Original subtitles

[cart rattling]

[goat bleating]

LOUISA [speaking Greek]:

[speaking Greek]Ah!

[inhales]

♪

[Spiros speaking Greek]

[speaking loudly]

[people chattering]

Kalimera.

Kalimera,Mrs. Durrells.

I don't think you have met my wife, Dimitra.

No.

[exaggerated]: No, I have seen you in the distance.

How nice to finally meet you.

Ah, you speak English.

Spiros taught me.

He loves the English.

[chuckles] And I love the Greeks.

[chuckling]

[Louisa exhales]

Thank you for letting us see so much of Spiros

since we've lived here.

Thank you for paying him.

Oh, he means much more to us than that.

We must let you go.

[stammering]: Yes, I'm just, uh, buying for a picnic.

So that's nice.

You must come along! [polite chuckle]

[inhales] Anyway...

Oh, thank you.

We will.

When?

♪

♪

♪

♪

LESLIE: Another top-notch lunch at the Durrell Guest House.

You may applaud.

[Ulysses shrieks]

[goat bleats]

LUGARETZIA:

[pelican honks, Lugaretzia yelps]

No lunch for me, Luga... er... what is it?

LESLIE AND BASIL: Retzia.

I tell you every day.

How am I supposed to remember a name like Luga...

BASIL, LUGARETZIA, AND LESLIE: Retzia.

As an aide-memoire it rhymes with...

COUNTESS DE TORRO: I shall call you...

Jill.

[knock at door, door opens]

Kalimera.

[sighing]: Ah, kalimera.

[shrieks]

[exhales, pelican honks]

[turkey gobbling nearby]

[insects chirping, postman exhales]

Ah...

[speaking Greek]

Yes.

"Lawrence Durrell,

"Tasos Koskinas-- the White House--

"Kalami. [chuckles]

"And Miss Margo Durrell

c/o Geoffrey and Prudence, England."

England! [chuckles]

♪

♪

[engine idling]

♪

[birds twittering]

Morning, Miss.

Morning.

[hammer slips, cries out]

[softly groans]

[shouts loudly]

Sodding ruddy... ah...

[insects chirping]

Hello.

Hello.

YiaGerald Durrell.

Yes. How can I help?

I have this for you.

[Gerry takes hold of box]

[exhales, places box down]

[hinges creak]

[delighted chuckle]

[paper rustling]

Pogona vitticeps.

Wonderful.

I like how lizards can amputate their tail

to shake off a predator.

And the detached tail

keeps on wiggling to confuse the other animal.

Why did you bring him to me?

You love animals.

People tell me.

Keep.

No. No, you keep.

Find out all about him,

and show all your friends,

and then let him go.

I like them here for a while,

but they're better off under the sky.

[Countess singing nearby]

[hinges creaking]

[singing grows louder]

♪ Hold your hand out, naughty boy ♪

♪ Hold your hand out, naughty boy ♪

[Ulysses shrieks]

Although some are better kept indoors.

[singing continues]

♪

[places luggage down]

[taps doorknocker]

Hello Auntie, Uncle.

What?

Did you not get my letter?

No. What did it say?

That I was coming to stay.

[inhales]

I don't really know anyone else in England

now Aunt Hermione's died.

I haven't been here

since I was 15.

Sorry, have you got a full house?

No...

but it'll take a massive amount of organizing.

I can go to London if you'd prefer.

[birds twittering]

No, you'd, you'd better come in.

[exhales]

Great!

[thuds loudly, door closes]

It's a bit of a surprise, that's all.

GEOFFREY: We're creatures of habit.

I've often thought that without habit,

Prue and I would scurry around like headless chickens.

Hm.

It's like a tiny museum.

Oh, sorry,

that was probably rude.

Why have you left Greece?

Is it because it's abroad?

No.

I want to find myself.

GEOFFREY: I'm sorry...[chair creaks]

what, dear?

I suppose I would like to learn to be confident,

by being more normal.

Good.That's the ticket.

Not that being normal is everything.

Well, I think it is.Yes.

PRUE: How is your mother?

We enjoyed seeing her last year

in London.

Well, not exactly... enjoyed.

No...

not enjoyed.

♪

[rapid scrubbing]

We're sailing up the coast on Saturday to visit Larry

and have a picnic.

Be careful.

The sea is a grave made of water.

