Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

Nude women!

Nude women!

Clowns welcome!

Clowns welcome!

Nude women! Clowns welcome!

- Hey! I got three more minutes. - Un-uh. Come back tomorrow.

- I said we're closed, Bozo. - I wouldn't.

And that's "Mr. Bozo," okay?

Say, t... that's right. It ain't quite closing time yet.

Hugh...

let's not mess with me today, okay?

I'm robbing the bank.

What the hell kind of clown are you?

The crying-on-the-inside kind, I guess.

Look, I'm just an old man.

- Really? - Yeah.

Let's go.

This is a robbery.

Do you believe this?

- This is a robbery. - It is!

Thank you.

Alright, quiet, put your hands on top of your head. Stand up.

We're all gonna die.

We're, we're all gonna die.

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die! We're all gonna d...

Button it up, pal. Nobody likes a whiner.

Don't anybody move.

What did I just say?

Huh?

Alright. That's better.

Fill this up with regular, please.

Hey, that's my money.

Don't worry about it. It's insured.

She didn't give me no receipt yet.

They can't, they can't insure it

if I don't got no receipt.

Would you please give him a receipt?

And you... watch the double negatives, huh?

Yes, sir.

Okay, anybody else need a receipt?

Last chance.

Okay, we're all going into the vault now.

Keep your hands on top of your head.

Come on out, everybody, let's go.

Do as he says, everyone.

This will all be over with presently.

Don't dilly-dally. That's it.

Hey, you guys, move it! Move it!

Move it back!

- Do you have the key to this? - You bet.

I'm gonna need another one of these filled up

from in there. Thanks.

And I'm gonna need you to make a phone call for me...

presently.

Now, the police are gonna want me to let some of you people go

as a sign of good faith.

The best way to get out is to stay calm.

If they want proof that I'm serious...

I'll carve up the troublemakers first.

Jesus, God!

- Shut up. - Oh, Jesus! God!

- God! - Shh!

- May I use your phone? - Yes.

Give up now. That is the only door.

There is no other way out, my friend.

Tell them anybody gets near this place, I'm gonna blow it up.

If I don't hear from the guy in charge in 15 minutes,

I'm gonna send your thumb out through the night depository.

And, thanks...

for calling me friend.

This is Princeton. You have less than 15 minutes to call in.

Do not come near the bank. He is covered in dynamite.

Hot dogs! Hot dogs! Hot dogs!

Give me sound down.

Okay, chief, apparently, we've got 12 people in there.

One guy, heavily armed.

Bank security got this picture.

This is our perpetrator.

The hostage negotiator's on his way, sir.

Tell him he won't be needed.

- Till when, sir? - Till I'm no longer chief.

To my beloved wife Carol, I leave the house in Westchester

and the apartment on 78th Street.

The entire stock portfolio will be divided equally

among our children.

David, you can have the Giants tickets.

Don't do this.

It'll be okay.

He, he said...

he'd carve up the troublemakers first.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Crybaby.

Damn!

Give me a break.

Coming.

- Mom? - This is Rotzinger.

Who are you? Where's mom?

Chief of police. Get your butt out of there now.

You know, I was in 'Nam with a jerk like you.

Oh, boy.

Ah, what's your name, son? What shall I call you?

Well...

I always liked the name Chip.

Would you call me Chip?

Okay.

What was that shooting just now, Chip?

Oh, wait! Call me Skip.

Okay, Skip.

What was that shooting?

Well, the cameras.

I shot the cameras. They were looking at me.

Quit looking at me!

My God. He's barking.

Skip, we can be inside, on top of you, in a heartbeat.

Try to run, you won't get five feet.

Yeah, well, you tell your men

just one bullet could hit some dynamite

and blow up the whole street.

I've planted it everywhere, you know.

Don't you think I know how you plan to get out of there?

Switch on a tape recorder, I'm talking to a machine

while you crawl out through the third-floor heating vent.

Not a bad plan, except I couldn't fit

with all this money. And besides, I've booby-trapped

the vents with heavy explosives.

Come on down! Get out of there!

God, I hate this town.

Ah, let's see if we can make a deal here, Chip. Uh, Skip.

I'd like to get those people out of there.

Fine.

I want a city bus

with a full tank of gas.

I want, um, a Harley-Davidson XL1000.

- I want a monster truck. - A what?

And I want two Jet Ranger helicopters

here on the street.

I'll get you the choppers, I'll get you the bus, the Harley

and the, uh, the monster truck just as soon as

you give me the damn hostages.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure no harm will come to me

once I'm inside the bank all by myself.

- At least give me the women. - Get your own women.

One hostage per demand.

One? Listen, I've had just about enough of your comedy, clown.

We're coming in through the plate glass.

Alright, I gotta hang up now

because I gotta go kill everybody, okay?

Don't bust my chops, wise guy. It's not that easy.

It takes time to find two Jet Cruisers,

and pilots who are willing to fly out an armed felon.

I don't need a pilot.

Now, you got 30 minutes to meet my first demand.

- What's your number out there? - 259-0660.

Don't try anything rash, or you're dead

along with everyone else.

6-0?

And that's here in area code 212?

Oh...

Alright. Do what he says, the chopper and the bus, everything.

Set them up out here as soon as they arrive.

Is it a diversion, chief, or is he crazy?

He's not crazy, he'll come out of that bank

with a few hostages also dressed as clowns.

He'll make a run for one of the choppers

assuming we're afraid to shoot down a hostage.

Are we?

He said no pilots.

That means he's flying it.

Probably learned how in 'Nam.

Now, they'll get a bead on whichever clown

takes the controls and take him out

before he even leaves the ground.

Here he comes.

- He's gonna let one of us go. - Oldest first.

