Original subtitles

Captioning made possible by the U.S. Department of education

Hey, what do you see?

Hey, sugar.

Ooh, you are cute.

You are the cutest baby I have ever seen.

What about me?

You're the funniest looking baby I've ever seen.

Most babies look a little funny when they're new.

Mommies and daddies don't even notice.

Brothers and sisters do.

We all sold tickets to see you, Rudy.

No, dear, that was to see you.

Oh.

Would you like to hold him?

No, he might go on me.

Can we watch him Eat?

His mother already fed him.

Maybe he'd like to watch us eat.

Can we have a snack?

All right, but a small one.

I'm having a doughnut.

Me, too.

You always have what I have.

So do you.

Cliff. Hmm?

Look who's here.

You know this one.

Remember?

Did we go to college together?

You delivered him last month.

This is Janice Harper's baby.

Janice didn't want it, and brought it back?

She's getting her hair done, and I'm baby-sitting.

Oh, cliff.

Look at that little round face.

And that soft silky hair and the little soft spot.

And that special baby smell.

Sour milk.

He's warm.

Just holding him sets off Strange stirrings inside.

I wonder if I want another.

Let me help you-- you don't.

Cliff, it's a Miracle.

Dear, we have five miracles.

Smell it.

Get out of here.

That's not the interior of some new automobile.

You know you love babies.

We'd bring one home

and you'd spend hours just looking at it.

Cliff: Yeah.

It would grab your finger

and you'd laugh.

You'd say, "Look, Clair, I can put her whole foot in my mouth."

But you could only hold that foot in there for So long

then the toes start moving and the fun is over.

Let's just think about it.

No.

Suppose I want one?

You can try having one without me.

Come on, cliff. Smell it.

I don't want to smell that baby.

Listen to me, please.

This thing is a trap.

This thing can sell anything.

But you must also remember that this grows up.

And it gets high marks on the I.Q. Test

But gets D's in school.

This grows up and takes the car driving all around the city--

has no license, has no driver's permit--

comes back and then says, "What did I do wrong?"

I'm telling you

this is false advertising.

This is totally dishonest.

You don't want another one?

There are times-- and there aren't many--

when I don't even want the ones we have now.

No, no, no.

Rudy.

Our little Rudy.

One day she'll be gone

and then I will have my wife back.

I'm not sure this feeling will go away.

You just tell it to go away.

I can't, because it's a very deep feeling.

Say to it, deeply, "Go away."

We'll talk later.

Right now I'm taking the baby home.

Good.

And don't you come back anymore.

You're a troublemaker.

Hey, dad.

What did I do?

You used to smell good.

Dad, where's the baby?

Mom took the baby back.

Didn't she like it?

She liked it too much.

Why did she take it back?

Because if mom wants a baby

she'll have to make it herself.

You can just bring one home from work.

Mom's having another baby?

She's just thinking about it.

Do we want another one?

I like the one that was here.

Another Baby?

Look, she's just thinking about it.

Don't we get a vote?

Vote for what?

Dinner?

I want pizza.

We're not voting about dinner.

Is this a dictatorship?

Why are we voting?

We're not voting for anything.

It is a dictatorship!

It's too early to talk about it.

About what?

Mom and a baby.

Mom's pregnant?

No, mom is not pregnant.

( sigh of relief )

( mimicking sighs )

What does that mean, Denise?

You and mom are getting up there.

Meaning what?

Theo: She means you're old.

She just doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

And you do?

I don't think you're old.

It's not like I think you're decrepit or anything

But when older people have babies

it's kind of embarrassing.

There are people--

I happen to know--

who are much older than your mother and I

and they have become parents.

Now if your mother and I decide...

to have a baby

I'm quite sure that we will not go

into the guinness book of world records.

Hey, then why don't you wait?

We should have waited with you.

Your mother and I haven't made up our minds.

We just don't know, okay?

Good.

What's that for?

Nothing.

No, you got some teenage wisdom to spew out?

Nothing, daddy-- it's your life.

Just don't blow it.

I'm glad you didn't hold back.

Clair: I'm home.

Your mom is here.

I want you guys to just act normally.

Hi.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

They just love looking at you, dear.

So do I.

( whispering: ) Get out.

Cliff, today I saw the most wonderful thing.

Look at this.

Diapers?

Wait till you see the improvements.

Five years ago, we had nothing like this.

Watch this.

You can pull this thing open...

and Peek inside...

and close it back up again.

Rip. Snap.

What do you think?

And so the Wolf said

"Little pig, little pig.

Let me in! Let me in!"

you like that voice?

No.

Why?

You did it different before.

Well, that was a different Wolf.

It's the same story.

You know, you're right.

That was the Wolf from little red riding Hood.

The one for the little pigs

you put your finger on my nose, remember?

Now give a little squeeze.

Be gentle, now.

Okay, here we go.

"Little pig, little pig.

Let me in!"

All right, let go now because this Wolf has a cold.

Could we talk?

Uh, Yeah.

Uh, here.

What about the story?

Don't worry.

Just use this as a bookmark

and we'll get back to it.

Aah! Ha, ha. Ha, ha.

All right. Lay it on me.

It's about the baby.

Uh, your mother and I may not have a baby

but I certainly hope you have something waiting in reserve

to worry about.

Yeah, I mean, what if you do have it?

You are determined to be unhappy, aren't you?

My friend Deidre has a new baby.

She says it's horrible.

It cries for no reason at all

and dad, babies don't smell that good all the time.

Couldn't we forget about a baby

and get a dog?

I mean, dogs smell great!

No, they don't.

They smell better than babies do.

Only to other dogs.

Now, come here, please, dear.