[chuckles]

I'd love to read your dictionary of definitions.

Hey, come with us.

Not to work, but as a guest.

Me?

Yeah, well, after all these years here,

you're family now.

♪

[quietly]: Shall I go and talk to her?

[quietly]: Yes.

♪

[knock at door]

[door opens]

I know...

I hate shopping, too.

No!

I just met Spiros's wife for the first time.

I was in a shop

and she came in with Spiros.

Four years without meeting

and now she starts going shopping?[sighs]

What did you say?

[inhales] I invited her and Spiros on our picnic and she said yes.

What?!

Why?

I was being polite and friendly.

[groans]

[mattress creaks]

Well, she obviously wants to get a proper look at you.

You and Spiros aren't talking but want to.

This is actually good.

No, Leslie, it's actually bad.

It'll be awkward and painful.

And Dimitra will turn up with her trump cards: her children.

Not literally, they're away in Athens.

And her sultry Greekness,

and above all...

her unattainable, quietly lovely husband.

♪

Well, I'll respect them as a married couple,

we'll have a nice day,

I won't compare us, or judge her, nor she me,

or interfere in any way.

♪

[wings flapping]

[goat bleats]

[feathers rustling]

LESLIE: What's your favorite sandwich?

THEO: What a super day in prospect.

I've brought my swimming costume.

I have quite an impressive cannonball in my arsenal.

[horn honking]

LESLIE: Right.[honking continues]

GERRY: Everything's fine, everyone just relax,

nothing strange or unusual happening...

[closes car door]

[knock at door, door opens]

Hello!

[forced]: Spiros!

Dimitra, this is Leslie Durrell.

[forced chuckling]

You...!

How lovely, again!

Twice in one week!

We are becoming old friends![Louisa chuckles politely]

[exhales, distant goat bleating]

Ah, this is my other son,

Gerry.

The Animal Boy.

Well, I wouldn't call him...Yes, I'm happy with that.

You must know Theo.

[speaking Greek]

And this is Basil.

And Lugaretzia, who is just recovering

from one of her illnesses.

[polite chuckle]

[wings flapping, honking]

Please!

[Theo speaking Greek]

DIMITRA: Do they bite?GERRY: Yes.

[conversing in Greek]If they're threatened.

[quietly]: Why did you let your wife say yes to coming on this trip?

[quietly]: Why did you invite her?

I panicked.

She's been this big... absent figure in my life

for so long and suddenly there she was

by the hanging cheeses.

[conversing indistinctly]

You and I have done nothing wrong.

I know.

Why are you telling me that?

Maybe you and she will hit it on.

Hit it off.You see,

when I'm getting nervous my English goes to pot.

Goes to pot?

Yes.LESLIE: Right.

[claps hands] Listen up, everyone.

There are eight of us, plus a stupid dog.

[quietly]: You're a stupid dog.

And transport is

one boat and one motor car.

Now, Lugaretzia gets carsick,

well she gets seasick as well actually,

but it's easier to be sick in the sea.

I also suffer from seasickness, in fact.

[chuckling]: Theo...

Theo is perfect in every way.

No...

Now, Mrs. Hakiaopulos--

ooh, that's a bit of a mouthful, isn't it! [chuckles]

No.

[goat bleating]

Right, well I have you down for the boat.

No, I go in my husband's car.

BASIL: Car!

LOUISA: I'm happy to go in a boat.

GERRY: Roger and I will sail,

so we can look out for Loggerhead turtles.

That's five sailing and

only three in the motor car.

Hmm... not ideal...

[softly]: Me...

Um...

Mother, you may as well go in the car.

[soft chuckle]

♪

[clock ticking loudly]

MARGO: Dear Mother, Les, and the Boy,

I am sitting in Prue and Geoffrey's living room.

Either the clock is very loud or Dorset is very quiet.

Do come along to the talk I'm giving this morning, Margo.

You'll be entertained royally.

Thank you, beloved.

What is the title of the talk?

"My Life as an Insurance Broker."

Hm.

What is that?

Insurance broking is...

Don't tell her yet. Keep your powder dry.

Indubitably.

[chuckles]

MARGO: Your cousin Prue and Geoffrey

are the most peculiar people I've ever met.

I may be more normal than I thought.

Of course if it wasn't for Basil

losing Aunt Hermione's legacy

we'd have retired to a life in clover.

Calm now.