That makes sense, save the one who will die first

of natural causes.

You prick.

I'm gonna vomit.

We better get him out of here first.

- No way! - The hell with him.

It's been decided. I'm the first to go.

- What? - Hey, come on.

- Who decided it? - I did.

It really isn't your decision, Mr. Adolf Hitler.

Have you got my money ready back there?

It's here.

You're the kind of person that gets innocent bystanders killed.

They're meeting my first demand.

Alright, to show this fascist dictator here

how our system works, I'm gonna let you folks decide

who's gonna be the first to go.

- Him! - Him!

- Him? - Yes!

Let's... Come on. Come on.

Let's go, you... Get downwind of me.

Ooh.

Sir, is human life at stake?

The stink of death was in the air.

He said he knew how to make men sit up and bark!

Oh, don't exaggerate or anything.

And so we have our first report from inside the bank.

Our first description of this clown

at whom no one is laughing.

Whoo! Now, that's original.

Steve, Jody, I'll be here until the last hostage is released.

Can it. Here comes Clarabelle.

- Hi. - Hi.

Whoa.

- What's this? - It's, uh, just a gift.

Okay, it's an Audemars Piguet.

Moon phase, 18-karat gold, alligator band.

Thing cost me 12,000, but it keeps appreciating every day.

As I say, it's, it's my gift to you.

- Boy, it is nice. - Isn't it?

- I can't keep this. - Oh, don't be silly.

No, I would be beholden.

May I buy it?

I mean, would you take three bills for it?

Three hundred dollars?

Well, unless someone wants to make a higher offer.

Does anyone want to go higher than 300 on this?

It's got a moon on it.

Great. And here's my watch.

It's a Timex...

and the band is the Twist-o-Flex by Speidel.

I appreciate this damn thing more and more every day.

You... pig.

Excuse me? Ha-ha. Pig?

I doubt it. Think the lady protests too much, or what?

I think you're just afraid to party with a real man.

A real man, who has to use a gun...

who has to dress up like that and... and keep people prisoner?

You're not a man.

You're a coward.

Oh, oh, no. No!

She... She does not speak for the rest of us, Mr. Clown.

We think you're quite brave. And... and manly.

You big pussy! I don't believe you.

You're all a bunch of pussies.

Why don't you take her out next?

You don't need this kind of aggravation.

- Hey, chief. - Yeah?

On the bus, we've got an ex-Green Beret

stashed under the back seat. In the motorcycle,

we got exactly enough gas to carry it half a mile.

We stationed our sharp-shooters

a half-mile in every possible direction.

- Any word on the monster truck? - Yeah, about half an hour.

Did the hostage give you a description of the perpetrator?

Yeah. Average height, average build, red nose and blue hair.

Thanks.

Thank you for using AT&T.

Your bike's out here and so's your bus.

- You owe me two more hostages. - They're coming.

Tell me when my monster truck gets here.

Too-da-loo.

- You ready, doll? - All set.

Relax. I'm right behind you.

Come on, already.

Son of a bitch! Bastard!

Are you people alright?

Let's just keep moving.

He's peeking at us through the curtains.

The man is an animal.

I mean, ripping out phones, urinating on desks.

You see what he did to Miss Cochran's shirt?

There's a scratch here.

I mean, it's not deep, but it's there.

It's okay.

Did he hurt anybody else?

Is the strain beginning to show on him?

"If I could sleep ten days and nights in a rice paddy,

I could certainly last in this lousy bank."

This is what the animal said to us.

He says to Miss Cochran here,

"Baby, up your butt with a coconut."

I think he was prepared to do it,

except I saw no coconut.

Yeah, he had no coconut to my knowledge.

No coconut, huh?

What about dynamite? Did you see any?

Any? It's everywhere.

I... it's on him. It's on us.

Hostages strapped to tables as shields.

The man is an animal.

He's sick.

You okay, mister?

- Officer Martin? - Yes, sir.

Take these two to the doctor, just as a precaution.

Yes, sir.

- The key is, he's an animal. - That much is clear, sir.

Oh, so I'm repeating myself.

I suppose you want to just throw me back in there with him.

It's 4:48.

If he hasn't called back by 5:00, we storm the bank.

Damn.

This is Rotzinger.

Sir, can you give me a little more time?

I, I promise I won't hurt anybody...

I'll call you right back. I promise.

Now, where were we?

Oh, Phyllis! Oh, Phyllis!

Grimm.

Oh!

Guys!

Phyllis, you were so great back there.

I felt like you were protecting me for real.

Well, because I couldn't tell if you were pretending.

- You were really good. - Yeah, it's true.

Let's see Miss Meryl Streep try to vomit on cue, huh?

Fantastic.

Loomis, could we have two seconds alone?

- Sure, Grimm. - Thanks.

I can't believe we did it.

Do you remember the night you proposed?

- Proposed? - Yeah.

Oh, you mean the night that the pipes froze

and the heat went out? And as we lay there freezing,

waiting to be discovered dead, you gave me that look.

That look a woman gives her man that says,

"I blame you for everything."

Yeah, that look.

And I said to you, "Phyllis, before we lose our self-respect,

let's make a commitment. Let's not be the Bickersons,

like every other couple on the IRT.

I know a way.

Phyllis, will you rob a bank with me?"

I will, Grimm. I will.

Grimm...

I have to tell you something.

Uh, I... I found something out yesterday.

What? What is it?

I just feel funny.

I feel... You know, I feel complete.

Grimm, you already were complete.

You know, if you were any more complete,

it would be a little scary.

Maybe this is a bad neighborhood

for getting in touch with our feelings.

Yeah, especially with a fortune in our falsies.

Alright, I gotta make a quick call to the chief.

