Original subtitles

This programme contains some strong language

So when it starts coming in, I start speaking, correct?

- There are always moments when I think...I should've known.

- False promises, scare tactics, coercion...

- OK, lovely.

I was recently divorced,

in this big house I'd inherited from my grandmother.

- I was dubious at first, but then Mom showed me the website.

- You don't have children?

- That was a red flag.

- Why didn't you tell?

why didn't you see what was happening before it was too late?

- And then suddenly, whoosh! He'd be off.

I never heard from him again.

- Nice and quiet, everyone.

- Here we go, and...action.

- I've always fought for what I believed in.

And whether I did right or wrong, I meant well.

And I wasn't born with a silver spoon.

I've had to fight my way up against a corrupt system,

and I'm proud of what I've achieved.

And, yeah, I've made mistakes.

But what matters is what's inside a man's heart.

And those who know me know my heart.

And to the doubters and the haters,

and, yeah, you know who you are,

I believe in a little thing called karma.

And your karma's coming.

- A woman who wears this is not afraid to take up space.

She is confident, she is creative...

She is confident, she is creative, she is successful.

- Yes, you said a soy cappuccino and a...

Yeah, no, sorry, of course you can change your mind.

I'm just... Hang on, Juno.

Who's in there? - It's me.

- Dad, don't forget it's wonga day. Have you taken your pills?

- Aren't you late for work? - I am going now.

- Josh, put your socks on. - Not now!

- What's all this?

- We've negotiated one cartoon

in return for Josh putting on his own socks and shoes, haven't we?

Wow!

You look amazing.

Ready to kick some arse?

- Yeah, I am.

It's just, with Juno, it's all about the pitch.

So if I can just stay confident, she'll go with it.

All I want is the chance to show what I'm capable of.

- And you will.

You're gonna go in there... - Yeah.

- ..you're gonna tell yourself, "I deserve this."

- I deserve this.

- "This is long overdue." - This is long overdue.

- Obviously don't say that out loud.

- This is it.

Kiss me! - Yes, ma'am.

- I'm ready.

- Special event tonight, Gideon College. We'd love to see you there.

You can sign up online. Bring a friend.

Hey! Hi there. Special event tonight, Gideon College,

I'd love to see you there, you can sign up online. - Sure. - Hey! Hi...

Bastard...bike!

Bollocks! - Are you all right? - Do you need a hand?

- Can I help you? Are you OK?

- Oh, no, we're good. We're good, thank you so much, thank you.

But you posted it yesterday, yeah? Then great!

Well, then it should easily be there by now.

- Sorry, I'm just heading there now.

- No, you know what? If she doesn't bite, we'll find another way in.

- Shall we take a look at my pitch?

- Third time lucky, exactly.

- I can bring it down to your office.

- Yeah, it's tonight! Yep. Yeah.

OK. Over and out.

- Good morning, sir. - Morning.

- Can I help you? - Sorry, I just... - Public entrance on the other side.

- Yeah, I'm not... - Public entrance, other side.

- Robbie?

- Alice, are we ready to do your pitch?

- This is a...

..uh...

..practical yet stylish design that declares...

..uh, an inner confidence.

The woman who wears this cape is not afraid to...

..to...to...

..to take up space.

Sorry, I just...

- Al? Are you OK?

- Bloody hell!

That is him. Isn't it?

Cos, remember, there was that bloke in Aldi,

and the chap at the fair... - Well, I think so.

It's just...Greenland!

"Disruptive exploration"!

What is all this?!

- What the hell's "Sar-toot Climate Academy"?

And who's Dr Robert Chance?

- He's our Robbie Graham.

I looked him up, look.

- He's pals with Sir Ralph Unwin?!

- I don't understand. It says he's a "climate scientist".

- He's a what?! He's not dead, then?!

And he's changed his name?!

- Where the hell has he been?!

- Don't tell me he's living here! Oh, God!

