All language subtitles for Schitts Creek s05e08 The Hospies.eng

It's the last day of
our auditions, Moira.

We might have to lower our standards

if we're gonna find our lead.

Lowering your standards is
a slippery slope, Jocelyn.

Next thing I know you'll be telling me

we'll be staging this production

at the school gymnasium.

(Gasps) Very dapper, Mr. Rose!

Like the maestro of
a Lebanese orchestra.

Congratulations Johnny,

I never thought I'd
see this little motel

recognized for anything,

besides the occasional cockroach!

(Laughs) I made myself laugh there.

Well, always nice to
be nominated, Jocelyn.

But I'm not putting too much stock in...

regional hospitality awards.

The revisions for your acceptance speech
are on the vanity, dear.

Oh thank you, sweetheart.

So how's the uh, casting hunt going?

Oh, disconsolate, John.

We may be looking at putting
an ad in broadwayworld.com.

Perhaps there's a
chorus girl on holiday,

looking for a leg up.

Okay, hi!

First of all, I'd like to remind you

that this is a live-work space,

and second, fine, I'll do it.

Do what, dear?

I'll step in as the
star of your musical.

No!

No, with your responsibilities
as our in-house publicist,

I couldn't ask you to do that now.

Okay, well, you seem pretty desperate,

so I'm happy to help.

Johnny: Well Moira, I'd consider it.

I mean, we did spend all that money

flying in Barbara
Streisand's vocal coach

that summer Alexis wanted to
be the next Jessica Simpson.

Alexis, a brief stint on a reality show,

that's one thing,
but... acting, that's...

Um, the producers of
"A Little Bit Alexis"

insisted that I take acting classes

after we started shooting, so.

Almost makes me want to
try out for it myself.

Okay, now we're all
just getting the sillies.

Best we stick to our
award-nominated day jobs.

Well, I'm sure that Alexis has a song

that she could sing for the audition.

Audition?

Okay, do I have to remind you

about the album that I released?

Moira, what's the worst that can happen?

Besides the inevitable
accusations of nepotism!

Well, for what it's worth, Alexis,

I always thought "Hampton's Hoes"

was quite catchy.

Boop! (Humming)

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

(Door opens)

Johnny: Oh, Stevie.

You look very nice.

- No, I don't.
- Uh, yes, you do!

Very spiffy! That's a lovely dress.

I literally pulled it out
of the laundry, Mr. Rose.

I've had it forever.

You know it's not a bad thing to admit

you really care about
these awards, Stevie.

You're bringing a bag?

You know, I almost brought
a change of clothes myself.

Moira told me to pack a second suit

for the after-party, but uh,

who am I, George Clooney? (Chuckles)

No, Mr. Rose, that's a weekend bag.

I'm going away for the weekend.

Oh.

I told you I'm taking Monday off!

Yeah, but I didn't know
you were going someplace.

Uh, Emir is presenting at the awards,

so I just thought I might
drive around with him

for a few days after.

Oh... so it sounds like
you two are getting...

pretty serious?

Uh, I guess we'll see
what happens this weekend.

Roland: Hello, guys, uh...

whoa! (Chuckles)

Look at us! Who are we?

Brad Pitt and his handsome brother?

And Johnny?

Why the jacket, Roland?

You know you're not going to the awards.

Johnny, you asked me to manage the motel

while you were away.

I'm not gonna show up just dressed

like some schlub off the street!

Like you do every day?

Wow, okay. This one puts on a dress

and suddenly she's Rita Rudner.

Guys, I am really gonna miss this...

workplace banter.

- We are coming back, Roland.
- Oh.

At least I'm coming back,
I don't know about Stevie.

Oh my God, we should really get going.

How about one picture before we go?

Roland: Great idea, okay.

Stevie, do you mind?

Here we go.

I meant a picture of me and Stevie.

Absolutely, no, that
makes perfect sense.

(Laughs) Okay.

And everybody...

Put Mr. Rose in it.

(Camera clicks)

I just don't get the big
reveal, it's a bathroom.

It's not just a bathroom,
David, it's a passion project.

I'd kill to be that
passionate about a bathroom

that you've now decided to open up

to the entire town.

Yeah well, we can't afford
to keep a private bathroom,

David, we're losing
customers to the cafe.

Besides, you're the one
who started serving booze

at those evening events.

Um, those evening events
are part of a summer series.

- Oh...
- We sold 30 dreamcatchers

at that Cosmic Meditation Clinic.

Huh.

(Bell on door jingles)

Yeah, you know what? You were right.

It does look beautiful.

- What the f...
- So, I'm confused.