Or you'll stab yourself with your knitting needle again.

You know Basil's staying in our guest house now.

[scoffs] Yes.

[forcefully knitting]I do.

Look you've bent it now.

Oh leave me alone!

I thought Basil was a homosexual like Sven,

Mother's first boyfriend on Corfu,

but he turned out to be in love with her

and bought her a little bridge, mistakenly thinking

it was one of her favorite things.

[clock ticking]

It's all true.

Don't try and make me look like the weird one.

[goats bleating loudly]

[man shouting]

♪

[man shouting nearby]

You're looking rather anxious, Spiros, why is that?

I have a precious cargo.

You're very sweet.

I don't mean you.

[bleating loudly]

[man shouting]

I love your dress, Dimitra.

Thank you.

And I love yours.

Oh...

I love your trousers, Spiros.

[Dimitra laughing]

You are very funny, Basil.

Does Spiros often take you out for drives?

Only when we first met, when he was trying

to impress me.[soft chuckle]

SPIROS:

[chuckling politely]

What are you saying?

My Greek's coming along well.

I know what they said.

[shouting common terms]

[Dimitra laughing]

[Spiros pulls brake, Basil chuckling]

♪

[man shouting in Greek]

♪

[waves lapping]

[engine puttering]

[soft moan]

Any better, Theo?

[strained]: I'd rather be in the car.

Yeah, sorry about that,

I thought Mother and Mrs. Spiros

should get to know each other better.

Fine, but Basil must die.

[strained]: We will die first. Drowned.

Oh, cheer up, everyone.

Look, we'll have a nice big lunch and then...

[gagging]

And then we'll see Larry again.

That's not like you, Leslie.

Well, I miss him.

I miss his

ugly face.

[laughing]

[waves lapping]

[chuckles]

GERRY: Theo, look!

["Jolly Good Time" by Alma Cogan playing]

♪ Here we are again

♪ Happy as can be

♪ All good pals and

♪ Jolly good company

♪ Strolling 'round the town

♪ Happy on the the spree

♪ All good pals and

♪ Jolly good company

♪ Never mind the weather

♪ Never mind the rain

♪ Long as we're together

♪ Whoops, we go again

♪ Whoops, we go again

♪ La-di-da-di-da.

You all right?

Lugaretzia?[groans]

Look!

Flamingos!

[retches]

[vomiting]

[Leslie grunts, Gerry cries out]

[exclaiming]

♪ Jolly good company

[admonishing]

♪

[insect buzzing]

♪ Such good company

[Dimitra crying out]

[shouting]

[brakes squeak]

BASIL: Dimitra.

Please!

[Basil placating]

♪ Please tell me the trumpeter's name ♪

♪

[holding note]

[song ends]

We must never talk about this.

No, I will tell people.

[loud explosion, Lugaretzia gasps]What's that?

I fear it's fishermen using dynamite to kill fish.

That is so cruel and disgusting.

[another explosion]It's punishable by several years

in prison but they risk it anyway.

I expect you approve,

as it's all hunting-- fun day out!

I don't approve

but I do approve of throwing people in the sea

so they can learn their lesson!

[engine puttering]

♪

LOUISA: Now I know that we're here for a picnic,

but you'll forgive me if we make a bit of a fuss

of my eldest, Lawrence.

Of course.

Lawrence of Kerkyra.

[Basil laughing obnoxiously]

Oh, that is tremendous.

[Basil laughing]

It's a play on Lawrence of Arabia.

Yes, I know that.

Kerkyra is Greek for Corfu.

Yes, I know that,

I've been here since 1935.

Oh.

[knocking]

Larry?!

[engine boat puttering drawing closer]

Oh.

That's good timing.

[engine puttering]

♪

Looks like Gerry's had a swim already.

You just can't stop them, can you?

[Louisa chuckles, knocks door]

[boat engine stops]

You know, I wrote to Larry to tell him we were coming.

He's a writer.

Very avant garde.

Or as you say in Greece:

bloody rude!

[Louisa laughs, exhales]

He's probably gone for a walk.

[Louisa softly chuckles]

Larry!?

[people shouting in French]

LARRY: Dear Tribe of Durrells,

or should I say Chère Tribu de Durrells?

Greetings from Paris, where I am now living.

A passing yacht was heading for Italy so I hopped aboard.

It's a shame I couldn't say goodbye

but I know you will understand.

