Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,763
Oh, max, I'm so sorry I'm late.
2
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:34,233
But dr. Baker had an
Emergency tonsillectomy.
3
00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:37,513
Oh, really? I didn't know that
Baby doctors pulled tonsils.
4
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:40,372
No, it was dr. Baker's
Tonsils that were pulled, max.
5
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:43,075
Oh, all right, 99.
6
00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:45,810
Now according to the
Chief's instructions,
7
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,991
We were to get down
Here and keep our eye out
8
00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:49,559
For anybody who
Looked suspicious.
9
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,316
Right, max. What
Else did he say?
10
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:54,186
Well, he said that something
Very strange and unusual
11
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,599
Was gonna take place here today.
12
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,457
Now that is nice.
13
00:00:58,525 --> 00:01:00,503
what would you
Say that is worth, 99?
14
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:02,527
oh, a lot, max.
That's a van gogh.
15
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,829
Isn't he the guy who
Cut off his own ear?
16
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,842
Right. He sent it
To his girlfriend.
17
00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:08,878
He must really
Have loved her a lot.
18
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,735
Either that or he hated his ear.
19
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:15,106
Now that look much better
20
00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:18,143
Than the picture of the girl
With the dumb smile on her face.
21
00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:20,123
Mario: yeah, that's-a nice.
22
00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:22,547
- mario?
- yeah?
23
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:25,217
You think the boss
Is gonna like this one?
24
00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:28,253
He's gonna love it.
25
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,858
Max, what are they doing?!
26
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:35,238
99, this is the most
Blatant daytime robbery
27
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,374
I've ever seen in my life.
All right, hold it right there.
28
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:39,442
Take your hands
Off that picture.
29
00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:42,178
How's-a we gonna take the
Picture if we don't use our hands?
30
00:01:42,202 --> 00:01:45,837
Rico, you take-a pic,
I take care of him.
31
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:49,541
- max, that's probably a priceless vase!
- wait a minute!
32
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,711
You can't use a priceless
Vase for a weapon.
33
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:59,184
Hold it! How much
Is that worth, 99?
34
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:02,353
- look out!
- max, hold it, you're making a mistake.
35
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:05,234
Chief, thank heavens you're here.
These men were stealing a painting.
36
00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:06,758
Chief, you won't believe it.
37
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:09,306
They were trying to take it right
Out of here in front of our very eyes!
38
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,396
Max, stealing it and taking it
39
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,276
Are two entirely
Different things.
40
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,844
They have a right to take it.
41
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:18,170
Of course, those men
Have a right to-t-t...
42
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:19,904
They have a right to take it?!
43
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,173
I know this is going
To come as a shock.
44
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:24,843
But that painting and
Every painting in this museum
45
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:26,578
Belongs to the
Man they work for.
46
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:30,259
But chief, everything in this
Museum belongs to the united states.
47
00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:32,283
That's the trouble, 99.
48
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:35,620
The man they work for
Owns the united states.
49
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,314
But it sound incredible, chief.
50
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:00,183
How could one man
Own the united states?
51
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:01,973
What's even more incredible is
52
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,442
Why one man would want
To own the united states.
53
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:08,023
Well, all I know is that a document
Was recently unearthed in genoa, italy,
54
00:04:08,047 --> 00:04:09,825
Proving that
Christopher columbus
55
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:13,017
Claimed the united
States for himself in 1492.
56
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,964
- oh, I get what you're driving at, chief.
- what?
57
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:16,888
Well that means that
The nation's capital
58
00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:20,525
Will have to be changed from
Washington d.C. To columbus, ohio.
59
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,672
That has nothing to do with it.
60
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,407
Go on with your story, chief.
61
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,543
Well, our country was
Transferred verbally to spain.
62
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,778
Then a few centuries,
Our forefathers took over.
63
00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:31,514
Now do you see what
I'm getting at, max?
64
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,738
Does it have anything to
Do with the civil war, chief?
65
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,473
Max, what he's saying
66
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:38,087
Is that we took over a country
That we had no right to take over.
67
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,712
Exactly. According
To international law,
68
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,820
The document that
Was unearthed in genoa
69
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:46,317
Proves conclusively that christopher
Columbus still owns the united states.
