All language subtitles for The Umbrella Academy - 04x01 - The Unbearable Tragedy of Getting What You Want.WEB-DL.XEBEC.English.C.updated.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:19,310 All of existence will be gone by the end of the day, 3 00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:21,062 but whoever or whatever 4 00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,189 wove together space and time, 5 00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:25,942 they left a way to put things back together 6 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:29,112 if the universe ever faced total annihilation. 7 00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:32,907 There is a portal in the universe. 8 00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:35,160 I built this hotel around it, 9 00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:38,288 and on the other side... is the answer. 10 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:42,542 You're a sadistic lunatic who's planning on gambling all of our lives 11 00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:44,002 in another pointless mission. 12 00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:47,464 I can't do this without you. Do we have a deal? 13 00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:52,802 You and Dad made some kind of deal. 14 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,471 What did you agree to? 15 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,056 I made a deal with Dad. 16 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,515 Why tell me now? 17 00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:01,561 Because I need you to believe me, okay? That I did this for all of us. 18 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,439 I need you to trust me. 19 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:08,985 This place is a test and a trap and a means of salvation all at once. 20 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:12,572 - Does anyone know what that sign says? - Yeah. "Do not ring the bell." 21 00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:15,366 What you guys need to know right now is that... 22 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,119 Dad killed Luther. 23 00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:20,622 And he locked me out of the tunnel. 24 00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:21,706 No, Dad! 25 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:25,585 And he rang that stupid bell! 26 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:29,756 Does no one listen to me? 27 00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:36,471 The sigil is in the lobby floor. It's the stars! 28 00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:37,847 Number Five! Quickly! 29 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:53,988 This wasn't part of the deal. 30 00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,740 The marigold inside their bodies 31 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,659 is the only thing that fuels the machine. 32 00:01:57,742 --> 00:02:00,036 He won't stop until we're all dead. 33 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,412 You're killing them! 34 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,164 Everything in life has a price. 35 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,424 Do you trust me? 36 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,221 Viktor, what are you doing? 37 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,304 Stop her! 38 00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:20,765 Don't do this! 39 00:02:29,507 --> 00:02:30,566 Where is she? 40 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:31,985 Please take your hand off me. 41 00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,653 Not until you give me an answer. 42 00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:34,737 Screw this. 43 00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:38,199 Something's wrong. 44 00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:43,121 My power. I can't blink. 45 00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:44,622 How do we get 'em back, you idiots? 46 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:31,294 Your play, Gene. 47 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:33,504 Thank you, Jean. 48 00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:39,344 Ooh! 49 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,639 Look at Merle. Big dick move. 50 00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,224 Don't be using that language. 51 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,809 What? You're gonna lay me on your lap and spank me, Milt? 52 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,354 Nothing wrong with a good spankin'. 53 00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:52,565 Trump. 54 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:59,030 - Thank you for the setup, Gene. - You are welcome, Jean. 55 00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:01,241 You just got euchred, peewee. 56 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,576 - The hell with this, Merle. - Yeah. 57 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,453 Let's find another table, huh? 58 00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:07,038 Game's not over, fellas. 59 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,708 - It is for us. - Oh, all right. 60 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,544 - So I'll put you down as a forfeit, then? - Says who? 61 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:14,921 League rules. 62 00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:17,799 Walk away, and you're out of the tournament. 63 00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:23,011 They're back. 64 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:24,596 Yeah. 65 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:36,692 Gotta whiz. 66 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,111 Right behind you. 67 00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:40,738 Oh, for Christ's sake. 68 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,991 Come on. Don't get your boxers in a bunch. 69 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,575 We'll be right back. 70 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:51,791 I'm Dr. Jean Thibedeau, 71 00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:54,002 and this is my husband, Dr. Gene Thibedeau. 72 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,670 Don't need your names. 73 00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:58,548 Don't care who you are. 74 00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:01,884 Cash or trade, straight up. 75 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:10,600 Whoa. 76 00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:15,273 What do you see, Jean? 77 00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:19,736 Oh, Gene, look. Love on Loan. 78 00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,947 Gene, look at the name. 79 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,700 Hargreeves! 80 00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:28,369 Oh yeah. Yeah, yes. I see it. 81 00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:31,748 Ten grand for the pair. 82 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,374 Ten grand? 83 00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:36,836 Best we can do is five. 84 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,756 This ain't a negotiation, pal. 85 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,467 Ten grand or fuck off. 86 00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:44,635 Huh? 87 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:57,314 Good call. 88 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:05,530 Hey. 89 00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:13,456 Nice shot, hon. 90 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:17,543 Knew he'd be a bleeder. Head the size of Jupiter. 91 00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:25,843 Oh! 92 00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:35,019 You knew I had trump all along, didn't you? 93 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:39,899 You old rascal. 