He doesn't know we've moved here, does he? - How could he?

- He's hasn't been in touch with you or...?

- Been in touch with me?!

- What's your mother gonna say? - Oh, no. No, no, no, Dad.

- She thinks he's dead! - No, let's just wait,

please, until we have more information.

- You're not to talk to him. - I don't want to.

- You're better off without him! - Of course I am! What are you on about?!

- I just mean, we all loved him,

but you're doing so good now.

I don't want you going back to how you were after he went.

We were so worried about you.

- Mm.

Have I been waiting for this?

- Have you?

- I've imagined so many different ways we might find out

what happened to him. But I never in a million years thought...

- Bastard!

He WILL be dead when I get my hands on him!

What the hell's he playing at?!

- Trying to make the world a better place.

- Aspirationally, yes.

We need more light in here.

Isn't she up yet? Well, I suppose at least she's sleeping.

- I can't believe it's finally done!

- Ohhh, tell me about it.

I was afraid we were heading for another Game of Thrones.

I mean, hit TV show aside, from a publishing point of view,

George is taking the piss.

- Morning, everyone!

- Morning, Cheryl!

- Well, not quite.

- Lola! What are you doing here?

I'm signing Book Sevens this morning.

Do we have a scholarship meeting?

- Oh, um, Priana's hoping for a decision on the scholarship

candidates by the end of the week.

We need to start organising the announcement dinner.

- I still have one shortlisted candidate to visit.

We're dealing with young carers. It takes time.

I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Regina, let's set up in the Red Room, it's more comfortable.

- Now, I know the tour wasn't everything we'd hoped for, but...

- It was humiliating.

- ..but the online feedback is 99% positive.

- Don't lie to me.

The fans hate it.

- A few disgruntled people cross about the ending.

I mean, so what?

You can't please all the people all of the time! You know that.

- I'm so sorry.

Was I trying to write while caring for my terminally ill husband?

So sorry to disappoint.

Soulless vampires!

- There's already demand for a prequel.

Personally, I don't think we should go down that road.

- Why not?

- Well, don't you want a change? Create a new world?

- A new world.

You know...

..I wouldn't mind writing a sci-fi.

- Or what about a memoir?

You could have a chapter about me! SHE

- I don't know. I don't really know what I wanna do.

I haven't thought past the paperback.

- So take a break. Go on holiday.

- On my own?! - Well, people do.

Take a bit of time to, you know, work out who you are.

Without Lance.

Or get back on the dating sites.

Have a go at meeting someone else.

- No, Danni was right.

It's too soon.

- Sorry to interrupt, erm...

..Hilary said this just came in the post?

- "Hope you can still make it"?

Did I say I'd go to this? - Who's it from?

Oh!

Ralph Unwin Foundation Lectures?!

Ooh, yes, please! The nation's second favourite natural historian

and broadcaster. I love him!

Oh, it's at Gideon!

- Exactly.

Why would I say I'd go? It doesn't make sense.

- Well, it might be good to go back.

Face the demons.

- Not demons.

Good memories.

- Who's Dr Robert Chance?

And what's "disruptive exploration"?

- Who knows? Who cares?

I'm not going and that's the end of it!

- I'd have bloody jumped on the bastard and wrung his neck!

Have you called the police?

- And said what?

- Sorry, darling, we were quite shit-faced

when you told me the story and it,

it...it was a while ago, but if memory serves,

this is the husband that buggered off with all your money.

Didn't your dad lose his house?!

- Yes, but it was more complicated than that.

Maybe I didn't explain.

- No, no, you did, in between ugly crying!

You seemed to think it was complicated, hon,

but it sounded to me like he saw you lot coming!

And the police won't take kindly to a university man

diddling gullible poor people. No offence.

- No but he wasn't that, before.

He was a self-made property developer.

He didn't even go to university!

- It's a long time ago, isn't it? When did you get married?

- July 2005. - Well, you'll have to explain all of that.

