Original subtitles

Glorious, madam, isn't it?

Mmm, yes.

Could I see that one down there, please?

Why, yes, indeed, madam. By all means.

Mr. Meyer! Mr. Meyer!

Mr. Meyer! Mr. Meyer!

Mr. Meyer! Mr. Meyer!

Let me out of here!

Let me out of here!

What's this? Oh, some dame cops a bracelet

outta Meyer and Company and hocks it on 3rd Avenue.

Open and shut.

First offense? No, she's got a record.

This is her third offense.

Good! Good! First offender at Christmas time

is tougher than tiger meat.

Convictions only 78%

as against 82% last year.

Can I handle this case, boss? I'll get you a conviction...

Well, you could probably handle it as well as some of these dopes.

When the right case comes along, I'll give it to you.

Wife beater or something like that.

Your face isn't right to prosecute a woman.

Get me Sargent.

What's his face got that mine hasn't got?

I don't know, but whatever it is,

he hasn't lost a case for me yet.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Well, if this is the office, he's already left.

I didn't say to say that, you dumbbell.

Oh, my, no. This isn't his office.

You just tell him that a young woman wants to make an appointment with him.

This isn't the office.

A young woman wants to make an appointment with you.

Just a minute.

Who all wants to speak to master Sargent?

Your boss.

It's a good thing you didn't take up the stage for a living.

I'll see you down here in 15 minutes.

Now wait a minute, you told me when I finished up the Matthews case...

Yeah, but I got 750 miles to drive.

Your mother sure is gonna be mad.

Oh, sure, and fall asleep at the wheel and get croaked.

Well, who's defending?

O'Leary.

Oh, that windbag, huh?

He'll give us the Gettysburg Address

and the Declaration of Independence...

I'll have Tom meet you in court

and you'll be out of there by noon.

Kindly remember who you're talking to.

And leave the pigs out of it.

During the course of this trial,

to prove that a valuable bracelet

was taken from the premises of Meyer and Company by the defendant.

I don't like the smile on that jury's pan!

All juries get softhearted at Christmas, Tommy.

If you ever get a case to prosecute

and you see that "peace on earth, goodwill toward men"

look come in their eyes, get a continuance.

How flimsy is this argument!

All this is a waste of time, ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

of your time and mine.

Time we could spend to much better advantage

in last minute Christmas shopping.

I know that's what I'd like to be doing.

May it please the Court, we object, Your Honor.

The jury's Christmas shopping has nothing to do with the case.

Objection sustained.

The jury will disregard Mr. O'Leary's

tempting allusion to Christmas shopping.

Quite obviously, we'd all like to be Christmas shopping.

I withdraw the allusion, Your Honor.

When I say there has been a waste of time,

I mean that the State has gone to great lengths

to prove that Anna-Rose Malone,

sometimes known as Lee Leander...

Sometimes known as a lot of other things.

Did on the afternoon of December 3rd,

walk out upon 5th Avenue with a bracelet,

which was still the property of Meyer and Company.

To prove something she freely admits.

As if the proof of that fact

constituted proof of guilt.

The truth is simple.

The bracelet was removed during a temporary loss

of will and consciousness,

now known as schizophrenia,

but formerly known as hypnotism.

This young girl...

What do you mean "we're not going to object"?

Shut up. He's just postponed the case till after Christmas.

How do you figure that?

Hypnotism.

The salesman showed her the bracelet.

Urged her to clasp it on her wrist.

Begged her to examine it under a more powerful light.

And then he excused himself.

No, it's an old trick!

This tempting of the poor.

They say, "Take it home and wear it for a few days."

They say, "Drive it around this afternoon."

"Bring it back tomorrow."

Ha! "Buy it on your own terms."

Consider the jewel scene between Mephistopheles

and Marguerite in Faust.

I hope he isn't going to sing it.

The bracelet is under a powerful light.

The young girl stares at it.

Closer.

Closer.

The great central stone flashes blindingly in her eyes.

Blue, green,

purple, orange.

Suddenly, the colors are gone.

All is darkness.

But what is this?

Where is the shop? Where is the light she is under?

What is she doing on 5th Avenue,

blocks away from Meyer and Company?

With a thrill of horror, she feels at her wrist, not daring to look.

No doubt about it.

Then panic.

She turns and hurries towards the great jewelry store.

Will they believe her?

Fear turns her legs to lead.

One block, two blocks.

She goes blindly, bumping into strangers who think she must be crazy.

Six blocks.

There at last is the great jewelry store.

Its windows blazing with gems.

But no, the gems are gone.

The window is almost bare.

With a sinking heart,

she tries the lock.

It's closed.

Meyer and Company have closed for the night.

Ain't you gonna do something? That jury's sold right now.

Shh. Wait.

What was she to do?

What would you do, madam?

Well, that's certainly a terrible spot to be in.

I suppose I...

Counsel will refrain from questioning the jurors

and the jurors will refrain from answering.

I've never heard of such a thing.

I beg the court and jury's pardon.

I was carried away.

What was she to do?

What was she to do?

Suddenly, an inspiration. The telephone book.

S.A. Meyer and Company. S.A. Meyer and Company.

S.A. Meyer must live somewhere, but he doesn't seem to.

"Maybe it's Long Island."

"S.A. Meyer. S.A. Meyer."

Ah, here he is.

S.A. Meyer.

324 Woodmere Road, Roslyn, Long Island.

I'll take the first train to Long Island.

I'll be there at dinner time.

He'll believe me. He's got to believe me.

He should have been on the stage.

He was.

But it takes money to go to Long Island.

Where will I get the money

to go to Long Island and tell Mr. Meyer what happened?

Then a crazy idea.

I'll hawk the bracelet to get the money to go to Long Island.

Quick, a hawk shop.

Quick, Watson, the needle.

Ah, here we are.

A nice, cozy pawn broker.

A friend of the poor.

"May I get some money on this, please?"

"Well, well, I should say you could, young woman."

"Where did you get this piece?"

"Well, never mind where I got it,"

"I want some money on it. Quick!"

"Now, now, now, now, take it easy."

"Everything is gonna be all right."

"Just step in."

"Please."

"A little further."

Bang!

"Lock that door while I keep her in here."

"Ooh! Let me out of here!"

"Oh, you're gonna get it all right."

"Hello? Yeah, the police department."

"Hello, I've got the thief what robbed Meyer and Company."

The defense rests.

The hypothesis of hypnotism is a very interesting one.

Let me be the first to admit it.

But unfortunately I am no Svengali.

Nor are you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury.

The people of the state of New York will require

the expert testimony of Dr. Keinmetz, the psychiatrist.

Whom I am sorry to say, is spending his Christmas vacation in Florida.

Well, what do you want to do about this?

I object, Your Honor.

How can you object to something he's not yet said?

Because I know what he's going to say.

With your kind permission, Counsel.

Since the defense counsel has interjected a new element

which was not testified to,

the State asks permission to re-open the case

for the purpose of allowing the testimony of Dr. Keinmetz.

And further requests that a continuance be granted

till after the Christmas holidays when he will be available.

I object! The defense has summed up.

The case is practically closed.

Objection overruled.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

you are again admonished not to converse among yourselves

nor with anyone else connected with this trial.

