Original subtitles

What did you want?

Is this okay?

My, my zoom camera is...

We met through our fathers,

because our fathers were good friends.

My sister-in-law's mother

arranged a meeting between Tanya and me.

I finished my university education and got my first job.

And this is when my uncle actually asked me,

"Are you ready to get married?"

You know, "Can you look for somebody?"

We first met on Shaadi.com,

basically the Indian version of Match.com.

And it was a very common matrimonial site.

So arranged marriages are usually

when the families have already,

the families know each other

and they feel that their kids would be good for each other.

A lot of Shaadi.com I think

is profiles that are done by their parents.

In our case we each wrote our own profile.

Although my parents were definitely pushing me

to get married at that point,

and probably had a profile for me that I don't know about.

Once we went back to our hotel

and my mom and dad asked me,

"So is it a yes or no?"

And I was like,

"Just give me an hour or two to think."

And I took that hour

and it just got, it was a gut feeling that

he seems to be a nice guy and I'm going to give it a try.

It's not a bad idea to know a person somewhat

before committing to a lifelong life together.

Ravi is a really good boy.

I have three sons and Ravi is the best one.

I tell them that also.

Ravi is the youngest,

but he is the most mature at heart.

He loves cooking with his mother.

Vegetarian is a must for us.

Also no alcoholic.

He works as a researcher with the local university.

He likes his job so much

that he has no hobbies by choice.

Our family does not believe in secrets

so I will mention that Ravi is genetically predisposed

to hypertension, asthma, and he was fat as a child,

so diabetes is a concern.

If interested, please message me.

Rita is a free spirit girl

with strict moral values.

Her hobbies include caring for her future in-laws

and her ideal date is cooking for her man

and watching a Bollywood movie.

Rita is pescetarian by diet,

but she is willing to be fully veg for the right family.

Please write us a message so we can start chat

and marry our children.

US citizens only.

Is this okay or is it too weird?

It's not too weird.

I want to apologize again for...

Oh, it's fine, really?

It just looked so different on Google Images.

It's really fine.

It's just on the website.

A what?

It said it was full of water and fish

on the website.

Oh.

You know, we're outside,

we could lower our masks if you want.

I'm really glad this timing worked out.

Me too.

Usually on work trips,

my colleagues, they just like go

to a strip club or something

and I end up back in the hotel just talking to my mother.

But I guess today you're my mom.

Yes.

I'm really sorry again about-

- Really, you don't have to apologize.

I love empty reservoirs.

Wow, you're so funny.

We have great banter.

Could you move back a few more inches?

Yeah.

A lot of ants.

Okay, thank you.

I usually don't sweat this much.

It's like we're in India.

What?

It's like we're in India because it's so hot

and we're both brown, and it's dirty.

This is probably how our parents met.

You know, it's kind of beautiful.

So what did you bring?

Oh, I couldn't get everything I wanted.

Oh, don't worry, it is vegetarian.

Oh.

What?

Oh, it's just your mom told me that you don't drink.

I don't.

Well, I think this is hard lemonade.

There's alcohol in this?

Yeah, five percent.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay,

- you don't have to do that. - The store was really busy

and I panicked and I just, I love lemonade.

It was a mistake.

I swear on my entire family's life,

I don't drink.

I don't drink either, so.

This must be very distressing for you.

It is, thank God.

Oh, oh no.

Oh, this is a little bit of a mess.

Oh, oh, no.

It's really wet.

Oh God.

So how much longer do you think all this will go on for?

Oh, you probably shouldn't touch your face with the gloves.

Oh.

Are you seeing this?

It went well.

Yeah, no mom, I didn't drive here.

I took the train, remember?

I don't know Mom, it's just one date.

No, I think you should wait to call her parents tomorrow.

I didn't check his hairline.

Yeah, the train's canceled.

I'm actually just waiting for the car rental agency

to call me back.

He seems loyal, yeah.

No, she didn't bring up eating fish.

No, he doesn't seem gay.

Yeah, no, Mom, we didn't talk about Modi.

Okay.

Talk to you later, bye.

Okay, I love you, mom.

Bye.

I love your place.

Oh, thanks.

I didn't realize you live with roommates.

I don't.

Right.

Oh, Rachel at the car agency said

she'd call me back.

When?

Oh, they didn't say when.

Should have asked that.

That's okay.

You can just wait here until they call back.

Thank you.

I'll pay you rent.

Oh, that's fine.

I'm joking.

I'm just gonna go wash my hands.

Yeah, no, yeah, go, of course.

Oh, God.

Ah, much better.

Oh, that's not mine.

Oh, of course.

No, that's my landlord.

My landlord just comes in here and drinks.

Oh.

Yeah, he really likes the TV

so he watches the game and drinks beer.

Where's the TV?

Are you hungry?

Now that my career's in such a good place,

I'll get married this year,

have kids a year after that.

We'll all live with my mother.

I'm actually closing in on a house.

How many?

What?

Kids.

Three.

Wow.

Are you okay with three?

- Yes. - I can also do two.

No, three is good.

Yeah, I prefer three.

I just have to say

it's so refreshing to meet someone

with the same values, you know, the same-

Oh, I'm so sorry.

It's the car rental.

Hi, hello?

Yes.

And that's the earliest?

Yeah, no, I'll take it.

Yeah, you can just charge the card that's on the file.

All right, thank you so much.

Bye.

They said they don't have anything available

until tomorrow morning.

So I think I can just look up

a hotel or something really quick.

I think there's one in this town, right?

Yes, the Sunset on Belmonte.

- Got it. - Mhmm.

Oh.

It's saying it's closed.

What?

Yeah.

I guess,

you could use my couch.

Oh my God, are you sure?

That would be amazing.

Of course.

Yeah, I have an extra pillow, I think.

Okay, thank you so much.

No worries.

I'll go call my parents

and let them know you're staying over.

Okay, I'll do the same.

Okay.

Yeah, no, mom, I don't really have any other choice.

Yeah, she's asking her parents right now.

No, mom, we won't hug tightly.

She's a very traditional girl.

- Hi, Daddy. - Okay, I love you too.

Bye.

Yeah.

I've missed you like crazy.

I don't know how much longer I can do this.

Daddy?

I want your cock.

No, Daddy, yes!

This can't be happening.

Oh.

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

You okay?

Yeah, I'm great.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I just set up the couch.

My parents are comfortable with you staying the night

as long as you sleep out here.

They're old fashioned, like me.

That's great.

Okay, well, I'm going to call it a night.

Okay, good night.

Good night.

Hi, I was just going to head out

to the car rental place early.

Oh, you sure?

Yes, I am very sure.

Well, sorry I don't have a car.

Otherwise I would've driven you.

Yeah it's okay,

you've already said enough.

I mean, you've done enough for me, so.

Okay.

Well I guess this is goodbye then.

Yes, bye.

Longest first date ever.

It was.

Keep in touch.

No.

What?

I meant yes, maybe.

Okay.

For fuck's sake.

Ugh!

Mm!

Oh my god.

I missed you.

I tried knocking.

The car rental place called.

They said they won't have a car for another three days.

There's no more rooms left because of shelter in place.

You're not going to tell her, right?

Who?

Your mom?

No.

I assume you tell her everything.

I don't tell her everything.

I won't tell her.

Okay, because your mom will tell my mom and

she pays for this place.

It's why I have to go on these dates.

That's the deal.

Oh yeah, I won't talk.

Okay, thank you, really.

And you know, I'm sorry.

I just, I do think though, that,

I think you're not my wife.

Okay.

I mean this in a delicate way.

There was some deception that's happened

and it just feels wrong now.

Totally.

- Yeah. - That makes sense.

I think we'll find someone for ourselves that's better.

I agree.

Okay, I was a little bit worried

that you were catching feelings.

I think it's okay to move on.

Mhmm.

And were you just, you were just,

so you were just pretending before?

What do you mean?

It just, you said you didn't eat meat,

and then, you know, I saw you.

You're still eating chicken, so.

When did you start eating meat?

Oh, like few weeks ago.

Oh, that's not that bad.

Well, I restarted after I took a month off, so

in total, I think since like high school.

Thanks again for letting me stay here.

Of course.

I'm not a monster.

Yeah, I know, but I'm a complete stranger.

Well it's not the first time

I've let a stranger stay with me.

You mean?

Yeah.

You sounded different before.

What do you mean?

Oh, no, you just, your voice just, yeah.

You sounded like Siri.

Siri?

I just, I felt like I could tell you

anything without judgment.

You mean I sounded subservient.

No, no, no.

This is the real me.

Do you want me to be her?

No.

Because I can, if you need that.

I do want to say that I,

I'm completely fine with you drinking alcohol

and eating dead animals,

and swearing if you even do that.

Yeah, fuck yeah, I do that.

Yeah, I'm fine with it.

I'm not judgmental.

Well, that's very sweet,

but this is my house

and I really don't need your permission.

Wait, was I being sexist?

Yes.

I'm sorry.

I identify as a male feminist.

Oh, so a feminist?

I really liked the way you decorated this place.

Oh, I didn't decorate it.

Cybele did.

Who's Cybele?

She used to live here and then she died.

Right where you're standing, actually.

What?

I'm just kidding.

She lives a block away.

Ah, haha.

When I first saw this place,

I was like, whoa, this is perfect.

I do not need to change a thing.

Yeah, it's a lot of horses.

You think?

No, I mean, I like it.

Yeah, I like it.

I just, I feel like some people might feel that way.

Oh, well, I love them.

Yeah, did you grow up around horses?

Never met one.

Just always been drawn to them.

Why do you live here?

What do you mean?

It just, it feels so far away from everything.

Yeah, well, that's why I live here.

Yeah, but it must get lonely.

I have this dream that I'm going to grow old here and

become one of those women

like in a John Wayne film or something,

like tanned and leathery and hard.

Do you mind if I clean?

It really relaxes me.

Sure.

Thank you.

1,324 cases last week.

Gonna be 50,000 by March 28th.

Doubling time was seven days.

It's now three.

It's logarithmic, not linear.

That's what everyone's missing.

The death rates aren't rising yet,

but they're a lagging indicator.

Hey, did you realize your fan was broken?

Oh.

Hi, ma.

Hey, Ma.

What are you doing at mom's?

The world is falling apart, little, bro.

Haven't you heard?

Are you quarantining away from her?

Yeah, sometimes.

Hold on, Asif wants to say something.

Yo, Ravi, put our future sister-in-law

on the phone.

- Yeah, no, that's- - Yo. Put her on the phone!

That's really not going to work out.

Is she hot?

Uh huh?

Just nod, you don't have to say it.

I know she's staring at you right now.

Yeah she's here for the meeting.

Maybe now you can actually get laid.

Ravi, laid?

What do we do now?

Do you mean for the next few months or right now?

Both.

Try doing nothing.

Have you ever done that before?

What do you mean nothing?

I mean, nothing.

Take it from someone who's unemployed.

The less you do, the less you do.

The less you do, the less you do. I like that.

Yeah, I can do that.

Cool.

Yeah.

What time is it?

10:00 AM.

10:00 AM-o.

This is fun.

It's very relaxing.

What song am I thinking of?

I love doing nothing in silence.

No, me too.

Yeah, this is really relaxing.

Yeah, I have this friend

he reads the books out loud.

And it's like, that's not what that's meant for.

It's really crazy, you know.

We're just like in this galaxy.

So.

I was going to ask you,

have you been on a lot of dates on Arranged?

Oh yeah.

Arranged, Shaadi, Vivah, I'm on all of them.

My mother is desperate.

Wait, you're not?

No.

Do you want to be married?

No, never.

You want to die alone?

It's just someone else to fight and disappoint

and hate and...

No, it's just exhausting.

Why do you want to get married?

It'd be nice to have someone to cuddle with.

Yeah, well, you don't need to be married

to cuddle someone.

I literally do.

I've been meaning to ask,

how do I compare to the other guys

that you've gone on dates with?

Because I've just been trying to do this for a year now.

And it just doesn't seem to work out.

Right, I mean,

well this way of meeting someone is psychotic.

Well, my parents spent seven days

before they got married, so.

And how did that work out?

Am I boring?

What?

No.

You hesitated.

I did?

I'm not boring.

I didn't say

- you were boring. - Okay,

you should see the people

that work in my research lab, okay.

There's this guy Vivek,

okay, he comes in every morning

and counts the pennies in his wallet.

And if the number isn't even he'll skip lunch.

And then there's this girl Juhi.

Juhi insists on telling you about every single bird

she saw on the way to work.

And I'm like, Juhi, I know what a pigeon looks like.

Wow, you're really getting fired up right now.

You know, in college, I was the fun one.

Really?

Yes.

People ask me all the time to do impersonations.

Sonam, why don't you make yourself useful

and go make some chai for the guests!

Wait, was that supposed to be a toxic uncle?

Yes.

More.

Okay, okay.

Sonam, did you delete all the Sex In The City from the DVR?!

That's really good.

Yeah, it's fun, I'm fun.

Sonam, your hips don't lie.

I got to take this.

Some asshole stole my card.

Oh, yup no worries.

Are you sure you can talk?

Yeah, sure, it's fine.

Are you two still fighting?

Actually, no.

So it's getting better?

I just think, you know,

with everything going on,

we feel lucky or maybe that

we at least have each other.

So do you want me to stop calling?

No, God, no.

That's not what I'm saying.

It's still a broken marriage.

I miss you.

When can I see you again?

Not for a while.

Of course.

Hey, where are you going?

Heading out.

You can't.

What?

It's shelter in place.

We're allowed to go on walks.

And I think given my pre-existing condition,

that's not a good idea.

What condition?

Oh, I told you I have asthma.

It sounded like you coughed once when you were five.

I just, I think we mutually decided

that it would be safer if we just stayed in-

- Ugh!

Nothing to fucking watch.

Oh, I don't watch Hollywood stuff.

I only watch Bollywood.

Hmm, what was that?

What?

Oh, I thought you asked why.

I didn't.

Yeah, our mom was really worried

that if we watched too much Hollywood stuff

we would become too white.

So it was all Bollywood in our household.

Not that I'm complaining.

Which ones have you seen?

No.

What do you mean no?

- Just no. - Oh, you mean Kal Ho Naa Ho?

No.

Oh, what a masterpiece.

Wait, you haven't seen it?

Oh, you don't want to sleep on this.

Can I just tell you a little bit about it quickly?

No.

Basically the movie starts on char...

Actually no.

It's Preity, Preity is running to New York.

And she's just, you know, telling us about her life.

Like, her family's broken and she's really depressed.

And then you meet her MBA classmate

being played by Saif.

Honestly, it's one of his best roles.

He is so stupid and lovable.

And then in walks Shah Rukh.

And he's just like this angel.

And like these real funny things.

And then right before intermission,

you find out that the lady that you thought

was Shah Rukh's wife

is actually his doctor.

Yeah, he's dying.

But then right before he dies,

Priety finds out the truth about them.

And she runs to New York again.

But this time she's crying.

And she embraces Shah Rukh

and she pieces together all the beautiful things

that he's done, all his selfless actions.

And there's a stunning speech in the end

where they talk about how you know you've met

the one that you love

when you hear bells ringing in your heart.

Have you heard bells when you catch feels?

That's not what love is like.

Oh yeah, I know.

Yeah I know.

Oh!

If we go down this path, there's no going back.

Mhmm.

Okay.

Well, I'll show you my underwear options.

Right.

This isn't so bad.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, I mean, we can do this for two more days.

Sure.

It's like, it doesn't not work.

I guess.

I'm feeling happy.

Really?

I just feel...

Whiskey?

Oh, what?

You feel whiskey.

Because I spiked your drink.

Are you joking?

No.

Why would you do that?

Because I'm bored.

And I thought it'd be funny.

There's alcohol in...

Well.

That's the shit.

It's the shit, man.

You know what else is the shit?

What?

Research.

Research is the shit.

I agree.

You know what I love?

Chi statistical tests.

Don't even get me started on Chi.

I'm so glad there's a

attractive female who I can talk to about this.

- Oh, I'm your girl. - Get your friends dewy.

You know what's always bugged me is like,

why is the P value of 0.05

the threshold of certainty?

Amen, I've always thought this.

Don't eat that.

Ugh.

That's shit.

Not the shit.

Mhmm.

You know what else is the shit?

What?

Standup.

Standup is the shit.

I love stand up.

Have you ever done stand up?

No.

No!

I mean, you could do stand up for me right now.

Mm-mm, mm-mm.

Mm-mm.

Okay, okay.

- If you don't want to. - I'm not going to do,

let's do stand up.

Hey guys, it's me, Ravi Sharma.

Really excited.

I've been dreaming about this moment for a long time.

Got the best fans in the world, love you guys.

I shit myself

before I got on stage,

So you're welcome.

What else?

Oh, in high school they used to call me chicken shwarma

when it doesn't even make any sense 'cause I don't eat meat.

And it's Sharma, not shwarma.

Oh, don't worry, this is diet Coke.

I'm the youngest of three brothers,

but I'm closest to my mom.

Oh my mom's divorced, by the way.

Can I get a what what?

Yeah, she's divorced and divorce sucks, man.

You know, it really sucks.

And it specially sucks when you're Indian,

because you can't talk about it.

You can't talk about that.

And you know, like you go to functions and stuff

and they just pretend like it didn't happen.

You know what it's like, it's like Game of Thrones.

You guys know Game of Thrones, right?

So like in Game of Thrones, they killed Jon Snow.

And then he just like came back to life.

And it's like,

are we going to talk about that, you know?

Hmm.

Yeah, divorce sucks,

but you know what's even worse than divorce is

being lonely.

Ugh, it feels so much worse.

Like, like I'd much rather got married and then like try

and try and try and try, and then it not work out

than be lonely.

I mean, that's like the real threshold of certainty.

But you know, just don't get divorced.

Don't be lonely.

And there's fucking shit everywhere.

Come on, let's dance.

Come on, come on.

I've spent my whole life not dancing, come on.

Okay.

I said I'm sorry.

It's 323 dots yesterday.

In this county.

That's numbers rising, just steadily rising.

You know, like I said, it's logarithmic.

Everyone tries to drink at least once in their life.

What are you going to do next, huh?

You're going to put some crystal meth in my ice tea,

some heroin in my mouthwash?

Oh, you're exhausting.

My head really hurts.

What is up, my loves?

We are here, we are ready, we're going to shine.

Today we are gonna be using free weights

but if you don't have them, you can use cans of soup

or your cat, whatever.

Okay, we're gonna start with hand across.

Okay.

Here we go.

Okay, breathe the music.

You got this, 60 seconds.

We can do anything for 60 seconds.

Oh my God, wait, you are unstoppable.

Okay, these things are burning.

We burn for strength.

Yes, feel the burn, love the burn.

Okay, 15 seconds.

Go and drink in the pop, don't be scared.

Five, four, three, two, one.

Last, chest up.

I want you guys to hinge at the waist and push back.

I want your titties to just like hang free.

Whether you are an A cup or a double G

your titties are powerful.

Love your body.

Look at all you beautiful goals.

Squeeze your tush

like the water keeps oozing.

That's right, four, three, two,

oh, make it burn.

One, oh yes.

As always you can find me on Instagram,

Twitter or my Tiktok.

See you until next time.

Whoo.

What, you're not going to answer that?

I don't want to.

But that's your mom.

Why didn't you answer before?

I was busy.

I called three times.

I'm sorry.

So busy doing no job, getting older.

I haven't heard from his parents yet.

Must not have gone well.

Told you it went well, mom.

I hope you didn't show him the real you.

I didn't.

He can't love that you.

You will thank me one day.

I know, Mom.

You like pasta?

I've been known to eat a pound or two.

You want to help me cook?

I can't.

I can teach you.

My mother tried that already.

Come on.

I'm really bad at it.

Yeah, I don't believe that.

Want me to try?

Sure.

It's a good start.

Stove's under here.

Do you know what a stove looks like?

Yeah, yeah that's a stove.

Okay.

Okay, we can work with this.

Ooh.

Hey, did you hear about that guy in Argentina?

No.

He set out on a four month sail

in December before COVID.

No cell, no internet, no way of reaching him.

He's just like an ocean cowboy.

You know, he's just floating out

in the middle of the Atlantic,

has no idea that the world has changed.

He's the last innocent man in the world.

Sounds like a,

- Dream. - Nightmare.

That's good.

And now he's going to be coming back

to all of this.

It's like stepping through a wormhole.

He'll adapt.

Maybe.

With that one?

- Yeah, that one. - Okay.

So what do we do now?

We just wait.

That was a lot of work.

Moment of truth.

Oh my God, that is so good.

Mmm.

- Mhmm. - Right?

Mhmm.

- No. - You like it, right?

Yeah, it's really good, really good, mhmm.

Wow.

This is amazing, fuck takeout.

I'm going to cook every meal, I'm a chef.

Mm, it's so filling I almost feel like I'm already full.

Yes.

Everything on here is trash.

Mmm.

I guess we have no choice.

What do you want to watch tonight?

Actually, I can double check on my calendar,

but I'm pretty sure I'm booked up tonight, unfortunately.

Oh, you...

you've made plans or something?

Yeah.

Okay.

I wouldn't do this if you feel weird.

Why would I feel weird?

I don't know.

What's your mom saying now?

Keep the train moving.

I'll coach you.

Like Shah Rukh with Saif?

Sure, like that.

Oh, I can't go on a date in front of you.

Please, I'm so bored.

We have history.

We met yesterday.

Can I have some more concealer?

I won't say anything, I'll be off screen.

I'll just text suggestions, okay?

Hi!

Hi, Pallavi, it's Ravi.

Nice to e-meet you.

I'm good, and you?

Do an impersonation.

Wow, that's a really good Barack Obama.

I can actually do a misogynistic Indian uncle.

Okay, you want to see?

Sonam?

Did you use all the toilet paper?

All the TP?!

Wow, you have an amazing laugh.

I want three kids, is that okay?

Yes, I would love to hear the names you have picked out.

Your smile is amazing.

I have to say you're-

Uh huh, sorry, say that again?

Hey.

Oh, she's super sweet.

She works in medicine,

but she loves baking and rose gardens.

Wow, so fun.

Yeah.

Is she traditional?

She really, really is.

I brought up the kids, she was totally on board.

Brought up living with my mom,

she said she would not want it any other way.

Yeah.

She also said that she only eats Western food on Sundays,

but she wants Indian Monday through Saturday.

And I was like, that is fine by me.

You know what I mean?

If I never eat a veggie burger again,

I'll be great.

Wow, she sounds perfect.

She, yeah, I don't, you know,

I don't want to get too ahead of myself,

but I can definitely see us getting to at least

the engagement line.

And then, you know, we'll see.

Are you okay?

I'm great.

What are you doing?

Oh, sorry.

Whenever I feel a rush of happiness

I get terrified that the happiness

will be taken away from me.

So just to distract myself.

Do you paint?

Yeah.

Oh, wow, I had no idea.

- Show me! - No.

Why?

It's not your kind of thing.

How do you know?

Because it's vaginas.

Like not the nice kind, like menacing vaginas.

Blood gushing, barbed wire, steel traps.

Just aggressive, vaginal imagery.

Do you like that?

Mhmm.

Rita?

Hey.

It's like two in the morning.

I know.

You can't...

You can't just call.

I know.

Did you text first?

No.

Well, that's the system.

So please don't do that.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Rita?

I couldn't sleep.

So you put on a lehenga?

Thought you'd like it.

Have you worn it before?

Patel uncle's Holiday Inn opening.

It's beautiful.

It's made by child labor.

Is this a dream?

It's your fantasy, Ravi.

You're being so inappropriate.

I know.

Can I make you some daal?

Daal makes me gassy.

Did you fart?

Have we heard back from Pallavi?

No.

Okay, do you want to call her father tomorrow?

It's been 12 hours.

Okay, thanks, mom.

What about Serena from last week?

Her family is checking

with their astrologer.

Yeah, we should follow up with them.

Definitely.

Yeah you know, just really stay on top of it.

I'll make a note.

I'm monitoring it closely.

Yeah.

I mean it's okay if it's a pass, we just have to know.

What about that other girl?

What's her name, Tanu?

Yeah no, Tanu was the one with the lazy eye.

Oh but she has such a pretty mouth.

Okay, Rita, I just told you not to call.

- I'm coming over right now. - What?

- No, Beth is here. - I know.

Are you crazy?

I need to see you.

You can see me when we're not in the middle

of a pandemic and I'm not quarantined with my wife.

Why don't I talk to Beth?

Are you serious?

What are you doing?

Oh, it's this thing that's trending

where everyone's making noise at the same time

to thank the healthcare workers.

Aren't the doctors in the hospital?

Some of them are at home.

You think doctors live in this neighborhood?

It's not just for doctors, it's also for nurses.

It's you know, really about solidarity and connection.

We're banging pots and pans for each other

to remind ourselves that we're still here

and that we can still hear each other.

Should I start?

Thank you!

You're the real Avengers!

Rita?

I'll be back.

You're not even wearing a mask.

I don't care.

People are dying.

I don't care.

I don't care, I don't care!

It's our last day together.

You can't control me.

I'm not trying to control-

- You think you can make everything happen

exactly the way you want it to

at exactly the time you want.

Guess what?

You're not going to meet someone

seven days before your wedding,

hear a bunch of clanging bells in your heart

and fall in love!

Sometimes there are no bells, Ravi.

Sometimes it's just deafening silence.

Deja vu.

Yeah.

- Did you call to confirm? - Yeah.

I'm actually running late,

but I wanted to wait for you to wake up so

I could say goodbye before I left.

Thanks.

Yeah.

It was really nice getting to...

Ravi?

Yeah?

I'm really sorry for what I said.

It's okay.

What was that?

Nothing.

- You just coughed. - No I didn't.

No, I heard you.

No, I was just clearing my throat.

You just coughed.

I don't have a temperature, you've checked twice already.

Hi, yes, I'd like to cancel my rental.

- Sir, there is - Why would you

- cancel your rental? - A cancellation fee.

No, yeah, I'll pay the fee.

Ravi, seriously.

I'll bring you all your meals,

but we can't be in the same room anymore.

Well, I love being alone, so that's fine.

How are you going to get back?

I'm not worried about that.

I don't need a nurse, Ravi.

I know.

Hey, Ravi?

Yes?

Could you get me something from the bathroom?

Of course.

Great.

What do you need, Rita?

So it's on the sink, it's next to the moisturizer.

It's purple.

Purple.

Yeah, and it's kind of cylindrical and it vibrates.

Jesus, Rita.

Hi, Ma.

I'm sorry, betta.

She passed on me?

Yes.

No worries.

Betta, it's not you.

Her mom said she is focused on her career.

I'm getting a work call.

Betta.

Well, fuck Pallavi.

She was a loser anyway.

She went to Harvard Medical School.

No shit, get it Pallavi.

Yeah, you messed up, dude.

Who's there?

Spell.

Spell who?

W-H-O.

That was the worst one yet.

I can't do this anymore.

Is that you?

Yeah, I had my hair permanently straightened

because everyone said it looked like pubes.

Oh, I love your hair.

You do?

No, they just keep getting worse.

I can't do this.

Who's there?

Yeah.

Yeah who?

No thanks, I prefer Google.

Oh, please stop.

Just sent you one.

Is this prom?

Yeah.

That's me and Shane Wright, my date.

Best kiss I've ever had.

When was your first kiss?

Rita, are we really doing this?

Wait, have you?

What?

Kissed someone.

Yes, yes!

I'm not that sheltered.

I kissed someone in college, okay?

Who?

Rita, I'm not going to tell you about Becky right now.

Becky?

It was at a party.

I was walking up the stairs to go to the bathroom

and she got in there, you know, literally and into my mouth.

Whoa.

Anyways, then I shoved my tongue back into her

and I tried to do the same, you know, hardness that she did.

And I think she liked it.

And yeah, we had touchdown.

It's like siblings.

It's nothing like siblings.

- Hold on. - Do you fuck your siblings?

You have to love your brother regardless of who he is.

I don't have a brother.

Yeah but if you had one, you'd love him.

And if you arranged to a man, you'd love him the same way,

because you had to.

It's a kick in the chest.

What do you mean?

Love.

It's not something you grow like a plant.

You can't just go from being complete strangers

to living together.

We did.

You sound short of breath.

You're being paranoid.

Go eat some dinner.

I'm not hungry.

You know, I used to be like you.

I didn't drink, I didn't eat meat.

Then you know what happened

when I started doing just whatever I wanted to?

What?

I had better orgasms.

Rita.

You're uncomfortable because I said

the word orgasm.

Ravi?

Obviously you jack off.

I mean, you probably watch all kinds of sick porn.

The door is closed.

You can't see me.

Just say something real, please.

You're so repressed.

It's like every morning when you take a dump,

you play music in the bathroom.

Like I'll never guess what's going on.

Should we talk about Daddy?

- What? - Nevermind.

I don't know what you think that you overheard.

"I want your cock."

Is he nice to you, Rita?

Because you deserve that.

We met at a gallery.

He knows a lot about art.

I started the whole thing because

I wanted to,

because it was impossible.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Have you spoken to your mom since you got sick?

None of your business.

Try to avoid avoidance.

I'm not avoiding anything.

You live in a museum.

No, I don't.

You should make the first move,

then think about having realistic expectation.

Why do you sound like a self-help robot?

I just want to help you be happy like me.

Are you happy?

I'm very happy.

You're very lonely.

It's honestly a little pathetic to need someone that much.

What, you're allowed to probe me endlessly,

but not vice versa?

Ravi?

Yeah?

Just checking you're still there.

I'm still here.

Rita?

What?

I think we have to call an ambulance.

Rita.

What if I never come back?

Come on.

You're going to come back.

Rita?

Ravi, it's been 30 minutes.

Are they still admitting you?

I'll call you when I know more.

Bye.

- Hello? - Hi there.

Is this Ravi Shwarma?

Yes.

Am I pronouncing that correctly?

Yes.

Hi, I'm calling from the hospital.

It's Dr. Henry.

Is this about Rita?

Yes.

Is she okay?

So I just need to verify

that you are related to her.

Yeah, we're friends.

Oh, I can't disclose

private health information.

We're dating, we're going on dates.

We live together.

Oh, well she didn't mention a boyfriend.

She gave you me my number, didn't she?

Yes.

Is she okay?

Stable.

We have her on oxygen.

Okay, I have so many questions.

Ooh, okay, I gotta go.

Sorry, it's my first rapid response.

What do you mean first?

I'm new.

How new?

Actually I started the day before yesterday.

This has been a big week for me, to say the least.

Just to be clear, you have finished medical school, right?

Oh God.

Yes, babe, of course.

When?

Actually the day before yesterday.

Okay, bye.

Hello?

Hi, hi, this is Ravi.

I was told this was the number to the room of Rita.

Oh, this is her roommate.

Where's Rita?

Taking a shit.

She looks good though, sweety.

Walking around, smiling.

Only two liters oxygen.

Is that good?

Better than me.

Could you please tell her that Ravi Sharma called?

Mhmm.

Thank you, do you need me to spell that out?

No.

I think I got it.

I think I can tell her.

It's good, it's all good.

Oh, fuck.

Wow that's good.

Mm, that's good.

Mm.

Ah!

Mmm, mm, mm!

Mmm!

You're sick.

You're sick.

She's not even your wife.

- Hi, Swati. - Hi.

Hi, I'm Ravi.

Nice to e-meet you.

Ravi, yeah.

I never know how to start these things.

- Yeah. - It's always so weird.

Thank you for making the time, yeah.

Oh yeah, sorry.

I've been really busy with,

you know, I work at a law firm, so

- Right, right. - It's always busy.

- Right. - Right.

I'm also glad we can finally do this.

- Yeah. - You know it's like

- hard to get a hold of. - Yeah.

Do you have any male friends?

What?

I just asked if you had any male friends,

like, do you have any friends of the opposite sex?

Because I just, I have this friend Rita and she,

Oh you want to know if I know someone for Rita.

I don't off the top of my head.

No, it's just,

I just, it's just so infuriating because she, you know,

I clean this apartment like crazy, our apartment

and she just makes it dirty right away, and it's like,

Wait.

You live with Rita who's a girl?

Yeah, well...

I think the connection's a little bit bad.

Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?

Okay, well.

Well I'm not sure what my mom told your mom,

but I am looking for something just like more traditional.

Like not like an open thing or something like that.

Oh yeah, me too.

I don't, you know, I mean,

if I get married like at this point,

I'll be lucky if Rita's invited.

You know what I mean?

Oh, is she like your sister?

Oh no, oh no, no she's not my sister.

That would not be good

if she was my sister if you know what I mean.

No, you should probably spell it out

because I'm a lawyer.

I need things spelled out.

What are your feelings on like, you know,

if two people of the opposite sex that are Indian

have, you know, hugged a bunch

and maybe slept in a bed together, but nothing else?

Is this about you?

No, I'm asking for a friend.

Is your friend Rita?

Yeah, yeah.

I think she told me that story, yeah.

So she did that.

What do you,

do you think that's going to work out with her and this guy?

Well, if I were her,

I would want you to tell me how you feel directly.

Do you believe in a soulmate?

I used to.

Now it's kind of like,

you kind of have to deal with what you get, you know?

Hello?

Rita?

No.

Who is this?

It's Rita's friend.

I've been calling her cell.

She doesn't answer.

I don't know what to do.

She's okay, she's in the hospital.

What?

She has COVID, auntie,

but she's only on two liters of oxygen.

Who the hell are you?

I'm Ravi.

We met recently.

She let me stay over after my train-

- Ravi Sharma?

Yes.

What the hell are you still doing

at my daughter's place?

My car got delayed.

I need to talk to Rita.

I understand.

I can give you the number for her room in the hospital,

but I've been trying and I can't get through.

Is she okay?

Yes.

Is she okay?

Yes, yes, she's fine.

