Original subtitles

-I regard it as immoral... MEMBERS: Hear, hear!

...this country is continuing to supply arms to Nigeria

while no food has been able to reach these people

since the tenth of June.

-Shame on you! MEMBERS: Hear, hear!

And who takes advantage of this situation?

Soviet Russia!

The Russians have been growing in strength within Nigeria

with every passing day.

And the world should see this!

The world should know.

Of course, the real question is where to dispose of the body.

In New York, they drop corpses in the river.

I've read that you can seal a body in concrete

at the base of a motorway.

Tin mines. That's the solution.

David. Ready for you now.

Pedro Besselli, David Holmes. David's in finance.

He was Deputy Treasurer of the Party.

He got us those carpets for Liberal headquarters half price.

Magic Carpet Company, that's me.

We were at Oxford and we holiday together.

We've had some bloody times, him and me.

-That beach in Greece. -That waiter!

Anyway, you two must have business. I'll leave you alone.

No, no, no. Same business. Come in. Lock the door.

So I was saying, Norman Scott - tin mines.

Hundreds of abandoned tin mines all over Cornwall.

Brilliant. You drop the body down there, he'll never be found.

Take him to the pub, get him drunk,

shove him in a car, drive him out to Bodmin Moor, kill him.

-That's my constituency. -Kill him, how?

Oh, come on. It's quite easy to break someone's neck.

Come here, Pedro.

Elbow there, jerk up. (MIMICS SNAP)

He might wriggle out of it.

Men like him tend to be wrigglers.

Then shoot him. Can you get a gun?

I can do whatever you want, Jeremy.

(MIMICS) He can do whatever I want, Jeremy.

Well, shoot the bugger stone dead.

Message for you. Norman Scott.

Oh.

-(URGENT KNOCKING) -Yah!

It's over. It's done.

It's finished.

You don't need to worry about Norman Scott ever again.

Why? Is he dead?

It's better than that.

(TAPPING ON GLASS)

(APPLAUSE)

Thank you, everyone. Thank you very much.

As um... father of the bride,

it is my duty to toast the happy couple.

-Mr and Mrs Scott. GUESTS: Mr and Mrs Scott.

This is the second time this task has befallen me.

You will recall our first-born daughter Belinda

was lucky enough to marry that fine actor and gentleman

-Terry Thomas... -Hear, hear.

...of Those Magnificent Men...

ALL: ...In Their Flying Machines.

They can't be here today.

Terry has to attend the premiere

of Monte Carlo Or Bust!

Or perhaps they've chosen to stay away

while my second daughter, Susan,

marries this dreadful homosexual.

That's where my wife is. Sitting at home, weeping in fury

with her child two months pregnant

by this flagrant poofter.

Quite how he got her pregnant, I don't know.

She must have been caught down wind.

So, all I have to say, in tribute to this desolate affair,

is...

leave him, my darling.

Come home.

OTHERS: Come home.

-(BIRDSONG) -Look at me. Look at Daddy.

Look at me. Look at Daddy. Look at my face.

-(BABY GRIZZLES) -Why don't you look at me?

-(VEHICLE APPROACHES) -Gonna have a look.

Here she comes.

A taxi? That's nice. How much did that cost?

-Every last penny. -Did you buy any food?

-You're the provider. -But...

Did you spend all our money?

Get some more.

You married me.

You promised to look after me.

(BABY GRIZZLES)

Look. I'm amazed.

You'd think it was Carnaby Street. Out here in the sticks!

Isn't it beautiful?

And books.

Daddy says a house can't have enough books.

And, look, Lynette told me that peacock feathers are lucky.

Look. Do you see? They look like eyes.

The thing is, we're starving.

There's nothing in the kitchen and, technically,

peacock feathers are unlucky according to superstition.

But, nothing. Not even a slice of bread.

Whose fault is that? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't tell me, no. It's him, isn't it?

-It's his fault - again. -It is.

If Jeremy Thorpe did his duty and got my National Insurance card,

-I wouldn't be in... -You know, he got married, you got married.

