Original subtitles

- Get up! Up! Up! - No.

- Get up! - It's very early, kids.

- Careful. - Mum, do owls exist?

Yes, sweetheart, they live in the forest with the squirrels.

- And unicorns? - Unicorns exist too.

You're talking nonsense. Unicorns don't exist, no way!

- Romy, let's play a game. - No!

- First one to speak goes to jail. - No way!

Leon, get dressed! I'm taking you to school today.

No school, it's Saturday.

Oh shit, it is.

Don't they have a birthday, a playdate or a disco?

No.

We've got to take them out. Quickly!

Park?

Yes, park.

No, Leon, leave the rubbish alone, it's dirty!

Scooter, scooter!

Don't touch the garbage again. I warn you.

Motorbike. Motorbike. Motorbike.

Unbelievable.

It's Paris, my love, you know that. Come on.

Leon, hang in there.

- Seven, and it's your turn, OK? - No.

- Only seven kids. - No!

Yes, darling, please.

Where is Romy?

Where is who?

- Romy, honey. - Romy...

- Well, Romy must be here. - Romy!

- Romy? - Yes?

- Romy! - Yes.

- Is everyone here called Romy? - Yes.

From now on, at the playground, we'll call you by your middle name,

because this just isn't working, Romy.

What is my middle name?

Michèle.

- Michèle... - Excuse me?

There are no other Michèles. That's for sure.

Dad, can I have a garden? I'm dying to have a garden...

If you want a proper, decent garden, we'd have to go to a suburb far, far away,

like in Alsace, you know.

Alsace is great.

Children, be quiet.

- We didn't make any noise. - No, no noise.

No, we did not make any noise.

- Yes? - The noise has to stop.

We can't take it anymore.

- What noise? - The screaming!

Children expressing themselves, it's normal.

No, they're screaming, OK? Are they moving furniture?

They are moving furniture, yes.

You, the parents, should be asking us, the young people to make less noise.

- Not the other way round! - We're young too.

- Very young. - Really?

What age am I?

- Fifty? - Yes.

You're the old biddies! You never party!

There's never a peep of music from your apartment.

- We're dead. Exhausted. - So are we!

- That's why he looks fifty years old. - What?

We can't take it anymore! Girls, do you babysit?

It's like living at our kids' place.

- Honey? - Yeah?

Look at this.

It's gorgeous!

There's even a vegetable garden!

There's something fishy.

That really isn't expensive.

We'd have enough to refresh everything.

It looks too good to be true. We have to visit, I'm up for it.

- I have to see to believe. - Yes, you want to visit, Cachette?

I'm requesting a viewing.

How good is that, Cachette.

Cachette, we're going to visit.

Off to bed!

I loved Paris without kids,

but since we've had them, all I want to do is leave.

Yes.

- Paris is magical... - Fuck! Not him, please...

Ball buster.

- He'll wake up the kids. - We have to leave.

As soon as possible.

Look how beautiful it is, kids.

- No! - It isn't beautiful?

- No. - Yes, it is beautiful.

I'm hungry.

Yes, sweetheart, sorry, your compote.

Look children, look!

Look!

Baby wild boars!

You see? Leon, look!

- They're so cute. - Really cute.

Our future neighbours.

What do you call baby boars? They're...

- Rascals! - They're rascals?

No, they're sausage rolls.

- Nackis. - They're little knackis.

Tiny little knackis.

Hello.

FOR SALE

Watch your step. This is the stable.

With everything for the horse, including the dung.

It smells a bit.

The gentleman was 80 years old, the house is a bit run down.

And now follow the guide, to the living room.

A lovely room to start with!

The old beams, the magnificent, large, square, floor tiles.

Here, a lovely buffet, place the partridge on top as decoration...

Throw the rest away. Fabulous! And the stone walls.

This really is a beautiful room. The whole house is like this.

But, wait for it, the star of the show, ready?

One, two, three...

Here you have it. The grounds!

Well?

Look how happy they are!

Isn't this better than Paris?

Walking paths in all directions. Magnificent, isn't it?

My architect's office downstairs, your music studio in the barn.

Yes, yes... Can we make noise?

Noise? The closest neighbour is there. The little house. And so charming...

No, apart from bothering the owls...

Romy, there are owls!

- Are there really owls? - Of course.

- Do you like it, kids? - Yes!

Excuse me, if I may...

So, all of this is included in the price?

- All of this? - Well, yes, all of it?

- The barn, the well, the path... - All that, yes.

Even the carrots in the garden are yours!

- The land goes up to the woods? - No, the woods are yours too.

- No. - I don't believe it.

That's crazy. The woods are ours too?

Yep.

Look, the kids are completely at home.

So, there is an easement on the woods.

Mum! We want a trampoline!

Yes, sweetie. Please, we're talking, it's important. Sorry.

The easement means the woods are yours,

but you can't stop people walking through it.

- Two seconds please! - Look, Mum!

Is the easement clear?

Yes, the wood is ours.

I understand. And people can cross it to...

- Stroll through, pick mushrooms? - Mushrooms! I was about to say...

That's nothing. - That's OK.

Your only neighbours.

Bernard, grain producer. Big farm, 1 000 hectares. Very friendly.

And Michel, chicken farmer, a much smaller operation.

But adorable, very nice, and gay!

- Did you say, gay? - What?

Why would you tell us that? I just...

Well, because of the misconceptions about the countryside.

People think we're backward.

But we're more tolerant than in the cities!

Great. You should've led with that.

Especially if you tolerate Parisians. Like us.

- There you go. - Come here, kids! Come on!

Let's go my sweethearts.

So? When do we sign?

Take it easy, kids.

Thanks. Come on, let's go, let's go.

Go go go... Race you. Romy, run! Go!

Quick, quick!

No! No, no, no, no!

Don't do that, Leon!

You can go out. Don't be afraid, Cachette.

What are you doing?

This piece of shit doesn't work.

Turn, turn. You can do it.

Oh, shit...

Romy, look. An owl. You see, they do exist.

Hello !

Hello, Mr. Rabbit.

Hello.

Look, a fox.

Hi, man.

- Here come the Parisians. - Parisians.

What can I serve you?

- A piece of Morbier, please. - Some Morbier.

- Three heirloom tomatoes, please. - No, four.

Make that four.

Here are the Parisians.

We're not Parisians anymore. We live here now.

Yes! You bought the vegetable garden farm.

- Exactly. - Well, we're neighbours now.

That changes everything.

Kids, look. Eat the skin, it's the best part.

Look how nice the dog is.