- This is Rotzinger. - Yes.

Have you got Prince Albert in a can?

Feeling better, I see.

Your Macho Maniac is here. You owe me another hostage.

Alright, I gotta check it out.

I'm going over to the window. Tell your men to get back.

Did you have something to tell me?

I want to wait.

I can see from right here it doesn't have

a hydraulic tilt body. It's unacceptable.

What? You son of a bitch.

You never said a goddamn word

about a "tilting hydraulic body."

We had to send all the way to Jersey for this goddamn thing.

Don't insult me.

Now, you get me a respectable monster truck

and don't get back to me until you do, okay?

- What was that? - What was what?

Don't try to change the subject.

- No tilt body, no hostages. - I want hostages.

It's gonna take time to find a tilting hydraulic body.

Well, that's not my problem.

It was an accident.

They would have waited forever to go into that bank.

Just throw me out of the car and run me over.

I could have called them from anywhere in the world tonight

just to tell them I was still in the bank.

Let's get to the airport. We'll pretend this didn't happen.

Now, you get me a respectable monster truck

and don't get back to me until you do, okay?

There it is, a beep.

Can you isolate that beep with this equipment?

- I can try. - I... it could be a horn.

Clowns carry horns, like those little rubber ones.

Sometimes their noses are horns.

I wanna know what beeped, fast, because I'll tell you

what I think it was goddamn it.

And it wasn't his fucking nose.

It was a car horn.

How much time did we lose, exactly?

They won't storm the bank until they're sure I'm not there,

and then there's the period of chaos

while they round up the hostages

and take statements and names and...

Finally, they'll realize some are missing.

- By then... - Our plane is taking off?

And they still won't know who we are.

For God's sake, shut that up!

Turn that trash off!

God, I hate this town.

Grimm, guess what.

Wait a second. I never scouted this neighborhood.

Did we miss the expressway?

I didn't see it.

They were working on the signs back there.

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

We wanna get on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway.

- What? - The BQE.

Wow, you know, jeez, we don't know where that is.

- Shut up! . Hey, you shut up!

- Shut up! - Shut up! Shut up!

Let's just walk through this, okay?

Does that sign say BQE?

Yeah.

Okay, so which way was the arrow pointing?

That was an hour ago,

and that witch ain't stopped screaming the whole time.

Yeah. She even had her baby screaming at us.

Alright, let me try this, will you be putting up a new sign?

- Not today. - Today's just taking shit down.

Can you tell us anything?

The names of a street, any street?

- The directions, north, south? - It's not our neighborhood.

Honey, babe.

You've got a gun. Shoot them.

I want to, but they're fur-bearing.

I'd need some kind of permit, wouldn't I?

Say, I want to thank you guys, you could've given us help,

but you've given us so much more.

Hey, that's what we're here for, right?

I'm glad this happened.

It's just another little reminder

of why we pulled this thing.

You know what their problem is?

They live here, that's all.

But we don't. Not anymore.

How hot does this baby burn?

Anybody find a watch out there?

Chief, did you really send men into the sewer?

Are you grasping at straws, chief?

How much time was wasted in the sewer?

Where do you guys get this stuff?

Take the hostages' statements in the bus to save time.

He's getting farther away every second.

Oh, we're really making progress now.

I saw a sign, Phyllis.

If we could just find a landmark.

Ask this guy.

Excuse me. Sir?

Sir? Excuse me.

It's bad luck just seeing a thing like that.

Things are going to hell, aren't they?

Knock it off. It's just a couple of guys sorting out some things.

Now we're gonna find a familiar street soon.

I'd settle for a familiar borough.

I think we're... we're near John Philip Sousa.

That was our junior high school. Aren't we, Grimm?

Not unless there's been an H-bomb mishap since prom.

Can you help us find the BQE?

Glad to. Got a map right here in the glove.

Oh!

Wait a minute. This guy's too wonderful.

- So? - So definitely a felon.

Dangerous. Probably a serial killer.

Oh... Maybe he's just from out of town.

- He is. He's got Iowa plates. - There you go.

Where was the Clutter family from?

- Kansas. - Just checking.

Say, the bank was really beautiful, wasn't it?

It sure was, Grimm.

Hey, Phyllis.

Grimm needs a little reassuring.

No, he doesn't.

He's complete now.

- There you are. - Great.

Great. Thank you.

Hey, is everybody this nice in Iowa?

- Iowa? - Yeah.

Oh! Well, that's a stolen car.

Grimm doesn't seem any different to you, does he?

Well, yesterday, he was just a guy

working in the Department of City Planning.

And today, he's a world-class bank robber.

Thank you, Loomis. You're very comforting.

Oh, this is a fucking nightmare.

He doesn't even know the capital of Iowa.

Shut up.

Wow. This must be my lucky day.

You got some real money here.

Four dollars?

Well, I couldn't get to the bank today.

Let me give you this watch.

It's worth $12,000. I talked the guy down.

He ended up giving it to me for 300, but nice, huh?

God, are you a sucker. Let's see what's in the trunk.

Thanks. Bye-bye.

Oh, sir, you, you forgot your map.

And our million dollars.

- Was it Dubuque? - Des Moines.

Now can we go to the airport?

In the clothes we wore out of the bank?

Flatbush is 15 minutes from here.

We'll stop at Woolworth's. The sky's the limit, baby.

You know, I... if Albert Einstein here hadn't honked the horn,

we could've changed our clothes before they were stolen.

It was an accident, Phyllis.

Oh, you know, so was Chernobyl.

True. But Loomis didn't irradiate anybody.

Yeah.

Ow!

- Grimm, make her stop it. - Hey, don't you worry about it.

When I hit you, you can start worrying. And you.

What are you hitting him for

when you really want to be hitting me?

