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1
00:00:02,267 --> 00:00:04,136
[
]
2
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:08,773
[GASPS]
3
00:00:10,209 --> 00:00:12,811
Mother,
what are you doing in there?
4
00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:15,347
I want to talk to you.
5
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:18,316
Is, uh,
what's-his-name around?
6
00:00:18,317 --> 00:00:22,154
What's-his-n...
Uh, Darrin is playing golf.
7
00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:23,355
Good.
8
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:24,456
Ooh!
9
00:00:25,324 --> 00:00:27,559
But he'll be home soon.
10
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:30,328
Oh, that's bad
because I have an invitation
11
00:00:30,329 --> 00:00:32,097
from your old friend Rollo
12
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,366
to join us
at the Cosmos Cotillion
13
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,669
for the costume ball
to end all costume balls.
14
00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:39,371
Well, it... It sounds
fascinating, Mother,
15
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:41,640
but I have
more important things to do.
16
00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:43,441
Like what?
17
00:00:43,442 --> 00:00:45,176
Well,
I have to peel the potatoes,
18
00:00:45,177 --> 00:00:46,377
chop the onions,
19
00:00:46,378 --> 00:00:49,081
slice the carrots
and season my leg of lamb.
20
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:50,581
Ugh.
21
00:00:53,285 --> 00:00:58,056
Samantha,
I have failed you as a mother.
22
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:01,626
Mother.
23
00:01:01,627 --> 00:01:02,827
DARRIN:
I did it. I did it.
24
00:01:02,828 --> 00:01:04,896
Hooray!
25
00:01:04,897 --> 00:01:07,031
Sam, I did it. I...
26
00:01:08,934 --> 00:01:10,635
Oh. Hi.
27
00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:14,339
S-Sam, you'll...
You'll never believe...
28
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:15,773
You'll never believe this,
29
00:01:15,774 --> 00:01:17,976
but I-I've finally
broken through.
30
00:01:17,977 --> 00:01:20,278
Isn't the expression
"broken out"?
31
00:01:20,279 --> 00:01:22,613
Sam, I finally broke 80.
32
00:01:22,614 --> 00:01:25,283
Oh, sweetheart, that's terrific.
33
00:01:25,284 --> 00:01:26,618
Eighty what?
34
00:01:26,619 --> 00:01:28,220
Oh, n-nothing, Mother.
35
00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:29,353
Oh.
36
00:01:29,354 --> 00:01:32,456
I'll tell you about it
after your mother leaves.
37
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:39,597
Oh, and Endora, no offense,
but I think you need a shave.
38
00:01:39,598 --> 00:01:41,699
Ooh.
Mother, please.
39
00:01:41,700 --> 00:01:42,700
Oh.
40
00:01:42,701 --> 00:01:44,669
Samantha, forgive me,
41
00:01:44,670 --> 00:01:46,938
but when I think
of what you gave up
42
00:01:46,939 --> 00:01:49,373
to marry a man
who spends his Sundays
43
00:01:49,374 --> 00:01:52,143
breaking 80 nothings,
I could cry.
44
00:01:52,144 --> 00:01:55,713
Oh, well,
save your tears, Mother.
45
00:01:55,714 --> 00:01:58,817
I am perfectly happy
with Darrin.
46
00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:03,021
That's only because
the creature is still a novelty.
47
00:02:03,022 --> 00:02:06,258
I'll be happy with him
if I live to be 3000.
48
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:08,092
You can change your mind
many times
49
00:02:08,093 --> 00:02:11,029
in 3000 years, Samantha.
50
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:12,830
Heaven knows I did.
51
00:02:12,831 --> 00:02:15,667
But what about 30 years
from now,
52
00:02:15,668 --> 00:02:19,971
when whatever dubious charms
he has wrinkle up?
53
00:02:22,708 --> 00:02:24,575
Mother, will you do me a favor?
54
00:02:24,576 --> 00:02:26,845
Go to your ball,
give Rollo my best,
55
00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:29,347
and let me see to my dinner.
56
00:02:29,348 --> 00:02:32,283
You'll see more
than to your dinner.
57
00:02:33,585 --> 00:02:36,221
What's that supposed to me...?
58
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:37,989
M-Mother?
59
00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:39,090
Mother?
60
00:02:40,092 --> 00:02:43,694
Odds plus odds Add up to evens.
61
00:02:43,695 --> 00:02:47,365
Let the curse beOn Durwood Stephens.
62
00:02:47,366 --> 00:02:50,268
Make the future be the present.
63
00:02:50,269 --> 00:02:51,769
And zing it.
64
00:02:51,770 --> 00:02:55,306
To the dum-dum peasant
65
00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:57,909
[
]
66
00:02:57,910 --> 00:03:00,310
DARRIN:
Samantha!
67
00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:03,715
Sweetheart, what is it?
68
00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:06,318
What's the...? Ah!
69
00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:08,953
[
]
70
00:03:10,322 --> 00:03:12,623
Well.
71
00:03:12,624 --> 00:03:14,492
Say something.
72
00:03:14,493 --> 00:03:17,229
Oh, Mother.
73
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,764
Is that all you can say?
74
00:03:20,999 --> 00:03:23,801
You look, uh, very handsome.
75
00:03:23,802 --> 00:03:25,270
Uh, for your age.
76
00:03:27,339 --> 00:03:28,839
Oh.
