Original subtitles

Good shot, max.

- ann cameron just got in. - where?

She's sitting there in the Front row. Don't look now.

I told you not to look now.

Nice shot, lou. It's our serve.

Which one is she, chief?

you see the man in the Front row with a beard?

- that's ann cameron?! - no!

Ann cameron is Sitting next to him.

She's the woman with the hat.

Wow! She's beautiful, chief.

Yes, beautiful and deadly.

- she's already murdered 12 control agents. - 12?!

She marries them, Insures them heavily,

Then murders them And collects the money.

- she must be very wealthy. - no, kaos is very wealthy...

She turns all the Insurance money over to kaos

To finance their operations.

- which one is maxwell smart? - the one who is serving.

I'd better move very Fast to kill this one.

Why do you say that?

Because he's liable To kill himself first.

Well, that's a set, Max. Nice game, fellows.

Man: yeah.

Chief, there's something I don't Understand: how do I fit into all of this?

Max, for the past week, we've been Sending her flowers every morning

- and signing your name. - my name?!

Yes. This morning's flowers Contained an invitation

For ann cameron to join You here for cocktails at 5:00.

Oh, I can't do that, chief. I have to get home early.

Tonight is our anniversary and I Promised 99 I'd take her to dinner.

Yes, you're dining with Ann cameron tonight.

I don't think 99 would like Another woman along, chief.

You're having dinner With ann cameron alone.

99 would never go for that.

Max, you're just going to have to Explain to 99 that you're involved

In a very very Serious assignment.

Now, I want you to romance ann Cameron, I want you to charm her,

I want you to have Dinner with her

- every single night this week! - are you crazy?

I'm a married man. My wife is About to give birth any minute now.

- I can't do that. - max, that's an order.

Why do I get all the Lousy assignments?

- hi, 99. - oh.

Gee, I'm awfully sorry that I have to Leave you alone for dinner tonight.

Oh, max, it's an assignment, I understand that.

Yes, but what a terrible time for an Assignment like this to come along.

After all, tonight is Our first anniversary.

When you're a control agent, Your duty just has to come first.

99, you're one in a million.

Don't you touch me!

What's the matter?

You know perfectly Well what's the matter.

You don't love me anymore Because I'm fat and unattractive.

This is ridiculous, 99! Just because You're fat and unattractive,

Doesn't mean that I Stopped loving you.

Why don't you just Go ahead and say it, max?

Huh?

- fat fat the water rat. - "Fat fat the water rat"?

You take that back!

What's the matter with you, 99?

Oh, I don't know. I just Am so jealous, max!

And I think the chief had some Nerve putting you on this case.

I mean, you're a husband and You're about to become a father.

Well, that's exactly the reason Why he did put me on this case.

I mean, what man who is married

And whose wife is pregnant is Gonna look at another woman

Or touch another woman or Think about another woman?

- really? - of course.

At least until after The baby is born.

Oh, max, I'm sorry I was so jealous.

That's all right, 99. Don't worry about a thing.

We're gonna have our Anniversary dinner tomorrow.

- oh, really? - yes, sir.

- first thing in the morning. - in the morning?

What's wrong with Tomorrow night?

Eh, tomorrow evening? Yes!

Uh, well, I can't make it Tomorrow evening, 99.

I'm having dinner with Ann cameron, ahem.

I wonder if it was Something I said.

- maxwell, we're home. - hmm?

Huh? Oh! Oh, yes!

Well, I certainly Wanna thank you

For a wonderful Evening, miss cameron.

- call me ann. - ann, yes.

I'm sorry that our Evening had to end so early.

Is your headache any better?

My headache? Oh, yes. Well, it's much better.

It's going away, but It's much much better.

- well, good night. - oh, wait a moment.

- aren't you going to invite me up? - up where?

Up to your apartment.

Oh, that up. Yes, well, You can't go that up.

What I mean is that we're Not allowed to have visitors

After 2:55 in the morning.

- well, good night. - um...

What about a good night kiss?

- huh? - a kiss... Good night.

On our first date?!

An evening with you Is like an eternity.

Oh well, in that case, All right, but just one.

Not like that. Like this!

Ann, would you do me a favor?

Anything. anything!

Reach into my jacket pocket. There's a gun there, take it out.

What do you want Me to do with it?

Kill me.

Max, what are you doing here?

You're supposed to be Sailing with ann cameron.

Uh, yes. Well, that's what I Came to talk to you about, chief.

Last night, I gave this a Great deal of thought

And I came to an Irreversible decision.

- didn't we, 99? - yes, you did.

