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Feels like I’m signing my life away.

No paint, no holes in the walls

and nothing can be suspended from the ceiling.

Curtains?

You know, Thomas, the owners don’t rent to just anyone.

This is happening.

THOMAS: Wait, Pippa, don’t move.

Can you please take our picture?

Thank you.

-Hey. -

-

-

-Hey, turkey. -Hey, chicken.

What’s up?

Nothing much. What’s up with you?

So, we’re really gonna do this, huh?

-Seems that way. Yeah. -Yeah.

-It’s a big step. -Huge step. Ooh.

It’s really big, and if this doesn’t work out...

-Ooh, woof. -It’s gonna suck.

Maybe we should just call it off now.

Oh, yeah, maybe just, like,

-quit while we’re ahead? Yeah. -Just-just, yeah.

-Nice meeting you. Yeah, ni... -Nice-nice-nice talking to you.

I’ll take half of my stuff.

And I will take the other half of the stuff.

-Yep. That make sense? -

Babe...

this is our home.

I get to live here with you.

Not yet.

Right. Sorry, sorry.

was violet...

Oh, what is this?

-It’s chlorophyll water. -What?

Chlorophyll water. It’s the secret to a long life.

I will stick to my gewürztraminer,

thank you very much.

Okay, well, stick to your "ga-ga-bosh-bana-miner."

Okay, wait.

I know we just moved in together,

but can we talk about kids?

-Kids? -Yes.

Like, it’s really important that we have

-this conversation right now. -Okay.

Can we...

not have kids for at least four years?

-Yes. Geez...

-Yeah? -Yes. Hell yes.

-Ugh.

-Hey, don’t act so... -You scared the shit out of me.

Wait, but seriously, I was thinking about how

I basically spent my entire life in school, right?

As long as I’ve known you.

Yeah, like, you spent your early 20s

playing in some shitty punk clubs

and doing God knows what.

Drugs.

And I spent mine in the corner

of some stuffy medical library studying till 2:00 a.m.

-Right. -So I don’t want some

gooey toddler to come along and just mess up

the last few years of being rebellious.

Yeah. You know what,

I-I’ve been thinking about rebellion, too, in my own way.

You’re about to say something stupid right now.

No, no, I...

Well, you might think I’m un poco loco,

but I was thinking about taking up the accordion.

No. Really?

What-what are you talking about, then?

I want to wake up Sunday morning

with an awful hangover that reminds me

of all the terrible decisions I made the night before.

That is what I’m talking about.

I’m here for it. Hey, you deserve it.

You deserve all the hangovers in the world, Pippa.

-I do. -You do.

-I do. -Yes, you do.

To making wonderful, terrible decisions.

To wonderful, terrible decisions.

Come here.

-I love you. -I love you, too.

THOMAS: Oh, check out those two.

What is he, like, a photographer or something?

PIPPA: Looks like it.

Wow.

You can see right in.

THOMAS: It’s a nice pla...

Oh, oh, kissy kissy.

THOMAS: Aw, they’re in love.

PIPPA: Mm, it’s getting spicy.

-PIPPA: Oh. Oh. -THOMAS: Oh, that man is

taking off her clothes.

PIPPA: Um, Thomas...

THOMAS: That is happening.

-PIPPA: Thomas. -What?

I don’t think we should spy on our neighbors.

No, we’re not spying. We’re just...

looking outside our window, and they happen to be

in our field of vision.

-Oh, oh, oh! -PIPPA: O-Okay.

They have to know that people can see in.

-THOMAS: Exactly. -Like, they have to know that.

THOMAS: Have to know. Have to know.

Is he about to do what I think he’s about to do?

PIPPA: Yep.

THOMAS: That is some good content.

Okay. Thomas, we’re officially being creepy weirdos.

-Don’t you agree? -No.

What? They-they want us to look.

But we’ll stop because you want me to.

Thank you.

-It’s our first night. -Right, right.

Let’s give our new neighbors some privacy.

Oh, they’re fucking now. Okay.

Thomas, come on, perv.

Okay, okay, okay.

Go get it.

Go get it, boy.

So...

I got you a little...

-Thomas? -

Babe?

Thomas.

Thomas.

Sex.

ARI: So, congratulations are in order.

-PIPPA What’d I do? -ARI: You, nothing.

Me, I’m on day three of a social media blackout.

No Insta, no Twitter.

Joni and I pledged to go an entire month.

-PIPPA: Mazel tov, Ari. -Mm-hmm.

I just read that couples who decrease

their amount of screen time

can double or triple the amount of sex they have a month.

-Yeah? -Mm-hmm.

Uh, but what do they look at when they masturbate?

Oh, my God, how is cohabitation going?

The weirdest thing happened last night.

-This couple, our neighbors across the way, -Mm-hmm.

they were totally doing it, and we could see right in.

ARI: Oof magoof. How ugly were they?

PIPPA: They’re not. They were, like, gorgeous.

-ARI: So,

you pulled up a chair, popped some popcorn,

broke out the binoculars?

-No. -Why not?

Just because someone is allegedly allowing you

to look in on their lives doesn’t mean it’s okay to watch.

Hmm. Mm, you are 1,000% wrong about that.

It is entirely acceptable to look.

I mean, it sounds like they’re exhibitionists.

Doubtful.

If they are exhibitionists, then watching them--

it’s, like, the polite thing to do, Pippa.

I’ll see you at lunch.

So long, creep.

PIPPA: You’re gonna see so much better after this.

Just relax, okay?

I’ve done 40 of these a week for the past 20 years,

and well over half of them have gone right.

Just kidding, of course.

Cannula, please.

20 years.

Yeah, and I’m still trying to figure out

what I want to be when I grow up.

-

Okay.

In three, two,

-and... -

Bonjour. Hi. This is Pippa from L’optique.

