All language subtitles for Schooled s01e07 Kris Kross.eng

LAINEY: Back in middle school,
my friends and I looked

to the most popular bands
for our own personal style,

and our all-time favorite
was New Kids on the Block.

ERICA & LAINEY: The right stuff.

This culminated when we
lip-synched our favorite song

in front of the entire school.

We were mocked for years.

[Children booing]

LAINEY: '90s music brought a ton
of incredible fashions

- for kids to choose from.
-
Jump, jump

Like Kris Kross, a young rap duo

who wore their clothes backwards.

It was amazing, but a tough look

for middle schoolers
in Philly to pull off.

But now, as a teacher, I was
there to set them straight.

What is this? What's happening?

We're Kris Kross!

Yeah, I'm the Miggida miggida
miggida miggida Mac Daddy!

- Yeah, you are.
- No, you're not.

You look like a boy who
got dressed in the dark.

Now go to the bathroom
and do not come out

until all your zippers
are facing the right way.

But we're trying to spread the
word about our big performance!

Yeah, we're gonna do "Jump"
at the arts festival.

Oh, wow, okay.

No, you're definitely not doing that.

- Why?
- Listen to me carefully

because I'm only gonna say this once.

If you come out on that stage
looking like Kris Kross,

the other kids will annihilate you.

They'll call you "The Turd Twins,"

and make the next four years
a living hell.

And then when you finally
graduate and start a new life,

you'll bury the trauma.

Until your 10-year reunion

when you introduce
your hot wife, Claire,

to your fellow classmates

and they're like,
"Hey, did you know your husband

once danced onstage to Kris Kross?"

Claire will leave you!

But I don't want Claire to leave me!

She's the only woman my mom ever liked!

Then you better take my advice.

- For sure.
- Thanks, Miss Lewis.

That's what I'm here for, boys!

Man, I love molding young minds.

Hey, Jamiroquai!

What's with the hat?

The kids were lucky
I was there to save them.

Unfortunately,
not all the other teachers

appreciated my methods.

Hello.

Um, Aaron and Ed just told me

that they're bailing on
their Kris Kross performance

'cause you said they'd get made fun of.

[Scoffs] That's not true.

I told them it would totally
destroy their lives.

I saw them rehearsing, and I
thought they were really good.

Especially their dance moves.

This one part, they're like... sweep!

You choreographed it
for them, didn't you?

[Chuckling] A little, yeah.

CB, have you forgotten

these kids are in middle school?

- So?
- Middle school is universally known

as a cesspool of hormonal,
insecure monsters,

who are just waiting
to rip each other apart.

I'm only trying to protect them.

By squashing their self-expression?

By squashing their bad ideas.

Well, I think, as teachers,

we should try to
make middle school better

by teaching these kids
confidence and acceptance.

Look, middle school
will always be garbage.

And there's nothing
anyone can do about it.

Even CB, the super teacher.

And super dancer! [Scats]

It was February 27th, 1990-something

and Mr. Granger, the art teacher,

had an exciting announcement
for his co-workers.

Good morning, everyone!

As I'm sure you're all aware,

our school's annual X-Day
celebration is almost upon us!

Now, I know you've all put in
long hours and weekends

to help put this arts and music
festival together,

so I just want to take this
moment to say...

[Inhales sharply]

...there's so much more left to do.

Oh, no.

Mr. Granger was proud
of his huge annual event

that involved the entire school.

Unfortunately, it also involved
a huge amount of work

for the other teachers.

Rick, I'm gonna need your help

moving a few sculptures onto the field.

This is what I get for being jacked.

Liz, I'd love to use your rowboat

for one of the kid's installations.

Sure. There goes my night
fishing this week.

Splendid! And, Coop, I need you

to really dig into the Port-a-Potty

to make sure they're squeaky clean.

Oh, I knew my four years
at Yale would pay off.

Thank you all.

Your dedication means the world to me.

[Groans]

- Liz is right.
- Oh, dear Lord!

This arts festival that has

neither the word "arts"
nor "festival" in the title

is a real thorn in our sides.

[Groans]

And, it's a huge budget suck.

I wish we could just end it.

Shut it down, John.

John, you can end it.

- You're in charge now!
- Of course, I could.

But Granger doesn't have
much else going on.

[Groans]

Okay, you're right.

I'll go talk to him.

- I didn't know you were a fisherman.
- Fisherwoman.

- Bass?
- Large mouth.

- Crank bait?
- Weedless jig.

