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1
00:00:04,997 --> 00:00:06,114
(ENGINE REVVING)
2
00:00:06,155 --> 00:00:08,075
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLASTS)
3
00:00:51,163 --> 00:00:53,582
*THE GRAND TOUR*
Season 03 Episode 08
Title:
"International Buffoons’ Vacation"
4
00:00:53,755 --> 00:00:56,989
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
5
00:00:57,075 --> 00:00:59,600
- JEREMY: Thank you.
- JAMES: Thank you.
6
00:01:00,218 --> 00:01:02,070
Thank you.
7
00:01:02,155 --> 00:01:03,796
Thank you very much,
everyone.
8
00:01:03,882 --> 00:01:08,882
Now, welcome to what is
a Grand Tour special,
9
00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:11,843
in which we go on vacation.
10
00:01:11,942 --> 00:01:13,499
Yep. Let me explain.
11
00:01:13,585 --> 00:01:14,983
The other day
we were wondering
12
00:01:15,069 --> 00:01:19,038
why some people who want to
visit the western bit of America,
13
00:01:19,235 --> 00:01:23,069
choose to do so on
an RV touring holiday.
14
00:01:23,235 --> 00:01:25,936
It is very popular. I mean, we
all have friends who have done it.
15
00:01:26,022 --> 00:01:27,624
And they say
they had a good time.
16
00:01:27,710 --> 00:01:29,608
Sounds like caravanning
to us, though.
17
00:01:29,694 --> 00:01:31,577
- And you couldn't enjoy that...
- (LAUGHTER)
18
00:01:31,663 --> 00:01:34,007
unless you were mental.
However,
19
00:01:34,108 --> 00:01:37,230
Mr Wilman says that since
this is a motoring,
20
00:01:37,315 --> 00:01:39,070
and travel
and adventure show
21
00:01:39,155 --> 00:01:41,030
he would rent us an RV.
22
00:01:41,116 --> 00:01:43,046
And then we could
go over there
23
00:01:43,132 --> 00:01:46,975
to see if we could find
out what the appeal is.
24
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:56,772
JAMES: This was
the location he chose.
25
00:01:59,372 --> 00:02:04,835
And this was the Winnebago
Chieftain that he rented for us.
26
00:02:04,921 --> 00:02:08,616
And it was
very terrible in every way.
27
00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:12,132
Chaps,
if you'd like to brace,
28
00:02:12,218 --> 00:02:15,110
I'm gonna put my foot down,
see what she'll do. Happy?
29
00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:17,140
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Here we go.
30
00:02:17,975 --> 00:02:20,124
(ENGINE REVS)
31
00:02:21,171 --> 00:02:22,546
40.
32
00:02:25,046 --> 00:02:26,874
43.
33
00:02:27,658 --> 00:02:30,405
That's flat-out.
34
00:02:31,115 --> 00:02:34,830
JEREMY: This slowness put
Hammond and me in a bad mood.
35
00:02:34,915 --> 00:02:37,310
You're just helping yourself
to cards. I...
36
00:02:37,395 --> 00:02:39,810
I thought that was the idea.
Gotta find all the cards...
37
00:02:39,895 --> 00:02:41,850
I have to have
a turn as well.
38
00:02:41,935 --> 00:02:43,670
Well, that'll take ages.
39
00:02:43,755 --> 00:02:45,610
Don't make my holiday worse
than it already is.
40
00:02:45,695 --> 00:02:47,930
(RATTLING) - It is pretty
bad in here, isn't it?
41
00:02:48,015 --> 00:02:50,250
It's worse
than I thought it would be.
42
00:02:50,335 --> 00:02:53,698
Who decided, "Yes, that wallpaper
makes it look like home"?
43
00:02:53,784 --> 00:02:57,199
This material existed...
44
00:02:57,398 --> 00:03:00,550
in the late-1960s
in South Yorkshire.
45
00:03:00,636 --> 00:03:02,930
It's called pleblon
that we're sitting on.
46
00:03:03,015 --> 00:03:05,581
And this - this is vulgalure.
47
00:03:05,667 --> 00:03:08,370
RV design,
as far as I can tell,
48
00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:11,151
stopped in 1972.
49
00:03:11,237 --> 00:03:12,270
RICHARD: Yes.
50
00:03:12,355 --> 00:03:13,890
It's a different
design language
51
00:03:13,975 --> 00:03:15,930
and the language is: Shit.
52
00:03:16,015 --> 00:03:19,170
But all of this
doesn't trouble me
53
00:03:19,255 --> 00:03:22,495
half as much as that.
54
00:03:22,581 --> 00:03:23,979
We're here for a week.
55
00:03:24,065 --> 00:03:27,925
At no point will
we be more than 12 feet
56
00:03:28,165 --> 00:03:30,330
from where
the turds are stored.
57
00:03:31,054 --> 00:03:32,480
His turds.
58
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,058
Look at this.
59
00:03:36,235 --> 00:03:37,890
That's the lavatory door.
60
00:03:37,975 --> 00:03:40,526
Look at it.
This is unacceptable.
61
00:03:40,612 --> 00:03:42,839
What separates
us from the animals
62
00:03:43,019 --> 00:03:46,470
is reason
and defecating in private.
63
00:03:46,555 --> 00:03:50,790
You go somewhere comfortable, read
a newspaper, do your business.
64
00:03:50,875 --> 00:03:52,590
You can't do that in there.
65
00:03:52,675 --> 00:03:54,950
(RATTLING) - What is
that shocking racket?
66
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:55,779
Everything.
67
00:03:55,865 --> 00:03:58,010
Everything rattles
because it's full of crap.
68
00:03:58,095 --> 00:03:59,950
(JEREMY GROANS)
69
00:04:00,035 --> 00:04:02,690
I'm not... I can't...
I can't do a week in here.
70
00:04:02,862 --> 00:04:05,237
(RATTLING)
71
00:04:05,515 --> 00:04:08,330
JEREMY: After just five miles
we'd had enough.
72
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:11,910
And pulled over
for a cup of American coffee.
73
00:04:11,995 --> 00:04:16,050
Right. Recipe's very simple. Take
a coffee bean and razor blade.
74
00:04:16,135 --> 00:04:18,810
Chop just the end off.
Lovely.
75
00:04:18,895 --> 00:04:20,833
Let's check the...
76
00:04:20,919 --> 00:04:22,394
Lukewarm? Yeah.
77
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,472
Pop it in.
78
00:04:24,558 --> 00:04:26,448
(STIRS) Mix it up
till the water is
79
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:29,214
just slightly coloured.
80
00:04:29,375 --> 00:04:31,308
- Perfect.
- So in conclusion, then,
81
00:04:31,394 --> 00:04:33,730
there is no appeal
to an RV holiday, is there?
82
00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:37,909
This whole experience
wouldn't be so bad
83
00:04:37,995 --> 00:04:41,550
if we somehow could modify
it, so it's better to live in.
84
00:04:41,636 --> 00:04:43,610
Well, only if
we could have one each.
85
00:04:43,792 --> 00:04:45,581
Well, why don't we do that?
86
00:04:45,675 --> 00:04:47,895
JAMES: Get one each? Yeah, why
don't we just get one each?
87
00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:51,167
And then modify it to suit
our particular requirements.
88
00:04:51,268 --> 00:04:53,144
We don't have to have
all of this offensive...
89
00:04:53,230 --> 00:04:54,823
We can do what we want.
90
00:04:55,683 --> 00:04:58,472
JAMES: We therefore
abandoned Mr Wilman's RV
91
00:04:58,558 --> 00:05:01,065
and went off to buy our own.
92
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:06,440
Which we then personalised to
suit our individual holiday needs.
93
00:05:10,475 --> 00:05:12,490
JAMES:
This is what I've gone for.
94
00:05:12,575 --> 00:05:15,250
It's the Ford F550
National Tropical.
95
00:05:15,335 --> 00:05:18,150
And... it's 36 feet long.
96
00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:19,870
Why so massive?
97
00:05:19,955 --> 00:05:21,690
I wanted to modify it
in such a way
98
00:05:21,775 --> 00:05:24,110
that I brought a small
taste of home with me.
99
00:05:24,195 --> 00:05:26,290
- Can you guess what it is?
RICHARD: Er...
100
00:05:26,375 --> 00:05:28,170
- Brown furniture.
- A tea cosy.
101
00:05:28,255 --> 00:05:29,810
- A rusty motorcycle.
- No.
102
00:05:29,895 --> 00:05:31,520
- Follow me.
- What?
103
00:05:32,524 --> 00:05:35,151
Holy moly!
104
00:05:35,237 --> 00:05:36,244
Whoa-ho!
105
00:05:36,362 --> 00:05:38,667
Yes, welcome to the Rack and Pinion.
What will it be?
106
00:05:38,753 --> 00:05:41,714
- RICHARD: I'm in a pub.
- JEREMY: I'm staggered.
107
00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:44,129
RICHARD: It's got peanuts on
the wall, terrible pictures.
108
00:05:44,215 --> 00:05:46,151
- Yes.
- This is fabulous. (LAUGHS)
109
00:05:46,237 --> 00:05:48,151
- I know.
- Warm brown beer.
110
00:05:48,237 --> 00:05:50,852
Yep. Would you like
a glass of Lady Petrol?
111
00:05:50,989 --> 00:05:52,880
- Is that rosé? Lady Petrol?
- Yes.
112
00:05:52,966 --> 00:05:54,978
I've equipped it
with your favourite drinks.
113
00:05:55,095 --> 00:05:57,394
- What's that?
- That's for you.
114
00:05:57,534 --> 00:05:58,776
JEREMY: Brummie's Ruin.
115
00:05:58,862 --> 00:05:59,870
It's gin.
\- It's gin.
116
00:05:59,956 --> 00:06:01,621
Have you remembered to ensure
there're sufficient
117
00:06:01,706 --> 00:06:03,090
urine traces in the peanuts?
118
00:06:03,175 --> 00:06:05,430
Yes,
I urinated on them myself.
119
00:06:05,515 --> 00:06:09,450
Can I just ask: why have you got a drawing
of three stroke victims on the wall?
120
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:11,075
That's us.
121
00:06:12,155 --> 00:06:14,409
- Er...
- What?
122
00:06:14,495 --> 00:06:17,495
- Dartboard.
- Yes, it's a pub.
123
00:06:17,581 --> 00:06:20,910
Darts is a fine game and helped
England win a lot of wars.
124
00:06:20,995 --> 00:06:23,464
Darts is for people
who have no conversation.
125
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,990
- Rubbish!
- Who wants to go to the pub and do maths?
126
00:06:26,075 --> 00:06:28,470
It's no good telling me what
you want your pub to be like.
127
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,731
- I don't want my pub...
- This is my pub. This is what it's like.
128
00:06:30,816 --> 00:06:32,940
This is a traditional pub.
129
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:35,162
- This is what they look like.
- This is great. It works.
130
00:06:35,247 --> 00:06:37,102
We're already talking
pub bollocks.
131
00:06:37,315 --> 00:06:39,530
James, it's my job to
ridicule you, obviously.
132
00:06:39,615 --> 00:06:43,470
But I can't. Because, apart from the
dartboard, you've done an incredible job.
133
00:06:43,556 --> 00:06:46,064
- Thank you.
- But it isn't quite as incredible
134
00:06:46,150 --> 00:06:48,495
as the job I've done.
135
00:06:49,972 --> 00:06:54,250
RICHARD: Whoa! I've gone, as you
can see, for a nautical theme.
136
00:06:54,335 --> 00:06:56,519
- In the desert.
- Yes, bear with me.
137
00:06:56,605 --> 00:06:58,300
Two-tone paintwork,
obviously.
138
00:06:58,386 --> 00:07:02,097
Jet ski on the back,
and then, up on the top,
139
00:07:02,183 --> 00:07:06,886
and this really is the pièce de
résistance, the flying bridge.
140
00:07:07,011 --> 00:07:10,010
- What, so you can drive it from outside?
- Why would you not do that?
141
00:07:10,095 --> 00:07:12,770
- Because you built it.
- I hate jet skis, by the way.
142
00:07:12,855 --> 00:07:16,910
I know, but I... You told me my
hatred of darts is irrelevant.
143
00:07:16,995 --> 00:07:19,170
- You kept mentioning it.
- It does look nautical.
144
00:07:19,255 --> 00:07:21,330
- Shoes off. Shoes off.
- JAMES AND RICHARD: What?
145
00:07:21,415 --> 00:07:23,030
- Shoes off.
- Why?
146
00:07:23,115 --> 00:07:25,190
- It's a boat.
- Oh, I hate that!
147
00:07:25,275 --> 00:07:27,190
I can afford
ÂŁ2 million on a boat,
148
00:07:27,275 --> 00:07:30,530
but not a new bit of carpet if it
gets some dust on it off my shoes.
149
00:07:30,615 --> 00:07:32,570
- It's a bit Surrey.
- Off.
150
00:07:32,655 --> 00:07:34,870
- Oh, God.
- Right, good.
151
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,290
RICHARD:
Right, boots are off. Whoa!
152
00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:40,840
- What?
- Is this all bathroom?
153
00:07:41,577 --> 00:07:44,003
Yes, obviously.
Or lavatory.
154
00:07:44,112 --> 00:07:46,284
Shower here, tiled,
as you can see.
155
00:07:46,455 --> 00:07:47,808
Tasteful.
156
00:07:47,894 --> 00:07:51,209
Sink unit, vanity mirror,
restrained.
157
00:07:51,295 --> 00:07:55,253
And...
just pop this open like so.
158
00:07:55,995 --> 00:07:57,870
- Wow.
- Lower the flap,
159
00:07:57,955 --> 00:08:00,573
which means
that in the morning...
160
00:08:00,709 --> 00:08:03,944
I can... sit down
161
00:08:04,076 --> 00:08:06,111
and I can...
well, I can see the pub.
162
00:08:06,329 --> 00:08:09,175
As we know, luxury is
defined by light and space.
163
00:08:09,261 --> 00:08:11,721
- JAMES: Hm?
- So this is a luxurious bog.
164
00:08:11,807 --> 00:08:13,690
- JAMES: Correct.
- And also, look.
165
00:08:13,776 --> 00:08:17,791
This is not some camping lavatory where
you defecate on a piece of plastic.
166
00:08:17,877 --> 00:08:19,292
Observe.
167
00:08:19,635 --> 00:08:21,018
(FLUSHES)
168
00:08:21,154 --> 00:08:23,069
Oh, it's a proper thing.
169
00:08:23,155 --> 00:08:25,530
Well, how, where does...
where does that go?
170
00:08:25,616 --> 00:08:28,737
- Underneath the RV.
- What, to, like, a tank or something?
171
00:08:29,048 --> 00:08:31,143
No, underneath the RV.
172
00:08:31,229 --> 00:08:33,607
What, you're going to
drive off in your bathroom
173
00:08:33,693 --> 00:08:36,788
- leaving behind a mound of turds?
- Yes.
174
00:08:36,889 --> 00:08:38,932
- Where are you gonna sleep?
- Here.
175
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,854
This is the exact same width
as my forearm.
176
00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:43,182
JAMES: Oh, yes.
177
00:08:43,268 --> 00:08:46,683
RICHARD: It's more of
a cupboard, really, isn't it?
178
00:08:46,769 --> 00:08:50,524
JEREMY: The roof, however,
was a different story.
179
00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:52,785
- Whoa!
- RICHARD: Oh, I say.
180
00:08:52,871 --> 00:08:54,786
Well, this is wasted space
normally, isn't it?
181
00:08:54,872 --> 00:08:57,440
- JEREMY: Exactly.
- JAMES: It's pretty good this, Hammond.
182
00:08:57,564 --> 00:08:59,096
- But hang on a minute.
- What?
183
00:08:59,182 --> 00:09:00,583
This is... This is very impressive.
184
00:09:00,668 --> 00:09:03,262
- It's very...
- Aargh! Ha-ha, ha ha-ha!
185
00:09:03,379 --> 00:09:06,012
- (LAUGHTER)
- Oh, yes!
186
00:09:06,098 --> 00:09:07,777
- Ha, ha-ha!
- Oh, ho.
187
00:09:07,863 --> 00:09:10,010
- So that's something to look forward to.
- Aargh!
188
00:09:10,095 --> 00:09:12,990
(LAUGHS) Yeah, don't let
skin touch anything.
189
00:09:13,075 --> 00:09:16,810
Right, so assuming you were able
to sit in the scaldingly hot seat.
190
00:09:16,895 --> 00:09:18,830
- Yes.
- Under the blazing sun.
191
00:09:18,915 --> 00:09:20,510
- Yes.
- How does it work?
192
00:09:20,595 --> 00:09:22,690
Have you got brakes
and accelerator and...
193
00:09:22,926 --> 00:09:24,910
Accelerating.
194
00:09:25,004 --> 00:09:26,504
- Braking.
- Right.
195
00:09:26,590 --> 00:09:28,765
- Gears.
