Original subtitles

Sometimes I wonder why I give speeches to the city at all.

A king's speech should be the highlight of their week.

Still mad they booed ya?

I invented the boo.

Before me, everyone wiggled their butts

to express disapproval.

Honestly, I prefer it.

Mm, yes that's how you disapprove of something.

No, the boo is better,

but you can't use it against the inventor.

Ooh, there should be a super boo

to use against people who are booing incorrectly.

Stupid nature attacked the city again.

That's the fifth attack this month.

What was it this time? - The dam.

Some trees grew roots under the river

and ripped the whole thing out.

Damn it--pun not intended. That dam was going to power

wheat grinders for the whole city.

Man versus nature, a classic struggle.

And I should know. My man bits are constantly

rejecting my nature bits.

Horrible rashes.

It's those stupid wood nymphs.

They're behind all of this.

Come on. W-we don't know that.

So you think the trees tore down

all our windmills on their own,

and wolves stole all our hammers for fun,

and tiny bugs fly into our mouths

all the time now as a coincidence?

[choking]

Just swallow it!

[coughs] And let the fly win?

Never!

I don't understand.

We've had a truce for so long.

Humans stay in the city, nature stays in the forest.

Humans who go in the forest die horribly.

Plants brought inside die from neglect.

Why would nature disturb that balance?

Maybe because we keep expanding the city

into the forest, then use the trees we cut down

to build new houses where we cook all the forest animals

and eat them with the forest plants.

We're basically a nature death machine.

Listen to Mr. Nature Lover.

What, are you married to a tree?

I just see nature's side of things.

Well, it's beginning to affect my numbers.

I'm down to 30%.

I believe that's three.

Doesn't each little person here represent

10% of the population?

No, each little person represents a person.

Your approval rating is three.

What?

Well, they should mean 5%, at least.

Somebody make sure that gets changed.

I say we go to war with the forest and wipe them all out.

I already had to chop down the trees around the palace

'cause they were releasing spores

to turn our servants into zombie spies.

Good thing we caught them all.

What? - [grunts]

Come here!

You know, I dated a tree once.

It didn't work out.

She wanted me to put down roots.

[laughs]

And no one's going to boo that?

[dramatic lyre music]

♪ ♪

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[leaves rustling] - [grunts]

Were you followed?

Were you?

Fantastic sex, as usual, Daphne.

No complaints here either.

It's the perfect arrangement--

purely physical, mutually beneficial.

No danger of any messy bonds forming.

It's genius.

But that reminds me.

My brother's at his breaking point

with these stupid man-versus-nature skirmishes.

- Hippo. - What?

We agreed.

That's the one thing we wouldn't talk about,

at least if we want to keep doing this.

Yeah, but that's just it.

If we don't figure something out,

we're not gonna be able to do this anyway

because we'll be at war.

That's true. My sisters are all pissed off too.

Why are our families so emotional and dumb?

What's extra crazy is, if it ever did erupt into war,

my mom would go all vengeful god on the forest.

And then Pan would go all vengeful god on the city.

Exactly. With a god on each side,

any conflict would end in total destruction on both sides.

If only we could make our families realize that.

Well, I have the ear of my queen.

You have the ear of your king.

If we could figure out a way

to bring 'em together for negotiations

without them knowing that's what we're doing, of course...

We could continue this passionate, meaningless

whatever you want to call it

without a war complicating things.

You had me at river sex.

I want to call it river sex.

And they want to negotiate peace, really?

How did you hear about this?

A little bird told me--

literally, a little bird.

He said his name was Marcus.

Well, still not sure it's wise

for me to meet with the enemy.

They're not technically the enemy yet.

Also, I wouldn't call them that when they get here.

Again with the pro-nature talk.

It's anti-war talk.

Are you trying to get me to hate you?

Because you're on the right track.

We can end this before it gets out of hand.

What do you call this? We were clearing land

for a new squirrel grill, and, wham!

A million scorpions took out all my best guys.

Squirrel grill?

Are those poisonous?

They're a pain in the ass is what they are.

If anyone needs me, I'll be with my army,

going to war with nature.

Not until we negotiate.

Are you okay?

Why don't you let my blood worry about that?

We should leave war on the table.

Wartime kings are very popular.

But peace has its advantages as well.

Will Daphne be joining the negotiation?

I don't know. Why?

Peace might lead to another kiss.

Did I mention that Daphne and I kissed once?

