Original subtitles

Nd a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a "if I could go anywhere, it'd be Paris...

More romantic,"

"Any idea who you'd take with you?"

"give you one guess,"

"Hmmmmmmm,,,"

"Hint... He's great,"

"Total shot in the dark... Me?"

"in a heartbeat,

"course, we'd have to actually Meet first... Nudge, nudge,"

"Maybe someday,"

Hey, Sid, Hey, Hal,

Quarterlies,

You're the only one who turns them in on time,

Live to account for my expenditures,

Of course,

What's up?

Well, I've been thinking about this for a while now,

on how to return a favor,

What, the stock tips?

No, that was my pleasure,

Forget about it,

I'm not going to forget about it, Sid,

Hey, it's changed my life,

I just,,,

I would like to return the favor,

Okay,

Would you like to take the project for a test spin?

Uh,,,

I really don't think that's such a good idea,

I mean, you know,

I'd get caught,

It is the chance of a lifetime,

All the engineers have done it,

Look, I really do appreciate it,

That's very thoughtful,

I just,,, I mean, I just,,,

don't think it's a good idea,

Sid, I mean this with all due respect,

I see this young guy who over-Analyzes everything

to the point that he doesn't do anything,

Come on,

You sound like my friend Deb,

How would I even get past security?

I couldn't just walk right past,

I could walk right past?

Mm-hmm,

It's not a problem,

'night,

Hello, Sid,

It's me... Return those books I borrowed,

Deb... It's me,

Who are you? Get back!

I'm not a burglar, Deb... Look,

Look,

It's me,

Okay?

What?

There is nothing wrong with your television,

Do not attempt To adjust the picture,

We are now controlling the transmission,

We control the horizontal

and the vertical,

We can deluge you with a thousand channels

or expand One single image to crystal clarity

and beyond,

We can shape your vision

to anything our imagination can conceive,

For the next hour,

we will control all that you see and hear,

You are about to experience the awe and mystery

which reaches from the deepest inner mind

to The outer limits,

It is said that man is created in God's image,

But what happens when we alter that image?

Is our reflection the only thing that changes?

Oh, my gosh, this is amazing!

Is this great or what?

No, great is not the word,

Could you, like, turn around again?

Mmm, mm-Mm-Mm-Mm!

So yummy,

Okay, now say something again,

Hey, I'm Sid,

This is amazing,

I mean, the image is impressive enough,

But the voice masking, it totally sells it,

I mean, I'd do you, God!

Here,

It's not that bad, is it?

No, not if you're into that whole caved-In chest thing,

That's nice to know

that you're as superficial as the rest of the world,

I'm just kidding, all right?

You got to show me how this thing works,

Okay, this chip glued into my hair,

It creates a holographic image

that conforms to my body,

The image enhancer is the control pad,

I hit a button, I get a new image,

It's like an electronic disguise,

But how do you pick who you're going to be?

You can use the images it comes with,

or you can scan somebody,

store it and use it any time you want,

What ones does it come with?

Well, there's...

Mr, Hunky,

Then there's...

Oh, must be nice,

I'm going to spend the entire day in the shower as her,

Ew, him again,

I know... That's Hal,

That's the guy who gave me this,

So there's two drawbacks,

One is I have to be the same size

as the person I'm disguising myself as,

Two, you can't make any super-Sudden movements,

so if I go like this, it leaves an afterimage

of the holographic arm trying to catch up

so it gives it away,

Okay, so we won't do that

when we take this baby out on the town,

Well, we're not going out on the town,

so it's not an issue,

No, Sid, think about

how much trouble we could get into,

That's what I'm afraid of,

Afraid of,

Remind me again what planet you're from,

Oh, that's right... Trepidatia,

which would make you Mr, Trepidatious,

I'm going to tell you, though, I would like to meet Gail,

Gail, Gail,,, right, Gail-From-Online Gail,

You haven't sent her a picture?

So go as Mr, Sock-in-The-pants,

I didn't describe him to her,

Well, who did you describe?

I described the best-Looking guy I could think of,

Do you remember, remember Chad?

Chad Warner,

You know, rocket scientist from work,

Chad Warner,

Do I remember Chad Warner?

Oh!

I almost got in a catfight with Gina Levitt

over who would get the cubicle across from him

when I worked at vailtech,

Let me tell you, that was a view worth fighting for,

Can you not do that to the Pillow?

