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Shh. I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

We're the members of the police force.

Bluest men in blue.

We're the rookies on the police force.

Who have a job to do.

Giving service and protection.

Overcoming fear.

Each a dedicated policeman

to this great land so dear.

Twenty years to go Twenty years to go.

Grab the pension boys and blow, blow, blow.

Pension's mighty fine Hope that I get mine

but I guess you never know.

We are officers and brothers.

Every race and creed

and we stand beside each other

in every thought and deed.

Though we're called the nation's finest.

Guardians of all.

Those they try to undermine us

but always we stand tall.

Twenty years to go Twenty years to go.

Grab the pension boys and blow, blow, blow.

Pension's really neat Keeps you off the street.

When you got no place to go.

Butter up the chief Never cause a beef.

Think about the pension Ho, ho, ho.

Light the man's cigar Drink 'em at the bar.

Nothin' else you have to know.

Wanna beat the rap take the lousy crap.

Keep your noses clean and blow, blow, blow.

Never shed a tear Have another beer.

What is that you got to show.

There will be a meeting today of all officers...

assigned to special investigative division under Commander Thomas.

See Officer Nooney for exact time.

I get lucky for a change. Collecting drunks all morning.

All right, have a seat. Have a seat!

What are you talkin' about?

- Roll call. Lyles. - Here.

- Bloomguard. - Greetings and hallucinations there, Sergeant Yanov.

10-D-31. Goodman.

Here. Wolensky. Here.

- 10-D-32. Van Moot. - Here.

- Sartino. - Here.

10-D-22. Whalen.

- Yo. - Slate. - Present.

- 10-D-1. Brown. - Yes, sir.

- Kingsley. - Here. - 10-D-13. Motts.

- Here. - Tanaguchi.

- Tanaguchi, you here? - He went to a Bela Lugosi film festival last night, Sarge.

He won't answer to his name anymore.

I suppose you'd call that a spooked gook, huh?

Count Dracula.

Ah, don't be afraid. Come right through the door.

10-D-74.

- Rules. - Yeah.

Proust.

Proust.

Proust?

Oh. Everything's code four here, sir.

- 10-D-85. Sergeant Green. - Here.

10-L-30. Sergeant Knight.

Here. 10-L-20.

Uh, I've been ordered to tell you that the captain is uptight...

about the wino with the pocket full of dog crap...

they found sleeping in the lieutenant's car last night.

They suspect one of you guys put him there.

Aw, Jesus Christ. Why me? Why me all the time, huh?

Well, whoever it was, you better knock it off, okay?

Who's workin' the desk tonight? Anybody know?

Oh, uh, Hadley.

I wish they'd put one of the Hadleys on day watch so this lineup wouldn't get screwed up.

Is it policeman Hadley or policewoman Hadley?

"No Balls."

- Huh? - We call them "Balls" Hadley and "No Balls" Hadley.

It's "No Balls" Hadley.

Oh, yeah.

Hard-ass.

You finished reading the crimes, Yanov? Yes, Lieutenant.

All right, I've got a few things to say.

You can all quit griping about how long you have to wait in night court.

I've talked it over with the captain, and he's talked it over with the commander...

and he talked it over with the deputy chief.

And he talked it over with Dear Abby, who's really runnin' this fuckin' department.

For your information, Whalen, the captain happens to be right behind you men.

Yes, sir. I know that. I felt him there many times.

I think the captain was pretty good to you, Whalen, considering your last fitness report.

Thirty pounds overweight. Couldn't get your hands down to your knees.

You got tits like a woman. Five days' suspension was very lenient.

I know that, Lieutenant. I also know shit rolls downhill.

But why are we always livin' in a valley?

You're coming up for your pension pretty soon, aren't you, Whalen?

Seven, eight months, is it?

Six.

Let me make you a promise, Whalen.

Even if you don't screw up, even if you play it straight,

you could count on me.

I'll help you fuck it up so you'll never get your pension.

Okay, I'm havin' a choir practice at my apartment tonight after work.

You're all invited.

Let's go get 'em.

How'd you like to use that on some scrote tonight, partner?

On what? Some scrote. Scrote.

Scrotum. Oh.

Scrote. I decided it's a better word than "asshole."

That's what they are out there, ain't it, Dean?

Ignorant, filthy, shit-filled scrotes!

There you are. A man's philosophy expressed in a word.

- Hear, hear, Roscoe. - What an insufferable creep.

Ah, come on. Let's go.

Lieutenant "Hard-ass" Grimsley.

You know, if you pulled a condom over his ears, you'd know exactly what he is.

Come on. You got six months to go 'til your pension.

Don't let him steal it from you. How far do you let 'em push, damn it?

Where's the limit?

Hey, Roscoe. You know the only thing I like about you?

You just don't hate brothers. You hate everybody, man.

You got it, Uncle Remus.

Don't you boys get in any trouble now.

You be careful of the dark streets tonight, turkey.

- Remember, you guys. - One car moves; All cars move.

- Pull forward, dummy! - All right, all right. Stay right there.

- Hold it, I said. - Move back!

Well, he's behind me. I can't help it.

- It's not my fault. It's his. - Your brains are giving out. Pull forward.

We gotta get to work. Come on, Lieutenant.

- Assholes, back off! - Watch your language.

Will you shut up? Just pull the car forward, you dummy.

Hey, creep! You!

- Come on, you two, out. - You want me to kill him?

Okay, hold it.

Pull this car forward. Pull the car...

Will you pull the car forward, Rules?

You guys are all gonna get suspended!

Stay there! I'm tellin' you now! Hold it. Hold it!

You know what to do.

Baby, I know.

Yeah.

Hey, Sarge. Sarge! For you.

Hey! Aww! Hey, hey!

Okay, Dean, it's up to you. What do you mean, Sarge?

Come on, Dean. What do you mean?

- I said it's up to you. - Who?

Sarge, it's your landlady.

Ask her what she wants. What she wants?

Whaddayamean Dean's done it again.

Tell him about it. What's it all about, Baxter?

What's it all about? That's what we're all trying to figure out, Deanie.

Come on. You're gonna go beddy-bye.

I don't wanna go beddy-bye. Nighty-night.

Oh, God!

The cards, man!

She said if you don't make those people put on bathing suits, she's gonna call the cops.

Yeah? Well, you tell her there's no cops left to call.

There's no cops left. There's no cops left.

I want to go back to the front room.

Aw, come on back, No Balls.

Hey, you and me might be partners sometime.

I hear you're a real cop, a regular Dickless Tracy.

Kiss my ass.

Oh, I'd love to.

Sure.

Ohh, ho-ho-ho!

Whoo!

Hey, Cheech, you still got the hots for No Balls?

Oh, I love her, Spencer.

I really love her.

I am not going to stay in that pool...

while those pea-brained chest-beaters are fooling around.

You know the Spermwhale tried to pull my drawers down.

- Spermwhale's drunk. I know.

So he grabbed your ass. Big deal.

We're all police officers.

Spermwhale's just...

Look, I drove you here; I'll drive you home.

Just let me go to the can and tell Nick Yanov that we're leaving,

and I'll get your clothes.

Well, hurry up, huh? Yeah, yeah.

Oh! Hey! Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho!

So Phil Regis says, "Do you talk to your wife while you're having sex?"

And he did it by telephone. I mean, it's the funniest thing I've ever heard!

Come on. Let's play poker. Let's play. Let's play.

Hey, hey, Spence! What'd you do with Father Cheech?

God love ya.

Oh! You disgust...

You crazy... I'm gonna kill you, you...

Oh! Crazy people! Leave me alone!

What's happenin'? What the hell went on? That's No Balls!

Give me that club. Geez! I'll kill him!

You know what he did to me? I'm gonna kill him! Get her out of here!

I'm gonna kill him!

Deanie! Come on, Deanie!

Hey, Deanie. We got a birthday present for you.

Go at it, boy. Hey, No Balls!

No, don't! Come on, please!

Get outta here, you animals!

So this guy decides he ain't gonna sign his traffic ticket,

and he starts tellin' me he ain't goin' to the slam.

So in about two seconds, he's wearin' my sap in his hair.

I knee-dropped him. If you do it just right,

you can just punch right through the scrote's vital organs,

just puncture his kidneys and rupture his spleen.

Just bam. Like that, you know?

Delta 18... then I made him do the chicken.

- The what? - It's a choke hold.

You know, when you choke 'em out and they pass out in convulsions...

and flop around on the ground, makin' funny noises.

It's funny as hell to see. Goin'...

Ten Delta 85, ten Delta 85.

Possible jumper, Wilshire and Brewer. Handle code three.

Ten Delta 85. Roger.

Come on, Dean. That's no way to roger a call like that.

When that operator's got a voice like that? Man, she sounded like a fox.

I'll show you how to do this.

Hut, ten, uh, Delta. "D" for dynamite, 85.

That's a roger on the call, baby.

That'll make her wet up her little black pants, won't it?

That guy on 10-D-85 sounds like an insufferable prick.

It was all my fault. I should never have let Miss Monroe in the office.

She said she had to come back to get some papers. Yeah, yeah.

We're gonna try to talk her down. Tell the sergeant that when he gets here, got it?

I got it. Come on, Dean! Jesus.

Take your hat off.

They think you look better with your hat off. It's in the manual.

Uh, hi, baby.

Hey, you're kind of foxy-lookin', ain't you?

Listen, why don't you come on inside...

Wait a minute, miss. Hold it.

W-Wait! Wait a minute! Now wait. Wait a minute.

Roscoe, let's back off and wait for the sergeant, okay?

I'm not gonna back off nothin'. She's a ding-a-ling.

I know how to handle ding-a-lings.

Now come on, baby. I mean, nothing's that bad, is it?

Why don't you just come on back inside here and we can jaw about it a little bit.

Miss, now don't go any closer.

You really gonna do it?

Now stay. Now stay. Okay? Stay!

Roscoe, let's go back inside and give this lady a chance to think, okay?

Listen, damn it, I'm gonna handle this my way.

I'm gonna show you somethin'. You wanna see somethin'?

Well, you got your audience here, haven't you?

Guess that's what you come for, huh?

If you don't give a shit about your life, we don't either, you know.

We got better things to do than stand around up here and baby your ass all night.

I mean, why don't you if you want to? Just go ahead, bitch. Jump.

...sign down at 24th and Marona.

A sign down at 24th and Marona.

Sorry, Sarge. We... we didn't get a chance to talk to her.

She... she jumped before we got to the roof.

I just wish we could've been here a little sooner, that's all.

Meat loaf special, double order of hash browns.

One Denver, rye toast.

Side Cole slaw.

Two burgers and a tuna on wheat toast, up together.

Hey, lady, I got 45 minutes for lunch, not 45 years.

Ham and Swiss, rye. Mustard only.

Gee, I hope my suitcase is safe over there.

I said on rye, not white. Huh?

My suitcase.

I just got in from Philly, and I don't know anybody in this town.

I got a room at the motel, but it won't be available until 9:00.

I hope my bags are safe over there by the door.

Oh, yeah, they'll be plenty safe.

Sure. No one would dare steal anything with a big policeman here.

You know, it's, uh... it's very funny.

I was in Philadelphia when I was in the army. Really!

Mmm, yeah. Want a piece of pie?

Sure. Why not? Uh, miss?

This is a dumb idea.

Yeah, well, you don't have to be in on it. This is personal.

Uh-uh. I'm with you.

All I know, it's either him or me.

Hey. Hey.

Oh, duck down, duck down. Don't let him see you.

Keep his attention, baby. Don't let him look this way.

Thinks he's in love. That dummy.

All things come to he who waits.

Hey, hold it, hold it, hold it.

We got plenty of time.

Mmm.

Let's go.

Oh, baby, you don't seem like a Negro.

Oh! You seem like a Samoan.

I hope she gives the signal nice and loud.

Ohh! Oh. Oh, honey.

Oh! You got balls like an elephant...

and a whang like an ox! Oh!

That's it.

What the hell's goin' on here?

Oh, no, no! Don't shoot! Don't shoot! Don't...

What are you doing here?

Lieutenant Grimsley!

We got a call a woman was being assaulted in here, sir.

Keep it quiet in there! We had no idea.

- Get the door. - How humiliating!

Shh-shh. Keep your voice down.

Uh, sir, there's, uh, there's some dew on the lily.

- Maybe you should wash up. - Oh, no.

Look... look, fellas, why don't I meet you down at Pepe's Diner, huh?

I'd like to buy you a couple of hamburgers, and, uh, talk to you for a few minutes.

Sure, sure, we'll meet you, but, uh,

I was wonderin', Lieutenant.

Do we gotta keep calling you "Lieutenant"?

What's in a name? That's what I always say,

Hard-ass.

Holy shit!

Get-get-get... get off!

Here's another one to cheer up your evening.

A gentleman kidnapped a woman at gunpoint up on La Cienega.

He stuck his automatic down his waistband while he made her blow him.

Right in the middle of the head job, she reaches up and pulls the trigger.

Shot his balls off.

Hey! Hey, hey!

Ahem.

What happened to you? I was attacked in the locker room.

By who?

A duck.

All right, listen up.

The, uh... ahem. The captain says...

that the, uh, night watch hasn't been doing very well with the whistle selling campaign.

Aww.

Now, uh, you men know that the whistle selling campaign is very important...

Uh, Lieutenant, uh, excuse me.

Is it true the station buys those whistles for seven cents?

Uh, I'm not sure.

And we sell 'em for 50 cents to poor old ladies who think they can stop crime...

by blowin' whistles at bad guys 'til their faces look like rotten strawberries.

The profits go to the youth services fund.

That's a helluva scam, 43 cents profit.

Who was the eunuch that thought that up?

I was the eunuch that thought that up.

- Ahem. - Oh, that's a great idea. I gotta hand it to you, sir.

Uh, let's hear it for the lieutenant, huh?

All right!

I was, uh... I thought maybe the troops could get cut in on some of the action.

That's not possible, Whalen.

Oh, now look. Seriously, sir.

I, uh, I have an idea...

for selling whistles to every broad in the city.

All right! Knock this bullshit off!

Dismissed.

Oh, uh, uh, pardon me. I just came by to, uh,

tell Miss Farrell how much I enjoyed her act.

Uh, her, uh, d-dancing. Her performance.

Uh, e-excuse me, Officers.

Sure have heard a lot about you.

Hi. You must be Spermwhale. I'm Foxy.

Yes, you are. You certainly are.

Who was the guy? You supplement your income with him, huh?

Oh, Baxter, you're such a prude. He's such a prude.

I keep tellin' him he's a prude.

Yeah. That's why I love him.

When did I ever charge you, Baxter?

Spermwhale, will you do me a favor?

I'll be right out. Will you wait in the car?

- Only if I have to. - Bye-bye, Spermwhale.

Ohh.

Bye, Foxy.

Baxter. Come on, Baxter.

Cut it out. Don't be so upset.

That guy's just a club customer.

He comes backstage just to touch the merchandise, to see if it's real.

I wouldn't do anything to him if he wanted to.

I only fooled around with him a little bit.

I wouldn't be sweet to him when I got...

You are disgusting. You know that?

You have no honor and no dignity.

I know that, and you know that. I wouldn't go down on that old fat cat.

Come on.

Come on, Baxter.

Come here.

Come on, baby.

Come here.

Come on.

Come on, baby. He doesn't have the equipment or the imagination.

Not to turn me on.

You do. You got it all.

I turn you on, huh?

Easy, baby. You're all wound up.

Why don't you light a joint?

I'm on duty with that guy, for God's sake. He'd pick it up in five seconds.

Okay, if you don't want to smoke grass, why don't you take a couple of downers?

Okay, baby? Relax, honey.

Where are they? They're in the ash tray over there.

Oh, it's gonna be good tonight.

I'm really in the mood.

You liked it, Baxter.

Don't you mark me up!

Don't you ever mark me up.

Ten Delta 43, code three. Ten Delta 18...

How long you been seein' Foxy?

- Too long. - Victor, Paul, Robert...

None of my business, kid, but I'd shine her on, I was you.

She isn't exactly your type.

What's my type?

Booze and reds don't mix, son.

I've seen you take 'em both at once.

That's not what scares me. What really scares me, Spermwhale,

is that in those Jesuit boarding schools...

where good old Mom left me most of my life, I was taught that...

there's an absolute good and an absolute evil, and that...

You didn't hear a single damn thing I said, did you?

Ou can't wait to get out of it, can you?

I got it all mapped out.

I ever show you a picture?

Knock it off about that boat, for God's sake.

Hey, it's not a boat. It's a Monterey trawler.

- Huh? - - Sorry.

Ah, she's got 20 years on her, but...

the hull's sound and she's got a brand-new diesel.

I'm buyin' in half.

We go for salmon in summer.

You ever fish for salmon? No.

Damn beautiful.

You know what, kid?

I think we can all use some choir practice.

Roscoe passed out!

This is the most fantastic thing I've ever done!

Look at this! Shh-shh-shh.

Shh! Come here. Look at this.

Ooh-ooh-ooh. Shh!

I took some bread. He took some bread.

I sprinkled it here. He sprinkled it here.

From the water... from the water...

to Roscoe's crotch. To Roscoe's crotch.

I unzipped his pants... you unzipped his pants...

and I stuffed some crumbs in there.

Boy, that old duck's really workin' out on old Roscoe, huh?

Roscoe was never one to duck a fuck,

but to fuck a duck?

Get down! Hey, Roscoe, you eunuch.

Wake up and look at your crotch. Stop throwin' things.

You might hurt the duck. Ain't that somethin'?

He can't get his pecker out of Roscoe's shorts.

They don't have peckers. They have bills. Ohh!

- They ain't got no pecker. - Ohh!

Save the duck! Roscoe, quit pickin' on the duck.

Hey, Roscoe, you're polluting the water.

Goddamn! He's lost his pants!

Who's got handcuffs?

Don't you put them on me!

- Don't you put those on me. By God, I'll kill you! - They're on!

Don't kill me, Roscoe. I'm your pal!

All right, all right.

Leave him alone for a while.

- Let me go! - Come on, will ya? Let's go. Yeah.

Let me off of here!

- I'll kill every one of you! - I think he's really mad at us.

Aww, no! I'll cut your fat heart out, I swear to God.

Be right with you, Roscoe.

I swear to God I'll kill you.

Glad you love me. Let me loose, Whalen.

Get back here!

I'll kill ya! I'll kill every one of you. You know I will.

Hey, you got a cute little butt, Roscoe.

I wanna see Whaddayamean Dean... alone.

Oh.

Boy. Choo-choo, choo-choo.

Maybe... after Dean...

I might think about a little...

choo-choo.

Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo.

But first, I want Dean.

Oh, shit!

Ooh. Yeah, yeah.

Ooh, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

Whaddayamean?

Ora Lee wants you to go over there and stir her fudge, boy.

All right, all right, get out of there.

All right, all right. Come on. Out of the way.

All right. Listen, Dean. Over here. Look it.

All right, give me a beer. Hey, sausage face, come here.

Dean. Dean! Listen, Dean. Huh?

Dean, listen, kid. Huh?

It's me, Dada.

Dada!

Dada?

It's Spermwhale. Spermwhale.

You know me, don't you? Huh?

Ah, it may wake him up.

Now look.

Beer, beer. Oh, no, no, no.

Beer, beer. Oh, no, no, no, no.

First you listen, then beer, beer.

What the hell is that?

My God.

A naked person.

What the hell is this?

Are you real?

Is it my imagination? Naked in the dark. My God.

In the dark. In the park.

Who in the hell are you?

Luther Quigley.

But I'll be anyone you want me to be.

Now listen. There's some drunks over there by that water fountain.

You go get one of 'em right now, you hear?

Oh, who needs anybody else?

Don't you know that three is a crowd?

I'm chained to this damn tree! Damn fool!

I can't believe it.

A naked man chained to a tree. It's...

It's a crazy, mad, salacious fantasy.

I'll kill you, you touch me, you fag son of a bitch.

My, my. Oh!

You're not real anyway.

I'm getting faint.

I'll knee-drop you. I'll rupture your damn kidneys.

I'll puncture your spleen.

You'd do that for me? Whalen!

- Whalen! - What's all the racket?

What is he yelling about? We forgot Roscoe.

- Roscoe! Roscoe! We're coming! We're coming! - Whalen!

Anita, come. Come, Anita.

Come, sweetheart. Come. Oh! He sounds dangerous.

- He's crackin' up. - Whalen! Whalen!

Hey, what the hell's goin' on? Hey!

Hey, Roscoe. You know, like, we forgot.

Give me your arms. Yeah, that damn Dean had us preoccupied, Roscoe.

Sorry 'bout that, buddy. Hey, how's your wrists?

They're all right. Okay, boys. Just lean over there, Roscoe.

I know you was all just kiddin' around.

Yeah! That's right.

I probably deserved it.

Roscoe, not pissed at us, are you, boy? No, no.

Let's talk a minute there, Roscoe.

There was this little faggot came along and made a fool out of me.

Look out!

No more!

Get the gun! Get the gun!

Get him out of there!

Get the gun! Roscoe!

Hey, come on. Somebody's bound to call the cops.

Let's get outta here. All right, come on.

Damn. Come on! Come on!

Officer Tannegan, check your key ring...

in the utility closet in the men's restroom.

You don't look big enough to fight, fuck or run a footrace.

You one of the new kids on the block, huh?

I'm one of the patrol officers on loan to Vice.

You a policeman?

I'm a sergeant. I run the night watch.

Name's Dom Scuzzi. You Lyles, Bloomguard or Slate?

Uh, Harold Bloomguard, Sergeant.

I said call me "Scuz." Ah.

There's no formality in this squad. Sit down, please.

You know, I've seen you around, Scuz... ah!

"Scuse" as "'scuse me."

Scuz. Yeah, well, I've seen you around.

- I always thought that you were, uh... - A janitor.

A janitor. I don't mind. I don't mind.

My pop was a janitor. Put nine kids through school pushin' a broom.

Oh.

These are clear glass. Sure.

They make you look even less like a cop.

If that's possible.

Howard, you're gonna operate whores.

Uh, well, I don't know much about whores, Scuz.

Nothin' to worry about. All you gotta do is make 'em offer sex for money.

You got that? Sex for money.

You in the service? Marines.

Good. The broads overseas got it made. Sucky-fucky, five bucks.

Our girls have a thing called entrapment.

They wanna say sucky-fucky and have you say the price...

or they wanna say the price and have you say sucky-fucky.

You got that? I think so.

It's just a word game. You gotta figure a way to make 'em say the whole thing.

Those black-robed pussies in the courtroom have agreed to that, at least.

So make it nice and legal.

Uh, sucky-fucky, five bucks. Yeah, that's it.

I knew you were a smart kid.

Thank you.

Oh. Hiya. How you doin'?

Oh. Hi.

These are the other two guys from my section.

Shit. You two look like young, clean-cut, healthy cops.

Why don't you look sick and puny like this one?

This is the sergeant.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Call me Scuz. This is Lyles and Slate, Scuz.

Lyles. Oh, Sam Lyles. How are you?

I'm Slate. Oh. Glad to have you for a couple of weeks.

Here's your coffee, Scuz, without cream.

Fellas, when the regular vice cops come in,

pay attention to what they say.

A vice pinch is a misdemeanor.

I don't wanna see you gettin' yourselves hurt.

Swear to God, you get yourselves hurt, I'll bust your arm.

If you go sneakin' and peekin' and prowlin' around the alleys,

pay particular attention to the caca.

You got that?

Miss Courtney, report to documentation one.

Hey, Scuz?

Scuz!

Uh, what happens if I get a parking ticket?

- We're set, Scuz. - We got two complaints...

that some fruits are hangin' around hittin' our guys when they come in.

Now, you guys are in charge of protectin' the public morals, right?

Right, Scuz. Now I'm gonna leave you guys...

and you wait for a vice cop named Pete Zoony to come and baby-sit you.

Every 10 or 15 minutes.

Meantime, I'll take Harold and see if he can operate some whores for us.

You guys get bored,

try amusin' yourself bettin' quarters whether the next guy in the john is helmet or anteater.

- What does that mean? - Circumcised or uncircumcised.

May the force be with you.

Well, they're probably holdin' the shoplifter back in the security office,

so why don't you go take the report?

I'm gonna go take a leak, okay?

Well, go on. Okay.

It's Roscoe!

What is he doin' here?

Oh, isn't he cute?

I can't believe this shit.

I'm Pete Zoony.

Don't bother with the bets. I'm Jewish.

I've got a crush on you

Sweetie-pie.

Well, I'll be a son of a bitch. Oh, I hope not.

Could she coo, could she care

I suppose you think you got a lot of guts, don't you?

Tsk. Why, whatever do you mean, Officer?

Oh!

You come here and talk to me like I'm some kind of damn civilian or somethin'.

Oh, I don't care what you are.

Only so cute is what you really are.

Don't you talk to a police officer like 'at.

You don't have to get angry just because someone pays you a compliment.

Well, you insolent faggot.

You wouldn't poke fun at a cripple, would you?

Hmm? You sissy bastard.

Oh, you are so cute when you get mad.

Oh. Oh, you, you blue meanie.

Ooh!

Roscoe! Don't!

How do you like 'at?

Bubble butt!

Roscoe! No!

Take it easy, Roscoe! Take it easy! Let me go, goddamn it!

Let go of me, goddamn it! You cocksucker!

Me cocksucker? Me cocksucker?

You cocksucker!

You're gonna get it, you fuckin' asshole!

What are you guys doin' here? We're stakin' the joint out. He's a vice cop!

I'll stick a night club up your ass!

Get off of me! Calm down, Roscoe!

Fuckin' stay back!

Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey! Hi!

Hey. Now you stay right here. Right here.

Yes, you stay right there. Wait right there.

Don't move. I'll be right back. Don't move! Okay.

How in the hell was I supposed to know anyway?

If you ask me, a little joke like 'at ain't too funny.

I could've choked you out and made you do the chicken. I think you got off easy.

Anyway, there's no hard feelings, huh?

No, no, Rules. No hard feelings.

Listen, Rules, I'd just like to think that I could play a little catch-up.

Hey, you waited, huh? Well, greetings and constipation, ladies.

Which one of us you want? Ah, it's, uh...

Uh, it's invenereal to me.

- How 'bout both? - Oh.

My name's Sabrina. My name's Tammy.

Well, my name is Gustav Leekly,

and I'm a certified public accountant.

Nobody asked you what you did.

Why'd you say that? Oh, I, uh...

Listen, um, what am I gonna get from you girls?

What are you gonna get?

- Whoo-woo! - Oh!

Come on, honey, let's get goin'. You follow us in your car.

Okay, uh, just a minute. I just wondered, uh...

Is this... well, you know. The costs.

Oh, come on, honey.

We're gonna talk about the m-o-n-e-y when we get there.

Now you just follow us, huh? Look it. We don't have all this time...

to stand around here listening to you:

- Whoo! - Hey!

Now you just follow us. Come on. Okay. All right.

Watch yourself, baby.

Come on, baby. Let's take him to the same place.

Whoa! Here we go! There you go.

He's right behind us. Yeah. You be all right?

Comin'? Oh, there he is. Yeah.

Comin' right along. Honey, he is a weirdie. Isn't he weird?

That man is strange. Come on. Come on.

Shh-shh!

Come on. Lord, have mercy.

He's gonna be somethin', baby. He's slow.

Come on. Come on. You know,

this is an amazing coincidence because...

your car is red and, and mine is red.

Yeah, I'll tell you.

Uh, I wonder if we could start, uh, talking about the finances.

Oh, oh, well, come on. Get in. We will talk in a minute.

Sit in the middle here. Oh, don't worry about the baby. He's fine.

- Just slide right over here. - Right over the baby? Squeeze on by there, huh?

That's fine. The baby's fine. Come on.

Come on! Whoa!

Whoo! Ow! Oh, I'm sorry.

- You nearly broke my wrist. - I'm not tryin' to do anything.

Okay, okay, honey, okay now. Come on. Let's get it on.

- Get it on! Get it on! - Get it on!

- I tell ya. - Okay, okay, tell me. Tell me. What do you want?

Well, what I... I'll tell you what I want. Yeah.

I wonder if it would be possible if we could just put the top up.

- You want to put the top up. - Yeah, up.

Okay, we will put the top up for the man.

That's good. This is a fancy little bugger, isn't it?

- Top comin' up? - Yeah, it's gettin' up.

Gettin' up! Oh, will you stop? Oh, the top is comin' up!

Gettin' up. Oh, you're a devil.

Anything to please the man. I-Is this your car?

Oh, baby, my daddy gave me this.

Oh, your daddy. That's nice. What line of work is your father in?

Oh, baby, stop.

You don't mean that. Oh, folks, the top is up. How old is the baby?

Seven months. The top is up.

The top is up, baby. Just for you, baby.

Okay, now, now, let's figure out. What am I gonna get?

- Well... - Sweetie, in this business, we have a requirement.

The man has to say what he wants. This is a legal thing.

Well, I'll tell ya. I'm lookin' for excitement.

Excitement, baby? You got it!

- You want me to draw you a diaphragm? - A diaphragm!

Hey, baby, you don't have to draw me a diaphragm.

Hey, now let's take care of business here.

Wait a minute. Come on!

Come on, baby. Let's take care of business.

Wait a minute. No, no, wait. Wait, wait, wait. What do you think you're doin'?

What the hell am I supposed to be doin'?

Well, I just... we haven't discussed business yet.

Business?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay, okay, okay.

Now let me tell you what we can do for you. We can French you.

- French. Oh, that's nice. - We can ball you.

We can do anything for you you want us to do, as long as it's not weird.

And for 50 bucks.

Baby, that is cheap.

That is cheap. Sucky-fucky, five bucks. Thank you!

- Sucky-fucky what? - All right, here we go. Step outside, please.

What are you doing? Here we go. Come on. Just get outside.

You wait right there. Get out of the automobile.

Stand over there. Okay. Now, I gotcha.

I got your purses. I got your keys, and you're not goin' anywhere except with me.

What? You are under arrest.

What do you mean we're under arrest?

- I am a police officer. - You a what?

I'll show you in a second. There it is. All right?

What kind of policeman? There you go.

Metropolitan Police Department. What?

- And Harold Bloomguard. - Ohh!

Huh? Ha-ha. Goddamn!

Oh! Shit!

Shit! Goddamn!

Well, goddamn!

Goddamn! Okay.

You're under arrest. I just want you to know. Goddamn!

Did you hear that? Police!

Leave it to the police department to hire a cockroach like you!

Cockroach. Very nice. Happen to be a special undercover officer for the vice department.

- And I busted you. - Well, shit!

Come on. Get outside and get in my car, please. Now I'm sorry about this.

Shit! Goddamn. I'm sorry, but it's my job. I'm sorry about your baby,

but it's my duty as a police officer.

Let's go. Would you go to my car, please?

Rape. Rape!

- Rape! - Rape!

Rape! Rape! Oh, God. Now wait.

Uh, ladies. Uh, could you...

This isn't... You're resisting arrest.

Rape! Come on, baby! Rape!

Goddamn! Rape!

Rape! Ladies, I got my gun out. Now I mean it.

It's very bad for the baby.-

Help! Rape!

Ten radio calls go out on you.

People see a madman stealin' purses and chasin' two women with his dong hangin' out!

Oh!

You two! First night on Vice and look at youse!

Swacked! Suckin' up bourbon, huh?

I was drinkin' scotch, Scuz.

Shut up, Lyles!

Now look. I'm gonna tell you three turkeys somethin'.

You better pay attention, because I'm gonna supervise you personal...

Make sure you stay alive your time here.

Slate! Slate! You and Lyles, you better control your boozin'!

You hear that? Yes, Sergeant.

Don't call me Sergeant!

Oh! Another thing I'd like to know.

How'd that Pete Zoony get that knot on his head?

Heh?

Lot of fuckin' mysteries goin' on around here.

I oughta kick ass! There's a lot of vice sergeants in this town...

that'd pat you on the butt and write you "attaboy," bringin' down those whores.

Oh, Christ.

Atie was a slut

he went to jail...

Jimmy come to Hollywood

Whoo!

Jesus Christ.

Kimmy?

Kimberly?

You awake, honey? Hmm?

Sure, Sam. I'm always awake at 5:00 in the morning.

Sure.

Hey, baby.

You feel something? Hmm?

Mm-hmm.

It'll keep you awake.

Only if you stick it in my eye.

All right, let's see what these jokers want.

All officers assigned to... Hey, Gil.

When did you start this shit?

Ah, Murphy was complaining about...

Yeah, you wanted to see me, Lieutenant?

Ah, yes, Whalen. Ahem.

Knuckles Garrity.

Who took this down?

Uh, ahem, Captain Drobeck said we can't hang this in the station...

alongside the pictures of the other officers killed in the line of duty.

Why not? Why the hell not?

Well, Captain Drobeck... look, Officer Garrity killed himself, for God's sake.

Knuckles Garrity taught me that all a good cop needs...

is common sense, a sense of humor and a little compassion.

Now he was a cop for 32 years, and he finally lost his sense of humor.

That means he died as a direct result of his police duties,

and that gelding of a captain ought to be proud to hang his picture in this station!

I'm saving your ass on this one, Whalen. That could be five days off your pay.

I'm, uh, sorry, Whalen. The captain...

I got a little job will take about an hour.

Then you take off. Go to Dodger Stadium.

Badge your way in. The Reds are playin'. You're on your own.

Hey, Scuz! Do you believe this kid? He's a fruit!

He propositioned me in the park. We can close the complaint now.

Well, maybe you can help him stop cryin'.

Hey, kid. What's his name, Pete?

Uh, Blaney. Alexander Blaney.

I almost had to take him to juvenile. He's only 18 years old.

Kid. Alexander.

Try to stop cryin', okay? You want somethin'?

Wanna call your mother?

Make him call his mom.

Take those irons off too.

Look, the lady calls herself Ms. Summers.

Just moved into the Terrace Towers.

A snitch says she does two, three tricks a night.

Her services are very special. Supposedly has a chamber of horrors.

Thumb screws, band saws.

Usually her customers settle for a plain spankin' with the whip.

She supposedly gets up to a grand a trick.

A-A thousand dollars a trick?

Wha... that's two or three grand a night.

Nothin'. Roscoe Rules would take the job for free.

We'll be off, Scuz. Come here, Pete.

I'll see you guys. Okay.

Sit down, kid.

Hey, you want an ice cream bar?

Pete, get the kid an ice cream bar.

Jesus Scuz I'm not ,. a friggin' baby-sitter.

He's a kid, Pete.

Get me one too. The kind with the nuts.

Hey, what about me? Am I supposed to be on a diet?

Kid, how long have you had this problem?

I-I've known three years that I'm gay.

I don't know why I'm gay. I just am.

My... my mother and father can't understand that.

But to be arrested...

I've never been...

Look, kid, I'm not an expert in this field,

but I kinda think you should get some advice.

If I let you go, promise not to go back?

Yes, sir.

Get outta here.

You know, this hooker reminds me of somebody I know.

I hope your friend's sex life is less exotic.

Well, they're all sisters at heart.

It's a drag sitting here like this.

It's a funny complaint. Why don't we call it off? Why don't we split?

Shit, man, knock his teeth out.

- Come on, man. - Break his fuckin' face.

What's the matter with you? Kill that sumabitch!

Knock the bastard down!

Come on, man!

Come on, man! Come on, mother. I'm gonna break you apart.

- Beat the shit out of him. - Here come the pigs!

Split, man, split.

You made me bleed, motherfucker, and you're gonna pay.

- I'm gonna kick your ass, you understand? - Anytime, man. Anytime.

All right, shut up! Shut up!

- Now who started all of this? - Her and her daughter are the ones that do that.

You're animals! That's what they are.

Go back to Mexico, bitch.

I was born here, nigger! Go back to Africa!

All right, all right, all right.

Just break this up. Come here a minute, will ya?

I think this nigger's the troublemaker, so what do you wanna do?

Well, I think we can quiet 'em down. I don't believe they want to fight.

So, uh, let me take the Mexican-American. All right, all right.

Can I talk to you for a minute? Come here a minute.

Uh, que es el problemo... what are you going to do about this woman?

Con, uh, el hombre Nigra?

Ay-yi-yi. What are you talking about?

You come over there. They're the problem. Si, si.

Take a walk, will ya?

What's your name? Look, man, all I wanna do...

is go inside and be with my family, you understand?

I'm tired of bein' hassled! I work too hard...

Don't you be tellin' me what you wanna do. I'll tell you what you're gonna do.

How'd you like to start by takin' a little trip to the slam? For what?

I ain't did a damn thing. What right do you have, you and your friend...

I'll take you down personally, book your ass and set your damn hair on fire...

and throw you in a fag tank.

How'd you like to start like 'at? What? Roscoe.

Let me just take care of this man, all right?

You think about it. Go on, man.

What's your name?

Talk to you here for a second.

You know, if that little loudmouth bitch was my old lady,

I'd just haul the little cholo hooker back in there and settle all this.

Why are you doing this, man?

Twenty years ago, I hit some dude in the head with a beer bottle, for smiling at my woman.

Yeah, well, you're not leadin' the old white fence gang anymore, are you?

So why don't you just shake hands with this nigger and we can get out of here.

Shake hands? I ain't shaking no hands.

I'll tell you what to do, greaseball.

What do you think you are here, middleweight champ of the garbage dump or somethin'?

I never let a man talk to me like this.

Never in my life.

You better book me now or you better let me go or...

Yeah, you just keep talkin'. I'm gonna rip that oily little mustache right off your face.

Go ahead. Try it.

Don't you touch him! Don't you touch him!

Dirty honky motherfuckers.

You're under arrest.

Gringo greaseball.

Whoa! Whoa!

No! No!

Vamanos. Vamanos. Quick, man, get inside.

Get back in your pad.

Lock the door. Come on!

They're comin' in the back way.

All right, check the back doors. You guys, cover the front.

Roscoe?

Roscoe?

Did you make him do the chicken?

May I have your attention, please?

I'd like to thank the band very much.

They were in their usual good form.

And now, gentlemen... or rather, I should say ladies and gentlemen...

I give you Deputy Chief Riggs.

Thank you, Captain.

Ladies and gentlemen, officers,

I hope you appreciate that you work one helluva division.

I am speaking specifically in terms of Officer...

Excuse me. What's his name?

It's on the citation, sir. What'd you say?

It's on the citation, sir. Oh, thank you.

Excuse me.

I am speaking specifically of Officer Roscoe Rules.

Officer, forward and center.

Can you believe this shit? Roscoe Rules handed out towels at Auschwitz.

Who said that? Who said that in there?

I think it was one of the coloreds. I could tell by the voice.

What is this, the Bigot of the Month Club?

Officer Rules, you have won the department's monthly exemplary service citation.

Before I give this to him, I...

I want to say something to you people.

If he were out there on the streets and got into a fight with a suspect,

he wouldn't let his head get kicked in.

He ought to be arrested on a 794. What's that?

Dispensing bullshit without a license.

This is an officer that wants to do something about this town.

- Thank you, sir. - He oughta be a meter maid in a pay toilet.

Before you people hit the streets,

there is something you should hear that just came over the news.

The murderer of Officer Nate Crenshaw...

has just been acquitted by a jury.

Huh?

The jury chose to believe the dope dealer when he said...

he thought the undercover man was a bandit and he shot in self-defense.

Huh? Now that is the world we live in.

What this country needs...

is a little old-fashioned, hardfisted government, huh?

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, Chief, for a most inspiring speech.

All right, men, let's go to work. Dismissed.

Congratulations, Chief.

Congratulations, Chief.

You've just succeeded in turning 85 even-tempered men...

into seething blue avengers.

Thank you, son.

Goddamn it, Calvin, those frigging teeth hurt.

I can't help it. I ain't bitin' you, am I?

Well, he's your partner. I ain't got no control over him.

He's a maniac. Everybody knows that.

It really gets depressing having that goddamn Francis draped around your neck all the time.

Mm-hmm.

Damn you, Francis! Ahh!

If he doesn't lay off, I'm gonna go after him.

Hey, Francis! Go back in your hole. It's still daylight.

Ho-ho-ho! You think it's bad now.

- Wait 'til he gets... - No, no, no, Francis. Don't do it, Francis.

Get outta here, Francis. Come on.

I'll stuff those goofy teeth up your skinny ass if you don't knock it off.

Ah! All right! Ah so.

Ah!

I'll drive a stake through your heart, you Transylvanian...

Now we can really bury him.

What do you say? Could you use another little choir practice tomorrow night?

Oh, boy. After Roscoe's shoot-out with the ducks, we should stop choir practice.

Well, nobody got hurt, but I had a little talk with Roscoe.

You're kiddin'. No, I told him: No more guns at choir practice.

- I'm not gonna have people shootin' at ducks. - What did he say?

He said, "How 'bout shootin' at fags?"

Ohh.

Let's swing by that, uh, Terrace Towers.

Terrace Towers? Yeah.

Hey, hey, her light's on. Let's wait for a couple of minutes.

Come on, Sam. We're not workin' Vice anymore.

I know. Don't you think I know?

- She just walked by the window. - Yeah.

Hey, Sam? Wait a minute. I think she's got somethin' around her neck.

It looks like a... like a belt or a whip or somethin'.

No kiddin'!

She must have a trick up there. I'll be damned. It is true!

She's whippin' him, Sam.

Come on. Let's go. Yeah.

You had to come here, didn't you?

- Didn't you, baby? - Maybe we can bust this chick.

You wanna come here and be with me?

You wanna be with me, baby? Huh? Huh? You want it?

- Come on. - You want it? Oh, yeah. You want it, huh?

Yeah, I'm gonna play you some music.

Tell me what you want. Come on.

You want it. Come on. You want it, baby.

What are we gonna do if she doesn't answer the door? We don't even have a warrant.

Please!

It's a customer, baby. I'll be right back.

Be right back. Be right back.

- Who is it? - The, uh, assistant manager, Ms. Summers.

There's a gas leak on this floor. We're evacuating the building.

Come on.

You just stay here with my partner. I'll have a little talk with your friend here.

- Baxter! - Oh, my God!

What's goin' on?

Oh, don't look at me!

- Is everything all right in there, Sam? - Harold. Yeah, it's...

It's okay, Harold.

Oh, geez. It's okay.

I thought we didn't work Vice anymore, Sam.

- Baxter, why you? Wh... - Oh, I don't know! God! Do you think I know why?

Hey, Sam, I can't move.

Will you help me get out of this?

Oh, Baxter, I'm sorry.

Jesus!

What did you let her do that to you for?

I'll... well, I'll...

I'll tell that hooker I'm a friend of yours then.

She's home free this time. What are you doin'?

She's not my hooker. You paid her, didn't you?

No.

Lady, everybody gets treated the same. They get one dime, one call.

You want to call your lawyer, fine. If you want to call your mother, it's okay with me.

Look, could you...

Could you meet me some place?

After you get off duty?

You know, a-anyplace. Just ...

Just let me talk to you?

Baxter?

What do you want from me, huh?

I just wanted...

I don't want anything from you.

Let's go, Harold. What about the collar?

We made a mistake. Goddamn it, let's go!

You get your rocks off doing this, don't you, you bastards?

If you had a little peace and quiet in your own neighborhood, you wouldn't come around here.

Scum. You low, scum-sucking freak!

You groove on pain, huh? I'll teach you about pain.

If I ever find out you're doin' this again,

I'll come back and break your fuckin' legs!

Can you dig it? Huh?

You move out of this town... fast!

I've been over to Homicide twice today. I still can't get any answers.

Ah, caught in traffic.

Hey, Calvin. Yeah?

What time you got?

I got two minutes after 4:00.

Hey, cool it.

Baxter Slate is dead.

They just found him in his apartment.

He, uh... he shot himself.

Um... I'd like to s... I'd like to see the death report on that.

I-I can't go into homicide cases.

I'd like to see the death report, please, Yanov!

No. You don't want to see it, Sam.

Excuse me.

Johnson, O'Brien. 10-D-19.

- Landlady heard the shot. - Where'd you hear that?

Detective with West L.A. is a friend of mine.

What did he say?

Nothin'.

Next of kin's his mother.

She's in Hawaii or some place with her 22-year-old boyfriend.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, shit.

I knew things could get worse.

Hup! You're all under arrest.

Oh, I just couldn't go back to the station without stoppin' by to tell you all somethin'.

Tell us what, Roscoe?

Well, I run into this homicide dick down at Central, that you know.

You know what he told me?

Uh, he told me that when they posted Baxter Slate's body...

down there at the coroner's office...

You 'member your partner, don't you?

Said he had whip marks all over the back of him!

Whip marks!

Whip marks!

He's some kind of a damn pervert!

Sam! Sam!

Sam! Take it easy!

He's not worth it. Did you kill him, you motherfucker?

Sam, cool it.

Roscoe is an asshole, but he didn't kill Baxter.

All right, louse! Come on, you cheap...

Roscoe! If you don't cool out your mind and relax, I'm gonna relax you!

Come on! You better let go of me, Dean.

Fuck you.

Sam.

Let's talk.

I got nothin' to talk about.

I think we have to.

Goddamn you, Harold.

I wanna help.

Help?

Leave me alone.

- Ah. - Come on, partner.

Can't even get drunk.

Spencer didn't have any trouble.

All right, watch his head. Pick him up.

Glad I got a deviated septum.

Just set fire to him and forget about it, huh?

No, no, leave the door open. He needs all the air he can get.

Yeah.

Roscoe!

Cool it with the hard stuff. You're standin' there in uniform in case you didn't know.

That funny little wagon over there is a police vehicle.

Harold?

Is that you?

That you, padre?

Who is it? What's...

What's goin' on?

Harold? Harold?

I thought it was, it was... I thought it was Harold.

Get some sleep.

Give me a vodka. I'd like to know where all this pussy is that was gonna show up.

You want somethin'? Yeah, the bourbon.

Let's start gettin' some of this shit back in the truck.

Come on, greasy. Pick that up.

Roscoe sure is a charmer, isn't he?

It's what you gotta put up with when the booze is free.

Oh, that's great. We got two of 'em in there now.

Look at 'em spillin' all this.

Put that in there. Get back before they spill all the rest of it.

Oh, my God. I can't breathe.

Harold?

Help me.

Let me talk to you.

Baxter! Baxter!

Help! God! Oh, God, help me!

Guess what we got now?

Damn scrote Lyles asleep back there with Spencer in the van.

You're gonna have two of 'em to wash up now. What?

Did you close the door to the wagon? No, I just left it wide open.

Sam doesn't like to be closed in.

Somebody help me! Please!

Baxter!

Oh, my God.

Sam?

He shot a park faggot!

It's okay. It's okay. What happened?

Three, four, five.

Wait a minute. I want you to come out.

It's okay? Come with me.

Come on, boy!

One, two, three, four, five.

You guys are doin' a helluva job there.

One, two... shut up! Four, five.

Spermwhale? Spermwhale! You're wastin' your time.

What the hell we gonna do now?

I'm gonna take Sam back to the station, and I'm gonna tell 'em...

that he and I were alone in the park.

We stopped by after watch to have a couple of beers.

And I guess we had one too many. He got drunk,

and, uh, he fell over and when he fell, he broke his glasses.

- Yeah? What about the gun? - He dropped his gun when he fell. As he picked it up,

this kid was walkin' by, some park fairy,

and he accidentally pulled the trigger and he blew the kid away.

What about the glass and the blood in the truck?

We'll take care of that. Wait a minute. The gun was fired five times though.

That's right. So I'm gonna replace four of the shells from Sam's piece...

with, uh, live rounds from my own.

It's no fuckin' good. It won't work, but I'll tell you what will work.

- Sam and I will... - Spermwhale, better take a look at Sam.

I'll say I was here.