70
00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:49,186
- well, then, we're in luck, chief.
- why do you say that?
71
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:51,200
Christopher columbus is dead.
72
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:54,092
- I know that, max.
- has been for a long time.
73
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,606
- I know that too.
- in case you're interested, chief,
74
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,763
Ponce de leon is no
Longer with us either.
75
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:03,345
Max, I'm only
Interested in one man...
76
00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:06,838
The direct descendant of
Christopher columbus... Gino columbus.
77
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:09,374
And he's the legal owner
Of the united states?
78
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:11,275
I'm afraid so, 99.
79
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,422
Well, we're gonna have to
Do something about this, chief.
80
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:16,548
Well, we intend to. The president is
Going to try to talk gino columbus...
81
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:18,628
Into signing the
Country back over to us.
82
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,330
- I - want you to meet
Him at the airport.
83
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:23,933
Did you hear that, 99? I'm going to
Meet the president at the airport.
84
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:26,157
Not the president,
Max, gino columbus.
85
00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:28,671
He's arriving this afternoon
To look over his property.
86
00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:31,140
Now I want you to stay
With him at all times.
87
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,943
I don't want you to leave his side
From the minute he walks off that plane
88
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:35,578
Until he meets
With the president.
89
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:37,435
Oh... Well...
90
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,350
There goes our baseball
Game for tonight, 99.
91
00:05:39,374 --> 00:05:40,671
Oh, that's all right, max,
92
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,518
I couldn't get a
Babysitter anyway.
93
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:44,208
One more point, max:
94
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:45,989
Gino columbus is to be accorded
95
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,512
The red carpet treatment.
96
00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:49,191
You have authorization
To grant him
97
00:05:49,215 --> 00:05:51,575
Anything he wishes, no
Matter what the cost.
98
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,815
Man over p.A.: announcing
The arrival of italian airways
99
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:15,340
flight number 46 from rome.
100
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,809
passengers now
Arriving at gate 17.
101
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:29,020
announcing the
Arrival of italian airways
102
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:31,889
flight number 46 from rome.
103
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:34,426
passengers now
Arriving at gate 17.
104
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,109
Columbus, I'm smart.
105
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:54,212
Okay. How is a-two and two?
106
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,850
- four.
- he's smart, all right.
107
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,679
I don't think you understand.
108
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:03,621
I happen to be maxwell smart,
Secret agent 86 of control.
109
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,768
Oh, well, why didn't
You say that before?
110
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,603
This is the man
111
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:09,627
Who's gonna be my guard-body.
112
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:12,063
And I like you to
Meet nina, pinta...
113
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,832
Don't tell me... Santa maria?
114
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:17,802
No, that's rosa.
115
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,615
All right, girls, you go
And check the baggage
116
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:21,551
And then I see you
Outside, all right? Okay.
117
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,686
Be careful. Don't
Pinch the boys, huh?
118
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:25,350
Oh.
119
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,213
Oh, same to you.
120
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,596
Mr. Smart, there's a couple of
Things I want you to do for me.
121
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,687
Yes, well, I'm
Under strict order
122
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:37,655
To cater to your every whim.
123
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:41,025
Your idiosyncrasies, your
Compulsive inclinations
124
00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:44,195
Are to be gratified without
Reservation or restraint.
125
00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:46,275
- huh?
- whatever you want, you get.
126
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,910
Oh, well, listen, that's good.
127
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:51,035
You know, just before landing,
I look outside the aeroplane
128
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,115
And I see this place
Where the president lives.
129
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,439
- the white house?
- the white house, yes.
130
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,119
Well, I take one look
At the white house,
131
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,644
And I say to myself, "I
Gotta do something."
132
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,880
- you want to visit it?
- I want to paint it.
133
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:08,753
Don't take another step.
We are kaos agents gemini.
134
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:11,789
- what do you want?
- information.
135
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:13,758
tell us what we want
To know or you die.
136
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,726
You're wasting your time.
137
00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:17,506
Besides, do you
Know who this man is?
138
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:19,809
This is gino columbus, the
New owner of the united states.
139
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,644
That's what we wanted to know.
140
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:24,235
Mr. Smart, the joke
Has gone far enough.