It's disgusting,

I'm taking this back to Hal before I really get in trouble,

No, I won't let you do that,

I'll tell you what,

I am going to do you a favor, Sid,

We're going to take your new toy out on the town

and I'm going to snag Chad's image for you

so you can meet Gail,

Sounds Good?

Well, while you're out doing that,

I'm going to stay at home

and auto-Erotically asphyxiate myself

'cause I feel much more comfortable with that,

So can you hook me up with your friend?

That much money, it's a little out of his league,

I'll see what I can do,

Who do you like?

Denver, Denver it is,

I'll have what he's having,

Chad, Debra,

Well, Debra,

if you're half as beautiful in the buff as you are right now,

that'll make you four times as beautiful

with twice as many clothes,

That's the most algebraically correct line I've ever heard,

A brain and a bod,

What's a girl to do?

Are you buying?

Oh, I'm buying,

I'm definitely buying,

Oh,,,wow,

Well?

It's not working,

Hold on, let me try something,

It worked?

Uh, uh, I think it worked,

Yeah, it,,,

definitely worked,

In fact, here,

See for yourself,

Wow,

Yeah,

I'll say,

I'm going to meet Gail,

Gail,

Sid?

Please have a seat,

Thanks,

Wow,

I mean, hi,

Hi,

It's great to finally meet you, you know,

Just great,

You look great,

Great,

You know that, uh,

I know we've been chatting online for six months now,,,

but I,,,

well, it just feels like I'm talking to you

for the first time,

We should have done this long ago,

Um, I have a confession to make,

My name is not Sid,

It's Chad,

Oh,

Never give out your real name over the internet,

Oh, I have a confession to make too,

You know how you'd never send me a picture of yourself,

I was half expecting

a short, fat, balding guy to show up tonight,

What if short, fat, balding had shown up?

I just wanted to meet the guy I love chatting with,

Oh, I have a present for you,

Oh! here,

That is so sweet,

A little laptop!

It's wonderful,

It has our screen names and everything,

I love it,

Sid,

Oh, Hal,

How you doing?

Let me tell you, that project is amazing,

You're a genius, man,

Any time you want any investing advice

Come to me, okay?

What's wrong?

I thought you knew,

What?

You got passed over again,

The promotions list... You're not on it,

Oh, again?

I don't understand,

I mean, I'm the,,,

I've got seniority,

Who the hell they give it to?

Chad,

They give it to Chad?

Are they crazy?

The guy's an accounting nightmare,

Do you know how many errors

I found in that guy's reports?

Do you realize how much more qualified I am than him?

I know you are,

Sid, I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you,

Yeah, I know, Yeah, thanks,

You okay? Yeah, yeah,

No, thanks, Hal,

All right,

And I want a bigger office,

If you're raising my pay by what, $5,00 an hour,

I want an office at least as big as yours,

Right?

Warner,

What's wrong with you,

coming in here piss-Drunk?

In fact, didn't your vacation start Yesterday?

Go home and sober up,

Uh,,,

let me ask you something,

Why did you give me the promotion

instead of, you know, what's his name... Sid?

Why'd you do that?

I don't know,

The job's hard enough

without having to stare at Sid's face all day,

Well, did you ever consider the fact

that I'm going to have to look at you every morning?

It sounds like

I get the short, fat, balding end of the deal,

don't you think?

Let me make it easier for you, Warner,

Oh, go ahead,

You're fired,

Here,

Thanks,

Oh, damn it!

God, it looks like you got the worst of it,

Well, just forget it,

You're all soaked, I can do it,

Honey, he's just trying to help,

He could help by watching Where the hell he's going,

Jerk,

He didn't do anything, You ran into him,

Mind your own business, I didn't run into anybody,

Yes, you did, I saw you,

This is a $35 shirt,

Let's go,

Hey, pal,

you bumped into me,

I was trying to be nice, but now you're pissing me off,

Me too,

Is everyone nuts?

I didn't do anything,

You don't want me to embarrass you,

so do yourself a favor,

Walk away... Before I get mad!

Let's,,, let's just,,,

just go!

You jerk,

@ It was amazing... The guy totally backed down,

I don't even know what happened,

I just got in his face for the hell of it,

I hope the look

that doesn't belong to you isn't going to your head,

I was just doing what you told me to do,

I was loosening up, having a little fun,

Sims, party of two, please,

Uh, sir, I'm sorry,

I think we were actually here before they were,

No, they were here before you,

No, actually,

see, it says "Sid" first...

That's me, Sid...