Hello, what can I do for you?

We've come for our little Léon's booster shot.

- Sorry, who? - Stone deaf.

I'll change glasses, I can't see very well...

That's much better.

- Doctor! - Yes?

- That's not the right child. - How so?

- Where is your boy? - Here!

It's great.

Hello. Perfect. Look.

- Stop it now. Stop! - Hello.

- In we go. - In we go.

- Hello. - Welcome, I'm Olivia.

And what's your name, dear?

- Michèle. - Romy. She's Romy.

I prefer that. We already have two Michèles.

What a pretty name, Romy. You're the first Romy we have here.

You want to see the animals?

TOWN HALL OPENING HOURS 14.30 - 15.00

WORD OF WELCOME FOR THE NEW RESIDENTS

Are you well, my little André?

Everything good with your patients?

- Thank you. - They have crisps.

- Thank you. - Here.

- Finally we meet. - Hello.

- Bernard, farmer. - Grain producer.

- Well, semi-retired. - I see.

- And so... Michel? - Yes, Michel.

I breed ornamental chickens and roosters.

- What roosters? - Ornamental fowl. Rare breeds.

Silk, Padua, Peking, Brahma, Houdan, Sebright...

I didn't know there were so many breeds of chicken.

If you need anything, don't hesitate.

The country's not like the city, we show solidarity.

- That's lovely. Thanks. - We won't hesitate.

- Cheers. - Good evening.

- Good evening. - Hello, Romy.

- What a pretty dress! - I forgot to introduce my wife, Olivia.

Yes, sometimes he forgets me. That's life.

- Are you well? - Mr. Mayor.

Good evening, Mr. Mayor.

Oh, fuck!

- The Mayor? I could be his father. - You think he babysits?

- Let's hope so. - He's the youngest Mayor in France.

Let's say, candidates are few and far between here.

We are gathered tonight to welcome Adelaide and Simon

who have left Paris to settle in our beautiful region.

Parisian, dogface!

They don't know it, but their arrival is a blessing for the municipality.

By putting their little Romy in our school, they have saved it from closing!

We were one child away from having to go 25 kilometres away, to Vic!

Bravo! Thank you!

- Parisian, dogface! - Please, no!

- Benjamin! - It wasn't me.

- So, welcome to them and cheers! - Cheers!

- To you! - We told them, we're here to help.

Otherwise, they won't survive the winter...

- Very true. This isn't Paris. - We don't only communicate in insults.

Yes, we know, there are some preconceptions about Parisians.

- They say we're... - Pretentious?

- Deceitful. - Sick?

- Selfish. - And you scoff quinoa, on scooters!

- Benjamin, no. - Anyway, we're not like that at all!

- No, not at all. I mean, really... - Not at all.

It's heaven for the kids.

- Yeah. And for us too. - Yeah, it is.

- We'll be happy here. - We'll be happy.

Is that a stag, you think?

I have no idea.

Anyway, he's very, very horny! - You idiot...

Daddy. There's a weird noise in my room.

It's nothing Romy, it's the wind, it's OK.

But I'm really scared...

I'm coming.

New noises in a new house is normal.

It just takes some getting used to.

Yesterday, I heard a stag for the first time.

You should hear how assertive it is.

Come on, try to sleep, okay, sweetie?

- That's the noise I heard! - What is it?

- What's going on here? - Jesus, I don't know, look!

Are you OK, sweetie? Oh my God! It's a chicken.

What kind of chicken is that?

Dad, can you take it away? I'm a bit scared...

I'm a bit scared too, sweetie.

- Romy, you try to get her out. - Stop it.

- She's scared. - I'm scared too.

A chicken.

We'll do it together, okay?

- What are you doing? - It's to distract the chicken...

Seriously? Do it. Hurry.

No no no no. Stay in bed, sweetie.

Careful, One, two...

Come here... Adé, open the window!

Who's the boss now?!

Wait!

- What? - Does a chicken fly?

Hello Siri.

- Does a chicken fly? - No.

It depends on the chicken.

- They fly. - Yep, they fly.

- They fly. - There you are.

- Hello, Michel! - Hey. She wasn't a nuisance?

No, it's all good. She's a pretty cool chicken.

Because she's a cheeky one, Pina.

She loves to lay in strange places.

- You named her Pina? - Yes, a homage to Pina Bausch.

I love contemporary dance.

Hello, Bernard.

- What are you building? - A watchtower. For hunting.

The season starts in two days. That's why Madame's so excited.

Where exactly do you hunt?

In the woods.

That's where the animals are, more often than in the pub.

You shoot in that direction?

We don't shoot in the woods where our beaters and dogs are.

We always shoot that way. When the animal takes off...

We have our backs to the woods.

- You can't shoot in our garden. Our kids! - And my pussy.

No, thanks to the watchtower, there's no danger.

We always shoot plunging, downwards.

Okay, but we're here.

Our children too, and they're downwards.

That's why we have very strict safety guidelines, young people.

Look, the guy there, like me, on the watchtower,

well, he'll be shooting that way.

No, that way is the road.

Yes, you're right.

No, no, he'll shoot that way.

That's my place.

- Shit. - No, I'm talking nonsense. That way.

- No, those are the beaters. - Right.

Yeah, well... Yeah, so yeah...

- He'll shoot that way. - So, towards our house!

Excuse me? Your bullets?

- Do they go far? - Honestly?

- Max two kilometers. - Two kilometers?!

That's a long way. It's almost a marathon.

It doesn't matter, since we shoot downwards.

It's fine.

In any case, this wood is ours, so you need our consent.

I don't think they know about the easement...

Yes, the easement, for the mushrooms.

Yes, of course. But it's also for hunting.

Anyway, don't worry, hunting is from mid-September to mid-February,

so it's not...

- Five months?! - Not five months, it's...

- It is. But it goes by quickly. - February is a short month.

- You hunt every weekend? - No.

Tuesdays and Thursdays too.

Oh dear, here we go. I can see you coming,

with your preconceptions about hunters.

- Clichés... - We know people say we're a bit...

- Alcoholic. - Cruel.

- Racist. - Dangerous.

- Badly dressed. - And Homophobic.

- Yeah, we're not like that at all. - Not at all.

Anyway, thanks for the coffee.

Because we're not from here. We have to go.

- Pina? Let's go! - Where is Madame?

Madame! Come here!

Thanks a lot.

Come on, Madame.

Don't worry, honey, it'll be alright.

Anyway, everybody hates hunters.

We'll go see the Mayor, bring him some sweets,

and it will all work out!