Yeah. Fantastic.

Knock knock, Randy!

Can I talk to you for a second?

John! Great timing.

I want to show you a work-in-progress

of the piece I'm doing for the festival.

Ta-da!

Oh, wow. That's me.

Four times.

I fear I've not got
your nose just right.

Hmm!

Hmm, hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm...

No! It's perfect.

Just as you are, sir,
because you're the man

- who makes X-Day possible.
- Yeah.

Now, what did you want to talk about?

Okay, the thing is... [Stammers]

As a new principal, John
was aware the job involved

breaking tough news to
his friends and teachers.

He was also aware that
he was horrible at it.

- I am doubling your budget for X-Day.
- Really?

- And we're gonna do it twice a year!
- That too?

Could have stopped talking after

I said the first thing, but...

- sure, why not?
- Oh!

Principal Glascott had run away
from delivering the bad news,

but CB was determined to fight

the brutal realities of middle school.

I'm sure you're all wondering

why we're sitting around
on a bunch of pillows.

Are we having a sleepover?

- 'Cause I didn't bring my retainer.
- No.

Why do so many of these things
have cats on 'em?

Uh, they are on loan from my Nana.

Uh, today we're gonna be talking about

what's going on in your heads.

Um, I'm sure right now
you're all worrying

that you're being judged
about your haircut,

or what you're wearing,
or if you're cool enough...

Me? So I'm the problem?

No. No one's a problem.

Everyone just relax, okay?

I want you to each say one thing

that you're insecure about,
but no judging.

Debra.

I want to get the same haircut
as Rachel on "Friends"

before my next debate meet.

Well, there's no way that that haircut

only looks good on Jennifer Aniston.

So I say go for it.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, sure, yeah.

Yes.

I want to show Michelle Jerrier
the doll I made

from collecting her hair in swim class.

Okay, well, we'll... we'll
circle back on that one. Okay?

But good sharing, buddy.

Yes.

Me and Ed wanted to do
Kris Kross for X-Day,

but I don't want
my hot wife to leave me.

Ms. Lewis really did
a number on you guys.

I say go for it.

And if you didn't, well,

that'd be wiggida wiggida wiggida whack.

- [Chuckles]
- See how good this feels?

If we're not judging each other,

then we won't be afraid to be ourselves.

And when we're ourselves, well,
that's when we're all cool.

[Applause]

- ED: Yeah.
- What are you doing?

Oh.

Take five, my shining beacons
of self-expression!

[Breathes sharply]

Hey. I'm just having an honest
rap session with the kids

about confidence and acceptance.

I'm calling it "Pillow Talk with CB."

Probably gonna get in some
trouble with that name.

Okay, your negative energy
is really putting a damper

on the good vibes
we've got going on in here.

Oh, I see what you're doing.

You can't change what middle school is.

You're setting up these kids to fail.

You know what?
This is a no judgment zone.

So I'm gonna go ahead aaaannnnnd...

[Door closes]

While CB and I didn't see
things the same way,

Principal Glascott was trying
to see anything

in the latest '90s art craze.

- Dolphins. Not my favorite.
- What?

I've been staring
at this Magic Eye poster

for like an hour!

So, Granger's out there,
asked me to move

a bunch of sculptures for X-Day.

I thought you were gonna
tell him it was canceled?

Of course I told him!

You think I wouldn't tell him?

Okay, I didn't tell him.

What? You've gotta shut
this nonsense down!

I tried. X-Day means the world to him!

He also painted me
looking very glamorous.

Strangely, I have no
follow-up questions to that.

What kinda soulless monster
would rip away something

that he loves so dearly?

You want me to do it?

Oh, would you?

Hold my fruit.

What Glascott couldn't find a way to do,

Mellor did with ease.

Glascott watched as Coach,
without hesitation or emotion,

canceled the arts festival,

ridding the faculty of
the burdensome workload.

It's done.

How'd you do that?

I'm a coach... I break
bad news all the time.

Just this morning,
I had to tell Jimmy Covle

that he can't play basketball
until his grades come up.

- That must have been hard.
- Not really.

The kid moves down the court
like an ocean liner.

And I take pride in knowing
that my tough words

have made him stronger.

Huh.

You know, I've got more
bad news for the faculty

that I've been putting off

because of my crippling fear
of confrontation...

- You want me to be your muscle?
- Very much so.

- Done. What do you need?
- Just this.

Let's get to work.

[Laughs]

Yeah!