-Your glasses are ready. -DR. SATO: Pippa?

Uh, we’re open till 6:00.

You’re welcome. Bye.

What is this?

DR. SATO: So, in Japan, birds are described as

"two eyes with wings," and for good reason.

Their acuity is so strong

that from the top of an eight-story building

they can pick out a single ant crawling on the sidewalk below.

Uh-huh.

Why are you telling her this?

Well, it’s a little housewarming present.

-Oh.

DR. SATO: When you see birds

drinking from this outside your window,

let it be a little reminder of how imperfect

our own species’ vision is.

You and I,

all we’re doing here is making it slightly better.

PIPPA Thank you.

I want a present.

Hey, babe.

-Hi. -Voila.

Thomas, this is so cute.

THOMAS: We kind of look like Bert and Ernie.

What’s going on with our friendly next-door neighbors?

Really? This is gonna be a thing?

THOMAS: Look. They’re just like us.

PIPPA They’re nothing like us.

They’re way cooler.

Yeah.

Hey, stop being so obvious.

-Oh, okay. Secret time. -Ooh.

Ooh.

How do we become their friends?

You want to become BFFs with the neighbors

-we now seem to be stalking? -Yeah. Why not?

I bet that sake he’s drinking is top-shelf.

He could pour me some,

and I could pretend to know the difference.

And then she could show you all the cute boutiques

to shop at in the neighborhood.

Yeah, ’cause all girls do is shop.

Okay, fine. I’ll-I’ll learn about the boutiques, then.

-Shit. -

What are their names?

PIPPA: Uh, she’s definitely a Margot.

THOMAS: Oh, yeah, of course. She’s clearly a Margot.

PIPPA: And that’s... Brent.

THOMAS Well, maybe Brent can also

tell me how to sculpt my body hair.

Caught a glimpse of his pubes yesterday.

They were exquisitely manscaped.

Would you ever want me to do that?

PIPPA: Shave your pubes?

-THOMAS: Yeah. -PIPPA: No.

W-Wouldn’t they grow back prickly or something?

THOMAS "Prickly."

PIPPA: Wait.

Is... is he choking?

Oh, shit.

-That guy can’t breathe. -PIPPA: I know.

-THOMAS: And she can’t see him. -I-I know. What do we do?

-THOMAS: Okay, here we go. -Oh. Good, good, good. Yes.

-N-No, no. -THOMAS: No! Go to the kitchen!

The kitchen!

Take off your headphones, girlfriend!

Ugh, my... This is, like, an emergency.

Okay, uh, I-I should... call 911?

No, you’re... they’re not gonna get there fast enough.

-You need to go over there. -Okay, but then they’ll know

that we were spying.

Yeah, but then he won’t be dead. Go!

Shit. Okay, right. Shit.

-I have to go over there? -Go!

Okay. Yeah, yeah. All right, all right.

PIPPA: Wait! Thomas, come back, come back, come back.

What? What?

-PIPPA: No, not like that. -No, no, no.

THOMAS: What are you doing? No, no, no, no.

-No. Come on. Harder, harder, harder. -No! What is she doing?

-PIPPA: Oh, come on. -Come on. What are you doing?

-Oh, look! -Come on!

-Look! -Like this!

-THOMAS: Yeah! Yeah, go! -Yeah! That’s right!

-PIPPA: You got this, girl! -Go, go, go! Go, go, go, go!

-Push, push, push, push. -Come on. You got this!

-There you go. There you go. -You got this!

THOMAS: There you go. There you go. There you go.

-Yeah! Yes! -Oh, my gosh!

-Yeah!

-We did it! -

PIPPA: Oh, my God, we did it.

-THOMAS: We did. Oh, my God. -We did it.

-

PIPPA: He just spit up a spicy tuna roll.

Kinky.

-Ew. No, ew! Ew! -Ooh...

So, this might be a little problematic.

Why? They know we can see in, so why not?

Wait.

Somebody’s got some company.

THOMAS: I think this guy’s pretty successful.

PIPPA: Yeah, he doesn’t do commercials.

THOMAS: That’s a sore spot, baby.

-PIPPA: Sorry. -

PIPPA: Ooh.

THOMAS: Oh, I think she was there this afternoon.

-Can I take a look? -Yeah.

-Wow. These get so close. -PIPPA: I know, right?

-They were only a hundred bucks. -Only? Did you negotiate?

PIPPA: No. Should I have?

Yeah, you probably could’ve got ’em for 50.

Man.

THOMAS: Fun fact-- this guy touched her butt earlier.

PIPPA: Oh, what’s he doing?

THOMAS: Impromptu photo shoot?

Here.

PIPPA It’s-a me, Mario.

PIPPA I like her overalls, though.

-Oh, sh... Whoa. -THOMAS: What’s happening?

-PIPPA: What just happened? -What’s happening?

THOMAS: "Hello, world. I do push-ups."

Yeah, me too, bub, sometimes.

PIPPA: Uh, whoa, whoa.

THOMAS: "Take off your shirt. That’s what friends do."

PIPPA: "Best friends?"

THOMAS: "Yeah, we’re best friends forever."

PIPPA: "Aw."

-"Take off your clothes." -"Okay."

PIPPA: Whoa, this is so sus.

THOMAS: He’s buttering her up.

-PIPPA: Ooh. Clink! -THOMAS: Clink.

THOMAS: Hey-yo. Boobs.

-Stop. -Boobs, babe. There’s boobs.

PIPPA: Do you think she wants it?

THOMAS: I don’t know.

Oh, I think she wants it.

What if Margot comes home?

THOMAS: I know. I know.

Are we bad people for watching this?

No.

THOMAS: This guy gets a lot of action.

PIPPA: Hmm.

