All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S03E13.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM

The fuchsia fox fell 50 fathoms

From father's famous fish fry.

All right, 32, I'll
Take the watch.

You can go home now.

Good morning,
Professor longnecker.

Oh, smart. Your turn
To guard me again?

Yes, and I must say that
I always look forward

To the pleasure of
Your company, professor.

Thank you, smart. I
See you didn't forget.

Me? Forget? Never!

Forget what?

- oh, your coffee.
- yes.

I knew there was
Something I didn't forget,

But I couldn't
Remember what it was.

Well, professor, I must say

It's certainly an honor
Being here in your lab.

After all, you are
Control's greatest inventor,

Perhaps the greatest
Inventor in the world.

Well, I wouldn't say that.

Oh, don't be so
Modest, professor.

I understand that this
Omega deltoid solatron mark ii

That you're working on could give
Control the means to destroy kaos.

Yes, if I live to finish it.

Sometimes I get the feeling

That my life is in danger.

Professor, I give you
My absolute guarantee

That with the protective
Measures around you,

It would be impossible
For anyone to kill you.

Guns, knives, explosives...

No weapon of any description,

Could possibly be smuggled
Into this laboratory.

There is not one single
Way they could get at you.

Poison!

All right, one.

smart...

I must confess
Something terrible.

You're not going to
Pay me for the coffee?

All my life I have lied,

Not being what I said I have.

Smart...

I have been a fraud.

All right, professor,
Cut out the small talk.

You've got to save
Your strength.

All right, smart. I will
Try to do as you say.

Good. Tell me the whole
Story right from the beginning

And don't leave out a thing.

All the devices, the inventions,

None of them were my creation.

Are you saying that you stole
All your ideas from somebody else?

Yes... From the greatest...

Scientific...

Mind...

In the world... Today.

His name is...

Is...

Dr. T.

Hello, chief?

This is max. How are you, chief?

Oh, I'm fine, just fine.

Eh, chief...

Guess who just died.

Well, you remember
Professor longnecker?

Max. Max, where are you?

Right over here, 99,
Mopping up all this coffee.

Oh, max. How did it happen?

These cheap coffee containers...
The bottom dropped right out of it.

Not the coffee, max, professor
Longnecker. How did he die?

Very slowly.

But how max, how?

- he was poisoned.
- oh, max.

The chief is really furious.

He says thanks to you control
Has lost its greatest scientist.

99, I've got to tell
You something.

You know how much respect
I've always had for the dead.

I mean, I go to all of
The control funerals.

I even say some of the eulogies.

What are you trying to say, max?

Longnecker was a
Fraud, a phony and a cheat.

- max!
- not one of those inventions...

Not one of them were his.

They were all the work of a
Scientific genius known as "Dr. T."

That doesn't seem possible.

But it's true, 99,
I'm telling you.

Longnecker told me everything.

Just before he died,
He told me everything.

Good, max. Who is dr. T?
Where do we find him?

Would you believe
almost everything?

- hi, max.
- oh, hi, 99.

So this is professor
Longnecker's apartment?

It's pretty bohemian for such
A renowned scientist, isn't it?

Yes, well, that's
The whole idea, 99,

To throw kaos off the trail.

You see, professor
Longnecker was posing

As the creator of a
Science fiction comic strip...

"The girl from galaxy."
It was a perfect cover.

Except it didn't work.

What are you talking
About? Of course it did.

They didn't kill him here.
They got him in the lab.

Listen, 99, did you
Find out anything

About that restaurant that
Sold me the poisoned coffee?

Yes, max. It was a kaos front.

They stayed in business almost
A year just to get the professor.

Then they packed
Up and disappeared.

Terrible, isn't it?

It certainly is. They had the
Best prune danish in town.

I'm afraid our troubles with
Kaos are just beginning, max.

They'll do anything to
Keep us from finishing

The omega deltoid
Solatron mark ii

Now it looks as though dr. T
Is the only one who can do it.

If we don't find him the entire
Civilized world will be in danger.

Not to mention our side.

99, take a look around and
See if you can find anything.

Right, max.

Pardon me,

I have it on reliable authority

That professor longnecker
Was murdered early this morning.

Yes, that's true.

You must be an old friend
Come to offer condolences.

No, I'm the landlord come
To show the apartment.

This way, please.

Hmm. They seem to be
Busy in the living room,

So I'll show you
The bedroom first.

Max, what are we going
To do? Without dr. T

Work on the omega deltoid solatron
Mark ii is at a complete standstill.

Max, look.

Yes, son, what is it?
What can I do for you?

I came to collect
For the newspaper.

Professor
Longnecker owes me 85¢.

Uh, professor longnecker
Died this morning, dear.

Gee.

Here, I'll take care of it.

Keep the change.

Thanks, miss. Maybe I can
Do you a favor sometime.

Anything interesting, max?

Nothing much, 99.

It's just professor
Longnecker's datebook.

Max, look at this.

Every day professor
Longnecker had lunch

At a chinese restaurant
On first street at 3:00.

Well, what's so
Strange about that?