He had a baby. You had a baby.

Is any of this about me, Norman?

I mean, why am I even here?

I love you.

Do you know what you sound like when you say that?

You sound queer.

-(BABY GRIZZLES) -Just give him to me.

(BABY GRIZZLES)

Ooh. Benjamino.

He's so hungry.

-Go and get some food. -We don't have any money.

Just get my child some food.

(BABY GRIZZLES)

(CLUCKING)

(HORN TOOTS)

Sue? What are you doing?

Sue? What are you doing? Please! Listen to me!

No, no, no, no, Sue!

Please! No, no, no! I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I...

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

-Yah! -(DOOR OPENS)

Splendid, Mike. How can I help?

I'm sorry, the police are here. They'd like a word.

What is it?

What's happened?

RADIO: Witnesses say the car was driving along the A303 in Hampshire

when the collision occurred.

Caroline Thorpe was travelling alone

and the other driver only sustained minor injuries.

The Prime Minister has expressed his condolences.

Where's Rupert?

Hey.

Oh!

Where's my Rupert Bear? Where is he?

(JEREMY SOBS)

JEREMY: Oh, we may never know...

...whether she...

...looked down or... fell asleep at the wheel just for a second,

but she swerved into the opposite lane.

A... 13-ton lorry.

She flipped over, landed on the roof,

skidded along, stopped...

still alive...

Ah... spoke to the police while they were cutting her out.

I'm told that she apologised for the inconvenience.

Uh...

Dead by the time she... got to hospital.

There was a ruptured spleen.

Everyone at headquarters sends their condolences.

Thank you.

Of course, if there's one miracle, it's that Rupert wasn't with her.

-Thank God. -Yah, it's all about him now.

My mother says that he won't remember her...

...but I'm...

I say he will.

Obviously, if there's anything we can do to help

with arrangements for the funeral

or talking to your constituents.

We thought some sort of memorial might be a good idea.

Thank you, Mike.

(BLOWS NOSE)

And there's the question of your returning to work.

-It's a bit soon for that. -I don't mean to cause offence, Mike.

I'm just being practical.

And I'm sure you appreciate that, Jeremy.

The affairs of state are relentless.

So if you need me to step in, then... you only have to say.

JEREMY: Emlyn bloody Hooson wants my job.

Always did.

I thought I'd have you at my side, Besselli, to fight the good fight,

but now you're giving me more burden.

I've got no choice. I'm not just leaving Parliament.

I think I might have to get out of the country while I still can.

Just between the two of us,

I'm planning to vanish.

That last venture turned into a bit of a nightmare.

-The one with the eggs. -What happened?

The egg man dropped down dead, leaving me half a million in debt.

And since you're not allowed to be an MP and a bankrupt,

off I pop.

I swear, a man is not allowed to lose his money these days

without everybody making a fuss.

So, what's the next adventure?

America. A man can start again there.

And escape a furious wife.

How is the new girl? Is she any good?

-She's the love of my life. -Oh, don't be ridiculous.

I shall miss you, Besselli. And your nonsense.

I don't suppose you'll be back.

I doubt it. I've left a bit too much damage behind.

Well, who knows where time and tide will take us?

I'll see you again, old friend.

I hope so. And I really am sorry.

She was a wonderful girl.

Of course, we still have that... unfinished business.

-The Scottish matter. -Really, though, do you think?

-You told me he was divorced. -Yes. But I sent him some money and that was that.

I can promise he's gone. He's not going to bother you any more.

Just let me give you one last piece of advice, old man.

Leave Norman Scott alone.

She had terrible nightmares.

Who did? Caroline?

She'd wake up screaming.

Every single night.

In the end, she was... too scared to go to sleep.

It started about a year into the marriage. About the time...

that she spoke to the mad man on the phone.

Yes, but you can't think that's his fault.

Well, I wish you... a safe journey, Peter,

and I wish you a happy life.

And then I wish Norman Scott to be killed.

