Original subtitles

Man narrating: in our previous Episode, maxwell smart and 99

were making a trial run To the maternity hospital.

We left the apartment at 8:20.

Now according To my calculations,

We should be at the hospital

At precisely 8:31.

Man narrating: they made it.

so did the fuzz.

Right on the nose, 8:31.

You wait there. I'll Get you a wheelchair.

- there's only one thing wrong. - what's that?

This isn't the hospital Where I'm gonna have the baby.

Man narrating: while smart was Concerned with mapping a route

to the maternity hospital,

the chief had Problems of his own

trying to locate kaos's Secret headquarters.

the first break came in The middle of the night.

I got here as fast as I Could, chief. What's up?

One of our units Spotted a kaos courier.

He's staying at the Hotel senator, downtown.

Right here.

This is the first break we've Had in four months, chief.

The suspect just Checked out of the hotel

And is now in a cab Going north on 7th street.

Good, unit 12 will Now take over.

Unit 4, discontinue pursuit.

unit 12, commence pursuit.

Let's keep our fingers crossed We don't lose him, larabee.

Come in, unit 12.

Chief, the cab is headed For the bus terminal.

So far, so good. Now if we Just don't get a bad break.

- smart's covering the bus terminal. - that's it.

- that's what? - a bad break.

Man narrating: and more Bad breaks were to come.

Max, we've just gotten word that Kaos is going to attempt to steal

- the huffiker plans. - the huffiker plans?

But that's impossible, chief.

You told me yourself That the huffiker plans

Are in the chief of staff's Private safe in the pentagon.

- that's true. - but chief,

In order for kaos to get in,

They'd have to go past 20 or 30 armed guards.

No one could accomplish that.

- there's one man who could. - who's that?

- simon the likable. - simon the likable.

- who's he? - he's kaos's most irresistible agent,

A man so unassuming, so Modest, so sweet and warm,

That you take one look At him and you like him.

Funny. I'm beginning To like him already.

Like him? I love him.

Man narrating: while smart Was busy making a new map

of a shortcut to the Maternity hospital,

at the sunny-slope sanitarium,

actually a front for kaos's New secret headquarters...

kaos agent kruger was Also involved with a map.

Yes, I will arrange it So that simon the likable

Gets here to our new secret Headquarters without being followed.

Then how will we get Simon the likable here?

He doesn't know Our new location.

Kruger: it has already Been arranged.

simon has been Told to hang his coat

on fourth coat hook In the coffee shop.

Man narrating: maxwell smart, On duty at the bus terminal,

was totally unaware that he Was sitting next to the infamous

simon the likable.

I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, that's quite all right.

I was a little chilly anyway.

Man narrating: at the same moment the Map to kaos's secret headquarters

was being slipped into simon The likable's trenchcoat,

99 was giving max The exciting news.

Max, the pains have started.

I had the first one 15 minutes Ago, and I just got the second one.

Well, that's great, sweetheart.

Now don't worry. Just Relax and don't panic.

I'll be there in less Than 10 minutes.

Man narrating: in his Haste, smart grabbed

simon the likable's Trenchcoat by mistake.

Oh!

The pains are coming Every 12 minutes now, 99.

Don't worry, I'll have you At the hospital in five minutes.

- don't rush, max. - here's the map. Direct me.

Max, what a lovely hospital.

I'll see if your room is ready.

Excuse me.

Nurse, come with me, please.

What do you think?

Obviously, smart Came here by mistake.

He must have gotten his map mixed Up with simon's at the coffee shop.

Then simon must be at The maternity hospital.

Right.

I'll have to contact him there.

What about them?

They must be disposed of.

There's something strange About this place, max...

Dr. Kruger and that nurse. And where's dr. Baker?

I called his office just before I Phoned you at the bus terminal

And he said he'd be Here when we got here.

Don't worry, 99. He'll Be here in plenty of time.

Where's my mother and the chief?

They should be here by now.

Mrs. Smart, if You'll come with me...

Your room is ready.

Good luck, darling. I'll be waiting.

Thank you.

Well, doctor, I'll just Wait out in the waiting room.

- I know you have a lot of work to do. - no.

But you'll be much more Comfortable in here.

Oh, well, thank you very much.

I'll just help myself to a book And relax for a little while.

Should I get undressed now?

In a moment.

But first I want to give You something to relax you.

Mr. Smart...

Over here.

Now it's my turn.

- oh! - are you all right?

Hold it right There, both of you.

I heard all those gunshots,

- I thought maybe something went wrong. - well, I guess you know

What I'm going to Have to do now.

- what? - I'm going to have to report you

To the american Medical association.

I don't belong to the American medical association.

Then the better business bureau.

I don't belong to that either.

Oh. Well, how about The automobile club?

I belong to kaos, mr. Smart.

Kaos?

- where's my wife? - in the next room.

All right, get away from The door, both of you. Move.

