All language subtitles for Adam Ruins Everything s01e20 Drugs.eng

(school bell ringing)

(girl)
Come on, kid, it's just

a little reefer roach
cigarette.

Okay, drug dealer.

One smoke of
the marijuana, please.

Oh, no, I am addicted
to heroin now.

Marijuana is
a gateway drug

and that's
the blunt truth.

Dope isn't dope,
it's for dopes.

I'm sorry, Miss Axford,
this is stupid.

Yeah, uh, I'm not
gonna do this

in front of
the whole school.

Well, Scooper, then maybe
you shouldn't have graffitied

"Reading sucks!
All over the science lab.

Prove to me it doesn't suck.
You can't!

All right, guys,
assembly's in an hour.

It's either this
or summer school.

You choose.

Plus, according to
my drug education worksheets,

all of this
is completely true.

(Adam clapping)

Yes, the soul of
the theater is truth.

But what was said
here today

is as true as
the night is bright.

Ha!
That is to say,

nay, to declare,
it was false.

Hi, Emily!
Like my hat?

Come on, dude, I told you,
not while I'm at work.

I'm sorry,
I couldn't help myself.

What we teach kids
about drugs

in this country
is completely wrong.

'Tis I, Webby award
nominee Adam Conover,

and I present to thee,
"Adam Ruins Everything."

(whistling)

Listen, Drew Carey,
all you adults

always tell us
the same thing--

Weed's gonna kill us,
it's a gateway drug.

Lying isn't funny.

Oh, no, for most people,
weed is essentially harmless.

Whoa-kay,
no way, Jose.

Look, I know this stuff

is a little
overboard, but...

you can't tell kids
weed isn't bad!

Of course I can.
It's true.

And we've known it
for decades.

Counting deaths from
the substance alone,

alcohol kills
88,000 people a year.

Tobacco kills 480,000.

And marijuana kills
absolutely no one.

(buzzer)

Uh, according to curriculum,

marijuana can get you hooked
on harder substances.

It's a gateway drug.

Yeah, educators have been
saying that for years,

but it's not true.

Most people
who try marijuana

don't even continue
smoking marijuana.

This dude knows
what's up.

Now, that doesn't mean
that it's perfectly safe.

Dude, I thought
you were cool.

Oh, I wish!
If you're under 25,

smoking weed can lead
to memory problems

and poor
cognitive functioning.

But if you're an adult,

and your brain
has finished developing,

it's really your choice.

Adam, wrong way.
Also, not in a school.

Sorry, I usually
only smoke at parties,

and I'm rarely
invited to them.

Yeah, wonder why.

The truth is,
if you know the risks

and you use it in moderation,
weed is no big deal.

And, in fact, humans have been
using it for millennia.

Humans started growing cannabis
as a crop

over 8,000 years ago.

This crop will feed our family
for a year,

and this crop
will make movies way funnier.

(Adam)
In 440 BCE, Herodotus wrote about

the ancient tradition
of cannabis steam baths.

Fellow citizens,
as a wise man

once told me, VapeLife!
(laughing)

And in America,
for many years

marijuana was available

in over-the-counter
medications.

Step right up and try

Professor Horkorium's
Rejuvenating Tincture!

Now with the Arab hashish.

For most
of America's history,

weed was legal.
No one cared about it.

All right,
so what changed?

I mean, there must be
some reason we banned it.

Oh, there is.
And it's real weird.

Enter Harry Anslinger,
commissioner of

the Federal Bureau
of Narcotics

and a staunch
prohibitionist.

Our funding has been cut!
They'll shut me down

if I don't find
a new chemical to demonize.

Let's see, what are people
scared of for no good reason?

A-ha!
Mexicans!

And Mexicans
smoke marijuana!

That's it!
Hey, racist mob...

(all)
Hmm?

Marijuana makes Mexicans
thirst for white blood.

Spread the word!

(mob shouting)

Anslinger used
that racism to fuel

a propaganda campaign
against the drug,

testifying before
Congress...

Marijuana is
an addictive drug

which produces
in its users

insanity, criminality,
and death!

(Adam)
Soon, the "Marijuana causes violence" meme

was everywhere, from
newspapers to movies...

Just a young boy.
Under the influence of the drug,

he killed his entire family
with an axe.

...to subtle
political cartoons.

(man)
Nazi propaganda.

What does that
even mean?

