All language subtitles for Rosehaven s03e04.eng

[CHICKEN CLUCKS]

[SIGHS]

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Very convincing.

Look, I know I'm the
sunshine of your life.

- The... ?
- Sunshine of your life.

I avoid the sun.

It's important for you
to be able to look at me

and see me having a great time.

Never really thought about it.

But even the sun has
to go down sometimes.

Every day.

It's just... you know I love it here,

but recently, I've been...
missing the mainland a bit.

Do you hate me?

No, it's normal. You miss your family.

- Shops.
- The shops?

The services.

Three-storey buildings.

Those rental bikes
people throw in trees.

The city?

I think mainly I miss being able to get

whatever service I wanted to get
whenever I wanted to get it.

You know, like... getting a tattoo.

Or... laser tattoo removal.

- Or... reiki.
- What is reiki?

I don't know, and now I never will,
because we don't have it here.

You can Google it.

And Rosehaven doesn't even have
somewhere you can get a massage.

Or a facial. Or pampery
things like that.

What about the noticeboard?

Reading the noticeboard is
not pampering yourself.

No, no, you can put something up. "Hi.
I'm Emma. I want a massage."

That makes me sound desperate.

You could add, "Not a big deal, though."

I don't know why Rosehaven
doesn't have a massage place.

Probably just not enough demand for one.

Course there is. The market
is anyone with a body.

Maybe I should open a day spa.

I've never had one.

I just don't see how a stranger
prodding me could help me relax.

That clinches it. You can
be my first customer.

I'm doing it!

I'm gonna open Rosehaven's
first, soon to be world-famous,

massage centre and day spa!

Well, you'll need to get certified

- if you want to start operating as a...
- Ugh! Too hard. I'm not doing it.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

[COW MOOS]

GPS: Continue straight
for 14 kilometres.

Jesus! How far away is this place?

- Well, at least 14 kilometres.
- Ugh!

Think of it as a great opportunity

to view the beautiful
Tasmanian countryside.

It's fine.

OK, after this appraisal,

why don't you and I do something
we used to do on the mainland?

Like what? Go on a pub crawl?

Well, there's only one pub,
but we can go there twice.

I mean, that's just it.

Once you've lived here a while,
you've done everything heaps.

There's nothing new.

That's not true. There is
one thing you haven't done.

What?

It's a secret.

What is it?!

It is a special Rosehaven activity
that you can only do here.

I was saving it for a special occasion,

but being bored also counts.

First, never keep
anything from me again.

Second, thank you for keeping
this from me this time!

You're welcome.

Give me a clue of what it is?

No clues.

Is it sticky-taping popcorn to
the engine of Greg's police car

so that when the engine heats up,
he'll think he's in a shoot-out?

- "Pa! Pa-pa! Pa!"
- No. No, not that.

The appraisal won't take long, right?

Like, we just walk around and figure out

how much we could sell it for

and then convince him to let us sell it?

- Yep.
- Five minutes?

Ish. To an hour.

An hour?!

Well, as long as it takes
to land the listing.

I'm gonna convince him in one minute.

How?

Beg, cry, threaten, in that order.

Let me try first.

Your map lady hasn't said
anything in a while.

It's off.

- There's no reception!
- Hmm?

How long has it been off?

How long have we been going
in the wrong direction?

Are we lost? Do you have any flares?

We're fine. Just keep your
eye on where we're headed.

I can't. There's no blue line anymore.

We should go back. I think I
can remember how to get home.

We're OK. Open the glove box.

- This?
- Yeah, it's a map.

Look up Backers Creek.

I think that was the last sign we saw.

This looks pretty old.
What if it's wrong?

Oh, the roads wouldn't have
changed much out here.

But how does it know where we are?

Errrrrmmmmm...

You've been making that
sound for a long time.

It's my concentrating sound.

You think I don't know your sounds?

Your concentrating sound is "ehhhhhh".

And this is your
getting-out-of-a-low-chair sound.

- "Huh!"
- It is my concentrating sound.

And if I can't hear myself
doing it, I can't concentrate.

Is it upside down?

In movies, 90% of map problems
are because it's upside down.

It's not upside down.

Have you tried turning
it off and on again?

Still the same.

OK, I think I see where we're going.

Do you?

Yep. Yep.

Yeah, we're fine. We're good.

Is it like a magic eye puzzle?
Because I'm not seeing anything.

- I can guide.
- Oh.

Errrrrhhhh...

Just admit you don't know where we are.

I would not admit that.

Let's go home.

No, we haven't had a new
listing in a while.

It's becoming a safety issue.

I'll give them a call so
they can give us directions.

