wonderful? 731 00:43:50,221 --> 00:43:51,598 That will be quite the page-turner. 732 00:43:51,681 --> 00:43:52,932 It'll be a very well written article. 733 00:43:53,016 --> 00:43:55,310 Gwen is an extremely gifted journalist. 734 00:43:55,393 --> 00:43:58,062 Are you and Richard in the same fraternity? 735 00:43:58,146 --> 00:43:59,480 Oh, no, no, no. 736 00:43:59,564 --> 00:44:03,276 Van isn't exactly Delta Iota Kappa material. 737 00:44:03,359 --> 00:44:06,696 Richard, you rascal, you never told me that you were a DIK. 738 00:44:08,198 --> 00:44:09,991 Not that you had to. 739 00:44:10,992 --> 00:44:12,827 I'm gonna go get another bottle of champagne. 740 00:44:12,911 --> 00:44:15,246 - Richard, will you help me open it? - Sure. 741 00:44:21,502 --> 00:44:22,962 Wow. 742 00:44:23,046 --> 00:44:25,548 If he's here, who's running Hell? 743 00:44:27,759 --> 00:44:29,135 What are exactly do you think you're doing out there? 744 00:44:29,219 --> 00:44:30,637 Proving a point. 745 00:44:30,720 --> 00:44:33,806 Your friend doesn't fit in. He's a virus, and I'm the vaccine. 746 00:44:33,890 --> 00:44:35,350 I can't believe you're doing this. 747 00:44:35,433 --> 00:44:36,809 Pop quiz. True or false. 748 00:44:36,893 --> 00:44:40,396 You and that GDI have been spending an inordinate amount of time together. 749 00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:42,649 True. Now here's a multiple choice question for you. 750 00:44:42,732 --> 00:44:43,858 You're A, an asshole, 751 00:44:43,942 --> 00:44:46,653 B, an asshole who isn't staying at my place tonight, or C, all the above? 752 00:44:46,736 --> 00:44:48,821 What's B again? 753 00:44:48,905 --> 00:44:51,699 Gwenny, I'm kidding. I apologize. 754 00:44:51,783 --> 00:44:54,661 - Gwenny, where are you going? - To go save Van. 755 00:44:54,744 --> 00:44:58,206 God only knows what my parents and their stuck up friends are doing to him now. 756 00:45:06,381 --> 00:45:08,049 Oh! Okay! All right! 757 00:45:08,132 --> 00:45:11,177 You're a natural, Dr. P. Hey, what are you looking at? 758 00:45:11,261 --> 00:45:14,389 - Henke, you're up. Come on. - Hey, all right. All right. 759 00:45:15,765 --> 00:45:18,184 Easy, sailor. 760 00:45:41,833 --> 00:45:44,752 All right, Wilder, let's dance. 761 00:45:44,836 --> 00:45:46,713 It's a good day to die, McDoogle. 762 00:45:48,548 --> 00:45:50,675 Oh, yes. 763 00:46:14,490 --> 00:46:16,451 Jesus! Criminy! 764 00:46:16,534 --> 00:46:19,370 What happened to you, Wilder? Don't think I don't remember. 765 00:46:19,454 --> 00:46:21,789 You got an A in my freshman economics class. 766 00:46:21,873 --> 00:46:23,458 You remember one thing, young man. 767 00:46:23,541 --> 00:46:26,627 Apathy is the glove into which evil slips its hand. 768 00:46:26,711 --> 00:46:28,629 I'll write that down. 769 00:46:28,713 --> 00:46:31,466 You do that. You're not fooling anybody, Wilder! 770 00:46:31,549 --> 00:46:34,218 You're only fooling yourself! 771 00:46:42,977 --> 00:46:44,854 - Why don't you walk? - I think I'll walk from here. 772 00:46:48,900 --> 00:46:51,819 Are you stalking me'? Because that would be super. 773 00:46:51,903 --> 00:46:54,822 Well, my mom did want me to invite you to her Tupperware party next week. 774 00:46:54,906 --> 00:46:57,617 Was that a... 775 00:46:57,700 --> 00:46:59,494 Judges' ruling. 776 00:46:59,577 --> 00:47:02,497 Uh-huh. Yeah. I do believe that was a joke. 777 00:47:08,252 --> 00:47:11,297 I want to apologize for what Richard did the other night. 778 00:47:11,381 --> 00:47:14,175 It was a really immature stunt. 779 00:47:14,258 --> 00:47:16,344 Yeah, I know, 780 00:47:16,427 --> 00:47:19,597 but, you know, sometimes guys can do some pretty childish things, Gwen. 781 00:47:23,684 --> 00:47:24,685 Let us proceed. 782 00:48:00,555 --> 00:48:01,556 Is he ready? 783 00:48:02,557 --> 00:48:04,183 Ah, yeah, he's ready. 784 00:48:04,267 --> 00:48:05,268 It's go time. 785 00:48:16,279 --> 00:48:17,905 Such a good boy. 786 00:48:18,948 --> 00:48:22,493 Stop for a second. Stop for a second. Stop. 787 00:48:22,577 --> 00:48:24,078 Okay. 788 00:48:34,172 --> 00:48:36,716 For the love of God. 789 00:48:36,799 --> 00:48:38,134 Smile, buddy. 790 00:48:44,765 --> 00:48:46,225 Lovely. 791 00:48:46,309 --> 00:48:49,228 It's all about presentation, gentlemen. 792 00:48:57,195 --> 00:48:59,655 Well, I'll be damned! 793 00:48:59,739 --> 00:49:01,991 Poor guyjust needed a little TLC. 794 00:49:08,122 --> 00:49:10,333 I got it, guys. No problem whatsoever. 795 00:49:13,961 --> 00:49:16,214 Let the damn baby have his ball back. 796 00:49:19,300 --> 00:49:20,843 Thank you, brothers. 797 00:49:23,304 --> 00:49:25,806 It's not like he can see out of it anyway. 798 00:49:25,890 --> 00:49:27,183 Loser. 799 00:49:33,147 --> 00:49:34,774 Awesome work, sisters. 800 00:49:39,403 --> 00:49:40,655 Special delivery, Richard. 801 00:49:42,156 --> 00:49:45,326 - Time out. - What the fuck, Jeannie? 802 00:49:45,409 --> 00:49:48,996 "From the sisters of Sigma Theta Tau." Well, dig in, guys. 803 00:49:53,084 --> 00:49:54,961 Mmm. 804 00:49:55,044 --> 00:49:58,256 Oh, they're still warm. 805 00:50:01,008 --> 00:50:03,094 - So creamy. - They're awesome. 806 00:50:03,177 --> 00:50:05,680 Oh! 807 00:50:09,350 --> 00:50:11,519 Oh, they're so creamy. 808 00:50:12,728 --> 00:50:15,189 God, these are excellent. 809 00:50:16,274 --> 00:50:17,400 Um, guys? Richard? 810 00:50:17,483 --> 00:50:18,526 Mmm. 811 00:50:22,029 --> 00:50:23,573 Think I've had these before. 812 00:50:23,656 --> 00:50:25,366 Richard. 813 00:50:31,706 --> 00:50:33,165 Oh, my God! 814 00:50:38,212 --> 00:50:39,839 I love this song. 815 00:50:39,922 --> 00:50:41,632 I know. 816 00:50:41,716 --> 00:50:44,552 It is the White Barry. 817 00:50:48,431 --> 00:50:50,057 Is that for me? 818 00:50:50,141 --> 00:50:51,892 I long to rub you the right way. 819 00:50:51,976 --> 00:50:55,855 You're such a bad little Badalandabad. 