Here. Keep watching.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Taking your shirt off, babe.

-Pippa. -Take it off.

And now what?

Keep watching.

THOMAS: Okay.

-What are they doing? -Um...

He’s kissing her neck and...

What are we doing? That’s so crazy.

-Come on. Pay attention. -This is crazy.

Pay attention.

Um... okay.

He, uh...

PIPPA: Yeah?

-PIPPA: Yeah?

-

My turn.

-Come on, take ’em off. -Yes, ma’am.

-Are you sure? -Yeah.

-

I love you.

Love you, too.

Um, can you go a little faster?

Yeah. Sure.

Um, a little harder.

-THOMAS: Like that? -Yeah.

I think I’m gonna...

PIPPA: C-Can you... can you just hold it?

Yeah. Yeah, I’ll try.

PIPPA: Just slow down if you have to.

No, I’m gonna...

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

It’s okay. Why are you apologizing?

That was faster than usual.

It was great.

I mean, we’ve just never done that before.

-It was hot. -

All right, I’m gonna get you a washcloth.

-Love you. -Love you, too.

JONI: I mean...

it’s totally obvious.

Margot is Brent’s wife, serious girlfriend or whatever.

And while she was out of town,

Brent got thirsty and straight-up cheated on her.

-That’s my theory, too. -ARI: Uh, okay.

How can we be so sure? I mean, maybe they’re just,

like, in an open relationship or something.

Or maybe you’re projecting your feelings

about monogamy onto them?

-But what are the odds of that, though? -What?

That they’re swingers or...

Do people use the word "swinger" anymore?

Siri, what percentage of couples are in an open relationship?

You think Siri can answer that question?

SIRI: Blumstein and Schwartz found that 15%

of married couples share an agreement

that allows for extramarital sex.

15%?

I’m legit impressed.

And that’s an average, I’m assuming.

I bet that within the greater metropolitan area

it’s, like, way higher.

I mean, this place is fuck city.

But poor Margot.

-Yes. It’s so wrong. -Yeah. Poor Margot. -Poor Margot.

I just wish we could hear what they were saying to each other.

Huh.

-Huh. -JONI: Brother.

THOMAS: Hmm. Sibling.

What?

Nothing.

Joni, you just said, "Huh."

Like, "Huh, I just had a thought

that would be relevant to this conversation."

So...

Okay.

When Tommy and I were in college,

he used to have this huge crush

on this super cute lit major named Kylie.

All these dorks wanted to get with her,

but none of them had the balls to,

you know, actually talk to her.

-Please continue.

One night, I went over to smoke weed

and watch Deep Blue Sea...

-As one does. -...and I discover

they figured out how to jerry-rig a laser pointer

into a long-range microphone

so that we could all low-key listen in

on Kylie’s private conversations

in hopes that she would miraculously be confessing

-her love for one of them. -Mon Dieu.

-You were an accomplice to this? -No.

-Maybe. -Uh-huh. -JONI: Okay, it was his idea,

and he masterminded the whole thing

after watching a tutorial on YouTube.

What happened?

-Nothing. Uh, it was... -Uh, we turned it on.

-No. -And...

the instant we got a signal, everybody was crushed

because, from the moaning and the giggling,

it became immediately apparent

that Kylie and her roommate were having a naked tickle party

with Seth Gildenstein.

-Gildenstein? -It’s Gildensteen, yeah.

Kylie was in the 15%.

But a trivia note on Seth Gildensteen--

never was he seen in a pair of shoes.

-Sorry, what? -Like, he only ever wore Rollerblades.

Yeah, and still somehow got laid.

Laid a lot.

Enough about Seth’s choice of footwear.

How does this laser pointer thingy work?

THOMAS: Okay, class.

Large picture windows just like this one,

when you make a noise, they vibrate.

Like, right now, this is vibrating

from the sound of my voice.

So, if you shine a laser through it,

what do you think happens to the beam?

It also vibrates.

Gold star for you. Exactly.

The little dot of the laser wiggles from the vibrations.

And if you can capture the pattern of the wiggling,

you can translate that into waveforms you can actually hear.

Why haven’t we done this yet?

Well, Pippa, it’s probably illegal,

and B, we can’t.

I mean, if we shine a laser

into their apartment, it terminates.

There’s no way to capture the vibrations

from across the street.

In order to do that, we’d have to bounce the beam back here.

Wait, what?

Unless we sneak into Brent’s studio

and perfectly place a mirror behind his window,

we’re out of luck.

There’s a satyr in their apartment.

What?

You know, a satyr.

The Roman fertility spirit. Look.

I have a bad idea.

THOMAS: I cannot believe we’re doing this right now.

This is exactly what I’m talking about.

Future us is gonna be so impressed.

Yeah, well, present-tense me is freaking the fuck out.

-Present-tense you is also sober. -True.

PIPPA: What’s the worst thing that could happen?

into the field for so long...

PIPPA: Oh, um...

-PIPPA: Uh, uh... -Yo!

-Thomas! -Yo!

Hey, bro.

-Thomas. -Bro! Bro.

-THOMAS: Hey.

through your hair

giving off heat, oh

come over

I can only stare

-

it’s pulling my heart down

-

it’s pulling my heart down

-

What the fuck was all that?

To wonderful, terrible decisions.

To wonderful, terrible decisions.

Clink.

-Is it chipped? -No, you’re good. You’re good.

What...?

in the dark...

THOMAS: So, yeah, I was doing the band thing for a while.

-Now I switched to commercials. -WOMAN: Yeah, yeah.

THOMAS: More stable pay.

Well, what was the name of your band?

Um, we were actually called Stress.

-Stress. I love that. -Mm-hmm.

Sorry, I got to stretch a little bit.

Hey.

MAN: Nice costume!

Straight fire, Margot.