She's totally fine.

You know, she's so strong and so young.

I love her so much.

I know.

Rita, hi!

- Hey! - Hey.

Hey, I've been trying to get through.

How are you?

I'm good.

Okay, good.

Are you still only on two liters?

Yeah.

How's your roommate?

Not great.

What happened?

She's dead.

Rita.

It was so sudden.

She died looking at a bunch of masked faces.

Isn't that weird?

I miss you.

I miss you too.

I barely know you.

Yeah.

I miss you.

I miss you too.

Small fever last night, but

her ferritin's down, d-dimers down, pressure's stable

hovering around two liters again.

It's an unpredictable disease but she's doing well.

Okay, that's good.

She cries anytime anyone leaves the room.

What?

She just gets a little teary.

I went and sat with her for a bit

and everyone keeps telling me I only do that

because I'm new.

Anyway, she eventually told me to leave.

And when I did, she started crying again.

He's a liar and a bitch.

He seems really nice.

He gets sweaty every time he talks to me.

I think I make him nervous.

Yeah, I can see that.

He's new.

Yeah.

I like him a lot.

Yeah, me too.

Number 17 is on the way.

Uh oh, number 14 is in the lead now.

The last time I brought

my famous malai kofta,

they didn't even touch it.

Well auntie, it sounds like the ladies

from your bridge club are very judgmental.

My SAT score?

I think this was back, auntie,

when the test was out of 1600. So it was 1450.

No, I know I could have done better.

Oh, 14 is checking in on 17.

Let's see.

Do you know how to Zoom?

Zoom?

Yes, I've Zoomed, auntie.

I would like to Zoom.

Does your mother make malai kofta?

Yes.

But mine will be much better.

So I want you to try it.

Oh yeah, I would love to.

She made good progress last night.

That's great.

Thank you for updating me

since she won't call me.

Of course.

She is very strong.

Yeah, I know.

Why are you still there?

Don't you have a life to get back to?

I don't know.

Thank you for staying.

Of course.

I have to tell you something.

That day?

Which day?

I didn't go to Daddy.

I just walked around and around.

Oh.

But you were gone for a long time though.

I laid down in a park, fell asleep.

And I went to the drug store and touched everything.

Everything.

Then I licked my fingers.

Rita, are you joking?

No.

Rita, why would you do that?

There's nothing worse than sitting at home,

like you're cornered and afraid.

Just sitting, afraid, alone, afraid.

Alone.

Rita?

Rita?

Hi, hi, I need to be transferred to nine west.

No, I need nine west.

I think they're transferred me to the wrong place,

But she-

She's just going to hang up on me?

Hi, hi, I need to be transferred to nine west, it's urgent.

No, I need nine west,

they transferred me to the wrong place.

Shit!

Nine west, the ninth floor of the west ward.

Hello?

She's sedated now.

After delirium, we see this.

What's delirium?

A confused state.

Her brain is kind of disassociating from pain and trauma.

- What's her prognosis? - I don't know.

She could wake up tomorrow or in months, or...

Look, I can't take away the uncertainty

and I wish I could.

I want to see her.

I know, Ravi.

Hey, mom.

Hi, betta.

Can I ask about dad?

Sure, sure.

What did you think when you first saw him?

Honestly?

Yeah.

I thought he was hot.

Really hot.

Okay, I get it.

Big arms.

Big uh...

Why didn't you make it work?

Didn't you feel so lucky?

You had a whole life handed to you

on a platter.

Oh, betta.

We both are too different, you know that.

The truth is ultimately we all choose to love

or not to love.

Hey, I have a funny news story for you.

A man in Argentina

was floating on a sailboat before the pandemic.

I know that story.

The ocean cowboy.

Betta, he just came back.

He landed in Buenos Aires yesterday

and now he knows.

He knows everything.

Imagine that.

It's temporary, auntie, that's what they say.

It's a kind of fog and it's going to lift.

Are you serious?

What time?

No, I'll come pick her up.

I want to walk.

Are you sure you're well enough to?

I swabbed negative.

Meet me at the park.

Rita, that's a really long walk.

We'll stop if we have to,

we'll call a car if we have to,

but I want to walk.

Did you do the math?

What math?

We met seven days ago.

I want to say something to you.

Say it in person.

Mala and I have been married for 47 years now.

I think it's been nearly 33 years now,

- since we've been. - It'll be 33 this year

- yeah. - 33 this year.

We've been married for 15 years.

We've been married for now what?

Almost nine years.

Yeah, nine years.

I don't think soulmates necessary exist.

I think they're created.

She's the most important person to me.

Oh?

Even after them.

What about me?

What do we mean to each other?

We are very attached to each other.

We are like best friends.

So we mean a lot to each other.

She's the number one person in my life.

Has been like that always.

Oh, where's my tissue?

A lot of conversations and then meetings

and slowly we started with getting,

we started getting one of each other and

we would just wait to talk to each other.

And I think in the process,

we didn't even come to know

when we fell in love with each other.