And then "Sims" below, which is them,

You'll get the next one,

Okay, um, I don't want the next one,

I want this one because we were here first,

I don't see what the problem is,

Look, you'll get the next one, capisce?

Sid, it's okay, It's not okay!

Hey, it's not okay!

Capisce? What is this, the godfather?

Let's just go,

Am I going to get this kind of crap

from a place that has magarita mondays?

Jesus,,, capisce?

What the,,, god!

Hey,

You can't be that ticklish,

Big baby,

What else do you see?

This line right here is your love life,

It's very active,

And the intersection of these two lines,

you've met someone very special,

and this right here is,,,

oh, I'm sorry,

Kind of tickled,

Did you see that?

See what?

Your arm, it,,,

I didn't see anything,

All I see is you,

Loser!

You got passed over, again!

You're ugly,

Loser,

,,,again!

Little loser, loser, loser,

Ugly,

Loser,,,

Sid!

What are you doing here?

We have to talk,

I'm meeting Gail,

Tell me how Chad Warner got fired,

Where did you hear that?

I still talk to don and Carol from engineering,

They told me how Chad showed up drunk at work

and got himself canned,

Mr, Cheekbones won't have any problem

finding another job,

That promotion was supposed to go to me,

Don't try and justify this to me,

I can't believe this!

You're siding with that fascist like everybody else?

It's bad enough that I used him, and don't think

my catholic guilt hasn't kicked in,

But now because you've become a jerk, and I helped you,

the guy's out of a job,

I don't feel bad,

Look at Chad's life and look at mine,

What, your life is crap because he looks Good?

God, do you have any idea what it's like to be Sid camden?

Huh? Huh?

When have I ever done anything like this before?

You know me,

This is the first time I've taken back what's mine,

You know what it was like in high school for me, right?

It's no different now,

Deb,

Deb,

Come on, I love you,

You're my only friend... I can't lose you,

You're not going to lose me,

but you can't run around Chad-Bashing anymore,

okay?

Hugs? Yeah,

It's really bad Karma,

That's her, That's Gail?

Yeah,

I'm going to change the channel now, as it were,

I hate to fight and run, but,,,

go,

You're the best,

Hi,

Hi,

Sorry I'm late,

I'm sure we'll find a way for you to make it up to me,

Who was that?

Who?

That girl,

Oh, she's my friend Deb,

Oh,

Chad?

How come you didn't call?

Amber,,,remember?

At sparkz the other night,

You asked me for my number,

You said you weren't seeing anyone,

Gail,

Gail, wait a second,

I'm glad you got her number,

You didn't ruin our relationship for nothing,

She's the one that came up to me,

I threw it away,

What do you want me to do,

stop talking to people because we're going out?

That's not funny, That's what Derek said,

You remember Derek, my ex-Fiance?

He was smarter than you because he screwed around on me

for months before I found out about it,

I'm not letting anyone... Anyone... Do that to me again,

Gail, there's no one else, okay?

I should have known better,

Internet romance?

My friends told me that there has got to be

something wrong with the guy,

Well, guess what?

They were right,

Aren't you overreacting just a bit?

Gail, I know you're upset, but I'll only take so much,

you know?

Go to hell,

I'm the best thing you got going in your life, sweetheart,

You get off on being seen with me,

The way other Women look at you,

You disgust me!

Gail!

Give me something to drink,

What are you doing here?

Heard you were out of town,

Yeah, I heard that myself,

I've been holding this for you,

What's this?

It's from my friend,

My friend Alan,

He was able to cover you after all,

Remember?

The other night?

When you bet on Denver,

Jesus,

Oh, yeah,

Yeah, yeah, I remember,

I remember it well,

Hi, Deb,

Sid?

I totally had you going,

Sid, what are you doing?

I thought maybe you'd like to go to work in style,

Whose car is that?

Mine,

Clothes too,

Where did you get all of this?

Apparently I made a bet on Denver,

Apparently,

Yeah,

Oh, so you mean Chad made a bet on Denver,

After you told me you wouldn't, you're doing it again?

Sid, it doesn't work that way,

You can't take over someone's life and ruin it,

I've been dumped on all my life,

Nobody seems to care about that,

Oh, please,

You've used that line once too often,

You know, I don't need your permission,

You have to take back that car and the clothes

and whatever else is not yours,

You don't just take a car back,

You'd know that, if you owned one,

Sid, I'm not going to let you do this,

Take back the stuff right now,

Or what?

