Original subtitles

This is it. We're here.

This is Krapopolis.

I swear it's not as bad as the name sounds.

[creature shrieks] - [screams]

- Or that looked. - I bet he deserved it.

- Fisherman, your king returns. - We have a king?

[laughs] We're a democracy,

so him not knowing me means I'm crushing it.

Oh, wow, and here's my family to greet us.

I guess you guys heard. - Heard?

That I fought a kraken, rescued a princess,

and I'm returning with a girlfriend.

Am I rushing it? - Nope.

I'm his girlfriend.

Yeah, it's the talk of the town.

I've got two grilled octopus and two coconut waters.

That's us. What do we owe you?

- Three sandals. - So you're only here for food?

In our defense, we got hungry and forgot you were gone.

Can you break a chicken?

Do I look like I carry seven buckets of olives?

Hey, girlfriend, welcome to Krapopolis.

- Oh! - We need your sandals.

We are good for it. We're royalty.

[dramatic lyre music]

♪ ♪

[rhythmic grunting]

♪ ♪

all: Whoo!

The goddess Deliria demands this story continue.

Yes, Mother--fifth time you've interrupted to say that.

And I was tied to the rock,

and the kraken was going to eat me.

But then, Tyrannis arrived and rescued me.

- You rescued me. - You rescued me.

You fought a kraken? With what?

My fist-- punched it on the nose.

I guess that's their weakness.

That's sharks.

Well, turns out nobody likes it.

Herophile, Tyrannis tells me you're a sea nymph.

Would we know your family?

Well, my father is Poseidon.

all: Ooh! - Very impressive.

Oh, so when my son chooses the daughter of a god,

it's romantic, but--

But when your mother chooses, it's gross.

Yeah, you're getting it. Come on.

You know what I'm not getting?

This kraken story.

Don't be jealous of your brother, Stupendous.

He can barely swim!

How'd he untie her in the water?

Krakens are bad with knots.

Once again, that's sharks.

I am bleeding to death. That can wait.

How is this a feasible combination?

[mockingly] That's Tyrannis' girlfriend.

Oh, well, I'm his half brother,

which I guess makes us husband and wife

if he gets murdered. - You were bleeding to death?

Yeah, because guess which animal still refuses

to roll over for civilization? - Wolves.

- Wolves. - Wolves!

What is with this rivalry between humans and wolves?

They're the only animal we will never be friends with.

I'm just gonna say it right now,

they're man's worst enemy.

Brilliant, that's gonna stick.

- Mm-hmm. - You realize this poor

young lady is sitting here like a prop.

Can we please give her a bit of agency?

Herophile, I'd like you to decide

when you're marrying my son.

Mom, we just met!

Her father is Poseidon.

He's gonna propose to you before sundown.

[munches] [muffled] Here's why--

you're the hottest woman he'll ever have a shot at.

This family is the wolves of people.

[dramatic music]

I guess the legend of our relationship is spreading now.

I can't believe the king's not going to die a virgin!

Inappropriate! But hopefully, true.

And there's where people eat,

and there's where they poo.

Those places are really close together.

That's exactly what I said. You're good at this.

Look, we're on a vase.

Being in a celebrated relationship feels

extra romantic, doesn't it?

I guess that's why we should put extra effort into knowing

where we're at, keeping it real.

That's smart. I agree.

Your Divine Royalnesses,

I made a sculpture of you two meeting.

♪ ♪

Holy balls.

Marry me. - Yes!

Mmm.

[cheers and applause] - They're getting married--

mostly because of my work!

Wolves, they're smart, yet savage--

organized, yet impulsive. - Not unlike man.

Shlub, if you start with that "man is just an animal" crap,

I will pin you to the floor

and dominate you with a non-sexual hump.

That's why you're the cyclops for this mission, sis.

This new technology will allow you to walk among wolves,

perceived as one of their own.

Is that a tank of wolf pee?

- Is that a problem? - You callin' me scared?

I will non-sexually hump you.

Kids, kids, there's no need to fight.

We'll all get our chance in the [bleep] tank.

Then let's begin!

[tense music]

[both grunt]

♪ ♪

Aah!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[growls]

♪ ♪

Ah!

[grunting]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[sniffing]

[growls]

[both growling]

[whimpers]

Now that we're friends, what do you say

we visit your leader?

[vocalizes]

My mother will be so happy we're getting married,

which I don't even see as a downside now.

And I'm so happy that I'm not even turned off

by how much you mention her.

I guess I do fixate too much on proving her wrong.

She represents the old world,

and I never saw a role for myself in it.

Then I punched a kraken. I'm a kraken puncher.

Yeah, you are.

Is that a-- is that a kraken?

Oh, god, oh, dear god, do you think it's the same one?

Do I just punch it again? - I don't know!

Well, get behind me, I guess.

Or should we run? - I don't know!

If we run, will you still love me?

- I think so. - Oh, thank god. Run!

[gasps] - Oh!

You run, and you're dead.

Oh, damn it.

Where's your mother? She stiffed me.

See, I'm not the only one who brings her up--wait, what?

Excuse me, what are you saying?

His mother owes me 20 cows for the fake kraken fight!

You're not a real kraken?

Real kraken, jagoff, fake fight.

[all grunting]

[mystical music]

- Whoa. - Ah.

[exclamations]

[roars]

Oh, a kraken!

- Oh, no! - [grunts]

Ah! [water splashes]

- [grunts] - Aah!

- [grunts] - Oh! Owie, owie, owie!

[panting]

[whimpers]

[grunts weakly]

[groaning]

I am slain!

Ugh.

You tell that bitch I'm hungry, and I'm not going away!

Sorry about the language, sweetie.

I respect Poseidon a lot.

Your dad's what krakens call a kraken's god.

Oh, and congratulations.

[chuckling] I heard you guys got engaged.

- Thank you... - Thank you...

♪ And Deliria's son fought a kraken and won ♪

♪ Because he's Deliria's son ♪

- Loving it. - ♪ And Poseidon's daughter ♪

♪ Called out from the water-- ♪

Okay, but Poseidon can have his own song.

What if that's where you put a catchy hook, like--

♪ This is the wedding of Deliria's son ♪

♪ Deliria, Deliria ♪

I love that idea. I'll come up with some lyrics.

I just gave you the lyrics.

- Manipulator! - [groans]

Who told? The kraken?

What happened to the crew? Did they drown?

I turned them into fish when they hit the water,

brought them home,

and set them up with wives of their own.

Unlike you, they won't be complaining.

- Do you mind? - No problem!

[lute plays]

I mean, leave the room!

Don't talk to my bard like a slave.

You leave, and you die. - No problem!

- I thought I was in love! - You are!

And she's quite taken with you, oddly enough.

But if the blabbermouth kraken changed that,

we'll just sweeten the deal for her.

I don't want her to get a deal.

I told you my whole life

I don't want to be provided with a woman.

Yes, yes, you want to earn a woman

by giving her more things than someone better looking.

It's quite modern, son. But we've given it a go.

I can't make another child.

You were too much work.

You owe me a grandson worthy of overthrowing you.

Well, now I can die the world's most satisfied virgin

since I'll finally be depriving you of something.

Maybe I should go.

both: No! - I'm going.

I have a princess to return.

So sorry I tried to help you.

If there were anyone in this entire world

that wanted your help, Mother,

you'd be ruining their life instead of mine!

♪ This is the wedding of Deliria's-- ♪

spiders!

Oh, god, why?

Are they poisonous? They're not biting.

They're everywhere! Can I just ask why?

I'll take that as a no! Whatever I did, I'm sorry!

So many spiders! Am I allowed to kill them?

I'm killing a lot of them just by flailing.

If that's some kind of test, I can try to stand still.

I'll do anything! I'm so sorry

for whatever I did to offend you!

I have to get out of these clothes!

You know, your son does seem pretty mad at you.

[somber music]

♪ ♪

I'm not doing any actual navigating, by the way.

I'm just moving this thing around.

Where do you live again?

The ocean. We're here.

Sorry I'm not a real kraken puncher.

I didn't like you for that.

I liked that you wanted

to be free from the gods.

And here I am dumping you back with Poseidon.

And then going back to Deliria.

Gods, they think they're so high and mighty,

but they're-- well, they're high and mighty,

but they're the ones that need us.

It would serve them right if you and I just--

Disappeared? I know a place

we could live free. It's called "the swamp."

The gods never go there.

Unless "the swamp" is a special name

for a place that isn't a swamp,

I don't think anyone goes there.

Oh, it's a swamp, but it's a swamp we control.

We could have a kingdom there

and kids.

[giggles] We could try,

which I hear is the best part.

And then the kids are-- [blows raspberry]

Let's do it, Tyrannis.

Let's try it. Let's swamp it.

- You really mean it? - I really mean let's try.

[romantic music]

- [barks] - Hey, everybody.

Two wolves approachin'. I'll be living with you guys,

learning your secrets-- not that they're secrets to me.

I'm a wolf.

[tense music]

[growling]

[sniffs]

[snarls]

Is that your boss? What'd he say, something good?

[all snarling]

[grunts]

Well, that'll keep the rain out.

I guess the floor got kind of--

- Swamped? - Exactly.

Hungry? I'm going to check

on the frog trap.

Ew. [groaning]

Eww.

I may not know how to trap frogs.