141
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:26,264
I mean, it's very amusing...
Don't get me wrong...
142
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,205
But I got a lot of things to do.
143
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:30,119
What you gotta
Do is come with us.
144
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,876
We're not going anywhere.
145
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:34,212
It's either that or get shot.
146
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:38,516
You wanna go for a little while?
147
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:40,685
Eh.
148
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:16,587
Good afternoon,
Mr. Columbus, mr. Smart.
149
00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:18,623
My name is borgia.
150
00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:21,926
Borgia! Of course!
151
00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:23,961
You're the man who
Poisoned 23 people
152
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,830
And a pair of parakeets.
153
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,834
- no, mr. Smart.
- 23 parakeets and a pair of people?
154
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,503
I am borgia of kaos.
155
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,974
Okay, I'll accept that, but don't
Expect to have a drink with my bird.
156
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:40,144
Borgia, that's a...
Italian name, no?
157
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:41,980
I'm half italian.
158
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:43,848
My dear mother was mexican.
159
00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:45,984
Mexican and italian?
160
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:48,019
Boy, you must have
Some heartburn.
161
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:53,157
signor di borgia, I don't
Know what this is all about, eh?
162
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:55,666
Personally, I think that all
Americans are a little bit, uh...
163
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:58,129
You know what I mean?
164
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,698
But this is beside the
Point. I want you to know
165
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,033
That I own all of
The united states.
166
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:08,406
I'm quite aware of that. That's
Why you were brought here.
167
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:10,086
I tell you what I'm gonna do.
168
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,743
If you let me go, I'm gonna
Give you a nice present.
169
00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:14,979
I give you pittsburgh.
170
00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:17,181
We don't want pittsburgh.
171
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:20,517
That's funny, neither
Does pennsylvania.
172
00:10:20,586 --> 00:10:23,487
We want it all, mr. Columbus.
173
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:26,324
So if you will cooperate
174
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,816
By signing this agreement
Turning the united states
175
00:10:28,820 --> 00:10:29,692
Over to kaos...
176
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:32,230
Just a moment, you
Can't hand our country...
177
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,265
I'm sorry, your country,
178
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,501
Over to an
Organization like kaos!
179
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,414
If I do this for you, what
Are you gonna give me?
180
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:39,937
Your life.
181
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:42,439
- go on...
- that's it.
182
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,110
That's it?!
183
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,379
I mean, well, the price
Is right, you know.
184
00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:52,250
Well, the price
Isn't right with me.
185
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,849
ay! mama mia!
186
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:27,118
What's he got in his
Pocket, a printing press?
187
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:32,656
Must be a duplicating machine.
The copies are getting lighter.
188
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:35,659
Mr. Smart, we could
Spend the rest of the day
189
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:37,648
Continuing this
Childish activity.
190
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:41,044
As you have seen, I'm quite
Prepared for all emergencies.
191
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,633
Therefore, I recommend
192
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:45,436
That you suggest to
Mr. Columbus... To sign.
193
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:49,340
I'm sorry, mr. Borgia, but I
Cannot make that suggestion.
194
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,075
Columbus?
195
00:11:51,143 --> 00:11:54,111
And I'm ashamed of
You being half italian.
196
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,180
You leave me no alternative.
197
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,983
Gemini, is the door locked?
198
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,885
Yes and we have the key.
199
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,531
Well, we'll give our
Friends some time
200
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,675
To contemplate their decision.
201
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,768
I'll give you five minutes to
Change your mind, mr. Columbus.
202
00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:21,339
We'll do our utmost
To influence you.
203
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,542
And should you decide
To see things our way...
204
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:29,146
Just blow this whistle.
205
00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:34,619
He was just practicing.
206
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:48,933
I wish was in-a roma!
207
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:51,568
And I'm from venice!
208
00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:53,704
And I don't even like-a rome!
209
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:56,852
I wonder what he
Meant when he said
210
00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:59,343
He was gonna do everything
In his power to influence you.
211
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:01,012
I don't know.
212
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,814
But boy, I sure could
Go for a glass of water.
213
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:06,417
I've never been so
Thirsty in all my life.
214
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:11,823
Ah, nice! Room service.