Nor are you to form or express any opinion

concerning this case until it is finally submitted to you.

The defendant will remain in custody

subject to giving a $5,000 bond.

All jurors, parties and witnesses in this case

are instructed to return to the court

Tuesday, January 3rd, at 10:00 a.m.

Court is adjourned.

And a very merry Christmas to you all.

That was a dirty trick you played on me.

That means another day in court.

I'm not working for the state.

I have to earn my money.

No sense of humor. Merry Christmas, Francis.

Boy, if that wasn't the neatest fake reverse I ever saw.

Yeah, he fell for that one like a horse down a coal hole.

A fine mess you've got me into.

I thought I was gonna be out of here for Christmas.

Well, all you gotta do is post a bond.

How can I post a bond? I haven't any more money.

And I don't want to spend Christmas in jail.

Please don't let them do that.

What do you mean you haven't got any more money?

What have I been talking for? To hear my own voice?

If you hadn't talked so much I'd be out of here by now.

What do you mean by that?

Oh, hypnotism. That gag's so old it's got whiskers.

Please don't let them keep me here over Christmas.

Well, what could you do if you were out? You haven't got any money.

I could walk around, couldn't I?

It ain't gonna be as bad as all that.

You'll get a nice little room and a nice...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nevermind the build-up.

He thinks he's taking me to the Ritz.

I hope you have a merry Christmas.

On your way out, send Fat Mike in here.

Fat Mike, the bondsman?

If you know any other Fat Mikes, you can send them too.

I get it.

You don't, but let it pass.

You want to see me?

Yeah, you got a match?

A match? Why, sure, I got a match.

I got a flock of them.

I, uh... I, uh...

What do you know about that?

I could have swore...

I remember. I gave them to Elmer.

You know, he come to me and he said... Never mind.

How much will you charge for 5,000 bail till January 3rd?

Did they pin something on you, pal?

No, no, it's not for me.

It's for the young lady who was here today.

Oh!

How much?

Well, for a friend of yours,

not a red samolka.

I'm not asking any favors.

Favors? It's a privilege.

You still live in the same place?

Yeah.

How soon do you want her out?

Right away.

She's out.

Thanks.

Ah, me.

♪ Woke up this morning With the blues all around my head

♪ Didn't have no mama To hold my aching... ♪

Yes, sir?

Is the big boss in?

He's in, but he ain't home.

Save that for your radio act.

Come on in.

Just tell the big boss that she's here, that's all.

With the compliments of Fat Mike.

You got that?

Yes, sir, Mr. Mike.

Not Mr. Mike, Fat Mike.

Yes, sir, Mr. Fat...

Mike!

Okay, toots, I'll see you in court.

Won't you sit down, please?

Well, what's the matter now?

She's here.

Who's here?

Uh, I don't know, sir.

Well, then how do you know she's here?

Well, I see'd her come in.

You see'd who come in?

Uh, the lady.

You mean, there's a lady in the apartment?

Yes, sir.

What did you let her in for? I told you I wasn't home to anybody.

I told him that, but he shoved the door open

and pushed the lady on in with his compliments.

Who did?

Fat Ike.

Fat Ike? You mean Fat Mike?

Yes, sir. He sure ain't no thin Ike.

Oh!

How do you do?

Hello.

What are you doing here?

I don't know yet, but I've got a rough idea.

Well, I'm glad you're out and...

Now what do I have to do for it?

Well, for one thing you might say thank you,

but if that doesn't fit in with your plans, just skip it.

My motives in this matter...

Scotch and soda.

Thanks.

One of these days, one of you boys

is going to start one of these scenes differently.

And one of us girls is going to drop dead from surprise.

No doubt. Now if you'll tell me...

I suppose you do this with all the lady prisoners?

Oh, my, yes. My life is just one long round of whoopee.

Well, you're in a good spot for it.

Wonderful! I merely have to raise my finger

and my slightest whim is satisfied.

Now if you'll... And I suppose

if anybody says no you just put them right back in the cooler.

That's right.

Look, when court reconvenes

I'm going to try my best to put you in jail for a good long time.

That's my business.

But you haven't been convicted yet,

so I don't see why you shouldn't enjoy Christmas like the rest of us.

That's why I had Mike get you out.

And bring me up here.

I did not ask him to bring you up here.

Then why did that gorilla bring me up here?

Because he's got a mind like a sewer.

Thanks.

Now, look, I'm very glad to have been of service to you,

but now if you'll...

You mean I don't have to stay here if I don't want to?

You most certainly do not.

Then I'll stay.

But I won't be forced.

Hey, now, wait a minute.

You know, there's nothing as dangerous as a square shooter.

If all men were like you there wouldn't be any nice girls left.

Yes.

Well, all this is leading into a very interesting and deep-dish discussion,

which I haven't time to pursue at the moment.

I'm leaving on a little trip and as it's quite a drive

and I haven't had my dinner yet...

Oh.

You mean, you want me to go?

Well, yes.

Where?

Where what?

Well, after all, I was on my way to a nice comfortable jail

with three meals a day and turkey for Christmas.

And now, I... Don't you live some place?

Uh-uh. Hot dog!

Well, where have you been living, in a tree or something?

Oh, I had a room at a hotel, but they locked me out.

Oh.

And how much do you owe at the hotel?

Um, $126.40.

Oh.

Well, that doesn't solve your problems, does it?

Well, why don't you just put me back in the clink.

That'll solve a lot of problems.

Well, I'm not sure that I can.

Well, that wasn't the idea.

Have you had dinner?

Not yet.

Come on, I'll buy you that Christmas dinner I cheated you out of

and maybe we can figure out something.

Rufus, get my coat, will you?

Yes, sir, Mr. Sargent.

I was just spreading y'all a few sandwiches

in case you get hungry in the middle of the ride.

You really didn't want me to come up here at all then?

I'm sorry to say I did not.

Hot dog! But don't forget you gotta go see your ma.

♪ Living for you Is easy living

♪ It's easy to live

♪ When you're in love

♪ And I'm so in love

♪ There's nothing in life

♪ But you ♪

Of course, I could lend you my apartment while I'm away.

That sounds like a play, doesn't it?

Yeah, it sounds like a flop. No, thanks.

Oh, don't worry about me,

I can always chisel a hotel for a week or so.

That's a nice cheesy idea.

Well, I'm not going to sleep in the subway.

And as far as the holiday is concerned,

I guess I'll get plenty of that when you get through with me.

Oh, not that I mean it in a disagreeable way. You understand?

I understand.

Your business is your business.

No, thank you.

Of course, some people wouldn't care for that kind of business

but somebody has to do the dirty work.

It's just too bad it had to be somebody as nice as you.

How long have you been swiping things?

Always.

Did you ever get caught before? Mmm-hmm.

Did you take things you didn't need?

Sure.

In the presence of beautiful things, did you have the sudden irresistible urge

to take them in your hands and hurry away with them?

You mean was I hypnotized?

No, no, I mean maybe you're a kleptomaniac.

Oh, no. No, they tried that though.

No. You see, to be a kleptomaniac,

you can't sell any of the stuff afterwards

or you lose your amateur standing.

You know, I can't understand it.

First you think it's heredity,

and then you get some guy with seven generations of clergymen behind him.

Mmm. I don't think you ever could understand

because your mind is different.