And mention your dad's in a wheelchair.

- My dad's not in a wheelchair!

- Isn't he? Oh! You told me he was.

Look... just go down there right now

and tell them what you told me.

Maybe without drinking a litre of wine first.

- Will they believe me?

- Are you telling the truth?

- Of course! - Then of course they'll believe you!

Why would you make it up?

Or, here's a thought - do drink a litre of wine,

turn up at his talk thingy, threaten to start telling people.

He'll probably offer to pay you back on the spot. Oh, look!

He really is friends with Sir Ralph Unwin!

Such a genius.

Are you sure it's the same guy? - Yes.

- Might he have an identical twin?

- No.

- Well, it's up to you, hon.

But you've got to do something.

Stand up for yourself, for goodness' sake!

- What a disappointment!

- We waited three years and got this shit?

- Too much exposition, no plot. - Don't waste your money!

- All in all, a total failure. - Worst ending EVER!

- RIP Knight of Spires! - Harker's reputation has plummeted.

- Rubbish! - It's the worst ending ever.

- When I got to the end, I wanted to cut Harker's throat

and chuck her on a fire.

- She should have spent less time wiping her husband's arse

and more ti--

God!

God, I can't remember the last time I was here.

- I'm here for you.

OK? You can do this.

- Ms Harker! Long time, no see!

- Yes, indeed, Mick. How are you?

- We're all very sorry for your loss. - Thank you.

Lance hated that guy.

Ralph!

- Ah!

- Thank you for your note. - Note?

But I... - You know my editor, Regina.

- Er... We've met, I'm sure.

My dear, how are you?

I'm so sorry for your loss.

- So, how do you know tonight's speaker?

- Ah, yes, we met at the old boys' club.

He's done seven solo expeditions

and founded his climate academy - singlehanded!

I mean, I could just go on and on.

- Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome,

director of the world-famous Saattut Climate Academy,

founder of the global sensation that is disruptive exploration.

He's an activist, a scholar and an award-winning ecopreneur.

He's Dr Robert Chance!

- Whoa!

Whoa, hey! Oh! I'm fine, I'm fine!

Woo! Erm...

Ah! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you for braving the cold and coming here tonight

to listen to a talk by yet another middle-aged cis white bloke.

And thank you also for understanding why I cannot do this

sitting in the confines of a stuffy lecture hall.

Disruptive exploration - it's not theoretical.

It is urgent. It is vital.

And speaking entirely from personal experience,

it has the capacity to be utterly transformational.

Back in the day, I was what your mother might call "a bit of a shit".

I was privileged enough to be born into a wealthy family,

top-notch education, job waiting for me at my father's firm.

I made a fortune, I lost a fortune,

I made a fortune. But then, one night,

after quaffing a £200 bottle of Chateau-whatever

in my Islington penthouse apartment, I fell asleep...

..watching...

..a Ralph Unwin documentary on the Arctic.

And I had a dream.

I was standing on a glacier in the Arctic.

And the seas were crashing around me.

And the sky was full of stars.

But the ice beneath my feet was melting.

Now...

..if you ask a Greenlandic angakkuq,

they will tell you I had a shamanic dream -

a personal prophecy of huge symbolic power.

Now, whether you believe in that kind of thing or not,

all I can tell you is that the very next day,

on the morning of June 3, 2005,

I left my lucrative job in the family business,

I booked a ticket north...

..and I dedicated my life to combatting the polar ice melt.

And I've never looked back.

And I choose never to look back...

..because the only thing that matters now,

the only thing we must focus on...

..is not the past...

..it's the f-

- Fuck off, you liar!

You realised the error of your ways, did you?

But you didn't think to say sorry?

Got to the North Pole,

but couldn't get your fucking arse up to Derbyshire?!

Oh, my God, she's crazy.

Don't listen to her! She's doolally.

She's not a well woman!

Alice? I'm worried about her...

She's always had problems.