820 00:51:03,321 --> 00:51:04,697 No harm, no foul. 821 00:51:08,618 --> 00:51:09,827 Are you all right? 822 00:51:09,910 --> 00:51:12,121 Never better, my little jasmine flower. 823 00:51:31,349 --> 00:51:32,850 That feels good. 824 00:51:38,272 --> 00:51:41,859 Oh, my God. 825 00:51:41,942 --> 00:51:45,488 On, Taj... 826 00:51:45,571 --> 00:51:47,031 Take me. 827 00:51:47,114 --> 00:51:48,991 I want you now. 828 00:51:49,075 --> 00:51:50,868 Now. 829 00:51:50,951 --> 00:51:52,953 Shit! 830 00:51:53,037 --> 00:51:55,164 Don't tease me. 831 00:52:06,300 --> 00:52:08,511 This is the culmination of my being. 832 00:52:08,594 --> 00:52:12,139 Baby, I'm about to culminate. Now, get over here. 833 00:52:13,307 --> 00:52:15,393 Oh, Tajy, I'm so hot. 834 00:52:15,476 --> 00:52:16,936 I feel on fire. 835 00:52:17,019 --> 00:52:18,104 Oh, yeah, me, too, baby. 836 00:52:18,187 --> 00:52:20,940 - Burning up? - Oh, yeah, baby, I'm burning up. 837 00:52:21,023 --> 00:52:24,110 You are most amazing to make me feel so... 838 00:52:24,193 --> 00:52:26,112 Damn hot! 839 00:52:30,908 --> 00:52:33,703 I wonder how T-Bad's date's going. 840 00:52:33,786 --> 00:52:37,748 Scented candles, massage oils, Barry White. 841 00:52:37,832 --> 00:52:41,502 Yeah, we can't be too far from climax, huh? 842 00:52:41,585 --> 00:52:44,296 Whoa! 843 00:53:00,730 --> 00:53:02,648 Why do I always fail'? 844 00:53:02,732 --> 00:53:04,316 You put too much pressure on yourself. 845 00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:06,610 Don't worry about the money. I'll figure something out. 846 00:53:06,694 --> 00:53:09,739 More importantly, 847 00:53:09,822 --> 00:53:12,867 when the time is right, 848 00:53:12,950 --> 00:53:14,285 it'll happen. 849 00:53:14,368 --> 00:53:16,078 You'll find the one. 850 00:53:31,218 --> 00:53:34,722 Hi. I need to see the grade transcripts for Van Wilder, please. 851 00:53:34,805 --> 00:53:36,724 I don't think so. 852 00:53:36,807 --> 00:53:40,144 Student transcripts are confidential. Sorry. 853 00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:16,222 Swim team really does need your love, folks. 854 00:54:16,305 --> 00:54:20,351 And if Milty Mingleton can shove himself 855 00:54:20,434 --> 00:54:22,978 into that weenie bikini... 856 00:54:27,274 --> 00:54:30,528 ...then you don't need to be shy about making your donations now! 857 00:55:02,726 --> 00:55:05,563 - Whoo! - Yes! 858 00:55:08,524 --> 00:55:11,026 Thank you, Milty! 859 00:55:13,279 --> 00:55:15,948 After we put all the water back in the pool, 860 00:55:16,031 --> 00:55:21,370 we'll be accepting donations in the form of cash, Visa and full-frontal nudity. 861 00:55:21,453 --> 00:55:22,663 Hutch, take over. 862 00:55:25,124 --> 00:55:27,585 That's right, folks. Save the swim team. 863 00:55:28,794 --> 00:55:30,087 Hi, Gwen. 864 00:55:30,170 --> 00:55:32,715 Bikini-clad judges for a fundraiser? That's pretty genius. 865 00:55:32,798 --> 00:55:35,384 Sex sells, Gwen. Sex sells. 866 00:55:35,467 --> 00:55:38,304 Listen, it's not too late for you to enter the doubles breaststroke if you like. 867 00:55:38,387 --> 00:55:41,056 No, thanks. I forgot my suit. 868 00:55:41,140 --> 00:55:43,559 I just came across a bit of interesting information, though. 869 00:55:43,642 --> 00:55:44,810 All right, look. 870 00:55:44,894 --> 00:55:48,397 The vet assured me that canine semen is perfectly healthy. 871 00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:50,065 In fact, surprisingly rich... 872 00:55:50,149 --> 00:55:53,068 You've been 18 units shy of graduating for the past six semesters. 873 00:55:57,156 --> 00:56:01,035 Whoa. You, uh, went klepto on my transcripts. 874 00:56:01,118 --> 00:56:03,078 What's going on with you, Van? 875 00:56:03,162 --> 00:56:05,372 You're actively trying not to get out of here. 876 00:56:05,456 --> 00:56:08,375 Why are you doing this? Huh? 877 00:56:08,459 --> 00:56:09,960 Do you ever stop playing the in-depth reporter? 878 00:56:10,044 --> 00:56:13,213 L just want to know why you're putting off your life. 879 00:56:13,297 --> 00:56:15,841 Not for the paper. For me. 880 00:56:16,842 --> 00:56:18,093 Well, I have no comment. 881 00:56:20,137 --> 00:56:21,472 For either of you. 882 00:56:56,006 --> 00:56:59,760 External occipital protuberance. 883 00:56:59,843 --> 00:57:03,013 Posterior gluteal line. 884 00:57:05,849 --> 00:57:07,559 Dorsal appendage. 885 00:57:07,643 --> 00:57:10,104 Gwen. Was the last one right'? 886 00:57:10,187 --> 00:57:11,188 Uh, yeah, that's right. 887 00:57:11,271 --> 00:57:14,775 Wrong! The dorsal appendage exists only in marine-equipped mammalia. 888 00:57:14,858 --> 00:57:16,485 I knew you weren't listening. 889 00:57:16,568 --> 00:57:18,988 - What's wrong with you? - Nothing. I'm fine. 890 00:57:19,071 --> 00:57:21,615 Let's get out of here, go grab a beer. 891 00:57:21,699 --> 00:57:25,786 Are you insane? You know my midterm and finals ritual. 892 00:57:25,869 --> 00:57:28,455 I study till 11 :00. Nine solid hours of sleep. 893 00:57:28,539 --> 00:57:30,249 Protein shake in the morning. 894 00:57:30,332 --> 00:57:31,792 Okay, very cute. 895 00:57:31,875 --> 00:57:34,128 And also correct. 896 00:57:34,211 --> 00:57:36,797 Which gives us two hours and 53 minutes of study time. 897 00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:39,925 So, honey, please focus. All righty? 898 00:57:44,430 --> 00:57:46,515 I have confirmations from the African-American Club, 899 00:57:46,598 --> 00:57:48,851 the Gay and Lesbian Caucus, MECCA, HEPA, PETA. 900 00:57:48,934 --> 00:57:51,603 This multi-coalition party was a masterful plan. 901 00:57:51,687 --> 00:57:54,481 It should triple our income. I just hope it's enough. 