(BIRDSONG)

If this is gonna be a regular thing, I'll have to buy myself a Thermos.

-I'm sorry. Who are you? -Gwen Parry-Jones. From the village.

I used to be the sub-postmistress, but now...

now I'm free as a bird.

Right, well, what do you want?

This is for you.

Come on, take it.

And if you want sugar...

I've brought a little pouch.

Talk of the village, you are.

Arriving like a visitation.

I'm sure you understand this isn't my chosen habitation.

I'm owed some money by...

well, let's say by an influential gentleman.

Well, we've all been talking.

John Jones said, "He must be a hermit."

Buddug said, "I bet he's an artist, like Toulouse-Lautrec."

(LAUGHS) Because you were wearing a scarf when you arrived.

Mind you, some of the boys

have been saying awful things about you.

Well, I told them. I said, "Any more of that...

and I'll be getting the carbolic."

Dirty, bloody mochyns.

People seem to hound me.

Wherever I go.

I think I've been cursed.

Well, if you get any trouble, you put them onto me.

My husband was in the Welsh Guards. He taught me how to box.

"Gwen," he said, "Gwen, everyone should know how to box.

There could be a war any minute."

-Dead now. -Your husband?

Only two months ago. Fell like a tree.

-Oh, I'm so sorry. -It's been hard.

-I bet. -I loved him.

-I'm sure. -The nights are very long.

-Mm. -Norman...

Norman...

...the nights... are very...

...very long.

(MOANS AND SQUEALS OF PLEASURE)

-(SHE LAUGHS) -Oh, my... Oh, my God!

(HE GASPS)

(THEY MOAN)

Norman! Norman!

(MOANING AND SQUEALING)

(WHINES)

(NORMAN MOANS)

-(SHE GIGGLES) -(MAN WHISTLES)

-Hey, boys. Hey. -(CHUCKLING)

-Hey, boys. Hey. -(CHUCKLING) -Wa-hey! -Look at that suit.

-Wa-hey! -Look at that suit.

(MUTTERING AND CHUCKLING)

Ooh!

I walked out and that was it.

I never saw him again.

I completely understand

if you don't want to see me again.

-Why would I do that? -Because of the men.

Don't be silly. My husband was in the army.

But Jeremy Thorpe, for God's sake!

He's the leader of the party.

RADIO: ♪ DAVID ESSEX: Gonna Make You A Star

Norman.

You've struck lucky.

Yes! Because this friend of mine,

his son is the MP for Montgomeryshire.

He's a Liberal MP.

An actual Liberal. I'm gonna tell him.

Yes, do. Good. And mention the National Insurance card.

Yes, I will. I will.

He's a smashing chap.

His name is Mr Emlyn... Hooson.

Mrs Parry-Jones, of course.

Thank you for coming all this way.

Nice to see you again, Mr Hooson.

-This is Mr Scott. -Thank you so much for seeing me.

And may I say it's about time.

If you'd like to follow me. Come this way.

Can I ask, is Mr Thorpe here today?

Oh, he's away in Zambia. He won't be back till Monday.

Can I introduce you to my colleague, David Steel.

MP for Roxburgh, Selkirk and Peebles.

He's very kindly lent us his office and would like to attend.

-Jeremy used to talk about you. -Did he? All good, I hope.

He called you the baby of the house.

I'm sure he meant it in a jovial fashion.

Not particularly.

And, in the end, I never did get my National Insurance card.

But Gwen says I'm an honorary Welshman now.

She's been wonderful.

She's given me £500 for a pony trekking centre.

But er... if all of this is true...

Your story is quite alarming, Mr Scott.

Yes, and you've certainly been detailed.

-Thank you. -And clearly you have a gift.

For eliciting money out of people.

But, tell me, when Mr Thorpe gave you money,

were you blackmailing him?

What sort of blackmailer goes to the police first?

I think perhaps we've heard enough for one day.

These are very serious allegations...

I love him, though.

-I beg your pardon. -I love him. Jeremy.

