Original subtitles

My wedding was a superb event.

2000 guests. All under the supervision of Don Maurizio.

They are saying that this wedding was arranged by Don Maurizio.

Oh, really?

- Well... - Well, I don't feel married...

- My regards, ma'am. - Engineer, can you spare a minute?

Just for a minute... bye... I'll be back soon...

But...

Nice party, your Honor.

Two weddings a day like this and Italy will return to it's glory!

One must always have hope!

Yes, hope, dear Valerius!

Hope. We all need some hope.

I hope to see you at the skewer.

- No, that's not it! - Skewer!

He's the only socialist left.

- And he needs to be redeemed! - That's right! Haha!

It's clear that they made love!

- May you have peace! - We wish you happiness!

- How about a big kiss? - Of course.

Are you crazy? He's trying to give a friendly kiss, no?

Your Honor...

May you always be as happy as you are right now...

Best wishes on your journey...

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

We don't use the Fascist salute anymore. Now we salute like this!

- Best wishes! - May you have happiness!

Goodbye...

Thanks, dear.

Finally!

Now we have this big house all to ourselves.

Go ahead, dear.

I'll make sure everything is in order, eh?

Yes.

Oh, mamma mia! I'm so tired. What a strain!

When you're done here, you're free to go.

I recommend you count all the glassware, china, and silver cutlery.

Yes, Madame.

I don't trust these rented waiters very much.

Oh, you're here. What are you doing?

Oh, honey, you caught a cold!

We stayed in the garden too long. There's a lot of humidity at this time.

And you never listen to me,

when I tell you to put on that damn wool undershirt, eh?

You must immediately take an aspirin with some hot lemonade.

Otherwise you'll end up giving it to me and I don't have a cold.

Of course, dear.

Oh, what a mess! Not even thieves have been here!

Oh, her beautiful pure white dress...

for her purity.

Do you remember my dress?

And you never asked me, huh?

You never wanted me to put it back on,

not even for one night.

Look... look at me, my love.

Eh... doesn't it remind you of anything?

We were so happy. Right, dear?

Of course, darling, of course.

Ah, well almost always! Oof!

Flora...

Flora. Sorry to interrupt your morning prayers...

Don't worry, dear.

You know? Sandro and Laura haven't left yet.

What are you saying, Franco? You know they left.

That's right.

I thought I saw Laura... in the garden.

You're dreaming, dear. You know they left yesterday, no?

Not only did I see a girl in the garden, but she looked like Laura to me!

Oh, yes. That's Paola. Her little sister is already here.

She has a diploma in Fine Arts, right?

And Laura commissioned her to fix up the cottage.

So she also went to live in the cottage,

when there is so much room in the villa.

Dear, you have to understand young people.

They have their love nest and want to be alone.

or have you already forgotten?

Remember we used to look for solitude.

- Hi, Mattia. - Hello, Engineer.

I left the car by the fountain. Can you clean it up, please.

- I'll do it right away. - Thank you.

Engineer...

Engineer, Mrs. Perella is here.

- I'm not here! - All right.

Dear Franco, you're already back from work.

Don Maurizio...

I really appreciate your frequent visits!

So, how does your sister seem?

Your wife is fine. She's a splendid woman.

She is dedicated to your work... to your family...

and your prosperity.

Prosperity belongs to the church.

"Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's,"

"and to God the things that are God's."

But what is left for me?

After taxes... and after giving something to the Faith...

Goodbye.

- Hey, hello. - Huh?

- I didn't see you. - Oh, really?

- How is the work going? - Come and see. Come on. Yes.

I haven't been in here for a long time.

You have really let this shack go to waste!

Uh, you're the sister who wants to fix it.

I should have given it to help some family in need.

- And you? - I wake up to birds singing.

There are so many rooms in the villa.

Ah... I don't want to live in a villa.

You're too snobbish.

And you do... you do...

all the work alone.

Yes. It's fun. It's something I've never done before.

Well, how does it feel to be a father-in-law?

Uh, me...

Uh, I don't know how I should feel about it.

In your opinion, how should I feel?

- It must be different I think. - Eh...

- Different how? - Well...

In the meanwhile... you might be a little envious.

What do you think about the pink color?

Ah... pink.

- Don't you like it? - Uh...

It's delicate...

Very delicate.

- It's very hot, don't you think? - Uh... hot, hot.

- This will be the bedroom. - It's nice.