- Oh, so it really is a boat.
196
00:09:28,851 --> 00:09:31,926
Yeah. Look, the way I see it
is this, gentlemen.
197
00:09:32,137 --> 00:09:35,950
Almost no one would want to go
on holiday in a 36-foot caravan,
198
00:09:36,035 --> 00:09:37,965
but everybody
would bite your arm off
199
00:09:38,051 --> 00:09:40,551
to go on holiday
in a 36-foot gin palace.
200
00:09:40,762 --> 00:09:42,970
- They're not really that different.
- No, they're not.
201
00:09:43,055 --> 00:09:45,810
It's just one floats on water
and one goes on land.
202
00:09:45,895 --> 00:09:47,746
- Right, Hammond.
- Yes.
203
00:09:47,832 --> 00:09:50,223
- Where's yours?
- Over there.
204
00:09:50,641 --> 00:09:53,520
- What, behind the lorry?
- No, it is the lorry. That's it.
205
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,310
JAMES: That's not an RV.
206
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,676
It is. Look, it's big, I can sleep on
it and it's got a bike on the back.
207
00:09:58,762 --> 00:10:02,363
- That's a recreational vehicle right there.
- This we have got to see.
208
00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:10,110
It's big and it needs to move along,
so a truck is the obvious answer.
209
00:10:10,195 --> 00:10:12,430
- What sort of truck is it?
- I don't know. Truck.
210
00:10:12,515 --> 00:10:15,010
These are the ones that used
to be the U-Haul lorry. Ooh!
211
00:10:15,095 --> 00:10:17,715
You've still got the sign
of the previous owner on it.
212
00:10:17,801 --> 00:10:18,810
It doesn't matter.
213
00:10:18,895 --> 00:10:20,830
Come aboard,
leave your shoes on,
214
00:10:20,915 --> 00:10:22,690
cos this wood
is very splintery.
215
00:10:22,775 --> 00:10:25,430
RICHARD: Um...
216
00:10:25,515 --> 00:10:27,699
Here's the living
accommodation.
217
00:10:27,915 --> 00:10:30,426
- What living accommodation?
- There's a bed.
218
00:10:30,519 --> 00:10:33,957
There, bed. Telescope in case
I get bored in the evening.
219
00:10:34,199 --> 00:10:38,090
And then rocking chair in case of
visitors and a motorcycle on the back.
220
00:10:38,175 --> 00:10:40,168
So, just two secs.
221
00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:42,169
- Stacks.
- Yeah.
222
00:10:42,255 --> 00:10:43,870
- Engine?
- It's got a V8.
223
00:10:43,956 --> 00:10:47,152
- Whose?
- Mine now, I bought the truck.
224
00:10:47,363 --> 00:10:49,430
JAMES: You have made
no effort whatsoever.
225
00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:51,863
Oh, no, now I have,
but I've distilled it down.
226
00:10:51,949 --> 00:10:56,043
I haven't wasted time and effort
on complicated stuff I don't need.
227
00:10:56,129 --> 00:10:58,293
- This is honest.
- So when you come to my...
228
00:10:58,379 --> 00:11:00,716
and say, "Please, Jeremy, can I
borrow your lavatory?" in the morning,
229
00:11:00,801 --> 00:11:03,409
I'm gonna say no, cos you
accused me of wasting time.
230
00:11:03,495 --> 00:11:05,990
And if you want to come to my
pub for a drink of your gin,
231
00:11:06,075 --> 00:11:07,610
which I've put on tap
for you, I'll say,
232
00:11:07,695 --> 00:11:09,036
"No, it's just
a waste of time, Hammond."
233
00:11:09,121 --> 00:11:12,320
I didn't realise we were setting up
a sort of stock exchange of resources
234
00:11:12,406 --> 00:11:14,816
- needed by the roaming camper.
- Hammond?
235
00:11:14,902 --> 00:11:15,767
Yes?
236
00:11:15,853 --> 00:11:18,363
Your lorry, I'm not
gonna call it an RV...
237
00:11:18,449 --> 00:11:20,457
JEREMY: It isn't an RV.
- Is dismal.
238
00:11:20,543 --> 00:11:22,441
God strewth.
239
00:11:22,527 --> 00:11:25,379
JEREMY:
On that note, we set off...
240
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:29,289
to see what our RVs
and Hammond's lorry,
241
00:11:29,375 --> 00:11:31,168
were like on the road.
242
00:11:37,195 --> 00:11:40,129
So, let's have a look at what
we've got on the dash here.
243
00:11:40,270 --> 00:11:43,668
Left-hand panel: don't know
what any of that does.
244
00:11:43,754 --> 00:11:46,329
Central panel,
four warning lights.
245
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:47,770
Don't know what they're for.
246
00:11:47,856 --> 00:11:49,191
They've got
handwritten notices
247
00:11:49,282 --> 00:11:51,129
but that's all rubbed off.
248
00:11:51,257 --> 00:11:55,441
Everything on the right-hand panel: CB
radio, stereo tape player etcetera -
249
00:11:55,527 --> 00:11:57,910
all broken.
Switch here?
250
00:11:58,644 --> 00:12:00,309
- (CLICKING)
- Nothing.
251
00:12:00,652 --> 00:12:04,527
Air con is good, though, and that,
frankly, is all that matters.
252
00:12:04,695 --> 00:12:06,793
It's 100 degrees out there.
253
00:12:11,395 --> 00:12:14,652
Hello, viewers.
You join me driving my pub.
254
00:12:14,848 --> 00:12:17,130
And given that the two things
I do most in life
255
00:12:17,215 --> 00:12:19,530
are driving
and going to the pub,
256
00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:22,496
this is a perfect
arrangement, isn't it?
257
00:12:22,585 --> 00:12:24,560
Go on, change up,
you bastard.
258
00:12:25,137 --> 00:12:27,322
- (GEAR CHANGES)
- Thank you.
259
00:12:31,475 --> 00:12:33,582
Nice view, that.
260
00:12:33,668 --> 00:12:35,941
Better than the view
from my pub back home.
261
00:12:36,135 --> 00:12:39,480
That's a view of a wall
and some bins.
262
00:12:41,711 --> 00:12:44,756
Hello, America.
I'm here to explore.
263
00:12:46,310 --> 00:12:47,925
I'm not gonna push it
hard up this hill,
264
00:12:48,011 --> 00:12:50,356
cos I've noticed
it's running quite hot.
265
00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:54,121
Yeah, doing er...
15 miles an hour,
266
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:57,098
but... I'm really not
in a race.
267
00:12:58,867 --> 00:13:01,592
Yeah, I'm down
to 13 miles an hour.
268
00:13:04,235 --> 00:13:06,145
Which is plenty.
269
00:13:09,875 --> 00:13:12,130
- (BANG)
- That's... That's my engine.
270
00:13:12,371 --> 00:13:14,730
- (BANG)
- My engine is backfiring.
271
00:13:14,815 --> 00:13:17,360
- (SERIES OF BANGS)
- Yeah.
272
00:13:19,275 --> 00:13:21,480
You don't wanna
break down round here.
273
00:13:21,566 --> 00:13:24,152
This is where
all the madmen live...
274
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:29,360
that follow you in pick-up
trucks and black lorries.
275
00:13:30,621 --> 00:13:32,230
What is...?
276
00:13:33,374 --> 00:13:35,619
What's that?
277
00:13:38,573 --> 00:13:40,218
What the hell?
278
00:13:50,795 --> 00:13:52,730
Did you see that guy?
279
00:13:53,955 --> 00:13:56,012
I didn't see anybody. Where?
280
00:13:56,387 --> 00:13:57,746
What guy?
281
00:13:57,832 --> 00:14:01,067
The guy at the side of
the road. Did you see him?
282
00:14:01,309 --> 00:14:02,724
No, I didn't see anybody.
283
00:14:02,895 --> 00:14:04,850
No,
there was nobody in the road.
284
00:14:04,935 --> 00:14:06,496
RICHARD: Jeremy.
285
00:14:06,582 --> 00:14:08,410
Why aren't you driving
yours on the roof?
286
00:14:08,495 --> 00:14:10,150
Well, it's annoying.
287
00:14:10,235 --> 00:14:12,450
It turns out off-road
I can drive it on the roof,
288
00:14:12,535 --> 00:14:14,090
but when I'm on the road,
289
00:14:14,175 --> 00:14:16,750
there's a law
that says I can't.
290
00:14:16,835 --> 00:14:19,210
What, that you can't drive
your RV from the roof?
291
00:14:19,295 --> 00:14:22,690
- Yeah, I know.
- It's health and safety gone mad.
292
00:14:22,775 --> 00:14:24,270
It's ridiculous.
293
00:14:24,355 --> 00:14:28,250
My only real issue, and
it is - it's significant -
294
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:32,630
is that my idle speed
is 5,000rpm,
295
00:14:32,715 --> 00:14:35,730
which means my foot is
now not on the accelerator
296
00:14:35,815 --> 00:14:38,590
and I'm now doing 48.
297
00:14:38,675 --> 00:14:40,920
Oh, Christ...
Hang on, wait, stand by.
298
00:14:41,875 --> 00:14:43,795
(REVVING)
299
00:14:45,547 --> 00:14:48,277
You have to jab
the throttle like that,
300
00:14:48,363 --> 00:14:50,378
to get it to stop
accelerating,
301
00:14:50,464 --> 00:14:53,339
which, of course, causes
you to accelerate more.
302
00:14:53,515 --> 00:14:54,770
So if there's an emergency,
303
00:14:54,855 --> 00:14:57,730
I must
accelerate like that...
304
00:14:57,816 --> 00:15:01,496
to then be able
to slow down.
305
00:15:04,395 --> 00:15:05,790
Look at that.
306
00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:07,150
If he had a purple jacket on
307
00:15:07,235 --> 00:15:08,816
he'd look like
one of those men
308
00:15:08,934 --> 00:15:11,790
who takes old ladies
on tours of North Wales.
309
00:15:12,059 --> 00:15:15,360
JAMES: I'm going to pull in in
front of you, so tell me when I can.
310
00:15:15,994 --> 00:15:19,137
Not yet. Not yet.
311
00:15:19,839 --> 00:15:23,613
Not yet. Not yet.
312
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:27,270
Not yet. Not yet.
313
00:15:27,776 --> 00:15:29,331
Now.
314
00:15:29,510 --> 00:15:32,089
Can you speed up a bit, Hammond?
We're all bunching up.
315
00:15:32,175 --> 00:15:33,630
Urrrrh!
316
00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:36,090
I can't go
much faster than this.
317
00:15:36,434 --> 00:15:40,270
It starts to overheat
quite badly and suddenly.
318
00:15:40,652 --> 00:15:44,105
(LAUGHS) I'm not sure
I'd trust us three doing...
319
00:15:44,191 --> 00:15:45,840
doing this.
320
00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:51,855
Soon we arrived in
a typical American town.
321
00:15:54,319 --> 00:15:58,410
Which, of course,
had a typical RV campsite.
322
00:16:00,275 --> 00:16:03,277
This'll do. We're home.
323
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:06,395
So, we decided
to check in for the night.
324
00:16:09,799 --> 00:16:11,194
Ow.
325
00:16:11,475 --> 00:16:14,400
33 I'm looking for.
326
00:16:15,835 --> 00:16:17,115
That's me.
327
00:16:26,183 --> 00:16:27,858
Stop, stop.
328
00:16:27,944 --> 00:16:29,999
- Stop. Stop.
- (THUD)
329
00:16:30,255 --> 00:16:32,950
(ENGINE STILL RUNNING)
330
00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:36,840
Idle speed has gone
completely berserk.
331
00:16:37,715 --> 00:16:39,110
I do apologise, everybody.
332
00:16:39,195 --> 00:16:40,970
There's literally
nothing I can do.
333
00:16:41,055 --> 00:16:44,230
That is my idle speed.
334
00:16:44,764 --> 00:16:47,642
- (KEYS JANGLE)
- Aargh! Ha-ha, ha-ha!
335
00:16:47,775 --> 00:16:53,265
My ignition key is at
3,000 degrees centigrade.
336
00:16:53,515 --> 00:16:57,150
Sorry, everyone.
Sorry about the noise.
337
00:16:57,235 --> 00:16:58,950
I know,
we'll use the director.
338
00:16:59,044 --> 00:17:00,292
Sorry, mate,
if you could just
339
00:17:00,378 --> 00:17:02,465
turn the engine off
that would be great.
340
00:17:05,084 --> 00:17:08,889
Call 911. He's going to need
some fingers in a minute.
341
00:17:09,955 --> 00:17:11,590
- Ow!
- (ENGINE OFF)
342
00:17:11,675 --> 00:17:13,610
- (BLEEP)
- (CLATTERING)
343
00:17:14,585 --> 00:17:16,525
(LAUGHS)
344
00:17:17,315 --> 00:17:19,070
Yeah, it does that.
345
00:17:19,155 --> 00:17:20,970
How hot
are those ignition keys?
346
00:17:21,055 --> 00:17:23,670
- Hot!
- (LAUGHS)
347
00:17:23,755 --> 00:17:25,950
Not as hot as
the cameraman's right leg.
348
00:17:26,035 --> 00:17:27,588
CAMERAMAN:
Yeah, that nearly took my...
349
00:17:27,682 --> 00:17:31,000
That was flame
enveloped your right leg.
350
00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:33,041
Oh, sh... Oh, guys.
351
00:17:33,127 --> 00:17:35,432
We have an emergency.
352
00:17:38,365 --> 00:17:39,925
Yeah.
353
00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:46,229
RICHARD: On the other, more
peaceful side of the park,
354
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:49,540
I'd settled down
to soak up life in my row.
355
00:17:50,875 --> 00:17:53,120
Hello, neighbour.
356
00:17:59,275 --> 00:18:02,280
I'll come over later, maybe
play cards or something.
357
00:18:07,599 --> 00:18:11,394
That dog's taking a wee.
358
00:18:11,675 --> 00:18:15,890
Meanwhile, at the Rack and
Pinion, it was opening time.
359
00:18:15,975 --> 00:18:17,970
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
360
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:20,355
(WHIRRING)
361
00:18:38,115 --> 00:18:40,200
Drop by for a beer later
if you like.
362
00:18:45,721 --> 00:18:48,690
JEREMY: As James got
acquainted with his neighbours,
363
00:18:48,775 --> 00:18:52,950
Hammond was showing me
the view from his veranda.
364
00:18:53,035 --> 00:18:55,565
There is a compound there where
you take your dog for a crap.
365
00:18:55,651 --> 00:18:58,041
JEREMY: Is that... is
that a dog lavatory? Yes.
366
00:18:58,127 --> 00:19:01,302
My... My porch overlooks it.
367
00:19:01,522 --> 00:19:04,002
Can I tell you
what a member of our crew,
368
00:19:04,088 --> 00:19:06,054
who I won't name because it'd
be embarrassing, but it was...
369
00:19:06,140 --> 00:19:07,002
What does it begin with?
370
00:19:07,088 --> 00:19:08,835
It was Ellis the
photographer it begins with.
371
00:19:08,975 --> 00:19:11,674
He said to me, is when people
come round these places,
372
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:13,715
- what you do is...
- Yeah?
373
00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:16,590
(SNIGGERS)
It's not for camera.
374
00:19:16,675 --> 00:19:20,721
You put the word "anal" in front of
all of the names of the caravans.
375
00:19:20,807 --> 00:19:23,052
(LAUGHS) - So you've
got Anal Wanderer...
376
00:19:24,115 --> 00:19:26,260
Anal Gearbox...
377
00:19:26,346 --> 00:19:29,377
- Anal Desire.
- (LAUGHING) Anal Hemisphere.
378
00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:32,754
Anal Open Range.
Anal Cougar.
379
00:19:33,097 --> 00:19:35,604
Anal Sprinter.
380
00:19:35,713 --> 00:19:38,370
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- That's what you do!
381
00:19:38,455 --> 00:19:43,893
JEREMY: Over at the pub, James was
dispensing drinks to the locals.
382
00:19:44,041 --> 00:19:47,515
It's a bit lively, sir. I'm sorry,
but the pub has been on the move
383
00:19:47,601 --> 00:19:49,430
- and rattled around quite a bit.
- WOMAN: Oh, I bet.
384
00:19:49,515 --> 00:19:52,370
If you leave that just to
settle for a few minutes.
385
00:19:52,455 --> 00:19:54,523
I'll try a warm brown,
please.
386
00:19:54,609 --> 00:19:57,190
(SQUIRTING)
387
00:19:57,275 --> 00:19:59,430
- WOMAN: More foamy?
- A little bit foamy.
388
00:19:59,515 --> 00:20:02,090
If you'd like to just let
that settle for a bit, sir.
389
00:20:02,343 --> 00:20:05,531
I think I'll go with
a Jack Daniels.