902 00:57:54,565 --> 00:57:56,859 Van, you must listen to me. 903 00:57:56,942 --> 00:58:00,237 We are merely one party away from accomplishing our goal. 904 00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:01,488 What if she's right, huh? 905 00:58:01,572 --> 00:58:04,491 What if I'm avoiding graduation because I'm scared? 906 00:58:04,575 --> 00:58:06,201 Listen to yourself, meathead. 907 00:58:06,285 --> 00:58:09,079 You've never doubted yourself in your whole life. 908 00:58:09,163 --> 00:58:12,458 This girl's got you fiending, man. It's not good. 909 00:58:12,541 --> 00:58:15,544 - Not good at all. - Hey, you. 910 00:58:15,627 --> 00:58:18,255 Please move banner a skosh higher, huh? 911 00:58:18,338 --> 00:58:19,715 H9)'- 912 00:58:19,798 --> 00:58:22,384 You got all this. I'm gonna go, uh... 913 00:58:22,468 --> 00:58:24,553 I'm gonna go make some calls for the party, okay? 914 00:58:28,557 --> 00:58:30,642 - Hi, Van. - Hi, Donna. 915 00:58:30,726 --> 00:58:32,352 - Hey, Van. - Ooh, hey, guys. 916 00:58:35,522 --> 00:58:36,982 What are you doing in here? 917 00:58:37,066 --> 00:58:38,984 I had to talk to you. 918 00:58:39,068 --> 00:58:42,863 I thought a lot about what you said, and, uh... 919 00:58:42,946 --> 00:58:45,407 Well, just... just... 920 00:58:45,491 --> 00:58:47,201 Just take a look at this. 921 00:58:47,284 --> 00:58:49,620 Yeah. Doodles. 922 00:58:49,703 --> 00:58:52,915 I attended class today. Just about stayed the whole time, too. 923 00:58:52,998 --> 00:58:55,000 I'm glad you went to all your classes today. 924 00:58:55,084 --> 00:58:57,002 And a few that weren't mine. Stepped into the wrong one. 925 00:58:57,086 --> 00:58:59,296 Liked what I heard, stayed. 926 00:58:59,379 --> 00:59:01,757 That's great. It really is, Van. 927 00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:05,636 It really is. But don't do it for me. 928 00:59:07,137 --> 00:59:08,430 Do it for you. 929 00:59:08,514 --> 00:59:11,350 Maybe I'm doing it for both of us. 930 00:59:12,684 --> 00:59:16,730 I shouldn't even be talking to you like this. 931 00:59:16,814 --> 00:59:19,108 And I shouldn't be in the women's locker room! 932 00:59:19,191 --> 00:59:22,945 But sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you, 933 00:59:23,028 --> 00:59:26,532 even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be. 934 00:59:27,783 --> 00:59:30,702 How often does your heart lead you into the women's locker room? 935 00:59:32,788 --> 00:59:34,206 This would be a first. 936 00:59:34,289 --> 00:59:36,125 Why do I find that hard to believe? 937 00:59:36,208 --> 00:59:38,043 I'm not saying that I've never been in here before. 938 00:59:38,127 --> 00:59:40,879 I'm saying it's usually a different part of my anatomy that does the leading. 939 00:59:40,963 --> 00:59:42,965 Oh, my God. 940 00:59:46,635 --> 00:59:48,053 I just couldn't believe it, Richard. 941 00:59:48,137 --> 00:59:50,139 Gwen and Van in the women's locker room, staring at each other. 942 00:59:50,222 --> 00:59:51,598 I mean, I just couldn't believe it. 943 00:59:51,682 --> 00:59:53,100 So anyway, let me tell you something. 944 01:00:04,820 --> 01:00:08,240 I'm sorry, fellas. The bakery's closed. 945 01:00:10,659 --> 01:00:13,078 - I'm here to enlist your services. - Let me guess. 946 01:00:13,162 --> 01:00:16,039 "Come as your favorite drunk-on-jis, come-gargling frat boy party"? 947 01:00:16,123 --> 01:00:18,083 Then your mom can come. 948 01:00:19,835 --> 01:00:22,004 It's gonna be a bachelor party. 949 01:00:22,087 --> 01:00:24,464 One last night of debauchery with the fellas 950 01:00:24,548 --> 01:00:27,593 before settling down with my fiancee, Gwen. 951 01:00:28,719 --> 01:00:30,762 Oh, please, you didn't think she'd be interested 952 01:00:30,846 --> 01:00:32,556 in a fuckup like you, did you? 953 01:00:38,270 --> 01:00:43,442 Oh, Van, Van, Van, Van, Van, Van, Van, Van, Van. 954 01:00:45,485 --> 01:00:48,280 That ought to be enough to get you started. 955 01:01:06,381 --> 01:01:07,883 - Hello? - Gwen? 956 01:01:07,966 --> 01:01:09,801 Casey. I'm just using Gwen's computer. 957 01:01:09,885 --> 01:01:11,637 Is Gwen there? I really need to talk to her. 958 01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:12,930 She's at Richard's, 959 01:01:13,013 --> 01:01:15,390 getting ready for the engagement dinner tonight. Message? 960 01:01:16,391 --> 01:01:17,935 Nope. That's all right. 961 01:01:25,817 --> 01:01:27,861 Bye. Thanks for coming. 962 01:01:27,945 --> 01:01:30,405 Lindsey and Rob make such a great couple, don't you think? 963 01:01:30,489 --> 01:01:32,574 - Yeah, I'm happy for them. - Yeah. 964 01:01:32,658 --> 01:01:35,410 They're gonna make a great married couple, too. You know why? 965 01:01:35,494 --> 01:01:37,412 Because they love each other? 966 01:01:37,496 --> 01:01:39,248 Because they're compatible. 967 01:01:41,333 --> 01:01:44,378 It's like a heart transplant patient finding a donor with the same blood type 968 01:01:44,461 --> 01:01:47,047 and just the right chromosomal anomalies. 969 01:01:47,130 --> 01:01:51,009 A perfect match, connected forever. 970 01:01:51,093 --> 01:01:53,679 Yeah, but that would mean one of them would have to be dead. 971 01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:58,058 Gwenny, I'm just saying that they're a match. 972 01:01:58,141 --> 01:02:00,644 Just like you and me. 973 01:02:05,691 --> 01:02:07,359 Lucky girl. 974 01:02:08,485 --> 01:02:10,028 Gwendolyn Elizabeth Pearson, 975 01:02:10,112 --> 01:02:11,655 I'd be honored if you and I 976 01:02:11,738 --> 01:02:16,952 surgically and spiritually grafted our lives together. 977 01:02:17,035 --> 01:02:19,788 Richard, I don't know what to say. 978 01:02:19,871 --> 01:02:23,875 Just say yes, because I've got even more amazing news. 979 01:02:23,959 --> 01:02:26,461 Northwestern called this morning. They wanna interview me. 980 01:02:26,545 --> 01:02:27,921 They're gonna send some recruitment alums to campus 981 01:02:28,005 --> 01:02:30,424 for written and oral exams. And then I am in! 982 01:02:30,507 --> 01:02:31,800 Whoo! 983 01:02:31,883 --> 01:02:34,136 Oh, man, Northwestern. 