77
00:03:32,778 --> 00:03:35,780
[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]
78
00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:44,956
[
]
79
00:04:13,285 --> 00:04:15,186
[
]
80
00:04:19,558 --> 00:04:21,258
[
]
81
00:04:21,259 --> 00:04:24,529
Sam, this is absolutely
and without question
82
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:26,397
the most abominable,
most atrocious trick
83
00:04:26,398 --> 00:04:27,965
your mother
has ever pulled on me.
84
00:04:27,966 --> 00:04:29,634
Oh, be patient, sweetheart.
85
00:04:29,635 --> 00:04:32,202
I'm trying to get her back.
86
00:04:32,203 --> 00:04:34,972
Brock of owl's eyeSmerge of eel...
87
00:04:34,973 --> 00:04:38,776
Will you stop with the corny
incantations and do something?
88
00:04:38,777 --> 00:04:41,446
Well, there's nothing I can do.
She's the only...
89
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:44,949
I don't want excuses.
I want the old me back.
90
00:04:44,950 --> 00:04:46,885
[
]
91
00:04:50,355 --> 00:04:52,356
I mean the young me.
92
00:04:52,357 --> 00:04:55,359
Darrin, I know
how angry you are with...
93
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:58,797
My feelings for your mother
go beyond anger.
94
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:01,298
Now, I mean, anyone who could
do this thing is sick.
95
00:05:03,402 --> 00:05:05,670
I can't believe it.
96
00:05:05,671 --> 00:05:10,307
You know, actually,
you carry your age very well.
97
00:05:10,308 --> 00:05:12,076
Thanks a lot.
98
00:05:12,077 --> 00:05:14,145
[
]
99
00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:23,187
At least I still got
my own teeth.
100
00:05:23,188 --> 00:05:26,190
Darrin, will you
stop looking at yourself?
101
00:05:26,191 --> 00:05:27,324
I'm trying.
102
00:05:27,325 --> 00:05:30,928
Now, you have got to get
your mind off yourself.
103
00:05:30,929 --> 00:05:33,131
Let's go to a nice, dark movie.
104
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:36,000
Well, suppose we meet somebody
in the nice, bright lobby?
105
00:05:36,001 --> 00:05:38,235
How about
a drive-in movie?
106
00:05:38,236 --> 00:05:41,139
I guess anything's better
than waiting around here.
107
00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:44,042
But didn't we have a date
to play bridge with the Tates?
108
00:05:44,043 --> 00:05:46,343
I'll get us out of it.
109
00:05:46,344 --> 00:05:48,179
[MUSIC PLAYS ON FILM]
110
00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:49,346
[HOOFBEATS]
111
00:05:49,347 --> 00:05:51,282
[GUNSHOTS]
112
00:05:53,185 --> 00:05:55,252
Darrin.
113
00:05:55,253 --> 00:05:57,121
I'm sorry.
114
00:06:00,125 --> 00:06:01,559
[MAN YELLS]
115
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:12,871
MAN: There will be a
10-minute intermission
116
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:14,739
before the startof the main feature.
117
00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:17,242
The refreshment standis now open.
118
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:20,111
I'll go get us some...
119
00:06:20,112 --> 00:06:22,393
You'll go get us some hot dogs.
120
00:06:29,321 --> 00:06:32,556
Your aunt. Why couldn't
you take her to the movies?
121
00:06:32,557 --> 00:06:36,060
Because these drive-ins
are crawling with mashers.
122
00:06:36,061 --> 00:06:37,862
You should be so lucky.
123
00:06:37,863 --> 00:06:39,797
Funny.
124
00:06:39,798 --> 00:06:42,166
I don't know how I'm gonna
sit through that movie again.
125
00:06:42,167 --> 00:06:43,268
I hated it the first time.
126
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:45,670
Excuse me. Oh.
127
00:06:45,671 --> 00:06:46,737
Oh.
128
00:06:46,738 --> 00:06:47,939
Hi there.
129
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:49,540
Hello, Sam.
130
00:06:49,541 --> 00:06:51,008
If you didn't want
to play bridge,
131
00:06:51,009 --> 00:06:52,610
you should've said so.
132
00:06:52,611 --> 00:06:55,713
You didn't have to make up that
story about Darrin being sick.
133
00:06:55,714 --> 00:06:58,482
Oh, but he is.
134
00:06:58,483 --> 00:06:59,851
Well... Well, he was asleep.
135
00:06:59,852 --> 00:07:02,419
Uh, so I just decided to go out.
136
00:07:03,521 --> 00:07:06,590
Well, uh, s-somebody dropped in
from... From out of town.
137
00:07:06,591 --> 00:07:09,660
And as long as Darrin
was asleep...
138
00:07:09,661 --> 00:07:13,998
Well, uh, these hot dogs
are getting cold. Bye.
139
00:07:15,834 --> 00:07:17,301
Well, well, well, well.
140
00:07:17,302 --> 00:07:18,535
She leaves a sick husband
141
00:07:18,536 --> 00:07:20,304
and goes to a drive-in
with somebody
142
00:07:20,305 --> 00:07:23,174
who just dropped in
from out of town.
143
00:07:24,142 --> 00:07:25,810
Darrin, here.
144
00:07:25,811 --> 00:07:27,312
Let's go.
Where?
145
00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:30,915
To see who her date is.
146
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:35,786
You'll never guess
who I ran into.
147
00:07:35,787 --> 00:07:36,854
DARRIN:
Oh, I can guess.
148
00:07:36,855 --> 00:07:38,823
LARRY:
Hi there.