No matter what else comes into this house

you will always be loved by us.

I know you worry, you complain

you see problems where there are no problems whatsoever.

That's the great thing about you.

You know why?

You are our Vanessa. Understand?

I love you, daddy.

That makes me feel real happy.

Yes, and I know this feeling shall pass.

Mom.

Hi, Clair.

Cliff!

My favorite mother-in-law.

Oh, Vanessa.

Oh, my baby.

Girl, you're getting older every day.

Doesn't everyone?

Not me.

Sit down, mom.

We'll talk in the kitchen, woman to woman.

Is your mother having a baby, too?

Come on, mama

Let's go.

Clair, what's the matter?

I don't know.

You tell me.

So what's going on?

Mama, yesterday I touched a baby.

Is that all?

I might want another one.

You held it, huh?

Uh-huh.

And you smelled it?

Uh-huh.

Cliff?

He wouldn't smell it.

Smart.

Oh, come on.

Now this is serious.

I'm not an impetuous person

but when you give me a tiny baby

and It's so soft and warm, and I hold it...

you understand.

Yes, it's the trap.

You, too, huh?

When you and cliff got married, what did I say?

"Have a child."

Why?

Revenge.

If you want the joy of children without the bother

there's a simple answer.

Grandchildren.

They're perfect.

If you don't like them, you go home.

Mama, didn't you want any more?

No.

Why?

The older you are when they're born

the older you are when they return.

They don't come back.

John and Edna Morton--

you remember them?

They have a daughter your age.

She came back.

Her husband left her.

Three children: 14, 11 and two.

They all came back.

That's one isolated incident.

Ira and Maxine Davenport

have a son 45.

His wife died.

He comes home bringing two boys, 23 and 21.

None of them are working.

Okay...

okay, so that's two isolated incidents.

Sidney and Ramona hufnagle.

Unmarried daughter comes home...

do you go around collecting these stories?

They're not just stories. They happen.

Don't let it happen to you.

How's the feeling now?

Less.

Take my ADVICE: Grandchildren.

Grandma!

Hello.

Sixteen.

You'll have one for your mama, won't you?

What?

A baby.

Sure.

Grandma: Promise?

Yeah.

Wait.

Can I finish high school first?

Come on. Come on. No, no.

No, no, no.

Don't even try it!

You blew it again.

All right.

Cliff: Look out.

That puts me two ahead, dad.

You don't want to call a foul?

Tired?

No, but if you need rest...

when I was your age, we played from sunup to sundown.

When it got dark, we carried candles in our hand.

Did you rest enough, or will you talk some more?

Ha, Ha, ha, ha.

All right.

You better be alert now.

So you're up by two, right?

I score two to tie.

Hey!

You're not going for that one?

Huh?

All right. Hey!

Foul!

No way!

Foul!

Foul.

That was a plain miss.

Foul-- all over me.

It's a wonder I can get up.

How come you're the referee?

I'm not. Just give me the ball.

It's not fair.

Take it up with the league commissioner, okay?

But that's you, too.

Give me the ball.

All right. And now

Dr. H. Has to make these two foul shots to tie you.

And so, here we go.

Could you move it along?

I've got school in 12 hours.

One more to tie.

Just shoot the ball.

Hey!

Heh, Heh, heh, heh.

And now to embarrass my son, I will make it without looking.

Now...

young huxtable has a chance to win

because this basket

wins it all.

However, there's one thing missing.

He has never beaten his father in all his life ever!

Heh, Heh, heh, heh.

So serious...

don't even try it!

Don't even think about it!

You...

I won! Hey!

Waah-hah!

Ha, ha, ha!

I won, dad! I won!

I was there when you won.

I saw it. It's okay.

You've beat me hundreds of times.

Yes, indeed.

Don't help me.

I'll get up myself.

Look at it this way.

If you have another kid now

you'd never beat him once.

Mom, guess what?

You don't have to yell and tell everybody everything.

Clair.

Clair.

Clair.

Oops.

You can't sleep, huh?

Neither can I.

See, there's something I got to tell you.

Clair...

I'm old, Clair.

And Clair, so are you.

You're old, too.

What?

I'm sorry to tell you that.

Oh, cliff.

You didn't wake me up at three O'clock in the morning

to tell me I'm old?

I've known about it for hours

since Theo beat me at basketball.

I tried to protect you as long as I could.

What are you talking about?

Well, I'm just talking about this baby.

I mean

when we had our first child

we had our whole life ahead of us.

If we had one now

by the time that child leaves home

we will be ready to go to one.

Cliff...

you know this feeling I've been having?

Listen, don't you remember how when we were young

we planned ahead and said we were going to go places--

We would take cruises around the world.

We were going to go to cairo and see the pyramids.

If we have another child, by the time we get there

the pyramids will be too small for our eyes.

It's a very deep and urgent feeling.

But we said we were going to go to Paris

we were going strolling on the champs elysees

and I'm telling you, if we wait, we'll be too old to stroll.

It's just a feeling.

Like all feelings, it will fade.

We were going to go to Rome...

it will fade?

I've decided I don't want another baby.

Really?

I thought I did

because I thought having another Child

would make my life better.

Then I thought, "Better than what?"

my life's already perfect.

I've got a great job, a wonderful family

and a Loving husband.

Mmm, Clair...

who thinks I'm old.

I just said that to get your attention.

Yes, you did say that.

No...

are you old?

Well, no.

Theo cheats.

Theo cheats?

Well, he improves when I'm not looking.

So when do we start our travels?

Well, I figure Rudy Will enter college in 13 years

and we can start the day after.

Good night, cliff.

Good night, dear.

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