Original subtitles

Shame we could not get a chair.

I should have know it was closed in winter.

It could freeze your balls off. Peter Craven. Balls I said

Anyway where are we going tonight.

We are going to the clubs are we not. Do not be stupid.

You have to be in by half past nine on sundays. Oh yeah

I love it. What do you think Maud.

Go phoning for an ambulance.

I am shaking like a bloody leave.

Oh, don't be ashamed to be nervous, Eric.

It shows you're actually human.

Shall I, girl?

Oh, tell her.

Do you reckon you killed him, El?

Oh, why don't you copy the operator?

Get him out of your head off.

It weren't your fault, though, Eric.

We'll all tell the police.

Don't bring the fuzz into it.

They'll nail me for drinking and driving.

A, El was driving.

B, all you've had today is a bottle of Tyzer prawn.

I just think it weren't my fault, then.

But it still makes you feel lousy, doesn't it?

Be careful, Parker.

Remember, patient is post -operative.

I wish you'd trim your wick, Florence.

Gently, then, thick.

He is dead.

They're tightening him to the morgue.

Bull, it's what we call an impacted fracture of the tibia in the profession.

She'd done the operation and all, of course.

Oh, aren't you clever, Maureen?

Oh, I did see his plates.

Oh, you had to take his false teeth out before he went in the anesthetic,

did you?

No.

X -rays.

Er, she'd done them and all.

Parker.

Is he all right, Maureen?

Is he with us?

Yes, Eric, but he'll probably be a little...

Yeah, I shouldn't have.

No some Angie words, don't you?

Hello, mate.

Here.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Sixteen.

Hey?

Brain damage.

I'm ever so sorry, mate.

I couldn't stop in time.

No, no, no, my fault.

My fault entirely.

I was miles away, worrying about my green dress.

Hey?

You're him, aren't you?

What?

Is he known for it?

No, it's Michael.

Michael, up something.

John?

Up John?

Oh, yeah, from the cleaners.

That's it.

Yeah.

The cleaned out if I have to stay in here much longer.

What?

What's the trouble, then?

He's got a broken leg.

One man business, you see.

I mean, think of all the business I could lose in a few days.

We'll be only a few days, won't it?

Oh, well, I can't say too much about that.

Course you don't bloody know.

That's all right.

Look, don't you worry about your business, mate.

We'll help you out with that.

Yeah.

Relax, hop along.

No, we could.

We could all help.

Couldn't you, really?

Yeah.

My old mum won't be able to cope by herself.

Yeah, you leave it to us, mate.

Nursing cadet book.

Now that we have mended the patient's leg,

we don't want him to die of exhaustion in the corridor.

Yes, staff.

Sorry, staff.

Oh, bossy cat.

Don't you worry about nothing, mate.

We'll see you, old lady, and we'll see you later, right?

Bye.

Thanks.

Thanks ever so much.

See you.

Bye.

Goodness' sake.

I've had that bed turned on for 15 minutes.

I should have given us a nod.

I'd have been in there.

Well, come along, Parker.

Bitch there, kids.

Just bitch there, kids.

Hardly out of there napples in it.

Come on, Parker.

Hurry up, Parker.

Stand on your head, Parker.

Mind the bed, Parker.

Oh, glory, mind the bed, Parker.

Here, come on, me lady.

There we are.

You'll be right here, me old son -out.

Yeah, bitches.

Thank you, Bentley.

Thank you, Parker.

Staff.

Thank you, Bentley.

Thank you, Parker.

Doctor.

No, I'm just all right, job.

Is there anything you want?

Bottle?

Of what?

Of what?

For what?

You know, so...

Would you like a pee, Mr Aptom?

No, no, thank you.

Jolly good.

See you at tea time.

Thank you, Nurse.

I see.

I see.

Yeah, I'll say nurse, nurse.

You'll be working on this war when you're on duty, will you?

Yes, I will, but I'm not.

What?

I mean, I am on this war, but I'm only a cadet,

and as yet I'm not allowed to do anything on the medical side.

Oh, I see.

I thought your medical side was marvellous when I had that argument with the

van.

Oh, thank you.

Any kind of friends you've got?

Yes.

One senior stopwife says that a true friend is as rare as a good English

heavyweight.

It's a parable.

I see, yeah.

Well, I'm a lucky fella.

I mean, having them help it out like that.

Pretty nurse to look after me.

Staff?

Yes, I suppose she is quite attractive for her age.

No, I meant you.

Oh!

Ha -ha!