149
00:07:38,824 --> 00:07:42,059
Oh, well, uh...
H-Hi, again.
150
00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:43,961
Oh, I-I'd like
you to meet...
151
00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:48,333
Darrin's grandfather, Grover.
152
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:50,167
Grover Stephens.
153
00:07:50,168 --> 00:07:52,270
This is Louise and Larry Tate.
154
00:07:52,271 --> 00:07:53,671
Larry is Darrin's boss.
155
00:07:53,672 --> 00:07:55,973
Oh. Howdy, kids.
156
00:07:57,242 --> 00:07:59,277
W-What you staring at,
young fellow?
157
00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:01,079
I thought Darrin told me
you had...
158
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,981
Gone to the great beyond?
159
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,283
[LAUGHS]
160
00:08:05,284 --> 00:08:07,185
Ah, that boy
never gets anything right.
161
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,186
[GIGGLES]
162
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:10,321
It was my wife.
163
00:08:10,322 --> 00:08:12,156
Oh, I'm sorry.
164
00:08:13,859 --> 00:08:15,292
You know what I'm thinking?
165
00:08:15,293 --> 00:08:16,661
I hope so.
166
00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:19,664
It was a real pleasure
meeting you, sir.
167
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:20,665
Bye.
168
00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:22,546
See you soon.
Bye.
169
00:08:24,970 --> 00:08:27,071
What'd he mean by that?
170
00:08:27,072 --> 00:08:29,606
"Bye"
is short for "goodbye."
171
00:08:29,607 --> 00:08:30,775
No, no, no.
172
00:08:30,776 --> 00:08:32,143
What did she mean when she said,
173
00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:33,577
"You know what I'm thinking?"
174
00:08:33,578 --> 00:08:36,547
And what did he mean
when he said, "I hope so"?
175
00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:39,316
Darrin, you're overwrought.
Here. Eat your hot dog.
176
00:08:39,317 --> 00:08:42,319
I have got bad vibrations
about this.
177
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:43,888
LARRY:
Hello again.
178
00:08:43,889 --> 00:08:45,856
And for a good reason.
179
00:08:48,727 --> 00:08:52,329
Aunt Millicent, heh, I want you
to meet, uh, Samantha
180
00:08:52,330 --> 00:08:54,299
and Grover Stephens,
181
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,866
her husband's grandfather.
182
00:08:55,867 --> 00:08:57,601
Hi, Grover.
183
00:08:57,602 --> 00:08:59,304
Ma'am.
Ma'am.
184
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:01,272
You may call me Millicent.
185
00:09:01,273 --> 00:09:03,874
Samantha, you can do us
a big favor.
186
00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:06,177
Um, Larry and I
have seen this picture before
187
00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:08,279
and... And he's getting
this migraine headache...
188
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:11,449
Oh, well, then, I don't see why
we just don't all go home.
189
00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:13,717
LARRY: Uh, because it's
not necessary, Millicent.
190
00:09:13,718 --> 00:09:15,186
I'm sure Sam and Grover
won't mind
191
00:09:15,187 --> 00:09:16,687
if you join them for the movie.
192
00:09:16,688 --> 00:09:18,256
Well,
I wouldn't want to intrude.
193
00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:20,191
It wouldn't be an intrusion.
194
00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:21,472
Would it, Sam?
195
00:09:23,695 --> 00:09:25,530
This is real sweet of you, Sam.
196
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:27,631
Well, thank you, Grover.
Grover.
197
00:09:27,632 --> 00:09:30,301
You can drop Millicent off
at our house on your way home.
198
00:09:30,302 --> 00:09:31,635
LOUISE:
You have fun now.
199
00:09:31,636 --> 00:09:34,038
[CHUCKLES] That's it.
200
00:09:34,039 --> 00:09:35,606
Now, you behave yourself,
you two.
201
00:09:35,607 --> 00:09:36,607
Oh.
202
00:09:36,608 --> 00:09:37,888
Bye.
203
00:09:39,077 --> 00:09:42,013
Couldn't you persuade Grover
to come in for just a minute?
204
00:09:42,014 --> 00:09:44,815
We haven't had a chance
to say two words to each other.
205
00:09:44,816 --> 00:09:46,017
Hi, Sam.
Hi.
206
00:09:46,018 --> 00:09:47,318
Where's Grover?
207
00:09:47,319 --> 00:09:48,319
He's sitting in the car.
208
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:49,920
Well, have him come in.
209
00:09:49,921 --> 00:09:51,322
Just for a cup of coffee.
210
00:09:51,323 --> 00:09:52,623
Coffee keeps him awake.
211
00:09:52,624 --> 00:09:53,957
Oh, well, then cocoa.
212
00:09:53,958 --> 00:09:55,326
Cocoa puts him to sleep.
213
00:09:55,327 --> 00:09:56,960
Then tea.
214
00:09:56,961 --> 00:09:59,030
Yes, yes.
215
00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:00,964
[
]
216
00:10:02,367 --> 00:10:04,768
Come on in, Grover,
just for a few minutes.
217
00:10:04,769 --> 00:10:06,003
We'll have a cup of tea.
218
00:10:06,004 --> 00:10:08,564
I won't take no for an answer.
219
00:10:09,207 --> 00:10:10,942
How'd you like the movie,
old-timer?
220
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:13,210
Passable, for a talkie.
221
00:10:13,211 --> 00:10:15,146
[
]
222
00:10:26,358 --> 00:10:27,825
I can't believe it.