390
00:20:05,970 --> 00:20:10,369
JEREMY: Having run out of bottom jokes,
Hammond and I had gone for a walk
391
00:20:10,455 --> 00:20:15,000
in what's billed as the
great American wilderness.
392
00:20:22,195 --> 00:20:24,440
- Is that a scrapyard?
- Yes.
393
00:20:28,315 --> 00:20:30,976
RICHARD: I do prefer
the Lake District.
394
00:20:31,422 --> 00:20:35,009
JEREMY: Back at the pub, James
was entertaining his guests
395
00:20:35,095 --> 00:20:37,218
with his conversation.
396
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,850
What you call warm British beer
to us is cellar temperature,
397
00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:45,367
which is not as cold as a refrigerator
but colder than room temperature.
398
00:20:45,738 --> 00:20:47,963
Right, right, right.
399
00:20:50,224 --> 00:20:51,999
Erm... anybody mind
if I have one?
400
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:54,703
- No. Help yourself.
- No. Help yourself.
401
00:20:58,315 --> 00:21:00,870
JEREMY: I mean, there must
be more to it than this.
402
00:21:00,955 --> 00:21:02,830
RICHARD: You do wonder
what people do.
403
00:21:02,915 --> 00:21:05,078
JEREMY: I don't wonder.
I know what they do.
404
00:21:05,273 --> 00:21:07,160
They wife-swap.
405
00:21:07,955 --> 00:21:10,476
- Sunset?
- It's lovely.
406
00:21:16,795 --> 00:21:17,970
- Hammond.
- What?
407
00:21:18,055 --> 00:21:20,078
- Hammond. Do you...?
- What?
408
00:21:20,164 --> 00:21:22,409
- Did you see that?
- See what?
409
00:21:26,857 --> 00:21:29,882
- What?
- No, nothing.
410
00:21:30,202 --> 00:21:32,517
- I'm going to turn in.
- Yeah, you're right. Sleep.
411
00:21:32,915 --> 00:21:35,382
JAMES: Well, this year, because
we've had a record summer,
412
00:21:35,468 --> 00:21:36,828
it's actually
very warm and sunny
413
00:21:36,914 --> 00:21:38,593
but usually...
September's all right
414
00:21:38,694 --> 00:21:42,085
but by the time you get to November,
certainly, it's getting cold.
415
00:21:42,178 --> 00:21:44,543
The worst bit in England
is sort of January...
416
00:21:46,595 --> 00:21:49,810
JEREMY: After James had run
out of his conversation,
417
00:21:49,895 --> 00:21:51,730
he shut his pub for the night
418
00:21:51,815 --> 00:21:55,912
and came round to my place
with a plan.
419
00:21:57,064 --> 00:21:58,357
Clarkson.
420
00:22:00,035 --> 00:22:01,230
Clarkson.
421
00:22:01,315 --> 00:22:03,290
- What?
- I've got an idea.
422
00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:06,750
- What?
- To go and burgle Hammond's tent.
423
00:22:06,835 --> 00:22:10,320
You know how he's been burgled
before and he just doesn't notice?
424
00:22:12,755 --> 00:22:16,470
- Oh, my God, yes.
- Exactly.
425
00:22:16,555 --> 00:22:20,250
JAMES: Hammond claimed after he
was burgled on holiday last year,
426
00:22:20,335 --> 00:22:24,850
he hadn't woken up because
the burglars had gassed him.
427
00:22:24,935 --> 00:22:26,830
Yeah, right.
428
00:22:26,915 --> 00:22:30,400
- Where's his lorry tent?
- The far side.
429
00:22:46,235 --> 00:22:48,120
(DOG BARKS)
430
00:22:51,205 --> 00:22:53,280
(THUDS AND CREAKS)
431
00:22:53,475 --> 00:22:55,720
RICHARD:
Where's all my stuff?
432
00:22:57,675 --> 00:22:59,920
The bastards!
433
00:23:11,555 --> 00:23:14,440
- Good morning.
- Hm. Dubious.
434
00:23:15,353 --> 00:23:17,193
Ow.
435
00:23:19,747 --> 00:23:21,752
(QUIETLY) Clarkson!
436
00:23:23,113 --> 00:23:25,468
- What?
- Have you stolen my bag?
437
00:23:25,702 --> 00:23:27,937
- What?
- Have you stolen my bag?
438
00:23:28,069 --> 00:23:29,444
- No.
- Yes, you have.
439
00:23:29,530 --> 00:23:30,950
I haven't.
440
00:23:32,350 --> 00:23:34,305
Took everything.
441
00:23:34,875 --> 00:23:36,230
That's all I have.
442
00:23:36,315 --> 00:23:37,850
- You've been burgled?
- Yes.
443
00:23:37,935 --> 00:23:39,990
They must have gassed you.
444
00:23:40,075 --> 00:23:41,610
That's all I can think of,
Hammond.
445
00:23:41,695 --> 00:23:44,849
I know that you're saying
that to be funny. Ha-ha!
446
00:23:44,935 --> 00:23:46,570
Well, that's what you said
when you got burgled in France.
447
00:23:46,655 --> 00:23:49,390
- Because it probably was.
- But you probably were again last night.
448
00:23:49,475 --> 00:23:51,670
- How are you feeling?
- You haven't got it? Seriously?
449
00:23:51,756 --> 00:23:53,461
I haven't got your bag.
450
00:23:57,109 --> 00:23:58,424
James.
451
00:23:58,510 --> 00:24:00,145
- James...
- Hang on.
452
00:24:00,231 --> 00:24:02,806
- Have you stolen my bag?
- You what?
453
00:24:02,892 --> 00:24:05,185
- Have you stolen my bag?
- No.
454
00:24:07,635 --> 00:24:10,550
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
455
00:24:10,635 --> 00:24:14,130
He's just this
lonely little figure.
456
00:24:14,215 --> 00:24:16,420
(LAUGHING)
457
00:24:16,506 --> 00:24:19,451
Shall we let him have breakfast before
we admit that we've got his bag?
458
00:24:19,537 --> 00:24:20,834
Well...
459
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:22,545
I don't really want to
sit eating breakfast
460
00:24:22,630 --> 00:24:24,521
with him naked, that's the thing.
461
00:24:25,047 --> 00:24:28,896
Hammond, I think
we've solved your crime.
462
00:24:28,982 --> 00:24:30,873
We've solved it.
463
00:24:30,959 --> 00:24:34,134
We have found the gas
canisters, look, here.
464
00:24:34,220 --> 00:24:36,360
It's a lot of gas.
465
00:24:36,834 --> 00:24:39,069
If you've had
this much gas...
466
00:24:39,155 --> 00:24:41,010
It looks like
a litre and a half of gas.
467
00:24:41,271 --> 00:24:44,070
It's interesting they've
spelt gas wrong, look.
468
00:24:44,155 --> 00:24:46,170
Well, they got
the first letter right.
469
00:24:46,255 --> 00:24:47,545
Look, here.
470
00:24:47,631 --> 00:24:49,046
You're saying
I gassed myself?
471
00:24:49,255 --> 00:24:51,550
They weren't both full
when I started.
472
00:24:51,635 --> 00:24:54,090
(JEREMY CHUCKLES) - That's
because you'd already started them.
473
00:24:54,175 --> 00:24:56,506
(JEREMY LAUGHS)
474
00:25:00,835 --> 00:25:03,250
JEREMY: Having given
Hammond his clothes back,
475
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:06,510
we met for breakfast
at the pub.
476
00:25:06,595 --> 00:25:10,130
I was kept awake for some time last
night by the man in the neighbouring RV
477
00:25:10,215 --> 00:25:12,510
- scratching his eczema.
- Ooh.
478
00:25:12,595 --> 00:25:14,370
Or might have been
sanding a table.
479
00:25:14,455 --> 00:25:16,970
No, I had a couple
in the one next to me.
480
00:25:17,055 --> 00:25:20,750
- And when I say next to me, I mean here.
- Yes.
481
00:25:20,835 --> 00:25:23,010
- (QUIETLY) Why do they do that?
- I don't know.
482
00:25:23,095 --> 00:25:24,830
Nevada's massive.
483
00:25:24,915 --> 00:25:27,258
Why would you park your...
"Right, we're going to Nevada"
484
00:25:27,344 --> 00:25:29,970
because it's massive and empty
and I'm going to park there,
485
00:25:30,055 --> 00:25:34,240
so that they can hear the precise
moment when my wife and I...
486
00:25:35,035 --> 00:25:37,670
"do grown-up things."
487
00:25:37,755 --> 00:25:42,970
JEREMY: We then discussed what holiday
activity we'd do to fill the day.
488
00:25:43,055 --> 00:25:45,550
- Balloon rides.
- I hate balloons!
489
00:25:45,635 --> 00:25:47,870
- The world's largest gift shop.
- No.
490
00:25:47,955 --> 00:25:50,070
How do they know it's
the world's largest?
491
00:25:50,155 --> 00:25:52,563
Is it a shop containing
the world's largest gift?
492
00:25:52,649 --> 00:25:53,639
No.
493
00:25:53,725 --> 00:25:54,870
- (OTHER TWO LAUGH)
- Yes.
494
00:25:54,955 --> 00:25:58,561
Is there anything a bit more
cultural, like Indian art?
495
00:25:58,678 --> 00:26:00,130
Or Native American,
as we should say.
496
00:26:00,215 --> 00:26:01,803
You just said Indian,
you racist.
497
00:26:01,889 --> 00:26:02,960
That's not actually racist.
498
00:26:03,045 --> 00:26:05,449
James, we're not going to
look at Native American art.
499
00:26:05,535 --> 00:26:06,959
- Why not?
- It's rubbish.
500
00:26:07,045 --> 00:26:08,430
How do you know it's rubbish?
501
00:26:08,515 --> 00:26:10,410
- Because I've seen it. It's rubbish.
- You haven't seen all of it.
502
00:26:10,495 --> 00:26:13,790
Well, I've seen some. I've seen
enough of it to know it's dreary.
503
00:26:13,875 --> 00:26:16,430
- Sunrise meditation.
- JAMES: Oh, that'll be good.
504
00:26:16,515 --> 00:26:18,470
It isn't good. What would
be good about that?
505
00:26:18,555 --> 00:26:21,090
I don't know because I haven't seen
it but I'm prepared to have a look.
506
00:26:21,175 --> 00:26:24,130
Why don't we...
You know those big Baja
507
00:26:24,215 --> 00:26:27,630
off-road 28-inch suspension
travel things?
508
00:26:27,715 --> 00:26:29,650
- Dune racer type things.
- Dune racers.
509
00:26:29,735 --> 00:26:32,970
Why don't we get three of those
and belt around in the desert?
510
00:26:33,055 --> 00:26:35,070
- Yes.
- Cos that would be bovine.
511
00:26:35,155 --> 00:26:36,330
I wouldn't learn anything
from that.
512
00:26:36,415 --> 00:26:38,070
I'd rather go and do
something cultural.
513
00:26:38,155 --> 00:26:39,730
Blasting around a dune
sounds like fun.
514
00:26:39,815 --> 00:26:41,510
Come on. I tell you what,
515
00:26:41,595 --> 00:26:44,186
you want to go and
do Native American art.
516
00:26:44,272 --> 00:26:45,050
Mm-hm.
517
00:26:45,135 --> 00:26:47,930
- We want to go dune racing. Yes?
- Right.
518
00:26:48,015 --> 00:26:50,290
Let's have a vote.
519
00:26:50,375 --> 00:26:52,350
(REVVING)
520
00:26:52,435 --> 00:26:54,680
JEREMY:
I would be driving this.
521
00:26:55,555 --> 00:26:58,720
A Jakes Fabworks JF5U.
522
00:27:00,635 --> 00:27:03,170
James would be driving this.
523
00:27:03,255 --> 00:27:06,040
An Alumi Craft Class 10.
524
00:27:07,715 --> 00:27:10,000
And Hammond would have this.
525
00:27:10,995 --> 00:27:13,240
A plastic green
pick-up truck.
526
00:27:17,675 --> 00:27:21,550
OK. Now,
this is supposed to be...
527
00:27:21,635 --> 00:27:23,637
Ow! ..a Volkswagen Beetle.
528
00:27:23,833 --> 00:27:26,028
Because that is
where this sport began -
529
00:27:26,114 --> 00:27:29,153
people racing Bugs
round the desert.
530
00:27:30,393 --> 00:27:34,942
But it's got a 2.4 litre
Chevrolet engine...
531
00:27:36,593 --> 00:27:39,548
and a sequential gearbox.
532
00:27:39,633 --> 00:27:43,598
The only thing it really has in
common with a Beetle is nothing.
533
00:27:46,113 --> 00:27:48,033
Jumping!
534
00:27:49,147 --> 00:27:50,822
Ha-ha!
535
00:27:50,993 --> 00:27:55,512
Over we go, 16 inches of
suspension travel at the front.
536
00:27:59,553 --> 00:28:03,872
18 at the back means landing
is really very comfortable.
537
00:28:10,937 --> 00:28:13,091
Oh, yes!
538
00:28:16,713 --> 00:28:20,588
My 2013 Currie underneath
this plastic pick-up body
539
00:28:20,673 --> 00:28:23,988
has the same tubular space
range chassis as the other two.
540
00:28:24,073 --> 00:28:25,648
But I've only got
a two-litre engine.
541
00:28:25,733 --> 00:28:30,268
However, it's a Ford Eco
Boost, so it's turbo-charged.
542
00:28:30,353 --> 00:28:33,528
And they've tuned it so
it's putting out just shy...
543
00:28:33,613 --> 00:28:34,988
Landing!
544
00:28:35,073 --> 00:28:38,307
Of 300 brake horsepower.
(LAUGHS)
545
00:28:39,793 --> 00:28:42,463
And now I'm gonna fly again.
546
00:28:42,694 --> 00:28:45,419
Aagh! Ha-ha-ha!
547
00:28:46,189 --> 00:28:48,264
This is bliss.
548
00:28:48,513 --> 00:28:52,908
RICHARD: Meanwhile, in the
Alumi Craft Class 10...
549
00:28:52,993 --> 00:28:55,828
(COUGHS)
I've got dust in my face.
550
00:28:55,913 --> 00:28:57,248
It doesn't have a windscreen.
551
00:28:57,333 --> 00:29:00,508
I don't like cars with no
windscreen. (COUGHS)
552
00:29:00,815 --> 00:29:02,488
Why do I let the others
talk me into this?
553
00:29:02,573 --> 00:29:05,112
Why don't I just tell them
to bugger off?
554
00:29:08,274 --> 00:29:10,547
RICHARD: Ahhh-ha-ha!
555
00:29:10,633 --> 00:29:13,805
Last time I did that
it ended very badly!
556
00:29:15,513 --> 00:29:18,368
The races they do in these
things are enormous.
557
00:29:18,453 --> 00:29:21,168
Hundreds, sometimes
1,000 miles or more.
558
00:29:21,253 --> 00:29:25,773
Sometimes they'll spend nine
hours a day in the driving seat.
559
00:29:26,873 --> 00:29:29,477
Oh! I so want one of these.
560
00:29:31,113 --> 00:29:33,734
Come on, let's have
some air here!
561
00:29:34,645 --> 00:29:36,740
Yeah! Ha-ha-ha!
562
00:29:36,826 --> 00:29:38,937
What a riot!
563
00:29:40,326 --> 00:29:44,031
How can James May
not enjoy this?
564
00:29:44,633 --> 00:29:48,094
JEREMY: As it happened,
he was starting to enjoy it.
565
00:29:48,635 --> 00:29:51,406
And weeeee!
566
00:29:54,145 --> 00:29:56,800
Getting sideways a bit.
567
00:29:56,893 --> 00:29:58,242
Whoa.
568
00:30:00,673 --> 00:30:03,422
Watch me fly! Here I go.
569
00:30:05,753 --> 00:30:08,922
Ha-ha!
I'm gonna do one more.
570
00:30:10,553 --> 00:30:12,848
JEREMY: After Billy Bob May
had had his fun...
571
00:30:12,933 --> 00:30:15,203
Weeeee!
572
00:30:15,353 --> 00:30:18,601
- We all stopped for a breather.
- Yes.
573
00:30:18,687 --> 00:30:21,626
I don't like admitting you're right, but
I can be magnanimous. It's brilliant.
574
00:30:21,711 --> 00:30:23,848
You've wasted your life
with Chopin and plywood.
575
00:30:23,933 --> 00:30:25,588
You're a dune racer.
576
00:30:25,673 --> 00:30:28,428
You've always been a dune racer,
you just didn't know you were.
577
00:30:28,513 --> 00:30:30,416
It was just fantastic,
and it's comfortable.
578
00:30:30,502 --> 00:30:33,190
That's the thing. It's comfortable
motorsport because of the suspension.
579
00:30:33,275 --> 00:30:34,328
It's just... It's brilliant.
580
00:30:34,413 --> 00:30:36,556
- It's cheapskate motorsport.
- Is it?