Finally, Principal Glascott

had a way to deliver
bad news to his staff.

Personal phone calls?

Never.

Dangerous explosive
chemistry experiments?

Unh-unh.

And stinky whitefish salad
in the teacher's lounge?

Don't even think about it.

[Sighs] Thanks again, Rick.

I really owe you one.

Ah, don't mention it. We're friends.

Friends do things for each other.

They sure do. [Chuckles]

Just like I know you, my friend,
would do things for me.

Absolutely.

Was there something
you had in mind, or...?

Oh. Well, since you're asking...

I would really love to get
my ropes unit back.

You mean the ropes unit where the kids

climb up to the ceiling?

And hang frighteningly high
above the floor?

Yeah. That's the one.

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

Yeah. The kids love it.

The ones that Earl Ball canceled

because of our skyrocketing
insurance premiums?

Of course.

Consider it done.

Ha!

Ah, my happiness has soared to heights

higher than any man
could climb on a rope.

Glascott discovered

that handing off his responsibilities

came with a cost,

while I was ready to teach

that CB's optimistic life lessons

came with too high a price.

Who here has taken Mr. Brown's
unfortunately-titled

"Pillow Talk" class?

That's what I thought.

Which is why today's music theory class

will be dedicated to
unlearning all the crap

he's put in your heads.

Mr. Brown is setting you up
for a life of pain.

You can all pretend you're
not gonna judge each other

all you want,

but social acceptance
does not exist in middle school.

But CB said that
by creating a safe space

we'd all learn to set
our judgments free.

Well, CB's a tool.

Allow me to illustrate my point.

What's your favorite band?

Pearl Jam.

You, favorite band.

- Hanson?
- [Hushed laughter]

See? Hanson is lame...

therefore, Bobby is lame
for liking them.

Bobby is lame!

But it's not his fault.

CB is tricking him and all of you

into thinking you can share
who you really are.

I-I changed my mind.

- I like Pearl Jam.
- There you go, Bobby.

CB's advice might have
worked for an hour

in a class full of pillows,

but it doesn't fly in the real world.

Teach us everything you know!

Buckle up.

Rule one!

Keep all opinions to yourself.

Rule two... do not hug
your parents at school.

Rule three... detentions
are a badge of honor.

Rule four... never use your inhaler.

Pop quiz, hot shot.

You're at a school dance.

For some reason, traditional
Irish music comes on.

What do you do?

Pretend like I've never heard
the music before

even though I'm a state
champion at Irish dancing?

That's right, Debra O'Donohue!

Hide your talent! Hide your heritage!

Man, we are definitely
not doing Kris Kross at X-Day.

No way.

And, remember, in a few years,
middle school will be over,

and you'll be safe to reveal
who you really are.

Hiya.

Uh, can I talk to you for a sec?

Sure thing, pal!

Why don't you guys recite
your new motto?

I'll be right back.

ALL: "Keep your head down,
blend in, trust no one."

What are you doing?

I'm undoing all the damage
you did to these kids.

You can't undo pillow talk!

Oh, I'm undoing it hard.

Well, then, tomorrow,
I'm just gonna undo

- your undoing of my doing!
- Go ahead!

I'll just undo your undoing
of my undoing of your doing!

It is so on.

Bring it, pillow boy.

With Mellor now doing
his dirty work, Glascott found

that he had more time to focus
on other important things.

That's the most majestic
pack of dolphins I've ever seen.

Ugh, all I see is madness!

Forget it!

So, what brings you in today, Earl?

I got this memo about bringing
the ropes unit back to Phys Ed.

What? Oh, no,

you don't have to worry about that memo.

The ropes aren't happening?

Oh, no, they are,

you just weren't supposed
to get the memo.

This is unacceptable!

I got rid of the ropes
for a reason, John!

I know that the ropes are problematic,

but they just mean
so much to Coach Mellor.

Every time he looks up into the rafters

and doesn't see children dangling,

a little piece of him dies.

You have a plaque on your desk,

and on that plaque is etched
the word "Principal."

Now, do you...

Where is it?

I just thought it set me
apart from people

in a rigid hierarchy,
so I put it in my drawer.

This is exactly what I'm talking about!

You are not their friend anymore, John.

You are their boss!

Okay, okay. I hear you.

So I want you to march yourself
down to Mellor's office

and you tell that man, "No ropes!"

I will definitely do that.

But he definitely could not.

So, instead...

Your ropes are dunzo.

- What?
- The ropes have been canceled.

