Original subtitles

- ready, chief? - ready, max.

Okay... Start.

Well, it certainly is good to Get to relax again, isn't it, chief?

It certainly is. It's a Little hard to believe

We haven't had any trouble From kaos in almost a week now.

Yes, that's because they Have finally come to realize

That maxwell smart Is too much for them,

That he's always one Step ahead of them,

That he always Has the upper hand.

- I win. - no, you don't, chief.

My knuckles aren't Touching the desk, right, 99?

Let's see if I can stick A piece of paper under.

Would you ease up a little, chief, so She can get the paper under there?

I win. Wanna try again?

- you tricked me. - I did not trick you.

I outwitted you, the same way That I've always outwitted kaos.

That's why they've Closed shop and given up.

Professor von gunther,

I want the sonic boom machine

To zero in exactly on the Chief of control's office.

I have it now. It Is right on target.

I shall have the pleasure Of pressing the firing button.

How long will it take for The sound wave to hit control?

Sound travels at approximately

1,100 feet per second.

Control headquarters Is 10 miles from here.

So it should be there by now.

Well, chief, you didn't have To slam my hand down so hard.

chief! max!

Where are you?

What do you... What Do you suppose it was...

An earthquake or a bomb?

Maybe it was a sonic boom.

A sonic boom? 99, we are 10 stories underground!

Oh, max.

Well, that's our air Force for you, chief.

They'll get you no Matter where you are.

Hello, former control Headquarters, maxwell smart speaking.

This is kaos calling.

Have your control personnel

Tune into our Television broadcast

At exactly 12:00 noon tomorrow.

We don't take orders from kaos.

Would you prefer a Slightly stronger sample

Of the blast you've Just experienced?

What channel?

Man on tv: the Ncs network presents

the following Program in living color.

Hi there. Don't be Disturbed, america.

We are taking over all Television communications.

now your set will Black out for a brief time

While we deliver an Important personal message.

What happened, chief? It was Just beginning to get exciting.

Quiet max, it's for us.

Good afternoon, Members of control.

Yesterday we gave You a little taste

Of the destructive potential Of our sonic boom machine.

Used full-strength,

it can totally destroy any city.

If kaos is not paid

$50 million within 48 hours,

We will destroy new york city.

remember, gentlemen, 48 hours.

We now return you to The program in progress.

Why did you do that for, chief?

That was a john wayne movie.

Max, this is important. We have exactly 48 hours

To locate and destroy That sonic boom machine.

48 hours... That's Not much time.

What do you mean that's not Much time? 48 hours is plenty of time.

Remember the calassino case? We Cracked that case in only three days.

- max three days is 72 hours. - oh.

- we only have 48 hours. - 48 hours... Gee, that isn't much time.

Max, according to the Lab, that sonic boom

Originated in this city. Now We've got to locate that machine.

I want washington covered From "A" street to "Z" street.

Max, why did we stop?

Chief is trying to Contact us on the radio.

Oh.

- hello, max? - here, chief.

We've located a prime suspect And he's somewhere in your area.

You are in the vicinity Of the lincoln memorial

now you drive to Coordinate 16-b.

Go 3 1/4 miles to Coordinate 23-p.

Proceed crossroads to alpha.

now turn left, proceed one Mile to the royal rest trailer park.

You should be able to make Contact with the suspect there.

- you got that? - not all of it, chief.

- what part didn't you get? - the part after "Listen to this."

It's all right, chief. I Have it. We're on our way.

We're on a wild goose chase, 99.

He's just getting His car washed.

Max, didn't you notice Anything unusual?

- absolutely nothing. - but he didn't get out of his car.

Wait a minute, 99. I did Notice something unusual.

- what max? - he didn't get out of his car.

- we'd better follow him in. - right, max.

Quick, 99, roll your window up.

What are you doing, max?

I'm trying to keep my eye on That kaos agent, but it's not easy.

He's gone, 99. He's gone.

Max, he was right In front of us.

Well, he's got to be Around here someplace.

Here is the script for Your next kaos threat.

Thank you. I'll give It everything I've got.

Where could he have gone, max?

