Original subtitles

- Can you believe it's the first day

of our last year of college?

It's gonna be a great year.

- How could it not be?

You girls are lucky enough to have the two biggest studs

on campus as your boyfriends.

- Yeah. - Lucky?

You guys are the lucky ones that you have

the two hottest chicks from the coolest sorority

to even pay attention to you.

- Well, yeah, I guess so.

- Boys, go sit down.

Heidi and I have some girl talk to do.

- Girl talk.

- Okay, so remember, this first week is pledge week,

and at the end of the week we vote

for president of the sorority.

- Which you'll win again.

- Naturally.

- Well, why wouldn't you?

You've been president of the sorority

for the past seven years.

- Right.

Okay, so anyway, we're going to try something new this year.

We are going to try and find the biggest losers

on campus and pledge them to Gamma Phi.

- Ooh, that's wicked.

- I know.

Can you imagine how much fun we'll have hazing

some nerdy wannabes?

It'll be great.

They'll never make it, of course.

- Oh, and I think we found two potential victims.

- Here we are, Anita, our last year in college.

We gotta make our move this year.

We're not gonna have another chance.

- Well, what do you suggest we do?

We've been here for three years and nobody notices us.

- I don't know. It's gotta be big.

- Move on, everyone.

Welcome to your first day of class,

and for some of you,

the first day of your last year at university, hopefully.

Now the dean of this university has asked me

to remind you of the university's strict policy

against hazing by the fraternities and sororities on campus.

Mrs. Crimple still hasn't recovered all her undergarments

from last year.

- Yeah.

- Now that out of the way, let's get started.

This semester

we are going to be studying

asexual reproduction.

Read chapter five for next time.

We will be discussing the differences

between asexual reproduction

and just not being able to get a date on Friday night.

- Excuse me, ladies.

- You mean us?

- Of course, you silly.

My name is Bunny and this is my friend Heidi.

- Hello.

- Hi, my name's Marge and this is Anita.

- So nice to meet you.

We saw you in class today and I said to Heidi,

"Heidi," I said,

"We just have to get those girls to pledge Gamma Phi

before some other sorority snatches them up."

Didn't I, Heidi? - Sure did.

- Gosh.

- Oh, don't tell us some other sorority

has already gotten your pledge.

- Oh, no, no.

- Good.

We'll expect you over at the sorority house

this afternoon to discuss it.

Say around 4:00pm?

Here's the address.

- Thanks.

- Groovy.

We're going to have so much fun this year.

I just know we'll be besties in no time.

- Okay, Bunny. Enough chitchat.

You and I have an appointment, remember?

- Right.

Okay girls, see you this afternoon.

- So when can we schedule our next appointment?

- There'll be plenty of time for that, babe.

You've gotta get going.

The pledges are on their way over.

- You mean those two dorky girls from class today?

You're pledging them?

- Carl, just let me have a little fun, okay?

- Oh, I get it.

Bye, babe.

You have fun.

Oh. Well, hello, ladies.

- Uh, hi.

- You must be the new pledges. Welcome.

- Thank you.

- Well, enjoy ladies.

I'm sure you'll have a great time.

What a hunk of man he is!

- Just think, if we join the sorority,

we could have boyfriends like that.

- You really think?

- Girls, I see you're right on time.

We like punctuality in our pledges.

- Thank you. We're really excited to be here.

- We just can't figure out why you didn't even want-

- Oh, don't be silly.

Why, the moment Heidi and I saw you,

we just knew you were the perfect pledges for this year.

- Thank you.

- Now let's join the others in here.

Ladies, welcome to the first day

of rush week at Gamma Phi.

I'd like to introduce you to Marge and Anita.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- I'm sure you'll all agree that these two ladies

are the perfect pleasures for us this year.

Now girls, tell us what qualifications you have

to be Gamma Phi sisters.

Marge, you first.

- Oh, gosh.

Well, I'm here at the university on a science scholarship.

I have a 3.9 GPA.

I'm active in several clubs.

- Such as?

- The chemistry club, the chess club,

literature appreciation, although-

- What?

- Truth be told, I love teenage vampire novels.

They're so wicked.

- Okay, well that's fine.

And you, Anita?

- Oh, well, I have a 4.0 GPA and I'm on the Dean's List.

- I'm on the Dean's List too,

but I don't think it's the same one.

- And what kind of extracurricular activities do you do?

- Oh, I LARP. - Excuse me?

LARP, live action role play?

Oh, it's quite fun.

