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1
00:00:03,569 --> 00:00:05,937
Hi. This is
Elizabeth Montgomery,
2
00:00:05,938 --> 00:00:09,207
inviting you to stay tuned
for Bewitched.
3
00:00:12,544 --> 00:00:14,412
[
]
4
00:00:18,851 --> 00:00:24,489
And here, ladies and gentlemen,
is the famous Galafedgio Venus.
5
00:00:24,490 --> 00:00:27,826
Also known as Aphrodite.
6
00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:31,329
Also known as big, big
troublemaker.
7
00:00:31,330 --> 00:00:35,400
Ah, Venus, the goddess of love.
8
00:00:35,401 --> 00:00:39,304
The high priestess
of hanky-panky.
9
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:42,841
And now, a special treat for the
ladies.
10
00:00:42,842 --> 00:00:44,709
Come this way.
11
00:00:44,710 --> 00:00:46,444
Galafedgio Adonis.
12
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:53,185
Mythology's strongest man
and greatest lover.
13
00:00:53,186 --> 00:00:54,586
He had to be.
14
00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:59,424
He was the boyfriend of Venus.
15
00:00:59,425 --> 00:01:03,194
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
follow me upstairs,
16
00:01:03,195 --> 00:01:07,065
and we will visit with the great
works of the Renaissance.
17
00:01:07,066 --> 00:01:09,433
This is where we came in.
Let's split.
18
00:01:10,669 --> 00:01:12,670
[
]
19
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,840
Oh.
20
00:01:15,841 --> 00:01:18,810
Aren't they adorable?
21
00:01:18,811 --> 00:01:20,945
I like your kind of doll better.
22
00:01:20,946 --> 00:01:22,914
WOMAN:
I think she's cute too.
23
00:01:22,915 --> 00:01:26,284
Tell me I didn't hear anything.
24
00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:30,188
Mother.
25
00:01:30,189 --> 00:01:31,389
Where? Where?
26
00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:38,396
Now, that's what I call
bad casting.
27
00:01:38,397 --> 00:01:40,798
Your mother as a doll.
28
00:01:40,799 --> 00:01:43,601
Mother, what are you
doing in Rome?
29
00:01:43,602 --> 00:01:45,503
What are you doing in Rome?
30
00:01:45,504 --> 00:01:47,505
I thought you were staying
in Pisa.
31
00:01:47,506 --> 00:01:49,441
Well, we... We are.
32
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,842
We have a lovely villa.
33
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,547
But Darrin had a business
appointment this afternoon
34
00:01:55,548 --> 00:01:58,650
so we thought we'd do a
little sightseeing. Oh.
35
00:01:58,651 --> 00:02:02,520
And what's more important,
who's home minding the children?
36
00:02:02,521 --> 00:02:05,323
Esmeralda is covering for me.
37
00:02:05,324 --> 00:02:08,193
And Tabitha wanted spaghetti
for lunch.
38
00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:11,863
Why didn't you go to the market
like anybody else?
39
00:02:11,864 --> 00:02:15,800
I'm not like anybody else.
Nor are my grandchildren.
40
00:02:15,801 --> 00:02:17,302
When they want
Italian spaghetti,
41
00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:19,471
they get Italian spaghetti.
42
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:22,874
But, Mother, you promised.
43
00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:28,113
Speaking of promises,
I almost forgot.
44
00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:30,681
I-I made a promise
to the children
45
00:02:30,682 --> 00:02:33,485
that I would kiss their mama
and their papa for them.
46
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:34,885
[LAUGHS]
47
00:02:37,523 --> 00:02:39,324
Er...
48
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:43,195
Well, half a promise
is better than none.
49
00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:45,196
I appreciate that, Endora.
50
00:02:45,197 --> 00:02:46,431
I have a business luncheon,
51
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:48,333
and I don't want to lose
my appetite.
52
00:02:50,168 --> 00:02:52,837
I better get going.
53
00:02:52,838 --> 00:02:55,573
See you back at the villa,
honey. Ciao.
54
00:02:55,574 --> 00:02:58,043
And it's always a pleasure
to say goodbye to you, Endora.
55
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:01,046
[
]
56
00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:08,586
Oh, my.
57
00:03:08,587 --> 00:03:12,390
What big eyes he has.
58
00:03:12,391 --> 00:03:16,494
Mother, what's the real reason
you're in Rome?
59
00:03:16,495 --> 00:03:18,863
That's the reason.
