Original subtitles

Did you see this?

Jason and the Argonauts are heading this way.

Looks like they want to fight an army

of hairless, grinning women.

Those are skeletons.

Why would you fight a skeleton?

Seems like punching down.

But you'd fight an army of hairless, grinning women?

If they started it.

Did you see them? They look pretty menacing.

They look menacing because they're skeletons, darling.

I don't know.

When I see a skeleton, I don't think, oh, here comes trouble.

I think, there goes someone that got into trouble

several years ago.

The Argonauts' battles are always pretty epic.

Yeah. I'm on the edge of my seat.

A fight with a skeleton.

How do you know when you're finished?

Wait--they'll have to stop here for supplies.

They won't stop here, they'll stop in Supplesia.

The Supplesians practically invented supplies.

Yes, but they also bragged about it,

so Poseidon turned them all into supplies,

and they had to use themselves to death.

Which makes Krapopolis a must-stop for the Argonauts.

But does that put us in danger?

It's not like we're mankind's greatest threat,

its own skeleton.

Guys, Homer travels with the Argonauts.

What's Homer?

Everywhere the Argonauts go

gets referenced in a Homer poem.

If we could get a favorable mention,

I mean, preferably involving something touristy

like our delicious kebabs.

Everyone knows our kebabs suck.

Sounds like we have world-famous kebabs.

Work with me here, Stupendous.

[mystical humming]

- Ah! - It's just a message orb.

Ignore it. - A message orb?

Ah, what the--

Yes, it zaps you until you answer.

It zapped me!

It'll make the rounds.

Ignore it, I said. This is family time.

Ow. Can you answer it already?

Nobody answers on the second zap.

I don't want to seem desperate.

Ow. Why me twice?

You showed weakness.

Oh, fine.

Deliria, I hope this finds you well.

I'm hosting a very special, very exclusive retreat

on my private island, and I'd love you to be there.

Oh, mama likey.

But you simply must bring

your little mortal king, Tedious.

What? Mama confusey.

Does Hestia know you?

Oh, yeah, clearly.

We're on a wrong name basis.

It's the pinkish blue paradisey thing

at the center of the Three Realms.

If you see a pyramid, you've gone too far.

Don't go, Ty.

This island sounds like a kill box

where gods hunt man for sport.

- That's a thing? - Oh, don't be silly.

We're gods.

The entire world is our kill box.

Still, if it's all the same,

I'll stay here and tend to the Argonauts.

Nice try.

A Hestia invite never happens, and she said I must bring you.

- She called me Tedious. - She ain't wrong.

Now, are you going to keep pouting like a baby,

or are you going to grow up and let me carry you to a party?

All right, but the rest of you

have to get this place decent for Jason and the Argonauts.

- Decent? - What's that supposed to mean?

Well, you know, these people are better than we are.

- What? - Excuse me.

If you've got the energy to be offended by that,

you've got the energy to clean up the dock.

Get rid of the fish smell.

I don't want any more pushback, I'm your king.

Make sure the Argonauts have a good time.

Have fun at your kill box.

It's not a kill box.

[dramatic lyre music]

♪ ♪

Hestia's private island.

There are Olympians who would kill to be here.

I haven't been to a lot of parties,

but this one seems weak.

Well, it only goes to show how little you understand

the--wait a minute. Broseidon's here.

Babe, are you being serious right now?

Just pick something.

Well I'm not sure what I want.

Come on.

Are you trying to embarrass me?

Either the Hestia cachet

or my memory seems to have slipped.

What do you say? Ten minutes? Five?

Just show our faces to Hestia and then bolt?

Greetings, mortal and immortal pairs.

My beloved Humanus and I welcome you to a weekend

you will never forget.

A weekend that will leave you changed and renewed.

If my fellow gods and goddesses will hold your hands

over the nearest open flame,

you will experience something profound.

[exciting chatter, yelps]

I was gonna do that anyway.

Whoa! Whoa!

Is that, like, pain?

Indeed it is.

The pollen of the brotos flower, unique to this island,

has the rather extraordinary property

of canceling out our godly powers.

You've been breathing it in since you arrived.

You've been spiking the air?

Now, now. Don't panic.

It's good for you.

Cleansing. Therapeutic.

An opportunity to free yourself from the prison of eternity,

and to achieve levels of intimacy and understanding

never imagined possible.

I already understand everything.

I don't need to understand him.

Well, you can try to leave if you like.

[grunts, sighs]

Here on Vitalis, gods and humans are equal.

- What? - What?

Ugh. Then we leave by boat.

You know how to build a boat, don't you?

Actually, I'm suddenly very interested

in staying the whole weekend.