We get to dress up in period costumes

and we get to sword fight and all kinds of cool stuff.

It's like the Renaissance Fair on steroids.

- Well, if there were ever any doubts that you two

are the perfect pledges for this year,

I think they've been erased.

However, just being the right raw material

does not make you a Gamma Phi girl.

We have to test your worth.

- We're ready.

What do you need us to do?

- First, you have to apply for and get a job.

- No problem.

- A very special job.

- Are you sure you wanna do this?

- What choice do we have?

I mean, this was supposed to be our year, right?

- I guess.

- Excuse me, ladies.

Can I help you?

- We'd like to apply for a job.

- I see.

Well, I don't really have any waitress positions

at the moment, but thanks anyway.

- Um, excuse me?

- Yes?

- We're not looking for waitressing jobs.

- You can't be serious.

- Well.

- Do you honestly think you have what it takes to do that?

No?

- Enough play time, ladies.

I got work to do.

- What do we do now?

- Maybe we'll try a different club.

- I don't know, Marge.

I mean, why are we even doing this?

We don't even like those girls.

Why would we wanna be one of them?

- Are you kidding me?

They're the most popular girls in school.

You get invited to all the best parties.

They have all the cute boyfriends.

Don't you want a cute boyfriend?

- I guess.

- Okay. We'll just have to find a way to make it happen.

Look, a shooting star!

- Wow!

What are you doing? - I'm making a wish.

- Really? - Yeah.

If you make a wish on a shooting star, it'll come true.

You do it, too.

- What the heck just happened?

- I don't know.

- Welcome, earthlings, to my starship Polaris.

- This, this can't be good.

- Marge, this is so cool.

Actually, I don't think that that was a shooting star.

I think it was the spaceship.

- I have been observing you on your planet

for quite some time.

You wish to join the organization known as Gamma Phi,

but have been unsuccessful.

- Yeah, that's right exactly.

- I can help you.

- Marge, it's like your wish is going to come true.

- You must be certain that this is what you want.

I can only assist you this one time,

and I cannot reverse the process.

- Reverse the process?

Marge, what's the gonna do to us?

- I don't know and I don't care.

This is what we've always wanted, right?

- I guess so.

- Okay, Mr. Creepy Sounding Alien Guy. We're ready.

Okay, mission accomplished.

- I'll say.

- Excellent. Better than I even expected.

- Okay, Mr. Peeping Tommy T.

We've done what you've asked.

Now how do we get into the sorority?

- Like this.

- Whoa, Anita, look at you.

- Look at you!

- Look at us!

- The transformation is now accomplished.

You should have no trouble completing the requirements

for membership in Gamma Phi.

And remember, this transformation is permanent.

- This is fantastic.

Wait till Bunny and Heidi see us.

- Oh, we're a shoo-in now.

- Good luck, earthlings.

I have a bad feeling about this.

- So, I expect everybody's prepared for class.

Now put your books away.

We're gonna have a pop quiz.

- Oh. - Oh my God.

So whatever happened to those pledges?

Did you ever hear from them again?

- Not a word.

They probably ran home like

the frightened little girls they are.

Bruce, Bruce, look.

Look at this.

- Oh, be still my beating heart.

- Oh, that is not what I'm gonna be beating later.

- What the hell is this? - I don't know.

- Ladies, you're late.

- Oh, so sorry, professor.

It won't happen again.

- See that it doesn't.

As I said, we're, uh,

we're going to have a pop,

pop, pop, pop quiz,

and the sub-subject will be,

uh, sex, sex,

a-asexual,

asexual re-re.

I, uh.

Class dismissed.

- Ugh!

I can't believe those are the same two dorks

that we pledged.

How in the hell could this have happened?

- I don't know.

Do you think they went on one of those makeover shows?

- Don't be ridiculous.

Those girls were so pathetic, it would've taken a miracle.

- But they were super hot,

that's for sure. - Oh?

- Hey, wait a minute.

What if they complete all the tasks for the sorority

and we have no choice but to let them in?

How will we even compete with that?

- I seriously doubt they'll be able to complete

all the tasks.

- But what if they do?

- You're forgetting one thing.

It's true that if they complete all of

the rush week assignments,

we'll have no choice but to admit them to Gamma Phi.

But as president of the sorority,

I have final say on all membership issues.

- Right.

- They'll be inducted and kicked out so fast

they won't know what hit 'em.

- Oh, Bunny. You are so wicked.

- I am, aren't I?

So you really think those two girls are super hot?

