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1
00:01:16,187 --> 00:01:17,971
Sha-ha, dah.
2
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,336
Broosk-da-da-da-boom.
3
00:01:20,337 --> 00:01:21,504
Shadeet-hamah.
4
00:01:33,395 --> 00:01:35,478
Brooks-dask-dask-da-boom.
5
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,454
Milo-tamale-shakinee.
6
00:02:12,884 --> 00:02:14,825
You are a winner.
7
00:02:14,826 --> 00:02:16,585
You soar with the eagles.
8
00:02:16,586 --> 00:02:17,419
No.
9
00:02:17,420 --> 00:02:19,559
The eagles soar with you.
10
00:02:24,946 --> 00:02:25,779
Shit.
11
00:02:31,948 --> 00:02:34,698
I'm gonna be late for work again.
12
00:02:36,009 --> 00:02:40,342
I know I shouldn't have
stayed over on a work night.
13
00:02:41,289 --> 00:02:42,122
Did you hear me, babe?
14
00:02:42,123 --> 00:02:43,854
I'm gonna be late for work again.
15
00:02:43,855 --> 00:02:45,022
Bye jellybear.
16
00:02:46,893 --> 00:02:50,039
You are destined for greatness.
17
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,587
You are a caterpillar
waiting to transform
18
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:55,530
into a magnificent butterfly.
19
00:02:59,311 --> 00:03:01,990
He's so cute when he's sleeping.
20
00:03:01,991 --> 00:03:05,074
I'm gonna go start the coffee.
Okay.
21
00:03:12,047 --> 00:03:14,359
Your life has meaning.
22
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,687
You are a king among
ordinary men.
23
00:03:16,688 --> 00:03:19,451
A king with a huge penis.
24
00:03:19,452 --> 00:03:21,338
A glorious penis.
25
00:03:21,339 --> 00:03:25,879
A penis that should be
praised and worshiped.
26
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,682
Suagar-booger.
27
00:03:27,683 --> 00:03:29,649
My little astronaut.
28
00:03:29,650 --> 00:03:32,359
It's time to get up sleepy head.
29
00:03:34,543 --> 00:03:38,189
You can achieve
anything you set you mind to.
30
00:03:38,190 --> 00:03:41,107
Other men cower in your greatness.
31
00:03:45,438 --> 00:03:48,233
Come on, Matty,
breakfast is almost ready.
32
00:03:48,234 --> 00:03:49,835
If you were an animal,
33
00:03:49,836 --> 00:03:52,176
you would be a dinosaur.
34
00:03:52,177 --> 00:03:55,177
Matt, Honey, it's time to wake up.
35
00:03:59,915 --> 00:04:00,848
Whoa!
36
00:04:08,585 --> 00:04:09,766
Thanks, Shaniqua.
37
00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:11,434
I'm not even hungry.
38
00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:28,247
Every fucking morning.
39
00:04:28,248 --> 00:04:29,081
Come on.
40
00:04:31,426 --> 00:04:33,843
Oh, shit, holy chode balls.
41
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:39,908
So sorry, Alexander, he's
gonna be a few more minutes.
42
00:04:39,909 --> 00:04:42,609
It's all right, Miss Gaye.
43
00:04:42,610 --> 00:04:43,810
There he is.
44
00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:47,584
Give your mom a kiss goodbye.
45
00:04:47,585 --> 00:04:48,918
Have a good day.
46
00:04:51,808 --> 00:04:53,486
Have a great day, sugar-booger.
47
00:04:53,487 --> 00:04:55,904
It's Matt to you, Shaniqua.
48
00:05:22,939 --> 00:05:24,320
You wanna just let
me borrow your car
49
00:05:24,321 --> 00:05:26,926
so you can stay here
and bang my mom?
50
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:30,195
Do you know if your mom is
working tonight, sugar booger?
51
00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:31,047
Fuck off.
52
00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:36,721
I was watching Terminator
the other night, right.
53
00:05:36,722 --> 00:05:37,921
And not that new garbage.
54
00:05:37,922 --> 00:05:39,644
I'm talking about that classic shit.
55
00:05:39,645 --> 00:05:40,724
It got me thinking.
56
00:05:40,725 --> 00:05:45,308
What if I time travel back in
time as my 28-year-old self,
57
00:05:45,309 --> 00:05:46,935
and I found my 10-year-old self
58
00:05:46,936 --> 00:05:49,182
and I fucking jerked him off.
59
00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:52,926
Would that be molestation
or masturbation?
60
00:05:52,927 --> 00:05:54,927
I don't got time for your nonsense.
61
00:05:54,928 --> 00:05:58,345
I'm too busy being
employee of the month.
62
00:05:59,374 --> 00:06:01,319
Hey you two. Quit
giving each other FJs
63
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,482
and get back to work.
64
00:06:03,483 --> 00:06:04,316
Idiots.
65
00:06:21,368 --> 00:06:23,959
Bro, bro, it's Jenna
66
00:06:34,874 --> 00:06:37,213
♪ One hundid every
time you go away ♪
67
00:06:37,214 --> 00:06:39,733
♪ One hundid go on
and say my name ♪
68
00:06:39,734 --> 00:06:42,535
♪ One hundid if we
gonna make it last ♪
69
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,176
♪ All I ever ask ♪
70
00:06:44,177 --> 00:06:46,426
Here's your chance,
man, go talk to her.
71
00:06:46,427 --> 00:06:47,738
I can't just go talk to her.
72
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:49,219
This is a workplace.
73
00:06:49,220 --> 00:06:50,276
Who cares?
74
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,998
I'm so tired of listening
to you cry about
75
00:06:51,999 --> 00:06:53,906
not having a girl to cuddle with.
76
00:06:53,907 --> 00:06:55,099
Who cares?
77
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:58,143
Uh, how about title seven
of the Civil Rights Act.
78
00:06:58,144 --> 00:07:00,592
Uh, how do you know that?
79
00:07:00,593 --> 00:07:01,855
Are you fucking kidding me?
80
00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:02,975
It's in the break room.
81
00:07:02,976 --> 00:07:04,240
And you know what
happens to people
82
00:07:04,241 --> 00:07:06,115
accused of sexual harassment?
83
00:07:06,116 --> 00:07:08,959
What, they hold a parade for them?
84
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,374
Termination.
85
00:07:10,375 --> 00:07:13,062
Dude, they're not gonna
fire you for talking to her.
86
00:07:13,063 --> 00:07:14,742
Just go over there before she leaves.
87
00:07:14,743 --> 00:07:17,557
Stop being a little bitch.
88
00:07:17,558 --> 00:07:20,558
I'll buy you a beer after work.
89
00:07:20,559 --> 00:07:21,726
Make it two?
90
00:07:22,722 --> 00:07:24,055
Fine, just go.
91
00:07:27,849 --> 00:07:28,682
Dick.
92
00:07:30,464 --> 00:07:32,714
Nice files you got there.
93
00:07:33,991 --> 00:07:35,884
Do you work here?
94
00:07:35,885 --> 00:07:37,034
Seriously?
95
00:07:37,035 --> 00:07:39,042
I've worked here longer than you.
96
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:41,770
Oh, so you're in like
shipping and receiving?
97
00:07:41,771 --> 00:07:42,604
What?
98
00:07:42,605 --> 00:07:45,406
No, I work right here in this office.
99
00:07:45,407 --> 00:07:47,848
I was sitting at my
desk when you walked in.
100
00:07:47,849 --> 00:07:49,445
You didn't see me?
Really?
101
00:07:49,446 --> 00:07:51,223
Yeah, I didn't see you.
102
00:07:51,224 --> 00:07:52,427
You didn't see me?
103
00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:54,390
I was like two inches away from you.
104
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:56,351
And how do you not know I work here?
105
00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:58,030
I see you every single day.
106
00:07:58,031 --> 00:07:59,794
Wait, so you've been watching me?
107
00:07:59,795 --> 00:08:01,722
Like some kind of perverted stalker.
108
00:08:01,723 --> 00:08:03,504
You know that's sexual harassment?
109
00:08:03,505 --> 00:08:05,268
Sexual harassment?
110
00:08:05,269 --> 00:08:06,869
For seeing you come in?
111
00:08:06,870 --> 00:08:09,189
Maybe you should take yourself
on down to the break room
112
00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:10,472
and get a refresher course
113
00:08:10,473 --> 00:08:12,755
because that's not sexual harassment.
114
00:08:12,756 --> 00:08:13,589
Hmm.
115
00:08:14,431 --> 00:08:15,314
What's up, Jenna?
116
00:08:15,315 --> 00:08:17,957
Oh, hey, Matt.
Seriously?
117
00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:19,638
We actually have to go, I'm sorry.
118
00:08:19,639 --> 00:08:22,472
Alex is having a family emergency.
119
00:08:25,106 --> 00:08:27,865
How the hell does Jenna
know who you are and not me?
120
00:08:27,866 --> 00:08:28,706
I don't know.
121
00:08:28,707 --> 00:08:32,586
Maybe because I'm not
a perverted stalker.
122
00:08:32,587 --> 00:08:35,604
Well if it isn't the two
biggest vaginas in the office.
123
00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:38,353
I knew I'd find you two in
here circle jerking each other.
124
00:08:38,354 --> 00:08:39,906
So we have vaginas,
125
00:08:39,907 --> 00:08:42,190
or we're jerking each other's dicks off?
126
00:08:42,191 --> 00:08:43,751
I'm confused.
127
00:08:43,752 --> 00:08:44,585
Both.
128
00:08:44,586 --> 00:08:46,752
You fucking gender ninjas.
129
00:08:47,638 --> 00:08:49,848
You know what, fuck
you, I got shit to do.
130
00:08:49,849 --> 00:08:51,907
What the hell, man?
131
00:08:53,731 --> 00:08:57,148
You gonna do something about it, pussy?
132
00:09:00,345 --> 00:09:01,998
That's what I thought.
133
00:09:16,370 --> 00:09:19,412
Oh, you got to be fist fucking me, man.
134
00:09:19,413 --> 00:09:20,330
What now?
135
00:09:21,173 --> 00:09:24,311
Oh nothing, I'm just having
PTSD flashbacks, you know,
136
00:09:24,312 --> 00:09:25,473
remembering that time you were
137
00:09:25,474 --> 00:09:28,353
talking to Jenna at the office.
138
00:09:28,354 --> 00:09:29,992
Made yourself look like a dumb idiot.
139
00:09:29,993 --> 00:09:32,240
Remember that?
Fuck off.
140
00:09:32,241 --> 00:09:33,643
I don't understand
how you're so horrible
141
00:09:33,644 --> 00:09:35,003
at talking to women.
142
00:09:35,004 --> 00:09:37,166
It's like watching one
of those shitty Novelas.
143
00:09:37,167 --> 00:09:38,545
All Novelas are shitty,
144
00:09:38,546 --> 00:09:40,788
and you wouldn't have done any better.
145
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:41,732
Fucking right I would have.
146
00:09:41,733 --> 00:09:44,493
Compared to you I'm
like Zac Efron's cock.
147
00:09:44,494 --> 00:09:45,327
Yeah, whatever.
148
00:09:45,328 --> 00:09:48,189
If you're so smooth,
let's see you do better.
149
00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:50,273
Challenge accepted ese.
150
00:09:52,254 --> 00:09:54,415
Can I get you guys a refill?
151
00:09:54,416 --> 00:09:57,135
Actually, I was wondering
if you might possibly know
152
00:09:57,136 --> 00:10:00,037
the difference between me and my couch?
153
00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:02,797
One's more fun to sit on than the other.
154
00:10:02,798 --> 00:10:03,900
Sort of.
155
00:10:03,901 --> 00:10:06,155
The real difference
between me and my couch
156
00:10:06,156 --> 00:10:07,989
is my couch pulls out.
157
00:10:10,266 --> 00:10:12,508
So can I get you guys another drink?
158
00:10:12,509 --> 00:10:14,926
Six shots of vodka de nada.
159
00:10:17,047 --> 00:10:18,449
Nice.
160
00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:20,451
A dirty joke and a drink order.
161
00:10:20,452 --> 00:10:22,212
You're a real lady's man.
162
00:10:22,213 --> 00:10:23,534
I'm sorry I doubted you.
163
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:25,880
Your moms would be so proud.
164
00:10:25,881 --> 00:10:28,548
Just wait for it, wait for it.
165
00:10:43,570 --> 00:10:44,403
Ah, snap.
166
00:10:46,032 --> 00:10:47,369
Told you.
167
00:10:47,370 --> 00:10:49,370
You probably know her.
168
00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:53,516
Ah, come on, I wasn't even ready dude.
169
00:10:53,517 --> 00:10:54,984
I don't care.
170
00:10:59,913 --> 00:11:01,317
Six more shots.
171
00:11:26,330 --> 00:11:29,950
Gross, I think you got some on me.
172
00:11:29,951 --> 00:11:33,152
You know, I can't even
wrap my brain around
173
00:11:33,153 --> 00:11:37,755
the fact that you are so
horrible at talking to chicks.
174
00:11:37,756 --> 00:11:40,799
Look at you, you're like an
Abercrombie model over here.
175
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,959
You should be banging
bitches every single day
176
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,043
and every single night and afternoon.
177
00:11:47,926 --> 00:11:50,685
Well it's not easy
for me to talk to women
178
00:11:50,686 --> 00:11:52,647
like it is for you.
179
00:11:52,648 --> 00:11:54,409
I'm not surrounded by a hot girlfriend
180
00:11:54,410 --> 00:11:57,219
and hot stripper moms 24/7
181
00:11:57,220 --> 00:12:01,911
who wipe the tip of my penis
every time I take a piss.
182
00:12:01,912 --> 00:12:03,748
Fuck you dude.
183
00:12:03,749 --> 00:12:06,512
I told you a million times,
my mom is not a stripper,
184
00:12:06,513 --> 00:12:09,847
she's an exotic dancer and a saint.
185
00:12:10,394 --> 00:12:12,733
And I don't even want
to hear this shit, man.
186
00:12:12,734 --> 00:12:14,375
Look at you.
187
00:12:14,376 --> 00:12:18,740
I would give both nuts and
the sack to have your life.
188
00:12:18,741 --> 00:12:20,781
You can run a billion miles,
189
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:23,944
you get to wear all this stylish
clothes, and most of all,
190
00:12:23,945 --> 00:12:26,038
you're not smothered like I am.
191
00:12:26,039 --> 00:12:28,817
Well, I'd do the same to have your life.
192
00:12:28,818 --> 00:12:32,941
You have a girlfriend
and a mom, two moms,
193
00:12:32,942 --> 00:12:36,302
that love you, you're never lonely
194
00:12:36,303 --> 00:12:39,386
and you get to eat whatever you want.
195
00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:49,970
That there is a bum with
his hand on his hobo balls.
196
00:12:51,315 --> 00:12:54,499
Day-bu gah-boos-uhn
day-boos-uhn-go.
197
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:55,404
Bay-tah.
198
00:12:55,405 --> 00:12:57,987
Queta-su-noba day-boos-uhn-dah.
199
00:12:59,704 --> 00:13:01,145
God damn it.
200
00:13:01,146 --> 00:13:02,504
What the fuck?
201
00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:05,515
Dude I'm gonna get AIDS!
202
00:13:31,265 --> 00:13:32,464
Whoa.
203
00:13:32,465 --> 00:13:34,882
Somebody's up early this morning.
204
00:13:34,883 --> 00:13:36,981
I slept here last night?
205
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,040
I don't remember coming over.
206
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:42,641
It sounds like you had too
much to drink last night.
207
00:13:42,642 --> 00:13:44,125
Where's, where's Matt?
208
00:13:44,983 --> 00:13:46,483
Is he down stairs?
209
00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:07,874
What the fuck.
210
00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:08,708
I'm Matt?
211
00:14:15,556 --> 00:14:18,789
Hey, Ms. Gaye, who do you think I am?
212
00:14:19,912 --> 00:14:21,657
You're so funny Matty.
213
00:14:21,658 --> 00:14:22,741
Are you okay?
214
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,213
What the fuck?
215
00:14:26,709 --> 00:14:29,092
Oh, shit, I really am Matt.
216
00:14:49,954 --> 00:14:50,787
Alex.
217
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:55,478
Alex.
218
00:14:57,934 --> 00:15:00,542
Did you see where I put my phone?
219
00:15:00,543 --> 00:15:02,624
I need to call my mom.
220
00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:05,292
She's probably worried about me.
221
00:15:07,071 --> 00:15:07,904
Alex.
222
00:15:09,273 --> 00:15:14,190
Yo, I need to let her know I
spent the night at your house.
223
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,530
The fuck?
224
00:15:54,129 --> 00:15:56,421
Am I high right now?
225
00:15:58,138 --> 00:16:02,030
I don't remember doing
any drugs last night.
226
00:16:06,047 --> 00:16:06,880
Ah.
227
00:16:08,208 --> 00:16:09,041
What?
228
00:16:26,951 --> 00:16:28,473
Nice bike, fat ass.
229
00:16:28,474 --> 00:16:31,568
I'm surprised your tires
haven't exploded.
230
00:16:31,569 --> 00:16:33,476
Good one, Vir-Gina.
231
00:16:33,477 --> 00:16:36,159
We have the same bike dumb-ass.
232
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:40,323
It's Virgil, asshole and I
don't have that faggy basket.
233
00:16:40,324 --> 00:16:42,325
Why don't you take
your bitch ass back home
234
00:16:42,326 --> 00:16:44,206
before I shit on Matt's porch again,
235
00:16:44,207 --> 00:16:48,790
blame you and watch your
whore of a mom whoop your ass.
236
00:16:51,347 --> 00:16:53,388
No, I won't put my hands down your pants
237
00:16:53,389 --> 00:16:55,312
and play with your tiny dick.
238
00:16:55,313 --> 00:16:57,724
Leave me alone, Jared from Subway.
239
00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,686
Hey man, you get away from that kid.
240
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:01,251
Tiny dick.
241
00:17:01,252 --> 00:17:02,085
Oh shit.
242
00:17:12,347 --> 00:17:16,097
I fucking knew it,
dude, get out of my way.
243
00:17:18,709 --> 00:17:20,188
What the hell is going on, dude?
244
00:17:20,189 --> 00:17:22,559
Why am I in your Ethiopian body?
245
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,105
I don't know, why don't you tell me?
246
00:17:24,106 --> 00:17:26,271
I just rode here on
your mom's gay ass bike
247
00:17:26,272 --> 00:17:28,676
in this fat ass Jabba
the Hutt body you have.
248
00:17:28,677 --> 00:17:30,441
Have you ever done
a day of cardio
249
00:17:30,442 --> 00:17:32,231
in your entire fucking life?
250
00:17:32,232 --> 00:17:35,636
I find it and honor to
resemble Jabba Desilijic Tiure.
251
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:40,484
One of the most notorious
crime lords in the galaxy.
252
00:17:40,485 --> 00:17:42,049
The hell are you talking about?
253
00:17:42,050 --> 00:17:46,058
Jabba Desilijic Tiure aka Jabba the Hutt
254
00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:48,056
or the Bloated one.
255
00:17:48,057 --> 00:17:48,890
Seriously?
256
00:17:50,019 --> 00:17:53,825
First introduced in 1983
with the third installment
257
00:17:53,826 --> 00:17:58,826
of the original Star Wars
trilogy, Return of the Jedi.
258
00:17:59,074 --> 00:17:59,954
No?
259
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:01,120
Got the little Ewoks,
260
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,766
they look like little George Lucas's.
261
00:18:02,767 --> 00:18:04,301
I swear, sometimes you're the smartest
262
00:18:04,302 --> 00:18:07,624
mentally handicap person that I know.
263
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:10,553
Is there a god damn reason
why my AC's not on right now?
264
00:18:10,554 --> 00:18:13,356
My balls are sweaty and they're
like sticking to my ankles.
265
00:18:13,357 --> 00:18:14,648
What are you talking about?
266
00:18:14,649 --> 00:18:16,136
It's freezing in here.
267
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:19,704
Your nipples are fucking
hard as fuck right now.
268
00:18:19,705 --> 00:18:20,679
Yeah.
269
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,320
So what are we gonna do?
270
00:18:22,321 --> 00:18:24,303
You figure out what switched us yet?
271
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:26,065
I'm thinking.
272
00:18:26,066 --> 00:18:28,274
Well think faster you're the smart one.
273
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:29,359
Will you shut the hell up?
274
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:30,660
I'm trying to concentrate.
275
00:18:30,661 --> 00:18:31,494
Jesus.
276
00:18:32,524 --> 00:18:33,603
Okay.
277
00:18:33,604 --> 00:18:35,563
So we went to work.
278
00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:38,173
We stopped by the bar afterward.
279
00:18:38,948 --> 00:18:41,448
You puked like a little bitch.
280
00:18:43,032 --> 00:18:44,873
Obviously the bum.
281
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,295
The one that slapped us.
282
00:18:46,296 --> 00:18:48,452
It had to be him.