I can't get through to her. She won't listen.

Are you okay?

She's volatile, unpredictable.

You know that, Alice, you know that I'm the only one

who speaks the truth. There's too many lies in this world, Alice.

You don't know what she might do.

She is completely doolally.

She's crazy.

It does, it does!

You know that. You know that I know that...

- Sorry. - Sorry.

- Yes, Madam?

- I've come to report a crime.

- This isn't my coat! - Sorry!

- I'm sorry, this is definitely a man's coat!

- Excuse me, did I hear you say you have the wrong coat?

Could we have got muddled up?

- That is mine! Thank you.

- And there's me trying to sneak out without anybody noticing.

I'm Rob, by the way.

- I... Yeah.

I'm Cheryl. Harker.

- Right, then. How do I get out of here?

Er... Ooh! Look. Exit!

- Aren't you supposed to be the guest of honour?

- Oh! I've done the important bit.

What did you think of the evening, if you don't mind my asking?

- Oh, I thought it was a very... important event.

- Yet you're leaving already?

- Only because I want to grab dinner before I go home.

- Yeah? Er... I mean...

I suppose I could. - Sorry?

- Oh, God. You didn't mean that.

What is wrong with me this evening?

It's my natural optimism, see?

I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse. I just can't stand eating alone.

- Yeah, me neither. - Erm...without making assumptions of any kind,

your boyfriend-slash-girlfriend- slash-husband-slash-partner

probably wouldn't like you having dinner with a strange academic,

would he-slash-she? - I'm widowed.

- Ah. I see.

Is that why you're wearing black?

- What? No. - Do you sit at home with the clocks stopped

and the curtains drawn? - No! Not in the least.

- Good.

All right, then. Well, in that case, how do you feel about tabbouleh?

- Just so you know, we do encourage people to go online now,

or to phone 101 unless someone's in immediate danger.

- Oh. I'm so sorry.

- But I'm meant to be at my mother-in-law's hen party.

Yeah, you heard right.

You say what's happened and I'll ask you

if there's anything I need you to clarify.

- OK.

So...

..basically...

..my husband left me.

Very suddenly.

- Well, that's not the crime, is it?

- Sorry. Carry on.

When was this?

- 15 years ago.

He went out to get a Chinese takeaway

and he never came back.

We phoned all round, went out searching,

checked all the hospitals, waited.

But nothing.

- What was his name? - His name's Robbie Graham, but...

- And at the time of disappearance,

did you file a missing persons report?

- Uh, no. We, uh... Because...

- Did he have any mental health issues?

Was he depressed or on any medication? - No, no.

- And he didn't leave a note or any indication where he might be going?

- The last thing he said was,

"Have you got a tenner? I fancy a chow mein."

- Right.

OK, so...

..we can make a report,

but I wouldn't hold out much hope if he's been missing for this long.

- No, no, sorry! That's not why I'm here.

I'm here because I've just seen him.

Today, in Oxford.

I also found this.

He's pretending to be some kind of posh science expert, but he's not.

He's calling himself "Dr Chance".

That's a lie! He's a property developer from Stoke!

- Miss Newman, is someone in immediate danger?

- Erm, no, it's not... - Is this man threatening to harm someone?

- No, not exactly, it's more like... - Well, you know, I'm really sorry,

but this isn't something that the police would...

- Could you just let me get to the point?!

Sorry.

I'm really sorry. It's just the point I'm making...

..is that he did things.

When we were married, he got my dad and some of my dad's friends,

folks from round where we lived,

to invest in holiday homes in Florida. I invested too.

He said it was the "opportunity of a lifetime".

Yeah, that we'd be rich beyond our wildest dreams.

Right? So...

..Dad went all in with his accident compensation, his pension.

Only then the scheme hit some problems, and...

..we all had to give more money.

And more money.

And Dad started taking all these loans out,

and Robbie was reassuring everyone that they'd get it back and that

it would be in their account in the next few days.