The lighting will be orange.

- In the bedroom? - I hope to create a suitable atmosphere.

Ah!

- Suitable? - Certainly! Suitable for two newlyweds.

Beautiful. Yes.

Beautiful. Everything is beautiful. Good job. Good job.

Uh, well, I'll leave you to your work, eh?

See you later.

See you... later.

You...

You don't need my compliments.

Yes I do. Come and visit me when you have time.

Yes.

Seven cisterns of holy water for the rectory?

To be honest it seems a bit excessive to me.

However, I have already made an entry on your brother Don Maurizio's account.

Here are the letters for the tenants.

I have saved the copies.

Tell me it's all in order...

if I did all of it right.

It's such a pleasure to look at the pages written by you.

You are adorable, Accountant.

So precise, clean, tidy, and clear.

Everything is well explained. Look at all this bookkeeping...

It's all too elegant!

Nothing is too elegant for you, ma'am.

Thank you. But, I don't say it for myself...

but those ill-bred tenants want to pay the same rent as they did during the war

Don't you think so?

Fascism is over!

What does Fascism have to do with it?

Eh... it's history, it's history, ma'am.

I understand.

Look, look, look. The Accountant...

I can tell from your considerate eyes, that you are very passionate.

That's my personality.

Don't you feel well?

It's very hot!

In fact, you are well-tanned. Where do you get your sun?

Where everyone gets it, at the seaside.

Your skin...

it's very fresh.

- Good morning, Engineer. - Good morning, Lucrecia.

Accountant, where did you get your sense of humor?

- Greetings. - Good morning, Engineer.

- Hello, Flora. - Hello, dear. You're already home.

A sudden strike!

Ah, what do these workers want now?

Who do they think they are, they are ruining the country.

It's their right, Accountant. We have everything thanks to them.

Yes... The workers are our mother...

- Or not? - Certainly!

- Happy now? - See you later.

Accountant, don't let yourself be corrupted!

How hot it is!

It may seem strange, but I always wake up hot.

Oh, no. Don't you know what I'm saying?

I'm not hot... but in heat!

Come on, Accountant!

You're a smart person, you already knew that!

Don't make me say inappropriate things!

Well... You know, ma'am...

you look a lot like my maternal grandfather.

You know?

Accountant, you work too much. Your eyes are tired.

You make dead people come back to the present time.

Maybe I didn't explain myself well, I meant...

I just want to express myself.

- Mrs. Flora! - What are you doing?

Look how you tremble...

It's just a reaction to the heat.

- You must be a fiery type, right? - No...

I'm only happy in a refrigerator. Imagine that.

I understand you.

You understand me?

I'm a female after all. Even my husband was like you.

He was in the same condition when we first met.

Are you serious, ma'am?

Accountant, why are you staring at me like that?

What are you thinking?

No, don't tell me.

I can sense it. You don't have to repress the call of nature.

Listen your Honor, about my factory...

25 years ago I started with two employees.

Now this factory has 300 employees,

and without anyone's help.

And where did you put your wife's millions?

I put them under my butt.

Don't tell me they didn't help you get started.

Anyhow, I want to introduce your son to the world of politics.

Firstly, because he is a smart guy,

Second, because he is my son-in-law.

For generations and generations the family will continue to...

- Do bullshit! - Ah!

You don't know your son, he has politics in his blood.

Under my guidance I will make him a deputy in 3 or 4 years.

Politics and industry.

You underestimate the importance of our association.

No, don't rack your brains too much.

Sooner or later, I'll leave my factory to my workers.

You must be crazy.

- Do you believe it? - Of course.

So since my son is now your son-in-law,

make him a good deputy and then he'll will be your concern!

No, listen.

Wait... you lost your handkerchief.

Oh...

Look... the concerned industrialist carries around panties, eh?

It's just a distraction from my wife.

Yes, yes, a distraction from your wife. Now tell me...

Is she pretty, huh?

Go on, go on...

I know how to keep quiet if I want, as quiet as a mouse if I want.

- Do you want a ride? - No, no.

- I have the car. - And the taxpayers pay for the gas!

Certainly. We're here to help them. It's only right.

to me...

Ouch! Oh!

I didn't mean to hurt you.

- It's nothing. Just an old wound. - Oh. I hurt your head.

Paola... Paola...

Paola...

- I'm one size smaller! - Uh...