283
00:18:48,453 --> 00:18:50,578
Oh yeah, right.
284
00:18:50,579 --> 00:18:52,162
That mother fucker.
285
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,933
Well let's go find him and
make him switch us back.
286
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:56,767
Come on.
287
00:18:57,659 --> 00:18:58,492
Skedaddle.
288
00:19:21,001 --> 00:19:22,179
Oh, come on!
289
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:33,501
Dude, we crashed.
290
00:19:33,502 --> 00:19:35,143
What the fuck?
291
00:19:35,144 --> 00:19:36,369
Did you hit someone?
292
00:19:36,370 --> 00:19:37,308
Dude, pay attention.
293
00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:41,625
I'm not gonna be the only one
looking for this guy, okay.
294
00:19:47,158 --> 00:19:49,143
Oh shit, Kratos.
295
00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:50,384
You know that guy?
296
00:19:50,385 --> 00:19:52,086
Ah, yeah, he's my dealer.
297
00:19:52,087 --> 00:19:53,525
I told you about him before.
298
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,624
No.
299
00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:55,458
Come on.
300
00:19:55,459 --> 00:19:57,999
He probably knows that
fuck that slapped us.
301
00:20:02,670 --> 00:20:05,357
What the fuck's is this guy's problem?
302
00:20:05,358 --> 00:20:06,957
Just pretend like you're me.
303
00:20:06,958 --> 00:20:09,084
Kratos, it's me Matt.
304
00:20:09,085 --> 00:20:11,652
I buy pot from you homebroski.
305
00:20:12,557 --> 00:20:13,536
Calm down.
306
00:20:13,537 --> 00:20:14,874
This is my friend Ma...
307
00:20:14,875 --> 00:20:16,600
This is my friend Alex.
308
00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:18,520
I know who you are.
309
00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:21,209
You think you could steal Matt's face
310
00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:24,270
and then come up on my
corner and deal drugs?
311
00:20:24,271 --> 00:20:25,817
What?
312
00:20:25,818 --> 00:20:27,977
I knew about your machine.
313
00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:31,496
Takes someone's face and
then puts on someone else's.
314
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,856
We didn't steal anybody's face.
315
00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,273
We just came here to ask you a question
316
00:20:35,274 --> 00:20:36,724
about one of your friends.
317
00:20:36,725 --> 00:20:39,276
How do you know about my friends?
318
00:20:40,251 --> 00:20:42,611
I don't got any bum friends.
319
00:20:42,612 --> 00:20:44,836
Now get out of here.
320
00:20:44,837 --> 00:20:47,520
This is my empire.
321
00:20:48,287 --> 00:20:50,703
You can't have it.
322
00:20:54,190 --> 00:20:57,435
Kratos, look into my eyes, man.
323
00:20:57,436 --> 00:20:59,239
It's me Matt.
324
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:00,725
My buddy Alex and I were here last night
325
00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:04,213
when some bum who walks around
with his hands down his pants
326
00:21:04,214 --> 00:21:07,180
caressing his nuts, slapped
both of us in the face.
327
00:21:07,181 --> 00:21:10,396
And by some weird voodoo
or magic or some shit,
328
00:21:10,397 --> 00:21:11,920
we switched bodies.
329
00:21:11,921 --> 00:21:14,286
He's me and I'm him.
330
00:21:14,287 --> 00:21:17,009
And we just want to switch
and get our own bodies back.
331
00:21:17,010 --> 00:21:19,188
Now can you help us?
332
00:21:19,189 --> 00:21:21,797
Matt, my man.
333
00:21:22,191 --> 00:21:25,049
Why didn't you tell me in
the first place, my brotha?
334
00:21:28,334 --> 00:21:29,576
Not this guy again.
335
00:21:29,577 --> 00:21:31,910
I see you've met Joe Blow.
336
00:21:33,142 --> 00:21:35,559
Is he sucking his own dick?
337
00:21:37,386 --> 00:21:38,553
Lucky bastard.
338
00:21:41,109 --> 00:21:43,075
Ah, what the hell man?
339
00:21:43,076 --> 00:21:43,909
Get off of me.
340
00:21:43,910 --> 00:21:46,701
I am so sorry.
341
00:21:48,717 --> 00:21:49,984
Hey, Kratos.
342
00:21:50,494 --> 00:21:52,508
This is Steve.
343
00:21:52,509 --> 00:21:55,432
He's been diagnosed
with this rare disease
344
00:21:55,433 --> 00:21:58,250
called Alien Hand Syndrome.
345
00:21:58,914 --> 00:22:01,994
He's got no control over his right arm.
346
00:22:01,995 --> 00:22:05,951
I told him it's proof that aliens exist,
347
00:22:05,952 --> 00:22:08,285
and I offered to cut it off.
348
00:22:10,657 --> 00:22:12,424
But he won't let me.
349
00:22:19,617 --> 00:22:22,673
Do you guys know the bum
we're talking about or what?
350
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,597
Yeah, I know about the
guy you're looking for.
351
00:22:25,598 --> 00:22:27,598
His name's Magic Mike.
352
00:22:27,599 --> 00:22:30,315
He comes around every Friday
353
00:22:32,246 --> 00:22:34,079
to get the recyclables
354
00:22:34,966 --> 00:22:37,049
before the garbage comes.
355
00:22:38,337 --> 00:22:41,250
Is he jerking you off right now?
356
00:22:41,251 --> 00:22:43,168
Just go with it, bro.
357
00:22:45,473 --> 00:22:48,307
I think we got the
answers we're looking for.
358
00:22:48,308 --> 00:22:49,850
Hey wait.
359
00:22:49,851 --> 00:22:51,652
Don't you guys want to buy something?
360
00:22:51,653 --> 00:22:54,220
I just got in some real goodies.
361
00:22:54,221 --> 00:22:55,971
No man, we're good.
362
00:22:58,548 --> 00:22:59,381
Oh.
363
00:23:03,539 --> 00:23:05,013
Oh, god. Oh.
364
00:23:14,422 --> 00:23:16,097
I am so sorry.
365
00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:18,507
I'm not.
366
00:23:24,791 --> 00:23:27,913
I cannot believe I'm gonna
be stuck in this body tonight.
367
00:23:27,914 --> 00:23:29,774
Bitch please.
368
00:23:29,775 --> 00:23:31,857
You get to eat snacks and play Xbox
369
00:23:31,858 --> 00:23:34,669
while my mom and girlfriend spoil you.
370
00:23:34,670 --> 00:23:36,729
And why in the hell would I do that?
371
00:23:36,730 --> 00:23:38,649
Because you're me.
372
00:23:38,650 --> 00:23:39,483
So?
373
00:23:39,484 --> 00:23:43,082
So we have to pretend
like we're each other.
374
00:23:43,083 --> 00:23:45,540
What, why?
Seriously?
375
00:23:45,541 --> 00:23:48,439
You honestly think anyone
besides my drugged out dealer
376
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,721
is gonna believe us if we
tell them we switched bodies?
377
00:23:51,722 --> 00:23:53,922
I'm gonna go with no.
378
00:23:53,923 --> 00:23:58,923
They're more likely to lock
us away in some creepy asylum.
379
00:23:59,086 --> 00:24:01,086
You know I hate asylums.
380
00:24:02,771 --> 00:24:05,080
I guess you have a point.
381
00:24:05,081 --> 00:24:06,738
You're fucking right I do.
382
00:24:06,739 --> 00:24:07,778
Fine, whatever.
383
00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:10,529
Lets just get this over with man.
384
00:24:11,819 --> 00:24:14,236
Shit, Holly's already here.
385
00:24:15,106 --> 00:24:17,348
What's the protocol on that anyway?
386
00:24:17,349 --> 00:24:19,596
If she comes on to me, do I hit that or?
387
00:24:19,597 --> 00:24:21,219
She's definitely gonna come on to you
388
00:24:21,220 --> 00:24:22,676
and you're not gonna do a damn thing.
389
00:24:22,677 --> 00:24:24,729
You're gonna shut that shit down.
390
00:24:24,730 --> 00:24:26,649
Whatever it takes.
391
00:24:26,650 --> 00:24:28,330
I understand it's been a while
392
00:24:28,331 --> 00:24:30,716
since you felt a woman's touch,
393
00:24:30,717 --> 00:24:33,043
but you better not do anything man.
394
00:24:33,044 --> 00:24:33,926
All right, all right.
395
00:24:33,927 --> 00:24:35,343
Jesus, calm down.
396
00:24:37,076 --> 00:24:38,435
What's this?
397
00:24:38,436 --> 00:24:41,236
That is your itinerary for the week.
398
00:24:41,237 --> 00:24:43,641
I don't even know what
half these exercises are.
399
00:24:43,642 --> 00:24:46,059
And raw foods?
400
00:24:47,204 --> 00:24:49,183
You know I'm not gonna
eat this shit, right?
401
00:24:49,184 --> 00:24:50,542
You are gonna eat that shit
402
00:24:50,543 --> 00:24:53,626
or Holly's gonna be eating this dick.
403
00:25:25,292 --> 00:25:27,091
This mother fucking guy.
404
00:25:27,092 --> 00:25:27,925
Fuck.
405
00:25:30,899 --> 00:25:32,149
Chubby bunny.
406
00:25:35,703 --> 00:25:36,536
No.
407
00:25:42,158 --> 00:25:43,238
What's wrong baby?
408
00:25:43,239 --> 00:25:46,082
I'm just not in the mood, okay?
409
00:25:46,083 --> 00:25:48,035
Not according to Mr. Action Jackson!
410
00:25:48,036 --> 00:25:48,939
Action Jackson?
411
00:25:54,927 --> 00:25:57,594
I need to answer the door, okay?
412
00:26:00,942 --> 00:26:02,654
What the fuck do you
think you're doing, dude?
413
00:26:02,655 --> 00:26:04,068
What?
Don't what me.
414
00:26:04,069 --> 00:26:07,215
I saw you grabbing her dick.
415
00:26:07,216 --> 00:26:08,217
Her grabbing your dick.
416
00:26:08,218 --> 00:26:09,454
You know what the fuck I meant.
417
00:26:09,455 --> 00:26:10,848
She was grabbing your dick actually,
418
00:26:10,849 --> 00:26:12,616
and she was the one all over me.
419
00:26:12,617 --> 00:26:16,200
Whatever, just give
me the damn car keys.
420
00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:18,755
You're a real asshole, you know that?
421
00:26:18,756 --> 00:26:20,755
I'm telling you the truth.
422
00:26:20,756 --> 00:26:23,756
It wasn't me, it was Action Jackson.
423
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:33,078
Yeah, I'm gonna eat
real healthy all right.
424
00:26:41,361 --> 00:26:43,361
Do you have any sixes?
425
00:26:47,371 --> 00:26:48,260
No.
426
00:26:48,261 --> 00:26:49,794
I mean go fish.
427
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:53,666
Okay.
428
00:26:53,667 --> 00:26:56,542
Do you have any jacks?
429
00:26:57,055 --> 00:26:57,888
Yep.
430
00:26:59,045 --> 00:27:03,283
You know, we should really
switch this to strip go fish.
431
00:27:03,284 --> 00:27:06,593
No, I think we should
stick to the regular go fish.
432
00:27:06,594 --> 00:27:07,427
Please.
433
00:27:16,067 --> 00:27:18,808
What the fuck, motha fucka?
434
00:27:19,133 --> 00:27:21,048
Did you just talk?
435
00:27:21,049 --> 00:27:23,929
Fuck yeah, I said what the fuck?
436
00:27:24,371 --> 00:27:26,732
Alex tries to fuck your girl
437
00:27:26,733 --> 00:27:29,940
and you're just gonna
eat a fucking pizza?
438
00:27:29,941 --> 00:27:32,641
Bitch move motha fucka.
439
00:27:32,642 --> 00:27:36,780
Yeah, well what the fuck
do you suggest then, asshole?
440
00:27:36,781 --> 00:27:39,979
You gotta fucking eat everything.
441
00:27:39,980 --> 00:27:41,019
Everything?
442
00:27:41,020 --> 00:27:45,378
Fucking every motha
fucking thing, motha fucka.
443
00:27:46,106 --> 00:27:48,425
Do you have any fives?
444
00:27:48,426 --> 00:27:49,259
Go fish.
445
00:27:50,496 --> 00:27:53,529
Uhm, do you have any eights?
446
00:27:56,340 --> 00:27:57,897
No, go fish.
447
00:28:27,088 --> 00:28:29,169
That's it, I'm gonna kill him.
448
00:28:29,170 --> 00:28:30,051
Where are you going?
449
00:28:30,051 --> 00:28:31,005
What's going on?
450
00:28:31,006 --> 00:28:33,619
I'm going to my, I'm
going to Alex's house.
451
00:28:33,620 --> 00:28:34,453
Why?
452
00:28:34,454 --> 00:28:36,304
Because I'm gonna kick
the shit out of him.
453
00:28:36,305 --> 00:28:39,938
Okay, well before you go
can I get a kiss at least?
454
00:28:39,939 --> 00:28:41,298
Uh, sure.
455
00:28:47,747 --> 00:28:49,083
I love you chubby bunny.
456
00:28:49,084 --> 00:28:52,009
I love you too my thin bunny.
457
00:29:04,243 --> 00:29:06,283
I'm gonna kick your fucking teeth in.
458
00:29:07,843 --> 00:29:08,676
What?
459
00:29:10,353 --> 00:29:13,735
I said, go ahead, they're your teeth.
460
00:29:13,736 --> 00:29:14,966
Motherfucker!
461
00:29:14,967 --> 00:29:16,467
I can't breathe.
462
00:29:17,708 --> 00:29:18,803
It wasn't me.
463
00:29:18,804 --> 00:29:21,787
It was the oven mitt's idea, tell him.
464
00:29:21,788 --> 00:29:23,705
You mother fucking rat.
465
00:29:26,163 --> 00:29:26,996
Help.
466
00:29:28,859 --> 00:29:29,692
Puke it up.
467
00:29:29,693 --> 00:29:31,405
Get off me Kevin Spacey.
468
00:29:31,406 --> 00:29:32,721
Puke it up.
Rape!
469
00:29:32,722 --> 00:29:33,972
He's raping me!
470
00:29:35,045 --> 00:29:38,964
Puke it up or I'm gonna
make you puke it up.
471
00:29:50,474 --> 00:29:52,391
Now clean yourself off.
472
00:30:15,883 --> 00:30:18,889
So you really didn't diddle my girl?
473
00:30:18,890 --> 00:30:21,561
No, like I said, she ambushed me.
474
00:30:21,562 --> 00:30:22,683
She fucking jumped on me.
475
00:30:22,684 --> 00:30:24,550
I had to fight just to get away.
476
00:30:24,551 --> 00:30:29,359
It's not my fault your body
is so irresistibly sexy.
477
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,688
And you haven't been
doing anything since I left?
478
00:30:32,689 --> 00:30:33,612
Hell no.
479
00:30:33,613 --> 00:30:37,524
We've just been playing go fish
like two real mature adults.
480
00:30:37,525 --> 00:30:39,826
Man, Holly always kicks
my ass at that game.
481
00:30:39,827 --> 00:30:42,585
Yeah, that's 'cause you suck.
482
00:30:43,938 --> 00:30:47,071
Oh yeah, I made you a new itinerary.
483
00:30:47,072 --> 00:30:49,060
How about you try
following it this time,
484
00:30:49,061 --> 00:30:50,882
instead of throwing it away.
485
00:30:50,883 --> 00:30:52,484
I'm not gonna throw it away.
486
00:30:52,485 --> 00:30:54,188
Yeah, like you didn't throw
away the crinkled up one
487
00:30:54,189 --> 00:30:56,575
I found in your driveway.
488
00:30:56,576 --> 00:30:57,777
Can you wash that shit off my face
489
00:30:57,778 --> 00:30:59,903
so I don't break out with pimples?
490
00:30:59,904 --> 00:31:02,778
And please, please for the love of god,
491
00:31:02,779 --> 00:31:05,248
will you stop eating junk
food while you're in my body.
492
00:31:05,249 --> 00:31:06,763
Can you do that?
493
00:31:06,764 --> 00:31:07,597
Fine.
494
00:31:16,439 --> 00:31:17,726
Bitch.
495
00:31:37,303 --> 00:31:39,479
Best night of sleep, ever.
496
00:31:41,845 --> 00:31:43,830
Good morning my little astronaut.
497
00:31:43,831 --> 00:31:46,034
You forgot to put your sleep
mask on again last night
498
00:31:46,035 --> 00:31:49,452
so I put it on you
while you were asleep.
499
00:31:52,922 --> 00:31:54,955
I wish you would've told me Ms. Gaye.
500
00:31:54,956 --> 00:31:56,549
This damn thing freaks me out.
501
00:31:56,550 --> 00:31:58,531
Ms. Gaye?
502
00:31:58,532 --> 00:32:00,032
Very funny, Matty.
503
00:32:04,844 --> 00:32:06,181
What's that?
504
00:32:06,182 --> 00:32:07,349
What's what?
505
00:32:09,066 --> 00:32:12,316
Oh, nothing, I thought I saw a ghost.
506
00:32:14,816 --> 00:32:17,201
Queeri.
Hey there cock boy.
507
00:32:17,202 --> 00:32:18,035
Make me a pizza.
508
00:32:18,036 --> 00:32:19,561
Oh fuck yeah.
509
00:32:19,562 --> 00:32:23,562
One dirty little pizza
coming right up cock boy.
510
00:32:25,956 --> 00:32:27,196
Oh fuck yeah.
511
00:32:27,197 --> 00:32:30,947
How's that pizza taste
there little cock boy?
512
00:32:35,449 --> 00:32:36,282
Hurry up and get ready.
513
00:32:36,283 --> 00:32:38,199
Alex will be here soon.
514
00:32:45,516 --> 00:32:48,369
Can you put some damn
clothes on Miss, mom.
515
00:32:48,370 --> 00:32:50,167
I'm trying to get ready for work.
516
00:32:50,168 --> 00:32:52,889
What honey?
517
00:32:52,890 --> 00:32:53,723
No.
518
00:32:53,724 --> 00:32:56,416
Hey let me in on this action.
519
00:32:56,417 --> 00:32:57,250
Shaniqua.
520
00:32:57,251 --> 00:32:58,922
Oh do you need some privacy?
521
00:32:58,923 --> 00:33:00,298
Get off-get off.
522
00:33:00,747 --> 00:33:02,873
Someone's a grumpy butt this morning.
523
00:33:02,874 --> 00:33:06,957
I think you may have
drooled last night, Matty.
524
00:33:11,996 --> 00:33:13,115
Whoa.
525
00:33:13,116 --> 00:33:15,783
Those are some funky balls, son.
526
00:33:17,759 --> 00:33:19,413
Ah, whatever.
527
00:33:21,206 --> 00:33:23,407
♪ Flashy with the ♪
528
00:33:23,408 --> 00:33:26,091
♪ Millions with the millions ♪
529
00:33:26,092 --> 00:33:29,485
♪ Donald Trump and foolish
with the billions ♪
530
00:33:29,486 --> 00:33:32,649
♪ Money stackin' right
up to the ceiling ♪
531
00:33:32,650 --> 00:33:36,174
♪ But money make you
greedy with no feelings ♪
532
00:33:36,175 --> 00:33:39,563
♪ We flashy with the
millions with the millions ♪
533
00:33:39,564 --> 00:33:42,967
♪ Donald Trump and foolish
with the billions ♪
534
00:33:42,968 --> 00:33:46,328
♪ Money stackin' right
up to the ceiling ♪
535
00:33:46,329 --> 00:33:49,753
♪ But money make you
greedy with no feelings ♪
536
00:33:49,754 --> 00:33:51,724
♪ You want designer glasses ♪
537
00:33:51,725 --> 00:33:53,145
♪ You ain't bout it ♪
538
00:33:53,146 --> 00:33:56,587
♪ You still ain't fly at
all so say your thousands ♪
539
00:33:56,588 --> 00:33:58,721
♪ Money spent on jewels ♪
540
00:34:09,727 --> 00:34:11,808
I really need to get a bigger car.
541
00:34:11,809 --> 00:34:13,265
Ah, yeah.
542
00:34:13,266 --> 00:34:15,106
Have a good day today, sugar booger.
543
00:34:15,107 --> 00:34:15,940
You too.
544
00:34:19,774 --> 00:34:21,524
Fuck you, Shaniqua.
545
00:34:29,097 --> 00:34:30,578
The hell is this?
546
00:34:30,579 --> 00:34:31,412
Nice, right?
547
00:34:31,413 --> 00:34:34,430
It's an exact replica
of Taylor Swift's mouth.
548
00:34:34,431 --> 00:34:36,206
It's to help you take the edge off.
549
00:34:36,207 --> 00:34:40,686
You know, so you don't try
and fuck my girlfriend.
550
00:34:40,687 --> 00:34:41,520
Thanks.
551
00:34:42,905 --> 00:34:45,567
Not in my body pothead.