What are you talking about?

I don't know, something's bothering you.

I remember.

Okay, yeah.

I... I was trying to tell you something...

Shouldn't we be going?

Alright, let's go. Come on.

- Alright. Straight ahead. - Right, Grimm.

I'm glad the son of a bitch robbed us.

It's just another reminder

of how happy and lucky we are to be getting out of here.

Okay, but not Woolworth's.

You said we should see as few people as possible.

We'll go to my apartment, I left some clothes there

for the super, men's and women's.

Right, that's better, it's closer.

Take the next big left.

Men's clothes. Whose?

Barry Meyers. I mentioned him.

A guy I should have married. A guy who wasn't certifiable.

Come off it, pal.

I want to thank you for getting us out alive.

The owners of the bank want me to tell you

not to expect any cooperation from them.

Uh, and I think they're gonna kill you with the press too.

They say that if the clown gets away,

they owe it to their shareholders

to let the abject humiliation

of this whole thing fall on a public official.

How many shareholders are there?

Uh, just the three, I think.

But thank you very much. We really appreciate it.

See you on the bus.

Oh, my God. Now this one's going.

Tear them down no matter how great they were.

Chief.

The Peruvian Connection.

The Subway Psycho.

People are gonna remember what you've done.

Now what's so memorable about a clown stealing $1 million?

Jesus, we gotta get this guy.

Look at this.

Why do they have to do this?

Well, what do I care? It's not my life's work anymore.

Hey, Grimm, you tried. You're a good person.

Caring, faithful, concerned. Aren't you?

Hey, Phyllis, where do you park around here?

Just park by the hydrant.

The hydrant?

I'll pay the ticket.

I can't believe the new tenants dumped this stuff here.

They're not supposed to move in till Tuesday.

Well, we should be out of here by then.

Here, here, give me your sleeve.

Come on, is that really necessary?

We're gonna miss out on the complimentary beverage.

Do you want to stand out at the airport? Barry was 6'4".

Pituitary problem?

Hey, look at this, guys.

I'm gonna get me one of these.

Get yourself three.

It sure would be less itchy if there's no X-ray machines.

So we could just carry the dough in a suitcase, you know.

Those darn terrorists who made it tough on us bank robbers.

It's a pretty nice jacket.

Why did Barry leave this behind? Why didn't he take it with him?

Uh, too rich to care.

There's smoke across the street.

How did he make his money, anyway?

Terminally boring banker-type?

It's black smoke.

Mafia kingpin? Amway?

Pimp?

- Oh, no. - What, cops?

- No, fire engine. - The hydrant.

- Give me your keys. - Huh?

- Keys. Keys. - Here.

Grimm.

- Get your hands up. - You must be Mr. Edison.

Get them up!

Uh, Mr. Edison, I'm Phyllis Potter,

and this is my apartment.

We were ripped off three times in the village

and it's not gonna happen here.

Do we look like criminals? D... do we look like people

that are capable of committing a crime?

I only know what I saw.

When my wife gets here, she'll go call the cops

and we'll let them decide. Now turn around, face the window.

Okay, but it's still our apartment.

We'll have to have you arrested.

Oh, Jesus.

Grimm, our plane takes off in 41 minutes.

Quiet. No codes.

Hey, honey. Ready to celebrate?

Oh, my God.

They were ripping off the TV when I came in.

No, I was touching it. Kill me.

- Turn around. - Oh, great, Hal.

For once, it was gonna be fun.

We were gonna eat on the floor,

drink champagne, listen to old records.

Why are you blaming me?

We haven't even moved the bed in, and already it's the same.

Now give credit where it's due, Mrs. Edison.

Hal made the commitment, didn't he?

He gave up the rent-controlled place in the village.

Do you know him?

He's paying $1500 for a one-bedroom.

Fifteen hundred? Try $2600.

You... You weren't paying $1500, were you?

- We were paying $1260. - Twelve-sixty?

Excuse me, I don't know you very well,

but you must be crazy if you gave this place up.

Maybe we are crazy.

We bought a farmhouse, near Woodstock.

It's rustic, kind of a fixer.

But the payments are $300 a month.

We just had to try.

I suppose you don't believe that either, Edison!

That people would go and do a thing like that!

For your information, I was at Woodstock.

I don't judge you, Hal.

Really, I don't.

But from Woodstock to Charles Bronson in 20 years?

Good one.

Look.

Grab it! Grab it!

Oh, damn it.

You can shoot us now.

I've put the gun down.

No hard feelings?

These are the names and numbers

and preliminary statements of the hostages.

"Clown seemed harmless until he harassed blond hostage."

Yes, sir, apparently, he made some sexual overtures,

and things like that.

I don't see her.

- Don't see who? - The blond. Where is she?

I was talking to her myself when she first came out.

All the hostages are here, sir.

They're all here, chief.

No. Where's the whiny guy?

"He's an animal."

The one that came out with her.

They were the second and third ones out.

Oh, Jesus.

The lumberjack-lookin' guy, he was the first one out.

I guess in all that chaos, a few wandered away...

- It was utter chaos, chief. - Yeah.

But we got everybody's name and telephone number.

- We got all that stuff. - Yeah, yeah.

Get me the news footage on those three hostages

who were released. Right.

Then I said, "It's all over, Chuckles."

And wrestled him to the floor.

But he got some gal in his sights, and I had to let up.

That's when he coldcocked me. Son of a bitch.

Come on, now look at some of this videotape with me

so we can put out an APB on these robbers.

- Robbers, plural? - They all coldcocked me.

Three of them out there, shouting with glee.

- Taxi! - Taxi!

- Please! - Taxi!

$10,000 for a taxi!

And a blowjob!