Come on, move.

And just to make sure That you don't follow me...

oh, I don't like needles.

Don't look.

max!

Max, they're coming And I can't run.

We'll never get away.

Let's duck in here, 99.

Shh! Quiet.

Shh! They're coming.

All right, now Here's my plan, 99.

Once the coast is clear, We'll go out the front door.

Now they'll be expecting Us to go out the back door,

But we're gonna fool 'em And go out the front door.

Now you will wait on the Steps, I'll bring the car up,

You'll get in the car and We'll go to the hospital.

It's an absolutely Flawless plan.

Nothing can go wrong.

Once I get this door open.

Max, we're locked in!

Don't be ridiculous, 99. The door's just jammed.

Max, it's probably one of Those self-locking doors.

Now that is silly.

Who would put a Self-locking door

In a broom closet?

Oh, max, look.

Max, the pains are Coming faster now.

Don't worry, 99. I'll Get you out of here.

I'm not gonna have my Son born in a broom closet.

especially one with A self-locking door.

We're never gonna Get out of here.

99, don't panic, I'll Get you out of here.

There must be a way out.

99, look.

Max: there's a Trapdoor in this closet.

- max, I can't climb up there. - no, but I can.

Look, 99,

When I get to the second floor,

I'll come down the Stairway and open the door

- and let you out. - okay.

Hurry, max.

Hurry.

What's up there, max?

wait till I turn the light on!

99, you wouldn't believe what they've Got up here on the second floor.

- what is it? - a second-floor closet.

Don't tell me it has A self-locking door.

It has a self-locking door.

I asked you not to tell me that.

Oh, max, we're never Gonna get out of here.

Wait, 99, we're in luck!

There's a trapdoor in The ceiling of this closet.

Where does it lead?

99, this is only a Two-story building.

It has to lead to the roof.

Oh, I hope so!

- 99! - did you get through, max?

- not exactly. - what do you mean "Not exactly"?

I'm in the closet on the Roof, but we're in luck.

Don't tell me it has a Trapdoor in the ceiling?

No, but it doesn't have A self-locking door.

It doesn't?

No, just four walls.

Oh, max, we're gonna have To think of another plan.

Come on down, fast.

Oh-oh-oh!

- was that fast enough? - max, are you all right?

Yes, I'm fine, 99. I just banged My head when I hit the d...

Max! You must have sprung The door when you hit it!

Well, that just Goes to show you, 99.

There's nothing in this World you can't accomplish

If you just use your head.

- come on, let's get out of here. - right.

Woman on p.A.: dr. Foster...

dr. Foster...

Has mrs. Maxwell Smart gotten here yet?

Not yet. That woman over there Has been inquiring about her too.

Woman on p.A.: dr. Foster... Dr. Foster...

That's 99's mother.

Now remember, my cover Name is harold clark.

She thinks I own a Greeting card company

And max works for Me as a salesman.

I'll introduce you as An out-of-town buyer.

Right, chief. What town?

What do you mean "What town"?

Well, if I'm gonna be From out of town, chief,

I need to know the name Of the town I'm from.

Come on, larabee.

Woman on p.A.: dr. Nelson... Dr. Nelson...

Hello, how are you?

Nice to see you Again, mr. Clark.

Thank you. This is mr. Larabee.

- he's a buyer from out of town. - oh, really? What town?

I don't know yet.

I understand max and your Daughter haven't gotten here yet.

And I'm getting worried.

She called a good half hour ago And said they were on their way.

I'm sure there's Nothing to worry about.

I have to check In with my office.

Will you excuse us For a minute, please?

Go right ahead.

Larabee, that man Who just entered,

- do you know who that is? - which one, chief?

The man in the hat.

That's simon the likable.

I don't care what his Name is, chief, I like him.

Woman on p.A.: dr. Dorsey... Dr. Dorsey...

That man is the most Ruthless, cunning, evil

And treacherous kaos agent

In the entire world.

And a heck of a nice guy.

Chief, what's he doing here?

I don't know, and let's not Question our good luck.

He's coming this way. As soon as he gets here,

I want you to place Him under arrest.

I can't arrest a nice Person like that, chief.

Suppose I just let Him off with a warning?

What do you mean, let Him off with a warning?

Arrest him. That's an order.

I'm sorry, chief, but if you Want simon the likable arrested,

You're gonna have To do it yourself.

All right, I will.

Sir, it is my duty To inform you that...

Yes?

Do you have a picture of yourself That would fit in this wallet?

How do you feel, 99?

I'm fine, love, except the Pains are coming faster now.

Well, I'll have you at the hospital right Away. There's nothing to worry about.

But max, we don't know Where the hospital is.

Except that.

Larabee, we're in Serious trouble.

At any moment simon the likable Is gonna walk out that door,

Go directly to the pentagon,

Remove the huffiker plans And walk right out again.

Chances are, you and I Will never see him again.