Ha -ha!

Maureen?

Yes, Mr.

Upjohn?

Michael.

Yes, Michael?

Think I could have that bottle now.

Now, pay attention.

Oh!

Now, if you're going to work this thing for me,

I don't want none of you scolding your hands because it comes too heavy on me

butter.

And what with the price of butter and that Edwardese?

What's Teddie have got to do with it?

Well,

he's responsible for the price of butter that I would have to buy to put on

your hands if you scolded them in this presser.

But it isn't even plugged in.

And that's everything, isn't all, isn't it?

Well, he's responsible for the cost of electricity.

And as I'm only showing you, I'm not lining his pockets.

Now, imagine a pair of trousers.

Those proud worsted we imagined before?

Yes.

No,

because they are hanging up in their bag on their hanger with their ticket on.

They look very nice, don't they?

Well, I've never let a choser out of this shop that didn't.

No, this is another pair.

Oh, fancy them.

Flair, bottom, crush velvet.

Very nice.

They are grey flannels.

Take your trousers.

Hang on, Pat.

Toffee in a pocket.

Oh, isn't that typical people today?

Leaving toffees in their pockets.

Glad you spotted that.

Now, then, open the press.

No, take the money.

Now, open the press.

Lay out your trousers.

Down.

Steam, steam, heat, right.

Bang, bang, bang, trousers out.

There, now, dummy, look nice.

Oh, even nicer than the brown wolfsticks.

Now, take them and hang them up.

There you go.

Let's not take them up.

Now what have we forgot?

The ticket, Dennis.

The ticket, Dennis.

And what about the ticket?

Always pinned, never stapled.

Now, do you want me to go through me old pressing and cleaning process again?

Oh, go on, Ben.

No, it's all right, Margaret, and we've got the hang of it.

Look, we'll even make out a shift system so there'll always be somebody here.

Yeah, be utterly reassured, Mrs.

Appjohn, because I'm very familiar with working with clothing.

Oh, are you?

Well, I hope you've got some warm knickers on under that helmet.

Where's for your own good?

If you catch a cold in your apron, you'll know it.

Oi, Mrs.

Oi, Mrs.

In my day, it was please and thank you, and can I get up from the table?

And we had to eat our bread and butter before we got a bit of cake.

Hold on a bit of cake.

I want to borrow one of your books.

They're not books.

They're novels.

Detective novels.

Yeah, I know.

I just wanted her to check them for accuracy.

Used to be a tick.

Oh, did you?

Well, I've got a job for you then.

Shook me in the gizmo.

Oh, broad.

You can go in the kitchen and detect the kettle and make me some tea.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then.

You know, every day you'd find kids to look after a shop for you.

And an old lady.

What old lady?

Me.

I come with the shop.

Oh, don't worry.

I'm no trouble, as long as I has me bits and bobs done for me.

What bits and bobs this day?

Oh, well, make me tea and me dinner and me supper.

Do me paws, get me veg, see me across the road to Mrs.

Arne.

Feed the chicken, hang out me washing, do me...

Oh, great.

I'd rather look after two shops and no old girl.

Yeah, when we clobbered Michael, do you reckon he was running away from there?

Well, she is difficult.

Ah, but we did promise Michael we'd help.

And Maureen said if you go back on a promise, you end up in Harrods.

Hey, did she step down here?

One of them, anyway.

It's only for a few days.

A word's sick of that, isn't it?

She sends us all mad.

I don't know.

Young Francis seems to be having a winning way with her.

Ignoring the searing agony of the six slugs in his chest,

Hogan pushed Estelle back onto the...

Die van.

Die van.

It's showing me, baby, all the way he snarled.

He dies in the end, you know.

He snarled.

Rocco will kill you for this, she panted.

But he doesn't, cos Hogan kills Rocco with his poisonous treacle.

Now, who's reading this?

Well, you are.

Shut up, then, blue eyes.

Sorry.

Bogarts.

OK, then.

Slap, slap.

Rocco Schmocco, he snapped back.

I'm a guy who takes what he wants.

And what I want is...

The property of the Woolwich Public Library.

LAUGHTER Maureen.

Now, look, Michael,

you know staff told me off for spending too much time talking to you.

Yeah, I know, but this is a medical matter.

Your leg's not having a relapse, is it?

No, no.

Can I have a toothbrush, please?

Tom.

You.

I just had a letter from me mum.

My friends are doing ever so well.

Even she says so.

Yeah.

Name's her favourite.

Oh, that's not hard.

