Original subtitles

Each year at this time, we remember Prometheus,

the only god I truly admire.

- Isn't your mom a god? - Yep.

Prometheus, as everyone knows, gave fire to humans

in total defiance of Mount Olympus.

How cool is that? - Pretty cool.

This isn't an interactive event.

You want to take it, Hippo? - Thanks, bro.

In keeping with the themes of inspiration and technology

that Prometheus represents to me,

I'm going to light this year's Promethean flame

using as much technology as possible.

[flame whooshes]

[machinery clacking]

You get the idea.

[flames whoosh]

[crowd cheers]

Behold! Your--

ooh, whoops-a-doodle. There you are!

Oh, what a wonderful surprise. I don't know what to say.

Mother, this isn't for you. We're honoring Prometheus.

In that case, I do know what to say.

Suck it!

OK, Mum, sleep it off.

No, no. Hey, let's--

it's a celebration of Prometheus.

I can celebrate Prometheus.

[stone cracking, thuds]

[crowd screaming]

[flames whooshing]

- Ah, fire! - My livestock is on fire!

Hey, somebody call Prometheus.

See if he'll take that stuff back, am I right?

[crowd screaming] [cattle mooing]

Too soon?

[upbeat mystical music]

♪ ♪

Don't remember a lot of last night.

Must be nice.

Ugh, you're still boohooing

about me supposedly ruining

your un-ruinable circle jerk to Prometheus.

Eh, turned out pretty ruinable.

"Ooh, Prometheus, you're so awesome.

Thanks for stealing fire."

I steal stuff all the time. Look.

I took all the water. Where's my holiday?

[gulping]

[sighs]

You know what happened to Prometheus

immediately after that fire stunt, don't you?

Zeus chained him to a rock

and made an eagle eat his liver forever.

Course we know that.

That's the best part.

You're trying to make us be less into Prometheus

and your big point is that he suffered for us?

My big point is that there's going to be an eagle

eating his liver for all eternity

and his reward is you lighting a candle once a year,

is my big point. - Yeah, yeah. No, that follows.

Guess what today is?

Everyone guesses what every day is.

We have no calendar.

It's the day Mom promised she'd tell me

where my birth father is so I can go beat him up!

Whoa, that doesn't sound like me.

Why would I promise to do anything for anyone

without any leverage?

Remember I asked where my real dad was

because I wanted to go beat him up,

and you said, "I'm not telling you,"

And I said, "why?"

And you said, "because you're three."

And I said, "so when will you tell me?"

And you said, "the day you could swallow

an entire baby pig"?

Welp, I've been practicing and that day has come!

- No, no, no, no! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

[piglet squealing] we'll take your word for it.

And we really need a calendar.

Sweetie, I was clearly just blowing you off at the time.

I don't know or care where your father is.

He's a Cyclops, right?

Wouldn't he just be on that island

where all the Cyclops live?

There's a Cyclops island?

Who's taking me there?

That would be the flying monster that ran his mouth.

Oh, I don't think I should get involved

in your daughter's-- - And yet you did.

Have fun. Bye, now. Flap, flap, fun, fun.

No, don't finish your food.

Leave hungry. Learn your lesson.

- Which is? - Stay out of it.

- Got it. - [giggling]

If you need me, I'll be finishing my nectar

in the clouds because I'm amazing.

Amazing animal exit!

Ugh, I'm hungover and I have nothing to prove.

Half ostrich exit.

I say, nothing like fresh ocean air on the nethers.

Can I ask why you want to beat up your father?

Do you feel abandoned?

What? No. Stay out of it!

[sighs]

I don't know why.

It's just a feeling I have,

like there's some guy that made me

and I need to let him know

that doesn't make him better than me by punching him.

Sounds to me like your Cyclop instincts coming through.

I have to warn you, they have a very aggressive culture.

Hey, is that Cyclopia there,

the island is shaped like one eye?

That is it, but all islands are basically shaped like--

What are you doing? Don't fly me all the way there.

It's embarrassing! Drop me off further away.

Ah! [heavy thud]

[indistinct chatter]

Which one of you ass-hats knocked up my mom?

- Who wants to know? - Who's asking?

- You and what army? - My ass and your face!

Hey, you better watch yourself, two-eyes!

I'm not a two-eyes. [all gasp]

Hey, that's Donny's eye.

You're right! That's Donny's frickin' eye.

Donny! This your kid?

Ah, crap. Probably.

Why are you being a jagoff?

Maybe 'cause I'm half jagoff.

[laughter and chatter]

So what, you come here to cry about your feelings

and blame me for your life?

I came to knock your teeth down your throat!

[laughter and chatter]

- I like that. - You do?

Yeah, I get it. Guy knocks up your mom.