Did you bring a can and some string?

- What?
- Hello? No reception.

Oh, yeah.

- I'm turning around.
- No, no, I-I can... I can get us...

No, we're lost, we've no reception.

I'm turning around and saving
our lives. You're welcome.

No, no, just give me a
second. I can still...

[TYRE BLOWS OUT]

What was that? Was that bad?

It's not good...

This is a disaster.

It's not. I'll just change
it and then we can go.

Oh, I don't know how to change
a tyre because I'm a woman?

No, because you don't know
how to change a tyre.

Lucky guess.

You can get the spare out
of the boot if you like.

- It's empty.
- Under that.

I know that. I was kidding.
Gallows humour.

That's not gallows humour.

It is, because we're gonna die.

Well, then all humour is gallows
humour, 'cause we're all gonna die.

Shit.

What's the point of having
a flat tyre in the boot?

It's not supposed to be flat.
I... forgot to replace it.

We are gonna die out here, aren't we?

Please stop saying that. We
can drive on a flat tyre.

Until it disintegrates

and hopefully the... sparks
don't light the car on fire.

Are you serious? Hopefully
no fire? That's your plan?

Well, it's very unlikely.

We can call a tow truck as
soon as we get to the house.

Fine.

Which flat do you want to put back on?

[FLAT TYRE FLAPS]

I've been on escalators
that move faster than this.

The slower we go, the more we
can appreciate the countryside.

You know when people say,

"It's not about the destination,
it's about the journey"?

What if the journey sucks?

OK, if we're here, it should be...

... right.

Hang on, sorry. Stop, stop, stop.

OK, it is right.

[ENGINE REVS]

- We're not moving.
- Try again.

[ENGINE REVS]

Quicksand?

Tasmania doesn't have quicksand.

Well, I mean, if it did,
it wouldn't be very deep.

I'll go have a look.

Go one leg at a time just in case.

Don't struggle.

- Are you pushing?
- Yes!

Push harder!

I'm not saving my strength for anything!

- I'm pushing as hard as I can!
- Push! Push!

- Stop!
- Use your legs!

Stop, stop. It's just
getting more bogged.

You almost had it!

What would Bear Grylls do?

Drink pee?

- I'm not that thirsty.
- Not yet.

Someone will come past.

You don't know that. I'm scared.

And I want to do the
secret Rosehaven activity.

Why don't I follow the road for a while

and see if I can find a driveway?

Or we could stay with the car.

Well, I was thinking you
could stay with the car

in case someone drives past, and
I can look for help over there.

Split up?!

Which always leads to something bad
happening to one or both people.

Not necessarily. What about...

If you're wondering why you
can't think of an example,

it's because there aren't any.

Free Willy.

Free Willy?!

The boy and the whale split
up and it's for the best.

They never see each other again.

OK, this'll be just like Free Willy,

but we'll see each
other in five minutes.

- Who's the whale?
- It doesn't matter.

I'm just gonna see if
there's someone nearby.

I'm coming.

We'll just leave a note with the car

and say, "We're just up the road.

"If you help us, Daniel will...
do your washing for a month."

Well, don't write that.

- Clean your oven for a month.
- No.

- Sexual favours for one month.
- Give me the pad.

I think there's a rock in my shoe.

- Do you want to stop and get it out?
- Nah, I can't be bothered.

- [LOUD SCREECH]
- What was that?

Nature?

- Why is it everywhere?
- I think it's nice.

Is this one of those situations

where the only reason you're
calm is because I'm panicked,

but secretly, you're also panicked?

I'm a little worried
we'll miss the appraisal

and my shoes are a bit muddy.

- But that's all?
- Yeah.

We're not in the jungle,
Em. This is Tassie.

There are no animals out
here that can eat us.

And we're on a road. We're fine.

This would never happen on the mainland.

There'd be a taxi rank right there.

Can you say something?

All that's going around in my
head is, "It's quiet. too quiet.

"It's quiet. too quiet,"
over and over. Distract me.

- With what?
- Anything!

- That's a lot of pressure.
- It's not. Just say something.

You know, tell me a story.
Ask me a question.

Well, you've given me a blank slate.
I don't know where to start.

Come on!

OK, um, imagine you're...
trapped in an elevator...

... with... no shoes...

OK, I'm gonna need you to
up your distraction game.

I'm being serious now.

We don't have any water, it
gets really cold at night,

and it's gonna be dark soon.

There is a chance we
don't get out of this.

[SCOFFS] It's a really small chance.

But there is a chance!

Em, it's... it's, like, so
close to zero, it's zero.

Like, the... the smallest
of smallest ch...