Look at the upstanding man who walks around with his daughter-in-law's panties!

Don't tell me you like to collect this stuff.

I'm not as old as my sister, but I'm still a female.

Can't you tell?

Do you only like your daughters-in-law panties, eh?

Anyway, what do you think my sister will do when I show her these?

I might not even let her see them...

but you'll have to behave. You'll have to convince me.

Don Maurizio, I just came from your sister. Sorry I'm late.

Dear, Accountant, let's be clear.

But, she got this place thanks to God...

and thanks to me and thanks to...

- Thanks to both of you. - Thank you.

Let's clarify everything from the beginning, eh?

There are three things... There are three fundamental things:

First of all: maximum punctuality.

I am synchronized with the Greenwich Mean Time!

Second: Maximum seriousness.

I am part of "The Third Order of Saint Francis."

Good.

Third: Maximum speed in payments...

by keeping the receipts...

I mean, there can't be any deficits, eh?

Imagine this... they call me the "Speedy Gonzales" of the deposits.

- You've always been called that. - Yes.

- And we must be like "Him." - Ah...

Will you come see me later?

Paola, you have to forget about what happened.

What's wrong with you?

Don't you think I am enough of a whore?

Well, yes, but this can't continue. That's all!

That's all!

You're telling me?!

Don't think I'm crazy about you!

You're old... You should kiss my feet just for accepting you!

Dad, don't look at us as if we had committed a crime.

We have the impression that you're not happy to see us. Right?

Don't make us think you like being alone.

And what interesting things did you see?

Nothing dad. We were always in bed.

Beautiful!

- Your sister did a good job, Laura. - I can't imagine what she has done!

That old shack has truly become something extraordinary.

As crazy as Paola is, I can't imagine how our house turned out.

The important thing is that you are there, my love.

You are enough to make any home welcoming.

And of course, Don Maurizio has supervised all the work.

Laura, did you know that you married a future "Christian Democrat" deputy.

Oh, no.

What are you saying, dad? You're bullshitting me!

Here are our beautiful porcelain factories...

from which we get the means to live our useless life.

Your life is useless, dad. I work.

Sant'Antonio!

She is naked!

My dear friends, welcome home on this beautiful sunny day.

There he is. He's always here like I said.

- Go on. - Thank you.

Be careful, huh? Wait, I'll get you.

What a pleasure it is to see this beautiful family reunited.

Don Maurizio. You have become younger, Uncle Don Maurizio.

He is always present.

Hello, my sister.

I have to be near this joy and happiness,

There is always a gift from Don Maurizio.

Always. It's mandatory.

Of course it's mandatory.

Here is your nest, it's not finished yet, but it's welcoming.

Congratulations!

Go and put the car away.

How beautiful!

Well then, do you like it? Are you happy?

Well, I let you guys rest...

rest...

- Is everything fine? - Everything is fine as the Lord wanted.

Hey, what is it Laura? You don't seem enthusiastic.

How come? It seems like you don't share your sister's taste.

Ah, it must be because of all the hotel rooms I've seen.

Oh, yes.

They were so impersonal... however everything here is so harsh.

Well, I'm going. I'll see you at dinner. Bye.

Yes, dad. Bye.

Holy shit!

You know, with all the room in the villa...

that bitch of a sister has to sleep here in the cottage!

Don't take it out on me, I can't do anything about it.

You didn't want to tell her,

but you could have a least tried since she is so hard-headed.

I'll tell her tomorrow.

Sometimes I feel like she wants to be in the middle of everything.

Can you do it without screaming?

I'll give it a try,

but you drive me so crazy!

Come on. Forget about it. Let's do it tomorrow.

Don't. When you touch me, I forget about everything else!

Forget about your damn sister. Just think of me.

Come on!

- What the hell is wrong with you? - I can't make love with that there!

- What thing? - Him.

Give it to your sister.

Look at all this stuff...

We're living in a museum.

Over here is Saint Sebastian. Over there is Buddha.

No, eh!

No!

Sorry, but I'm scared!

I heard footsteps in the garden near the cottage.

Sorry if I interrupted you, but I can't sleep alone in there.

Can't you go any faster?

What's that matter? Did you wear yourself out on your honeymoon?

Today you had to go and by paint!

I'm doing it for you.

I have to finish your love nest.

Try to go faster. Stop at the first paint shop you come across.

Step on that damn accelerator!

