Original subtitles

FITZ: Jesus would be the first to tell you

that life isn't like the movies.

I swear to God, I didn't know she was a cop.

If I had, I never would have beat the suspect.

The good guys don't always win.

I second that. With a vengeance.

I swear to God, I thought she was drowning.

Why else would I give her the kiss of life?

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this:

Sometimes, the hero takes it in the ass, metaphorically.

I swear to God, I don't know

- what happened to Sonja. - Right.

You always break into missing womens' apartments

and try on their nighties.

Is that a euphemism for something?

And what do I do?

Nothing.

Live and let live.

That's my motto.

I'm the very definition of the phrase

turn the other cheek.

Turn to your left.

I want my motherfuckin' phone call...

And my pants.

♪

♪ Without you

♪ I'd find my smile

♪ Without you

♪ I'd have won by a mile

♪ Without you

♪ Oh, life would be so grand ♪

♪ Without you

♪ I'm half a man

♪ Without you

♪ Without you...

♪ Without you

[Door squealing]

♪

Hey, I'm a "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am" kind of a guy.

You wanna kill me, just kill me.

DEEP VOICE: You're not very good

at playing hide and seek.

Oh, for fuck's sake, could you be a little more vague?

Find me.

Before I find you.

I was being sarcastic, asshole.

MAN: First thing I learned in law school, Fitzpatrick,

guys who are guilty always fall asleep

in the interrogation room, you know why?

You're actually relieved you finally got caught.

Or I'm tired 'cause some asshole kept me up all night

asking me jerkoff questions.

You got a light?

No smoking.

So, what is this, good cop, sexually frustrated cop?

I'm not sexually frust--I'm not sexually frust--

So.

Why did you break into Sonja's apartment,

getting rid of evidence?

I didn't break in.

I had a key.

And I told you, I don't know how I got there.

- Don't know much, do you? - No, asshole, I don't.

Don't play the shocked and confused boyfriend with me.

You had motive,

you had opportunity, it's time to admit,

you abducted that girl.

The gig is up, Fitzpatrick.

It's "jig," ass-tard

Pretty sure it's gig.

Jig.

[Knocking at door]

BRB.

As the kids say.

Don't they say,

"Get away from me, you creepy old wanna-be twink?"

LOL, scumbag.

LOL!

Why isn't he behind bars, yet?

Don't take it out on me just because you've

let yourself go.

I'm pregnant, idiot.

And, you said my testimony was all you needed.

To get Fitzpatrick arrested.

To get him convicted, I need a confession.

It's our antiquated penal system, they need things like

witnesses and evidence.

The man is a menace.

His perversions are growing stronger.

Fuelling his every move.

He can't be allowed to go free!

Look, unless you actually saw him kidnap Sonja Lester--

I actually saw Fitz kidnap Sonja Lester.

If it helps your case.

I do not fabricate evidence, Miss Foxley.

Hmm. You know...

Angry is a...

Very good look for you, Chester.

These, um...

Pregnancy hormones?

Make me angry, too.

They also make me...

Very horny.

Um...

Mmm...

♪ And I believe I believe ♪

♪ And I believe

Josh, Josh, have you seen Richard?

What!?

Have you seen Richard!?

This one time, he came out of his office sportin' wood

and he asked these customers for an orgy.

It was classic--

I meant today.

Gotta be more specific.

He's disappeared.

And I'm worried that the Lebanese mob

have exacted their own brand of...

Debt collection.

- Ask them. - What--?

That's good, I'm so relieved, because if they're here,

that means that they don't have Richard.

Ah, wait! No, no, I'm panicking, I'm panicking again!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Just check the jail.

And why would I do that?

Because he called asking for bail this morning.

This place would fall apart without me!

[Hissing] Ow! Tah!

You have no clue what you're doing with that, do you?

Phonebook's used to beat people.

It works 'em over pretty good and doesn't leave any bruises.

Do you want me to show you?

I'm a successful prosecutor

and you will treat me with respect.

Respect is your own glory hole.

Why don't you tell me where you're at with your prosecution,

I'll let you know if I can shed any light.

You think I'm stupid?

I think you're a fuckin' moron.

CHESTER: Ali.

Miss Devon.

Can I help you?

Yes, you can stop badgering my...

Client.

I'm your client?

[Laughing]

I'm her client.

Not by choice.

Legal aid sent me, I will be petitioning the court

to drop all charges against my...

Client.

Ali, I have a witness who saw him with the victim

just before she was abducted.

And I have a witness who was

with Fitzpatrick

at the time that she allegedly disappeared.

Who?

I'd rather not say.

Her.

Really? Great.