3:00 for lunch? That's an odd
Hour. Why would he eat then?

Probably because he was hungry.

Max, that restaurant is a
Good five miles from the lab.

Well, that's not so strange.

The long walk probably
Made him hungry.

Don't you think we ought
To check it out anyway, max?

Well, all right, 99. We'll go
Over there at 3:00 this afternoon.

Max, look.

Max, what did you do?

Just eliminated a kaos agent.

Well, how could you be sure?

Because, 99, my eagle eye

Picked out a few things that
The ordinary person might not see:

First of all, his sponge
Was absolutely filthy;

Second, he was using horizontal
Strokes instead of vertical strokes;

And finally, he was
Holding his squeegee

With an overlapping
Lacrosse grip.

Besides, it's raining and window
Washers don't work in the rain.

I wasn't finished, 99.

Sorry, max.

Besides, it's raining and window
Washers don't work in the rain.

Good thinking, max.

There's nobody here, max.

Yes, the food must be terrible.

well, we got here very quickly.

It's only 20 of 3:00.

Listen to this, 99,

- sounds very strange.
- what does it say, max?

"Look in other fortune cookie."

"See me at 3:00, dr. T."

Obviously some sort of code.

it's a straightforward
Message, max.

He's going to
Meet us here at 3:00.

How diabolically clever, a
Straightforward message.

Only a genius could
Have thought of that.

Right, max.

Well, 99, everything
Is going perfectly.

Not only have we
Located our quarry,

But we've finally beaten
Kaos to the punch...

But not the gun.

Good afternoon, smart.

Max, it's siegfried.

I know it's siegfried.

Tell me, siegfried,

What's a high-class
Killer like you

Doing in a place like this?

The same thing you are, smart.

Yes, well, as a matter
Of fact, we were just...

- staying.
- nobody leaves,

Not until we have made
Contact with your friend, dr. T.

Dr. T? What are you
Talking about, siegfried?

I've never heard of a dr. T.

Neither have I. What
Does he specialize in?

Fortune cookie messages, and
The omega deltoid solatron mark ii.

How do you like that?
Two wild lucky guesses.

You fool. You think we have no
Other ways of communication?

Of course,

The old microphone-
In-the-squeegee trick.

Enough of this small talk.

Let us sit down like civilized
Spies and wait for dr. T.

But first... Gun please!

You too, 99. Gun please,

And no tricks.

I may be a gentleman, but
I'm also a deadly killer.

Now at precisely 3:00

Dr. T will enter, I
Will capture him.

And then I will permanently
Eliminate both you und 99.

So until 3:00,

Eat, drink and be merry.

Max, it's three
Minutes till 3:00.

Mmm. Good. Pass
The chinese kreplach.

Paper, anybody? You
Can read all about it.

Read all about what?

If I told you, you wouldn't
Have to buy the paper.

Won't don't you break down and
Buy a paper from the kid, smart?

Because we already
Subscribe at the office.

How about you, sir?

Buzz off, punk.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm-mmm.

Well, I have to say

That this is the worst chinese
Food that I've ever eaten.

Well, siegfried,

It's 20 minutes after 3:00.

Now will you believe that
Dr. T is not meeting us here?

ja, I believe you.

und now it's time
For us to say...

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

But, max, why did
Siegfried let us go?

Why didn't he kill us
While he had the chance?

Hold it, 99.

- don't turn around?
- what is it, max?

Look through my
Mirrored cufflinks.

It's siegfried and his henchmen

Following us in that black car.

Yes, they're waiting for
Us to lead them to dr. T.

But how can we, max? We
Don't even know who dr. T. Is.

We don't. I do.

You see, 99, besides being
A great scientific genius,

Dr. T. Is also an expert
On the skateboard.

What are you talking about, max?

99... Dr. T.

Chief on speakerphone: the results
From the computer analysis, max?

Not yet, chief, but
I'm positive I'm right.

I mean, it has to be
More than a coincidence

That that newspaper kid showed
Up at longnecker's apartment

And the chinese restaurant too.

Besides, the restaurant is
Directly across from the school

Which lets out at
10 minutes to 3:00.

Chief: it's too incredible...

a bubblegum-chewing
Scientific genius.

Here comes the
First card now, chief.

"Full name... Tyler
J. Tattledove;

Age... 11 years, two months;

Attends sequoia junior
High school, eighth grade."

Chief: see, max? there's
Nothing unusual about him.

"Also has master's degree

In analytical calculus
From chicago university,

Phd in chemical
Engineering from cal tech."

Chief: incredible.
Anything else?

Yes. "I need oil."

Chief: max, turn it
Off. I'm convinced.

get tyler tattledove,
Max. Control needs him.

As good as done, chief.

I don't know, max.

Every control agent is going
To be followed by a kaos agent.

From the second we leave this
Building, siegfried will be tailing us.

Don't give it
Another thought, 99.

Just follow me and I'll
Show you how to shake a tail.

Max, something's wrong.

I could swear this
Elevator isn't moving.

It isn't, 99. A little
Wiring trick of mine

Causes the elevator
To stand still

While the indicator
Shows it going up.

