Original subtitles

(BIRDS CHIRP)

(SPOON CLINKS)

(TRAIN RATTLES PAST)

REEMA: I might head off, then.

I think I've moved through denial into shock.

Is that the next phase?

Um, yeah, maybe.

Who leaves their partner at 35 weeks pregnant? (SOBS)

I'm sure she hasn't abandoned you.

I'm gonna be alone!

With a baby.

Why is this happening to me?

(BREATHES RAPIDLY)

This is because this is a major life decision

and I didn't think this through, isn't it?

-VINCE: No. -No!

-No way. Nuh. -REEMA: No, of course not.

Anyway, my mum says every parent learns on the job.

So...that's positive.

My parents don't speak to me.

What if I don't speak to her in 30 years?

VINCE: That's not gonna happen.

Do they know about the baby?

Oh, no.

(SNIFFLES)

Oh, Ariel, I'm sorry.

(CHIME-LIKE VOCAL MUSIC)

-Hello! -Hey!

I'm so sorry I'm late.

I started to think you weren't coming, and... (LAUGHS)

Why?

Well, you've been a little...preoccupied lately.

Just been so busy.

I am starving.

And...

..I've noticed a definite downward turn in our...

In our what?

You know, our...

..time together, you know?

Our incidence of time together.

Wow.

That is... Whew!

So romantic. A data-driven approach.

Well, come on,

what's going on with us?

-A positive curve in... -Incidence?

Yeah, that would indicate advancing intimacy,

but the pattern here is the opposite.

Yeah, you're right.

About what? Um...

Is it about me, or...

..is it about Santi?

Not everything is about Santi.

-OK. -I just feel like...

(SIGHS)

..breakfast.

(CHUCKLES)

OK!

-Hey... -Hey...

-You go. -No. (CHUCKLES) You go.

(CHUCKLES) OK.

Um, so my housemate's moving out in a couple of weeks.

-Oh! -Yeah.

Where's she going?

She's moving in with her boyfriend and his mum.

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

People can make their own mistakes, no judgement.

Um, but it got me thinking.

We don't work together anymore, so...

Would it be crazy if you moved in here?

No!

BOWIE: So he's got no idea

you've been thinking about finding him for five years?

No wonder you're freaking out.

I haven't been thinking about finding him for five years

and I'm not freaking out...

Shit, he's here.

-(DOM CLEARS THROAT) -Hey!

-(LAUGHS) Hey! -Hello, Tim. How are you, mate?

(BOTH GRUNT)

Thanks for coming.

Didn't know we had company.

-This is my son, Bowie. -Ah!

Tim, really nice to meet you, mate. Heard a lot about you.

Great to meet you.

-Bowie's here to get laid. -TIM: Ah!

It's really devaluing, Dad, when you put it like that.

Why don't you just, you know, use the apps

like all the young people are doing?

Or like all the old people.

Yeah. (LAUGHS) Bowie's against dating apps.

Yeah, I find for-profit algorithms

actually corrupt interpersonal exchange, you know?

Serendipity should ordain these things.

Fair enough.

So, Bowie. What's your favourite record?

Ooh, um...

'Hunky Dory' or 'Aladdin Sane'.

-Pick a lane. -Well, that's impossible.

OK. It's Desert Island Discs.

You can only take one.

'Hunky Dory'.

TIM: No.

'Low' is Bowie's best album.

That wasn't even in the options.

'Marquee Moon' or 'Remain in Light'?

Mixed artists.

Levelling up.

Hey, guys, why do you have to pick one?

We've got the internet now. You can just take everything.

Fuckin' young people.

Well, I would have picked 'Marquee Moon'.

Me too.

I was listening to the start of that Interpol song.

VINCE: This thing has changed completely

from what I signed up for.

I'm just the donor.

They're the family.

Oh! (MUMBLES)

I think the legal agreement you signed with them

says otherwise, but OK.

Mm. Mm. Mm-hm.

(SIGHS) Pranayama breaths.

-That's it. -(BREATHES DEEPLY)

REEMA: Yeah, OK.

Whew.

I probably should have thought this through, huh?

You probably should have, yeah.

(REEMA CHUCKLES)

At least I didn't get married.

That was perfect in theory, actually.

But it wasn't, so who knows?

Maybe this dumpster fire will turn out beautifully.

Maybe it'll be different to how you thought it would be

but you'll make it work.