581
00:30:36,642 --> 00:30:39,837
It's cheapskate motorsport for people
with dicky backs, that's what it is.
582
00:30:39,923 --> 00:30:41,508
Because landing is so soft.
583
00:30:41,593 --> 00:30:44,048
- Oh, sometimes I'm thinking, have I landed?
- Yes.
584
00:30:44,283 --> 00:30:47,103
I've got a brilliant idea.
What are you looking at?
585
00:30:49,593 --> 00:30:50,868
RICHARD: What?
586
00:30:50,953 --> 00:30:53,198
There's something glinting
up there.
587
00:30:56,006 --> 00:30:57,645
- There isn't.
- Yeah, whatever.
588
00:30:57,731 --> 00:30:58,946
It's just...
589
00:30:59,032 --> 00:31:00,348
Anyway, what's
your brilliant idea?
590
00:31:00,433 --> 00:31:01,728
- Anyway, I've got a brilliant idea.
- What?
591
00:31:01,813 --> 00:31:03,377
Time trial, flying lap,
592
00:31:03,463 --> 00:31:04,808
one at a time
against the clock.
593
00:31:04,893 --> 00:31:07,111
I'll go first.
594
00:31:07,433 --> 00:31:09,528
You really...
You must put that right.
595
00:31:09,613 --> 00:31:11,288
- (LAUGHING)
- Where's me car?
596
00:31:11,373 --> 00:31:14,928
- He really has taken to it, hasn't he?
- He really has.
597
00:31:15,013 --> 00:31:19,878
JEREMY: Having jumped back in, Billy
Bob embarked on his flying lap.
598
00:31:20,873 --> 00:31:22,528
Here he comes.
599
00:31:22,613 --> 00:31:24,513
Go!
600
00:31:26,793 --> 00:31:29,038
Here we go.
601
00:31:30,353 --> 00:31:31,988
Wayyyy!
602
00:31:32,073 --> 00:31:34,588
- That's James May!
- (LAUGHS)
603
00:31:34,673 --> 00:31:36,918
It's just not right, is it?
604
00:31:38,572 --> 00:31:40,448
What's next? He's gonna
take up cage fighting?
605
00:31:40,533 --> 00:31:41,633
(LAUGHS)
606
00:31:43,393 --> 00:31:45,638
I'm flying!
607
00:31:47,193 --> 00:31:49,438
- Oh, my God!
- (LAUGHS)
608
00:31:51,153 --> 00:31:53,478
Look at this. He's actually
kicking the arse out.
609
00:31:59,861 --> 00:32:00,822
- 57 seconds.
- Well, we don't know
610
00:32:00,908 --> 00:32:03,348
whether that's fast or not
but it is less than a minute.
611
00:32:03,433 --> 00:32:06,181
Is that the first time he's done
anything in less than a minute?
612
00:32:06,267 --> 00:32:07,419
He can't open a car door
613
00:32:07,505 --> 00:32:09,178
- in less than a minute.
- No. Or sign his name.
614
00:32:09,263 --> 00:32:11,900
No, that's two minutes,
definitely.
615
00:32:12,435 --> 00:32:13,997
Biggles is back.
616
00:32:14,083 --> 00:32:15,822
I can do a slightly
better one than that.
617
00:32:15,908 --> 00:32:18,648
- Can I have another go?
- Oh, for God's sake!
618
00:32:18,733 --> 00:32:21,108
JEREMY: Next it was my turn.
619
00:32:21,193 --> 00:32:23,008
I just wanna say, Hammond.
620
00:32:23,093 --> 00:32:26,788
- What?
- You have twice as much horsepower as me,
621
00:32:26,873 --> 00:32:29,908
and, May, you have 50
horsepower more than I've got.
622
00:32:29,993 --> 00:32:33,988
So it's only my immense skill that's
going to put me in contention here.
623
00:32:34,073 --> 00:32:35,788
- Is it?
- Well, what else is there?
624
00:32:35,873 --> 00:32:38,528
He won't have any excuses
ready for the end at this rate.
625
00:32:38,613 --> 00:32:43,357
Yours weighs less. It's 200
kilograms lighter than this.
626
00:32:43,474 --> 00:32:45,099
- Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma.
- Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma.
627
00:32:45,185 --> 00:32:48,442
I'm just saying, in
case I'm not as quick.
628
00:32:48,634 --> 00:32:52,809
RICHARD: Eventually, Mr
Racing Excuses was underway.
629
00:32:53,073 --> 00:32:55,288
Here he comes,
into his flying lap.
630
00:32:55,373 --> 00:32:56,903
(REVVING)
631
00:33:00,313 --> 00:33:02,558
Right, here we go.
632
00:33:04,553 --> 00:33:06,473
(REVVING)
633
00:33:09,553 --> 00:33:11,518
- Did I make that much noise?
- Yes.
634
00:33:15,153 --> 00:33:17,398
Concentrating very hard.
635
00:33:21,993 --> 00:33:23,638
He's not very good
through there.
636
00:33:26,513 --> 00:33:28,758
Getting a bit squirrely now.
637
00:33:31,313 --> 00:33:33,558
No, he's rubbish
through there.
638
00:33:34,353 --> 00:33:36,597
No! I was airborne there
639
00:33:36,683 --> 00:33:39,832
long enough for them
to serve me their snacks.
640
00:33:42,753 --> 00:33:44,998
Get it straight.
641
00:33:56,308 --> 00:33:58,063
And there we are.
642
00:33:58,149 --> 00:34:02,340
I don't know how I've done,
but it felt pretty good to me.
643
00:34:06,273 --> 00:34:08,733
There are few things
in life I enjoy more
644
00:34:08,819 --> 00:34:11,368
than delivering bad
news to Jeremy Clarkson.
645
00:34:11,582 --> 00:34:13,817
It's possibly
my favourite thing.
646
00:34:15,193 --> 00:34:18,020
Forcing myself
not to do a little dance.
647
00:34:18,633 --> 00:34:20,590
How much faster was I?
648
00:34:20,753 --> 00:34:23,848
Well, unless your seconds
were smaller,
649
00:34:23,933 --> 00:34:27,168
you were slower,
because you were 58.5.
650
00:34:27,253 --> 00:34:30,387
- What was he?
- 57.81.
651
00:34:31,873 --> 00:34:34,622
What that means is
he beat you.
652
00:34:36,313 --> 00:34:38,558
I cannot believe that.
653
00:34:39,793 --> 00:34:42,598
Has anybody got a gun?
654
00:34:44,193 --> 00:34:48,148
JAMES: Finally, it was
the turn of Ricky Redneck.
655
00:34:48,233 --> 00:34:50,903
- Right, ready with the stop watch.
- Here we go.
656
00:34:51,593 --> 00:34:53,513
(REVVING)
657
00:34:56,153 --> 00:34:58,707
This is how you do this.
658
00:35:01,353 --> 00:35:04,788
Oh, yeah.
659
00:35:04,873 --> 00:35:08,212
He's in a pick-up
truck, on a loose surface.
660
00:35:08,298 --> 00:35:09,857
Yeah, he's at home.
661
00:35:12,942 --> 00:35:14,957
You know at the moment
you're winning?
662
00:35:15,043 --> 00:35:17,817
- Yeah.
- In a minute, you won't be.
663
00:35:20,313 --> 00:35:23,158
- What are you looking at?
- That glint.
664
00:35:25,793 --> 00:35:27,700
- You see it?
- No.
665
00:35:28,353 --> 00:35:30,358
Thrashing air!
666
00:35:31,096 --> 00:35:33,762
Ah-ha-ha!
667
00:35:34,953 --> 00:35:36,268
Into the left-hander.
668
00:35:36,353 --> 00:35:37,648
- Keep it tight.
- (PING)
669
00:35:37,733 --> 00:35:39,208
Oh, what was that?
670
00:35:39,293 --> 00:35:41,518
What the hell was that?
671
00:35:43,433 --> 00:35:46,238
- That was...
- What's the matter with him?
672
00:35:47,273 --> 00:35:49,828
Has he bust the gear box?
673
00:35:49,913 --> 00:35:51,628
What...
Not very quick.
674
00:35:51,713 --> 00:35:53,188
What was the matter?
675
00:35:53,273 --> 00:35:55,008
That was the weirdest thing.
676
00:35:55,093 --> 00:35:57,520
- What?
- It's like a ricochet.
677
00:35:59,224 --> 00:36:03,184
JAMES: As I wasn't interested
in Hammond's excuses...
678
00:36:03,291 --> 00:36:06,309
we got back into our RVs
and hit the road.
679
00:36:08,513 --> 00:36:12,637
Ping, it was like a rico...
like it came off something.
680
00:36:13,393 --> 00:36:15,887
I suppose it could have
been a stone.
681
00:36:16,449 --> 00:36:18,284
(THUDS)
682
00:36:18,502 --> 00:36:20,377
Hold on a minute.
683
00:36:20,485 --> 00:36:22,500
JEREMY OVER RADIO:
May, are you behind me?
684
00:36:22,586 --> 00:36:26,168
Is my RV drooping slightly?
685
00:36:26,273 --> 00:36:28,328
Well, funnily enough
I was just looking at that.
686
00:36:28,413 --> 00:36:30,942
I would say
it's very down on the left.
687
00:36:35,268 --> 00:36:36,943
That's broken, isn't it?
688
00:36:37,153 --> 00:36:38,688
Yeah, it's leaning a lot.
689
00:36:38,773 --> 00:36:41,395
Mate, it really is leaning.
That's collapsed.
690
00:36:41,633 --> 00:36:43,340
That's how it's
supposed to be.
691
00:36:43,426 --> 00:36:45,185
Yeah, some distance between
the body and the ground.
692
00:36:45,270 --> 00:36:49,301
Yeah, you can see more wheel on
this side than the other side.
693
00:36:52,718 --> 00:36:57,293
JAMES: However, as I wasn't interested
in Clarkson's mechanical issues either,
694
00:36:57,653 --> 00:36:59,747
we got back
on the road again.
695
00:37:00,113 --> 00:37:02,208
Right, so here's
the situation.
696
00:37:02,293 --> 00:37:06,793
I'm driving my RV with an
overheating, over-revving engine,
697
00:37:06,879 --> 00:37:10,161
and collapsed suspension,
on an interstate.
698
00:37:10,918 --> 00:37:13,163
Feels safe, that.
699
00:37:17,663 --> 00:37:20,978
JAMES: Soon it was time
to find a campsite,
700
00:37:21,313 --> 00:37:25,788
and since we didn't fancy another
night in a horrible RV park,
701
00:37:25,873 --> 00:37:28,488
and we had
all the comforts we needed,
702
00:37:28,573 --> 00:37:32,118
we decided to freestyle it
in the wilderness.
703
00:37:34,313 --> 00:37:35,688
I think it's
an excellent idea.
704
00:37:35,773 --> 00:37:39,499
I mean, dune buggy racing is
fantastic, and I won,
705
00:37:39,593 --> 00:37:41,905
but it is quite hot
and sweaty and dusty
706
00:37:42,037 --> 00:37:47,007
and we can balance that with
peace and quiet and a starry sky.
707
00:37:47,093 --> 00:37:49,546
I mean, that's gonna be
fantastic out here.
708
00:37:50,553 --> 00:37:53,210
I might write a few lines
of verse.
709
00:37:55,433 --> 00:38:00,238
So, we turned off the interstate
to find a nice spot to park up.
710
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:06,960
Oh, yeah, now we are getting
into the great outdoors.
711
00:38:09,393 --> 00:38:11,728
JEREMY OVER RADIO:
James, how's my jet ski?
712
00:38:11,813 --> 00:38:15,348
JAMES OVER RADIO:
Yep, you're fine.
713
00:38:15,593 --> 00:38:20,118
JAMES: Eventually we found the
perfect spot at the side of a lake.
714
00:38:20,853 --> 00:38:23,248
- However...
- I can't stop.
715
00:38:23,334 --> 00:38:25,367
I've lost braking!
I've lost braking!
716
00:38:25,453 --> 00:38:27,843
I have no control!
(BEEP)
717
00:38:31,953 --> 00:38:34,688
JEREMY: Using nothing
but blind panic...
718
00:38:34,773 --> 00:38:37,088
(BEEP) Stop, stop!
719
00:38:37,173 --> 00:38:39,460
Stop!
720
00:38:39,617 --> 00:38:43,726
I eventually brought
my stupid RV to heel.
721
00:38:45,553 --> 00:38:48,265
Oh, for Christ's sake.
722
00:38:49,913 --> 00:38:51,668
Right.
723
00:38:51,753 --> 00:38:55,838
With no help from the crew,
I removed the jet ski...
724
00:38:56,701 --> 00:38:59,096
Excellent.
725
00:38:59,220 --> 00:39:03,055
And then tried to move
the RV onto level ground.
726
00:39:03,273 --> 00:39:07,348
- (ENGINE STRUGGLES TO START)
- Come on. Fire, baby.
727
00:39:07,433 --> 00:39:09,518
Come on, you know
you wanna be an engine.
728
00:39:14,793 --> 00:39:18,108
RICHARD: Hah!
His jet ski's fallen off.
729
00:39:18,193 --> 00:39:21,742
OK, bit of jiggery pokery,
we'll get round there. Ohhh.
730
00:39:24,313 --> 00:39:26,671
- (BEEP)
- Jeremy. Stop!
731
00:39:26,781 --> 00:39:28,188
(CRASH!)
732
00:39:28,273 --> 00:39:30,518
(DASHBOARD ALARM)
733
00:39:32,033 --> 00:39:33,248
- Has...
- (POPPING)
734
00:39:33,333 --> 00:39:34,433
Jesus!
735
00:39:36,073 --> 00:39:38,508
Give me strength.
736
00:39:38,593 --> 00:39:41,948
Oh, what's happened to my...
I'm really sorry. (LAUGHS)
737
00:39:42,033 --> 00:39:43,728
Oh, shit,
have I hit your axle?
738
00:39:43,813 --> 00:39:45,968
- I mean your prop shaft?
- Er... yeah.
739
00:39:46,053 --> 00:39:48,168
- And I...
- And that's a wrap.
740
00:39:48,253 --> 00:39:50,628
With that, back to the tent.
741
00:39:50,713 --> 00:39:53,208
They are actually tied
in a knot.
742
00:39:53,293 --> 00:39:55,327
(LAUGHS)
743
00:39:57,553 --> 00:39:59,848
JAMES: Once the ape
had untangled himself,
744
00:39:59,933 --> 00:40:01,868
and we were all parked,
745
00:40:01,953 --> 00:40:07,133
I settled down to write some
poetry in the evening stillness.
746
00:40:10,794 --> 00:40:12,839
(FLY BUZZING)
747
00:40:16,633 --> 00:40:18,878
(MOTORBIKE REVVING)
748
00:40:21,713 --> 00:40:23,958
(MOTORBIKE MOVING AWAY)
749
00:40:32,193 --> 00:40:34,438
(MOTORBIKE REVVING)
750
00:40:41,834 --> 00:40:45,008
Hello, mate. Ooh-hoo!
751
00:40:45,094 --> 00:40:47,157
Bartender, can I have a beer?
752
00:40:47,243 --> 00:40:49,071
I can't hear you over
that appalling racket.
753
00:40:49,157 --> 00:40:50,181
What?
754
00:40:50,267 --> 00:40:53,055
I can't hear you over
that appalling racket.
755
00:40:53,141 --> 00:40:54,478
- Can I have a beer?
- I can't hear you
756
00:40:54,563 --> 00:40:55,751
over that racket.
No, you can't.
757
00:40:55,836 --> 00:40:57,109
- Oh, come on.
- It's run out.
758
00:40:57,353 --> 00:40:58,728
It's hasn't run out.
It's a pub!
759
00:40:58,813 --> 00:41:00,248
It's run out of beer for you.
760
00:41:00,333 --> 00:41:03,308
I'm a tired and thirsty
traveller from out in the desert.
761
00:41:03,393 --> 00:41:05,828
If you put the appalling
two-stroke motorcycle away,
762
00:41:05,913 --> 00:41:07,728
and come in the pub,
you can have a beer.
763
00:41:07,813 --> 00:41:10,448
- Otherwise you can go...
- Oh, look at that! -Oh no.
764
00:41:10,533 --> 00:41:12,838
JEREMY: Power! Come on!
765
00:41:13,913 --> 00:41:15,548
May!
766
00:41:15,633 --> 00:41:17,393
Yee-ha!
767
00:41:21,793 --> 00:41:24,628
Oh, ha! May!
768
00:41:24,713 --> 00:41:26,888
Hey, hey! Well,
I'm not not missing out.
769
00:41:26,973 --> 00:41:28,958
(ENGINE REVS)
770
00:41:33,353 --> 00:41:35,838
(ENGINES REVVING AND BUZZING)
771
00:41:38,273 --> 00:41:41,348
Jet ski, jet ski,
sounding shite,
772
00:41:41,433 --> 00:41:44,048
on Lake Vegas,
left and right.