94 00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:06,426 - Where is he? - Who? 95 00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:09,637 Don't play dumb with me, Jerry. I know he's here. Where is he? 96 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,390 Hey, Vik! Are you here or not? 97 00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:16,060 Hey. 98 00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,231 Amy, what... what's up? 99 00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:21,482 You know what's up. 100 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,485 Call me when you grow up. 101 00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:26,529 Amy. 102 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,448 Well, that does it. 103 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:31,325 Vik's officially blown through every woman in town. 104 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:34,537 No, that's not true. It's not true. 105 00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:35,830 - Vik. - What? 106 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:37,414 Phone call. 107 00:07:42,904 --> 00:07:43,920 Hello? 108 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,631 Hey. Long time. 109 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,008 Luther? 110 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:48,592 How's it going? 111 00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:52,513 - I'm... I'm fine. What's wrong? - Uh, nothing's wrong. 112 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,807 Why does something have to be wrong? 113 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:58,060 No, I was just calling to see if you're going to that thing. 114 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,229 - What thing? - Uh, Diego and Lila's thing. 115 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,106 Little Grace's birthday party. 116 00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:03,900 Oh. Um... 117 00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:06,819 Uh, well, you know, I... I really... 118 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,821 I really want to. 119 00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,282 It's just, you know, it's our busy season. 120 00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:12,366 It's my bar, Luther. 121 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,994 - If I'm not here to watch over things... - You should come. 122 00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:17,163 All right? Just this once. 123 00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:20,875 I'll think about it. 124 00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:34,222 T-minus five, four, three, two, one... 125 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:39,310 The man who puts the ass in astronaut, 126 00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,354 Spaceboy! 127 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,955 ♪ Sweat baby, sweat baby ♪ ♪ Sex is a Texas drought ♪ 128 00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:02,833 ♪ Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about ♪ 129 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:07,213 ♪ So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts... ♪ 130 00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:09,966 Ah! Shit! 131 00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,843 ♪ You've had enough of two-hand touch ♪ 132 00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:18,724 Yes! 133 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,643 ♪ Come quicker than FedEx ♪ ♪ Never reach an apex ♪ 134 00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,478 ♪ Just like Coca-Cola stock ♪ ♪ You are inclined ♪ 135 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,562 Spaceboy! 136 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,524 ♪ To make me rise an hour early ♪ ♪ Just like Daylight Savings Time ♪ 137 00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:28,191 Fuck! 138 00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:30,486 ♪ You and me, baby ♪ ♪ Ain't nothing but mammals ♪ 139 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:34,198 ♪ So let's do it like they do ♪ ♪ On the Discovery Channel ♪ 140 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,868 ♪ You and me, baby ♪ ♪ Ain't nothing but mammals ♪ 141 00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:42,456 ♪ So let's do it like they do ♪ ♪ On the Discovery Channel... ♪ 142 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:46,377 You were supposed to be on Center Street 45 minutes ago. 143 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:49,880 - What the hell is going on out there? - Relax, all right, I'm coming. 144 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:53,634 No! No! My job is not to relax. 145 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,095 It's to make sure you stay on schedule! 146 00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:59,974 Time is money, and your lazy ass is costing me a fortune. 147 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,101 What the hell is your malfunction? 148 00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:04,186 I got the spreadsheet right in front of me. 149 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,440 Top-down, best to worst performers. 150 00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:10,735 You know where your name is? At the bottom! In capital letters! 151 00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:12,028 Hargreeves! 152 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:13,279 I said I'm coming! 153 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,456 Why don't you pick up your phone? 154 00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,374 - It's inside. Yes. - Help me! 155 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:27,793 - Do we have peaches? - We do. 156 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,420 - Sodas? - We have everything. 157 00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:30,880 - Take this inside. - Yes. 158 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,048 Oh my God. 159 00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,426 Share with your brother. Coco, stop crying. 160 00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:37,553 You're going to Linda's later. That'll be fun. 161 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,472 - What about the DJ? - DJ? 162 00:10:39,555 --> 00:10:42,058 - Tell me what you're wearing? - I'm not ready yet! 163 00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:44,393 - Are the guests here? - The guests are inside. 164 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,103 Give me a second. The children are crying. 165 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,649 Touch that horn again, 166 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,320 and I'll drag you out of this Land Rover 167 00:10:52,321 --> 00:10:54,236 and disconnect your brain stem. 168 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,738 Do you understand me? 169 00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,074 Hi, Steven. 170 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:00,450 ♪ Getting horny now ♪ 171 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:13,797 Fuck me. 172 00:11:27,837 --> 00:11:28,853 Oh no! 173 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,981 I always wanna look good for the paparazzi, 174 00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:33,693 so this is a job for Toss N' Wash, 175 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:37,238 the no-nonsense, petroleum, and artificial dye-free detergent... 176 00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:38,948 - Cut! - What? 177 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,116 Cut. 178 00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:41,450 What is wrong now? 179 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,661 Uh, nothing's wrong. We lost the monitors. Stand by! 180 00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,413 Wait. I have a hard out at noon. 181 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,373 You're shitting me. Noon? 182 00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:50,292 Don't put this on me. I told Jill, I have to pick up my daughter. 183 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,421 - I'm taking her to a party. - You don't have somebody who can do that? 184 00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,258 Can somebody get me my phone? 185 00:11:57,341 --> 00:12:00,469 Hey, hey, hey. Hold your horses, madam. Not yet. 186 00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:02,387 Uncle Klaus... 187 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,098 Start ignoring the rules of the road, 188 00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:06,100 next, the whole world goes to anarchy. 189 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,477 Trust me on this, Claire. 