How’s everyone doing over here?

Can I get a hit of that?

Thanks, Zorro.

Well, make yourselves at home.

Su casa, mi casa.

PIPPA: She could have dressed as any of the Tenenbaums,

but no-- Margot.

So, how did we do, chicken?

Mission accomplished.

Yes, that’s what I like to hear.

All right. Ready?

Copy.

THOMAS: Okay.

So, you’re looking for a little green dot.

Tell me to move it up or down or whatever.

PIPPA: I don’t see it.

THOMAS: Well, it’s there somewhere.

PIPPA: I know, but I don’t see it.

Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off!

THOMAS: What?

A second longer, they were gonna think

they were gonna get assassinated.

Okay. Start lower.

Okay, okay.

PIPPA: Okay, go right.

A little more... and stop.

Stop, stop. And now go up.

A little higher.

A little more, and stop.

Mwah.

Now what?

Now we hope that the angle of the mirror

bounced it back here somewhere.

This isn’t the most scientific of methods.

Hold on.

Aw.

I am so impressed right now.

Man.

Wait, wait. Wait.

They sound like the teachers from Charlie Brown.

-Wah-wah, wah-wah, wah. -Wah-wah.

Wah-wah-wah, wah-wah-wah.

MARGOT So if I’m feeling upset about something,

-I should just hide it? -

-

MARGOT: I saw you go into the bathroom with some woman.

BRENT: Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.

MARGOT: In front of everybody.

Are you fucking stupid?

Did you think people can’t see you?

Did you? Hello! Hi!

I can’t keep having this conversation.

Okay, all right, fine, you really want to do it now?

-Yeah. -Tell me the truth.

Do you still love me?

Oh, fuck you. What?

Do you?

How-how... I’m sorry.

How are you getting that from this?

Do you still love me?

Don’t do this to me. Don’t do that.

Don’t do that.

Look, I think... I think you-you want to leave me

but you-you haven’t got the fucking balls to do it,

so you come up with all these ridiculous excuses

just to try and make it my fault and not yours.

No. No, no, no, I saw you.

BRENT: You know, I... we’re to the point

I shouldn’t even have to explain myself.

You’re supposed to trust me.

You really think that I would fuck someone in our apartment?

-Is that what you think of me? -I-I thought...

-I saw you. -You thought what?

You know, I get it. I get it. You’re insecure about my work.

I get it. That makes sense.

Okay, you’ve told me a hundred times.

But without my work, who’s gonna pay for all this?

-Are you? Huh? -That’s not fair.

Your income gonna support us?

I mean, if you get... if we get divorced,

don’t know what you’re gonna do.

Whoa, whoa. I...

I don’t want a divorce.

I-I... No.

At a certain point, I have to start thinking about it, Jules.

-I’m trying my best here. -I sorry, Seb. Sorry.

I’m really trying, but what... what else can I do?

How long am I supposed to put up with this?

I’m sorry.

If you’re sorry, you’d change.

I will. I will.

Will you? Don’t. Will you?

Huh? Will you?

-Will you change? -Yes.

-You will? -Yes.

Okay, so did I fuck someone tonight?

-No. No. -No?

Did-did... Was someone sucking my cock?

-No. -No, they weren’t.

-Do you still love me? -Yes.

Then stop acting like such a fucking cunt!

I’m tired.

-

-You okay? -Yeah, I just...

I think I’m coming down with something.

Yeah.

There’s a nasty hangover going through Montreal right now.

-ARI: Hey, pip-squeak?

-Can you come here for a sec? -

PIPPA: Hello. Uh...

How may I help you?

Hi. I’m just looking for some new glasses.

Pippa is the best at picking out frames.

-MARGOT: Really?

-Did you bring your prescription? -No.

I actually haven’t had my eyes checked in, like, a few years.

It might’ve changed.

Pippa, you could squeeze her in before your 2:30, right?

Uh, an eye exam?

MARGOT: Oh, that would be great.

-Uh, sure. Yeah. -Thank you.

Um, I’m Julia, by the way.

Pippa.

-Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.

I, F, O,

Z, uh...

oh, P?

Oh, could be another F?

Uh, here.

A... or B?

Um, can I see that again?

A... or B?

They look exactly the same to me.

Is that okay?

Uh...

You have terrible vision.

But...

most people’s vision sucks.

It’s how I have a job.

I’m gonna look at the surface of your eye

to see if there’s any imperfections.

-Okay. -So just put your chin...

-right there. -Mm-hmm.

PIPPA: You’re gonna see a bright light for a second.

Okay. I’m gonna come in closer now.

Okay.

Look up.

Left.

Good.

Right.

Good.

Once again.

I’m so indecisive. What do you think?

Well, those are definitely more...

"sexy librarian."

-Sexy librarian? -Yeah, like...

"Meet me in the stacks, big boy.

Let’s read the latest Emma Straub novel together."

Where these, they’re more "femme fatale."

Like... "I’m gonna bang Doogie Howser,

then slit his throat."

Oh, my God.

Do you think I can pull these off?

Course you can.

The great thing about new glasses is

you get to decide who you want to be.

Well, okay.

These ones remind me of my barista.

So...

I guess...

I am the femme fatale.

I think you might be.

They really are so you.

Hey, um, this might sound weird...

Maybe this is awkward. Um, would you ever want to get

a cup of coffee sometime or something?

Is that weird?

No.

Are you sure?

No, I’d... I’d love that.

I mean, I know we just met, but you seem cool.

Thank you.

Well, uh, can I have your number?

Yeah. My cell.

Awesome. Um, well, some friends of mine

opened a spa this weekend.

Maybe we could check that out or something?

-I’ll call you. -Yeah.

-That-that sounds amazing. -Okay.

-Bye. -Bye.

Mom, what’s wrong?

