All language subtitles for Schitts Creek s05e06 Rock On.eng

A POP Original Series

Roland: Oh Johnny,
I wish you had told us

it was uh, movie day.

Stevie and I could've come up

with some good recommendations
for you.

What are we gonna watch,

a silent movie
from your childhood?

- It's not movie day, Roland.

We're watching
an instructional video

on professional workplace
etiquette,

and it's clear from
the stain on your top

that things have gotten
just a little lax around here.

- [Sighs]

- I made this at Rose Video
a while back,

but uh, I think you'll find
it holds up pretty well.

Male Narrator: Employee Health
and Safety Series.

Moira: [on video] Where is it?
Let's see.

- Oh wow, this looks
like the videos

Joce and I used to make.

- Just focus on the content,
Roland.

Moira: [on video]: "Q, R, S,"
ah!

There it is.

- Here, let me help you
with that.

- Excuse me, Emilio!

Pause.

That kind of physical touch
is inapprop-ri-rate.

Let's rewind, and try again.

- And now they're gonna come
and do it again! [Laughing]

[Rewinding sounds]

- Where is it? Let's see.

"Q, R, S," oh!

There it is.

- Here, let me help you
with that.

Is this what you were
looking for?

- A double-cassette
of the "Best Body Swaps

of Sunrise Bay", Season 21?

Yes, thank you.

I've been asked to retrieve it
for a customer

with wonderful taste.

- I value you as a fellow
employee.

Perhaps you'd like to meet
outside of work

for a dinner at my place?

- Fast forward!

- Oh! [Snickers]
- Jesus.

- Well, it's somewhat dated,
but uh...

I think the principles
of etiquette

are still applicable today.

- Hm. Pretty timeless. Yeah.

♪♪♪

[Birds chirp]

- No, I'm not gonna be
the one to tell her.

- Tell me what?

- No, it's not about you, Moira.

- Well, is it about Twyla
needing to pick up the pace

on that solo?
- What?

- No, it's about the Poison
concert tonight

being cancelled at the casino.

- And that's a problem because?

- Jocelyn's been looking
forward to it for weeks.

This is her one night out.

- Not to worry. If she's
anything like I was

with a little moppet
in the house,

she'll find any ruse
to escape for an evening.

The Poison concert
was merely a device.

[Latch clicks, door creaks]

- Uh oh, ladies!

Somebody better call
Poison Control,

because tonight's gonna be...

♪ Nothin' but a good time!

- Yeah, I'm not gonna be
the one to-- oh, okay.

Jocelyn, you might want
to take a seat.

- Oh no, there's no time
for that.

No, no, we have to rehearse
our Poison medley.

Because when Rikki Rockett
makes direct eye contact

with you during
"Talk Dirty to Me",

you are gonna want
to talk dirty back!

- Oh gals,
this is getting painful.

Jocelyn, wonderful news!
They've refunded the price

of your ticket for
tonight's concert.

- What? But I don't want
a refund.

- No, the show got pushed.

Looks like they double-booked
Poison with The Doodlebops.

And the casino just sent out
an apology.

- Well, what are we supposed
to do now?!

I didn't pump for
four hours straight

to get on a chartered bus

to go to the end
of the street and back!

- We could go to the cafe.

- Oh! Well, do they have
a smoke machine at the cafe?!

- No, but I can ask George
to burn something on the grill.

Moira: This is just sad.

Why can't we still go
to the casino?

If I'm holding the truth stick,

I was never planning to attend
the concert anyway.

- I never pegged you for
a gambling kind of gal, Moira.

- Oh, I'm not above a naughty
night of debauchery.

When Condi Rice,
and Sharon Stone and I,

used to make our annual
casino sojourn

to Ho Chi Minh City,

well, let's just say,
toi khong bao gio thua.

- Okay, but it's been
a really long time

since I've spun that
roulette wheel.

- And this is the only casino
I haven't been banned from

as an unaccompanied minor.

- Well, do we still have
a reservation

at Bucky's Fried Chicken House?

- Yes, but I wouldn't let
that stop us!

[Ronnie and Twyla laugh]

Alexis: So you just plug in
the information,

and then it creates
the website for you.

- So what exactly am I paying
you for, then?

- I'm your brand consultant,
David.

I'm consulting with you
on which template to use.

[Patrick laughs]

- Sorry, I'm just distracted,
there's a guy over there

currently flirting
with my boyfriend.

- [Gasps] Poor thing.
- I know.

- No, I meant you, David.

- Oh hi, are you finding
everything you're looking for?

- Um, actually, I was wondering

if I could have a pen
and paper?

- Hm, you planning on doing
some journaling?

Alexis: Hmm.

[Giggles]

- There you go.
- Thank you.

[Bell on door jingles]

- Um... score, Patrick!

- Look at you, just drowning in
other people's phone numbers.

- Who was that hunk with
the teeny-weeny little polo?

- His name is Ken.
- Ken!

Just when I thought
it was impossible

to find a thirty-something
named Ken!

- Oh, I think he looked
younger than 30.

- Fuck off Alexis!

What exactly did Ken
do with my pen?

Did he write down
a banana bread recipe?

Or was he looking for
directions to some place?

- This is his phone number.
- Yes, it is.

Yeah. Look at you go.

- Mhmm.
- And he like...

gave it to you
in front of David,

so clearly no threat there.

- Hey Alexis, find a stick--

- Can I at just enjoy this
for a second?

- Of course, yeah!
Enjoy Ken.

I mean, I think it's funny
'cause when he first

walked in here I was gonna
help him,

so to think it could've been
me enjoying Ken.

- Yeah, I don't think so.

- Yeah, I think he liked me.
- This is fun!

It's the great thing about
owning a store, really,

is getting to flirt
with the customers.

You know, just last week,

A woman came in and gave me
her number.

- Do you mean the woman
who wanted to know

when the soap would be back
in stock?

Who came in here with
her husband and kids?

- Hasn't stopped me before.

But thank you for reminding me,
I have to call her,

the soap did come back in.

- I'm just gonna...

put that right there.

- Mhmm.

Johnny: Stevie?

Stevie: Just a minute!

- Oh, I was talking to Roland
about the latticework,

and we figure if we uh,
put the vines right up

the side of the motel-- oh!
Steve: Oh! Oh!

Oh my God, Mr. Rose! Oh!

- Okay. No, no, no,
that's okay.

I'm sorry.

- I said just a minute!
- Yeah. Yeah.

No, I-I was coming back to you,

because I-I figured, you know,

you'd be busy back there.
- I was busy!

Taking a personal photo...
- Right, right.

- for my doctor.

- Right, well, it was,
it was a medical uh, photo,

and, and uh... and you what?

You text or email this right
back to your doctor,

I mean, what a-what an age
we live in!

- I thought you were
running errands!

- I was, I was, and-and uh...

I was at the nursery,
there were no cars

absolutely on the way home,
and uh,

so it was clear sailing,

and that's what I was
gonna tell you when I...

until I...
- Okay!

I am kind of seeing somebody,

and it's like,
a long-distance thing, so I--

- Yeah, okay, I'm gonna stop,
I'm gonna stop you right there.

I wish we had gotten
to the second tape

in the workplace etiquette
series,

that had a whole chunk
on Polaroids.

- Oh my God!
- Um, Stevie, look, look!

All I saw was a business
partner communicating

with a friend, that's all.

Although you've just explained

that it was a more
intimate relationship

with this uh, chap.

But uh, congratulations,
by the way.

If-if uh, you know.

- I think I need to take
a walk around the block.

- Mhmm?

- So, like, a couple
of thousand times.

- Okay, that's a good idea.
Yeah, sure, sure.

Take a walk.
And uh, you know,

uh, get some,
get some fresh air,

and you know, clear your head.

And if you feel the need
to finish that communication

by the way, with your friend,

just uh, maybe try and find
a room with a locked door?