Look, I'm not your chauffeur.

Brother-in-law, chauffeur. What's the difference?

Compose yourself! This isn't a living room, it's a car.

Don't you realize how boring you are?

I couldn't care less.

Let's put the wipers on...

It gives me the feeling... I don't know... that they're erasing reality.

You were born to talk bullshit!

Aren't you going to open the door?

Stop it!

Get off!

Traveling with you makes me nervous. You're like a snail.

I should leave you in the middle of the road!

If you make love like you drive a car...

then I feel bad for my poor, unfortunate sister!

Is she happy?

Stop it!

You're really a dud! You don't have any vitality!

How did my sister fall in love with someone like you!

What are you doing? Are you crazy?

No, no! I don't want to!

I'm the one who decides when I want it.

You bitch!

No!

Unfortunately we lost the battle over divorce.

The devil is powerful. I know the ones who quietly betrayed us.

In my opinion, the most beautiful gift from heaven is...

to see such a beautiful and happy bride.

There must be a lot of traffic to take this long. I'm beginning to worry.

No, don't worry mamma,

maybe they haven't found a color Sandro likes.

Plus he is very demanding.

Capital is an instrument of corruption... Uh...

that it becomes a weapon...

but this same capital... can be used to fight this corruption,

so in that sense, we must use this capital for good deeds.

Right!

All you have to do is find idiots who will give away this capital!

But we know already know where to find this capital.

Eh...

Damn, look at what you did to my panties!

Don't worry about your panties! Look at how the hood got dented!

Oh yeah, what am I supposed to wear?

- Don't wear any, what to you care? - Nothing!

Look at this!

And with this new generation...

bigotry, which is your only strength, will totally disappear!

Don't get your hopes up!

Tomorrow we will raise the red flag!

The red flag?

Oh, here they are! We were beginning to wonder!

- What happened? - We had an accident.

Oh, we had accident. It was nothing serious. Don't worry.

It was only a minor thing.

It's just one of those things that can happen when you are out driving...

A crazy guy on a bicycle suddenly came out of a side street towards us.

Of course I tried to avoid him and I was able to.

Nothing happened thanks to my quickness.

He was carrying a basket full of eggs and tomatoes.

and he dropped it all and it dented the hood.

Isn't that right, Paola?

Insurance can be very useful.

We accompanied him to the hospital.

You never know with these starving people.

With the money you have, why don't you give these bicyclists a car?

Everyone has the means they deserve.

This is your justice, my dears.

I'm happy and thank the Lord to see such a close-knit family.

So beautiful and so close-knit and above all so united.

Thank you. He is talking about us, dear.

There will be a great future for everyone!

- And to our future... - To ours...

Hey, hello.

- Hi, Dad. - Hi.

You know? You look different.

Huh? How different.

Are you telling me that marriage has changed me.

Eh... I don't know.

What is it? Don't you like me anymore?

- Yes, but not as a daughter-in-law. - Listen, come with me to the city.

- Let's go. - We'll be right back.

Here you go.

Seven for me. I'm going to win.

100 million or I'll rape you.

I have no idea where you got this from!

You're always the same!

- Let's play a game of pool. - Eh, maybe.

- We'll play for 100,000. - Okay, I'll win anyway.

Well, my love, what's if like to be married, eh?

Well, not more or less...

than being...

a husband and a wife.

You are like your father...

always talking nonsense.

But you're more mischievous than him.

- But you married him anyway. - Aha, yes?

But I had to marry someone to give birth to you, eh?

Plus don't tell me you don't feel comfortable with all this money.

Hey, look, I'll show you a double-dribble shot.

Score.

You know? Your father is worried about your political orientation.

You know I can't think like dad.

His ideas are nice, but we have our money...

- We have to defend it, right? - Oh yes, you're right.

But you're a bit cynical, huh?

Realistic, mom.

Anyway... I learned from you.

That's true, my love.

Don't ever be afraid... your mom will always be with you.

Do whatever you feel like doing and you will have my support.

I have fought my entire life to change his "red" way of thinking!

But, alas, nothing that could be done.

I've had to give up on that. Everyone does their own thing.

Ah, listen, Sandrino, my love...

Uncle Maurizio needs me this morning. Come with me, come on.

- Accompany your mother... - Well...

- Let's take the red car. - To be frank...

Let's go on a nice ride together.

I have to finish a report for my father-in-law.