552
00:34:45,568 --> 00:34:46,401
Asshole.
553
00:34:57,258 --> 00:35:00,298
Thank you ladies and
gentleman for showing up.
554
00:35:00,299 --> 00:35:03,005
Can't believe we have
a sold out show today.
555
00:35:03,006 --> 00:35:05,261
Although I'm not a fan
of your health care plan
556
00:35:05,262 --> 00:35:09,261
I do appreciate President
Obama for coming to see me.
557
00:35:09,262 --> 00:35:13,125
Speaking of health, I
obviously have none.
558
00:35:13,126 --> 00:35:15,306
Will you at least pretend
to work while you're me?
559
00:35:15,307 --> 00:35:16,868
I don't have time for that.
560
00:35:16,869 --> 00:35:18,362
You do realize that the comedy contest
561
00:35:18,363 --> 00:35:20,286
is in a few days, right?
562
00:35:20,287 --> 00:35:21,211
Yes.
563
00:35:21,212 --> 00:35:22,892
And do you realize there's a big chance
564
00:35:22,893 --> 00:35:26,053
we'll still be in each
other's bodies by then?
565
00:35:26,054 --> 00:35:28,617
Fuck, you're right.
566
00:35:28,618 --> 00:35:31,984
Well then, you're just gonna
have to do the contest for me.
567
00:35:31,985 --> 00:35:32,818
Nope.
568
00:35:34,562 --> 00:35:35,683
No.
569
00:35:35,684 --> 00:35:36,669
No no no no.
570
00:35:36,670 --> 00:35:38,511
I didn't sign up for that bullshit.
571
00:35:38,512 --> 00:35:40,151
You're gonna have to cancel.
572
00:35:40,152 --> 00:35:42,534
I don't do big crowds.
573
00:35:42,535 --> 00:35:45,177
Besides, you can re-enter
next year anyway.
574
00:35:45,178 --> 00:35:47,621
Get over yourself you damn drama queen.
575
00:35:47,622 --> 00:35:49,782
You do presentations
all the time at work
576
00:35:49,783 --> 00:35:51,262
and you seem to do just fine.
577
00:35:51,263 --> 00:35:52,384
There's a huge difference.
578
00:35:52,385 --> 00:35:54,253
There's only a handful of
people who actually work here,
579
00:35:54,254 --> 00:35:56,215
most of them we hate.
580
00:35:56,216 --> 00:35:58,138
When I'm doing presentations
I'm not attempting
581
00:35:58,139 --> 00:36:00,321
to make a huge crowd laugh.
582
00:36:00,322 --> 00:36:02,545
What if I freeze?
583
00:36:02,546 --> 00:36:04,465
Or they hate me?
584
00:36:04,466 --> 00:36:06,868
I'm not trying to make
a fool out of myself.
585
00:36:06,869 --> 00:36:11,058
Relax, if anything you'll
be making a fool out of me.
586
00:36:11,059 --> 00:36:14,591
I already given you my
body, my secret weapon.
587
00:36:14,592 --> 00:36:16,991
Now here are the bullets.
588
00:36:16,992 --> 00:36:17,992
My material.
589
00:36:18,832 --> 00:36:19,665
Read it,
590
00:36:20,282 --> 00:36:21,115
live it,
591
00:36:22,355 --> 00:36:23,188
be it.
592
00:36:27,634 --> 00:36:30,717
I really don't think I can do this.
593
00:36:32,850 --> 00:36:34,218
How about this,
594
00:36:34,219 --> 00:36:35,698
you stop being a smelly clit
595
00:36:35,699 --> 00:36:37,338
and do this competition for me
596
00:36:37,339 --> 00:36:38,980
and I'll get you a date with Jenna.
597
00:36:38,981 --> 00:36:40,802
I'll get her all wet and juicy for you
598
00:36:40,803 --> 00:36:43,200
so when we switch and
get our bodies back
599
00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:47,300
all you have to do is
slip the tip right in.
600
00:36:47,301 --> 00:36:48,500
Yeah.
601
00:36:48,501 --> 00:36:49,701
How does that sound?
602
00:36:49,702 --> 00:36:51,516
Give your hand a night off for once.
603
00:36:51,517 --> 00:36:54,684
It's a little graphic, but enticing.
604
00:36:55,961 --> 00:36:56,842
How about this?
605
00:36:56,843 --> 00:36:59,522
You get me the date with
Jenna while staying in shape
606
00:36:59,523 --> 00:37:01,282
until I get my body back.
607
00:37:01,283 --> 00:37:04,083
I actually have a respectable
competition coming up.
608
00:37:04,084 --> 00:37:05,615
It's called a triathlon.
609
00:37:05,616 --> 00:37:07,456
You probably have no clue what that is
610
00:37:07,457 --> 00:37:09,697
considering it involves
physical exercise
611
00:37:09,698 --> 00:37:10,898
but you're gonna need to learn,
612
00:37:10,899 --> 00:37:13,458
because you're probably
gonna have to do it for me.
613
00:37:13,459 --> 00:37:16,939
All right, and if you
help shed a few pounds,
614
00:37:16,940 --> 00:37:19,440
I think we can seal this deal.
615
00:37:26,703 --> 00:37:28,011
Come on, man.
616
00:37:31,397 --> 00:37:33,146
Hey you two retards,
617
00:37:33,147 --> 00:37:34,747
quit finger diddling
each other's urethras
618
00:37:34,748 --> 00:37:36,267
and get back to work.
619
00:37:36,268 --> 00:37:38,720
Alex, I need you to
start with this and then,
620
00:37:38,721 --> 00:37:40,240
I said Alex.
621
00:37:40,241 --> 00:37:43,408
And then get back to your other tasks.
622
00:37:44,250 --> 00:37:45,500
What is this?
623
00:37:46,936 --> 00:37:48,269
Is this cocaine?
624
00:37:56,591 --> 00:38:01,591
If anyone asks, I was with
you two fucktards last night.
625
00:38:01,936 --> 00:38:05,516
Hey boss, hanging out
with that white girl, huh?
626
00:38:05,517 --> 00:38:08,076
Classy, classy, I would partake
627
00:38:08,077 --> 00:38:11,319
but I'm currently doing
a full body cleanse.
628
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,884
I love those scrumptious shakes.
629
00:38:13,885 --> 00:38:16,124
If you mention white girl
630
00:38:16,125 --> 00:38:19,165
or say the word scrumptious again,
631
00:38:19,166 --> 00:38:20,768
I'll fucking kill you.
632
00:38:20,769 --> 00:38:21,769
Now get back to work.
633
00:38:21,770 --> 00:38:26,569
There's shit smeared all over
the bathroom walls again.
634
00:38:26,570 --> 00:38:28,211
It was me.
635
00:38:30,220 --> 00:38:32,387
I wasn't done with that.
636
00:38:33,949 --> 00:38:35,766
Look at these two anus clowns blowing
637
00:38:35,767 --> 00:38:38,531
each other's dicks like animal balloons.
638
00:38:38,532 --> 00:38:40,131
You do know they don't actually
639
00:38:40,132 --> 00:38:43,371
blow on your dick when
you get a blowjob, right?
640
00:38:43,372 --> 00:38:45,505
Have you ever even gotten head before?
641
00:38:45,506 --> 00:38:48,105
No shit, I've had literally millions
642
00:38:48,106 --> 00:38:49,764
of blow jays in my life.
643
00:38:49,765 --> 00:38:51,848
You mean blowgays?
644
00:38:51,849 --> 00:38:53,570
We don't have time for
your shit today Chad,
645
00:38:53,571 --> 00:38:54,988
so fuck off.
646
00:38:56,613 --> 00:39:00,491
Where did you get the balls
to step up to me, civilian?
647
00:39:00,492 --> 00:39:04,459
You have no idea the
shit I saw over there.
648
00:39:11,157 --> 00:39:14,598
You're not even close to being
on my level you little bitch.
649
00:39:14,599 --> 00:39:18,691
I used to laugh at weak ass
chumps like you in boot camp.
650
00:39:18,692 --> 00:39:19,525
Yeah?
651
00:39:19,526 --> 00:39:20,910
Did you laugh at yourself
when they booted
652
00:39:20,911 --> 00:39:23,830
your bitch ass out of boot camp?
653
00:39:23,831 --> 00:39:24,990
That's right.
654
00:39:24,991 --> 00:39:27,991
I know all about your Swiss
cheese heart full of holes.
655
00:39:27,992 --> 00:39:30,591
So why don't you and your faulty heart
656
00:39:30,592 --> 00:39:32,625
murmur the fuck out of here.
657
00:39:37,332 --> 00:39:41,211
Yeah, look at Mr. Big
shot over here, huh.
658
00:39:41,212 --> 00:39:43,045
Fuck you and fuck you.
659
00:39:44,895 --> 00:39:49,057
Jesus, you know I got you guys this job?
660
00:39:49,058 --> 00:39:50,641
I can fire you too.
661
00:39:51,899 --> 00:39:54,898
I'm actually the one
that got you this job.
662
00:39:54,899 --> 00:39:58,232
And you can't fire us, you're a janitor.
663
00:39:59,429 --> 00:40:02,908
I'm a fucking custodian level two.
664
00:40:02,909 --> 00:40:05,326
There's a difference ass hat.
665
00:40:06,845 --> 00:40:07,678
What is this?
666
00:40:07,679 --> 00:40:09,764
I'm getting it from both sides now?
667
00:40:09,765 --> 00:40:10,857
You want some?
668
00:40:10,858 --> 00:40:15,174
No, I'm just saying I got you the job.
669
00:40:17,201 --> 00:40:19,692
Whatever, I have to go.
670
00:40:19,693 --> 00:40:23,408
Apparently I'm the only one
who actually works around here.
671
00:40:24,108 --> 00:40:26,050
But I'll be over at
your house later Matt,
672
00:40:26,051 --> 00:40:30,268
to motorboat your
mom's fat tittaayyys.
673
00:40:30,969 --> 00:40:34,852
I think you mean your
aunt's tits, you sick fuck.
674
00:40:37,408 --> 00:40:39,491
Bro, it's Jenna.
675
00:40:49,569 --> 00:40:51,848
♪ One hundid every time you go away ♪
676
00:40:51,849 --> 00:40:54,288
♪ One hundid go on and say my name ♪
677
00:40:54,289 --> 00:40:56,930
♪ One hundid if we gonna make it last ♪
678
00:40:56,931 --> 00:40:58,763
Here's your chance player.
679
00:40:58,764 --> 00:41:01,547
It's pronounced play-a.
680
00:41:08,616 --> 00:41:09,449
Playa.
681
00:41:15,345 --> 00:41:18,425
Hey, prettiest lady in this office.
682
00:41:18,426 --> 00:41:20,867
I'm the only lady in this office.
683
00:41:20,868 --> 00:41:21,701
I know.
684
00:41:33,143 --> 00:41:35,182
So, what happened?
685
00:41:35,183 --> 00:41:39,266
Oh wait let me guess, you
messed it up, as usual.
686
00:41:39,856 --> 00:41:41,760
Looks like you better start working out,
687
00:41:41,761 --> 00:41:44,525
you obese son of a bitch.
688
00:41:44,526 --> 00:41:47,026
You actually got her number?
689
00:41:53,815 --> 00:41:55,935
Hey there little guy.
690
00:41:55,936 --> 00:41:57,910
Looks like you were so
excited for our date tonight
691
00:41:57,911 --> 00:42:00,161
that you woke up before me.
692
00:42:01,033 --> 00:42:02,633
Be patient buddy,
693
00:42:02,634 --> 00:42:04,317
I know Alex beats you
with his hand every night
694
00:42:04,318 --> 00:42:07,398
until you throw up but I promise,
695
00:42:07,399 --> 00:42:12,399
I'ma take you to VagTown if
it's the last thing I do.
696
00:42:13,955 --> 00:42:16,939
All right, I know there's some muscles
697
00:42:16,940 --> 00:42:20,037
deep down in this fat
somewhere to stretch out.
698
00:42:47,909 --> 00:42:48,742
Yes.
699
00:42:49,629 --> 00:42:50,462
Yes.
700
00:42:54,797 --> 00:42:58,573
How does this mother
fucker not have a girlfriend?
701
00:43:04,515 --> 00:43:05,878
Yee-haw.
702
00:43:05,879 --> 00:43:09,651
It's hotter than a goat's
ass in a pepper patch.
703
00:43:09,652 --> 00:43:11,255
Well how do Missy?
704
00:43:11,256 --> 00:43:14,217
I see you've run into
quite a predicament.
705
00:43:14,218 --> 00:43:18,144
Your pussy farm's in need of harvesting.
706
00:43:18,145 --> 00:43:20,238
Oh, my, my, my,.
707
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:24,086
I reckon I have the
right tool for the job.
708
00:43:24,087 --> 00:43:27,487
Bonjour, I'm about to make yo' skank ass
709
00:43:27,488 --> 00:43:30,947
a dick club sandwich with double meat.
710
00:43:30,948 --> 00:43:33,365
Extra heavy on zee jizz mayo.
711
00:43:34,392 --> 00:43:35,559
Hon, hon, hon.
712
00:43:37,854 --> 00:43:39,453
What's that you say?
713
00:43:39,454 --> 00:43:40,894
Pussy caught in a tree?
714
00:43:40,895 --> 00:43:41,957
Puh.
715
00:43:41,958 --> 00:43:45,375
Well slide on down
this long dick ladder.
716
00:43:48,478 --> 00:43:49,392
Freeze!
717
00:43:49,393 --> 00:43:50,631
You're under arrest for giving me
718
00:43:50,632 --> 00:43:53,440
a veiny throbbing cop boner.
719
00:43:54,032 --> 00:43:56,596
I'm the head detective
of the pussy division
720
00:43:56,597 --> 00:43:58,764
and you're about to serve
721
00:43:59,942 --> 00:44:01,300
hard time!
722
00:44:04,559 --> 00:44:05,879
Huh, Lieutenant McDickles mam.
723
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,762
Call my Johnson Ryan
because your pussy's
724
00:44:07,763 --> 00:44:08,943
about to save my privates.
725
00:44:17,647 --> 00:44:20,046
There's been a nuclear cum-plosion.
726
00:44:20,047 --> 00:44:22,655
Clean up in aisle my pants.
727
00:44:24,977 --> 00:44:25,810
Okay.
728
00:44:29,795 --> 00:44:32,754
Not today Vir-Gina, god damn.
729
00:44:33,580 --> 00:44:38,058
So my mom tells me that
fat people have small dicks.
730
00:44:38,059 --> 00:44:40,832
I would be offended, but
I'm literally channeling
731
00:44:40,833 --> 00:44:44,398
all the energy I have into breathing
732
00:44:44,399 --> 00:44:46,558
and grasping onto the
fact that your mom talks
733
00:44:46,559 --> 00:44:48,778
to you about fat dicks?
734
00:44:48,779 --> 00:44:49,940
Tiny dick!
735
00:44:49,941 --> 00:44:51,382
He has a tiny dick!
736
00:44:51,383 --> 00:44:52,358
He showed me it!
737
00:44:52,359 --> 00:44:54,078
Will you shut the hell up, Virgil?
738
00:44:54,079 --> 00:44:55,720
I don't have a tiny dick, okay.
739
00:44:55,721 --> 00:44:57,360
I'll show you my dick right now bro.
740
00:44:57,361 --> 00:44:58,520
Want me to whip it out?
741
00:44:58,521 --> 00:45:00,081
I'll whip out my dick.
742
00:45:00,082 --> 00:45:01,931
Whatever micro penis.
743
00:45:01,932 --> 00:45:06,923
Waddle waddle all day
but you'll always be fat!
744
00:45:09,702 --> 00:45:10,535
Fucker.
745
00:45:16,145 --> 00:45:16,978
Bitch.
746
00:45:20,524 --> 00:45:24,561
I'm gonna tell my mom you fat asshole.
747
00:45:31,660 --> 00:45:33,019
This was definitely a good call.
748
00:45:33,020 --> 00:45:36,353
I've always wanted to take an art class.
749
00:45:38,222 --> 00:45:41,788
Once again, it feels so good
to be here with all of you,
750
00:45:41,789 --> 00:45:44,471
in a creative environment.
751
00:45:44,472 --> 00:45:46,925
Free from our smart phones and tablets
752
00:45:46,926 --> 00:45:50,001
and computers and TVs.
753
00:45:56,507 --> 00:45:59,757
Let's start with some
breathing exercises.
754
00:45:59,758 --> 00:46:02,175
Now everyone close your eyes,
755
00:46:03,243 --> 00:46:05,734
relax your bodies
756
00:46:05,735 --> 00:46:08,518
and slowly inhale.
757
00:46:13,384 --> 00:46:15,718
And exhale.
758
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,172
Now, with your eyes closed,
759
00:46:21,173 --> 00:46:23,840
grab your pencils and just draw.
760
00:46:25,266 --> 00:46:28,668
Let the energy around
you flow through you
761
00:46:28,669 --> 00:46:30,226
and onto your paper.
762
00:46:37,046 --> 00:46:39,379
Now everyone open your eyes.
763
00:46:41,573 --> 00:46:43,655
Is that a dick?
764
00:46:43,656 --> 00:46:45,297
Well, we know where your head's at.
765
00:46:45,298 --> 00:46:47,873
I swear I was drawing something else.
766
00:46:47,874 --> 00:46:49,493
What did you draw?
767
00:46:49,494 --> 00:46:50,661
Same as you.
768
00:46:53,102 --> 00:46:54,356
Now that we're all warmed up
769
00:46:54,357 --> 00:46:57,598
and connected with our surroundings,
770
00:46:57,599 --> 00:47:00,099
it's time to begin our lesson.
771
00:47:03,261 --> 00:47:07,594
What kind of art class
did you say this was again?
772
00:47:09,214 --> 00:47:11,903
Bare witness and let
your naked eye connect
773
00:47:11,904 --> 00:47:13,702
with my naked human body.
774
00:47:13,703 --> 00:47:17,823
Look very closely and study every curve,
775
00:47:17,824 --> 00:47:19,399
wrinkle and pore.
776
00:47:21,834 --> 00:47:22,667
Yes?
777
00:47:23,958 --> 00:47:25,958
Is that a ding-a-ling?
778
00:47:26,872 --> 00:47:29,541
Yes, is there a problem?
779
00:47:29,542 --> 00:47:31,008
No, just,
780
00:47:32,525 --> 00:47:33,608
I'm good.
781
00:47:34,531 --> 00:47:35,967
We're good.
782
00:47:35,968 --> 00:47:37,385
Everybody's good.
783
00:47:40,413 --> 00:47:45,212
Now, let my features flow into your mind
784
00:47:45,213 --> 00:47:48,046
and spill out onto your paper.
785
00:47:49,327 --> 00:47:53,468
Well, I think I captured her
786
00:47:53,469 --> 00:47:55,469
and her penis perfectly.
787
00:47:57,206 --> 00:47:58,406
Another penis?
788
00:47:58,407 --> 00:48:00,568
Is there something you want
to come out of the closet
789
00:48:00,569 --> 00:48:02,028
for and tell me?
790
00:48:02,029 --> 00:48:04,184
I'm just really good at drawing penises.
791
00:48:04,185 --> 00:48:05,663
It's a gift.
792
00:48:05,664 --> 00:48:06,497
Sure.
793
00:48:06,498 --> 00:48:09,185
Let's see your drawing then, Picasso.
794
00:48:09,186 --> 00:48:11,045
All right, you're really good.
795
00:48:11,046 --> 00:48:12,231
Thank you.
796
00:48:12,232 --> 00:48:16,200
Do you like sausages?
I guess so.
797
00:48:16,201 --> 00:48:17,242
Why?
798
00:48:17,243 --> 00:48:18,459
All these penises reminded me
799
00:48:18,460 --> 00:48:21,689
of this fucking awesome Italian
sausage joint by my house.
800
00:48:21,690 --> 00:48:22,656
They're closed now,
801
00:48:22,657 --> 00:48:25,949
but if you're game we should
definitely go there sometime.
802
00:48:25,950 --> 00:48:27,433
It's molto bene.
803
00:48:28,116 --> 00:48:29,962
Sounds interesting, I'm game.
804
00:48:29,963 --> 00:48:32,463
All right, let's the fuck out of here.
805
00:48:32,464 --> 00:48:33,297
Bye guys.
806
00:48:33,298 --> 00:48:35,751
Don't forget to leave
me a review on Jewpon.
807
00:48:51,419 --> 00:48:52,252
Hello?
808
00:48:53,874 --> 00:48:56,822
Yeah, I know we don't have work today.
809
00:48:56,823 --> 00:48:58,745
Oh, I can sleep in?
810
00:48:58,746 --> 00:48:59,579
Oh really?
811
00:49:01,108 --> 00:49:01,941
Goodbye.
812
00:49:03,028 --> 00:49:04,286
Goodbye.
813
00:49:09,853 --> 00:49:11,809
Who's this all this for?