190 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,190 And now we go. 191 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,650 Quick, quick, quick! Fast. 192 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:15,985 You are such a pussy. 193 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:17,840 Do you have any idea how many pedestrians 194 00:12:17,841 --> 00:12:19,650 are killed annually in this country? 195 00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:20,655 Watch the puddle. 196 00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:23,033 - 6,977. - ... 977. 197 00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:24,243 That's correct. 198 00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:28,330 One minute you're alive, and then the next, poof, you're dead. 199 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:31,041 Forever. That's not what we want, right? 200 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:34,920 I wanna get home before climate change ends the world as we know it. 201 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,255 Well, yeah. 202 00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:37,338 Ew, ew. 203 00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:40,968 Secondhand smoke, three o'clock. Come over here. Stay on this side. 204 00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,555 You're fine, Uncle Klaus. 205 00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:49,852 Yeah, I know. I... I'm fine. You'll be fine. We'll all be fine. 206 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,188 My name is Gus. 207 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,856 Hi, Gus. 208 00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:56,567 I've been searching for the truth my whole life. 209 00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,153 Then I found this group. 210 00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,239 And it was like a lightbulb went off. 211 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:05,300 For the first time, I heard people talking about 212 00:13:05,301 --> 00:13:06,535 what I was going through. 213 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:09,789 - Exactly. - I realized there's nothing wrong with me. 214 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:13,250 - It's this timeline, man. - Yeah. 215 00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,336 It's screwed up! 216 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,672 - I know I can come here and say anything. - Yeah. 217 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:22,384 I... I could say Sir Reginald Hargreeves is actually an alien 218 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:25,721 who is secretly grooming a cabal of teenage super soldiers, 219 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,891 and all you guys actually know what I'm talking about. 220 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,684 Keep going. 221 00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,102 And now, 222 00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,356 I have hope. 223 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,984 'Cause I know a cleanse is coming. 224 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,486 - Yes. - Amen. 225 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,077 Thank you, Gus. Thank you. 226 00:13:51,288 --> 00:13:54,166 How about you? Got anything you wanna share? 227 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:57,961 Yeah, sure. 228 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,298 Hi, my name's Jerome. 229 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:03,300 Hi, Jerome. 230 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,512 I'm still new to all this, 231 00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:10,015 but I can tell you folks, what you're talking about is real. 232 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,310 You're not crazy. 233 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:15,938 I know because I've been to other timelines. 234 00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,859 I don't look it, but I'm 63. 235 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:24,446 I spent 45 years lost in a future apocalypse. 236 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:28,200 And I was involved in the Kennedy assassination. 237 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,743 Speak your truth. 238 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,704 All that's unraveling now. 239 00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,832 I don't know what's real and what's not anymore. 240 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,043 I feel like I can't trust anybody. 241 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,923 All I know is I'm glad to have found all of you. 242 00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,385 That's it. That's all I got. 243 00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:47,845 It's okay. 244 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,723 Good share. 245 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,895 You wanna hear some real shit, kid? 246 00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:58,355 I'll take you to a real meeting. 247 00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,656 You're late. 248 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:08,740 I know. 249 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:10,826 Mustache. 250 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:11,910 Right. 251 00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,790 He's waiting in his office. 252 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,963 The Keepers function mainly as a support group, 253 00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:25,341 but with strong cult-like tendencies. 254 00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:28,969 Membership is rapidly growing across all metro areas in the US, 255 00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:30,053 as well as Europe. 256 00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:32,598 It's all there in my report, sir. 257 00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:34,683 What's the organizing principle? 258 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,480 They believe we're all somehow stuck in the wrong timeline. 259 00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:44,944 Well... just a bunch of loony tunes, if you ask me. 260 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:48,364 Drop this Keeper nonsense. Move on. 261 00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:52,117 I think it's time you got back to your other cases. 262 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,578 Ladybug, Panama, Chicken Wing. 263 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:57,915 - Sir, I am making progress with this. - Now, you listen to me. 264 00:15:57,998 --> 00:16:00,751 You have the makings of a fantastic spook. 265 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:03,212 A suspicious mind. 266 00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:05,422 A love of complexity and detail. 267 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:09,051 A certain maturity that most of my young agents lack. 268 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:13,514 Play your cards right, you'll be running this place someday. 269 00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:16,892 Thank you for saying that, sir. 270 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,230 Hey, buddy! 271 00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:26,860 Ah, it's good to see ya! How long's it been, huh? About four years? 272 00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,779 Minus six months for good behavior. 273 00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:31,782 Well, you better keep that up now that we're roommates. 274 00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:33,245 The only reason I called you is because 275 00:16:33,246 --> 00:16:35,452 I need a fixed address for my probation, 276 00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:36,954 and the feds seized my apartment. 277 00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:41,083 Well, whatever the reason, the universe brought us together, 278 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,584 and I think that's fun. 279 00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:43,668 Come on. Let's go. 280 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,848 Claire? Klaus? 281 00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:56,932 Anybody home? 282 00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:58,516 Hello? 283 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,857 Another catastrophic weather event. 284 00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:07,776 You do realize that we have a TV upstairs, right? 285 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,364 Hey, Klaus, are you going to the thing today? 286 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,490 What thing? 287 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:16,285 Diego and Lila's thing. It's little Grace's birthday party. 288 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:17,911 - Not a chance. - Please? 289 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:20,873 I need somebody to take Claire. She's sleeping over at her cousins'. 290 00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:22,583 - I'm not going. - Yes, you are. 291 00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:25,419 Allison, attending an all-day event 292 00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:29,715 with problematic family members and alcoholic beverages? 293 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:34,386 I mean, that's a one-way ticket to "Trigger Town, USA," if you ask me. 294 00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,388 I'm just gonna stay down here in my room. 295 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,307 Okay. Klaus? 296 00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:39,308 Yes. 297 00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:40,750 You have been sober for three years. 298 00:17:40,751 --> 00:17:43,187 Give yourself a little credit, all right? 299 00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,354 You can handle this. 300 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,605 Your faith in me is very undeserved. 301 00:17:46,606 --> 00:17:49,193 But, hey, why don't you take Claire Bear? 302 00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:52,196 I can't. I have a big callback tomorrow. I need to prepare. 303 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,198 Oh, which one again? 304 00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:57,076 The Wichita PD pilot. 305 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,494 Wichita PD. 306 00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:00,162 Sounds gripping. 307 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,340 It's a really big part, Claire, 308 00:18:02,341 --> 00:18:04,458 and it's between me and one other woman. 309 00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:07,461 This is important. I can't keep doing laundry detergent commercials. 310 00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:11,965 All right. Fine. But you owe me, big-time. 311 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,467 Thank you. Lunch. Come on. 312 00:18:14,034 --> 00:18:15,051 Not hungry. 313 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,637 You never eat. 314 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,139 - Like you give a shit. - Whoa! 315 00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:20,891 Excuse me! Claire! 316 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,600 Claire! 317 00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:25,813 Would it make you feel better to remind you 318 00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:28,398 that we were exactly like that at her age? 319 00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:30,483 No. 320 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:44,540 - Where the hell are we? - Come on. I got a surprise for you. 321 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,917 It's a, uh, little welcome-home gift. 322 00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,509 Yeah, don't worry about it. 323 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,018 - No, no, no! - Oh, come on. Don't be such a sourpuss. 324 00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:06,785 Look, it'll be good for you to reconnect 325 00:19:06,786 --> 00:19:08,272 with the family after all these years. 326 00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,607 Hey, this is not my family. My family's dead. 327 00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:11,859 Remember? The Sparrows? 328 00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:12,942 Fine. 329 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,236 Either come inside, 330 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:17,322 or I'm gonna tell your parole officer you missed your curfew. 331 00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:22,286 You have to at least stay for cake. No one leaves before cake, Ben. 332 00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,333 Hey, sorry. Excuse me. 333 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:31,420 What are you doing? 334 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,256 - Cake. - We haven't even done the piñata. 335 00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:38,385 Piñata first, then cake. What the hell is wrong with you? 336 00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:43,140 What was it? A Ponzi scheme? White-collar fraud? 337 00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:44,975 Crypto exchange. 338 00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:46,476 Web 3.0, baby. 339 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,729 Feds only went after me because I'm an outsider. 340 00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,439 A fucking maverick like Elon. 341 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,358 Well, that and you bankrupted 100,000 people. 342 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:54,776 The whole thing was a witch hunt. 343 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,461 Yeah, well, say what you will. 344 00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:58,530 It's still good to have you back. Cheers. 345 00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:02,868 Ha-ha! 346 00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,036 Gotcha! 347 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:08,540 Come on. It's been years since we've been together like this. 348 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,792 Ever think maybe there's a good reason for that? 349 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,085 Where's Viktor? 350 00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:14,046 Oh, uh, he said he was coming. 351 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:18,800 - What about Allison? - Oh, well, she's usually a no-show, right? 352 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,011 Maybe it's better that way. 353 00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:24,181 Survived another one. Congratulations, everybody. 354 00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:27,517 All right. Please call me before you go to bed. 355 00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:28,518 Yes. 356 00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:32,022 Why don't you come on in? Just for one little slice of cake. 357 00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:34,650 We've already talked about this. Nobody wants me there. 358 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:37,236 - That's not true. Not true. - It is. 359 00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:39,571 - Even if it wasn't, I have lines to learn. - All right. 360 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:42,616 Well, I'll tell everybody you said hello. 361 00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,754 The money's decent, and I make my own hours, so there's that. 362 00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:57,765 But my team supervisor is a real dickhead. 363 00:20:57,766 --> 00:21:00,175 He's always riding the stick. 364 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,301 Yeah, that seems tough. 365 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:04,346 Most importantly, it's just a waste of my God-given talents. 366 00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,640 When do you think I'll be hearing back from the agency? 367 00:21:06,723 --> 00:21:08,934 - Sorry? - The CIA, bro. 368 00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:10,936 - You gave 'em my résumé, right? - Right. 369 00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:13,897 - That's heading up the ladder as we speak. - That's what I'm talking about! 370 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:15,857 You told 'em I know multiple disciplines? 371 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:19,236 Hand-to-hand. Karate. Aikido. Hapkido. Krav Maga. Jujitsu. 372 00:21:19,319 --> 00:21:21,029 Muay Thai. Kendo. Sambo... 373 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,156 Diego, I let 'em know. I told 'em. 374 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,104 ... in a panic, you can't get to, 375 00:21:25,105 --> 00:21:27,452 so that's my new thing I'm trying out. 376 00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:29,079 Hey, whoa! Hold your horses. 377 00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:31,665 Just wait for your Uncle Klaus to get situated 378 00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:35,043 because right now, it feels like he's about to hyperventilate. 379 00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:38,088 Hey. Did I forget to pack my little brown bag? 380 00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:39,548 - Claire! Come on! - You're fine. 381 00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:43,093 - It's just a six-year-old's party. - You're right. You're always right. 382 00:21:43,176 --> 00:21:46,638 It's obnoxious. Put that on the table, and don't touch anything sharp. 383 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:49,850 - Soles of the feet. - Klaus? 384 00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:51,727 - Hey, buddy! - Hey. 385 00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:53,770 Good to see ya! Come here! 386 00:21:54,896 --> 00:21:57,691 Sorry. Don't touch. Spasibo. 387 00:21:57,774 --> 00:21:59,026 Right, yeah, of course. 388 00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:01,695 He is a germaphobe now and extremely sober. Hi, Klaus. 389 00:22:02,554 --> 00:22:03,612 Benjamin! 390 00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:04,781 Klaus. 391 00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:06,867 Wha... When did you get out? 392 00:22:06,868 --> 00:22:07,908 About an hour ago, 393 00:22:07,909 --> 00:22:11,371 but I'm strongly considering robbing a bank to get back in. 394 00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:15,041 Yeah, but just give me a second. 395 00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:18,295 Okay. Hey, let go of her! Sorry, excuse me. Hey. 396 00:22:18,879 --> 00:22:20,672 What are you doing? Just string it up. 397 00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:23,133 You said you were on the west side this morning? 398 00:22:23,216 --> 00:22:26,720 Yeah. I dropped off the kids, and I picked up the piñata. So what? 399 00:22:26,803 --> 00:22:28,430 So this is an east side piñata. 400 00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:29,514 Excuse me? 401 00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:31,433 This is clearly an east side piñata. 402 00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:33,435 Check out the craftsmanship, the fringe. 403 00:22:33,518 --> 00:22:36,897 Okay, listen, we needed a piñata, so I got a piñata. 404 00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:40,942 And right now, we need more soda, so please, can you hurry up? 405 00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:43,820 Where were you this morning? 406 00:22:45,072 --> 00:22:47,115 Fine. I'll get it myself. 407 00:22:48,408 --> 00:22:50,744 Yeah? All right. I'll go get her. 408 00:22:53,413 --> 00:22:55,457 Bye, Donnie. Bye, Zack. 409 00:23:21,024 --> 00:23:22,901 Oh, oh, sorry. I was... 410 00:23:22,984 --> 00:23:25,195 As you were. I just need a minute. 411 00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:29,574 Tell me it gets better when they're older. 412 00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:32,953 Tell me it gets easier. 413 00:23:36,373 --> 00:23:38,250 - Once they hit puberty... - Give me that. 414 00:23:52,514 --> 00:23:53,514 That's better. 415 00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:05,444 You coming in, or you just gonna linger out here like a total psycho? 416 00:24:05,527 --> 00:24:06,778 I can't. I can't. 417 00:24:06,862 --> 00:24:08,530 Mmm. Mm-hmm. 418 00:24:09,489 --> 00:24:11,616 - You can. - No. Nobody wants me in there. 419 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,494 Nobody cares anymore. 420 00:24:15,078 --> 00:24:16,078 I don't. 421 00:24:16,538 --> 00:24:18,123 It would be so awkward. 422 00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:21,418 - They're over it. Let's go. - No, Lila... 423 00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:23,503 Give me my... Hey! Give me my keys! 424 00:24:23,587 --> 00:24:24,588 Chop-chop. 425 00:24:26,256 --> 00:24:27,257 Come on! 426 00:24:27,757 --> 00:24:28,800 Li... 427 00:24:31,553 --> 00:24:34,222 Lila! Gimme my keys! Please don't make me go in there. 428 00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:35,724 Allison, listen to me. 429 00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:38,268 - No... Nobody likes me here. - You're being dramatic. 430 00:24:38,351 --> 00:24:40,103 I'm telling you, nobody wants me here. 431 00:24:40,187 --> 00:24:42,856 - Please. You don't understand. - Trust me, you're fine. 432 00:24:46,109 --> 00:24:48,278 Lila, I'm too stoned for this. 433 00:24:49,654 --> 00:24:50,780 This was a mistake. 434 00:24:51,656 --> 00:24:55,535 You're right. This is incredibly awkward. 435 00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:57,287 Uh... 436 00:24:57,996 --> 00:24:59,289 Hey, uh, Allison! 437 00:25:01,541 --> 00:25:04,294 Uh... Uh... 438 00:25:04,377 --> 00:25:05,377 Hey! 439 00:25:05,962 --> 00:25:07,464 So glad you made it. 440 00:25:07,964 --> 00:25:08,964 Just... 441 00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:11,927 thought I'd pop in and say hello. 442 00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:14,012 - Hello. - Yeah. 443 00:25:14,721 --> 00:25:15,721 Great. 444 00:25:17,432 --> 00:25:19,601 It's, uh, been a minute, huh? 445 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:21,520 Since we've... 446 00:25:22,479 --> 00:25:23,479 Yeah. 447 00:25:25,148 --> 00:25:27,067 Yeah. Um... 448 00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:29,819 Is Viktor here? 449 00:25:29,903 --> 00:25:34,324 No, no. He's not here yet, but, uh, he said he was coming, so... 450 00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:36,033 Yeah. 451 00:25:37,244 --> 00:25:38,453 Okay, see you later. 452 00:25:44,626 --> 00:25:47,837 I mean, you do the job, even though it's killing you, 453 00:25:47,921 --> 00:25:51,633 and the kids, they suck whatever energy you have left. 454 00:25:51,716 --> 00:25:52,717 Mmm. 455 00:25:53,426 --> 00:25:54,844 And the in-laws, I mean... 456 00:25:56,471 --> 00:25:58,473 I'm glad they're alive in this timeline, 457 00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:01,935 but that don't mean I want them living in my house. 458 00:26:05,146 --> 00:26:06,481 And then there's Lila. 459 00:26:09,609 --> 00:26:10,609 You know, 460 00:26:11,486 --> 00:26:14,698 she told me she couldn't get pregnant while breastfeeding. 461 00:26:16,449 --> 00:26:18,785 You can, by the way. 462 00:26:26,543 --> 00:26:28,503 Diego, come on, man. 463 00:26:30,338 --> 00:26:32,632 Some people would kill to have what you have. 464 00:26:33,133 --> 00:26:35,218 You know? I mean... 465 00:26:38,138 --> 00:26:40,640 I know Sloane and I would have killed to have this. 466 00:26:43,852 --> 00:26:44,853 Shit. 467 00:26:49,649 --> 00:26:50,650 You're right. 468 00:26:51,484 --> 00:26:52,485 I'm sorry. 469 00:27:18,178 --> 00:27:19,178 Viktor. 470 00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:24,351 - Who are you? - Uh... 471 00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:27,854 I need you to get in the van. 472 00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:35,028 If my father has something to say to me, he can come say it himself. 473 00:27:35,612 --> 00:27:37,030 Please. 474 00:27:37,530 --> 00:27:38,865 I don't wanna hurt you. 475 00:27:40,700 --> 00:27:42,410 I'd really like to see you try. 476 00:27:43,536 --> 00:27:46,331 I just... I really need you to get in that van. 477 00:27:55,882 --> 00:27:57,550 Diego, where's the cake? 478 00:27:57,634 --> 00:28:00,011 You said piñata before cake. 479 00:28:00,095 --> 00:28:02,514 That was like two hours ago! 480 00:28:02,597 --> 00:28:05,225 Can we get this show on the road? I have book club tonight. 481 00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:09,396 One, two, three... 482 00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:10,522 Yeah, Grace! 483 00:28:10,605 --> 00:28:13,692 ... four, five, six. 484 00:28:13,775 --> 00:28:14,775 Now go! 485 00:28:20,156 --> 00:28:21,950 - Harder! - A little more. 486 00:28:22,033 --> 00:28:23,034 All right. 487 00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:27,038 All right. That's enough. Good job. 488 00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:28,373 - Good effort. - Good job. 489 00:28:28,456 --> 00:28:29,708 Come here, birthday girl. 490 00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:32,126 Yes. 491 00:28:33,628 --> 00:28:34,629 Oh! 492 00:28:37,215 --> 00:28:39,300 Wow. They really can't break that thing, huh? 493 00:28:40,343 --> 00:28:43,263 East side piñatas are notorious for their difficulty. 494 00:28:45,056 --> 00:28:46,558 Screw this. I'm starving. 495 00:28:49,102 --> 00:28:51,855 Out of the way, kid! I'll hit you, son of a bitch. 496 00:28:53,481 --> 00:28:54,481 Oh! 497 00:28:55,150 --> 00:28:56,651 Come on! 498 00:29:01,197 --> 00:29:02,699 What the... What... 499 00:29:02,782 --> 00:29:05,243 All right, you asked for it! 500 00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:26,306 - It's okay, sweetie. - My cake! 501 00:29:27,348 --> 00:29:28,683 What is wrong with you? 502 00:29:30,393 --> 00:29:31,394 I got it open. 503 00:29:34,647 --> 00:29:38,276 All right, just be cool, Jerome. Anybody asks, you're with me. 504 00:29:41,237 --> 00:29:43,740 It's always so good to see you, Diane. 505 00:29:51,039 --> 00:29:53,124 These are the real Keepers. 506 00:29:53,208 --> 00:29:54,334 Best of the best. 507 00:29:55,668 --> 00:29:56,668 Oh, hey, Renee. 508 00:29:57,337 --> 00:29:58,630 People are talking. 509 00:29:58,713 --> 00:30:00,840 I'd love to know what you think. 510 00:30:03,218 --> 00:30:04,260 Excuse me, Larry. 511 00:30:06,137 --> 00:30:09,265 You know Hilary. She used to know every single thing. 512 00:30:09,349 --> 00:30:10,975 So this is book club? 513 00:30:14,103 --> 00:30:16,064 Will you excuse me just a second? 514 00:30:17,398 --> 00:30:19,692 You blow my cover, I'll rip your balls off. 515 00:30:19,776 --> 00:30:21,152 You're gonna blow my cover. 516 00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:22,262 Nice mustache, by the way. 517 00:30:22,263 --> 00:30:24,697 What are you supposed to be? A Greek serial killer? 518 00:30:24,781 --> 00:30:28,243 I'll have you know this is top-of-the-line horse hair. 519 00:30:28,326 --> 00:30:32,247 The real question is, what are you doing here, "Nancy"? 520 00:30:33,331 --> 00:30:36,251 Let's just say the transition from full-time assassin 521 00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:38,150 to full-time caregiver to 3 small children 522 00:30:38,151 --> 00:30:40,296 and one chunky husband is no picnic. 523 00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:42,632 I needed to get outside the house. 524 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,635 I saw a sign and took a chance. 525 00:30:46,135 --> 00:30:47,554 It's cheaper than therapy. 526 00:30:48,763 --> 00:30:51,641 But you know, these losers might be onto something. 527 00:30:51,724 --> 00:30:56,062 If everyone can take their seats, the presentation's about to begin. 528 00:30:57,814 --> 00:30:58,857 Come on. 529 00:31:08,241 --> 00:31:09,242 Who are they? 530 00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:12,495 You never heard of Gene and Jean? Sure you're part of the right CIA? 531 00:31:12,579 --> 00:31:14,831 - Just spit it out. - Okay! 532 00:31:15,957 --> 00:31:20,503 Gene and Jean started the first chapter in Clovis, New Mexico. 533 00:31:20,587 --> 00:31:23,506 Since then, the movement has been everywhere. 534 00:31:26,175 --> 00:31:27,175 Wow. 535 00:31:27,510 --> 00:31:28,678 Wowie! 536 00:31:29,387 --> 00:31:31,890 I mean, holy shit! 537 00:31:33,516 --> 00:31:38,021 Pardon my French, but look at all these beautiful shining faces. 538 00:31:38,104 --> 00:31:39,731 It is too much. 539 00:31:39,814 --> 00:31:41,774 Thank you for being here. 540 00:31:42,358 --> 00:31:48,114 We have a big night planned, because tonight, we will be discussing... 541 00:31:50,950 --> 00:31:52,744 "The Umbrella Effect," 542 00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:55,788 and how I believe 543 00:31:56,623 --> 00:31:59,751 we can return to a restored... 544 00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:04,339 and correct timeline. 545 00:32:07,926 --> 00:32:13,222 Now, what do we mean when we talk about the Umbrella Effect? 546 00:32:13,306 --> 00:32:14,306 Well, 547 00:32:15,350 --> 00:32:21,147 some people refer to it as "timeline sickness." 548 00:32:24,734 --> 00:32:27,946 These artifacts from other timelines... 549 00:32:31,199 --> 00:32:36,955 Like the shared memories so many of us have experienced, huh? 550 00:32:37,038 --> 00:32:38,331 Yup. 551 00:32:38,414 --> 00:32:42,627 Memories the powers that be would have you believe 552 00:32:42,710 --> 00:32:46,798 are just figments of our imaginations. 553 00:32:48,508 --> 00:32:53,096 A dapper dandy holding an umbrella, standing on the grassy knoll. 554 00:32:54,138 --> 00:32:58,267 An obscure sex cult called "Destiny's Children." 555 00:32:59,394 --> 00:33:03,564 A litter of child superheroes in short pants, 556 00:33:03,648 --> 00:33:07,110 from which we derive the name of this phenomenon, 557 00:33:07,193 --> 00:33:09,362 the Umbrella Effect. 558 00:33:11,322 --> 00:33:12,322 Question is... 559 00:33:14,867 --> 00:33:17,203 who benefits from covering this up? 560 00:33:20,081 --> 00:33:23,167 The elites, of course. 561 00:33:24,585 --> 00:33:29,215 The ruling class has always been threatened by the truth. 562 00:33:30,341 --> 00:33:33,344 But they cannot stop the truth, now, can they? 563 00:33:35,096 --> 00:33:37,265 No, I didn't think so. 564 00:33:38,141 --> 00:33:41,602 These artifacts are proof 565 00:33:42,645 --> 00:33:45,064 that we're living in the wrong timelines. 566 00:33:46,065 --> 00:33:47,066 And they're the key 567 00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:50,695 to bringing about 568 00:33:52,572 --> 00:33:53,865 the Cleanse. 569 00:33:56,242 --> 00:33:57,577 What the hell is the Cleanse? 570 00:33:57,660 --> 00:33:59,704 No idea, but shut your mouth. 571 00:33:59,787 --> 00:34:01,539 Your whisper is very high-pitched. 572 00:34:01,622 --> 00:34:03,249 Don't blow our covers. 573 00:34:03,750 --> 00:34:04,751 You're gonna. 574 00:34:04,834 --> 00:34:06,377 Is there a problem back there? 575 00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:07,462 Shit. 576 00:34:08,629 --> 00:34:09,797 I'm sorry. 577 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:13,384 Could you little Chatty Cathys stand up, please? 578 00:34:13,468 --> 00:34:15,178 - Don't... - I don't... 579 00:34:15,261 --> 00:34:17,472 Can't really see your pretty little faces. 580 00:34:20,099 --> 00:34:23,352 Oh, Papa, it's Nancy. 581 00:34:24,103 --> 00:34:25,396 Hi, everyone. 582 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:28,357 And who's your little friend? I don't believe we've met. 583 00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:31,694 - This is my handsome fella... - Jerome. 584 00:34:31,695 --> 00:34:32,736 Jerome. 585 00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:34,530 From the Orlando branch. 586 00:34:34,614 --> 00:34:35,740 Mmm. 587 00:34:36,365 --> 00:34:39,035 Jerome from the Orlando branch. 588 00:34:39,118 --> 00:34:42,663 Looks like your suntan could use a little work there, Jerome. 589 00:34:47,251 --> 00:34:49,545 Maybe there's something we could help clarify, 590 00:34:49,629 --> 00:34:52,423 Jerome from the Orlando branch. 591 00:34:53,007 --> 00:34:54,133 No, so, um, sorry... 592 00:34:54,217 --> 00:34:58,012 We were hoping maybe you could elaborate on the concept of the Cleanse. 593 00:35:00,556 --> 00:35:02,517 Some believe it's the end. 594 00:35:07,814 --> 00:35:11,818 Others believe it's but a great restoration. 595 00:35:12,527 --> 00:35:14,070 What do you believe? 596 00:35:15,404 --> 00:35:18,324 Well, you're in luck, 597 00:35:18,407 --> 00:35:24,664 because we are preparing a very special lecture on just this topic. 598 00:35:25,289 --> 00:35:27,375 Aren't we, darling? 599 00:35:28,209 --> 00:35:29,585 That's right, darling. 600 00:35:30,545 --> 00:35:32,880 If you're interested, give us your information. 601 00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:34,507 Address, phone number. 602 00:35:36,175 --> 00:35:38,344 We'll make sure to send you an invitation. 603 00:35:39,554 --> 00:35:40,555 Both of you. 604 00:35:43,349 --> 00:35:44,350 Thank you both. 605 00:35:45,893 --> 00:35:47,436 So sorry about that. 606 00:35:51,524 --> 00:35:54,777 Look, if these artifacts are from different timelines, 607 00:35:54,861 --> 00:35:56,112 and now they're showing up... 608 00:35:56,195 --> 00:35:59,073 It's possible the old man's reset didn't take. 609 00:35:59,157 --> 00:36:00,825 What does that even mean? 610 00:36:00,908 --> 00:36:02,160 I have no idea. 611 00:36:03,286 --> 00:36:06,789 Look, whatever this is, don't say anything to the family just yet. 612 00:36:06,873 --> 00:36:08,833 All right? Not even Diego. 