Original subtitles

We're right on time. Marco must be Waiting for us somewhere in this basement.

Signal him with Your flashlight, max.

Right, chief.

Gee, chief, did you see how Quick he answered my signal?

I know. Signal him again, max.

- boy, is he fast. - he's too fast.

Max, turn your flashlight On and leave it on.

But that's not The signal, chief.

I know that. Just turn it on.

Just as I thought, max, That's our reflection.

You're signaling a mirror.

And it answered me?

Turn it off, max.

There's marco now.

Now remember, he has vital Information concerning kaos.

We must find out what it is. I'll be Upstairs watching the entrance.

- right, chief. - oh, max,

Shine your flashlight on the Stairs so I can find my way up.

Right, chief.

Chief, are you all right?

Chief, don't ever do that.

Max, would you mind keeping your flashlight On the stairs until I get all the way up?

Sorry about that, chief.

Marco, where are you?

I'm over here. Turn on your light.

- are you maxwell smart? - what?

I said are you maxwell smart?

- yes, are you marco? - what?

I said are you marco?

- yes. - what?

I said yes.

- good. - what?

I said g...

This is ridiculous.

We can't hold a Secret conversation

Yelling at the Top of our voices.

Look, why don't you get On top of that barrel?

Good idea. Turn on the light.

I have top secret Information concerning kaos.

What?

I have top secret Information conc...

Never mind, I'll sit down.

Kaos has just been Acquired by I.H. Industries.

Of course, I.H. Industries.

Who is I.H. Industries?

They're a very big conglomerate.

They already own Steel companies, airlines,

Oil companies and a Chain of pizza parlors.

Hm, with all that capital behind Them there'll be no stopping kaos.

The man behind I.H. Industries is a fiend, a madman.

And now that he owns kaos, He's out to control the world.

Well, who is this madman?

Ironhand.

I made it. I made it!

What are you talking about?

Well, don't you See? In the movies,

Whenever the informer Says, "His name is..."

A shot rings out And he's killed.

I fooled them. I didn't Give them a chance.

I said his name First and I'm alive.

Oh, well that's very clever.

Oh, thank you.

I didn't get the name.

Oh, you didn't? Well, his name is...

His name is...

Well, chief, I got here as Quick as I could. What's up?

What do you mean, what's up?

Take a look at this office!

How come I wasn't Invited to the party?

Max, kaos was here.

You invited kaos to the Party and you didn't invite me?

Kaos broke in here and Ransacked my office.

But I don't understand, chief.

Kaos has never been able to Penetrate control headquarters before.

That'll give you some idea Of what we're up against now.

This man who took Over kaos is cunning,

Diabolical, ingenious...

But there's one thing he's not.

- what's that? - neat.

Take a look at my Telephone. Look at that.

Somebody with incredible Strength did that!

And look at that wall safe...

ripped out of three feet Of steel and concrete.

What do you suppose Kaos was after, chief?

I know perfectly well What they were after.

What they've been after For several months now:

The plans for the a.A.A.M.M.

- you're stammering, chief. - I don't stammer!

You always stammer When you get upset.

I'm not upset!

When I said the a.A.A.M.M.

I meant the anti-anti- Antimissile missile.

See what I mean?

Thank heavens the Plans weren't in the safe.

And the way things Are looking now, I don't

Think they'll be safe Anywhere in washington.

Max, I'm gonna assign you and 99

To get those plans Safely out of washington.

Well, I don't think that's Such a good idea, chief.

I'd rather you didn't Put 99 on the case.

After all she is Pregnant, you know.

That's precisely why I Want her on this case.

Her condition is a perfect Cover for this operation.

Now, max, you and 99

Are to contact agent 44 at this address.

The bye-bye baby Buggy bargain bazaar.

Is that barbie's bye-bye Baby buggy bargain bazaar?

No no no. Barbie's bye-bye baby Buggy bargain bazaar is on balboa blvd.

You're to go to bunny beebe's bye-bye Baby buggy bargain bazaar on barnaby blvd.

Oh, we're just Browsing, thank you.

Come on, 99, we've Gotta find agent 44.

Right.

Max, look at this Adorable carriage.

99, will you come on? We can't Stop to look at carriages now.

- let's buy it, max. - we can't buy a carriage now.

You don't buy a carriage Before the baby is born.

You buy a carriage After the baby is born.

But, max, it's marked down.

99, I'm sorry, but we're not Going to buy this carriage.

Besides it's taken.

- hello, 86. - is that you, 44?

No, it's spiro agnew. Of course it's me.

- who else would get a job like this? - spiro agnew?