(ARIEL CRIES)

I better...

Yeah, of course.

-Oh, OK. -Go.

(VINCE CHUCKLES)

Um...

..you reckon you can stay for a bit?

Team Vince.

(ARIEL SOBS)

(GENTLE, CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC)

TIM: ..player in that.

Yeah, no, that's 'Dub...'

That's...yeah, that's, um, Beats International.

-TIM: Beats International... -'Dub Be Good To Me'.

-..ended up being Fatboy Slim. -Yeah.

TIM: The bass player, did you know that?

(DOM LAUGHS)

What is going on?

Where's the content here?

Pfft! Another flame-out, huh?

Pretty low strike rate, Boz.

Is that right?

Hey, have...have you heard about Brover, Tim?

TIM: What's Brover?

Dad's app.

You were the muse.

-Me?! -Yeah.

What, the incel app? That was in the news.

-It's not an in... -That's you?

Yes, and you weren't the...

(SIGHS) It came out of a genuine desire

to facilitate fraternal friendships.

Didn't it make a right-wing terrorist watch list?

No. No, it didn't, and don't laugh.

Some of the users did.

But, jeez, I mean, you accidentally enable

some men's rights group

and suddenly you're part of the problem?

You literally are, Dad. He is.

Middle-aged white men

have the right to be treated fairly.

DOM: Yes.

Because it's bloody tough for us right now.

-(LAUGHS) -Yeah?

We are the most marginalised demographic

in the world today.

-BOWIE: Are you? -WOMAN: That's it. I'm going.

-BOWIE: Huh! -Us.

(LAUGHS)

You're the Brover guy.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am.

Yeah, actually no offence,

but you're actually not welcome here.

This is a safe space

and I think you should leave.

White male supremacists? Honey, no.

You too.

-SANTI: Say hi to Uncle Bowie! -BOWIE: Hey!

(SANTI MAKES PLAYFUL GRUNTING NOISES)

Hey!

-Hey, JJ. -Hi, Uncle Bowie.

Hey, hey!

-Oh. -Hey, man.

-Hey. Can I... -Yeah.

-Yeah. -Oh!

-Thanks for doing this. -No worries, hermano.

-How have you been? -Yeah, I've been.

(CHUCKLES)

It's just a lame school thing

so I don't think it's gonna be a late one.

Everything you need is in there.

So just give me a call if anything changes.

Yeah, cool. No dramas.

-Hey, Santi... -Yeah.

Do you think I'm attractive?

(LAUGHS) Uh, I mean...

You're... You're not my type.

I'm an objectively beautiful person, right?

Why can't I connect with anyone right now?

Um...

I dunno. I dunno, man.

But you'll... You'll...find someone.

While we're doing...

..whatever this is that we're doing...

..I'm moving in with Keeks.

Oh. That's...big.

Mm.

-What do you think? -Ooh.

I'm not really sure it's my place...

-You know, she's great. -Sure.

And I really care about her, and she asked me to move in.

-So, you know... -Yeah.

There's a lot to be said for peacemaking instincts

in intimate relationships.

OK, that sort of sounds like you think I'm a flake

that just does whatever my girlfriend wants.

-Is this about my sister? -No.

Not everything is about Oly.

OK. Well, congratulations, man.

Are you happy?

Yeah.

BOWIE: "The little humpback loved the warm, safe waters

"of the Great Barrier Reef where she was born.

"But one day, her mama said to her,

"'We must get ready to swim to Antarctica for the summer.'

"'But, Mama,' said the little humpback,

"'that's so far away!'"

-Does the baby whale go? -Yeah.

But only once she's got old enough to go on her own.

But wouldn't she miss her mama?

Yeah, yeah, of course she would, you know?

But what about her daddas?

Yeah, yeah, she misses them too,

but sometimes you've got to go away

to do the things that you've got to do.

-Why do they go to Antarctica? -To eat.

You mean they can't eat unless they go to Antarctica?

No, no. Do we want to hear the rest of the story?

OK, OK.

"And one day, the little humpback,

"who was not little anymore,

"swam back to the reef again

"to have her very own little baby humpback

"in the warm, safe waters where she was born."

(INSECTS CHIRP)

('MESSAGE TO MY GIRL' BY SPLIT ENZ)

SKYE: Ooh, ooh!

♪ I don't want to say "I love you..." ♪

(SQUEALS)

Very cute, Ols!