[Door slams]

But everything's okay Stevie,
don't worry about that.

We're... [sighs heavily]

- I waited 35 minutes!
- Oh, don't start.

[Jazzagals cheer]

- Oh, please, save your
applause for Jocelyn,

who's right behind me.
[Jazzagals cheer]

- You know what? I was going
to change and then I thought,

no, if my babysitter can
show up wearing a crop top

the size of a bib,
I can wear this to a casino!

[Jazzagals cheer]

- Jocelyn, you look amazing.

- Yes, why not throw caution
and the dress code to the wind?

- I'm sure the ma?tre d' at
Bucky's will make an exception!

Let's get goin'!

[Jazzagals cheer]

- If the bus is a-rockin',
don't come a-knockin'!

Jazzagals: Wooo! Yeah!

Moira: I've come prepared
with casino must-haves:

oxygen drops,
antibacterial wipes,

and military-grade
caffeine pills.

The pills came from Condi,

so if anyone asks,
you found them on the floor.

- Mrs. Rose, when you said
you were bringing essentials,

I thought you meant snacks,
and something to drink.

- No.

- Well, nothing for the road?
- Don't worry ladies,

I've got you covered,
this afternoon I made some...

magic brownies!

[Jazzagals cheer]

- THC and carbohydrates.

- Oh Moira, we don't expect
you to have one.

- One? At least one.

- Okay...

[Engine starts, cork pops]
Who wants some zhampagne?

Jazzagals: Yeah! Wooo!

[Bus rumbles]

[Soft Jazz music plays]

- So, whatever happened
to that phone number?

- Uh, it might still be
in my pocket. Why?

- Hm. Just keeping it close?

- Well, I haven't thrown
it out yet.

What are you doing?!
I'm obviously not gonna use it.

- Why not?

- Uh, because I'm in
a committed relationship.

- I know that.

I think you should call him.
- What?!

- Skin-tight clothes aside,

do you find Ken attractive?

- I mean, sure.

- Then I think you should
call him!

- David!

- Consider it a selfish act
on my part.

You have only been with me.

- And Rachel, and like,
a handful of other girls.

- Okay, we've all been with
a handful of other girls.

But I'm the only guy.
- So?

- So inevitably there might
come a point

where you find yourself curious

about being with other people.

So why not explore that now,

so that we don't have to have
this conversation

five years down the line.

- Oh, so you think we're gonna
be together 5-years from now?

- I think a cute boy
gave you his number,

and you should go for dinner,
and run free.

Best case scenario,

you realize how good
you have it with me.

Worst case scenario,

you realize how good
you have it with me.

Fun!

Stevie: Okay, Mr. Rose?

Uh, I've thought a lot
about what happened,

uh, maybe a little too much
about what happened.

And I think for the sake
of the business,

that we should just
put it all behind us.

- Okay, good. Good.

Thank you, Stevie.

- What happened?

- Mr. Rose saw me topless.

- Oh! Oh! [Laughs]
- No! No!

I... I didn't completely
see anything,

but I got the gist of what
you were doing.

- I didn't know anyone
was here!

- Oh Johnny,

I don't think the woman
in that video would approve.

- The woman on the video
is Moira,

and no, she would not approve!
I would not approve!

It was an accident.

- Trust me, it will
never happen again.

- Understood.

- I really don't know what
to say to the two of you.

- Well, you don't have to say
anything, Roland.

Less is more in a...
situation like this.

- Well, I did just think
of one thing.

- Please don't!
- It's more of a limerick.

- All right, enough, Roland.

Thank you, we're going
to move on now.

Stevie, Room Three needs
a change over.

- I would be happy to leave
and do that.

Thanks.
- [Cell phone chimes]

- Whoa! [Laughs]

- Aah! Stevie!
Your friend just responded!

- Oh my God, gimme that!
- Hmm.

- Oh my...

uh, I'll be taking the rest
of the day off.

Okay.