-

NARRATOR Whether it’s your birthday,

anniversary or any old Tuesday,

there’s always a reason to celebrate.

So don’t let E.D. ruin your party.

Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for...

-

BRENT: Can you put your fingers around the frame?

It’s your frame. It’s not a prop.

You own it, okay?

I mean, I’d love to go down on you.

THOMAS: What? What did he just say?

BRENT: Okay, try this. Put your arms up at the top.

That’s it. Hold it.

You earned it. Come on.

THOMAS: "Oh, we just both have our shirts off.

And everything is fine and completely professional."

BRENT: Ever since you walked in here,

I’ve been wondering what you taste like.

THOMAS: Oh, geez Louise.

-Can you take it down a notch? -BRENT: Okay.

Got it.

See? Look at your face.

-It’s a trap. -You’re genuinely shocked.

I thought you were being serious.

I was.

THOMAS: No. No, no, no, no, no.

Too touchy.

Get your big-ass necklace and get out of there, girl.

BRENT: There’s no extra charge for it.

You usually charge?

Oh, yeah, usually, it’s an extra 200 bucks--

the cunnilingus fee-- but I’ll waive it for you.

-THOMAS: Oh, my God. -

Well, I appreciate that.

Look, come on. What’s the issue?

-Come on, bruh. -MODEL: I’m not gonna...

Look, you can go sit on the metro

and wonder what it would’ve been like if you stayed,

or you can stay for 30 minutes,

and I’ll make you come harder than you ever thought possible.

THOMAS: What? What? I...

This can’t actually work.

-Okay. -THOMAS: Ugh.

All right.

-BRENT: Feels good, right? -MODEL: Yeah.

What?

Uh-huh.

-What? What? -Yeah.

-Yes. -Shut up.

-I know! -What?

Did you talk to her?

If, by "her," you mean Julia, then yeah.

Julia?

But, dude, I know what the inside of her oculus looks like.

Of all the eye clinics in the world...

She walks into mine.

And what’s even crazier, we totally hit it off

and we’re gonna hang out this weekend.

-This is crazy! -To be honest,

I think that she just needs a friend.

Someone to talk to about her super unhealthy relationship.

Uh, y-yeah, I saw him today.

He-he kind of took advantage of this girl.

What? He screwed someone while she was with me?

Uh, technically oral,

but it was not cool, so...

I don’t know, I-I was thinking,

and I think maybe this isn’t good for us.

-PIPPA: Yeah. I agree.

It felt weird not telling her.

Yeah, but it-it feels weird to be spying

on our neighbors, right?

I mean, sneaking around,

keeping our lights off so they don’t see us.

You’re not really seeing her this weekend, are you?

If I was cheating on you, wouldn’t you want to know?

I don’t know that I would.

I don’t love that you keep going to these hypothetical places.

But it’s not hypothetical here.

That asshole is being totally unfaithful,

and we know that, so now I have

the moral responsibility to do the right thing.

Okay, hey, hey, hey. Hey.

Chicken. Babe.

When we decided to move in together,

I-I was excited about you and me taking this step.

I get that you’re trying to do the right thing--

I-I-I get it-- but let’s get back to us.

Maybe I-I could just tell her this weekend.

Am I not enough for you?

I promise I will rip the Band-Aid off and be done.

You’re not listening.

Maybe it’ll give her the confidence she need...

Where are you going?

-I’m going to get a drink. -But we were just...

Pippa, she doesn’t need to be saved.

She doesn’t need to be saved by you.

This is straight-up none of your business.

Thomas.

JULIA Hello.

Baby, I’m talking to you.

BRENT: Yeah?

JULIA: Hmm? Hmm?

I was feeling gloomy all day

because of our little spat last night.

And...

I really didn’t mean it.

I was kind of hoping I could make it up to you.

-Baby. -Mm-hmm?

Um...

-Just... -Just relax, will you?

BRENT: Okay, I am... I am relaxed.

-JULIA: You’re not relaxed. -I’m just... I am relaxed.

-JULIA: Mm-mm. -I’m just not really

in the mood for it, okay?

Are you sure I can’t convince you?

We can do birthday-only stuff.

Hey, you’re really sweet. It’s just...

just not tonight, okay?

I forgive you for yesterday.

I do.

Pippa. Pippa.

Hi. Hi.

Mwah. Mwah. Oh, my God, I so need this.

Kind of had a rough week.

Let’s go.

JULIA: You seem to really love your job.

PIPPA: I do. I... I don’t know,

I-I had the realization the other day that...

I really like ophthalmology.

Like, it just, it makes sense to my brain.

-You’re really good at it. -

Thank you.

But I’m gonna be doing it for the rest of my life.

And I’ve finally achieved the one thing

that I’ve worked years and years to do,

and in the process, I kind of killed off

all possibilities of something else.

-Yeah. -It’s like when you’re

so obsessed with something that you forget

to pick your head up and look around and go,

"Oh, wait.

What am I even doing?"

But you’re too far down the rabbit hole.

Yeah.

I have the opposite problem as you.

PIPPA: What do you do?

I’m kind of trying to figure that out.

I was a...

I was a model.

Oh, my God.

I say that like I’m embarrassed about it.

Um, I was a model,

but I’m not anymore.

What do you mean?

I guess it’s hard to find deeper meaning in your work

when your job is to force up a smile every day

for the world to decide whether you’re sexy enough.

I mean, even though you feel numb and objectified,

you’re addicted because

your sense of self-worth is all wrapped up in it.

I decided that my second nervous breakdown

would be my last.

I walked away.

Now I’m looking at the rest of my life, and I’m so lost.

-But...

you could do anything.

What’s holding you back?

Honestly, myself.

I have like 8,000 interests and zero skills.

Come on, that’s not true.