984 01:02:34,219 --> 01:02:37,306 That's great. I'm so happy for you, Richard. 985 01:02:37,389 --> 01:02:39,349 Gwenny, be happy for both of us. 986 01:02:39,433 --> 01:02:42,811 The Richard and Gwen life plan is kicking in. 987 01:02:42,894 --> 01:02:46,648 Northwestern. I am the shit. 988 01:02:46,732 --> 01:02:47,816 Oh, and your father wants to get us 989 01:02:47,899 --> 01:02:50,819 a place over in Forest Grove as an engagement present. 990 01:02:50,902 --> 01:02:53,030 - My parents know about this? - Yeah, I told everyone. 991 01:02:55,907 --> 01:02:58,035 Where are you going? 992 01:02:58,118 --> 01:03:00,620 I'm not sure, and for some reason, 993 01:03:00,704 --> 01:03:02,748 I feel really good about that. 994 01:03:12,674 --> 01:03:14,301 Hey, Van, can I borrow-- 995 01:03:15,302 --> 01:03:18,388 My God, what happened to you? 996 01:03:18,472 --> 01:03:19,723 I got hit by a big truck. 997 01:03:19,806 --> 01:03:21,600 Are you okay? 998 01:03:35,113 --> 01:03:38,158 Dope song. What's it called? 999 01:03:38,241 --> 01:03:40,535 "Gwen Used Me For Her Story, Then Married an Ass Wipe 1000 01:03:40,619 --> 01:03:44,831 and Ran Over My Heart With a Big Metaphorical Truck." 1001 01:03:44,915 --> 01:03:46,958 Originally performed by Air Supply. 1002 01:03:48,085 --> 01:03:49,127 Who's Air Supply? 1003 01:03:50,128 --> 01:03:51,296 How old are you, Sally? 1004 01:03:53,131 --> 01:03:55,217 I'm old enough to be jealous of that Gwen girl. 1005 01:04:03,350 --> 01:04:05,852 Okay, you can do this. 1006 01:04:18,573 --> 01:04:21,535 You must be Gwen, the truck driver. 1007 01:04:22,994 --> 01:04:25,414 Gwen. Hey. Excuse me. Gwen! 1008 01:04:27,332 --> 01:04:29,376 Hey, hold up a second. What are you doing here? 1009 01:04:29,459 --> 01:04:31,920 What am I doing here? What were you doing in there? 1010 01:04:32,003 --> 01:04:36,341 As smashed as I am, I'm pretty sure that's my room, wasn't it? 1011 01:04:36,425 --> 01:04:38,176 What was that girl, a freshman? 1012 01:04:39,177 --> 01:04:40,971 She reads ate sophomore level. 1013 01:04:42,139 --> 01:04:43,890 No, this was a big mistake, Van. I'm leaving. 1014 01:04:43,974 --> 01:04:47,602 I'm so-- why are you here? Did you come to hire me to do your bachelorette party? 1015 01:04:47,686 --> 01:04:51,356 'Cause your party pimp has already been booked by your fiance. 1016 01:04:51,440 --> 01:04:54,067 My fiancé? What are you talking about? 1017 01:04:54,151 --> 01:04:55,360 When are you two tying the knot anyway? 1018 01:04:55,444 --> 01:04:57,737 Because seriously, Gwen, I'd really like to hold that date open. 1019 01:04:57,821 --> 01:04:59,489 That is none of your business. 1020 01:04:59,573 --> 01:05:00,824 And you know what? 1021 01:05:00,907 --> 01:05:02,659 You're none of mine. 1022 01:05:09,166 --> 01:05:11,001 Sounds to me like your rectal itch 1023 01:05:11,084 --> 01:05:12,377 was getting a little late-night booty scratch. 1024 01:05:12,461 --> 01:05:15,130 First, my bitch turns down my proposal. 1025 01:05:15,213 --> 01:05:17,382 Then she runs straight into that loser's arms. 1026 01:05:17,466 --> 01:05:19,301 Now I don't even know where my bitch is. 1027 01:05:19,384 --> 01:05:20,927 Wilder's got some big blowout planned for tonight. 1028 01:05:21,011 --> 01:05:22,512 Maybe your bitch is gonna be there. 1029 01:05:22,596 --> 01:05:25,390 You do not call her that, gonad! 1030 01:05:25,474 --> 01:05:27,809 Hey, guys. Just giving you all the 411. 1031 01:05:27,893 --> 01:05:30,020 I'm a counselor for the Further Leaders of America's overnighter. 1032 01:05:30,103 --> 01:05:31,605 But the bus doesn't leave for a few hours. 1033 01:05:31,688 --> 01:05:33,148 Is there anything I can do for you before I go? 1034 01:05:33,231 --> 01:05:34,858 Anything at all? 1035 01:05:35,901 --> 01:05:40,280 Okay, listen up. We've got one quick stop-off before we go. 1036 01:05:40,363 --> 01:05:42,824 Tit wad! 1037 01:05:44,451 --> 01:05:46,828 All right, thank you, man. Enjoy yourself. 1038 01:05:46,912 --> 01:05:48,997 All right, sister. Enjoy yourself. Power to the people. 1039 01:05:49,080 --> 01:05:50,165 How you doing, my man? 1040 01:05:50,248 --> 01:05:52,334 - What's up? - All right. 1041 01:05:52,417 --> 01:05:56,880 I hate to break this to you, uh, Ming, but you ain't Asian. 1042 01:05:56,963 --> 01:05:59,341 Man, you ever heard of Tiger Woods, bitch? 1043 01:05:59,424 --> 01:06:02,427 Boy, you better get out of here before I hit you upside the head with a three iron. 1044 01:06:02,511 --> 01:06:05,555 What's wrong with you? Enjoy yourself. 1045 01:06:05,639 --> 01:06:06,848 What's wrong, dawg? 1046 01:06:06,932 --> 01:06:08,725 Nothing. I just don't feel much like partying tonight. 1047 01:06:09,809 --> 01:06:11,186 That's a first. 1048 01:06:11,269 --> 01:06:14,481 Hey, Van. I just wanted to come by and extend an olive branch. 1049 01:06:14,564 --> 01:06:16,441 ID, please. 1050 01:06:16,525 --> 01:06:18,360 Well, it's a terrible picture of me, but... 1051 01:06:18,443 --> 01:06:21,112 Well, I'll be the judge of... oh! 1052 01:06:21,196 --> 01:06:23,448 There's nothing fake about this ID. 1053 01:06:23,532 --> 01:06:26,034 Did you sit behind me two semesters ago? 1054 01:06:26,117 --> 01:06:28,537 I think I remember this behind. I mean, you sitting behind me. 1055 01:06:28,620 --> 01:06:31,706 This whole rivalry thing has become a tad childish. 1056 01:06:31,790 --> 01:06:36,211 Well, I hope we can put it all behind us and be friends. 1057 01:06:36,294 --> 01:06:37,754 That's what Gwen wants. 1058 01:06:37,837 --> 01:06:42,384 You have absolutely no idea what Gwen wants. 1059 01:06:42,467 --> 01:06:44,052 Say hi to your gerbil for me. 1060 01:06:51,810 --> 01:06:53,311 Okay, kids. 1061 01:06:53,395 --> 01:06:55,230 This is our Uncle Jéger. 