[Door slams]
- Yeah...

I'd say her friend responded.

[Guffaws]

[Crickets chirp]

Alexis: Hey, can you give me
a ride to Ted's?

It's basically on the way
to Patrick's.

- It's in the opposite
direction,

and I'm not going
to Patrick's tonight.

- Why?

- Because we don't have
plans tonight.

He has plans with someone else.
- Who?

- Okay, can you utilize like,

a little bit more
of the English language?

If you must know,

I sent Patrick off to have
dinner with that guy

who gave him his number today.

- That hot piece
from the store?

Why would you do that?

- Because I think it's funny,

and I also think it's important
for Patrick to experience

other people in order
to realize

how good he has it with me.

- What if he doesn't come
to that realization?

Every time I did that
with a boyfriend,

I'd send them off with someone
who like, wasn't a threat.

Like, Pippa Middleton,
or Rihanna.

- Okay, well, I hardly think
Ken is a threat.

- Mm, tell that to his million
dollar smile, David.

- Okay.
- So what are the GRs?

- The what?
- The ground rules.

What ground rules
did you lay down

before you sent him off with
that hottie-boom-bottie?

- Okay, I haven't sent him
off with ground rules,

because this is a one-night
thing.

- Did you say that?

- No.

- So at this point
he could like,

spend the night, double-dip,

kiss on the lips!
- I don't know!

- Okay, this is why you have
ground rules, David!

Josh Groban has a thick,
leather-bound binder

full of them.

- Patrick didn't even
wanna do this.

I basically forced him into it.

Is it too late
for any amendments?

- I thought this was
a good idea,

and now you're making me feel
like I made a mistake.

- Okay, you haven't made a huge
mistake yet, David,

we probably won't find out
about that until tomorrow.

- Okay, I have never been
in this position before,

usually I'm the one finding out

I'm in an open relationship
after the fact,

and now you're making me feel
like I've just shipped

my boyfriend off to fall
in love with someone else!

- Ugh! I was supposed to go
to dinner with Ted, David!

- Then go for dinner with Ted!

- Well, now I feel like
I should be here for you!

- Why?

- [Groans] Let's just hope
we don't find out.

- What?!

- Ugh...

♪♪♪

[Ball rattles]

- Are we up yet?

- It's either black or red,
even or odd.

And you never know where
you're gonna land.

- I'm sorry, Jocelyn?

- If you'dve told me
20-years-ago

I'd be standing here with
an empty chip bucket,

stoned out of my mind
at a Doodlebops concert,

I would've lit a menthol,
and had a laugh.

- You went to that show?

- I stepped in briefly,

Roland Jr. is a big fan
of Wobblie Woopsie.

Moira, you may not
believe this,

but I used to rock out.

- Well, of course you did,

as did anyone with brain cells
to kill.

I'm thinking of a particular
night in Monaco

with Maggie Trudeau
and the Rolling Stones.

- You rocked with the Stones?

- All except Charlie,
but every party has a pooper.

- Moira, it's like,

on the inside I feel like
I'm 19-years-old,

and then I catch a glimpse
of myself in the mirror,

and realize that I'm so not.

- Oh Jocelyn, you'll soon learn
that we aging mortals

are blessed with weakening
eyes and memories

so we don't have to really
see ourselves.

If you love the number 19,
you go be 19.

And while you're at it,
bet on it.

- I can't take all of these!

- It only looks like a lot.

Do as you will. Jocelyn,
but whatever you do,

rock onwards and upwards!

Mhmm!

- Yeah!

[Hushed roar]

[Door slams]

[Keys jingle]

- Ah, Stevie.
- Oh my God!

I forgot my bag,

and I thought you might have
gone home for the night, so...

- Oh no, I was just about
to leave, but uh,

I'm glad I caught you.

- Can we pretend today
didn't happen?

- Oh, consider it erased.

- Thank you.

- Although, I did wanna say
just one thing,

if I could put my friend
cap on for a minute.