60
00:03:19,898 --> 00:03:21,899
A mortal creature like Durwood,
61
00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:24,769
transplanted from his quarter
acre of suburban crabgrass
62
00:03:24,770 --> 00:03:27,305
to this romantic Roman carnival,
63
00:03:27,306 --> 00:03:30,141
can go bananas.
64
00:03:30,142 --> 00:03:32,677
And I don't want my little girl
to get hurt.
65
00:03:32,678 --> 00:03:34,812
Ahh, well,
66
00:03:34,813 --> 00:03:37,582
I appreciate the concern,
mamma mia.
67
00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:39,217
It's been nice
chatting with you.
68
00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:40,985
But we're having guests
for the weekend,
69
00:03:40,986 --> 00:03:43,054
so I have to do the marketing.
70
00:03:43,055 --> 00:03:44,422
Arrivederci.
71
00:03:44,423 --> 00:03:45,390
[
]
72
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:46,725
ENDORA:
Arrivederci?
73
00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:55,166
Oh, you poor, trusting child.
74
00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:58,203
When will you ever learn
that Mother knows best?
75
00:03:59,438 --> 00:04:01,273
[
]
76
00:04:05,210 --> 00:04:07,811
And what Mother knows best...
77
00:04:08,780 --> 00:04:11,082
is how to prove she's right.
78
00:04:11,083 --> 00:04:12,951
[LAUGHS]
79
00:04:16,822 --> 00:04:18,757
[MAN READING ON-SCREEN TEXT]
80
00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:21,192
[
]
81
00:04:57,762 --> 00:04:59,730
[
]
82
00:05:06,238 --> 00:05:07,638
[
]
83
00:05:13,912 --> 00:05:16,947
Marble Venus though you be.
84
00:05:16,948 --> 00:05:20,285
I'll take thy marble heartFrom thee.
85
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:24,089
And turn it into Flame and fire.
86
00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:27,158
To light a mortal man's Desire
87
00:05:32,864 --> 00:05:34,865
[
]
88
00:05:39,538 --> 00:05:41,972
Oh. That feels
so good.
89
00:05:41,973 --> 00:05:45,876
You'll feel even better
when you're properly dressed.
90
00:05:50,882 --> 00:05:52,517
What is this I'm wearing?
91
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:53,784
[CHUCKLES]
92
00:05:53,785 --> 00:05:57,755
A woman's greatest weapon:
A clinging dress.
93
00:05:57,756 --> 00:05:59,923
You look stunning in it.
94
00:05:59,924 --> 00:06:03,093
Oh, I know, I know.
95
00:06:03,094 --> 00:06:05,163
But how did you do it and why?
96
00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:09,133
Well, "how," it's just a little
parlor trick.
97
00:06:09,134 --> 00:06:12,503
"Why," I'll tell you
as soon as we get out of here.
98
00:06:13,772 --> 00:06:16,274
Oh. Half a moment,
dear.
99
00:06:19,010 --> 00:06:20,844
Now you won't
be missed for hours.
100
00:06:20,845 --> 00:06:22,446
Come along, dear.
101
00:06:22,447 --> 00:06:24,415
[
]
102
00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:27,218
[
]
103
00:06:42,968 --> 00:06:45,670
Oh, mi scusi, I did not know
this table was occupied.
104
00:06:50,309 --> 00:06:51,709
I'm sorry.
105
00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:52,911
No, don't go.
106
00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:57,115
I'd be honored if you'd join me.
107
00:06:57,116 --> 00:06:58,783
Grazie.
108
00:06:58,784 --> 00:07:00,618
Ahhh.
109
00:07:00,619 --> 00:07:02,754
How charming you are.
110
00:07:03,789 --> 00:07:06,724
Ah, thank you.
111
00:07:06,725 --> 00:07:08,526
I feel charming.
112
00:07:10,395 --> 00:07:13,898
I don't mean I feel charming,
I mean, I'm charmed by your...
113
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:17,302
Your eyes.
114
00:07:19,171 --> 00:07:22,072
You have the most remarkable
eyes.
115
00:07:23,709 --> 00:07:25,109
Green, aren't they?
116
00:07:25,110 --> 00:07:27,312
That is your favorite color?
117
00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:28,279
Yeah.
118
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,982
Then they are green.
119
00:07:33,652 --> 00:07:36,012
Ahem.
So this is Rome.
120
00:07:36,455 --> 00:07:39,657
Non ? vero.