- Yes. - Yes.

Yes.

I know you're trying to shame me,

but I'm just happy everyone remembers.

So when she gets here, you bow and say,

"Welcome, Your Majesty."

Are those cut flowers on the table?

She's from nature. It's a gesture.

A gesture that you senselessly murdered nature

to decorate your house.

Get rid of them. - By your analogy,

that's murdering someone and then hiding the body.

Wouldn't it be better to display the body

out of respect?

Enemy at the gate!

[tense music]

♪ ♪

King Tyrannis.

Queen Iris, welcome.

We'll sweep that up later.

Typical human, sweeping nature aside

whenever you feel like it.

Typical nature attitude,

pooping on our nice stone floor.

Stupe, don't you have an army to train?

Yeah, we're learning how to kill birds today.

I've got a stork with a sword with your name on it.

- [growling] - We're here

to negotiate, remember?

We'll negotiate with the survivors.

There won't be any survivors once the gods get involved.

Deliria!

- Pan! - How long has it been?

The war that wiped out the Felicians, I think.

I never heard of the Felicians.

Exactly. Nature won that one.

Bye, Felicians.

Good news. This fellow enjoys beer.

And if anyone needs us, we'll be unreachable.

Come, Bartleby. [Bartleby lows]

So what can we do to make peace between our nations?

Humans must cease all expansion into the forest.

W-wh--uh, what my queen means is--

I'm running a civilization.

Expansion is part of the package.

So expand into the mountain.

The mountain trolls would love that.

So you care about

the mountain trolls more than the nymphs?

I don't care about any of you,

and I wish you were all dead!

This is just how it started with the Felicians.

Honestly, I prefer their city as a giant flaming sinkhole.

Look, let's all calm down.

Nature has some good points...

- [growls] - But is also very bad.

Uh, bad where you see where they're coming from.

I think Daphne had something to say.

Why do you care?

Is something going on between you two?

No. I don't care

what the stupid tree girl has to say.

So that's how you think of us?

Stupid tree girls?

I think Hippo was trying to say--

Hippo? Since when are you

on a first-name basis with the fish freak?

That freak is my brother!

Yeah, only we can call him freak.

And do you think "Campus" is a surname?

Look, the fact is, we can hate each other

all we want, but if we go to war,

the gods will get involved, and we'll all die.

So we need to find a way to coexist.

Why would we get involved?

Because you're the god protector of the city,

because any attack on the city is an attack on you.

I get the logic of what you're saying,

but I don't feel it.

Pan, protector of nature,

surely any attack on nature would be met by you

with swift and total annihilation.

Swift and total? I mean, I'll dabble in war,

but it's so much more fun to watch.

Even if the forest is destroyed?

I'll build a new forest.

What's a thousand years?

About a thousand years longer

than it took them to build this city.

Hang on. So the only reason we weren't

destroying nature is because that god would crush us.

But now he's saying he doesn't care?

No, that's not what he's saying.

It's the gist.

- [grunts] - [groans]

Look, their god didn't do anything.

But she's about to.

She certainly is not.

Well, this meeting gave us all a lot to think about.

Thank you for your time. We'll just--

Jacob? Curtis? Anthony?

The time for negotiation is over!

This is why I said "enemies at the gate."

No, wait!

Whoa! - [yells]

This is fine. We can still save this.

[grunts]

[growling]

To war!

Or not.

[screams]

No, please don't. Please--aah!

And so passed the second war of man versus nature.

There were many battles.

Man versus nymphs.

Man versus bears.

Boy versus tree.

Man versus horse while three dogs and a rabbit watch.

Stupendous led the army of man

and found an equal in her rival, Thea.

[groans and grunts]

King Tyrannis adopted a new persona

the local vases called War King,

enjoying 90% approval from the people.

He also grew a beard, which got 5% approval.

And Hippo served as a strategist,

devising weapons and tactics

to defeat nature with brutal efficiency.

[all gasp]

Ooh, sorry.

I've got a weapon to take care of your mud monster rival.

I call it a jar.

Just scoop her into this and close the lid.

Problem solved.

- Cool. - None of this is cool,

aside from my beard, which is very cool.

Falcon!

Don't mind me, just grabbing some snacks.

Mother, can you not fly into the castle

as something from nature while we're being killed by nature?

But everything that flies is from nature.

It's a huge advantage.

It was a terrible idea to fight them.

And it would be a great idea for you to help us.

If I intervened every time there was a war in the city,

you'd never learn anything and I'd never get any me time.

You realize we could die in this war,

and you would feel so, so, so sad.

Oh, don't be so dramatic.

Human with wings.

You see? You see how stupid this looks?

Eagle.

I'm glad someone is having a good time.

Aren't you, like, more popular than ever?

Yes, but it's mostly because all the people

who hated me were in the army, and they're mostly dead now.

I've had to recruit a lot of children.

My point is, we can't go on like this.

We need to do something bold, decisive,

recklessly permanent.

What, like poison the mouth of the river

that feeds the forest, killing all the trees and plants

and the wildlife that eats the trees and plants?

Can you do that?

I can do anything.

The question of whether I should is more of a--

- Do it! - Yes, do it, please.

Do we really have to go this deep into the forest?

That depends.

Do you want to poison the mouth of the river

or some middle point in the river that doesn't matter?

Do you have to answer an honest question

in such an insulting way?

Wait! Don't step there.

The smooth stones are traps.

How did you know that?

I just know things.

[groans]

[eerie music]

[birds chirping]

Sparrows.

Run!

[people screaming]

[panting]

[yells]

[panting]

Hippo, it's been a while.

What are you doing down here, Daphne?

We said things we learned while we were together

were off limits.

Mm, like the location of our traps?

So I know about the traps.

You seriously expect me to walk straight into one

out of respect for our relationship?

This is a violation.

My secret bunker?

[scoffs] Oh, please.

I know how to be an adult.

I came here because you're clearly holding grudges

and playing dirty because you're an emotional person.

What were you doing this deep in the woods, Hippo?

Nothing. I--

[grunts]

Careful with that.

It's plant poison.

It's what?

What were you gonna do?

Okay, okay, I know it looks potentially bad, but--

[both grunting]

[yells]

Not seeing a lot of poisoning.

[swords clashing] - We got ambushed by sparrows.

- Aah! - Don't worry, I got even.

The mission failed? Where's Hippo?

Not sure. Probably in one of his tunnels

we're not supposed to know about.

This war is never going to end.

Not without an act of god

that the gods don't seem to care about doing.

[both laughing] - I forgot we had elephants

in this forest.

[elephants trumpeting]

[grunts]

[elephant trumpets]

Mother, are you really just going to sit there

while a war with nature ravages our city

and my approval ratings?

I hadn't realized you cared.

Yes, I am. - Unless she has to go

and get more milk and honey.

Someone here has a sweet tooth.

You had just as much milk and honey as I did.

Haven't you heard of divine intervention?

Why would that even be a term

if the divine don't ever intervene?

We intervene when it matters.

And when is that?

When something personally offends us.

Or on a dare--

From a god we respect.

Right, a respected god dare.

Even then, you run the risk of making Zeus mad,

and nobody wants that.

It's safer just to stay out of it.

I dare you to tell him about Zeus.

We said "respected god dare."

But what about Zeus?

Why don't we see what's going on the other side of the war?

Are you trying to change the subject?

What don't you want me to know about Zeus?

Tell him, Mom.

Yeah, tell him, Mom.

How dare you trivialize motherhood?

And that's how you--

[grunts]

How you what? Send Mom on a rampage?

[panting]

[grunts]

This is for the deer and the pelicans

and the blackberry bushes.

I didn't touch the blackberry bushes.

I love blackberries.

[grunts] [glass shatters]

You're lucky I don't kill you.

Go ahead.

God, don't be such a baby.

I'll get your spare helmet.

This is my spare.

Well, it would serve you right if I just left you here.

I don't care.

I don't need anybody.

That's why this place exists.

Great, bye.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[groans] Just tell me how to help you.

There's an emergency backup spare

in my emergency backup bunker.

You have a bunker in your bunker?

Does that seem like it was overkill,

Miss Comes Over Whenever She Wants?

Thanks. The spare is over by the tree.

Then you can go.

Why is this here?

Uh, aesthetics?

The exact species of tree I need to survive?

Damn it, I like you.

Well, I like you too.

Oh, man.

[pleasant harp music]

[water splashes]

[both moaning]

Ah! Ah! [elephant trumpets]

Well, crap.

- Yeah. - How did this happen?

We were the smart ones!

It was meaningless sex.

At some point, I guess it changed.

Probably when we started making eye contact.

That was an amazing day.