What is he talking about, 99?

Chief, you have to take Me off the cameron case.

Doesn't he, 99?

Max, you know I can't do that.

But you've got to, Chief. Doesn't he?

99, I'm gonna ask you to Make a great sacrifice.

I'm gonna ask you to stand by While your husband pretends

To be in love with Another woman.

Now this isn't going To be easy for you, 99.

You're gonna be all alone while your Husband carries out this assignment.

He may be gone days, He may be gone nights,

he may even be gone weekends,

but he has to do it.

Not for me, for his country. His country is calling him.

But, chief, you're asking max

To spend a weekend With a strange woman!

Wait a minute, 99. My country Is calling me. Isn't it, chief?

Let me put it this way, 99...

You're about to have a child.

don't you want that child To grow up in a country

That's free from strife, Where every man is equal,

Where there's brotherly Love in the very air you breathe?

Of course she does, chief.

What country is that?

I guess I've never thought Of it that way, chief.

Max, I think you'd Better stay on the case.

Well, all right, 99, but I just Wanna put your mind at ease...

Just because ann cameron May be young and beautiful

And sexy and wealthy and Witty and fun to be with,

It doesn't mean that I'm gonna be enjoying it.

Mr. Smart, there's a Telephone call for you.

You can take it over there.

Thank you. Excuse me, darling.

How is it going?

Excellent, schroeder. He's Succumbing to my charms.

- hello? - chief: how is it going, max?

Excellent, chief. She's Succumbing to my charms.

when do you think She'll make her move?

Tonight.

When will you make Your first move?

This afternoon.

Excuse me.

To us.

- hi, sweetheart. - gee, max, you're home early.

- it's only 1:30. - eh, yes.

Well, I've got great News for you, 99...

- that case is almost over. - max, that's fantastic!

Well, I've gotta get A good night's sleep.

- I've got a big day tomorrow. - what happens tomorrow?

- I'm getting married. - oh.

Well, I think I have everything

I'll need for the Honeymoon, my darling.

- did you put your pajamas in, max? - huh?

- your pajamas. - oh, I won't need any pajamas.

- what are you gonna go sleep in? - I don't plan to sleep, 99.

Max!

Oh, 99, how many times Do I have to tell you

That ann cameron always kills her Husbands right after the ceremony?

Oh.

I'm sorry, we Gave at the office.

Max, it's me!

Oh, chief! You put your Collar on backwards.

It's supposed to be that way, Max. I'm marrying you today.

Has there been a change in plans? I Thought I was marrying ann cameron.

You are marrying ann cameron;

I'm performing the ceremony.

If we used a real minister, This ceremony would be legal!

Chief, is there a chance that Anything could go wrong?

No, I hope not, 99. But we'll be Watching max and ann every minute.

The moment she tries to kill him, We'll have her for attempted murder.

But what if she kills him before You get there to stop her?

Then we'll have her for murder.

And that's even better, 99. It's tough to beat a murder rap.

Max, if you're ready, I Think we'd better go now.

- we don't wanna be late for the ceremony. - right, chief.

- 99, are you ready to go? - just a minute, I'll be right with you.

Max, did you invite 99 to the wedding?!

Well, of course. You don't Think I'm gonna get married

Without my wife being there.

We are gathered Here this afternoon

To join together this man And this woman in matrimony.

Into this estate, these two Persons come now to be joined.

Do you, ann, take this man to be Your lawfully wedded husband

To love, honor and cherish

As long as you both shall live?

I do.

And do you, maxwell, take this Woman to be your lawfully wedded wife

To love, honor and cherish

As long as you both shall live?

I do.

Who is she?

Eh, well, just an Old girlfriend.

Can I have the ring, please?

- huh? - the ring!

Oh, the ring. Yes Yes, of course.

The ring, uh... Eh...

The ring. Yes, well, a very Good friend of mine is holding it.

I'll be right back.

Hey, 99, let me have Your wedding ring.

No! That's my wedding ring!

You don't understand, 99. If You don't give me that ring,

We can't get married.

I'm not gonna let that Woman wear my wedding ring max.

It's bad enough that She's getting my husband.

- she's not gonna have my ring too. - you don't understand, 99.

If you don't give me the ring, the Wedding will have to be postponed,

And I'll have to keep Dating her night after night.

Oh-hh. Here.

Place the ring on The bride's finger.

If anyone here knows any reason

Why these two should not Be joined in holy matrimony,

Let him speak now or Forever hold his peace.

By virtue of the Authority vested in me,

I now pronounce You man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

You may kiss the bride.