Alright, can we just calm down a little, please?

We'll never make the flight.

We'll have to sail a raft to Fiji

like Thor Heyerdahl.

I have made another reservation on the 11 o'clock to Martinique.

You never mentioned this one, the 11 o'clock flight.

I never ever thought we'd need it.

But I don't know anything about Martinique.

What'd you know about Fiji?

Nothing, really.

Okay.

Did you book another flight after that?

Oh, let's just try to make the 11 o'clock, okay?

Why, do they know about us yet?

Well, by now, Rotzinger has probably figured out

it was the first three hostages.

- Oh, Grimm. - Yeah.

Grimm, I cannot go to prison.

Don't worry about it. We were disguised.

- Taxi! - You never mentioned Rotzinger.

You never mentioned Martinique.

What else haven't you mentioned?

Huh?

Everything you ever told me is a lie, isn't it?

- Are you alright? - Am I?

You think this is fun, you think this is a night on the town.

No, I think it's a lot more exciting than that.

- Taxi! - You used to think so too.

We couldn't even discuss this plan

unless there was a bedroom pretty close by.

It was before I realized who you are, what you are.

What am I?

You're a world-class bank robber,

drunk on your own power and expertise.

- And Loomis thinks so too. - Taxi.

Taxi.

Look, I don't know where this "world-class bank robber"

thing came from.

Okay, I did rob a bank, but so did you.

Isn't that what we planned for six months in your bedroom?

And now if... When we get a cab,

we can complete the plan and live out our lives

with a modicum of dignity.

Please, God!

We need a cab!

One lousy, fucking cab!

Yes!

To the airport, please.

...let's take another call.

Line seven. Steve, from Staten Island.

What's on your mind tonight, Steve?

I wanted to talk about that bank robbery, Roy.

What about it?

Well, was this clown such a bad guy, Roy?

I mean, he had a great sense of humor, right?

He wasn't another one of them junkies

with a homemade nine millimeter.

I think he was okay.

Steve, you must be a scumbag like him.

I say, hang the clown, then pull his pants down

to set an example. You're out of here, pal.

How could he say a thing like that?

Huh?

- He's asking, "Where to?" - Oh, God.

He just means which airport, that's all. Kennedy. JFK.

I'm sorry I got so crazy back there.

What did Loomis say to get you so upset?

Oh, nothing. No, he's completely loyal to you.

And you are to him. Kind of like father and son, huh?

You didn't mention Rotzinger or... or Martinique

because the plan was perfect, and you didn't wanna worry me

with unlikely contingencies, right?

I know I've been especially moody.

Not so as you'd notice.

And I know it's not exactly reasonable

to expect a lot of attention under the circumstances,

but... you see...

Oh, Jesus! The goddamn airport!

What do you got, shit in your ears? Come on!

Alright, now, easy. He may be a guest in our country.

Uh, friend...

Kennedy. Here, look.

"Kennedy Airport." Look.

- Yeah, he's got it. - Oh, great.

Uh, why don't you take us straight to sing-sing?

Please don't say that. You're gonna upset Loomis.

Oh, God forbid!

Huh?

It's red!

Stop! Stop!

You don't even understand colors, do you?

You don't know red from hell!

There's a real cab up there. Stop!

Taxi!

Oh, Loomis!

That guy must have wanted out really bad.

- That's a bad place to be. - Loomis. Loomis!

Hey, Lando! Hurry up! I bet this guy's dead!

You hear me? It's a dead man!

$38.82.

Send a squad car now!

He's bleeding.

Loomis.

Loomis?

I really liked him. I did.

So I says to him, "Are you gonna behave?"

And from out of nowhere comes this knife.

I think it was a Bowie knife,

and I hate knives.

Dennis, the news footage didn't help me very much.

I wanted it an hour ago.

Where'd you get this, a matchbook?

It's perfect if you wanna pick up Paul Bunyan.

It's based, in part, on our own descriptions.

That clown was no clown.

Knew we'd be too obsessed...

by the perpetrator inside the bank

to see much more than a beard or a blond

or a whiny jerk. What do you got?

Involving two men and a woman, here's what's up.

1900 hours, a car containing two men and a woman

crashed into the lobby of the Pierce Hotel.

The passengers fled before we got there.

Dispatch a car to the Pierce. What else?

That's it involving two men and a woman, sir.

Two more liquor stores and a Laundromat

were hit by copycat clowns.

You realize they're probably somewhere

in the Third World by now.

Yes, sir. Some place nice.

All we've got going for us is the city.

Our only hope is that they're mired down

in the same shit that you and I have to wade in every day.

Why do I still want this fucking job?

Can't I imagine a more inspired destiny for myself?

- Sir, don't talk like that. - Here's another one.

A man jumped from a moving cab into a newspaper stand.

There were two other passengers in the car, a man and a woman.

He jumped from a moving cab?

That's panic.

That's somebody on the I am.

Goddamn, if that doesn't sound

like the guy who hit that car horn.

- When was that? - 20:35.

We're not even on the scene yet, sir.

It's them.

It's them.

Send all nearby units to the scene.

Loomis.

Loomis.

Did we get the cab?

Are you gonna hit me now?

No, but if your leg is broken, we'll have to destroy you.

Can you get up now, pal?

Too bad. It looked fierce.

Count from ten backwards.

Ten.

That's great. Forget it, that's enough.

Nine, eight...

seven...

- Come on, relax. - The gun, the gun!

- Gun, the gun. - Hey.

Oh, nice. Professor Henry Higgins is gonna spot us.

We're gonna go in here.

This ain't my dick in your back.

That's a relief.

We came...

about the money.

What's that walking corpse say?

He said they come about the money.

Ask him what money, asshole.

What money, asshole?