223
00:10:27,826 --> 00:10:29,994
What are you staring at, sonny?
224
00:10:29,995 --> 00:10:32,130
The way you straightened
that picture.
225
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,365
You know, your grandson, Darrin,
226
00:10:34,366 --> 00:10:36,000
does exactly the same thing
227
00:10:36,001 --> 00:10:38,403
every time
he walks into this room.
228
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:41,372
Compulsive neatness
runs in the family.
229
00:10:41,373 --> 00:10:43,274
It's scary.
230
00:10:43,275 --> 00:10:44,308
How do you like your tea?
231
00:10:44,309 --> 00:10:45,976
Stop yelling at me.
232
00:10:45,977 --> 00:10:47,345
Cream or lemon?
233
00:10:47,346 --> 00:10:49,013
I'll have my tea with brandy.
234
00:10:49,014 --> 00:10:50,681
With brandy?
235
00:10:50,682 --> 00:10:52,383
Okay, forget the tea.
236
00:10:52,384 --> 00:10:54,986
Just the brandy,
and make it a double.
237
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,354
Make that two, Lawrence.
238
00:10:57,355 --> 00:10:58,388
Sam?
239
00:10:58,389 --> 00:10:59,690
I'm driving.
240
00:10:59,691 --> 00:11:02,326
I like a boy who takes
a nip now and then.
241
00:11:02,327 --> 00:11:03,727
Aunt Millicent.
242
00:11:03,728 --> 00:11:05,029
Well, I do.
243
00:11:05,030 --> 00:11:08,598
A man who has a taste for brandy
has a taste for life.
244
00:11:08,599 --> 00:11:11,836
So you live in Montana, Grover.
245
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:13,637
What city?
246
00:11:13,638 --> 00:11:15,173
Butte.
247
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:16,140
Butte?
248
00:11:16,141 --> 00:11:19,076
Well, isn't that a mindblower?
249
00:11:19,077 --> 00:11:22,079
One of my favorite spots
used to be Matthew's.
250
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,747
On Front Street?
251
00:11:23,748 --> 00:11:24,748
Yes, indeedy.
252
00:11:24,749 --> 00:11:27,017
I stopped by there
just last week.
253
00:11:27,018 --> 00:11:29,586
Well,
it was torn down last year.
254
00:11:29,587 --> 00:11:30,721
Uh, uh...
255
00:11:30,722 --> 00:11:33,790
Grandpa loves to look
at excavations.
256
00:11:33,791 --> 00:11:35,826
Samantha, I think
we should make a break for it.
257
00:11:35,827 --> 00:11:38,528
Okay, Grandpa. Up we go.
258
00:11:38,529 --> 00:11:40,697
Now, stop calling him
"Grandpa."
259
00:11:40,698 --> 00:11:43,034
You make him sound so old.
260
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,801
I'm aging fast.
261
00:11:44,802 --> 00:11:45,936
Believe me.
262
00:11:45,937 --> 00:11:48,305
That's downer talk, Grover.
263
00:11:48,306 --> 00:11:51,042
You're still
a groovy-looking boy.
264
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,544
Louise, I just had a great idea.
265
00:11:53,545 --> 00:11:55,179
You know my meeting
tomorrow night?
266
00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:56,380
What meeting?
267
00:11:56,381 --> 00:11:58,115
My meeting. My meeting.
268
00:11:58,116 --> 00:12:00,151
The meeting I can't miss.
269
00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:02,386
Oh, that meeting.
270
00:12:02,387 --> 00:12:03,688
Well, I can't miss the meeting.
271
00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:06,023
No point in letting
the tickets go to waste.
272
00:12:06,024 --> 00:12:10,328
Why not give this groovy-looking
boy and this far-out chick
273
00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:12,730
our theater tickets
for tomorrow night?
274
00:12:12,731 --> 00:12:14,331
Well, now,
don't be pushy, Lawrence.
275
00:12:14,332 --> 00:12:16,100
If Grover wants to ask me out,
276
00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:18,669
I guess he can speak
for himself.
277
00:12:18,670 --> 00:12:20,337
It's a great musical, Grover.
278
00:12:20,338 --> 00:12:23,340
Uh, the truth is...
I've seen it.
279
00:12:23,341 --> 00:12:25,175
What do you mean you've seen it?
280
00:12:25,176 --> 00:12:27,411
I haven't even told you
the name of it yet.
281
00:12:27,412 --> 00:12:30,348
What... What Grandpa means is...
Is that they...
282
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:33,083
They get all the road companies
in Butte.
283
00:12:33,084 --> 00:12:34,785
He's seen them all.
284
00:12:34,786 --> 00:12:36,120
Well, he hasn't seen this one
285
00:12:36,121 --> 00:12:39,090
because tomorrow
is opening night.
286
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,891
[
]
287
00:12:43,094 --> 00:12:45,329
How did I let myself
be talked into it?
288
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:47,364
Look at the bright side
of things, sweetheart.
289
00:12:47,365 --> 00:12:49,633
It's supposed to be
a great musical.
290
00:12:49,634 --> 00:12:51,802
Don't even joke about it, Sam.
291
00:12:51,803 --> 00:12:54,203
I am not going out
with that overaged hippie.
292
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,809
Mother, a-a joke is a joke.
293
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:00,177
Now, when I snap my fingers,
294
00:13:00,178 --> 00:13:02,313
I want you to appear
front and center.
295
00:13:02,314 --> 00:13:03,847
[
]
296
00:13:03,848 --> 00:13:06,883
ENDORA: Is the novelty beginning
to wear off, Samantha?