Or I'm going to call Chad and tell him everything,

You better keep your big mouth shut, Debra,

This is my life you're messing with, right?

I'm sorry, what? Who's messing with whose Life?

Careful, Deb,

I haven't really been myself lately,

Sid,

Hey, Sid, hang on a second,

Hey, Hal,

I've been looking all over for you,

I need the image enhancer back,

You what?

I need it back,

We're doing data recovery next week, so,,,

can't you just say it was lost or damaged?

I mean, you got 20 of those things, don't you?

Sid, what the hell's wrong with you?

You knew you had to give it back, right?

That's one of the prototypes,

You're not doing anything illegal with it, are you?

No, no, no, I just,,,

I, uh, you know, I,,,

how about, just,,,

give me to the end of the week,

I got to tie up some loose ends if that's cool,

Friday, though, right?

Okay, absolutely, No problem,

Thank you, Hal,

Look, wait, wait,

Just,,,I,,,

look, I'm,,,

I'm-I'm-I'm sorry,

I would never hurt you,

It's a little too late for that,

No, I meant physically,

I just, um,,,

I was so upset, you know?

It was stupid,

Sid, you grabbed me, okay?

You went way over the line,

I know, I know, and I'm sorry,

I'm so sorry for letting it get so out of control,

You said they were doing field tests on your little toy?

I'd say they found a major flaw,

You know what?

Maybe it's not the device that's flawed,

Okay, so I'm some sort of monster,

Is that it? I'm the monster?

You should look around, Deb, and see who the real monster is,

What's that supposed to mean?

Deb, you're not looking hard enough,

You know what?

I'll give you a little hint,

You too can have your teeth whiter

or those perfect abs you've always wanted,

or get some breast implants,

or lose a little weight,

Maybe I can get some hair plugs

or get my teeth capped,

No, I'm sorry... hold on a second,

That's a terrible message, right?

'cause we love you the way you are,

"be yourself"... That's what we tell our kids,

That's what we tell them, but we don't mean it,

You know why we don't mean it?

Because we're too busy running out

and buying colored contact lenses to mean it,

We don't want to be ourselves, We hate ourselves,

We just don't want to admit it, and I admit it,

There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself,

You know the great thing about you, Deb?

You don't have to hop aboard the bandwagon

'cause you're already aboard... You just don't know it,

Goodbye, Sid,

It happened to me, and it happened to you,

You assumed another look

and you jumped into bed with old Chad,

You would never have done that as plain old Deb,

That's the danger, 'cause the outside does affect the inside,

Yeah, and I admitted it,

It was a horrible thing to do

and I would never do anything like that again,

You're so self-Righteous, you know?

You want to know what the big difference

between you and me is?

Tell me,

I've admitted the lie, and you haven't,

And that's it,

God,

Hal, Hal wants the enhancer back,

Gail's not even talking to me, and I can't...

I can't...

I can't lose my best friend,

Okay? I can't,

So please, please, please, please,

Not this time,

Hypocrite!

Okay,,,All right,

Uh-Oh,

Hi,

Hi,

I want to talk to you, man,

That's funny, 'cause I was thinking about

how I'd like to talk to you,

There's been rumors from people at work

that says you got your hands on a field tester,

Oh, you want to keep it down, Chad?

The confidentiality clauses in our contracts

forbid us from even talking about...

Cut the crap, man,

I go away for a few days, I come back

and it's like somebody's pretending to be me,

taking money that's coming to me and getting me fired,

Okay,

Okay, what?

Oh, I get it, I get it,

You think that somebody's me, right?

Let me ask you something, genius,

Where did I get your image scan from,

the corner store, or,,,

that's the only thing

that's kept me from stomping you into the dirt,

Let's go!

Ha, ha, just kidding,

Hey, come on, what's one lousy job to you?

All you got to do is flash a smile

and you got half a dozen offers on your doorstep,

What?

Oh, come on, you know?

The door's always open for you, isn't it, Chad?

You ask for something, you get it,

You do something wrong, you're forgiven,

Who the hell do you think you are?

You don't know anything about me,

No, actually, Chad, I do,

I mean, I know you better than you know yourself,

I know you completely, Chad,

You know what I think?

What's that, Chad?

I think you're avoiding the question,

And I know it was you,

and when I find out how you acquired my image

I'm going to screw you twice as hard

as you screwed me!

Do I get dinner and drinks before that, or,,,

how does that work?

Um, look,

The unemployment office is on 3rd and havenhurst,

so if you want to,,,

you know,

Son of a bitch!