Why would he just say
the words, "Nazi propaganda"?

Honestly, no idea.
But, it worked.

In 1937, Congress
banned marijuana

and later,
with Anslinger's help,

they passed
the first

mandatory minimum
sentencing laws

which made it so that
your first time

getting caught
with this

could put you away
from two to ten years.

Mm, thank you,
that's what I thought.

(Adam)
And the true irony is,

the government knew
Anslinger's claims were false.

Scientists proved marijuana
wasn't connected to violence

or insanity in the '40s.

And in 1973,
a bipartisan commission

recommended Nixon
decriminalize it.

But, Nixon being
Nixon...

Mr. President,
literally everyone agrees,

marijuana is safe.

Out! Get out!
I have zero chill!

The war on drugs
begins now!

I don't understand.
If he knew it was safe,

why would he be so tough
on it?

Well,
why don't you ask

Nixon's aide,
John Ehrlichman.

He said, in 1994...

We knew we couldn't
make it illegal

to be either
against the war or black,

but by getting the public
to associate the hippies

with marijuana
and blacks with heroin...

Did we know we were lying
about the drugs?

That's a real quote?
Yeah.

That's a real quote.

Nixon started
the war on drugs

to bully his political
enemies and minorities.

His own aide
admitted it.

I can't believe I've been
teaching this to children.

At least
it's better now, right?

You wish.

Despite laws being
loosened in a few states,

mandatory minimums
are still in effect

all across the country,
and marijuana still accounts

for nearly half
of all drug arrests.

And, despite the fact
that white and black people

smoke at basically
the same rate,

black people
are four times as likely

to be arrested
for marijuana.

Look, we know for a fact
that weed isn't dangerous,

but we're still following
racist old laws

and throwing countless
people of color

in prison for no reason.

(car approaching,
distant music)

(tires screeching)

Listen up!

Everything this barf-boy
told you is wrong

and will kill you!

Well, we actually
have fact checkers, but--

Shut it, barf-boy!
Before you barf everywhere.

Drugs aren't cool.
D.A.R.E. Says so.

Oh, the D.A.R.E.
Program!

That was
a massive failure

that may have actually
increased drug use.

(taser clicking)
Ooh!

(Adam coughing)

Told ya he was
a barf-boy.

♪

(Adam)
Ever wonder why?

♪

Ah, fish oil, the trendiest

and stinkiest
health fad of the moment.

My omega-3 fatty acids
are on "flark."

Flark is the new fleek.

Ever wonder why it gives you
such gross burps?

No--
(belches)

Blech.
I'll tell you.

Because the vast majority
of it is rancid.

Fish oil is actually
a delicate product

that requires
very careful processing

to make sure the oil
doesn't oxidize. Yuck.

This oxidization occurs
when fish oil

comes into contact
with heat, light, or oxygen.

But I don't know
if you've noticed,

heat, light, and oxygen are,
um, everywhere.

So, oxidization happens
all the dang time.

One study found that out of 36
fish oil products tested,

over half had oxidized
above the recommended limit,

and, on average,
only contained 68%

of the omega-3 fatty acids
that were listed on the label.

Ugh. That is so
not on flark.

So, what will happen if you eat
this stinky fish juice?

Mm, no one knows yet,
but a good rule of thumb is,

if it tastes bad,
which this stuff

definitely does,
don't eat it.

And leave the fish goop
in the ocean, where it belongs.

(gulping)

(officer)
Okay, kids...

who wants to see
what every drug looks like?

Ah, watch out
for this one.

Weed. It might be laced
with black tar heroin.

And this is LSD.
Don't do it!

Makes you see things, like...
dragons.

Or cartoon characters
that are real twisted.

(camera shutter clicks)

And this--
oh, is a loose Tic-Tac.

Mmm, orange, my favorite.
Mmm.

Oh, hello!

Everybody, come say hi
to Daren, the D.A.R.E. Lion.

Daren, what do you want
to teach the kids today?

The D.A.R.E. Program was
a massive failure

with horrific
consequences.

Aah!
Not you!

You are a disgrace
to that sacred suit.

Look, you mean well,
but the "Just say no"

propaganda
you're peddling

can actually increase
drug use.

Adam, tread lightly.
He's a cop.

Oh, I'll be fine.

Authority figures
love being challenged.

Oh, you can't
challenge me

because I know
the truth.

If you do any drug,
even once,

you're gonna become
an addict.

And let me
tell you something.

You're gonna die!
That's ridiculous.

This zero-tolerance,
abstinence-only approach

took off in the 1980s
when Nancy Reagan said

those three
little words...

Just say no.

(Adam)
Soon, anti-drug messages

were showing up
in commercials...

♪

...before arcade games,
and even on TV shows.

Just some grass,
a few uppers,

and a little
nose candy.

No.

In public schools,
the bright happy face

of zero tolerance

was Drug Abuse Resistance
Education, or D.A.R.E.

What's the big deal?

I remember
my D.A.R.E. Program.

It was fun.
We did little skits.

Hey, Miss "A,"
what are some cool ways

to say "No"
to a drug dealer?

No.
Heck, no!

Sorry, I have sports
to get to.

I'm not a chicken,
you're a turkey.

And did any of those
stop you from trying drugs?

(unconvincingly)
Yeah.

Study after study
found that

D.A.R.E. Had no effect
on drug use at all.

In fact, one major study
found that, for some kids,

it actually
increased drug use.

Okay, why would
that be?

I don't know, maybe
because showing kids

a briefcase
full of drugs

is a great way
to cultivate

a hobbyist interest
in drug varieties?

So, what's
the difference

between Sour Diesel
and OG Kush?

Well, both will kill ya.

But Kush is more
of a warm hug feeling.

At its peak, D.A.R.E.
Cost U.S. Taxpayers

up to $1.3 billion

even though it
straight up did not work.

Well, maybe
they just didn't know.

Oh, we totally did.
Back in 1994,

a government-funded study

found that D.A.R.E.
Did absolutely nothing.

Shut up!

But then D.A.R.E.
Pressured us

into disavowing
our own study.

(taser clicking)

Oh, uh, uh,
D.A.R.E. Is good and cool.

But, the evidence
is clear.

The zero tolerance approach
does not work.

Watch your mouth before
I make it barf!

Zero tolerance
is the foundation

for the war on drugs,

and we are winning
that war.

Sorry, you're wrong.

The war on drugs has been
a massive failure.

And the harsh
enforcement tactics

we've been using since
the '80s

have only made
the drug problem worse.

We have spent millions
upon millions

raiding outdoor
marijuana farms...

Come out and greet
the sun, little guys.

...but that's just
made growers switch

to hydroponic
grow rooms

which helped create
a much stronger product.

Thanks, war on drugs.

But now, drugs are
harder to get.

Ha!
No, again.

Since the drug war
started,

the prices of cannabis,
cocaine, and even heroin

have all plummeted.

Sale on smack,
y'all!

80% off!
Drug war discount!

Ooh, "bogo" sale!
I'm a "smack-sanista."

Thanks, war on drugs.

But, we put
the bad guys in jail.

Again, no.

We've locked up tons
of non-violent drug offenders,

but the vicious kingpins at
the top are still making bank.

The U.S. Illicit drug market
is worth

an estimated
$109 billion a year.

And the Sinaloa drug cartel

has as many as
150,000 employees.

That's more than Apple.

We are so proud of
our record sales this year.

And one more thing...

more cocaine!

(cheers and applause)

Okay, okay, okay.
How do you expect

these kids
to believe you?

You're probably
some pothead loser.

Well, I'm not.

Sir!

As you were,
Officer.

Emily, Bruce, this is
Sheriff John Urquhart

of King County,
Washington.

Very nice
to meet you.

You know,
before I was sheriff,

I was a narcotics
detective, and I fought

the war on drugs
at the ground level.

Now, I've been in
law enforcement for 40 years,

and it's become
very obvious to me

that the war on drugs
hasn't worked.

Now, ever the last
few decades,

we've spent
over $1 trillion

fighting the war on drugs,
and this is

how much drug use
has dropped in America.

No decline at all.

Drug addiction
is a health issue.

But we've spent
so much time

locking people up
that we've ignored that.

We don't lock up people
who need insulin shots.

Why should we lock up people
for this disease?

And the war on drugs
has been an abject failure.

No.
No! No!

This is all I have
to show for my life?

The war on drugs failed.

(retching)

I guess I was the...
barf-boy all along.

Dude, this is sad.

(sobbing)
That's okay, Bruce.

I'll give you
a ride home.

(car doors opening, closing)

(car engine starting)

This sucks.