613 00:36:08,916 --> 00:36:11,544 Absolutely not. He thinks I'm at book club. 614 00:36:13,254 --> 00:36:15,131 It's just easier that way. 615 00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:18,885 All right. Well, it's a good thing I never got married. 616 00:36:18,968 --> 00:36:20,636 Too much deception involved. 617 00:36:21,387 --> 00:36:22,387 Wow. 618 00:36:23,723 --> 00:36:26,976 Didn't your dad teach any of you Hargreeves men how to eat? 619 00:36:28,102 --> 00:36:29,145 Wait, no, come here. 620 00:36:40,823 --> 00:36:43,034 Book club, my ass. 621 00:36:53,127 --> 00:36:54,754 Welcome home, brother. 622 00:36:55,588 --> 00:36:56,588 Welcome home. 623 00:36:58,257 --> 00:36:59,884 What the hell, dude? 624 00:37:00,468 --> 00:37:02,637 You're squatting in some condemned building. 625 00:37:03,137 --> 00:37:04,722 Condemned? What? 626 00:37:05,932 --> 00:37:08,809 Well, yeah, it's a touch run-down, I'll give you that, 627 00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:11,604 but come on, I've put a lot of work into this place. 628 00:37:12,939 --> 00:37:14,482 Not sure I'm seeing it. 629 00:37:16,525 --> 00:37:18,236 Come on, I'll show you around. 630 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:23,074 I, uh... I read a lot of DIY books, which is tough at first, 631 00:37:23,157 --> 00:37:25,117 but you kinda get a knack for it, you know? 632 00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:27,161 Check it out. 633 00:37:30,665 --> 00:37:32,250 Ah, let's get a fire going. 634 00:37:35,586 --> 00:37:36,587 Oh, uh... 635 00:37:37,463 --> 00:37:40,925 You should avoid using the toilets on the second floor. 636 00:37:50,351 --> 00:37:51,978 Looks like you got mail. 637 00:37:51,979 --> 00:37:52,979 Huh? 638 00:37:52,980 --> 00:37:55,356 Probably the city condemning this shithole. 639 00:37:55,856 --> 00:37:58,609 No, no, no, no. They stick those to the front door. 640 00:37:59,819 --> 00:38:00,819 What's this? 641 00:38:10,204 --> 00:38:11,706 We gotta call the others. 642 00:38:12,206 --> 00:38:14,792 Okay, Luther, we're here. What is it? 643 00:38:14,875 --> 00:38:17,920 It says, "Your brother Viktor has been kidnapped." 644 00:38:18,004 --> 00:38:21,257 "Follow my exact instructions, and no harm will come to him." 645 00:38:23,718 --> 00:38:26,554 All right. Any idea on who might be behind this? 646 00:38:26,637 --> 00:38:29,140 - My money's on you-know-who. - Dad? Come on. 647 00:38:29,223 --> 00:38:33,060 Dad didn't kidnap Viktor. He doesn't give a shit about us. 648 00:38:33,144 --> 00:38:35,771 It just really hurts when family stabs you in the back. 649 00:38:37,481 --> 00:38:39,150 Five, can't you just call your CIA buddies? 650 00:38:39,233 --> 00:38:42,190 Well, the CIA doesn't investigate kidnappings. 651 00:38:42,191 --> 00:38:43,790 - That's the FBI. - Wait. Hey, hey, no. 652 00:38:43,791 --> 00:38:46,282 We don't need anyone. We can handle this. 653 00:38:46,365 --> 00:38:47,491 Yeah. 654 00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:49,577 We're not exactly a team anymore, Diego. 655 00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:50,660 Or ever were. 656 00:38:51,078 --> 00:38:53,331 Then there's the whole "no powers" thing. 657 00:38:53,414 --> 00:38:56,876 No. I don't care. If Viktor's in trouble, I'm in, right? 658 00:38:59,503 --> 00:39:01,505 What are you looking at me for? I'm not your mother. 659 00:39:01,589 --> 00:39:02,965 - I'm in. What? - Good luck. 660 00:39:03,049 --> 00:39:05,384 You can't even run up stairs without getting a coronary. 661 00:39:05,468 --> 00:39:06,969 I'm in the best shape of my life. 662 00:39:07,053 --> 00:39:09,347 Jesus. Okay, anyway, now what? 663 00:39:09,430 --> 00:39:14,268 It says we're supposed to meet at Sy's Dry Cleaning on 5th Avenue. 664 00:39:15,227 --> 00:39:16,687 Perfect. Let's roll. 665 00:39:16,771 --> 00:39:17,813 Yeah! 666 00:39:17,814 --> 00:39:18,855 What? 667 00:39:32,203 --> 00:39:34,330 Stay behind Five. He's got the gun. 668 00:39:54,975 --> 00:39:59,230 Guys! Can't you smell that? This place is a chemical wasteland. 669 00:40:12,118 --> 00:40:14,370 Hey, there he is. 670 00:40:14,453 --> 00:40:15,663 Looking good, buddy. 671 00:40:15,746 --> 00:40:17,456 Thank God! What's up, Vik? 672 00:40:18,958 --> 00:40:20,709 Couldn't make it to your niece's birthday? 673 00:40:21,210 --> 00:40:24,713 Well, I was on the way, and then I got kidnapped, so... 674 00:40:24,797 --> 00:40:25,881 Yeah, nice excuse. 675 00:40:25,965 --> 00:40:27,216 Diego. 676 00:40:27,299 --> 00:40:28,926 Do you guys wanna untie me, or... 677 00:40:29,009 --> 00:40:30,094 Oh, yeah, sure. 678 00:40:31,554 --> 00:40:33,973 Who grabbed you? Was it Hargreeves and his goons? 679 00:40:34,056 --> 00:40:35,850 No way. This is amateur hour. 680 00:40:37,143 --> 00:40:40,020 I apologize if my methods are a little crude, 681 00:40:40,104 --> 00:40:42,690 but this is my first kidnapping. 682 00:40:42,773 --> 00:40:44,442 And hopefully, my last. 683 00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:47,111 But I need your help. 684 00:40:47,194 --> 00:40:49,864 Well, kidnapping our brother and pointing a gun at us 685 00:40:49,947 --> 00:40:51,782 isn't gonna buy you much goodwill. 686 00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:56,871 It was the only way I could make sure that you came here. All of you. 687 00:40:57,371 --> 00:41:00,708 I couldn't leave anything to chance. Especially when it comes to... 688 00:41:02,877 --> 00:41:04,128 the Umbrella Academy. 689 00:41:04,211 --> 00:41:06,797 No one's called us that in six years. 690 00:41:08,966 --> 00:41:11,677 Sorry, pal. The Umbrella Academy doesn't exist. 691 00:41:12,678 --> 00:41:13,679 Um... 692 00:41:13,762 --> 00:41:14,972 Okay, but... 693 00:41:16,223 --> 00:41:18,726 Okay, but... Just... 694 00:41:20,644 --> 00:41:22,688 Can... Can you explain this, then? 695 00:41:27,193 --> 00:41:29,028 Umbrella Academy saves what? 696 00:41:29,528 --> 00:41:32,990 When the hell did we save the Eiffel Tower? 697 00:41:33,073 --> 00:41:34,408 Where did you get that? 698 00:41:34,492 --> 00:41:37,661 It was in this box of things in the trunk of my daughter's car. 699 00:41:37,745 --> 00:41:38,746 Her name's Jennifer. 700 00:41:38,829 --> 00:41:41,081 - Where did she get that? - I don't know. 701 00:41:41,165 --> 00:41:42,249 But, okay, listen. 702 00:41:42,333 --> 00:41:43,876 So, about a year ago, 703 00:41:43,959 --> 00:41:46,253 she met these new friends, 704 00:41:46,337 --> 00:41:49,673 and, uh, they started going to these strange meetings. 705 00:41:49,757 --> 00:41:50,815 They're very strange people. 706 00:41:50,816 --> 00:41:53,344 They call themselves the Keepers, and, uh... 707 00:41:53,928 --> 00:41:55,513 And then, over time, 708 00:41:55,596 --> 00:41:58,224 she stopped talking to me. 709 00:41:58,307 --> 00:41:59,307 Just stopped. 710 00:41:59,308 --> 00:42:02,853 And that was about three months ago, and I haven't seen her since, 711 00:42:02,937 --> 00:42:06,565 and I believe that something terrible has happened. 712 00:42:06,649 --> 00:42:09,568 No offense. Maybe she just wants nothing to do with you. 713 00:42:10,361 --> 00:42:12,990 No, no. My daughter and I are very close. 714 00:42:12,991 --> 00:42:14,448 She would never do this to me. 715 00:42:14,532 --> 00:42:17,284 Wait, hold on. How did you find us? 716 00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:20,412 I saw you on TV. Toss N' Wash. 717 00:42:20,496 --> 00:42:23,374 Ha! See? No small parts. 718 00:42:23,874 --> 00:42:28,504 I... I've actually been watching you for quite a while now. 719 00:42:29,547 --> 00:42:30,547 Uh... 720 00:42:30,965 --> 00:42:34,802 And I'm... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I apologize. 721 00:42:35,386 --> 00:42:39,932 Uh, but, I mean, she's all that I have left, and, uh... 722 00:42:40,641 --> 00:42:42,851 What do you need us for? Call a cop. 723 00:42:42,935 --> 00:42:45,813 I did. They didn't do anything. 724 00:42:45,896 --> 00:42:47,950 We'd like to help, but we're not the same people 725 00:42:47,951 --> 00:42:49,233 in that picture anymore. 726 00:42:49,316 --> 00:42:51,777 Yeah, we don't even have powers now. 727 00:42:51,860 --> 00:42:53,195 Yeah, we're not special. 728 00:42:53,279 --> 00:42:54,947 Speak for yourself, tubby. 729 00:42:56,991 --> 00:42:58,742 Give us 24 hours. 730 00:42:58,826 --> 00:43:00,411 Five, what are you doing? 731 00:43:00,494 --> 00:43:02,955 - 24 hours. We'll find your daughter. - Yes. Thank you. 732 00:43:03,539 --> 00:43:05,874 - Guys, let's go. - What are you talking about? 733 00:43:05,958 --> 00:43:10,629 Thank you very much, Umbrella Academy. I think you're special. 734 00:43:13,949 --> 00:43:14,966 Five. 735 00:43:14,967 --> 00:43:17,094 - Come on. - What the hell was that, man? 736 00:43:17,636 --> 00:43:19,888 Hey, why are you considering helping that guy? 737 00:43:19,972 --> 00:43:21,265 - Five. - What's going on? 738 00:43:22,182 --> 00:43:23,182 Because... 