Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

* *

- I do think there's a version where we say it wasn't Steph.

It was a deep fake.

- AI is very hot right now.

- Yeah. I heard Tyla isn't even real.

- No, we tried this with Kate Middleton.

The public is getting really savvy about that kind of thing.

- Yeah, but y'all gave a bitch six fingers.

- Is there any value in pills?

Not addiction, per se, but you reach for an Advil,

you took six Ambien, you woke up,

you've been fooled by your best white friend.

- Yo, who are these guys?

- They're your crisis management team,

best in the biz.

They're the ones that convinced all those dumbass Hollywood

writers they won the strike. - Wait, wait.

Since when do I have a crisis management team?

- Since you got drafted.

They've been on retainer, but you never needed them.

- Yeah, the closest thing to dirt DeuxMoi's

ever had on you was when you left the ESPYs

without saying goodbye. - Whoa, fake news.

You know I would never do that.

- Dude, you kind of Irish goodbyed it.

- OK, now, come on, nerds. Tap in.

Steph is a Hall of Fame sweetie boy,

and we got to keep it that way.

Get to spinning.

Come on, crisis management, let's go, let's go, let's go.

- What about this idea-- we just tell the truth?

- I'm sorry.

What are you-- what exactly do you mean by that?

- Yeah, I don't follow you there.

- The truth.

- Uh, which one?

- Guys, I'm Stephen Curry.

You heard her-- Hall of Fame sweetie boy.

I can weather this storm.

What you think about that, KG?

Danny, come on.

- No, yeah. No, I love the truth.

I-- I-- I rise with the truth.

The truth is what happens.

So I-- I say, ship it, Steph.

- Let's go. It's settled, then.

Hey, great job, team.

Really, really appreciate it. - Great.

We'll hire Eric Roth to draft something up.

- Oh, no need. No need.

I'll see you in another 20--

hopefully, never.

Through it all, I learned I had

not only been lied to, but betrayed by someone I trust.

Which is why I was just as appalled as everyone

to learn of this fraud.

Please text the number below for a full refund.

However, if you choose not to be reimbursed,

I will personally match every dollar

donated and give it all to my foundation, Dunking on Disease.

Finally, to Mitch Grossman, the perpetrator of this scam,

I'm sure you didn't mean it.

It's probably just one of those things that got away from you.

There are good people on both sides.

Yo, what is this?

I told y'all we're telling the truth.

- Yeah, I mean, this--

this is the truth.

- Yo, Mitch is a legit criminal.

I understand he's your dad, but we got to light him up, man.

He can't keep getting away with this.

- No, I know.

I know.

- Hold on. Hold on a second.

Are you all right? - Yeah.

Yeah, I'm good. Are you good?

- I'm good. I'm just worried about you.

- No, I'm good. Are you good?

- Yeah. You're gonna be all right?

- Yeah, I'm good. Are you good?

- I'm just checking on you.

- No, I'm good. I'm checking on you.

- Let me be your friend. Be vulnerable.

Let me in. - I'm letting you in.

I'm trying to take you in and also

care for you at the same time.

- It's OK to let it out.

I love you, brother.

- I love you, too.

That smells good. What is that?

- Under Armoire.

- Under Armoire?

- You got this.

- I'm cool.

- All right, let's take 15.

- Yo. - Yo.

- Just want to say sorry about everything.

I had no idea how bad it was with your dad.

No clue.

What a piece of shit.

- Right?

- No, I can relate.

It's not the same thing, but, you know,

my dad was one of those dads that was so supportive it

was, like, annoying.

Like, damn, Dad, get off my nuts.

I know the world is my oyster.

- Not really the same thing.

I mean, I see how that could be a thing.

- Well, it's not the same thing is what I said.

That's what I-- how I started. - I know.

I know it's not the same thing.

- I said it wasn't the same thing--

- I know. - --from jump.

- But I could see how it could be a thing.

- It's a thing.

- It does feel a little bit like you're not maybe--

you're right. Sure, thank you.

- And I just also want to say thanks for running

point on the apology.

- Yeah.

- And I'll deny ever saying this,

but we're lucky to have you on the squad.

- Well, I have a lot of experience apologizing, so--

- You're good, Danny.

Stay up.

- Whoo.

With Kimberly finally on my side,

plus Stephen enshrining it all on IG,

old Danny Boy was in the clear.

I pulled that shit off.

Huh?

How about this for an ending?