773
00:41:44,133 --> 00:41:47,128
Rotax engine, rin bin bin.
774
00:41:47,213 --> 00:41:51,028
I hope the owner's arse
caves in.
775
00:41:51,113 --> 00:41:53,848
(ENGINES REVVING AND BUZZING)
776
00:41:53,933 --> 00:41:56,028
JEREMY: Oh, ha-ha!
777
00:41:56,113 --> 00:41:59,068
JEREMY: As darkness fell,
we put the toys away
778
00:41:59,153 --> 00:42:01,848
and James turned in
for a good night's sleep.
779
00:42:01,933 --> 00:42:03,528
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
780
00:42:03,613 --> 00:42:05,633
(SNORING)
781
00:42:09,513 --> 00:42:11,668
Sadly for him, though,
782
00:42:11,753 --> 00:42:15,547
Hammond and I had decided
to do a bit of stargazing.
783
00:42:15,633 --> 00:42:17,858
(METALLIC CLICKING)
784
00:42:22,833 --> 00:42:25,078
(CLICKING CONTINUES)
785
00:42:27,153 --> 00:42:29,088
Hammond, what are you doing?
786
00:42:29,173 --> 00:42:30,848
Setting my lights up.
787
00:42:30,933 --> 00:42:32,668
What for?
788
00:42:32,753 --> 00:42:35,148
Well, you've seen
Close Encounters.
789
00:42:35,233 --> 00:42:35,927
Yes.
790
00:42:36,013 --> 00:42:38,008
Well, I've got the
full setup here, mate.
791
00:42:38,093 --> 00:42:39,188
(CLUNK)
792
00:42:39,273 --> 00:42:41,248
This desert that we're in
793
00:42:41,333 --> 00:42:43,948
lies between Area 51
and Roswell.
794
00:42:44,033 --> 00:42:48,768
One of the primary and main alien
hotspots on this whole planet, mate.
795
00:42:48,853 --> 00:42:51,078
(GENERATOR MOTOR ROARS)
796
00:42:52,153 --> 00:42:54,148
Oh, shut up.
797
00:42:54,233 --> 00:42:55,768
JEREMY: What's that for?
798
00:42:55,853 --> 00:42:58,628
To power the lights.
And the keyboard.
799
00:42:58,713 --> 00:43:00,914
- What? A keyboard?
- You've seen the film.
800
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,488
I am not gonna miss an
opportunity to do this here.
801
00:43:03,573 --> 00:43:05,948
Do you actually
believe in this stuff?
802
00:43:06,033 --> 00:43:09,088
Yes, there's enough evidence,
enough people who've seen them.
803
00:43:09,173 --> 00:43:11,448
The American Government,
came out and said.
804
00:43:11,533 --> 00:43:14,148
Area 51 was real.
It's a thing.
805
00:43:14,233 --> 00:43:17,867
It's a thing cos it's... It's
an aviation testing place.
806
00:43:17,953 --> 00:43:19,468
It's Edwards Air Force base.
807
00:43:19,553 --> 00:43:22,484
Yeah, they say that. They'll never
tell you exactly what it is. 62%.
808
00:43:22,570 --> 00:43:25,406
Roswell was
a nuclear experiment,
809
00:43:25,492 --> 00:43:26,883
I think, called Mogul.
810
00:43:26,969 --> 00:43:30,648
62% of Americans believe in
intelligent alien life. 62%.
811
00:43:30,734 --> 00:43:33,055
80% of Americans
don't have passports.
812
00:43:33,141 --> 00:43:34,308
- Hammond.
- What?
813
00:43:34,393 --> 00:43:37,695
You're an alien, you've come a
very great distance to earth.
814
00:43:37,789 --> 00:43:40,062
- Yes.
- Why do they always land
815
00:43:40,148 --> 00:43:41,672
in Southwest America?
816
00:43:41,758 --> 00:43:43,109
It's big and open and quiet.
817
00:43:43,195 --> 00:43:45,308
Why do they want to land
on a planet where it's quiet?
818
00:43:45,393 --> 00:43:46,891
To have a mooch about in
secret,
819
00:43:46,977 --> 00:43:48,930
- not be interfered with.
- Why don't they talk to us?
820
00:43:49,015 --> 00:43:50,586
Why don't they land in London?
821
00:43:50,672 --> 00:43:51,782
They might wanna talk to us.
822
00:43:51,867 --> 00:43:53,570
They could land in Hyde Park.
823
00:43:53,750 --> 00:43:55,528
Listen, I can talk to them.
824
00:43:55,613 --> 00:43:58,148
(RANDOM SYNTHESISED NOTES)
825
00:43:58,233 --> 00:44:00,868
(FAILS TO PLAY
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS TUNE)
826
00:44:00,953 --> 00:44:02,748
Oh, sorry. Wait a minute.
827
00:44:02,833 --> 00:44:04,268
(PLAYS KEYBOARD AGAIN)
828
00:44:04,353 --> 00:44:06,168
(FAILS TO PLAY
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS TUNE)
829
00:44:06,253 --> 00:44:07,668
Oh, no.
830
00:44:07,753 --> 00:44:09,908
(RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING
WRONG NOTES)
831
00:44:09,993 --> 00:44:13,208
- Wait a minute.
- Oh, for God's sake, get it right.
832
00:44:13,293 --> 00:44:15,728
- (PLAYS WRONG NOTES)
- Oh. No, wait.
833
00:44:15,813 --> 00:44:18,398
(RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING
WRONG NOTES)
834
00:44:19,313 --> 00:44:20,828
No.
835
00:44:20,913 --> 00:44:23,568
(RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING
WRONG NOTES)
836
00:44:23,653 --> 00:44:25,508
- No.
- (PLAYS AGAIN)
837
00:44:25,593 --> 00:44:26,808
- Hammond.
- What?
838
00:44:26,893 --> 00:44:29,718
- You see that guy?
- Where?
839
00:44:31,313 --> 00:44:32,508
JEREMY: He's gone.
840
00:44:32,593 --> 00:44:34,928
It's pitch...
There's nobody out there.
841
00:44:35,013 --> 00:44:36,428
It's just a desert.
842
00:44:36,513 --> 00:44:38,168
That's why the aliens
come here.
843
00:44:38,253 --> 00:44:41,008
(RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING
WRONG NOTES)
844
00:44:41,093 --> 00:44:42,548
Weird.
845
00:44:42,633 --> 00:44:45,048
(RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING
WRONG NOTES)
846
00:44:45,133 --> 00:44:47,748
- No.
- (JAMES GROANS)
847
00:44:47,833 --> 00:44:50,028
For God's sake, shut up!
848
00:44:50,113 --> 00:44:52,278
- (RICHARD PLAYS WRONG NOTES)
- No.
849
00:44:56,073 --> 00:44:58,408
(BIRDS AND INSECTS SINGING)
850
00:44:58,493 --> 00:45:03,678
RICHARD: The next morning, the
vista from my RV was terrible.
851
00:45:07,153 --> 00:45:08,988
- Are you?
- Am I what?
852
00:45:09,073 --> 00:45:10,128
Having a dump?
853
00:45:10,213 --> 00:45:13,188
- Yes.
- Oh, for...
854
00:45:13,273 --> 00:45:16,848
The whole point of sitting here
is to enjoy this magnificent view.
855
00:45:16,933 --> 00:45:19,728
I was here first.
You're spoiling my view.
856
00:45:19,813 --> 00:45:22,008
- I'm spoiling your view?
- Yes.
857
00:45:22,093 --> 00:45:24,948
I'm not crapping in it.
858
00:45:25,033 --> 00:45:27,888
RICHARD: We then headed over
to the pub for breakfast.
859
00:45:27,973 --> 00:45:29,033
However...
860
00:45:35,073 --> 00:45:36,688
Why haven't you
made us breakfast?
861
00:45:36,773 --> 00:45:40,288
Because breakfast is reserved
exclusively for my friends,
862
00:45:40,373 --> 00:45:42,398
and none of them are here.
863
00:45:44,713 --> 00:45:46,968
Have you seriously
not made us anything?
864
00:45:47,053 --> 00:45:49,848
Yes, seriously,
I have not made you anything.
865
00:45:49,933 --> 00:45:51,388
I'm hungry.
866
00:45:51,473 --> 00:45:52,848
Well let's not
get bogged down
867
00:45:52,933 --> 00:45:55,188
with his
unbelievable selfishness.
868
00:45:55,273 --> 00:45:56,628
It really is, though.
869
00:45:56,713 --> 00:45:59,368
Let's work out
what we're going to do today.
870
00:45:59,453 --> 00:46:00,988
Dune buggy racing.
871
00:46:01,073 --> 00:46:04,248
RICHARD: You've already done that.
We've all done that.
872
00:46:04,333 --> 00:46:07,388
I thought we could
go to a race track.
873
00:46:07,473 --> 00:46:09,468
- No, not a race track.
- Why not a race track?
874
00:46:09,553 --> 00:46:11,768
- I don't like race tracks.
- You like dune buggies.
875
00:46:11,853 --> 00:46:14,408
That's dune buggies. Normal
race tracks are just boring.
876
00:46:14,493 --> 00:46:17,128
- Oh, come on, it'll be great fun.
- OK, we'll settle it.
877
00:46:17,213 --> 00:46:18,918
Let's have a vote.
878
00:46:20,873 --> 00:46:23,168
JEREMY:
This was the track we chose.
879
00:46:23,253 --> 00:46:26,158
The Spring Mountain
race complex.
880
00:46:27,073 --> 00:46:29,358
And the cars?
881
00:46:31,433 --> 00:46:33,608
Well, I went for the latest,
882
00:46:33,693 --> 00:46:36,558
and last ever,
front-engined Corvette.
883
00:46:38,993 --> 00:46:43,278
Hammond went for the Jeep
Grand Cherokee Terrahawk.
884
00:46:45,993 --> 00:46:49,048
And May, still craving
a bit of peace and quiet,
885
00:46:49,133 --> 00:46:52,198
went for the Cadillac CTS-V.
886
00:46:54,113 --> 00:46:56,108
And this was all tremendous.
887
00:46:56,193 --> 00:46:58,208
But before we
got down to business,
888
00:46:58,293 --> 00:47:00,508
I made a terrible mistake,
889
00:47:00,593 --> 00:47:04,278
and asked my colleagues
a technical question.
890
00:47:05,740 --> 00:47:09,348
All three of these cars have
6.2 litre supercharged V8s.
891
00:47:09,433 --> 00:47:11,008
- Yes? Yes.
- Yes, they do, yes.
892
00:47:11,093 --> 00:47:12,688
What I want to know is,
right,
893
00:47:12,773 --> 00:47:15,028
- they're all pushrod engines.
- Mm-hm.
894
00:47:15,113 --> 00:47:17,448
Now, whenever I'm presented
with a pushrod engine,
895
00:47:17,533 --> 00:47:20,918
I know I have to go,
"(MUTTERS) ..pushrod?"
896
00:47:21,793 --> 00:47:23,568
But I don't know why.
897
00:47:23,653 --> 00:47:26,148
What is a pushrod engine?
898
00:47:26,233 --> 00:47:28,908
It's an engine where pushrods
activate the valve train.
899
00:47:28,993 --> 00:47:30,548
The valves on top
of the cylinders
900
00:47:30,633 --> 00:47:32,808
have to open and close
to let the mixture get out.
901
00:47:32,893 --> 00:47:36,248
Rather than having camshafts over
the top doing that, opening them,
902
00:47:36,333 --> 00:47:38,408
they have a single camshaft
at the bottom
903
00:47:38,493 --> 00:47:41,068
that operates rods
that push the valves.
904
00:47:41,153 --> 00:47:43,868
American cars have pushrod
engines and can't rev quickly.
905
00:47:43,953 --> 00:47:46,848
They have bigger capacities with long
stroke, which makes the engine bigger.
906
00:47:46,933 --> 00:47:50,748
The problem is, for an equal
capacity engine, with overhead cams,
907
00:47:50,833 --> 00:47:53,968
the engine would be bigger but you
wouldn't need the extra capacity
908
00:47:54,053 --> 00:47:57,268
because it would rev higher and
deliver more power at a higher RPM.
909
00:47:57,353 --> 00:48:00,268
But, on the other hand, if you had
a high-revving sports car engine,
910
00:48:00,353 --> 00:48:03,288
such as an Italian one, you would have
a very over square piston dimension,
911
00:48:03,373 --> 00:48:05,188
which would make
the engine squatter,
912
00:48:05,273 --> 00:48:07,879
and a dry sump, which would
allow you to mount it lower...
913
00:48:08,953 --> 00:48:10,648
After a couple of hours,
914
00:48:10,733 --> 00:48:13,668
I invited Hammond
to stop talking
915
00:48:13,753 --> 00:48:18,688
and try out what is America's
answer to the Lamborghini Urus...
916
00:48:18,773 --> 00:48:20,348
the Terrahawk.
917
00:48:20,433 --> 00:48:21,517
(ENGINE ROARING)
918
00:48:21,657 --> 00:48:23,336
(TYRES SCREECHING)
919
00:48:23,423 --> 00:48:28,228
Pulling this 700-horsepower,
6.2-litre supercharged V8
920
00:48:28,556 --> 00:48:30,611
out of a Dodge
Challenger Hellcat
921
00:48:30,697 --> 00:48:32,592
into a Jeep off-roader,
922
00:48:32,872 --> 00:48:34,493
might sound like
it makes as much sense
923
00:48:34,579 --> 00:48:36,867
as fitting me
with Usain Bolt's legs.
924
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:41,085
I mean, the power's there but nothing
else about the machine can handle it.
925
00:48:42,233 --> 00:48:44,282
But it's more than
just a cartoon.
926
00:48:44,368 --> 00:48:46,643
They've really thought
about this thing.
927
00:48:46,729 --> 00:48:49,527
They've upgraded every
component in the drivetrain
928
00:48:49,613 --> 00:48:51,998
between the engine
and the wheel.
929
00:48:53,633 --> 00:48:56,056
Sometimes the metals they
were using in the car industry
930
00:48:56,142 --> 00:48:58,967
weren't strong enough
to take the forces involved,
931
00:48:59,053 --> 00:49:01,892
so they went to
the aeronautical industry.
932
00:49:02,713 --> 00:49:05,829
0-60, less than 3.5 seconds.
933
00:49:06,485 --> 00:49:08,680
(ENGINE ROARING)
934
00:49:08,976 --> 00:49:12,400
Top speed, 180 miles an hour.
935
00:49:15,453 --> 00:49:17,267
It's... (LAUGHS)
936
00:49:17,493 --> 00:49:20,595
This is a 2.5-ton
off-roader!
937
00:49:22,633 --> 00:49:24,548
And because
it's four-wheel-drive,
938
00:49:24,634 --> 00:49:27,048
it can apply
those 700 horsepower
939
00:49:27,204 --> 00:49:29,268
much, much more effectively
940
00:49:29,354 --> 00:49:32,079
than the two-wheel-drive
Challenger and Demon cars.
941
00:49:37,285 --> 00:49:39,320
(HE CHUCKLES)
942
00:49:39,593 --> 00:49:41,766
The world, in no way,
needs this.
943
00:49:41,915 --> 00:49:44,532
But that's kind of why
the world needs it.
944
00:49:48,433 --> 00:49:50,668
(ENGINE GROWLING)
945
00:49:50,753 --> 00:49:54,438
I've chosen this Cadillac
because it's comfortable.
946
00:49:57,713 --> 00:50:01,368
I mean, it will do 200 miles an
hour and it has 640 horsepower,
947
00:50:01,453 --> 00:50:05,308
but mainly it's comfortable.
948
00:50:05,393 --> 00:50:07,328
Oh, there's a dip
in the road.
949
00:50:07,413 --> 00:50:09,848
But the Cadillac
just soaks it up.
950
00:50:09,933 --> 00:50:11,673
Mmm.
951
00:50:14,793 --> 00:50:18,278
JEREMY: Things were rather
different, however, in my car.
952
00:50:19,033 --> 00:50:22,068
The swan song Corvette.
953
00:50:22,153 --> 00:50:24,268
(TYRES SQUEALING)
954
00:50:24,353 --> 00:50:26,078
Bloody hellfire!
955
00:50:28,073 --> 00:50:32,928
It's called the ZR1 and it's
the loudest, fastest,
956
00:50:33,013 --> 00:50:36,048
most powerful Corvette ever.
957
00:50:36,133 --> 00:50:37,958
(ENGINE ROARING)
958
00:50:38,953 --> 00:50:40,553
Ah.
959
00:50:41,793 --> 00:50:43,558
Oh, ho-ho-ho!
960
00:50:47,193 --> 00:50:50,478
You get 755 horsepower.
961
00:50:51,433 --> 00:50:54,268
715 torques.
962
00:50:54,353 --> 00:50:58,238
Does 0-60 in 2.8 seconds.
963
00:51:00,233 --> 00:51:05,668
Now, that's all down to
what GM calls the BAS.
964
00:51:05,753 --> 00:51:08,338
The Big Ass Supercharger.
965
00:51:10,713 --> 00:51:14,308
It takes 110 horsepower
just to run it,
966
00:51:14,393 --> 00:51:17,248
but you get
290 horsepower back,
967
00:51:17,334 --> 00:51:20,111
so it's a good deal.
968
00:51:21,220 --> 00:51:26,400
This engine runs on a type of fuel you
can't even buy in California any more,
969
00:51:26,486 --> 00:51:30,328
and needs 13 radiators
to keep it cool,
970
00:51:30,564 --> 00:51:32,348
especially here.
971
00:51:32,433 --> 00:51:35,955
Where are we? What,
ten miles from Death Valley?
972
00:51:37,931 --> 00:51:40,588
It is, I'm afraid, though...
973
00:51:40,673 --> 00:51:43,208
- Ooh, shit!
- (TYRES SQUEALING)
974
00:51:43,293 --> 00:51:46,788
a tricky little bastard.
975
00:51:46,873 --> 00:51:53,431
It's got a huge amount of mechanical
and invisible aerodynamic grip,
976
00:51:53,564 --> 00:51:56,779
which is fine if you want
to set a lap record.
977
00:51:57,633 --> 00:52:00,662
The trouble is,
if you go beyond the limit,
978
00:52:00,748 --> 00:52:03,889
it becomes almost
unbelievably difficult...
979
00:52:04,060 --> 00:52:05,528
(TYRES SCREECHING)
980
00:52:05,613 --> 00:52:07,568
to control.
981
00:52:07,653 --> 00:52:09,584
Look at it.
982
00:52:11,756 --> 00:52:15,756
Last year,
an executive vice president
983
00:52:15,842 --> 00:52:17,842
of something or other
at General Motors...
984
00:52:17,951 --> 00:52:21,208
I won't say his name,
just that it begins with M
985
00:52:21,607 --> 00:52:23,508
and ends in ark Reuss...
986
00:52:23,709 --> 00:52:25,048
he was driving one of these
987
00:52:25,133 --> 00:52:28,389
as the pace car
at the Indy race in Detroit,
988
00:52:28,475 --> 00:52:29,970
and he got to
the second corner
989
00:52:30,056 --> 00:52:33,371
before he lost control
and put it in a wall.
990
00:52:33,457 --> 00:52:36,472
(TYRES SCREECHING)
991
00:52:36,793 --> 00:52:40,342
Everybody laughed at him and everybody's
looked at his crash on YouTube,
992
00:52:40,428 --> 00:52:44,296
but the fact is,
I feel your pain, Mark.
993
00:52:44,713 --> 00:52:47,484
- (TYRES SQUEALING)
- Jesus.
994
00:52:48,353 --> 00:52:50,508
Oooh.
995
00:52:50,593 --> 00:52:53,048
JEREMY: Rather worryingly,
Hammond then announced
996
00:52:53,133 --> 00:52:55,638
that we should have
a drifting competition.
997
00:52:58,993 --> 00:53:01,848
OK, this is gonna be
something else, isn't it?
998
00:53:01,933 --> 00:53:05,368
But, because he's a moron,
he hadn't factored in
999
00:53:05,453 --> 00:53:09,238
that he was driving
a boxy and wobbly 4X4.
1000
00:53:11,793 --> 00:53:14,728
And a little touch
on the brake, throw it in,
1001
00:53:14,813 --> 00:53:18,478
instigating an absolutely
beautiful drift.
1002
00:53:21,993 --> 00:53:23,888
- Oh, I don't know.
- Look.
1003
00:53:23,973 --> 00:53:25,678
What's he trying to do?
1004
00:53:28,553 --> 00:53:30,528
That was a bit violent.
1005
00:53:30,613 --> 00:53:32,398
(JEREMY CHUCKLING)
1006
00:53:35,473 --> 00:53:38,388
It lacks the predictability
1007
00:53:38,473 --> 00:53:41,548
of a lower,
rear-wheel drive car.
1008
00:53:41,633 --> 00:53:44,848
I'm not blaming the car,
because the car's wonderful.
1009
00:53:44,933 --> 00:53:48,428
But it's the car.
1010
00:53:48,513 --> 00:53:51,208
JEREMY: With Hammond
having scored nought,
1011
00:53:51,293 --> 00:53:54,468
it was my turn,
in the mental mobile.
1012
00:53:54,553 --> 00:53:55,808
(ENGINE GROWLING)
1013
00:53:55,893 --> 00:53:58,648
And then flick it round.
1014
00:53:58,733 --> 00:54:01,428
(TYRES SQUEALING)
1015
00:54:01,513 --> 00:54:03,968
No drifting at all.
That's just driving around.
1016
00:54:04,053 --> 00:54:07,015
Right, now come on,
Jeremy, turn it in.
1017
00:54:11,033 --> 00:54:13,508
Oh, hello! Oh, no!
1018
00:54:13,593 --> 00:54:15,828
RICHARD: That's spinning.
1019
00:54:15,913 --> 00:54:17,928
So he needs to find
a sort of happy medium
1020
00:54:18,013 --> 00:54:20,008
between spinning
and simply driving along.
1021
00:54:20,093 --> 00:54:21,984
That's pretty much what
drifting is, isn't it?
1022
00:54:22,070 --> 00:54:23,228
Yeah.
1023
00:54:23,313 --> 00:54:25,568
Would you like to get
a cup of coffee or something?
1024
00:54:25,653 --> 00:54:27,988
I'm sure I'll get it
worked out in a minute.
1025
00:54:28,073 --> 00:54:30,088
This is the problem.
He doesn't bore easily.
1026
00:54:30,173 --> 00:54:32,695
Right, now come on, Jeremy,
come on!
1027
00:54:34,513 --> 00:54:36,678
I kept trying.
1028
00:54:38,673 --> 00:54:39,908
No.
1029
00:54:39,993 --> 00:54:41,937
No, I'm gonna go back. I'm...
1030
00:54:45,233 --> 00:54:47,358
What is he doing?
1031
00:54:48,273 --> 00:54:50,318
Oh, (BLEEP) hell!
1032
00:54:51,673 --> 00:54:53,838
Oh, yes, that's not
gone brilliantly.
1033
00:54:56,233 --> 00:55:00,179
JAMES: How do you score this,
apart from not very highly?
1034
00:55:02,528 --> 00:55:04,173
No, I've gone again.
1035
00:55:05,413 --> 00:55:07,390
Until eventually...
1036
00:55:07,476 --> 00:55:09,628
Fire. Fire.
1037
00:55:09,713 --> 00:55:11,257
Small fire.
1038
00:55:11,343 --> 00:55:13,638
(RICHARD LAUGHS)
1039
00:55:15,233 --> 00:55:18,388
That clutch?
I think it's clutch.
1040
00:55:18,921 --> 00:55:21,015
Nothing... Nothing to see.
1041
00:55:21,855 --> 00:55:24,562
After my car was put out,
1042
00:55:24,713 --> 00:55:27,188
it was the turn
of William Wordsworth.
1043
00:55:27,273 --> 00:55:29,448
What we've got here
is a drifting competition
1044
00:55:29,533 --> 00:55:31,488
featuring two cars
that can't drift
1045
00:55:31,573 --> 00:55:32,988
and a third which can,
1046
00:55:33,073 --> 00:55:36,007
but which is being driven
by a man who can't.
1047
00:55:36,179 --> 00:55:38,848
The only good thing is
he'll do it once, very badly,
1048
00:55:38,933 --> 00:55:40,668
there'll be a chirp of tyres,
1049
00:55:40,827 --> 00:55:42,208
he'll think that was a drift
1050
00:55:42,293 --> 00:55:43,988
and then we can
move on.
1051
00:55:44,073 --> 00:55:45,528
Did you see me drift?
1052
00:55:45,613 --> 00:55:48,148
(ENGINE GROWLING)
1053
00:55:48,233 --> 00:55:50,749
(TYRES SQUEALING)
1054
00:55:53,311 --> 00:55:57,062
- Un-James May start there.
- Very exuberant start.
1055
00:56:02,273 --> 00:56:04,945
Hang on a minute!
1056
00:56:14,873 --> 00:56:17,015
- Impossible.
- Unexpected.
1057
00:56:17,101 --> 00:56:18,328
- Impossible.
- Unlikely.
1058
00:56:18,413 --> 00:56:22,241
Impossible.
Hold on, where's he going?
1059
00:56:22,327 --> 00:56:25,422
That's the pit lane. He's going
the wrong way down the pit lane.
1060
00:56:26,062 --> 00:56:28,317
Is that...
Is that James down there...
1061
00:56:28,445 --> 00:56:29,848
- What's he...
- (HORN HONKING)
1062
00:56:30,156 --> 00:56:32,908
RICHARD: He's left the track.
- Hello!
1063
00:56:32,993 --> 00:56:36,268
The only tall building for
miles around and he's...
1064
00:56:36,353 --> 00:56:38,390
- That's not even...
- Where's he going?
1065
00:56:38,484 --> 00:56:40,195
I don't know.
1066
00:56:40,793 --> 00:56:43,348
- Why are you not in that?
- I cheated.
1067
00:56:43,773 --> 00:56:45,585
- How did you cheat?
- I was at the pits
1068
00:56:45,671 --> 00:56:48,008
and I met a bloke hanging around,
who said he was a drifter,
1069
00:56:48,093 --> 00:56:49,918
so I sent him out in the car.
1070
00:56:51,996 --> 00:56:54,577
You do know "drifter",
in America,
1071
00:56:54,663 --> 00:56:57,484
means something
entirely different to the UK?
1072
00:56:57,570 --> 00:56:58,928
- Yeah.
- You've just given your car away.
1073
00:56:59,013 --> 00:57:00,718
- To a tramp.
- Yeah.
1074
00:57:01,964 --> 00:57:05,139
- JEREMY: There he goes.
- RICHARD: What good work.
1075
00:57:05,372 --> 00:57:07,499
Well thought out.
1076
00:57:09,033 --> 00:57:12,128
JEREMY: Leaving May to deal
with the insurance issues,
1077
00:57:12,213 --> 00:57:15,468
Hammond and I
headed back to the campsite,
1078
00:57:15,553 --> 00:57:18,478
which meant passing
through a local town.
1079
00:57:19,433 --> 00:57:21,158
(BIG BAND SWING MUSIC)
1080
00:57:29,873 --> 00:57:33,484
JEREMY: I'll tell you what,
Hammond, do you fancy a beer?
1081
00:57:33,788 --> 00:57:35,695
Yeah,
they'll have a bar here.
1082
00:57:35,812 --> 00:57:37,428
Yeah, they must do.
1083
00:57:37,513 --> 00:57:40,734
RICHARD: Just the one,
though, eh? Let's not go mad.
1084
00:57:46,833 --> 00:57:49,078
(INSECTS SINGING)
1085
00:57:50,273 --> 00:57:51,753
(SNORING)
1086
00:57:54,532 --> 00:57:56,777
(TECHNO MUSIC STARTS BLARING)
1087
00:57:57,872 --> 00:57:59,847
(DANCE BEAT POUNDING)
1088
00:57:59,933 --> 00:58:02,158
(WHOOPING AND CHEERING)
1089
00:58:03,953 --> 00:58:05,888
(MUSIC BLARING)
1090
00:58:05,973 --> 00:58:09,278
(WHOOPING AND CHEERING)
1091
00:58:13,233 --> 00:58:16,518
I am a golden god!
1092
00:58:17,353 --> 00:58:19,918
Turn that **** music off!
1093
00:58:24,433 --> 00:58:26,728
I'm gonna go left!
I'm gonna go right!
1094
00:58:26,813 --> 00:58:28,918
(WHOOPING AND CHEERING)
1095
00:58:30,833 --> 00:58:33,478
(JEREMY CHUCKLES)
1096
00:58:34,833 --> 00:58:36,753
(BIRDSONG)
1097
00:58:46,473 --> 00:58:47,958
(FLY BUZZING)
1098
00:58:50,913 --> 00:58:53,288
Have you made breakfast
for yourself again?
1099
00:58:53,373 --> 00:58:57,868
Yes, I have. And I've decided
what we're doing today.
1100
00:58:57,953 --> 00:59:00,048
- What?
- We're going to Red Lake.
1101
00:59:00,204 --> 00:59:01,568
Oh, good, I can get
my jet ski out.
1102
00:59:01,653 --> 00:59:05,204
No, you can't. It's
a dried-up lake. Beautiful.
1103
00:59:06,913 --> 00:59:09,468
- Is it off-road to get there?
- All the way.
1104
00:59:09,553 --> 00:59:11,328
That means
I can drive from the roof.
1105
00:59:11,413 --> 00:59:14,454
But I have got to go
and attach all the...
1106
00:59:14,681 --> 00:59:17,439
um... you know,
the stuff upstairs.
1107
00:59:17,525 --> 00:59:19,148
Right.
While you do that,
1108
00:59:19,233 --> 00:59:22,408
Adam Ant can clean himself up
and I'll enjoy my breakfast.
1109
00:59:22,493 --> 00:59:26,322
Then... that goes up there.
1110
00:59:26,494 --> 00:59:29,376
And that slots into there.
1111
00:59:30,033 --> 00:59:32,540
Brake linkages.
1112
00:59:32,626 --> 00:59:35,111
Goes in there. Yeah.
1113
00:59:35,353 --> 00:59:38,308
Bit Heath Robinson,
but it'll work.
1114
00:59:38,697 --> 00:59:41,721
Oh, mate, you missed
a hell of a party.
1115
00:59:41,807 --> 00:59:43,462
I was aware of it.
1116
00:59:43,548 --> 00:59:45,988
Why didn't you come to the party?
You would have loved it.
1117
00:59:46,073 --> 00:59:48,288
You like dancing.
There was definitely dancing.
1118
00:59:48,373 --> 00:59:49,822
I think there was
a live band.
1119
00:59:49,908 --> 00:59:51,343
I was already in bed.
1120
00:59:51,429 --> 00:59:54,507
Good. So, starting engine.
1121
00:59:54,593 --> 00:59:56,988
(ENGINE RUMBLES TO LIFE)
1122
00:59:57,073 --> 00:59:59,748
Engaging drive. Here we go.
1123
00:59:59,833 --> 01:00:03,288
There must have been 30 or 40 people
in the room when the police arrived.
1124
01:00:03,373 --> 01:00:05,758
- (CRASHING)
- Ohh!
1125
01:00:09,953 --> 01:00:11,753
Clarkson!
1126
01:00:19,273 --> 01:00:23,038
Oh, mate,
it landed jam-side down.
1127
01:00:27,233 --> 01:00:30,838
JEREMY: Once the flotsam and
jetsam had been cleared away,
1128
01:00:32,513 --> 01:00:34,918
we set off for Red Lake.
1129
01:00:36,673 --> 01:00:40,358
Hammond and May decided
to go as the crow flies.
1130
01:00:43,673 --> 01:00:46,088
Whereas I took
the longer route...
1131
01:00:46,173 --> 01:00:47,508
(RATTLING)
1132
01:00:47,593 --> 01:00:49,838
on a gentle track.
1133
01:00:50,753 --> 01:00:53,078
Oh, this is just heaven.
1134
01:00:54,473 --> 01:00:57,078
A lavatory
with a flying bridge.
1135
01:00:58,233 --> 01:01:00,988
I mean, what I've done here
is I have turned
1136
01:01:01,073 --> 01:01:04,368
one of the most dreary driving
experiences in the world
1137
01:01:04,453 --> 01:01:06,678
into one of the best.
1138
01:01:08,313 --> 01:01:11,478
I honestly believe that
sometimes my genius...
1139
01:01:12,473 --> 01:01:14,758
it generates gravity.
1140
01:01:17,113 --> 01:01:20,168
JAMES: Meanwhile,
on the rougher route...
1141
01:01:20,253 --> 01:01:22,348
Oh...
1142
01:01:22,433 --> 01:01:25,088
James, I'm not sure
about this.
1143
01:01:25,173 --> 01:01:28,428
JAMES: Well,
it's the shortest way.
1144
01:01:28,513 --> 01:01:31,688
I know this may look a bit mad but
people obviously do this in RVs,
1145
01:01:31,773 --> 01:01:34,448
cos you see them parked
out in the middle of nowhere.
1146
01:01:34,533 --> 01:01:37,188
Even if it's only
making meth.
1147
01:01:37,273 --> 01:01:41,128
However, soon the terrain
started to get much rougher.
1148
01:01:41,213 --> 01:01:43,438
(RATTLING AND CLATTERING)
1149
01:01:45,233 --> 01:01:47,958
(CLATTERING)
1150
01:01:48,913 --> 01:01:49,953
Shit!
1151
01:01:56,153 --> 01:01:57,878
Come on, come on.