The bastard's not here, is he?

♪

I have no money but have badgered myself free lodging,

as my exquisite but filthy novel

has had somesuccès d'estime

among the reliably sexual French.

[chuckles]

♪

It is wildly exciting here.

To quote St Augustine:

"The world is a book

and those who do not travel read only one page."

[birds, insects chirping]

[indistinct chatter]

[chuckling]: Larry may have drowned, of course.

I mean I hope not.

THEO: So, Mrs. Durrell,

how was your trip in the car?

[exhaling]: Generally pleasant,

although I can't deny there are tensions.

I'm sorry you vomited over Leslie.

Oh, you heard. Yes, I apologize.

No, I'm sorry for you, not Leslie.

As a child he was endlessly sick over me.

And then he'd usually go to bed and wet it.

[quietly]: Twelve years of rubber sheets.

SPIROS: Mrs. Durrells,

thank you for the excellent food.

Oh, well, there's no need to be so official.

Don't stop him say nice things about cooking.

It never happens to me!

SPIROS:

DIMITRA:

[quietly]: What are they saying?

I didn't hear.

LOUISA: Well, Spiros is always

very complimentary to me.

[quietly]: It's hard to say the right thing.

[nearby explosion, everyone exclaims]

[bottles clinking]

♪

They're dynamiting fish!

[water rushing]

[birds squawking]

Stop that right now!

LESLIE: Or you'll go to prison for several years!

And I know because I was in the Corfu police.

You absolute sods!

Gerry! Where did you learn that language?

From Larry, and Leslie, and Margo, and you.

All right, only asking.

[fisherman shouting in Greek]

Was that too specific?

BASIL: Knowing you,

I'd imagine so.

SPIROS [shouting]:

FISHERMAN:

FISHERMAN 2:

[fisherman shouting]

[goats bleating, Lugaretzia and Dimitra cry out]

[Lugaretzia shouting in Greek]

[bleats]

[Dimitra and Lugaretzia shouting]

[bleating continues]

[everyone shouting]

Shoo!LESLIE: Get off!

[everyone shouting]

You see,

this is why we should shoot animals!

[goat bleating, Gerry grunts]

[Louisa cries out]

Fear not, everyone! Dimitra, do not worry

your sensationally pretty head.

I'm sure there will be a taverna nearby,

and all will be well!

Come on.

[goat bleating]

BASIL: I'll keep this safe.

[goat bleating, everyone exhaling]

LESLIE: One push

and you and Spiros could live happily ever after.

♪

[chicken clucking]

Looks like it's here or nowhere.

Or we could get back in our vehicles

and find somewhere else?

No, let's not do that.

So, let's drink this now.

Dimitra, you are awash with good ideas.

No, it's a present

for Larry, wherever he is.

Basil![bottle shatters, people exclaiming]

[groaning]LESLIE: Basil...

That could have happened to anyone.

[inhales]: I think the phrase you're looking for

is "the drinks are on me."

♪

[chickens clucking]Shoo...

Go! Shoo![glass clinking]

[outer door closes, inner door creaking open]

[Spiros speaking Greek]

[quietly snoring]

[Spiros knocking on table loudly]

[Spiros shouting in Greek]

♪

Oh!

At last, enchantresses.

[Creech laughs] Mrs. Durrell,

[smacks stool]pull up a bottom.

Just ignore him.

If he gives us any trouble we'll have him ejected

by the landlord.

Now,

what can I serve you with, my dears?

In that case, we're leaving.

No, no, please,

can we just stay for a pie and a drink.

[stammering]: Yes, I, I do a lovely... er,

er...

Well, it's all lovely, look!

You know this man?

Captain Creech.

We meet about once a year and something bad always happens.

Well, you'renot getting any booze.

I should hope not, he's 14.

CREECH: [laughs] Didn't stop me.

I'd done everything before I sprouted any body hair.

What are the chances of you being here?

Well, as a matter of fact, I came to visit Larry,

pleasure-seeker

like myself,

and the chap that owned this offered me a very good deal.

So, where is he?

I believe he's running a brothel in Albania.

Larry!Larry!

Oh!

Oh! Uh... Paris.

A different kind of paradise.

He can't have received my letter.

Oh, he didn't, it's here.

I gave it a good read, obviously.

I was very sorry to hear your daughter Margo had jumped ship.