Phew, does that put my mind at ease, or what?

At least I won't be railroading

the innocent man you spent the night with--

I didn't spend the night with him.

Just an hour or so.

I wasn't with him, okay, I was just...

Down in his area.

Oh, you'll go down in his area--Ugh!

Chester.

Your vendetta against him has to stop.

Okay, I chose you.

Because you are the better man.

Honest.

Decent.

Don't sink to my le-- To his--

Don't sink to his level.

CHESTER: Fine, you can go.

Thanks, toots, now why don't we go somewhere private

so I could do a little - pro bono work on you? - Okay.

You know what, Fitzpatrick, that's it.

I'm gonna be all over you.

I'm gonna be there when you wake up in the morning

and I'm gonna be there when you go to bed at night.

And eventually, do you know what's gonna happen?

You'll try something gay?

No.

You'll screw up and I'll put you away

forever.

Doesn't anyone care that I'm actually innocent?

- Not really. - Nope!

♪

Morning, Mocha Bear.

Oh! For the love of goodness and light!

You startled me.

Maybe.

Or maybe you're scared you got caught.

I don't remember you saying you were going out.

Why must you pollute the pure glacier creek of our love

with jealousy?

I wouldn't have to be jealous if I trusted you!

You're leaving me, aren't you?

Oh.

I thought I could escape it.

But the stink of my family,

generations of abandonment,

abuse...

Fuck that!

Ow, ah! Look at me, look at me, look at me,

my precious everything!

Can you not see it in my deep, beguiling eyes?

We are as one for eternity.

I will never leave you.

Ever.

Except for right now,

because I have several errands I have to run,

but I will be back!

Eventually.

Comin' in?

You're lucky I slowed down.

Ah, come on.

You got me off, now let me get you off.

I am with Chester and your girlfriend...

Is missing.

Okay, one, she broke up with me.

Two...

I'm gonna find her.

I just need a little time.

And that brings me to three.

We're gonna have to make this a quickie,

'cause I really gotta start looking for Sonja.

You're amazing.

Oh, I know.

Richard!

Richard! I'm just on my way to save you.

Great timing.

Where've you been, I've been worried sick.

I have no idea.

I went to sleep, I woke up in Sonja's apartment.

What?

Fuck off with the 20 questions.

- But that was only two. - Whatever.

I think Sonja's the one I have to make things right with.

Richard, this is incredible.

You've identified the person you've wronged

and you're actively considering making amends.

What's incredible about it, you After School Special?

She's gone.

How can I make amends if I can't find her?

So we're going after Sonja? Yes!

I can't do squat as long as Chester's

putting the screws to me.

I'm tired of being Mr. Easy Going.

From now on, we do this my way, and I say

we gotta find something on that dish rag Chester Vince.

Some kind of leverage.

I'm gonna buy myself some time.

But... Then could we go after Sonja?

Richard?

FITZ: Are you sure that Chester Vince

has never paid for any of your girls' services?

Little spanking, maybe a little bondage?

No?

All right, thanks, Mommy.

Yes, I'm eating my vegetables.

Yeah, all right, book me in for next week.

You get anything, cock sock?

Well, by all accounts, Chester Vince is a beloved

public servant who is trusted by the people

and who we should leave alone while we look for Sonja.

Anyone that straight laced has got a closet

full of skeletons, dickweed.

Yeah, dickweed.

What're we talking about?

Chester Vince. You get anything?

Well, if Chester's on drugs,

he ain't buyin' locally.

Which is a real insult, I mean,

how are the local independents supposed to survive

with the customers buying online?

There's gotta be something.

His only transgression is

overextending his credit, but...

He's in debt up to his eyeballs.

Look at that one. Look at that one, right there.

Erickson and Sons Leasing Services,

and he is way overdue.

He's not pregnant, dude.

Richard, what are you doing?

I'm gonna buy his lease.

Once that fucker sees I can get to him,

he'll back off, guaranteed.

What's the fastest way to cut off a man's balls, Josh?

Really sharp garden sheers.

What are you--It's the price of freedom, Larry.

Okay.

We're gonna repo his car.

This is the second day in a row

that he's snuck off like this.

You're right.

He is not the man for you.

I never said that.

No, but he does every morning when he leaves you.

Do you think he's cheating on me!?

No, no, I never said that.

But you know where he's going.

Yes, it is...

He is going nowhere.

What the fuck are you talking about,

I just saw him leave.

And your heart, grows a shade darker.

Will you, please!

Speak English.

You two...

Are different people.

Yeah. I know that.

No, no, no, you misunderstand.

It is as if he is the moon

and you are the sun.

You two can never occupy the same sky.