215
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:17,028
Columbus! Look at the floor!
216
00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:18,730
the water, it's not draining.
217
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:23,612
Now I know what he meant when he
Said he was gonna try and influence you.
218
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,048
He's gonna fill this room with
Water and try and drown us!
219
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:28,417
Mr. Smart, do something!
220
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,474
Me? You're the
One who's thirsty.
221
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,198
How are we gonna stop the water?
222
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,822
Go over there and see if we
Can find a way to turn it off.
223
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:50,539
It's no use! It's no use!
224
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,341
In a couple of minutes,
We gonna be under.
225
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,143
No no no, listen to me please!
226
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,678
I want you to blow the whistle.
I want signor borgia to know
227
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:59,370
- I change my mind!
- look, columbus,
228
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,417
This is gonna be very difficult
For you to understand,
229
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,786
- but I can't blow the whistle.
- are you crazy?!
230
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:06,522
- we gonna drown!
- I'm sorry, but I've got my reasons!
231
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:09,758
First of all, I can't allow you to
Turn the united states over to kaos!
232
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:11,694
Th-th-that's not a
Good enough reason!
233
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:13,217
Well, how about this?
234
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:14,897
I just dropped the
Whistle in the water.
235
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:17,956
- is that good enough?
- that's a beaut.
236
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:21,058
Uh-oh, something is wrong.
The water's rising too fast!
237
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:23,594
It must be coming from
Another source than this.
238
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,733
Columbus, listen.
239
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,370
One of us... One of us has to
Dive down and get the whistle.
240
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:34,049
- can you swim?
- n-n-n-no!
241
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:36,474
Oh, well, I can. So, I'll
Swim around up here
242
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,121
- and you dive down and get the whistle.
- uh-huh!
243
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:40,990
Th-th... That doesn't
Make no good sense!
244
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,847
Not to you either, huh?
245
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:45,950
Okay, I'll dive down and you
Stay up here and tread water.
246
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,497
I don't even know how
To tread the water!
247
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:50,788
Well, I'll be seeing
Ya down below.
248
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:55,793
Lots of luck! Oh!
249
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:02,466
- how did you do?
- no good!
250
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:05,014
This was the only
Thing I could find.
251
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,105
Mr. Smart, you pulled the plug!
252
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:11,019
The water, it's
Starting to go down!
253
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:12,765
Ha ha! Whoo!
254
00:15:12,789 --> 00:15:13,977
Now we gotta find a
Way to get out that door!
255
00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:15,779
Oh yeah!
256
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:18,916
- max, it's me, 99!
- hey! That's-a my wife!
257
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:21,224
- huh?
- that's my wife, you know what that means?
258
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,287
- that we're gonna be saved!
- not only that,
259
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,923
But it means she was
Able to get a babysitter!
260
00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:33,631
So kaos tried to beat us to it?
261
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,199
Yes, chief.
262
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,869
But it was a good thing that
99 was there to back us up.
263
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,850
Well, it could've been a disaster
For all of us, but it's given me an idea.
264
00:15:40,874 --> 00:15:42,974
What's that, chief?
265
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:44,035
Chief: what is it, larabee?
266
00:15:44,059 --> 00:15:46,021
Chief, I just received
Word from the white house:
267
00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:48,190
The president is ready
To meet with mr. Columbus.
268
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:50,014
he has a document
All ready to be signed.
269
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:52,050
I will sign the thing.
270
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,318
And then I'm gonna board
A boat and go back to italy.
271
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:57,188
- hey!
- it won't be as easy as all that.
272
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,234
Chief, are those
Longshoremen on strike again?
273
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:01,692
No, larabee.
274
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:04,540
Kaos is certain to make another
Attempt at abducting mr. Columbus.
275
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,541
I still don't see what
Your plan is, chief.
276
00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:08,966
We'll let kaos abduct him.
277
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:12,069
That's a terrible plan, chief.
278
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,637
No, hear me out.
279
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,272
We'll use a decoy.
280
00:16:15,341 --> 00:16:18,408
Kaos will kidnap the decoy
And while they're torturing him,
281
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:20,856
The real mr. Columbus here
Will be taken to the white house.
282
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,924
Now do you think it's
Such a terrible plan?