Bit of a

mad one.

But you get a very

appreciative mention.

That's very personal, sonofabitch.

[gagging]

What did you write about Spiros in your letter?

I imagine it was how precious he is

and how lucky you are to have him.

Yes... I am.

Yippee!

CREECH: Well, to show there's no hard feelings,

I'd like to serve you all lunch.

Eight drachma a head.

Payable in advance.

[birds chirping]

GEOFFREY: Was it all excitement?

No, it wasn't.

There were quiet years in the office.

[light snoring]

In fact there were quiet decades.

[Geoffrey chuckles, woman yawns]

The, the 1900s.

They were rather quiet.

[footsteps retreating, snoring continues]

[papers rustling] Um...

[man coughing]

[rustling papers]

There's a tremendous amount of filing in insurance broking.

The risk of fire was always on our minds.

[chairs scraping, Prue sighs]

MAN [quietly]: Excuse me.Particularly during the...

the quiet decades, which I...

I mentioned earlier.

[coughing]

All that paper going up.

[man snoring continues]

But it, um...

it never happened.

[snoring continues]

[woman yawning]

I'm going to bring this to a halt now, a little early.

I think I may have over-estimated just how

interesting my life was.

[man coughing]

[papers rustling]

[mild applause, Margo clapping loudly]

I loved that talk.

I'm Margo Durrell

and I'm lucky enough to be

Geoffrey's great-niece-in-law or something.

[whispering]: Sit down!

But it shows that even the most grown-up of us

can lose confidence.

So let me fill in for his shortened talk

by describing my life on the Greek island of Corfu,

where my widowed mother took us a few years ago to live.

My older brother Larry calls Britain

Pudding Island, which he means meanly,

but who in their right mind doesn't love pudding?

[audience murmuring, chuckling]

But if Britain's a pudding,

Corfu is, let's say,

a sensual platter of seafood,

sun-kissed vegetables,

and exploding fruit.

CREECH: There we are.

[loud thud]

Wrap your gizzards round those, eh?

[Creech chuckles]

He trained at the Savoy, you know.

[laughs]

[laughing]

So, Basil, what are you doing in this country?

I'm on a long holiday, really.

I've got some money set by.

Give it to me!

[Basil laughs]BASIL: Righty-oh!

How would you like it-- cash or check?

Or I can do jewelry.

[laughs]

[laughing]: What a saucy laugh.

Gerry, how is your zoo?

Well, I want to open it to the public

but it's still not ready.

Oh, if you're looking for more critters

I've got two out the back that were left

by some rather stupid sailors.

Oh no, no, Gerry can't take any more.

Oh, well, if you don't buy them

I shall probably eat them.

I've given the little shits fair warning.

What are they?

Oh, I dunno, badgers?

You'll have to ask them yourself.

[muttering in Greek]

LESLIE [quietly]: What are you muttering?

[whispering]: This is bad,

husband and wife like this.

Strangers.

I'm gonna go check on my boat.

[chair slides]

CREECH: All enjoying themselves? Ah...

This is my friend Lefteris

who is a dab hand at the santouri!

Would you like to be entertained?

Ten drachmas.

[chairs creak]

Right, ten drachmas not to play.

[raucous laughter]

♪

LARRY: Much as I enjoin everyone to travel,

there is a melancholy that you carry in your suitcase,

like a pair of weighty boots.

[pulls cork]

The joy of belonging--

to family, friends, a home--

is exchanged for the uncertainties

of the lunatic uncharted world.

I'm drinking a bottle of Bordeaux I've just nicked,

so this letter could be long and somewhat free-form.

[insects buzzing]

[boat engine rumbling nearby]

[talking in Greek]

♪

Oy!

Bugger off away from our boat!

♪

I have friends in the Corfu Police Force

so you are playing with fire!

♪

[skids to a halt]

[panting]

[fisherman speaking in Greek]

[boat engine rumbling]

Yes, I should think so!

[fishermen shouting]

[loud explosion]

♪

[debris falling, splashing]

[screams]

[sighs]

[birds chirping]

So this is how they braid their hair

in the Ionian islands.

Whereas in Turkey--

my last boyfriend was from Izmir--

they prefer something more like this.

Is this too much?

I think we're all far too conservative, don't you?

[crowd murmuring in agreement]

[Prue softly chuckles]

I've been thinking for some time of going titian.