OK?

We're the village in France with the most hunting licences per resident.

There are, on average, three guns per household.

But everyone seemed so nice.

It's not because you hunt that you're not nice.

- That's debatable. - I ironed your sash, do you want it?

No thanks, Mum. This is an informal meeting.

By the way, can I get you something to drink?

- I have Granola. - Mr. Mayor!

People are about to shoot up our garden.

Yes, but I don't see what I can do.

What's the deal here? We have to kick them out?

Oh, no! Don't do that.

You won't win the war against the hunters.

- What war? We're not at war. - I don't think you realise.

You'd turn the whole community against you.

Your life would become a living hell...

I mean, they have guns.

I'm very sorry, I have my driving lesson.

I'll see you out.

What are we supposed to do?

Michel, those lungs... I can't hear anything now.

Sorry.

- Well, is everyone here? - Yes!

Please, this year's watchword is security! Got it?

André! For fuck's sake!

That will make a worm to add to the hunt tally.

Michel, go ahead.

OK, the safety guidelines: correctly identify the game before shooting.

If it has a helmet and says "hello", it's not a doe, it's a cyclist!

Let's be particularly careful, the vegetable patch farm has new owners.

- No one cares, they're Parigots ! - No. We do care!

They're friends, let's keep it that way.

Right, reminder of the horn calls:

Roe deer, two shots. Not too difficult to remember:

Roe deer, two syllables. Roe - Deer, two blows.

Wild Boar: three syllables. Wil - de - Boar: three blows.

Wil - Deboar is only two, right?

No, three. Wil - de - Boar: three syllables.

No: Wil - Deboar.

No. Wil - de - Boar.

Wild Boar, three blows. Wil - de - Boar.

- But, Wild Boar is... - Three syllables. Wil - de - Boar.

You-Piss-MeOff.

- So, Doe, four blows. - Doe is only one syllable.

Let's make Doe, five blows.

No. Five blows is a stag.

Four blows a doe. Five blows a stag. Six blows a fawn. Easy.

Why is a tiny fawn six blows, and only four for a stag?

Why not do one blast for the doe, Bernard?

- You could confuse it with the stag. - No, one blow is for stalkers, damn it!

The beaters. You're hunters aren't you?

OK, in positions, or God knows when we'll eat.

- Did you get it? - Not a thing.

But I don't ask questions, so we don't get yelled at.

What do you want to do today, kids?

- Trampoline all day! - Yes!

All day long?

BEWARE HUNT IN PROGRESS

Mummy!

That trumpet is funny, what is it?

Into the house! Come on, come in.

Up to your rooms. Hurry up! Come on, let's go!

Get in the house!

Come on, children, quickly! To your room, please, hurry!

Darling? Did you see people in the woods?

I didn't see them but I hear them. Do you hear the trumpets?

- You hear them? - I heard gunshots.

What's that black thing?

It looks like...

It's a wild boar! A wild boar!

Get rid of it!

No! Get it out of here!

Adé, go look...

- I swear... - You go.

Close it! Close the door!

- Are you alright, honey? - It's Hell.

- Mum, what was that noise? - No, no kids, don't come down!

It's a neighbour's... Everything's fine.

Cachette? Cachette.

What bad luck we were so far away. The dogs drove it here.

But don't worry, our insurance will cover it.

How big was the wild boar?

- Huge! A monster. - Really, a monster.

I mean how many kilos? 90, 100, 110?

- How would I know that? - Too many.

Maybe it's the black beast.

What's the black beast?

He's a lone male.

He's done a lot of damage in the village.

We've been after him for three years.

Here, this is to apologise. It's not much, but it'll be delicious.

A welcome change from nuggets.

- Have you killed one today? - No, today, not a sausage.

André hit that one with his car this morning.

He bumper hunts.

His only chance of success.

You lied to us!

It's no easement, it's a hunting ground!

Here, in winter, it's all a hunting ground.

You don't get it. In our garden, there's a watchtower!

And a wild boar tore up the house!

- We want to sell! - Yes. What?

- What? - When did we decide that?

We can put the house back on the market.

But we'll have to wait until March to start visits.

- Why March? - The end of hunting season!

We can't show it with all the shooting. Who buys a house in a battlefield?

Well... us. That's what we did.

Excuse me.

- She showed it to us in April. - The bitch! I hate her.

I'll kill her.

Two o'clock at the agency?

See you later.

- Where did you find this? - At home.

- At home? - Yes.

At home! Do you think this is normal?

It's just a bit of plastic.

Unbelievable.

What the hell is going on!

It's four in the morning!

- You can't machine gun like that! - We have children sleeping!

They have school tomorrow!

It's the night migrating birds pass through.

Forgive us, it's only once a year, promise.

You're killing migratory birds?

Trying to, but they fly fast...

And not straight.

Don't worry, we're shooting upwards. Less dangerous than plunging.

We don't give a damn! Plunging or not, this stops now!

- Bugger. - Look there!

Oh no, it was a redshank. Damn, I missed it.

- What is this place?! - I haven't seen a redshank since...

You should be on the news, not in our garden.

- Holy crap. - Honey, the kids are sleeping.

I'm really livid.

- Be brave, sweetie, it'll be fine. - Hey, Romy.

- Hello, Olivia. - Hello.

You're tired, aren't you. She hardly slept.

- It'll be OK, sweetie. - Let's go, Romy.

- I see your husband a lot lately, Olivia. - Probably more often than I do.

The hunt is five months where I don't see him.

We cross paths.

It must be Hell, no?

It's Hell, yes.

Well, good luck.

Come on, kids!

Early night, Romy is exhausted.

- Everyone's exhausted. Me too. - OK, sweetheart?

- Who is it? - Shit.

- Hello. - Hello again.

These are for you.

- To apologise for waking the kids up. - Yeah.

They're Bolitus Edulis!

- They're ceps. - Delicious.

40 euros a kilo in Paris!

- At least! - Here, they're at your feet.

Well, have a nice day. We're going to bed.

Good night.

Not too much garlic, it can ruin the flavour.

Goodbye.

What is it?

- What? - Ceps. That's fabulous.

They're trying to buy us off, so we don't ff...

- Yes. - Forget them.

I don't fucking believe it.

That's Pina.

In an omelette, amazing!

Sorry.

That's on us.

We know a very good mechanic.

- Seriously! - Honey, you OK? What's up?

- They shot my car! - What do you mean?

- I'm calling my Dad! - No, no, no! Why?

Don't call your father, that's disproportionate Adé! He'll kill them.