283
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:24,827
- well, it's got one hitch in it.
- what's that?
284
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,328
- who's the decoy?
- you.
285
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:28,797
That's the hitch. You'll
Never get away with it, chief.
286
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,966
I don't look like columbus.
I don't even speak italian.
287
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,069
Besides, chief, at
Control training school,
288
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:35,133
Max flunked torture
Three years in a row.
289
00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:37,795
Goodbye, larabee.
290
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:39,830
Goodbye, chief.
291
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:43,167
Max, there's nobody
Else I can send.
292
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:44,780
All my men are on assignment.
293
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,938
I can't pass myself
Off as columbus.
294
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,046
Now if you don't
Take it, who can I send?
295
00:16:57,283 --> 00:17:00,718
- all right, I'll take it.
- but max, it might be dangerous.
296
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,497
Yes, but there's a good chance
297
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:04,800
That they'll never be able to
Tell that I'm not mr. Columbus.
298
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:07,102
All I have to do is to
Remember not to sign anything,
299
00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:10,673
Because they'd be able to tell
My signature from his signature.
300
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,407
How would they
Be able to tell that?
301
00:17:12,431 --> 00:17:15,099
Very simple, chief. My
Name begins with an "S."
302
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:17,167
His begins with a "K."
303
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:19,537
Uh... "C"?
304
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:32,216
It'll take at least a week
For the torches to dry.
305
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:39,489
Ah! Welcome back,
Signor columbus.
306
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:41,492
Eh, linguini, linguini!
307
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,528
It worked just like
You said, borgia.
308
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:46,164
We waited outside control's
Secret headquarters,
309
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:49,333
And he came out all alone.
No escort, no nothing.
310
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:52,347
No bodyguards? No
Control agents? Explain that.
311
00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:55,772
Yes. Well, I was on-a my
Way to lunch, and, uh...
312
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:58,053
- control would let you eat alone?
- yes, well,
313
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,990
When they found out I was-a
Going to have a garlic sandwich,
314
00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:02,194
They insist.
315
00:18:02,218 --> 00:18:05,783
Well, are you prepared
To sign over america to us?
316
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:08,330
Or... Do we fill
This crypt again?
317
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:15,626
No more water, a little-a
Wine-a maybe, but-a no water.
318
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:19,530
- your signature then.
- I no got-a strength to sign anything.
319
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,098
I'm-a starved.
320
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:23,768
You gotta remember,
I've been-a swimmin' all day.
321
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,704
I sympathize with you.
322
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:29,807
I, too, require constant
Stoking of the human furnace
323
00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:32,143
To function properly.
324
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:34,990
- gemini...
- yes, borgia.
325
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,681
Run over to antonio's
326
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:39,194
And get our guest
Some nourishment.
327
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:40,851
Well, what do you want?
328
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,453
You got a pencil and a paper?
329
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,356
- shoot.
- eh?
330
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:48,225
- what do you want?
- ah.
331
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,494
Eh, yes-a let-a me see now.
332
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,797
Little-a "Fettaccinonay."
333
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:55,633
- "Feccacini."
- and a little "Rabbalalonay."
334
00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:57,467
"Ravolini."
335
00:18:57,536 --> 00:19:00,704
- and-a some "Cachalatoray."
- "Cachatorini."
336
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:03,207
- and a "Mastorolay."
- "Mastorolay."
337
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:05,710
- and a "Riggatononay."
- "Riggatononay."
338
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:09,179
And some bicarbonate of soda.
339
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:24,228
Are you through?!
340
00:19:24,296 --> 00:19:26,330
Not-a quite.
341
00:19:57,296 --> 00:20:00,097
That's the longest
Meal I ever watched.
342
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,234
Signor columbus,
343
00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:06,081
You are stretching my hospitable
Nature to a breaking point.
344
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,938
Mama always say,
345
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:10,041
"You no clean-a da plate,
346
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:11,820
You're not get-a the apple pie."
347
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:13,510
Apple pie?
348
00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:15,078
That's not an italian dish.
349
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,448
It is if you put-a
Tomato sauce on it.
350
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:20,450
That's enough.
351
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:23,587
Are you ready to sign?
352
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,424
I tell you what I'm-a gonna do.