This is tourist Rome.
121
00:07:39,658 --> 00:07:42,927
May I show you the real Rome?
122
00:07:42,928 --> 00:07:46,564
W-would you?
That would be very nice.
123
00:07:48,233 --> 00:07:49,968
But impossible.
124
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:53,437
I have this business meeting
with my boss and a client.
125
00:07:53,438 --> 00:07:55,272
It's very important.
126
00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:59,577
It is so important?
127
00:08:01,847 --> 00:08:04,482
But not that important.
Let's go.
128
00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:06,150
And it's not as though Larry
129
00:08:06,151 --> 00:08:08,052
can't talk to the client
by himself.
130
00:08:08,053 --> 00:08:09,253
Well, if he is the boss,
131
00:08:09,254 --> 00:08:10,922
he certainly
should be able to, no?
132
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,189
Oui. Si.
133
00:08:13,792 --> 00:08:15,125
[
]
134
00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:20,732
Good morning.
135
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:22,734
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
136
00:08:24,803 --> 00:08:26,771
Mmmm.
137
00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:28,239
Molto fantastico.
138
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:29,774
Ah, grazie, grazie.
139
00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:32,943
MR. TATE: I'm Mr. Tate. Hi, Sam.
How's Darrin?
140
00:08:34,012 --> 00:08:35,480
Will he live?
141
00:08:36,181 --> 00:08:37,482
Uh...
142
00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:40,150
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
143
00:08:40,151 --> 00:08:42,432
Grazie, signora, grazie.
144
00:08:44,122 --> 00:08:45,456
What are you talking about?
145
00:08:45,457 --> 00:08:48,226
He didn't show up
for the meeting with Baldoni.
146
00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:52,196
So I can only conclude he was
in some terrible accident.
147
00:08:52,197 --> 00:08:55,299
And if he wasn't,
he's gonna wish he were.
148
00:08:57,636 --> 00:08:59,437
Hello. I'm home.
149
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:01,806
[
]
150
00:09:03,475 --> 00:09:05,910
Hi, Larry. Sweetheart.
151
00:09:05,911 --> 00:09:09,080
Sam, the most amazing thing
happened to me.
152
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:10,214
Let me guess.
153
00:09:10,215 --> 00:09:13,117
You were kidnapped,
and you escaped.
154
00:09:13,118 --> 00:09:15,720
Anything less, I won't accept.
155
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,221
Uh, no.
156
00:09:17,222 --> 00:09:19,924
What happened was, er,
157
00:09:19,925 --> 00:09:23,728
I bumped into this Italian.
158
00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:28,432
But, Darrin, you had
a business appointment
159
00:09:28,433 --> 00:09:31,035
with Larry
and Mr. Baldoni.
160
00:09:31,036 --> 00:09:32,269
Oh, don't worry, Larry.
161
00:09:32,270 --> 00:09:34,371
Baldoni and his wife
are driving up for dinner
162
00:09:34,372 --> 00:09:35,506
and to spend the weekend.
163
00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:37,575
We'll make it up to them then.
164
00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:39,978
That's your whole explanation?
165
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:42,647
Well, uh...
166
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:46,417
a-after I bumped
into this Italian...
167
00:09:46,418 --> 00:09:48,586
we sort of took a walk.
168
00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:50,287
Oh.
169
00:09:51,556 --> 00:09:54,025
Well, is there anything wrong
with an American tourist
170
00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:57,394
trying to make a good impression
on his European cousin?
171
00:09:57,395 --> 00:10:00,397
We, uh,
e-exchanged ideas.
172
00:10:00,398 --> 00:10:02,366
You know, it's really quite sad.
173
00:10:02,367 --> 00:10:05,036
Do you realize how hard
it is for a European
174
00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:07,237
to get a working visa
in the United States
175
00:10:07,238 --> 00:10:09,306
if you don't have a job
waiting for you?
176
00:10:12,477 --> 00:10:16,413
This Italian cousin of yours,
what sort of work does she do?
177
00:10:17,716 --> 00:10:20,084
Did I say it was a she?
178
00:10:20,085 --> 00:10:24,088
You didn't say it was a he,
so I figured it had to be a she.
179
00:10:24,089 --> 00:10:25,590
Oh.
180
00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:26,924
A lady cousin.
181
00:10:28,126 --> 00:10:29,426
Uh, yeah. Heh.