Right or wrong is the same for everybody, you see,

but the rights and the wrongs aren't the same.

Like in China, they eat dogs.

That's a lot of piffle.

They do eat dogs.

No, no, I mean your theory.

Oh.

Well, uh, try it like this.

Supposing you were starving to death,

and you didn't have any food, and you didn't have any money,

and you didn't have any place to get anything

and there were some loaves of bread out in front of a market.

Now, remember, you're starving to death

and the man's back was turned.

Would you swipe one?

You bet I would.

That's because you're honest.

You see, I'd have a six course dinner

at the table d'hote across the street

and then say I'd forgotten my purse.

Get the difference?

Yeah.

Your way's smarter.

That's it.

We're smart.

Hello, Jack. How are you?

Oh! Good evening.

I want you to meet my wife.

My dear, this is John Sargent.

Oh, how do you do? How do you do?

This is Miss...

I'm so sorry. I didn't catch the name.

Well, I'm so sorry, Jack. We must hurry. Yes.

I'm sorry, dear.

I hadn't thought of that.

Gee, you're sweet.

You never think of anything wrong, do you?

Well, let's have a nightcap and then I've got to get going.

A couple of B and B's,

and will you have the band play My Indiana Home?

Yes, sir.

Here's that turkey dinner I owe you and a room and a couple of breakfasts.

Thanks! Thanks a lot.

You wouldn't want to dance with me again, would you?

Isn't that asking for trouble? Oh...

I mean, I might step on your feet again.

Oh, a couple of more crunches

aren't going to hurt them at this stage.

Why did you have them play this piece?

Because that's where I'm going.

No. Are you a Hoosier?

Sure. Wabash, Indiana.

That is, a farm just outside of Wabash.

Wabash, Indiana! No wonder I liked you.

I'm from Eltonville.

No! Uh-huh.

Why, that's only about 50 miles outside of Wabash.

Yes, sir. Well, I'll be darned!

To think we had to come here and meet like this.

♪ I have always been a wanderer

♪ Over land and sea

Yes, I go home every Christmas.

You do? Hmm.

My mother still runs the farm.

She does all right, too.

Raises Partridge Wyandottes and Poland Chinas, and...

Oh, we never had anything that swell.

We didn't either till just lately.

How long since you've been home?

Never.

Why?

I ran away.

Well, I don't know what the circumstances were, of course, but...

Not so hot.

Well, time takes care of those things.

Folks write to you?

I had a letter from my mother when my father died.

Your mother's alive, huh?

I hope so.

♪ The gleaming candlelight

♪ Still shining bright

♪ Through the sycamores for me

♪ Just for me

♪ The new mown hay sends all its fragrance

♪ From the fields I used to roam

♪ When I dream about the moonlight

♪ On the Wabash

♪ And I long for my Indiana home ♪

Say, how would you like to go home for Christmas?

I could drop you off on the way

and pick you up on the way back.

Oh, gee.

Oh, they were working here last year when I came through.

It says to the right.

There it is over that way!

"Blairs Mills."

Blairs Mills.

Blairs Mills? Uh-huh.

Blairsville. No, that's not it.

Oh, here it is, C-5.

Oh, Blairs Mills. Here it is. It's in Pennsylvania.

Are we supposed to go through there?

Well, it's very close to where we were supposed to go through.

That's what I was afraid of.

We better bear north a little.

About half as far as my thumbnail.

Let me know when we've gone that far, huh?

Where is north? Up this way.

No, no, I mean from where we are.

That way.

Why?

Well, we've been going that way, so naturally, it's...

That way. Are you sure?

No.

Looks a little steep. What do you think?

Uh...

That way!

Which way do you wanna try now?

One looks as bad as the other.

Maybe we'd better just give the whole thing up, huh?

Look out! There's an elephant!

What the...

Why, it's a threshing machine.

I haven't seen one for years.

We're not getting very far, are we?

Well, we're holding our own.

Oh, excuse me.

Hey, maybe we better take a snooze and then try it again, huh?

Oh, yes. I think that would be a lovely idea.

I could eat the hind leg off a cow.

I could eat the horns.

Rufus! Huh?

He's not very bright but he can cook.

Oh.

Oh, boy!

Mmm-mmm.

Now, is this better than jail or isn't it?

I'd almost forgotten I was going to be in jail.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way.

The whole purpose of the trip was to forget it.

Thank you.

Mmm, chicken, coleslaw, dill pickle, ham, Swiss cheese,

and something else I can't identify.

That's the wax paper.

Hmm! Not bad, either.

I hope my mother will be glad to see me.

Of course she'll be glad to see you.

Yeah, I guess she will, all right.

Oh! What's the matter?

Oh, look! Look who's here.

Oh! Well, good morning, Bossy.

Hey, we're surrounded.

Where are we?

Say, how would you like some nice milk for breakfast?

Would you still know how?

Would I?

When I took up the law, Indiana lost its finest milker in seven counties.

You just watch me.

Well, what are you going to put it in?

Oh.

Say, this thing is...

There doesn't seem to be much choice.

Oh, I can hold it.

Oh, thanks.

Now, Bossy, you stay there till I get around.

Yeah. That's pretty cute.

Yeah, you stay there, breakfast.

Say, what can I use for a stool?

I always used to have a stool. Oh.

Oh, here. I'll tell you.

You hold this and I can go and sit on the running board.

All right. Get her tail around.

Nice, Bossy. Come on, Boss. Over, Boss. Over, Boss.

Does she like to have her ears tickled?

Yeah, I think so. Okay.

Here, give me the bottle.

Don't you want me to hold it?

No, no, I'll hold it between my knees.

That's the way I used to do it.

Get her around a little more, huh? I'll try.

Come on over, Boss. Come on. Come on.

She doesn't seem to wanna go!

Maybe I can do it without sitting.

Now, come on, Boss. All we want is about a pint.

How's it coming? Oh, fine...

What did you say?

I said, she wants to be coaxed. Whoa, hold still, Boss.

Oh, there, that's fine.

Ugh!

What did you say?

Are you getting any milk?

Yes, it's coming fine.

Hey, don't let her move. Push her back.

I'm pushing as hard as I can.

Oh, no, don't. Pull her back that way.

Is that far enough?

Yes, that's far enough!

Oh, you spilled the breakfast.

What did you do that for? Now we'll have to start all over again.

You pushed her around. Well...

Hey, look at your hat! What's the matter?

Oh! Oh, that's not funny.

That's the only hat I've got that matches this dress.

Good morning.

What are you doing on my property?

Oh, we didn't know this was your property.

You see, we got on a detour, and...

It's posted clear enough, ain't it?

There's a sign every 100 feet. Can't you read?

Well, you see, we happen to have got here

in the middle of the night.

Yes, I noticed you busted down my fence.

Oh, I'll be glad to pay for it.

You'll pay for it, all right.

You New Yorkers think you can trespass on people's property,

break down their fences,

fool around with their cattle,

spend the night in their fields

with I don't know what kind of a...

Say, listen, you filthy-minded... Listen, you fresh hick...

Save your language for the judge!

Who's going to arrest us?

You're under arrest now.

Well, where's your warrant or your badge of office?

Don't get cute!

I'm a citizen of the United States, and you're under arrest.