I'm glad things are working out

with you and your gentleman
friend.

And I'm just piecing things
together here.

- Thank you, Mr. Rose.

- I hope he makes you happy,
Stevie,

and that's all that matters
to me.

And from this point forward,
I am staying out of it.

We never have to talk
about this again.

- Okay.

Remember Emir?

The guy who came to review
the motel?

- The one who asked you
to lunch?

- Yes, that would be him.

- Oh! Well, he seems like
a nice guy.

- Yeah.
- Good job.

Good taste in motels.

And clearly he likes you a lot.

And I'm not saying that
just because of the photo.

- Oh my God, Mr. Rose!

- Okay, rewind, please.
- See you tomorrow!

- Yeah, okay,
see you tomorrow, Stevie.

- Does anyone want
more Bucky's?

- No! Who knew everything
would contain chicken?

- Oh, that dessert menu
was especially disappointing.

"Black forest tenders."

- Jocelyn's still not
answering her phone.

- Well, somebody ought to go
look for her!

- Tah-dah! [Laughs]

- Oh, Jocelyn, is that you?

- Yes! I took your advice,
Moira.

- And what advice was that?!

- Yes, Jocelyn,
what advice did I impart

that translated into this
daring new coiffure?

- That I can still rock on!

Your chips bought this!

- And you certainly risked
it all, didn't you?

- Yeah! [Laughs]

- I'm ready to go home.

- Okay.

- Wow, Jocelyn.

It must feel so light
and breezy.

- Mhmm! [Laughs]

Ha ha! Yeah.

Yes, I love it, too.

I know. Thank you.

Thank you.

Do you recognize me
from earlier?

I have a new hairdo!

Alexis: Hey Ted,
I'll be there soon,

but I just can't leave
David alone right now.

Yeah, no, apparently they
left for dinner at seven.

Radio silence.

Nothing, not a word.

Anyway, I will be there soon,
and I love you so much.

- Okay...

- Oh my God, imagine?

[Giggles] Muah! Muah!

- This is not how I wanted
to spend my night.

- Me neither.

And David, I know what
you're thinking,

they're probably back
at his house,

listening to Frank Ocean,
laughing, and rehydrating.

- Yeah, the more I think
about this,

the more I realize
it was way too early

to have introduced this
into the relationship.

I mean, I thought
I was being mature,

but in actuality,
it was just a classic case

of self-sabotage.

- Chill, David.

Hey! [Thumps table]

Yes, those are all valid points,

but this is a moment
of growth for you.

Was it flawlessly executed? No.

Would I have done it?

Hell no.

- Okay, if this is intended
to be helpful,

you can leave now.

- But what I was gonna say is,

if a cute guy that walks
into your store

is enough to unravel
your whole relationship,

you're better off knowing
that now,

than in a year from now.

[Knocking]

- Do I want to hear about it?

- I couldn't do it.

- Oh. Come in.

- I don't want to date Ken!

- I don't think I ever
said "date".

- Was it the lack of ground
rules?

- Hi. David...
- Mhmm?

- I love you,
and I really appreciate

what you were trying
to do for me,

but I feel no need to meet up
with other guys right now.

- Okay, I mean...

if that's what you want,
then I guess I'm...

I'm fine with it, I mean,
I'm easy either way.

- Oh.

- Also, this is gonna sound
totally petty,

but something about his shoes
just made me feel really weird,

'cause they were like,
long and pointy, but then...

- Squared off at the toe.
- Yes!

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I know. I know, it's okay.

It's okay.

- Okay, this is a really
long hug now.

- Just need one more minute,
mhmm.

["Every Rose has its Thorn"
by Poison plays]

- We all still like it, right?

I think it really brings out
my eyes, right, Gals?

- Sure.

- It's not like we think
it's a mistake,

or we regret it, right?

- Oh, you never regret
a good time, Jocelyn.

- Thank you, Moira.

You'd tell me the truth, I know.

[Nervous laugh]

It's really short.

♪ Every rose has its thorn

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