-You can stop it now. -Every time I tell this story,

it's always about the card and the sex and the letters.

But I loved him and I still love him,

even though that's ridiculous.

And he loved me.

So you can write down this.

I wasn't his prostitute or a one-night stand...

or a quick little fuck in the dark.

I was Jeremy Thorpe's lover.

(STIFLED SOBBING FROM GWEN)

I had no idea how much he meant to you.

(CHATTER IN BACKGROUND)

-Welcome back. -Thank you. It was an excellent trip.

I wondered if I might have a word.

-You know, I'm very busy-- -It's about Norman Scott.

Who?

Although I did know a Norman Josiffe.

I think he also called himself Norman Lynch.

So it's not impossible that he changed his name for a third time.

But I hardly knew him well.

And yet...

he can describe your mother's house,

and your flat at Marsham Court,

in great detail.

-Well, he did visit me, yes. -What for?

I was helping him.

He had problems at work. I gave advice, I think.

Is that all?

That was all.

Well, in that case, you won't mind if I take this further.

To the Party.

And the police.

Because if he's lying, then it's very important

that none of us are fouled with the stench of this filth.

I think that would be a mistake.

Why's that?

Because you stood for election as leader in '67 and I won.

So this would look like nothing but revenge.

Well, we can let the inquiry decide.

Then I shall remind them that you're the man who stood up in court

-and defended Ian Brady. -That was my duty... to the Crown.

So you've sided with the very worst of sexual deviants.

What happened? Did you get a taste for it?

I shall be taking this forward.

Yeah, you do that.

Home Secretary. Mr Thorpe for you.

-Jeremy! -Reggie, this is very good of you.

Thank you very much.

Ken, a sweet vermouth for both of us.

-Keep them coming. -Yes, Mr Maudling.

There's only one reason anyone asks to see me

all hugger-mugger.

Have you been an idiot?

No.

So, you see, it's really the same old tale.

In fact, first lesson of politics - beware one's own colleagues.

So, what would you like me to do?

Well, Hooson won't give up. He's a grammar school boy.

I think he likes scrapping in the yard.

And, apparently, this Scott made a statement to the police back in '62.

It's a pack of lies but its sheer existence

could be... misread.

Oh, would that be so bad?

We can all bear a little scandal.

My own mother disowned me when I married an actress - and I survived.

(CHUCKLING)

-How is Beryl? -Still dancing.

You see, I think it's different when the lies are homosexual in nature,

because I think stories like that reflect badly on the whole of Parliament.

I just thought that perhaps you could suggest to the police that they...

busy themselves with more important things.

Is it true? What Scott says?

No.

-Consider it done. -Thank you.

Consider it done and... no more.

We've hit a problem.

The Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police can't find any substance

to Mr Scott's allegations.

♪ MIDDLE OF THE ROAD: Soley Soley

You're very kind, Emlyn.

But it doesn't really matter any more.

I... I just thought that um...

if Mr Scott had any evidence...

Um... Can I speak to him?

I've been very silly.

I do these things.

I have these little passions

and they sweep in and they sweep out.

Mm.

Sorry. I don't think I understand.

They laughed at me.

They all laughed at me.

The widow woman, falling for a boy who was already in love with someone else.

Stupid.

I'm sorry. I really don't understand.

It's OK that the matter is closed, Mr Hooson.

You go back to your world and I'll just stay in mine,

because I'm gonna be perfectly fine.

Are you all right?

♪ MIDDLE OF THE ROAD: Soley Soley

(SOBBING)

♪ Soley soley ♪

♪ Soley ley ♪

♪ Soley soley ♪

♪ Soley soley ♪ ♪ Soley ley soley ♪

♪ Soley ley soley ♪

I tried ringing but she won't answer.

(DOOR RATTLING)

(THUD)

Gwen? Hello, there?

Gwen, are you in?

Bloody hell, it's hot.

-Hey. -Gwen?

Oh!

Oh.

Hard to identify.