Everyone loves Dennis.

No, not Dennis.

Frankie Abbott.

Eh?

Is your mum all right?

Yeah.

She says she calls him Humphrey Bogart and he calls her Lauren Bacall.

Sounds like Frankie.

Sounds like my mum as well.

Yeah.

I don't know how to thank you all I mean must be a terrible drag I mean what

about your own jobs well we're not all nine -to -five as you see and then

there's lance shards we've worked out this router system I see well I think

you're all marvelous especially you who's taking whose pulse ignoring the

searing agony of a poison dart in his back he can't open open was in Miami

Miami this is Miami Morocco oh yeah sorry bogey chick Lauren he can push Stella

bank onto the dive in pile of cushions and she'll meet chick all the way he

hissed Rico we'll kill you for this she painted she painted oh I have nothing

but admiration for your dress since you're new aren't you new but not

completely inexperienced oh I mean this dress is not pretty you know oh I paid

good money for that and no no it's elegant so sophisticated I thought if you

slip it out of slipping into that I mean well we're all flesh and blood after

all funny I can never manage that zip on me own funny I'm very good with zips

myself funny my husband isn't funny don't call again thank you next place being

done thank you you are mrs.

madam number 43 one blue suit gray blue I know that's blue the one I'm

collecting is gray she said oh is mother I'm collecting it cuz she's She's got

her foot again.

Grey it is.

What her foot?

His suit.

Oh, madam, can I help?

I am the manager, eh?

Bada!

Each gives me blue, and she said it was grey.

Oh, it's probably just a Cleric Alera by one of our dewiest staff.

We haven't got any children.

Mr.

Dannister Bull, tickly, please.

Ooh, I'm afraid it's customers' error.

It's the same number.

You sure?

Oh, positive, look.

Oh.

Oh, well, I'd better take it, then, I suppose.

Thank you.

She could be wrong.

She is callow -blind.

Here.

What are these for, Den?

Cleaning and pressing?

Oh, no, it was me dinner.

Finish him off one each.

All right.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Mr.

Dannister Bull.

Oh, blige.

Here's some more, Den.

Thank you, Miss Ebbersley.

I'll just bung these, and then I'll go back to work.

Oh, I'll do them for you, Den.

No, no, I like doing it.

Come on, then, Den.

Oh.

Airlock, open!

Bunk!

clothes in your lunar nodal.

Airlock closed.

Oh, we have ignition.

Blast off!

Oh, no, it's...

It's going all the way up!

Come on, come on!

Come on, come on!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Here.

You know what I reckon?

What?

I reckon it's broken.

I reckon your mind's broken at all.

What did Mrs Upjohn say?

Who's Mrs Upjohn?

Lauren Bacall.

Oh, I don't know.

I was out.

Sounded like 500 sets of false teeth gone mad.

It did.

She must have heard.

Nah, she never.

How do you know?

If you was out.

Grissie was out.

We've made more and more books.

You stupid pillock.

Your dim is a top -aged lamp, you are.

Oh, Frank's ill.

Where is she now?

She's upstairs sleeping off.

We had a double -titer on the way home.

Poor old Den was ever so upset.

Wet himself a coat.

Oh, is his tail so...

That'll get so gloomy that we'll get on to the mechanic, fix it up.

But business is usually in a cap the days.

Might as well never know.

I mean...

Good afternoon, Upjohn.

So clean, is that child disposal?

Oh, alone, more.

No, that was just my business voice.

The what?

The shot?

Oh, lovely.

Utterly hitchless here.

Michael's what?

Oh, no!

No, lovely.

Great news.

OK, buy more.

Hey, Sarah, why did you go white when you said great news?

Michael was coming out of hospital this evening.

Hi!

Well, already then,

I hope you had a rewarding stay at the Royal General Anatomy, Miss Flapjohn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did.

Found the two -bob bit down the back of the bed, didn't I?

That's better.

What are you being so formal about?

I don't know.

Well, better get back, see Mum.

Relieve me temporary staff.

Mind how you go?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, uh, Maury?

Yes.

Oh, thank you.

Well, mind how you go?

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, I'd, uh, like to go to the pictures this evening with you.

Would you come?

Oh, it's smashing.

You don't think I'm being too forward, do you?

I'll see you, uh, outside the, uh, the Regal Cinema.

It's seven o 'clock, OK?

Lovely.

Well, won't I go?

I'll tell you something, Maureen.

Yes?

I'll mind if I go.

I saw that, Nurse.