Seriously. I... I didn’t go to college.

I can barely type.

I just bought this wireless printer,

and it took me literally forever to figure out how it works.

Yeah, well, on the plus side,

you don’t have any student loans.

On the minus side, I don’t have a career.

My husband, he got me this job

working at this, like, fancy-pants photo studio.

And it’s cool, I get to travel around

for gallery openings and such, and it’s-it’s neat,

but it’s not my raison d’etre.

This feels so nice.

What are you waiting for?

PIPPA: So, your husband, what’s he do?

Oh. His name’s Sebastian. Well, Seb.

Seb.

He’s a photographer.

Kind of a name in that world, actually.

-He’s a genius.

I mean, I know people throw that word around a lot,

but he really is one.

Did you guys meet through work?

We... might’ve slept together after a shoot.

-Usually when that would happen,

I was just another exotic flavor for them to try, but...

Seb, he loves me.

He sounds like a catch.

Oh, and he’s, like, incredible in bed, so...

Oh, must be all sunshine and roses, then, huh?

Yeah...

I mean, he’s an artist, so he’s...

eccentric.

Um, that comes with a certain baggage.

But without him, I...

don’t know what I’d do with my life.

He’s all I’ve got.

Are you okay, Margot?

Who’s Margot?

I’m so sorry. I know your name.

Margot. That is so funny,

’cause, like, I just had this Hallow...

Anyway, my husband is just a complex individual is all.

You should meet him sometime.

-Yeah.

PIPPA: Yeah, I will. Thank you.

Bye.

See you.

SEB: No peeking.

Aw.

-Jules. -

-What are you doing up? -JULIA: Uh, reading.

That new book I mentioned.

-Must be engrossing. -Yeah.

Yeah. What are you doing up?

-Just getting some water. -THOMAS: Pippa!

-Thomas. -What are you doing?

No, no, don’t.

Thom... You-you don’t understand.

I thought we were done with this.

-I’m really worried. -Worried about what?

SEB Think I must’ve eaten something

that didn’t agree with me.

Don’t stay up too late.

-Good night. -JULIA: Oh, good night.

Yeah, I’m real worried, too.

Why are you acting so ridiculous?

What did you do?

-Pippa, what did you do? -No, shh!

You told her.

Thomas, I had to.

THOMAS: Look at her.

-Look at her! -I know you think this is wrong.

It is wrong.

I couldn’t just sit back and watch.

You didn’t need to watch, Pippa.

We both decided to peer in on them. We both did that.

So it’s not my fault that we discovered this.

Wait. What is she doing?

It was your idea in the first place.

Pippa, give me those.

PIPPA: Oh, my God.

THOMAS: Is she...

Thomas, what... what-what do we do?

Jesus, are we gonna watch this woman stab this man?

-I’m calling the cops. -No.

No, you-you can’t call the cops.

I’m calling the cops. We’re about to watch

a murder that you instigated.

I didn’t tell her to kill anyone.

-Don’t call the police. -Then what do we do, Pippa?

I don’t know!

Fuck!

I wish we had another room.

Say when.

PIPPA: When.

Thomas.

Yeah.

You have every right in the world to be mad at me.

I am.

I’m-I’m disappointed, you know?

Yeah.

I know.

I want to know that I can trust you.

You can.

I want to feel like I’m enough for you.

You are.

I’m done.

I will throw away the binoculars.

I... I will not see her again.

I’m sorry.

Okay.

Can I get a hug?

Yeah.

I love you.

I love you, too.

No.

THOMAS: What?

No.

-What are you doing? -No, no, no, no.

PIPPA: Oh, my...

No.

Wh-What do, what do we, what do we do?

Thomas.

Uh...

-I have to go. -Wait. What?

-I can’t be here. -Where are you going?

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll stay with my sisters.

I just can’t be here.

Th-Th-Thomas, you can’t go.

-No. -Thomas, no, please, you can’t.

-I need you right now. -No, no.

-I-I can’t be with you. -Thomas, wait!

I told you we needed to stop, but no,

you and your goddamn sense of self-righteousness

-had to go and do that. -Thomas, I...

Thomas, I’m really scared, and I need you.

Please don’t go. I-I love you.

If you loved me, you would’ve listened to me.

How was I supposed to know what was gonna happen?

Like, what am I supposed to do?

There’s nothing you can do, Pippa! She’s dead!

Because of you!

You ended that fucking woman’s life!

-You did that. -Stop.

-I don’t even know you anymore. -Please just stop.

We’re done.

It’s over.

Thomas!

PIPPA: Hi. Uh, it’s Pippa from L’optique.

Yeah, your glasses came in.

-Open till 6:00. Mm-hmm. -

JULIA Hi. You haven’t reached Julia,

but if you’re feeling quaint, please leave a voice mail.

-Beep. -

Uh, hi, uh, Julia.

It’s-it’s... it’s Pippa, the ophthalmologist.

Um...

I just... I wanted to let you know...

Well, I wanted to let you know...

...uh, y-your glasses are ready.

I’m-I’m really sorry.

I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.

If I would have known, I would have never done that.

I’m so sorry. I don’t know why...

I don’t know why that happened.

I’m... I’m so sorry.

I’m so sorry.

this bow and arrow

the other girls to play

a temptress too long

SEB: Do I know you?

PIPPA: Uh, I-I...

I don’t think you do.

SEB: You’ve got a familiar face.

Pretty eyes.

Thanks.

What would you like?

Uh, vodka tonic, s’il vous plaît.

No. It’s not the kind of place you order a vodka tonic.

Deux penicillin. Merci.

to love you...

You don’t mind if I sit here, do you?

I’ll move when your Tinder hookup arrives.

No, I-I don’t mind.

So, stranger,

I’m trying to work something out.