- Nice Shot. - What time are you meeting Don Maurizio?

- At 11:00. - But it's 11:00 now.

Oh! Holy shit! I'm late!

Bye. Bye, my love.

- Bye. - Finish the game yourself.

- Yes, okay. - Bye.

- My love. - You're already here!

Well, yes. Dad is quick as lightning!

I know, I know! He runs like a madman!

I'm not letting you go anymore!

Help! Help! Help!

Sex...

Sex, my friends...

that filthy beast that we face day after day.

Hour by hour. Minute by minute.

The sex that lives inside us.

Sex...

that foul beast that devours men and makes them empty and useless!

Sex!

For men, it has become like daily bread!

Sex and daily bread! Daily bread and sex!

This enemy of ours is sex... and it must be fought!

It's up to us... and to you ladies... my noble friends...

we must tear it apart!

With a comprehensive... campaign...

widespread...

and after the victory...

We will all have earned our well-deserved place...

up there!

But what are we going to need? What do we need?

What do we need to fight this war?

to lead this widespread campaign of destruction?!

What we need...

is your help.

Help!

Help!

Well done! Well done!

Flora, take over because my head is beginning to hurt...

Sisters... my brother indeed has allowed me to speak...

our brother!

My dears, it consumes his existence...

for the good of humanity...

and for the salvation of the people!

This campaign... together we must fight!

Finance! Finance...

Right, it needs financing...

It will be an unbeatable deadly spear against...

pornography,

that wickedly falls upon us,

from every corner of the street,

from every advertising poster,

from every newspaper stand!

and against the cinema,

the primary instrument of sexual miseducation!

Oh, how disgusting!

Well sisters, let me announce to you...

that in order to achieve this noble aim of ours...

- I offer 10 million. - 11 million!

- Follow their example! - She said 12!

Who will offer more?

12 and a half!

- I offer 13! - Just a little more...

- 13 and a half! - Oh, what courage!

- I will offer 14 million! - 14 million!

- 50 million! - What?

She said 50!

You said 50? Why are you crying, sister?

Have you changed your mind?

No, reverend, I'm just afraid I have made a sin of ambition.

How come you believe that?

I offered 50 million, but I did so to highlight my ambition.

If only all the ambitions were like these!

But I absolve you.

I don't remember, no.

How is it possible that charitable works could reach such an amount, Accountant?!

- What is the funny man doing now? - Huh?

Eh, I just happen to have a cramp in my kidney.

Are you sleepy, Accountant?

No, no! We can check these figures,

against those that Don Maurizio collected.

Nonsense! What a thing to say!

You know I trust you.

How good you are!

You're very good person, you know?

You...

What do these figures with the asterisk mean?

What happened, Accountant? Did you fall down?

I looked death in the face!

I understand you, but don't fall like that.

No, it's my kidneys. Every now and then I have to lie down.

I asked you what this asterisk means.

- The asterisk? - Yes, the asterisk... Uh...

The asterisk... Let's take a look...

I'll explain it to you.

The asterisk shows the fees already collected.

Accountant... keep your hands to yourself.

Control your strong male hands.

Look, ma'am, I didn't even lay a finger on you, you know?

Maybe you've made a mistake!

If I lie, I'm not the son of Mary!

Look, it's just a misunderstanding!

Misunderstanding!

But what misunderstanding! We are all alone here!

- You and me! - Even so, ma'am!

Perhaps it was an involuntary gesture...

I beg your pardon.

It wasn't involuntary!

It was conscious!

Ah, what nice cologne!

Ah, your audacity surpasses all limits!

Look, now I'm offended!

But why be offended?

Look, don't exaggerate, Accountant.

Don't be so dramatic!

- The flesh is known to be weak! - Not so much!

The important thing is that we will regret it afterwards.

You are a very beautiful, generous, seductive woman.

You are a man and I am a woman!

Nature wanted it this way.

- Nature can play certain tricks. - Yes, tricks.

My husband will never know anything,

About what?

I have thought about giving you a position in the company,

In general administration. It's a good career.

Ah, Accountant... Accountant...

Accountant, Accountant, Accountant, come!

- Mrs. Flora... - Come, Accountant!

For the love of God, Saint Teresa of Gallura!

Saint Benedetto! Why is this happening to me?

- Well, Accountant? - Oh...

Oh, here you are...

Thank God!

Oh, Engineer... Oh!