And no, about the boat.

I can't believe our brother said these people

are better than us.

We're gonna show them a good time.

We don't have to clean. - Right?

Like we're gonna make such a bad impression.

Totally ridiculous. Ty needs to relax.

[Argonauts grunting]

Greetings, good people of-- [sniffs]

Oh, my God. The smell.

What is that? [all gagging]

Oh, come on. It's not that bad.

Not that bad?

All right, Argonauts, back on the boat.

- Wait, what? - No!

Hold on just a second.

How dare you touch our rigging.

Rigging? This is a mooring line.

We call all the ropes rigging.

What are you? The boat word police?

Give me. - Stay for our famous kebab.

You do not give me orders, you bi--

[screaming]

Um...

Well, they're all dead, so at least

there certainly can't be a story about it.

[clattering]

Is that Homer?

Hey, where are those Argonauts?

Did they run ahead?

Yes.

[dramatic music]

Running away?

You're that unwilling to give this equality thing a chance?

Not everything deserves a chance, Tyrannis.

In fact, most things don't.

You realize what this is?

Hestia just finally lost her weirdly famous virginity,

and now she thinks she and her mortal boyfriend invented sex.

Ugh. [growls]

I can see you're upset.

Oh, of course, you're loving this.

Seeing me powerless is your dream come true.

I did feel that for a rather wonderful moment,

but I actually think this could be a good thing.

A whole new way for gods

and mortals to relate to each other.

We already have a way that's worked for thousands of years.

It's called worship.

Well, I think doing this is going to be good for you.

And whether or not you agree with me,

it is what you're going to be doing.

I don't suppose there's any chance

you'll make even the tiniest effort this weekend?

Don't hold your breath.

Well, don't you hold your breath, either,

because you'll die.

You really are tedious.

Why do you have to do that?

Why do you always have to have the last word?

Ask me that 1,000 years after your death.

I can't believe some of them are actually

participating in this charade.

Imprisoned, violated, and what?

Just playing along?

Maybe they don't feel violated, Mom.

Maybe they find it therapeutical, as advertised.

Oh, this-- what did you call it?

- Mild indigestion. - It's unbearable.

You said this just happens sometimes?

I had no idea, babe, that you could be feeling this ever.

It sucks to be you.

Oh, Broseidon.

Well, see? That's nice.

Oh, come off it.

Do you not see that they're making fun of you?

The meaninglessness of your brief, stupid lives.

Beginning to see the appeal?

I believe I am, yes.

[laughs]

Wait--this is about laughing at mortals.

I thought this was about us being equal.

I apologize, Hestia.

You know mortals.

Oh, no, no, no.

It's quite all right.

They do get excited, don't they?

[laughter]

What else do you have here?

Oh, a range of treatments, big and small.

Physical exhaustion.

Arm fell asleep.

Fecal urgency.

Being snuck up on, but then realizing

it was a statue and feeling dumb.

Knowing people are talking about you,

but having no way to know what they're saying.

[laughing] Oh, this is too much.

Hestia, I'm sorry I doubted you.

This is divine.

Ugh.

He's in his room getting cleaned up.

How lucky are we that Homer's blind?

The gods are truly smiling upon us.

Did he ask about the Argonauts?

Yeah, I didn't know what to tell him,

so he just said they're in an orgy with themselves.

Perfect cover story.

According to the gossip I've heard, it's airtight.

And I do mean airtight.

What the hell do we do next?

When he finds out what's happened,

we've not only proved Ty right by not doing what he wanted,

we've proved him super right by achieving

pretty much the opposite of what he wanted.

It is true.

To be the villains of an Homeric epic

might not have the desired effect on the tourist crowd.

Hippo, is there any way you can make those guys alive?

That technology is three years away, at least.

Dang it. We're still screwed.

Hang on. Let's just think about this.

Perhaps there's a way to turn it to our advantage.

What is true about blind men?

They like sitting on the ground.

And tin cups. They love tin cups.

And?

They experience everything through their other senses.

Exactly. We've got work to do.

Right, this way, Homer, old boy.

- [groaning] - The Argonauts await.

- Ah. I smell kebabs. - Yes.

Krapopolis has kebabs in tremendous quantities.

And your friends didn't wanna start eating without you.

Oh, you didn't have to do that, lads.

Tin cup?

Shall we dig in, all of us?

Mmm, mmm, mmm, yes.

- Mmm. - Mmm, mmm.

[chomps, burps]

So Jason, tell me about the orgy.

Uh, uh.

[crash]

What was that?

Oh, that's our giant serpent.

It has swords sticking out all over it.

It's terribly dangerous.