Can I ask you a question?

Um...

Yeah, sure.

It’s a personal question.

Do you watch pornography?

-E-Excuse me? -Porn.

Do you watch it?

Uh, not frequently. No.

But on occasion?

-Maybe. -Right.

Most people watch porn all the time.

Husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends,

lovers, moms, dads, pets, everyone.

Everyone watches porn.

Now, I bet you there’s a dozen people on this block

jerking off to porn right this very second.

People in very serious relationships.

And it doesn’t matter, right?

Can I ask you another question?

You ever been in a serious relationship?

Yeah.

And did your boyfriend or girlfriend...

It’s a boyfriend.

Did your boyfriend ever masturbate?

-Probably. -He did.

Did you?

Maybe.

And did this simple act change the love you had for him?

No.

It didn’t. Why is that?

I don’t know. Because it’s meaningless.

Exactly. And tell me this--

what’s the difference between your vibrator and a human penis?

How do you know I have a vibrator?

’Cause you’re a woman.

A vibrator doesn’t have feelings.

A vibrator isn’t connected to a brain.

I would argue that most penises aren’t connected to a brain.

A vibrator isn’t connected to a soul.

Well, I don’t know about you,

but I’ve had plenty of sex that was just as meaningless,

if not more meaningless than masturbation.

The only difference is it’s just more fun

having sex with a person than it is with your hand.

Not everyone agrees with you.

No, they don’t.

No matter how much you fucking love them.

Sorry, I’m just... I’m...

I’m going through the most difficult, um,

separation of my life right now.

And, um...

I know I can be a bit blunt. I’m sorry.

It’s okay.

Thanks.

"The Ass and His Masters."

Say what?

"The Ass and His Masters."

It’s a fable. You just made me think of it.

The ass referring to a donkey in this case.

Story goes-- this donkey, he’s owned

by an herb farmer who doesn’t feed him well.

He has to work in this garden all day long, and he’s starving.

So he goes to this god Jupiter, and he’s like,

"Hey, man, can I please get a new master?

I’m starving over here."

And Jupiter’s feeling really gracious,

so he’s like, "Sure thing. Wish granted."

And the next day, the donkey, he is sold to a potter.

Great. Life must be peaches and cream now, right?

Wrong. It’s the worst job a donkey could have.

He’s fed well, but now he has to carry

these super heavy bricks to and fro all day.

So he goes to Jupiter again, and he’s like,

"Hey, Jupiter, I really need another master, please."

Jupiter’s like, "Whoa, slow your roll, man.

I’m only gonna do this one more time. Are you sure?"

And donkey’s like, "I got this pain in my back,

"and it won’t go away.

"There’s no such thing as Advil yet.

Will you please just do me this favor?"

So, the next day, the donkey is sold again,

to a leather tanner who hangs donkey,

bleeds him out, skins him

and turns him into a pair of sandals.

Moral of the story:

He who finds discontentment in one place

is unlikely to find happiness in another.

You know why Aesop wrote that fable?

I-I just said, to show that the grass isn’t greener.

No.

He wrote it for his slaves.

So when they’re feeling down,

they could tell each other that story

and make themselves feel better.

When in reality,

they were just deeply, deeply repressed.

Would it be strange if I asked to take your picture?

SEB: Watch out for broken glass.

I had a little accident.

PIPPA: It’s a nice place.

SEB: Let’s break out the good stuff, shall we?

Scassari.

The grapes are grown under the shadow of a volcano in Italy.

So you’re a professional?

Sure.

You know, my latest exhibition opens in a few weeks.

You should come.

Uh, I’ll think about it.

Would you stand there for me?

Yeah.

Turn to me.

Those eyes.

You sure we’ve never met before?

-Oh, my hair’s not really... -

No, it’s good.

PIPPA: Um...

I-I don’t know what I’m doing.

Just do whatever I tell you to do, and it will be perfect.

Put your left hand on your shoulder.

Head down.

You look so kind.

Eyes to me.

Is it okay?

It’s just this... this jumper.

What’s your bra look like?

Subtle.

Look, I work with naked models pretty much every day,

so I forget it’s... it’s out of the ordinary.

But if you’re not comfortable, it’s cool.

No, it’s-it’s... it’s fine.

Um...

just, like...

-Cute. -

Mind if I snap a few?

Uh, let me.

-PIPPA: Um.

I wasn’t ready.

I tend to take my best pictures when you least expect it.

-Now what? -

What about your underwear?

Turn away from me.

Okay.

You have a magnificent body.

-

Thank you.

Eyes to me.

-Chin up slightly.

That’s it. Now take off your bra.

Okay.

I’ll make it less awkward.

What are you doing?

What does it look like?

-Nice socks. -Thanks.

Your turn.

What the fuck am I doing?

What’s wrong?

You just... you know, you just...

you just remind me of someone. That’s all.

I’m so sorry.

No, it’s not your fault.

Uh, s-s-stop.

Stop, stop, stop.

Um, go, go get a condom.

Pippa?

Oh, that’s fucking disgusting.

Here you go, guys.

It’s good for you.

- Fuck.

-

PIPPA: And...

the next morning, that’s...

that’s when I found him.

I-I had to tell you.

I had to tell someone.

I understand if you never want to talk to me again.

Wait.

Pippa, you think this is your fault?

I’m the reason it all happened.

You cannot blame yourself for this.

I caused the whole thing to...

No, no, no. Yes, it is tragic.

It’s more than tragic-- it is fucking insane--

but you had no idea that this would happen.

I mean, you were just dumped.

And yeah, maybe you deserved it.

That part doesn’t matter.

You are a single woman.

And it is common knowledge that the fastest way

to mend a broken heart is to do the most unhealthy,

fucked-up shit you can possibly think of.