- Sure.

- Oh, but not as hot as you.

- Now that's more like it.

- Hey, girl.

- Hello, sorority sister.

- Now wait just a minute. You aren't members yet.

- Yeah, but with a body like this,

it's just a matter of time, right?

- I'll say. - Heidi!

- Oh, I meant you have a long way to go.

- Bring it. We're so ready.

- Well, for starters, did you complete your last assignment?

Did you get a job at the strip club?

- No. - Not quite.

- Well then, someone is being just a little

too confident, I think.

Until you get offered a job and complete

at least one shift as a stripper,

I'm afraid you're just not Gamma Phi material.

- Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head.

We'll make it, all right. Come on, Anita.

- You know, I'm starting to think we have nothing

to worry about.

- Well, welcome to my club, ladies.

My name's Stu.

- Hi, I am Marge. - Anita.

- Well, what can I do for two fine-looking women

like yourselves this evening?

- You don't recognize us?

- Think if I met two beauties, I'd remember.

You wouldn't be looking for a job, would you?

- As a matter of fact, we are.

- And not as waitresses.

- Oh, the thought never crossed my mind.

Well, this looks like a perfect opportunity for an audition.

Okay, gentlemen, coming to the stage

we have two brand new girls ready to show you what they got.

So please have your money ready and give it up

for Marge and Anita!

- Let's do it.

- Dude, Bruce. Check it out.

That's the girls from class.

- Oh, lookin' nice.

- Would you like a private dance?

- Sure.

Boy, you sure are different from the first time I saw you.

- Yeah, I know.

What are you doing here?

Thought you were dating Bunny.

- I am dating Bunny,

but that's only because all the guys in my fraternity

only date the girls in her sorority.

- And because she's the hottest girl in school?

- Uh, used to be.

- Got that right.

- Professor Finkleman?

- Anita!

Oh, I, I, uh, didn't recognize your face.

- You bad, bad boy.

- Oh, well. Just, um.

Just don't be late for class in the morning.

- Why, is there another pop quiz?

- Yike!

- Heidi?

- Bruce.

- Oh, hey, Bunny. Where's Heidi?

- She's in her room.

Where's Carl?

- Oh, um, Carl?

- Yeah. You know, Carl, your best friend?

My boyfriend, Carl.

- Oh, right. Carl.

He's at the frat house.

- Okay, well, why didn't he come with you?

- Oh, why didn't he come with me?

- That's what I asked.

- He had to study.

- Carl study?

You can't be serious. - No, really.

- Bruce, what the hell is going on?

You know damn well Carl's never studied a day in his life.

Now come on, out with it.

- Okay, okay. Carl isn't studying.

- Okay, then where is he?

- He- - Yes?

- He's at home, sick, not feeling well.

- Let me guess. Too much to drink, right?

- Yeah, that's it. Absolutely.

- Hey, Bruce.

Where's Carl?

- Oh, not you, too.

- Apparently Carl's home with a hangover.

- You're not gonna go over there, are you?

- Are you kidding me?

When Carl has a hangover,

he's the last guy I want to be around.

- Oh, good. - Excuse me?

- I meant, yeah, he just needs to sleep it off.

Well anyway, Heidi, I'm going to go to a movie.

Do you wanna come?

- I think I might wanna stay here.

- Oh, okay.

Well, don't get into any trouble.

- You were out drinking with Carl?

- Yeah, out at a bar.

You know, the kind with all the strippers.

- Oh, yeah.

I hope you haven't had too much to drink.

- Oh no, not at all.

- 200, 300,

400 and 500.

There you go, girls. Well done.

- Thanks.

- You sure you don't wanna stay on full time?

You guys were a big hit tonight.

- Thanks, but I think that one night of shaking it

for the crowds is enough for us.

- Absolutely.

- Okay, well the offer still stands if you change your mind.

- Thanks.

First assignment complete!

The rest should be a cinch.

We're gonna be in that sorority in no time.

- I don't know, Marge.

- This again?

Anita, do you remember last year when we were both

just a couple of nothings?

Do you really wanna go back to that?

- Well, no.

But does it really have to be one or the other?

I mean, this sorority or life in loserville?

- Don't bail on me now.

This sorority is our ticket to paradise.

- Okay.

I guess you're right.

- 200, three, four, 500.

There you go.

And Stu said we were invited back anytime we want.

- Wow! Even I never got invited back.

- Hush up, Heidi.

- So when's the initiation ceremony?

- Oh, it's not that easy, I'm afraid.

- What do you mean? We completed our task.

- Yes, but that was just the first task.

You didn't think it was going to be that easy, did you?

- Well, I was kind of hoping.

- Oh no, there's lots more you have to do

before you get to be Gamma Phi sisters.

- All right, we're ready.

What's next?

- You've got to wash all our sisters' cars.

I think you missed a spot.

- All done. What's next?

- My, my. Quite the eager beaver, aren't we?

- If you say so.

- We're off to go do a little shopping on Rodeo Drive.

- Oh, that sounds like fun.

- And it will be for Heidi and me.

We are going shopping.

You'll be here. - Doing what?

- Anita, you'll be here cleaning the sorority house

in your bikini, of course.

- Of course. - What about me?

- Well, Marge, one of the most important things

we do here at the sorority is fundraising.

- What kind of fundraising?

- We often do bake sales to raise money.

- I'm not much of a cook.

- Oh, no one's asking you to cook anything.

- Get your pies. Pies for sale.

Anybody want some pie?

- Well, well. What have we got here?

- Oh, just selling pies for the cause.

Interested?

- I certainly would be interested in a piece of pie,

as long as it's yours.

- Clever.

- You know, once you're in the sorority,

you'll be eligible for me to date,

what with the fraternity rules and all.

- What about Bunny? - What about Bunny?

I told you I'm only dating her

because she's in the sorority.

- So if she wasn't in the sorority?

- Wouldn't even look twice. - Really?

- Yeah. I mean, she's hot and all,

but between you and me, she's a bit shallow, you know?

- You don't say? - Yeah.

- So what's more shallow?

A sorority princess who calls 911 when she breaks a nail,

or a guy who dates a girl just because his fraternity

tells him it's the thing to do?

Here, let me help you with those.

- Thanks.

- Wow, did you buy the whole store?

- This is just what I brought in.

The rest of it's actually in the car.

- Where's Bunny?

- Oh, she's still shopping.

No one can keep up with her. She's like a mad woman.

Once you give her that plastic and there's shoes to be had.

- Oh, wow! This is so cute.

- Do you like it?

You should try it on.

There's actually a skirt to go with it.

- Geez. You're really nice.

You're not like the other girls.

- Thanks.

But they're not all bad.

- I suppose.

- The cockroach has a unique reproductive system

in that the egg is fully developed

within the female before it is

laid.

The, uh, as I was saying, the, the,

the cock, um.

Uh, cockroach is, um.

Ah, hell.

Just read chapter 15 for the rest of the hour.

- Hey Bruce, you ever wonder why you're dating Heidi?

- Are you kidding? Have you seen her?

- Yeah, but don't you think there's gotta be

a little more to your relationship than just sex?

- Does it need to be?

- I don't know.

Just feel like we're missing out on something.

- Tonight's the night, Bunny.

- If you say so.

- It's the last night of rush week,

and we've completed all of your tasks.

After tonight, we'll be sisters forever.

- Let me tell you something, sweetheart.

Immediately after the initiation ceremony tonight

where you will be granted membership,

there will be an election for president of the sorority,

which I will win.

- As she always does. - Right.

And according to the bylaws of the sorority,

membership is subject to the discretion of the president.

- Okay.

- What that means, tweedle dumb,

is that five seconds after I'm elected,

you and your little sidekick here will be booted out

of Gamma Phi so fast your heads will spin.

- Oh, no. What are we gonna do?

- I've got an idea.

- Hello?

Hello?

- Hello, Bruce.

- Anita. So what's going on?

Why'd you have me meet you here?

- We have something very important to discuss.

- Yeah, but here?

- It's the only place we knew we wouldn't accidentally

run into Bunny and Heidi.

- And the owner let us in.

- Yeah, he kinda has a soft spot for us.

- Well, I don't know how soft it is.

- We'll talk later.

- Okay. So ladies, what's this all about?

What's so important that we have to meet at a strip club

in the middle of the day?

- Listen, Bruce.

You know that Gamma Phi's initiation ceremony is tonight?

- Yeah. So?

- So Anita and I are gonna be inducted into the sorority.

- That's great.

- You don't get it.

Bunny's gonna toss us out the minute we're in.

- What does that have to do with me?

- You know all the sorority sisters, right?

- Sure. Everyone at the frat does.

- But you're the only one that we can trust.

We need your help.

- Why should I help you?

What's in it for me?

- Whatever you want, stud. - Really?

- Absolutely. - Now we're talking.

- Ladies, welcome to the end of rush week here at Gamma Phi.

As one of the oldest and most distinguished sororities

on campus, entrance to Gamma Phi has always been

a difficult task reserved for the elite.

As is tradition,

representatives from our brother fraternity are present,

or at least one of them is.

Where's Bruce?

- Beats me.

He knows he is supposed to be here.

- Sorry I'm late, folks.

- Dude, where you been? - Business.

- Okay, now that we're all here, we can get on with it.

Marge.

Anita.

Having completed all of the rigorous requirements

for induction into our hollowed organization,

it gives me great pleasure to welcome you

to the ranks of Gamma Phi.

Don't unpack.

- Thank you so much, everyone.

You have no idea what this means to us.

- Yes, thanks.

- And now onto our next order of business

as we start a new year,

the election of sorority president.

Now I know that this is just a formality,

but it's one that must be done.

- As if there's any doubt.

- We have all voted previously this evening.

And our brother Bruce has collected the votes

from our sisters who couldn't be here tonight.

Bruce? - Right here.

- You have counted the votes? - Indeed I have.

- And the results?

- Having counted all of the votes,

I'm proud to announce the new president of Gamma Phi

is Marge!

- Thank you, I.

Wait. What?

- Marge is president?

- There must be some mistake.

- Congratulations, Marge!

- Oh, wait a minute.

This has got to be a mistake.

- No mistake. I counted the votes three times.

Seems as though your sisters thought it was time

for a change.

- I wonder why they thought that.

- I'm very persuasive.

- No, no, no.

No, I'm the president of this sorority.

- Not anymore.

Thank you, ladies.

Thank you, Bruce.

I only hope that I can live up to your expectations.

Now as my first order of duty as your president,

I understand that all members are subject to my approval?

- That's correct.

- In that case, Bunny?

- Yes?

- Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

- But, but- - Marge! Marge!

- Marge, Marge, Marge, Marge,

Marge, Marge, Marge, Marge!

- Marge, Marge, Marge!

- What the heck?

- What's going on?

- Oh, no.

- Congratulations, earthlings.

I see that you have accomplished your goal.

- Wow, it's that creepy alien dude.

- Yeah, we did. And it's because of you!

- No. - What do you mean?

You're not gonna take it away, are you?

You said it couldn't be reversed.

- There is nothing for me to take away.

- I don't understand.

- I did nothing except change your clothes

and the style of your hair and cosmetics.

- So you're saying this was just an alien makeover?

- Yes, I did nothing of substance

but allow you to build the confidence in yourselves.

Everything else was there all along.

- Wow.

- Well, wait.

If all you did was change our clothes and our makeup,

why did you make us...

- The carnal lust? - Yeah.

- Well, a guy's gotta have some fun.

- Well, thanks, I guess.

- One thing before I go.

You now have what you have always dreamed of,

but ask yourselves this.

Now that you see what you once desired for what it truly is,

do you really wish to be a part of it?

- Wait, is that what this is about?

Learning that getting what you want isn't always

as great as it seems?

- Is that what you have learned?

- Is this some kind of experiment on human desires?

- Experiment? No.

I'm just having a bit of fun.

Good luck, earthlings.

- Marge, Marge, Marge, Marge, Marge, Marge!

- Thank you.

I appreciate your support, but I've reconsidered.

Bunny, you can stay in the sorority.

- Really? - Yes.

In fact, Anita and I are leaving the sorority.

- What?

- We're gonna start our own sorority on campus,

where things like popularity and good looks

and how much money you make are unimportant.

Where it's what you have on the inside

and not what you have that matters.

Come on, Anita.

- Very well.

Since our president has quit,

perhaps a new election is in order.

I nominate me.

- Wait a minute.

Come on, Bruce.

- Heidi, what?

- Sorry, Bunny. You're on your own.

- But the sorority.

- I'm gonna go apply to their sorority,

and if I'm really lucky, they might let me join.

- Wait.

Girls?

Carl.

You too?

I can't believe this.

Guess it's time for some new shoes.

- Is that what this is about?

Learning that getting what you want isn't always

as great as it seems?

- So sorry, professor. It won't happen again.

- Carl, just let me have a little fun, okay?

- I don't know.

Do you think they went on one of those makeover shows?

- You mean those two dorky girls from class today?

You're pledging them?

- Yeah, out at a bar.

You know, the kind with all the strippers.

- It's, uh, I, I didn't recognize your face.

- I think if I met you two beauties, I'd remember.