297
00:13:06,884 --> 00:13:08,718
Mother, where are you?
298
00:13:08,719 --> 00:13:12,323
Is the novelty beginningto wear off, Samantha?
299
00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:15,293
Mother, you better materialize
this instant.
300
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,762
This is a recording.
301
00:13:20,164 --> 00:13:21,332
Funny.
302
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:22,333
[
]
303
00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:24,201
Well...
304
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,106
[
]
305
00:13:29,107 --> 00:13:31,709
Sam, I am coming very close
to the end of my breakfast
306
00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:34,344
and the end of my rope.
307
00:13:34,345 --> 00:13:35,913
Say something.
308
00:13:35,914 --> 00:13:37,047
Something.
309
00:13:37,048 --> 00:13:38,816
Sam.
310
00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:40,784
Just as soon as
I get in touch with Mother,
311
00:13:40,785 --> 00:13:42,386
you're going to hear plenty.
312
00:13:42,387 --> 00:13:45,355
"Soon" in your crowd could mean
a hundred years from now.
313
00:13:45,356 --> 00:13:48,058
I need a face transplant
by lunchtime.
314
00:13:48,059 --> 00:13:49,760
Couldn't you postpone the lunch?
315
00:13:49,761 --> 00:13:50,861
Impossible.
316
00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:52,663
This is my first meeting
with Booker.
317
00:13:52,664 --> 00:13:53,831
He's on his way to Europe
318
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:55,733
and will only be in town
for a couple of hours.
319
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:59,269
So if I don't sell him at lunch,
it's goodbye, account.
320
00:13:59,270 --> 00:14:02,305
You are not going to let Mother
get away with this.
321
00:14:02,306 --> 00:14:04,909
You are going to that meeting.
322
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:07,411
How am I going to that meeting?
323
00:14:07,412 --> 00:14:10,280
Just get in your car and go.
324
00:14:10,281 --> 00:14:12,315
Well, you... You said
this is your first meeting
325
00:14:12,316 --> 00:14:13,851
with Booker, right?
326
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,553
Now, I mean, he's never met you,
and you've never met him. Right?
327
00:14:16,554 --> 00:14:18,722
Right.
Then what's the problem?
328
00:14:18,723 --> 00:14:20,323
If he doesn't know
what you look like,
329
00:14:20,324 --> 00:14:22,259
what's the difference
what you look like?
330
00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:24,194
[
]
331
00:14:25,329 --> 00:14:27,330
Um,
a Mr. Jennings Booker here?
332
00:14:27,331 --> 00:14:29,432
[
]
333
00:14:30,936 --> 00:14:32,602
Ah, thank you.
334
00:14:37,876 --> 00:14:39,276
Booker?
335
00:14:39,277 --> 00:14:40,310
Yeah?
336
00:14:40,311 --> 00:14:41,779
I'm Stephens.
337
00:14:42,847 --> 00:14:43,947
Stephens?
338
00:14:43,948 --> 00:14:46,050
W-Why do you say it that way?
339
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,291
It's a good old American name.
340
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:51,055
You were expecting me,
weren't you?
341
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:52,923
Heh.
Well, not exactly.
342
00:14:52,924 --> 00:14:54,858
I don't know
where I got the impression
343
00:14:54,859 --> 00:14:56,560
that you'd be a younger man.
344
00:14:56,561 --> 00:14:59,363
Yes, I do. From Tate,
345
00:14:59,364 --> 00:15:02,333
who said he was assigning
young Stephens to the account.
346
00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:04,301
[LAUGHS]
347
00:15:04,302 --> 00:15:07,138
He always calls me
"young Stephens."
348
00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:08,705
Because I am young.
349
00:15:08,706 --> 00:15:12,143
In here and in here,
where it counts.
350
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:15,846
Now, let's see
how the cookie crumbles.
351
00:15:15,847 --> 00:15:17,948
Beau Geste is a line
of toiletries
352
00:15:17,949 --> 00:15:21,318
that appeals
to the 18- to 25-year age group.
353
00:15:21,319 --> 00:15:23,087
Now,
our motivational research...
354
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:24,355
Mr. Stephens?
Mm. Yes?
355
00:15:24,356 --> 00:15:25,923
There is a call for you, sir.
356
00:15:25,924 --> 00:15:27,625
Oh, the... Thank you.
357
00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:29,359
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Booker.
358
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,295
[
]
359
00:15:33,631 --> 00:15:35,665
Uh, thank you, sonny.
360
00:15:38,336 --> 00:15:39,403
Hello.
361
00:15:39,404 --> 00:15:41,038
Oh, sweetheart.
362
00:15:41,039 --> 00:15:43,341
I've been so worried.
How's it going?
363
00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:45,342
As well as can be expected.
364
00:15:45,343 --> 00:15:47,011
Has Endora shown up yet?
365
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:51,248
No, but... But I'm tossing
incantations all over the place.
366
00:15:51,249 --> 00:15:52,349
Well, keep at it.
367
00:15:52,350 --> 00:15:53,851
I'd better get back
to the table.
368
00:15:53,852 --> 00:15:55,786
My board meeting ended early,
Mr. Booker.
369
00:15:55,787 --> 00:15:57,187
And I thought
I'd join you fellas
370
00:15:57,188 --> 00:15:58,822
and see if I could help out.
371
00:15:58,823 --> 00:16:01,425
On second thought,
I'd better not.