But I...

I'm like a tree.

Full of reaching.

Full of hoping.

I knew he had an agenda.

Well, I am, I am not finished.

The drycleaner's.

That whore.

Richard, Richard, you can't do this,

I forbid you.

Look, this isn't buying time,

this is revenge, pure and simple.

Can't it be both?

Look, you know the Chinese have a saying?

Yeah, "He who seeks revenge should always dig two graves."

I've gotta dig two fucking graves, now?

Empathy, Richard, empathy's all.

Just find out why Chester has it in for you.

Don't give a shit.

Don't you see?

Every time I try to lead you away from your fated death,

it looms closer.

I try to get you to do good; you do bad.

I try to make things better and you make them worse.

Chester is not the problem.

You're right. You are.

You, you don't mean that.

The fuck I don't.

I wouldn't be in this mess if you weren't here.

Fuck the prophecy.

Maybe you're my fuckin' curse.

♪

You can't do this!

My lease is with Erickson and Sons.

It was until I bought it from 'em.

They seemed real eager to unload you, Chester.

Please don't take this car.

Not today.

I have somewhere to be today.

You can take it tomorrow, I won't even put up a fight,

I promise!

I'll think about it.

Are you thinkin' about it?

Oh no, no, no, no.

Wait, Fitz!

Fitz!

Hey--

Fitz, stop it!

You stop this car!

[Whimpering and whining]

♪

Fitz, you stop the car!

Fuck you, Fitz!

Possession is nine tenths of the law!

I refuse to negotiate with terrorists!

LARRY: Don't take this personally, Mr. Vince.

Richard is just, he's a very passionate man!

This has got nothing to do with passion,

this is sweet, sweet anger.

That's my fucking car, now, Chester,

get the fuck out!

CHESTER: I refuse to let you bully me

out of my own car, I have rights!

And I'm gonna stay right here

and there's nothing you can do about it.

I can send you to the crusher.

No, no, no!

Please don't do this to me.

Not today.

I'm already late for a very, very important meeting.

So, what's it gonna take, Fitzpatrick?

I want you off my fuckin' back.

You gotta drop this whole I abducted Sonja routine,

we both know it's bullshit.

It's my job - to uphold the law. - Bullshit.

You're almost bankrupt, what the fuck are you into?

We know it's not women or drugs, so.

Think globally, buy locally, asshole.

Bringing me in on those trumped up charges

with no evidence was pretty risky.

You wouldn't happen to be a gambling man,

would you, Chester?

I won't dignify that with a response.

I give you three to one you aren't a gambling addict.

- I'll take that action. - I fuckin' knew it!

Shit!

Oh, Chester, it's...

It's all right.

No, it's not all right.

It's not.

And it's my own fault.

LARRY: Well, you know what?

Admitting you have a problem,

that's the first step, buddy.

Started with the bingo here, and...

A scratch and win ticket there,

and hospital lotteries...

But I realized when I was betting on

little league baseball that I was in deep.

And now I owe half a million dollars

to the Lebanese mob.

A half a mil? And you're still alive?

It's more than just gambling, isn't it?

They've got you fixing cases,

rigging juries?

Yeah.

Well, there you go, Richard,

you've exposed Chester's secret.

You shamed him, are you happy?

No, not until he drops these trumped up charges against me.

And tells the Lebanese mob you're gonna take on my debt!

I hate you.

Now I'm happy.

♪

CHESTER: Ali? I can't believe he did this.

Today of all days.

You're just gonna have to come get me, okay?

You soft, stupid, servile man.

He took my car.

And if I don't do what he says, he's gonna take everything,

my dreams, my Ali...

I had to let him off the hook.

You know, in ancient Sparta, the feeble babies

were tossed into a chasm on Mount Taygetos,

and only soldiers who died in battle

were granted tombstones.

You know why, Chester?

No.

Because weak men...

Aren't worth the skin they're born in.

[Retching]

Ugh.

I don't remember eating corn.

How can I make it up to you?

Mmm. Murder.

I was thinking more, like, gift certificates, or...?

I could never trust you with a killing.

I just meant a little frame job, eunuch.

For Fitz.

I plant some evidence, you tip the cops.

You know I can't do that.

Well, now you decide to man up?

If Ali found out...

If Ali found out.

You know, for a man who just got what he wanted,

you don't seem that happy.

Yeah, it was too easy.

Like we were missing that last twist of the knife.

Or, maybe you shouldn't have tried to take revenge

in the first place.

Fuck, I wish you had an off button.

♪

Where is he, Fitz?

Wow.

So that's where he had to be today.

[Footsteps approaching]

My apple blossom!

