Original subtitles

How it is small change ?

You are going nowhere.

Where did you nick the scooter.

Tell us what you know and I get you protection.

I am not finished Peter.

This says you are staying foot.

What is that ? A waterpistol ?

No it is my old army pistol.

They give it to me, when I was invalided out.

Using potatoes for ammunition this day.

Where you did get the scooter ?

It is my birth day

and my old man gave him as a present.

blymey!

All I got for my birthday was an action man kit.

What?

Aren't you going to wish me happy birthday?

See your old man give you the scooter.

That's what I said, Cloffeyers.

Where did he nick it?

Oh, look.

He wouldn't give you a scooter like that unless he nicked it.

I'll see you.

Eh?

Where you going?

Out.

Can I come with you?

Now, go into mummy.

Yeah, well, I'm getting a Chevy next week.

It's a lot better than a scooter any day.

A what?

A Chevy.

You know, a Chevrolet.

It's a Yankee car, isn't it?

Oh, yeah.

We'll make sure we don't lose the key to wind it up with, will you?

LAUGHTER GROWLING GROWLING GROWLING GROWLING GROWLING GROWLING GROWLING

GROWLING GROWLING GROWLING GROWLING GROWLING GROWLING GROWLING GROWLING Aren't

you eating nothing, Bula?

Oh, can I ask you?

It's all I can do.

to hold back the poor pie I had for lunch.

Doctor said I'd have appetite like a sparrow, and I didn't believe him.

At least you got the ability to regurgitate.

Well, it's just as well I have, isn't it?

My little soldier will tell you how many nights I've lain awake in that bed,

even with pain, trying to bring up what wasn't there.

Tea's ready, dear.

Hang on, ma 'am.

Do as your mother tells you, little monster.

If you're going to shoot, shoot, don't talk.

I'll be fine.

Well, there you are.

Serves you right, don't you?

She sat down when I told you.

That boy will be the death of me, Vera.

It was Craven's birthday today, ma 'am.

Oh, well, I thought.

Well, you see, Cheryl, you've only seen Frankie in his difficult years.

But if you'd lived round here when he was a child,

people couldn't believe it when they looked into his pram, you know.

Vera, I said, you know what I used to call him?

Yes, your little golden airdel.

Oh, yes.

And chocolate lips.

Never without his big bar of chocolate, bless him, he looked to treat.

I can imagine.

Craven's dad bought him a scooter.

But tell you the truth, Cheryl.

I feel a bit sad, really, now that he's flowered into manhood.

Could I have a scooter, ma 'am?

No.

Craven's dad bought him a what?

You're too young.

But you just said a- I know what I said, Frankie.

If you was married, I'd keep eye on you.

Don't you, threat.

But you're not having no scooter.

What?

Go scooting off the South Coast on them wild pot party raving ups or whatever

they're called.

Trying to might do him good.

What about my dad, then, eh?

Pardon.

Never let me hear you mention his name.

Why?

Why?

Because it makes my flesh creep.

That's why.

Oh, when I think of the pain he inflicted on your poor mother, all right,

swine he was.

What did he do, then?

What did he not?

Cheryl, do you know, when my Frankie was a tiny mite,

I caught that brute actually stealing the chocolate out of his little mouth.

from that moment on I vowed I would no longer suffer the indignities of an

Abbott.

what did you do then?

well in point of fact Cheryl as it turned out I didn't have to do nothing

because he abandoned us when Frankie was only four years old.

he never used to come home anyway I can't think why.

no.

where is he now?

I can't tell you that dear not in front of the child you know it's not good for

him but if he only knew that his mommy's legs began with his daddy's tongue oh

yes there are my dermatitis will let me I don't know do you know dear I have to

wear these washing up gloves permanently now.

yes I wondered what you had them on for.

oh I tell you it's like wearing emery cloth under this vest because what makes

it worse you know I can't get the bag to match.

what your vest?

washing up gloves.

oh you've all come on.

can I have a scooter mum?

I told you they'll be the death of you, them things.

Well, I think he ought to get one.

How about it?

His mummy will give him some extra pocket money.

Here we are, then he can take his self to the pictures instead.

No, I don't want to go to the pictures.

If I tell you you're going to pictures, you're going to bloody pictures.

I want a scooter, and I'm going to watch the telly.

You will go to the pictures, and you will enjoy it.

I wanted to see Elliot Ness.

Now, why don't you go and see a nice musical film?

Boys in the band is on locally.

I ain't going to see no sissy musical.

I'll burn your teddy.

What time does it start?

Oh, bless you.

That's my baby kin.

Come on, girl.

Come on, girl.