Incredible. They're playing games.

Yeah.

Tell him you're gonna play games on his fucking head.

I'm gonna play games on your fucking head.

You must hate this warehouse.

Because it's gonna be a three-alarm job after tomorrow.

Johnny. Come here.

Come here.

What?

What the hell are you doing?

I have no idea.

I don't know.

- Will I ask him? - You want me to ask him?

Um, Mr. Skelton wants to know how come he don't know you.

- Gee. Because I'm new. - Because he's new.

Tell him Lombino didn't say nothing to me

about no new bagman.

- Lombino didn't say nothing... - Mr. Lombino, huh?

Mr. Lombino?

Since when does a wise guy like you

deserve an explanation from a giant

like Mr. Lombino?

Mr. Lombino didn't say nothing to Mr. Skelton about no new...

Alright, enough already, Johnny.

Don't you see me standing right here?

Yeah, alright. I'm sorry.

Alright.

What happened to Mario?

Mario?

Somebody dared him.

So he threw Earl here out of a moving car.

Same spot he done Johnny.

- He must love that spot. - The man is an animal.

- He's sick. - Alright.

I'll give you the money.

Soon as I call Lom...

Mr. Lombino

to check you out.

Fine. Actually, perfect.

I can hear Mr. Lombino now

"Skelton just called me to check on Chip."

Mr. Lombino, please. Skelton.

"I guess Chip wasn't so hot.

Guess I'll have to put that animal Mario

back on Skelton."

No. Wait. Uncle Mike. Uncle Mike.

Mr. Skelton, wait a minute. No, wait a minute. Wait a...

We don't want Mario to come in here, the bald giant

wi... with stupid sunglasses,

knocking everybody around for kicks, I mean.

You know, I mean, nobody's stupid enough

to do this for a few K.

They gotta know that Mario's gonna come after them

and pull out their livers, I mean, you know...

I think that I might be right on this, so, you know...

Six thousand. Short shipment.

Thanks. Come on, Earl.

You know, when I first heard the rumors

about Lombino being back in town, I said, "No way."

I mean, the man never leaves his haven in Nevada.

But, but now that I see you, I know it must be true.

He's come to put his house in order.

And that's why the man is king.

Drugs, protection, you name it. Lombino is king.

- Oh, tell him I said so. - Yeah.

Anything the Lombino touches turns to gold.

King Lombino. That's why he's the king, right?

- Tell him I said so. - I will, John.

- See ya. - See you later.

Alright. Take care of your head.

Grimm, Grimm, baby, I never thought

we'd get out of there. Never.

Oh, honey.

Phyllis is back.

You just ripped off the Mob.

You were born for this.

Oh, Grimm. It must be in your genes.

This is lucky. Let's make this.

I can make it. I can make it. I can make it. I can...

I can't make it.

I can't...

Okay, I can make it.

What's that smell?

Used wine. Do you go to the airport?

- Near the airport. - Great. We're on a roll.

You have exact change, right?

Give him $100.

Hurry.

Hurry.

That isn't exact change.

Have you looked back there?

I don't think anybody's going to object.

I look back there every night, friend.

That's why I conduct my own affairs

in a clean and a hygienic fashion.

I leave this stop in one minute and 45 seconds.

Exact change, or off.

Alright. Alright. Give me a minute. I'll go get change.

I'll give you a minute and 28 seconds.

- Loomis. Can't you kneel? - Ah!

No. I can sit.

You can't sit. Not till you pay the fare.

- I'm sorry. - Hey, watch where you're going.

I'm sorry. I was going the wrong way.

No problem.

- I just need some change. - Hey, wait your turn.

You have to buy something, anyway.

Fifty-two seconds.

Ninety-eight sixty-two.

Oh, and I need a can of Maxwell House.

No, no. The, the decaf, over there.

There it is.

Yeah, that's it.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, you're awfully sweet to do this. Thank you.

I can do.

He ain't gonna make it.

Oh...

Twenty-six seconds.

- Get the hell out of here! - Mario, no!

- Come here! How about this guy? - No! No! No!

Oh, I can't look!

I don't know. That's him right there!

You son of a bitch!

- That's it. - No, wait! No, please, wait!

Come on, you can close the door. He's waiting for another bus.

The guy's a thief!

- Close the door. Let's go. - Behind the white line.

He stole!

I got him.

He's a thief, he stole something from me!

Is he the one who jumped from the cab?

...my boss will have your job!

How's it going, Rotzinger?

- Unbelievable. - You know him?

Mario Monetti, bagman for Vince Lombino.

Lombino? He's in Nevada, right?

Yeah, supposedly somewhere in Nevada.

He got out just as I was about to collar him.

Still takes more out of this town in a day

than the clown could get in a week.

You're sure that's the guy that jumped from the cab?

The cabbie ID'd him, sir.

Come on.

May I ask you a question?

- Get behind the white line. - Oh, please. Come on.

Go, just go.

My mom used to do this.

Just like this.

You should have a kid, Phyllis.

Funny you should say that.

Really?

Sit back.

- Well, Grimm didn't tell me. - Grimm doesn't know.

I didn't want to tell him till after the job.

Well, tell him now.

I'm not gonna tell him at all.

Don't you love him?

My sister always told me...

there's the type of guy you're crazy about...

and there's the type you marry.

Because if he's that exciting, you just can't trust him.

But I told her, you can have both.

And when I met Grimm, I thought I did.

But there's a limit. I mean, you said it yourself, Loomis.

He's born for this.

I'm, I'm just one of his gang now.

Oh, God, what, something I said,

you're gonna let that influence you?

Oh, this is all my fault.

Oh, no. Come here.

Come here.

Nothing's your fault.

Except you honked the fucking horn.