Where does the bathroom start,

and all this garbage end?

Ronnie swore this would be done today.

Ronnie: Yep, but you ran out of tiles.

It doesn't help that you
picked the most expensive ones.

Okay, you asked for my opinion,

I don't know how much
Romanian marble costs!

I was hoping to get
my hands on a few more

in an hour or so, but
that is TBC at this point.

Okay, Ronnie, uh, this installation

was just supposed to last two days.

And now half of our
store is covered in tarps,

and David's organized
some writers' retreat

for tomorrow night. It's
a calligraphy workshop.

We're working as fast as we can,

you have my cell!

Could you have not at least
asked her to finesse the tarps?

I mean, there's green tape everywhere!

The tarps aren't staying up, David.

This bathroom's getting finished today,

because that's what we discussed,

- that's what's gonna happen.
- Okay,

it's just that you waited
until after she left

to put your lil' foot
down, so I'm just not sure

if she's aware of that plan.

She obviously thinks we're
a couple of pushovers.

Okay, speak for yourself.

All I did was pick
out some gorgeous tile.

(Patrick laughs wryly)

(Birds chirp)

I'm pregnant.

That's it, that's the
end of my audition.

- Indeed it is.
- I'm fine with nudity.

Not necessary.

Thank you.

She looks like she may
have seen the inside

of a smoky German bar or two.

Who knows, a haircut,
some dance lessons...

Moira, I feel like we're really scraping

the bottom of the barrel here.

I think that we should bring Alexis in.

Jabberwocky! There are
still stones left unturned!

Okay, you're actively trying to prevent

Alexis from auditioning
here, and I don't want to get

in the middle of some mother
daughter competition thing,

Competition! Nothing of the sort.

No, Alexis just doesn't have the...

- life experience.
- Really?

Because according to her stories...

Well, she's had her fair
share of adventures, yes.

But the role of Sally
Bowles requires an actress

who can mine a deeper, darker cave.

A woman encumbered
with secrets she will...

take with her to the tomb.

Hence the high praise Gina Gershon and I

received for the role.

You know what, Moira?

I'm gonna bring Alexis in.

And don't worry, I will
handle the audition,

so it is less of a struggle for you.

Fine, you're on your own.

(Truck horn blares, horns honk)

Boy, it looks like

"Best Customer Service
in a Motel Under 20 Units"

is up fifth, that's the big one.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Stevie, if we win, and
I know that's a big "if,"

do you think you'll be
doing any talking up there?

- It's all you, Mr. Rose.
- Okay.

Excuse me, is this the children's table?

(Laughs) Young at heart, maybe.

Johnny Rose, but I'm sure
you remember me, Emir,

You declared our motel a "must stay".

How could I forget, Mr.
Rose, good to see you.

And you are?

Uh, I'm just waiting for my date.

So that seat's taken.

Oh, well, can I uh... buy
you a drink while you wait?

I guess, but he won't
be too happy about it.

From what I've heard,
he'll take what he can get.

- So you're probably safe.
- I should point out,

they have been coming
by with drink trays.

Oh yeah, we'll just go to the bar.

Okay, well, I'm sure you
have some catching up to do.

(Laughs)

(Dog barks)

David, look.

Ronnie is sitting in
that booth with Roland,

laughing about something.

- (Ronnie laughs loudly)
- Okay.

She says she's working
as fast as she can.

We don't have a bathroom, David!

I'm well aware of that.

You know, my uncle's a contractor.

I know how this works, you've
gotta stay on top of it,

or they will find a million
reasons to just drag it out.

Mhmm, well, my ex-best
friend was a crisis manager,

and she told me multiple times,

not to talk to anyone.

Especially while they're eating.

So I'm gonna just...

(Patrick sighs)

Roland: Oh hey, Pat. What are you doing?

Playing hooky, or did
the store finally close?

(Laughs)

I don't laugh a lot, but that was good.

That is funny, especially
considering we are open,

but hey, who knows for how long?

Because right now, it sorta looks like

a quarantine station.

I'm sorry, are you implying something?

You know, I'm just saying,

uh, the bathroom's
supposed to be done today,

and you say you're
working as fast as you can,

but uh, here I find you with Roland.

Okay, FYI.

Roland is the hook-up for your tiles.

His cousin, Arnie, gets them at cost.

So I thought I would thank
Roland by buying him lunch.

Because that's how I do business.

Makes sense. I was just sort of uh...

checking in.

I could always cancel the order,

if that's how you wanna do business.

Roland: Ooh! Ouch.

I would run out and
get some aloe Vera pal,

'cause you just got burned.