All right, Sterling Moss.

Madriguet.

Drive a license and insurance, please.

Why, don't do anything foolish now, son.

Just come on, son, give it to me.

No, no, don't make it worse for yourself, son.

Just give it to me, all right?

I want me, ma 'am.

You might tell him potato, pistol.

Who are you?

Do you know what you get for threatening the police?

Ooh, some potatoes.

Chips?

Never, never in the Quillie family history has there been a single criminal.

Who's Quillie?

I was before I married your dad.

Oh, it's plain to say you're an abbot.

Why?

Cos you've inherited their lying, cheating, stealing ways.

That's why.

I do know there weren't any Quillie bank robbers then.

Oh, don't be so daft, we checked at Somerset House.

Oh, how shall I ever show my face in that surgery again?

To say nothing of my rash.

Oh, God, surely to heaven one criminal in the family is enough.

Oh, who is the other one then?

Your pervert of a father, that's who.

Yeah?

What crimes did he commit?

Unspeakable ones.

Yeah, yeah, but which ones?

Oh, unmentionable ones.

Oh, how unmentionable?

Well, he pinched your chop bar for a start.

What job does he do then?

Government job.

Yeah, do him what?

I can't tell you that, dear.

It's a secret job.

Secret government job?

Great!

Oh, that'll be your probation officer now.

Here, come here, dear.

Nah!

Oh, old steed!

Now, if you haven't said it, behave yourself and speak when you're spoke to.

Shut up, or I'll hold me breath and frighten you.

Will you be good?

Don't you stir from that chair.

Good evening, Mrs.

Abbott.

Yes, I'm Frank's probation officer.

My name's Dr.

Frank.

Oh, Doctor, oh, come in, Doctor.

Yeah, I say, I wonder if you'd mind having a peep under my gloves.

I think I'm rotting.

No, I'm not a general practitioner, Mrs.

Abbott.

I'm here to see Frank.

Oh, well, you better come through that, mind you.

I know in my heart of hearts that I baffle GPs.

A specialist ought to have a look at me.

Yes, if I could just see Frank.

And that's another mistake.

Probation is too harsh a sentence, you know.

A fine would have been quite sufficient.

Well, it wasn't his first visit to the juvenile court, you know.

The last time was for breaking windows.

Well, I put that down to juvenileized periods.

The magistrate put it down to vandalism.

He was framed.

He admitted breaking the windows.

Yes, well, they must have forced him into a confession.

Them and their rubber hoses.

Would it be possible to have a word with Mr.

Abbott?

No.

Well, a little later, perhaps.

I'm not expecting him back, dear.

He's been gone 12 years.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

I'm not.

Frank?

Well?

Sir?

Sir?

Natural good manners, you know.

My boy was brought up.

He wasn't tracked up.

Yes, I'd like a word with Frank, Mrs Abbott.

Well, I'm not stopping you, am I?

Might I impose on you for a cup of tea?

Yes, I suppose so.

I just hope that...

Don't make my feet from my gas stove.

Don't make my poor feet swell up.

No, then, Frank, we've got something in common.

My name's Dr Frank.

Frank, your Christian name and my surname.

All right, then, Frank, I'm going to ask you some questions, all right?

Yep.

No.

Do you know why you tried to steal that car?

Yeah.

Why?

Well, because the keys were in the ignition.

Yes, but why did you want to steal it in the first place?

Because it was a Yankee car, and Peter Craven's got a scooter.

And was that more important than stealing a British car?

Yeah.

Why?

Well, because it was a left -hand drive.

And was there something important about taking a car with a left -hand drive?

Yeah.

Well, what?

It was a Yankee car.

Um, Frank, I'm going to say some words,

and I want you to say the first thing that comes into your mind.

Do you understand?

It's called word association.

Shoot, duck.

All right, then here it goes.

Moon.

Moon.

Well, try not to think about it, Frank.

Um, see how quickly you can do it, hmm?

Right, let's try again, shall we?

Clouds.

No, a different word.

Sky.

Um, rain.

That better?

Good.

Um, sun.

Mother.

Father.

Good.

Good.

Bad.

Bad.

Bad.

No, yes.

Frank, ever.

No, they were finished now.

Frank, what was the last time you saw your father?

I don't remember.

Would you like to see your father?

No, he wouldn't.

I was hoping that Frank would tell me that and so.

I think I am quite capable of answering for my own son.

Could we have a word alone, Mrs.

Abbott?

Please.

Oh, very well.

Here you are, my little precious.

Here's Tenpence, gone by himself few chippies.

Oh, they're a shilling a bag, ma 'am.