Yeah, okay, maybe doing it with

the depressed widower that you’re stalking

is a bit, like, at the extreme end of that,

but it is part of the deal.

It just... it doesn’t feel real.

ARI: Hey.

You are so super fucked-up right now,

and you better seek therapy like tomorrow.

But you’re a good person, Pippa.

Even if it doesn’t feel like that right now.

If I’m such a good person, why do I want to see him again?

He’s, like, disappeared.

I know it sounds irrational, but if I could just see him,

maybe I could move on. I...

It’s stupid. I know.

Okay.

Well, if he’s not at home,

where do you think he is?

Pippa?

It’s opening night.

back on the ground

Drink?

Sure.

-

to have it figured out...

SEB: I didn’t think you’d come.

PIPPA: I came.

This is...

really cool.

I can’t wait to see the photos.

Cool.

Yeah, it’s really fucking cool.

-Are you okay? -WOMAN: Seb.

That’s my cue. Thanks for coming.

ARI: A-- thanks for introducing me.

And B-- like, not what I pictured.

Now, before we begin,

I should say that this particular project

was a collaboration.

My partner in crime on this...

the love of my life...

Julia Novatore.

So...

-I really want to go home. -Okay.

...it seems only right that she should be up here with me.

Everyone, Julia.

Come on.

This new exhibition tells a modern fable.

It’s a tragic tale

of a sweet young woman named Pippa.

Oh, my God.

Pippa lives in the apartment we own

across the way from our studio.

When she and her boyfriend Thomas

first moved in together, their future was bright.

Things were... things were downright peachy.

Then they got a little distracted

by the strangers across the way.

Us.

They cared more about what was going on

in other people’s lives than they did their own.

And what started out as a fun little hobby

turned into a bit of an obsession.

They gate-crashed our Halloween party

and planted a microphone

so they could secretly listen in on our conversations.

Uh, totally illegal, by the way.

And yet, somehow, Pippa decided that she was...

she was doing the right thing.

First, this tore them apart emotionally.

And then... it tore them apart forever.

-

SEB: Little did she realize,

the whole time that they were watching us...

We were really watching them.

-Pippa! -

Pippa!

Yep. Those are my boobs.

This is the place.

SEB: This is the image release form they signed.

It’s the last page of their lease.

Plain and simple.

Now, do I know if they actually read it?

No.

But that’s not my responsibility.

Let me ask you this.

How many times this week has something popped up

on your computer screen saying,

"Please agree to the terms and conditions,"

and you’ve just clicked yes and not even thought twice about it?

I mean, it’s something we’ve grown accustomed to, no?

TRANSLATOR: But does that give you the right to, uh...

Oh, uh... it’s tragic.

And we both feel so horrible about it, don’t we, Seb?

-Of course. -But if anything,

it’s a warning, because it’s unprecedented, really,

the access we give people into our lives today.

It is entirely socially acceptable--

no, socially expected-- for us to be able

to stalk people we may or may not know

in order to get a glimpse into

that partially true version of their lives.

Seb and I lived a version of our life

for Pippa and Thomas to see.

Yes, we created our own narrative

and made it available for them to watch.

We gave them front-row seats.

They tuned right in.

All we had to do was watch back.

...Berlin, Copenhagen...

TRANSLATOR: So, uh, in addition to premiering

-internationally in Tokyo... -Everywhere.

We’ve sold it everywhere. It’s a rousing success.

We’re now the toast of the art community, and guess what--

we made a disgusting amount of money in the process.

Now, do you have anything actually interesting to ask us?

JULIA: How many times can someone be congratulated?

Oh, your favorite.

"Scass-er-y."

Scassari.

Who sent it?

Um...

"So thrilled to be featuring The Voyeurs

in our upcoming season."

The Tate.

Oh, that’s great.

Baby.

You have to get over this.

Don’t you ever feel guilty?

No.

Up there.

What is she doing?

SEB: She’s fucking lost it.

JULIA: What do you think you know, Pippa?

Pippa!

We just want to talk to you.

-Hey! -

Please.

Is all this really necessary, Pippa?

Just... just leave me alone.

SEB: What is it that you think you know?

I-I don’t... I don’t... I don’t know.

These are some pretty serious accusations.

They must have come from somewhere.

Stop fucking us around.

PIPPA: When I... when I watched you,

I believed every moment.

Even though none of it was real.

But when Thomas died,

it didn’t feel true, but he’s still gone.

He would’ve never done that.

And I don’t know for sure, but I think you drugged him.

And then you made it look like he did it himself.

JULIA: That is a hell of a theory, Pippa.

Do you have any proof?

No.

Then what are we all doing here?

You manipulated me.

You seduced me.

You exposed me.

And you think you could hurt me again, but you can’t.

Because I have nothing left.

So I just need to know this one last thing,

and then you’ll never see me again.

How could you do this?

We, uh... we didn’t.

JULIA: It was you who told me--

it’s like when you’re so obsessed with something

that you forget to pick your head up, look around and go,

"Oh, wait. What am I even doing?"

But you’re too far down the...

You’re too fa...

Seb.

-SEB: What’s... -

SEB: Julia.

Hey.

Hey, talk to me.

What’s wrong? What’s wrong, baby?

Come on. Come on.

Baby, what...

What did you do?

You weigh a little bit more,

so it might take a minute to kick in.

What the fuck did you do?

That wine was a little gift from me.

Look at me. Look at me!

Take one final look.

’Cause it’s the last thing you’re ever gonna see.

MAN: Our first breakfast.

Not a bad view.

You can really see in.

Are you creeping on our neighbors?

Look at those two. What are they doing?

Where?

Honey, right there.

I really got to get my eyes checked.

Mind your own business.

and said

to you after you left that day

I was really..."

on the phone

you’re alone

you’re alone

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