Or blonde. [soft chuckle]

Or you could jump straight to white hair.

MRS. KEMBLE: So, Margo,

you're a trained beauty advisor?

Self-taught.

I find that so much more creative.

After all,

nobody teaches one how to make love.

[chuckling, gasps]

No, I'm toying with formal training,

but I'm finding out a lot about myself

so my future may lie elsewhere.

Margo's staying in our home.

She's very much part of Prue's and my "gang."

We helped her through her ugly spotty stage.

[Prue chuckles]

And that's positively Macedonian.

[crowd murmuring approval]

[playing poorly, off-key]

DIMITRA: So, what else can go wrong today?

Let's see what the day brings, shall we?

Out of darkness comes light.

[strained chuckle]

What darkness have you in your life?

[places glass down]Healthy children.

Your English money.

Oh...

Well, my husband died,

leaving me with four...

actually rather troubled children.

Eh?We have never had any money.

We came here so that we could live cheaply.

But tell me about yourself.

What makes you unhappy?

Uh... being bored.

It's hard to imagine being bored with Spiros.

[wry chuckle]

Oh... you will be surprised.

[off-key playing continues]

[whispering]: What are they saying?

I wish they'd argue in English.

[whispering]: He says she doesn't like him much anymore.

Well, she is quite hard work.

To be fair,

she has entered the lion's den.

You are all quite intimidating.

No, we're not!

Idiot.

Right. [slaps table]

Who wants to... sing along to the...

well, the weird instrument?

[off-key playing continues]

Anyone?

There we are, boy.

All yours for, er...[dishware clattering]

25 drachma.

[gasps, women exclaim]

Bush babies!

Skunks. Stand aside!

Lemurs!

From Madagascar.

♪

[laughter, murmuring]

[chittering]

SPIROS: What do they eat?

LOUISA: Anything not cooked by Creech.

[laughing]

[chittering]

BASIL: They're not interested in the food.

♪

Oh!BASIL: Oh my goodness.

BASIL [stammering]: Don't, don't panic Dimitra.

I can't look.

[Lugaretzia shouting in Greek]

[door creaks opens]

Shut the door!Keep them in!

BASIL: All right!

All right.

[coins jangling]

Right, you win.

Stop playing.[music stops]

[door creaking]

Did you not hear the explosion?!

What? No.They've blown up The Sea Cow!

Oh, darling, you loved that boat.

[sighs]

We must all go home in the car.

♪

[insects chirping, chickens clucking]

♪

Will this be all right?

Well, it's not built for

eight people, a dog, and...

two weasels...[shuts door]

You should take it slowly.

[slams door]You think?

Thank you, slowly is a good idea.

THEO: I've never sat

on a man's lap before.

LOUISA: How are you finding it?

Disconcerting.[shuts door]

Think of Basil as Father Christmas.

[deep voice]: Ho ho ho, little boy.

I'll try standing up.

[car keys jangling]

[Louisa chuckles]

What a chance to get to know each other

even better.

We already know each other well enough.

[engine stalling]

[stalling continues]

[engine starts]

[pulls brake]

♪

[Zatopec reciting in Armenian]

[honking]

[honking continues]

[honking]

♪

Hm?

Hm...

[slurring]: Hello, darling...

[insects chirping, hood rattles open]

[engine hissing]

Oh no, I don't believe this...

We have to wait.

She's over-heating.

LESLIE: The car, or your wife?

Sorry. I'm upset about my boat.

[groaning]

I apologize, Dimitra.

[straining]: It was supposed to be such a lovely day.

Well, it's brilliant now I've got two lemurs!

BASIL: To be honest, apart from meeting

the vivacious Dimitra, it's far from brilliant.

Lunch cost me the equivalent of £800.

Well, you did smash Larry's very expensive bottle of champagne.

If you'd communicated properly with your son

in the first place, we wouldn't have been

on this wild goose-chase.

But otherwise, what a nice day.

Mr. Theodoros was sick on Leslie's lap.

LESLIE: Then my boat was blown up.

So I'vehad the worst day.

I'm always the victim.

For the record, you did push Gerry into the sea

with his clothes on.LOUISA: Well, all right,

but apart from all that, what a nice day.

I'm going to walk home.

[whispering]: What are they saying?

[whispering]: I don't wanna tell you.