Sounds like something we Argonauts should fight.

- Oh, yes. - Yeah.

[all agreeing]

Ooh, that doesn't sound like a good idea.

It's a dangerous animal.

Yeah, and it's never lost a battle.

I've gone up against it many times, and I've...

never beaten it.

[growls]

We have to fight that thing.

Are you sure?

It's nowhere as easy to kill as human skeletons.

[grunts, clears throat]

But have at it, oh brave destroyers of human remains.

Argonauts!

both: Argonauts!

[dramatic musical sting]

Mortality.

I get it now. I really do.

No, you don't, Mom. You know how I know?

Because you're enjoying yourself.

[laughs]

Oh, relax and have fun like everyone else.

Of course, I don't get mortality.

That's the whole joke.

My mortality is itself temporary.

Frankly, the alternative is unthinkable and offensive.

Well, I'm sorry my mortality has always been

such an insult to you.

Are those apologies I hear?

Sounds like somebody is making progress.

Now, the real trust building can begin.

See you at the final event tonight.

It's a gas. You're going to love it.

I don't suppose there's any chance you'll make

even the tiniest effort tonight?

[groans]

Stupid... [muttering]

- God problems? - [laughs]

Yeah. How did you guess?

I mean, my name is Tony.

Humanus is just what Hestia calls me.

No kidding? That's--yeesh.

Yeesh is right, but it's not our job to fix them.

They're never gonna change, and that's just fine

because we are gonna be around long after they're gone.

Yes. Right? I mean--oh, my God.

It feels so good to hear someone else say that.

And you know what else?

She, Hestia, got my name wrong.

But what's so funny is, I was offended

because of the specific way she got it wrong.

You know what?

I don't even need to hear all the details.

I am familiar with that whole routine, believe me.

We are on the same page, brother.

Tedious. She called me Tedious.

What?

[swords clanging]

- [hissing] - [groans]

[in deep voice] Let's go!

Hah!

Hah! [grunts]

Skeletons were easy.

[groans]

So when did you actually kill them?

The second they stepped off the boat?

- Uh... - You knew this whole time?

You were overperforming, Stupe.

You gave it away. - I was living in the moment.

An actor makes choices.

Oh, how dumb do you think I am?

I just wanted to see how far you were gonna go

with this hacky, problematic, let's-fool-the-blind-guy bit.

And I'll give you this:

you went a lot further than I thought possible.

You wanna maybe tell a story about

how cool we are with sound design?

Maybe?

No?

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

So glad you've made a little friend.

Have you finished sulking now? - You know--

Friends, welcome to the closing ceremony.

The tea you are holding will purge the flower's effect

from your system.

Drink now, and you will be gods once more.

- May I? - Of course.

My beloved Humanus. - Thank you.

My friends, humans, gathered gods,

you have now experienced a world in which

gods and humans are equal.

Now I ask you to visualize a world without gods at all.

[gasps] [screams]

- What? - Ladies and gentlemen,

the antidote will not be served tonight.

What you've been drinking is hot water.

Water?

The age of man begins today.

Down with the gods!

[screaming]

It's happening!

No!

♪ ♪

I don't like your friend.

I think I'm having a panic attack.

Mother, we've already been over this.

That's just called breathing.

Oh, yes.

I don't like it.

Here. We can stop for a second.

I think we've lost them, anyway.

What happened back there?

I-I don't understand. - What's not to understand?

Your friend is a violent extremist

who thinks the subjugation of humans by the gods

is somehow out of line.

It's a ludicrous philosophy for which

no imaginable extremes of contempt

could possibly suffice.

But a surprise.

I'm not sure it's ludicrous.

The murder part I disagree with, but--

Lowliness often doesn't agree with the lowly, Tyrannis.

Most, however, know better than to try

to do something about it.

Revolution is very desperate.

- Mom, look out. - [growls]

How does it work?

If it touches me, do I die?

Or how many stabs does it take?

Just don't get stabbed at all.

So even one might do it?

Does it matter how deep? - [grunting]

Oh, my God.

That was crazy.

Continue to flee?

Yes, yes. Continue to flee.

[serene music]

We found another ship for you.

But Homer, is there anything we can do

to convince you not to tell this story

exactly as it happened?

I'm offended by the very question.

Who made these kebabs?

Why? You like them?

No, they're terrible.

But do you know who else makes terrible kebabs?

Ionia, where I'm from.

I'm tasting this, and I can tell

you people are hard workers.

It makes me wanna throw you a bone.

I tell you what.

I never liked the Argonauts. I found them rude.

I didn't like the bits they did about me being blind.

So I'm gonna cut you some slack.