1062 01:06:55,313 --> 01:06:57,440 That's right. Drink up. 1063 01:06:58,692 --> 01:07:01,111 This tastes like shit. Do you have any scotch? 1064 01:07:03,029 --> 01:07:05,282 Gotta go. Sorry. Bye. 1065 01:07:05,365 --> 01:07:07,409 Bye-bye. Call me. 1066 01:07:07,492 --> 01:07:09,077 Gentlemen. 1067 01:07:09,160 --> 01:07:10,745 Trevor. 1068 01:07:10,829 --> 01:07:15,125 We got an anonymous tip that there's some underage drinking going on here. 1069 01:07:15,208 --> 01:07:16,459 Hutch? 1070 01:07:16,543 --> 01:07:18,628 Hell, no, man. I've been at the door all night. 1071 01:07:23,216 --> 01:07:25,427 Good enough for me. Have fun, guys. 1072 01:07:25,510 --> 01:07:28,013 All right, Trevor. Stay cool. 1073 01:07:29,014 --> 01:07:31,600 I love you, man. 1074 01:07:31,683 --> 01:07:32,851 No, man. 1075 01:07:32,934 --> 01:07:34,436 I love you. 1076 01:07:36,855 --> 01:07:40,108 Those circus midgets cannot hold their booze! 1077 01:07:45,113 --> 01:07:47,824 Don't worry, Van. We'll get you out, man. 1078 01:07:59,919 --> 01:08:03,131 Delta Iota Kappa rules! 1079 01:08:06,968 --> 01:08:09,888 Damn it, Gwen, pick it up. I know you're there. 1080 01:08:09,971 --> 01:08:12,599 You know I have my Northwestern interview next week. 1081 01:08:13,850 --> 01:08:19,898 Look, I need you to help me "release" some pressure. 1082 01:08:19,981 --> 01:08:24,069 You know, help me "relax." 1083 01:08:24,152 --> 01:08:26,237 Just so we're clear, Gwen, I'm talking about intercourse. 1084 01:08:26,321 --> 01:08:28,114 Look, I know you had a fling with Wilder. 1085 01:08:28,198 --> 01:08:32,285 And it's okay. You just had to get it out of your system. 1086 01:08:32,369 --> 01:08:34,954 I just hope you used some protection. 1087 01:08:35,038 --> 01:08:37,791 And I wouldn't want our future children to be tainted 1088 01:08:37,874 --> 01:08:40,502 because Mommy went slumming one night back in college. 1089 01:08:40,585 --> 01:08:41,920 Ugh. 1090 01:08:42,003 --> 01:08:45,256 Why don't you go "release" your own pressure? 1091 01:08:45,340 --> 01:08:47,133 Oh, and just so we're clear, 1092 01:08:47,217 --> 01:08:49,594 I'm telling you to go fuck yourself! 1093 01:08:54,057 --> 01:08:57,519 Hi, partner in crime. ls there anything I can do for you today? 1094 01:08:58,520 --> 01:09:01,064 Oh, my God! We make such the fab team! 1095 01:09:01,147 --> 01:09:05,402 Last night, I was so like Bonnie, and you were so like Clyde, and now this? 1096 01:09:05,485 --> 01:09:08,655 Would you shut up? I'm trying to pleasure you. 1097 01:09:08,738 --> 01:09:10,990 Sorry, Richard. Pleasure away. 1098 01:09:12,909 --> 01:09:14,369 P.S., this is an awesome room. 1099 01:09:14,452 --> 01:09:16,287 P.S., shut the fuck up! 1100 01:09:20,917 --> 01:09:23,795 Here, I'm done with all of this. 1101 01:09:23,878 --> 01:09:25,755 The Wilder story's not done. 1102 01:09:25,839 --> 01:09:27,173 Why don't you read it before you criticize? 1103 01:09:27,257 --> 01:09:32,220 He got expelled today. ls that in your story? 'Cause it should be. 1104 01:09:42,605 --> 01:09:44,107 Is Van here? 1105 01:09:44,190 --> 01:09:45,608 He don't wanna see you. 1106 01:09:45,692 --> 01:09:47,360 - Excuse me? - Look. 1107 01:09:47,444 --> 01:09:48,945 Why don't you just leave him alone? 1108 01:09:49,028 --> 01:09:51,531 Home wrecker. 1109 01:10:30,779 --> 01:10:33,615 Oh, thank you. Thank you. 1110 01:10:35,408 --> 01:10:37,535 Out of my way! 1111 01:10:44,209 --> 01:10:46,503 Stop packing! You can appeal the expulsion. 1112 01:10:46,586 --> 01:10:48,004 It's right here in the school's charter. 1113 01:10:48,087 --> 01:10:49,881 "Any student has the right to appeal an expulsion 1114 01:10:49,964 --> 01:10:51,758 before the universityjudicial board 1115 01:10:51,841 --> 01:10:54,511 and state his or her case within 48 hours of being discharged." 1116 01:10:55,929 --> 01:10:57,847 Do you want my hot tub, or should I just give it to Milty? 1117 01:10:57,931 --> 01:10:59,516 We can get the law club to help us out. 1118 01:10:59,599 --> 01:11:01,935 They owe you after the "Sue Me, Screw Me" soiree you threw for them. 1119 01:11:02,018 --> 01:11:05,647 Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm really not interested. 1120 01:11:05,730 --> 01:11:06,898 You're not hearing me... 1121 01:11:06,981 --> 01:11:08,858 It's over, Taj! 1122 01:11:12,362 --> 01:11:14,155 Fuck you, Van Wilder! 1123 01:11:16,449 --> 01:11:18,535 You heard me. I say... I say... 1124 01:11:18,618 --> 01:11:21,287 Fuck you, you, YOU. you"- 1125 01:11:21,371 --> 01:11:22,872 You, you... 1126 01:11:22,956 --> 01:11:24,707 You pussy ass motherfucker! 1127 01:11:24,791 --> 01:11:27,043 You... You dicksucker! 1128 01:11:27,126 --> 01:11:30,672 Don't sugarcoat it, Taj. Tell me how you really feel. 1129 01:11:30,755 --> 01:11:31,965 Seven years. 1130 01:11:33,883 --> 01:11:36,344 Seven years! I've accomplished nothing! 1131 01:11:36,427 --> 01:11:38,346 There's no reason to stay here anymore! 1132 01:11:38,429 --> 01:11:40,139 Sure, sure. You've made tons of friends 1133 01:11:40,223 --> 01:11:42,767 who in the drop of a rupee would do anything for you, 1134 01:11:42,851 --> 01:11:44,102 but that doesn't mean much, huh? 1135 01:11:44,185 --> 01:11:47,063 And who cares about Sick Boy and all the charities you've helped 1136 01:11:47,146 --> 01:11:50,066 and all of our athletics, huh? Those are all so minuscule. 1137 01:11:50,149 --> 01:11:51,901 And "I guess so" is a promise 1138 01:11:51,985 --> 01:11:54,445 made to a wet-behind-the-ears kid from India 1139 01:11:54,529 --> 01:11:58,658 whose only dream was to bury his face in a beautiful woman's lotus patch. 1140 01:11:58,741 --> 01:12:00,243 Tali»-... 1141 01:12:00,326 --> 01:12:03,413 You have shown me a life I could only dream about back home 1142 01:12:03,496 --> 01:12:06,416 while masturbating in my father's woodshed. 