I was consoling the lady about the asterisk on your bill,

because on her bill, there are no asterisks!

Come here, I'll show you.

Everything is in order. Take a look.

- It says 80 million! - Yes.

- But have you gone mad? - Yes.

So, I alone must maintain the church in Italy?

No... your wife!

No! Franco, no!

Nothing has happened! Nothing ever will because I love you.

I swear on my brother's life that I love you.

No Accountant in the world,

could ever sever my pure feelings that bind me to you!

Yes...

If you love me, prove it to me right now.

I'm asking you to fire him on the spot.

- The Accountant? Why? Did he steal? - Huh?

Steal? What would he steal?

I know all about the bills!

The bills? What kind of bills, dear?

What kind of bills? He oversees the church accounts!

Ah... I don't understand, dear.

80 million! I know you understand!

Are we all going crazy?

That's all nonsense...

You should talk to my brother. You know, dear?

We are raising funds to organize an anti-sex campaign.

Oh... what a very original idea!

And tell me, do we have to subsidize all of it ourselves!

Ah... perhaps!

- You know our committee... - Your brother!

- My brother has a great head! - His great head is full of...

Yes! You can say it out loud, you know?

My brother is an avant-garde priest!

A priest with clear ideas! A true priest! He's on the attack!

Yes, he is on the attack, but lo and behold, he always attacks us!

This year alone, you owe 80 million!

Since your always on the workers side, you should understand these things!

It's only fair to take from the rich to give to the poor!

The only difference is that he is a clerical "Robin Hood."

Ah, your sarcasm is out of place!

You know better than me...

that every Lira he collects gets sent to Rome.

To Rome! I'm convinced he sends it all to a personal account in Switzerland!

Oh, thanks.

You're always working.

You know? I would like to make love.

Come on, Laura. Go away. Can't you see I'm busy.

For goodness' sakes, Laura. Come on. Go away.

But I would really like to do it.

Now is not the time!

I have work to do. Furthermore, your sister could arrive at any moment.

Come on. Forget about it.

Don't make any excuses...

- You've changed, I can't fix that! - Come on!

Just be clear and tell me you don't like it.

It's a new job, but you can't think about anything else.

Leave me alone!

Mermaid of the Sea. You can smile, no need to fear!

Well done, young lady...

With a little bit of training, you could make all the way to Mallorca!

I can last longer underwater without the bottoms.

Ah, because you can also breathe back there. Well done!

Bitch.

Holy shit! Here he is coming this way.

- Hello there, Don Maurizio. - Dearest, Franco.

You're in excellent shape.

Eh, I can't complain.

I can tell that your charity work is going swimmingly.

God must always be praised!

Listen, Franco...

I don't see you anymore during my official duties.

Well, everyone has their own duties to worry about, right?

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes... Where is Flora?

- Upstairs, close to Paradise. - Close to Para... close to Paradise!

So...

- Maurizio! - Flora.

Oh God, save me! I'm so glad you're here.

But, what's going on? You seem troubled.

Furthermore, your husband is more satirical than usual.

- Come here. - I don't want to know.

- My big brother... - Yes.

- I want to confess. - Confess?

- Immediately. - At this time?

- Immediately, immediately! - Well my dear, speak...

Don Maurizio, I have to make a confession!

You confess! But what harm could you have done my sister.

What... my sister, sorry!

Tell me everything.

- Go ahead and talk. - Eh...

- Go ahead. - Ah!

Don't look at me or I won't be able to talk.

- I'm not looking. - Okay.

- Go on. - Yes.

What happened was that the Accountant...

- Which Accountant? - Which one do you think?

- Which one do I think? - Eh.

- Well then? - Well then...

Go ahead...

He tried...

Tell me...

He jumped on me and tried to rape me!

- No! - Yes!

- No! - Yes!

And what did you do?

And what could I do?

I'm a defenseless woman.

I tried to defend myself with all my strength,

imploring all the Saints in Heaven.

Here I come!

Come on, let's do four laps.

How nice!

How nice your son is!

Don't tell me you didn't feel some quiet pleasure, eh?

I know you, my sister!

I know you! We grew up together.

You pestered him!

You provoked his animal instincts.

You caused an outburst in him!

- No! No! - Yes! Yes! Yes!

I'll take care of it for you.

I will punish that sexual maniac...

Maurizio, no. I beg of you. Don't cause a scandal!