And that was when...

- When he disappeared.

That must have been very difficult.

- I know this sounds... But when we got married...

..he was sort of like...

..not the answer to my prayers, but before we met, I was, like,

stuck at home, helping my Dad, cos... Well, that's another story,

but Robbie made this whole thing

about how he was gonna look after me. But it was all lies.

He was just racking up more debt.

And I'm still paying it off!

And not just me.

My mum and dad lost their house.

Then they split up.

We...

We all loved Robbie.

We trusted him.

He was part of our family.

How can you do that to people you love?

How much do you have to hate your wife

to leave her without even telling her?

My bloody tech guy said it was safe!

So I said, "Are you sure about the kilt, Ernie?"

He said, "It'll be fine!"

Um... Oh, excuse me.

Can we, er... - Yes?

- ..just get a bit of everything on the menu?

Er...just...everything. Bring it all.

Thank you.

BOTH: - So...

- No, you go on.

- I was just going to say,

I am so sorry I haven't heard of your books.

- Don't be silly! - I used to love fiction,

but...well, these days I just read boring academic stuff.

What were you gonna say?

- Oh, that story about shamanic dreams.

Did that really happen?

Um... I am an unusual scientist, Miss Harker.

I believe there are things in this world

we won't ever be able to explain.

- Like?

- Like...

..for example, there's all this neuroscience

about how music releases dopamine in your brain...

..but what I experience

when I listen to a piece of music that's astonishing

goes beyond that.

Opera, cheesy pop,

satanic thrash metal.

For me, music is something...

..spiritual.

- Towards the end of his illness,

my husband stopped recognising me.

He thought I was a nurse or his mother.

I'd say to him, "No, dear, I'm Cheryl. I'm your wife."

And he'd say, "No, no, my wife is Miriam."

That was his first wife.

- Ouch! - Then...

..one morning I had the radio on in his room,

and I Want You by Marvin Gaye came on.

And suddenly he started singing along,

knew all the words.

And he looked at me and he said, "This was our song,"

and I said, "Yes!"

And for about an hour, we talked.

A momentary reprieve before the dementia took him back.

And that night was the night.

Ah...

There's a place I want to show you,

after this.

Will you come?

- Right, then. Get this down you.

I know it took a lot of guts for you to come in and talk to me.

It's not easy. But I want you to know that you're not alone.

This sort of thing is very common, and we do take it seriously.

Having said that, unfortunately, a verbal report isn't sufficient.

We do need more tangible evidence.

- Oh, I see. You mean...

- A paper trail of documents, bank statements,

anything where we can prove he's indicated an intention

to do one thing with your money,

and further proof that he's done otherwise.

And, also useful,

some indication that this behaviour is part of a pattern.

Something he's done since.

Perhaps more usefully, something he's doing now.

- I don't know what he's done since. But this is what he's doing now!

- Lecturing? - Lying!

- Lying isn't a crime, unfortunately.

The other thing we need to think about is intent,

cos like you said... - Intent?

- ...we don't really know whether or not Dr Chance intended to steal,

or whether he was just a very bad businessman.

Which, again, isn't a crime.

A lot of successful folk have lost money

before they make their millions.

So, without evidence, I'm afraid

we can't take this case any further.

And, erm, we won't be able to recover your money, unfortunately.

But, good news is,

we've got a special website dedicated to this kind of thing.

So if you think of anything or you remember anything more,

you can go on here and make a report.

- A website?

- There's one of those online forms you can fill in.

I had a musical chum in college who let me in on this little secret.

Students have been practising here for generations

because of the special acoustic properties in the tunnel.

Before I kiss you, I have to warn you.

I don't do strings.

I travel light.

And I'm spending the next six months

on a remote polar research station with no Wi-Fi.

- I'm in love with a dead man.

Did you not get my message?

- Oh, Alice!

I've been so worried!

- Hello, Mother.

- What on earth were you doing, Alice?! - Of course there's something

they can do about it! - Going to the police! - Why the hell am I only

finding out about this now?! - They should be out there looking

for evidence! - It'll just look like sour grapes! - I thought it was a work thing!

- Sorry about all this, love.

It's just a shock, is all.

A disappointment.

- Alice spying on him like some lunatic!

- And you told me he was dead.

- No, I told you we never heard from him again

and he was most likely dead.

- If he's still alive, does that mean you're still married?

- No! Don't be silly.

- She filled in a load of papers

and got a divorce put through without him.

- When? - Ages ago.

Before I met you.

- To think, you could've been married to a doctor

instead of living in sin with a professional clown! - Thanks, Di.

- I don't even know why Dad told you.

- For once, he did right by me.

- Was Sir Ralph Unwin really there?

- Yeah, they're, like...mates.

- And you told me he was a wrong'un.

- Diane! Use your noggin.

Robbie didn't get O levels. He left school at 15.

How's he become an Oxford scientist?!

- Well, he could've gone to Oxford after he knew us.

You know, a mature student.

- Wikipedia says he graduated in 1988, so...

- He's got a Wikipedia?! - You can write your own Wikipedia.

- Can you? - No, I don't think you can.

- I don't think it's true. He's not suddenly a scientist!

- Oh, Alice, what's he gonna say

when he finds out that you've been to the police? How's he gonna feel?

- I don't care how he feels!

- And you wonder why he left you!

- She burned all the wedding photos, you know.

Mm, she was very bitter.

- Bitter?

I was bitter?

- Come on now, I...I...I don't think we should...

- I'm really tired. Sorry.

- Listen, whatever happened back then,

the important thing is there were rights and wrongs on both sides.

Your father in particular made some very poor decisions.

Robbie obviously turned his life around, and...

..well...

..I don't know why you can't too, for God's sake!

- If he's turned his life around, why is he still lying?!

- I can't go through this again.

It'll destroy me!

Come on, Charles, we should go.

- Will you not be needing a bed for the night, then, Di?

- No, Bill.

Charles has booked us into The Randolph.

- How did you feel when you saw him?

- Nothing.

What do you mean?

- I'm just trying to imagine it.

If you went missing and...

..then I saw you again after all those years...

- I wouldn't do that to you.

- When Terry joined the Retirement Community Bridge Club...

..he was the youngest member by 34 years.

Took my mother six days to agree to marry him.

Three weeks before her 89th birthday...

..she gave him $2.2 million.

- Graduated from Barnard College, Oxford with a first in Classics.

Yea... Ahhh!

- Alice? - I'm off to work. I'll see you later.

Oh, hello. Can you put me through to the...

..Saattut Climate Academy, please?

- Yes, the academy isn't based in Gideon College,

they just rent rooms for lectures.

- Time to take Poppy to tennis.

- You are through to the automated voicemail service for...

- Saattut Climate Academy.

- This mailbox is full. Please try again later.

- What?!

- Are you ready, then?

You're popping out to get me cash! - Right! Yes. Great!

- I devoured the entire series in practically one sitting,

and I thought the ending was fantastic.

Original, gripping, moving.

Honestly, I don't know what these idiots on the internet are on about.

- It's because there was such a long gap between books six and seven.

All this fan fiction started appearing

about how the Knight of Spires and Doonathra get together,

which was never the intention!

He was always this corrupt, evil, monster,

but this sub-section of my fandom

for some reason co-opted him as their hero.

- That's ridiculous.

- Doonathra killing him was supposed to be this huge victory.

Instead they've taken against her, and me.

- Well, I thought it was a victory.

And I think you're a fricking genius.

I am completely and totally in awe of you

and feel entirely unworthy to even be in your presence.

No, I'm serious!

Not only are you a superb novelist,

you are extraordinarily beautiful and wonderful company,

so consider me your new number one fan - five stars!

- Fine, well, I will soak in your enthusiasm

for as long as I have the pleasure of your company.

When do you leave for the Arctic?

- Hmm? Oh, it's been pushed,

so you have the pleasure of my company for a few more days.

- Welcome to the Unwin Children of the World Foundation.

Please choose from the following options.

Press one for donations. Press two...

- You're not stalking again, are you?

- I'm not stalking, I'm investigating.

The police won't do it, so... - Hmm.

- What? - I'm saying nothing.

Except, if it was the other way round

and I was spending every night Google-stalking Debbie...

- Wouldn't take long. - What do you mean?

- I mean I Google-stalked all your ex-girlfriends extensively,

the moment I found out their names,

and there was not much to find, so...

Mmm. So I have a little proposal for you.

No, don't panic! It's not that serious.

I have a little chateau in the Dordogne.

Beautiful countryside.

Tennis courts, swimming pool, fantastic wine cellar.

I was wondering whether you fancied

accompanying me on une petite vacance.

- Thing is, I, uh...

..I can't really leave Goblin.

- The dog?

Won't he be OK just for a few days?

- It's complicated.

I know that I'm a bit funny about him, it's just...

..my stepdaughter Danni bought him for me after Lance died and, er...

..he's just very special.

I'm sorry.

- No. Not at all. Not a problem.

- Dad, wake up! - Wha...?

Wh-what's going on?

- He's on a date with another woman.

- You...you...you can't just... - I can't just what?!

- Tell Benjy I've gone to the shop.

- Be careful!

ROB: Does Danni have a lot to do?

I'd love to meet her.

Maybe we could arrange a dinner or something.

You could bring Danni, I could invite my brother,

and then if that goes well, I could be terribly brave

and let you meet my mother.

- Look, listen, erm...

..I've had such a good time getting to know you.

- You're so sweet. I feel exactly the same.

- However, I think this is all moving a bit fast.

I'm neglecting stuff I'm meant to be doing, and...

- I thought you had a whole new chapter of your life opening up.

- I, I, I...I do, and it's...

..it's just...

..I'm supposed to be meeting young carers for my scholarship.

- Well, that won't take long, will it?

- No, it's...it's just mind space.

I...I feel like maybe the sensible thing to do is call it a day.

I just need to focus on myself for a bit.

And as you said, you're a no-strings kind of guy, so...

- Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

- Good. All right, then.

Thank you.

- Can I still come to your Blackwell's book-signing thing?

Just as a fan?

- Do you mind if you don't?

- I think I left, erm...

..my father's cufflinks at your house.

Would it be OK if...

..you popped them in the post?

- No problem.

Can we get the cheque, please?

- Er, no! No. No, no, I'll get it.

Um, I insist.

- Thank you for being such a gentleman.

Come on, Goblin.

Come on, baby.

The new nanny hasn't turned up and someone needs to collect Poppy.

But you can take the Range Rover.

And if you could just get me a teeny bit of cash? 50 quid.

Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah! Love you forever.

- Did you decide yet?

About my cape?

- Oh.

Yeah, well, erm...

..the team felt it was a bit...

..a bit quirky for the brief.

- Quirky? - Yeah, you know, a bit...a bit zany.

A bit mad!

- "The Knight of Spires had to die

"so that Arathdoon might thrive,

"but what of Doonathra's own life? Who was she now?

"The champion of legend, the long-awaited queen,

"a little girl who set out on adventure

"with a heart full of hope.

"'There is nothing else left for me to do,'

"she told the gathering shadows.

"'There is one thing always,' the shadows replied.

"'Remember love.'"

- Right, then, uh, any questions?

- Why did you kill the Knight of Spires?

He was the best one!

- Sorry!

Fuck!

- Goblin?

Have you seen Goblin?

Goblin! Goblin?

Goblin?

Goblin?

- Has anyone seen a little black dog?

- Goblin? Goblin!

Goblin!

Goblin?!

- Oh, God! Goblin?!

What?