Congratulations, darling.

Is everything ready?

Yes. Have you seen the supports

Of the terrace outside Your hotel room?

As soon as he steps Outside onto the terrace,

It will collapse.

And he will fall 12 floors To the street below.

Thank you, thank You, uncle schroeder.

Good luck to you, my son.

We don't know how She plans to do it, max,

But we'll have you under Constant surveillance.

When you think she's Gonna make her move, max,

Step out onto the Terrace and signal me.

I'll be waiting down The street below.

- hi. Excuse me, gentlemen. - chief: oh.

Maxwell, it's getting late.

I think we should be Checking into the hotel.

Eh, yes. Well, if you'll Excuse us, we have to go now.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Good bye, everyone.

Now wait right there, darling.

I wanna carry you Over the threshold.

Well, how do you like it?

- who is it? - ann.

I'm awfully sorry, Darling, I forgot about you.

Oh, how gallant.

Well, I'll go into the bedroom

And slip into something a Little bit more comfortable,

But in the meantime, why Don't you make us some drinks

- and sign these papers? - papers?

- what kind of papers? - oh, don't bother to look at them now.

It's an insurance policy Leaving everything to you

In case something Should happen to me.

Oh, well, that's very Generous of you, ann.

There. All right.

Now why don't you take the Drinks out onto the terrace

And I'll meet you there?

- who is it? - man: room service.

I didn't order any room service.

- compliments of the house, sir. - chief?!

- boy, am I glad to see you. - why? What happened?

Chief, I think we've Got the wrong girl.

What do you mean?

You should have seen What that sweet kid just did.

She made me sign An insurance policy

Turning everything she Owns in the world over to me

In case anything happens to her.

Did you read the policy, max?

- huh? - did you read the policy?

- well, no, she told me not to bother. - we have the right girl.

Now that you've signed the Policy, she'll try to kill you.

- she will? - yes.

- how will she do it, chief? - I don't know, max,

But she made the last 12 look like accidents.

- who is it? - the chambermaid.

- it's the chambermaid, chief. - if she sees me,

She'll know I'm not A hotel employee.

The terrace... Hide out On the terrace, chief.

99, what are you doing here?!

Max, I wanna make Sure you're all right.

I'm fine, 99. Now, you'd Better get out of here

- before my wife sees you. - max, I'm your wife.

Yes, I know that, 99. I Mean my other wife.

- who is it?! - hotel manager.

The manager? Max, he'll Know I'm not a chambermaid.

- the terrace... Hide out on the terrace. - right.

Max, it's not really the hotel Manager. It's me... Larabee.

I know it's you, larabee.

Didn't the carnation fool you?

No, the carnation Didn't fool me.

- what are you doing here?! - I was standing downstairs

And I got your message And I came right up.

What message?

Didn't you drop a Message in the flower pot?

No, I didn't drop a Message in the flower pot!

No wonder I didn't Find anything in the dirt.

- ann: maxwell? - get out on the terrace.

But I thought we were going to Have our drinks out on the terrace.

Eh, the terrace? Yes! Well, it's a Little chilly out on the terrace.

I thought it would be much Better if we had them in here.

Oh, but I wanted to have Them out on the terrace.

Yes, but it's so warm And comfortable in here.

Get out on the terrace!

Boy, you sure are A nut for fresh air.

Oh, I'm not going Out there... You are.

That's how I intend to Kill you, my dear husband.

That's how I killed All my others.

All right, drop the gun.

That's just what we've Been waiting 10 years to hear.

- larabee, you've got your tape recorder? - right here, chief.

- good boy. - when do you want me to turn it on?

Nobody move. I was up On the roof watching.

Three people out on the terrace

And it still didn't collapse.

I don't understand.

I undid all the Bolts. It should've...

Oh, I see what I did wrong.

I unscrewed it, but I Forgot to remove it.

Which one is that?

This one.

You're through, miss cameron.

I'll take my ring Back, please...

And my husband.

Miss cameron, you're under arrest For the murder of 12 control agents.

You can't arrest me, you Don't have any evidence.

He didn't have his Tape recorder on.

Well, maybe his wasn't...

But mine was.

All right, larabee, Take her away.

I'm sorry, maxwell.

Of all my 12 husbands, you were The only one I ever really liked.

I was almost tempted To go on a honeymoon.

She's so beautiful. What a shame.

What will they do to her, chief?

She'll probably get About 100 years, max.

Well, maybe she'll Be lucky and get life.

In that way, with good behavior,

She could be off in seven Years. That isn't too long.

Max.

Oh, I was only kidding, 99.