Am I right?

Looks like you have the hottest doc in Hollywood.

Mazel tov.

- Danny, if your dad did it, I would know.

- Yes, but what you didn't see--

- Danny.

- --was that in a world where--

- Danny. - Can I finish?

'Cause, like, you're kind of jumping down my throat.

- Danny. - OK, look.

I didn't-- I didn't want to have to do this.

But you could tell your version of the truth--

- The truth.

- --and you could show your side of the footage.

- The footage.

- But then I won't sign the release.

If I don't sign the release, then

you don't have a documentary.

And if you don't have a documentary,

you kind of don't have a career.

So, sorry.

Or you can tell the truth, which

happens to be an award-winning ending,

that the original villain, who seemed to have been reformed,

turns out he was the villain all along.

- Fine.

I'm in.

Just sign the release.

- Whoa.

- You're turning this into a reality show.

What happened to the documentarian's code?

- My new code is fuck around and find out.

- Wow. Wow.

The woman I fell in love with had integrity.

- Wait. You're in love with me?

- I feel like I told you.

Your hair smells good. What is it?

- Soup.

I'm still getting used to wearing it down like this.

- It looks great. I love you.

- Let's go, Frank.

That was your grand, romantic gesture?

- Yeah.

I don't know.

Subtlety is my love language.

- Is that even a love language?

Mine is gifts, so, like, it wouldn't--

- Yeah, and I send you a lot of GIFs--

that Jack Nicholson OK one, Homer Simpson into the bushes.

- Gifts-- - Gif--

- --not GIFs.

- Gif-- fuck.

Gift.

- Gifts.

- If you guys want to take a few moments--

- No, no, we're fine.

- It's just they have, like, a really strict time.

- Frank, are you still rolling? - Really? you know what?

Actually, I quit. I quit.

- Oh, my God, here we go.

- Yeah.

I'll see you at the IATSE mixer or, you know what?

Maybe I'll see you never. - No, probably not.

OK? Bye.

I don't even need you. We're all mic'd.

- Nice working with you. - OK--no!

- OK?

- That's a lot heavier than you think it is.

- I'm sure it's not that heavy.

Have a nice life, Deb.

We're fine.

OK?

Let's just-- let's just keep--

let's just keep going.

- Good luck!

- Yeah, I'm good!

[groans]

I'm good. - Why don't I hold it?

- I'm good.

- Do you want to just do this part here?

- Yeah. Well, no, no, no.

We're walking and talking. Let's go.

Come on. - What?

- Yeah. - How are we gonna do that?

- I got it. We're good.

- OK.

So my-- when I found out my dad had orchestrated--

- Don't turn around. - No?

- You can just keep going natural.

- I never thought my dad would end up in a place like this.

[buzzer]

[soft music]

* *

So what are your lawyers saying?

- Probably 30, but he's gonna try and get it down to 15.

- Dang, dude.

Two weeks and a day for a little fib?

That's forever.

- 15 years, Danny.

If I didn't have priors--

it's my own fault.

- 15 years.

- Don't worry.

I'll be all right.

I mean, it's the least I can do after blowing up your life.

And, hey, we've already been estranged for 24 years.

What's another 15 years, am I right?

- Thanks, Dad.

- I love you, Danny.

I only wish-- - It's OK.

It's OK.

And I want you to know, just--

I forgive you.

- Good luck at your game today.

Don't forget to box out.

Take me home.

* *

- [sobbing]

[sighs]

[dog barking]

- Oh, hey.

- Hey.

Charlie wants me to drive her to the game.

- Oh, yeah.

So Mitch, huh?

- Mm. - Yeah.

- Ain't that a Mitch?

- Life's a Mitch.

- Son of a Mitch.

- It's very convenient how it all shook out.

Very, very convenient.

- Yeah, I mean, for both of us.

Isn't it always convenient when justice is served?

- Yeah, totally.

I mean, like, I know you couldn't live with

yourself knowing that an innocent man--

say, Mitch, for example--

was rotting in prison for decades for a crime

he didn't commit.

- Of course not.

No way.

But there is a justifiable argument

to be made on the other side that said person could possibly

have done some things that would merit rotting

to hell and high water.

- Well, lest ye be judged.

- Lest ye be judged.

I mean, I didn't want this, any of this.

- Yeah, Danny, I didn't want any of this either.

But here we are somehow.

- Danny?

Amigo.

- Oh.