Hi, is everything okay?

I don't know, you tell me.

Yeah, no, I was just uh,
telling Ronnie what a...

what a great job she's
doing on the bathroom.

And uh, we should get back to the store.

Okay, do you still need
to use the restroom?

What? Nope! Uh, came here for you.

So... we should go.

Thanks for checking in.

Is everything okay? You
look more pale than normal.

(Birds chirp)

Okay.

Hi, my name is Alexis Rose,

represented by Alexis Rose Talent.

Okay, what are you gonna be
singing for us today, Alexis?

I have chosen to perform the title track

off of my critically reviewed,
limited reality series,

- "A Little Bit Alexis."
- Ooh!

Feel free to sing along
if you know the words.

Okay.

(Clears throat)

(Loud dance music plays)

Are you ready?

Let's do it.

Oh wow, okay.

-
La-la-la...
- Just wonderful.

Okay, yeah, I still actually
had a few more verses.

And in the last verse, I
really get to showcase my range.

Oh no, you know what?

I think that just that 30 seconds is...

more than enough to go off of, yeah.

Are you saying I booked it?

Great question! Jocelyn?

Well, we do have to see
all the other candidates.

But we will definitely get back to you.

Okay. Okay.

Oooh! (Giggles)

Oh...

(Sighs)

So what do we think?

Well, there is a place
for her... somewhere.

- On stage?!
- No!

Moira, I saw your talent, and I thought,

well, the apple can't
fall far from the tree.

Different orchard, Jocelyn.

Though I do admire the confidence.

What are we gonna do now?

"We?" We are at the precise intersection

of which I tried to steer us clear.

No, Babs Streisand's vocal
coach quit the business

after just two lessons
with our sweet Alexis.

He now lives in a monastery.

Wow, it took a while to get the drinks,

yet, I don't see any drinks.

Oh uh, we just finished them at the bar.

Oh, I see.

Well, you got back at the perfect time.

Elmdale Moto Lodge just
won "Best Motel Suite."

Coincidentally, the Hospies Committee

just had their retreat there last fall.

I'm not saying something's up, but uh...

- Okay...
- Emcee: Our next award...

So, what are you doing after this?

Oh, well, I happen to have a king suite

at the Elmdale Moto Lodge

in exchange for presenting
an award today, so...

Well, I did pack a bag.

Oh my.

Just thought I'd tag along
with you for a few days,

you know, tour the best and brightest

in dusty roadside accommodations.

Oh!

I will be traveling
with royalty, after all.

- Johnny: Getting close,
- Stevie. Stay calm!

Wait, I'm sorry, I-I'm not sure

if we're still joking around.

Well, I took Monday off,

and I know you have a few
more motels to hit, so...

Oh! Yeah...

no, that would be fine.

That would be fine?

That's the kind of reaction you want.

No, I'm sorry, sorry, I just, I...

you just caught me a little off guard.

I just wanna make sure that we're still

- on the same page here.
- Yeah, totally.

Yeah... good, good, okay.

'cause you know, I thought
this was just something great

that happened when it happened.

- It is.
- Stevie!

(Gasps)

I mean, you know, I'm
on the road so much,

and you've got the motel to run,

I don't see any of that
changing any time soon.

Okay.

But what if it could change?

I'm sorry, I-I don't see that
happening for either of us.

Oh.

Emcee: The winner is...

Rosebud Motel.

Oh! Yessssss!

Stevie, we did it!

(Laughs) Oh my God!

Ohhhh!

(Audience applauds)

Stevie!

Look at her, she's stunned!

(Birds chirp)

(Box thumps)

Um...

- Hey!
- Hey!

You're home.

I was just gonna leave
you that little note

and a box of chocolates.

I got the part, didn't I?

Come in, come in!

(Alexis squeals,
Jocelyn laughs nervously)

Ohhh...

Yay! Nom nom!

I now see that there are different ways

to interpret chocolates.

Alexis, I just wanted to say...

Moira: Am I hearing Jocelyn?

Yeah, she's come to
tell me the good news!

Oh, did she?

Chocolates? Are we celebrating, Jocelyn?

The chocolates were a mistake.

Alexis, after very
careful consideration,

I've decided that you are
overqualified for the role.

I know, but I'm totally fine with that.

And I really value you
as our in-house publicist.

Jocelyn, no. Oh, we can
see where this is going.

Part of me thinks that
maybe we should give the role

to somebody who really needs it.

Oh Alexis, I wanted to fight for you,

but I had to recuse
myself as your Mummy!

Okay, um...

Who did you pick?

We're still looking.