So, who wore it better?

-You both look amazing. -Have you met everyone?

-My husband, Trent. -OLY: Hey.

-Mads' man, Chris. -OLY: Hey. Nice to meet you.

-SKYE: Oly. -Hey, Mads.

Hey.

Karl, you're not dressed up!

-Karl doesn't like fun. -I do like fun. I like it a lot.

$10 chardonnay and trivia with school parents, not so much.

-I got you a sangria. -Oh.

Where's baby-daddy?

I think he's just running late.

So, brainiac, how's uni and all that shit?

Yeah, it's fine.

This girl's gonna run the joint one day.

-Oh! -No, Ols, no, that's bullshit.

Don't sell yourself short.

Karl, you should hire her.

Karl runs some global education fund thingy.

Only the Australian office.

Really?

That global do-gooder shit. Right up your strasse.

Oh, I would love to talk to you about that.

Let's not talk work right now.

Mads.

Detox.

-WOMAN: Oh, Karl. -MAN: I know.

-Who are you dressed as? -(LAUGHTER)

SANTI: Hey, everyone.

-WOMAN: Here we go. -MAN: Whoa!

(ALL EXCLAIM APPRECIATIVELY)

MAN: Here we go.

Sorry I'm late.

SANTI: Rock on!

WOMAN: Ooh, fish-nets!

AUSTIN: So, Oly, you like trivia?

OLY: Not really.

I mean, who wants to spend their time

competing against strangers

to answer a bunch of random inconsequential questions

about their general knowledge?

MS YOUNG: OK, everyone, first question.

(WHISPERS) The Glass-Steagall Act.

(WHISPERS) It was Dodd-Frank, sweetheart.

That was 2010.

Glass-Steagall was 1930s. Sweetheart.

(LAUGHS) Schooled.

Who named the Pacific Ocean?

Magellan. Magellan.

What is the hottest planet in the solar system?

-The sun! The sun. -Planet.

-Uranus. -Venus.

(LAUGHTER)

-Your anus. -Venus.

I'm going with Ol, Skye. No offence.

How many countries still have the shilling as currency?

Table 10, I'm watching you. No googling.

Kenya, Uganda, Tanzania, Somalia...

(WHISPERS) Four.

Four.

(LOUDLY) Six.

(CHUCKLES)

(SANTI LAUGHS)

Atlassian.

Maya Angelou. Maya Angelou.

1942.

The Higgs boson particle!

OK, we'll be right back after this short break.

Don't forget about the silent auction.

I've got my eye on a lovely Gold Coast getaway,

so hands off that one.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

KARL: Oly,

why do you know how many countries

signed the Montreal Protocol?

UN treaties are sort of Oly's specialty.

I only really know the education and the environment ones

to that level.

Huh!

TRENT: You are a genius.

What's funny?

Not funny at all.

-I was just like you at uni. -Lonely?

(LAUGHS) Very.

MS YOUNG: OK, on top, with 147 points,

it's the Quizzy Rascals.

(ALL CHEER AND EXCLAIM)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER)

DOM: ..Harris Farm for the first date!

(BOTH LAUGH HYSTERICALLY)

Well, OK, look, I guess...

I guess I am a muse and I should be completely flattered.

Muse is overstating it.

You are more of an inspi...

DOM: Shit!

TIM: What? What's wrong?

(SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT)

My ex and my sister are over there.

Oh, so they're still on good terms?

Oh, you could say that.

They're fucking.

(HALF-LAUGHS)

Oh, you're not... you're not kidding?

Oh. Oh, shit, man.

How... How are you doing with...with that?

(SIGHS) I'm, uh...

I'm doing as approximately well

as you would think I'm doing with that.

Oh, shit, they're coming over.

EDITH: For the gentlemen.

DOM: I don't like that beer.

EDITH: Oh, come on, Dom!

It's your favourite.

Angela.

Are you speaking to me?

Well, I have to, don't I?

Otherwise I'll seem like a jerk in front of my new friend.

Oh, are you Tim?

-Mm. -You're the app muse.

-Mmm. -Oh, Tim!

We've heard so much about you. Good to meet you.

So you're the ex and you're the sister?

Dom's filled you in, I see.

Oh, I know nothing.

I make...no comment.

Hey, whose side are you on?

I'm sorry, Dom.

You know I'm...

I'm really sorry.