814
00:49:11,810 --> 00:49:13,256
For you silly goose.
815
00:49:13,257 --> 00:49:14,315
Round one.
816
00:49:14,316 --> 00:49:15,966
We're gonna see if you can
beat your seventh round record,
817
00:49:15,967 --> 00:49:17,527
my little cowboy.
818
00:49:17,528 --> 00:49:20,351
If you believe it, you can achieve it.
819
00:49:20,352 --> 00:49:22,852
Oh, I forgot your orange soda.
820
00:49:24,034 --> 00:49:26,130
I swear this bitch is
trying to give me diabetes.
821
00:49:34,358 --> 00:49:37,058
Jewpon.com.
822
00:49:39,216 --> 00:49:40,524
And print.
823
00:49:46,229 --> 00:49:48,912
How the fuck did he
make it to seven rounds?
824
00:49:48,913 --> 00:49:51,805
Don't give up, Matty.
You're almost there.
825
00:49:53,300 --> 00:49:55,787
I just, I can't do it.
826
00:49:55,788 --> 00:49:57,068
I can't eat another bite.
827
00:49:57,069 --> 00:49:58,612
Sure you can.
828
00:49:58,613 --> 00:50:00,358
Coming in for a landing.
829
00:50:16,210 --> 00:50:18,292
I understand why Matt hates you now.
830
00:50:21,245 --> 00:50:22,912
Good ball control.
831
00:50:23,992 --> 00:50:25,522
Get that ball, nobody has it!
832
00:50:25,523 --> 00:50:27,486
Come on, oh yeah, take it down.
833
00:50:30,971 --> 00:50:33,010
Hey is this the bubble soccer game?
834
00:50:33,011 --> 00:50:34,342
For the Jewpon promotion?
835
00:50:34,343 --> 00:50:36,144
Yes, are you one of the parents?
836
00:50:36,145 --> 00:50:39,277
No, here to kick some ass holes, sir.
837
00:50:39,278 --> 00:50:41,016
You didn't happen to
notice there's a slight age
838
00:50:41,017 --> 00:50:42,553
difference between yourself
839
00:50:42,554 --> 00:50:44,841
and these kids out here, did you?
840
00:50:44,842 --> 00:50:47,014
Yeah, but I read the coupon
841
00:50:47,015 --> 00:50:50,793
and it looks like there's
no age restriction, so.
842
00:50:50,794 --> 00:50:53,127
I'm in like nuts on yo chin!
843
00:51:18,377 --> 00:51:19,967
Feels like you have a few knots.
844
00:51:19,968 --> 00:51:20,817
Do I?
845
00:51:20,818 --> 00:51:22,223
Do you think you can get em out for me?
846
00:51:22,224 --> 00:51:23,103
Yeah, I can try.
847
00:51:23,104 --> 00:51:25,020
Oh, great, thank you.
848
00:51:31,010 --> 00:51:33,367
How's that feel?
Amazing.
849
00:51:33,368 --> 00:51:34,201
Good.
850
00:52:16,409 --> 00:52:17,939
Yes, go.
851
00:52:52,336 --> 00:52:53,169
Hey!
852
00:52:56,788 --> 00:52:58,621
Come on, lean into it.
853
00:53:18,622 --> 00:53:19,889
Come on, get it in there.
854
00:53:19,890 --> 00:53:20,723
Let's go!
855
00:53:23,283 --> 00:53:24,116
There!
856
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:46,737
Aren't you gonna do something?
857
00:53:46,738 --> 00:53:47,571
Well...
858
00:53:47,572 --> 00:53:50,057
He is way too old to be
out there with our kids.
859
00:53:50,058 --> 00:53:52,299
But the coupon it doesn't restrict age.
860
00:53:52,300 --> 00:53:53,458
Oh, come on.
861
00:53:53,459 --> 00:53:54,292
That's it.
862
00:53:54,293 --> 00:53:56,124
Either you do something about
it or we're out of here.
863
00:53:56,125 --> 00:53:59,224
And we're taking our money back.
864
00:53:59,225 --> 00:54:00,142
Hey, you.
865
00:54:01,119 --> 00:54:02,720
I don't wanna play anymore.
866
00:54:02,721 --> 00:54:03,602
Whoo!
867
00:54:03,603 --> 00:54:04,884
Not in my house.
868
00:54:04,885 --> 00:54:06,304
Not in my house.
869
00:54:06,305 --> 00:54:07,900
I hate you.
870
00:54:07,901 --> 00:54:09,535
Hey you, it's game over.
871
00:54:09,536 --> 00:54:14,511
Put that bubble back where you
got it and get out of here.
872
00:54:14,512 --> 00:54:16,945
Hey asshole, get back here.
873
00:54:18,754 --> 00:54:20,504
Aw, that's my bubble.
874
00:54:22,519 --> 00:54:24,019
Yeah, about to get it.
875
00:54:25,851 --> 00:54:27,034
Oh yeah.
876
00:55:08,036 --> 00:55:09,850
You okay in there honey?
877
00:55:09,851 --> 00:55:11,371
I'm fine.
878
00:55:11,372 --> 00:55:12,603
Leave me alone.
879
00:55:12,604 --> 00:55:14,903
Okay, no need to be so rude.
880
00:55:14,904 --> 00:55:16,540
Wait, mom.
881
00:55:16,541 --> 00:55:18,584
Yes, sugar booger?
882
00:55:18,585 --> 00:55:20,506
What's my best friend's name?
883
00:55:20,507 --> 00:55:21,340
Alex?
884
00:55:22,895 --> 00:55:24,272
What?
885
00:55:24,273 --> 00:55:25,106
Alex.
886
00:55:25,698 --> 00:55:26,531
What?
887
00:55:26,995 --> 00:55:28,194
Alex!
888
00:55:28,868 --> 00:55:30,361
Huh?
889
00:55:30,362 --> 00:55:31,195
Alex.
890
00:55:34,730 --> 00:55:37,366
Are you sure you're
okay in there, honey?
891
00:55:37,367 --> 00:55:39,000
I am now.
892
00:55:46,068 --> 00:55:48,593
How the fuck does he survive?
893
00:55:48,594 --> 00:55:51,891
Why have a fridge if
you have no food in it?
894
00:55:51,892 --> 00:55:54,334
Get your fucking life together, man.
895
00:56:08,145 --> 00:56:10,225
Hey, hey, hey fat ass Albert.
896
00:56:10,226 --> 00:56:11,946
What's this?
897
00:56:11,947 --> 00:56:13,390
Dude, give that back!
898
00:56:13,391 --> 00:56:14,607
Just what in the hell
are you doing with a
899
00:56:14,608 --> 00:56:16,896
pocket pussy anyway you pathetic perv?
900
00:56:16,897 --> 00:56:19,457
It's not what you think, Chad.
901
00:56:19,458 --> 00:56:21,699
You know how girls have
a bachelorette party
902
00:56:21,700 --> 00:56:24,200
and they do like a dick theme?
903
00:56:24,614 --> 00:56:26,747
Um, my friend Eric.
904
00:56:27,222 --> 00:56:29,418
He is having a bachelor party
905
00:56:29,419 --> 00:56:32,077
and he asked me to throw it for him.
906
00:56:32,078 --> 00:56:34,394
So naturally I'm going
with a pussy theme.
907
00:56:34,395 --> 00:56:38,145
And I'm using pocket
pussies as shot glasses.
908
00:56:39,100 --> 00:56:41,342
See, I was just testing it.
909
00:56:41,343 --> 00:56:43,284
Wait, Eric.
910
00:56:43,824 --> 00:56:45,784
Like Eric from work Eric?
911
00:56:45,785 --> 00:56:47,427
Yeah.
912
00:56:47,428 --> 00:56:50,200
No invite for big boy Chad, huh?
913
00:56:50,201 --> 00:56:53,656
Fuck it, we'll have our own
party right here right now!
914
00:56:53,657 --> 00:56:57,282
Shots shots shots shots shots shots!
915
00:56:58,887 --> 00:57:01,020
Dude, dude, wait, wait.
916
00:57:03,767 --> 00:57:05,846
You know what, go for it bro.
917
00:57:05,847 --> 00:57:07,055
All yours.
918
00:57:13,102 --> 00:57:16,482
Oh, god, what
did you mix this with?
919
00:57:16,483 --> 00:57:17,316
Cum?
920
00:57:17,317 --> 00:57:19,341
This is the most
disgustingly awesome thing
921
00:57:19,342 --> 00:57:20,759
I have ever seen.
922
00:57:25,815 --> 00:57:28,615
Man, this shit has me buzzed.
923
00:57:29,923 --> 00:57:31,931
Hashtag, facial.
924
00:57:34,049 --> 00:57:37,032
Hashtag, money shot.
925
00:57:39,322 --> 00:57:42,455
Hashtag, seagulled.
926
00:57:43,857 --> 00:57:47,115
And, post.
927
00:57:56,991 --> 00:57:58,603
Your video will continue after
928
00:57:58,604 --> 00:58:00,604
a word from our sponsor.
929
00:58:03,585 --> 00:58:05,348
What are you doing?
930
00:58:05,349 --> 00:58:06,613
Oh my god, what are you doing?
931
00:58:06,614 --> 00:58:07,447
Stop.
932
00:58:07,447 --> 00:58:08,280
No.
933
00:58:12,609 --> 00:58:15,684
Well, well, well, I do declare.
934
00:58:15,685 --> 00:58:17,845
It looks like we have another suicide
935
00:58:17,846 --> 00:58:20,766
by someone high off marijuana.
936
00:58:20,767 --> 00:58:23,928
I'm Winfred Wade Wallace reminding you
937
00:58:23,929 --> 00:58:27,889
that just because weed has
been legal in Washington,
938
00:58:27,890 --> 00:58:29,811
does not make it safe.
939
00:58:29,812 --> 00:58:34,013
So next time you get
wasted on that stick-icky,
940
00:58:34,014 --> 00:58:37,272
remember it could be your last.
941
00:58:37,273 --> 00:58:40,256
What the fuck did I just watch?
942
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:02,219
Hey fellas, don't you hate it
943
00:59:02,220 --> 00:59:04,987
when you're watching
porn and jerking off.
944
00:59:04,988 --> 00:59:06,947
Everything is going perfectly.
945
00:59:06,948 --> 00:59:08,898
The woman is beautiful.
946
00:59:08,899 --> 00:59:11,779
She's moaning loud because
the guy is pounding her
947
00:59:11,780 --> 00:59:14,505
like some insane centaur.
948
00:59:16,262 --> 00:59:19,422
You're close to shooting
out your cum sprinkles
949
00:59:19,423 --> 00:59:21,664
when out of nowhere the
angle of the video
950
00:59:21,665 --> 00:59:24,266
takes a turn for the worse.
951
00:59:24,267 --> 00:59:27,550
You're suddenly in a
very non flattering angle
952
00:59:27,551 --> 00:59:28,872
for straight people.
953
00:59:28,873 --> 00:59:30,714
You know what I'm talking about.
954
00:59:30,715 --> 00:59:34,599
The angle behind the dude
where absolutely zero
955
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:36,963
of the girl is showing.
956
00:59:36,964 --> 00:59:39,205
All you see is a hairy back
957
00:59:39,206 --> 00:59:44,206
and ass crack with sweaty
manballs bouncing up and down.
958
00:59:44,494 --> 00:59:46,293
Who directed this thing?
959
00:59:46,294 --> 00:59:48,893
This was not what I signed up for.
960
00:59:48,894 --> 00:59:50,977
Talk about a jizz killer.
961
00:59:52,301 --> 00:59:54,851
Yep, there's no way I'm
getting this down in time.
962
00:59:54,852 --> 00:59:56,501
Babe, what are you doing?
963
00:59:56,502 --> 00:59:59,902
Have you forgotten about our
annual camping trip of love?
964
00:59:59,903 --> 01:00:04,903
Uh, no, why would I forget
something that important?
965
01:00:05,186 --> 01:00:08,806
Uhm, remind me what made
it so awesome last year?
966
01:00:08,807 --> 01:00:11,167
Oh, last year was amazing.
967
01:00:19,041 --> 01:00:21,099
You were so romantic.
968
01:00:21,100 --> 01:00:22,939
I love spending time
with you by the lake
969
01:00:22,940 --> 01:00:24,715
just eating junk food.
970
01:00:24,716 --> 01:00:27,267
Making love under the stars.
971
01:00:27,268 --> 01:00:30,031
Having you to myself for three days.
972
01:00:30,032 --> 01:00:31,041
Grrrr.
973
01:00:31,042 --> 01:00:32,821
It'll be amazing.
974
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:34,893
Uh, I'm just gonna forewarn you
975
01:00:34,894 --> 01:00:37,199
this year might be a
little bit different.
976
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:39,533
I'm not feeling like myself.
977
01:00:42,307 --> 01:00:43,780
What up mother fuckers?
978
01:00:43,781 --> 01:00:48,033
And welcome to another segment
of E Zee Doez it on a Budget.
979
01:00:48,034 --> 01:00:49,397
I'm your host E Zee
980
01:00:49,398 --> 01:00:52,123
and if you're watching
this you're probably hungry
981
01:00:52,124 --> 01:00:54,054
or just fucking high.
982
01:00:54,055 --> 01:00:56,981
Either way, let's get this shit started.
983
01:00:56,982 --> 01:01:00,744
Today I'm gonna be teaching you
how to make Ghetto S'ghetti.
984
01:01:00,745 --> 01:01:03,369
And for all those haters out
there leaving bullshit comments
985
01:01:03,370 --> 01:01:06,851
on my feed below, you
can go fuck yourselves.
986
01:01:06,852 --> 01:01:09,993
Especially you RashelleRay24
987
01:01:10,202 --> 01:01:12,660
and GordonGramsy62.
988
01:01:12,829 --> 01:01:15,660
I will find you, and when I do,
989
01:01:15,661 --> 01:01:17,462
I'm gonna beat the shit out of you
990
01:01:17,463 --> 01:01:19,782
with your own fucking keyboards.
991
01:01:19,783 --> 01:01:21,248
So remember,
992
01:01:21,249 --> 01:01:25,257
words don't leave marks,
but keyboards do.
993
01:01:25,540 --> 01:01:29,032
Hot dog, I'm high as shit.
994
01:01:29,347 --> 01:01:32,150
What you will need for this
deliciously cheap ass meal
995
01:01:32,151 --> 01:01:34,273
is a packet of ramen noodles
996
01:01:34,274 --> 01:01:37,608
including the spices,
a package of hotdogs,
997
01:01:37,609 --> 01:01:40,933
and last but not least
a bottle of ketchup
998
01:01:40,934 --> 01:01:42,542
or Sriracha
999
01:01:43,125 --> 01:01:46,241
for you weird mexi chinks out there.
1000
01:01:47,350 --> 01:01:49,567
Ewh, gross.
1001
01:01:49,974 --> 01:01:52,184
So now what you're gonna
want to do is open up
1002
01:01:52,185 --> 01:01:56,089
your noodle packet and
set it in the bowl.
1003
01:01:56,090 --> 01:01:57,970
Now it's time to set you noodles
1004
01:01:57,971 --> 01:02:00,804
in the microwave for five minutes.
1005
01:02:04,256 --> 01:02:05,256
Seriously,
1006
01:02:07,444 --> 01:02:10,623
how did this weird bitch
open the package so fast?
1007
01:02:10,624 --> 01:02:11,624
Excuse me?
1008
01:02:12,761 --> 01:02:13,777
Excuse me?
1009
01:02:14,842 --> 01:02:15,900
Excuse me?
1010
01:02:17,001 --> 01:02:20,402
Who the fuck are you calling
weird you fugly ass nerd?
1011
01:02:20,403 --> 01:02:21,780
Are you talking to me?
1012
01:02:21,781 --> 01:02:24,144
Yeah asshole, I am.
1013
01:02:24,145 --> 01:02:26,427
Maybe if you didn't have bitch arms
1014
01:02:26,428 --> 01:02:30,230
you could open the
fucking package yourself.
1015
01:02:30,231 --> 01:02:32,686
Well my hands are kind of sweaty.
1016
01:02:32,687 --> 01:02:34,504
Here you go retard.
1017
01:02:36,001 --> 01:02:37,700
What the fuck?
1018
01:02:39,728 --> 01:02:40,728
How did you?
1019
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:49,793
Oh yeah!
1020
01:02:50,243 --> 01:02:51,993
The noodles are done.
1021
01:02:53,416 --> 01:02:57,849
Now's the time that you're
gonna wanna strain that water.
1022
01:03:00,942 --> 01:03:02,738
Do you still need this?
1023
01:03:02,739 --> 01:03:04,072
Thanks fucker.
1024
01:03:05,510 --> 01:03:08,915
Take this and just add that shit.
1025
01:03:08,916 --> 01:03:12,317
Now's the time that you're
gonna add your ketchup.
1026
01:03:12,318 --> 01:03:13,426
Or Sriracha.
1027
01:03:14,700 --> 01:03:17,859
And just get it all up in there.
1028
01:03:17,860 --> 01:03:21,502
Mix it together and
then add your hotdogs.
1029
01:03:24,350 --> 01:03:25,508
Bon appetit.
1030
01:03:28,894 --> 01:03:30,892
And there you have it.
1031
01:03:30,893 --> 01:03:32,430
Ghetto S'ghetti.
1032
01:03:32,688 --> 01:03:35,874
Be sure to tell me how fucking
terrible this recipe is,
1033
01:03:35,875 --> 01:03:39,114
along with all my other
ones in the comments below.
1034
01:03:39,115 --> 01:03:42,448
You sacks of shit with no fucking lives.
1035
01:03:45,963 --> 01:03:49,046
Maybe I should stop smoking weed...
1036
01:03:50,685 --> 01:03:52,285
Huh, nah.
1037
01:03:52,686 --> 01:03:53,519
Stupid.
1038
01:03:59,016 --> 01:04:01,808
Awh, holy mother of god.
1039
01:04:07,506 --> 01:04:09,756
That is disturbingly gross.
1040
01:04:11,987 --> 01:04:14,154
I miss my mommy's cooking.
1041
01:04:41,341 --> 01:04:42,741
Oh, Jesus.
1042
01:04:42,742 --> 01:04:46,082
I just wanted to give you
your second bag of brownies.
1043
01:04:46,083 --> 01:04:48,041
Are you okay? You seem distracted?
1044
01:04:48,718 --> 01:04:50,176
Uh, yeah.
1045
01:04:50,177 --> 01:04:51,586
I'm fine.
1046
01:04:51,587 --> 01:04:54,591
I'm so glad we finally get
some alone time together.
1047
01:04:54,592 --> 01:04:57,357
You've been avoiding me a lot lately.
1048
01:04:57,358 --> 01:04:59,260
Tonight though you're all mine.
1049
01:04:59,261 --> 01:05:02,341
Momma wants some of that
anaconda you're packing.
1050
01:05:02,342 --> 01:05:04,624
Hey, hey, stop it with that lady!
1051
01:05:04,625 --> 01:05:06,049
Geez.
1052
01:05:06,050 --> 01:05:07,150
And let's be realistic here,
1053
01:05:07,151 --> 01:05:09,819
it's more like a baby
garden snake if anything.
1054
01:05:09,820 --> 01:05:14,151
Besides, I told you I'm just
not feeling up to it tonight.
1055
01:05:14,152 --> 01:05:15,554
What's going on?
1056
01:05:15,555 --> 01:05:17,684
Are you not attracted to me anymore?
1057
01:05:17,685 --> 01:05:19,043
Don't be sad.
1058
01:05:19,044 --> 01:05:20,645
It's not you I promise.
1059
01:05:20,646 --> 01:05:22,005
Work's stressing me out.
1060
01:05:22,006 --> 01:05:24,248
I got this comedy show coming
up I'm not prepared for,
1061
01:05:24,249 --> 01:05:25,391
like at all.
1062
01:05:27,615 --> 01:05:30,067
I'm just having stupid
man problems, okay?
1063
01:05:30,068 --> 01:05:31,758
I promise I'll have lots and lots
1064
01:05:31,759 --> 01:05:34,124
of crazy sex with you soon.
1065
01:05:34,724 --> 01:05:37,318
And you'll put it in my butt too?
1066
01:05:37,710 --> 01:05:39,433
Uh. Yeah.
1067
01:05:39,434 --> 01:05:42,312
If you get like a million enemas first.
1068
01:05:42,313 --> 01:05:44,335
Come on, let's go back to the tent.
1069
01:05:44,336 --> 01:05:47,476
Those brownies are definitely
gonna hit you soon.
1070
01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:50,440
Wait, what?
1071
01:05:50,441 --> 01:05:51,274
Hit me?