I don't know, but We've got to find him.

- oh boy, what luck. - do you see him?

No, but I just realized I'm Wearing my wash-and-wear suit.

What's that, max?

Oh, it's probably Nothing. Maybe a dryer.

No no, gaucho.

I don't want mr. Smart And his friend dead, not yet.

Why not?

I'm worried.

It's just possible they may have Contacted their headquarters

And told them they Were following me.

Control may have a general idea Of where our sonic boom machine is.

What can you do? It Is too heavy to move.

Gaucho,

Before I went to Work for kaos...

I was an actor.

I'm going to make Mr. Smart believe

Our sonic boom machine Is in south america.

Before I'm through, he will Call his chief and tell him that.

I don't understand. I'm just a simple killer.

Come on, just do as you're Told. Get the illusion room ready.

- what are you doing, max? - I'm trying to get my foot lose.

I figure if I can get my Shoe phone up high enough,

Maybe you can dial It with your nose.

I'm afraid it's no use, max.

- I must be getting old, 99. - why you say that?

To fall for that old Hideout-under-the-car-wash trick.

Don't blame yourself.

Your government has less Than 24 hours to pay the money...

$50 million.

Plus $1.50.

$1.50?

Don't forget the car Wash. They had white walls.

Aren't you overlooking the Fact that other control agents

May find this place before You use the sonic boom machine?

Not at all, my dear, we are Quite concerned about that.

That's why we are in The process of moving it

A long long way from here.

Your unexpected visit Forces us to take you with us.

When control learns That you are our prisoners

It will make our bargaining Position even more advantageous.

He's right about that. We're Two of control's top agents.

Max!

Since we'll be traveling On a commercial jet,

A conventional blindfold Will draw undue attention.

You therefore will be disguised

As a young couple recovering From an automobile accident...

With serious arm And head injuries.

Yes, well, that's all Very well and good,

Except we don't Have any injuries.

You do now.

Max, we've got to find out Where they are taking us.

Keep track of everything You hear, feel and smell.

Check.

All right. Up the stairs.

I smell trouble.

- I feel it. - move it.

Step.

Step step step, stop.

Step step step.

Listen, when you get all that Money from the government

I suggest you buy an elevator.

Step down.

Step step step.

Step step step.

Step. Into the car.

Duck.

Duck. Step.

International airport. Hurry.

And no tricks, please.

I'll be following you in my car.

Whosever driving this car ought To have his license taken away.

Listen to that guy.

Back off the horn, dummy!

Maybe they're not Taking us to the airport.

Well, we'll know soon enough.

There's a perfume factory On the way to the airport.

- we should be able to smell it. - that's right!

- max, I smell it now. - me too.

Now according To my calculations,

We should be coming to Some construction very soon.

We'll have to take a Detour on a very bumpy road.

Max, you're amazing!

Not really, 99. Any Superior person could do it.

We should be getting back On the highway now very soon.

But it rained yesterday And there's a depression

That usually fills With water around here.

You should have rolled Up your windows, 99.

Sorry, max.

We should be turning Into the airport now.

All right, everybody out.

The plane is loading Already. We'll have to hurry.

Man's voice: flight 303 for london,

passengers now Loading, gate three.

Well, you could have parked A little closer to the airport.

On the ramp.

Into the plane.

Welcome aboard. You Are the injured couple.

Well, if there is anything I can do, please call.

Right, we'll call

If we need help!

Of course we don't Need any right now.

These three seats are ours.

Three seats, eh? Tourist.

And I thought kaos had class.

You can have the Window seat, 99.

Oh, thank you, max.

Woman's voice: ladies and gentlemen,

Welcome aboard flight 223.

We will be taking Off momentarily.

Our cruising speed Will be 600 miles per hour

And we will be Flying at an altitude

of 35,000 feet.

Oh.

Don't tell me you are Afraid to fly, mr. Smart.

No, it's just That I get airsick.

ladies and gentlemen,

Will you please observe The no-smoking signs?

We're going straight up, 99.

It's a jet, max.

Oh, max, this is hopeless.

How are we ever gonna let The chief know where we are?