And if you think you ain't, just try to get away.

Can he do that?

Unfortunately, he can.

What'll we do, walk? We'll ride.

Open that rumble seat.

Open it yourself.

May I have your handkerchief, please?

Thank you.

Right here.

Don't give your right name.

That's a good idea. Don't give yours, either.

I never do.

Did I get them cakes all right this morning?

Fine.

Looks like business, Clyde.

Huh?

Well, I declare if that ain't a shotgun wedding...

No, that's Hank. He's probably got a couple of trespassers.

With that new detour, he gets 'em all the time.

Well, it's a pity he couldn't wait till a body's had his breakfast.

I want to see the Justice of the Peace.

Go on!

Kinda early, ain't you?

Good morning, Your Honor.

There seems to have been a little misunderstanding here all around.

This gentleman here found my car in his field

and naturally he came to the conclusion that...

What's the charge, Hank?

Trespassing on posted property,

wanton destruction of a fence, and petty larceny.

Oh, that's not... What'd they steal?

They was milking one of my cows when I caught 'em.

Oh, in a little thermos bottle that big!

Nobody asked you anything, young woman.

When it comes your turn,

you can talk all you like.

What's your name?

Mary Smith.

Mary Smith.

Where do you live?

Roaring Falls, Ohio.

Roaring Falls, Ohio.

Occupation?

Bubble dancer.

Huh?

Bubble dancer, you know.

Whatever that is!

Bubble dancer.

All right. What's your name?

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

New York, New York.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

New York.

Occupation?

Steamfitter.

Steamfitter.

All right. Do you plead guilty or not guilty?

May it please Your Honor,

I am somewhat familiar with legal procedure,

having at one time contemplated the law.

Then you shouldn't have broken the law.

It was an ignorance of the fact, Your Honor.

Ignorance is no excuse.

I'm aware of that, and I'm also aware of what a plea of "not guilty" means

when made by non-residents of the State.

Ain't even married.

I don't know what you mean by "even married."

You say "even married" as though married

was the least people could be,

some minor, unimportant arrangement!

I appeal to your sense of chivalry, Your Honor.

I take it you're a married man

and that the charming lady who opened the door was your...

Spent the night in my field, from out of the state.

My learned opponent here, I mean that thug with the shotgun,

is trying to inject into this case an element of...

Do you plead guilty or not guilty?

To what? It must feel kinda funny to you...

To trespass, destruction of private property,

and petty larceny.

What'll you settle for?

What'll I settle for?

Did you ever hear of contempt of court

while you were studying the law?

I think I'll just remand you to the constable

and send you over to the county seat!

Now, wait a minute... Wait, nothing!

I was trying to give you a fair trial,

but when men drive girls over the state line as you did,

the matter's worth investigating.

Also, when they give funny names like Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

You may think you're dealing with rubes

and I'm going to give you the opportunity...

What is it?

Get something!

Oh, pardon me. What's the matter?

Get some water. The office is on fire.

Water! Water! Water!

It's only a waste basket. Come on!

Never mind.

There.

How the ding dang that ever caught on fire...

We've got it.

Well, where'd they go? Huh?

Well, I'll be god-darned!

Hey!

Hank, you'll break my window.

Don't do it, Hank. Hank, you'll break the window.

There!

Are you a loon? There's the fire!

Well, that's that. On the way back,

I suppose we'll have to duck around through Canada.

I guess that would be better.

It must feel kind of funny to you to be a fugitive from justice.

Hmm, very funny.

You know, all the way across Pennsylvania,

I've been trying to figure out how that fire got started.

Nobody was smoking.

I was.

You were?

Did you throw anything in that basket?

Nothing but a match.

A lighted match?

Oh, I guess there must have been some life in it.

Did you throw it in there on purpose?

Well, I wasn't aiming for the spittoon.

I suppose you know that's called arson.

No!

I thought that was when you bit somebody.

"Bit somebody!"

Well, it's better than going to jail, isn't it?

I told you my mind worked differently.

Do you realize that house is probably in flames a mile high?

I hope it is. Well, so do I.

But what's that got to do with the morals of the case?

What have morals got to do with it?

You've treated me like your sister.

Here we are. Hmm?

Oh.

It hasn't changed much.

New drugstore.

Yeah, they creep in overnight.

That's where I went to my first dance.

I went to my first dance in a firehouse.

Oh, I've been to the firehouse, too.

Do I keep ongoing straight ahead?

No, you turn left at the next corner.

It's about a mile the other side of the tracks.

I'm getting scared.

Now, now.

Oh, please. Let's wait till...

She might not even live here anymore.

Oh.

Now, don't be nervous, for heaven's sake.

Will you go in with me?

Sure, I'll go in with you. Come on.

See that tree? Mmm-hmm.

I fell out of it when I was 12.

From that branch right there.

I was a terrible tomboy.

If I'd been a man, I would have run away to sea.

I landed on my head.

Yeah? That's a better gag than hypnotism.

Why didn't your lawyer use that?

I don't know.

You should have had me for your lawyer.

Well, here we are.

Come on now, smile.

Oh, I didn't mean to knock so loud.

Why, that sounds like Mickey.

Oh, I don't suppose it is though, he'd be...

Shut up!

Somebody's coming.

Gee, you've been sweet.

Yes?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Doesn't Mrs. Malone live here anymore?

I guess you mean my wife.

Ma! Somebody out there wants to see you.

Merry Christmas, Mama.

Come in.

Um, this is Mr...

Sargent. Sargent.

How do you do?

Sit down.

You're looking fine, Mama.

What'd you come here for? What do you want?

I don't want anything, Mama.

It was just Christmas, and Mr. Sargent happened to be driving...

You see, I live just outside of Wabash,

and I knew you'd be glad to...

So he brought me with him.

Glad? Why should I be glad?

"Good riddance to bad rubbish," I said the day she left.

Oh, please, Mama. Mr. Sargent...

Just like her father, she is.

Always laughing at serious things, she was.

Never doing what she was told,

till she winds up stealing, as I always said she would.

Stealing my mission money that I put by with the sweat of my brow.

I didn't steal it.

I've told you a thousand times I only borrowed it.

I was going to pay you back out of what I'd earn.

But you didn't pay me back, did you?

And you never paid me back,

and you never paid anybody else back.

How could I after you called me a thief in front of the whole town?

Do you think anybody'd let me work for them after that?

We weren't good enough for her here,

a decent home and a hardworking mother

with a crook for a daughter.

I don't want to rush you, but we've still got 50 miles to go.

Don't you think we'd better be on our way?

Thanks.

Goodbye, Mama.

It's been very interesting meeting you, Mrs...

The name doesn't concern you.

It certainly does not.

Come on, now.

It isn't as bad as that.

I'd forgotten how much that woman hates me,

and how much I hate her.

That's a terrible thing to say, isn't it?

Ever since I was little,

she was always so right

and I was always so wrong.

She was always so good and I was always so bad. She...

Thank you for getting me out.

I'll stay anywhere, only not here, not so close to her!

Hey.

I wish I'd broken my neck when I fell out of that tree.

It's a little late to think about that now, isn't it?

You won't make me stay in Eltonville? No, I won't.

You'll find me a room some place else?

I will.

Oh, any old dump will do.

That's just what you're gonna get.