1152
01:02:00,673 --> 01:02:03,248
Come on, come on, come on!
1153
01:02:03,333 --> 01:02:05,598
Ahhh, ha-ha!
1154
01:02:12,993 --> 01:02:14,998
Argh! Argh!
1155
01:02:15,913 --> 01:02:17,328
(CLATTERING)
1156
01:02:17,413 --> 01:02:19,558
Woah! Shit!
1157
01:02:22,993 --> 01:02:26,228
Hammond,
your bike's fallen off.
1158
01:02:26,494 --> 01:02:28,568
Oh, bloody hell,
I'll go back and get it.
1159
01:02:28,736 --> 01:02:31,751
Er... I wouldn't bother,
to be honest.
1160
01:02:32,553 --> 01:02:33,988
(GROANING)
1161
01:02:34,073 --> 01:02:36,923
That's the... kick-start.
1162
01:02:37,009 --> 01:02:38,080
The exhaust is wedged
under the back wheel.
1163
01:02:38,165 --> 01:02:39,681
The kick-starter's come off.
1164
01:02:39,872 --> 01:02:41,967
The handlebars are bent,
the fork's twisted.
1165
01:02:42,053 --> 01:02:43,228
Foot peg.
1166
01:02:43,313 --> 01:02:45,548
It's broken
the two-stroke oil...
1167
01:02:45,633 --> 01:02:50,078
I'm really sorry you won't be able to
ride it around tonight. That's a shame.
1168
01:02:53,873 --> 01:02:55,988
Going right.
1169
01:02:56,073 --> 01:02:58,128
(JEREMY CHUCKLING)
1170
01:02:58,213 --> 01:02:59,868
Going left.
1171
01:02:59,953 --> 01:03:02,648
Everything is working well.
1172
01:03:02,733 --> 01:03:04,113
(RATTLING)
1173
01:03:06,610 --> 01:03:09,095
Quite rattly, I admit.
1174
01:03:10,353 --> 01:03:13,228
(CLATTERING)
1175
01:03:13,313 --> 01:03:15,968
Er... nasty, that...
1176
01:03:16,053 --> 01:03:17,668
Uuurrhhh...
1177
01:03:17,753 --> 01:03:20,621
That's the collapsed
rear suspension.
1178
01:03:22,153 --> 01:03:24,668
- Don't judge me.
- (CLATTERING)
1179
01:03:24,753 --> 01:03:26,248
JAMES: Back on our trail,
1180
01:03:26,333 --> 01:03:28,688
the going wasn't getting
any smoother.
1181
01:03:28,773 --> 01:03:31,158
(CLATTERING)
1182
01:03:33,073 --> 01:03:35,608
(LIQUID SPURTING)
1183
01:03:35,841 --> 01:03:37,541
Jesus!
1184
01:03:39,703 --> 01:03:43,422
Hammond, stop!
My pub's exploded.
1185
01:03:45,774 --> 01:03:48,156
Oh, no!
1186
01:03:50,273 --> 01:03:51,948
- Oh, jeez.
- Ha!
1187
01:03:52,033 --> 01:03:54,448
Your one pleasure has been
taken away from you.
1188
01:03:54,533 --> 01:03:57,320
- That's my warm brown beer.
- Gone!
1189
01:03:57,589 --> 01:04:00,304
- Oh, God.
- Is the gin OK?
1190
01:04:00,413 --> 01:04:02,461
- Yes.
- Ha-ha-ha!
1191
01:04:02,547 --> 01:04:06,588
Do you know my pub?
You're barred.
1192
01:04:06,673 --> 01:04:09,928
JAMES: Figuring there was nothing
important left to break...
1193
01:04:10,013 --> 01:04:12,958
- (RUMBLING)
- we soldiered on.
1194
01:04:14,393 --> 01:04:16,808
God, it's hot. The steering
wheel's getting...
1195
01:04:16,893 --> 01:04:18,908
(SMASHING)
1196
01:04:18,993 --> 01:04:21,248
Hammond,
my windscreen's falling out.
1197
01:04:21,333 --> 01:04:23,288
It's fallen... It's broken.
1198
01:04:23,373 --> 01:04:25,878
(RICHARD LAUGHS)
1199
01:04:28,673 --> 01:04:29,688
RICHARD: Oh!
1200
01:04:29,773 --> 01:04:31,788
Oh, dear.
1201
01:04:31,873 --> 01:04:35,408
You know you're gonna have to take
the rest of it out, don't you?
1202
01:04:35,493 --> 01:04:37,728
Well, you are. You can't...
1203
01:04:37,813 --> 01:04:41,238
I mean, that's not...
advisable, is it?
1204
01:04:42,033 --> 01:04:45,318
No. Thank you for your input.
1205
01:04:49,473 --> 01:04:51,128
What I've done,
is I've taken out
1206
01:04:51,213 --> 01:04:52,808
the good half
of the windscreen
1207
01:04:52,893 --> 01:04:55,168
before it falls out
and gets broken,
1208
01:04:55,253 --> 01:04:57,228
and I've stowed that
in the back
1209
01:04:57,313 --> 01:04:59,768
until I get somewhere where
I can do a proper repair.
1210
01:04:59,853 --> 01:05:02,408
And then I've borrowed
Hammond's motorcycle goggles,
1211
01:05:02,493 --> 01:05:04,438
cos he doesn't
need them any more.
1212
01:05:07,313 --> 01:05:11,998
Eventually, all three of us were
reunited at our destination...
1213
01:05:13,193 --> 01:05:15,113
Red Lake.
1214
01:05:18,433 --> 01:05:22,628
Any problems to report, apart from the
fact most of your RV's missing, May?
1215
01:05:22,713 --> 01:05:25,838
No, everything's fine. The
air conditioning's excellent.
1216
01:05:29,633 --> 01:05:32,198
What an astonishing lake
this is.
1217
01:05:34,633 --> 01:05:37,688
There must have been global
warming in the olden days
1218
01:05:37,773 --> 01:05:41,278
to have created this
astonishing spectacle.
1219
01:05:42,753 --> 01:05:46,238
What caused the global
warming back then, I wonder?
1220
01:05:48,313 --> 01:05:50,888
This is like a scene
out of Independence Day.
1221
01:05:50,973 --> 01:05:54,398
Jeff Goldblum, Will Smith,
that drunk man.
1222
01:05:55,473 --> 01:05:57,668
Yeah, that's pretty much us.
1223
01:05:57,753 --> 01:06:00,568
Hammond, did you do that
on the back of May's?
1224
01:06:00,653 --> 01:06:02,308
RICHARD: Yes, I did.
1225
01:06:02,393 --> 01:06:04,308
A pub needs a name and a sign
1226
01:06:04,393 --> 01:06:06,968
and I've combined it
with the landlord's name.
1227
01:06:07,053 --> 01:06:09,599
- (CHUCKLES)
- Love your work.
1228
01:06:10,075 --> 01:06:13,513
- (CLATTERING)
- Bit of a bump there.
1229
01:06:13,599 --> 01:06:16,693
Ha-ha! Jet ski's fallen off!
1230
01:06:18,402 --> 01:06:20,597
(CHUCKLING)
1231
01:06:20,829 --> 01:06:23,146
I probably should
tell him, but...
1232
01:06:23,412 --> 01:06:25,388
my radio's on the seat
down there
1233
01:06:25,473 --> 01:06:27,608
and it would be irresponsible
to take my hand off the wheel.
1234
01:06:27,693 --> 01:06:31,873
Before I tell him about that, I'll help
him along with it a bit. Here we go.
1235
01:06:33,633 --> 01:06:35,128
(CLATTERING)
1236
01:06:35,213 --> 01:06:38,021
(JAMES LAUGHS)
1237
01:06:41,193 --> 01:06:44,368
James must have a problem with
his brakes, cos he can't stop
1238
01:06:44,453 --> 01:06:47,638
and keeps hitting
the back of the jet ski.
1239
01:06:49,313 --> 01:06:52,468
Oh! Oh, dear, oh, dear.
1240
01:06:52,553 --> 01:06:55,718
Oh. it doesn't work
so well on sand.
1241
01:06:56,473 --> 01:06:59,748
(CLATTERING AND LAUGHTER)
1242
01:06:59,927 --> 01:07:02,904
RICHARD: Clarkson, your jet
ski's fallen off. Just then.
1243
01:07:03,013 --> 01:07:05,451
- What?
- (HE LAUGHS) Just then...
1244
01:07:05,552 --> 01:07:07,878
JEREMY: Slowing it down.
Easing it down.
1245
01:07:09,753 --> 01:07:11,348
- Is it broken?
- Oh, yes.
1246
01:07:11,433 --> 01:07:13,668
JAMES: I had to swerve
like mad to avoid it.
1247
01:07:13,753 --> 01:07:15,427
It's a good job
I was behind you.
1248
01:07:15,513 --> 01:07:16,608
If there was nobody
to see that,
1249
01:07:16,693 --> 01:07:18,498
you could have
dragged that for 50 miles.
1250
01:07:18,584 --> 01:07:21,967
- How long have I been dragging it for?
- 20, 30 feet.
1251
01:07:22,053 --> 01:07:25,763
James, I can see
where it fell off.
1252
01:07:26,553 --> 01:07:29,008
And I'm gonna guess
that's three miles ago.
1253
01:07:29,093 --> 01:07:30,988
(RICHARD GIGGLING)
1254
01:07:31,073 --> 01:07:33,238
I couldn't get my radio.
1255
01:07:34,753 --> 01:07:37,718
JEREMY: Having cut
the ruined jet ski free,
1256
01:07:41,393 --> 01:07:44,758
we resumed our journey
across the lake bed.
1257
01:07:50,153 --> 01:07:52,438
Gotta open the pub
in ten minutes.
1258
01:07:55,833 --> 01:07:59,008
RICHARD: Hey, Priscilla, is
it nice and breezy up there?
1259
01:07:59,093 --> 01:08:00,918
(HE CHUCKLES)
1260
01:08:05,193 --> 01:08:09,708
Oh, going for the relaxed, easy
driving style now. There it is.
1261
01:08:09,793 --> 01:08:12,848
First time I've ever driven
with my feet up, and I like it.
1262
01:08:12,933 --> 01:08:15,808
- (CLATTERING)
- Oh, (BLEEP) hell!
1263
01:08:15,893 --> 01:08:17,868
Jesus Christ!
1264
01:08:17,953 --> 01:08:19,968
Might ease it down a bit.
1265
01:08:20,053 --> 01:08:22,278
(ENGINE HUMMING STEADILY)
1266
01:08:25,593 --> 01:08:28,358
(ENGINE HUMMING STEADILY)
1267
01:08:30,273 --> 01:08:31,508
Shit.
1268
01:08:31,593 --> 01:08:35,988
My steering works
but I have no gears
1269
01:08:36,073 --> 01:08:39,068
and no throttle
and no braking.
1270
01:08:39,153 --> 01:08:41,678
I'm gonna have to
retake control.
1271
01:08:44,673 --> 01:08:46,508
Here we go.
1272
01:08:46,593 --> 01:08:48,398
Where's he going?
1273
01:08:49,313 --> 01:08:51,678
He's abandoned his steering!
1274
01:08:58,873 --> 01:09:00,648
It's jammed!
1275
01:09:00,733 --> 01:09:02,868
What? It's...
1276
01:09:02,953 --> 01:09:04,848
It's jammed!
I can't open the hatch!
1277
01:09:04,933 --> 01:09:07,118
Well, I can't open it.
1278
01:09:08,833 --> 01:09:10,598
The hatch is jammed.
1279
01:09:15,673 --> 01:09:20,388
Er... guys, could you do like
a pincer movement, OK?
1280
01:09:20,473 --> 01:09:22,688
Come alongside me
at the same time
1281
01:09:22,773 --> 01:09:24,948
and try and slow me down.
1282
01:09:25,033 --> 01:09:27,648
So, what, we're gonna squeeze
you and then slow you?
1283
01:09:27,733 --> 01:09:29,368
- We'll be your brakes?
- Yeah.
1284
01:09:29,453 --> 01:09:33,568
So keep steering into me while braking.
We'll try and stop it.
1285
01:09:33,653 --> 01:09:35,513
Shit.
1286
01:09:37,073 --> 01:09:39,638
OK, guys, come in!
1287
01:09:40,753 --> 01:09:43,468
Roger.
1288
01:09:43,553 --> 01:09:45,718
If this works,
it'll be a miracle.
1289
01:09:48,113 --> 01:09:51,388
OK, steady. Match my speed.
Match my speed.
1290
01:09:51,473 --> 01:09:53,238
RICHARD: Matching your speed.
1291
01:09:56,353 --> 01:09:58,798
Steering in. Steering in.
1292
01:10:00,713 --> 01:10:02,998
(CRUNCHING AND SCRAPING)
1293
01:10:05,193 --> 01:10:07,368
OK, start to brake.
Start to brake.
1294
01:10:07,453 --> 01:10:09,588
Braking, braking.
1295
01:10:09,673 --> 01:10:13,048
- (METALLIC SQUEAKING) - JEREMY: OK,
this is working. This is working.
1296
01:10:13,133 --> 01:10:15,008
My fuel tank
is just down there, so...
1297
01:10:15,093 --> 01:10:16,188
(SMASHING)
1298
01:10:16,273 --> 01:10:18,408
Right. Oh, it's worked a bit.
1299
01:10:18,493 --> 01:10:19,668
(SMASHING)
1300
01:10:19,753 --> 01:10:22,721
OK, that's
a small accident there.
1301
01:10:23,705 --> 01:10:25,963
Bloody hell, that worked!
It's stopped!
1302
01:10:26,093 --> 01:10:28,174
But now you've gotta
get it in neutral!
1303
01:10:28,260 --> 01:10:30,788
- Well, how do I get in?
- I don't know.
1304
01:10:30,873 --> 01:10:33,448
There's a ladder at the back.
Go down the ladder.
1305
01:10:33,533 --> 01:10:35,328
RICHARD:
We have to shut it down!
1306
01:10:35,413 --> 01:10:36,988
It's trying to run away.
1307
01:10:37,346 --> 01:10:39,008
I've got my foot
hard on the brake.
1308
01:10:39,093 --> 01:10:41,608
If we let go,
it will take off.
1309
01:10:41,693 --> 01:10:43,237
Hurry up!
1310
01:10:46,353 --> 01:10:48,068
JAMES: Right, down the back,
1311
01:10:48,153 --> 01:10:51,248
the window should be aligned with your...
Use a bar stool.
1312
01:10:51,333 --> 01:10:53,398
Go to the back,
where the windows are.
1313
01:10:56,833 --> 01:10:58,708
No, I can't.
1314
01:10:58,793 --> 01:11:00,848
- What do you mean, you can't?
- I can't do it.
1315
01:11:00,933 --> 01:11:03,048
- Put your feet in first.
- Hammond!
1316
01:11:03,133 --> 01:11:05,948
- What?
- We need Hammond. He's little.
1317
01:11:06,033 --> 01:11:08,888
You can't get through the window.
I can't take my foot off the brake.
1318
01:11:08,973 --> 01:11:11,848
I hope my handbrake holds, cos
if it gives out, we've had it.
1319
01:11:11,933 --> 01:11:13,788
I can't get through
the window.
1320
01:11:13,873 --> 01:11:16,408
Go in there. Can you put it
in... just put it in park?
1321
01:11:16,493 --> 01:11:18,365
Turn it off.
1322
01:11:18,713 --> 01:11:21,928
- What are you doing?
- Putting that in to make it easier. Look.
1323
01:11:22,013 --> 01:11:24,528
- Oh, right, that was my problem.
- Yeah. Arghh!
1324
01:11:24,613 --> 01:11:26,848
- I did that.
- Ow! Argh!
1325
01:11:26,933 --> 01:11:29,238
Ow! Pinched one!
1326
01:11:30,433 --> 01:11:32,008
- Right. I'm...
- Quick!
1327
01:11:32,093 --> 01:11:34,678
(RICHARD GROANS)
1328
01:11:36,193 --> 01:11:38,137
Neutral! Oh.
1329
01:11:38,223 --> 01:11:39,388
- Oh.
- Has he done it?
1330
01:11:39,473 --> 01:11:41,608
- Yes, he has. Jeez.
- Neutral. I've shut it down.
1331
01:11:41,693 --> 01:11:43,457
Well done.
1332
01:11:43,833 --> 01:11:45,379
Oh, no!
1333
01:11:46,273 --> 01:11:47,328
- Hammond.
- What?
1334
01:11:47,413 --> 01:11:48,688
Do you have any idea
1335
01:11:48,773 --> 01:11:51,848
how close that fuel tank
is to my chassis rails?
1336
01:11:51,933 --> 01:11:53,168
Very.
1337
01:11:53,254 --> 01:11:55,596
You could have been
blown to pieces, you idiot!
1338
01:11:55,833 --> 01:11:58,370
- Er... who's the idiot?
- "Thank you, rescuers."