I'm so stuffed, have I broken another rule?

Only an unwritten one, Maureen.

Don't take hospital romances too seriously.

But he likes me, Staff.

He said I've got nice legs.

Oh, so you have, Maureen.

But what?

Not.

Male patients may think of us without our uniforms on,

but it's the uniform that hooks them, or the ether, or our cool hands,

or even Martians have free proposals.

And I don't mean marriage.

She has.

I'm just warning you, Maureen.

Oh, Parker.

Where do you want it, Florence?

Bed 14, if you please, Parker.

Come on, mate.

We could have sent away to Japan for a new one, boy, now.

Look, you can't hurry, machines.

And you can't hurry, mechanics neighbor.

I see you ain't been out to work long.

How do you know that?

Well, you've got to get your full whack out of a job.

Now, if I go over into the next hour, I'm on time in half, ain't I?

Oh, blimey.

Does old Mother Riley know he's here?

No, she must still be having a nap upstairs.

She's not in there.

Hello.

No, not hello for you.

Hello for this.

No, I'd say that was a bit of broken plate.

Oh.

Well, Jack, half an eagus.

It's what broke the bloody machine, isn't it?

Ah, well, now you come under a different kind of head in, don't you?

I mean, this ain't covered by your guarantee.

Bits of broken plate are not mechanical failures.

How much?

Oh, about 60 quid.

Hey, I could have brought one out of bloody McCon over less.

Well, that's up to you, mate.

Shall I carry on or not?

Oh, go on, be a sport.

With you darling, any time.

I didn't mean that.

I simply meant the fact that you're here.

you could mend the machine couldn't you under guarantee oh was you offering me

some form of inducement certainly not oh now my inducements are a different

color blue like my eyes sure I sat up get your bleeding finger out for gold oh

now get my finger out inducements I'll get a joke British were been wonderful

there we are that had ought to do it good yeah look I don't want to be too late

yes you do they're historical come again a bit late for a customer a night

worker we did his dungarees for him oh great great yeah last room stick routine

yeah pull the birds with that mother yeah yeah well I'll take you more into the

pictures tonight Hello,

the others.

Ah, sweet.

Yeah, I can see you find each other physical.

Well, er, how's the shop been?

Everything all right, is it?

Perfect.

No, no dramas, nothing.

Not even a sniff of one.

Good, good.

Well, I'll just go and, er, say hello to Mum,

and then I'd better stop when you're ready to go out.

Mum!

Mum!

It's me, my mum!

Mum!

She must be tanned away by now.

Yeah.

Well, she has been keeping company with Frankie.

She must be in a coma.

Whoa.

She's not here at all.

Ah, blimey.

We mended his machine and lost his mother.

Oh, hello, Den.

On your my own from work.

Yeah, you're going to the pictures, Maureen.

Yes.

Oh, can I come?

Oh, well, it's a bit difficult to see.

Well, you won't have to pay for me.

I'll pay for you.

No, I'm going with someone else, Michael.

Oh, I see.

Do you love him?

No!

My relationship is only plutonic at the moment.

And you wouldn't want the three of us to go to the pictures together, eh?

Sorry, Dennis.

Well, can I keep your company till he comes?

Yeah, that'd be very nice.

Keeps you waiting a long time, doesn't he?

He's only popped home to say hello to his mum, Den.

It would not take me two hours to pop home and say hello to me mum.

Hospital romance is never last.

Well, I haven't been in hospital.

What would you say if I didn't have my uniform on, Dennis?

Maureen, don't be rude.

It won't happen again.

I'm glad.

I don't like you being rude, Maureen.

No, not at uniform, Dennis.

They're romance.

I'm going to ask for a transfer to maternity.

And then with broken legs there.

Michael!

Oh, don't hurry, I'll hurt you, Lee.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, actually, I'm angry with you.

No, I'm not, Michael.

You must have good reason.

Yes, we've lost his mother.

It's a sauna bath.

We never thought it was a sauna bath.

Nor the dog, Tret.

Oh, come on, we'll all out.

Yeah, come on, then.

We'll go to the dog.

Yeah, come on, Pete.

And I won't go into my terms to you, Michael.

LAUGHTER Enjoy the picture, Lauren.

Oh, yes, thank you, Humphrey.

You is very good in it.

Oh, so was you.

I was, wasn't I?

Well, what shall we do now, sister?

Stop.

Well...

I've got that new novel at home.

Not Miami, Madagascar.

And I'm expurgited.

Ah, fantastic, Come.