[gasps] Crap, that was the day.

What do we do? - I don't know,

but I know I don't want to stop doing this.

Well, hold on. We're practical people.

What's the thing that we really don't like about being--

ugh--emotionally entangled?

We can't control it.

Exactly. So if we're smart,

we accept it because what other option do we have?

You're right. That's the scientific way.

We say, here's what we know, and we move forward.

That's nature's way too.

We don't sit around whining

about soil content of our biome.

We take the information and grow accordingly.

This is kind of a relief.

I mean, I guess we were just putting a lot of energy

into avoiding this, and now we can just

convert that energy into something else.

There's certainly plenty of other stuff we can worry about,

like the fact that there's a war going on.

I don't want you going back up there.

I don't want you going back up there.

Unless-- - We go back up there together

and stop the war because you're my girlfriend.

[loud crashing] [both scream]

Oh, god!

I always wondered if gods had--

They do, they really do.

Anyway, you were saying--

Too much.

I love you.

Let's stop a war.

Deliria, what are you doing?

That's my flora and my fauna!

I have been insulted,

and that outweighs anything and everything else,

including anything we happen to have been

talking about when the offense occurred.

At least stomp another part of the forest.

That grove is home to the last of the dodos.

How dare you tell me where to stop?

Pulling Mother in may have been a mistake.

Are you kidding? We finally got 'em on the run.

Stomp those birds!

Go, wife!

[birds chirping]

You're just gonna let her drive

a precious bird to extinction?

No one wants to live in a world without the dodo.

Do something.

That's it, no more Mr. Nice God.

Oh, is that what you're known for?

I thought it was rodents and lazy, improvised music.

Lazy?

[grunts]

Mom, grow taller than him, then fight back!

That's actually a really good idea.

Kill everything with feathers or fur!

[grunting]

[grunting]

[flies buzzing]

[whimpers]

[crowd scuffling]

We're gonna need a bigger negotiation table.

Mom, stop!

We can resolve this amicably!

How would you like it if I insulted your horns?

The idea that there's anything to insult

is incredibly insulting.

Well, good.

She can't hear me.

They're all past hearing reason.

Maybe shocking them will get their attention.

- What do you have in mind? - Kiss me.

But you can't take your bowl off here.

Kiss me through the glass.

Really? Won't that be weird?

Exactly.

Just think about river sex.

[both moaning]

[creature chirring]

It's working. Keep going.

My and your pleasure.

[moaning]

Daphne?

Hippo?

Hang on.

Are they not fighting down there?

You have to do some work

or I'll just step on all of you.

Is that your son and my forest daughter?

Hippo? You better be hurting her.

I'm not.

I don't think I am.

Am I? - Nope.

[crowd grumbling]

Hippo, why are you kissing Daphne through glass?

We're proving that life is messy.

You're all choosing fighting over coexisting

because it's safer.

But look where it leads.

But why are you kissing her through glass?

Real bravery comes from doing something imperfect

and fixing it as you go, because it's worth it.

And that's what humans and nature have to do,

build a world together with all the messiness that entails

because we need each other.

This is gross

but also inspiring?

Daphne, does this mean you're not interested

in going on a date later?

Oh, no, I'm not.

Okay.

Honestly, it's just nice to have closure.

You can have your sister back.

I think the mouth jar has a red lid.

The war is over. From this day forward,

nature and man will coexist,

seeking an ever more perfect union

which we will likely achieve in 10 to 20 years.

[crowd cheers]

You know, we didn't actually solve anything.

We solved us.

We'll figure out the rest as we go.

And in the meantime, how about we say,

uh, humans can camp in the woods

to make sure nature isn't overstepping

and dogs will live with humans to spy on 'em.

- They already do that. - All right.

Cats? - Deal.

[soft futuristic music]

Are you depressed?

Is making your way in the world

in the present taking everything you have?

Then you need to come down to the Yak Shack.

[lows]

That's right, Krapopolis' newest bar

is co-owned by man and nature

and the perfect place to forget your sorrows

and also your joys,

whether you're a human man or a bearish bear.

[lows]

That's right, Bartleby.

And don't forget, here at the Yak Shack,

your first and tenth beer are free.

I should know. I'm not just the owner,

I'm also the customer.

♪ ♪

What was that? And why did we have

to stand here for the whole thing?

Who cares? The tenth beer is free!

[crowd cheers]

Did you get any of that?

Bento. [all cheer]