What a surprise.

Who's the skank!?

She is the drycleaner.

Uh, cousin, what is the meaning of this intrusion?

I am not the one with ivory fingers

dancing along my inseam.

This is why I do not tell you

of my extracurricular activities.

Your propensity for freaking out is much too high.

And you wonder why.

I am simply getting a tuxedo altered

for my new job as a wedding DJ.

Jam Master Jallellabahd at your service.

A wedding DJ?

Oh, why didn't you just tell me?

Because I feared that you would be ashamed.

Ashamed, there's nothing shameful about

being a wedding DJ.Wrong.

It is one thing to invite Western culture into our home.

But then to honour the requests

for Whitesnake and The Macarena...

[Spitting] Hey!

Why can you not understand

that within me dwells the strong urge to rock?

I don't care if you play music.

So long as you're not cheating on me.

I would never stand in the way of your work, Coco Bear.

Me neither.

That is a lie.

Well, you two will have plenty of time to talk about it.

I begin next week.

Spinning the mad beats on a booze cruise.

You know, you have really done it this time.

Hey, I'm not the one gettin' married.

If anyone's the bad guy here, it's your fiancé.

Two-faced fuck can't admit who he really is.

What, you're talking about the gambling,

or the fact that he throws cases for the mob?

You know!?

Well, yeah.

I mean, the guy's not exactly good at keeping secrets.

Not like some people.

I'm an open book, baby.

You know, you can hide behind these wise cracks

all you want, but we both know what makes you tick.

Your feelings.

Why's everyone so fuckin' obsessed with my feelings?

You remember what you said to me

after I got you out of jail?

Yeah, that we had to make it a quickie.

Because you needed to go look for Sonja.

I mean, it's obvious you were worried about her.

And you could've told me all of Chester's sins,

but you decided not to.

You're not a bad guy.

You just act like one.

You wanna know how I'm feeling?

I'm hungry.

I'm tired.

I'm especially fuckin' tired of this death prophecy

hangin' over my head.

Death prophecy?

Yeah, some bad shit's been happening,

don't worry about it.

Well, maybe bad things happen to you

because you're selfish.

If I was selfish, there is no way

I'd let a hot piece of ass like you

marry a half sack like Chester Vince.

♪

[Moaning]

♪

LOUIS ARMSTRONG SINGING: ♪ I touch your lips

♪ And all at once the sparks go flyin' ♪

Zipper's on the side.

♪ Those devil lips that know so well ♪

♪ The art of lying

♪ And though I see the danger still ♪

♪ Flames grow higher

♪ I know I must surrender ♪

♪ To your kiss of fire ♪

♪ Just like a torch

♪ You set the soul within me burnin' ♪

♪ I must go on

♪ Along the road of no returning ♪

♪ And though it burns me

♪ And it turns me into ashes ♪

♪ My whole world crashes ♪

♪ Without your kiss of fire ♪

♪ I can't resist you

♪ What good is there in trying? ♪

♪ What good is there in lyin'? ♪

♪ You're all that I desire

♪ Since first I kissed you ♪

♪ My heart was yours completely ♪

♪ If I'm a slave then it's a slave ♪

♪ I want to be

♪ Don't pity me

♪ Give me your lips

♪ The lips you only let me borrow ♪

♪ Love me tonight devil take tomorrow ♪

Hello, it's Chester Vince calling.

I'm gonna need an officer down here, please.

At Fitzpatrick Motors.

Yes, it's important.

[Sirens approaching]

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

Oh, geez!

♪

[Moaning]

Hi, kids.

Richard, I've got a great idea.

Let's go look for Sonja right now.

OFFICER: Stop the car!

LARRY: Back off, fuzz!

OFFICER: Exit the car right now, sir!

LARRY: My God, look at this guy, he's like the Terminator!

- Drive, drive! - Drive!

LARRY: No, you stop, Mister!

OFFICER: Get out of the car!

CHESTER: Go, go after them!

Arrest Richard Fitzpatrick!

The charge is murder.

♪

♪ I can't resist you what good is there in trying? ♪

♪ What good is there denying ♪

♪ You're all that I desire ♪

♪ Since first I kissed you ♪

♪ My heart was yours completely ♪

♪ If I'm a slave

♪ Then it's a slave I want to be ♪

♪ Don't pity me!

♪ Give me your lips

♪ The lips you only let me borrow ♪

♪ Love me tonight

♪ Let the devil take tomorrow ♪

♪ I know that I must have your kiss ♪

♪ Although it dooms me

♪ Though it consumes me

♪ The kiss of fire... ♪

♪

LOUIS: Ah, burn me!