Tenpence is two shillings, Pat.

He comes up in arithmetic, you know.

But of course, when we went over to Decibels, it was never the same.

All right then, Frank.

Thank you.

I'll see you next week in my office, all right?

Roger and out.

Do you ever get in touch with Mr.

Abbott?

Never.

Do you know where he could be contacted?

I'm not going to tell you that.

Have you put in ideas in my little boy's head?

Well, he might be longing to see his father.

Well, he'll have to go on longing, won't he?

Why?

Because he was an over -demanding savage, that's why.

Don't you think that Frank ought to be the best judge of things?

No, I don't.

Well,

I think he's got to an age where he ought to be able to decide on the character

of his father.

Oh, but my dead body, and that's how it will be soon, the way I feel.

Why are you so damn stubborn?

Oh, language, do you mind?

This is my domicile, not a baudy house.

You're afraid of losing, Frank, aren't you?

That's why you don't want to see his father.

Oh, you've done it now.

I started off my stomach cramps.

I shan't sleep tonight.

Mrs.

Abbott, you are a hypochondriac.

Oh, dear.

Get it right, Doctor.

The word is insomnomaniac.

I said that horrible man had put ideas in my little boy's head.

What man?

That probation officer.

Why can't I see me dad then?

Oh, will you listen to it, Cheryl?

Why?

He asked me why.

Yes, why, Vera?

Oh, don't you start as well.

When the boy only wants to take a look, he can't do him no harm.

Can't be any worse than he already is.

No, but I can, though, can't I?

And I am.

Who's going to look after me when I finally decompose?

National Health Service has done all right up to now.

With all the treatment they'll end up giving me,

I could put up prescription charges on me own.

I only want to see him, ma 'am.

Then you can kiss me goodbye right now.

And remember to put a few flowers on my grave from time to time.

What for?

Oh, my God, he even denies me flowers now.

But the boy only wants to cease, Father.

It's a conspiracy.

First of all, that man did my son and now my best friend.

Well, you'll all be sorry next week.

Why?

Because I may not be here, that's why.

Oh, where are you going?

Into my final phase.

All the areas of my dermatitis will unite, and that'll be it.

Total deformity.

Can I watch?

You still want to see your father?

Yeah, I do.

Oh, you dirty little ratbag, you other could like to smash your face in.

Well, you're not going to see him, you're not going to.

Boy, he'll never forgive you, Vera.

You will, won't you, Frank?

No, I won't.

Right, then I shall buy you a scooter and I will burn it in front of your eyes.

No, I'll forgive you, Mummy.

I'll forgive you.

Can I go to the pictures, Mummy?

Course you can, my little echol's cake.

Off you go and remember what Mummy told you.

What?

Oh, I can't remember, no, Mum.

Don't be late.

Vera, just between you and me, where is your husband?

Shh!

Don't you dare tell Frankie, will you?

No, I promise.

Well, he works in a labour exchange up the West End.

Savile row of all places.

Get him.

Time you got the tea, innit?

Want a drink, son?

Sure.

Hit me with the booze.

You can't have one.

Attention, please.

Attention, sir.

I used to like it.

Sit down.

Well, I did.

Sit down.

Shut up.

You got it, boy.

Yeah.

What sort of act?

I don't know.

You don't know.

You must know.

A detective act.

I used to like it.

Yes, I did.

Don't you try and tell me I didn't.

Attention.

Abbot.

Hurry up with that tea.

We haven't got all day, you know.

And Abbot, pull your finger out.

Fancy you bein' a tea boy at his age.

There, honey.

I'll get these.

Thanks, darling.

Ooh, now, one of the coffee's floppy in here, ain't ya?

Why?

Never mind, ain't ya, then?

That girl?

Ah, thanks.

Here you're flashin' at about a bit for someone who's on the dial, ain't ya?

Lost my birthday money.

You had a bleedin' scooter!

Nah,

the five quid me on the ivy gave me for gettin' Uncle Sidone from South End

last Saturday.

Well, why couldn't he get himself home?

Was he ill?

Nah, paralysed, mate.

He was only in this rowing boat when we found him.

Reckon he was gonna row round Britain and up the Thames and be home in time for

breakfast.

Ah, great bloke, innit, your Uncle G.

Yeah, terrific.

Hello, Franky.

Oh, watch it, fellas.

Hamburger without onions to take away, Christmas.

Yeah.

What are you doin' here, then, Franky?

I would've thought you'd been on the, uh,

the dual -smugglin' runt of Tangier tonight, mate.

Nah.

Are you, uh, still going out with Julie Christie, then?

Nah.

I'll pack Cheer in, have ya?