Is there no way to stop kids
from using illegal drugs?

That's so scary.

But you know
what's even scarier?

The legal drugs.

Those are actually
much worse!

(chuckling)

You are such a...

Not at school, Emily.
Nope.

Save it
for the drive home.

(Adam)
Ever wonder why?

Ever wonder why we put
Q-tips in our ears?

(scoffing)
Me, too.

Because if you look
at a box of Q-Tips,

they have
an explicit instruction--

That's right,
Q-tips literally warns us

not to use their product

in the exact way
everyone uses them.

That's like
if we were all eating

those "Do Not Eat"
dehydration packs

that came
in beef jerky.

I gotta have
my "dehydro packs," man.

Oh, yeah.
That's the stuff.

In fact, when Q-tips
were invented,

they weren't designed
to be used in ears at all.

When they came out
in 1923,

they were marketed
as swabs for babies

and were known as Baby Gays.
Aww!

Wait, what were
they called?

Baby Gays!

And there's
a very good reason

that they tell us not
to put Q-tips in our ears.

When you swab
your ear canal,

you're actually pushing
some ear wax deeper in

instead of taking it out.

This can induce
hearing loss,

and, if you push in
too deeply,

can even rupture
your ear drum.

Aah!

And the fact is,

we don't need to remove
ear wax in the first place.

We think wax is dirty,
but in fact, it's necessary

to protect your ears
from dirt...

and, yes,
even from little bugs.

At last, we have him.
Charge!

But when you use a Q-tip
to remove wax from your ears,

it leaves you vulnerable.

So, no matter how good it feels,
please, listen to me

and to the people
who make the dang things.

Do not put Q-tips
in your ears!

Finally, Conover, you're my...

Wait, no!
No, don't go back to the show!

Noooo!

♪

Miss Axford,
are you getting a divorce?

Whenever an adult is sad,

I assume they're getting
a divorce.

Yeah, I can do a kick-flip,
cheer you up,

or like a sick grind?

It's okay, I'm fine,
I just get this way

whenever Adam shows up.

Wait, hold on.

There's no way that legal drugs
could be bad, right?

I mean, they're prescribed
by doctors.

Hate to break it to you,
but some prescription drugs

are almost identical
to street drugs.

Kids across America take
the prescription drug Adderall,

which is an amphetamine.

But you know what else
is an amphetamine?

Meth.

I'm gonna need
to confiscate that.

Oh, boy, I've got
a lot of drugs.

The chemical composition
of the two drugs

is nearly identical,
and in one study,

people who took both couldn't
even tell the difference.

So, I should stop
taking Adderall?

No, Adderall still helps
a lot of people.

But the fact remains,
we're giving kids

essentially the same drug
we make scary TV shows about.

I am the one
who concentrates.

And the line gets blurrier.
Uh...

But there are no
prescription drugs

as bad as, like, heroin.

Actually, heroin was first
marketed and sold

by the drug company Bayer.

You know,
the aspirin people.

(coughing)

Mm, cough, eh?

Well, take two heroin
and call me in the morning.

Wait, so anyone could
just go into a store

and buy heroin?

Yep, they even gave it
to kids.

(coughing)

You little rascal.

Now, back to the coal mines
with ya!

Heroin was considered so safe,
one medical journal

even claimed that
there was no danger

of acquiring a habit.

Well, now, we know better.

I mean, doctors don't prescribe
drugs like that anymore.

Yeah, they do.
All the time.

Heroin is an opioid,
so when it was banned,

scientists just invented
new opioids

that act on the exact
same receptors in the brain.

Heroin's illegal.

Well, this isn't heroin,
it's... OxyContin.

Let's advertise
the (bleep) out of it.

And so, they did.

In the '90s,
drugmaker Purdue

started marketing
OxyContin like crazy,

producing weird swag
like plush toys,

golf balls,
and even a swing CD.

And OxyContin's
popularity soared.

My elbow really hurts, Doc.

Yeah, well, take two Oxy
and call me in the morning.

This led to a surge
in painkiller abuse

and overdoses.

It's just that
it really hurts,

and it's probably gonna
hurt for a long time.

So, if you could just
scribble, scribble, scribble!

(laughing)

This was great for Purdue.

By 2016, OxyContin alone
had made us 31 billion dollars.

I am very glad we made
that swing CD.