372
00:16:01,426 --> 00:16:02,626
What is it?
373
00:16:02,627 --> 00:16:04,761
Larry has just walked
into the restaurant,
374
00:16:04,762 --> 00:16:06,297
and he's talking to Booker.
375
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,165
Sam, what am I gonna do?
376
00:16:10,535 --> 00:16:12,469
You'll think of something.
377
00:16:12,470 --> 00:16:14,738
I'm thinking
of cutting my wrists.
378
00:16:14,739 --> 00:16:16,907
Darrin, don't panic.
379
00:16:16,908 --> 00:16:18,242
Sam, I've gotta make a move.
380
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:20,043
You have an idea?
381
00:16:20,044 --> 00:16:21,878
Now, don't misunderstand me,
Tate.
382
00:16:21,879 --> 00:16:24,215
I admire you
for keeping your employees on
383
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,317
beyond the age of retirement.
384
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,118
I'm not sure I follow you.
385
00:16:28,119 --> 00:16:30,688
Mm-hm.
386
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:32,556
I'll do it.
387
00:16:32,557 --> 00:16:34,057
Now, hold on. Are...?
Are we talking about
388
00:16:34,058 --> 00:16:35,592
the same Darrin Stephens?
Yes.
389
00:16:35,593 --> 00:16:37,895
Age 70, bald head, mustache,
390
00:16:37,896 --> 00:16:39,797
slightly hunched over.
391
00:16:39,798 --> 00:16:43,300
That is not, I repeat,
not Darrin Stephens.
392
00:16:43,301 --> 00:16:44,835
Then who is it?
393
00:16:45,870 --> 00:16:47,737
I haven't the vaguest idea.
394
00:16:47,738 --> 00:16:49,506
But I'm going to find out.
395
00:16:49,507 --> 00:16:51,208
There he is.
That's him.
396
00:16:51,209 --> 00:16:52,209
Hi, kids.
397
00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:53,643
That's him?
398
00:16:53,644 --> 00:16:55,846
That's Grover Stephens,
Darrin's grandfather.
399
00:16:55,847 --> 00:16:57,448
That's me.
400
00:16:57,449 --> 00:17:00,817
Now, look, old-timer, I've been
brought up to respect old age,
401
00:17:00,818 --> 00:17:02,752
and it isn't really
very nice of you
402
00:17:02,753 --> 00:17:04,521
to pass yourself off as Darrin.
403
00:17:04,522 --> 00:17:07,124
Now, what's everybody getting
so het up about?
404
00:17:07,125 --> 00:17:09,293
Darrin got up this morning
with an infected throat
405
00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:12,029
that... That could destroy
the city.
406
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,497
What could the kid do?
407
00:17:13,498 --> 00:17:15,299
He could've called the office.
408
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,869
Whatever for when I'm available?
409
00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:21,538
Mr. Booker,
I must apologize...
410
00:17:21,539 --> 00:17:23,874
We forgive you, Lawrence,
so just hush up.
411
00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,175
Let's get cracking.
412
00:17:25,176 --> 00:17:26,943
The kid filled me in
as much as he could.
413
00:17:26,944 --> 00:17:28,479
Now, let's put this
in the gas tank
414
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:29,760
and see how far it takes us.
415
00:17:31,082 --> 00:17:32,316
What I had in mind was
416
00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:35,185
a saturation campaign
for television.
417
00:17:36,254 --> 00:17:37,554
Uh, fade in.
418
00:17:37,555 --> 00:17:39,589
Interior, bathroom.
419
00:17:39,590 --> 00:17:42,326
A nice-looking boy with glasses,
the shy type,
420
00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:44,028
uh, has just finished shaving.
421
00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:46,163
For the first time
in his life, he...
422
00:17:46,164 --> 00:17:48,298
He picks up
a bottle of Beau Geste
423
00:17:48,299 --> 00:17:51,068
and dabs a little on his face.
424
00:17:51,069 --> 00:17:53,570
And boom!
425
00:17:53,571 --> 00:17:55,805
The bathroom becomes the Sahara.
426
00:17:55,806 --> 00:17:59,976
The boy turns into a member
of the French Foreign Legion.
427
00:17:59,977 --> 00:18:02,913
He's right in the middle
of a battle.
428
00:18:05,283 --> 00:18:08,285
But here's the switch:
429
00:18:08,286 --> 00:18:11,588
He's fighting off girls.
430
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:18,195
Not bad for an old geezer, huh?
431
00:18:18,196 --> 00:18:20,297
[CHUCKLES] You son of a gun.
432
00:18:20,298 --> 00:18:22,232
[
]
433
00:18:23,801 --> 00:18:25,835
And when I finished
my presentation,
434
00:18:25,836 --> 00:18:27,771
Beau Geste
was in my back pocket.
435
00:18:27,772 --> 00:18:29,139
That's my old man.
436
00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:31,108
I bet Larry was thrilled.
437
00:18:31,109 --> 00:18:33,310
He offered to make me
Darrin's supervisor.
438
00:18:33,311 --> 00:18:34,677
[GIGGLES]
439
00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,213
You hear that, Mother?
440
00:18:36,214 --> 00:18:39,616
No matter what you do,
things seem to work out.
441
00:18:39,617 --> 00:18:43,320
So why don't you undo
your thing?
442
00:18:43,321 --> 00:18:44,922
That stubborn old witch
will never...
443
00:18:44,923 --> 00:18:46,189
Uh, Da...