353
00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:28,992
I gonna sign-a...
354
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,761
half of my name now
355
00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:33,597
And the other half
When I finish eating.
356
00:20:33,665 --> 00:20:35,165
Finish what?
357
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,468
I no have-a the full stomach,
358
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:40,337
I worry. I worry, I
No sign-a da pape.
359
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:44,474
- but you ate enough to sink a ship!
- I know.
360
00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:48,245
The last time I ate-a so much I
Was on the andrea doria. Pfft.
361
00:20:50,048 --> 00:20:52,549
Well, if he wants more
Food then get him more.
362
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:55,786
I certainly don't like
Filling this crypt again.
363
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:58,255
This month's water
Bill is gonna be murder!
364
00:20:59,057 --> 00:21:01,559
What do you want this time?
365
00:21:01,627 --> 00:21:03,527
- you ready?
- ready.
366
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,563
Okay!
367
00:21:05,631 --> 00:21:07,130
Here we go.
368
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,533
- antipasto.
- antipasto.
369
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,368
- lasagne!
- lasagne!
370
00:21:13,572 --> 00:21:16,073
- mozzarella.
- mozzarella.
371
00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:20,177
- marinara.
- marinara.
372
00:21:23,149 --> 00:21:26,750
- no bicarbonate of soda?
- just the priest.
373
00:21:41,234 --> 00:21:43,245
Signor columbus,
It's been three hours
374
00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:45,314
Since you walked in
Here requesting lunch.
375
00:21:45,338 --> 00:21:47,698
We can't stall any longer.
376
00:21:48,841 --> 00:21:50,908
Sign or die.
377
00:21:52,010 --> 00:21:53,510
Okay okay.
378
00:21:53,579 --> 00:21:56,746
I'm-a too full and
I'm-a too fat to die.
379
00:21:58,718 --> 00:22:00,383
Where's the pen?
380
00:22:00,452 --> 00:22:02,485
He must have ate it.
381
00:22:02,554 --> 00:22:04,265
Well, get another!
382
00:22:04,289 --> 00:22:06,523
Never mind. I'll do it myself.
383
00:22:09,295 --> 00:22:11,862
You know, I gotta
Hand it to you.
384
00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:14,965
Please-a, don't-a
Hand-a me nothin'!
385
00:22:15,034 --> 00:22:17,101
I'm-a full up-a to here.
386
00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:19,570
No, I'm talking about
How you put food away.
387
00:22:19,638 --> 00:22:21,417
You know, me and my partner,
388
00:22:21,441 --> 00:22:23,385
We've lived in boarding
Houses for years,
389
00:22:23,409 --> 00:22:25,576
And we've seen a
Lot of big eaters,
390
00:22:25,644 --> 00:22:28,411
But you take the cake.
391
00:22:31,650 --> 00:22:34,151
Well, I was just telling
Mr. Columbus that...
392
00:22:34,220 --> 00:22:36,453
Mr. Smart is the name, gemini.
393
00:22:36,522 --> 00:22:39,682
That call came from kaos
Agent kovack at the white house.
394
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:43,027
The real columbus just
Signed the united states
395
00:22:43,095 --> 00:22:44,935
Back over to the united states.
396
00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,631
Good.
397
00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:52,870
Well...
398
00:22:52,939 --> 00:22:55,906
I guess the masquerade is over.
399
00:22:55,974 --> 00:22:59,376
And so is your life.
Shoot him, gemini.
400
00:22:59,445 --> 00:23:01,411
I wouldn't do that, geminy,
401
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:03,258
You're being covered
By a control agent.
402
00:23:03,282 --> 00:23:05,216
You're bluffing, smart.
403
00:23:05,284 --> 00:23:07,251
Oh really?
404
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,486
Show yourself!
405
00:23:13,158 --> 00:23:15,125
Max: you see, my
Friend, last night...
406
00:23:15,194 --> 00:23:18,095
While you were sleeping,
We arrested lower gemini
407
00:23:18,164 --> 00:23:19,863
And replaced him with
One of our own men.
408
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,400
Gentlemen, allow me to introduce
409
00:23:23,468 --> 00:23:25,135
Control agent munchkin.
31651
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof