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1
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:25,590
♪
2
00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:26,896
There are many obstacles
a man faces
3
00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:30,421
on the long road to salvation.
4
00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:33,468
Life is a struggle.
5
00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:34,947
And for the longest time,
6
00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:37,689
it was one I thought
I would endure on my own.
7
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:41,780
And then, bam, you appeared.
8
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:50,441
I never realized how empty
my life was until I met you:
9
00:00:50,441 --> 00:00:53,096
the debauchery--
10
00:00:53,096 --> 00:00:58,101
the philandering.
11
00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:01,626
But you never judged me.
12
00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:05,456
And I know we've never
really talked,
13
00:01:05,456 --> 00:01:08,285
but it feels like
you've known me forever.
14
00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:13,421
I'm not proud of my past.
15
00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:16,163
But I also know that who I was
16
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:20,254
is what brought me here
to this moment.
17
00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:22,430
And I'm not going to let
a little thing
18
00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:27,391
like locked-in syndrome
stand in the way of our love.
19
00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:31,830
So, Babs Devin,
20
00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:35,312
I'm just a guy,
21
00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:40,317
standing in front of
a largely comatose woman,
22
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:45,366
asking her to marry me.
23
00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:50,458
[Beeping]
24
00:01:52,721 --> 00:01:56,464
Is that a "Yes"?
25
00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:57,900
[Beeping]
26
00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:01,643
Do you even know
what I'm saying?
27
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,906
[Beeping]
28
00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:06,387
Is that a "Yes, you'll marry me"
29
00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:08,171
or a "Yes, you know
what I'm saying?"
30
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:11,479
[Beeping]
31
00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:15,483
I'll just take that as a "Yes."
32
00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:20,009
♪
33
00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:21,967
♪ Without you
34
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:26,189
♪ I'd find my smile
35
00:02:26,189 --> 00:02:28,757
♪ Without you
36
00:02:28,757 --> 00:02:31,542
♪ I'd have won
by a mile ♪
37
00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:33,762
♪ Without you
38
00:02:33,762 --> 00:02:37,635
♪ Oh, life would be
so grand ♪
39
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:39,594
♪ Without you
40
00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:41,683
♪ I'm half a man
41
00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:46,731
♪ Without you
42
00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:58,047
♪ Without you
43
00:02:58,047 --> 00:03:04,793
♪
44
00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:06,577
Oh, hello, frownie.
45
00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:09,276
What are you doing here?
Trying to unplug her?
46
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:11,582
Well, if you must know, I came
by to apologize to your mother.
47
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:14,498
We had a very nice
heart-to-beep conversation.
48
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:17,240
Apologize? You?
49
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,633
Well, unlike some members
of the Devin family,
50
00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:21,462
your mother has the capacity
for forgiveness.
51
00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:23,855
You actually expect me
to believe you?
52
00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:26,728
As your mother might say,
"Beep beep."
53
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,517
You came to the right
service department, bro.
54
00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:35,127
Those guys over
at Bob's Lube World
55
00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:36,477
can't plan a wedding for shit.
56
00:03:36,477 --> 00:03:38,957
You've planned a wedding before?
57
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:41,308
Well, I organized security for
a sheik's public deflowering
58
00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:42,831
of his 100th virgin, same diff.
59
00:03:42,831 --> 00:03:45,573
How many people
are you planning on inviting?
60
00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:50,230
No invites, no one else.
Just a license, a minister
61
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,362
and a couple witnesses.
We got to move fast on this.
62
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,973
If Babs' hot, frigid daughter
finds out what I'm up to,
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00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:57,106
there won't be a wedding.
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00:03:57,106 --> 00:03:59,630
"Hot, frigid daughter."
65
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:02,764
Now, what about
the bachelor party?
66
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:07,812
10 Texas mickeys,
is that enough?
67
00:04:07,812 --> 00:04:09,640
I spent a night in
a Texas prison in '06.
68
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:10,989
I think it's enough.
69
00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:12,556
Richard, how did things go
with Ms. Devin?
70
00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:13,644
Fine.
71
00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:14,602
All-Asian stripper theme:
72
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:15,864
that should lend
a certain charm.
73
00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:17,822
That's it? Just fine?
Was it one beep or two?
74
00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:19,476
"Mexican strippers."
75
00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:21,913
Did she at least agree
- not to testify?
- No.
76
00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:23,698
- She's not going to testify?
- You don't want any strippers?
77
00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:25,308
Both of you, shut the fuck up.
78
00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:28,659
Josh, listen:
Thai strippers, Cuban cigars,
79
00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:31,140
French ticklers,
Filipino bud, Texas mickeys.
80
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:34,404
Larry, fuck off.
81
00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:36,667
You're planning
a bachelor party.
82
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:37,929
Shit.
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00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:39,322
Richard, you're not even--
84
00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:43,152
Larry, I hate to admit it
but you've taught me
85
00:04:43,152 --> 00:04:45,676
to look beyond the superficial.
86
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:49,811
Sometimes, you find love in
the most unexpected places.
87
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:52,944
I'm marrying Babs Devin and...
88
00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:56,687
I want you to be my best man.
89
00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:58,472
Him?
90
00:04:58,472 --> 00:05:01,779
Richard, this is wrong.
91
00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:04,042
How am I supposed to believe
you're telling the truth?
92
00:05:04,042 --> 00:05:07,742
About love? About actually
caring for that poor woman?
93
00:05:07,742 --> 00:05:12,747
Believe it, Larry.
You've changed me.
94
00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:20,320
Richard, you have no idea
how much this means to me.
95
00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,110
First order of
best man business.
96
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:29,111
Matching tuxedoes.
97
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:30,678
The bachelor party.
98
00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:32,462
I never had
a decent birthday as a kid
99
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:35,117
and Christmas always sucked ass.
Do you know why I didn't care?
100
00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:37,380
Because Fitzpatricks
always save it
101
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,643
for the bachelor parties,
and wakes.
102
00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:41,515
This isn't just a list.
103
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:44,256
It's the ingredients for
my perfect night.
104
00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:46,389
Don't fuck this up.
105
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,565
Never.
106
00:05:53,788 --> 00:05:56,225
Oh, Josh,
there's a customer waiting
107
00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,619
to test drive the Cavalier
but it only has three wheels.
108
00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:01,752
Well, I have a customer that's
waiting to test drive your face.
109
00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:09,673
MAN ON TV:
After Hitler's
declaration of war,
110
00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:12,197
German forces
invade and occupy the--
111
00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:13,416
You're home early.
112
00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:14,678
You seen my birth certificate?
113
00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:16,158
Why?
114
00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:17,899
I'm getting hitched.
115
00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:20,554
Excuse me?
116
00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:23,861
I sit here alone, day in
and day out with my bikini waxed
117
00:06:23,861 --> 00:06:27,561
and the sincere
desire to love and you--
118
00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:30,912
Relax, it's a scam. It turns out
if Babs Devin is my wife,
119
00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:33,393
a little thing called
"Spousal privilege" kicks in.
120
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,046
Anal?
121
00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:37,397
No, she can't testify against me
in court, something to do with
122
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,660
the sanctity of marriage
or some shit.
123
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:42,967
God, it's always win-win
with you.
124
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:44,969
Even barely-conscious women
want to bang you.
125
00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:47,276
I can't even get a date.
126
00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:49,626
Well, why don't you just--
127
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:52,542
No, no. I won't--
128
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:53,717
because--
129
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,850
just won't cut it.
130
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,895
I'm a very needy person.
131
00:06:57,895 --> 00:07:00,811
I need to be held.
I need to be made love to.
132
00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:04,641
Okay, I didn't grow a vagina
in the last five minutes,
133
00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:06,861
so I'm just going to
cut this conversation short.
134
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:10,517
What are you guys talking about?
135
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:11,779
Video games.
136
00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:13,955
Video games where
people masturbate?
137
00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:17,219
They make those?
138
00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:25,532
What the fuck are you doing?
139
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:26,750
Have you even started
looking for somebody
140
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,317
to officiate the ceremony?
141
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:31,581
Why don't you get Larry to it?
He's your best man, isn't he?
142
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,104
He has to be. If he finds out
why I'm really getting married,
143
00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:35,759
he'll put the kibosh on it.
144
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,545
"You can't marry
the comatose woman whose life
145
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:42,026
you recklessly endangered
just to stay out of prison."
146
00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:45,160
That was pretty good.
147
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,466
Yeah, not nearly as good
as this shit I got
148
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:50,034
from the best dealer in town.
149
00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:52,254
I gave you that stuff.
150
00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:55,605
Yeah, like I said,
the best dealer in town.
151
00:07:58,913 --> 00:08:02,133
I don't want to go to prison, Josh.
152
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:07,051
I know what you're trying to do. Nope.
153
00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:10,533
Okay, just one little hit.
154
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:20,891
This shit's good.
155
00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:22,980
Did you light this or did I?
156
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:26,506
Listen, Josh, I got
a really important job for you.
157
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,900
I need you to find me
a minister, ASAP.
158
00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:31,554
Okay.
159
00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:35,471
Best man update:
bachelor party starts at 7:00.
160
00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:37,125
Now, look sharp
but don't wear anything
161
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:38,735
you don't want to roll around
on the floor in
162
00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:42,913
because things are
going to get messy.
163
00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:47,091
You made Larry your best man?
164
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:56,057
♪
165
00:08:56,057 --> 00:08:58,494
Babs and I have known each other
for a good time
166
00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:03,020
but not a long time,
if you know what I'm saying.
167
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:08,199
Well, I only got to know Babs
after she fell into the coma.
168
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,420
No, I'm not implying
169
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:15,119
that I fucked her
while she was in the coma.
170
00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:17,295
Oh, come on, like it's worse
than what you guys do.
171
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:19,297
Hello? Father Grey?
172
00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:21,996
It's not true, is it?
173
00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:24,389
No, it's not.
174
00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:27,175
Oh, I should have known
Josh was messing with me,
175
00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:29,481
telling me that
you were getting married.
176
00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:30,874
Oh, that. Yeah, that's true.
177
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:32,484
You just said that it wasn't.
178
00:09:32,484 --> 00:09:35,096
Well, that's when I had no idea
what you were talking about.
179
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:38,534
Hey, you wouldn't happen to know
a minister or a rabbi maybe?
180
00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:45,323
What? Hey, you're the one
181
00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:49,937
that wanted to keep it
all professional.
182
00:09:49,937 --> 00:09:51,852
Fuck you, dickface.
183
00:09:51,852 --> 00:10:01,252
♪
184
00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:09,173
[Horn honking]
185
00:10:09,173 --> 00:10:19,183
♪
186
00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:22,186
You look like a girl
who could use a drink.
187
00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:24,754
You smell like a girl
who's had a few already.
188
00:10:24,754 --> 00:10:29,759
I need some girl talk.
You want booze or not?
189
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:33,850
Damn straight.
190
00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:43,164
Let's hit this.
191
00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:46,994
Oh, here's one.
192
00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:51,259
www.ordainedinaninstant.com.
193
00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:54,349
Oh, no wait, I have to be 18.
194
00:10:54,349 --> 00:10:56,612
Damn it! How am I
supposed to relax
195
00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:58,135
and enjoy my bachelor party
196
00:10:58,135 --> 00:11:00,747
when I don't have a minister
for my wedding?
197
00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:03,097
What's a bachelor party?
198
00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:06,709
Justin, a bachelor party
199
00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:10,191
is the most magical night
in a man's life.
200
00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:14,717
It's like an amusement park,
a live sex show
201
00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:19,722
and a condemned man's last meal
all rolled into one.
202
00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:24,727
You get to taste and touch
and love longer and harder
203
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:29,253
and faster than
you ever have before.
204
00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:30,951
Wow.
205
00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:33,649
Oh, the stories
I shouldn't tell you.
206
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:35,129
One of the best ones ever:
207
00:11:35,129 --> 00:11:39,568
we prison tattooed a penis
onto the groom's forehead.
208
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:43,746
Oh, his wife was so pissed.
It was fantastic.
209
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:46,444
Boy, I can't wait to
flush my life down the toilet
210
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:50,231
if it means I get to have
a bachelor party.
211
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:53,234
Yeah. You got a suit?
212
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:56,237
Yup.
213
00:11:56,237 --> 00:12:01,285
Giddy-up.
214
00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:07,988
All right, one more time:
what are the rules?
215
00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:10,120
No trying, no whining,
you can touch if you pay.
216
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,774
You got that right.
217
00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:14,951
All right, this party's going to
be old school, classy, martinis,
218
00:12:14,951 --> 00:12:18,389
Sinatra, just got to have Fitz
in the mix and ring-a-ding-ding.
219
00:12:22,872 --> 00:12:24,308
Surprise!
220
00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:25,745
What the--
221
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:26,789
Fuck!
222
00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:39,367
Slushy?
223
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:41,543
I want my strippers, Larry.
224
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:43,806
Uhh, well, you said
you wanted your dream party
225
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:47,679
and you never had a birthday
party as a child, so voila!
226
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:52,032
Birthday party? This could be
my last night as a free man
227
00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:53,816
and you give me
a fucking kids party?
228
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:55,731
- Josh?
- What?
229
00:12:55,731 --> 00:12:59,082
Strippers, ecstasy,
Sinatra, stat.
230
00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:01,606
And?
231
00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:03,260
You're the best man now.
232
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:06,481
And?
233
00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:07,961
And what, Josh?
234
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:10,485
And I knew that Larry
wouldn't buy your story
235
00:13:10,485 --> 00:13:12,269
for getting married.
236
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:13,575
Oh, fuck, Josh.
237
00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:14,576
What do you mean?
238
00:13:14,576 --> 00:13:17,884
Oh, uhh...
239
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:22,410
I'll get started
on the strippers.
240
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:26,501
The classic car salesman scam, huh?
241
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:29,809
Shine up the grill so I wouldn't
notice the rusted-out brakes?
242
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,681
You never intended to try to
make it work with Babs at all!
243
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,335
Hey, well,
it doesn't matter know.
244
00:13:34,335 --> 00:13:37,381
I can't find a minister
to marry us so I'm screwed.
245
00:13:37,381 --> 00:13:41,690
And I get to spend my last
hurrah as a free man with you.
246
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:44,084
Hurrah!
247
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:48,349
[Balloon popping]
248
00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:55,269
You were smart to phone me.
249
00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:57,184
I added some fail-safes
to prevent tampering.
250
00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:58,663
I know how important it is
251
00:13:58,663 --> 00:14:00,274
to maintain the integrity
of this communication system
252
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,537
since it will be used for
official testimony.
253
00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:05,496
[Beeping]
254
00:14:05,496 --> 00:14:09,370
Yeah, it's working fine.
255
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:13,983
Maybe he was telling the truth.
256
00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:15,028
Who you calling?
257
00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:19,249
My man on the inside.
258
00:14:19,249 --> 00:14:21,251
[Phone ringing]
259
00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:22,949
Don't tell her about
the bachelor party,
260
00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:24,211
don't tell her about the
bachelor party,
261
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:25,560
don't tell her about
the bachelor party.
262
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:30,347
Hey, Fitz is marrying
Babs Devin. Fuck.
263
00:14:30,347 --> 00:14:31,914
I should have known better.
264
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:35,048
He wasn't here to apologize
to her. God, I'm such a fool.
265
00:14:35,048 --> 00:14:36,876
He's a master in
female manipulation.
266
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,400
All he leaves in his wake
are shattered lives.
267
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,490
No way in hell is he marrying
my mother, not an option.
268
00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:43,926
What are you going to do?
269
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:45,623
I'm going to find some way
to stall him
270
00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:47,451
so I get her moved to a private
facility tomorrow morning.
271
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:49,366
Let's break his legs.
272
00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:52,326
I know six ways to make it look
like it was an accident.
273
00:14:52,326 --> 00:14:55,807
I got a better idea.
274
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:03,554
No last-minute strippers, man,
unless you want a pregnant one.
275
00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:05,121
They're more expensive.
276
00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:07,080
It costs the same as
a duo because of the--
277
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:11,432
Screw this.
I got to find a priest.
278
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,437
How'd you get in here?
Private function.
279
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:19,701
I said I was family.
280
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:22,486
So, why the big celebration?
Is it someone's birthday?
281
00:15:22,486 --> 00:15:26,577
It's my retarded co-worker's
idea of a bachelor party.
282
00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:30,842
Bachelor party?
Well, who's about to die?
283
00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:34,542
If you must know, me.
284
00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:37,110
Well, then let me
get you a drink.
285
00:15:37,110 --> 00:15:38,502
You're being awful nice
for a woman
286
00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:42,289
who wouldn't piss on my corpse
a couple days ago.
287
00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:45,335
It's amazing how much an apology
to my mom will get you.
288
00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:47,642
Come on, we're getting dry.
289
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,954
Unfortunately, the bar is closed.
290
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,521
Where there's a will...
291
00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:02,962
There's a way.
292
00:16:12,319 --> 00:16:14,538
Fitz doesn't drink alone.
293
00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:40,695
[Laughing]
294
00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:43,219
Oh, fucking men.
295
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:47,049
Yeah, selfish shit.
296
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:50,357
I mean, how heartless
can somebody be?
297
00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:55,144
To just use you like that
and then just toss you aside?
298
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,975
You know, I always pegged you
as the dumb blonde.
299
00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:02,586
But you're actually
a conscientious brunette
300
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:05,894
who recognizes
the needs of others.
301
00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:09,811
And you could use a touch-up.
302
00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:11,987
You know what? You're so much
better without my brother.
303
00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:13,771
The night before my wedding,
304
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:18,776
he tattooed a penis on
Saul's forehead. That's mean.
305
00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:21,170
Why didn't we do this sooner?
306
00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:22,824
I know, right? You're awesome.
307
00:17:22,824 --> 00:17:24,695
You're awesome.
308
00:17:24,695 --> 00:17:28,743
[Laughing]
309
00:17:28,743 --> 00:17:30,832
Oh, party's over.
310
00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:35,489
Oh, no, no, no. The party
is never over, sister.
311
00:17:35,489 --> 00:17:38,622
I always wanted a sister.
312
00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:42,061
Me too.
313
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:46,848
Oh!
314
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,374
Do sisters always hug this long?
315
00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:53,463
[Gasping]
316
00:17:53,463 --> 00:17:55,291
I've got a great idea.
317
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,312
"Thanks for nothing, Larry!
318
00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:19,489
I'll just do whatever I want,
marry a vegetable."
319
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,973
Have some of this punch.
320
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:38,639
It's cold but it makes
my belly warm.
321
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:48,214
Oh, it's delicious.
322
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:52,653
So, come on, tell me about her.
323
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:56,700
Who is the woman
who swept you off your feet?
324
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:59,703
Nothing much to tell.
325
00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:04,578
Discretion. Oh, it must
be true love.
326
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,362
To monogamy.
327
00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:07,842
To hell with that.
328
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:14,022
Come fly with me, baby.
329
00:19:14,022 --> 00:19:16,067
Oh, how about
one more drink first?
330
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:20,028
No, first we dance,
then we drink.
331
00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:23,858
[Laughing]
332
00:19:23,858 --> 00:19:25,773
♪ Can I steal a little love?
333
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:28,428
What the hell kind of
bachelor party is this?
334
00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:31,605
I think we can
still find some fun.
335
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:33,563
Thank you.
336
00:19:38,002 --> 00:19:39,569
There are three things
I do better
337
00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:41,789
than any man you'll ever meet.
338
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:44,270
One is sell cars. Two is dance.
339
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:48,970
And as for three, you'll have to
use your imagination.
340
00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:53,322
♪ Can I steal a little love?
341
00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:58,240
♪ Please tell me why are you
driving me crazy ♪
342
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,851
♪ Why do I dig you like I do?
343
00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:03,419
So, this is her plan?
344
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:05,160
♪ You can prove
that it's wrong ♪
345
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:08,946
♪ Hey, give it back to you
346
00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:12,036
I want to report some
underage drinking at the DUI.
347
00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:14,213
Thank you.
348
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:18,347
♪ I won't even need a shove
349
00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:20,044
♪ Can I steal a little love?
350
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:22,873
Selling cars is nothing
to brag about.
351
00:20:22,873 --> 00:20:24,919
Selling cars is
a means to an end.
352
00:20:24,919 --> 00:20:26,921
I want to open my own place,
353
00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:29,793
a real sexy rat pack
kind of place.
354
00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:33,188
You have a dream?
355
00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:35,234
You have no idea.
356
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,932
Is this the way you roll?
357
00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:40,064
First guy that gives you
a slushy, you ditch your friend?
358
00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:42,066
- No.
- Slut!
359
00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:45,069
Hi, Mom.
360
00:20:45,069 --> 00:20:47,724
Oh, shit. Is that my kid?
Oh, I hope he's not tattooed.
361
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:52,555
Nice parenting.
362
00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:54,601
You want to take this outside?
363
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:57,473
Bring it, red.
364
00:21:01,521 --> 00:21:06,003
Now, about that third thing.
365
00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:08,789
Use your imagination.
366
00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:13,794
Oh, I have, and we were
fabulous together.
367
00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:16,144
♪ Why do I dig you like I do?
368
00:21:16,144 --> 00:21:20,366
♪ If I steal a little kiss,
you can prove that it's wrong ♪
369
00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:22,324
Josh, my man.
370
00:21:22,324 --> 00:21:23,804
Strippers!
371
00:21:28,069 --> 00:21:30,114
Woo! Ladies...
372
00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:34,728
Oh, let's go.
373
00:21:34,728 --> 00:21:38,993
Okay, that's it, come on.
374
00:21:38,993 --> 00:21:41,430
Oh, god. Ow!
375
00:21:41,430 --> 00:21:44,085
Ugh!
376
00:21:44,085 --> 00:21:50,047
♪
377
00:21:50,047 --> 00:21:51,919
Officer, there's obviously been
some misunderstanding.
378
00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:53,137
Yeah, yours.
379
00:21:53,137 --> 00:21:54,617
You amaze me.
380
00:21:54,617 --> 00:21:55,836
What?
381
00:21:55,836 --> 00:21:57,490
Trying to get me
to sleep with you
382
00:21:57,490 --> 00:22:01,015
after you've already tricked
my mother into marrying you.
383
00:22:01,015 --> 00:22:02,277
In my defence,
I am pretty drunk.
384
00:22:02,277 --> 00:22:04,148
Now you can nurse your hangover
behind bars
385
00:22:04,148 --> 00:22:05,802
instead of at the altar.
386
00:22:05,802 --> 00:22:08,327
You did this, didn't you?
387
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:12,635
No, this is
what they call serendipity.
388
00:22:12,635 --> 00:22:15,290
See, I just wanted
to get you drunk enough
389
00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:17,248
that you wouldn't
marry my mother,
390
00:22:17,248 --> 00:22:19,903
but now you're going to rot
behind bars
391
00:22:19,903 --> 00:22:23,167
while I move her to
a private facility
392
00:22:23,167 --> 00:22:27,520
and you're never
going to see her again.
393
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,305
You thought you could hide
behind spousal privilege.
394
00:22:30,305 --> 00:22:32,089
Who brought you here?
395
00:22:32,089 --> 00:22:35,963
What, entrapment now?
396
00:22:35,963 --> 00:22:39,009
She did.
397
00:22:39,009 --> 00:22:40,097
Wait, what?
398
00:22:40,097 --> 00:22:41,925
Take her downtown too.
399
00:22:41,925 --> 00:22:43,536
You got to be kidding me.
400
00:22:43,536 --> 00:22:45,799
Didn't see that coming.
401
00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:47,757
Come on, Cara.
Fitz is the enemy.
402
00:22:47,757 --> 00:22:50,064
Let me go. Come on,
you've got the wrong girl.
403
00:22:50,064 --> 00:22:53,720
Wait, why are you taking me?
404
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:58,246
We should do this again
sometime. That was fun.
405
00:23:01,162 --> 00:23:06,254
[Vomiting]
406
00:23:10,171 --> 00:23:13,435
You know what?
You're really ungrateful.
407
00:23:13,435 --> 00:23:17,308
Now's not the time
to grow a spine, Larry.
408
00:23:17,308 --> 00:23:19,789
No, no, it's my turn to speak.
409
00:23:19,789 --> 00:23:22,575
Okay, you think it's easy
being your conscience?
410
00:23:22,575 --> 00:23:27,188
Well, it's not, mister,
because you're a very bad man.
411
00:23:27,188 --> 00:23:31,366
Do you ever stop to think
that if you're my conscience,
412
00:23:31,366 --> 00:23:33,977
and you're sitting over there,
413
00:23:33,977 --> 00:23:37,111
there's no more conscience
left up here.
414
00:23:37,111 --> 00:23:40,549
All the bad things I do,
it's kind of your fault.
415
00:23:40,549 --> 00:23:44,118
Why don't you listen to me
once in a while, huh?
416
00:23:44,118 --> 00:23:48,557
Just talk to me, include me,
maybe then you'd be happy.
417
00:23:48,557 --> 00:23:50,298
Or at least not charged with
418
00:23:50,298 --> 00:23:52,822
attempted vehicular manslaughter.
419
00:23:52,822 --> 00:23:54,955
[Vomiting]
420
00:23:54,955 --> 00:23:56,304
For God's sakes, Larry,
421
00:23:56,304 --> 00:23:58,088
haven't you ever
been sick before?
422
00:23:58,088 --> 00:24:00,177
At least throw your tie
over your shoulder
423
00:24:00,177 --> 00:24:04,834
so you don't get spaggle on it.
424
00:24:04,834 --> 00:24:09,839
[Vomiting]
425
00:24:09,839 --> 00:24:14,844
Thank you. That was a very
considerate piece of advice.
426
00:24:14,844 --> 00:24:16,716
Yeah.
427
00:24:16,716 --> 00:24:21,677
Richard, if I can get you
out of here,
428
00:24:21,677 --> 00:24:25,376
get you to the hospital
and married to Babs Devin,
429
00:24:25,376 --> 00:24:28,858
make this whole car accident
thing go away,
430
00:24:28,858 --> 00:24:33,341
do you promise me that you will
listen to me from now on?
431
00:24:33,341 --> 00:24:35,430
Even if you could
get us out of here,
432
00:24:35,430 --> 00:24:37,476
where are we going to find
a minister in time?
433
00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:39,695
I'm a minister.
434
00:24:41,871 --> 00:24:46,223
Oh yeah? Would you perform
a wedding ceremony for us?
435
00:24:46,223 --> 00:24:50,358
Get me out of here,
I'll let you shit on my chest.
436
00:24:53,274 --> 00:24:55,755
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
437
00:24:55,755 --> 00:24:58,540
Oh, what you do, Fitz?
Bribe him?
438
00:24:58,540 --> 00:25:00,411
Oh, don't be so crass.
439
00:25:00,411 --> 00:25:03,414
Larry gave the guy
a sweet deal on a Cavalier.
440
00:25:03,414 --> 00:25:05,982
Still think selling cars
is nothing to brag about?
441
00:25:05,982 --> 00:25:08,419
Say goodbye to daddy.
442
00:25:11,031 --> 00:25:13,555
I want my fucking phone call!
443
00:25:13,555 --> 00:25:16,558
Sounds like someone's begging
for a tasering.
444
00:25:16,558 --> 00:25:18,908
Ugh!
445
00:25:18,908 --> 00:25:21,215
Ow.
446
00:25:21,215 --> 00:25:23,391
[Vomiting]
447
00:25:23,391 --> 00:25:24,740
Larry, what the fuck
did you drink?
448
00:25:24,740 --> 00:25:26,394
I don't know
but it was delicious.
449
00:25:26,394 --> 00:25:29,223
DRIVER:
Get out of my backseat!
Do it now!
450
00:25:29,223 --> 00:25:32,792
I'm so sorry.
451
00:25:32,792 --> 00:25:34,924
Oh my God. Are you okay?
452
00:25:34,924 --> 00:25:39,320
Take my hand.
453
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:48,503
♪
454
00:25:48,503 --> 00:25:51,506
Fuck! I don't have a ring.
455
00:25:51,506 --> 00:25:53,334
Maybe that hot nurse
I used to bang
456
00:25:53,334 --> 00:25:54,727
will lend me her wedding ring.
457
00:25:54,727 --> 00:25:57,468
Richard, you banged
a married woman?
458
00:25:57,468 --> 00:25:59,514
Not now, Larry.
459
00:25:59,514 --> 00:26:03,126
Wait.
460
00:26:03,126 --> 00:26:04,650
I got a ring!
461
00:26:04,650 --> 00:26:09,698
Larry, you really are
my best man.
462
00:26:12,048 --> 00:26:13,006
Here.
463
00:26:13,006 --> 00:26:16,487
Thank you.
464
00:26:16,487 --> 00:26:19,578
Marriage is the most sacred
bond. And like all knots,
465
00:26:19,578 --> 00:26:22,450
it only works when
it is cinched tightly.
466
00:26:22,450 --> 00:26:25,975
To bind together two people,
we use the rings,
467
00:26:25,975 --> 00:26:28,325
symbolic handcuffs, if you will.
468
00:26:28,325 --> 00:26:29,631
Yeah, can we, uhh,
cut to the chase?
469
00:26:29,631 --> 00:26:33,026
And yeah, I do, I do.
470
00:26:33,026 --> 00:26:36,464
And do you, Mrs. Devin,
471
00:26:36,464 --> 00:26:41,469
take this master to be
your lawfully wedded husband?
472
00:26:41,469 --> 00:26:45,865
[Heart monitor beeping]
473
00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:49,956
Stop the wedding!
474
00:26:49,956 --> 00:26:51,348
[Panting]
475
00:26:51,348 --> 00:26:52,785
[Vomiting]
476
00:26:52,785 --> 00:26:57,398
[Panting]
477
00:26:57,398 --> 00:27:00,357
I do.
478
00:27:00,357 --> 00:27:04,623
Oh my God, they're married.
479
00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:14,633
♪
34251
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