Original subtitles

Mom! Mom, Mom! The world is ending!

- No, it's just a hangover. - I'm serious.

The moon is headed straight into the sun!

It's called an eclipse. It happens.

- Not in my lifetime! - Right.

How long do you borndeads live again, 10, 30 years?

If we eat right and stay indoors.

So the world isn't ending?

Oh, must everything you don't understand

become a folk tale?

Do you want to know what an eclipse really is?

Because you are about to feel very silly.

Apparently when Zeus gets angry,

he has Apollo park the sun behind the moon

until he feels better?

Really? Who expresses anxiety like that?

A guy that turns into a swan to have sex?

At any rate, sounds like a god problem.

All the same, for the sake of science,

I'll have my people keep observing.

- [whispers] - Hmm? Thanks for the update.

New eclipse rule: we can't keep observing.

[groans] Ow. [vases shattering]

Oh! Ow! Aah.

At least I can tell the city there's no need to panic.

Um, hi, the gods are blaming your mother

for this eclipse and might destroy your city.

Byeee.

At least I don't have to interrupt the city mid-panic.

[upbeat mythical music]

♪ ♪

Whoo!

[people wailing]

What is happening?

Look at it!

What are your biggest regrets?

I never invented flight. - I never had a family.

I never got to see our city stop falling apart.

That was your big wish? Family?

Animals have family.

They also have flight.

You're right. I wanted a family too!

Hello, kids. World's ending.

Who wants to get high?

We're sharing regrets, Dad, and there's a lot of longing,

among your children, for family.

Perhaps you regret not hearing my offer to get high?

Is Hermes wrestling with Mom?

Unless it's consensual, I won't simply watch.

Hermes, unhand me!

I'm just doing my job, Deliria.

Olympus has summoned you. - Well, tell Olympus

they are counter-summoned to my ass!

- For realsies? - For absolutesies.

Okay, fine.

What's this about, my love?

My extended family of uptight inbreds thought

they could summon me like a third-tier titan.

Do you know what I said?

You counter-summoned them to your ass?

Yes! How did you-- [gasps]

Oh, gods.

[loud rumble]

Open these badly designed gates.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

I have every scratch memorized.

♪ ♪

Ugh! Gross!

♪ ♪

What are you looking at? Don't look away. Look at me.

Now tell me what you're looking at!

Everyone with a killable body ought to head inside.

Nah, I'm 35. I was dead soon anyway.

Is that Apollo? How awkward.

Because the sun's not working?

No, he handled things poorly when our band broke up.

- Hephaestus? - Hippocampus!

- Shlub. - Apollo.

Deliria, my father is clearly upset.

You were asked to Mount Olympus for questioning.

Oh, I've been to questionings.

Hard pass.

It wasn't a request.

She just said I was asked, dummy.

- Slut. - Bully!

Uh-uh-uh.

I won't win, but I'll make you look real bad.

Looks aren't everything.

Can we save the flirting until after we find him?

Find him? Is Zeus missing?

Ah-ga-ga! Not in front of worshippers.

Yes, he is currently unreachable.

And because you're an expert in pissing my father off--

You keep calling him your father.

Yeah, he fathered, like, most of us.

And all by different mothers.

Yet, weirdly, I'm the slut.

Are you coming with us, Deliria?

- What if I don't? - I'll kill every human

in your city except your daughter,

and then I'll marry her.

- So I'll be killing myself? - I'll marry your corpse.

You'll walk down that aisle with my teeth in your crotch.

Sounds like a beautiful ceremony!

Everybody, please! I'm King Tyrannis.

And I'd like to welcome our esteemed gods

to civilization--

work in progress, pardon our dust.

- Stop helping, Ty! - But since my mother

was banished from Olympus by Zeus,

her return there would be a defiance of Zeus' authority.

So I guess we'd all need to know,

who's making that call?

Okay, you can help a little.

Apollo, you talked to Dad. What did he say?

What? I didn't talk to him. Don't put this on me, okay?

We agreed to blame the eclipse on Deliria being a slut.

Good enough for me.

Let's just kick her ass down here.

No, no. Stop.

If you didn't talk to him,

why did you put the sun behind the moon?

Can we have this conversation somewhere else?

[murmurs of disagreement]

- No, I don't think so. - No, we're having it here.

I don't do eclipses, okay?

I'm the sun. My sister's the moon.

Dad runs the sky.

That up there, that's got nothing to do with me.

Except the sun part. I-I do control the sun.