Max, your
Resourcefulness is amazing.

Thank you, 99. By now
Siegfried should be

Searching the
Heliport on the roof.

Now all we have to do is to walk
Out of the front door of this building.

Well, that's it,
99. We've lost him.

Where to, max?

Max, do you think
Your trick worked?

There is absolutely
No possibility that

Siegfried is anywhere
Within 10 miles of here.

Good afternoon, smart.

It's amazing how his
Voice carries though.

Max.

Let's face it, smart,

This high cost of eluding could
Bankrupt both kaos and control.

Unless, of course, we were to
Join forces for this assignment.

Max, if they find
Dr. T, they'll kill him.

nein nein, 99. At a
Special kaos meeting

We decided that
Dr. T, whoever he is,

Would be much more
Useful to us alive.

You haven't got a
Chance, siegfried.

Very well. I merely
Propose you lead me to him,

and let the good doctor decide
For himself which side he chooses.

All right, siegfried, I
Accept your challenge.

Then it is agreed. You will
Present your good arguments

und I will present
Our evil ones,

und may the worst side win.

Well, smart, where's your dr. T?

Will you relax, siegfried?

The trouble with you is
You don't have any patience.

I have all the
Patience in the world,

It's just that waiting bugs me.

Well, you don't have to
Wait any longer. He's here.

Dr. T.

Hi.

You mean to tell me

This itsy-bitsy little kid

Is the most brilliant
Scientific mind of our times?

Ridiculous!

It's true maybe?

Yes, it's true, siegfried.

Son, my name is maxwell smart,

agent 86 of control.

und I'm count von siegfried,

Vice president in charge
Of treason for kaos.

Gosh, what did you
Want to talk to me about?

well, that all depends.

First of all, can you
Prove you're really dr. T?

Sure. Mr. Count siegfried,

Would you toss that
Cup in the air please?

Amazing!

That's fantastic.
How do you do it?

It's really quite simple, 99.

You just stick your tongue
Through the gum and blow.

then you purse your lips.

I meant the little
Black box, max.

Oh, that. You tell
Them about it, kid.

Oh, sort of on the principle

Of instantaneous
Molecular repulsion.

It sets up a kind of
Electronic force field

That repels anything
It's directed against.

Right. Well, siegfried,
Are you satisfied?

All except for one thing.

Tell me, doctor,
Why were you giving

All your miraculous inventions
To professor longnecker?

Because he needed ideas for
The comic strip he was drawing.

It was the least I could do, considering
He always bought my newspaper.

I see. und now that the
Subscription has expired,

Along with the
Professor, I take it you have

No further commitments?
You are a free agent?

Gee, I don't know. I don't
Get out of school till 3:00,

And two afternoons a
Week I have little league.

Listen, son, if you
Come with control

Not only will play on our
Baseball team but you'll get to pitch.

You can pitch for
The kaos team too.

und in our league,
The spitball is legal.

Also, our umpires can be bribed.

There's more to life
Than just baseball, dr. T.

with us you can look
Forward to a rewarding future

of self-sacrifice and hard work

For the good of your fellow man.

We have potato chips and
Soda pop for breakfast,

free tv, horror movies,

und the right to call
Captain kangaroo a fink.

Now wait a minute, siegfried,

You're a little out
Of line. That isn't fair.

Look, son, there's one very important
Thing that you have to remember...

He is on the side of evil;

We are on the side of good.

But why is good
Better than evil?

Eh, why is good
Better than evil?

Yes, well, everybody knows
Why good is better than evil.

Why, all you have to do is
Look at the world around you.

Who always comes out on top? Who
Always gets everything they want,

The good guys or the bad guys?

Eh, let me put it another way...

Enough of this fishmongering!

Which side are you
Going to choose?

Oh, boy, that's easy.

I'm on the side she's on.

She's a knockout.

I knew he'd do what any
Red-blooded american boy would do.

Here are the plans for the omega
Deltoid solatron mark ii, mr. Smart.

All is not lost for kaos.

Gun, please.

Come on, 99, your gun.

Quickly.

- here.
- what is that?

My permit. You
Might as well take it.

You use my guns more than I do.

Careful, kid, or else I'll
Shoot your new lady friend.

You're a bad bad man.

Flattery won't
Help you now, kid.

Get back, under the table.

Max, look out!

Okay, fatso, that's it.

I shall now proceed to
Take you apart piece by piece.

Listen, I hope I
Wasn't out of line

With that crack about fatso.

- can you get it to work?
- I'm trying.

Hurry!

Splendid fight, smart.

A little noisy, but splendid.

What's wrong?

- I don't know.
- oh, quick.

und now you die.

Gosh darn it!

Just in time.

- 99, are you all right?
- yes, max.

- how about you, dr. T?
- I'm okay,

But if you'll excuse me,

I have to get home before
Dinner or I'll get a spanking.

Oh, max, isn't it a
Fascinating world

Where you find such a strange
Combination of childishness and genius?

It certainly is, 99.

No, max, first you have to
Put your tongue through it

And then you blow.

I know how to do it, 99.