So you picked no one over me?

That would be a Jocelyn question.

Maybe there's a better role for you.

What's better than the lead?

Yes, I'm curious about that as well.

Kit Kat Club Dancer Number Six!

- Hah!
- Sorry?

She doesn't have a lot of lines,

but she has a very sexy costume,

and a lot of face time on stage,

- which I know that you love...
- I love both of those things.

Okay, um...

would that require
like, another audition?

No, no!

No, the part is yours.

Jocelyn, how wonderfully generous of us.

Okay.

Well, I'm guess I'll have to
put you in touch with my agent.

But I think you already have her number.

And we'll get going on negotiations!

I would have my agent
accept that offer, dear.

Yes.

(Audience applauds, music plays)

Thank you.

Woo! How 'bout that, partner, huh?

Not bad for a couple of years' work.

Hey trust me, I'm just
as shocked as you are.

But this is ours, and no
one can take it from us.

Sorry, Sir, uh, I'm
gonna need to take that

for the next category.

We'll be mailing yours
in six to eight weeks,

along with the bill. Okay, great.

Yeah, okay.

Well, that's probably for the best,

I mean, I don't wanna be
lugging that thing around

- to all the after-parties.
- Mhmm.

So, Stevie, I thought we'd go for a...

celebratory dinner, huh?

Yeah.

Unless that steps on
your plans with Emir?

Nope, there's no more plans anymore,

so, whatever you wanna do.

Your weekend plans got pushed, or... ?

Uh no, just canceled.

It was a stupid idea anyways.

I don't know what I was thinking.

(Sobs quietly)

Okay, well, you know what,

if it's okay with you,

why don't we beat the
traffic, and just...

just head home, 'cause
I gotta be honest, I'm...

I'm feeling awfully tired, actually.

Mr. Rose, I know how
important this is to you.

Oh Stevie, we got what we came for.

Well, we didn't actually
get it, they took it back.

I mean, what kind of
cheap-ass award show

takes back an award?!

Mr. Rose, I don't think
I can go back out there.

Well, tell you what, you stay here,

I'll grab your bag, and maybe...

a few shrimp for the road?

Yeah, thanks.

(Choked sob)

(Sighs)

Patrick: I don't regret what I did.

Well, look who it is.

Ronnie, we want to apologize

for the miscommunication this afternoon.

We?

What's that?

This is just a, an expression
of our continued appreciation.

I don't see any of that
blue cheese in here.

David, did you put
any of the blue cheese

in there for Ronnie?

That cheese was very expensive.

We'd be happy to run some over.

So what would be the
update on the tiles, then?

Funny you should ask.

I was just heading out to run them over.

- Ah!
- Hmm.

So I wonder if you still
need the basket, then.

Oh, I still need the basket.

So uh, does this mean
that the whole project

could be wrapped up then, by tonight?

Did I just say that I
was heading out right now?

- Yes, she did!
- She did, great.

Uh so, should we just jump in with you?

I don't think so.

What about just me then, Ronnie?

(Truck door opens then slams shut)

This went well...

I think. Yeah.

(Clothes rustle)

(Sniffles)

(Knocking)

(Groans)

Well, hello, you!

Mrs. Rose, what are you doing here?

I thought you and I might
celebrate your big award!

Come in.

Oh, thank you.

And I was made aware
there was a loss, as well.

Yeah.

Turns out, someone who's
been working the front desk

of a motel her whole life
isn't exactly a turn-on.

I was speaking of his loss.

Stevie, underneath the
brambly tartan blousant

is a chrysalis,

just bursting with potential.

(Sighs) Well, I'm glad
somebody thinks so.

Yes, perhaps she just needs a...

bit of a shock to her daily routine.

That's kind of what I
was going for, Mrs. Rose.

Well, the kind of shock
I'm referring to, Stevie,

will not come in the form of a man.

What is this?

Oh, just a gift that once jolted me out

of my little Podunk routine.

Me, in front of people?

I am not an actor.

And neither is the lead in the play.

She's simply a headstrong young woman,

who's been knocked about a few times,

and... looking to make
the most of herself.

(Sighs) Did Mr. Rose put you up to this?

No, this inspired
piece of stunt-casting

was an idea all my own.

And we can't find anyone else.

- Thank you...
- You're welcome.

I should've led with this.

Please tell me you can sing.

I sing in the car.

Good enough.

Okay. Peruse.

At your leisure.

Okay.

Oh, I see you've opened
a bottle of wine already,

I won't burden you with another.

Bye.

Bye.

(Sniffles)

(Papers rustle)

(Wineglass rasps)

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

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