182
00:10:32,931 --> 00:10:36,701
Uh, anyway, um, I thought
you could use some help
183
00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:38,135
with the dinner party tonight.
184
00:10:38,136 --> 00:10:41,472
The villa comes
with four in-help.
185
00:10:41,473 --> 00:10:44,274
Oh, I figured
that's what you'd say.
186
00:10:44,275 --> 00:10:46,410
But actually
it's not so much for tonight,
187
00:10:46,411 --> 00:10:48,613
I was thinking of taking her
home with us.
188
00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:49,614
[CLEARS THROAT]
189
00:10:51,282 --> 00:10:54,352
Home?
Where we live?
190
00:10:54,353 --> 00:10:55,319
Well, sure.
191
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,288
You could use some help
around the house.
192
00:10:57,289 --> 00:11:00,825
Just temporarily, of course,
till she got settled.
193
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,160
Anyway, uh, she, uh...
194
00:11:03,395 --> 00:11:04,696
She's waiting outside.
195
00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:07,732
Oh.
196
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:11,001
Oh, well, uh, show her in.
197
00:11:11,002 --> 00:11:14,705
I guess that's the, uh,
courteous thing to do, huh?
198
00:11:14,706 --> 00:11:16,374
Heh-heh! Excuse me.
199
00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:18,376
[
]
200
00:11:22,347 --> 00:11:24,107
Vanessa, come in, please.
201
00:11:31,523 --> 00:11:34,258
Uh, Vanessa, this is my, uh...
202
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:36,227
Uh...
203
00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:37,561
Wife.
204
00:11:37,562 --> 00:11:38,629
Wife.
205
00:11:40,065 --> 00:11:41,198
And I'm, uh...
206
00:11:41,199 --> 00:11:42,833
Uh...
207
00:11:42,834 --> 00:11:43,994
Larry Tate.
208
00:11:46,338 --> 00:11:47,371
Buongiorno.
209
00:11:47,372 --> 00:11:48,506
[CHUCKLES]
210
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,708
Buongiorno.
211
00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:53,577
Oh, I'm so delighted
to meet you all.
212
00:11:53,578 --> 00:11:55,746
And I accept the position.
213
00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:02,420
You've had experience
as a housekeeper?
214
00:12:02,421 --> 00:12:04,055
No.
215
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:06,791
DARRIN:
Well, that's perfect, Sam.
216
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:09,426
That means she hasn't developed
any bad habits. Heh!
217
00:12:09,427 --> 00:12:11,729
We can break her in
just the way we want her.
218
00:12:13,198 --> 00:12:16,100
BOTH: Darrin, could I
speak to you privately?
219
00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:17,768
Sorry.
220
00:12:17,769 --> 00:12:19,203
Mine won't take long.
221
00:12:19,204 --> 00:12:21,706
Excuse me. Heh.
Come on.
222
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:26,376
Uh, y-you'll be serving
tonight.
223
00:12:26,377 --> 00:12:27,979
So why don't you go
into the kitchen,
224
00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:30,114
and one of the girls
can find you an apron.
225
00:12:30,115 --> 00:12:33,651
I have to go upstairs
and take care of something.
226
00:12:33,652 --> 00:12:35,086
Si, signora.
227
00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:37,221
[
]
228
00:12:41,326 --> 00:12:43,995
Mother, you show up here pronto.
229
00:12:45,463 --> 00:12:48,465
I don't know what you're up to
or who that girl is,
230
00:12:48,466 --> 00:12:50,567
but you're not proving anything.
231
00:12:50,568 --> 00:12:53,037
A monk wouldn't be safe
with her.
232
00:12:59,244 --> 00:13:01,712
"Monk or monkey,
what's the difference?"
233
00:13:09,154 --> 00:13:10,387
Oh.
234
00:13:10,388 --> 00:13:11,856
[DOOR CLOSES]
235
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:15,126
Sam, I've been talking to Larry
and he's concerned.
236
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:17,594
And what he's concerned about
is that you're concerned.
237
00:13:17,595 --> 00:13:19,630
But it's really nothing
to be concerned about.
238
00:13:19,631 --> 00:13:21,498
I'm not concerned.
239
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:25,602
Now, look, I realize Vanessa
is not your average maid.
240
00:13:25,603 --> 00:13:28,271
You can bet my sweet mother
she isn't.
241
00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:32,343
What's that supposed to mean?
242
00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:34,411
I-I'm not sure what it is,
243
00:13:34,412 --> 00:13:36,613
but there's something
very strange about her.