It's like, what, does this guy think he's better than me?

We all beat up our dads around here.

[all agreeing] - Hey, you want a beer?

We drink it out of barrels instead of cups.

Maybe. But I did come here to fight.

Yeah, what do you think beer is for, to make people happy?

[crowd laughing and cheering]

[gulping]

What if I told you I wanted to free Prometheus?

I'd say go outside.

And if that's your new phrase for it,

I don't think it beats "release the Kraken."

I'm serious. We have a hero that we know is

chained to a rock somewhere with an eagle eating his liver

and we're just letting that happen? Why?

We don't want to piss off Zeus

and we aren't motivated by the dream of

proving your mother wrong?

Come on, you're the scientist.

If Prometheus is chained to a rock,

it's not with normal chains. - OK?

So you could maybe come up with

a way to detect that metal

and we could find Prometheus and set him free.

And really stick it to your mom.

You're obsessed with my mum.

If that makes you feel better.

OK, I think you're describing a magnet.

What's a magnet?

A way to stick it to your mom.

Then I love it. And by me, I mean you.

You must love magnets. I just love freeing Prometheus.

Let's do this! Brains and heart.

Is this--

are we coming up with a special--

It's our brother handshake.

Yeah, just with the--and then--

ugh, we'll finesse it later.

We should be close now.

That thing is actually working?

[sighs] OK, no, it's not doing anything.

It's stupid. I was stupid!

I don't know what I was thinking.

Hey, you're being kind of hard on yourself.

No, shut up. Look at me.

My body is disgusting

and I try to compensate with intelligence

but I'm not even really that smart.

I just-- holy crap! I'm a genius.

Go that way and never underestimate me.

I was testing your faith in science and you failed.

God, oh, god, not again!

Ow! Oh, god, it hurts every time.

OK, now it's healing. That's a little better.

[eagle screeches] Oh, god, not again!

You think that's our guy?

- [whispers] Prometheus! - Huh?

Hey, you don't want any part of this.

There's an eagle here that eats--

oh, god, livers!

Oh, it hurts every time!

Prometheus, I'm Tyrannis, King of Krapopolis.

This is my brother, Hippocampus.

- Big fan. - Oh, hi, guys.

I'd say nice to meet you

but there's an eagle eating my liver.

If we were to free you, would you be willing to

tell my mother she's full of crap?

Gee, let me think about it. Yes!

[eagle screeches] Oh, god, not the liver again!

Oh, so specific! Such a specific pain.

Let me get a look at these chains.

It's not something you think about

as a sensitive area, you know?

- The liver, you mean? - Yes, the liver. It hurts.

When you're a kid and you go out to play,

your mother never says, "cover your liver,"

but wow, I've spent centuries begging this eagle to try

a testicle, an eyeball. Anything would be a vacation.

How are you doing on those chains, little man?

We close?

Gods, obsessed with punishment,

lazy with mechanics.

[eagle screeches]

Did you like it? Was my liver delicious?

Are you going to kill the eagle?

Why would I do that? [neck snaps]

Oh, yeah, because it ate my liver forever.

That's why.

- No problem. - You earned it!

Thank you for freeing me, Hippocampus and Tyrannis.

Ah!

Stop stinging yourself. Why you stinging yourself?

I've answered your question several times.

I'm not stinging myself.

Beat it, guys.

[all grumble] - OK, whatever.

How's it going?

It's not a place I'd choose to be.

Why are you even still here?

Well, I can't tell your mother I just left you here.

Why not? You're not my dad.

And I don't have to explain myself to you.

You'd never get it. You're a two-eyes.

Hey, moron, you coming?

[grunts] You're not the boss of me, jagoff!

We're going to the beach to throw rocks at

the Island of the Giants.

Does he not know that that's impossible?

Oh, they don't have depth perception.

Ugh, bye!

[grunts]

Ah, I've never been able to hit those jagoffs

but I like trying.

Giants are just extra-eyed Cyclops!

[grunts]

[loud impact] - Holy crap.

I think you hit a giant!

It might have been a baby, but still, a giant baby.

I did! I did it!

Ah, so, look.

You know, it's been fun, but--

But it gets funner?

Don't make this hard on yourself.

You're huge and you're a badass,

but deep down, you're like, "I want my daddy!"

That's not the Cyclops way.

We're not, like, masking intimacy with violence.

We're truly violent.

Gee, I'm not sure I can understand!

- [grunts] - How's that?

[laughs, spits]

You know, it's better than trying to hug me,

but I can still tell you want to hug me.

How about I hug your skull with a rock?

I guess I'd die being proven wrong.

But if I'm right, you could never kill me.

I mean, look, you got one eye, but you're kind of a giant.