444
00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:48,625
Darrin, name-calling
is not going to help.
445
00:18:48,626 --> 00:18:51,628
Now, I know that Mother
can behave badly at times,
446
00:18:51,629 --> 00:18:54,597
but deep down, she's...
447
00:18:54,598 --> 00:18:55,698
She's...
448
00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:57,167
Rotten.
449
00:18:57,168 --> 00:18:59,236
If you don't mind,
call Larry and tell him
450
00:18:59,237 --> 00:19:00,870
the date with Millicent is off.
451
00:19:00,871 --> 00:19:03,440
Grandpa has been called home
on an emergency.
452
00:19:03,441 --> 00:19:07,244
Oh, sweetheart, that would
break Millicent's heart.
453
00:19:07,245 --> 00:19:08,779
She'll get over me.
454
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:11,248
[DOORBELL RINGS]
455
00:19:11,249 --> 00:19:13,183
[
]
456
00:19:15,186 --> 00:19:17,287
LARRY: Hi, Sam.
Well, what a surprise.
457
00:19:17,288 --> 00:19:20,290
LARRY: Thought we'd save Grover a
trip and bring Millicent over here.
458
00:19:20,291 --> 00:19:22,292
We came early so I'd have
a chance to tell Darrin
459
00:19:22,293 --> 00:19:24,894
what a great job his grandfather
did this afternoon.
460
00:19:24,895 --> 00:19:26,963
Well, you c... You can't.
He's sound asleep.
461
00:19:26,964 --> 00:19:28,899
LOUISE:
Oh, how's he feeling?
462
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:31,935
Well, he's feeling better,
but he doesn't look so good.
463
00:19:31,936 --> 00:19:33,837
Oh, well, he'll be all right.
464
00:19:33,838 --> 00:19:36,140
Grover, you were great
this afternoon.
465
00:19:36,141 --> 00:19:37,808
Absolutely brilliant.
466
00:19:37,809 --> 00:19:38,842
Darrin briefed me.
467
00:19:38,843 --> 00:19:41,911
Oh, I'm so proud of you, Grover.
468
00:19:41,912 --> 00:19:45,249
Ah, you may be proud,
Millicent, but I'm bushed.
469
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:47,584
I'm afraid I just can't
make our date tonight.
470
00:19:47,585 --> 00:19:50,154
Oh, Grover. Oh.
471
00:19:50,155 --> 00:19:52,055
Oh... Oh, well,
I-I'm sure you understand.
472
00:19:52,056 --> 00:19:54,757
It's... It's all that
business activity.
473
00:19:54,758 --> 00:19:56,926
Uh... Uh, Grandpa
just wants to relax
474
00:19:56,927 --> 00:19:58,829
in front of the television set.
475
00:19:58,830 --> 00:20:01,031
Oh, well, I'm sure
Aunt Millicent doesn't care
476
00:20:01,032 --> 00:20:03,900
one way or the other,
as long as they're together.
477
00:20:05,203 --> 00:20:07,338
I guess you'd like a drink.
478
00:20:07,339 --> 00:20:09,673
I'll go get some more ice.
Excuse me.
479
00:20:09,674 --> 00:20:11,608
[
]
480
00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:24,287
[
]
481
00:20:26,290 --> 00:20:27,958
[DOORBELL RINGS]
482
00:20:27,959 --> 00:20:30,761
[IN SAMANTHA'S VOICE] Will
someone answer the door, please?
483
00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:32,363
LARRY:
I'll get it.
484
00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:34,732
[LAUGHING]
485
00:20:37,101 --> 00:20:38,669
Yes?
486
00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:42,306
[IN NASAL VOICE] Is that the way
you folks out here say hello?
487
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:46,343
Hi there.
488
00:20:46,344 --> 00:20:47,944
Hello.
Hi.
489
00:20:47,945 --> 00:20:51,148
What's the matter, Grover?
Cat got your tongue?
490
00:20:51,149 --> 00:20:54,418
Uh, h-hello there.
491
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,186
Forgot my name so soon?
492
00:20:56,187 --> 00:20:58,321
Well, you can't really
blame him, dearie.
493
00:20:58,322 --> 00:21:01,191
We've only been married
53 years.
494
00:21:01,192 --> 00:21:02,325
Married?
495
00:21:02,326 --> 00:21:04,128
Married?
Married?
496
00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:05,562
You can't say it too often.
497
00:21:05,563 --> 00:21:07,330
He needs reminding.
498
00:21:07,331 --> 00:21:08,666
Married?
499
00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:10,333
[GASPS]
500
00:21:10,334 --> 00:21:13,770
Okay, hot lips,
I'm giving you one more chance.
501
00:21:13,771 --> 00:21:15,972
And if I catch you
messing around again,
502
00:21:15,973 --> 00:21:18,007
I'm going home to Mother.
503
00:21:18,008 --> 00:21:22,079
All I was gonna do
was watch wrestling with her.
504
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,647
You poor kid.
505
00:21:23,648 --> 00:21:27,184
He was pulling the old
wrestling bit on you, hm?
506
00:21:27,185 --> 00:21:29,420
And what is that
supposed to mean?
507
00:21:29,421 --> 00:21:31,588
First, you watch wrestling
508
00:21:31,589 --> 00:21:36,260
and then he challenges you
to a little match on the sofa.
509
00:21:36,261 --> 00:21:38,027
Why...
510
00:21:38,028 --> 00:21:40,263
Louise, take me home.