Oh, I never did go out with her.

I was just makin' it up.

Here, are you all right?

I know what it is.

Your Yankee car's spelled its M -O -T, innit?

Look, I haven't got a Yankee car, have I?

I ain't been dual -smuggling to Tangiers, neither.

I ain't even been there on holiday.

Oh, it's not a confession, innit?

It's just lies.

It's like that fight I had with Sean Connery.

That was lies and all.

What is the matter, Franky?

I've just seen me dad.

Well, I never knew you had one.

I wish I didn't have now I've seen him.

Well, what's he done?

He works for the government.

Doin' what?

What?

It's a government job.

Yeah, well, you said that, but what does he actually do?

What?

Official things?

Yeah, now, government things.

What show are things?

You know, where am I from?

Don't leave.

He's a clerk in a labour exchange.

He's just a tea boy.

A grotty little tea boy like I was.

So, cheerio.

I'm going to see my probation officer now.

Tood off, Frankie.

Cheer up.

Well, at least he was happy when he was lying.

Never mind.

Perhaps his probation officer will cheer him up.

Mine does.

He used to have dinner up his ass every Monday, do you, Den?

Oh, yeah.

He said to me the other day, Dennis, he calls me that.

Dennis, we have become quite firm friends now, haven't we?

And I said yes.

Yeah?

Well, then Ilonka coming with the goulash.

Who?

Ilonka, his wife.

She's Hungarian and she can't half whistle when she's cooking.

And then there's their son, Tea Boy.

Not Tea Boy, Zach Ash, the wrestler.

Oh, no.

He's only four.

Shane, how do you have a mate like that in a district like this?

Oh, talking of wrestlers.

Oh, God.

Hello, dears.

Hello, Mrs Abbott.

Weak teeth, please, miss.

Oh, dear.

Oh, I suppose I'd better try to force something down.

Three -tier beef ham and egg burger, please, miss.

Double chips, onions and tomatoes.

Er, you're just Miss Franky, Mrs Abbott.

Oh, dear, I'll shame.

Let's see, Lee.

Oh, no, dear, no.

Put it away, my love, I've learnt.

Doctor said if I didn't take to saccharin,

all my arteries would turn into sticks of cane sugar.

Oh, and a banana split with maple syrup, please, miss.

Oh, sod it, would you mind?

How many?

Six, please, dear.

You're up, Mrs Abbott.

I didn't know your husband was still alive.

What?

How'd you know that?

Who told you?

Franky.

He saw him today.

Oh, my God.

Well, of course I know who put him up to that, don't I?

It's that blasted probation officer.

Oh, call himself a doctor.

He'll flame him.

We'll need one by the time I finish him.

It's funnier how her legs get better when she's angry.

Whoa!

There'll be some rations up there, mate.

Well, I'll say one thing for her, will she?

She does order enough for three of us.

Yeah!

Why do you have to be a blooming tea boy?

Why couldn't there be something great, you know, like a...

the cray twins or Huey Green or something?

Yes, well, at least you phoned your father, Franky.

Yeah, you can stuff him.

I don't want him.

I'm going to be something better than him.

Oh, no, that's the positive side.

Yeah, I'm going to stay with my mum and get this fantastic job.

Good.

No more stealing cars, eh?

No, that's just childish, innit?

Good, Franky.

Good, you're growing up.

I know.

So now I have to do something grown up, don't I?

Exactly.

Now, what have you got in mind?

I'm going to hijack a Concord and sell it to the Cuban Arabs.

Why don't you just take the gun and...

I'm going to meddle my body with bullocks,

trying to drive a wedge between a mother and the fruit of her loins.

I was merely trying to save your windfall.

What do you know about being a mother?

Nothing.

He's a man, ma 'am.

Giving birth isn't going on probation, you know.

It's all hard labour.

Oh, let me take one last look at your little face, my dear.

And then I'll go home and stick my head quietly in the gas oven.

You can't do that, mummy.

Who's going to cook me chips?

You don't mean you...

Yes, Mrs.

Abbott, he prefers you to his father for some reason.

Of course I do.

My dad's a stinking rat -think.

Oh, did you hear that?

Oh, it makes a mummy very proud.

Listen, my little pet, I've got a surprise for you,

but I don't want you to think that mummy bought it as a bribe because she

didn't duck.

Is there a present?

You're the best mummy in the whole world.

Yes.

Well, give us it then.

Where is it?

Well, you know you said you wanted a scooter.

A scooter?

Oh, show that Peter Craven.

I can race lorries up the motorway.

A scooter?

Here it is, treasure.

You stupid old bat.