That's established.

Hi. Um, annoying science question.

What if he's lying? - How dare you!

How dare he! I control the sun, sir.

It's my job.

You're about to learn a harsh lesson, mortal.

Show him. - Show what?

Go up and move the sun a little.

Yeah, you don't have to end the eclipse.

Just give the sun a jiggle.

- Come on. - Go.

Just move the sun a little bit.

Aah!

I think he may have just left.

I think he's coming back down.

He's coming down fast. Move!

Move out the way! [all scream]

Aah!

Is he frozen?

Why would he be colder closer to the sun?

Well, I'm no science god,

but I think it's because Deliria's a slut.

When is the last time anyone actually saw Zeus?

We barely saw him when he was around.

He only came out of his office to yell at us

about boundaries.

Zeus has an office now? And boundaries?

Both human inventions--glad to hear they're catching on.

But he does know that the sun can't stay behind the moon

or every human will eventually starve to death?

Of course your first thought is about every human.

Pretty selfish, bro.

What happened up there, Apollo?

Did you touch the sun?

I never got close.

I flew as high as I could.

And then I couldn't breathe, which is fine.

I mean, who needs to breathe?

- A lot of people. - Losers.

But then I just-- went to sleep?

Not fun sleep like after sex,

like, a bad sleep I couldn't control.

The way you never controlled the sun?

[sighs] This bitch.

Yo, sis, none of our titles ever meant anything.

Dad hands them out to keep us feeling important.

Maybe you were too busy symbolizing wisdom

to figure that out.

Shlub, take me somewhere I can thaw.

I never should have quit our band.

I'm really, really sorry.

Don't be sorry for that,

because you didn't quit our band.

I did. - Wait, what?

Well, since it turns out nobody knows

how the sky works, I think it's time science stepped in.

Yeah, Heph and I would like

to develop some kind of sky program.

- Approved. - I don't like

the sound of that.

Oh, it's just until we find out

what's above the sky.

Then we'll rename the program after that,

and it'll sound cooler.

I don't like agreeing with Ares,

but is our new goal to actively piss off Zeus?

How long are his feelings going to stay important

if he can't be bothered to show up?

Ty, I cannot protect you from him.

That's obvious. The guy can turn off the sun!

He's got every living thing facing extinction

except a handful of immortals

that are kissing his ass for fake jobs!

Hey, my job is real.

War is who I am and what I do.

Wherever I go, conflict arises.

Are you sure that's not just being a dick?

[growls] Ah!

He's a king minding his kingdom.

Go make yourself useful. Don't ask me where.

Oh, I see what's happening here.

Smash the patriarchy? Down with all penises?

What? How did you get there from here?

I don't have to stand here and explain

that women are the real sexists

when I could be hitting on her daughter.

Ha ha, victory-- God of War!

- I'll protect you. - You will, will you?

Um, she just did. She physically blocked a sword.

I was going to block it.

Well, you played that pretty cool!

Hmm, we're gathering here now?

Is Krapopolis the new Olympus?

- No. - Yes.

I think even gods need some air.

I tried holding my breath once. Made it a few days.

- What happened? - My dad laughed and said,

"It was a figure of speech, ugly.

I'll never love you," but I also got lightheaded.

And Apollo passed out because above the sky, there's no air.

And no air, no heat, so he froze.

We need a shell, sealed so tight that air stays inside,

and we put it on top of a few dozen barrels

of my explosion dust.

How strong is this shell?

I know a guy who works with rare metals.

Handsome fella, lives in a volcano?

Okay, and who goes inside the shell?

Obviously a nut. [both laugh]

Seriously, though, neither of us.

[door clicks open, slams] - What's with you?

I'm not hiding, because that would be weak.

So I'm doing whatever strong people do

when they're being relentlessly hit on

by someone gross that can't die.

both: Ares!

[light melodic music]

You were always so good at noodling.

'Cause I always went with the flow, my man.

I would think truly going with the flow would include

going with a collaborator's flow, but--

Your flow was to overthink every song to death,

you uptight, nitpicky poet!

And now you're finishing ten songs a day, right?

You drunk genius?

I haven't played since we broke up.

Me neither.

We threw something special away, huh?

Maybe.

Maybe real friendships all get tested.

♪ Maybe real friendships all get tested ♪

Oh!

♪ Sometimes best best friends ♪

♪ Can be unbested ♪

"Unbested"?

They can be placeholder lyrics.

Oh, come on. Shlub!

I still can't move.

And then it can be steered

like a ship, straight to the moon.

How did you guys figure this out?

The trick is to forget everything you think

and use only what you know.

I love that!

What happens when the ship gets there?

Well, we know the moon is flat, like Earth,

so the ship should punch a hole through the center,

restoring sunlight to the world,

and probably curing menstruation.

Sounds like we can't afford not to do this.

We just need a volunteer to do the steering.

- Not a scientist. - Someone immortal.

We were thinking Ares because he's--

- Brave and strong. - Really?

I was thinking because he's an idiot.

I'll make that happen. You make the ship.

Let's get to work.

My king.

[sighs]

She's playing you.

You not yourself, Mom. Are you sober?

She has got you positioned out in front of her

where she can use you to test her father's weakness.

When Zeus comes back

and it turns out he's not weak,

she gets to play dumb and you get a lightning enema.

I get it.

You feel bad about not blocking the sword,

so now you're protecting me

from things like confidence and success.

She's pretending to be on your side.

Then she's got you beat by half.

I'd ask you to try it sometime, but you've given it a go,

and I don't think you're a bad goddess

or a bad mom, I think you're just--

well, I guess I do think you're both of those things.

This monologue is more sloppy than hurtful.

Because I never practiced it,

because it's a monologue I never wanted to do--

the one that ends with "thank you" and "goodbye."

- I see. - It seems like you don't,

though, because you're still here.

You want me to leave now?

Shall I just walk down the road

into the wilderness, empty-handed?

Mom, of course not.

You can fly, and you need to take Dad.

- Come on, man. - Relax.

I'm done pursuing you. I get it now.

I figured out the way to your heart.

My heart has a way to it?

And you needed someone other than me

to explain that it wasn't stalking?

You need proof of my courage,

which is crazy since courage is my gimmick, but I get it.

If Apollo's a fraud, maybe all gods are.

So I'm going up in that skyship for you,

and I'm going to end this eclipse

and, apparently, all your periods.

You made a deal with this jackass

that he could have me if he went to the moon?

Uh, that's a super reductive summary of our exchange.

I don't know your big words, but I know the deal's off.

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding,

Splendiferous. - Stupendous.

I'll explain to this bonehead how women work.

You're free to go. - Ow!

You don't tell a human you own them, moron.

Then they have to prove they're free,

and you get nothing.

Now you're getting in that ship

just to make up for embarrassing me.

- No. - Pardon?

If you think being smarter than me makes you smart,

you're forgetting, big sister, just how stupid I am.

True, but then we talk, and I remember.

Here's our new deal.

If Dad's really gone and you're taking over,

you're sharing power with me.

- Why? - Because if Dad's

not really gone and this makes him mad,

I'll agree that all this skyship stuff was

on King Bigmouth.

- Deal. - Good.

Will you still help me get a woman?

Learn how to talk to one, loser.

My king. - Please. Rise, my goddess.

Your skyship is ready to pierce the heavens

and free the world of Zeus' shadow.

I'll escort you to the launch pad.

What a day. A great step for mankind.

And a pretty big step for my career, not that it's about me.

It's going to be a huge step for you.

Ares is stepping down so that you can drive the ship.

- Me? - This revolution

will be meaningless if a god gets any credit.

Honestly, I saw it as a joint god/human operation

since we really want someone inside that thing

that can't explode.

You're going to be fine.

You're under my protection, remember?

You're going to get me back down alive?

- You don't trust me? - I do. I do.

Good. Where's your mother?

I... kicked her out of the city.

Oh, even better! Let's go, buddy.

Time to become a legend!

Mommy! [cries]

[stifled groaning]

Wave to your people, King.

Oh, right. You can't. I'll do it.

Ty, I don't know why you're doing this.

If we're not using a god,

we should really put a criminal in here.

Like, a really serious criminal.

I told him the same thing, but he insisted.

Cancel the mission! I was kidnapped! Let me out!

[faint pounding] - I think he might be--

If it's a series of intermittent bangs,

that means he's strapped in and ready to go.

You're still here?

Wait, you're leaving?

My son has evicted my wife.

She's clearing out her temple,

and we're going to make love beneath a black sun

to the primal sounds of humanity unraveling.

Did you... did you already pack all your instruments?

- Why? - Because if all the mortals

are going to die, I want my last memory

to be with my favorite one.

- What have I done? - I'll field that.

You took the life I gave you and bet it against me,

and you lost.

Mama, get the door open!