They bring out guns, we bring out the bazooka.

If you paid more than ten euros on this bottle, you got ripped off.

Sure, that would have been abusive...

No no, nine, or so...

- Nine euros? Really, Simon? - About that.

You swear on your family's life?

Fifteen euros. Can you leave me alone now?

- Well, you got ripped off. - Yeah, I know.

It's like this house, you got ripped off.

You want me to sue the agency?

Let me sue them, and in a month, it's over.

Dad, before taking out the whole village,

we want to stop the hunting on our land.

Did you look into our problem?

Your problem is that you left the Paris crazies

for country bumpkin crazies.

Normals, with two kids, live in the suburbs.

Maybe in provincial towns, if they've given up.

- Dad! - No.

Revoking the easement is an odyssey.

- It's at least a five-year process. - Five years?

I'd have to work on 70 albums, honey...

And that's without the easement issue.

But I didn't get rich by leaving my clients in the lurch.

I have the solution.

We'll register your woods as a wildlife reserve.

It's new and goes to the European Court of Human Rights.

I've prepared the dossier for you.

They won't know what hit them!

By the time they react, they'll be stuffed.

Will they know it was us who put in the request?

- Well, yes... - And anonymously?

What is it you want?

No, it's just that we don't want to create a bad vibe,

because, actually, they're nice people...

It would have been easier if they were assholes.

Yeah, we want things to remain peaceful.

We can delay putting in the request,

but show them the dossier and show them we can step things up.

- That's very good. - Very, very good.

Can we run into them this weekend?

There's a banquet, every Saturday, after the hunt.

You're joking? A hunters' banquet?

That'll be colourful.

Five kilometres to the bakery. It really is the middle of nowhere.

And it's so damn green.

Must get lots of rain.

Careful!

That's all we needed.

Extraordinary!

Careful! You'll scare him.

- Yes. - No.

- What's he doing here? - Oh, boy.

Shit.

- Don't look him in the eye. - Really?

Oh yes. You don't want to piss him off.

What's he doing?

- Scratching his ass with the mirror. - So he is.

- Drive, or he'll fuck it up. - No, I'll let him finish.

For all we know, we smell like doe.

- No, no... - Don't do that!

We're in Jurassic Park.

Fuck, he's pissing on me! The smell is awful!

You shouldn't have honked.

- I ate some! - Oh fuck...

Are you OK, Dad?

I'm fine.

- Hello, Mayor. - Good evening.

Downstairs, kids! Babysitter's here.

Do you have Netflix?

Yes.

So, children, this is how it's going to go.

We keep our speech short. No chit-chat.

We walk in, we don't sit down!

- We are summoning. We're not... - Negotiating!

I fucking love you like this, Baby!

Five minutes max from the moment we walk in the door.

Timer started, on my watch. Ready!

In no case do we accept alcohol. Alcohol leads to...

- The bed! - Unemployment!

To fraternisation, or worse, to violence.

No violence, we don't want that.

We may be badly received. If so, let me do the talking.

- Clear? - Crystal clear.

Ah, the neighbours! Come.

Bernard! The neighbours.

- Come, come, come. - Sit down, sit down.

- Don't be shy. - Plates, plates...

- Let me take that. - No, no, thank you.

Come on, let's load the cannons!

- Here you go. - No, really...

Glass in the left hand for the toasts.

If women pissed vinegar

And shat ground pepper

The salad would quickly be ready

If watercress grew from their ass

The words are a little... But it's tradition...

To the health of our fellow

Who today is regaling us

Take aim! Fire!

Wait! Let us drink to the health of Adelaide and Simon,

who have done us the honour of dining with us tonight.

- And you are... - Adelaide's father, Gaspard.

- Gaspard? - Yes.

Gas-PARD - Ber-NARD. It rhymes. We're made to get along.

I must say, this wine isn't half bad.

If you pay more than 10 euros and it isn't very good,

that means you've been ripped off.

Very well said.

Gaspard?

- We were going to stay standing. - Yes, no...

We'll improvise.

Bernard, we have something to tell you.

Dad. - Yes.

Yes, yes, yes... - What?

The duke of Bordeaux He looks like his brother

His brother like his father, And his father like my ass

From this I conclude That the duke of Bordeaux

Resembles my ass Like two drops of water

To the health of our fellow

Who today is regaling us

Take aim! Fire!

- There! - So...

- Dad. - Yes. Come on.

Come on...

Flies can stand there.

And eat something.

You don't want a woodpecker on your shoulder.

Yes, bad idea to drink on an empty stomach.

- I'm very happy to have you with us. - Yes.

Dad! You said, no fraternising.

Well, of course not. We're here, we're here to...

Why are we here?

- He's drunk. - Are you, Gaspard?

- Not at all. - The dossier, Gaspard.

Oh yes, of course. So, the dossier...

- Little Emily promised me - Fuck.

Three hairs from her ass To weave a carpet

- Dad! - I'll wait for the end of the toast.

The moths have eaten it The carpet is ruined

- And little Emily has... - No more hair on her ass.

To the health of our fellow...

- Are there many toasts? - Not many, thirty or so.

- And fire! - Yes!

Bernard, what did you shoot today?

- For us, it's all wild, nothing bred. - Yeah.

The animals come out, or not. The beauty of hunting!

I once didn't fire a round for three months.

For me, it's been six months.

Well, for the two of us, with the country air, it's all guns blazing.

Honey, what's up with you?

- Calm down. - It's the red.

Oh yes, my little Madame.

Bernard we have something to tell you.

- Madam Duchess... - Oh fuck, we'll never manage.

Despite her modesty and devotion

She's worn out more pairs of balls

Than the great army Has worn out shoes

Take fire! Aim!

Benjamin! Benjamin!

- He's a bit scary. - A little, yes.

Can you hear in the distance?

It's your dog fucking mine

In that case, here's to our dogs!

Fire!

The President's plum brandy!

Oh no, never in the glass! In the cup.

Plum brandy in a cup.

- Thank you. - There's enough for everyone.

- Just a little. - Very tasty.

- Cupcake... - I've lost my wife.

She's resting.

- The mirabelle, wow! - Gold medal!

- This isn't mirabelle. - No, it's geranium. I'm sorry.

Quite a kick.

- What's that one? - It's poppy-chestnut.

- Let me taste. - Go ahead.

Hide the taste of hydrangea.

It can't hurt can it...

- It's the chestnut that... - I like it.

- Oh no, I like it. - It's a journey.

Ah, not bad.

Hello.

So, Mister "Work, play, sleep"? Come out to see the moon?