1143 01:12:06,499 --> 01:12:07,750 Most importantly, 1144 01:12:07,834 --> 01:12:09,127 you saw potential... 1145 01:12:11,296 --> 01:12:14,507 in me. 1146 01:12:14,591 --> 01:12:18,344 If you do not see potential in yourself, then you are a blind man. 1147 01:12:20,305 --> 01:12:21,681 I'm leaving. 1148 01:12:21,764 --> 01:12:24,267 Then leave. But leave the honorable way. 1149 01:12:25,351 --> 01:12:28,688 You've been looking for that dare-to-be-great situation. 1150 01:12:28,771 --> 01:12:31,232 It is at your doorstep. 1151 01:12:33,443 --> 01:12:35,111 Van. 1152 01:12:35,194 --> 01:12:36,529 We need to talk. 1153 01:12:49,375 --> 01:12:50,627 Get me the law club. 1154 01:13:04,557 --> 01:13:06,434 It's ridiculous! It's preposterous! 1155 01:13:06,517 --> 01:13:08,978 It's ludicrous! By God, it's impetuous! 1156 01:13:09,062 --> 01:13:10,396 So does that mean you gonna help us? 1157 01:13:10,480 --> 01:13:12,148 Oh, it's on. 1158 01:13:33,461 --> 01:13:36,255 Let Van stay! Let Van stay! 1159 01:13:36,339 --> 01:13:39,092 Let Van stay! Let Van stay! 1160 01:13:41,052 --> 01:13:44,097 We are now in session. Mr. Wilder. 1161 01:13:44,180 --> 01:13:49,352 You were found in violation of Article 2, Section B of Coolidge's bylaws, 1162 01:13:49,435 --> 01:13:52,355 soliciting of alcohol to extreme minors 1163 01:13:52,438 --> 01:13:55,191 which is grounds for immediate expulsion. 1164 01:13:55,274 --> 01:13:57,276 You have opted to appeal. 1165 01:13:57,360 --> 01:13:58,695 The floor is yours. 1166 01:14:02,031 --> 01:14:03,032 Ladies and gentlemen. 1167 01:14:08,746 --> 01:14:10,373 As you know, um, 1168 01:14:10,456 --> 01:14:13,376 I've been a student here for seven years, and I've... 1169 01:14:13,459 --> 01:14:18,548 Let Van stay! Let Van stay! Let Van stay! 1170 01:14:22,301 --> 01:14:25,722 Order! Order! Settle down, everyone. 1171 01:14:25,805 --> 01:14:27,056 Continue, Mr. Wilder. 1172 01:14:27,140 --> 01:14:29,225 I'm Okay! 1173 01:14:29,308 --> 01:14:32,603 I've learned a lot here at Coolidge. 1174 01:14:32,687 --> 01:14:35,732 Let the record show that, uh, 1175 01:14:35,815 --> 01:14:37,316 when I attended class, 1176 01:14:37,400 --> 01:14:40,737 I did receive exemplary marks. 1177 01:14:40,820 --> 01:14:46,909 However, it was only when I met a special someone 1178 01:14:46,993 --> 01:14:49,454 that I realized what I was doing. 1179 01:14:49,537 --> 01:14:51,914 Hiding. 1180 01:14:51,998 --> 01:14:55,251 See, after this is real life, and I wasn't ready for that. 1181 01:14:55,334 --> 01:14:57,253 I don't know why exactly. 1182 01:14:57,336 --> 01:14:59,589 I do know that I don't wanna end up like my father, 1183 01:14:59,672 --> 01:15:01,549 whose whole life revolves around work. 1184 01:15:01,632 --> 01:15:05,136 But I see that now. And, uh... 1185 01:15:06,804 --> 01:15:08,056 I'm ready to move on. 1186 01:15:08,139 --> 01:15:10,725 Well, that's that. Good luck, loser. Who's ready for lunch? 1187 01:15:10,808 --> 01:15:12,101 Mr. Bagg, you will be quiet. 1188 01:15:12,185 --> 01:15:15,021 What's any of this got to do with the fact that he's guilty of an infraction 1189 01:15:15,104 --> 01:15:17,023 that deserves expulsion? 1190 01:15:18,024 --> 01:15:19,484 Mr. Wilder. 1191 01:15:24,697 --> 01:15:26,949 I can't argue against the infraction. 1192 01:15:27,033 --> 01:15:30,203 I was responsible for that party, so what happened was my fault. 1193 01:15:30,286 --> 01:15:32,538 I'm here to lay myself at the mercy of this court 1194 01:15:32,622 --> 01:15:34,290 and suggest an alternative punishment. 1195 01:15:35,917 --> 01:15:38,294 Make me graduate. 1196 01:15:38,377 --> 01:15:39,545 If you'll kindly take a look at my transcripts, 1197 01:15:39,629 --> 01:15:41,839 you'll see I'm a mere 18 units shy of graduating 1198 01:15:41,923 --> 01:15:43,466 with a degree in Leisure Studies. 1199 01:15:43,549 --> 01:15:46,302 I am pleading to this committee, reinstate me. 1200 01:15:46,385 --> 01:15:48,930 Let me audit my last six classes, take the necessary finals 1201 01:15:49,013 --> 01:15:51,557 and leave Coolidge with a degree. 1202 01:15:56,020 --> 01:15:58,356 God, I've... 1203 01:15:58,439 --> 01:16:03,820 bled crimson and blue for nearly a decade. 1204 01:16:03,903 --> 01:16:05,738 This school has given me so much. 1205 01:16:05,822 --> 01:16:10,451 Let me repay Coolidge by parting ways as a graduate. 1206 01:16:21,587 --> 01:16:24,382 What are the courses Mr. Wilder needs in order to graduate? 1207 01:16:24,465 --> 01:16:27,093 Biology, English Lit, Calculus, Economics, 1208 01:16:27,176 --> 01:16:28,845 Sociology and Political Science. 1209 01:16:28,928 --> 01:16:30,471 Wow. That's quite a load. 1210 01:16:30,555 --> 01:16:32,974 Well, Van can handle quite a load. 1211 01:16:35,434 --> 01:16:38,354 If we expel him, there could be some sort of a coup d'état. 1212 01:16:38,437 --> 01:16:41,732 He broke a rule. He should pay the consequences. 1213 01:16:41,816 --> 01:16:46,571 Well, let's take a vote. There's five of us here. Majority rules. 1214 01:16:46,654 --> 01:16:48,197 I vote reinstatement. 1215 01:16:48,281 --> 01:16:49,323 Mr. Bags? 1216 01:16:49,407 --> 01:16:50,491 Expulsion. 1217 01:16:50,575 --> 01:16:52,702 Miss Haver? 1218 01:16:52,785 --> 01:16:55,413 Reinstatement over and over. 1219 01:16:55,496 --> 01:16:58,416 Okay. Uh, Mrs. Seay? 1220 01:16:58,499 --> 01:16:59,584 Expulsion. 1221 01:16:59,667 --> 01:17:01,127 Professor McDoogle? 1222 01:17:01,210 --> 01:17:04,589 You know, I've waited a long, long time for this day to come. 1223 01:17:04,672 --> 01:17:06,591 Either way, 1224 01:17:06,674 --> 01:17:09,010 Van Wilder's tenure here at Coolidge is over. 1225 01:17:13,973 --> 01:17:15,850 Let's see what the kid's made of. 1226 01:17:17,226 --> 01:17:19,103 He's in! He's in! 1227 01:17:30,823 --> 01:17:31,824 Hey, Jeannie. 1228 01:17:31,908 --> 01:17:35,411 Look. I just wanted to explain about the whole, you know, Richard thing. 