Then we've gotta Move fast, chief.

You keep your eye on Him. I'll be right back.

Larabee! Where are you going?

To the gift shop. I want to get him

A little going-away present.

Will you try to remember? That man is the enemy!

He's a mean, Rotten, despicable...

Hey! Watch it!

I'm really getting worried.

I'm gonna call the apartment And make sure they've left.

- that's a good idea. - I hope they haven't had an accident.

She just gave me a good idea.

I think I know a way to keep simon The likable from leaving. Come on.

Woman on p.A.: dr. Nelson...

I'm a government agent.

One of my men has Had a slight accident.

However, he's the heroic type And he refuses to see a doctor.

Nevertheless, I want him Hospitalized immediately.

I'm sorry, but we don't Have a single bed open.

How about a double?

Why don't you take him to The city emergency hospital

And let them take care of him?

I'm afraid he can't wait.

You can take a Look at him yourself.

I'm terribly sorry. I wish I could help.

I'll have a room ready In two minutes flat.

Here he comes now. Remember, He'll deny that he's sick.

I understand. How do I look?

Great. We'll be over Here if you need us.

Woman on p.A.: dr. Fletcher...

Pardon me, miss. My name is simon.

Did a mr. Kruger or a dr. Kruger

Leave a message for me?

No, but don't you worry, I'll have A room ready for you in a minute.

- a room? - a private room with an outside view.

No, I don't need a room. There's nothing wrong with me.

You needn't be ashamed.

Look, miss, I don't know What you're talking about.

I didn't come here For a hospital room.

I'm in perfect Physical condition.

all I want to know is...

If a man named kruger Left a message for me.

Take him to 212.

You... You can't do this to me.

Mr. Simon, this is For your own good.

And we want to see you In the best possible health.

But I am in the best of health.

You'll be even better.

Max! Where have you been? We've been getting worried!

I don't have time to Explain now, chief.

99 is gonna have A baby any minute.

- larabee, get a wheelchair. - right, chief.

This is mr. And mrs. Smart. Do You have their room number?

- darling, where have you been? - we got a little lost, mother. I'm fine.

Here, 99.

Don't worry, son, I'll Stay with her till it's time.

Get away. Get away, get away.

I'm so excited. Now Don't be nervous, dear.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Chief, kaos is right on my tail.

Why?

Because I accidentally Stumbled onto their hideout.

There they are.

All right, max and larabee,

Let's take 'em into custody.

You three are under arrest.

What makes you think we're Going to give up without a fight?

Because, dr. Kruger, you Happen to be outnumbered.

How do you figure That? You are three.

We are three.

Yes, but he's so small, he's No match for larabee here.

And she's a woman.

Chief, I think you're Outnumbered.

Now give me your gun.

Ow!

Ha!

You know, I don't Think I'll complete

My full internship In this hospital.

Not if they make you go down to The lobby and get your own patients.

Ha!

Ha!

Admittance. Nurse Hoskins speaking.

Oh, really? Thank you.

Mr. Smart.

Congratulations, you had a boy.

Did you hear that, Everybody? I had a boy!

- I'm a father! - congratulations, max.

- beautiful beautiful. - thank you, thank you.

Congratulations. You Must be very proud.

I am, thank you.

Ha!

I'll call harry and joe and Edna and lois and aunt gussy.

And...

Why don't you watch Where you're going?

I'm sorry.

What is it? What?!

Oh, well, isn't that something?

Mr. Smart, you had a girl!

A girl? I thought You said I had a boy.

You did have a boy.

But you just said I had a girl.

You did...

A boy and a girl, twins.

Twins! Did you hear that, chief?

99 gave birth to twins!

Max, that's wonderful!

- beautiful! - thank you, thank you.

- thank you. - congratulations again.

Thank you.

Oh, my. Twins!

Everybody, hold it right there.

All right, larabee, take 'em down to headquarters.

All right, get moving.

Wait a minute, Mom, I'll help you.

Here you go, mom.

Max, I'll be right back. I Have to phone the office.

Mr. Simon, is something wrong?

Nothing is wrong. I'm Leaving the hospital,

And please don't try to stop me

Well, would you Like a bigger room?

A suite or a color Television or some drapes?

No, I'm leaving.

I'm so sorry that happened.

That does it.

- max, she did it! - she did what?

She hit him!

Hit whom?

That's simon the likable.

Oh, simon the...

Simon the likable?!

But that's impossible, chief. You told me he was so lovable

That nobody could harm him.

Well, your mother-in-law Is the only one...

I don't understand it.

Mom, how could you Hit a nice man like that?

That's the third time Somebody bumped into me

And made me drop all my dimes.

But that face...

How could you hit a Man with a face like that?

It was easy.

He's the image of My late husband.

99, are you awake?

Yes, max.

They're beautiful!

Aren't they, max? Come closer and see.

Children, I want you to meet...

Your father.