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[ rock theme playing]

♪ Some people call me

♪ A teenage idol

♪ Some people say They envy me ♪

♪ I guess they got No way of knowing ♪

♪ How lonesome

♪ I can be

[ rock music playing outside ]

[ shoe creaks ]

These shoes.

[ rock music playing ]

[ crowd chattering ]

[ man laughs ]

[ shoes creaking ]

♪ ...call me A teenage idol ♪

♪ Some people say They envy me ♪

[ woman moaning ]

Hey, man.What?

Come here.Why?

Come get some of this stuff.

It's good. I'm telling you.

What's wrong with her?

She's all right. She's digging it, man.

Ain't you, baby? Unh...

See that, man?She wants it, man.

Come on over here!

[ animal howls ]

[ mysterious theme playing]

MAN: Fourth precinct.

Yeah. There's something funny going on

on the corner of Lincoln and 46th.

Hold on.

[ glass shatters ]

[ mysterious theme plays]

♪ Some people call me A teenage idol ♪

♪ Some people say They envy me ♪

♪ I guess they got No way of knowing ♪

♪ How lonesome I can be

♪ I need somebody To be my baby ♪

♪ Someone to tell My troubles to ♪

♪ I got no time To ever find her ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm just Passing through ♪

♪ I travel around

♪ From town to lonely town

♪ I guess I'll always be

♪ Just a rolling stone

♪ If I find fortune and fame

♪ And lots of people Know my name ♪

♪ That won't mean a thing...

Suede is a funny thing.

It's rough, but soft.

It's strong, but quiet.

And it doesn't wrinkle...

and it doesn't crack.

And it doesn't stand out so much

in a crowd of leather and vinyl.

WOMAN [ softly ]: Johnny Suede.

You don't notice it at first, but once you do,

you can't take your eyes off of it,

and you wonder how in the hell

you ever overlooked it in the first place.

[ loud cheering ]

[ car horn honks in distance ]

[ mysterious theme playing]

WOMAN [ softly ]: Johnny Suede.

[ mysterious theme playing]

♪ Today I ate a carrot For breakfast ♪

♪ Tomorrow I'll do the same

♪ It don't seem fair That a guy like me

♪ Should live Such a life of shame ♪

♪ Don't-- Life of sh--

♪ Life-- Life-- [ knock on door ]

Who is it?

MAN: It's your father.

Hi, Mr. Clepp.

How you doing?

Hope I'm not bothering you.

No, I was just practicingmy guitar and stuff.

That's good.

Now, I wrote a song once.

It's called "The Rent Song."

Did you ever hear "The Rent Song"?

"The Rent Song"?Um...

No, I don't think so.

It goes like this:

♪ Hey, hey Today's the day ♪

♪ Those that pay today Get to stay ♪

♪ Those that don't I hate to say ♪

♪ They gotta pack their shit

♪ And move, move Move away ♪

♪ Way

Practice that one, Caruso. Okay?

[ rock theme playing]

[ flamenco music playing over speakers]

Hey, Johnny.

Hey, Deke.

You know, I'm sorryI missed you last night.

I was on my way to the club,

when these three girlspull up to me, right,

asking me directionsto the Omega Tunnel, right.

So I say, you know,I'll show them, right.

The next thing I know,

they're goingthrough the tunnel, man,

with me still in the car.

I ended upin a mobile home

they have parked in the woodsoff the interstate.

[ chuckles ]

Uh, so how about you,you score last night, man?

What the fuck was I doing, man, huh? Playing hockey?

Jesus, what's the matterwith you, man?

What's the matter with me?

I just pawned my guitar, that's what.

Why?So I could have

something else to eat besides goddamned carrots, you know?

I'll tell you, man, if I had a gun right now...

I'd do something.

Like what?Like...

Do you see that barber shop over there, man?

I bet there's 300 dollars sitting in the register.

We walk in, show him the gun,

they give us the cash, right?

Yeah, man. Hey, hey, that's not a bad idea, Johnny.

I know. I could get my guitar out of hock--

Hey, man, I could get me a new keyboard.

Oh!

We would start the band.

So when are we gonna get the band started, man?

I just told you, as soon as we get a gun.

Listen. You know, I know this guy, man,

needs his apartment painted, you know?

So, like, you help me, I split it with you, 50-50.

50-50?

No. These hands were not made to hold a goddamned paintbrush.

All right, you knowwhat's best.

That I do.

All right, so I'll see youlater on tonight, man,

at the club.No, I'm not going.

That place is starting to bug me.

No, man. Hey, hey, hey.

You just need luckin rollin' the dice, man.

I mean, you bound to come upseven sooner or later.

Johnny? Johnny Suede?

[ dance music playing ]

♪ Overactive

♪ Active

♪ Active

♪ Active

♪ Active

MAN: Freak!

Slick.

Yeah, we need to talk. Really, we need to talk.

I'd like to talk to you too,Slick, but I can't right now.

What do you mean, you can't talk to me? When?

I don't know, man.I'm totally booked.

This record companyof mine, man,

they are on my assto get this album out.

Yeah, well, I need my money, man.

I mean, I need my money.

Yeah, well,I sympathize, dude.

Yeah.

You know,with those shoes on,

you remind me of a princein a fairytale.

Yeah? Well, with that pink dress on,

you remind me of a strawberry ice cream cone.

Looking for something?

Yeah, I just ordered a beer, and now it's gone.

I'll buy you one.

May I have a beer, please?

Thanks.

Are you in a band?

Mm-hmm.

I knew it. I saw you at the Red Hammock last week.

No, we haven'tplayed there yet.

You should.

I go all the time,my mom's in the record business.

Really?

Yeah, but the real reason I go is because I write poetry.

And it inspires me, and anyway a lot of people say

that music and poetry are a lot alike.

I've always thought so.

What's the name of your band again?

I'm not supposedto go to that club.

Why not?

It really upsetsmy boyfriend.

Who's Flip?

He's my boyfriend.

[ romantic theme playing]

Gloom and darkness Are my constant shadows

Where'er I go They're sure to follow

O prince of dreams On horse of white

Please bring me your Blinding beams of light

God, that's beautiful!

Um, listen,I'd better be going.

Why?

Well, I don't feel right herewith your boyfriend and all.

Yeah, he's pretty jealous.

He'd go crazy if he found you here.

Is he coming over?

Oh, I hope not.

I'm a little afraid of him.

Why?

Well, he hits me sometimes.

Do you think maybe you could stay?

DEKE: What about her boyfriend?

JOHNNY: She's gonna dump him.

Yeah, but she's gotto take it easy because...

Well, he's gotkind of a temper.

Uh-huh.You know?

He hits her and shit,

leaves black and bluemarks on her.

Jesus!Yeah.

What's this guy's problem?

I don't know,he's just crazy, I guess.

He's a famous photographer,Flip Doubt.

Flip Doubt?

That's what she said.

What a fucking idiot, man.

Yeah, and the fucking idiotlives right across the street.

Too bad, Johnny. I mean, now you've got to start

sneaking around and shit, man.

Whoa. Whoa,are you finished?

I don't sneak around, man,you know that. Come on.

No, we worked outa schedule.

He'll see her Monday,Wednesday and Friday,

and I'll see her Tuesday,Thursday and Saturday.

See?What about Sunday?

Well, she's leaving thatfor herself, you know?

Hmm.Yeah. I was thinking,

if you float me that 40 bucks,I'll get my guitar outta hock,

we're rehearsing on Sunday.

You're serious, Johnny?

Said I was gonna start a band,that's what I'm gonna do.

Yep. You got any songs?

No!No?

You better get on it.I mean, I got a couple,

but we gotta...we gotta get it going.

I didn't tell youthe best part.

You ready? Yeah?

Darlette's mom...

works for High ToneRecords' producer.

Oh, now, that's smooth, Johnny. That is smooth, man.

But I'm not gonna push it.

I mean, you know me,Mr. Easy-Going.

Yeah, just let it come to you, Johnny.

I mean, you know, let it come to you, man.

You're so right.

Like a little bird, Deke,

like a beautiful little bird.

[ mysterious theme playing]

[ inaudible ]

Poor guy.

Doing fine before I came along.

Well, Flip, got to say it, cut the cave man act, man.

Don't you know, you hold on to something tight,

it's with an open hand?

[ banging on door ]

Hi, babe!

Doesn't anybody eversweep those stairs?

No, no, not since I've ever been here.

These are for you.

Oh, wow.

Oh...

These are really beautiful.

Well, I should go now.

Why? You just got here.

Well, I don't feel well.

Oh, are you sick?

No, I'm not sick.

Um, then what's the matter?

Flip slapped me again last night.

What for?

No reason.

That's it. I'm gonna teach that fucking scum bag

about slapping women around.

I'm gonna kick the shit out of him!

He's got a gun.

[ electric guitar playing]

♪ This is for the never-girl

♪ The girl I never knew

♪ The one who neverPledged her love ♪

♪ Or promised to be true

♪ The one who never held me

♪ Or whispered in my ear

♪ The one whose lipsI never kissed ♪

♪ Or felt her heart so near

♪ But if I ever find her

♪ I know just what I'll say

♪ Here I amYour never boy ♪

♪ To take you far away

♪ Never girl

Yeah, not bad. Not bad. Uh-huh.

Yeah, but why don't we just like, you know,

gas the tempo up a little bit, Johnny, like...

[ drum machine playing rapid tempo ]

See, that's cool, right?

Let's just try it now, okay, like, hey, hey...

♪ This is for the never-girl The girl I never knew ♪

♪ The one who never Pledged her love ♪

♪ Or promised to be true Never, never, never ♪

No! Hey!♪ Never girl

[ drum machine stops ]

Okay, right.

It's a love song, man.

Yeah, I know it's a love song, but it's, you know,

it's soundin' sort of old fashioned, man.

We want somethin' now, right? I mean, you know...

No, wrong. You know?

I mean, I'm not into now.

Now is a fly's fartin the wind.

I mean, my musicjust comes out of me,

anytime, anywhere.

It's got no date on it.

It's your song, man, yeah.

Uh...

So you're in love, huh?

Who said that?

You just said it was a love song.

That song's not about me, man.

I just made it up.

Yeah. Let's take a break.

DEKE: Okay.

So where did you get that plant?

Darlette.

She's...

redoing my apartment,man, for free.

The whole thing.

Oh! Well, that's nice.

Yeah. And I guess she toldher old lady about me,

because nowshe wants to meet me.

Yeah, yeah, that's cool, that's cool, you know.

But be careful, man, you know,

'cause there's one thing

that I learned from experience, all right?

Now, if your girlfriend mother likes you,

chances are your girlfriend won't, okay?

Thanks, man.I gotta remember that.

[ siren wailing in distance ]

[ mysterious theme playing]

♪ I need somebody To be my baby♪

♪ Someone to tell My troubles to♪

♪ I've got no time To ever find her♪

♪ 'Cause I'm just Passing through♪

♪ I travel around♪

Who is this?

Are you kidding?

It's Ricky Nelson. Great voice, huh?

Yeah.

Some people say I sound like him.

Is there something elseyou can play?

Aw, there sure is.

[ Ricky Nelson's "Travelin' Man" playing ]

Don't you have anything else?

You don't like it?

Well, it's kinda boring.

Well, hey, I'll justtake it off then.

[ music stops ]

Do you have any Freak Storm?

Who?

Freak Storm.

He's great.

Flip has all his records.

JOHNNY:Never heard of him.

I thought you said this plantdidn't need much attention.

Well, have you been watering it?

Of courseI've been watering it.

I think it was deadwhen you gave it to me.

I wouldn't give you a dead plant.

Hey, does this plant look dead or not?

[ mysterious theme playing]

Where are you going?

Deke called.

Gonna go grab a beer.

Can I wait upstairs until you come back?

If you want.

[ light dramatic theme playing]

MRS. FONTAINE: Where are you from, Johnny?

Oh, nowhere in particular,Mrs. Fontaine.

I assume you were born somewhere?

North Dakota. But I only lived there a month.

DALTON:Like a Rolling Stone.

You know, with the Dakotasbeing primarily settled

by Swedish emigrants,I'm wondering if

the original pronunciationof your name isn't "Swede."

Jan Swede.

No, it's Suede, Mr. Fontaine.

Always has been, and it always will be.

Uh, Dalton is not Mr. Fontaine, Johnny.

He's not?I'm... I'm a friend, John.

A mere friend.

Where's your dad?

Gone.Gone?

Mr. Fontaine disappeared

shortly before Darlette's fifth birthday.

About a month later, the divorce papers arrived

postmarked Buenos Aires,

and I haven't seen or heard from him since.

Well, he's probably livingin a treehouse somewhere

surrounded by a bevyof bare breasted young--

See, I was kind ofa lone wolf in my day.

Oh, yeah?Yeah.

I rambled wild,drank hard, loved hard.

Do you knowwhat I'm saying?

Oh, I do.

I know you do,you rascal.

To the lone wolf.

What are you toasting, Dalton?

Animal behavior, my dear.

Have some coffee.

All righty.

Mrs. Fontaine, is that Nancy Sinatra

in that picture there?

No, that's me.

That's amazing, because I thought...

Why, you look just like Nancy Sinatra.

What are you doing with Frankie Lindou?

Frankie gave High Toneits first gold record.

"Let's Live on Love," right?

Well, I'd have thoughthe was before your time.

Well, Mrs. Fontaine, good music has no time.

That's my philosophy.

[ Mrs. Fontaine chuckles ]

Darlette tells me that you're a musician yourself.

What kind of music do you play?

Well, I actually don't have a name for it.

I just pick up my guitar and play.

Whatever comes out is what it is.

Kind of free-form,experimental.

Is that whatyou're saying, John?

JOHNNY: Not exactly, Dalt.

Johnny has a beautiful voice,

and he writes all his own songs.

How sweet. You've already got a fan.

I assume you have a tape?

Not on me.

Well, send it to me next week,

and maybe I can persuade Jazz Collins,

our new talent director, to give it a listen.

Thank you very much.

MRS. FONTAINE: There's only one thing I ask in return.

It's that you let me try on

one of those beautiful shoes.

[ Mrs. Fontaine laughs ]

[ dishes clatter ]

Babe, what's the matter?

MRS. FONTAINE: Darling...

I told you she hates me.

She always has.

She's trying to take you away from me.

No way, babe. Never happen.

My father didn't disappear.

She drove him away.

Because she knew how much I loved him.

When I was little,

I used to lie here staring at the door,

praying that it would open...

and he'd be thereto take me away forever.

Oh babe, I'm never gonna leave you. I thought...

Will you take me home?

[ guitar theme playing]

Ahh.

Babe...

you look so beautiful right now

Thanks.

Any more crackers?

No.No?

Um, do you have any more tea?

No?

Did I ever show you this picture?

No.

Wow, that's a great picture.

Who took it?

Flip.

We used to have so much fun,

dressing up and taking pictures of each other.

Yeah?

Babe, it's a little hard for me to understand

how you could be having so much fun with a guy

who's supposed to be beating the shit out of you.

Well, I'm sorry, Johnny.

But we had fun.

What do you want me to say?

Well, maybe I should slap you a couple times,

and we'll have some fun too.

I can't believe that you said that.

I was just joking. I would never.

It's over, Johnny.

What?

I can't pretend anymore.

I don't love you.

I'm sorry, Johnny,

but I'm not gonna be ableto see you again.

No!Goodbye, Johnny.

[ mysterious theme playing]

[ dog barking in distance ]

[ phone ringing ]

[ knocking on door ]

MAN: Johnny. Johnny!

[ kettle whistling ]

So you ina relationship yet?

No, not yet, but I'm working on it.

Yeah, good for you.It's just a matter of time.

Oh, yeah, she's out there...

somewhere.

You know what? You're right,she is out there.

In fact, I just saw herin the next train.

She's all dressed uplike Cinderella,

asking everybodyif they've seen

a stupid fucking idiotwho looks like you.

[ mysterious theme playing]

Hey! What the hellare you doing? Huh?

[ man groaning ]

Man, I'm gonna get you for this.Shut up!

You wait, sucker!You're gonna die!

Next time, you keep your nose out of other people's business.

Hey!

Hey, are you all right? You okay?

I oughta kick your fucking ass!What?

You're a real bigfucking man, you know,

picking on a littlegoddamned kid!

That wasn't a kid, that was a guy,

and he was trying to look up your dress.

Get the fuck out of here!He had a little antenna,

and he was trying to lift up your dress.

I didn't see anyfucking antenna. Where?

You didn't see any antenna and nothing happened here,

and your underwear, excuse me for saying so,

was not white with little blue rabbits on it.

Hey!

Hey, what?

I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry.

I thought you pushed himdown the stairs.

I'm sorry.No, I didn't push him.

He tripped over my foot.

It's a good thing he didn'thave a knife, you know?

Oh, I'm not worried about knives.

With these shoes on, I'm pretty light on my feet.

What are these, bedroom slippers?

No, they're notbedroom slippers.

Look! They're one of a kind,black suede shoes.

My name's Suede, by the way.Johnny Suede.

You're kidding me, right?

No, I'm not kidding.Why would I be kidding?

MAN: Yvonne!

Okay!

That's your name,huh, Yvonne?

Yeah.Yvonne.

Why, what about it?

Yvonne.

I knew a girl named Yvonne.

Yeah, she was a dancer at the Blue Kitten Lounge.

Yvonne!

I gotta go.

Who is that guy?

It's, uh... a friend.

See, I was just gonna say

he looks kinda like a friend.

[ both chuckle ]

I gotta go. My band's practicing across the street.

Right.

Maybe you'd like to come by?

I, um... I can't.I gotta go.

All right. But do me a favor.

Try to be a little more careful,

because I hate to say it, but there are guys around here

who would like to do a lot more than look up your dress.

Okay.

DEKE: So where'd you get that suit? Man, that's nice.

B-BOP:I was gonna check outFlip last night.

Where's she at?She went back to London.

[ chuckles ]

Guys, guys, I'm sorry I'm late.

You're not gonna believe what happened.

I'm coming off the subway,this crazy guy,

he pulls a knifeon me, this long.

What'd you do, man?

Kicked that fucker downthe stairs, that's what I did.

Did you hear about that guy got pushed in front of that train?

Killed?Cut his arm off.

I've seen a catcut half in two once.

You saw it happen?

No, but I've seen 'em put him in two bags, though.

All right, boys,let's make some music, huh?

Let's start with "Midtown."

One and a-two, you...

Hold it. Hold it, guys.

Hi. You showed up.

Hey, have a seat.

Guys, this is Yvonne.

Yvonne, this is B-Bop,our bass man.

Over here we got Conan,king of accordion,

and over here is Deke,my right hand man.

Okay?

All right, Deke, give me some of that rockin' beat.

[ playing "Midtown" ]

♪ I wanna work in midtown

♪ And wear a three-piece suit

♪ I wanna hire a limo

♪ Just to hear My driver toot ♪

♪ I want a fancy penthouse

♪ So high it's hid from you

♪ 'Cause when I have These things I want ♪

♪ Then I won't want you

♪ You're just a girl With a look on your face ♪

♪ Nothing much more than that

♪ I'll find another girl To take your place ♪

♪ And I'll do it In seconds flat ♪

♪ I wanna meet a model

♪ Who's only got one name

♪ She'll take me Out to parties ♪

♪ And treat me to cocaine

♪ I wanna make her love me

♪ Just like you used to do

♪ 'Cause when I have These things I want ♪

♪ Then I won't want you

DEKE: You coming, Johnny?

No, man, I'm gonnastick around.

I'll call you later.

So, what'd you think?

Is there a phone around here?

I really should call my friend.

Come on,I can take criticism.

Well, I don't... really know that much.

Forget it.

I know what you're tryingto say, and I agree with you.

These guys are terrible.

I mean, Deke, he's no help.

He thinks being in a bandis all fun and games.

I write all the songs,I set up all the rehearsals.

God!

I mean, the way I feellike right now,

I'm ready to givethe whole thing up.

Oh, don't do that.

Why not?

I liked the song.

I'm not really sure what it's about,

but I liked it.

I just think that you guys need a little more practice,

that's all.

You've got a pretty good voice.

Yeah?

I think so.

Yeah.Yeah, you're right.

I am being too hardon these guys.

Yeah.

I just can't help it,you know?

I mean, this is my life.

You know whatI can tell about you?

You got a really goodhead on your shoulders.

Do I?Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I like that.

[ flamenco music playing over speakers]

Sit down, pal, I've got us some good news.

Oh, yeah, so do I.

Conan's brother's getting married,

and he wants us to play at his wedding.

Fifty bucks a piece, man.

That's great, man.That's great.

Uh...Did B-Bop call you?

No, why? Uh...

'Cause he's got this gigon this cruise ship,

and he's like leavingtomorrow, you know?

For how long?

Three months, man.

Unbelievable.

Just when things are starting to click, you know?

Yeah, but can't wedo the gig without him?

No, man. I'm not playingwithout a goddamned bass player.

Yeah. I guess, you know,I'll tell that photographer

that we'll paint his studio.

Oh, man, I'm sick of that shit.

Well, I guess it's time we tooka trip to the barber shop.

What are you talking about, man?

Barber shops?

Thought you said you had some good news.

That's what I'm tryingto tell you, Johnny.

[ mysterious theme playing]

Heh, heh. Is it loaded?

No, he didn'thave any bullets.

Okay. We gotta find us some bullets...

for a .38. That's the plan, okay?

Yeah.

Um, the brother saidI should hold on to it.

Oh, okay.

So let's goto the club tonight,

now that you'rea free man again.

I got plans tonight.

DEKE: You're seeing Darlette?Yvonne.

Yeah, I was thinking I mightgo up to her place tonight

for some dinner.

You know, I went out with this schoolteacher once, man.

She's nota schoolteacher though.

She works withretarded kids and shit.

I mean, that's a big difference.

Yeah.Yeah.

YVONNE: He said that he was gonna divorce his wife,

but he had to wait for the right time, you know?

So, two years later, he was still waiting,

so I just left.

I didn't even say goodbye or leave a note or anything.

Did you ever live with anybody?

Yeah, sure.

Say, this is some good meatloaf.

It's not even done.

No, parts of it are.Yeah.

Why don't I-- I'll just put it back--

I'll put it back in the oven, you know?

Okay?

You know what?That's okay.

Because, uh...

it's getting late,and I should be moving along.

It's 9:30.

Hard to believe, isn't it?

Um, did I saysomething wrong?

No... No, no.

I have a lot on my mind, that's all.

This thing with B-Bop, it's really upsetting and...

Oh, well, okay.

Well, thanksfor coming up.

Hey, thank you. And I'll call you and...

we'll do it again some...

How come you always have black and blue marks on you?

Um, kids.

They just getcarried away sometimes.

A kid did that to you?

I hope you smacked him back.

Actually, I just, you know,poked his eye out.

No, you didn't.

God! That's really funny, Yvonne.

I guessI'm in a funny mood.

Okay. So long.

So long.

What the hell, I might as well make it a real kiss, huh?

Might as well.

So I'll see you.

Bye.

I'm gonna help myselfto some more meatloaf,

if you don't mind.Could you...

hold on a second?

Mm-hmm, why?

My turn.

Okay.

Uh, hold it.

What?

Um, what are you doing?

What does it feellike I'm doing?

It feels like you're trying to pick up a watermelon seed.

Well, do ityour damn self then.

Don't be an idiot. Come here.

What?

Come here, give me your hand. Come here.

Come here.

Come on.

Okay, you feel that?

Yes.

That is not it...

okay?

You feel that?

Mm-hmm.

That's it.

This is it?

But this is not it.

Right.This is it?

But this is not it.

Yes.

See, where I made my mistake with Darlette, man,

is I let her see my hand, you know?

I mean, as soon as she found out that I liked her,

she flew off like a damn bird.

Oh, man, she'll hitthe ground one day, you know?

Oh, I know she will, but my point is

is that I learned an extremely valuable lesson here, see?

I mean, now, with Yvonne, I'm making sure

she knows I can take it or leave it.

That's right, man.That's the way it is, Johnny.

Just let 'em come to you,man, you know?

I went to her class the other day, you know,

just to get a glimpse of her lifestyle,

and the moment I walk in,

the kids start crawling all over me, you know?

Messing up my clothes, messing up my hair,

and then this girl comes up, for no reason,

rips the pocket off my favorite shirt, you know?

I was so pissed,

I just cut out of there, man, you know?

I didn't even say, "Goodbye," you know?

Take it or leave it, right?Exactly.

And that's the way I'm handling this one, man.

Strictly plutonic.

You're not making love, man?

Well, of course we're making love. God.

You should have seen me the other night, man.

I was like a wild man or something.

I was doing all kinds of things, man.

Oh, yeah? Like what?

Like, well, for starters, she showed me

where that little button is inside there, you know?

You didn't knowwhere that was, man?

Yeah, but, yeah, I knew where it was, but now, man,

I can find it in the dark if I have to,

and that is a good thing for a guy to know.

Mm-hmm.

You know, Johnny, I'm gladwe had this conversation.

Anytime.[ laughing ]

Sorry, man,I didn't mean to laugh,

but I really am gladwe had this conversation.

Me too.

Phew.

[ dramatic music playing on TV]

[ woman screaming on TV]

Deke, turn on your TV quick, man.

There's this old cowboy movie on

with nobody in it but midgets.

DEKE: You're kidding me.

Yeah, man. Even the horses are midgets.

Let me look.

Oh, damn. You just missed it. It's over.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm?

Mm?

Yeah, I'm almost ready.

Hey, is the blonde over there?

Yeah, she's here, man. Yeah?

You didn't tell her I wanted to meet her, did--? Good.

All right.

Yeah, just yell upto the window when you get here.

[ breaks wind, grunts ]

[ knock on door ]

Who is it?

It's Yvonne.

Oh, God.

I'm coming.

[ sniffs ]

Hi, what a great surprise.

Am I disturbing you?

No, go in.

Yeah?Yeah.

I was just getting ready to go out with some friends.

What, you just happened to be in the neighborhood?

No, I planned this, actually.

Good.

It's a hairdryer.

Yeah.

Doesn't work though.

That's too bad.

Listen, are you avoiding me?

Why would I be avoiding you?

No. God.

'Cause I haven't heard from you in a week.

Well, I've been really busy, you know, babe?

Practicing and...

What, are you still pissedabout Ginger ripping your shirt?

No. No.

I mean, I was pissed, you know, for a second.

It's my favorite shirt.

Well, she made this for you.

Oh, that's really ni--

Oh, that's real funny, you know?

Kid rips my shirt, and she calls me a shit.

That's hysterical.It's supposed to be "shirt."

See. "Sorry I ripped your shirt."

Oh, that's very, very nice.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, and this is from meand the rest of the class.

DEKE: Johnny!

Just a sec.

DEKE: Johnny!

Hey, Deke, I'll be downin a second.

Come on, man, hurry up,

the girls' legs are getting cold.

[ mysterious theme playing]

[ knock on door ]

Hi.

What happened to your friends?

I remembered I didn't like them very much.

And I thought, hell,

I haven't seen Yvonne in a while.

Maybe I could go up there and take her out, my treat.

Oh, thanks, but I've already eaten.

Eating? No. I mean dancing.

No, no.

I got to get up in the morning, you know?

We don't have to stay out late. You say the word,

I'll have you home in a flash.

I'll wait out here while you get dressed.

What are you, a fucking choir boy?

Okay.

Is that all?What?

I thoughtyou were gonna put

some of that black stuffaround your eyes.

Eyeliner?

All the girls arewearing it at the club.

Pretty sexy.

Oh. Well, I don't wear eyeliner.

Really? Why not?I don't like it.

That's a pretty good reason.

What shoes should I wear?

Either one.

Well, do you like these?

Yeah, they're all right.

Do you like these better?

What, babe,you were dressing yourself

long before I came along,so why stop now?

Just asking you which shoes you like.

And I'm just saying

wear the onesyou like best, okay?

Great. Why don't you tell me what shoes you like better?

'Cause I guessI don't like either ones.

Look...Hey!

They're the only fuckingshoes that I have, okay?

This is the way I dress.And, you know, goddamn it,

I don't want any shitaround my eyes.

Okay.

What's the big deal?

No big deal.

Let's just stop seeingeach other, all right?

Why?

Becauseit's very obvious to me

that there's nothingabout me that you like.

Well, if it's so obvious, then what--

what the hell am I doing standing here then, huh?

I don't have any idea.

Well, then I guess I have to spell it out for you.

I'm standing here...

'cause I like you.

But you sure have a funny way of showing it.

Hey.No.

Hey, hey.

Shh, shh.

You know, you're right.

You have the kind of eyes

that don't need any makeup at all.

Shut up.No, I'm serious.

Look, hey, I'm serious.

You're really beautiful.

I'm sorryI threw the shoe at you.

It's okay.

It's all right.

Just please don't do it again,

because I really hate it when people throw shoes at me.

I won't.

[ mysterious theme playing]

I just wanted to tell you. I'm sorry, you know?

I know I was reallywrong and everything,

but I'm just really...

FREAK: Hey! You got a smoke?

No, I'm out.

You're Freak Storm, huh?

That's right.

I seen you somewhere before.What's your name?

Johnny. Johnny Suede.

What are you doing back here, Freak?

I saw someoneI didn't want to see.

Oh.

Nice little shoesyou got there, Johnny.

Yeah. Thanks.

I like your boots. Where'd you get 'em?

I found 'em when I was living out in Wyoming.

What were you doingin Wyoming?

I've been all over, man.

Me too.Yeah?

Yeah.Yeah?

I was born in a goddamn motel room.

Reall--?

Oh, your dad wasa traveling salesman, huh?

Daddy?

I don't know too much about my daddy

except he shot a man five minutes after I was born.

What? You kidding?

No, I'm not fucking kidding.

Even tried to write a song about it once.

I just couldn't finish it.

It went sort of like this.

♪ I was bornIn a motel room ♪

♪ The nightDaddy lost his job ♪

♪ Just after one

♪ He pulled a gun

♪ And blew the brainsOut of some poor slob ♪

♪ They call me mamma

♪ They call me mamma

♪ They call meMamma's boy ♪

♪ But I don't care

♪ I'll be a mamma

♪ I'll be a mamma

♪ I've been a mamma's boy

♪ Since daddy got the

♪ Electric chair

That's a beautiful song, Freak.

No, it ain't.

It's an old piece of bone.

No, man, you should finish it.

I can't.

It's justtoo damn personal.

Did your daddy really get the chair?

Well, Johnny, I don't reallylike talking about that.

I can understand that.

You really likethat song, Johnny?

Yeah. I do a lot.

You can have it.

Thanks.

Thanks, Freak.

You know, I'm trying to start a band myself.

Oh, good for you.Yeah.

High Tone was interested for a while,

but that kind of fell through.

Mm-hmm, yeah,I sympathize with that.

It's hard, you know?

I sympathize, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Sometimes I just-- I feel like giving up.

Do you, Johnny?Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I do, Freak.

Well, I like you.

I want to turn you onto something. Check this out.

What is it?

This cat, Rudy, is a friendof mine. He did my first album.

You got a tape?Uh-huh.

Well, send it to him right awayand make sure you send cash.

Is that safe?

Sure, man, you justwrap it up in tinfoil.

Hey, wait a minute.

I'm gonna go and seethis guy, Rudy, tomorrow.

If you give me the money,then I can give it to him.

Hey, that's great. That's fine by me.

I got it.

You give it to him, man.Why?

I don't haveto bother with that.

Oh, hell,I'll give it to him.

I'll tell himyou're a friend of mine.

He'll give youspecial treatment.

Okay.

Thanks, Freak.Don't mention it.

This is great.

Don't mention it.

Maybe one dayyou can do me a favor.

Here...

have some chicken.

I can't, Freak, I gotta split.

You gotta split?Uh-huh.

I start your fucking careerfor you and you've got to split?

That's why your life's goingfucking nowhere, Johnny,

'cause you don't know how toshow a bit of goddamn gratitude.

No, I'm grateful, Freak, really.

I am. I'm...

Mmm, this is good chicken.

Well, it should be, man,I only found it this morning.

Just kidding.

[ electric guitar playing ]

♪ Well, I was born In a motel room ♪

♪ The night Daddy lost his job ♪

♪ Just after one

♪ He pulled a gun

♪ And blew the brains Out of some poor slob ♪

♪ Cops pulled him in

♪ Down in San Antone

♪ Threw him in The County Jail ♪

♪ And there he sat

♪ On a murder rap

♪ At the time I was starting to wail ♪

♪ And that was the tale My mamma told ♪

♪ As soon as I could understand ♪

♪ Hard as I tried I couldn't take no pride ♪

♪ In a daddy Killed a man ♪

♪ They called me mamma Mamma, mamma's boy ♪

♪ But hey I just don't care ♪

♪ I've been a mamma Mamma, mamma's boy ♪

♪ Since daddy got The electric chair ♪

[ vomiting, coughing ]

[ groaning ]

[ groaning ]

I'll make some tea.

She still loves you.

Does she?

She talks about you all the time.

[ mysterious theme playing]

[ Johnny grunts ]

I told you I'd get you.

Didn't I?

YVONNE:Johnny.

How do you feel?

Terrible.

Wow, what's that smell?

I made some soup.Do you want some?

What kind?

Vegetable.

What kind of vegetables?

Do you wantsome soup or not?

Hm, okay, I'll have some soup.

Aren't you supposed to be at school?

Yeah, I--

I took the day off.

JOHNNY: I hope you know shaving your face

isn't like shaving your legs.

Relax, would you?

Have you done this before?

Once or twice.

Mm-hmm?Mm-hmm.

With that married guy?

You're awful curious.

Were you guysin the tub?

No. We were in a Jacuzzi.

Mm-hmm. Anything elseyou want to tell me?

Just this. You keep asking me stupid questions

and I'm gonna smack you.

Ooh, big talk for a girl.

Not if she's got a razor in one hand

and your balls in the other.

Not if I got a bar of soapready to bounce off your head.

God.

God.

Now, that's funny.

I hope you know shaving a leg is not like shaving a face.

Relax, will you,I've done this a million times.

You're going the wrong way.

Look, lady, you go your way,

I'll go my way.

I love you, Johnny.

Thanks.

[ mysterious theme playing]

All right.

For moving in.

Against moving in.

Now, I would suggest that you start

with the reasons for moving in, man,

'cause those are the hardest.

Okay, let me have a couple.

Okay.

She's got a color TV.

There you go. Color TV.

All right, next?

Um...

Oh, she's got an extra room

she says I canplay my guitar in,

kind of likemy own private room.

Hmm, now, that's nice. That's nice.

Private room. Oh, yeah.

Next?

She's always got things lying around to eat, you know?

Like, nuts and crackers and shit.

Hey, man, you could eat 'em while you watch TV.

You know what I'm saying?Oh, yeah.

So we'll call that snacks, okay?

Anything else?

No, no.

Let's proceed to the reasons against.

If I moved in with her,

I'd be locked up with her 24 hours a day, you know?

Go to bed, there she is.

Wake up, there she is again.

So, what, you're saying you feel like...?

I'd feel like I was in prison.

Okay, prison similarities.

Good.

Um...Next?

Well, I couldn't do any of the things

a guy does, you know?

I mean, say I wantedto walk around in my underwear.

No, say I had to make a fart.

I'd probably have to go into my private room

just to make a fart.

Yeah, you probably would, man, you know?

Okay, things-- things a guy does.

Okay, next?

She threw a shoe at me once.

Oh, that's bad. That's very bad.

Uh, shoe-throwing tendencies.

Okay, how many is that?

Well, it's tied up, three to three.

Okay.

Let's face it, she is probablythe exact opposite type of girl

I would normally date, you know?

She's got a weird job,she dresses funny.

She can't evenput on makeup, man.

Opposite types.

That's us.

Well, there it is, pal.

Three reasons for.

Four reasons against.

I guess that's it.Hey, numbers don't lie.

And hey, just becauseI don't move in with her,

doesn't mean I can'tstill see her, right?

Hey, hell, no, man.

I mean, 'causeI do like the girl.

Yeah, sometimes, you know,when I'm just sitting around,

she'll start rubbingmy ear real soft.

I like that.

Whoa, that's not a reason for, man.

I don't know, man.

I mean, the way you described it

makes me want to meet a girl like that.

It's tied up again, Johnny.

I know, I know. Just, shh,I got to think. Uh...

Okay, see that, color TV?

Never watch it.Mm-mmm.

DEKE: Are you sure?JOHNNY: Positive.

Now I just got to find a way to break it to her.

[ soft guitar theme playing]

What are youthinking about?

Well, I guess I've been thinking about a few things.

What I want to say...

is...

[ classical music playing on radio]

[ dance music playing on radio ]

Excuse me.

Excuse me, painter.Painter.

Be so kindas to turn that down.

[ grunts ]

[ music stops ]

Where's he get off calling me "painter," man, hm?

I don't know. Maybe he thoughtyou were painting the place.

Yeah, well, I'll tell you something.

This is the last time I'll let you talk me into this shit.

You don't like the man,why don't you just go home?

Home. Right.

Oh, uh...

Can I help you with something?

Yes sir, you canget out of the way,

so I may open the door.

Oh, look, I prefer that you don't use this bathroom.

Okay. Which oneshould I use?

Well, if I'm not mistaken,

there's a cozy little gas station around the corner.

Fine. Thanks.

You know, you'll find the rear door more convenient.

Scumbag won't evenlet me use his bathroom.

Relax. Piss in a bucket, man.

Right. Where?

In the closet.

[ Johnny urinating ]

[ mysterious theme playing]

Deke?

Where's your gun?

In my coat. Why?

Where'd you get that?

Come on.

What are you doing?

[ softly ]:Oh, shut the fuck up.

What?

Just talking.

Well, that's nice.

I don't believe this.

What?

This wall is covered with nibs.

What are nibs?

This fuzzy little item is a nib.

It's a hair from your cheaper than cheap

bargain basement rollers

which literally are falling apart on my walls.

Here's one. And there's another.

Hey, we just painted that, man.

You're going to have to sand this down

and repaint the entire surface.

It's one thing I detest,

it's fuzzy little nibs all over my wall.

Suck on this.

What did you say?

He said, "Mark those nibs."

He did not. He said, "Suck my dick."

No, no, no.He said, "Mark those nibs."

That way we can startsanding right away, sir.

You bet your sweet ass I'm gonna mark these nibs.

Ah, come on, man. It was just a joke.

No, hey, hey, tomorrow, man,just, just, just, just don't--

Don't even look at the guy, man.Just paint the walls

so we can getthe hell out of there.

All right.

Deal.

Today's my birthday, man.

Yeah, happy birthday.

Oh, come on.

Look, I might as welltell you now.

I joined a band.

When?

Last week. I got tiredof waiting around, man.

You, uh...

You pissed off?

No.

No, man.

Why should I be pissed off?

Well, we were gonna start onetogether, you know?

Forget it.

Hey, man, you got five bucks I can borrow?

I got to pick some things up on the way home.

So she's got you doing the shopping now, huh?

That's-- That's really funny, man.

What?

You know what. I'll tell you something.

I'm getting a little sick of your insinuations.

Look, man, I'm just trying to make conversation, all right?

You don't like it,go talk to someone else.

You had the beer, that's two dollars, pal.

I can't believe it, man.

It's my fucking birthdayand some guy

who's supposed to bemy best friend

can't even buy mea fucking beer.

[ light dramatic theme playing]

Uh, I know this is really gonna sound silly

and I hope you don't take this the wrong way,

but I saw you on the train

and I just wanted to tell you

you had the most beautiful legs I'd ever seen.

Thanks for everything. I had a lovely time.

Wait a second.

What?

[ car horn honks, tires screech ]

You idiot motherfuckerson-of-a-bitch!

Yvonne?Honey.

Am I glad to see you.Where have you been?

Oh, you're not gonna believe it.What, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm okay,but this poor guy on the train,

this fat guy, got shot.Right in the head.

Oh, God. Oh, my God. Was he killed?

No, but he was hurtpretty bad.

Oh, well, wha--And then, of course,

the cops had to keepeverybody down there,

asking the same questionsover and over and over.

Well, why didn't you call me?

I tried. I tried.

I said, "Cops,I got to use a phone."

They wouldn't even let memake a call, can you believe it?

Those fucking assholes.I know, I know.

So I ran all the way home'cause I knew you'd be worried.

Oh, you must be starved, are you?

I'm glad you're okay. I have dinner in the fridge.

Yeah, actually,I need to take a shower.

All right. Well, you do smell kind of ripe.

You bought me a cake.

Hell, baby, I made it.

You made me a cake?

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'm okay,

seeing I just saw a guyget his head blown off.

Look at all the presents.

What is this? Christmas?

Open it.

Yeah?

No, I'm gonna waittill we have our cake.

I can't believeyou did all this, babe.

This is perfect.

What have you done?

Me? Nothing, nothing.

Deke must have put those thereas some kind of birthday joke.

I'll tell you, that guy'sgot a sick sense of humor.

Stop it, Johnny, I could smell it all over you

as soon as you walked in the door.

Hey, I don't knowwhat you smell,

but I smell a guy who's been working his ass off all day.

You fucked somebody, okay?

Now cut your shit.

Why?

Why? You just tell me why you did it.

The one thing I can say is that I know

you're gonna think this is stupid.

But...

It felt like...

something was behind me all day, you know?

Pushing and shoving me.

Do you know what I mean?

No.

Like a giant hand.

Pushing me from behind and I couldn't stop.

And I started following this girl.

Nothing special about her, really,

but every time I tried to stop,

that giant hand gave me another shove, you know?

And somehow I ended up in her kitchen eating dinner.

She cooked you dinner?

Yeah. See what I mean?

The whole thing, it...

It was like a dream and-- and--

And then we were in bed,

but it's not like I enjoyed it or anything.

But for the first time in my life,

I felt like I was home.

Well, Johnny, that's aboutthe biggest pile of shit

I've ever heard in my life.

Thanks, Yvonne.

I try to explain how I feel,

and you don't even try to understand.

Oh, no, no, no. I understand.

You saw a girl. You fucked her.

She made you feel at home, and then you lied to me

about the whole fucking thing.

I never said she made me feel at home.

I said it felt like I was home.

Get out.What?

I can't even look at your fucking face.

Get out!Fine. I am out of here, man.

You think I need this shit?

No. I am my own man.

You are a lyingpiece of shit.

No. You know what I am?

I'm stupid for ever letting you talk me into

moving into this dump in the first place.

I got places I want to go.

I got things I want to do.

Do you think I want to be stuck here

with a chick who can't even put on fucking makeup?

No!

[ window shatters ]

Hey! Hey!

[ sobbing ]: Fuck you.

Didn't I tell you about throwing shoes?

Didn't I?

[ dance music playing over speakers]

Hey, has Deke been in?I want to see him.

What are you gonna have?

What's on the house?

Shingles.

[ faucet running ]

Freak! Freak,how you doing, man?

Who might you be then?It's Johnny. It's Johnny Suede.

We talked.You look good.

Your hair's different.

No, man, no.It's the same.

Well, something's changed.

Maybe it's 'cause you look so strung out.

Yeah, I guess I am a little.

I just had this fight with my girlfriend, man.

What, she stabbed you?

No, no. It's just a scratch, you know?

She threw a shoe at me though, man, for no reason.

Hey, man, I'd rather havea girl fucking stab me

than throw a shoe at me.

Yeah, I know. It pissed me off so much,

I, uh, you know...

I did somethingkind of crazy, man.

You hit her?

Yeah. I-- just once.

And not that hardor anything.

You know, it's crazy.

I never hit a girlbefore, man.

Oh, a guy, a girl, what's the fucking difference, man?

The point is you did the right thing.

You think so?

She tried to fucking stab you.

Right.

Hey, did you give Rudy that $20 of mine?

Rudy?

Yeah, Rudy, the guy who did the record,

who cut your first record.

I said I'd give him the $20.I gave him the fucking $20.

That's cool.

It's just, uh, well, I never sent the tape.

I sympathize with you, dude,but that ain't my problem.

Right.

Yeah, that's okay,you know.

It's just goingto make it kind of hard

to get a hotel roomtonight, so, you know...

Johnny...

You can crash at my place.

Of course, me and my babe get the bedroom,

but you can have the living room.

Great.That'd really be great.

[ dance music continues playing ]

Look at her, man.

Waiting for me like a little trained poodle.

Hey, babe.

I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine.

Johnny!

Oh, you two know each other. Oh, good.

'Cause Johnny's gonna be stayingwith us for a couple of days.

Hey, where are you going?

[ easy listening music playing over speakers ]

Hey.

Hi.

Hi.

I've been looking all over for you.

Deke saw youfrom across the street.

We've been asking everybodyif they saw a guy

with one suede shoe onthat looks like this.

Where did you find it?

On the roof of a car.

I looked for over 20 minutes for this thing.

I can't believe you found it.

What happened to you?

I don't know.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.It's okay.

[ sobbing ]

No.Yes, yes.

[ easy listening music continues playing]

[ light guitar theme playing]

I'm, uh, sorry.

[ upbeat guitar theme playing]