- After you apologize. - There's no time!

Get us out before we launch! - Nice try.

I saw how long that fuse was.

You've got enough time to eat some crap.

Ugh, how long is this fuse?

Oh, man. I knew it. I knew it would blow up.

- No, look! - It worked!

I knew it would work!

So science is just guessing?

And explosions.

But yes, mostly guessing.

Holy crap!

Next time, just open the--

Next time? You can't be serious!

♪ Now it's time for us to go ♪

♪ Everything and everyone you know ♪

♪ Changing like the southern winds ♪

♪ Punished for the sins you've sinned ♪

both: ♪ When you think about the times you've had ♪

♪ Measure all the good and bad you've lived ♪

♪ You've lived, you've lived ♪

♪ You've lived ♪

[both scream]

[both grunt]

What on Earth are we looking at?

- Earth? - Is the moon a ball?

I think the Earth is a ball too.

How can a ball be flat when you're on it?

By being really, really, really big.

- He lied. - Who?

- Zeus. - About what?

Everything. [explosion]

both: Aah!

- I think we missed the moon. - Good.

We've got a new mission.

You navigate. - Where?

Olympus.

Uh, okay. Um, left?

So shall we discuss our next gig?

I hear the sirens are looking for an opening act.

I don't think so. And you know why?

Because you're a selfish, immortal ballsack?

And yet, I think I'm going to miss that talented bastard.

[strains]

[both grunting]

Mom, we should probably get out of here.

This is what he calls his office?

It's just his old court.

But he added walls, doors, and a desk.

That's the idea.

It creates an executive atmosphere.

Creates a stupid atmosphere.

All it does is close off-- wait a minute.

- Oh, my God! - He really did it.

Did what? What am I looking at here?

The crazy bastard was obsessed

with taking different animal forms

for purposes of pleasure.

After a while, he stopped seeking partners

and started experimenting with hybrid forms.

If you want something done right, he always said.

- Is he dead? - Far from it.

He's achieved his ultimate dream--

the neck of a giraffe, the tongue of an anteater,

and the protracted orgasm of a pig.

No more information! Don't tell me that about pigs.

Deliria?

You did not just crash your ship here

and go into my father's office.

In fact, we did, darling.

Because he invited us.

- He's in there? - Yeah.

And he wasn't thrilled with your behavior today, but--

But he said you're still his favorite,

and he agreed to end the eclipse.

Holy crap, look. There's a sliver of sun now.

Yep, Zeus says he'll now move the moon

from in front of the sun very gradually,

almost as if he's rolling a huge ball.

So he's not mad at anybody?

Not unless someone disturbs him.

He's quite exhausted from an extended...

- Neck. - Holiday.

Holiday. Oh!

He also said my mom is no longer banished,

so if she wants, she can come back here,

and you all have to stop being mean to her.

He did say that, but I don't like it here.

I'm a Krapopolis girl.

Are we really never going to tell them?

Do we want to share a world with a newly emboldened Athena?

You're right.

If the Olympians keep fearing Zeus and Zeus stays...

- Self-fulfilled. - Then we become,

in a sense, rulers of our own world.

Animal? - Giant eagle, please!

But that world is slightly larger than we thought.

That's all right.

I don't need you to rule it anymore.

Because you've realized the importance of family?

Because I live forever.

You have a maximum of, what, five years left?

Uplifting takeaway.

And after you're dead,

I can have as many new children as I want.

We don't have to spend the whole flight talking.

I'm telling you, I saw it, and it's round.

- Yes, like a plate. - Like a ball.

And where on a ball would you build a house?

It's a big ball.

A big ball covered in water that doesn't fall off the ball.

Even though it's floating in--what did you call it?

- I didn't. - Oh, you called it something.

And we'd like you to say it again.

Space. [both laugh]

Okay, so, Hephaestus, maybe we should gather

the scientific community and--

And we'll think about space.

[both laugh]

You guys are being mean.

Well, we have to be, Ty,

because you're confusing science with magic.

Yeah, and there's already enough magic, okay?

I don't know if you noticed, but I flew here.

And the point of science is to overthrow magic

with logic and observation.

But I did observe this. I was in space.

- Yeah, because you're nuts! - He's right.

I wouldn't have done that, and I'm magic.

You'd make a horrible scientist, dude.

- [sighs] - Where were we?

How do we know women have less teeth than men?

- Smaller mouths? - Perfect.

Did you get any of that?

Bento. [all cheer]