So you can take these back to...

wherever you get
comically giant ropes from.

What are you talking about?
Glascott approved these ropes.

Well, they've been un-approved.

Why wouldn't he come down here
and tell me himsel...

Wait a minute.

Are you the new muscle?

I don't know what you're talking about.

John sent you down here to
break the bad news, didn't he?

- Mnh-mnh.
- Yeah, well, let me tell you something...

there's only one muscle
in John Glascott's body

and his name is Rick Mellor!

Okay, yes, I'm the new muscle.

But I only accepted the position

because he promised me
something in return.

- What?
- A giant abacus.

- A what?!
- Oh, my God.

An abacus is an ancient
calculating device...

I know what an abacus is,
but why a giant one?

The Sumerians designed
the abacus to be hand-held...

that was the whole idea!

Yeah, but a giant abacus

would have to be operated
by two students.

They'd learn together!

Two minds working as one
in math harmony!

[Laughs]

Yeah, well, I wouldn't get my hopes up.

'Cause if there's one thing
John is better at

than making deals, it's welching on 'em.

John made me a promise.
I know he'll come through.

- Liz?
- Yeah?

Hey, can I talk to you about
your giant abacus for a minute?

Heads up... it's not gonna be good news.

[Sighs]

I'm gonna keep this up there.

Thought you might like to know

I just had one of the best
pillow talks with my kids.

- Still calling it that, huh?
- I'm dug in now.

Well, you should probably
just, uh, shut it down

'cause my hard talks
have been very effective.

- Miss Lewis.
- Hey, Bobby, what's up?

After your advice yesterday,
I've decided not to perform

a monologue from
"Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman"

- at the talent show.
- Smart call.

Honestly, if you've already
memorized it,

you could always just perform it
for your grandparents.

I mean, old people love
mid-19th century medical dramas.

See? Crisis averted.

Okay... maybe that
would've been a disaster.

- Hey, Miss Lewis!
- Hey, Debbie, what's up?

Great news! I dropped
out of the debate club.

- What is that now?
- I realized that any argument I make

can be used as ammo against me.

So I quit!

Now I'm just gonna hang out
in the woods after school.

Okay, so one kid takes my advice
too far and quits something...

- Actually, the whole team quit.
- Oh, no...

And Ben Fuller dropped out
of the marching band...

Oh, no.

...Sarah Mitchell canceled
her birthday party...

Oh, no.

...and Jared Lyon has
completely stop talking!

Thanks!

- What have you done?
- I don't know!

I-I didn't mean for them
to quit everything!

Well, they did!

Look, I know that you're trying
to help these kids, but...

you literally did the opposite.

My idea to help the kids
had completely backfired...

- [Whistling]
- ...while Principal Glascott's plan

to use the teachers
to deliver tough news

was about to catch up with him.

Oh, no.

All my muscles united against me.

Run, John, run!

Why did you buy a keychain
with a tennis ball on it?!

Why, John?!

[Grunts]

- Ah!
- Going somewhere, John?

Nowhere in particular.

Just home to, you know, read my Bible.

We're onto you! Manipulating us,

making promises, breaking promises.

We want our stuff back!

Okay, look, I'll admit I used you guys

to do some of my dirty work.

But I only did it because
you're my friends

and I didn't want to upset you!

No, you just act like Mr. Nice Guy,

when, in fact, all you do is lie to us!

That's right.
But you know who does do that?

- A coward.
- Excuse me?

- You heard him.
- Coward?

Here's a coward!

None of you get anything!

Not your ropes! Not your abacus!

Not the whatever you were
asking for, Coop!

Honestly, I wasn't even listening!

- What?
- What about X-Day?

Oh, you mean the thing
that started this mess?

[Chuckling] Oh, it's back.

I tried to be your friend,
but now I'll be your boss.

I hope you're all happy!

Oh! What a surprising turn of events.

[Groans] Oh, man.

I never should have let the kids drink

their Kool-Aid Kool Bursts in here.

Nana's gonna freak.

Hey. I wanted to let you know

Debra's back on the debate team,

birthday parties are back on...

all the kids understand I went too far.

You really did.

But I think you should know why.

["You Got It (The Right Stuff)" plays]

ERICA & LAINEY: The right stuff.

Why are you so stiff?

I used to wear a back brace
for my Scoliosis.

Kinda made it hard to dance.

- [Children booing]
-
Love the way you turn me on...

The rest of the year,
we had to eat lunch

- in the nurse's office.
- Wow.