- how are you feeling, 99? - oh, I'm fine, 44.

Do you have our Instructions, 44?

Right here under the blanket.

This doll will give You your instructions.

all you have to do Is pull the string.

Thank you, 44. We'll see you later.

Gee, I wish there was Something we could do for you.

Oh, don't pay any attention To my complaining, 86.

Every so often these assignments Get to me and I get fed up.

then I talk to myself and I Realize I'm a control agent.

and I'm here because This is the way

I've chosen to serve my country

And my fellow man.

Chief: good Afternoon, 86 and 99.

a baby carriage, Specially constructed

by the control weapons lab Has been delivered to this store.

using that baby Carriage as a cover

you will pick up the A.A.A.M.M. Plans in three parts.

In three parts?

in three parts. Each part is Useless without the other two.

you're to take the carriage. It's The blue one with the sold tag on it.

then proceed immediately To 99's obstetrician.

you will make contact With someone in the office

who will give you Further instructions.

good luck. In five Seconds this doll will wet.

- what? - not what, max, wet.

Max, look at this.

99, I think this is it.

But it just looks like an Ordinary carriage to me, max.

What weapons do you Suppose they've built into it?

I don't know, 99.

Max, stop it!

Max, turn it off!

No wonder this carriage Was marked down.

Which one do you think Is our contact, max?

The one in the black raincoat.

How do you know?

Well, 99, when you've been a Secret agent as long as I have

You begin to sense these things.

I'll go over and sit next to Her and give her the password.

Pussycat, pussycat, Where have you been?

Well, I never!

That's not the password.

I've been to london To visit the queen.

Oh, do you know her?

That's the password.

Pick up part two of the Plans at stillmore's drugstore.

Here's part one.

How are we gonna recognize Our contact here, max?

The same way that we recognized Our contact at the last place...

By using the password.

Well, please try to be a little Bit more discreet this time, max.

Shh! That may be Our contact now.

Pussycat, pussycat, Where have you been?

I've been to london To visit the queen.

You pick up the third Part of the plans

On the corner of Grant and sherman.

Right. Before you go, I Just want to tell you,

That's a great disguise You're wearing, fella.

What disguise? I'm a real lady.

Max, we've been waiting Here for two hours.

No one's tried To contact us yet.

But we have to stay here, 99.

I just can't go around Knocking on everybody's door

And saying, "Pussycat, Pussycat, where have you been?"

Hey, watch where you're Throwing the papers, kid!

Max, look!

That kid must have Been the contact!

This newspaper must be The third part of the plans.

You're right, 99. Look, Right here in the index.

Part one, news; Part two, sports;

Part three, secret plans.

Now all we have to do is call the chief And find out where to deliver the plans.

The chief is really Gonna be proud of us, 99.

Do you realize that we've Carried off this whole operation

Without being spotted once?

Well, crawford?

It's obvious that the Triple-a-double-m plans

- are in that baby carriage. Right? - right.

And once they're in my possession Those plans will bring me enough capital

To buy out other Corporations and industries.

Eventually I'll rule The stock market.

And when I'll rule The stock market

I'll rule the world.

And I'll rule the world

Like I rule everything else.

With an iron hand!

Yes?

thank you. I'll inform Him of that immediately.

Ironhand, congress Absolutely refuses

To grant your airlines Any routes over the pacific.

They what?

Very well.

All right, if that's the Way they wish to play.

Call my construction company.

Tell them to go ahead with the Plans to build a freeway to japan.

yes, sir.

- and bring me a fresh globe. - yes, sir.

- now where was I? - we were talking about getting

The a.A.A.M.M. Plans From control.

Oh yes, and now we'll relieve Maxwell smart of those plans.

By 3:00 this afternoon

I want them here on this desk.

You see what you did?

If you'd brought Me the fresh globe

When I asked for it, this Wouldn't have happened.

Send in my best man!

And a carpenter.

Got a little business For you to tend to, earl.

These are your instructions.

Good luck.

Send in my second-best man!

Max, this carriage will Never fit in your car.

No, but it'll fit In the trunk, 99.

- I'll fold up the carriage, 99. - right, max.

Max, there are two kaos Agents watching us. Hurry!

I will, 99, if I can just find out How to fold up this carriage.

Well, usually there's a Lever that releases a spring.

You're right, 99.

Max, they're getting Out of their car, hurry!

This must be it.

You know something, 99, I don't Think this carriage folds up.

It doesn't matter anymore, max.

We don't have a Car to put it in.

All right, mr. Smart, We'll take that carriage.

You wouldn't like It. It doesn't fold up.