- [grunts] - See? That alone right there,

that should've got me killed. Good luck out there, ya mook.

I bet the last time you were free,

mortals still lived in caves.

And now you make your own tiny personal caves.

Not how I would've done it.

But, uh, ooh, what are those round things?

- Wheels. - Cute.

Ooh, hey, look at this.

Ah? Huh?

You're welcome. [chuckles]

Uh, turned out pretty useful.

We use it every day.

So, uh, as discussed,

my mum kind of tried to high road us about

being supportive fans of yours, and--

Oh, yeah, of course.

Let's blow a bitch's mind. Where's she at?

OK, loosen up. Don't overthink it.

Random animal!

Oh, that's rubbish.

That's not random. It's an ostrich.

You're trying too hard.

Random animal, for real this time.

Don't think, just go.

Ugh, damn it.

Prometheus?

Deliria?

You haven't changed.

I'm immortal.

So am I.

[romantic music]

[both moaning]

♪ ♪

How's it going in here?

- Pretty well. - [moans]

Should we leave and come back louder?

OK, OK. I'm married now.

Your husband would understand.

Oh, he'd more than understand.

He'd want to watch and then it's a whole thing.

How are you free? - We freed him.

How do you two know each other?

Well, we walked in on that answer.

I mean, they clearly at one point banged.

Your mother was my hero.

Stop.

It was her idea to steal fire!

both: Stop! - Whatever.

All the gods had that idea. The idea was to piss Zeus off.

What happens when he tries to find you?

I don't know. Maybe I'll have to find him first.

- So cool. - Badass!

Hippocampus, I'd like to see your workshop.

Holy! Uh, yeah, it's right this way.

It's a little messy right now

'cause I've been working with bronze,

which you'll probably think is dumb,

but I think it's the fire of metals.

Why would you keep this a secret?

You brag about breathing.

- I don't have to breathe. - See?

You wanted me to admire my hero less.

Telling me you nailed him is exactly your kind of move,

and by the way, would've worked.

So why is this your first experiment with modesty?

Did you love him?

A lot of gods loved him.

We loved him because he antagonized Zeus,

and that was always fun. Until it wasn't.

Until he got punished and you all fell in line.

You're out of line.

You'll regret freeing him. He's dangerous.

You never mentioned it because you're ashamed.

Ugh, if I admit that, will you get him to go away?

I'm your son, Mum.

But first, you have to admit it.

I'm ashamed I turned my back on him.

You should be. Gotcha! Ha!

You tried to make me feel bad but I proved I was good!

And now, you have to admit you're bad

because I'm better than you.

[in low voice] And you admitted it.

[normally] I said, I'm better than you. Ha!

Leave my temple!

Gladly. Dancing out.

Dance of pride, temple of shame.

Too proud to stay here. I might melt or explode.

My mother has shame! Someone draw this on a vase!

[coughing]

What happened?

Were you trying to walk across

the bottom of the ocean?

I was ready to go home and I don't know how to swim.

I think that's called drowning.

Call it what you want. It got me home.

No, it didn't. We're still on Cyclopia.

If you needed a ride home, I-- - I don't need anything!

But since you're still hovering,

you might as well give me a ride.

You wanna tell me what happened?

Did you get your feelings hurt?

If you ever ask me that again,

I'm gonna pull out your intestines

and wrap 'em around your throat until your eyes pop out.

And then I'm gonna put your eyes up your butt,

and there's gonna be plenty of room--

Because I won't have intestines

and because eyeballs are small, yeah.

You rest here. I'm gonna get you some water.

From a lake.

[gulping]

Who the hell are you?

I'm your ex-lover's current lover

and your daughter's... ride.

If you're here to give me

the "you should love your kids" lecture,

I've heard it. - So have I.

We're both monsters.

We spread our seed far and wide.

Monsters are going extinct

so we need to get that stuff everywhere.

I couldn't tell you half my children's names,

but that daughter of yours gives so much

and needs so little.

The dream of one punch

got her through 20 years of baby pigs.

I don't know what that means,

but like I told her, Cyclops don't do this.

But she's not a Cyclops because it turns out

your wiener can try all kinds of new things.

Maybe your heart could follow.

Maybe you should make my heart follow my wiener.

Look, I'm not good at this fighting business.

Oh, what a surprise.

Guess you'll just have to stand there and get your ass...

- [grunts] - [choking] Kicked.

I tried to tell you, I'm really bad at this.

Are you alive? Just get rid of this.

Oh. Uh, yeah, OK, that's--

I was told to stay out of this.

This is on me.

[blade sharpening]

[magical shearing]

So cool!

It needs to be sharper.

That's sharper than anyone else could ever--

Hey, Hippocampus, look at me.