But we're free.

Right, and now we have to stay free forever,

or I'll be killed.

[water splashes]

Oh, boy, get behind me.

I need a weapon. I need a stick!

Great, now I'm a master frog catcher.

[suspenseful music]

Carrots?

Herophile.

Oh, who are you?

- Her boyfriend. - I see.

I'm heartbroken, but I'm not the jealous type.

You don't have to be. You have a horse penis.

I'm jealous. What's the story here?

Carrots was my first love. He left me.

I had to flee from your father.

I ended up on a tiny island,

imprisoned by irresistible centaur women--

women with the backs and fronts of horses.

After a year, I realized, wait, these are just horses.

So I left. And I remembered

how you used to talk about the swamp.

Can we go back to the year you spent banging horses?

I could've lied about that part.

That's definitely true.

I didn't come here to get you back.

I'll believe it when I see it.

I'm just hiding from your dad.

- Us too. - Yeah, us too,

the couple moving into her swamp.

Good luck out there, Carrots.

Tyrannis, he'll die.

I said "good luck."

[groans]

Carrots, please do me the honor

of living in a swamp with me and your ex-girlfriend.

I appreciate that.

I'm saying this right now.

You're both dicks if you fall back in love,

and I don't care if my ugly possessiveness

makes it feel romantic.

It won't be. It'll be a dick move

that got called ahead of time.

- Perfectly reasonable. - No, that makes sense.

[shivers]

[shivers]

[twig snaps]

[snarling]

Step back. I'm not wounded.

I'm just in this position because it's badass.

[vocalizes]

I said "get back!" [grunts]

[hopeful music]

[whimpers]

You makin' fun of me?

♪ ♪

You bring one more stick to me and see what happens.

Thanks for bringing all those sticks.

[vocalizing]

I assume this is, like, a truce.

So I'm gonna lay down and either heal or die,

and I'll kill you in the morning.

[vocalizing]

♪ ♪

[deer whimper and bray]

- Hunger--uh-- - Hungry!

Hungry hunger! - Eating.

Food? - Yes!

Come on, this game was supposed

to take our minds off starvation.

- [crying] - Don't cry, Herophile.

We still have one more round. We can come back.

I prayed to my father.

both: What? - Okay, you can cry now.

Cry hard. You just killed us!

I'm sorry. I didn't know

I'd be on the hook for everyone's misery.

Now you're on the hook for our deaths.

Okay, this is good though. If we're all being honest,

I hate the swamp, and I want my mommy.

[grunts] - What are you doing?

My mom gave me an emergency ritual--

some moss, a good-looking rock, mud.

Gonna just--this looks like my mom, I think, right?

You're spending a lot of time on the breasts.

You don't get to judge family dynamics!

Goddess Deliria, mother of the ungrateful,

Goddess Deliria,

mother of the ungrateful--

- My father is coming. - Shh!

Goddess Deliria,

mother of the ungrateful!

This is the goddess Deliria!

Yes, yes!

Mom, I'm sorry, and I need you just to--

If you'd like to leave a sacrifice,

you can do so after this message.

If not, lose this ritual.

Frog, frog!

Give me the frog!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Dolphin skis! both: Ew.

I hope you're happy. This brackish water

is killing these guys.

[dolphins vocalizing]

Yeah, you're fine now, but trust me!

I'm sorry, Dad. I--

I don't wanna hear it. Daddy's here.

This ends now. You're getting married.

Where are these jackasses?

Get over here!

You, horse ass, what's your name?

Gravy? - Carrots.

I don't wanna hear it!

And you, you're Deliria's kid, Titmouse?

- Yes. - That's your name, Titmouse?

- No. - Tell me your name!

- Tyrannis. - I don't wanna hear it!

Here's how it's gonna go down.

I don't care who marries her at this point.

One of you is. The other one is dying.

Dad, no! Don't make me choose.

I'm not. You'd choose wrong.

At dawn, the two of you fight to the death

for my amusement, but more importantly,

to uphold--

no, no--for my amusement.

These dolphins are dying!

[dolphins vocalize] Yes, you are!

Dying dolphin skis!

- Sorry. - Sorry.

I'm sorry, guys.

- You're sorry? - Should I not be?

I was more expressing like,

sorry doesn't begin to cover it.

We're blaming me for this?

Well, you did bring me to a secret swamp

where your ex-boyfriend lives, and then brought your father

to the secret swamp, so I'm not gonna blame the crocodiles.

We were going to die.

You guys were.

I eat grass. I was surviving.

Now you're surviving, and one of us isn't.

And to be clear, whichever of us does survive,

will always agree with the dead one

that you could've handled this better.

Gee, I can't wait to be forced to marry

the most lethal of two men that despise me.