739 00:43:25,769 --> 00:43:26,770 of this. 740 00:43:34,111 --> 00:43:38,574 What I'd like to know is how the daughter of some random dry cleaner 741 00:43:38,657 --> 00:43:41,368 ends up with a jar of marigold in the trunk of her car. 742 00:43:41,452 --> 00:43:44,246 How do we know that's not just a jar of glow stick juice? 743 00:43:44,330 --> 00:43:46,832 Why don't you take a sip and find out, tough guy? 744 00:43:46,915 --> 00:43:49,335 - I will if you will. - Don't even think about it. 745 00:43:49,835 --> 00:43:53,714 Okay, for the sake of discussion, let's say this is legit. 746 00:43:54,465 --> 00:43:56,300 Does anyone here want their power back? 747 00:43:56,383 --> 00:43:57,885 - No, siree, Bob. - Yeah. 748 00:43:58,594 --> 00:44:01,305 For the first time in my life, I'm sober. 749 00:44:02,348 --> 00:44:04,516 And... happy. 750 00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:08,604 But most importantly, 100% poltergeist-free. 751 00:44:09,104 --> 00:44:11,106 Free? You rarely leave the house. 752 00:44:11,190 --> 00:44:14,068 And when you do, you're wearing surgical gloves in public. 753 00:44:14,151 --> 00:44:16,028 Yeah, well, at least I'm in control. 754 00:44:16,111 --> 00:44:17,111 Showtime. 755 00:44:19,865 --> 00:44:21,367 Look at this chump. 756 00:44:22,576 --> 00:44:23,661 Angle's wrong. 757 00:44:25,245 --> 00:44:26,455 Sloppy form. 758 00:44:29,500 --> 00:44:31,377 - Good job, sir. - Nice. 759 00:44:31,460 --> 00:44:32,753 He is so good. 760 00:44:34,380 --> 00:44:36,715 Look, guys, it's a hard no for me too. 761 00:44:36,799 --> 00:44:38,550 I've got a bar to run, friends. 762 00:44:38,634 --> 00:44:39,677 Like, a real life. 763 00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:41,428 You're all nuts, all right? 764 00:44:41,512 --> 00:44:43,806 We should be mainlining this shit right now. 765 00:44:44,973 --> 00:44:47,810 Look, come on, big guy. I know you want it. 766 00:44:47,893 --> 00:44:50,062 Wait! I mean, that's a tough one. 767 00:44:50,145 --> 00:44:52,856 Come on. You don't need that, Luther. 768 00:44:52,940 --> 00:44:54,817 Your life is fantastic. 769 00:44:54,900 --> 00:44:58,862 I don't know about fantastic, but you know, I'm... I'm managing. 770 00:44:58,946 --> 00:45:01,031 Is that where the bar is set these days? 771 00:45:01,782 --> 00:45:02,991 Managing? 772 00:45:03,075 --> 00:45:05,577 I'll do whatever the group decides. How's that? 773 00:45:05,661 --> 00:45:07,246 Yeah, I'm with Luther. 774 00:45:08,247 --> 00:45:09,581 Majority rules. 775 00:45:10,124 --> 00:45:11,417 Yeah, right. 776 00:45:11,500 --> 00:45:15,379 You're not actually considering this, are you? 777 00:45:17,631 --> 00:45:19,049 No. 778 00:45:20,342 --> 00:45:23,011 No, my life is great. I have everything I need. 779 00:45:23,095 --> 00:45:24,972 Yup. Me too. 780 00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:27,390 Same. 781 00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:30,686 All right, then. Motion fails. We don't drink the mystery juice. 782 00:45:30,769 --> 00:45:32,062 So we don't get our powers back. 783 00:45:32,146 --> 00:45:33,355 Thank God! 784 00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:38,777 I tried. You're all morons. 785 00:45:38,861 --> 00:45:40,195 Hey! Where are you going? 786 00:45:40,279 --> 00:45:42,573 To take a piss! Is that okay, Luther? 787 00:45:42,656 --> 00:45:45,826 Or do you need to run that by my parole officer too? 788 00:45:45,909 --> 00:45:48,120 Oh shit! I was supposed to call him at 6:00! 789 00:45:51,707 --> 00:45:54,126 - Is that what I think it is? - Yeah, it is! 790 00:45:54,835 --> 00:45:57,880 - That's disgusting. - All right, I gotta hit the road. 791 00:45:57,963 --> 00:45:59,047 No, so soon? 792 00:45:59,131 --> 00:46:00,716 Come on, Vik! Stay a bit longer! 793 00:46:00,799 --> 00:46:02,342 No, wait! Stay, man! 794 00:46:02,426 --> 00:46:04,636 It's just such a long drive. So, yeah. 795 00:46:04,720 --> 00:46:06,889 I should go too. I've got an audition tomorrow. 796 00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:13,312 Like a big, important audition, and we have to boot camp the lines! 797 00:46:13,395 --> 00:46:15,647 You've gotta drive the kids to the dentist at 7:00 a.m. 798 00:46:15,731 --> 00:46:18,901 Why you gotta make it so early again? 799 00:46:18,984 --> 00:46:20,569 Because they have school at 8:00. 800 00:46:20,652 --> 00:46:23,447 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey! Where's everyone going? 801 00:46:23,530 --> 00:46:25,949 We haven't even gotten to the steak yet! 802 00:46:26,033 --> 00:46:27,451 - Party's over. - No! No! 803 00:46:27,534 --> 00:46:30,579 Okay. One last shot, on me. 804 00:46:30,662 --> 00:46:32,080 For old time's sake. 805 00:46:32,623 --> 00:46:33,623 Please! 806 00:46:34,374 --> 00:46:35,834 - Klaus! - No! 807 00:46:35,918 --> 00:46:38,212 - Ignore him! - Come on. He doesn't drink. 808 00:46:38,295 --> 00:46:39,838 Sake doesn't count. 809 00:46:39,922 --> 00:46:41,590 - Exactly. - It doesn't? 810 00:46:41,673 --> 00:46:43,884 - Hey. Dude's sober. - Thank you. 811 00:46:47,262 --> 00:46:48,514 Okay, then. 812 00:46:48,597 --> 00:46:52,059 Here's to the nonexistent Umbrella Academy! 813 00:46:52,643 --> 00:46:53,769 Kanpai! 814 00:46:53,852 --> 00:46:54,853 Kanpai! 815 00:46:58,899 --> 00:46:59,899 Thank you! 816 00:47:07,491 --> 00:47:08,575 Hey! You comin'? 817 00:47:09,910 --> 00:47:11,540 I'm gonna savor my last minutes of freedom 818 00:47:11,541 --> 00:47:13,789 and finish this shrimp, if you don't mind. 819 00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:16,750 What about curfew? 820 00:47:17,501 --> 00:47:21,463 Relax, Captain Tight-ass. I'll meet you back at your shithole later. 821 00:47:23,215 --> 00:47:24,508 Captain Tight-ass? 822 00:47:44,319 --> 00:47:46,697 See ya on the other side, fuckfaces. 823 00:47:54,496 --> 00:47:56,999 ♪ You and me, baby ♪ ♪ Ain't nothing but mammals ♪ 824 00:47:57,082 --> 00:48:01,003 ♪ So let's do it like they do ♪ ♪ On the Discovery Channel ♪ 825 00:48:01,004 --> 00:48:02,004 ♪ Do it again now ♪ 826 00:48:02,005 --> 00:48:04,798 ♪ You and me, baby ♪ ♪ Ain't nothing but mammals ♪ 827 00:48:04,882 --> 00:48:08,802 ♪ So let's do it like they do ♪ ♪ On the Discovery Channel ♪ 828 00:48:08,886 --> 00:48:11,805 ♪ Getting horny now ♪ 829 00:48:11,806 --> 00:48:16,806 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 830 00:48:40,918 --> 00:48:44,254 ♪ Love, the kind you clean up ♪ ♪ With a mop and bucket ♪ 831 00:48:44,338 --> 00:48:47,966 ♪ Like the lost catacombs of Egypt ♪ ♪ Only God knows where we stuck it ♪ 832 00:48:48,050 --> 00:48:49,092 ♪ Hieroglyphics ♪ 833 00:48:49,176 --> 00:48:51,929 ♪ Let me be Pacific ♪ ♪ I wanna be down in your South Seas ♪ 834 00:48:52,012 --> 00:48:54,097 ♪ But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean ♪ 835 00:48:54,181 --> 00:48:55,724 ♪ Means small craft advisory ♪ 836 00:48:55,807 --> 00:48:59,603 ♪ So if I capsize on your thighs ♪ ♪ High tide, B-5, you sunk my battleship ♪ 837 00:48:59,686 --> 00:49:03,315 ♪ Please turn me on ♪ ♪ I'm Mr. Coffee with an automatic drip ♪ 838 00:49:03,398 --> 00:49:05,400 ♪ So show me yours, I'll show you mine ♪ 839 00:49:05,484 --> 00:49:07,611 ♪ Tool time ♪ ♪ You'll Lovett just like Lyle ♪ 840 00:49:07,694 --> 00:49:09,404 ♪ And then we'll do it doggy style 841 00:49:09,488 --> 00:49:12,074 - ♪ So we can both watch X-Files ♪ - ♪ Do it now ♪ 842 00:49:12,157 --> 00:49:15,035 ♪ You and me, baby ♪ ♪ Ain't nothing but mammals ♪ 843 00:49:15,118 --> 00:49:18,956 ♪ So let's do it like they do ♪ ♪ On the Discovery Channel ♪ 844 00:49:18,957 --> 00:49:19,997 ♪ Do it again now ♪ 845 00:49:19,998 --> 00:49:22,834 ♪ You and me, baby ♪ ♪ Ain't nothing but mammals ♪ 846 00:49:22,918 --> 00:49:26,922 ♪ So let's do it like they do ♪ ♪ On the Discovery Channel ♪ 847 00:49:27,005 --> 00:49:29,508 ♪ Getting horny now ♪ 848 00:49:43,397 --> 00:49:46,233 ♪ You and me, baby ♪ ♪ Ain't nothing but mammals ♪ 849 00:49:46,316 --> 00:49:50,237 ♪ So let's do it like they do ♪ ♪ On the Discovery Channel ♪ 850 00:49:50,238 --> 00:49:51,238 ♪ Do it again now ♪ 851 00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:54,074 ♪ You and me, baby ♪ ♪ Ain't nothing but mammals ♪ 852 00:49:54,157 --> 00:49:58,203 ♪ So let's do it like they do ♪ ♪ On the Discovery Channel ♪ 853 00:49:59,037 --> 00:50:01,832 ♪ You and me, baby ♪ ♪ Ain't nothing but mammals ♪ 854 00:50:01,915 --> 00:50:05,711 ♪ So let's do it like they do ♪ ♪ On the Discovery Channel ♪ 855 00:50:05,794 --> 00:50:06,794 ♪ Do it again now ♪ 856 00:50:06,837 --> 00:50:09,673 ♪ You and me, baby ♪ ♪ Ain't nothing but mammals ♪ 857 00:50:09,756 --> 00:50:13,593 ♪ So let's do it like they do ♪ ♪ On the Discovery Channel ♪ 858 00:50:13,677 --> 00:50:16,471 ♪ Getting horny now ♪ 63177

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