244
00:13:36,614 --> 00:13:38,282
And it's quite possible
245
00:13:38,283 --> 00:13:42,520
that Mother's weird sense
of humor is hard at work.
246
00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:43,387
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
247
00:13:43,388 --> 00:13:44,889
Yes?
248
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:45,956
VANESSA:
It is me, signora.
249
00:13:45,957 --> 00:13:47,824
I want you to see
how I look in the apron.
250
00:13:47,825 --> 00:13:48,993
Oh, uh, come in, Vanessa.
251
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:52,263
[
]
252
00:13:52,264 --> 00:13:53,865
Do I look all right?
253
00:14:01,272 --> 00:14:06,109
Uh, well, uh, Vanessa,
when I said an apron.
254
00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:09,446
I-I didn't mean
just an apron.
255
00:14:09,447 --> 00:14:12,950
Now, why don't you
be a good girl and go out.
256
00:14:12,951 --> 00:14:14,251
Backwards.
257
00:14:16,054 --> 00:14:19,690
And we'll make sure you get
a uniform to go with that apron.
258
00:14:21,259 --> 00:14:22,259
Si, signora.
259
00:14:24,896 --> 00:14:27,336
Doesn't that tell you anything?
260
00:14:29,167 --> 00:14:32,603
It just means
she's inexperienced.
261
00:14:32,604 --> 00:14:34,371
She may be many things, Darrin,
262
00:14:34,372 --> 00:14:37,241
but inexperienced
is not one of them.
263
00:14:37,242 --> 00:14:39,276
[
]
264
00:14:44,983 --> 00:14:47,584
Signor Baldoni,
a thousand apologies
265
00:14:47,585 --> 00:14:49,486
for missing this
afternoon's appointment.
266
00:14:49,487 --> 00:14:50,788
Grazie.
267
00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:53,958
Uh, but you see, uh,
I was waylaid...
268
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:57,261
At the Vatican,
waiting to see the Pope.
269
00:14:57,262 --> 00:15:01,264
Oh. In that case, you will
forgive him, Ernesto, huh?
270
00:15:01,265 --> 00:15:05,869
If your advertising is as
imaginative as your excuses,
271
00:15:05,870 --> 00:15:09,440
then the House of Baldoni
will do very well in America.
272
00:15:09,441 --> 00:15:11,041
[BOTH LAUGH]
273
00:15:11,042 --> 00:15:12,643
Uh, well, please, come on in.
274
00:15:12,644 --> 00:15:14,578
Thank you.
275
00:15:14,579 --> 00:15:16,947
Mr. and Mrs. Baldoni,
this is my wife, Samantha.
276
00:15:16,948 --> 00:15:18,582
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
277
00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:20,284
How do you do?
It is a pleasure.
278
00:15:20,285 --> 00:15:21,819
Hi, Sam.
279
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:24,054
And our maid, Vanessa.
280
00:15:24,055 --> 00:15:25,389
[
]
281
00:15:25,390 --> 00:15:29,627
Hello, Vanessa.
Nice to see you again.
282
00:15:29,628 --> 00:15:31,262
Nice to see you.
283
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,330
May I fix our guest a cocktail?
284
00:15:33,331 --> 00:15:36,233
Martini for me.
285
00:15:36,234 --> 00:15:38,469
I will have a glass of water.
286
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:41,172
I'll have a martini
with a twist of legs.
287
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:42,606
Lemon.
288
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:53,317
I've never seen
such beautiful hazel eyes.
289
00:15:53,318 --> 00:15:54,485
They're brown.
290
00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:56,988
They're green.
They are hazel.
291
00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:59,190
Come on, I'll prove it to you.
292
00:16:00,358 --> 00:16:01,525
Excuse me,
Mrs. Stephens,
293
00:16:01,526 --> 00:16:04,046
but does your maid
come with the villa?
294
00:16:05,697 --> 00:16:09,633
Uh, not really.
She's a friend of the family.
295
00:16:09,634 --> 00:16:13,770
I would rather have
Lucrezia Borgia as a friend.
296
00:16:13,771 --> 00:16:15,038
They're definitely hazel.
297
00:16:15,039 --> 00:16:16,407
Brown.
298
00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:19,110
They're green
and stop crowding her.
299
00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:20,544
[PHONE RINGS]
300
00:16:22,614 --> 00:16:24,281
Uh, call me if...