- Oh, it's not fair.

I can't believe what Mitch did.

[sobs]

- Charlie!

- Turns out being a fake illness

victim is way more lucrative than actually being sick.

- Oh, yeah?

- It's some Gypsy Rose Blanchard shit.

Take a look at that.

- Wow.

Char, 5 million?

That's only 278 away from T Swift.

- Oh, Dad, you missed a bunch of snaps.

I'd hate for you to expose yourself on national TV.

- [chuckles] Thanks.

Yeah, I think we're good on scandals for a while

in our family, right?

- Yeah.

I'm sorry Grandpa's such a dirtbag

and made us do all this.

You didn't deserve that.

- No, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you got dragged into this.

You know?

I love you so much.

- I love you, too.

And don't worry about me.

I'll be all right.

I'm just lucky to have you as my dad.

[cell phone buzzes]

Ooh, I got to take this.

It's my team to talk about my alcohol-free alcohol brand.

Oh, go for Charlie.

Yeah?

No.

I need the numbers today.

[cheers, applause]

- 10 minutes to air, everyone.

[chatter]

- A lot of eyeballs on me.

People gassing me up, it's a lot.

- If you ever want to make a diss track, holler at me.

I hate trash fathers.

- I really appreciate that but, you know, he's kind of,

you know, got addiction issues.

I don't need to take shots at a man when he's down.

- Take the shot, Dan.

Take the shot.

- Isn't that what you deserve?

- Yeah.

No, yeah.

I-- I mean, it's just awkward kinda.

I mean, Charlie's so into it, so--

- Yo, look at this, man.

- There he is.

- I told the truth was the play, D Boy.

- Yep.

You are always right, my friend.

- The donations, they're just rolling in, bro.

Yo, this is all 'cause of you.

- No, no, it's 'cause of you too.

- No, it's because of you.

- I don't think so, my good friend.

It's 'cause of you.

- This is all because of you.

- All of this is your domain. And you are the king.

- Did you ever think that you could

pull off something this huge?

- Honestly, no.

Genuinely, I'm as shocked as anybody.

Hey, why not me, right?

- That's the spirit.

Why not you?

We're unstoppable.

- Team of destiny.

- Team of destiny.

- Steph! Steph, get away from him.

Get away from him. You!

You!

I know it's you, you fucking liar!

- I didn't do it. What?

- Kim, chill. Yo.

Mitch already copped to it.

It's good.

Seriously, this rivalry thing between you

and Danny that's been going on, it's getting old.

- No, no, no, no, no, no. - Truce?

Truce? - Steph, no!

- Ow! - Mitch is covering for him.

I can prove it.

I went to see Mitch in prison to hear it from him myself.

But I didn't even have to go in, because I

saw Deborah sitting outside.

And she opened up to me like I was motherfucking Terry Gross.

I believed Danny, or at least I wanted to.

But you never be too sure.

It's like when I went through all six of Michael B's phones.

Turns out Michael B faithful, but Danny be

exactly who I thought he was.

- Who's Deborah?

- The sound-- the sound person.

She's been following you around for the last three years.

- She's not here with us anymore.

- The point is, they have footage of Danny admitting

the whole thing on camera.

They do.

- Show him the footage, Lucy.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Give me the footage.

- No.

[arguing]

You think it's in my pocket?

What's wrong with you?

- She has the footage. - It's OK.

- No.

- I think Kim has a lot on her plate.

- We don't have time for this. We're here to dunk on disease.

- Yeah, let's dunk on disease.

- No. Not-- not--

- We're talking about something, sir.

- Please.

Stephen, you've got to trust me.

You really gonna believe Danny over me?

- Go hype up the crowd, go hype up the crowd.

- Chill!

There's a man in there!

Dunky, are you all right?

Is he all right?

- I don't know.

- Yo, KG, KG, KG, I love you.

But maybe you need to take a beat.

- What?

- I know this job's a lot on you.

Just take a beat.

- Good luck, Stephen.

- Wait, don't go. - Let her.

- No, no, no. Kim--

- Let her go.

- We can work something out.

Go under. Go under.

- I don't want help from you.

- Just let her go, man.

She'll be all right.

Come on.

- And we're live in 5--

- Let's go save some lives.

- --4--

- Do I have to make a speech?

- Hey, welcome to Steph Curry's Dunking on Disease

charity basketball game.

We got a hell of a show.

We got basketball.