You ask a lot of me, Ange.

But...

..I know, you fell in love.

I did.

DOM: Which is weird.

And undermining.

But here we are.

Well, all's fair in love and war.

Ah! Quoting Shakespeare makes everything alright.

-(TIM LAUGHS) -It's not Shakespeare.

Yeah, it's actually... It's John Lyly.

Oh! Very impressive!

Mm!

Hands off.

-He's mine. -(TIM LAUGHS)

Then she was all like,

"As if you're gonna make the class mascot!"

I went full fucking Steiner mum on her arse

and I busted out the wool and the wooden beads.

Yes.

Watch out, bitch.

(SNIFFS) Anyway, she has thin hair.

-Thin hair. -TRENT: You in the market?

SKYE: You know what they say...

The housing market or the share...

No. N-Neither.

You need passive income.

At your age, first thing I did,

borrowed to build a share portfolio.

Now look at me. Tesla. Boat. Beach house.

-TRENT: The holy trinity. -CHRIS: Top me up.

Yeah, wow, that's, um... that's impressive.

You've got to get in the market, Santi.

Hey, get a spread across data aggregators,

crypto, NFTs...

TRENT: No, no, you don't want to get into crypto.

-Sector's volatile as shit. -She's such a control freak.

-CHRIS: It's going to the moon! -TRENT: It's a bubble!

Fine if you wanna go play in the paddling pool

with the Dogecoin kiddies,

but, Santi, your miners, offshore gas, your banks,

huge stable returns, no downside.

Except climate change, I guess.

Look, maybe you don't have much stomach for risk, mate,

but these new sectors, Santi,

are shitting out millionaires by the ton.

-CHRIS: Ton! -SANTI: I'll look into it.

CHRIS: Like an elephant shit them.

TRENT: Your boat, beach house, what more do you want?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-Oh, God! -Oh.

-You scared me. -Sorry.

Um...

-I was just, um, a bit thirsty. -Mm.

-Not...not thirsty. -(CHUCKLES)

-God, never mind. -No? Um...cool.

-Sure. -Mm-hm.

And, um... (CLEARS THROAT)

Is ev... Are you... Are you comfortable on...

..on the sofa bed and everything?

-Yeah, I'm fine. -Yeah?

-Mm. -Um...

Thanks for helping out today.

Couldn't have done it without you.

Ain't no thing.

(REEMA CHUCKLES)

(DOOR OPENS)

Oh, here you cuties are!

Hey, I'm gonna hate-watch the shit

out of 'Real Housewives'.

Who's with me?

-ARIEL: Yeah? -Yeah.

Yeah.

(RAIN PATTERS)

(DOM AND TIM LAUGH HYSTERICALLY)

Hey, do you know that this place is closing down?

How shit is that?

That, my friend,

is everything that is wrong with this world

in a nutshell!

That's a true story.

(SLURRING) You know,

I've always dreamt of owning my own record store.

Small-pressed vinyl and memorabilia.

Music books.

Box sets.

Whisky bar in the corner.

Alphabetised, from Japanese to...

..Scottish to Tasmanian.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Hey...

..my kids are at uni, I'm divorced.

My mortgage is paid off. Almost.

Which means you are a free man!

You're a free man.

(TIM LAUGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(THROBBING DANCE MUSIC)

CHRIS: The thing is,

materials costs have gone up 30% every quarter.

So I...so I tell this guy, I say,

"You gotta be smart, lock in your contracts."

MADISON: Mm. Mm-hm.

Who's got Jays tonight, Ol?

My brother's babysitting her at Mum's house.

And get this.

This amateur thinks, "Oh, I'll just wing it."

His budget blows out 500 grand!

What a dipshit!

Babe, do you think your costume might be blackface?

What?

But I loved Prince.

OK, you see that woman over there at the bar,

the one in the black?

No, no, don't, don't...

-Elvira? -Yeah.

She just rubbed her boob on my elbow.

-Really? -Yeah.

She bought my painting in the silent auction,

then she asked me to paint her naked.

-Yeah. -God!

Yeah.

-What did you say? -I don't know.

I can't remember. I just kind of freaked out.

But then her husband came over. See the dude?

In the leopard print. Thought he was gonna knock me out.

But he invites me back to their place for a drink.

Did they want to have a threesome?

No, save yourself the night. He breathes weird.

-They're Arlo's parents. -Oh!