Let's see what you're made out of, huh?

You're nothing,

A pathetic nothing, you understand me?

Who's the loser now, huh?

Huh?

You're the loser! Die!

Loser! Die! Die!

Oh, god,

Hi, this is Deb,

Leave me a beep after the message,

Talk to you,

Well,,,

of all the times for you not to be home,

You're maybe the only one who could talk me out of this,

Probably not, though,

I, um, I can't live like this anymore,

The last person

Sid camden's ever going to talk to is a machine,

That's pretty ironic,

A loser right to the end, yeah?

They really,,,

they really should have better security, you know?

The midtown bridge,,,

you know, there's nothing to stop anybody

from just walking up to the highest point on the bridge

and doing something crazy, you know?

It's kind of like a,,,

it's kind of like an invita...

It's kind of like an invitation, you know?

I love you, Deb,

You're my only friend,

Bye, Deb,

Goodbye, Sid,

What time did you go to bed last night, Amber?

2:00,

Why so late?

Been doing a lot of thinking,

About?

About us,

If I hadn't run into you in the park

you'd still be with that internet girl,

Must be fate,

When will you be done today?

The service is over at 11:00,

How about I swing by, pick you up around 12:30, 1:00?

It's a date,

Who's the memorial for again?

Name was,,,

doesn't matter what his name was,

Just a guy I used to work with,

So sad,

They never found his body?

You know what?

It's kind of depressing,

I really don't want to talk about it,

I'll see you in a couple hours?

Okay,

I love you,

Love you too,

again, I want to thank you all for coming,

Sid had no family, so I'm sure he'd be happy

that you all showed up,

Sid didn't have a lot of close friends, either,

and that's too bad,,,

because he was at his heart a very good person,

Sid felt that life kind of dealt him a rough hand,

and in some ways I have to agree with him,

It's not easy to see sometimes

the things that we do to each other,

The things that don't always show on the surface,

And because it takes,,,

so much time to get a good look at the inside,

sometimes all we do is judge from the outside,

And it's really easy to misjudge that way,

I guess that's,,,

that's pretty much what I want to say,

And that,,,

I miss you, Sid,

And, um,

I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you,

Thanks,

Chad?

Chad Warner?

I'm Debra Clement,

I used to work at vailtech,

Yeah, you look familiar,

I like what you said up there,

Thanks,

Can I talk to you for a minute?

It's about Sid,

Sure,

I think I mentioned

he didn't have any family,

so I thought I'd help tie up the loose ends of his life,

You're a good friend,

Well, the loose end that pertains to you is an apology,

I don't understand,

Let's just say you were affected by some of his actions

and not always for the best,

You don't have to apologize for him,

I do,

In the last few weeks of Sid's life, he changed,

And I realize now

that it wasn't his fault,

He came into contact with something that,,,

it turned him into...

Someone he was not,

What's wrong?

Uh, nothing,

Uh,,,I'm sorry,

I'd give anything to have the real Sid back,

I know,

Thanks for listening,

Chad Buddy,

Hi, you guys,

Do I know you?

Don't you think you've already

insulted our intelligence enough?

I'm not sure I follow,

You want to play games?

Fine,

Oh, no, grant,

Looks like that whack to the head

you gave him last time

must have knocked something loose,

Not only doesn't he remember the favor we did him,

but he doesn't even remember us,

Allow me to reintroduce myself,

I'm Alan, your underwriter,

Funny how "underwriter" Sounds like "undertaker,"

Alan... The bartender at sparkz,

There ya go,

And all it took was a little bit of intimidation,

Tired of playing games, Chad,

That's my 50k you borrowed,

You haven't paid back a dime,

I won the money in Denver, remember? It was a bet,

Denver... That was a side bet, You won 200 bucks,

We're here for the 50k you borrowed, plus interest,

50k,

I'm going to go to the bank now and I'll get your money,

You're going to the bank?

That pisses me off even more than last time I was here,

and you denied ever getting any money from us,

You got till yesterday,

You guys have the wrong guy,

Oh, we got the wrong guy,

Funny, you look exactly like Chad Warner to me,

Exactly,

Help! Help!

Keep it down, huh? This is a nice neighborhood,

I'll show you,

Show me what?

I can show you you guys have the wrong guy,

Gun!

In an age when we are led to believe

that we can be anything we want to be,

what most eludes us is simply being ourselves,

Captioning performed by

Western captioning service ltd, Vancouver, B, C, 2000