We got mascots.

We got cheerleaders, baby.

And we got me, Nick Kroll, to host this event.

Because Andy Samberg, Bill Hader, and of course,

John Mulaney passed on doing this.

Ladies and gentlemen, you know him, you love him.

Give it up for Steph Curry!

[cheers, applause]

- Thank you, Pete Davidson.

Appreciate you, man.

Hey, I am here to introduce a very, very good man.

No, matter of fact, a great man.

He's taught me how to be a better friend, a better

father, a better person.

I turned my back on him 20 years ago,

and I promise I'll never do that again.

He is a true role model, a true hero, a true inspiration.

Everybody, please give it up for my best

friend, Danny Grossman.

[cheers, applause]

Come on, give it up for him!

[cheers, applause]

[upbeat music]

* *

- Hi. Uh, I--

I want to thank, first of all, the great Stephen

Curry and his team.

I want to thank Nick Kroll for hosting this thing.

- Oh, Nick.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

- Oh, no, you're-- you remember seeing me in "Uncle Drew"?

- I want to thank our sponsors,

Hims, SKIMS, and Slim Jims.

We did it for the joke, but you guys have been all so great.

- I love you, Dad!

- Love you, too.

I don't know how to--

I don't-- oh, boy.

- What's going on with your boy?

- I don't know.

- I can't--

I don't-- so it--

it was all me, and it was all my fault.

And I knew everything the whole time.

And my dad had nothing to do with it.

I lied about Charlie being sick,

and I lied when I let my dad take the fall for me,

because I'm a liar.

I got to tell you, that feels kind of good to--

to get that off my chest.

It's like, kind of--

ooh, ooh!

[chuckles] The weight is lifted off me because I had--

I had been using what had happened to me in sixth grade

as an excuse for all the horrible things I've done.

But in reality, it's all my fault.

It feels good to be honest.

It feels like cooking with gas.

[laughs]

Here's one.

I never had a girlfriend at Camp Ojibwa.

And I made her up because I didn't

want to admit that the fact was that I

lost my virginity to my aunt.

[crowd gasps]

I even helped frame Kimberly for the murder

of our class hamster, Mrs. Tambourine Woman.

Right, Stephen?

- So if Danny didn't kill her and Kim didn't kill her--

- It was an accident.

I used to shoot free throws in the dark.

And that night at our sleepover,

Mrs. Tambourine Woman had somehow shimmied her hamster

ball up onto the ball rack.

Some buckets cost you everything.

- All I ever wanted was a father

who would take accountability for his actions.

And I refuse to not be that father for Charlie.

And I refuse to not be that friend for Stephen Curry.

Charlie, I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry, Stephen.

I'm sorry, everybody.

[crowd gasps]

[dramatic music]

* *

[soft music]

* *

- I mean, you know what they say.

If you take all the things in life that stress you out

and put it into a backpack, and then throw that backpack

into a quarry with a skeleton dressed to look like you

and then light it all on fire, you will ultimately

gain a whole lot of truth.

- What does a backpack have to do with it?

- It's a metaphor.

I'm just saying I couldn't be further from that Steph life,

but in a lot of ways, I've never been happier.

I'm not rich, per se, but I'm rich in integrity.

And I'm back doing what I was put on this Earth to do--

comb the obits, hunt the estate sales,

and pray for a signed baseball card and a dead cat graveyard

in a hoarder's garage.

- Has that happened to you before?

- Yeah, Ken Griffey Jr.

- Is he a hoarder? - Oh, no, no.

He was the card I found.

- Ow!

Dude, fuck! - Sorry.

I didn't know you were in the doorway.

I didn't know!

- For the record, I was also gonna do the right thing.

I was gonna tell everyone the truth,

even though it would cost me my documentary and--

but, hey, you beat me to it.

It worked out for everybody.

- Well, that's the thing.

Everyone has a mistake that they feel defines them,

but it doesn't.

It's never too late.

That's why I signed your release.

And that's why I'm happy that the documentary

is gonna come out.

- What about your dad?

How's he doing?

- You have to ask him.

All right, everybody!

- Coach D, show 'em how to make a layup, will ya?

- OK.

For the last time, we're going off the opposite foot.

OK, everybody, two lines.

There we go!

There we go. Who's next?

- Well, prison got me clean, but...

what allowed me to stay clean was Danny's forgiveness.

Yeah, one per person.