It's only got one window,

and the mattress is stuffed with rocks,

and there's a painting of the cross-eyedest old guy you ever saw in your life.

How do you know?

How do I know what? That my grandfather was cross-eyed?

You mean you're...

You're taking me home with you?

Sure, why not?

Oh!

Hey! Now what?

Where do you want that fire laid, Mrs. Sargent?

Land sakes, Willie!

There's only one fireplace on the second floor.

Haven't you laid that fire yet?

No. They had me peeling potatoes.

Emmy, I think those cookies are burning!

Oh, land sakes!

Lucy Sargent, those cookies are not burning!

I declare it's enough to drive a body crazy

the way you carry on when Jack comes home.

I've never burned anything yet, and it's...

Oh!

There.

Should I light the fire now, Mrs. Sargent, or wait till he gets here?

Does the room seem chilly, Willie?

No, it don't seem chilly Willie...

Chilly to me,

but, then the way everybody around this place

has been running me ragged all day long,

I doubt if I'd be chilly even in a...

Ice pond.

Thank you, ma'am.

Now, see here, Willie Sims,

if you don't stop complaining, I declare I'll...

Well, I don't know what I'll do.

Here you are getting a lovely home

with nothing but a few cows and chickens to...

And pigs.

Oh, what are a few pigs?

And mules.

Oh, they don't need any care.

And instead of being grateful...

And the bull.

All right, the bull. But even so...

Rabbits.

Rabbits.

And ducks.

And goats.

Emmy, he's here!

Willie, go down and open the door, will you?

And don't forget the fire! Willie, bring in his bags.

The fire.

Here, give me the matches and I'll light the fire myself.

But you... The matches! The matches!

The bags.

Oh, there!

Oh, gosh! Oh...

Hemlock.

Here he is!

Emmy, hurry up. Come on!

Oh, boy, he's got a new car!

He's got a new car!

Oh!

Oh, Jack! Oh, I could hardly wait!

Oh, I'm so glad! Hello, Mother.

My boy! Oh, my boy! How are you, Mother?

Oh. Hello, Aunt Emmy.

John Sargent! Oh! Oh!

I declare I'm glad you're here.

If only to keep your mother from taking leave of her senses.

For the last week, this house has been...

Oh, gosh.

Hiya, Willie. Girls still chasing you?

Why are you late? We expected you at 6:00.

You didn't have an accident, did you?

Well, no. You see... Who's that?

Mother, Aunt Emma, Willie, this is Miss Lee Leander

who's come to spend Christmas with us.

Hello.

I hope I won't be too much trouble.

Trouble? Why, bless you, child,

it's a joy to have you here.

You might have sent a telegram, John Sargent.

Grandpa's room hasn't been cleaned

since your Aunt Clara was here for canning.

Why, Lucy Sargent, that's not so!

Why, I had Willie in there just last week.

Oh, gosh!

It's as clean as a whistle.

Well, I doubt it. Come along, my dear.

You must be freezing, and here we are standing like a couple of old hens.

Oh. Did you forget the cookies in the oven?

Oh, merciful heavens!

Be careful, Emmy.

Come on, dear.

Oh, boy!

What?

Ain't she a peach-a-rino?

All I can say is hot dog!

Here, take these.

You know, I may be wrong,

but my Aunt Emma is probably the second best cook in the world.

Oh, how you talk, Jack.

Who's the first best?

There. That room is still far from clean, Lee, but it's passable.

Well, it was pretty passable before.

Well, it's perfect now.

Oh, why did she make you do that?

Why, Willie could have done them so easily.

Oh, Willie. Sure, Willie.

I like doing them. I've lived in hotels and...

Uh, places so long,

I haven't been around a house as much as I'd like to.

Your folks dead?

Willie!

My father's dead. My mother's remarried.

Oh, I always say that's so hard on children.

No matter how nice the new parent is, it just isn't the same.

I don't see why that should make the slightest difference.

Emmy!

Well, I don't.

Well, come on, everybody,

let's all go in the parlor now

and we'll listen to Jack play the piano.

I took $14 worth of piano lessons once,

and they've never forgotten it.

I can sing.

Here you are.

Now, don't eat it all.

We're going to string it for the Christmas tree.

♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi ♪

Lee, dear, you sit over here.

Oh. And Emmy.

Hmm? You sit over here.

All right. Oh, give me the matches, Willie.

Until you've heard this, you've heard nothing.

He really plays very well when you consider the size of his hands.

Bring me the popcorn, Willie.

Play Swanee River, Jack.

Swanee River? And sing it.

All ready?

♪ Way down upon the Swanee River

♪ Far, far away

♪ There's where my heart is turning ever

♪ There's where the old folks stay

Cute, too, huh?

♪ All up and down the whole creation

♪ Sadly I roam

♪ Still longing for the old creation

♪ And for the old folks at home ♪

That's that.

Oh, play one more piece now, Jack!

Oh, get out of there!

No, sir, not till next year.

Oh, please do just one more.

Now, come on. I don't know anymore.

Oh, yes, you know the Christmas carol that I like so much.

Mother, we've got a guest.

Well, she'd like to hear it, too. Wouldn't you, Lee?

I can play a piece. I used to play in the ten-cent store.

Oh, that'd be nice.

I can sing The End of a Perfect Day.

Willie!

Well, I can.

Well, so can everybody else.

Come on, Willie, sing it!

All right.

♪ When you come

♪ To the end of a perfect day

♪ And you sit alone with your thought

♪ While the chimes ring out

♪ With a carol gay

♪ For the joy

♪ That the day has brought

♪ Do you think

♪ What the end of a perfect day

♪ Can mean to a tired heart?

♪ When the sun goes down

♪ With a flaming ray

♪ And the dear friends

♪ Have to part ♪

Land sakes, child! You want to catch pneumonia?

Hmm?

There!

And I think you'd better have a hot water bottle, too.

You look a little peaked.

Oh, I'm as strong as a horse.

Well, many a horse has frizz in this weather.

Mother? Yes, dear.

I don't know whether I should tell you this or not,

but I don't like to bring somebody under your roof

without your knowing exactly who she is.

Oh, I think I can guess.

What? Oh, no, not at all.

She isn't even a friend of mine.

Why, I think she's charming.

She reminds me of your father's cousin Winifred,

who died when her second was born.

She was a sweet, lovely thing.

I was just telling your Aunt Emmy that I thought that...

Yes, she is charming, Mother,

but unfortunately she's a crook.

When we get back to New York,

I'm going to try to put her in jail.

But in the meantime, she didn't have any place to spend Christmas, so...

Oh, the poor lamb!

John, why, you'll do no such thing.

That girl's as honest as all outdoors.

Why, I can tell by just looking at her face.

If she did take anything, I'm sure it was entirely by mistake.

She's probably a hypochondriac.

She might be, at that.

She didn't really take anything?

You're just making a bad joke, aren't you?

No, Mother. I'm afraid it's not even her first offense.

But that doesn't mean that she wasn't unhappy and lonely,

and a human being like the rest of us.

Oh, the poor thing!

She probably didn't get enough love as a child.

Do you remember how bad...

Well, you weren't really bad,

but do you remember when you took my egg money

I was going to buy a new dress with,

and then how hard you worked to pay it back when you did understand?