I knew that you were teased
about New Kids on the Block,

but I didn't know
you deserved it so much.

Look, I never wanted
to hold the kids back.

I just didn't want to see
them get hurt like I did.

-
All that I needed was you

- Oh, no.
- What?

Remember how you talked Aaron and Ed

out of doing the Kris Kross performance,

then I talked them back into it,
and then you talked them

- back out of it?
- Yeah...

Well, I kinda talked them back into it.

- What? Why did you do that?
- Because I'm an idiot!

And I sugarcoated

the inescapable horrors of middle school

and I've just ruined
two little boys' lives!

- Hang on. We can fix this.
- How?

By trying to give Aaron and Ed
the middle school win

I never had.

LAINEY: Principal Glascott
had finally asserted himself

as the teachers' boss
and not their friend,

pushing them away.

But then he saw the answer
to his leadership dilemma

right in front of him.

Oh, my God! Dolphins!

I see it!

I finally see it!

[Indistinct conversations]

Hey, guys!

I need to talk to you.

Oh, no. Talk to the hands.

Everything that I need to tell
you is in this Magic Eye Poster.

I just see a bunch of squiggly lines.

You see the dolphins?

They're jumping through
the hoop of fire?

- Hoop of fire?
- Why?

Because they have a good leader
who's guiding them.

It's a hidden image...
you gotta focus your eyes

and then unfocus 'em.

- Cross your eyes.
- Just listen!

- Just a little bit.
- Okay.

- And then un-cross them.
- Guys, listen.

Now you're just looking
down at your nose.

- Guys, please.
- God, I'm doing my best, Randy!

Forget about the poster.

Damn it, John, we're invested now!

We want Liz to see what we see!

- Thank you.
- Look, guys,

I haven't handled
the past few days very well,

and I want to apologize.

- Okay.
- Going from being your co-worker

to being your boss hasn't been easy.

You guys are my friends,

and I really hate disappointing you.

But you need a strong principal
who can make tough decisions.

And, look, I can't give you
everything that you want,

but I can treat you with respect.

Rick, I'll let you have your ropes,

but you have to add
additional safety measures.

And, Liz, a giant abacus
makes very little sense,

no matter how I slice it, but how about

a dedicated computer for
the math department instead?

I can get behind that.

And, Coop, you wanted...?

Reimbursement for
the tortillamaking materials

- that I bought for my students.
- Oh, that's super easy.

Probably didn't even need to
put in a special request.

So, what do you say, guys?

Even though I'm the principal now,

- can we still be friends?
- You got it, John.

- Great.
- Holy [bleep], I see it now!

You guys, that's beautiful!

It's like a 3D image...

- Right.
- ...like a Genesis video.

While Glascott finally worked
it out with the teachers,

Aaron and Ed were about to
put themselves out there

in front of a bunch of
judgmental teenagers.

William Penn Academy!

Are you ready to...

BOTH: Juuuuuuuummmmmmpppp!

[Lip-syncing]
You should
know, you should know better

LAINEY: All the students watched

the two boys struggling onstage,

and even more confused by CB
and my opposite advice,

none of them dared show
any signs of support.

LAINEY: Fortunately, a couple
of teachers finally decided

to work together to make things right.

LAINEY: With our help,
we turned those two

into the miggidy miggidy Mac Daddies

and got the whole school jumping.

There's no denying middle school

can be a challenging
and turbulent chapter

that can seem almost
impossible to make it through.

But that's where teachers come in.

They let the kids know that
they're all in it together

and help create
special moments and memories

that they will cherish forever.

This is the best X-Day ever!

Hi, everybody. I'm Greg Proops.
I play Mr. Granger.

And this is... Mr. Granger.

All right, I have to ask you this one.

- [Chuckles]
- The mustache is your calling card.

Why the mustache?

Well, I've had it so long,
I've had it since I was 18,

never cut off, and it kept growing.

It's much shorter today
than it was then,

but I've always had it.

And then, when I considered
cutting it off,

I thought, "Oh, my gosh,
what will people think?

- They won't know me."
- [Laughs]

Sorry. That's really true.

So, tell me a little bit about X-Day.

How did it start?

So, X-Day stands for "Experimental Day,"

and so everybody was involved.

You never could predict the outcome.

How do you feel about being
portrayed on television?

Well, I think your energy
and your character

is absolutely right.

It's... It's right
for that vintage, yeah.

It was that long in the '90s.

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