1339
01:11:58,456 --> 01:11:59,708
- "Who's the idiot?"
- You are.
1340
01:11:59,793 --> 01:12:02,988
Why did this happen? There was
nothing wrong with mine or his.
1341
01:12:03,073 --> 01:12:04,808
What do you mean there's
nothing wrong with yours?
1342
01:12:04,893 --> 01:12:07,208
- You've got no windscreen.
- I know, but it was driving OK.
1343
01:12:07,293 --> 01:12:10,228
I was in control of it. I was behind
the wheel, I could use the pedals.
1344
01:12:10,313 --> 01:12:11,964
- I was in control of...
- No, you weren't.
1345
01:12:12,049 --> 01:12:13,768
- Of the steering I was.
- Well, that's brilliant.
1346
01:12:13,853 --> 01:12:16,807
We've saved you from being dashed
to death on a distant mountain.
1347
01:12:16,893 --> 01:12:18,728
- I can't get out.
- And this is the gratitude we get.
1348
01:12:18,813 --> 01:12:21,862
I was prepared to drive round in
circles till it ran out of petrol.
1349
01:12:21,948 --> 01:12:24,528
- What's the matter?
- I can't get out. I've got stuck.
1350
01:12:24,791 --> 01:12:27,548
- This was a mistake.
- (JEREMY GUFFAWS)
1351
01:12:27,633 --> 01:12:31,188
- JAMES: What's he done?
- RICHARD: This... I can't...
1352
01:12:31,273 --> 01:12:34,326
- What were you thinking of?
- My legs are on the glass.
1353
01:12:35,353 --> 01:12:37,561
This is a ridiculous day.
1354
01:12:37,690 --> 01:12:41,125
Let's see what can be done
to rescue this situation.
1355
01:12:41,273 --> 01:12:42,608
Well, that's
an interesting one, isn't it?
1356
01:12:42,693 --> 01:12:44,123
Well, let's have
a sit down and think.
1357
01:12:44,209 --> 01:12:45,505
Yeah, there's a sofa here.
1358
01:12:45,591 --> 01:12:47,841
My knees are stuck on
the window, it's very sore.
1359
01:12:48,133 --> 01:12:50,768
How did you manage that? Why
didn't you go through legs first?
1360
01:12:50,853 --> 01:12:52,468
I couldn't
because it's higher.
1361
01:12:52,553 --> 01:12:54,408
- But didn't you take a bar stool with you?
- Aargh!
1362
01:12:54,493 --> 01:12:56,779
Can I just say this holiday
is not working out.
1363
01:12:56,865 --> 01:13:01,160
- No.
- Why don't we just face facts?
1364
01:13:01,309 --> 01:13:04,248
- RVs are not good.
- They're not good.
1365
01:13:04,334 --> 01:13:06,780
So why don't we
just have a demolition derby?
1366
01:13:06,873 --> 01:13:08,468
- Well, no, wait a minute.
- What?
1367
01:13:08,553 --> 01:13:10,398
That's not a bad idea, cos
half of mine's gone already.
1368
01:13:10,483 --> 01:13:12,967
Yes, mine's pretty much ruined,
cos he's broken the window.
1369
01:13:13,053 --> 01:13:14,881
Yes, but mine's intact,
it's perfectly intact.
1370
01:13:14,967 --> 01:13:16,948
Nothing has gone wrong with it.
I'm not destroying it.
1371
01:13:17,033 --> 01:13:18,808
Well, you'll win, then. You
stand more chance of winning.
1372
01:13:18,893 --> 01:13:21,600
I'll tell you what,
we'll have a vote.
1373
01:13:32,113 --> 01:13:34,368
Right, we've found
three other people
1374
01:13:34,453 --> 01:13:37,588
who are equally disillusioned
with their RVs
1375
01:13:37,673 --> 01:13:39,008
and the rules
are very simple.
1376
01:13:39,178 --> 01:13:42,868
The last one still running
is the winner.
1377
01:13:42,953 --> 01:13:46,368
Once we'd climbed aboard
our race-modified RVs,
1378
01:13:46,453 --> 01:13:48,868
we were ready for the off.
1379
01:13:48,953 --> 01:13:51,748
This is a stupid idea.
I disapprove.
1380
01:13:51,833 --> 01:13:55,078
It's needlessly destructive and
I really like my little truck.
1381
01:13:56,157 --> 01:13:58,252
Here's my start line
strategy.
1382
01:13:58,380 --> 01:14:01,548
Light goes green.
Hard right! Hit James.
1383
01:14:01,633 --> 01:14:03,994
I want him to be
a bonnet emblem
1384
01:14:04,080 --> 01:14:06,447
by the time I get to
the first corner.
1385
01:14:06,557 --> 01:14:09,008
He doesn't realise that the
window's fallen out of his RV
1386
01:14:09,093 --> 01:14:11,358
and I can hear
everything he's saying.
1387
01:14:15,473 --> 01:14:17,078
(ENGINE REVVING)
1388
01:14:21,113 --> 01:14:22,993
(BEEPS)
1389
01:14:26,713 --> 01:14:27,868
(BEEP)
1390
01:14:27,953 --> 01:14:30,025
Let's get this over with,
shall we?
1391
01:14:31,953 --> 01:14:34,198
That's one done.
1392
01:14:39,953 --> 01:14:42,688
Obviously I'm not driving
on the roof.
1393
01:14:42,773 --> 01:14:45,038
I think that would be unwise.
1394
01:14:46,313 --> 01:14:48,708
Closing up on the lavatory.
1395
01:14:48,793 --> 01:14:51,008
- Here he goes.
- (CRASHING)
1396
01:14:51,093 --> 01:14:53,278
Oh, he hit me hard there.
1397
01:14:55,833 --> 01:14:57,928
- Turning right.
- (SMASHING)
1398
01:14:58,013 --> 01:15:00,568
Oh, haw, haw, haw!
1399
01:15:00,653 --> 01:15:02,553
(SMASHING)
1400
01:15:05,033 --> 01:15:06,878
(METALLIC SCRAPING)
1401
01:15:13,753 --> 01:15:15,728
- Got him.
- JEREMY: I've been hit again!
1402
01:15:15,813 --> 01:15:18,118
- (METALLIC SCRAPING)
- Bastard.
1403
01:15:19,753 --> 01:15:21,768
JAMES: Meanwhile,
in Hammond's truck,
1404
01:15:21,853 --> 01:15:24,128
there'd been
a bit of a mood swing.
1405
01:15:24,213 --> 01:15:26,488
- (THUD)
- Ha, ha, ha.
1406
01:15:26,573 --> 01:15:28,916
(SMASHING)
1407
01:15:29,002 --> 01:15:31,097
OK, I change my mind.
This is really good fun.
1408
01:15:31,344 --> 01:15:32,764
(LAUGHS)
1409
01:15:34,993 --> 01:15:40,108
I have got the toughest vehicle here...
I'm sure of that.
1410
01:15:40,513 --> 01:15:42,478
- (THUDDING)
- Aargh! Oh, ow, ow.
1411
01:15:44,277 --> 01:15:46,632
Have another go at Jeremy.
1412
01:15:46,968 --> 01:15:49,893
(CLATTERING) Ooh! Oh,
my lights have come off.
1413
01:15:50,873 --> 01:15:52,668
(CRIES OUT)
1414
01:15:52,753 --> 01:15:55,208
The door was shut on me
really badly.
1415
01:15:55,293 --> 01:15:58,048
I can't see over my bonnet.
1416
01:15:58,203 --> 01:16:00,468
(JAMES LAUGHS)
1417
01:16:01,618 --> 01:16:05,253
Hammond's bonnet
is completely off.
1418
01:16:05,627 --> 01:16:07,860
JAMES: However,
the Mad Max make-over
1419
01:16:07,946 --> 01:16:11,240
made his truck
even more of a lethal weapon.
1420
01:16:11,333 --> 01:16:14,038
- There you go! Hah.
- (SMASHING)
1421
01:16:15,593 --> 01:16:17,888
RICHARD: Ha ha ha.
- Oh, that's brutal.
1422
01:16:17,973 --> 01:16:20,408
- (THUD)
- Oh, my door!
1423
01:16:20,541 --> 01:16:22,314
Oh!
1424
01:16:22,553 --> 01:16:24,798
(THUDDING AND SMASHING)
1425
01:16:27,673 --> 01:16:29,788
JEREMY: I've been hit.
1426
01:16:30,059 --> 01:16:31,944
I've been hit again.
1427
01:16:33,753 --> 01:16:35,648
I'm in a sandwich
of Americans.
1428
01:16:35,822 --> 01:16:37,748
(SMASHING)
1429
01:16:37,833 --> 01:16:39,994
JEREMY: It was at this point
I noticed something
1430
01:16:40,080 --> 01:16:42,808
about one of those Americans.
1431
01:16:43,150 --> 01:16:44,988
Wait a minute.
1432
01:16:45,166 --> 01:16:46,988
It's that guy.
1433
01:16:47,073 --> 01:16:49,848
He's the one
who's been following us.
1434
01:16:50,205 --> 01:16:51,924
What's he doing?
1435
01:16:53,593 --> 01:16:54,928
Oh, no, I'm being pushed.
1436
01:16:55,013 --> 01:16:56,838
(METAL RIPPING)
1437
01:16:59,073 --> 01:17:02,568
We are being annihilated by
the two remaining Americans.
1438
01:17:02,653 --> 01:17:05,073
(THUDDING)
1439
01:17:08,673 --> 01:17:10,408
RICHARD:
As the contest heated up...
1440
01:17:10,493 --> 01:17:11,993
(SMASHING)
1441
01:17:15,680 --> 01:17:18,715
I decided to pick on
the biggest RV.
1442
01:17:19,112 --> 01:17:21,687
You want demolition,
have some.
1443
01:17:21,906 --> 01:17:23,157
(THUD)
1444
01:17:23,913 --> 01:17:25,033
Ha! Oh!
1445
01:17:27,193 --> 01:17:29,228
(THUD)
1446
01:17:29,313 --> 01:17:30,913
(CHUCKLES)
1447
01:17:33,953 --> 01:17:35,718
RICHARD: Oh, oh.
1448
01:17:37,713 --> 01:17:40,009
- Oh, hello, I'm leaking.
- Oh, no!
1449
01:17:40,095 --> 01:17:42,236
Oh, no, I'm leaking fluid.
1450
01:17:42,322 --> 01:17:44,097
(SMASHING)
1451
01:17:44,433 --> 01:17:46,087
(THUDDING)
1452
01:17:46,273 --> 01:17:49,398
RICHARD: Following hit
after brutal hit...
1453
01:17:50,753 --> 01:17:54,508
my opponent
eventually conked out.
1454
01:17:54,593 --> 01:17:58,068
But the battle had left me
badly wounded.
1455
01:17:58,537 --> 01:18:01,076
Oh, this does not bode well
for my little truck.
1456
01:18:01,162 --> 01:18:03,427
I think my engine
might be suffering.
1457
01:18:03,953 --> 01:18:05,709
Huh! Aargh!
1458
01:18:06,433 --> 01:18:07,959
Oh, whoa!
1459
01:18:09,833 --> 01:18:12,188
(SMASHING) - Oh, that's
gone badly wrong for me.
1460
01:18:12,273 --> 01:18:14,528
- I think I've lost a wheel now.
- Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho.
1461
01:18:14,613 --> 01:18:16,248
I'm in a bad way.
1462
01:18:16,334 --> 01:18:18,229
I've lost steering.
(CRIES OUT)
1463
01:18:18,405 --> 01:18:20,780
Aaargh!
1464
01:18:21,193 --> 01:18:23,326
Hammond is history.
1465
01:18:23,553 --> 01:18:24,948
(SMASHING)
1466
01:18:25,033 --> 01:18:27,848
JEREMY: Now only
three of us remained.
1467
01:18:27,933 --> 01:18:30,128
Come on. Hit James.
1468
01:18:30,213 --> 01:18:31,848
Ramming speed!
1469
01:18:31,933 --> 01:18:33,734
(SMASHING)
1470
01:18:34,793 --> 01:18:36,828
(SMASHING)
1471
01:18:36,913 --> 01:18:38,808
(TYRES SCREECH)
1472
01:18:38,893 --> 01:18:41,908
JAMES: Ohhh!
1473
01:18:41,993 --> 01:18:44,568
- You bastard!
- May's in the wall!
1474
01:18:44,653 --> 01:18:46,968
He's in the wall and toast.
1475
01:18:47,053 --> 01:18:50,249
It's just me
and this weird man.
1476
01:18:50,793 --> 01:18:52,888
I'll get you, you bastard.
1477
01:18:53,210 --> 01:18:55,568
- (THUD)
- Whoa.
1478
01:18:55,653 --> 01:18:57,673
(SMASHING)
1479
01:19:00,113 --> 01:19:02,068
Get him!
1480
01:19:02,153 --> 01:19:04,303
I'm taking him.
1481
01:19:06,073 --> 01:19:08,318
- (THUDDING)
- Oh, Lord.
1482
01:19:10,513 --> 01:19:12,458
Going in hard and hot!
1483
01:19:12,552 --> 01:19:14,008
(TYRES SCREECH)
1484
01:19:14,093 --> 01:19:15,793
(THUD)
1485
01:19:21,513 --> 01:19:23,008
JEREMY: Yeaahhhh!
1486
01:19:23,093 --> 01:19:25,328
Ha-ha, hey!
1487
01:19:25,413 --> 01:19:27,068
Oh, yes!
1488
01:19:27,153 --> 01:19:31,062
The mighty RV boat
is victorious.
1489
01:19:31,753 --> 01:19:33,548
Nothing else running.
1490
01:19:33,633 --> 01:19:35,414
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
1491
01:19:35,508 --> 01:19:36,508
Oh, yeah.
1492
01:19:36,593 --> 01:19:39,484
Well done.
It's a glorious victory.
1493
01:19:39,570 --> 01:19:40,908
- Really.
- It is.
1494
01:19:40,993 --> 01:19:44,281
And I think we've proved
that if you must have an RV
1495
01:19:44,367 --> 01:19:47,302
it has to be
a Chevrolet Pace Arrow.
1496
01:19:47,553 --> 01:19:48,748
- Yes. Yes.
- Yes, it does.
1497
01:19:48,833 --> 01:19:50,562
Good, congratulations.
Very well done.
1498
01:19:50,648 --> 01:19:51,708
- Meanwhile...
- What?
1499
01:19:51,793 --> 01:19:53,776
We've gotta
make camp for tonight
1500
01:19:53,862 --> 01:19:56,468
in these, so I would
suggest just over there.
1501
01:19:56,635 --> 01:19:58,888
I think that's an excellent idea.
As close as possible.
1502
01:19:58,973 --> 01:20:00,748
- Yes.
- We can come to your pub.
1503
01:20:00,833 --> 01:20:02,395
Well, you're not
expecting a drink, are you?
1504
01:20:02,481 --> 01:20:03,153
Why not?
1505
01:20:03,239 --> 01:20:04,731
- Pub's been demolished.
- Has it?
1506
01:20:04,817 --> 01:20:06,368
- Yeah.
- Oh, of course, it went into a wall.
1507
01:20:06,453 --> 01:20:08,229
- Happens a lot these days.
- Ooh! Ooh!
1508
01:20:08,315 --> 01:20:09,668
- I nearly forgot.
- What?
1509
01:20:09,753 --> 01:20:10,988
You know that guy
that's been
1510
01:20:11,073 --> 01:20:12,862
following us around
since we got here?
1511
01:20:13,010 --> 01:20:14,968
- No. - No.
- The one in the race overalls.
1512
01:20:15,053 --> 01:20:17,135
- No.
- You've still not seen him?
1513
01:20:17,221 --> 01:20:19,893
- Never seen him.
- Well, you have, cos he was driving that.
1514
01:20:20,010 --> 01:20:21,586
- Was he?
- Yes, I put him on... he's dead now.
1515
01:20:21,671 --> 01:20:22,741
- Good, good.
- And now
1516
01:20:22,827 --> 01:20:24,179
he won't be
following us any more
1517
01:20:24,265 --> 01:20:26,500
- because I've rolled him over.
- You can tell us all about it
1518
01:20:26,585 --> 01:20:29,335
over a glass of water
this evening.
1519
01:20:29,851 --> 01:20:33,046
JEREMY: With our race
with the devil over...
1520
01:20:33,393 --> 01:20:35,708
we fell asleep
quickly that night,
1521
01:20:35,793 --> 01:20:37,999
happy in the knowledge
that the horror
1522
01:20:38,085 --> 01:20:41,624
of our RV holiday
was finally over.
1523
01:20:43,464 --> 01:20:46,155
(EERIE MUSIC)
Sync corrections by
srjanapala
1524
01:21:20,073 --> 01:21:22,318
(EERIE MUSIC CONTINUES)
1525
01:21:37,913 --> 01:21:40,158
(MUSIC FADES)
114528