You made me understand.

No, dear. It was love that made you understand.

I hope she's going to enjoy her stay here with us.

We want to make her happy and comfortable...

Oh. See that? Mmm-hmm.

It's good leather, too.

Oh, Jack!

Why, I haven't even started that bottle you gave me last Christmas!

Oh, "Hour Of Ecstasy!"

That's the same kind you gave her last Christmas.

It is? They told me that was the latest!

Well, I love it!

Oh, isn't that pretty?

That's the latest too, Aunt Emmy.

Oh!

Why, Jack Sargent, you ought to be ashamed of yourself!

I never...

Willie! Willie, here's something else.

Oh! Oh, boy!

Gee, I love Christmas!

Oh!

Oh.

That's the latest, Willie.

No, you've got it on backwards.

Huh? No, no, Willie, this way.

That's right. That way?

Only you've got to yodel with it.

I'll practice up on that later.

Oh, boy, is it snazzy! Find a mirror.

Get all my stuff together. Oh, dear!

"Jack from Mother," huh?

Yes.

Something to wear?

Oh, you wait and see.

Oh, a sweater, huh?

Did you knit it yourself?

Oh, thanks, Mother. That's swell.

You like the color? Sure.

Well, I hope it fits.

Oh, it'll fit.

"To Jack from Aunt Emma."

Mmm-hmm.

Can't wait to see it.

Well, socks, huh?

Not so fancy, but they'll keep your feet warm.

Do you think they'll fit?

Well, I don't know.

Thanks, Aunt Emmy.

Well, pretty lucky, huh?

You bet.

Say, I'm sorry about the present situation. If...

Uh, there's some other packages over there. See who they're for.

"To Lee..."

Well, I guess you can always depend on Santa Claus.

Merry Christmas.

Oh, no, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble.

Come on, open them up right now.

Oh.

Oh, thank you. It's so pretty.

Oh, it's really nothing at all.

Just made from some scraps and things

that I've accumulated through the years.

Well, it's lovely. Oh!

Aunt Emma? Mmm-hmm.

Oh!

Not so fancy, but they're grand on a cold night,

for a spinster lady!

Oh, it's awfully sweet of you!

- Who's that from, Willie? - No.

Oh, why, you dunce!

Can't you remember anything?

Oh!

Oh, Hour Of Ecstasy!

Yeah, that's the latest.

That's the one I gave you, right?

Oh, thank you!

You're all much too kind.

I've never met anyone so thoughtful and so...

Oh, why, my dear, it's nothing at all.

Why, we just love doing it. We're happy to have you here,

and we're so anxious for you to enjoy your stay.

There really isn't very much for you to do,

so you'll just have to make the best of it.

Tonight, a few friends are coming in,

we're going to bob for apples,

and then tomorrow the young people

are going to have a treasure hunt in the snow,

and the next day we have a taffy pull.

And will that gum up the house.

Oh, gosh! Shh!

It won't amount to a row of pins.

And the day after that we have the rummage sale

and the charity buffet at the church.

A pretty girl like you ought to be a big help.

Why, the men are so tight, we almost have to pick their pock...

Well, I'll do my best.

My specialty's shortchanging 'em!

Emmy!

And then we rest up for a day,

and the day after that is New Year's Eve.

This year we're going to have an old-fashioned barn dance

like the hicks we're supposed to be.

And that's all there is.

Farmers' wives don't die of boredom anymore, they die of heart failure.

Do you suppose they're popped?

I'm positive they've popped.

Gee, I wish I could be that sure.

You will be when I've told you the secret.

But you must never let it out of the family.

You see...

No, are you sure? Yes.

Look for yourself.

Oh!

Good morning.

Good morning. How's about some breakfast?

Holy smoke, popovers!

And she made them entirely by herself.

She did? Well, bring 'em in.

What did you tell him that for?

Oh, don't you know the shortcut

to a man's heart's through his gizzard?

Here, take 'em in while they're hot.

There you are.

Uh... Go on, hurry up!

Say, I didn't know you could cook.

Oh, I didn't make these. She just said I did.

Oh. Why'd she say that?

Because she's taught me how. But I...

Well, I guess she thought if you thought I knew how,

why, that would make everything go faster.

Make what go faster?

You see, she thinks you brought me out here

because you're in love with me.

Oh!

Funny, isn't it? Hmm. Yeah.

Well, if you think I couldn't make a popover as good as that,

you're nuts!

Hmm.

Oh, Judge, won't you buy something at my table?

I'll be back in just a minute. Oh, please.

Now, just a minute, I'll be back.

Judge, you just must buy this tablecloth.

Yes, yes, I'll be back in just a minute.

Just a minute. I'll be back.

Judge, how about a nice picture frame?

I'm looking for my hat, a silk hat.

My wife sent it down here.

Richest, tightest man in town. Come on, Emmy.

Judge. Yes?

Aunt Emma, mark down one armadillo basket, the $7 size.

All right. Now, just a minute!

That's all right. I'll tell you what you do.

My dear miss. We'll let you have it for $6

and you can kiss Aunt Emma in the bargain.

"Kiss Aunt Emma"? Why, this is outrageous!

$3 change. Why, I...

Oh, you'll love it, you'll love it.

$3 change.

Why, miss, I protest against...

This is outrageous!

Take it easy, Judge. It'll be all right. Thank you very much.

Now, really, Mrs. Sargent, I think that this joke has gone... John Sargent!

Nobody's trying to force you to buy anything, Judge.

We just have to keep the aisles clear.

But, John, I protest against it! Now, John, I protest!

Wearing pants to a dance! Huh!

She'll never land him that way.

Women belong in skirts!

It's the mystery that gets 'em.

Oh, I just thought these would be easier to wear.

How big are you around the waist?

Oh, I don't know, 25, 26, I guess.

Huh! When I was young, we thought 19 was big.

How could anybody be 19?

Well, it takes a little pulling, but it can be done!

Now, let out your breath.

More! Come on!

Now, one, two, three!

Now, how does that feel?

Oh, you'll get used to it.

The rest of us did.

Oh, fiddlesticks!

Now, tie that around your waist.

I never did have as much front

as we were supposed to have in my day.

Oh!

You didn't really wear all these things, did you?

Of course, we did. This is just the beginning.

Now, here's the corset cover.

Fasten it up.

Oh!

There you go.

Oh, it's beautiful!

Was that your wedding dress?

I twiddled around with the idea one summer.

I was all right again by fall.

Thank you, dear.

Lee! Aunt Emma!

Coming! Coming!

Land of the living!

The dance is not going to run away before we get there!

Well, I just didn't want Lee to miss the...

Oh!

Gosh!

She's beautiful, isn't she?

Yes.

They'd have awful cute babies.

Why, Emmy, Jack isn't in love.

Where did you get such an idea?

Fiddlesticks!

Well, I tell you they're not.

I'm not going to tell you why or anything, but they...

Well, they just can't be, that's all.

Emmy, you don't know about these things and if I were you...

Lucy Sargent, if you're referring to the fact that I never married,

I'd like to point out that you don't have to be a horse to judge a horse show.

If ever I saw two people that were...

Shh!

Almost over.

Gone quickly, hasn't it?

So quickly!

If that isn't as plain as Pikes Peak.