When you say "Near the airport..."

- 0.48 miles. - Alright.

- When do we get there? - 2230 hours.

- When is that in human time? - 10:30.

- 10:30. Say you had to walk it. - With that injured individual?

I can't give you a precise figure on that.

Come on. Make a guess.

- Twenty-one minutes. - Thank you.

This isn't my usual route. My husband's in intensive care.

You're gonna even that out, aren't you?

Mind your own business.

What'd he say?

Well, his estimate, which I'm prepared to accept,

gets us to the terminal at nine minutes of 11:00.

Nine minutes? We'll have nine months... Minutes?

How come I've heard that name "Lombino" before?

Oh, come on. You remember this guy.

He shot out his brother's eyeball

over a plate of Fra Diavolo sauce at Umberto's.

I can't believe our luck,

to walk into his place, all unsuspecting.

His place?

You've walked into his places

all unsuspecting many, many times.

He owns restaurants, bars, supermarkets.

The man owns preschools in this town.

Do you work for the clown or does he work for you?

Does the clown work for Lombino, too?

- What clown? - Oh, very convincing, Monetti.

I guess we should apologize and let you go now.

Yeah, right.

Get over there, scumbag. Get up there.

He's in on it, sir. He wouldn't tell us a goddamn thing.

You idiot. This man doesn't speak a word of English.

Come on... Here. Relax, fella. Sit down. Sit down.

Didn't I tell you to get me an interpreter?

I thought you said "Interrogator."

That's all he says.

Come on. Give me the keys to the cuffs.

Get him a soda, will you?

Probably left your own country

to escape just this type of persecution.

Damn it. Get me an interpreter.

Don't you realize the robbers told this man their destination?

But even if they did, sir,

he wouldn't have understood a word of it.

Besides, I don't even know what language he talks.

Get me an interpreter!

Here, fella. Drink that.

Alright.

Who was the clown? Tell me now.

What the hell is this, Rotzinger?

Since when is it illegal to run for a bus?

- A bus? - Yeah.

Since when is that a crime? A bus.

They're on a "blufftoney."

I don't have time for this.

Driver, I'm a little disappointed in you!

He wasn't really awake.

Don't you think we should put him on formula?

By the way...

how do you feel about kids?

How can you ask me that now?

I'm sorry.

I happen to think that the slammer

is a bad environment for them.

Don't pop a stitch, will you? We're on our way to the airport.

- Near the airport. - Well, Loomis is asleep.

He can't do anything wrong.

Except blurt out a total confession.

You think that's gonna matter here?

Come on. Relax.

We're home free.

Grimm...

I'm not coming with you.

What?

- Oh! - Jesus!

Oh!

No. No, son. I don't have time for this.

You poor son of a bitch. Come here.

- No. - Him?

Come on. Come on. I got a schedule to keep.

- What can I do to help? - Behind the white line!

- Listen, I'll pay his fare. - Fine.

- You have exact change? - You better get some help!

You've become Ralph Kramden's evil twin.

- Alright. Come on. Come on. - Here. Look.

There's $6000 here. Okay? It's real.

I know how this city degrades the individual.

- It is appalling. - Come on.

Take this and start a new life for yourself.

Somewhere off this bus, okay?

Come on! You're gonna break your guitar. Come on.

There you go. Come on.

We got a schedule. Come on. Let's move. Come on.

We will quietly pull over and board all Number Nine buses.

We do not want another hostage situation.

Is this the kind of person that you are?

We lose a little bit of time, and all of a sudden,

it's every girl for herself.

Yeah, that's me.

Well, if you stay behind, you're gonna get caught.

I'll take my chances.

Why don't you tell me what I've done?

What is it that you want?

I just want you to leave me alone.

Move it! Today!

However, I will stay with you a little while longer.

The thing is, Loomis,

we lost a little time back there in the bus.

Do you think you can walk any faster?

I'm sorry, Grimm.

I can't.

You're not gonna hit me again now, are you?

- Nobody's gonna hurt you. - Hit you again?

I haven't hit anybody since I was nine.

Yeah, but it was me you hit.

You threatened him, and he's been through a lot.

Oh, are you still here?

Just promise him.

I promise.

- Was that our plane? - No, no.

If it were our plane, it'd be crashing.

Where is the airport?

How far?

There must be a lot of competition for that corner.

Man, thank God she's not too symbolic or anything.

What does it mean anyway, Grimm?

I sure couldn't tell you.

You know, Grimm. It means "Flowers for the dead."

Oh, God!

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!

Give him a moment. He's getting his second wind.

Wait a minute, Phyllis can't ride on that thing,

not in her condition.

Hold on to your transfer, you need a transfer to reboard.

Hold on to your transfer, you need a transfer to reboard.

Hold on to your transfer, you need a transfer to reboard.

Move right along. Hold on to your transfer

you'll need a transfer to reboard.

Hold right... There you go. Move right along.

Chief, you're gonna wanna hear this one.

- Why, you got something? - You're damn right, I do.

We're going to the airport. I'm taking your car.

Need him to make an ID.

You mean you weren't even gonna tell me?

I wanted to, Grimm.

But when? Before the bank?

Just to add some pressure?

And what about after?

I tried to tell you several times,

but you were too busy being complete.

Grimm, I gotta get this money off my body.

Don't worry, we'll get you a duffel bag or something

after we get past the X-ray machines.

How many months?

Phyllis, please.

- They haven't boarded yet. - Let them board.

That means they'll pass the metal detectors.

They'll be trapped and unarmed.

I'll make the arrest on board,

quietly and alone, before they even know what's happening.

It's my baby, too!

Jesus... This is a fairly young guy.

I've got trained anti-terrorist squads

who are prepared to deal with this kind of thing.