[both chuckle] Is that funny?

No, but it is funny to pick this moment

to expect our sympathy.

Yeah, cry us a river.

Cry us a swamp.

Look, don't worry. Carrots and I have a plan.

Poseidon might not even show up.

- Are you serious? - Sometimes he makes people

stand around all day, and that's the lesson.

- I love that lesson! - Yup, let's get out of here.

Time to fight to the death!

Damn it.

You should stay in my room

until my family can get used to you.

But I walk around a lot. You like walking around?

And after a while, maybe our species

can form some kind of...

Attention, wolves!

Withdraw or die!

- Friendship. - You're no match for humanity!

You have yet to develop the sound cone!

Okay, time to fight to the death.

And don't do the thing where you're friends,

so you're conflicted about fighting.

Just really go at each other.

Now!

[both grunting softly]

You're doing the exact thing

I asked you not to do!

Fight for real!

[both grunting]

Ready! [wolves growling]

- Mutilate the wolves! - Stop!

We can be friends!

This wolf and I slept together.

[all chuckle] Oh, grow up!

That's sweet, sis,

but I don't think these wolves understand.

Wolf, you can understand me, right?

[barks]

Okay, great. I'll talk to my army,

and you translate for yours.

Listen to me!

Humans and wolves are not that different!

[barking]

We're smart but violent.

[barking]

We're especially mean to our own kind.

[barking]

Maybe we finally found the one animal

that really gets us.

[barking]

[inspiring music]

[all howl]

[all murmuring]

We're gonna be friends with wolves.

[barking]

[both grunting]

Hiya!

[shudders]

[both grunting]

Stop!

We won't fight anymore, and here's why.

We have something you don't hav--

- [grunts] - [groans]

[weakly] Integrity.

- Carrots! - Are you satisfied?

Have you seen enough blood?

No, I haven't seen any.

I can't believe you guys tried to pull

the fake telescoping spear trick.

Okay, okay, you caught us there.

You do understand now I have to kill you both?

Of course, it makes a lot of sense

that this would offend you, and you know why?

Because the lesson is, nobody likes to be manipulated.

He gets it! He's nodding.

No, no, I was imagining a kickass song

to murder you by.

♪ Dun, dun, dun, dun, die! ♪

♪ Die, die, die, die, die! ♪

But I think if you think--

ah!

Whoa!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Uh...

[shuddering]

Oh, my god!

[retching]

[moans] - [clears throat]

Let it out. Let's go.

I hate you!

Yeah, yeah. You comin' home?

Or do you wanna keep being free?

[mutters] I'll come home, but I hate you.

Dolphins!

Dolphins?

See? Called it.

Already dead. Whale!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[serene lute music]

Light is dangerous.

All move as one.

- Water is air. - All right.

You're human, and he's gone.

- Did it work? - Of course it worked!

It's not like Poseidon's going to choose now

to become unpredictable.

Can I just ask, Mom,

whose dismembered human and horse appendages those are?

Actually, you can't ask, because the lesson here

is never question my judgment.

- I'm good with that lesson. - I'm Carrots.

No new friends, Carrots, and find your own way home.

You're a good guy, Carrots the Centaur,

and a good horse, combined.

We haven't seen the last of each other, King Tyrannis.

Yah!

[pants]

He says "yah" to himself?

Haven't seen the last of each other?

Like he gets to decide how enduring a character he is.

[tuts] both: Centaurs.

Mom, you were right. I can't keep being

so critical of you if I'm just as much of a spoiled assface.

Yes, yes, it's possible

it was unfair of me to trick you.

Right, what animal do you want to go home on?

- An eagle! - You don't get to choose.

Tricked you! Whale!

Inspired choice.

He didn't invent summoning whales.

Mom, mom, mom--mom! Mom!

[gargling] Mom!

[wolves barking] - How's it going?

Well, they are interested in a domestic relationship.

- That's great. - I don't know.

They want to live in our houses

and sleep in our beds and eat our food.

They want to be escorted outside

so they can poop and pee wherever they want,

and whenever they do it,

they want to be told they're good at it.

Okay, that took a turn. What are they offering us?

Can we milk them?

No! No milking, no hauling.

Look, I'm a very interspecies kind of guy,

but this is the most one-sided proposal I've ever heard,

and I can't advise mankind to do anything else

but walk the hell away.

You guys, look at their offspring.

It's like their puppies are intentionally becoming cuter.

But the negotiations aren't really--

okay, look at this lil' guy.

[baby talk] Are you a lil' guy? Yes, you are.

[normal voice] Just go in there and agree to everything.

Stop being a jerk.

[sighs]

[suspenseful music]

[growling]

Did you get any of that?

Bento. [all cheering]