They think the body's been there for weeks, with the heating on full blast.

I was away. I was in London.

We'll have to wait for the inquest but...

there were some pills and some alcohol by the bed.

I'm so sorry.

It's a terrible set of circumstances

but, given the poor lady's passing,

I think we have to consider the matter closed.

-Gracious of you. -Thank you.

Did you give Mr Scott your sympathies?

I passed on my condolences, yes.

No doubt you used the same tone of voice

as when you offered me sympathy for my dead wife.

Thank you, Emlyn. You're dismissed.

David. Come.

We have work to do.

Jeremy says, "Kill him in America."

So, I thought... Florida.

You see? This one is called Big Cypress Swamp.

So, we... lure him there,

shoot him dead, chuck him in the swamp -

plop - he sinks to the bottom, gone.

-Or he gets eaten by alligators. -Even better.

And you do the actual shooting?

(SIGHS) I suppose so.

Shoot him, how?

Through the head.

David, you don't really want to do this, do you?

-Oh, my God, no. -I'm so glad.

-Bloody hell. It's insane. -Bonkers, isn't it?

It's bloody nuts.

Do you think he seriously means it, though?

Do you think Jeremy really wants him dead?

Sometimes I do, yes.

So do I.

Shit.

And here we are... plotting... with alligators.

It's astonishing the hold he has over us.

Strange, isn't it?

Cos I've got that bloke of mine at home, Gerald.

And that's magic.

But then I go to London, and there's Jeremy.

And...

...I love him.

Gosh.

Yeah.

It amazes me that we'll go to such lengths to protect him

when he's so bloody overt.

He's perfected the art of hiding in plain sight.

I think he likes it.

The danger of it. It's a game.

Could you... do it, though, David?

Could you... kill someone?

Really?

I'd get someone else to do it.

-Would you? -I could find people, yeah.

Well, let's make sure that you never do.

We'll pretend to Jeremy. We'll tell him we've set it all up - the murder,

in Florida, and Norman - and that something went wrong.

We'll say that Norman just didn't turn up.

Wha... That's a bit lame.

Well, at least he'll think that we tried.

Cos the good thing is that Jeremy forgets Norman Scott every few years.

Let's just keep putting him off

until he forgets for good.

It might work.

He's got other things on his mind these days.

-He's getting married again. -Oh, good God!

Marion. Countess of Harewood.

What?

So, how was the wedding? Congratulations, by the way.

Thank you very much indeed.

We're absolutely delighted.

It was a relatively modest affair.

-Paddington Register Office. -And then Westminster Abbey for the blessing.

Followed by a luncheon for family and friends.

I think it was only... 40 guests?

We wanted to make it special.

We shared many happy memories of Rupert's mother.

-It was lovely. -We did indeed.

Thorpe, John Jeremy, Liberal Party...

-34,052. -(CHEERING)

I hereby declare that Jeremy Thorpe is the MP for the North Devon constituency.

-Thank you! -(CHEERING)

Thank you! Thank you very much.

Thank you. What about the Tories?

They're down, sir. We've tripled the vote.

London says we could have 14 seats by the end of the night.

It means Heath is going to need the Liberals, sir.

-He needs you. -Thank you, Danny.

Mwah.

-Thank you, Barnstaple! -(CHEERING)

RADIO: A hung parliament puts Thorpe and the Liberals

in a remarkably powerful position.

If Thorpe has been invited to Downing Street -

as it is reported he has been,

as it is reported he has been, then, without a doubt, Heath will offer him a coalition.

then, without a doubt, Heath will offer him a coalition.

Jeremy Thorpe could be elevated to the Cabinet

-by the end of today. -Wow.

-Ask for Home Secretary. -(HE CHUCKLES)

I shall ask for more than that.

"Deputy Prime Minister" isn't an official title.

It's only given at the Prime Minister's discretion.

He could be the Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

A man who wants his secret homosexual lover murdered.

Mr Thorpe left Downing Street some 20 minutes ago,

but there's been no announcement yet.