1072
01:05:52,808 --> 01:05:55,277
♪ Work, work, go to work ♪
1073
01:05:55,278 --> 01:05:57,677
♪ Baby you deserve a crown ♪
1074
01:05:57,678 --> 01:05:58,740
♪ Go to work ♪
1075
01:05:58,741 --> 01:06:01,075
♪ I like the way she drop it down ♪
1076
01:06:01,076 --> 01:06:02,135
♪ Go to work ♪
1077
01:06:02,136 --> 01:06:04,452
♪ Like there ain't no one around ♪
1078
01:06:04,453 --> 01:06:05,702
♪ Go to work ♪
1079
01:06:05,703 --> 01:06:07,867
♪ Work, work ♪
1080
01:06:07,868 --> 01:06:09,096
♪ Go to work ♪
1081
01:06:09,097 --> 01:06:11,256
♪ Work, work ♪
1082
01:06:11,257 --> 01:06:12,596
♪ Go to work ♪
1083
01:06:12,597 --> 01:06:14,760
♪ Work, work ♪
1084
01:06:14,761 --> 01:06:16,050
♪ Go to work ♪
1085
01:06:16,051 --> 01:06:17,996
♪ Work, work ♪
1086
01:06:17,997 --> 01:06:19,077
♪ Go to work ♪
1087
01:06:19,078 --> 01:06:20,559
♪ Booty going clap clap ♪
1088
01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:22,279
♪ Sit it on my lap lap ♪
1089
01:06:22,280 --> 01:06:24,001
♪ Do your thing girl ♪
1090
01:06:24,002 --> 01:06:25,682
♪ Make a nigga want that that ♪
1091
01:06:25,683 --> 01:06:27,365
♪ Booty looking fat fat ♪
1092
01:06:27,366 --> 01:06:29,125
♪ Throw it in a catch that ♪
1093
01:06:29,126 --> 01:06:30,849
♪ Do your thing girl ♪
1094
01:06:30,850 --> 01:06:32,529
♪ Do your thing girl ♪
1095
01:06:32,530 --> 01:06:34,287
♪ Back it up, back it up ♪
1096
01:06:34,288 --> 01:06:36,023
♪ Back back it up like it's freight ♪
1097
01:06:36,024 --> 01:06:36,857
♪ Now drop it low ♪
1098
01:06:36,858 --> 01:06:39,416
♪ Drop it low drop it
low that gets weight ♪
1099
01:06:39,417 --> 01:06:41,058
♪ Now pick it up pick it up ♪
1100
01:06:41,059 --> 01:06:42,779
♪ Girl you gonna hurt yo back ♪
1101
01:06:42,780 --> 01:06:44,503
♪ The way she's shaking that ass ♪
1102
01:06:44,504 --> 01:06:46,086
♪ Like a pitbull when he attack ♪
1103
01:06:46,087 --> 01:06:47,037
♪ I'm like damn ♪
1104
01:06:47,173 --> 01:06:48,006
Wait.
1105
01:06:48,007 --> 01:06:49,621
Aren't you Winfred Wade Wallace?
1106
01:06:49,622 --> 01:06:51,623
That anti-weed asshole.
1107
01:06:51,624 --> 01:06:52,846
Well now, don't always believe
1108
01:06:52,847 --> 01:06:55,514
what you see on that TV now boy.
1109
01:06:56,526 --> 01:06:57,945
♪ I'm keep throwing this money ♪
1110
01:06:57,946 --> 01:07:00,493
♪ You know how to get it from me baby ♪
1111
01:07:00,494 --> 01:07:01,759
♪ Work, work ♪
1112
01:07:05,170 --> 01:07:07,934
Hey Alex, I hear you
want a private dance?
1113
01:07:07,935 --> 01:07:08,885
What?
1114
01:07:08,886 --> 01:07:11,562
No, I was in the area getting some food.
1115
01:07:11,563 --> 01:07:13,255
Thought I'd stop by and see you.
1116
01:07:13,256 --> 01:07:15,006
Ahh, so sweet.
1117
01:07:16,524 --> 01:07:18,787
Hey Alex, I thought that was you.
1118
01:07:18,788 --> 01:07:22,096
There's more seats over there, Shaniqua.
1119
01:07:22,097 --> 01:07:23,206
What the hell mom.
1120
01:07:23,207 --> 01:07:24,956
I mean, you're my best friend's mom.
1121
01:07:24,957 --> 01:07:27,797
This is getting weird. Would
you give me some space?
1122
01:07:27,798 --> 01:07:31,105
Calm down honey, there's
nothing weird going on here.
1123
01:07:31,580 --> 01:07:32,762
Ah, gross.
1124
01:07:32,763 --> 01:07:34,084
Get out of here.
1125
01:07:34,085 --> 01:07:35,246
Ahh.
1126
01:07:35,247 --> 01:07:36,621
It's making it worse.
1127
01:07:36,622 --> 01:07:38,788
Don't freak out.
It's making it worse.
1128
01:07:38,930 --> 01:07:39,763
Ah.
1129
01:07:41,102 --> 01:07:43,851
There's nothing to be
embarrassed about sweetie.
1130
01:07:43,852 --> 01:07:46,413
It's a perfectly natural body function.
1131
01:07:46,414 --> 01:07:47,247
Yeah.
1132
01:07:47,248 --> 01:07:49,415
I'm sure you're just
feeling lonely right now.
1133
01:07:49,416 --> 01:07:50,883
Very, lonely.
1134
01:07:52,056 --> 01:07:53,594
You serve alcohol here, right?
1135
01:07:53,595 --> 01:07:56,024
Yes, yes, of course we do.
Of course.
1136
01:07:56,025 --> 01:07:56,858
What do you drink?
1137
01:07:56,859 --> 01:07:58,196
I can get you something, sweetie.
1138
01:07:58,197 --> 01:08:02,334
I'm a grown ass man, Shaniqua,
I can get my own alcohol.
1139
01:08:02,335 --> 01:08:04,311
Mom, Ms. Gay.
Yeah.
1140
01:08:04,312 --> 01:08:05,512
Can you get me something to drink?
1141
01:08:05,513 --> 01:08:07,874
Absolutely, of course
sweetie, what do you want?
1142
01:08:07,875 --> 01:08:09,753
Uh, you know that drink
you make Matt sometimes?
1143
01:08:09,754 --> 01:08:13,945
The blue one with the ring
of salt and the wedges.
1144
01:08:13,946 --> 01:08:16,119
Blue balls.
Blue balls.
1145
01:08:16,120 --> 01:08:17,261
Coming right up, sweetie.
1146
01:08:17,262 --> 01:08:18,429
Be right back.
1147
01:08:28,042 --> 01:08:31,517
Holly, can I ask you a question?
1148
01:08:31,518 --> 01:08:34,423
Anything you want babe.
1149
01:08:34,424 --> 01:08:36,947
How can someone that looks like you
1150
01:08:36,948 --> 01:08:39,865
be with someone that looks like me?
1151
01:08:41,030 --> 01:08:44,797
Matt, I've told you this over and over.
1152
01:08:46,121 --> 01:08:49,725
When will you get it through
that thick sexy skull of yours?
1153
01:08:49,726 --> 01:08:52,770
It doesn't matter what you look like,
1154
01:08:52,771 --> 01:08:56,494
even though I think you're sexy as hell.
1155
01:08:56,495 --> 01:08:59,737
I'm attracted to the
person I know you are.
1156
01:08:59,738 --> 01:09:01,829
I love you for you.
1157
01:09:03,385 --> 01:09:07,085
And I always will, with all my heart.
1158
01:09:08,717 --> 01:09:11,510
Whether you look like this
1159
01:09:11,511 --> 01:09:14,699
or you turn into a skinny
little toothpick like Alex.
1160
01:09:14,700 --> 01:09:17,450
You'll always be my chubby bunny.
1161
01:09:18,742 --> 01:09:20,334
I feel so weird.
1162
01:09:21,717 --> 01:09:25,258
I'm all dizzy in my brain head.
1163
01:09:26,235 --> 01:09:27,562
Well, I probably would too
1164
01:09:27,563 --> 01:09:31,365
if I ate an entire bag of
shroom infused pot brownies.
1165
01:09:31,366 --> 01:09:32,606
What?
1166
01:09:32,607 --> 01:09:34,861
Who the hell mixes shrooms
with weed brownies?
1167
01:09:34,862 --> 01:09:37,321
It doesn't even make any sense.
1168
01:09:37,496 --> 01:09:39,163
Oh my fucking taint.
1169
01:09:40,862 --> 01:09:43,640
I've never been high in my entire life?
1170
01:09:43,641 --> 01:09:46,398
♪ Work, work, work ♪
1171
01:09:46,399 --> 01:09:47,901
♪ Go to work ♪
1172
01:09:47,902 --> 01:09:49,842
♪ Work, work ♪
1173
01:09:49,843 --> 01:09:51,258
♪ Go to work ♪
1174
01:09:51,259 --> 01:09:53,325
♪ Work, work ♪
1175
01:09:53,326 --> 01:09:54,289
♪ Go to work ♪
1176
01:09:54,290 --> 01:09:55,870
♪ Booty going clap clap ♪
1177
01:09:55,871 --> 01:09:57,550
♪ Sit it on my lap lap ♪
1178
01:09:57,551 --> 01:09:59,039
♪ Do your thing girl ♪
1179
01:09:59,040 --> 01:10:00,998
♪ Make a nigga wanna tap that ♪
1180
01:10:00,999 --> 01:10:02,742
♪ Booty looking fat fat ♪
1181
01:10:02,743 --> 01:10:04,450
♪ Throw it in a catch that ♪
1182
01:10:13,812 --> 01:10:15,545
Mom.
Yeah babe.
1183
01:10:16,727 --> 01:10:19,278
There's not enough drugs or alcohol
1184
01:10:19,279 --> 01:10:22,370
in the whole wide world
1185
01:10:22,371 --> 01:10:25,373
to erase the memories from tonight.
1186
01:10:27,204 --> 01:10:29,025
All right.
1187
01:10:29,026 --> 01:10:30,226
Are you okay?
1188
01:10:30,227 --> 01:10:31,587
Keep em coming, Shaniqua.
1189
01:10:31,588 --> 01:10:34,124
Oh honey, I think you've had enough.
1190
01:10:34,125 --> 01:10:35,866
Shhhh.
1191
01:10:36,730 --> 01:10:38,541
What'd I say?
1192
01:10:38,542 --> 01:10:40,382
What'd I say, Shaniqua?
1193
01:10:40,383 --> 01:10:41,458
I said
1194
01:10:42,226 --> 01:10:44,567
I'm a grown ass boy.
1195
01:10:45,811 --> 01:10:48,411
You are.
Keep 'em coming.
1196
01:10:50,610 --> 01:10:52,466
For the bus ride home.
1197
01:11:02,254 --> 01:11:03,087
Holly?
1198
01:11:04,575 --> 01:11:05,408
Holly?
1199
01:11:11,472 --> 01:11:12,513
Calm down, sweetie.
1200
01:11:12,514 --> 01:11:14,231
You're starting to have a bad trip.
1201
01:11:14,232 --> 01:11:15,065
It's okay.
1202
01:11:15,065 --> 01:11:15,950
Calm down sweetie.
1203
01:11:15,951 --> 01:11:17,871
You're starting to have a bad trip.
1204
01:11:17,872 --> 01:11:18,705
It's okay.
1205
01:11:18,705 --> 01:11:19,538
Calm down sweetie.
1206
01:11:19,539 --> 01:11:21,365
You're starting to have a bad trip.
1207
01:11:21,366 --> 01:11:22,437
It's okay.
1208
01:11:22,438 --> 01:11:23,296
Calm down sweetie.
1209
01:11:23,297 --> 01:11:25,294
Calm down sweetie.
Calm down sweetie.
1210
01:11:25,295 --> 01:11:27,337
You're starting to have a bad trip.
1211
01:11:27,338 --> 01:11:28,580
It's okay.
1212
01:11:32,416 --> 01:11:33,634
What's wrong, Alex?
1213
01:11:33,635 --> 01:11:35,852
Are you feeling okay, Alex?
1214
01:11:35,853 --> 01:11:37,718
Are you all right, Alex?
1215
01:11:37,719 --> 01:11:39,881
Haven't you ever been high before, Alex?
1216
01:11:39,882 --> 01:11:42,043
Alex, Alex, Alex.
1217
01:12:00,008 --> 01:12:00,841
Gotcha.
1218
01:12:03,546 --> 01:12:04,379
Tag.
1219
01:12:05,310 --> 01:12:06,143
Gotcha.
1220
01:12:08,577 --> 01:12:10,820
Hey, you little bastards.
1221
01:12:10,821 --> 01:12:12,704
Keep it down.
1222
01:12:12,705 --> 01:12:16,335
Wake me up again and
nobody's getting any dinner.
1223
01:12:16,336 --> 01:12:18,003
You little shits.
1224
01:12:24,068 --> 01:12:27,450
You're supposed to be
watching us, you stupid bitch.
1225
01:12:27,451 --> 01:12:28,402
Tag.
1226
01:12:28,403 --> 01:12:30,037
Tag.
1227
01:13:00,436 --> 01:13:03,221
I made you more pot brownies.
1228
01:13:03,222 --> 01:13:04,722
They're delicious.
1229
01:13:06,820 --> 01:13:07,653
Holly?
1230
01:13:14,800 --> 01:13:15,633
Holly?
1231
01:13:18,370 --> 01:13:19,203
Holly?
1232
01:13:21,946 --> 01:13:24,946
Hey, Alex, do you want to join us?
1233
01:13:27,131 --> 01:13:28,748
Come join us, Alex.
Come join us Alex.
1234
01:13:28,749 --> 01:13:29,870
Come join us.
1235
01:13:29,871 --> 01:13:31,286
Join us, Alex.
1236
01:13:31,287 --> 01:13:33,370
Come on, Alex, join us.
1237
01:13:34,789 --> 01:13:36,510
What are you waiting for?
1238
01:13:36,511 --> 01:13:38,152
The milk's nice and warm.
1239
01:13:38,153 --> 01:13:41,069
Yeah, Alex, join us.
Join us.
1240
01:13:41,070 --> 01:13:43,455
Join us.
Join us.
1241
01:13:43,456 --> 01:13:45,747
The milk's nice and warm.
1242
01:13:46,832 --> 01:13:48,624
♪ Baby I got that ♪
1243
01:13:48,625 --> 01:13:51,461
♪ I got that good ♪
1244
01:13:51,462 --> 01:13:56,297
♪ And I don't no girl without attitude ♪
1245
01:13:56,298 --> 01:13:58,189
♪ No no no ♪
1246
01:13:58,190 --> 01:14:03,145
♪ I got that good ♪
1247
01:14:03,146 --> 01:14:06,048
♪ I got that good ♪
1248
01:14:06,049 --> 01:14:07,923
♪ No no no ♪
1249
01:14:07,924 --> 01:14:10,560
♪ I got that good ♪
1250
01:14:10,561 --> 01:14:12,936
How's it-how's it hanging?
1251
01:15:04,106 --> 01:15:05,218
Matt?
1252
01:15:05,468 --> 01:15:06,610
Is that you?
1253
01:15:07,679 --> 01:15:09,179
You're an old man.
1254
01:15:12,096 --> 01:15:13,417
You're old.
1255
01:15:13,418 --> 01:15:15,768
Yeah, so are you.
1256
01:15:15,903 --> 01:15:17,428
Who gives a fuck?
1257
01:15:22,463 --> 01:15:24,565
The hell is going on?
1258
01:15:24,566 --> 01:15:26,447
Matt? Matt?
1259
01:15:26,448 --> 01:15:29,174
Why do you keep calling me Matt?
1260
01:15:29,175 --> 01:15:30,908
I'm not Matt
1261
01:15:30,909 --> 01:15:31,792
Huh?
1262
01:15:31,793 --> 01:15:33,116
I'm Alex.
1263
01:15:33,117 --> 01:15:33,950
What?
1264
01:15:40,386 --> 01:15:42,786
What we never changed?
1265
01:16:00,188 --> 01:16:01,428
Oh, it's okay.
1266
01:16:01,429 --> 01:16:02,262
It's okay.
1267
01:16:03,349 --> 01:16:05,682
Rise and shine chubby bunny.
1268
01:16:09,949 --> 01:16:11,782
Okay, okay, I'm awake.
1269
01:16:11,783 --> 01:16:12,782
Jesus.
1270
01:16:12,783 --> 01:16:15,862
Ah, where are your clothes?
1271
01:16:15,863 --> 01:16:18,704
Uhm, don't you remember
anything about last night?
1272
01:16:18,705 --> 01:16:23,273
I know you were on a crazy
trip but you were an animal.
1273
01:16:23,274 --> 01:16:24,107
No.
1274
01:16:24,107 --> 01:16:24,940
No way.
1275
01:16:26,198 --> 01:16:29,320
My clothes are still
on and the arm floats.
1276
01:16:29,321 --> 01:16:32,240
Come on, we didn't really do anything.
1277
01:16:32,241 --> 01:16:33,281
Did we?
1278
01:16:33,282 --> 01:16:36,303
Well you just whipped out
Action Jackson and went at it.
1279
01:16:36,304 --> 01:16:37,385
I went at it?
1280
01:16:37,386 --> 01:16:38,587
Bullshit.
1281
01:16:38,588 --> 01:16:40,735
You drugged and raped me.
1282
01:16:40,736 --> 01:16:42,096
I should've known you were lying.
1283
01:16:42,097 --> 01:16:42,930
Nobody mixes shrooms with weed,
1284
01:16:42,931 --> 01:16:46,182
that doesn't even make any sense.
1285
01:16:46,183 --> 01:16:47,903
You roofied me didn't you?
1286
01:16:47,904 --> 01:16:50,743
I wasn't giving it up, you
decided to roofie rape me.
1287
01:16:50,744 --> 01:16:53,019
That's what happened.
1288
01:16:53,020 --> 01:16:54,437
The fuck is that?
1289
01:16:55,417 --> 01:16:58,360
See, I was fucking right.
1290
01:16:58,361 --> 01:16:59,374
The fuck!
1291
01:17:15,921 --> 01:17:17,588
Good morning, mom.
1292
01:17:22,207 --> 01:17:24,540
The fuck are you doing here?
1293
01:17:28,689 --> 01:17:29,522
Wait...
1294
01:17:31,654 --> 01:17:32,487
Did we...
1295
01:17:35,903 --> 01:17:36,753
No.
1296
01:17:37,153 --> 01:17:38,030
No.
1297
01:17:38,305 --> 01:17:39,138
No.
1298
01:17:40,429 --> 01:17:41,329
No.
1299
01:17:41,820 --> 01:17:44,322
We need to talk about last night.
1300
01:17:44,747 --> 01:17:47,791
Figure out what we're gonna tell Matt.
1301
01:17:48,366 --> 01:17:52,687
We are not going to talk
to Matt about anything,
1302
01:17:52,688 --> 01:17:55,371
especially what happened last night.
1303
01:17:55,372 --> 01:17:56,963
I'm outta here.
1304
01:17:56,964 --> 01:17:59,357
Put some damn clothes on.
1305
01:18:19,993 --> 01:18:21,429
Fucking voice mail.
1306
01:18:21,430 --> 01:18:23,467
Answer your phone dick.
1307
01:18:23,468 --> 01:18:25,635
Fuck.
1308
01:18:28,190 --> 01:18:30,374
Come on, Holly, answer.
1309
01:18:31,072 --> 01:18:34,499
I need to hear your voice right now.
1310
01:18:34,500 --> 01:18:36,214
Hey, you've reached, Holly.
1311
01:18:36,215 --> 01:18:38,578
I'm on a camping trip with
the sexiest man alive.
1312
01:18:38,579 --> 01:18:40,200
No cell service, so leave a message
1313
01:18:40,201 --> 01:18:42,161
and I'll get back to you
when I have a signal.
1314
01:18:42,162 --> 01:18:43,884
You know, unless we're eaten by bears.
1315
01:18:43,885 --> 01:18:44,718
Roar.
1316
01:18:45,561 --> 01:18:47,300
Bye.
The trip was today?
1317
01:18:47,301 --> 01:18:48,862
Hey, Alex.
1318
01:18:48,863 --> 01:18:50,314
Everything all right this morning?
1319
01:18:50,315 --> 01:18:51,148
Yeah.
1320
01:18:51,149 --> 01:18:53,065
Now fuck off, Shaniqua.
1321
01:19:14,743 --> 01:19:17,010
Are those fucking JNCOs?
1322
01:19:19,520 --> 01:19:20,422
Fuck yeah.
1323
01:19:20,423 --> 01:19:22,041
Dope, right?
1324
01:19:22,042 --> 01:19:24,850
Wait, what the hell are you doing?
1325
01:19:24,851 --> 01:19:26,253
Don't worry about me,
1326
01:19:26,254 --> 01:19:27,855
just getting rid of
evidence from something
1327
01:19:27,856 --> 01:19:31,006
I'll never speak of ever again.
1328
01:19:34,285 --> 01:19:36,665
So did you and my girlfriend have fun
1329
01:19:36,666 --> 01:19:40,099
on our very, very romantic
1330
01:19:40,732 --> 01:19:41,847
anniversary trip?
1331
01:19:41,848 --> 01:19:46,504
Yeah, we just, it was
really boring actually.