It's not the carriage we're Interested in. It's what's inside.

You mean this?

Not the bottle, the plans.

Oh well, then we Can throw this away.

I don't understand it larabee.

Max should have picked up The third part of those plans

- and reported in by now. - you're right, chief.

Larabee, are you hiding Something from me?

Why do you say that, chief?

Because ever since You got back from lunch

You've been standing there With your hands behind your back.

Let me see your hands.

What's that on Your hand, larabee?

I bought it at lunch and It got stuck on my fingers.

Why don't you get Some oil and get it off?

There's no point in doing that, Chief. Tonight's my bowling night.

I'm afraid something Has happened to max.

Control headquarters, Larabee speaking.

Oh, just a moment.

It's max. You want To talk to him?

Max, where have you been?

Well, chief, we picked up All three parts of the plan.

Then we were attacked by two Kaos agents, but we got away.

Somehow they found out the Plans were in the baby carriage.

- we were afraid that would happen. - you were?

yes, but we were prepared For it. Now listen carefully, max.

proceed to the airport Directly as planned.

But what if we're Followed, chief?

Don't worry about that. As Soon as you get to the terminal

We're going to put operation Baby buggy switch into effect.

Operation baby buggy switch?

But, chief, that'll require 15 Agents to carry out that operation.

- I've got 16. - 16?

Oh, it'll never Work with 16, chief.

Well, of course it will, max. It'll Work better with 16 than it will with 15.

Well, I'm not so sure About that, but we'll see.

In the meantime 99 and I will Leave immediately for the airport.

Good.

Larabee, get the president On the hotline immediately.

Right, chief.

Hello. Hello?

- I can't get the operator. - well, jiggle the receiver.

Larabee, you Smashed the hotline!

How am I gonna Get the president?

I'll get him for you, chief.

Mr. President!

Larabee, you can't call The president that way.

what do you want?

You what?

They what?

Escaped.

Idiots!

Get me my secretary!

You destroyed the intercom.

Right.

I'll have to call You back, helen.

I think my boss wants me.

Cancel all my Appointments today.

I'm going to the airport.

What's holding up max? He should Have been here five minutes ago.

I don't know.

Here he comes now, chief.

Good, I'll give the signal To start the buggy switch.

Flight 86 now arriving gate 3.

Well, 99, we made it.

Operation baby buggy Switch is about to begin.

I'd better get to my Station right away, max.

Goodbye, love.

Attention! Attention!

All passengers Departing on flight 86,

Please report to gate 3.

Oh, tough luck, fella.

Allow me to introduce Myself, mr. Smart.

My name is ironhand.

I'm the president Of I.H. Industries,

The company that Has just acquired kaos.

We also own monarch Steel, royal oil, orbit airlines,

United broadcasting corporation,

Computer electronics And the san diego zoo.

Oh, well in that case...

And now, mr. Smart, hand me The triple-a-double-m plans.

The what?

- the, um, a.A.A.M.M.M... - you're stammering.

I know, I always do that Whenever I get nervous.

Now, mr. Smart, Give me the plans.

I know they're in that carriage.

Well, I'm afraid you're Mistaken, mr. Ironhand.

Hand them over, Or I'll crush you.

Excuse me for laughing Into your hand, mr. Ironface.

But the plans that You're talking about

Happen to be on a plane,

On their way to a top Secret destination.

- where? - okinawa.

- I don't believe you. - you don't? Good.

I know they're in that carriage.

I'm telling you that You're mistaken.

There's nothing in this carriage. You can see for yourself, look.

There's nothing in here But some plans and...

Now how in the World did I end up

With the same carriage I started off with?

I told them 16 wouldn't work.

I'll take them, mr. Smart.

Let's not be foolish, mr. Smart.

I want those plans.

You will have to kill me first.

- I was going to do that second. - oh.

But if you insist...

Oh boy!

Now, mr. Smart, I'm Going to crush you

Slowly against the wall.

Go ahead, ironhand, but It won't do you any good.

Because you're finished, Washed up, wiped out,

- bankrupt. - what are you talking about?

All you have to do is to Go over to the newsstand

And look at the paper. Read the headlines.

The stock market Dropped 21 points today.

Oh, no!

Max!

- max, are you all right? - I'm fine, 99. You okay?

- oh, I'm all right, love. - chief: max!

What happened? Who's he?

That, chief, is ironhand.

The mastermind Behind I.H. Industries

And the new head of kaos.

Here are the plans, chief.

Well, I guess that just About wraps up this case.

I think you and I Can go home now, 99.

I'll call an ambulance.

Oh, that won't be necessary, Chief. We'll take a cab.