So I put down the bottle for good,

and I picked up my clipboard again.

So next week we'll teach the kids triple threat position.

Of course, in my old life, triple threat position

meant reverse cowgirl with a bottle of Jack

in one hand and a 44 Magnum in my mouth.

[chuckles] But these days it means

love, family, and sobriety.

- And dribble, pass, shoot.

- You got it.

- I got it.

- Don't let your meat loaf.

- What?

You know, my dad is a great coach and an OK dad.

You know?

Like I said, everyone makes mistakes.

I guess I was just holding onto so much

I couldn't move forward.

But you got to forgive if you want to be forgiven.

- I'm getting the dessert. Dessert.

Dessert.

- Oh, I'll help.

- [sighs]

OK, she's great.

- Come on, stop it.

- I like her. I do.

- No, you don't. - Yes, I do.

- No, you don't.

I'm really coming around on Dr. Josh, too.

- No, you're not. - No, I'm not.

[chuckles]

- No, but for real, I am very proud of you.

I feel like you've grown up a lot.

And I'm very happy that she gets this version of you

that I've worked so hard on.

I'm kidding.

You worked so hard on it.

- It was you.

- No, it was you.

No, OK, it was me.

- The only two people I haven't made it right with

are Kim and Stephen

because they won't return my calls mostly.

But I had to give it one more try.

Because if I've learned anything over the last year,

it's that if you don't do the hard things,

they just get harder.

[phone line trilling]

Hi. Hi, Kim.

It's Danny Grossman from before, from life.

Could I-- could I come up and chat with you for a second?

[phone clicks]

[door buzzing]

[soft music]

* *

Kim?

Kim, this a trap?

- Danny. - Oh!

- Hey. - Hi.

- What's up?

- Nothing.

- Can I get you anything--

water, tea?

I've got this white blend from Lugana

that goes absolutely crazy.

You're gonna love it.

- You're not-- you're not incredibly mad at me?

- No.

No.

I mean, I was mad.

I was really mad, rip shit, in fact.

But I realized, in some weird way,

your dumb ass is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I was just running Steph's life for so long,

I forgot about my own.

Being around someone as selfish as you

made me realize I needed to focus on me way more.

- Not really a compliment, but happy I could help.

- Yeah.

Cheers.

Dude, if I wanted to kill you, I would have

just had the hitman do it.

Rodney, he's cold.

Ooh, my pretty princess.

There's my pretty princess.

Who's my pretty princess?

Ooh.

This is Muppet.

She wants to show you her dinosaur.

- Kim, you seem really good.

- Yeah.

Steph and I decided to cut my hours in half,

so now I never work more than 84 hours a week.

It's just basic load management.

The crazy thing is, I'm more productive working less.

- I'm more productive working drunk.

[laughter]

Kim, I-- I'm so sorry

about everything.

- Hey, I--

I know you are.

We go back.

But you flew all this way just to apologize?

- I sure did--

and coach.

- Oof. - Middle.

- Damn. - 37F.

- It keeps getting worse.

- No internet.

- You're really sorry, huh?

- So sorry.

And I know Stephen's not ready to hear it yet,

but maybe when you guys are in Chicago, you know,

I can take him out and try to apologize.

But till then, could you give that to Stephen for me?

- Hey, Danny.

Why don't you give it to him yourself?

We're flying to Paris tonight for the Olympics,

and Stephen did tell me to hire some more interns to take

stuff off my plate, so--

- Your bags, ma'am.

- So?

- Thank you.

- Look, if you'd have come to me and said

you can heal Danny for $11 million dollars

and a little bit of public ridicule, I would have

said, done.

And plus, the hang was real.

- [yelling]

[cheering]

- Hey!

- Let's go.

- I love that guy, and the punch made us even.

Now who's soft, Brian Windhorst?

To the Splash Siblings! - Splash Siblings!

- To the Splash Siblings!

Splash Siblings!

- And that's when the story really, really got crazy.

- Huh! * Oh, yeah *

* I want you *

* To take me by the hand *

* Tell me, pretty mama, I'm a loving man *

* I want you *

* To take me by the hand *

* Tell me, pretty mama, I'm a loving man *

* Give me the fever where my body's wet *

* I break out in a cold sweat *

* Shake it up *

* Shake it up *

* Shake it down *

* Round and round *

* Shake it up *

* Shake it down *

* Shake it up *

* Shake it down *

* Get back, uh! *

* All right *

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