Oh, fiddlesticks!

You've all been so sweet.

No matter what happens after we get back, it won't matter so much.

I'll have some wonderful memories.

Ladies and gentlemen!

I now have the honor to wish you a happy New Year!

♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot

♪ And never brought to mind?

♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot

♪ And auld lang syne? ♪

Good night, children. Sweet dreams.

I'll have your breakfast at 7:15.

What do you want? Flannel cakes or fried mush?

Oh, I think we'd ride better on the mush.

All right.

Happy New Year.

Good night, Emmy. Good night, Lee.

Good night, Aunt Emmy.

Good night, dear. Get a good rest.

Good night.

Thank you. Thank you for everything.

Good night, Jack.

Good night, Lee.

Good night, son.

Good night, Mother.

The best of everything to you this New Year.

Thanks, Mom. Good night.

Good night, dear.

You sleepy?

Not very.

You want to come in my room and have a cigarette?

It'd be nice by the fire.

Well, uh...

I'll be in in a minute.

Come in.

I'm sorry to disturb you, dear,

but I know how rushed you're going to be tomorrow morning.

Oh, you're not disturbing me.

Thank you.

First, I want to tell you how glad we are

to have had you here with us,

and how much I hope you've enjoyed your stay with us.

You'll never know how much.

And then I want to tell you

how sorry I am that you're in trouble,

and how much I hope everything'll come out all right.

I didn't know you knew about that.

You poor child,

I never would have mentioned it to you now, only...

Well...

Did Jack ever tell you anything about his childhood?

No. Why?

We were very poor after my husband died.

In fact, we had nothing.

Jack had to do chores before school and chores after school.

And when he was in high school,

he drove a delivery truck afternoons

to earn a little money.

Then after chores he studied evenings to try to get into college.

He worked his way through college

and he worked his way through law school.

Oh, I'm not trying to say that there's anything unusual in that.

Thousands of boys are doing the same thing this minute.

But I am trying to tell you

how hard he worked to get where he is today.

How very, very hard.

And I don't think that we should allow anything to spoil it for him now.

I don't see why anything should spoil it for him,

do you?

He's in love with you.

Oh, he isn't in love with me.

He's never had any more interest in me

than some panhandler you buy a meal for.

Are you sure?

Of course, I'm sure.

But he kissed you tonight.

Well, I...

I'm not exactly ugly.

Oh, he may have a little fever for me,

but it isn't going any further

and it hasn't been any place, either.

He's no fool.

And even if he was,

I wouldn't hurt him or you,

Aunt Emmy,

or even Willie.

Thank you, dear.

You do love him though, don't you?

I'm afraid so.

Here's some of the cookies you made.

Don't forget how you made them.

Goodbye, Mother. Goodbye, Aunt Emmy.

Goodbye, John. It was awfully nice to see you.

Goodbye. Goodbye, Willie.

Goodbye, dear.

Goodbye, Willie. Oh, goodbye.

Goodbye, and thank you for everything.

I'll never forget it.

Oh, you're quite welcome, dear,

and come back whenever you can.

Now, wrap up and keep good and warm.

Drive carefully, son.

Are you going by way of Scranton or Pittsburgh?

Through Canada!

Bye. ALL: Goodbye.

Hey, don't forget to write.

Don't you forget to chop some wood.

Now Christmas is over.

Ain't it the truth.

Have you anything to declare?

No.

Oh, I have four Chinese and a barrel of okolehao in the rumble seat,

but that's all.

And where are you from? United States.

Where were you born? Indiana.

And where are you from? United States.

Where were you born? Indiana.

And what is your reason for going through Canada?

I'm a fugitive from justice.

You sound like a fugitive from a nut house.

Go ahead, sir. Go ahead.

Thank you.

You know something?

What?

You're in Canada now.

What about it?

If you didn't want to go back tomorrow, I couldn't make you.

Did you hear what I said?

I heard you.

Why didn't you come in for that cigarette last night?

Oh, I didn't feel like smoking.

I hope you don't bust out laughing when you look at me in court.

I won't feel much like laughing.

You know,

it's funny that of all the people in the courtroom,

you were the only one that seemed to have a heart.

You'd think you'd be the last one.

Don't give me any credit.

I played a fairly dirty trick on you

and I felt a little bad about it, that's all.

How did you play me a dirty trick?

By having your case put over till after the holidays.

When I saw the jury was going to acquit you for Christmas.

Why, you dog!

That was pretty smart of you all right.

Part of the business.

Then when that fat slob got me out

it was because your conscience was bothering you.

A little.

And all the time I thought it was my legs.

I didn't even know you were against me.

Oh, I knew you were supposed to be trying

to put me in jail or something.

But, I don't know, you seemed so gentle.

That's part of the technique.

If you don't treat a woman with kid gloves,

every man on the jury wants to punch you in the nose.

You have to handle them with kid gloves, too,

or you get it right in the verdict.

It's very hard to put a woman in jail, no matter what she's done.

I'm supposed to be sort of a specialist at it.

No, you're not. Sure I am.

You're just trying to make me hate you so you won't feel so bad

when you give me the business, aren't you?

You are, aren't you?

I mean it.

I wish you'd stop talking nonsense.

It isn't nonsense. I'm not a policeman.

It's none of my business whether you go back or not.

Anyway, I haven't any money.

You wouldn't have to worry about that.

Oh, I can just see the fizz on your fat friend

if he had to shell out that five grand.

You don't have to worry about that, either.

I can worry about it if I want to.

A fine district attorney you are.

You know I love you, don't you?

Don't say that.

Why shouldn't I say it?

Because some chiseling jeweler claims you swiped one of his bracelets?

I did swipe it.

The jury will tell you whether you took it or not.

He got it back, didn't he?

Anyway, what you did yesterday and

what you do today are two different things.

All the state wants you to do is lay off other people's property.

It doesn't care how that condition is arrived at.

Once you were with me, you wouldn't pull any of that stuff.

I might.

And get your ears knocked down.

Please!

You love me, don't you, Lee?

No.

I suppose that's why you've looked at me the way you have

and danced with me the way you did

and kissed me the way you did.

Why your hand has always found mine

and mine has always found yours

whenever they're anywhere near each other.

Oh, don't be a sucker.

Naturally you're a good-looking man and I'm only human,

but everything you said about the state not caring,

or my staying here,

or how I'd be when we were together is the bunk.

You've got to remember how hard you worked

to get where you are,

and how you drove a truck after school,

and did the chores...

My mother's been talking to you, hasn't she?

Why shouldn't she? She's got something to be proud of.

And you've got to be proud and think about it, too,

instead of telling people to jump bail and...

You know perfectly well that...

Don't be unfair.

I love you, Lee.

It'll be awfully hard to lose you.

You know what I wish?

What?

I wish the case was over and you'd been acquitted.

Then you shouldn't have had it postponed.

That's true.

But if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met you.

That's true.

So the case is over and you've been acquitted.

Knock wood.

And I pull out a marriage license...

Oh, gee...

And we march right into the Judge's chambers

and have him marry us.

You know you're talking like a four-year-old, don't you?

You know where

we're going for our honeymoon?

Where? Niagara Falls.

But we're there now, darling.

You're crazy, Jack.

Oh, I thought it was all settled.

That was in Niagara Falls.

People aren't responsible for what they say in Niagara Falls.

This is New York. This is today, and...

This is different.

As my Aunt Emmy would say, fiddlesticks.

Well, it isn't fiddlesticks.

In the first place,

there's no reason why they should acquit me

and even if they did I wouldn't marry you.

Don't you love me anymore?

I never loved you.

Were you just toying with me?

Oh, shut up.

You'll have to develop more courtesy and respect for your future husband,

or I shall have to resort to strong measures.

"A woman, a dog, a hickory tree,"

"the better you beat them, the better they be."

Oh, quit it. Will you?

All right. What?

You know it isn't right, Jack.

Can't you see the papers?

"District Attorney marries girl crook."

Why, I'd only hurt you. Ah!

Don't you remember how the judge acted

when he saw us in that place?

Oh, but you won't be a crook, you'll be acquitted.

How do you know?

Well, I don't know,

but I think you've got a good chance.

You wouldn't do anything to make them acquit me,

would you?

What could I do?

That would be a fine thing.

Oh, driver,

stop at the next corner will you, a minute?

We'd better not get out together.

That'd be pushing things too far. Yeah.

Good luck, honey. Thanks.

Don't be unhappy.

I'm not unhappy, I'm all confused.

Everything's going to come out all right.

It's got to come out all right!

Let me out in the middle of the block, will you?

Yes, sir.

I tell you, I did see them.

Dancing in a cafe.

Two hours after he was prosecuting her in this very court.

And I tell you you're mistaken.

That boy's dead on the level.

And if he weren't quite as honest as he is,

I'd say he had a big future in politics.

I stood as close to them...

You forget that you're an old man.

Your eyes aren't as good as they used to be.

As it happens, I spoke to him and he answered me.

Anybody would answer you. That's only common politeness.

I called him Jack.

Why, there are millions of people called Jack.

You haven't got a leg to stand on.

You're trying to make a case against this boy.

All ready, Your Honor.

Be right in.

So now I suppose you think he's going to throw the case.

Those are your words, Henry, not mine.

I tell you, he wouldn't throw a case

if he were trying his own brother.

Not if you're in court, he wouldn't.

All right, then, I'll listen from here.

That's all I wanted.

That and your apology later.

You'll get that in a pig's eye.

Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye.

The Court of General Sessions,

Division of the Supreme Court of New York County

is now in session.

His Honor, Judge Walker, presiding.

You heard Dr. Keinmetz

describe the condition known as hypnoleptic catalepsies?

Yes, sir.

Would you say that is the condition you were in?

I guess so. Yes, sir.

That's all.

Just a moment, please, Miss Leander.

Now, you said that you were hypnotized

at the time you left the jewelry store and walked up 5th Avenue.

Didn't you?

Well...

Did you or didn't you?

Well, my lawyer said so.

Your lawyer said so?

Are we to understand then that you and your lawyer

do not agree exactly as to what happened?

Don't answer that question!

I object, Your Honor! The question is highly improper,

irrelevant, immaterial, and I ask it be stricken from the record.

Sustained.

The jury will disregard the question.

Were you hypnotized or weren't you?

I suppose... We don't want your suppositions.

We want to know whether you were hypnotized or not.

Yes.

Yes what?

I guess I was hypnotized.

You guess you were hypnotized?

First you suppose you were hypnotized and now you guess you were.

Kindly remember you are under oath, Miss Leander.

Do you know the penalty for perjury?

- I object, Your Honor. - Sustained.

Not so rough, Jack. How many times have I told you

when you're working with a woman...

Well, which is it? A guess or a supposition?

What's he getting so tough about?

He's just naturally mean.

I sat on a murder case and they didn't get that rough.

Your Honor, these jurors are gabbing again.

The jurors will cease whispering

and give their entire attention to the case at hand.

Proceed. Miss Leander,

will you kindly tell us how it feels to be hypnotized?

- Object. - Sustained.

How old were you when you began to steal things?

- Object. - Sustained.

What's that got to do with this?

Just trying to get her in wrong.

Your Honor, those jurors are at it again.

Mr. Sargent.

I am perfectly capable of running this courtroom

without prompting from counsel.

If there's any more whispering among the jurors,

I'll hold the offenders in contempt.

Now proceed with this case.

How many times have you been hypnotized by beautiful jewelry?

Object. I guess quite a lot of times.

Please don't answer questions after I've objected to them.

Objection sustained.

The jury will disregard the question and the answer.

Did you hear Dr. Keinmetz's opinion about hypnotism?

Will you kindly answer my question and not keep us waiting here all day?

Will you answer my question?

Your Honor, if the witness refuses to answer my questions

there's nothing more I can do.

The prisoner will please answer counsel's question.

May I lend you my handkerchief?

Your Honor...

Kindly address your answers to me over here.

Your Honor, I want to plead...

Your Honor,

I don't believe this young lady is well.

I think a five-minute recess would be... But I want to plead guilty.

I am undoubtedly responsible for having made her...

Please, Jack. Your Honor!

Just a few minutes recess, Your Honor.

This young woman is hysterical...

She's quite obviously in the throes of an emotion

during which she's not responsible for what she says.

I'm all right. I just want to plead guilty.

If Your Honor would kindly grant a five-minute recess.

My child, why do you want to plead guilty?

Because I am guilty.

And when you make a mistake you've got to pay for it.

Otherwise, you never learn.

Your Honor, it must be apparent

this is not normal conduct.

Quite apparent.

And the state has no wish to take advantage

of a temporary aberration as stupid...

There isn't anything temporary about this.

You can see that I'm in my right mind,

can't you?

Well, in that case, there's nothing more to be said.

The court at this time

will set next Friday, January the 6th, at 10:00 a.m.

as time for passing sentence.

The prisoner is remanded to the city jail.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Oh, I thought the trial would last at least a week.

The jury is dismissed.

Well?

I don't know.

Matron?

Do you know what you've done?

Do you realize it can't be undone?

You understand there's no appeal, no retrial, no mistrial,

nothing but jail!

How long will I get?

How do I know?

Maybe you won't get very long,

but if you'd kept your trap shut you wouldn't have to go at all.

There wasn't anything else to do.

Don't you see?

You're so strong, and you argue so well and I...

I love you so much.

You certainly proved that.

I'd always do what you wanted, even if it wasn't good for you.

I'd never have a chance against you

and you'd never have a chance with me.

Like just now, when you were trying to lose the case.

Aren't you ashamed?

Oh, hogwash.

Oh, I know what you were trying to do.

Save little Willie's career from the bad, bad woman.

You poor sap,

don't you think I'm the best judge of what's good for me

and what I want most in this world?

No.

And when you were making your grand gesture,

did you stop to think how much you were hurting me?

Do you think I'm going to stop loving you just because they

lock you up

with a bunch of hikers and hopheads for a few years?

I'm not much better.

You're good enough for me.

Oh!

Will you come and see me sometime?

Come and see you?

I'm going to send for the judge and marry you right now.

Oh...

But thank you just the same.

If you still wanted me afterwards.

I'd be all square

and you would have had plenty of time to think things over.

Lots of things.

Will...

Will you stand beside me

and hold my hand when they sentence me?

Of course, I will.

Then I won't be afraid.

I love you so.