Yeah.

And you,

is there such a thing as a non-drinking hunter?

Not really.

Let's just say that I don't agree with everything that goes on here.

You don't?

What, for example?

You think I'm a snitch? That I'd betray my friends?

I never said that.

Your face!

I'm kidding.

You want to fry your head?

This stuff's organic, from my garden.

I'm very very ready.

Well?

- Double barrel! - No kidding, it's a 12 gauge.

I tried with a Browning 28, but it didn't work as well...

What is it you don't agree with?

It's Bernard I don't agree with.

Really?

To start with, Bernard didn't tell you the whole truth about the house.

And me, I lost my best friend because of him.

Tell me...

One day, on a hunt,

I found an abandoned boarlet.

He was all alone and didn't stand a chance,

so, without telling Bernard, I took him home.

Then I raised him like...

Like a little baby.

My baby.

Well done.

A little more?

Not too hot?

Don't forget to rub behind the ears.

Careful, your eyes, it stings.

Get the ball.

Head it! Well done.

Raise your snout when you run. Run, run... A pass...

You want a drag?

Bernard denounced me to the police.

Apparently, you can't keep a wild animal in your home.

All the hunters agreed with him.

So, of course, since then,

I have a bit of a problem with hunting.

I'd have been on your side.

- Really? - Yes... I have a...

I have a pussy.

If you take my pussy away...

Devastated.

I'll tell you something.

- Before the cops came to shoot him... - Yeah?

I freed him, back into the wild.

Well, he didn't want to leave...

He wouldn't leave, the rascal...

Like in White Fang.

Fuck yes, like in White Fang !

- You know it? - From 1991.

With Ethan Hawke.

- Best film in the universe. - I agree.

Extraordinary, Along with Babe.

- With Babe ! - You've seen that one too?

Babe is great. Donkey Skin ?

- Donkey Skin ... Beautiful dresses. - The concept was crazy.

Anyway...

Simon?

If I tell you something, will you keep it to yourself?

Cross my heart.

I pretend to hunt.

- I fake it. - That's good.

An animal appears, I close my eyes and shoot blindly.

- That's not good. - I'm too scared I'll kill Moshe.

- You named your boar Moshe? - Yes.

But that's a Jewish name.

So? Boars have nothing against Jews.

That's not the problem.

What's that?

What's going on?

Come on, it'll be fun!

Gaspard!

Didn't we say we wouldn't touch the guns?

Live a little, Simon. We're not eternal!

No, we'll be dead in 15 minutes. You OK, honey?

You want some poppy brandy?

The happy couple!

- Come and see. - Get over here.

Come on, Sweetie.

Look out!

I have no idea how you managed to father children.

Maybe they're not mine.

I thought you'd be a pain in the ass, but now I have two new friends.

Butt... Head... Bang!

If they're like him, bring me as many as you want.

- Bernard, let's go. - No, darling. I'm with Gaspard.

First one to hit two bottles in one go, gets a flash of my tits!

- No! No no no no! - Enough bullshit.

This is serious.

Put them away! Put them away, Adé!

That woodpecker on my shoulder.

Is it me, or did we really dance to Patrick Sébastien.

Yes, we did.

He really is a great artist.

I had overlooked that.

Come on girls, wake up.

Too much partying? Come on.

Down you come.

Anne Teresa De Keersmaeker...

Leave Carolyn Carlson alone.

There's plenty for everyone. Come on.

Preljocaj, Benjamin Millepied, no pecking fights...

I'm counting on you.

Where is Pina? Pina?

Michel.

Look at what Madame found last night.

The bastards.

Bastards!

The bastards...

- You can't just leave, Dad! - I love that Michel.

Did you see his chickens? Fantastic!

Gaspard, did you come for his hens or for us?

Bernard knows more than 500 species of mushrooms.

Screw the mushrooms, Dad!

He's the greatest mycologist I've ever met.

What about the plan, the European Court,

the wildlife, the reserve, all that?

It makes me a little uneasy. I mean...

Bernard is a friend now.

- Whose friend? - I'll pass the case on to a colleague.

Fucking unbelievable...

- You're switching sides? - I'm sure you'll find common ground.

Amongst intelligent people.

- You're not coming back? - Ah well, yes.

In a month.

Bernard and Olivia invited me to dinner.

I'm off. Bye, kids.

Your father's a traitor, Adé.

Dad!

He's leaving!

Daddy! Mummy! Cachette's come out of the house!

Come and see!

Well done, Cachette.

You're much braver than Granddad.

Attagirl.

Romy, come, let's keep an eye on her.

What's this?

"Bernard didn't tell you the whole truth about the house."

Adé!

Benjamin.

Inner ring road OK? Traffic jams? Head hurting at all?

What happened with the previous owner of the house?

What happened with the previous owner?

Nothing, just a silly accident.

A hunting accident?

No, it's not that simple.

Benjamin...

Listen to me.

Are we brothers or not?

- We're brothers. - We shared a moment last night, right?

Yes.

White Fang...

- Babe... - Babe.

Donkey Skin...

Please tell us what happened.

Well, it's like this.

We were in the forest, all the hunters,

and we got a little too close to Jean-Claude's house.

- He took a bullet from the woods? - No. No, that's not it.

Hi, Jean-Claude.

You didn't see a stag by any chance ?

- Big, twelve horns, a nice one. - No, nothing this morning.

That's mad.

- We left a ton of beets last night. - Should have left two tons.

Michel, with the dagger from his boot.

No, no, no, wait.

- I slipped it in wrong, it's spiky. - I can imagine.

And where did you leave the beets?

Oh well, there, near the pond.

- It was Bernard. - Fucking hell, it was Bernard.

It wasn't Bernard.

And wait, we put some in the grove too!

Oh, my God!

No! No, not that.

Beautiful salads!

It's not salad, it's cabbage.

- You want one? - I'd love one.

Wonderful.

- OK. - Safety first!

- André! - André?

- Of course! It was André, babe! - No, wait.

Because, I started, but I haven't finished.

Jean-Claude, we're off, or God knows when we'll eat.

OK.

Happy hunting.

- Bye, guys. - Did you check the barrel?

What?

For fuck's sake, André.

Be careful.

Well, Jean-Claude, we're off.

Jean-Claude?

Jean-Claude?

FOR SALE

- He fell into the well? - That's dreadful!

That's very serious, Benjamin!

André is an excellent doctor, but when it comes to hunting...

You lied to us!

You hid that the previous owner died in a hunting accident!

Now we're stuck with murderers until spring!