You know whose job it is to be like anyone else?

Everyone else.

I need you to be better. - Got it.

I thought you'd be in the workshop.

Prometheus had me melt his chains down

so we could forge things with their supernatural metal.

What kind of things?

Uh, just a blade that can cut a god's throat.

Oh, hey!

I shouldn't hold that as a politician.

Are you still here?

Sharper! - Yep, right.

[quietly] He's nuts. - [quietly] Oh, good.

Have fun!

There's no politics to revolution.

You're a warrior now.

Tomorrow, we lay siege to Olympus.

That doesn't sound like me. Never been a siege-layer.

My big move is sarcasm.

Like, if I really hate someone and they do something stupid,

I'll say, "good one," but they know I don't mean it.

I gave you people fire

to get things done, to set things right!

I come back and you've invented something called pie?

Those are the words of a man that has never tried pie.

Put him down.

And what if I don't? Don't tell me you'll actually

fight for something you care about.

I don't care about him. Look at his hair!

I'm just saying the mortals can't help you fight Zeus.

Mortals die. They're famous for it.

It's right there in the name.

[thud]

What god would I ever trust again?

Me.

Really?

OK! Good to hear.

We leave at dawn.

What are we gonna do about this guy?

I'll do as he says. I owe him that much.

You'll end up on a rock with him!

And you can't possibly have any liver to spare.

If he fails, which he will, that's what he does,

Zeus is going to know

who freed, sheltered, and armed him,

and your entire city will be a hole

the shape of a giant Zeus penis.

So you're doing this to protect me?

How's that feel?

- Bad. - Good. You deserve it.

[slurps, sighs]

[as Donny] Hey, Stupendous!

I heard you're leaving

and I wanted to say I'm sorry

and I love you very much.

Shlub, did you kill my dad?

Uh... yes.

Thank you. You didn't have to do that.

It really wasn't my goal. I just wanted him to stop--

look, you came a long way.

I didn't want your trip to be a waste.

It wasn't. I found a dad.

Yeah? Oh! Aw, that's sweet.

We should get going.

Now I come to think about it,

I killed a lot of these chaps.

[grunting]

Practicing for your big mission?

What do you care?

Can't believe I got chained to a rock for you people.

I can't believe I unchained you

just to feel superior to my mother.

You sure blew that one.

Yeah, turns out she'll go

way further than me to feel superior.

You really can't fathom

the idea of genuine sacrifice, can you?

- Can you? - Excuse me?

I mean, sacrifice is when you don't care about yourself.

And I haven't known you too long,

but wow, it's just all about you,

which I think is actually what made you my hero.

What is this?

Recognize it?

I'm pretty sure it's sharp enough now

but I'd love a reason to test it.

I'm calling it insurance,

something I'll be giving to mortals

with no strings attached.

You're gonna kill me to prove yourself to your mommy?

It's more like I'd rather die than owe her my life,

since I'd never hear the end of it.

You're all so selfish!

And the mortals are no better than the gods.

Kind of makes you want to stop helping,

live free for yourself.

It would serve us right, right?

Let me ask you something. That wheel thing,

is that a human invention? - Yeah.

And so squirrels don't have the wheel?

Squirrels don't need wheels.

They wouldn't know how to-- - They wouldn't know how.

Isn't that a convenient way of looking at it?

Are you gonna steal the wheel from man

and give it to squirrels?

[chuckling] What? No. I'd never do that.

♪ ♪

So long, mortals.

I hope you can live with the shame of letting me down.

Would you like a bigger bag for all those wheels?

[chuckling] Are these wheels?

I don't know how those got in my bag.

I'll bring them back later.

But first, I'd like to steal a moment with your mother.

Yep.

Come with me. I'm gonna give the wheel to squirrels.

We've resolved this.

I never believed in your causes.

I just liked being angry.

- But the sex was amazing. - All sex with me is amazing.

And whether you see it or not, this civilization thing,

it is the mortals doing the best they can

with what you gave them.

You did do something good for them

and it's worth protecting.

You couldn't have planned this speech more ironically.

There's a guy collecting pig feces over your shoulder.

- They call it agriculture. - OK.

From fire to collecting poop.

You live and you learn.

One last kiss? - We had our last one.

The next is for my husband.

Prometheus?

Shlub? What are you doing here?

- I live here. - Ah.

Any interest in helping lead a revolution of squirrels?

No, not really.

But if you're unchained now, will you still want handies?

Is that Hercules?

It's Heracles.

Hi! On a quest!

[panting]

[metallic creaking]

[panting]

[grunts] I hereby free Prometheus!

Next quest!

[metallic creaking]

[chains clinking]

[clattering]

[wheels creaking]

[metallic creaking]

Did you get any of that?

Bento.