Think about my marriage! Think about my son for heaven's sake!

Please! I beg of you in memory of our mother...

Our poor mother!

No, leave our mother out of this! She was benevolent, for goodness' sake!

Leave her alone!

You have a half-crazy husband.

Yes, his is a fool.

Look who is coming?

I'm going to sunbathe in the garden.

- Maurizio. - There he is!

Oh, please! Maurizio!

Maurizio, what are you going to do? What will they say in Rome?

I beg you! Stop for goodness' sake!

I beg you. Oh!

You are strong, Accountant.

The need to squeeze harder. Go on.

Do not worry about it. I know certain tricks that no one else does.

Accountant!

- Don't call me! Leave me alone! - Accountant!

Huh?

And the girl...

- Cover her up. - Huh?

I said to cover her up!

Put away her...

Ah... That's it. Now you can go.

I hear you.

I was just explaining to the young lady not to eat before swimming.

- Accountant. - Yes.

Did you make the payments?

Of course I made the payments. Didn't you want me to make them?

- Accountant. - Yes.

You have committed an act that disrespects us and our honor.

- Accountant. - Yes.

- You're weak! - Yes.

- But accidentally! - But accidentally!

Did you ask her?

- Well, yes. - Oh, yes.

You knew she wouldn't be able to refuse an Accountant employee.

That's not the way!

Excuse me, let me dry off.

No, no, no... Let's not change the subject, Accountant.

I'm talking about the bills you presented to my brother-in-law.

May he be praised.

- Who? - The other one.

- Go prepare the bills for tomorrow. - I'm going.

- Go on. - Ah!

My God!

What the hell am I going to do?

He is going to drown!

If they don't get me in 3 minutes, I'm leaving because it's too wet.

Paola, help him!

Finally, the life-guard has arrived.

Paoletta, grab him down below!

Grab him down below!

Well done. Give me a hand.

No, I'll give you a hand. That would be better!

- Go slowly. - He's heavy!

Yes, he is heavy!

Look at his fat belly, eh?

Now we need to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Good. That's it.

Well, God! Hey, Paola! No!

No, Paola. Hold the tongue so he can breathe.

Do you understand, Paola?

No. You don't know the technique, okay.

No, no... You're doing it wrong, Paola.

Paola, that's wrong, my daughter. I'll take care of it.

No. I'm fine. I'm fine. It's nothing.

Absolutely nothing!

Nothing's wrong and even if there was, I wouldn't tell you.

Don't shout! You almost gave me a heart attack.

Stupid! Can't you tell it's fake?

Look at this!

You always want to make jokes, but never want to make love.

Anyways, the joke wasn't meant for you...

it was meant for my father.

He is an intelligent man and understands jokes.

Every time you insist, I lose all interest in making love!

Sorry, eh! I'm so sorry!

How come you can't think of anything else?

Yes. If I feel like, I'll just tell you...

and if you don't like it, I don't care.

Stop it... I can't stand you anymore!

The same goes for me!

Go ahead. Go and complain to your father!

Tell him I don't screw you,

then everyone will know how unhappy you are!

As a matter of fact, let me say it...

I don't screw my wife!

I don't screw my wife! How about that?

Are you anxious, dear?

Would you like me to make you some nice chamomile tea?

No, no. Thanks, dear. Go to sleep.

What's your problem? Did you get angry at factory?

No, I haven't been there for two days.

- Sleep. Go to sleep. - Bye.

- In short, you don't need anything. - Hmm?

Dear...

Have you talked to my brother?

Don't remind me. I beg of you.

Why? What did he tell you?

He doesn't say! He just asks all the time!

All he does is ask! Good night!

Dear...

I think something is wrong.

Yes, there is something!

What's wrong with you, my love? Tell me!

No. Please, Flora. Leave me alone. Now is not the time!

Sleep, dear! Sleep!

- Good night. - Uhh, good night.

Ugh!

Nothing ever happens in this house!

Ohh!

- Good morning, Engineer. - Good morning, Lucrecia

- Do you need anything else? - Oh, yes.

- Go tell Rodolfo to prepare the car. - Yes, Engineer.

- Good morning, Dad. - Hello, Sandro.

So, did you fall out of bed?

Why did you call me so early this morning?

Well, it's really not that early.

Well anyways... it's nothing serious.

No. We never see you. So...

You know, sometimes doubts can arise.

I don't understand.