I want this.

Frankly...

I need it, after today.

- Thank you, Roy. - Got it.

Alright, Roy's gonna get us the duffel bag,

a wheelchair and some skis out of lost luggage

to cover your limp.

Did you give him a couple of bucks?

Yeah. Try $1200.

Scary, but Roy's sixth sense told him

we were in some kind of jam.

ESP exists, Grimm. They proved it.

Yeah, you picking up anything from me right now?

Alright. I'm going in to get these boarding passes.

Am I gonna see you in there?

I'll make sure the Amazing Kreskin gets inside.

Good.

Now what?

Hey, clown!

Get the hell back in line.

I just have one question.

Uh, is there a problem, sir?

Too many passengers, I'm afraid.

Yeah, you'd better be afraid. Nobody does this to Russ Crane.

Nobody does this to Mrs. Russ Crane,

you glorified stewardess, you!

What's the matter with you, you afraid to do a man's job?

Right through there.

- Name, please? - Oh, thank you.

Yes. Grimm.

Alright, the cops are looking for two men and a woman,

so let's split up.

Okay. I'll say goodbye now.

Are you crazy?

I'm sorry. Do you think this is easy?

Just what did I do tonight that you didn't do?

You turned into Jimmy Cagney.

That bank was just a springboard for you.

You know, you, you ripped off the Mob,

you bribed Roy, you managed to totally demoralize

that guy Edison, and he had the gun.

You stole that watch.

I bought the watch,

and the Edisons are gonna have better sex

than they've had since Altamont.

Whatever I did, I did it so that

we could all leave here together.

Do you think I should just be a bumbling idiot?

I just think you're not gonna be able

to go back to being what you were.

I'm not going back, I'm going to Martinique

with a million bucks taped to my butt

unless you keep screwing around,

in which case, I'm going to jail and we all are.

Grimm, I'm thinking of the baby!

He'll be about three when you get out.

Those foster families are great,

unless you get a mercenary or religious nut.

And he'll be able to visit you.

And you'll be able to show him

how to make license plates.

Jesus, thank God you're reaching out to me

with love and understanding

instead of just trying to scare me.

It's all I have time for.

Now, one of us has to take Loomis and push him.

- Why don't you? - The men's room, Grimm.

I'm gonna freak out if I don't get this money off me.

Oh, shit.

Meet me on the plane in two minutes, okay?

Please?

You were hard on her.

It was the only way to make sure in the time allotted.

Maybe you should've told her you loved her.

Maybe that was the way to make sure.

Oh, Jesus, Loomis.

Now you tell me.

Alright. Just once more.

- No. - Please?

Ready? I'll go real fast. Please?

- No. - Yeah. Come on. Now!

Alright. Attaboy.

Now help me zip this up.

You people can keep this city!

- Hi. - You think you're late enough?

Oh, you must be from around here.

So, we'll just go and have a great time anyway, huh?

Right, Grimm.

Oh, this was not my idea.

This was not the plan.

I'm sorry, Grimm.

Give me three minutes before you come in.

Got it, sir.

You go, just promise me

you'll see a doctor as soon as you get there, okay?

No. We were all gonna go together.

Hey, you two with the mileage upgrades, sit down.

You believe the filth that they let into first?

Do you mind?

Come here, Loomis.

Look at you. I mean, you have to get away, now.

When I find Phyllis...

- If I find Phyllis... - Yeah, I mind.

You goddamn straphangers

are ruining Mrs. Crane's beverage service!

You okay, baby?

Your Bloody Mary's not too spicy, is it?

That's my girl.

See you soon. Get a tan.

Moisturize before you peel.

Wait, Grimm.

We can find her together.

Oh, look. It's...

I hate to do this to you, babe.

You'll never take me alive, Rotzinger.

Save yourself the disgrace, Lombino.

- It's the king. - Vince, you fucking worm!

- He's come for the king. - You snake!

Even if you get past me, there are 50 cops

waiting outside that door.

Alright, Rotzinger. My turn!

Still got another minute.

Hey!

As we prepare for departure,

we ask that you pay close attention...

You rat! You creep!

Can you hit him with something else? Give me!

Thank God!

I did it with Mario, Vinnie.

When you were playing cards with your stinking goombahs!

Nobody does that to Mrs. Russ Crane.

- Ah! - Quit making him angry!

It's thicker, Vinnie.

It's thicker than his neck and a lot more powerful.

Phyllis.

Phyllis, they just caught this guy.

Give me that goddamn... Alright.

Vince Lombino, AKA Russ Crane,

you're under arrest for murder in first degree

and murder in second degree, arson, pandering,

sale of weapons, felonious assaults, blackmail...

Use of spouse as a shield.

Hey, Mario, how come you squealed, tough guy?

Screw you.

That's him.

Don't matter what he's saying. Throw him in the car.

He's just along for the ride. Come on!

- Angie! Angel! - Come on!

- Is Mrs. Lombino okay up there? - Hey! Hey!

Angie! I love you, baby!

- I love you! - Shut up.

I love you, Angie!

Hey, hold it, my friend.

Thanks for the assist.

No problem.

I'd like to give you a commendation.

What's your name and address?

Oh, that's great. Uh...

- Dan... - Dan.

...Chipowski.

- With S-K-I ending. - Mm-hmm.

And it's 111 Astoria Boulevard, Queens, New York.

1-1-1-0-1 .

Okay, Dan. Wish there were more like you.

Don't say that.

Come on, James.

Hey, it's Rotzinger!

Excuse me. Are you running for mayor?

Chief, is this the greatest day of your career?

Hey, who the hell called these guys?

I did, sir.

Hey, remember, we gotta commend this "Cipowski."

I mean, Chipowski.