If one of them suggests
301
00:16:24,282 --> 00:16:26,150
playing spin the bottle.
302
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:29,786
Spin the bottle?
Just an American joke.
303
00:16:29,787 --> 00:16:31,022
I think.
304
00:16:33,758 --> 00:16:34,925
Hello?
305
00:16:35,927 --> 00:16:37,661
Si.
306
00:16:37,662 --> 00:16:40,531
Si. Signor Baldoni,
it's for you.
307
00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:43,234
Oh. Scusi.
308
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:46,337
[
]
309
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:47,738
Sweetheart.
310
00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:53,477
Grazie.
311
00:16:54,612 --> 00:16:56,247
Hello.
312
00:16:56,248 --> 00:16:57,814
Oh, yes, Guido.
313
00:16:59,150 --> 00:17:01,485
What? H-how?
314
00:17:01,486 --> 00:17:05,155
Why was I not informed sooner?
315
00:17:05,156 --> 00:17:07,158
[INDISTINCT SPEECH]
316
00:17:07,159 --> 00:17:09,226
I appreciate it, Guido.
317
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:12,829
This is fantastic.
318
00:17:12,830 --> 00:17:14,899
What has happened, Ernesto?
319
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,800
That was Guido Compapasso.
320
00:17:16,801 --> 00:17:19,837
See, he is the Director
of the National Museum,
321
00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:21,839
and I am on
the board of trustees.
322
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:25,008
He has just informed me
that the statue of Venus,
323
00:17:25,009 --> 00:17:26,777
the Galafedgio Venus,
324
00:17:26,778 --> 00:17:29,747
has been stolen
in broad daylight.
325
00:17:29,748 --> 00:17:31,749
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
326
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:39,123
MR. BALDONI:
It is the crime of the century.
327
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:43,360
Uh, w-w-would you all
excuse me, please?
328
00:17:43,361 --> 00:17:45,862
Crimes of the century
give me a headache.
329
00:17:46,564 --> 00:17:48,899
[
]
330
00:17:53,938 --> 00:17:56,340
Mother. Mother.
331
00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:58,942
I know who Vanessa is,
and you know who Vanessa is,
332
00:17:58,943 --> 00:18:02,113
and I want Vanessa like Vanessa
was, and I want it now.
333
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:03,880
[
]
334
00:18:08,453 --> 00:18:10,754
"Patience is its own reward.
335
00:18:10,755 --> 00:18:13,757
Remember, Mother knows best."
336
00:18:13,758 --> 00:18:17,394
What Mother knows best is
how to cause a lot of trouble.
337
00:18:20,765 --> 00:18:22,032
[DOOR CLOSES]
338
00:18:22,033 --> 00:18:24,768
Sam, what's wrong with you?
We have guests.
339
00:18:24,769 --> 00:18:26,470
I know.
340
00:18:26,471 --> 00:18:29,005
And we also have a maid
who happens to be
341
00:18:29,006 --> 00:18:30,608
the crime of the century.
342
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:31,909
Hm?
343
00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:34,478
Venus.
The goddess of love.
344
00:18:34,479 --> 00:18:36,780
The one we saw at the museum
this afternoon.
345
00:18:36,781 --> 00:18:39,215
Mother zapped her
into human form.
346
00:18:40,418 --> 00:18:42,319
Are you sure?
347
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:46,356
It's a wise daughter
who knows her own mother.
348
00:18:46,357 --> 00:18:48,425
If she has that effect on me,
349
00:18:48,426 --> 00:18:50,927
what about Larry
and...? And Mr. Baldoni?
350
00:18:52,997 --> 00:18:54,398
Oh...
351
00:18:54,399 --> 00:18:57,367
[
]
352
00:18:57,368 --> 00:19:00,471
MRS. BALDONI: Ernesto, what
do you think you are doing?
353
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:03,673
I am only reading her palm.
354
00:19:03,674 --> 00:19:06,343
In a minute you'll be reading
the back of my hand.
355
00:19:06,344 --> 00:19:07,678
Why is she fooling around
with him,
356
00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:10,113
if I'm supposed to be
her pigeon?
357
00:19:10,114 --> 00:19:13,484
Fooling around is her business.
358
00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:16,220
Is there any way
you can put her out of business?
359
00:19:17,455 --> 00:19:18,622
Maybe.
360
00:19:19,591 --> 00:19:22,993
A quick trip to Rome.