It's minus zero chance we don't get out.

There are so many things
that I haven't eaten.

That's what you're worried about?

And I can't even give you
instructions for if I die,

because you're gonna be dead too.

Now you're really jumping ahead.

Unless I die and you don't,
in which case I assume

you'll kill yourself out of loyalty.

- I think you'd want me to live on.
- I wouldn't.

- Well, you don't have to decide now.
- I'm telling you now, I wouldn't.

Mailbox. Which means that's a driveway.

So, no-one has to die. We
can eat everything we want.

- We're fine.
- That's a driveway?

Hate to take the bins out.

Or get the mail. Should have said
that first, 'cause of the mailbox.

- Do you want to...
- Yep.

OK.

- Still got a rock in your shoe?
- Yep.

See? I told you we'd be fine.

We can use their phone,

see if we can get the
appraisal moved till later.

[LOUD CHOPPING]

Hello?

G'day.

- Did you hear us coming?
- No.

But you weren't surprised.

You lost?

- No.
- Yes.

We definitely are lost. We got
stuck driving down the road.

Can we use your phone?

It's out.

- It's out?
- Yeah.

The line's fine. Just, one of
the dogs chewed the handset.

I never got round to replacing it.

Um, you don't have, like,
an emergency radio?

Wi-Fi?

What's the problem?

Oh, mate, just hit a really
muddy patch of road, mate,

and, uh, got her bogged.

Yeah, she wouldn't budge, mate.

She was drivin'.

We also have a flat tyre. His fault.

Double trouble.

Yeah, mate, yeah. It's, um...

Why are you saying 'mate' so much?

Well, I can come down, have a look.
We should be able to get you out.

Yes! Uh, thank you.

- Um, I'm Emma, by the way.
- Daniel.

- Yes?
- What?

- No way!
- What?

- Is your name Daniel?
- Yeah.

- Like you!
- What?

- His name is Daniel.
- Hi.

That's amazing.

Well, not really. It's
a pretty common name.

- Do people ever call you Danny?
- No.

Um... are there any neighbours around

whose phone we could use, or... ?

I mean, you wouldn't
even see the postman,

'cause your mailbox is so far away.

Not wrong about that.
Where'd you travel from?

- Rosehaven.
- [CHUCKLES] Rosehaven?

Jeez, you are lost, aren't you?

I mean, we've got to still
be in Tasmania, right?

So, it's just... it's just you here?

Yeah.

You can go wait inside if you
want. I'll just finish up here.

Do you ever cut yourself?

What, with this?

Wouldn't be standing here
looking at you if I did.

Sharp as a fox's wit, this thing.

Yeah. They're sharp.

Come on, mate.

You were right.

Everything's gonna be fine.

OK, this is gonna sound crazy,

but just don't get too comfortable.

What?

Well, we're in the middle of
nowhere and there's a guy there

who I don't think either of
us could beat in a fight.

Speak for yourself.

Well, he has an axe.

Hard to chop wood without one.

Yeah, and he says his
phone isn't working?

- Your phone isn't working.
- I just want us to be careful.

- I like him.
- Well, course you do.

What is that supposed to mean?

- Well, I mean, he's a...
- What?

He's a strong, rugged, manly man.

- Is he?
- Yeah, he's like a hot lumberjack.

- He's not my type.
- Yes, he is.

- He isn't.
- He's everyone's type!

It... it doesn't matter.

If he offers us any food or drink,
we just say, "No, thank you."

I'm really thirsty.

He could spike our drinks.

You've watched too many horror movies.

Yeah, that's how I know this stuff.

I was kidding. You don't
watch horror movies.

They're too scary for you.

No, no, I watch 'em all the
time now I live with Grace.

She's there when I go to bed,
so I don't get scared anymore.

She's like a human night-light.
That's so sweet.

Yeah, thanks.

So, if he pours us a
drink out of the tap

and we see him pour it, that's fine,

but if he gets us a
drink out of the fridge

or he hides pouring the drinks
from us, we don't drink it.

So if he brings us two glasses
of water, we just stare at them?

Well, we say we're not thirsty.

Thanks, mate. We're not thirsty.

So, you've got a flat tyre?

- Two.
- Two?

Daniel's spare is also flat.

- And you're bogged?
- Correct.

- He thought it was quicksand.
- Right.

Well, you've got a couple of options.

Could be a tow job, winch,

or we could snatch you out of there.

Snatch us out?

- Snatch strap.
- What's that?

Oh, it's a, uh...

Sorry, you were saying?

It's, uh, an elastic strap.
It'll sling you out.

Lay down a couple of tracks too,

depending on how deep you are.