No. The terms were not acceptable.

-Good for you. -But Heath's out.

He's resigned. One down.

He's resigned. One down. The Queen's asking Wilson to form a new government.

The Queen's asking Wilson to form a new government.

That can't last more than a couple of months. Two down.

We can force another election. Almost there.

-Gin. -Come on.

Thorpe, John Jeremy, Liberal Party.

28,209.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Not quite the result we wanted.

Wilson's done it, sir.

He's in.

Danny... it's a game.

It's a very, very long game and I'm playing it well.

Now, go home. Get some sleep.

(HORSE SNORTS)

(HORSE WHINNIES)

(SCRAPING NEARBY)

Not scared of hard work, then?

Oh, I love it.

My first ever job was in a stables.

That's why I came here.

More stables per square mile than anywhere in the country.

It's like I've come home.

Two of the lads, they're off training at Lasseter's,

so let's start with a month's work, see how it goes.

Can I ask, is there accommodation?

There's a room above the stables.

Well, it's not really a room, but if you don't mind roughing it.

Oh, God, I'll do anything. That sounds perfect. Honestly, perfect.

(RAIN PATTERING ON TIN ROOF)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(HORSE NEIGHS)

Bye! Be good!

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(HE SINGS ALONG)

Thank you.

(PRESSES PHONE NUMBER)

(PHONE RINGING)

(LAUGHTER ON TV SHOW)

MAN ON TV: Would you care for a...

Didsbury 4656.

No, you're not bothering me at all.

Is there something wrong?

(HANGS UP RECEIVER)

(PHONE RINGING)

(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)

Hello, the Le Mesurier residence.

Bloody hell! The Magic Carpet King!

(THUNDER)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Deakin speaking.

♪ Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Ole Oak Tree

MAN: ♪ I'm coming home, I've done my time ♪

♪ And I've got to know what is and isn't mine ♪

OK...

♪ If you receive my letter...♪ -All right?

♪ Telling you I'd soon be free ♪

♪ Then you'll know just what to do ♪

♪ If you still want me ♪

♪ If you still want me ♪

♪ Oh, tie a yellow ribbon round the ole oak tree... ♪

-Do you know an Andrew Newton? -(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

-Do you know an Andrew Newton? -(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) Right? I said, "Come on. Let's go back to the hotel."

Right? I said, "Come on. Let's go back to the hotel."

She says, "Oh, I wanna see the sights."

I said, "I wanna see the sights! Get 'em off!"

(LAUGHTER)

♪ The Night Chicago Died -Let me get that.

Keep the change.

Keep the change? You'd get five pints out of that.

Oh, lots more where that came from.

You're Andrew Newton, right? The airline pilot.

Did I have it off with your wife?

Well, I was told... you could help a friend of mine.

♪ My Coo Ca Choo

Bottom line, Mr Newton,

is the deal could be worth up to £10,000.

-I'm your man. -You don't know what it is yet.

No. Sorry.

I'll do it, though.

♪ I really want you, coo ca choo ♪

♪ ..that's neat, that's neat ♪

♪ I really love your tiger feet ♪

♪ I really love... ♪ -Right!

What am I bid for Bridget? Hey?

Now, come on, come on. It's all for charity.

-(CHEERING) -Six quid for the lovely Bridget.

(SHOUTING AND WHISTLING)

-Right, let's vote for-- -Come here, sweetheart.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now sit yourself down.

They look cold, your lovely baps.

Don't you flamin' well touch me, mate!

(LAUGHTER)

Ohh...

No, no. No, no, no. No touching the girls.

-(LAUGHS) -Not until they're paid for!

Hey! That's my girlfriend! Get yer 'ands off her!

I'm hiding the boobs, sunshine.

I'm... I'm on boob patrol. (CHUCKLES)

-Oh! -(GASPING)

For God's sake, Barry, I'll do it myself!

♪ My, my, my Delilah ♪ -(SHOUTING)

(SHOUTING)

♪ Why, why, why, Delilah? ♪

Yeah. I've spoken to him.