SANTI: Looks like they're after you too, Ol.

I gotta take a leak.

-It is tempting. (LAUGHS) -Oh!

(WOMAN AND MAN GRUNT)

(WOMAN AND MAN GRUNT)

-MAN: Oh, yeah, yeah. -WOMAN: Yeah.

-What the actual fuck, Trent?! -(BANGS ON DOOR)

(LOUD MUSIC DROWNS OUT SPEECH)

No. No. No.

-Oh! -(OLY AND SANTI GASP)

Oh, my God, these people!

I thought we were the bad parents.

They're supposed to be the grown-ups.

Yeah, we didn't even know each other when we had J.

-What's your excuse? -Yeah, try being teen parents!

OLY: We deserve some kind of award.

-Parent of the year award. -Yeah.

It was hard sometimes.

Was?

We're only five and a half years in!

It'll be alright.

('WE CAN GET TOGETHER' BY ICEHOUSE)

AUSTIN: Oly!

Santi!

Get into the groove!

Will you dance with me, madam?

♪ There must be something we can talk about

♪ And maybe there's something here that we can do

♪ No matter what your friends say

♪ Don't go too far

♪ Remember, there's just one thing

♪ Whenever you come this way

♪ You know I wouldn't get you down

♪ I just like talking to you

♪ It's raining outside

♪ I'm shaking my shoes downstairs

♪ You never stop dancing

♪ You don't make much sense

♪ No matter what your friends say

♪ Don't go too far

♪ Remember, there's just one thing

♪ Whenever you come this way

♪ Maybe we can get together... ♪

(RAPPING AT DOOR)

Madison, hey.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, um, yeah, we... The girls, we had a makeover.

Don't really know what I'm doing here.

Oh.

But if I have to sit through

one more fucking middle-aged living death conversation

about negative gearing or renovations or the fucking P&C,

I am legit going to top myself

and save the planet some resources.

OK.

Could you just say something like that weird shit

you were going on about at Talia's party?

What, you mean about how the next epoch in religion

will see humanity redress the balance

of 2,000 years of male-coded totalitarian monotheism?

Yeah, what the fuck is all that about?

It really makes me, um...

..curious.

Well, yeah, yeah, cool.

Um, yeah.

I've got some books you could borrow,

or happy to talk about it any time.

Cool.

And just to be clear, you're celibate

to, like, conserve your chi or something?

Yeah, but it was mostly, um...

I'm a white, mostly straight cis male, right?

And the sexuality I've culturally inherited

is, um, really exploitative,

like a kind of conquest-colonialist mentality.

And I don't want to do that.

So I sort of figured... pause, reset,

maybe I could find a different way.

A different way to fuck?

Kind of, yeah.

Huh.

(LIGHT PERCUSSIVE MUSIC)

And you're still celibate now, or...

You want me to fix that?

I do.

The idea of yin and yang is fundamentally different

to the idea of good and evil.

It's more tangible and more pagan.

-Yes! -Night and day are equal cycles.

-Um... -Yeah.

MADISON: Yeah!

Yeah, read, read, read!

"Vague. Elusive. Yet within is an image."

Yeah.

-"Yet within is spirit." -(MADISON GROANS)

"A spirit so vital that she's her own proof."

Shh!

-No matter what the body... -Yeah.

Wait, not yet, not yet.

Keep going.

-Keep talking. Keep talking. -Are you sure this is OK?

(JACINDA WHISPERS) OK, Gracie, let's go.

(MADISON GROANS)

Yes!

-(BOWIE GROANS) -MADISON: Yes! Yes!

('PUNCHLINE' BY JAGUAR JONZE)

♪ We hope you know that there are limited categories

♪ Make it blonde, make it white, you're the perfect pony

♪ We prefer when you promise you're our one and only

♪ Sign your name next to the X

♪ And fingers crossed, wish you the best

♪ We love culture but make sure it's to our very liking

♪ Make it milky, make it plain and not too spicy

♪ Dial it down

♪ Like you're almost

♪ In a bunker hiding

♪ Sign your name next to the X

♪ And fingers crossed

♪ Wish you the best

♪ Ooh, banana-na, sayonara

♪ This is my

♪ This is my

♪ This is my

♪ Punchline

♪ Where I go resign

♪ From playing your games

♪ This is my, this is my

♪ This is my punchline

♪ Where I say goodbye

♪ From playing your games. ♪