I'll bring a shovel.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Sounds good.

Righto. We'll head down and have a look.

I'll grab some tools and
I'll meet you at the ute.

- Great. Thanks, mate.
- Thanks.

Stop drinking it!

You can carry me if I've been poisoned.

There's no point both
of us being thirsty.

[EMMA GIGGLES]

Whee!

Can you at least hold on to something?

- I'm gonna stand up!
- Don't stand up.

Aren't you having fun?!

I'm having a small amount of fun
while still keeping my guard up.

Do you really think if
he was gonna murder us

he would take us on an awesome
ride on the back of his ute?

Well, the ride to the slaughterhouse
is probably fun for the cows.

What?

I'm just saying, we don't know this
guy, no-one knows where we are,

and now we're on the back of his ute

and you drank his poisoned water.

It's not poison. I feel f...

I feel f...

That's not funny.

Have you always been this
scared of strangers?

How do you do inspections?

Well, if a tenant kidnapped me,
I'd have a key to get out.

If I got kidnapped,

how much ransom would you
pay to have me released?

I guess whatever's in my bank account.

What if they said, "We want
a million dollars now"?

I'd say, "Put Emma on the phone,"

and then I'd say, "Hey, mate.
Just wanted to say goodbye."

There's the car.

See? He's gonna help us.

Or, now he knows where our car is,

he's gonna remove any evidence
that we were ever here.

How many horror films
have you watched lately?

Maybe 30.

- 30?!
- Grace is really brave.

[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]

Righto, guys! On three!

One... two... three!

[ENGINE REVS]

Whoo!

You did it! That was so cool.

I've got a spare tyre.

It's gonna be a different size, so,

you know, take it easy going back.

No showing off, leadfoot.

I'll try. Thanks, mate.

What are you doing out here, anyway?

Oh, we're real estate agents.

We were doing an appraisal
and we got lost.

Oh.

Well, there's not a lot of houses
around here. Where are you headed?

- Oh, j...
- 3455 Ridgeblade Road?

- Wedge Nest.
- Wedge what?

Well, it's easier to go by the
house names out here than numbers.

Wedge Nest, that's the only one
I can think of in Ridgeblade.

- Bill's house.
- That's his name!

It's not far. I can run you up there.

Oh, no, you don't have to do that, mate.

Just point us in the right direction
and we'll get out of your hair.

No, no. You can follow me.
Only take a couple of seconds.

The roads are confusing
if you don't know 'em.

That is so lovely and helpful
and kind of you, Dan.

- Isn't it, Dan?
- Yes.

- Righto.
- Thank you.

I can do it if you like.

See? Safely to our destination.

OK, there is a small, unlikely
thing I'd like you to consider.

There's a tree swing!
Sorry, what did you say?

- At the risk of sounding paranoid...
- Too late.

... there is a small
possibility that Dan is Bill.

What?!

Pretending to be a farmer when
really, he's another farmer?

We never met Bill.

Dan could have lured us
here to, I don't know...

Do a murder on us.

I'm just saying, why didn't
he just drop us off and go?

He's still here, or Bill and
him are in it together.

I mean, that's kind of nice.

You know, best friends
sharing a common interest.

"Would you like to
murder this one, Bill?"

- "Oh, no, Dan. Please, after you."
- I know it sounds crazy.

I would just like us to have
some sort of phrase or signal

that means, "Run back to the car."

OK, the phrase is,

"I'm Daniel. I don't understand
that horror films aren't real."

Yeah, well, that's too long,

and most of the ones
set in rural Australia

are based on true events.

[KNOCKS]

[CONTINUES KNOCKING]

Doesn't look like he's home.

Oh, well, we were running
pretty late, so...

Oh. She's open.

[CALLS OUT] Hey, Bill? You home?

Hello, Bill?

Thought he was about.

Must have been hearing things.

Yeah, well, we've probably missed him.

We'll... we'll head back to the
office and call him from there.

Emma, he might be round the back
if you want to have a look.

Sure.

I'll come with you.

Daniel, can I borrow you for a minute?

Uh... yeah, I've actually got to
go to the bathroom, sorry, mate.

So, we should head back.

Well, the dunny's through there.

I'm sure Bill won't mind you using it.

OK. Great.

Off I go.

[TURNS OFF TAP]

[DOOR OPENS]

Hi.

How'd you go?

In the toilet?

Good...

I've been trying to get you one on one.

Sure. Just for a... just for
a chat in the bathroom.

That's... that's normal.

Thing is, I kind of tuck
myself away out here.

Don't really get to meet
new people that often.