Tell me about yourself... do you consider yourself a happy man?

Yes, why?

And Laura, is she also happy and satisfied?

I don't see any reason why she wouldn't be...

She has everything she wants.

Well, as for the two of you... how are they going?

How are they going? How should they be going?

Do you think Laura... is dissatisfied?

No, no!

Do you have doubts about my manhood or...

about her femininity!

Dad, the two of us used to go screw women.

I had my first fuck with a friend of yours...

and I think you weren't to happy about it either, right!

As far as... As for Laura I can assure you...

that she is a female with plenty of...

Yes, yes. All right...

I understand.

Are you busy today... or can you come with me to the office?

I have to go to see my father-in-law.

We are preparing the program for the electoral campaign.

Are you sure you have chosen the right path?

Well that... that I don't know.

See you tonight, bye.

Bye.

(Carmen opera performance...)

Here's an extra room. Accountant, this will be your room.

Oh! You must ravage this poor creature!

A victim of carnal sin!

I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm very bad!

We would be committing a mortal sin, we are both married!

Who cares! We can do penance later!

We will go to hell, ma'am!

What does it matter? Nature is calling us.

Can't you hear it?

Ooh, Ooh!

That's the cry of an animal in heat.

I'm scared!

Oh! Don't make me suffer so much!

Mrs. Flora, don't you realize...

If we happen to have a child, they will call him a child of sin!

and that would be horrible.

However, if that's an order...

At least think about your career! Don't you care about your career?

Good point! Good point!

Make me yours!

- I'm crazy! - Me too!

I'm crazy!

Why don't we do some crazy things?

I said I'm crazy.

But, I didn't say I was an asshole.

Here we are...

Come on... Go in there...

Holy...

I warned you, when I go wild, no one can stop me!

I have more hormones than country animals!

Don Maurizio thinks something should be done for...

for the Madonna of Loreto and for Pompeii.

Why... are they sick?

He's humorous.

Yes, it's humorous, but not very tactful.

It's just a question of competition.

Italians always like foreign things!

Right, Don Maurizio. Holy words!

They all go to Lourdes as if the Madonna doesn't do miracles in Italy.

Uh... Yes, that's true.

Eh, you're right. We have so many Madonna's here,

why do we have to bother the other ones?

Look, dear Franco...

apart from the fact that we only have one Virgin. One!

We have the duty to create new interests,

we have the duty to maintain the Faith.

Which at this moment seems to falter...

and pilgrimages are... a safe vehicle...

of authentic strength and devotion.

There you are. I hope I explained myself.

You certainly understood me, right? Okay...

They cost what they cost.

What do you have to say, your Honor.

Great answer!

How about you Laura, let's hear your opinion.

I don't seed why we have to talk about sanctuaries all night.

But... Laura!

This is one of the biggest problems in our country!

Of course... let's get busy!

If that's the case, let's go on a pilgrimage to Loreto tomorrow.

And there we will lay the foundation of our great movement!

You can count on my support, Don Maurizio.

Don't count me in!

Oh... hello.

Thank you.

- And where is Sandro? - Always working.

Hey! good job!

Every day we discover a new aspect of life...

and of everything that surrounds us...

You just have to want it.

- You mean, I don't want that to? - I don't know.

Have you ever had a lover?

Who me? I do not know!

Sometimes lovers are just stuck in fantasy world.

Have you ever tried to make one of your fantasies come true?

Oh, no...

Really, no.

Why don't you give it a try?

They sense the weather. Soon it will rain.

- Hurry up. - Wait a moment.

Wait.

- Hurry up. - I'm coming.

(Singing)

Come on. Come on. Let's go!

The horses weren't wrong.

- My goodness, I'm soaked! - Oof!

- Franco... - Don't say anything.

I have to say something. I need to say something.

I already know what you are going to say.

I wanted this... all I really wanted was this.

Another man's woman has never been a problem for me.

However this time... the woman is my daughter-in-law.

- Shall I serve dinner, Engineer? - No, thanks. I'm not hungry.

- Good night. - Good night.

What are you doing there? Come in. Don't be shocked.

- Pretty, huh? - Don't look to closely, you're married.

What's wrong with you now?

So you like to sulk, huh?

Your are really annoying me. Understand?

Are you coming in or not?

Go to hell!

Gallop! Gallop!

Translated by Eduardo AKA 70s_Euro_Trash