Well, I think he's just the man we need.

No, I can guarantee he's professional, ruthless...

and utterly discreet.

I'm glad to help. I love dogs.

You're such a good friend, Norman.

If you could walk her every day.

I warn you, she's a bit of a handful.

Dogs love me. The bigger, the better.

Her name's Rinka. It's Japanese. It means "trusting".

Oh, trusting. Hello, Rinka.

Hello. You're gorgeous, Rinka.

WOMAN: Good dog. Oh, you tire me out.

-(LAUGHS) Oh. -Oh.

Damn it. They promised me this was a one-dog town.

(THEY CHUCKLE)

Lovely big brutes, aren't they?

Yeah, we've seen this one out and about.

It's Rinka, isn't it?

That's right. And who's this beauty?

I'm Edna. No! (LAUGHS)

You mean the dog.

This is Princess Eleanor.

I'm Mrs Edna Friendship.

Oh, what a wonderful name.

Do you want to come in? Come on, then.

Eh? Come on, then.

There's a good girl. Good girl.

It's a nice little place. We've got our regulars.

And a little stream of traffic off Eastern Avenue. We do all right.

-Is it just you? -No. I've got Barney. Pot man.

As I was saying,

he's found some girl in Lyme Regis, so...

If you fancy doing a few odd jobs...

you know, changing the barrels, a bit of bar work.

And there's a nice, little room upstairs. You can have that.

-I could live here? -Well, if you want.

Just peppercorn rent.

Oh. Erm...

(HE SOBS)

Oh, what's this for, eh?

Hm?

-Oh. -It's just...

People are so lovely to me wherever I go

and I never know why.

Oh. Well...

(PHONE RINGING)

Magic Carpet Company. Magic Carpet King. Can I help you?

It's me.

I've been looking. There's no sign of him.

Norman Scott has completely disappeared.

-Do you think he knows? -Could do.

I searched the whole of Dunstable. Not a whisper.

-Dunstable? -Yep.

-You're in Dunstable? -Yep.

-He's in Barnstaple. -Eh?

Norman Scott lives in Barnstaple.

-I'll go to Barnstaple. -You'd better had.

Over and out.

-Excuse me. -Hello.

Yes, I saw you looking, and it's fine.

No complaints here. I'm Norman. Nice jacket.

My name is Peter King.

I'm here to tell you, Mr Scott, you're in very great danger.

There is a man coming from Canada to kill you.

-Canada? -But certain parties have hired me to protect you.

-How do you know who I am? -Come with me now to meet the person.

-What person? -The one who hired me.

What do you mean, someone wants to kill me?

Is it him? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, it's him, isn't it? Is it him?

Really, don't. If you could come with me...

-right now. -Is it him?

I don't know. There is no "him". All right?

You have got to come with me.

I can't. I've got the dog. She's not mine. This is Princess Eleanor.

Just get in the fucking car.

Wait there.

EDNA: We look forward to seeing you.

Edna. There's a man outside.

-Would you take her for a moment, please? -Got it.

This man, he's got a yellow Honda.

-Write down the number. -What for?

I can't stop!

-Oh. I've got it. Who is he? -He says someone wants to kill me.

Why have you changed your shirt?

He's very good-looking.

So, have I got it right?

You still haven't got your National Insurance card?

I have not. So, tell me, what do you do?

-Who are you exactly? -I'm a special investigator.

What does that mean?

It means...

You know... what it means. It's best if you don't ask too many questions.

-Right. -All I can say is...

you're in mortal danger.

-And now I've got to go. -But... What? Why?

I don't like the way that man's looking at me.

But you can't just walk off. Not after that. What do I do?

I'll contact you. Soon as the man from Canada arrives.

Is he the man you wanted me to meet, or the man who's going to kill me?

It's complicated. I'll be in touch.

EDNA: Norman.

Norman. He says it's important.

-Hurry up! -Is it him?

I don't know.

I think so.