361
00:19:22,994 --> 00:19:25,196
Sweetheart, you go down there
362
00:19:25,197 --> 00:19:27,364
and try to keep everything
under control.
363
00:19:27,365 --> 00:19:30,033
Uh, including yourself.
Ciao.
364
00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:38,075
[
]
365
00:19:56,727 --> 00:20:01,198
Though of marble you be carvedFor a woman you are starved.
366
00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:03,934
So back you goTo flesh and sinew.
367
00:20:03,935 --> 00:20:06,537
The fairest of them allWill win you
368
00:20:13,911 --> 00:20:16,280
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
369
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,350
Oh. Ha-ha! Forget it, Adonis.
370
00:20:20,351 --> 00:20:23,253
I am not the fairest
of them all.
371
00:20:23,254 --> 00:20:26,690
Well, you will do until
something better comes along.
372
00:20:26,691 --> 00:20:30,194
Something better
is waiting for you at my villa.
373
00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:31,761
Well, I guess
I'll have to get you
374
00:20:31,762 --> 00:20:32,996
into some decent clothes.
375
00:20:38,135 --> 00:20:39,436
Who are you?
376
00:20:39,437 --> 00:20:41,739
A matchmaker.
377
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,275
And have I got a match for you.
378
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:50,581
Of course, as the House of
Baldoni's goodwill ambassador,
379
00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:53,350
you will have an unlimited
expense account
380
00:20:53,351 --> 00:20:55,752
in the finest hotels in Europe.
381
00:20:55,753 --> 00:21:00,524
And, uh, every once in a while,
I might join you
382
00:21:00,525 --> 00:21:03,093
in Zurich or Paris.
383
00:21:03,094 --> 00:21:04,628
Yes, of course.
384
00:21:04,629 --> 00:21:07,697
After you have come out
of the hospital.
385
00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:11,368
I'm sorry,
Mr. Baldoni,
386
00:21:11,369 --> 00:21:13,904
but I have Vanessa under
exclusive contract as a maid.
387
00:21:13,905 --> 00:21:15,071
Besides, Vanessa,
388
00:21:15,072 --> 00:21:18,142
you wouldn't want to break up
a happy marriage.
389
00:21:18,143 --> 00:21:19,476
Oh.
390
00:21:19,477 --> 00:21:20,611
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
391
00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:23,547
However, my marriage
could stand a little breaking.
392
00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:26,049
How would you like to be
my private secretary?
393
00:21:27,752 --> 00:21:31,121
Larry, does she look
like a private secretary to you?
394
00:21:31,122 --> 00:21:33,089
Well, she looks more
like a private secretary
395
00:21:33,090 --> 00:21:34,625
than she does a maid.
396
00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:36,893
Well, I don't care what she
looks like, I saw her first.
397
00:21:36,894 --> 00:21:37,894
Hi.
398
00:21:37,895 --> 00:21:39,229
[
]
399
00:21:45,636 --> 00:21:47,871
Oh, Adonis.
400
00:21:47,872 --> 00:21:49,473
Venus.
401
00:21:53,945 --> 00:21:56,347
What did they call each other?
402
00:21:56,348 --> 00:21:58,649
Venus and Adonis.
403
00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:00,351
Pet names.
404
00:22:00,352 --> 00:22:02,319
This is Alberto,
Mr. and Mrs. Baldoni,
405
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:03,420
my husband Darrin
406
00:22:03,421 --> 00:22:05,789
and his business associate
Larry Tate.
407
00:22:05,790 --> 00:22:08,492
Mr. and Mrs. Baldoni,
I'd like you to meet Alber...
408
00:22:09,327 --> 00:22:10,527
to.
409
00:22:15,366 --> 00:22:16,700
Alberto.
410
00:22:18,035 --> 00:22:19,169
Alberto.
411
00:22:19,170 --> 00:22:21,471
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
412
00:22:23,308 --> 00:22:26,310
What a beautiful
young man you are.
413
00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:29,179
I have never seen such eyes.
414
00:22:29,180 --> 00:22:30,681
What color are they?
415
00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:33,350
ALBERTO: What is your
favorite color, signora?
416
00:22:33,351 --> 00:22:35,219
Black.
417
00:22:35,220 --> 00:22:37,654
And they are black.
418
00:22:37,655 --> 00:22:39,323
Like the velvet night.
419
00:22:39,324 --> 00:22:42,226
Isabella, you are making
a fool of yourself.
420
00:22:42,227 --> 00:22:46,730
Me? And what about you,
you old goat?