Hunting accident, I don't know... More like a well accident.

There's no such thing as a well accident.

No shooting the branch, no falling in the well.

With "ifs" you can rewrite history.

Why didn't you ask me? If you'd asked, I'd have told you.

That's information you specify before selling a house!

It was your dream house, for you and your children!

I couldn't destroy your dream.

I mean... But...

There's a dead person in the house we live in!

If I'd told you, would you have bought it?

No!

That's why I've been in real estate for fifty-five years.

To make dreams come true!

Let's submit the dossier right now.

- Forget the peaceful option. - You're right!

Where is the dossier?

It's them.

Hello, Bernard. Michel.

You forgot something last night.

We leafed through it. It's well written.

We're on the way to our lawyer to contest the procedure.

You better have deep pockets, it'll take years!

We were honest with you, from the start.

What did you do? You lied! Does Jean-Claude ring a bell?

That was just bad luck.

And your dossier? Is that honest?

We welcomed you, and you stab us in the back!

Better than a bullet in the head!

What happened to solidarity in the countryside?

All bullshit?

You want to deprive us of an ancestral tradition.

- For your selfish comfort. - It's not about comfort, it's survival!

It's vital for us too!

Take André, this is all he has since he became a widower.

- It keeps him going. - You realise that?

- What you're doing to him, at 90? - Disgusting.

We thought you were different Parisians, but you're just as deceitful!

And you! You play nice, but you're like the others too.

- Senile alcoholics! - Yes, murderers!

- Yes! - No more, no less!

- After all we've been through together. - Yeah.

The singing, the dancing, the conga!

Besides, you're not welcome at our banquets.

- We don't give a shit! - Except for Gaspard.

How he ended up with such a heartless daughter...

How did such a brute marry a perfect woman like Olivia.

Thank you.

- A compliment for her, not you, idiot! - I knew that.

- They played us for suckers! - They don't know who we are!

- We're Parisians! - That's true!

We grew up in the most violent city in France!

It's 5 euros, 15 minutes parking. Who knows that here? Nobody!

And 500 people in a metro carriage, at eight am!

I licked the metro rail as a kid. Twice, with my bare tongue!

We got two places at the nursery.

- Not one, sir! - Yes, ma'am!

- Two! - Sunday morning brunch, 10.30 am.

It's 34 euros for three avocados, a pomegranate syrup, and two toasts!

Contra-flow cycle paths, in the bus lanes!

We survived two Remontadas ! Two!

And without us what happens?

- If we leave here, the school closes! - We're no suckers!

Slow down, honey! We can't die with these rednecks!

Babe?

Where are you going?

- What are you doing? - I want them out of here, Adé!

- Don't try to stop me! - Stop.

A little finesse, Babe. The Parisian is cunning.

This is good.

That's good, honey, very good.

- How much do you think it weighs? - A wild boar?

- A hunter. - More than a wild boar.

- Fantastic. - Come on. Next.

Wait, we're doing all of them?

- No, they're everywhere. - Not for long.

Michel...

- Right, is everyone there? - Yes.

Well, we all have a bit of a heavy heart this morning.

It's not our first disappointment with visitors from the capital.

And from Hauts de Seine.

At least we still have the hunting! - Yes!

That's one thing the Parisians will never have!

- Come on, let's go! - Let's get going.

Come on, you.

- What the hell? - You OK, Michel?

Yep.

Oh, shit!

Bad luck, that.

Maybe it's termites.

Or beavers, it's crawling with them.

Bastards!

Pig!

André, what the hell!

I got it.

I don't believe it.

I have something for you kids, a special offer on tripe.

You're going to love it.

It's not good, Mum.

Come on, kids. Let's go.

Protection against the beavers.

And the weasels, no pun intended.

What a bitch.

- This is real... - It's war, babe.

Careful!

I warned you. You've put the village to the sword.

Are you with them or with us?

- What? - No. Don't pretend you didn't hear.

- Whose side are you on? - Either with us, or against us.

- You're blocking traffic. - I have to go.

I am here today, in my capacity as Mayor,

however, I'd like you to see me as a mediator.

Simon and Adelaide, you are the target of a complaint for life endangerment

filed by the hunters' association.

What? You're the danger and you file a complaint?

A hunter falling from a sabotaged tower is extremely dangerous.

The tower is 1m50 high and the ground is soft underneath!

- But a gunshot can go off very easily. - Exactly!

The danger comes from guns. It's always the same problem!

Let me get this right, you went to the police, of your own initiative,

to shop us in. Correct?

Exactly like you did with Benjamin and Moshe.

Moshe, that's completely different. A boar is a wild animal.

We must respect the wild. We have no right to appropriate it.

A boar has to live far from man. Otherwise it's chaos, it's disease!

- Benjamin knows it's the right decision. - Really?

You talked it over, did you?

Because he has nightmares every night about it.

He'll never get over being torn from his boar.

Benjamin, tell them.

I feel that there is some risk of escalation here...

Hasn't it escalated enough yet, Mr. Mayor?

Can we find a solution?

Sure! You could, maybe, ban hunting in our woods.

Oh yes! Stop the hunting. Of course.

Game will proliferate, boars will destroy the crops.

The black beast alone, one single critter,

causes thousands of euros worth of damage a year!

Young man, hunting isn't only about enjoyment,

it's also about regulating.

We actually do more missing than regulating.

- Michel, please. - Enough!

If you don't ban hunting, we're moving.

I'll let you tell Olivia.

We'll find other Parisians with children. Shake a tree these days, ten fall out.

There's no shortage of them.

- Mr. Mayor... - Mr. Mayor, look at me.

You can do it.

Your bad hair doesn't mean you can't take responsability.

And don't fret over the moustache. It was the same for me.

Considering the risk of our school closing,

I have decided to suspend hunting in Manor Woods by municipal order!

I love you, my little kitten.

Little prick.

I admit, I'm kind of glad the hunt's ended early this year.

We should make the most of it and go away together?

We could go to Greece.

I have to go.

- Thanks for dinner. - Where are you going?

We have a hunt meeting. We have a little problem to solve.

Don't go upsetting little Romy's parents.

Bernard?

- Guys, I asked you to be discreet. - What?

You said it was for hunting. Make up your mind, Bernard.

The hunt is dead.

Long live the hunt. The hunt for Parisians.

They love animals? We'll give them a load of them.

Bernard, you're sure this isn't over the top?

If they leave, the school closes, and my daughter has to take a bus to school.

Damn it, they're customers! It'll be our fault if the village dies.

