Original subtitles

Morning. Just came to get some milk.

Oh, we don't have any.

But you're a dairy farmer.

You need to have milk.

Can't get milk without cows.

Where are all the cows?

Oh, Asskill borrowed them. Said you'd be fine with it.

- I'm not. - Well, then let's go to war!

That seems drastic.

Plus, you know, we'd definitely lose.

Well, that's what you said when he borrowed all our goats!

Still true today.

Oh, hey, neighbor! How's life?

Milkless.

Funny, we used to have that problem.

Did you really need to borrow all our cows?

Could we get maybe a couple back?

I would, but we're grilling steaks tonight.

Steaks? Like cow steaks?

Well, we can't eat goats.

Again.

While I'm here, we should also take these chickens.

- Oh, come on. - I only need them for...

ever. - What are we supposed to eat?

Try people. We used to eat it all the time

before we got so good at farming.

Taking all our livestock isn't farming.

All I know is we're good at it.

[chickens clucking] - Why didn't you stop him?

He's just so big.

[mysterious upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Whoo!

Good morning, family.

If you're looking for milk,

it's being eaten by selectively progressive cannibals.

No need. I drink Pegasus milk.

Where'd did you get that?

From its udder.

How amazing is the udder?

Multiple boobs shaped like wieners.

Genius.

Hold up. Does our family have a Pegasus somewhere?

Your mother and her husband have a Pegasus somewhere.

And it will remain that way.

Good call, my goddess.

What's cracking in current events?

Written language continues to be delayed,

if that's what this drawing means.

Ah, my father died.

Oh, no! Sandals cost 20 olives a pair now!

I myself never wear the things, but if inflation gets invented,

it could lead to inventing recession.

Excuse me? Your father died?

We have a grandfather?

Did you ever plan on telling us that?

No. And now you don't have one, so problem solved.

This sandal news though, it's got me feeling feelings.

Can we get back to the Pegasus?

No.

Is my grandfather going to have a funeral?

In the sense that his death will be celebrated,

yes, probably by thousands.

He was what monsters call "a monster's schmuck."

I want to at least see him buried.

Have a blast. He lived that way, Persia-ish.

I want to see the Pegasus.

No.

Dad, I mean, I think the two of us should go.

Was Grandpa really so bad?

He was fine.

And I say that not because it's true

but because judging others was his gimmick.

And I am the opposite of him, and therefore, mm, the coolest.

I agree. Tyrannis, don't be a nag.

Very well.

I'll just be a third generation of sons

to quietly resent their father.

Or will I be the fourth?

I don't suppose refusing to attend a father's funeral

is something your father would have done.

You majestically crafty son of a bitch.

Game on.

Get ready to attend

the living crap out of a dead control freak's burial

with his impressively ambivalent son.

Deliria, be a dear and milk you-know-what while I'm gone.

Of course.

- Pegasus! - Totally.

She's going to milk the Pegasus.

[Tyrannis struggling]

Could I interest you in a saddle?

You're lucky to be riding me at all.

Phrase that differently in public.

both: Pegasus! Pegasus! Pegasus!

You will never be near it.

Both: [whining] Why?

Because then you'll want to ride it, which you can't.

Why?

The actual answer to that

is incredibly long and complicated.

If you seek out this beast, you will regret it.

Promise you will not do it.

both: We promise.

How long before we do it?

That felt long enough.

Is this where you grew up?

Does this mean I'm Persian?

Is that a race?

Do--do I have a race?

Why do humans want to have races?

I don't know.

Seems cool, adds some flavor. Is that bad?

I can't imagine it ever going wrong.

[crowd cheering] Well, there he is.

And he's technically being buried. Happy?

Everyone else certainly is.

Would you like to stand by the body,

maybe pay your disrespects?

No. If those people really understood the old bastard,

they'd realize taking a dump on him is his final revenge.

When you hate a hater, you spread their hate.

Now, here's how you really defeat my dad.

Check this out.

Ah, dead dad. No big whoop.

That makes me proud of you, Dad.

See what's happening? We're bonding.

We understand each other better now.

Hey, Disappointing Dads Club.

That's not really the sort of thing

that makes me want to high five.

Fair enough.

- Shlub! - Belinda.

This is Belinda, my father's witch.

You got fatter.

Well, you're as ugly as ever.

Is that any way to speak to an ex-lover?

Really, Dad?

What? She's a witch ten!

And witch sex is the best sex.

I think being evil makes them work harder...

- La-la-la-la-la! - If that makes sense.

Look, if you're not going to listen--

- Thank you. - What do you want, Belinda?

Well, you know how I was responsible

for all your father's cursing.

There's a taste of the old man for you.

He outsourced curses.

Now that he's gone,

I'm offering to remove them at a discount.

I bet you've got a few.

I'm sure I've got dozens, but no, thank you.

You're going to just accept your father's curses?

The point of cursing is to assert power.

If I acknowledge his power, he wins, son.

Oh, are you his son? I wonder if--

oh, yeah, looks like I cursed you

when you were still in your mother's womb.

Isn't that adorable?

I'm cursed? With what?

I don't keep records, kid. No written language yet.

Ah, I was just not reading about that.

Kindly remove my curse, madam.

Keep it, son.

Don't give him the satisfaction.

Dad, hear me on this.

Your need to not let your father control and define you

is controlling and defining you.

Ouch. Sick burn, as the humans say.

You do you.

Tell you what. I'll do this one on the house

in return for when your dad did me on the house.

both: If chimneys could talk.

Can you also remove this conversation from my memory?

[ethereal shimmering sound] - There you go.

You're curse-free. - That's it?

I expected a bit more, you know,

light and magic, a little showmanship.

You want a show, hire a clown.

Have we had enough fun, or would you like

to spoon the dead body of your favorite new relative?

Nah, we can go.

The nerve of the guy that cursed your unborn child.

He never even met me.

And yet, now, you know him better than most.

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Whoa! - It's an actual Pegasus.

Does it look kind of sad?

Of course it does. It's chained to a wall.

This is awful. - Poor Peggy. Are you sad?

Look, Mom said we can't ride it,

but she didn't say we can't free it.

That's clever, but I don't think it gets us out of dying.

Whatever. I'm doing it. I'll take the heat.

[grunts] That's better. - And?

Now that we're in trouble anyway...

- May as well ride it. - Makes perfect sense.

[both screaming in delight]

[wondrous upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[vases shattering]

♪ ♪

Ooh! [grunts and laughs]

Hey!

My turn.

Whoa! Ow!

Gah!

Let's do another lap around the city.

Okay. [grunting]

Uh, Peggy, requesting a turn back here.

[grunts] It's not responding.

Come on, Pegasus! Take us down!

We freed you. Be cool, bro.

Okay, you flying donkey.

You land right now or I'm going to get real stabby.

Yeah, great idea.

Let's kill the thing we're soaring through the sky on.

I'm not hearing your pitches.

Whoa!

Are unicorns baby Pegasuses? [insect-like chittering]

both: Ow.

Are unicorn horns stingers?

Oof! - Ow!

I can't move.

Convince them to put their necks up to my mouth.

- Hey! - Whoa!

[unicorns whinnying] [insect-like chittering]

[ominous music]

[Pegasus neighs]

[skittering hoofbeats]

♪ ♪

[squishing] [Pegasus neighs]

♪ ♪

No, no, no!

[person screaming] No! No!

[person screaming]

Remember when Mom told us

the reason not to ride the Pegasus was complicated?

I know. I'm really kicking myself right now.

[upbeat music]

What a day.

Will we ever know what that curse was?

Maybe it was wiener size!

Specifically the curse of it being so massive.

Yeah, I can tell I'm back to whatever the average is.

Good save.

And hey, I appreciate you making me go.

You may be stubborn and needy, but you're nothing like him.

Thanks, Dad. I'd rather be like you.

Mostly, minus maybe the explicit verbal sojourns.

Right, I'm off to bed with your mother

and a servant or two.

Blocking it out.

♪ ♪

[griffin crowing]

[bigger griffon shrieks]

Tyrannis, have you seen either of your siblings?

You know who I mean.

The big, dumb one and the goo gremlin?

Oh, gross.

Probably dreaming about civic responsibility.

Oh, why does my ass feel weird?

It would seem that

you've pooed a tail. [Tyrannis screams]

[Tyrannis screams] - What's happening?

Oh, yes. Look at this handsome devil.

I thought I was uncursed. How is this an uncurse?

Well, a standard hex to put on an unborn child

would be deformity.

And having no tail

would fit your father's definition of hideous.

You're lucky you woke up with a full-sized brain.

You're telling me this is my natural body?

I'm not human?

Personally, I consider humanity a construct.

All humans are descended from gods and monsters.

But by strict definitions, I guess he's right.

What is he now, darling? Scorpitaur?

Humonstro?

Stingagon.

Stop figuring out what I am in front of me.

I'm the king of a human city. This will cost me my job.

My subjects need to trust that I'm one of them.

I'm a freak!

No offense. - None taken.

To me, you now look less like a freak.

And to be clear, I loved you then and now.

Agreed. The tail hardly compromises.

Not nearly as much as the spindly arms,

the turnip-y nose--

Thank you, support system.

Please find that witch and get me re-cursed.

In the meantime, I have to hide this.

Mother, may I ask to borrow a dress without you mocking me?

Of course!

Just don't stretch out the neck hole

with that melon of a head of yours.

[unicorns chomping]

The toxin is wearing off.

I might be regaining limited movement.

What about you?

Due to the size differential,

I'll need a week to shake my head no.

I'll see what I can do on my own.

[Stupendous grunts]

[Unicorn neighs] Ha!

That's limited movement?

I know.

It's a good thing these guys aren't trained.

[hoofbeats thundering]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Hello! Normal king coming through.

Oh, hey, did you ever get those cows back?

I did not.

Tyrannis, hey!

You never told me when you turned us into farmers

that animals need so much grass!

And land!

Can we borrow some?

You're borrowing land now?

How is that different from invading?

Nobody gets hurt.

See, but right there, when you say stuff like that,

it feels like a veiled threat.

Honestly, we're just a simple, backward people.

I don't know how to veil a threat.

Can we have more chickens?

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to say no.

Or you could say, "Please stop killing me, King Asskill.

It hurts so bad."

There--there's no need for violence.

I didn't think so. But now...

what the--what was that?

- It's nothing. - It's gonna be!

[groaning] Ooh! Ah!

I can't feel my arm. - I didn't mean it.

You're not a man. You're a--

Oh, no. I'm not a monster.

I--I mean, maybe I am, but I don't want to be.

Right. Message received, friend.

No, no, no, that's not a veiled threat.

We don't know what those are.

Let's go find some wild chickens,

since we'd hate to be uncivilized.

[Asskill sobs]

Bad. Ass.

I know it is. And I apologized.

No, I mean, you are a badass.

I am?

I am.

You need to get out of here!

There's a huge swarm of man-eating unicorns on its way!

Oh, yeah, the old "there's a swarm of unicorns coming."

Nice try.

Why would that be a thing?

Well, who knows?

Maybe we all evacuate town and you take our stuff.

What does your town have?

Nothing you can take!

The thing that makes this town special is its defiant spirit.

We don't listen to strangers!

That's not a real sympathetic trait.

Ya hear that, everybody?

We're a group of unsympathetic townspeople!

[laughs sarcastically] So what?

Okay, bye.

[hoofbeats thundering]

Any other issues before we move on?

Yes, Steve?

I feel like my proposal wasn't taken very seriously.

[crowd grumbling] - We took a vote, Steve.

Nobody wants Steve Day to be a thing.

- I do. - Nobody else.

Because they aren't Steve,

why should their votes even count?

- Oh, that's not a bad point. - Yes, it is.

That's not how democracy works.

How do we even know democracy is working?

Yeah, these meetings seem pretty chaotic.

Yeah, all we do is shout stuff out and argue.

[all murmuring in agreement] - Yeah, that's true.

[all gasp]

I say we keep giving democracy a chance.

But hey, I'm just one vote.

How about you?

You like democracy?

- Yes. - Yes, what?

Yes, Your Majesty.

How about you, Steve?

Let's make Steve's vote worth a thousand votes.

Steve, you want to try a dictatorship?

Steve peed in his toga and left.

A thousand votes for democracy then.

All opposed?

I hereby declare you all empowered and excused.

[ominous music] So why are you still here?

Learning to use that thing, I see.

I'd be better at it if I'd grown up with one.

But someone disappointed their own father enough

to get me cursed.

Ironic too,

since he would have loved your new leadership style.

Oh, am I letting down the letdown?

You going to do something about it?

We are not fighting because I am not like him.

Neither are you.

You're sweet and weak and ticklish.

You like that? Hoo-hoo!

[both laughing]

Okay, okay. Okay, stop.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Dad.

I lost control. You're right. I'll--I'll be careful.

That's all I ask, you silly, ticklish,

cute, little--ooh, hoo, yeah.

[giggling] Seriously, seriously.

Stop, stop.

[dramatic musical flourish]

I've got even better advice.

- Ah! - Stop taking advice.

Why am I imagining you talking?

'Cause you need to listen to yourself.

We both know I'm more than just a tail.

I'm the key to the lock on a world that should be yours.

♪ You can be a legendary king ♪

♪ All it takes is just one sting ♪

♪ Take out cities one by one ♪

♪ Killing jerks is proper fun ♪

♪ You could be the baddest king around ♪

♪ Bigger palaces ♪

♪ Golden chalices ♪

♪ Sip the finest of red wines ♪

♪ Bed the filthiest concubines ♪

♪ You can be the man superior ♪

♪ With your pointy, new posterior ♪

♪ Conquer cities, pillage tribes ♪

♪ People dig those big tail vibes ♪

Hey, you're not hearing that thing singing to you, right?

What? No. Random.

Good. Well, be on the lookout for that.

It's never a good sign.

♪ Okay, it's true, I'd like some respect ♪

♪ Eye contact's the least I expect ♪

♪ Or servants who won't spit in my glass! ♪

♪ Maybe it's time to use my brand-new ass ♪

This time, I'm quite sure I heard singing.

Because you're an insane person.

This family needs boundaries.

Killasses has agreed to return your cows.

[whistles] That's incredible!

Thank you so much. You're a great king.

And you're an okay farmer.

But since I'm taking all the risks,

maybe you could do more for me.

Hmm. Like what?

A bucket of fresh milk delivered to the palace daily.

That's more than I can spare.

But I'll give you as much

as, uh-- - Buddy, buddy.

Please, don't use that.

Don't be scared.

It only gets twitchy when I haven't had enough milk.

I don't know why you're upset. This is a huge bargain.

Your life isn't even worth a lot.

If I give you all my milk, I'll die.

I think that may be the complete opposite

of what's going to kill you.

I can prove it!

Tyrannis, if you're just going to become my father,

then I may as well stop trying not to become him.

And then maybe, I will be a better father

by doing what he would never do,

which is change, even if it means becoming him.

I haven't the slightest idea what you're saying.

[grunts] I'm saying I'm done talking.

About time.

Feels right, doesn't it?

Any father weaker than a son doesn't deserve one.

- You sound like my father. - You sound like his son.

- I'm supposed to. - Good.

You gotta help us!

The unicorns are coming to kill us all!

Hmm, that sounds like a you problem.

Immortal being in the house.

We messed up. We should have listened to you.

Well, that is always the lesson.

If Pegasuses are so dangerous,

why didn't you just tell us that in the first place?

I told you it was complicated.

Now you started a new Pegasi life cycle--

[thudding and grunting]

Take that. [both grunting]

- What the hell is that about? - I don't know.

I have a great idea. Guys! Guys!

You stop fighting each other

and start fighting the unicorn swarm.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

We're fighting each other.

Why would fighting unicorns make us like each other again?

And more importantly, why are there unicorns coming?

Did you free that damn Pegasus?

Yes, Father. Give in to your anger.

Father them.

Father your children with your rage!

I'll do nothing of the sort!

[dramatic music]

Okay, so I guess I'm out of ideas.

Mom, what should we do?

Whatever I tell you to.

Now, I believe the natural enemy

of the unicorn is the cobra,

so I just need to summon a bunch of those

and the problem should solve itself.

[all screaming]

Right.

It looks like they both hate people more than each other.

Should have seen that coming. [cobras hissing]

Your father was right.

If I want people to listen to me, they need to be afraid.

People were afraid of him, but they also hated him.

My people hate me!

And you still try and make their lives better.

Because I was a sucker.

Not anymore. Now I have this!

[grunts] Is that the best you've got, bitch?

Should we be helping? This was all our fault.

At this point, we'd just get in the way.

Yes, you had no tail because of a curse,

but that does not make the man you became less natural.

My father's hatred drove me away.

[grunts]

It made me different.

That's why I met your mother.

And it's why I raised you differently.

[Pegasus snorts] - [grunts]

Ow!

Oh, you want to fight dirty? Good.

[grunts]

[Pegasus neighs]

And it's why you're the way you were without a tail,

a good man, a kind man, a man that makes me proud.

- You really feel that way? - I do.

I wish you'd told me sooner.

- [chomping] - You're a horrible father!

That's more like it.

I do hope you two have learned some kind of lesson.

Uh, that you shouldn't lock up a dangerous monster

just because you like its milk?

That you don't ride your father's Pegasus.

How much better could Pegasus milk taste?

It can't possibly be worth all this.

Take a pull.

Oh, that's special.

I want to try. [grunting]

Kids, take your greedy mouths off my Pegasus!

What happened to Tyrannis?

Removed a curse, grew a tail, turned evil.

Oh, man. Now my butt seems so boring.

Now I've got to take him to see a witch

and get the curse put back.

How is Belinda?

Somehow even more disgusting than I remember.

You're going to sleep with her, aren't you?

For my son, I'll do whatever it takes.

[soft dramatic music]

Oh, where am I?

The witch's house.

You'll be happy to hear she's agreed to re-curse you.

That's great.

I wasn't ready for that kind of power.

And I really didn't want to have to

cut a tail hole in all my togas.

Unfortunately, witches don't do anything for free.

Not every father would have sex with a witch

to help their son, so thank you.

I love you, Dad. - I love you too.

Now, if you'll excuse me, duty calls.

[chuckles]

[Belinda giggling]

Ooh, yes, please! Oh!

[both giggling]

I really appreciate you returning our livestock.

Well, what's left of it, anyway.

Turns out farming isn't as easy as you made it look.

This is kind of on you.

If you're giving up on farming,

what are you going to eat?

We're going back to cannibalism.

It's the most efficient system.

People get old or sick, we recycle them. Into meals.

That sounds surprisingly sustainable.

Good to have everything back to normal.

[Tyrannis groans] - Next time you grow a tail,

hopefully you'll use it responsibly.

I guess I did deserve... something.

Though this probably could have been handled

with a sincere apology.

Feel free to stop by Killasses

if you want to borrow a couple of un-smashed testicles...

neighbor.

[groans]

[coughs]

[hooves clopping] [flies buzzing]

[cows mooing]

Did you get any of that?

Bento. [all cheering]