421
00:22:46,731 --> 00:22:48,999
Who are you calling an old goat?
422
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,901
Me. She was looking at me
when she said that.
423
00:22:51,902 --> 00:22:53,403
You're right, signora.
424
00:22:53,404 --> 00:22:55,339
The pretty faces turn my head.
425
00:22:55,340 --> 00:22:57,574
I should be ashamed of myself.
426
00:22:59,244 --> 00:23:02,613
Sam, why don't you take
the lovebirds out in the garden
427
00:23:02,614 --> 00:23:04,515
so they can have
a little more privacy?
428
00:23:04,516 --> 00:23:05,516
Right.
429
00:23:07,017 --> 00:23:09,085
Uh, come on, you crazy kids.
430
00:23:09,820 --> 00:23:11,821
[
]
431
00:23:13,124 --> 00:23:15,225
[WHISPERING] Mother.
432
00:23:15,226 --> 00:23:18,761
Mother.
It's now or never.
433
00:23:18,762 --> 00:23:20,163
Please.
434
00:23:21,732 --> 00:23:23,800
Pretty please?
435
00:23:23,801 --> 00:23:26,403
I'm so sorry for the
delay, darling. Shh.
436
00:23:26,404 --> 00:23:29,706
But I was waiting
for Esmeralda to return.
437
00:23:29,707 --> 00:23:31,841
Mother, never mind.
438
00:23:31,842 --> 00:23:34,744
We have to get those statues
back where they belong.
439
00:23:34,745 --> 00:23:36,113
Oh?
440
00:23:37,281 --> 00:23:39,649
They seem to be very happy
where they are.
441
00:23:39,650 --> 00:23:43,786
Mother, that's Adonis.
442
00:23:43,787 --> 00:23:47,257
I got him to run a little pass
interference for Darrin.
443
00:23:48,326 --> 00:23:50,393
Copycats.
444
00:23:51,496 --> 00:23:52,862
Okay, okay.
445
00:23:54,398 --> 00:23:56,333
Okay, fun and games are over.
446
00:23:56,334 --> 00:23:58,935
Break it up, you two,
we have to send you back.
447
00:23:58,936 --> 00:24:00,770
[
]
448
00:24:00,771 --> 00:24:03,573
All right, Mother, together now.
449
00:24:03,574 --> 00:24:06,676
BOTH:
One, two and three.
450
00:24:11,048 --> 00:24:12,316
Mother.
451
00:24:12,317 --> 00:24:16,086
Oh, Mother, we can't
send them back like that.
452
00:24:16,087 --> 00:24:20,123
Why not? I think it's sweet.
453
00:24:22,660 --> 00:24:23,993
What are people gonna say
454
00:24:23,994 --> 00:24:26,630
when they see those two statues
holding hands?
455
00:24:26,631 --> 00:24:28,765
Nothing.
456
00:24:28,766 --> 00:24:32,669
What's one more miracle
in the enchanted city of Rome?
457
00:24:32,670 --> 00:24:34,137
Ciao.
458
00:24:35,173 --> 00:24:36,939
[MOUTHED SPEECH]
459
00:24:36,940 --> 00:24:38,441
[
]
460
00:24:42,113 --> 00:24:43,980
[
]
461
00:24:48,786 --> 00:24:51,088
Where are Venus
and what's-his-name?
462
00:24:51,089 --> 00:24:54,891
Adonis and what's-her-name
are back in the museum.
463
00:24:56,827 --> 00:24:58,061
[SIGHS]
464
00:24:58,062 --> 00:25:02,432
You gotta admit,
that goddess was some goddess.
465
00:25:02,433 --> 00:25:04,801
And you are to be congratulated
466
00:25:04,802 --> 00:25:06,703
for putting up what little
struggle you put up
467
00:25:06,704 --> 00:25:08,705
to resist her.
468
00:25:08,706 --> 00:25:11,007
Well, it wasn't easy.
469
00:25:11,008 --> 00:25:13,610
For a while there,
it was, uh, touch-and-go.
470
00:25:15,312 --> 00:25:17,380
Touch what and go where?
471
00:25:17,381 --> 00:25:19,550
Sam.
472
00:25:19,551 --> 00:25:20,751
Well?
473
00:25:21,786 --> 00:25:23,820
[
]
474
00:25:28,025 --> 00:25:29,993
[
]
475
00:25:30,043 --> 00:25:34,593
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