♪

[slaps hat]

♪

Everyone, I'm sorry,

you had to see my... private problems.

I spoiled your day.

[softly]: No.

You really didn't...

Well done, dear.

You took Lytchett Matravers by storm

with your improvised ramblings.

People are so nice here.

I think I'll stay in the area for a bit.

Are people not nice in Greece?

Yes, they are,

but I love the fact that in England people speak English.

[knock at door]We wouldn't have it

any other way, would we dear?[chuckling]: No!

It sounds obvious, but today I realized

that the key to confidence is being able to express oneself.

[door opens]

I feel I can do anything now.

Hello again.

I was walking home and I realized we might be able

to help each other.

Oh?My daughter Maud's governess

had to leave suddenly

and I was wondering if you could take over.

Gosh.

You have, well, the oomph that my daughter needs.

[exhales]

I would love to be a governess.

Oh, how splendid!

Here's Maud.

Maud, this is Miss Durrell.

Hello, Maud.

♪

BASIL: Lovely eyes, strong teeth, firm calves.

LESLIE: Stop now.

Well, I'm not saying that Dimitra could do better

than Spiros; what a bloody woman.

[Ulysses squawks]

If she was that brilliant,[Louisa groans]

they wouldn't be sucking the life out of each other.

She can suck the life out of me whenever she likes.

Hmm, well, she won't be rushing to join us on another picnic,

except to maybe sprinkle arsenic on the cheese straws.

That was the best thing

about my husband dying young:

we never had time to irritate the hell out of each other.

[turkey gobbling nearby]

Excuse my hair.

It fell out.

I have, er, syphilis.

Oh...[goat bleating]

[quietly]: Did she say she has syphilis?

[quietly]: Yes, yes, she did.

Right, well, I'm going for a swim.

Oh, not now, Gerry.

[door closes]GERRY: This is so exciting.

Please could we put a limit

on the number of animals in the house?

[chittering]

[speaking Greek]

[door opens]LOUISA: Marvelous.

[door closes]Now that will be all round Corfu.

What will?

That this house is a freak show.

♪

LARRY: So to sum up, this is the difference

between our triangle of nations:

the English live in the past,

the Greeks live in the present,

and the French live in... France.

Boom boom, I thank you.

[pen scribbling]

There's much chatter here in Paris of impending war,

which makes me miss you even more.

Margo in England will be insulated from such fears

thanks to the good old British refusal to acknowledge

that the rest of the world matters or even exists.

GEOFFREY: My talk in the village hall went very well,

though people are, of course, shy coming forward

to express praise or interest.

Now I am retired,

my life stretches forward like...

an open road,

with my trusty mucker Prue beside me,

and nothing to hold us back except our imaginations.

[clock ticking]

PRUE: Dear Cousin Louisa...

The weather has been up to its old tricks

over the past week.

Choosing a hat has been little short of a nightmare.

I am used to wind,

but our old friend sleet raised its ugly head...

MARGO: I seem to have a job,

as a governess-- yes, I know, very Jane Austen--

to a child called Maud

who looks like she killed and probably ate my predecessor.

But I feel armed and ready,

having grown up in a family

who I now realize have steeled me

in the art of self-reliance,

by never letting me get away with anything.

[stoking fire]

[Leslie grunts]

LOUISA: Dear, Margo.

We spent the day traveling and I was reminded

why people stay at home.

I hope Cousin Prue and Geoffrey

are not making you feel the same.

Please resist the urge to poison them.

If they are, please resist the urge to club them to death

with their own fire tongs.

We went on a picnic today and learnt at least two things:

goats appear from nowhere

and there is no corner of the world safe from Captain Creech.

So, are we going to talk about Spiros and his wife and you,

or just pretend today didn't happen?

Oh, darling,

I'm so sorry about you and your blown-up boat,

you know, you mustn't...

No, no, no...Answer the question...

[inhales]

I'm glad I met Dimitra properly.

In her absence, she'd become such a bogeywoman.

And of course she isn't.

She scared me.[laughing]: Yeah.

You wouldn't fancy your chances in a fistfight, would you?

I think I'd do all right.

[soft chuckle]

I went to a tough boarding school.

[crickets chirping]

[inhales, exhales]

♪

She's no different from me, really.

[insects chirping]

Well, you're not going to say it, so I will:

their marriage is in trouble,

and if you play your cards right,

you could be with Spiros.