(scatting)

Purdue even issued
an internal memo

encouraging sales people
to push higher doses

in exchange for bonuses,

and this disgusting greed
caused a lot of harm.

In 2014 alone,
prescription opioids

caused almost 19,000
overdose deaths,

double the number from heroin.

(glass breaking)
Oh!

Holy cow.

Well, thank goodness
it's such a pain

to get prescription drugs now.

I mean, the pharmacist
always gives me a guilt trip.

Yep, realizing there
was a big problem,

lawmakers made
prescription opioids

way harder to get.

Well... good.

No, not good.

Because thanks
to the war on drugs,

there was a ton of heroin
in the streets,

and it was really cheap.

Might I interest you
in some heroin?

Same high, 80% off.

I'm a "smack-sanista."

Since the government
cracked down on painkillers,

heroin deaths
have skyrocketed.

Between 2010 and 2015,
they more than tripled,

and some studies found that
80% of new heroin users

got started
on prescription opioids.

And now,
people are getting hooked

on something even worse--

Fentanyl.

It's a highly addictive
prescription opioid

that's up to 50 times
stronger than heroin,

and it's killing people
like crazy.

Look, for decades,
our government told us

that weed was a gateway drug,

while the real gateway drug
was being legally prescribed

by doctors all across America.

And because we ignored
that fact,

we now have
a prescription drug epidemic

and a heroin epidemic.

So, what am I supposed to do?

How am I supposed to get people
to stop using drugs?

Honestly, I don't think you can.

Throughout human history,
people have made drugs,

other people
have taken those drugs,

and some of them have
gotten addicted.

Doing drugs is just
something humans do.

There's no way
to stop it completely.

In the desk behind you

there's a bottle of Xanax,
would you...

Of course.

(man on PA)
Attention, students.

Please report
to the all-purpose room

for Miss Axford's
anti-drug assembly.

(scoffs)
The assembly, ugh!

What's the point?
All my students

are gonna do drugs and die,
and there's no hope.

Emily, there's always hope.

And there's a lot we can do
to help drug users.

And I'll tell you about it
using the art of the theater!

Is that a leotard?

Yeah, could you zip me up?

I am fear.
I whisper lies,

lies like weed is deadly
and all drug users

should be punished.

I am the law
and I am flawed.

I am... a law flaw.

I am the truth,
and the truth is this.

We will never eradicate
drug use,

but we can reduce
the harm drugs cause.

Get to the point before everyone
pulls out their phones.

Right.
I present to thee

Donald MacPherson,
executive director

of the Canadian
Drug Policy Coalition.

(applause)

Donald, would you tell
Emily and our audience

about Vancouver's approach
to harm reduction?

Okay, Adam.
Well, in Vancouver,

we learned that addiction
is really a health issue.

So, we opened
a health facility

called Insite,
where people can come

and inject their drugs
under medical supervision,

without fear of arrest
or of dying from an overdose.

Wait, so people just
use drugs openly?

I mean, doesn't that
encourage drug use?

Well, Emily, people are using
these drugs

whether we like it or not.

And places like Insite
prevents them

from dying unnecessarily.

On Thanksgiving weekend
last year,

33 people overdosed
at Insite on Fentanyl,

and none of them died because
there were people there to help.

Sadly, down the street,
a young woman injected alone

in a hotel room,
and she died.

These deaths are preventable.

(Adam)
Injections sites like Insite have operated

across the world for decades,

and in that time,
there has not been

a single death
in any facility.

(applause)
You know what?

This actually makes
a lot of sense.

We need to accept
that drug use is a fact of life.

So, instead of demonizing weed
for no reason,

or pushing zero tolerance,

or throwing drug addicts
in jail,

we should use harm reduction
so we can actually help people

and save lives.

So, how 'bout this?
Instead of "Just say no,"

just say, "Go research
harm reduction strategies

for your community!"

Sorry, slogans are tough
for complex issues.

(applause)

Whoo!

Whoa!
Drugs in a school?

Young lady, you're going
away for a long time.

It's not what it looks like,
I was just holding them

for a friend. Adam!
Let's go!

You need to fix this!

I will, and it'll be
a great opportunity

to teach you about everything
that's wrong

with the prison system.

No, no, no, you're going
to do it this episode,

or I will lose my...

(sighs deeply)

(mumbling)
Adam Conover and his stupid TV show.

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