- You're absolutely sure? - Yes.

Save the hunt, or leave you must!

Simon! Babe...

Babe, wake up! We have 50 wild boars in our garden. Look!

- What? - Look.

- Come, hurry up! - Yes.

Look!

There.

Damn pigs, they're eating everything.

That's corn!

The bastards left corn to attract them.

- Cachette! - Cachette!

- Clear off! - Get out, pigs!

- Get out of here! - Go!

Daddy, where is Cachette?

Well, Cachette is...

Cachette is hiding.

Where? I want to find her.

I'm sorry, babe.

It could have been our daughter, OK?

You prefer your cat to your daughter?

- You're not going outside. - Yes!

No! It's too dangerous.

Why?

It's not safe. We can't let them go outside.

There's nothing left for us here. Leon...

We're returning to Paris.

No!

Don't look at me like that.

The good news is now that you've closed the hunt,

we can start the visits tomorrow.

And with all your renovations, it'll be wrapped up in no time.

Trust me.

FOR SALE

Farewell, Pina.

Great news.

We've recovered our hunting rights in the Saint-Hubert woods.

The Parisians having scarpered,

our dear little Mayor had no reason to refuse.

What's up?

You went too far with the Parisians.

- It's true Bernard. - The corn trick was too much.

Wait, I got rid of the ball breakers for you!

You want to hunt or not?

- Who's gone? - André!

We want to hunt, but not that much.

- We prefer a lively village. - Shooting, we can do without.

What we like most, is seeing the animals, the little rabbits, the deers...

What we're trying to say, Bernard, is that...

we feel that you're too obsessed with hunting.

You no longer see what's important.

I didn't realise it was my special day!

That's it, it's St Bernard's day!

So, I bend over backwards to save the hunt,

and it gets me a life sermon for my sins.

So, what are the important things?

Enlighten me.

You hunting down poor harmless animals, that's one thing.

But chasing away the family of one of my students,

thereby putting at risk my school, that's something else!

Be warned, Bernard, don't take away the only thing

that makes me happy, seeing as you're never around.

Figure it out, find a solution.

If not, I want a divorce. Is that clear?

There will be no open season on my school.

Ah, your schoolbag.

- Good morning. - Hello.

I have an appointment with my daughter's teacher.

- You're the father of... - Romy.

Which one?

- Hello? - It's crazy how ironic life can be.

I have an offer for your house. Guess who made it.

Well, tell me...

- A hunter! - SOLD.

Great. Let them keep amongst themselves.

The circle is closed. Have a good day.

He's a friendly one.

Paris is magical...

Fucking stop busting our balls!

MEDITERRANEAN, TEN NIGHTS

I know I've neglected you the last few years.

I spent too much of my time hunting.

You spent all of your time hunting.

I mean, you know me, Olivia.

I'm passionate.

When I was at work the whole time, it was simple.

Since retiring, I feel like I'm going around in circles.

And I don't want to be a burden on you.

In my slippers, all year long...

There must be an in-between, no?

I know you need to...

To move, to do things, to lead. I get that.

But I need us.

I need us to share things.

If not, why are we together?

And, I did tell you.

More than just once.

I realise that everyone liked the Parisians.

- Yes... - I forced them to leave.

Actually, I annoy everyone with my hunting.

Yes, you annoy everyone, yes.

Well...

Your school won't close.

I'm going to fix my screw-ups.

It was five o'clock in the morning

We were moving through the marshes

Get dressed.

Covered in mist...

I had my rifle in my arms,

In the distance, a sparrow

Taking flight

The dogs pressing ahead,

André!

Through the reeds...

See you tonight.

Flying over the pond

Suddenly I saw, The wild geese passing

They were on their way, Heading south

The Mediterranean

A flight of partridges High above the fields,

Rose above the clouds

The forest sang, the sun shone

André, for fuck's sake!

- I wanted it louder. - This is louder.

The marshes...

Thank you.

With my rifle in my arms

Deep inside I felt a little guilt

- Why are you stopping? - Because it's red.

So I left, alone, Just me and my spaniel

Going for a stroll

I don't see many fields on the Champs Élysées.

Check that out.

They make me laugh with their...

Oh, that one, look, what species of bird is that!

Is it a protected species?

He looks great in his high heels!

What bozos!

- Here, you take a left... - Not left, it's a roundabout, André.

- Yes, but... - A roundabout, I have to go that way.

- You see that, Michel? - Big, isn't it?

It's huge! And high! But you have to go around it.

Not under it, OK.

Keep your eyes on the road.

Right at the light, Bernard.

- There? Be precise! - Here!

Did you hear that?

- Isn't this a one-way street? - No.

- How old is your map, how old is it? - Listen, my map is up-to-date.

Look out!

Get out of the way, bloody Parigots. Come on!

Oh, fuck!

Careful!

- Are you OK? - Asshole!

Yes, well, sorry.

- Two more spoonfuls. - No!

- Eat properly... - Please keep your voice down, Babe.

I'm talking normally.

- You're not talking normally. - I am talking normally.

I seem loud because we live in a closet, that's why I seem loud.

Daddy!

Come on, come on. Turn, turn.

There you go.

You, the kids, you're so close. You're too close to me.

- Don't be offended. - I'm not offended, don't worry.

If you need a break, go to one of the many bars that keep us up all night.

- Have a drink. We'll be fine. - I don't want to have a drink.

Too many people in the bars, I need space. I need silence!

- What the hell are they doing here? - Fuck.

Are you coming down?

Don't wave to them.

- Give us one of each. - One of each item on the menu?

That's 30 dishes...

Perfect.

The famous Louison technique.

I've come here because I want to apologise.

Yes, I've been obsessed with hunting these last few years.

But it was my release.

It may surprise you, but Olivia and me have been through a difficult period.

Rural life isn't always easy for a couple.

Can't see each other too much, or too little.

That's the same everywhere.

It's difficult with so few social events.

For me it was hunting.

I didn't see that I was hurting my wife,

and you, and the whole village.

Six months without seeing your wife, that can't be easy.

Oh no, I'll have you know, it's much more than six months.

You think we just turn up in October with our clarinets.

We've already worked all spring and all summer.

Fixing the buttresses, setting up watering spots...

No, if you want to do hunting justice, it's 365 days a year.

Minimum.

We promise, we'll no longer hunt in the Manor woods.

Nor near the houses, nor near the school...

Yes! We can go a little further.

Or a lot further. We'll save money on cartridges...

Right?

So? Will you come back to Saint-Hubert?