1332
01:19:46,505 --> 01:19:47,572
We just stayed up all night
1333
01:19:47,573 --> 01:19:49,258
and she talked about
how awesome you are.
1334
01:19:49,259 --> 01:19:51,092
I disagreed of course.
1335
01:19:51,905 --> 01:19:53,386
And then we fell asleep,
1336
01:19:53,387 --> 01:19:56,829
very, very far away from each other.
1337
01:19:57,830 --> 01:20:00,247
Wow, after last night...
1338
01:20:03,077 --> 01:20:05,966
This situation is
obviously pretty crazy.
1339
01:20:05,967 --> 01:20:09,202
That, mixed with the fact
that Holly is so fucking sexy.
1340
01:20:09,203 --> 01:20:11,722
She can't resist my handsome mug.
1341
01:20:11,723 --> 01:20:14,241
I know fighting her off must be hard.
1342
01:20:14,242 --> 01:20:15,726
So thank you.
1343
01:20:15,727 --> 01:20:17,727
Uhm, you're welcome...
1344
01:20:19,693 --> 01:20:22,340
I guess it kinda has been pretty hard.
1345
01:20:22,341 --> 01:20:24,999
Like I said, thanks.
1346
01:20:25,383 --> 01:20:26,216
I really apprec...
1347
01:20:26,217 --> 01:20:27,925
Hey babe, why'd you storm out?
1348
01:20:27,926 --> 01:20:28,926
Oh hey Alex.
1349
01:20:29,810 --> 01:20:32,538
Did you fuck my girlfriend?
1350
01:20:32,539 --> 01:20:33,372
Did you?
1351
01:20:34,616 --> 01:20:36,449
Did you mother fucker?
1352
01:20:37,638 --> 01:20:40,520
Did you fuck my future wife
1353
01:20:40,521 --> 01:20:42,523
and mother of my unborn children?
1354
01:20:42,524 --> 01:20:43,566
Will you stop it.
1355
01:20:43,567 --> 01:20:44,882
Oh, you want me to stop?
1356
01:20:44,883 --> 01:20:47,259
Like how you stopped yourself
from fucking my girlfriend?
1357
01:20:47,260 --> 01:20:50,129
You're going to burn your
own body over an accident?
1358
01:20:50,130 --> 01:20:51,051
Why not?
1359
01:20:51,052 --> 01:20:53,173
I'll go kamikaze to take you out.
1360
01:20:53,174 --> 01:20:55,457
And please, elaborate,
1361
01:20:55,458 --> 01:20:57,962
how does one go about
accidentally fucking someone?
1362
01:20:57,963 --> 01:20:59,388
Huh?
Will you-
1363
01:20:59,695 --> 01:21:01,299
Will you knock it off?
1364
01:21:01,300 --> 01:21:03,869
Last night was the worst
night of my life.
1365
01:21:03,870 --> 01:21:05,476
You don't even understand, dude.
1366
01:21:05,477 --> 01:21:08,473
I'm not getting into any details ever,
1367
01:21:08,474 --> 01:21:12,761
but I guarantee my night
was way worse than yours.
1368
01:21:12,762 --> 01:21:14,801
No, my night was worse.
1369
01:21:14,802 --> 01:21:16,084
I promise you.
1370
01:21:16,085 --> 01:21:18,727
And I swear I didn't
plan or even remember
1371
01:21:18,728 --> 01:21:20,332
what happened last night.
1372
01:21:20,333 --> 01:21:21,861
I put that on my mother.
1373
01:21:21,862 --> 01:21:23,585
You don't have a real mom to swear on.
1374
01:21:23,586 --> 01:21:25,826
We both know your real
mom dropped you off
1375
01:21:25,827 --> 01:21:27,589
at some ghetto ass foster home
1376
01:21:27,590 --> 01:21:31,310
because she couldn't possibly
love a piece of shit like you.
1377
01:21:31,311 --> 01:21:33,190
You're a real funny guy, Matt.
1378
01:21:33,191 --> 01:21:34,042
Thank you.
1379
01:21:34,043 --> 01:21:37,156
No, you're all fun and
games, that's your problem.
1380
01:21:37,157 --> 01:21:38,929
You sit on your fat fucking ass all day
1381
01:21:38,930 --> 01:21:41,829
while your moms and your
girlfriend do everything for you.
1382
01:21:41,830 --> 01:21:43,150
You have no motivation at all,
1383
01:21:43,151 --> 01:21:44,532
you haven't even made
one grown up decision
1384
01:21:44,533 --> 01:21:46,119
in your entire life.
1385
01:21:46,120 --> 01:21:47,639
You've only been in my
body for a few days
1386
01:21:47,640 --> 01:21:49,083
and you've already gained weight,
1387
01:21:49,084 --> 01:21:50,446
god only knows what
you've done to my lungs
1388
01:21:50,447 --> 01:21:52,127
with all that shit that you smoke.
1389
01:21:52,128 --> 01:21:54,532
Oh, you're one to talk about motivation.
1390
01:21:54,533 --> 01:21:56,164
You've barely even practiced my stand up
1391
01:21:56,165 --> 01:21:58,066
and the contest is in two days.
1392
01:21:58,067 --> 01:22:00,025
You're going to either not show up
1393
01:22:00,026 --> 01:22:02,163
or choke like you always do
1394
01:22:02,164 --> 01:22:05,891
when you talk to anyone else besides me.
1395
01:22:05,892 --> 01:22:08,294
There's a reason you have
no real family or friends.
1396
01:22:08,295 --> 01:22:12,181
It's because you have
a shitty personality.
1397
01:22:12,182 --> 01:22:14,181
And the only reason I've tolerated you
1398
01:22:14,182 --> 01:22:17,676
all this time is because
I felt sorry for you.
1399
01:22:17,677 --> 01:22:18,718
I don't need you.
1400
01:22:18,719 --> 01:22:20,643
You're literally the most annoying
1401
01:22:20,644 --> 01:22:22,445
fucking person in the entire world.
1402
01:22:22,446 --> 01:22:25,333
And now that I'm stuck in this
fat fucking disgusting body
1403
01:22:25,334 --> 01:22:26,776
I can't comprehend why you haven't
1404
01:22:26,777 --> 01:22:28,619
fucking killed yourself yet.
1405
01:22:28,620 --> 01:22:30,905
And the reason why I haven't
practice your stand up
1406
01:22:30,906 --> 01:22:33,796
is because your material fucking blows.
1407
01:22:33,797 --> 01:22:35,973
You are not funny!
1408
01:22:35,974 --> 01:22:39,030
You take that
back you son of a bitch.
1409
01:22:39,031 --> 01:22:41,281
Nope, I put it out there.
1410
01:22:42,461 --> 01:22:43,654
I set it free.
1411
01:22:43,655 --> 01:22:47,105
And besides, it's not like it
news to anyone anyway, bitch.
1412
01:23:08,046 --> 01:23:11,063
Yeah, walk away pussy.
1413
01:23:52,599 --> 01:23:53,432
Hah hah.
1414
01:23:57,516 --> 01:23:59,166
You okay?
1415
01:23:59,167 --> 01:24:02,084
I realize that a bottle to the face
1416
01:24:03,489 --> 01:24:06,489
may not have been the best idea but,
1417
01:24:07,553 --> 01:24:09,652
you did say I wasn't funny.
1418
01:24:34,222 --> 01:24:35,759
Get off him, you're hurting him.
1419
01:24:35,760 --> 01:24:37,051
Oh, fuck.
1420
01:24:38,080 --> 01:24:39,961
I'm sorry babe, are you okay?
1421
01:24:39,962 --> 01:24:41,459
I didn't mean to.
Get off me, Alex.
1422
01:24:41,460 --> 01:24:43,135
Babe, are you okay?
1423
01:24:44,677 --> 01:24:46,210
Did he hurt you?
1424
01:24:50,724 --> 01:24:54,048
You know, you only had one friend.
1425
01:24:54,049 --> 01:24:57,754
You slept with my girlfriend
so now you have zero friends.
1426
01:24:57,755 --> 01:25:00,615
Unless you have information
on how to switch us back
1427
01:25:00,616 --> 01:25:02,261
I don't want to hear shit from you.
1428
01:25:02,262 --> 01:25:04,863
And once we do figure
this whole thing out,
1429
01:25:04,864 --> 01:25:08,398
I'll really be done with you for good.
1430
01:25:08,399 --> 01:25:10,280
What's going on?
1431
01:25:10,281 --> 01:25:11,114
Nothing.
1432
01:25:12,122 --> 01:25:13,467
It's complicated.
1433
01:25:13,468 --> 01:25:14,887
Is there someone else?
1434
01:25:14,888 --> 01:25:18,055
No, it's just you, Holly, I promise.
1435
01:25:20,530 --> 01:25:21,771
You're lazy.
1436
01:25:21,772 --> 01:25:23,619
You can't make any grown up decisions.
1437
01:25:23,620 --> 01:25:24,834
Yeah, okay.
1438
01:25:24,835 --> 01:25:26,101
You won't be saying that
when I kick the shit
1439
01:25:26,102 --> 01:25:28,760
out of this bitch ass triathlon.
1440
01:25:28,761 --> 01:25:32,051
Bonjour, you are a
disgusting fat American.
1441
01:25:33,142 --> 01:25:33,975
You are weak.
1442
01:25:33,976 --> 01:25:35,015
You are fat.
1443
01:25:45,766 --> 01:25:48,807
You remind me of my
wife, ugly and stiff.
1444
01:25:49,642 --> 01:25:53,960
I bet if there was a cheeseburger
you'd make it to the end.
1445
01:26:01,286 --> 01:26:02,119
What is this?
1446
01:26:02,120 --> 01:26:03,326
You think you are pretty?
1447
01:26:03,327 --> 01:26:04,732
You are a hippopotamus.
1448
01:26:04,733 --> 01:26:06,096
Look at your fat ass.
1449
01:26:06,097 --> 01:26:07,178
Get out of here.
1450
01:26:15,621 --> 01:26:16,897
Get out of my sight.
1451
01:26:17,105 --> 01:26:18,087
Get out of here.
1452
01:26:18,487 --> 01:26:19,712
Get out of here.
1453
01:26:25,223 --> 01:26:27,263
Don't be a fat American.
1454
01:26:27,264 --> 01:26:29,767
Call me, I will make you skinny.
1455
01:26:29,768 --> 01:26:32,518
About to step up my game today.
1456
01:26:40,496 --> 01:26:42,508
Talk about a jizz killer.
1457
01:26:42,509 --> 01:26:43,342
What.
1458
01:26:45,519 --> 01:26:47,415
Honey bunny, I made your
1459
01:26:47,416 --> 01:26:50,154
third round of breakfast,
come and get it.
1460
01:26:50,155 --> 01:26:54,155
Not right now, mom,
I'm working on something.
1461
01:26:56,345 --> 01:26:58,069
I'm a real man.
1462
01:26:58,070 --> 01:26:58,987
I got this.
1463
01:27:00,113 --> 01:27:01,722
I won't choke.
1464
01:27:08,187 --> 01:27:11,566
Seriously, I thought
he had a smart fridge.
1465
01:27:11,567 --> 01:27:15,150
Isn't this shit supposed
to refill itself?
1466
01:27:16,326 --> 01:27:18,687
Where the hell is this trainer guy?
1467
01:27:18,688 --> 01:27:20,728
I've been waiting for minutes.
1468
01:27:20,729 --> 01:27:25,479
Man, maybe paying over the
phone wasn't such a good idea.
1469
01:27:26,977 --> 01:27:27,977
You know what?
1470
01:27:27,978 --> 01:27:29,298
Fuck this.
1471
01:27:29,299 --> 01:27:31,504
I don't need anyone's help.
1472
01:27:31,505 --> 01:27:33,255
I can do this myself.
1473
01:27:56,951 --> 01:27:58,518
What the fuck?
1474
01:28:01,583 --> 01:28:05,174
It's called a tomato, fat American.
1475
01:28:05,175 --> 01:28:07,911
Get the fuck away
from me you crazy fuck.
1476
01:28:07,912 --> 01:28:10,280
And this is called a banana.
1477
01:28:19,561 --> 01:28:22,236
I think jizzing for me
1478
01:28:22,722 --> 01:28:26,755
is a lot like when I sneeze.
1479
01:28:27,754 --> 01:28:28,587
Uhm,
1480
01:28:29,712 --> 01:28:32,828
once I start I can't stop
1481
01:28:33,264 --> 01:28:36,239
and it usually happens out of nowhere
1482
01:28:37,680 --> 01:28:39,496
and very quickly.
1483
01:28:39,744 --> 01:28:42,008
And I also look funny as hell
1484
01:28:42,009 --> 01:28:45,593
because I'm making
weird faces like, awh.
1485
01:28:46,035 --> 01:28:47,173
How was that?
1486
01:28:47,174 --> 01:28:49,242
Well it's great babe
if you could just maybe
1487
01:28:49,243 --> 01:28:50,669
loosen up a little bit.
1488
01:28:50,670 --> 01:28:53,839
Yeah, I mean, like it's good.
1489
01:28:53,840 --> 01:28:57,118
But you're really tense right now.
1490
01:28:57,119 --> 01:28:58,622
Thank you.
1491
01:29:09,318 --> 01:29:12,570
Hey ladies and ladies,
here's a fun fact about me.
1492
01:29:12,571 --> 01:29:14,956
If you're not man or a family member
1493
01:29:14,957 --> 01:29:18,511
there's a small tiny part of
me that wants to fuck you.
1494
01:29:19,631 --> 01:29:24,381
And that small and tiny part
of me, it's called my penis.
1495
01:29:27,722 --> 01:29:31,202
I don't know why you're
laughing, you're my girlfriend.
1496
01:29:37,669 --> 01:29:39,129
Hey little piggie.
1497
01:29:39,130 --> 01:29:41,297
Swim fat American piggie.
1498
01:29:43,478 --> 01:29:45,401
I'm not even fat anymore asshole.
1499
01:29:49,069 --> 01:29:52,194
Just want to say that it
is fantastic to be here.
1500
01:29:52,195 --> 01:29:54,957
I actually just flew into town
1501
01:29:54,958 --> 01:29:57,125
and boy are my arms tired.
1502
01:29:58,802 --> 01:30:01,123
From masturbating on the plane.
1503
01:30:01,985 --> 01:30:03,958
It's exhausting.
1504
01:30:10,867 --> 01:30:15,792
Hey, I'm Alex.
1505
01:30:17,291 --> 01:30:18,124
I mean.
1506
01:30:18,124 --> 01:30:18,957
Fuck.
1507
01:30:20,312 --> 01:30:24,287
Hey everybody, I'm Matt and a-
1508
01:30:25,997 --> 01:30:27,497
Fuck is, fuck you.
1509
01:30:28,436 --> 01:30:30,733
Piece of shit. Ah damn it.
1510
01:30:31,679 --> 01:30:32,760
All right you got this.
1511
01:30:32,761 --> 01:30:34,134
You got this.
1512
01:30:34,135 --> 01:30:36,468
All right everyone, line up.
1513
01:30:39,426 --> 01:30:40,672
Who's ready to run?
1514
01:30:41,923 --> 01:30:44,336
All right, that's what I like to see.
1515
01:30:44,337 --> 01:30:47,105
Remember, if you believe
in it you can achieve it.
1516
01:30:47,106 --> 01:30:49,216
I wanna see some hustle today.
1517
01:30:49,217 --> 01:30:50,893
On your marks.
1518
01:30:50,894 --> 01:30:52,409
Get set.
1519
01:30:52,410 --> 01:30:53,243
Go.
1520
01:30:57,426 --> 01:30:59,009
What are you doing?
1521
01:31:02,451 --> 01:31:04,457
Basically what I'm
trying to say is, you know
1522
01:31:04,458 --> 01:31:05,859
I'm still horny from last night.
1523
01:31:05,860 --> 01:31:08,661
So after the show if you want
to have some horrible sex,
1524
01:31:08,662 --> 01:31:09,562
come find me.
1525
01:31:11,846 --> 01:31:12,949
Thank you.
1526
01:31:16,546 --> 01:31:17,881
Good job man, good job.
1527
01:31:17,882 --> 01:31:18,715
Good job.
1528
01:31:18,716 --> 01:31:21,088
Give it up one more time guys for Kyle.
1529
01:31:23,073 --> 01:31:28,073
Your next person coming
to the stage is Matt Gaye.
1530
01:31:28,909 --> 01:31:30,874
Don't be a pussy.
1531
01:31:30,875 --> 01:31:32,625
You fucking got this.
1532
01:31:34,741 --> 01:31:36,688
Matt Gaye, to the stage.
Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.
1533
01:31:36,689 --> 01:31:37,522
Okay.
1534
01:31:39,629 --> 01:31:42,332
Matt Gaye, you out there buddy?
1535
01:31:42,333 --> 01:31:44,500
Oh, are you, are you Matt?
1536
01:31:45,970 --> 01:31:47,170
You can come up this way.
1537
01:31:47,171 --> 01:31:48,004
Okay.
1538
01:31:52,788 --> 01:31:53,771
Hello every...
1539
01:31:53,772 --> 01:31:55,559
Hello everybody.
1540
01:31:55,560 --> 01:31:56,643
Hello.
Hi.
1541
01:31:58,612 --> 01:31:59,445
Okay.
1542
01:32:02,204 --> 01:32:03,745
Uh, so...
1543
01:32:04,854 --> 01:32:07,708
One tiny fact you might know about me.
1544
01:32:07,709 --> 01:32:09,393
That you probably don't know about me.
1545
01:32:09,394 --> 01:32:10,869
I mean, I mean why would you know,
1546
01:32:10,870 --> 01:32:12,563
we haven't had sex, or fucked it up,
1547
01:32:12,564 --> 01:32:14,311
or fucked and sex, so.
1548
01:32:16,482 --> 01:32:20,499
I don't have an above
average size penis.
1549
01:32:20,982 --> 01:32:21,815
Uh.
1550
01:32:22,269 --> 01:32:26,185
I also don't own an average sized penis.
1551
01:32:26,662 --> 01:32:28,477
Okay, what I'm trying
to say is that, I just,
1552
01:32:28,478 --> 01:32:30,478
I have a tiny dick, so.
1553
01:32:35,604 --> 01:32:38,271
I
1554
01:32:47,491 --> 01:32:50,134
Another fun fact about me
1555
01:32:50,135 --> 01:32:54,704
is I thoroughly enjoy
masturbating, like a lot.
1556
01:32:54,705 --> 01:32:58,085
And I've noticed that
I jerk off really fast.
1557
01:32:58,086 --> 01:32:59,419
I'm much like the flash.
1558
01:32:59,420 --> 01:33:00,858
You can't even see my hand.
1559
01:33:00,859 --> 01:33:04,520
It's faster than that, I'm
just not horny right now, so.
1560
01:33:04,521 --> 01:33:06,780
This inspired me for a brilliant script
1561
01:33:06,781 --> 01:33:07,933
that I'm writing right now,
1562
01:33:07,934 --> 01:33:10,579
it's actually called
Whack to the Future.
1563
01:33:10,580 --> 01:33:11,463
It's action packed.
1564
01:33:11,464 --> 01:33:14,159
It's starring Tom Hardy
and Palmela Handerson.
1565
01:33:14,994 --> 01:33:16,463
Every time Mr. Hardy finds himself
1566
01:33:16,464 --> 01:33:18,813
in a sticky situation he
runs out to the streets,
1567
01:33:18,814 --> 01:33:21,033
just jerking off.
1568
01:33:21,034 --> 01:33:23,373
That's how he looks.
1569
01:33:23,374 --> 01:33:25,656
And right when he
reaches 88 miles per hour
1570
01:33:25,657 --> 01:33:28,464
he ejaculates and
disappears in the distance.
1571
01:33:28,465 --> 01:33:30,464
But instead of two flames in the road,
1572
01:33:30,465 --> 01:33:32,909
there's two steamy, gooey piles of cum.
1573
01:33:34,357 --> 01:33:36,235
Whack to the future.
1574
01:33:36,236 --> 01:33:38,528
Cumming, eh, this summer.
1575
01:33:41,373 --> 01:33:43,566
Masturbation doesn't turn you blind,
1576
01:33:43,567 --> 01:33:46,295
it takes you back in time.
1577
01:34:07,928 --> 01:34:10,152
So fucking tired.
1578
01:34:10,153 --> 01:34:12,075
I can't do this.
1579
01:34:12,076 --> 01:34:13,409
I want my mommy.
1580
01:34:15,577 --> 01:34:19,160
Ahh, thanks for showing
me your dick asshole.
1581
01:34:20,366 --> 01:34:23,533
At least I don't have to piss anymore.
1582
01:34:26,441 --> 01:34:28,218
Ladies and gentleman give it up
1583
01:34:28,219 --> 01:34:31,633
for your winner of
tonight's competition.
1584
01:34:31,634 --> 01:34:32,992
Carlos.
1585
01:34:35,279 --> 01:34:37,700
Congratulations Carlos.
1586
01:34:37,701 --> 01:34:39,240
Thank you, thank you.
You just won $5,000
1587
01:34:39,241 --> 01:34:42,057
and you're gonna headline at
our club for the next month.
1588
01:34:42,058 --> 01:34:43,889
Give it up for our runner-ups.
1589
01:34:43,890 --> 01:34:45,970
They're gonna be getting
some comedy classes,
1590
01:34:45,971 --> 01:34:48,863
hey, they need 'em obviously.
1591
01:34:48,864 --> 01:34:50,183
Once again give it up for Carlos.
1592
01:34:50,184 --> 01:34:52,513
Every one make it home
safe, thanks for coming out.
1593
01:35:02,227 --> 01:35:03,671
Sand in my ass.
1594
01:35:03,672 --> 01:35:05,422
Sand in my ass crack.
1595
01:35:06,677 --> 01:35:09,401
Why didn't I change before
jumping in the water?
1596
01:35:09,402 --> 01:35:10,735
So many regrets.
1597
01:35:12,727 --> 01:35:15,871
Who am I kidding, I can't do this.
1598
01:35:15,872 --> 01:35:17,650
So fucking tired.
1599
01:35:17,651 --> 01:35:19,856
Where the hell is everyone?
1600
01:35:19,857 --> 01:35:22,253
I can't be the only one out here still.
1601
01:35:22,254 --> 01:35:23,254
Hey there.
1602
01:35:25,860 --> 01:35:28,277
Whoa, are you like a ninja?
1603
01:35:29,848 --> 01:35:31,090
How am I supposed to finish this thing
1604
01:35:31,091 --> 01:35:32,998
with all this shit running down my leg?
1605
01:35:32,999 --> 01:35:34,275
Ewh.
1606
01:35:34,276 --> 01:35:37,891
Whatever, I'm just glad I'm
not the only one still here.
1607
01:35:37,892 --> 01:35:39,069
Oh, sorry.
1608
01:35:39,070 --> 01:35:39,903
Here.
1609
01:35:41,269 --> 01:35:42,487
What's this?
1610
01:35:42,488 --> 01:35:44,334
That's your medal.
1611
01:35:44,335 --> 01:35:46,933
You actually ran out of
time for the triathlon.
1612
01:35:46,934 --> 01:35:48,815
Everyone else left.
1613
01:35:48,816 --> 01:35:51,697
Thanks for trying and have a great day.
1614
01:35:51,698 --> 01:35:52,531
Bye.
1615
01:36:11,100 --> 01:36:13,358
Are you fucking serious?
1616
01:36:19,339 --> 01:36:20,172
Hey.
1617
01:36:21,702 --> 01:36:24,542
Stop crying you girly American.
1618
01:36:24,543 --> 01:36:26,453
Would you leave me alone?
1619
01:36:26,454 --> 01:36:28,450
The race is over. I lost, okay?
1620
01:36:28,451 --> 01:36:30,368
Go bother someone else.
1621
01:36:35,057 --> 01:36:38,102
I don't know what the
fuck you're saying.
1622
01:36:38,103 --> 01:36:41,828
I said, you are no
longer a fat American.
1623
01:36:43,127 --> 01:36:46,544
Maybe a chubby American,
but that's okay.
1624
01:36:47,849 --> 01:36:48,682
Stand up.
1625
01:36:50,742 --> 01:36:53,158
Finish the pointless race.
1626
01:36:53,159 --> 01:36:57,242
Do something for once in
your insignificant life.
1627
01:38:03,656 --> 01:38:04,489
Yes.
1628
01:38:06,296 --> 01:38:07,129
Yes.
1629
01:38:08,902 --> 01:38:09,735
Whoo.
1630
01:38:11,151 --> 01:38:12,559
Whoo.
1631
01:38:12,560 --> 01:38:14,166
I finished the race.
1632
01:38:14,167 --> 01:38:15,693
You hear that Alex?
1633
01:38:15,694 --> 01:38:16,527
Fuck you.
1634
01:38:17,660 --> 01:38:19,543
Fuck you.
1635
01:38:49,947 --> 01:38:52,026
Didn't we just have sex the other night?
1636
01:38:52,027 --> 01:38:53,281
No, we haven't.
1637
01:38:53,282 --> 01:38:56,106
We haven't had sex in days
and it feels like an eternity.
1638
01:38:56,107 --> 01:38:57,786
Lately I feel like Action Jackson's
1639
01:38:57,787 --> 01:39:01,189
turning into like old retired Jackson.
1640
01:39:01,190 --> 01:39:03,476
Wait, are you saying we did not sleep
1641
01:39:03,477 --> 01:39:05,962
with each other on the camping trip?
1642
01:39:05,963 --> 01:39:07,806
Don't sound so excited about it.
1643
01:39:07,807 --> 01:39:09,529
No we didn't.
1644
01:39:09,530 --> 01:39:12,616
I tried but you just pulled it out
1645
01:39:12,617 --> 01:39:14,420
and started touching yourself.
1646
01:39:14,421 --> 01:39:17,185
So naturally, I did the
same thing to Misses Jackson
1647
01:39:17,186 --> 01:39:19,402
and we fell asleep.
1648
01:39:20,233 --> 01:39:24,678
As disturbing as that
sounds I'm actually relieved.
1649
01:39:24,679 --> 01:39:26,398
Relieved?
1650
01:39:26,399 --> 01:39:28,838
You're relieved we didn't have sex?
1651
01:39:28,839 --> 01:39:29,882
What's going on with you?
1652
01:39:29,883 --> 01:39:31,124
Are you cheating on me?
1653
01:39:31,125 --> 01:39:33,525
Do you think I'm ugly?
1654
01:39:33,526 --> 01:39:36,934
No, no, it's not any of that.
1655
01:39:39,293 --> 01:39:42,660
Lately I've been working
on fixing myself.
1656
01:39:42,661 --> 01:39:45,312
I know it sounds dumb,
1657
01:39:45,313 --> 01:39:48,630
but I swear it's not you it's me, okay?
1658
01:39:50,465 --> 01:39:53,145
One of the many lessons I've
learned these last few days
1659
01:39:53,146 --> 01:39:55,269
is that you are one of the most kindest
1660
01:39:55,270 --> 01:39:58,451
and caring women I've
met in my entire life.
1661
01:39:58,452 --> 01:40:00,875
You are so beautiful inside and out
1662
01:40:00,876 --> 01:40:02,894
and the fact that you
feel the same about me
1663
01:40:02,895 --> 01:40:04,978
will always blow my mind.
1664
01:40:06,378 --> 01:40:10,899
And for your information, Mr.
Action Jackson is not retired.
1665
01:40:10,900 --> 01:40:13,651
He's more like on a hiatus
gaining his strength
1666
01:40:13,652 --> 01:40:16,405
and I have a feeling he's
gonna be back very soon
1667
01:40:16,406 --> 01:40:18,156
and better than ever.
1668
01:40:19,943 --> 01:40:21,943
I love you jelly bear.
1669
01:40:23,273 --> 01:40:28,273
Well, it's been fun, but
it's time to say goodbye.
1670
01:40:28,650 --> 01:40:29,724
I know.
1671
01:40:29,725 --> 01:40:31,403
I'm going to miss you too,
1672
01:40:31,404 --> 01:40:35,513
but we'll see each other all the time.
1673
01:40:35,514 --> 01:40:36,465
I promise,
1674
01:40:36,466 --> 01:40:39,614
I promise we're gonna see
each other again, all right?
1675
01:40:39,615 --> 01:40:42,482
No, don't you, don't you dare.
1676
01:40:43,909 --> 01:40:45,831
We said we weren't gonna cry.
1677
01:40:46,206 --> 01:40:47,803
Might as well eat shitty one last time
1678
01:40:47,804 --> 01:40:49,926
before I get my body back.
1679
01:40:49,927 --> 01:40:51,367
Aww, that's so cute.
1680
01:40:51,368 --> 01:40:53,761
Is my baby trying to lose some weight?
1681
01:40:53,762 --> 01:40:55,682
I guess you can say that.
1682
01:40:55,683 --> 01:40:58,032
I only have time for four rounds
of breakfast this morning.
1683
01:40:58,033 --> 01:40:59,371
I gotta meet up with Alex.
1684
01:40:59,372 --> 01:41:01,593
Hey how's he doing anyway
after the other night?
1685
01:41:01,594 --> 01:41:05,176
He seemed really upset and
pretty sure he's avoiding us.
1686
01:41:05,177 --> 01:41:07,767
He's been a little weird lately.
1687
01:41:07,768 --> 01:41:11,759
Since the whole thingy between you.
1688
01:41:11,760 --> 01:41:12,924
What do you mean?
1689
01:41:12,925 --> 01:41:14,010
I don't know.
1690
01:41:14,011 --> 01:41:17,549
What'd you guys get it on or something?
1691
01:41:17,557 --> 01:41:19,230
Don't be a silly willy.
1692
01:41:19,231 --> 01:41:20,765
He came to the bar last night.
1693
01:41:20,766 --> 01:41:24,083
He drank way too much, so
we put him on the couch
1694
01:41:24,084 --> 01:41:25,335
and I think about midnight
1695
01:41:25,336 --> 01:41:28,700
he came into our room
crying, asking for his mommy.
1696
01:41:28,701 --> 01:41:30,739
It's really sad he's
never had a mother figure.
1697
01:41:30,740 --> 01:41:32,082
You know, we've really
enjoyed raising him
1698
01:41:32,083 --> 01:41:33,842
over the last few years.
1699
01:41:33,843 --> 01:41:35,676
He's like a son to us.
1700
01:41:37,445 --> 01:41:40,326
I'm gonna miss having you
guys around all the time.
1701
01:41:40,327 --> 01:41:41,160
Miss us?
1702
01:41:41,161 --> 01:41:42,528
What are you talking about?
1703
01:41:42,529 --> 01:41:43,821
You're not planning on moving?
1704
01:41:43,822 --> 01:41:45,267
Who'm I going to cook for?
1705
01:41:45,268 --> 01:41:46,101
No, no, no, no, no.
1706
01:41:46,102 --> 01:41:48,196
I'm just saying that you
guys are really awesome
1707
01:41:48,197 --> 01:41:50,456
and I love you so much.
1708
01:41:50,457 --> 01:41:51,606
Aw, babe.
1709
01:41:51,607 --> 01:41:54,690
We love you too.
We love you too.
1710
01:42:02,678 --> 01:42:04,346
You see him?
1711
01:42:04,347 --> 01:42:06,847
No, he's not here obviously.
1712
01:42:10,034 --> 01:42:14,276
So I did that triathlon
you were training for.
1713
01:42:14,885 --> 01:42:15,768
Yeah?
1714
01:42:15,768 --> 01:42:16,601
Yeah.
1715
01:42:16,602 --> 01:42:20,969
I actually hired this crazy
foreign dude off of Craigslist.
1716
01:42:20,970 --> 01:42:23,491
He kept talking shit to
me in another language
1717
01:42:23,492 --> 01:42:26,311
and was like throwing
fruits and vegetable at me
1718
01:42:26,312 --> 01:42:28,145
when we were training.
1719
01:42:30,027 --> 01:42:33,218
I actually lost the race.
1720
01:42:34,189 --> 01:42:35,439
But I finished.
1721
01:42:36,266 --> 01:42:38,699
They even gave me this cool medal.
1722
01:42:38,700 --> 01:42:39,914
You finished the race?
1723
01:42:39,915 --> 01:42:42,450
Like from start to finish?
1724
01:42:42,451 --> 01:42:45,551
Yeah, but like I said I lost.
1725
01:42:45,874 --> 01:42:47,007
Who cares man?
1726
01:42:47,008 --> 01:42:48,929
You finished a triathlon.
1727
01:42:48,930 --> 01:42:50,451
Like how many people can
say they've done that?
1728
01:42:50,452 --> 01:42:52,093
That's pretty fucking awesome.
1729
01:42:52,094 --> 01:42:53,594
I'm proud of you, man.
1730
01:42:53,595 --> 01:42:54,428
Thanks.
1731
01:42:55,351 --> 01:42:56,752
And I know when you came
by the tent the other day
1732
01:42:56,753 --> 01:42:58,633
it looked like something went
down between me and Holly,
1733
01:42:58,634 --> 01:43:00,700
but nothing happened I swear.
1734
01:43:00,701 --> 01:43:03,220
I mean besides me being
overdosed on the weed brownies
1735
01:43:03,221 --> 01:43:04,614
that she poisoned me with,
1736
01:43:04,615 --> 01:43:07,214
I couldn't even get a
hard on if I tried.
1737
01:43:07,215 --> 01:43:09,557
Wait, you got high?
1738
01:43:09,938 --> 01:43:11,849
Yeah, I don't want to talk about it man.
1739
01:43:11,850 --> 01:43:14,005
Oh, I bet Holly gave
you those weed brownies
1740
01:43:14,006 --> 01:43:15,539
I was cooking up.
1741
01:43:15,540 --> 01:43:17,012
They had shrooms in them.
1742
01:43:17,013 --> 01:43:19,014
You were probably tripping balls.
1743
01:43:19,015 --> 01:43:20,138
Yeah.
1744
01:43:20,139 --> 01:43:23,901
So let's talk about what happened
between you and your mom?
1745
01:43:23,902 --> 01:43:26,223
You know, your mother?
1746
01:43:26,224 --> 01:43:28,463
The woman who gave birth to you?
1747
01:43:28,464 --> 01:43:30,962
You didn't have sex with
her by any chance, did you?
1748
01:43:30,963 --> 01:43:33,643
I don't know what the
fuck you're talking about.
1749
01:43:33,644 --> 01:43:35,188
Yeah, you do.
1750
01:43:35,189 --> 01:43:36,270
You're mom told me.
1751
01:43:36,271 --> 01:43:39,341
You did her and Shaniqua dirty.
1752
01:43:39,342 --> 01:43:42,897
Even if there were true, which it's not,
1753
01:43:42,898 --> 01:43:45,017
how could I even have sex with my mom?
1754
01:43:45,018 --> 01:43:45,851
I'm not even me.
1755
01:43:45,852 --> 01:43:46,967
I'm not even Matt.
1756
01:43:46,968 --> 01:43:49,344
I'm not...
Hey, hey, hey.
1757
01:43:49,345 --> 01:43:50,306
Relax bro.
1758
01:43:50,307 --> 01:43:51,427
I'm just messing with you.
1759
01:43:51,428 --> 01:43:52,590
I wanted to see your face.
1760
01:43:52,591 --> 01:43:54,967
See my face, whatever.
1761
01:43:54,968 --> 01:43:56,701
Nothing happened, all right?
1762
01:43:56,702 --> 01:43:57,944
Nothing happened?
1763
01:43:57,945 --> 01:43:59,704
Yeah, nothing.
1764
01:43:59,705 --> 01:44:00,706
Are you sure?
1765
01:44:00,707 --> 01:44:02,174
Yes.
1766
01:44:02,175 --> 01:44:05,620
Thank god.
1767
01:44:05,621 --> 01:44:07,826
You know that comedy show
you were practicing for?
1768
01:44:07,827 --> 01:44:09,801
I did that, I didn't get first place
1769
01:44:09,802 --> 01:44:11,045
but you are now the proud owner
1770
01:44:11,046 --> 01:44:13,407
of three free comedy workshop classes,
1771
01:44:13,408 --> 01:44:14,848
so, you're welcome.
1772
01:44:14,849 --> 01:44:16,129
Fucking, fuck yeah.
1773
01:44:16,130 --> 01:44:17,171
Awesome.
1774
01:44:17,172 --> 01:44:18,673
I'm gonna give you those for Christmas.
1775
01:44:18,674 --> 01:44:19,713
Wow, thank you.
1776
01:44:19,714 --> 01:44:21,478
That's amazing.
1777
01:44:21,479 --> 01:44:22,571
Can't wait.
1778
01:44:22,572 --> 01:44:23,851
And I'm proud of you.
1779
01:44:23,852 --> 01:44:25,119
You must've done a lot of work
1780
01:44:25,120 --> 01:44:27,830
because you were fucking terrible.
1781
01:44:27,831 --> 01:44:30,243
Yeah, I worked pretty hard on it.
1782
01:44:30,244 --> 01:44:32,353
No, I mean you were the worst.
1783
01:44:32,354 --> 01:44:36,525
Like watching you tell a
joke was like getting fisted
1784
01:44:36,526 --> 01:44:39,745
by someone wearing Hulk hands.
1785
01:44:39,746 --> 01:44:41,961
I get it, I was bad, all right?
1786
01:44:41,962 --> 01:44:44,212
Yeah, fucking unbearable.
1787
01:44:49,405 --> 01:44:53,198
I'm sorry I thought you
slept with my girlfriend.
1788
01:44:53,199 --> 01:44:54,673
Should've trusted you.
1789
01:44:54,674 --> 01:44:57,682
Yeah, I'm sorry that...
1790
01:44:59,442 --> 01:45:00,609
I'm sorry too.
1791
01:45:02,553 --> 01:45:04,008
I shouldn't have said the things I said.
1792
01:45:04,009 --> 01:45:07,084
I was just angry, being a dumb ass.
1793
01:45:07,085 --> 01:45:08,010
We cool?
1794
01:45:08,943 --> 01:45:10,246
Yeah, we cool.
1795
01:45:19,171 --> 01:45:21,254
Oh shit, it's Magic Mike.
1796
01:45:30,190 --> 01:45:31,107
What the?
1797
01:45:32,163 --> 01:45:32,996
Crap.
1798
01:45:41,489 --> 01:45:43,489
It said it's right here.
1799
01:45:45,738 --> 01:45:46,571
Come on.
1800
01:45:47,926 --> 01:45:49,118
Come on.
1801
01:45:49,119 --> 01:45:49,952
Gotcha.
1802
01:45:49,956 --> 01:45:51,506
Ha, yes.
1803
01:46:04,817 --> 01:46:06,392
Holy shit.
1804
01:46:06,393 --> 01:46:09,498
I hope your hobo legs are
broken, you fucking asshole.
1805
01:46:11,859 --> 01:46:13,542
Come on, wake up.
1806
01:46:13,543 --> 01:46:15,214
Quit fucking around.
1807
01:46:15,215 --> 01:46:16,531
You gotta change us back, dude.
1808
01:46:16,532 --> 01:46:17,365
Come on.
1809
01:46:17,366 --> 01:46:19,031
Come here. Come here.
1810
01:46:21,325 --> 01:46:22,788
You feel anything?
1811
01:46:22,789 --> 01:46:24,232
No, do you?
1812
01:46:24,233 --> 01:46:25,248
No.
1813
01:46:25,249 --> 01:46:26,082
Come on.
1814
01:46:29,213 --> 01:46:31,296
Do you feel anything now?
1815
01:46:52,000 --> 01:46:53,326
Are you, you?
1816
01:46:53,327 --> 01:46:54,927
Yeah, you?
1817
01:46:55,502 --> 01:46:56,783
Yeah.
1818
01:46:56,784 --> 01:46:58,546
You know what this means, right?
1819
01:46:58,547 --> 01:47:00,562
We're gonna fucking party tonight.
1820
01:47:00,995 --> 01:47:02,535
♪ Watch me break it down ♪
1821
01:47:02,536 --> 01:47:03,988
♪ You know I'm on the grind ♪
1822
01:47:03,989 --> 01:47:04,868
How you guys doing tonight?
1823
01:47:04,869 --> 01:47:06,492
Enjoy yourselves.
1824
01:47:06,493 --> 01:47:08,985
I'm on there, right?
What's up, brother?
1825
01:47:08,986 --> 01:47:09,819
Hey.
1826
01:47:10,622 --> 01:47:13,654
Civilians. Get that damn
bouncy house of my lawn,
1827
01:47:13,655 --> 01:47:15,686
you're killing my grass.
1828
01:47:15,687 --> 01:47:20,295
Your grass is already
dead, asshole.
1829
01:47:21,151 --> 01:47:23,354
Hold on, let me deal with this dude.
1830
01:47:23,355 --> 01:47:24,817
Can I go in?
1831
01:47:24,818 --> 01:47:25,779
Excuse me.
1832
01:47:25,780 --> 01:47:27,970
Sorry, no one gets in
unless you're on the list.
1833
01:47:27,971 --> 01:47:30,875
Ah, this is my house, bro.
1834
01:47:30,876 --> 01:47:31,996
I don't care if it is your house.
1835
01:47:31,997 --> 01:47:34,981
Unless your name's on this
list you're not getting in.
1836
01:47:34,982 --> 01:47:37,342
Whatever, it's Chad.
1837
01:47:37,343 --> 01:47:39,426
And I better be on there.
1838
01:47:43,434 --> 01:47:45,310
I don't see a Chad.
1839
01:47:45,311 --> 01:47:47,536
What? Give me that fucking clipboard.
1840
01:47:57,135 --> 01:47:59,718
I'm so going to kick their ass.