I don't know, 99, but I'm Gonna find out one thing.

Stewardess.

yes, sir?

Is this a movie flight?

All right, mr. Smart.

No more talking till The end of the flight,

Or else.

Well, I guess we'd Better get some sleep, 99.

Put your head on my shoulder.

Ladies and gentlemen, We have just arrived

At ezeiza airport. We trust You have had a pleasant trip

and will fly with us again soon.

Ezeiza airport? Where are we, max?

Simple, 99. You heard Her say it... Ezeiza airport.

- where is that? - must be right outside of ezeiza.

Good thinking, max.

Now that trip wasn't All that bad, was it?

Yes, but if you Don't mind, next time

I'd like to contact my Friendly travel agent.

If you'll excuse us, we have to Unload the sonic boom machine.

Max, we've gotta figure out Where we are and let the chief know.

Right, 99. Now let's see...

We flew for 10 hours

At about a speed Of 600 miles an hour.

Let's see, that Would be six times 10,

- carry the six, would be... - 6,000.

99, if you're gonna keep interrupting Me, I'll never figure this out.

- sorry, max. - let's see, six times 10...

6,000 miles.

- right, max. - now, according to the heat,

We must have flown south, Unless we flew north on a hot day.

Max, I just Remembered something.

Ezeiza airport, is right Outside of buenos aires.

Yes, of course, It all fits in...

Ezeiza airport, the Heat, the long trip.

The man named gaucho. 99, This may come as a shock to you,

But I think we are In buenos aires.

- you did it, max! - well, after all, 99,

just how long do they think They can fool maxwell smart?

The plan is working perfectly.

Smart will call his Chief on his shoe phone,

And while control is Searching argentina,

No one will think To look for us here.

Hello, chief. It's me, max.

Max, where are you? I thought You and 99 were goners.

No, chief, we are alive And living in argentina.

Argentina? Are you sure?

Are you kidding, chief? Have I Ever steered you wrong yet?

May I speak to 99, please?

Yes, chief?

99, are you really in argentina?

Yes, chief. We're Somewhere in buenos aires.

They've moved the Sonic boom machine here.

all right, 99. Hold out As long as you can.

We'll mobilize every Force at our command.

right, chief.

This is a national emergency.

Get me the strategic Air command.

Hello, mr. President?

I'm afraid we're gonna have To make a little apology to...

Argentina.

99, there gotta be A way out of here.

Max, what's behind Those cobwebs?

Probably just some more cobwebs.

But it looks like a Round metallic object.

You're right, 99.

It is a round metallic object.

We'd better take a look at it.

Be careful, max.

Well, 99, all I have to do Now is find some argentinean

Who understands my High-school spanish.

por favor... Por favor...

el policio... Yo soy americano.

Sorry, fellow, Don't speak spanish.

Boy, you're in the Wrong neighborhood.

How do you like that? I Gotta pick the only guy

In argentina that Doesn't speak spanish.

99, there's something very Strange going on around here.

Max, look at that sign!

"Car wash." what does "Car wash" mean in spanish?

It means "The car wash." it Means we are still in washington.

We haven't been anywhere.

And we almost fell for it.

Quick, max, there Is only 10 minutes

Until their sonic boom Machine destroys new york.

99, you go and call the Chief. I'm going back in there.

Max, you can't do that. You don't Even have a gun! You'll be killed.

This is no time to Worry me, 99. Get going.

Right, max.

- reset the dials. - but...

Reset the dials!

My perfect revenge.

Years ago, hollywood Turned me down.

And now the whole town

Wiped out in one big dissolve.

The warning signal.

- someone is coming. - it doesn't matter now.

Reset the dials.

All right.

Fade out hollywood.

All right, get Away from that dial.

Set the dial.

All right, drop It. Get over there.

Now get your hands up. Up!

Hello, chief?

Max, I just got word from 99.

Did you get to The machine in time?

- of course I did. - good work, max.

You know, it's hard to believe

That one of these buttons Could blow up a whole city.

Max!

Chief, don't tell me that Was the button to the office.

Max, you pressed the Button to the office!

I asked you not to tell me that.