Cancel the sale? You signed the preliminary contract, you can't retract.

- In that case, the buyer has to retract. - He only has tomorrow to do so.

After that, the deal is done. No turning back

We'll invite him to the hunt.

He won't be disappointed.

Hello everyone,

and welcome to Denis, new owner of the vegetable patch farm,

and new member of our hunting association.

- So, let's welcome him. - Hello Denis!

Benjamin is taking over as leader of the association.

I'll leave him the honour of going over the calls.

So, to start with, the calls...

- Roe deer? - Roe deer.

So, for roe deer: Roe deer, two syllables, two blows.

For wild boars: wild-boar, two syllables, two blows.

- Wil-de-Boar is three syllables. - No, no, it's two.

Actually, it's two, it's Wil-Deboar.

- Is it? - Go on, continue.

So, the doe: one syllable, one blow.

The stag: one syllable, one blow. It's the same.

And if it's a fawn, same again: one syllable, one blow,

and if they all come out together,

one plus one plus one, that's three blows!

- That's unclear. Why three blows? - Three blows is for plan C.

- Plan what? - No, no, it's nothing.

We take safety very seriously. We have our expert, André. Come.

- Me? - Yes, André.

We're on top of this.

Talk to us about the safety.

Okay. First: open the gun,

making sure it's unarmed before any obstacle.

Check the barrels... Clear.

That gun isn't unloaded.

- Crazy man. - He's crazy, right?

You didn't hear what befell the last owner.

- What? - An accident, so stupid...

- I'd have hated being in his shoes. - For sure.

We have a particularity here. We shoot into the battue.

- Facing the woods? - Facing the woods and over 360°.

- The house and the beaters? - The beaters?

That's our secret weapon.

The duke of Bordeaux

Looks like his brother His brother like his father

And his father like my ass

The children are small, so, less chance of hitting them.

Yes. No need to plunge shoot.

- Just shoot over 1m10. - Yes, 1m10-1m20...

Yes, 1m20. They are quite tall these days.

- Hello, Mummy. - Hello, sweetheart.

I propose a toast. To Denis and to the hunt.

And as we say here,

"Having a doubt, doesn't mean you shouldn't shoot!"

- What's this shit? - That's ceps-chicory.

- It's quite a journey. - Oh yes.

Everyone in position, or God knows when we'll eat.

Close the shutters.

A real herd of idiots, this lot. You can't be too safe, right?

Madame. Stay!

He's tougher than we thought.

- Plan A is a failure. - Calls and alcohol.

- Moving on to plan B. - Blank bullets.

- Serious hardware you've got there. - Yeah, not bad.

You must have had quite a season so far.

- I'd say, about 2 000 head this year. - Oh really?

I cheated a bit, in Hungary, at a bred-stock hunt...

We cleaned everything out.

Like they say, the good and the bad...

Which one are you using today?

- With this one, I got two bears. - Thing is, here, bears are...

Well, there aren't any.

With this one I bagged 5 000 wood pigeons in Cuba last year...

- It's not the wood pigeon season here. - Not wood pigeon season?

Nope. Hey, is that an Express there?

My thoughts exactly. I'll take the Express.

I don't want to influence you, but great idea.

Yep, the Express.

- She's a beauty. - Oh yes.

See you in a bit. I'll be right there.

No.

I'll take the Snipe.

Yes, I'll take the Snipe.

What kind of Mickey Mouse battue is this?

This is a complete nonsense.

Bernard!

These fucking guys.

The lady deer asked him If he was sure of...

Good at swimming...

The buyer... He didn't take his Express.

He took a huge bazooka. I don't have blanks for that.

- What does that mean? - He's got live ammo!

- Shit. - Kids, take cover!

- Kids! Turn back! - What do we do now?

- He has live ammo. - We go to plan C.

- What's plan C? - It's the buckshot plan.

- We're shooting him? - Yes, if we have to.

No! We're not shooting him! But we will pepper the house.

- Michel. Forgive me. Sorry. - Is there a deer?

For fuck's sake.

Are there three deers?

Cachette?

Cachette, it's me.

Cachette, what in the world?

Where were you?

My giddy aunt.

My giddy aunt.

Bro, I love wild boars.

I know it was you who tried to eat my pussy.

And I know it was you who destroyed my house.

I didn't say anything.

- I forgave. No hard feelings. - Don't move.

- Don't move an inch. - Wait.

- Don't shoot, there's kids back there. - I've got a clear shot, don't worry.

Moshe.

Moshe!

It's the black beast!

Stop!

Fuck! You shot me, you idiot!

It's only buckshot. It's nothing.

Oh, Moshe. Oh, my Moshe.

I couldn't let you kill Moshe.

You called a boar Moshe?! You're all completely insane!

You'll be fine, young man.

They're all freaks here.

- I'm cancelling the purchase! - Yes.

And you can say goodbye to your hunting license!

I made my choice.

Make him a thyme and cider vinegar compress.

It works wonders.

Have a good trip.

It hurts, baby!

All bloody idiots!

We did it.

Welcome home, my love.

André, damn it!

What an endearing sport is hunting,

Nothing's more beautiful than hunting

- Do you still have the boar paw? - Yes, I do.

- Bring it, we'll show it who's boss. - With pleasure.

- Sausage? - I'd love one.

- I was Mayor of Saint-Hubert too. - Really? When was that?

- Before the war. - What war? How old are you?

I don't know anymore. It was so long ago.

Thank you. I had nothing left to smoke.

They stressed me out, those bastards.

- Get your freak on. - Yes, thank you.

- Where is Bernard? - I don't know.

Has anybody seen Bernard?

Bernard?

In the thicket, a noise and you shoot

But why ever was the gamekeeper there?

Where are we going?

All that's left is to write out a cheque

Here, darling.

To us.

- My doe. - My wild boar.

- What are you? My wild boar, yes? - And you are my doe! My doe!

- Wait. Look! What is this? - Wait, wait, wait.

- What is it? - Wait, it's stuck.

Hidden in the Champs Élysées

Bang! Right in the bull's eye

Oh, the beautiful bird

Bang! Right in the bull's eye

You still have a crossed cheque to write out

In the name of Mr Émile

The hunt is a difficult sport

My sweethearts!

I know, you go check the garden for unicorns.

- Very good idea. - Yes, off you go.

Quickly go home, and pull closed your curtains

Pina, go to the garden too, please.

Pull your wife into your arms, bedtime

And make plans for the future

Bang! Right in the bull's eye

But be nice, put away your guns

Come, come Hunting is useless

Leave the little birds alone.

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