Now that I have, I don't want
to miss an opportunity...

I am, uh... I'm sorry to interrupt.

Um... I've just been doing
the appraisal and, um...

... d-d-does this look
like water damage to you?

Is that...

It's hard to tell...

[TOWEL RAIL CLATTERS]

Em!

- [CRASH!]
- Oh! Not again. Em!

Oh, my gosh! Em!

What? I'm flying!

Oh! We have to go now!

- What? Wait!
- [CAR APPROACHES]

He's got backup!

Hey! Are you from the real estate?!

Yeah!

- Are you Bill?
- Yep.

And you're five hours late.

I assumed you weren't
coming, so I went fishing.

- Oh, g'day, Dan.
- Bill.

Who knocked over my stuff?!

So you thought that I
was gonna kill you?

No.

Maybe.

Probably would have been
easier to do it back at mine.

I could have spiked your drinks.

Do I seem scary?

- No.
- Yes. No.

Well, maybe I need to come
into town a bit more.

Never used to have people
think I was gonna murder 'em!

It's not you, Dan. It's him,
Dan. Very suspicious.

Spent too much time on
the mainland, I reckon.

Doesn't understand the
country life like we do.

Bill, I am so sorry about all this.

Should you decide to list with us,

we could definitely negotiate
a much lower commission.

As if I'd list with you!

You kicked over my towel
rack. And my plant.

And I will never do it again.

I just got that bloody ficus.

Bill, I've seen what these two
have been through to get here.

- Two flat tyres...
- Two?

Daniel has a spare
flat tyre in the boot.

- She was driving.
- Then they got bogged.

Then they had to walk to my place,
and they still made it here.

For what it's worth, I
reckon they're alright.

Thanks, mate.

80% off your commission. Mate's rates.

Well, we'd be paid almost nothing...

Deal.

Sorry about scaring you
before in the bathroom, mate.

What I did want to ask you
privately before you took off

was if Emma was single.

Me?

- You are not good at whispering.
- I'm a bit out of practice.

Does Rosehaven still have that pub?

Pub? Um... I think it does.

Well, I could take you
down there in me ute.

Or I could meet you down there.

Or we could go for a walk
along the fence line.

- Go spotlighting.
- What's that?

- Night walk looking for possums.
- Thought so.

Uh, all lovely options, and I
am single, and I am flattered,

but, uh, no, thank you, for a date.

Thanks anyway.

No harm, no foul. Had to ask.

Thanks for everything, mate.

No worries. I'll kill you next time.

[CHUCKLES]

If you could add "just kidding",

that would really help
me sleep at night.

So you really don't want to date him?

Nope! Ha! Suck it!

I told you he wasn't my type,

and in your head you were like,
"Yeah, right, he's not her type."

Well, guess what? Yeah, right, he's not.

- Got me.
- It is a bit of a shame.

Imagine how good your best man
speech would be if I married him.

"When I first met Dan, I thought
he was gonna murder me,

"so I knocked over a plant
and soiled myself... "

No, I didn't soil myself.

You got soil on yourself,
so you soiled yourself.

And you shit your pants.

- I'm glad you're having fun now.
- I am.

Do you still miss
three-storey buildings?

Nope.

Although, I am a bit sad I
didn't get a photo of him

so I could show people who asked me out.

Oh, well, you can get a photo
when you return his spare tyre.

No, I rejected him. That'd be awkward.

You have to take it back.

- Well, you can come with me.
- Are you still scared, mate?

Mate, you're still bloody scared,
ya drongo. Oh, mate, you...

You know he never said "just kidding"?

He just smiled and walked off.

- Oh, you're right. He didn't, did he?
- Oh, don't do that.

And he knows where you work.

You're the one who broke his heart.

No, I'm serious. I think he might
actually be coming for you.

- Oh...
- Did you check the boot when we left?

- Did you hear that thudding?
- He'd be more angry at you than me.

- He's left a hook in the car!
- I didn't reject him...

Daniel, there's a hook
on the side of the car!

Very funny.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

Just go! With your
health! You don't care.

I do care, just from a distance.

How are you feeling about
the open home today?

- I can handle it.
- You won't have Emma to help.

Everyone, just make sure you
give me your contact info

so I can update you about the property.

My fish is gone.

Well, it's got to be
around here somewhere.

A fish got stolen from
the open home today.

Do you know who did it? Was it a cat?

You're the fish thief.

Very few locals know about it,

but this tree, when you come
here at a certain time,

Rosehaven's oldest bat will come
and sit on your shoulder...

... and sing...

There is no secret Rosehaven
activity, is there?

No, I was hoping you'd forget I said it.

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