-Hello. -Norman. It's Andy here.

-Who's Andy? -I mean Peter!

Yes?

He's here. The man from Canada.

He's come to kill you and he's already in Devon.

Oh, my God! What do I do?

Don't tell anyone. Not a word.

But meet me tonight.

Delves Hotel, Pin Street, five o'clock.

(CHIMING)

I'll be going home now, Mr Thorpe.

You working late?

Needs must. Thank you.

See you tomorrow.

(BELL RINGS THE HOUR)

(LOCAL BELL RINGING)

-Hello. Sorry I'm late. -How many Great Danes have you got?

This is Rinka. Isn't she beautiful?

My friends can't cope with her. She's more or less mine now.

I hate dogs.

Well, that's a silly thing to say.

No, it's like a bloody donkey. How's it gonna fit in the car?

I thought we were going to the hotel.

-That's a different car. -Change of plan.

I need to go to Porlock, see a client.

-OK, well, I'll wait here. -You need to come with me!

He could be anywhere, the man from Canada.

Well, I'm not going without Rinka.

Christ you make it difficult! Get in, then.

In, in! Get in the car!

Oh, it stinks!

Get out. Go, go, go.

Take this thing with you and all.

Ohh. Go inside, wait at the bar, I'll come back and get you.

-Where are you going to now? -Business.

Rinka. This way.

(FIRE CRACKLING)

(MUSIC BLARING)

Ten thousand quid! Aaarghh!

Come on! Come on!

Aaarghh!

Aa-aa-aa-rrghh!

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(RAIN PATTERING)

Oh, for fuck...

How long have you been sitting there?

Why didn't you come and find me?

I can't be seen with anyone.

-Why not? -Because of my job, obviously. Get in.

-Can you take me home? -Get in!

I am getting in!

Come on, Rinka. In.

Good dog.

-What about the man? -What man?

From Canada.

Don't worry. It'll be OK. I'll look after you.

Honestly.

Everything is gonna be... fine and dandy.

That's what my mum always says.

Fine and dandy.

-So, are they aggressive? Great Danes? -No.

Soft old things. Isn't that right, Rinka?

You and me. (KISSES RINKA)

-Both soft old things. -But do they attack?

You know, like, if someone was to attack you,

you know, what would it do?

Um, she might, I suppose.

-Used to hunt boars in the old days. -Oh, Jesus.

Are you all right?

Yeah...

-Beautiful part of the world. -Oh, not tonight.

But it is, though. Magnificent.

And you, you're a very lucky man.

-Someone's trying to murder me. -Yeah, I know, but...

You know what? Well done.

-What for? -Dunno.

Not that bad, though, was it, you know? Things you've done.

Amazing.

What's wrong?

Everything.

-Careful! -Sorry, um...

Oh, I'm tired.

-I'm bloody worn out. -Do you want me to drive?

OK.

Good idea. Yeah.

I've never been into Canada.

OK. Let's um... Let's pull over here.

Okey-dokey. I'll get out, you slide over.

No, no, I said slide over. You didn't have to get out.

Oh, God, now she thinks she's going for a run.

Rinka, darling, we're all getting soaked.

Oh, who's a silly thing? Who's a silly thing?

You are. You're the silly thing.

(NORMAN LAUGHS) Rinka!

(NORMAN CHUCKLES) Come on, now.

Come on, now. Come on, girl.

Yes, my darling. Mwah, mwah.

(THUD)

Oh, my God. It's you.

Your turn.

-(CLICK) -Ahh!

(EMPTY GUN CLICKING)

(NORMAN GASPS)

Oh, fuck it! Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it!

Come on, come on, come on!

Fuck! Fuck!

(ENGINE REVS)

(TEARFULLY) No...

No!

(SOBBING) Oh, no.

-(HE SOBS) MAN: Are you all right?

He shot my dog!

-He tried to shoot me! -Who did?

Jeremy Thorpe.

Jeremy Thorpe did this. It was Jeremy Thorpe!

(SWITCH CLICKS)