1229 01:17:35,494 --> 01:17:38,247 See, me and Richard's unspoken bond blossomed the other night 1230 01:17:38,331 --> 01:17:40,374 in one beautiful, symbiotic act. 1231 01:17:40,458 --> 01:17:42,084 What sort of act? 1232 01:17:42,168 --> 01:17:43,502 Messing up that Van Wilder party. 1233 01:17:44,712 --> 01:17:46,923 And then we bumped uglies. 1234 01:17:47,006 --> 01:17:48,925 It was the best 10 seconds ever. 1235 01:17:51,177 --> 01:17:52,386 Even 1236 01:17:52,470 --> 01:17:55,598 Yes, these interviews are somewhat of a formality, 1237 01:17:55,681 --> 01:17:59,518 but I think it's crucial we like-minded people get to know one another. 1238 01:18:02,521 --> 01:18:04,649 Gwenny! Gwenny! 1239 01:18:04,732 --> 01:18:06,108 Ah, I knew you'd come to your senses. 1240 01:18:06,192 --> 01:18:07,568 Hello, Richard. 1241 01:18:07,652 --> 01:18:09,278 All right, look. I know we have a lot of surgery 1242 01:18:09,362 --> 01:18:10,947 to perform on our relationship. Okay? 1243 01:18:11,030 --> 01:18:14,075 But right now I am prepping for the biggest moment of our lives. 1244 01:18:14,158 --> 01:18:15,451 All right? I have a written exam first, 1245 01:18:15,534 --> 01:18:18,412 and then an interview with five Northwestern alums. 1246 01:18:18,496 --> 01:18:20,581 All doctors. 1247 01:18:20,665 --> 01:18:23,292 That's why I came, to help make you your shake. 1248 01:18:23,376 --> 01:18:24,961 That'd be terrific, Gwenny. 1249 01:18:25,044 --> 01:18:27,046 I'll see you downstairs. 1250 01:18:27,129 --> 01:18:30,758 Oh, but hurry. lnterview's in a half hour, other side of campus. 1251 01:18:32,134 --> 01:18:33,928 Sorry about that. 1252 01:18:42,478 --> 01:18:46,983 - Northwestern. I am the shit. - You certainly will be. 1253 01:18:47,066 --> 01:18:49,568 Oh, Gwenny, thank you. 1254 01:18:51,070 --> 01:18:53,656 Mmm. Mmm. 1255 01:18:54,824 --> 01:18:58,452 Good luck, honey. You deserve it. 1256 01:18:58,536 --> 01:19:00,162 Yeah. 1257 01:19:01,664 --> 01:19:04,750 Mmm. 1258 01:19:04,834 --> 01:19:06,252 I certainly do. 1259 01:19:26,439 --> 01:19:28,524 Oh... 1260 01:20:01,932 --> 01:20:03,434 Oh! 1261 01:20:11,317 --> 01:20:12,693 Cytosine. 1262 01:20:12,777 --> 01:20:14,653 Nothing but net, my man. 1263 01:20:14,737 --> 01:20:18,366 Now remember, before any final, take a pre-game dump. 1264 01:20:34,590 --> 01:20:37,051 Thanks for coming in. You did a great job, really. 1265 01:20:37,134 --> 01:20:40,179 Richard! I was just talking about you. 1266 01:20:40,262 --> 01:20:42,807 Hey, surprise. I'm on your oral exam board. 1267 01:20:42,890 --> 01:20:45,518 Look, come in here. I want you to meet your future alumni. 1268 01:20:45,601 --> 01:20:47,812 - I gotta go... - No, come on. It's a great time. 1269 01:20:47,895 --> 01:20:49,939 Look, it's Richard. 1270 01:20:50,022 --> 01:20:51,607 Finished his written exam in only 20 minutes. 1271 01:20:51,690 --> 01:20:53,442 This kid is a dynamo. 1272 01:20:53,526 --> 01:20:56,487 Richard, I want you to meet Dr. Stern. 1273 01:20:56,570 --> 01:20:57,571 Dr. Fine. 1274 01:20:57,655 --> 01:21:01,492 It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Bagg. I've heard a lot about you. 1275 01:21:02,535 --> 01:21:04,161 Dr. Brown. 1276 01:21:04,245 --> 01:21:05,496 These orals are something of a formality. 1277 01:21:05,579 --> 01:21:08,332 We just want to get to know you better. 1278 01:21:08,416 --> 01:21:10,918 And Dr. Smelnick. 1279 01:21:11,919 --> 01:21:14,171 Richard, is there something you want to say? 1280 01:21:14,255 --> 01:21:15,965 You look like you want to get something out, son. 1281 01:21:21,929 --> 01:21:23,139 Oh, my God! 1282 01:21:30,563 --> 01:21:32,189 - Vile. - Oh, it burns! 1283 01:21:35,693 --> 01:21:37,069 I'm bleeding! 1284 01:21:38,195 --> 01:21:39,738 Dear God, that's wretched. 1285 01:22:03,762 --> 01:22:06,515 "Oh, I kept the first for another day! 1286 01:22:06,599 --> 01:22:09,518 Yet knowing how way leads on to way 1287 01:22:09,602 --> 01:22:12,021 I doubted if I should ever come back." 1288 01:22:12,104 --> 01:22:14,648 I want you to tell me what Robert Frost was trying to express here. 1289 01:22:15,816 --> 01:22:18,152 I'm gonna need at least one more booklet. 1290 01:22:20,112 --> 01:22:21,197 What? 1291 01:22:21,280 --> 01:22:23,866 In other school news, we have an update on the "Wilder Watch." 1292 01:22:23,949 --> 01:22:27,161 The rigorous day has been a success for Van the man. 1293 01:22:27,244 --> 01:22:32,208 Five finals in the can with Professor McDoogle's advanced econ final to go. 1294 01:22:32,291 --> 01:22:34,418 Van? Van! 1295 01:22:34,502 --> 01:22:37,755 Van! Van, wake up, wake up, wake up. 1296 01:22:37,838 --> 01:22:39,798 - Your final's in exactly seven minutes! - Okay. All right. 1297 01:22:53,687 --> 01:22:56,315 It's the moment of truth, people. 1298 01:23:09,161 --> 01:23:11,413 Ah, Mr. Wilder. 1299 01:23:11,497 --> 01:23:13,874 I'm so glad you could fit us into your schedule this morning. 1300 01:23:13,958 --> 01:23:15,501 Wouldn't miss it for the world, sir. 1301 01:23:17,545 --> 01:23:19,296 All right. 1302 01:23:19,380 --> 01:23:22,049 Pass these out. Thank you. 1303 01:23:44,238 --> 01:23:45,781 It's getting to be that time of the hour. 1304 01:23:49,368 --> 01:23:53,831 And your time is up, Mr. Wilder. Pencils down. 1305 01:23:59,086 --> 01:24:00,504 - Thank you. - For four years, 1306 01:24:00,588 --> 01:24:03,007 I have been grooming myself for the real world. 1307 01:24:03,090 --> 01:24:05,342 And I, like many of us, define the real world 1308 01:24:05,426 --> 01:24:07,511 as the stuff that happens after graduation. 1309 01:24:07,595 --> 01:24:08,596 But I was wrong. 1310 01:24:08,679 --> 01:24:12,308 It took a man by the name of Van Wilder to teach me that. 1311 01:24:12,391 --> 01:24:15,102 You've all undoubtedly been to one of Van's parties. 