1841
01:48:00,972 --> 01:48:02,898
Hey, it's my house.
1842
01:48:02,899 --> 01:48:05,282
It's my fucking house.
1843
01:48:05,283 --> 01:48:09,200
All right, who's ready
for some Bigfoot dick?
1844
01:48:13,249 --> 01:48:14,522
♪ Watch me break it down ♪
1845
01:48:14,523 --> 01:48:16,123
♪ You know I'm on the grind ♪
1846
01:48:16,124 --> 01:48:17,366
♪ Never taking L's ♪
1847
01:48:17,367 --> 01:48:19,256
♪ Ain't nobody taking mine ♪
1848
01:48:19,257 --> 01:48:24,130
Hey, when you see Holly,
tell her the hiatus is over.
1849
01:48:24,131 --> 01:48:24,964
What?
1850
01:48:24,964 --> 01:48:25,856
Why?
1851
01:48:25,857 --> 01:48:27,297
Just do it.
1852
01:48:27,298 --> 01:48:28,461
Trust me.
1853
01:48:28,462 --> 01:48:29,357
♪ My cologne ♪
1854
01:48:29,358 --> 01:48:31,038
♪ She say she like the Jean Paul ♪
1855
01:48:31,039 --> 01:48:33,895
♪ Fire in the pocket just
for letting up the stand ♪
1856
01:48:33,896 --> 01:48:35,257
♪ Bitches all like to ball ♪
1857
01:48:35,258 --> 01:48:36,619
♪ I think I'm better than Kareem ♪
1858
01:48:36,620 --> 01:48:38,771
Boo
♪ Chicks like 'em built ♪
1859
01:48:38,772 --> 01:48:40,146
♪ Money on stilt ♪
Boo
1860
01:48:40,147 --> 01:48:41,387
♪ Flow so cold ♪
1861
01:48:41,388 --> 01:48:43,122
♪ Better hand his ass a quilt ♪
1862
01:48:43,123 --> 01:48:44,524
♪ Now I call it shivering ♪
1863
01:48:44,525 --> 01:48:46,504
♪ Asking what's next,
I'll snag yo chick ♪
1864
01:48:46,505 --> 01:48:47,859
♪ Now that's yo ex
better watch you back ♪
1865
01:48:47,860 --> 01:48:49,461
♪ 'Cause I'm coming that next damn ♪
1866
01:48:49,462 --> 01:48:52,132
♪ Look I'm so New Orleans ♪
1867
01:48:52,133 --> 01:48:55,065
♪ Chain around my neck it
look like Mardi Gras beads ♪
1868
01:48:55,066 --> 01:48:56,586
♪ Bourbon in the cream ♪
1869
01:48:56,587 --> 01:48:57,908
♪ Red and the blue ♪
1870
01:48:57,909 --> 01:49:00,887
♪ Everybody fresh to death
it's just like funeral suits ♪
1871
01:49:00,888 --> 01:49:02,471
♪ Super Sunday second line ♪
1872
01:49:02,472 --> 01:49:04,166
♪ We get it it all the time ♪
1873
01:49:04,167 --> 01:49:06,980
♪ Dancing in the zone just
like Deion in his prime ♪
1874
01:49:06,981 --> 01:49:08,608
♪ Turn a nickle to a dime ♪
1875
01:49:08,609 --> 01:49:09,779
♪ Everybody hustle ♪
1876
01:49:09,780 --> 01:49:11,351
♪ Talk that shit you might get ♪
1877
01:49:11,352 --> 01:49:12,396
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1878
01:49:12,397 --> 01:49:13,230
Little man, little man.
1879
01:49:13,231 --> 01:49:14,525
Where you going?
1880
01:49:14,526 --> 01:49:16,380
Get out of my way Green Mile.
1881
01:49:16,381 --> 01:49:18,043
I'm going to the party.
1882
01:49:18,044 --> 01:49:19,699
Oh, okay.
1883
01:49:19,700 --> 01:49:20,600
Well I'll tell you what.
1884
01:49:20,601 --> 01:49:21,778
You might wanna go to the party,
1885
01:49:21,779 --> 01:49:24,624
but you ain't getting in
unless your name's on the list.
1886
01:49:24,625 --> 01:49:26,063
My name's Virgil.
1887
01:49:26,064 --> 01:49:26,897
Virgil.
1888
01:49:30,609 --> 01:49:32,976
Well I don't see a Virgil,
1889
01:49:32,977 --> 01:49:36,077
but I do see a Vir-Gina.
1890
01:49:37,088 --> 01:49:40,130
I said my name's Virgil, ass clown.
1891
01:49:40,131 --> 01:49:41,371
Ooh.
1892
01:49:41,372 --> 01:49:43,256
Well I'll tell you what.
1893
01:49:43,257 --> 01:49:47,674
Unless your name's on this
list you ain't getting in.
1894
01:49:53,385 --> 01:49:54,218
Whoa.
1895
01:49:55,907 --> 01:49:57,147
You heard what I said?
1896
01:49:57,148 --> 01:50:00,792
Unless your name is on this
list, you ain't getting in.
1897
01:50:00,793 --> 01:50:02,196
Fine.
1898
01:50:02,197 --> 01:50:03,513
My name's
1899
01:50:04,638 --> 01:50:05,921
Virgina.
1900
01:50:06,576 --> 01:50:09,725
I'm sorry, a little bit louder.
1901
01:50:09,726 --> 01:50:11,517
I said my name's
1902
01:50:13,392 --> 01:50:14,225
Virgina.
1903
01:50:15,343 --> 01:50:16,615
Yeah it is.
Yeah it is.
1904
01:50:16,616 --> 01:50:18,271
Told you we could get him to say it.
1905
01:50:18,272 --> 01:50:20,011
This is an adult party only.
1906
01:50:20,012 --> 01:50:21,429
Fuck off Virgina.
1907
01:50:30,636 --> 01:50:31,507
Hey you.
1908
01:50:31,508 --> 01:50:32,872
Wanna make out?
1909
01:50:32,873 --> 01:50:34,911
My breath smells like tuna shit.
1910
01:50:34,912 --> 01:50:36,262
Motha fucka.
1911
01:50:36,856 --> 01:50:39,789
On your marks, get set.
1912
01:50:40,552 --> 01:50:41,385
Go.
1913
01:50:45,583 --> 01:50:47,300
I was never here.
1914
01:50:55,887 --> 01:50:59,662
I just love being in
a social environment.
1915
01:51:01,523 --> 01:51:04,940
Free from the distractions
of technology.
1916
01:51:10,819 --> 01:51:11,743
You lose.
1917
01:51:11,744 --> 01:51:13,258
Take it off.
1918
01:51:18,921 --> 01:51:20,147
Dude.
1919
01:51:20,148 --> 01:51:21,608
Is that a dick?
1920
01:51:21,609 --> 01:51:24,376
Well, it's not a belly button.
1921
01:51:34,013 --> 01:51:35,228
♪ Everybody hustle ♪
1922
01:51:35,229 --> 01:51:36,709
♪ That shit you might get muscled ♪
1923
01:51:36,710 --> 01:51:38,270
♪ We the general ♪
1924
01:51:38,271 --> 01:51:39,993
Oh my god.
1925
01:51:39,994 --> 01:51:41,878
I've missed you so much baby.
1926
01:51:41,879 --> 01:51:43,800
Babe, I just saw you this morning.
1927
01:51:43,801 --> 01:51:47,328
I know, but it feels
like it's been an eternity.
1928
01:51:47,329 --> 01:51:49,706
Oh, I'm supposed to tell
you, the hiatus is over.
1929
01:51:49,707 --> 01:51:50,866
Really?
1930
01:51:50,867 --> 01:51:52,535
Come with me papa bear.
1931
01:52:12,822 --> 01:52:14,302
There you are.
1932
01:52:14,303 --> 01:52:16,436
Yeah, here I am.
1933
01:52:16,730 --> 01:52:18,205
So when are you going to take me
1934
01:52:18,206 --> 01:52:20,211
to this Italian restaurant of yours?
1935
01:52:20,212 --> 01:52:23,294
Or were you just teasing
me with sausage?
1936
01:52:23,295 --> 01:52:24,856
Sausage?
1937
01:52:24,857 --> 01:52:25,690
Oh right.
1938
01:52:25,691 --> 01:52:28,660
The Italian restaurant because
they have sausage there.
1939
01:52:28,661 --> 01:52:29,494
Yeah.
1940
01:52:29,495 --> 01:52:31,153
Makes sense.
Makes sense.
1941
01:52:31,154 --> 01:52:33,388
Ah, your Birthday?
1942
01:52:35,076 --> 01:52:36,037
My Birthday?
1943
01:52:36,038 --> 01:52:37,514
No.
1944
01:52:37,515 --> 01:52:38,515
Next week.
1945
01:52:40,882 --> 01:52:41,965
This weekend?
1946
01:52:44,325 --> 01:52:45,970
Tomorrow?
1947
01:52:45,971 --> 01:52:47,804
How about right now?
1948
01:52:50,540 --> 01:52:52,748
♪ Watch me break it down you know ♪
1949
01:52:54,434 --> 01:52:57,976
This is the best I've ever had.
1950
01:52:57,978 --> 01:52:59,560
Oh, Jelly Bear.
1951
01:53:00,396 --> 01:53:01,229
Oh, Holly.
1952
01:53:41,556 --> 01:53:42,728
Alex.
Jenna.
1953
01:53:44,036 --> 01:53:46,131
Holly.
1954
01:53:46,132 --> 01:53:47,898
Who the fuck is Holly?
1955
01:53:47,899 --> 01:53:48,779
Jenna?
1956
01:53:48,780 --> 01:53:50,058
Who's Holly?
1957
01:53:50,059 --> 01:53:50,892
How did I?
1958
01:53:50,893 --> 01:53:53,070
Tell me who she is.
Oh, shit.
1959
01:53:53,071 --> 01:53:54,238
Get off of me.
1960
01:54:19,338 --> 01:54:20,796
Oh, Jenna...
1961
01:54:20,797 --> 01:54:21,630
Jenna?
1962
01:54:22,319 --> 01:54:23,569
From your work?
1963
01:54:31,733 --> 01:54:33,066
Mother fucker.
1964
01:54:37,211 --> 01:54:39,113
♪ Cover the gossip of the war,
be with the clown, nigga ♪
1965
01:54:39,114 --> 01:54:40,954
♪ Ordered the shot and
reportedly plotted the hound ♪
1966
01:54:40,955 --> 01:54:42,734
♪ Ask your rabbi why they
turned me the bad guy ♪
1967
01:54:42,735 --> 01:54:44,595
♪ Blast they ass, fly to
your noodle like pad Thai ♪
1968
01:54:44,596 --> 01:54:46,475
♪ Baskin' as I wickedly stab thy ♪
1969
01:54:46,476 --> 01:54:48,463
♪ Crab that had my name
and is met the last sight ♪
1970
01:54:48,464 --> 01:54:50,053
♪ If you're trippin' with
Nina then I'mma shoot ya ♪
1971
01:54:50,054 --> 01:54:51,926
♪ Nigga, fuck a rifle, I
do it with the bazooka ♪
1972
01:54:51,927 --> 01:54:53,769
♪ A lot of motherfuckers
they be softer than a luffa ♪
1973
01:54:53,770 --> 01:54:56,745
I love, love, love this song.
1974
01:54:56,746 --> 01:54:57,929
Yes.
1975
01:54:58,931 --> 01:55:01,136
What are you drinking?
1976
01:55:01,137 --> 01:55:02,982
Oh, this?
Can I have some?
1977
01:55:02,983 --> 01:55:04,632
Yeah.
1978
01:55:04,633 --> 01:55:07,633
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, yeah.
1979
01:55:11,723 --> 01:55:13,140
You're so soft.
1980
01:55:14,119 --> 01:55:15,622
I love it.
1981
01:55:15,623 --> 01:55:16,898
And I love you.
1982
01:55:17,977 --> 01:55:19,479
♪ After me, I'm a catastrophe ♪
1983
01:55:19,480 --> 01:55:21,438
♪ When I'm finished you
nigga look like a pasta C ♪
1984
01:55:21,439 --> 01:55:23,175
♪ What'll happen if a
nigga wanna clash with me ♪
1985
01:55:23,176 --> 01:55:25,637
♪ I be killin' 'em and
that's the way it has to be ♪
1986
01:55:25,638 --> 01:55:29,141
♪ It's on on sight, run to the light ♪
1987
01:55:29,142 --> 01:55:32,519
♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪
1988
01:55:32,520 --> 01:55:36,925
♪ Ooh yeah this is verbal warfare ♪
1989
01:55:36,926 --> 01:55:39,777
♪ Maybe you're crazy
enough to go there ♪
1990
01:55:39,778 --> 01:55:41,541
♪ I'm on the war path you
motherfuckin' shakin' ♪
1991
01:55:41,542 --> 01:55:43,342
♪ I'm a gladiator you don't
know who you're facing ♪
1992
01:55:43,343 --> 01:55:45,224
♪ I'm gonna go till death I
can hear your heart racin' ♪
1993
01:55:45,225 --> 01:55:47,330
♪ I ain't scared for you
lames, I ain't playin' ♪
1994
01:55:47,331 --> 01:55:49,033
♪ Hit you subliminal with
defendable syllable ♪
1995
01:55:49,034 --> 01:55:50,770
♪ The original general
was literal criminal ♪
1996
01:55:50,771 --> 01:55:52,678
♪ Now I'm killin' 'em digital,
I'm fillin' the minimal ♪
1997
01:55:52,679 --> 01:55:54,525
♪ Can't be winnin' because
I'm leavin' 'em critical ♪
1998
01:55:54,526 --> 01:55:55,407
♪ Yeah ♪
1999
01:55:55,407 --> 01:55:56,303
♪ You want it with me ♪
2000
01:55:56,304 --> 01:55:57,964
♪ You better man the fuck
up, be prepared to bleed ♪
2001
01:55:57,965 --> 01:55:59,973
♪ I come through a battle
starrin', yes, indeed ♪
2002
01:55:59,974 --> 01:56:02,724
♪ I go in like I ain't ate in weeks ♪
2003
01:56:02,725 --> 01:56:04,850
♪ You're never the same
I'm choppin' them things ♪
2004
01:56:04,851 --> 01:56:06,399
♪ I'm poppin' at rage
you think I'm deranged ♪
2005
01:56:06,400 --> 01:56:07,233
♪ I'm thinkin' I'm sane ♪
2006
01:56:07,234 --> 01:56:09,434
♪ You think it's a game,
although had an break ♪
2007
01:56:09,435 --> 01:56:10,898
♪ I don't think the same, I
don't run against the grain ♪
2008
01:56:10,899 --> 01:56:12,982
♪ Knock 'em out the frame while
I'm spittin' these flames ♪
2009
01:56:12,983 --> 01:56:13,851
♪ Get this verbal machine gun ♪
2010
01:56:13,851 --> 01:56:14,684
Phew.
2011
01:56:16,412 --> 01:56:18,096
Well, well, well.
2012
01:56:18,924 --> 01:56:23,599
What we have there folks is
some mighty fine marijuana.
2013
01:56:24,870 --> 01:56:29,484
Why don't you let me hold
that think just a second here?
2014
01:56:29,485 --> 01:56:31,808
See what's in here now?
2015
01:56:31,809 --> 01:56:33,127
♪ I got it all to gain
and nothin' to lose ♪
2016
01:56:33,128 --> 01:56:34,933
♪ You got me to blame, I
don't have to explain ♪
2017
01:56:34,934 --> 01:56:36,780
♪ You can see the gauge
and it's pumpin' shells ♪
2018
01:56:36,781 --> 01:56:39,543
♪ I'm here to maim, are
you not entertained ♪
2019
01:56:39,544 --> 01:56:42,869
Well, what's your name?
2020
01:56:42,870 --> 01:56:46,467
♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪
2021
01:56:46,468 --> 01:56:50,916
♪ Ooh yeah, this is verbal warfare ♪
2022
01:56:50,917 --> 01:56:53,464
♪ Maybe you're crazy
enough to go there ♪
2023
01:56:53,465 --> 01:56:54,429
♪ Twista ♪
2024
01:56:54,430 --> 01:56:55,550
♪ Like entertainment for the emperor ♪
2025
01:56:55,551 --> 01:56:57,954
♪ Get served a subpoena for
enterin' into the arena ♪
2026
01:56:57,955 --> 01:56:59,239
♪ Comin' like I'm a marine,
a machine, I'm a demon ♪
2027
01:56:59,240 --> 01:57:00,430
♪ And Nina, we neither are conscious ♪
2028
01:57:00,431 --> 01:57:01,267
♪ Or fittin' my demeanor ♪
2029
01:57:01,268 --> 01:57:03,045
♪ King Leonidas, if he invite
us, then he'll fight us ♪
2030
01:57:03,046 --> 01:57:04,890
♪ Up in the auditorium of the emporium ♪
2031
01:57:04,891 --> 01:57:06,251
♪ Or we will murder and
massacre enemies ♪
2032
01:57:06,252 --> 01:57:08,556
♪ Whenever they up for challengin'
a battle valedictorian ♪
2033
01:57:08,557 --> 01:57:10,397
♪ Verbal split 'em in
critical like it's political ♪
2034
01:57:10,398 --> 01:57:12,237
♪ Your artillery killin'
me, it's kinda pitiful ♪
2035
01:57:12,238 --> 01:57:14,127
♪ Who let you enter the
octagon with the lyrical ♪
2036
01:57:14,128 --> 01:57:15,201
♪ 'Cause I'm takin' in
it to proportions ♪
2037
01:57:15,202 --> 01:57:16,086
♪ That'll be biblical ♪
2038
01:57:16,087 --> 01:57:17,586
♪ Catastrophic, any move
I'm makin' is pivotal ♪
2039
01:57:17,587 --> 01:57:19,549
♪ Spiritual, ain't no subliminal,
my cloak ain't invisible ♪
2040
01:57:19,550 --> 01:57:21,667
♪ Violent individual, triumphant
whenever I'm challengin' ♪
2041
01:57:21,668 --> 01:57:23,469
♪ I'm throwin' a javelin
and I'mma get at you ♪
2042
01:57:23,470 --> 01:57:25,013
♪ General and a sergeant
when I'm marchin' ♪
2043
01:57:25,014 --> 01:57:26,937
♪ I'm carvin' through the
competition like I was heartless ♪
2044
01:57:26,938 --> 01:57:29,147
♪ H2's in the garages,
goin' to war regardless ♪
2045
01:57:29,148 --> 01:57:30,833
♪ And we gon' be comin'
through with barrages ♪
2046
01:57:30,834 --> 01:57:32,596
♪ And I'mma get Tech and
speed it up if I have to ♪
2047
01:57:32,597 --> 01:57:34,405
♪ Arizona when I heat
it up with The Raskal ♪
2048
01:57:34,406 --> 01:57:35,760
♪ A .50 Caliber for any challenger ♪
2049
01:57:35,761 --> 01:57:38,210
♪ With the style of a soldier ♪
2050
01:57:38,211 --> 01:57:40,890
And that's why you don't pass
out at a mothafucking party.
2051
01:57:40,891 --> 01:57:42,066
Motha fucka.
2052
01:57:42,067 --> 01:57:43,631
♪ Man on a mission with
ammunition in a position ♪
2053
01:57:43,632 --> 01:57:45,562
♪ To get commission if I
kill 'em and blow 'em away ♪
2054
01:57:45,563 --> 01:57:47,370
♪ Try to come in here actin'
like a fool, I'mma do ya ♪
2055
01:57:47,371 --> 01:57:49,226
♪ Show my gratitude with
the attitude of a Ruger ♪
2056
01:57:49,227 --> 01:57:50,614
♪ If you die, who the hell care ♪
2057
01:57:50,615 --> 01:57:51,726
♪ It's verbal warfare ♪
2058
01:57:51,727 --> 01:57:53,313
♪ I pop one into your medulla ♪
2059
01:57:53,314 --> 01:57:56,562
♪ It's on on sight, run to the light ♪
2060
01:57:56,563 --> 01:58:00,289
♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪
2061
01:58:00,290 --> 01:58:04,812
♪ Ooh yeah, this is verbal warfare ♪
2062
01:58:04,813 --> 01:58:08,008
♪ Maybe you're crazy
enough to go there ♪
2063
01:58:08,009 --> 01:58:11,335
♪ It's on on sight, run to the light ♪
2064
01:58:11,336 --> 01:58:14,906
♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪
2065
01:58:14,907 --> 01:58:19,413
♪ Ooh yeah, this is verbal warfare ♪
2066
01:58:19,414 --> 01:58:24,081
♪ Maybe you're crazy
enough to go there ♪
2067
01:59:05,378 --> 01:59:06,711
Hey civilians.
2068
01:59:10,687 --> 01:59:13,446
I said, hey civilians.
2069
01:59:21,591 --> 01:59:26,325
Get your shit, and get
the fuck out of my house.
144937
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