But you're terrible storytellers.

Your giant serpent was awful.

I'm gonna tell you a story that you can tell everybody.

And if you ever stray from our narrative, I swear to God,

I will sink your city with a stanza.

- Yeah, all right. - Sounds fair.

What do you want us to say?

My legs hurt.

That's because you've never really had to use them before.

My back hurts.

Ty, the red juice that comes out of people sometimes...

Blood?

Is it bad for the blood to come out?

That's not what kills you, is it?

Mom, no! They got you! What's happening?

I think my life is flashing before my eyes.

Isn't that supposed to be instantaneous?

Well, there's a lot more ground to cover

when you're a god.

How do you live this way?

Always holding on for dear life.

Always begging for borrowed time.

I've never thought about it that way.

I suppose we do hold on to each other.

When you reach for someone and they reach back,

that feeling of connection almost makes it bearable.

I felt that once on the day you were born.

You were so small, so fragile, so unlike your sister.

You needed me.

It was not for me.

All right, Mom. I'm gonna find the antidote.

Meanwhile, you-- there's this thing humans do.

It's called will to live, where you're dying,

and you can want to not die so badly

that you actually don't die.

I'm realizing I'm not sure it's an actual thing,

or if it's a confirmation bias.

Maybe even a smidge of victim blaming

when people do die, but--

but it's worth a try.

Oh, my God.

Less talking, more antidote getting.

All right, yes. Hang in there, Mom.

[groans]

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Oh, there he is.

Where's your mom? - Dead, thanks to you.

You're welcome. Free at last.

Come to join me?

Oh, okay.

Well, I'm not fighting you.

Pitting us against each other is only one of the ways

the gods keep us down, but those days are done.

This baby is aimed right at the heart of Mount Olympus.

Every single god there will have been breathing brotos

by the time our army of pissed off humans with knives

gets up there to finish the job.

You're completely insane.

We worship these maniacs

who turn us into goats and spiders

because they're horny and bored,

but I'm the crazy one for wanting to put a stop to it?

The age of man cannot truly begin

until all the gods are dead.

I don't care about your ideology.

Just give me the antidote.

What, this antidote?

Why would you need that?

Unless someone's mother isn't all the way dead.

If you're not man enough to finish the job,

I guess I'll just have to take care of it myself.

- [grunts] - No!

It took us ages to calibrate the Godkiller.

[grunting]

Oh, yeah?

[grunting]

No. No, no, no, no!

Ah. No.

♪ ♪

You know they can never be trusted.

They're terrible.

And there's only one solution.

How do you not see that? - That's the thing.

Politically, I couldn't be more aligned with you.

That's why it's so frustrating that you're such a dick.

Dick.

Mom? Mom, stay with me.

Am I too late?

I guess when two people have hated each other

for as long as we have,

in some ways, it's the same as love, isn't it?

So I love you.

♪ ♪

I guess I kind of thought that might bring you back somehow.

Well, if that didn't work, this must be real.

I can't believe this is how I ended up

getting the last word.

[gasps] The hell you did.

Mom? You're alive!

Telling you I love you did give you the will to live.

Did you say that? I didn't hear.

All I heard was last words.

Oh, come on.

Now, let's blow this kill box and go home.

♪ ♪

What happened with the Argonauts?

Did they show up?

It was incredible.

They had been cursed by a giant serpent

who turned them against Homer himself.

But no one knew what an amazing swordsman Homer was.

He sliced up the mighty Argonauts

with the strength of an entire army.

My goodness.

Oh, and then having broken the curse,

the serpent blessed Homer with a beautiful head

of golden hair.

The most beautiful hair ever seen, which he now has.

He complimented our kebabs and sailed off for more adventure,

looking sexy as hell.

It's better than anything I imagined.

So did you get everything you wanted

out of your spa weekend?

Do you feel renewed?

Nah. I nearly died of boredom.

So obviously, something happened.

Well?

You know, son, not everything needs to be talked about.

I couldn't agree more.

And that is how I, Homer,

inventor of the oral tradition, slaughtered the Argonauts.

Oh, Homer, you little pest.

I always thought of you as more of a voyeur.

Now, how about a little bit more of that oral tradition?

[crashing] [screaming]

What the hell was that?

[screaming]

No, no, no! [groaning]

[swords clanging] [spluttering]

Sounds like some sort of struggle.

On Mount Olympus itself?

What is the meaning of this?

[groans] Heracles.

This is for Jason, Admetus, Acastus, Ancaus.

I don't have to say all these names.

[grunts] - [gasps]

[both gasp]

I hereby avenge the Argonauts.

Next quest.

Did you get any of that?

Bento.