Don't be an asshole.

It was just Sam and me. I saw Sam take his gun...

Damn it, you got 20 years to protect!

You're pissing your pension right down the sewer if you open your mouth.

Francis is right. You can't get involved, Spermwhale.

It'll be okay if everybody just keeps their mouth shut...

and you let me handle it, all right?

Spermwhale?

Spencer, you with us?

Let's get the hell outta here. Come on, Sam.

All right, let's clean up.

He did what? Wait a minute. When?

Aw, go fuck yourself. Jesus.

Lyles is in a psycho ward.

One of Treadwell's detectives sent him in. Do you...

He oughta get ten days' suspension for that.

Ten days? I'll give him fuckin' 30 days, I get my hands on him.

Some shrink at General Hospital says he's catatonic.

Won't let us talk to him!

Oh, Jesus Christ!

What about that, uh, uh, Bloomguard?

He's still sticking to his story, sir. Well, that stinks.

It's fishy. There's a cover-up goin' on. I won't let those bastards get away with it.

I want their names. The I.A.D. will get them, sir.

No I.A.D. No outside investigation.

You've told the chief about this, haven't you?

I haven't told him a goddamn thing!

You outta your fuckin' mind?

What do you want me to say? I can't handle the men in my own divisions?

They're out shooting up MacArthur Park at night? He'd have my ass, for Christ's sake.

Jesus Christ.

You're gonna have to tell him before the day is out.

I know! I know!

Sir, when I worked Fairfax,

Lyles and Bloomguard used to hang around with a bunch of creeps,

including the one who shot himself...

and a fat slob by the name of Whalen.

I'd get Whalen in and sweat him.

I'm not gonna try to fool an old veteran like you, Whalen.

I'm not gonna try to fool you about anything.

That's good, Chief,

'cause I ain't got nothin' to say.

You expect us to believe that?

I don't give a fuck what you believe.

Whoo. Quite a record here.

A history of insubordination. No wonder you've been on patrol for 20 years.

I like workin' patrol.

Oh. Did I just say 20 years?

I'm sorry. Nineteen and a half. I forgot.

I mean that close to your 20-year pension,

and now what do you get?

Nothing.

Listen, Chief... No, no, you listen to me.

Now maybe Lyles wasted that faggot practicing his quick draw.

Maybe he was shooting beer bottles and the fruit happened by.

I don't know how it happened, and I don't really care.

What I do care about is the truth, and I'm gonna get it out of every man there...

or I'm gonna push for an involuntary manslaughter against Lyles...

and you're gonna have your ass on trial as accessory after the fact.

You know so much, what are you fuckin' with me for?

Because I got you right by the balls, that's why.

But I'm tryin' to help you out. Look, you're 53 years old.

You're an old, crude, fat man.

You're fired from here, where do you go? You look for a job?

Doing what? You couldn't get a job cleaning out shithouses.

And not a dime of your pension after almost 20 years. Not a dime.

Ah!

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

We found a very interesting fingerprint on a bourbon bottle out in the park.

Guess who?

Now I am willing to make a deal. I want the whole story on this.

You give it to me, and you're out. You're free.

You get your pension. We wipe off the last six months you've got left to serve.

Do you want me to say I was there? I know you were there!

I want to know who was there with you! What?

Names! I want names!

- For Christ's sake. - I want to nail these guys once and forever.

You can slip out of town. They won't know you did it. You can go where the fuck you want.

No. Goddamn it, I can't.

You can't. Well, you don't,

you'll find yourself in front of a trial board, and you're gonna have criminal prosecution.

Now I promise you that, and you won't have one goddamn thing left...

after 19 1/2 years down the crapper.

I'll throw the fuckin' world at you.

Now you got five minutes to make up your mind.

Hi, Tommy. How's it goin'?

Not bad. How's the supplies holdin' out?

I'm gonna need some stuff. I'll give you a list.

I could've used you out there today. Engine's actin' up.

Why don't I check with you later? John, how are ya?

Hi, Spermwhale. Here's your mail.

Hey, John. How you doin'? How's fishin'?

Ah, half a ton maybe.

Not good, huh?

Well, there's this about fishin':

There's always hope the next time out it'll be better. Uh-huh.

See you, now. I'll see you, John.

Who let you out of town...

before we had a chance to say some things?

The guys have had it here. They're at the bottom of the pit.

All except me. It was the first time I was ever lucky in my life.

I was in night court.

So I'm the only guy that's not being penalized.

The rest are all pleading guilty to what the brass wants.

I'm working every day, and because I am, the guys asked me to tell you...

that they don't hold it against you.

You left without talking to us.

That was because you were ashamed to see us.

But don't be.

You did the only thing you could.

You beat the system.

We'd have all done the same thing.

There isn't any one of us regrets you did it.

Good luck. Good fishing. Calvin.

P.S. I cut this article out of the Times.

It's the story that Chief Riggs gave to the paper about what happened that night.

Hey, you get this from the Monterey newspaper?

Why'd you release that story? You had the truth. You told a lie.

- What did you want me to do? - Asshole. What did you expect him to release?

That eight drunken cops were accessories to a murder? That's ten years in prison.

- What are you gonna say about that? - What's he got 'em on?

Trumped-up charges. They're getting six-months suspensions.

It's a damn sight less than they deserve, and you know it.

- Bullshit six months. - Come on, Spermwhale.

This man's got very important things to do. Let's get out of here.

They showed you up an asshole, Riggs. You can't take care of your own store.

You'll crucify these guys when they get back.

Oh, you miserable prick.

You open this up, it's not too late. I can still take your pension.

You lied to the press.

You lied to the public.

Oh, holy shit, Chief. He's right.

- What did you expect me to do? - You lied to your superiors and the police commission.

You stonewalled it... buried it!

Aw, hey, Chief. He wants to take your fuckin' pension.

He wants to send you to jail and everything.

Withholding evidence. Filing a false murder report.

Suspending officers on false charges.

Yeah, that's a criminal prosecution, Riggs.

I got his fuckin' pension. Ah, you're bluffing.

That calls for a murder charge. They haven't got the guts.

Haven't they?

Read about it.

You dumb prick! We'll all go to jail!

You said it, Chief.

Well, we...

What do you want?

- You wipe it off the books. - They've gotta take some suspensions.

No suspensions. I can't. It would look bad.

Fuck you lookin' bad. No bad time.

They go back on patrol tonight, and you stay off their asses.

You cocksucker.

Hey, not me, Chief. I'm not the one on my knees.

All right! All of it?

You got what you want. Get out of here.

Son of a bitch.

Hey, you owe me a buck.

But you were bluffing! You friggin' frocked me!

You sons of bitches! Well, that does it!

You're off pension, and you're fired! That's it!

Oh, boy, I knew those bastards didn't have the guts.

Come on! You're full of shit.

Ah, you don't want to do that, Chief.

You really don't.

Signed depositions.

Seven of 'em.

I'll see you around, Chief.

I think the chief needs a massage.

Oh, no, no, no. Give me five.