1312 01:24:15,185 --> 01:24:16,520 He's probably touched your life in some way, 1313 01:24:16,604 --> 01:24:18,439 whether you know it or not. 1314 01:24:18,522 --> 01:24:20,983 Watch Van do belly flops into a pool, 1315 01:24:21,066 --> 01:24:23,444 but make sure you see that he's raised $5,000 1316 01:24:23,527 --> 01:24:25,821 to give the swim team a next season. 1317 01:24:25,904 --> 01:24:28,699 As you're all aware, Van was almost expelled. 1318 01:24:28,782 --> 01:24:31,285 What you probably don't know is that he was set up 1319 01:24:31,368 --> 01:24:33,412 by a pathetic, egomaniacal frat boy, 1320 01:24:33,495 --> 01:24:35,331 one who this reporter knows firsthand 1321 01:24:35,414 --> 01:24:38,042 to have a serious problem with premature ejaculation. 1322 01:24:39,585 --> 01:24:41,545 And in reaction to this lynching, 1323 01:24:41,629 --> 01:24:45,633 Van put in more effort in six days than most have all semester. 1324 01:24:45,716 --> 01:24:47,051 Win or lose, we should thank him 1325 01:24:47,134 --> 01:24:50,387 for reminding us what we're all capable of. 1326 01:24:50,471 --> 01:24:52,681 That's simply what he does... 1327 01:24:52,765 --> 01:24:55,267 He inspires the uninspired. 1328 01:25:00,314 --> 01:25:04,068 Van. Hurry. The night of fun and fornication's upon us. 1329 01:25:04,151 --> 01:25:07,071 Hey, have you heard from Gwen? 1330 01:25:07,154 --> 01:25:09,406 No, she... She hasn't yet called back. 1331 01:25:09,490 --> 01:25:12,368 Right. I'll be down in a minute, okay? 1332 01:25:12,451 --> 01:25:13,994 - Okay. - See ya, V. 1333 01:25:31,178 --> 01:25:33,180 Wilder. 1334 01:25:33,263 --> 01:25:34,556 McDoogle. 1335 01:25:34,640 --> 01:25:36,600 Jesus. 1336 01:25:36,684 --> 01:25:39,395 This is some pad you got here. 1337 01:25:39,478 --> 01:25:41,980 Decorated in early fuck. 1338 01:25:46,652 --> 01:25:49,697 Well, I made it a point to personally come down here, Wilder. 1339 01:25:49,780 --> 01:25:51,782 I wanted to give you the results of your test firsthand. 1340 01:25:52,783 --> 01:25:55,494 And just as I expected, 1341 01:25:55,577 --> 01:25:57,871 you succeeded. 1342 01:25:57,955 --> 01:26:00,332 - 91%. - What? 1343 01:26:01,333 --> 01:26:03,752 I'm proud of you, Wilder. 1344 01:26:03,836 --> 01:26:06,463 I've been waiting all these years for you to realize your potential. 1345 01:26:06,547 --> 01:26:08,298 That's why you and I had friction? 1346 01:26:08,382 --> 01:26:09,883 God, I always thought it was 'cause I fooled around 1347 01:26:09,967 --> 01:26:11,719 with your daughter freshman year. 1348 01:26:12,720 --> 01:26:16,014 Why? What... You fooled around with my daughter? 1349 01:26:16,098 --> 01:26:18,308 What? 1350 01:26:35,033 --> 01:26:36,618 Hey, I know you. 1351 01:26:36,702 --> 01:26:39,329 - Thank you very much. - You're the best, man. 1352 01:26:39,413 --> 01:26:41,498 Hey, I couldn't have did it without you. Appreciate it. 1353 01:26:41,582 --> 01:26:43,751 I need youth fill up the whole thing with ice. 1354 01:26:43,834 --> 01:26:45,878 Pack as much as you can inside. 1355 01:26:45,961 --> 01:26:48,255 - Okay? Excuse me. I'm sorry. - I'm sorry. 1356 01:26:50,299 --> 01:26:53,844 Hi. My name is Orissa Punjab Nizamabad. 1357 01:26:53,927 --> 01:26:55,262 Hi. 1358 01:26:55,345 --> 01:26:57,598 I've just transferred here from Banglapur. 1359 01:27:06,899 --> 01:27:08,358 Hey. Excuse me. 1360 01:27:08,442 --> 01:27:11,779 Can you tell me where I might find the raddest fucking dude alive? 1361 01:27:11,862 --> 01:27:15,157 Yeah, by the pool, Gramps. 1362 01:27:15,240 --> 01:27:18,494 Hey, I know you, man. Oh, fuck. 1363 01:27:18,577 --> 01:27:21,538 Congratulations, Van. I knew you had it in you. 1364 01:27:25,083 --> 01:27:27,211 Dad. I can't believe you're here. 1365 01:27:27,294 --> 01:27:28,796 I can't believe you graduated. 1366 01:27:29,797 --> 01:27:33,008 A friend of yours sent me this. 1367 01:27:34,635 --> 01:27:37,930 I'm proud of you, Van, graduation or no graduation. 1368 01:27:38,013 --> 01:27:40,432 Thank you. 1369 01:27:40,516 --> 01:27:43,936 And I'm sorry that I spent such a buttload of your money for so long. 1370 01:27:44,019 --> 01:27:47,105 It's by far the best investment I ever made. 1371 01:27:57,491 --> 01:28:00,244 - You did good. - Let's get this man lei'd. 1372 01:28:01,829 --> 01:28:04,331 Meet my new girl. 1373 01:28:19,721 --> 01:28:23,475 You look so... 1374 01:28:23,559 --> 01:28:25,936 Wow. Wow. 1375 01:28:26,019 --> 01:28:27,437 I was hoping you'd say that. 1376 01:28:30,816 --> 01:28:31,817 Thank you. 1377 01:28:36,029 --> 01:28:37,197 May I? 1378 01:28:37,281 --> 01:28:39,366 As long as we cuddle afterwards. 1379 01:28:44,079 --> 01:28:47,749 There's so much that I need to say... The article... 1380 01:28:56,174 --> 01:28:57,759 I was scared that you wouldn't come. 1381 01:28:57,843 --> 01:29:01,179 Well, I was trying to decide what panties I should wear. 1382 01:29:01,263 --> 01:29:03,891 Which ones did you choose? 1383 01:29:04,892 --> 01:29:06,143 None. 1384 01:29:54,399 --> 01:29:56,526 It's gonna be a bachelor party. 1385 01:29:56,610 --> 01:29:59,863 One last night of debauchery with the fellas. 1386 01:30:09,414 --> 01:30:10,749 You can't even... Oh. 1387 01:30:11,792 --> 01:30:13,710 I mean, this girl is... 1388 01:30:15,754 --> 01:30:17,005 I was wondering... 1389 01:30:17,089 --> 01:30:18,548 I'll do it. 1390 01:30:22,928 --> 01:30:25,055 I'm getting my shit together. Just one second. 1391 01:30:26,431 --> 01:30:28,433 I can't do this! 1392 01:30:36,608 --> 01:30:37,609 Ugh! 1393 01:30:38,610 --> 01:30:40,988 Oh, man. My mama never told me I'd be doing this. 1394 01:30:43,115 --> 01:30:44,950 I want to chew the choch. 1395 01:30:45,033 --> 01:30:47,285 And then... I don't know how. 1396 01:30:56,503 --> 01:31:00,632 Kids, this is what white jockey blowin' hookers will do to you. 107672

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.