511
00:21:40,264 --> 00:21:42,299
Oh! You degenerate.
512
00:21:43,667 --> 00:21:46,369
A man your age,
carrying on like that.
513
00:21:46,370 --> 00:21:47,737
[TSKING]
514
00:21:47,738 --> 00:21:49,172
And congratulations.
515
00:21:49,173 --> 00:21:50,940
[
]
516
00:21:52,343 --> 00:21:54,311
[LAUGHS]
517
00:21:55,780 --> 00:21:57,914
[SIGHS]
518
00:21:57,915 --> 00:22:01,385
Sam, I-is that really you
in there?
519
00:22:01,386 --> 00:22:04,554
[IN SAMANTHA'S VOICE] You bet
your old-age pension it is.
520
00:22:04,555 --> 00:22:05,589
Sam.
521
00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:09,125
Okay, hot lips.
522
00:22:09,126 --> 00:22:11,194
But I'm giving you
one more chance.
523
00:22:11,195 --> 00:22:14,264
And if I catch you
messing around again,
524
00:22:14,265 --> 00:22:16,133
I'm going home to Mother.
525
00:22:16,134 --> 00:22:17,901
[
]
526
00:22:20,305 --> 00:22:21,739
[
]
527
00:22:21,740 --> 00:22:23,573
Sweetheart,
528
00:22:23,574 --> 00:22:25,642
no matter how atrocious
and abominable
529
00:22:25,643 --> 00:22:26,677
my mother might behave,
530
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:30,213
she always comes to her senses.
531
00:22:30,214 --> 00:22:32,115
Eventually.
532
00:22:33,651 --> 00:22:36,687
Usually.
533
00:22:36,688 --> 00:22:38,722
That's not what
I'm worried about.
534
00:22:38,723 --> 00:22:40,089
It isn't?
535
00:22:40,090 --> 00:22:41,325
No.
536
00:22:41,326 --> 00:22:42,792
Being turned
into Rip Van Wrinkle
537
00:22:42,793 --> 00:22:44,060
for a couple of days
538
00:22:44,061 --> 00:22:46,763
to satisfy your mother's
warped sense of humor
539
00:22:46,764 --> 00:22:49,098
isn't half as bad
as wondering what's gonna happen
540
00:22:49,099 --> 00:22:51,201
when I really do grow old.
541
00:22:51,202 --> 00:22:54,070
I mean, well,
what's it gonna look like?
542
00:22:54,071 --> 00:22:56,373
This old goat
with that young chick.
543
00:22:56,374 --> 00:22:58,108
[
]
544
00:22:58,109 --> 00:23:00,611
Simple. We'll grow old together.
545
00:23:00,612 --> 00:23:03,313
But witches don't grow old
at the same pace as...
546
00:23:03,314 --> 00:23:06,683
Witches can do anything
they want to do.
547
00:23:06,684 --> 00:23:08,284
And I love you.
548
00:23:08,285 --> 00:23:10,820
So this young chick
and that old goat
549
00:23:10,821 --> 00:23:13,323
will look like a matched set.
550
00:23:13,324 --> 00:23:15,625
How about a little preview?
551
00:23:17,094 --> 00:23:18,695
How's that?
552
00:23:18,696 --> 00:23:20,797
[
]
553
00:23:22,667 --> 00:23:24,601
I can't tell.
554
00:23:24,602 --> 00:23:25,642
Pucker up.
555
00:23:30,941 --> 00:23:33,710
You're an oldie but a goody.
556
00:23:33,711 --> 00:23:35,579
[GIGGLES]
557
00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:37,180
And as far as I'm concerned,
558
00:23:37,181 --> 00:23:40,784
you're still the sexiest thing
that ever lived.
559
00:23:42,653 --> 00:23:44,954
I can't stand it!
560
00:23:44,955 --> 00:23:46,122
Mother.
561
00:23:46,123 --> 00:23:48,358
Oh, it's ridiculous
having a daughter
562
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:49,593
who looks twice my age.
563
00:23:49,594 --> 00:23:51,695
Now, you change
yourself at once.
564
00:23:51,696 --> 00:23:52,829
No.
565
00:23:52,830 --> 00:23:54,531
I am gonna stay this way
566
00:23:54,532 --> 00:23:57,334
as long as Darrin
stays that way.
567
00:23:57,335 --> 00:23:59,102
Stubborn.
568
00:23:59,103 --> 00:24:00,604
Okay, Mother?
569
00:24:02,039 --> 00:24:04,007
ENDORA:
Okay.
570
00:24:04,008 --> 00:24:05,542
One, two...
571
00:24:07,312 --> 00:24:08,879
Witch's honor?
572
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,613
[SCOFFS]
573
00:24:10,614 --> 00:24:12,515
Witch's honor.
574
00:24:13,585 --> 00:24:15,152
One, two, three.
575
00:24:17,321 --> 00:24:19,155
Thank you, Mother, dear.
576
00:24:20,991 --> 00:24:23,493
Now, as for you, Endora...
577
00:24:23,494 --> 00:24:25,028
Please, Darwood.
578
00:24:25,029 --> 00:24:28,598
Excessive gratitude
always embarrasses me.
579
00:24:30,335 --> 00:24:32,002
[
]
580
00:24:32,003 --> 00:24:35,939
Now, uh, where were we?
581
00:24:37,342 --> 00:24:38,742
[CHUCKLES]
582
00:24:42,646 --> 00:24:44,281
[
]
583
00:24:44,331 --> 00:24:48,881
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